Hysterical Womenfolk All On The Rag Despite Gallantries of The GOP

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Blessed Be the Fruit.You would think the women of America — particularly “right-leaning” women who voted for George W. Bush and John McCain — would understand when the great big strong menfolk tell them not to worry their pretty little heads about things like “their bodies” and “not being filthy whores.” But in a shocking twist that nobody could have predicted, it seems “women,” if there even is such a thing, are catching themselves a little case of the sulks! Ladies are now stealthily congregating at baby showers and beauty parlors and, we don’t know, shoe stores? and morphing into Obama-voting communists, just because the Republican party patiently explained to them that a man’s place is at the head of the household, and a woman’s place is in A Handmaid’s Tale. (“There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don’t underrate it,” ladies.)

The New York Times talked to many right-leaning ladies who self-described as things like “retired schoolteacher” and “evangelical Christian” and oh, get this, “Rebublican strategist.” And they are all in a tizzy!

Even more than Mr. Romney, Mr. Santorum has made himself a champion of the traditional family with two parents, arguing in speeches that single motherhood increases a child’s chances of poverty and related problems.

The stance particularly vexes Meredith Warren, a Republican strategist in Andover, Mass. “Well, guess what?” she said. “There are a lot of single moms out there. That’s reality. I don’t think he does himself any favors denigrating that situation.”

What about you, one of several other ladies talked to by the New York Times? Do you perhaps need a Midol?

“Everybody is so busy telling us how we should act in the bedroom, they’re letting the country fall through the cracks,” said Fran Kelley, a retired public school worker in Seattle who voted for Senator John McCain over Mr. Obama in the 2008 election. Of the Republican candidates this year, she added, “They’re nothing but hatemongers trying to control everyone, saying, ‘Live as I live.’ ”

She continued, “If Republicans would stop all this ridiculous talk about contraception, I’d consider voting in November.”

Forget about women-loathed candidates like Santorum and Gingrich. Even supposed frontrunner Mitt Romney is now down 20 points among women (57 Bammerz-37 Der Mitt), despite not even having left his wife when she went and caught herself MS and breast cancer! (And despite how nicely he fills out that wetsuit.) What does Mittens have to do get your love, ladies? What do you want him to do? Pander?

In happier news for the GOP, recent polling suggests that fully one-third of women still want the Republicans to control Congress. They will get a special treat tonight. Maybe a new vacuum. [New York Times]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 497 comments }

SorosBot March 11, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Wait, they let women vote now?

JustPixelz March 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

White women. WAIT! What?

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Where da white wimminz at?

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Only with instructions from their husbands.

Veritas78 March 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Someone's been reading about ultra-orthodox rabbis in Israel? ONLY-ALLY-LIBEL!!

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Well, somebody's gotta help those stupid ignorant bitchez think, y'all.

sezme March 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Only until President Santorum's second term.

sezme March 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

"You let your women wear clothes?"
-Santorum / Ferengi 2012!

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Clothes are probably a must for the womenfolk of the Santorum household – no slutty sexual creatures allowed!!! However, tampons, during "the curse" are surely verbotten because, you know, nothing enters the cooter except transvaginal probes and a woody for procreation only. Paper ponies only during the monthly wine flow. Jesus said that shit, either in the Bible or the Constitution, therefore it is LAW.

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Probably has 'em in a tent in the back yard during the "curse".

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:11 am

sitting on piles of moss.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:46 am

No Midol allowed, either; the blood and them cramps is a curse from god, those womenfolk have got to suffer naturally as the big man (and that's man, with a penis, the main patriarch himself) in the sky intended.

el_donaldo March 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Yes, and then complain frequently about how women don't know how to do it properly and how it's utterly wasted on them.

Toxichominid March 11, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Whats a woman?

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Not Anne Coulter.

Godlesspanther March 11, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I responded to something that Ray Comfort wrote with, what I thought to be a joke, about repealing the nineteenth amendment.

I then discovered that there are at least two right-wing nutcases who have spoken out in favor of repealing the nineteenth amendment. Seriously.

Those would be Vox Day and Anne Coulter.

They are parodies of themselves.

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Another benefit of voter ID laws is that recently divorced, married, & widowed women will not have ID to match the names appearing on their birth certificates; thus, they will not be able to cast a vote.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:14 am

sounds like something from a certain book i've read that was mentioned in this post.

Gainsbourg69 March 12, 2012 at 12:17 am

Another example of: That shit touches white people too.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:09 am

Brilliant! Um, you a Republican?

orygoon March 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Mittens or Rick or Newton will pick a VP with boyish good looks, like a Quayle spawn or something, and it will all be fixed.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Well, I hope it's that hideous, greasy-locked, pompous, vaginal probe-loving, ambitious cunt from Virginia.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Or maybe a hideous, pompous, ambitious Virginia from North Cuntolina?

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Or, as I like to call him, "Pat Robertson's chew toy".

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I love you

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 8:11 pm

He kept saying how he was a "moderate" when he was running for guv. Enough people bought that line so he got elected in 2009. Afterward, people were surprised….hahaha…that he wasn't. For those who had been paying attention, who knew his background & his affiliations, it was no surprise at all.
It was inevitable, I suppose. The Commonwealth has the trait of electing a governor who belongs to the opposition party of the current U.S. President. That's why we had 8 yrs of a Dem as governor under W's reign.
Which means when Obama is reelected for a 2nd term, our next governor will probably be Ken Fuckinelli. Ugh.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:11 am

This the part where I ask: which one?

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:16 am

great minds must think alike.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:15 am

could you be more specific?

DonnyKerabotsos March 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Chris Christie better ramp up his diet.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Is that why he's even more scream-y than usual lately? Not enuf take-out from Cluck-U Chicken?

Terry March 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm

He probably start with Cluck-U as an appetizer, heading immediately into an ocean of chicken parm.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Wut, pig anuses dipped in lard and batter-fried in more lard? This will HELP with teh wimminz?

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I believe those are called "pork rings".

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:13 am

(dies larfing) Yaknow, it took me three reads to get this, and I'm willing to bet TEN THOUSAND (tenths of a penny) that most people won't.

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Ummm, did you forget to place them on a pile of fries, then smother them in gravy and melted cheese?

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:14 am

You're a poutine-eater, aren't you?

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:13 am

The steeper the slope of said ramp, the faster the feeding, of course.

Scienze iz fuhn!

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I hear Aaron Schock is free now that he's broken up with his boyfriend "campaign staffer."

Spurning Beer March 11, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I don't know if "Joe Six-Pack Abs" will play in Peoria, though. Even with the broads.

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I know one Metallica superfan & mother of two who would vote for a tight ab'd closet case. & she's not from Peoria, but a decent analogue (the Dirty Stallis, Wes Allis, Wisc., "the Dirty Dirty"), so maybe it would play in Peoria.

bagofmice March 12, 2012 at 3:44 am

I dunno if I'm gonna need a full six pack. I'm gonna need about #treefiddy.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

If it weren't for the fact that they're still too young, Mittens could double down on the Mormon thingie and select one of the Huntsman daughters for VP. Or all three of them.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

There is no such thing as "too young" for teh Mormon wifeyness. Oh, you meant VP.

Spurning Beer March 11, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Mormon presidents get to have multiple vice presidents, too?

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:19 am

Yep, otherwise, it's religious discrimination, just like forcing healthcare plans to cover birf control.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:15 am

Only if teh vicies are teh girl-puppiez.

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Paul Ryan? I mean, just look at those eyes….

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:35 pm

EVURboddy lurves Li'l Eddie Munster, right?

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:21 am

…to keep the mystique, though, people should refrain from asking him how many bodies he has buried in his backyard, 'cause that bastard has the stare of a serial killer.

#notintendedasalibelousstatement

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

That should keep those dumb bitchez happy, right? RIGHT?

Terry March 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm

There has to be a new twist. There was Quayle, a pleasant enough looking idiot. Then ther was Palin, a female pleasant enough looking idiot. Where should they go next?

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 9:07 pm

A pleasant enough looking Reptilian idiot?

Spurning Beer March 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Marcus — a pleasant-enough-looking effeminate idiot.

HuddledMass March 11, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Belay that talk, swabby. Marcus is not even remotely pleasant looking.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:18 am

Wo/man after my own heart. Marcus looks like that gropey uncle your parents tell you NEVAH to sit next to.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 10:59 pm

A pleasant enough looking baby i …. um, nope, not going there. Wouldn't be prudent.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Yes, where?, asks Herman Cain.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:18 am

straight to hell, boys (and girls).

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:22 am

A horrid enough looking genius, just to switch things up?

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:19 am

This is the Republican party we're talking about, mate. Where the FUCK would *they* find a genius?

Terry March 12, 2012 at 7:02 am

Just don't try to suggest that this is Gingrich. That man is a genius only in his own mind.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:17 am

Jezus, I hope Romney's not picking Seamus.*

*his Irish setter wut went on a 12-hr trip tied to the top of a car. Seamus is *very* pleasant-looking. And setters are undoubtedly idiots.

