After a weekend spend conducting thorough state-of-the-art forensic tests at a Defense Dept. tech lab deep under the Catoctin mountains — it’s so cool that we’re not even allowed to tell anyone it exists! — your Wonkette has confirmed that this is not an feverish projection of our desires, but an actual email that arrived in our inbox:
Write a message to Mitt and help me wish him a happy birthday:
Thanks so much!
You’re welcome! *Cracks knuckles*
Ehhh… pedestrian warblogging, at best. We couldn’t handle the pressure.
Can you, reader?