Geminisunmars March 12, 2012 at 6:34 am

Diego, the Chocolate Lab, for VP! Except he isn't a Republican. Wouldn't be caught dead sniffing a Repub's crotch.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm

(Hugs the gal)

How can we lose with Diego? He'll have the Latino vote, the Brown vote, teh wimmenz vote (find me a wimmin who doesn't like chocolate — yeah, all three of them)? Surely he can fake Republicanism for a bit? Infiltrate the buggers?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:45 am

Now you've gone and reminded me of that old Pink Floyd song, "Seamus".

Man0nTheStreet March 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

Rick Santorum/Ben Quayle/Run-for-your-life-to-Canada 2012!!

4TheTurnstiles March 11, 2012 at 1:44 pm

And that one third of American women who support the GOP, even now? That's the Bene Gesserit witches I've been warning you of. They use mind power for contraception and husbands merely as prana-bindu energy sources. You have to be in a cult and high on worm juice to vote Republican, that's my point.

DCBloom March 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

Just sayin…

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

"Stick your hand in my box."

Angry_Marmot March 11, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I know this place… the Bermuda Triangle, from which no hetero man ever truly escapes…

ThundercatHo March 11, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Complete win.

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Santorum plans to replace them with Axlotl tanks.

DemmeFatale March 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I had to ask my "Dunehead" husband for the definition of Axlotl tank.
Eeeewww!

(Double ew if you believe Brian Herbert's explanation.)

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Yes, it's Ugly. For goodness's sake, don't tell any Republicans. We have enough trouble with them now.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Geezus, if the Republican Party could turn all American women into breeding tanks, they'd do it in a NY minute.

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Ask him about Slig meat.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:20 am

The sweetest meat in the Universe.

I had forgotten (mercifully) about sligs till YOU reminded me. Don't think for one minute that that will be forgiven.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 5:11 pm

That one-third of women who STILL support the GOP?

Hasn't some Wonketeer named Rebecca Schoenkopf been lovin' herself some aging Mor-man right here in black and white? I await the day he's referred to as "Mit-tastic."

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Obvs she doesn't own a dog.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Why, is she planning to tie Mittenz to the roof of her car for her next 12-hour road trip?

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:05 pm

If she's going to all that trouble, I wish she'd take him on a three-hour tour instead.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:20 am

the spice grift must flow.

Rotundo_ March 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Whoever decided to make this election a referendum on womens health, thinking that it would be a winner at the ballot box must not have been paying attention for the past 50 years or so. All this hysteria on the part of fundies about religious freedom is going to push the righties off into the ditch for another election cycle. I just can't help wondering if it is intentional, since they always seemed to understand pandering and race baiting and all the other "southern strategy" components and make them work to their advantage in the "good ol' days". Are the conservatives going from mere aging to senility?

BerkeleyBear March 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It is pathological on their part. The economics only message doesn't make the base tingle, so they wander off into this crap that is a consistent loser. Look at what the House did right after winning an all-economics backlash election – abortion, DOMA defense, and similar social boondoggles.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

They can't help themselves.

The Republican Party thought that carpooling with the Fundies was a fantastic idea and it really worked out great for them. They sped past all the other cars and then the Fundies were driving and going faster and faster and okay, you can slow down now and easy, don't pass this truck on the right and hey, wasn't that our exit? and, finally shit this is a dead end ahhhhhh!!

The moral: Don't let the Crazy people drive.

Chet Kincaid March 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Oh, you said what I just said already, only funnier!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Why, thanks! This metaphor has been kicking around in my head for a while and it's good to get it fully formed and out in print.

Chet Kincaid March 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

The Fundies just crashed through the barricades on the way to LAX with a bus full of explosives!!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"…and what they don't know is the all the state SWAT response teams, as well as the FBI and the National Guard are waiting just down the road. Let's watch the fun!"

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Please tell me they have one of those buses that can't go over 50 MPH before it explodes!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Yes, but in reverse.

bagofmice March 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

I would assume its the whole ALEC org disseminating (heh) an agenda to keep the social policy wing of the party watching the base of boomers dying off, and using the in doctrinal methods of religion to justify their existence.

Mort_Sinclair March 11, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Completely and utterly quotable. Saved for future reference. And I'll even try to provide attribution whenever I use it. Great stuff. Thanks.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 4:55 pm

You're welcome! Feel free to Share & Enjoy.

SorosBot March 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I want to thank the Catholic bishops for this – they really pressed the issue, going all in on the "right" of employers to force their employees to conform to their religious taboos, suddenly making birth control an issue nearly half a century after Griswold v Connecticut, and that forced the GOP candidates to circle the wagons and pander to the extremist woman-hating base.

Z Crudmonger March 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

I've been wondering if this bishops' move has been in the think tanks' back pockets for an appropriate distraction.. Romney was getting hammered about Bain for a few weeks straight, taking him down several notches long before they may have expected such attacks, hoping it would be Obama bringing up his vulture capitalism. Since this contraception dust up, the heat is off Romney and he can go back to bland primary electioneering. However, much to my glee and chortles, Rush was able to up the ante making it a wimmenz rights issue. Yay and double yay. I've my nondrinking fingers crossed this female alienation strategy will force the R's to move to more centrist positions after this fall's hopeful rout. Perhaps then the left can move to forward more progressive agendas. This is my dream, and I'm burning meth flavored incense to the trailer park dieties until November in hopes of its materialization.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:53 am

"I've been wondering if this bishops' move has been in the think tanks' back pockets for an appropriate distraction"

It would be a pretty decent strategy, if true, but I can't help thinking that you're giving them an awful lot of credit. One has to be clever in order to be Macchiavellian, and I'm not seeing a whole lot of clever with this bunch.

Hell, Nigel Tufnel is more clever than this bunch.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 8:02 pm

I don't understand their woman-hatery. Is there a man on this planet who *doesn't* want to stick his dick in something or, preferably, someONE? Given that some 10% of the population is LG, doesn't that leave, you know, like 90% of the menfolks looking around for someone to play bumperoonies wiv? And wouldn't that 90% have SOME kinda liking for the wimminzfolks? Where is the hatey hatey coming from, and why are they so fucking prone (heh) to it? Me not gettee.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Misogynists hate women because they can't control women. There is a reason the angriest misogynists out there are "nice guys" who have never been laid: they feel they are entitled to women by being their friends and buying them presents, but when those women rebuff their advances because women can, in fact, make their own decisions, the "nice guys" show their true colors as piggish, controlling dicks who can't get over the fact that they don't deserve jack shit, least of all a woman's submission.

Republicans aren't terribly different: many women are (shockingly) turned off by a political belief system that encourages naked abuse of power and wealth by a privileged few (Surprise! Usually men), and so the Republicans get their underoos in a twist, yell "Fie! A pox on both your houses," and lash out against those women because they wouldn't fall in line with the party message. It's very similar to their attitude towards Blacks and Latinos: they won't obey us willingly, so we'll fix them!

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:30 am

Yeah, it's the "nice guys" and the so-called "mens' rights activists", who are mostly angry divorced men who are pissed off that their ex-wives, their property, were allowed to leave them. Many, if not most, of these horrific douchebags were abusers, and they're big on trying to claim that most victims of abuse were just making it up, and are pissed that the courts actually allowed "their woman" freedom and protects her from their psychosis. They're horrible awful people who really deserve castration.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:17 am

(Kisses the Little Fox on the head) Dood, you sure make for a soul-refreshing read when needed. Such teh brilliant.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:01 am

"There is a reason the angriest misogynists out there are "nice guys" who have never been laid: they feel they are entitled to women by being their friends"

Dood (or doodette), do NOT get me started on Nice Guys [tm] (as opposed to actual nice guys), or we'll be here all day. Suffice it to say that all the Nice Guys [tm] whom I've personally encountered don't seem to grasp the difference between "women don't like nice guys" and "this particular woman is not attracted to you". Stupid is not an attractive quality, especially when combined with a sense of entitlement.

Gainsbourg69 March 12, 2012 at 1:02 am

Reactionaries are cowards first and foremost. Woman hating is their bread and butter.

qwerty42 March 12, 2012 at 10:33 am

I don't think it is hate (though that sure seems close to the surface). I think it is more a sort of contempt. I do not see this working out at all well for them. They are alienating pretty much every minority in the country; but women voters are not (last I heard) a minority. Why they would take off on this rant from the 1960's is beyond me, but I have to assume it appeals to the old white men who "run things". Or at least in their view run things. They would seem to be a bunch of crackpots.

Chet Kincaid March 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The fundies that the Conservative Establishment were manipulating thought they were serious about all the social issuses stuff. Now the Establishment is learning that you can't just turn these people on and off when you want their votes — they really want to be in charge and are as patient as their soulmates in the Taliban. There's a whole lot of chicken shit they need to clean up at the roost now!

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:26 pm

"Now the Establishment is learning that you can't just turn these people on and off when you want their votes"

You mean, you have to be seen with them in public during the day? You can't just knock on their door when the sun goes down?

Veritas78 March 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

12 levels of chess: I am personally convinced that our President (yes, that one) decided this, and that it was another stroke of sheer genius on his part. (No snarks were deployed or harmed in this post.)

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Even Frank Lutz isn't right 100% of the time.

FROTHY March 11, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Try 100 years. 50 years ago, them wimminz bitchez were all out in the streets burning their underroonies and screaming and yelling about how we were supposed to listen to them, the sluts, the PROSTITUTES!! (Damn, it feels so good to say that, I just hope my sister doesn't find out.)

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

You're Catholic? Oh, not that kind of sister, I guess.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:24 am

SLUT! PROSTITUTE!

Is it wrong of me to enjoy this so much?

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Remember when John McCain made his concession speech, and we all wondered where that John McCain had been throughout the entirety of his campaign? And it turned out that he had a choice of running his campaign their way or not getting to run it at all? It's kinda like that.

To say that there's no spectrum of opinion among the Republican Party nowadays is like saying that fire might be slightly warm. The Republicans have spent the last twelve years (at least) thinking and saying "whoever is not with us is against us", and trying to out-right-wing each other. They've thrown the moderates, then the center-right, then the right-right under the bus along the way, and now, all that's left is the ultra-right lunatic fringe.

The problem (for them, not for us) is that in order to be loony-right enough for the present Republican Party, you have to be *too* loony-right for 90% of the population. Assuming they wanted to win and actually have to do something for once, they're not going to do it with 10% of their base.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:37 am

i can only hope their arms race of crazy will end with them bombing each other back to the stone age some of them don't believe in.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:04 am

I think George Carlin said it best, as he said so many other things best:
"Eventually, all that will be left is one guy with a crew cut… And then he'll attack the mirror."

annettaj March 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

So . . . republican wimmuns are tired of bakin' pies for men who want to bind their feet and get up all into their lady parts? Shocking.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 5:56 pm

But their only female candidate is still the one serving the water at their panel discussions. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2dptZNsXsU

Geminisunmars March 11, 2012 at 6:14 pm

After all that, and she didn't even get to have the first question.

OzoneTom March 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

KobayashiMaru March 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Those poll numbers are despite Obama's bombshell display of HWB (hugging while black)?

DCBloom March 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

I prefer the term Hug-gate

anniegetyerfun March 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Embracewater.

Biff March 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Because it's got "race" right in there?

Nothingisamiss March 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Oh, very good!

glamourdammerung March 11, 2012 at 5:45 pm

I preferred "Blackgate" myself.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

That scandal's been on-going for four years.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:28 am

I thought Barry was in his fifties?

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:40 am

Blackgate is so totally going to be the name of my bluff-top mansion overlooking Lake Michigan. It's going to come with a why butler and everything!

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Huggy-Bear, like that pimp on Starsky & Hutch.

JustPixelz March 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

As Jon Stewart puts it: "terrorist chest bump".

BerkeleyBear March 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

So women (50+ percent of the electorate), Hispanics (15-20 percent), Blahs (5-10 percent, depending on who is counting), all overwhelmingly hate it when the GOP talks to its base? Well, I can only hope the stupid is as strong with them as it seems to be.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Just follow the Newt Gingrich plan: when American women hate you, just leave them for newer women.

Veritas78 March 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

So the Republicans should play to the tween vote? Fine by me.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 5:59 pm

We'll know when they start wearing pink and purple and their slogan is "A free phone in every bedroom."

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:13 pm

DEMI LOVATO 2012!!!

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Beeber/Miley 2012

Jukesgrrl March 12, 2012 at 12:05 am

The Bieb can't be president, he's Canadian. NO BIRF CERTIFICATE!!!!

Christian Wild Girl Miley would probably qualify though. Daddy Bill Ray Cyrus performed at Sean Hannity's Freedom Concerts and has supposedly (I don't watch) been a guest on Hannity's radio and TV programs. I understand he gave McCain some songs to use in the 2008 campaign. You see how big a help that was.

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:40 am

all i can imagine is Build The Dang Fence to the tune of Achy Breaky Heart.

AnAmericanInTO March 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Thus, the Moon Base.

FlownOver March 11, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Too much time spent following Dick Tracy.

All aboard Diet Smith's Space Coupe!

Swampgas_Man March 11, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Or an older woman. Fully half the Sunday Letters to my local fishwrap were from an older generation of females writing in ALL CAPS about how Rush was right about that Fluke woman, that she and all the feminazis like her should be openly shamed and harassed because they're not REAL American women who keep their knees together. I has a sad.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:35 pm

There does seem to be a disproportionately high percentage of senior citizens in general in the Anti-Sex League, doesn't there?

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:41 am

look for the sashes around their wastes and the pearls they're clutching. i always thought they had to still be fertile though.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:32 am

I don't know how else to tell ya this, hon, but when YOU ain't gettin' none (due to advanced age, fleshly sag-and-wrinkle, and inability to run down those fleet young hardbodied stud/esses), you pretty much hate the fuck out of anyone who IS gettin' any.

loki_monster March 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

30% is a whole lotta self-loathing and/or stupid women.

Veritas78 March 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Oddly, the same percentage as men. Who will be discouraged from voting this time because: Mitt. Strategery!

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:50 am

That's the whole thing, innit? The pretty LayDz, no matter how much one might like them, are really no better than the menz. And, as my vet used to say, why should they be? When women can be just as good or bad as men without it raising any comment, we'll have achieved true equality.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 10:11 am

There's a quote attributed to Gloria Steinem to the effect of, "We'll know we have true equality when a female schlemeil can be as successful as a male schlemeil."

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 7:40 pm

It's misattributed. The original quote comes from the brilliant Bella Abzug.

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 4:59 pm

5% of the female population is certified busybody, they would all vote republican. Then there are the 10% who are certifiably insane, Bachmann style, and believe god has a special plan, ditto them. That leaves 15% who are probably under the influence of a cult-like evangelical church and could be brought to their senses.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 6:04 pm

You forgot the ones who still do what their husbands tell them. Of those there are two subsets: the ones whose entire lives are run that way (marriage as hostage-taking) and those who don't watch the news because it's "too depressing" and "you know, the kids," but they go to the polls because it's cool to seem civic-minded (marriage suburban-style).

Maman March 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

That line from "A Handmaid's Tale" always gives me the chills…

samsuncle March 11, 2012 at 1:58 pm

The GOP is always looking for ways to make women's lives easier. For instance: repealing the 19th amendment so that they won't get all confused deciding who to vote for; requiring them to wear burkas so they won't waste time putting on makeup and styling their hair; and making all vaginal related decisions for them.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Why don't these whores get that we love them?

anniegetyerfun March 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

It's for their own good!

commiegirl March 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Looks like you can comment again? Good, it was scaring me when you said you couldn't. I don't know WHAT is up with IntenseDebate!

anniegetyerfun March 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Yes, it looks like it!

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

It gets the hot dog burps sometimes. Usually fixes itself.

glamourdammerung March 12, 2012 at 2:55 am

Apparently, looking at the settings sometimes will make things work again according to something Layne mentioned before. But yeah, the system is screwy at times.

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Especially Craig Vitter…

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Craig Vitter? You mean, the Frankenstein's Monster of Louisiana Senator Dave Vitter & Texas Senate candidate Craig "5 Hookers Murdered" James?

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 2:52 am

Well, it's not like THOSE stupid bitches would know what to do with pussy.

Other than own it, of course.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Speaking of feminist fiction, Herland is sounding more and more tempting every day.

Tsunami Ali March 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Asexual reproduction, baby, it's the only way…

NorthStarSpanx March 18, 2012 at 3:38 pm

My elitist East Coast college sure put ideas in my head by putting Herland in my curriculum. May we all become Virgin Mary's and immaculately conceive, that way, conservative men won't be so disgusted.

Callyson March 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Ms. Warren said her job had not been made any easier lately. “A lot of my younger friends are Democrats, and it’s hard for them to understand how, as a woman, you can be a member of the Republican Party,” she said.
Ding ding ding!

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

It's always pleasant when a Republican has a momentary blip of self-awareness. It's like watching a dog walk on its hind legs.

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Much better than when they drag their ass along the white carpet, amirite?

Rotundo_ March 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm

That has been more representative of their first few months this year. Only not a solo act, the whole darned lot has been draggin' away on the carpet and leaving big, big, big trails for the world to see.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:53 am

When a dog walks on its' hind legs, like a young Rory Calhoun.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

So the modern GOP's greatest enemy is Abigail Adams. Who knew?

Veritas78 March 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

That slut. Plus she stole a painting from the White House, so a thieving whore, also.

mrpuma2u March 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

She was one uppity bitch.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Addressing issues she brought up circa 1800? Sounds like it's just their speed.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:16 am

Adams at that damned Mary Wollstonecraft, that shameless radical harlot. And her daughter basically invented science fiction, making her indirectly responsible for all us nerds and geeks.

SaintRond March 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

There's nothing wrong with these bitches that a good trans-vaginal probe wouldn't fix.

Schmannnity March 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Three out of four (so far) wives of Rush Limberger have rejected him.

Tsunami Ali March 11, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The Thai male prostitutes, on the other hand, don't have a choice.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 3:21 am

Eh, he goes for the kids. They're not strong enough to squirm away or knee his nuts.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I heard their menstruations can attract bears. I'm scared.

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

That is a fishy remark.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Now you know why sharks love mermaids.

AlterNewt March 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

One learns so much here.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Continuing Education. It's Patriotic.

chicken_thief March 11, 2012 at 7:20 pm

It's disgusting and elitist!!! Don't tell me nothing I don't already know… *hands over ears* lalalalalalalalalalala

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Snob.

Geminisunmars March 11, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Gggggrrrrrrrrrr

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 6:21 pm
imissopus March 11, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Are you happy, Rebecca? You're putting the entire blog at risk.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Do we have Bear Insurance?

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:21 pm

No, Rebecca couldn't easily afford it and decided to risk going bear instead.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Bearbacking is very risky. I hope she knows what she's doing.

Callyson March 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

About that 30% who stilllll support the Reeps: anti – depressants, self – loathing, or utter ignorance?
Will…not…say…it…
…ah hell, can't resist: all of 'em, Katie…

Blueb4sunrise March 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

GOP ladies. Listen up. Show your disdain for the current Republican candidates with liberal sexytime!

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 2:27 am

Very commendable.

ManchuCandidate March 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Now we know the answer to the question: "Where the White Women at?"

They're voting for Barry.*

*Geniuz move, old crazy bible masturbating white guys. Some women do like tax cuts and stomping the shit out of the 99%

Guppy March 11, 2012 at 2:15 pm

“If Republicans would stop all this ridiculous talk about contraception, I’d consider voting in November.”

Don't worry: all that troubling talk will go away after the convention, and our dutiful press will fail to remind voters of what's been going on since, oh, January 2009.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 9:26 am

Yep. I lament that this didn't start on Oct. 1, 2012.

deanbooth March 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

They will get a special treat tonight. Maybe a new vacuum.

Is this a veiled reference to blow jobs or to Herbert Hoover?

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Blow jobs? More like J. Edgar Hoover and his #2, Clyde "Horse-Cock" Tolson.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Sometimes when the Viking deserves a special treat, I give him a new hoover.

Chet Kincaid March 11, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Mitt's lady-pander: "You know, I find myself liking vagina! I even said 'squee!!' the other day!"

Chichikovovich March 11, 2012 at 2:29 pm

"I like the vaginas in Michigan. They're just the right depth."

Dashboard Buddha March 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

For Mitt? What is that, 2 inches?

Geminisunmars March 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Wish I could thumb you more for that.

Angry_Marmot March 11, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That's why there are so many Dutchmen on the west side of the state– very short thumbs.

Chet Kincaid March 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

"Thank you for that welcome, League Of Women Voters! Who let the dogs out, who, who?"

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm

That's just outstanding.

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:16 pm

TARYN MANNING LIBEL!!!!

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Mitt's got a long way to go before he likes vagina as much as Newt does.

Chichikovovich March 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Of the Republican candidates this year, she added, “They’re nothing but hatemongers trying to control everyone, saying, ‘Live as I live.’ ”
She continued, “If Republicans would stop all this ridiculous talk about contraception, I’d consider voting in November.”

Because when hatemongers who try to control everyone and say "Live as I live" stop talking about controlling everyone and stop saying "Live as I live", it totally means they've stopped wanting to do those things.

Sigh….

Lynne March 11, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I think that was a misquote. Wasn't it…"live as I let you live"?

SexySmurf March 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

In the Republicans' defense, uteruses are the biggest threat to America. One of them even hugged Derrick Bell FOR 9 STRAIGHT MONTHS.

(I'm only posting this comment as a shameless attempt to get people to put their cursors over my avatar and read my new description. I think it's pretty horrorshow.)

gurukalehuru March 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

You rebel, you.

Guppy March 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

What next, staying out past curfew? Not doing his algebra homework?

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Cutting tags off mattresses.

Guppy March 11, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Getting blitzed off of wine coolers.

montreal_bruin March 11, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Ordering sushi and not paying for it.

commiegirl March 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Let's go do some crimes.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Leaving all the lights on, like we're made of electricity or something.

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Jim apparently does not read our descriptions….OR, teacher's pet, teacher's pet.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

2012 Republican campaign ad reaching out to the women.

Geminisunmars March 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Well, it does depend on the kinds of attachments that come with it.

bagofmice March 11, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Like rabbit ears?

Biff March 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Such a clear expression of love!

LetUsBray March 11, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Geez, even the model in the ad looks pissed.

Dashboard Buddha March 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

"She continued, “If Republicans would stop all this ridiculous talk about contraception, I’d consider voting in November.”"

You may be too stupid to breathe. If they stopped yammering on about contraception right this very second , it would only be to get you back into the voting booth in November. Did you think that what was stopped at the mouth also vanished in the heart? You can't be that dumb.

finallyhappy March 11, 2012 at 4:29 pm

why yes, she can. the woman at the party last night says the GOP candidates don't care about these things- it is all made up by the media.

Dashboard Buddha March 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Sigh…I know.—

SolitaireRose March 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

But Sarah Palin agrees with what the Republicans are saying, and she's everywoman, so these malcontents must be outliers. Or terrorist lovin' commie socialists.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Or sluts.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:02 am

And prostitutes.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 12:54 am

Whitney Houston libel!

sezme March 11, 2012 at 2:40 pm

If those ladies would just keep a Midol between their knees, or stay barefoot in the kitchen unless required to pop out unlimited babies, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Amirite, boys?

UW8316154 March 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

I'm hoping with all the political focus on contraception, we can sneak gay marriage in the back door, and then double-around and handle birth control before they know what even happened.

Geminisunmars March 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Well, you know, being gay married means you are true religious observants, being that you don't use the contraception stuff (unless you have other needs for it).

gogogodzilla March 11, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Classic reacharound!

Angry_Marmot March 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Ah, yes, the Reach-Around Strategy.

gullywompr March 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

As a Democrat, I have to concede that JFK, Teddy Kennedy, Clinton, and John Edwards have not done us any favors with the fairer sex either. As a man, I have to wonder how much longer women of either party are going to tolerate male politicians. How much you wanna bet that 2016 sees a woman front-runner for the White House in the GOP? Yeah, you're right – I wouldn't take that bet either.

valthemus March 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"If women knew what men were really thinking, they would never stop slapping us"
– Larry Miller

gullywompr March 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

As long as they wear high heels, I'm good with it.

bagofmice March 11, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Doing a backflip in heels is goddamned pure talent.

SolitaireRose March 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Dems screw women with the penises, Republican do it with courts.

gullywompr March 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm

I'm afraid we men have screwed ourselves. Dems latched on the the right's abandonment of women's health issues faster than you can say "skullfuck", but based upon the behavior of us men on the left, it seems as if we just like women to be healthy so we can fuck them.

Guppy March 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Democrats take advantage of women with low self-esteem. Republicans cause low self-esteem in women.

It's really a choice between battery and codependency.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:02 am

Well, yeah, with the difference being that Dems don't use government to control women.

Being a Dem doesn't mean being perfect, what it means is offering everyone choices and allowing everyone their space to be themselves. Sure, we can make note of bad actors in their capacity as human beings, but in their capacity as politicians, this isn't even a contest, and that's what we're discussing, right?

I tell you this, I'd rather have a horndog who legislates for the benefit of women representing me than I would the most faithful husband who is legislating to govern a woman's body as his own.

gullywompr March 12, 2012 at 2:22 am

It is absolutely no contest, at least not this year. But outside of Wonkette and other such bastions, horndogs can lose Dems votes also too (see: Clinton, William J.).

Anyway, I'm not really telling elected male Dems to keep it zipped (not really, OK, a little bit, but not really), rather I am wondering why female Republicans don't take over their own party? I know they won't, but shouldn't they? And unless Dem women are just into horndogs, why don't they as well?

Vive la fem! Let's see more of them in politics.

valthemus March 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Isn't Laura Ingraham a single mom? Any reports of her trying to throttle one of those charmless conservative men she interviews?

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

OT but on Greet the Mess , that adorable Martin O'Malley D/ Sexypants, was excellent and so pleasant as he totally made Bob McDonnell (R-Cunt) look pathetic.

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Mr. O'Malley gives me hope for 2016

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

He's My Hero. Also my Governor, and You can't have him.

He's pretty adept at calling bullshit on Republican nonsense. You should look up how he took bob McDonnell apart at the Governor's meeting. I think Rachel's blog has it linked.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

He is wonderful and so calm and soft-spoken I hope he runs in 2016, O'Malley/Warren 2016 , or any combo of that.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

He's smart, funny, well versed in the issues, a consummate politician, previously Mayor of Baltimore and led his traditional Irish bar band "O'Mally's March" on guitar.

I am down with him running for Pres – as long as I don't end up with some nightmare Republican ideology-monster as Governor.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Informed sources tell me that even as we speak the Koch brothers are cloning a former Republican Baltimore County Executive and Maryland Governor in a laboratory basement on the Eastern Shore of Maryland.

EDIT: But his DNA was damaged so they're having to insert some frog DNA to make it work.

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I wish I lived in Maryland so I could pass a referendum mandating Mr. O'Malley appear shirtless in public at all times.

Sigh~

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

He is gorgeous and I would like to see him in a Waffen SS uniform, but shirtless would be alright as well.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I have one of those. Well, not a complete one; but enough….

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

A small shiver of pleasure just shot right through me…

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Is that an undoctored photo?? I've only seen him with a suit on.

Now I might have to cheat on the pretend-boyfriend (Sherrod) I'm cheating on my pretend-husband (Bernie) with. Could I be … a SLUT???

Rebecca, please note he's too young for you.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Sherrod is one of my pretend bfs as well,that voice is so sexy, I would like him to say really, really nasty things to me.

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 8:00 am

Look what I found , Jukesgrrl…
http://dc.about.com/od/specialeventphotos1/ss/Pol

Jukesgrrl March 14, 2012 at 12:17 am

He stripped for Special Olympics??I'm in LURVE!!!

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Oh my, yes. He's worthy of a "woof" or two (probably more).

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Woof woof woof.

Lynne March 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I had no idea who Martin O'Malley was, but now that I have read a long biography on him, I am stunned! I had no idea there was anyone like him out there. (And to think, we got stuck with Sarah Palin. I could just vomit.) Anyway, never mind that. He sure seems like a great person to look for in 2016. Whoever in these comments said O'Malley/Warren 2016, that sounds good to me. And he's Catholic too…creepy Santorum should take notes.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 10:34 pm

That was me, I think they would be a fantastic ticket, btw when you say "And to think we got stuck with Sarah Palin" I am assuming you are an Alaskan not a Republican?

Lynne March 12, 2012 at 12:19 am

Yes, I'm an Alaskan, not a Republican (a committed liberal actually). Thanks for bringing O'Malley to my attention. It gives me hope for the future after Obama's next term.

Regarding Sarah Palin, I was out of state and voting absentee that year. I didn't know who she was other than a Republican woman, and believe me, that was enough to make me run for cover. I still didn't know anything about her until she hit the McCain circuit. (I was away quite awhile). I was beyond horrified when she gave that first speech. I had to leave the room in the first minute or so. I've been appalled by her ever since, and it just keeps getting worse.

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Mitt- All the women in ___ are just the right height.
Mitt- I like women.
Mitt- I had a woman for breakfast this morning.
Mitt-Of course I like women I'm running for office for Pete's sake

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Mitt- I'm learning to speak Vagina.

Angry_Marmot March 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Trying to put their finger on the pulse of one million moms' apple pies.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Fingering Mom's Apple Pie you say?

AlterNewt March 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Slut / Whore 2016!

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Me and Barb?

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I want to be part of the focus group.

AlterNewt March 11, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I believe with all my heart that the two of you are prepared to serve your country's brains out.

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm

TwoPAC lives!

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:27 am

But, really, aren't all presidential elections a choice between a slut and a whore and the other slut and whore?

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 2:16 am

Certainly no virgins.

BarackMyWorld March 11, 2012 at 2:55 pm

This is just a Democrat Party conspiracy to draw attention away from the gas prices going back up to how hight they were under Bush. I bet those dirty liberals black-mailed Darrell Issa into holdin that anti-contraception hearing. And the liberal media's fault, too, for making Rush Limbaugh sound like he's a misogynist by accurately quoting him! I bet they even have a time machine to make him say all those sexist things for the last twenty years!

Oh, well, time to put a woman on the ticket and make all our problems go away…

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Sadly, I completely understood that.

JustPixelz March 11, 2012 at 2:57 pm

All this talk of lady votes makes me want to google something:

The kindly, gentle influence of the mother in the home and the dignified influence of the teacher in the school will far outweigh all the influence of all the mannish female politicians on earth. – opposing argument from 1911 California voter guide

I never want to see the women voting, and gabbling about politics, and electioneering. – Mark Twain in 1867

I would like to see [women] help make the laws and those who are to enforce them. I would like to see the whiplash in women's hands. – Mark Twain in 1909, oh my

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I was just reading that exact same page. Amazing, innit?

donner_froh March 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I really like the part about the whiplash in women's hands.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

But would Snidely like it? I always kind of thought he was Cagaydian.

Dudleydidwrong March 11, 2012 at 10:32 pm

He's a switch hitter — I know.

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Twain was the Steven Colbert of his time. He frequently didn't say what he meant.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:30 am

So, what you're saying is that Twain was in to S&M? Clemens, you dirty, dirty boy, you. Dirtier than a Mississippi riverbottom/steamboat.

Go look that at urbandictionary.com.

Mumbletypeg March 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I'd point out to these out-of-touch rightwing malecentrics that last night's SNL guest band featured enough women musicians to outnumber the men. The GOP will need to get on this! Of course by the time they figure out there exists a once-highly-rated sketch comedy show, like with most developments that break new ground and transcend established conventions, they will be about 35+ years too late.

DemmeFatale March 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

I love the way they dissed Sarah last night, by having Andy do her, and not Tina Fey.
Is this what the kids call "meta?"

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 12:11 am

That opening skit about Rush's advertisers had me laughing out obnoxiously loud.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:31 am

Yeah, the whole show was unusually good…not like the week before when Lindsey Lohan murdered her dialogue.

I can say that, right?

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 9:34 am

Murdered? If anything, I would say she machinegun skullfucked her dialogue.

I actually didn't see it, I find myself fast-forwarding through most SNL eps, but sometimes they nail it. I was also happy to see my favorite SNL character, Stefan, on Update. I just wish Hader (that's his name, right?) could get through without cracking up, because it's SO much funnier that way. That's what used to drive me nuts about Fallon.

littlebigdaddy March 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Put Mizz Lindsey on the problem: she knows what it's like to be a lady surrounded by boorish men!

Fare la Volpe March 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm
The_Trainman March 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

"…morphing into Obama-voting communists…"

And, you thought that the "turduckhen sandwich" was only the deus ex machina of an American TV show plot. Nope. Ha-ha-ha!

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm guess they'll solve the female problem by asking Liz Cheney to tape her dick up for the duration of the Campaign and run as VP on Mitten's Ticket.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Oh, nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Yup! And I'll bet it would take a LOT of tape.

Loaded_Pants March 11, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Lotsa duct tape.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm

You know what they say: silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

donner_froh March 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Santorum and his two parent, wife stays home, husband works, kids are home schooled, is an ideal situation for him and he is welcome to it.

An ideal situation for someone else–me for example–might mean bags of cash and all the p***y I could eat.

Different strokes for different folks, Ricky.

NYNYNYjr March 11, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Pander? I'll pander. You women are just the right shape, here in Mississippi. I say that number 1 in obesity and number 1 in conservatism makes sense, they go together like gibblets and gizzards. I wish women were PMSing all the time. That's the truth. My dad was raised by 20 sister-wives in Mexico…so…well I used to hear him tell about this joint PMS thing, gee it sounds super.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:32 am

That pander was romnelescent, my friend. Romnelescent, indeed.

botynell1 March 11, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Ha,Awesome I think it's great<img src="http://www.yahoo.com/favicon.ico"&gt;

pinkocommi March 11, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"…single motherhood increases a child’s chances of poverty …"

The gender voting gap explained.
Republicans read this sentence and want to outlaw single motherhood.
Democrats read this sentence and want to ensure equal pay for equal pay for equal work and support structures such as flex time and childcare that allow women to work while being mothers.

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Come on, you want republicans to solve problems instead of assign blame?

NYNYNYjr March 11, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"The Romney camp has been trying to say since last June that I should get out of race. The fact is, Romney is probably the weakest Republican frontrunner since Leonard Wood in 1920," Gingrich told host Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday, referencing the Army general who lost to Warren G. Harding.

Newt Gingrich: History snob. My question: is this a kind of intelligence that conservative's admire? Pulling a totally undebatable turd of a history fact out of your butt to impress people? Or is it as annoying to everyone as it is to me?

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Newtie probably just wishes he could have himself some Leonard Wood cock.

doloras March 11, 2012 at 9:03 pm

The terrifying thing is that Leonard Wood sucked so much that Warren Gangsta Harding was nominated in a "smoke-filled room". How much and what kind of smoke would they need to nominate Newton Leroy?

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm

The smoke they'd need to nominate Newtie would have to come with mirrors.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:36 am

Oh, you'd definitely have to have two, fattened hogs on a spit to make the smoke needed to obscure his ego. Scratch that; you'd need all of the mecury-laddend, coal-fire powerplants in China to produce that kind of smoke.

LetUsBray March 11, 2012 at 4:16 pm

It's the refrain from the Shrub years all over again: "No one could have predicted the inevitable logical outcome of our flagrant asshattery."

ElPinche March 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I wish these women would just shut their Snack-Well holes, mop up their menstrual puddles, and serve me up some pancakes barefoot-style.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Mitt waffles, flip-flop style is the Republican way.

NYNYNYjr March 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Have you considered running for office?

ElPinche March 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Yes, that's my platform.

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

With that platform you could be Governor of Indiana.

BlueStateLibel March 11, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Unless of course his wife doesn't poison him first.

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:38 am

I don't know. Wasn't Mrs. Daniels the runaway bridge that ran back? She doesn't sound like one to take shit…she sounds like one that gives it.

chascates March 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Have you considered opening a pancake restaurant?

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Enough of these Eggs Tyrone!

Wadisay March 11, 2012 at 4:31 pm

The GOP must get past this whole silly business and onward to more serious initiatives, like, a new voter ID laws requiring:

1. A subscription to Guns & Ammo, and
2. Proof of never having used birth control.

carolinaswamp March 11, 2012 at 8:02 pm

You forgot 3. Making a transvaginal ultrasound mandatory in order to conduct voter registration drives.

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm

‘Live as I live.’ … ? Well, must have been a republican they interviewed because she hasn't realized it's blatantly 'live as I tell you to live. I'm an exception.'

Rotundo_ March 11, 2012 at 7:14 pm

The *real* version of American Exceptionalism.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Republicans all despise abortion until they find out their grandchild is coming along ten years before they expected. Then the murder of Mozart becomes a "procedure that's between my daughter and her mother's doctor."

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The right has always been about religious freedom equals freedom for them to force their religion on others. The freaking pilgrims they have wet dreams about did exactly that, putting their former torments utterly to shame back across the pond. Trouble for them now is they have grown too childish to feel like hiding it.

glamourdammerung March 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I thought that was the "Creeping Sharia" the teabaggers kept screaming about. Oh, it is different if the lunatics are Christian? Nevermind.

comrad_darkness March 11, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I will say, back when Reagan was successfully catering to the Hispanic vote, I thought the Democrats were doomed to permanent back bench status. Turns out the Republicans have no flipping clue what Reagan actually was about. (Or they have no self-control once they have power…)

trampndirtdown March 11, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Rebuplicans and minority voting http://www.balloon-juice.com/2012/03/11/still-loo

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:39 am

I don't think even Reagan knew what Reagan was about, you know, forgetting all about what he knew and all.

I always like to make it clear that were it not for the Democratic House during the Reagan years, we'd be even worse off, fiscally and politically, than we are, right now. Reagan got away with what he could get away with…and would have gotten away with much more.

comrad_darkness March 12, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Someones in the Reagan era had a vision for the republican party and that was to grow it. Someone keeps losing that memo because they can't bear inclusiveness.

randcoolcatdaddy March 11, 2012 at 5:25 pm

“If Republicans would stop all this ridiculous talk about contraception, I’d consider voting in November.”

If Republicans don't stop making me think about Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and the concept of sex in the same sentence, I'd consider giving up drinking.

NYNYNYjr March 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I think women should have to get a transvaginal ultrasound and permission from two male relatives before they can buy a political blog. Then we wouldn't have had all these problems over the years.

rocktonsam March 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Iron my shirt and get me a beer.

Freedom!

poorgradstudent March 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Where's Emmeline Pankhurst when you need her?

DarwinianDemon March 11, 2012 at 7:02 pm

When our menses align….WE ARE THE CRIMSON TIDE!!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Call me Deacon Blue.

DWW March 11, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Who doesn't like women on top?

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:50 am

Gay men, including those deep in the closet?

Angry_Marmot March 12, 2012 at 3:36 am

Midgets?

OurDailyBread March 11, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I was gonna a say something snarky about how "A Handmaid's Tale" is a dystopian nightmare, and not a political action plan. Then I realized that the GOP sees it as a dystopian nightmare AND a political action plan.

I now have a drinking problem.

LetUsBray March 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm

I don't think they see it as a dystopian nightmare. I think they see it as fucking awesome fap material.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:39 am

They read both it and 1984 as instruction manuals describing their ideal world. (Not Brave New World though; too much fucking, not enough suffering).

SayItWithWookies March 11, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Of the Republican candidates this year, she added, “They’re nothing but hatemongers trying to control everyone, saying, ‘Live as I live.’ ”

So go out there and steal from the poor and fuck some boys, ladies! Also, did anyone else notice that the middle girl in the second row looks like Paul Ryan?

Barrelhse March 11, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Isn't that Agnes Moorehead?

chascates March 11, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The pregnant-and-barefoot crowd will always do what the Man of the House says (just as he obeys the Man of the Clouds) but it appears some of the women of the right are having a bit of cognitive dissonance, yes? Abortion was always bad, they knew, (even though they had friends and relatives who had them–possibly even themselves) but now birth control is evil? And being a single mother, regardless of how she got there? Obviously any one using food assistance or SCHIP is hell-bound trash but not being to take BC for non-reproductive maladies doesn't seem quite right no matter how loud the man on the teevee is.
They might end up telling their husband, father, or older brother they'll vote the straight GOP ticket come November but they may just stay home. Where they belong according to the current doctrine.

DemmeFatale March 11, 2012 at 10:00 pm

The one time I sat on a jury, I was astonished to see how weak some of them were. All the other jurors deferred to this old guy who was a pompous, opinionated ass. They were mostly other women, (of my mother's generation), that were happy not to think for themselves, and voted with him every time, no matter how wrong he was.
After the trial, I discussed this with one of the attorneys, and he was not at all surprised. He knew I would figure out what really happened, and said I was the "brain anchor." (But I'm just a girl.) So much for the truth.
What a case of "Man of the House" syndrome!

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Did you play the Henry Fonda part? Is the title being changed to 10 Complacent Hausfraus, One Asshole, and Our Fabulous DemmeFatale?

chascates March 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Jury dynamics are always a hoot! Right after the 2008 election I was in voir dire and a guy answered an attorney's question by starting out "Well, I listen to talk radio…" as if it was some sort of badge. Later on in the lounge I heard him tell someone that "we'll become a socialist country while Obama was president but we would survive."
He wasn't picked for jury duty, I was. I was the 'food anchor'; any of the jury meals left I volunteered to 'give a good home to.'

imissopus March 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Chicks, AMIRITE? Yeah, you know what I'm sayin', fellas…(hold hand up for high-fives from all my bros)

Blueb4sunrise March 11, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Ah'll tell yoo wut!
Slap!

poorgradstudent March 11, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Beer me, bro!

(Seriously, I could use a beer.)

Blueb4sunrise March 11, 2012 at 9:04 pm
C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Wow – an improvised lever! Archimedes would be proud.

You never learn these things in College, when you could really use them.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm

"I Learned Everything I Ever Needed to Know From Youtube"

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"Fuckin' Vaginas! How do they work?"

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Series of tubes.

…Series of pubes?

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Well, that explains everything! Who knew that Ted Stevens was such a Lothario?

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Things go in, things go out. Who can explain it?

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Never Sometimes Usually a Miscommunication.
-Bill O'Reilly

imissopus March 11, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Well sure, if you're going to keep trying to put a falafel in there. Bill keeps forgetting he's not Mickey Rourke.

BarackMyWorld March 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

*burp*

HistoriCat March 11, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Women – can't live with 'em. High five!

Belch. Scratch.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:05 am

Bros before hos, dude! And hey, I'm wearing a baseball cap over my fauxhawk right now.

Advn2rgirl March 12, 2012 at 2:34 am

I'm planning to make this for my brother's birthday: http://www.etsy.com/listing/65687553/gardening-ai

Doktor Zoom March 11, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Every Sunday I have breakfast at a local bagel place, and sit and read for a few hours. It's a great little ritual. I'm making my way through the 2011 Best American Essays, and as it happens, one of the pieces I read this morning was Bridgett Potter's "Lucky Girl," an account of her "successful" illegal abortion in 1962.

Read this. Send this to anyone you know who you thinks that fetuses matter more than women. We cannot allow this shit to return.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 10:39 pm

How awful, I really have no words.

Dudleydidwrong March 11, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Thanks, Dok, for posting that. it will be disseminated more widely. The comments following the essay are also worth reading. I'd love to force Ricky Shitdribble and The Newt to read that. "Here's your Good Old Days, you bastards!"

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Just got done reading it. Wow. Even contraception was illegal to single ladies, cuz: sluts and prostitutes. And there's still 30% of women that will vote for these Neanderthals?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:44 am

Roberta Gregory has a very good, and very dark, cartoon about an illegal abortion she had while still in her teens.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 1:13 am

Some of the comments are even more appalling than the story itself.

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 1:49 am

No kidding. Why didn't the selfish slut give up the baby for adoption? Why didn't the slut think about consequences before having sex?

Clearly, the problem in America isn't patriarchy. It's sluts.

Angry_Marmot March 12, 2012 at 3:40 am

Not enough of 'em, or distribution?

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 4:06 am

Oddly enough, and probably evidence that I need to Go The Fuck To Bed, the notion of a slut shortage reminded me of a passage from a 19th century satirical novel by Marietta Holley, with a bit of old-timey slang:

I found when I went to light the lamp, that the kerosene was all gone, and bein' out of candles, I made for the first time what they call a "slut," which is a button tied up in a rag, and put in a saucer of lard ; you set fire to the rag, and it makes a light that is better than no light at all, jest as a slut is better than no woman at all.

Incidentally, Ms. Holley was none too keen on the patriarchy, either.

Geminisunmars March 12, 2012 at 6:24 am

Oh, is the 2011 edition out now? Jeez, leave it to Wonkette to find another Best American Essays reader. I thought I was the only one who got those things. I have them going back into the 90s. I love the form.

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 9:26 am

Heh–yeah, they actually start hitting the stores in the fall, and I buy 'em when I have a bit of extra cash…and then take entirely too long to get around to reading 'em. I was feeling flush this year, so I got the usual short stories & essays, plus the comics and the "Nonrequired Reading"

WiscDad March 11, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It IS fact that women on their periods are more susceptible to left wing liberal extremist bull shit, no matter their political bent, than those that are PMS'ing. Even left wing chicks PMS'ing have been known to swing right (usually a right cross). I'm pretty sure Nov 6th falls in the 28th of somewhere, and Obama will win the rag vote.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 11, 2012 at 9:12 pm

There is only one solution. Pay attention Republicans.
Rush Limbaugh for president.
You are welcome.

BarackMyWorld March 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Periods? They shoulda called 'em exclamation points!

horsedreamer_1 March 11, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Time to break the glass on Condolezza's pod.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 10:26 pm

A great idea if anyone in the GOP had a braincell. But when it's discussed, someone will bring up her fatal flaw (which is not piano playing) and Liz Cheney will look all the better to them, even if promoting economic investment in the Near East is about fifty steps down the ladder from Secretary of State. Liz does have the proper hair color for a GOP woman. Not to mention the magic number of kids. Five. (Seriously, can anyone imagine being her husband?)

HistoriCat March 11, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I would have guessed she killed after mating.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 12:10 am

See: Bachmann, Michele; Palin, Sarah.

doloras March 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Have to say, though, the movie of The Handmaid's Tale was dumbed-down shit compared to the book.

Doktor Zoom March 12, 2012 at 1:50 am

Blitz?

BarackMyWorld March 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Good article for any of you fortunate enough to have never actually listened to Limbaugh's radio show… http://www.stuff.co.nz/travel/blogs/voyages-in-am

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 11:43 pm

I got to where he starts listening to the show and figured I'd better go have a smoke first. I've never listened to more than soundbites and a few minutes. I'll be back.

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I'm amazed at how much conservatives crave authoritarianism. Rush even calls himself a "benevolent dictator". Don't they all?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:48 am

Anybody who's listened to the shit they talk about the President knows they don't really crave authoritarianism. They THINK they do, but what they really want is to live in some impossible fantasy world where *they're* the sovereign ruler. Since they're as fucking stupid about math and logic as they are about everything else, they can't figure out that only one person at a time gets to be the ruler; and since they have entitlement mentality, it never occurs to them that they wouldn't be the one to make the cut.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 12:57 am

I love it.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 12:07 am

Really good, thanks for posting that. I didn't understand that very last sentence, can't figure out if it's typo-ed or over my head.

flamingpdog March 12, 2012 at 12:16 am

Sometime in the mid-nineties, when I was out on the road and the music on the car radio sucked, I tuned into Limpballs out of boredom. It was the only time I ever listened to him for more than about 90 seconds. He was going on and on about how he might have to support Hillary for something or another, I don't remember now. He was getting frantic call after frantic call from listeners pleading, "Oh, no, Rush, you can't mean that, supporting Hillary" and similar sentiments. He just kept on leading the dittoheads on, torturing them with what to any marginally sensient being was an obvious con job. That was the day I realized that Rush not only hates minorities and women, he hates his own freakin' listeners.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:51 am

So do I.

BarackMyWorld March 12, 2012 at 2:54 am

I will admit, after I was discharged from the Navy but before I started college, I started listening to talk radio and was duped by Limbaugh's fallacies for a while. But after a while I started picking up in the holes in his reasoning and his self-contradictions. What conservatives who defend Limbaugh DO NOT GET is that it isn't necessarily his conclusions that are wrong, but how he arives at those conclusions…the red herrings, the ad hominems, the ad populum arguments, the cherry-picking…that make him not just incorrect but someone who should not be listened to or taken seriously by anyone who is genuinely interested in moving the country forward and fixing problems.

Come here a minute March 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Do you perhaps need a Midol?

This sounds like a terrifically magnanimous question, yet I never get so much as a "thank you" when I ask it.

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm

You're a saint. You won't get your accolades until you're dead.

Biff March 12, 2012 at 12:14 am

It's all in the delivery. Next time, perhaps, try "Pardon me, but may I offer you a Midol for your obvious distress?"
It could work.

ThundercatHo March 12, 2012 at 9:37 am

My husband just buys me good chocolate, sets it on the counter and doesn't say a word. Sometimes, he will ask me to join him in a shot of brown liquor.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Clearly a brilliant man and your marriage is destined to last. As my ex used to say, "There are only three words you will need to memorize. They are 'Yes,' 'No,' and 'Dear.'" Worked till she dumped my ass.

NYNYNYjr March 11, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Rick Santorum today: "This is my first trip to Cape Girardeau, Jo Ann's been bragging on you a long time. It's good to be in the hometown of Rush Limbaugh, which some people see as a trip to Mecca."

We will win this war on women.

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I knew Santorum was a secret Moose-limb. Backdoor Sharia.

BarackMyWorld March 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I'm wondering if Romney has made it to Independence, MO, yet. Not because of Harry Truman (obviously), but because that's Mormon Mecca.

ElPinche March 11, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Basically any all white gated community is a mormon mecca.

BarackMyWorld March 12, 2012 at 2:58 am

I know you are just kidding around, but Mormons really do believe it is the site of Eden and the place Jesus will return. You should see some of the churches and shrines they've built there.

ElPinche March 11, 2012 at 11:31 pm

They say if you look hard enough, you can almost see the skidmarks in the Limbaugh sacred toilet where He floated

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 1:50 am

You know who else likes to make trips to Mecca?

This dude is so unaware of himself that it'd be funny if it weren't so sad.

RadioStalingrad March 11, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Has Wolf Blitzer piped in on this issue yet?

ElPinche March 11, 2012 at 11:36 pm

" I said this before, and I'll say it again. The GOP calling women and single mothers sluts may affect how women vote. Back to you Kingster. "

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"morphing into Obama-voting communists, just because the Republican party patiently explained to them that a man’s place is at the head of the household, and a woman’s place is in A Handmaid’s Tale."

Yeah, well, you know how it is with us dames: You teach your pet monkey to walk and talk and do tricks, and pretty soon, she starts to think she's human.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm

The fact that men's gonads are on the outside and available for kicking makes them so unbelievably insecure.

Negropolis March 11, 2012 at 11:45 pm

What?! You mean to tell me that most women don't like being preached to that all that they are are made for is to be child-rearin' baby factories?

I tell you, this world, this crazy, effed-up, 3,000-year-old world that the sun revolves around. First, they came to tell us that the clitoris existed. And we said nothing because we didn't care. Then, they came to tell us that the wimmenz like to be treated like everybody else…and, well…I don't know what to believe, anymore.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:07 am

Mmm, yummy tasty clitoris…

RadioStalingrad March 12, 2012 at 12:18 am

Believe this, Sarah Palin redefines feminism.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 9:05 am

If the current pace continues, Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue is on track to become perhaps the best-selling nonfiction book ever.

I stopped reading after the first sentence as it upset me. That they consider "Going Rogue" nonfiction.

AlterNewt March 12, 2012 at 2:39 am

Well, I care. I am emphatically Pro-clitoris.

tessiee March 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm

“They’re nothing but hatemongers trying to control everyone, saying, ‘Live as I live.’ ”

With all due respect to Ms. Kelly, she's wrong. The last thing the Republicans want is for everybody else to live as they live. They're hatemongers trying to control everyone, saying, "Do as I say, not as I do".

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:29 am

"single motherhood increases a child’s chances of poverty and related problems"

This outnumbers the sentiment "deadbeat fatherhood increases a child's chance of poverty and related problems" 100 to 1.

trampndirtdown March 12, 2012 at 1:00 am

I'm Joe Walsh and I approve of this message. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 9:02 am

Child support is a TAX ON DADS!

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:33 am

So, the takeaway I'm getting here is that, "We've turned the country to shit, and we hate all of you bitches, but will you vote for us anyway?" doesn't seem to be working.

SorosBot March 12, 2012 at 12:51 am

Who wouldn't want to be associated with sexual deviance, abortion and atheists? Those are all good things.

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 1:04 am

So, about the sluts and the prostitutes… Bill Maher apparently did (I didn't see the show) what I've noticed a lot of conservatives doing lately; trying to defend Rush on constitutional free speech grounds. That's not what this scandal response is about, because no one is calling for censorship. It's about not wanting to subsidize hate speech as consumers. And it's getting to the point where mainstream advertisers don't want to be associated with ANY right-wing radio hosts, not just Rush. I'm loving this. http://bit.ly/yiF4th

GregComlish March 12, 2012 at 1:26 am

Am I the only person here who was never assigned to read the Handmaid's Tale?

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 12, 2012 at 1:54 am

Never assigned. Read it on purpose. When your done with it read "oryx and crake". Margaret Atwood is the shit.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:07 am

Where does The Blind Assassin fall in the spectrum? Because I was profoundly disappointed by that book.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 12, 2012 at 10:23 am

The blind assassin is a totally different kind of story. Atwood doesn't consider herself a sci-fi writer. I enjoyed the blind assassin but I can see how someone would be dissapointed and expecting a different kind of book.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:46 am

I was disappointed by the big reveal – I found it so obvious and that just led to me feeling let down.

anniegetyerfun March 12, 2012 at 2:01 am

No, and even worse, I actually have no idea what it's about.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 12, 2012 at 2:41 am

It's mostly about uteruses and stuff. Like who owns them? The ladies in who's guts they reside in or the men who control them?

ThundercatHo March 12, 2012 at 9:52 am

One of the most disturbing books I've read but still recommended. I'm not sure how it would be to read while gravid but definately not a book for post-partum depression.

Geminisunmars March 12, 2012 at 6:47 am

I was told that you had to have read a Handmaid's Tale in order become a Wonketeer. You mean I read it for nothing?

Designer_Rants March 12, 2012 at 8:59 am

I've never read it either. I would say maybe we got grandfathered in, but I'm kinda new here.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm

The wife has to ASSIGN it before you'll read it? Whoa.

barto March 12, 2012 at 1:43 am

Awww, Freedom PAC for the Ladeez says go out and buy yourself sompim purty!

BarackMyWorld March 12, 2012 at 2:39 am

I am watching the replay of "Meet the Press," and Bob McDonnell is on backpedaling. THE DEMOCRATS ARE THE ONES THAT WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOCIAL ISSUES, NOT ME!

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 7:32 am

I love watching a good self-dstruct, and someone schading their freude. Couldn't have happened to a better guy. So ambitious he thought he thought he could say and legislate anything and get away with it.

Well, Icraus, you done did flew too close to the sun. Now, if only Cantor can get caught in some ridiculous sex scandal.

ThundercatHo March 12, 2012 at 9:55 am

I wouldn't mind if (not literally, of course!) Eric Cantor got caught in a hay baler.

SudsMcKenzie March 12, 2012 at 7:50 am

I love watching a Bob Jones education speak for itself.

ps, the Romney\McDonnell ticket would put robots back a thousand years,

Bender Libel!12

Negropolis March 12, 2012 at 8:15 am

A Regent University education, actually, though, it probably doesn't make any difference.

BTW, just found out he was Catholic. I shouldn't be shocked, but I am. I used to be able to distinguish between Catholics and Evangelicals, but they are totally breaking my Catholic radar nowadays since they started speaking in the same tongue.

HuddledMass March 12, 2012 at 10:05 am

This is the thing! Catholics I knew worshipped St. Kennedy and were philosophically between Vatican II and Liberation Theology – WTF?

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 6:59 am

Menstruation Huts!

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 8:09 am

It's long been a theory of mine that we should have those huts and men could come and visit us and throw in pretzels and chocolate.

ThundercatHo March 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

Don't forget salty nuts, alcoholic beverages and some good movies.

HistoriCat March 12, 2012 at 10:02 am

Too brilliant – that usually means I copied it from somewhere else. Only problem is, I have no idea who should get the attribution.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

You made my day!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Thanks, pdog! I've been monitoring the lab, but I wasn't aware of the frog DNA fiasco. Now I'm not so worried and will probably call off tonight's assault.
Those Koch Industries scientists never learn. If they only had used bird DNA then the developmental rate would have been far greater and he would have been much more active.
They essentially just repeated that Newt DNA fiasco in Georgia and we all know how that worked out.

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Spiro Agnew 2.0?

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:15 am

"his DNA was damaged so they're having to insert some frog DNA to make it work."

It's OK; he'll never get out of the electric fence.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Get a lebensraum, you two!

Jukesgrrl March 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Except for those poor folks who are -167p for years.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Come over to the Dark Side. You have no idea how powerful you will become. Give yourself to the Dark Side. We have candy.

Designer_Rants March 11, 2012 at 7:56 pm

That's why there oughtta be a law against wimmins readin. So they can't figger out which bottle is the poison. Their recipe books could jus' be piktures.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 7:57 pm

*whispering* Sssshhh!! I think they're listening! Is that sound…them…Taking Notes!?

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Ha, ha! Two hours alone with Lizzie and a cold glass of water would kill this old fossil deader than a wedge, Flame.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Hey, Spiro's my Hero, you Nattering Nabob of Negativism!

This flashback brought to you by Pat Buchanan, who's still off TV – yay!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm

What a way to go though, Eh?

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I want to go on the upstroke; that would give me two more; one when I collapse and another when they pull me off.

Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Awesome, I had no idea you two were discussing sexing with moi!!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Now that's a good plan. Gravity's your friend.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 8:55 pm

You wouldn't say that if you saw my nut-sack.

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 12:20 am

Gravity is no one's friend.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:00 pm

"Noooooo thankyou!" *backs away slowly*

"Man, Elephantiasis sucks! Do you use a wheelbarrow, then?"

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Cool. I was expecting Ewwwwwww!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Ah, yes, the Ewwwwwww! is silent.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Thanks for that. ;)

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:18 pm

You're welcome!
Always happy to meet your Epidemiological Needs.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Shhhhhh! My tattoo artist is insanely jealous!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Zipped.

ttommyunger March 11, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Heh, heh, you said zipped, heh, heh.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Heh, heh. hehhehheh.
hehheh. hehheh. heh.

Lynne March 11, 2012 at 9:56 pm

But…it has to be frog DNA. Else how will he know when to jump and how high?

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 10:02 pm

The Brain Electrodes. But don't tell the Koch guys that. They're still using Frogs! Bwa haha hahahaha

Terry March 11, 2012 at 10:08 pm

The voters of Virginia should have had a slight clue when the learned McDonald earned a degree from Regent University back when it was called the Christian Broadcast Network University. The title of his thesis there should have been the second clue.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 1:11 am

That's "Coochie-Nellie" to you, dear.

Advn2rgirl March 11, 2012 at 10:27 pm

We tried to tell 'em. They kept chanting "youthful indiscretion" which is Southern for IOIYAR.

Our next governor is going to be Terry Mac, watch and see. Wimmen'z PISSED.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I think we all do.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm
Limeylizzie March 11, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Wow that makes my dick so hard…oh ..I mean….ooops.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 10:54 pm

On the Internet, No one knows you're a:
a.) Dog
b.) 14 year old
c.) Slut
d.) Cephalopod
e.) All of the above
f.) None of the Above
g.) Spam

Chet Kincaid March 12, 2012 at 9:26 am

I sometimes suspect that Mr. Limeylizzie sneaks in here on your account to mess with us!

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Well Bill was pretty good in Barfly.

flamingpdog March 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Doh!

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Elitist.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Thanks!

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:24 am

terrible cheese. but somehow good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTCYLbFxTpI

poncho_pilot March 12, 2012 at 12:48 am

and yet, i..i blame society. society made me what i am.

Jukesgrrl March 12, 2012 at 1:22 am

Speaking as one of the effete corps of impudent snobs, I resemble that remark.

Guppy March 12, 2012 at 2:43 am

Too much time spent on the godless internet.

Geminisunmars March 12, 2012 at 6:44 am

You've got a social disease.

FROTHY March 12, 2012 at 3:20 am

Mitch Daniels' wife won the watermelon-seed-spitting contest at her state's Fair. I'm betting Mitch don't wanna piss HER off anytime soon.

C_R_Eature March 12, 2012 at 5:47 am

"…Nattering Nabob of Negativism!"
– Actual attribution was to William Safire.

Now I feel better. Just typing out Buchanan's name made me a little sick.

Proud member of the Effete Impudent Snob Corps, also!

tessiee March 12, 2012 at 9:46 am

dont b sily, us kant rite.

Limeylizzie March 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

He does read the posts sometimes and he is on here but he has his own avatar/identity!

starfanglednut March 12, 2012 at 10:08 am

Whenever I can, baby!Oh wait, you meant something else, didn't you.

Gunner Asch March 12, 2012 at 11:30 am

Yeah, the only comment I can remember making under this ID on a different site than Wonkette was some leftie blog where I wondered aloud about the possible Bad Results of Wikileaking all things from one side and none from the opposition. Unilateral disarmament and all. The hits I took from that one seem to have permanently anchored me at 86p.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: