Thank you, Karen Santorum: “He’s not blown and tossed by the wind of political correctness,” she said. “He is who he is.”
SOMETHING IS THE MATTER WITH KANSAS 4:58 pm March 10, 2012
Santorum’s Wife: Santorum Neither Blown Nor Tossed
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{ 219 comments }
So, I went over to my mom's the other day and I noticed she was reading Wonkette. That surprised me because she's in her 60s. Anyway, on closer inspection, she was taking that damn survey over there >>> and, apparently, it's really never ending. The entire time I was over there, she was answering these questions.
I don't know if she expected there to be gold at the end of the damn thing, but she was a persistent little devil. Eventually, though, after maybe a half hour (and lord knows how much longer before I got there), she gave up.
Oh Mom.
Post your Paypal details, we Wonketterati will contribute generously.
You expect those of us in our 60's to not be intrigued by Wonkette's ongoing themes of buttsex and Truck-nutz?
Woah, the Purity League came down heavily on my defense of those of us in our 60's. Evidently we can no longer talk about either budsax or Turk-nuts. Jeepers, I didn't see that in the rules!
I've met Bud Sax. Nice guy.
One helluva horn player.
When he's stoned.
Maybe they really don't want us olds on WonKette. I haz sad.
Are you kidding? Teh wonkette always has been, and always will be, a safe haven for us cranky oldz.
Are you talking about the 'What do you think?' survey? Because that only has 3 sets of questions…
You think it does, but it doesn't! When you're done voting, you can scroll through the results and then when you hit the last results, it brings up a whole new set of questions.
My ma' figured that one out.
if she keeps going, she'll end up here…
I'm 57 years old and I surprise myself every time I read Wonkette.
That's alzheimer's, dude.
There's an Easter Egg full of Whore Diamonds at the very end. Or so I'm told.
Well, Son, why don't you explain to the nice people here just how you like to waste your time? Hmmm?
Masturbation. Lots and lots of masturbation.
Let me consult my answer key… yes here it is…
It appears you are correct.
Congratulations!
Aaaand *now* I know how I will make it between now and November 6th…
I tried it once to see what would happen.
Nothing did.
Masturbation or the survey?
Going to DrunkIrishman's mom's house.
Karen, honey, there are just things you don't share.
But it explains so much.
—————— Santorumania ——————
Not the actual Santorum, but an incredible simulation.
Broadway marquee sign, c. 2020.
She's confusing political correctness with political smarts. He's not swayed by either.
And has neither.
She's confusing political correctness with
politicalbasic human smarts.fixed.
Karen, give it a few more weeks and Rick will be home lots and you can blow him after we toss him.
Expending Rick's Holy Sperms in a non-procreative manner? I don't think he's down with that.
Karen spits. And saves.
In a jar?
Jarbara gets lonely. Millions of Little Friends help.
Folks, no more posts, we have a winner. Don Pardo, tell her what she's won!
Tossed? Yes. Blown? I don't think so.
“What did it for us was two things,” she said. “No. 1, believing this was God’s will for our family. And No. 2, Obamacare.”
Well, given that the Affordable Care Act is supposed to expand health coverage amongst poors, and given that Rick has a very sick kiddie at home, Rick's god kinda sounds like an asshole.
It's as if the fact that he has the financial resources to help take care of a disabled child that most people with disabled children do not have just DOES NOT OCCUR TO HIM.
and he has how many kids? I wonder what a non-insured bill for that many childbirths and associated mother and child aftercare would run to.
he's an odious shitbag.
He's either been employed by the government or the oil lobby (made possible from being a government employee) for the past 20 years. But expanded health coverage is offensive to him. Or is it that it will be expanded for the blahs too?
The Santorums have had eight births (including their deceased child). Six of those (save the oldest and youngest daughters) took place while Rick and his family were fully covered under the generous government insurance offered to members of Congress. Given what his expenses for childbirth and care MIGHT have been, he's already received more assistance from the government than many Americans enjoy in a lifetime. And now we have to listen to him whine about a few years of expenses for those kids no one but the Pope asked him to have?
Can you fit that on a bumper sticker?
While a PA senator these two sucked up hundreds of thousands of dollars in public school subsidies and "cyber schooled" their brood to hate the "gummint" for giving tax dollars to anyone but them.
"Rick's god kinda sounds like an asshole."
So does his wife.
I love how "Obamacare" drives them up the wall, and how they practically use it as a slur.
OMG, he's so evil. He wants to make sure fewer and fewer people are denied healthcare because of pre-existing conditions, and he wants more people on healthcare to eventually bring the price down. Surely, he is history's greatest monster for this.
These. people. are. insane.
The people who oppose it in general are stupid
The people who oppose it in congress are evil
Insane covers both.
"Your last pregnancy almost killed you. God wants to try again."
Apparently Ricky's god talks to those who have been elected to public office, and have become vested for life in a Federally funded health care program supported by taxes, and believe that to extend similar benefits to anyone else is communist and satanic.
Speak into the mic!
oh sweety, he is still an asshole.
a major huge asshole, also.
Santorum Neither Blown Nor Tossed
But one time in college he was fisted.
Shafted.
While being chugged.
Just once?
So back then he was "Fist – Curious"?
“He is who he is.”
No, I am Who I am. He is the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.
You dont need a weatherman to know that Rick blows.
And that he's a Tosser.
Rick blows a lot
We need a strong leader that isn't afraid to legislate morality!
Like a Pope kind of guy.
"Dick Pope" is an awful, niche porn actor.
However "Pick Dope" seems to have been successful in Kansas.
Oh. Dude. Upfistie to the 10th power
"Is this thing on?"
Getting there. Try stroking the shaft a bit…
I bet that mic smelled just awful after Rick used it.
"Because I don't know how to turn anything on myself…"
Ok, he blows the occasional microphone, but at least he doesn't use a teleprompter.
You should see what he does to his teleprompter when he thinks they are alone.
That political correctness doesn't sound like much fun.
Given his presumed preference for reverse dirty sanchez she probably spends a fair amount of time blowing in his wind. Note that neither of them have ever refuted this point.
"dirty reverse sanchez"
Sigh, it's off to the urban dictionary for me, AGAIN.
And he won't give up 'cause he's not licked either.
Maybe that's why he's running. So he can get, y'know, blown
Programming alert:
HBO's Game Change on tonight. Spoiler alert:
McCain and Palin lose. I just hope that she tunes in because I don't think she's aware that she lost.
"Barb", you're on a roll tonite!
That would make him the blower and the tosser, then. That's about how I had it figured anyhow.
I was in a Chinese restaurant once and I asked the waitress if the poo poo platter tastes like tossed salad. She said "I don't know, why don't you ask Santorum?"
I was in a Chinese restaurant once, a place called Lee Ho Fooks and there was a werewolf with a big dish of beef chow mein. Oh, and his hair was perfect.
(hopefully, Sorosbot will get this reference)
I'd like to meet his tailor.
I'd like to meet James Taylor
Aaahoo!
I hope EVERYONE will get that reference.
That wouldn't have been in London, would it?
Halp! I am contacting you on Facebook because I have been mugged and they took my phone and all my numbers. I need lawyers, guns and money! Dear friend, can you assist me?
Has the shit hit the fan?
I'll bet you didn't know that she was with the Russians, too. Happened to me one time.
Actual Chinese restaurant near my house:
http://engrishfunny.failblog.org/2009/10/06/engri…
Fap?
Hey, I fixed my joke. Just pretend you didn't read my earlier comment and read this correctified version:
I was in a Chinese restaurant once and I asked the waitress if the poo poo platter tastes like tossed salad. She said "No, less like santorum."
I can't bring myself to hate the Rickster the same way I hate Newtie or Caribou Barbie. There's something genuine and naive about his idiocity that makes me think he just doesn't know any better, and he should be pitied instead of despised.
Even if the son of a bitch did win a caucus today…
Don't let his overly earnest behavior fool you. He sincerely believes, in a way that no one else in the race does, that abortion and homosexuality should be punishable crimes. The fact that he ardently believes it doesn't mean that he's any less dangerous than the other assholes, who just pretend to care about morality.
The only one I don't actively hate — because he doesn't seem like he hates ME — is Mittens. Especially since I got to see his tits.
After someone told me to google you the other day, I think its safe to say you're an expert on that topic.
I enjoy Mittens, mostly because he's a good looking guy who feels like he should have to try, and thus, is so bad at trying. While it's true that he doesn't seem like a hateful person, I still find his pandering loathsome.
Mittens got teh crazy eye, though.
Empty vacant eye, staring at nothing crazy eye of the sociopath.
"I still find his pandering loathsome."
Does the fact that he's bad, really bad, laughably bad at pandering make it better or worse?
Just because you get to see their tits is no reason to ignore the Krayzee – I say this as someone who learned this the hard way.
That makes me hate Mittens more than anyone. He KNOWS better and he will still hand the dildos out to fuck us over with if it increases his odds of being president by 0.0001%. The "I don't hate you, it's just business" attitude.
Though it's soooo hard to choose, I actually think I hate him the most. Because of the misogyny, the barely concealed utter loathing and contempt toward women. I have a finely tuned detector for that shit.
Well, except that he was pro-choice humanist from a socialist family. But, yeah, other than that, he's totally "genuine" and didn't change his positions for purely cynical, political reasons.
Don't know what Karen saw in this nosy, humorless frat boy. Could it have been the chugging? She foresaw a happy life as the sword swallower's wife? Love is madness.
Perhaps Mrs. Santorum might consider one of these techniques to divert Rick from his obsession with the Ghey sex.
I have to say that I've learned something very valuable from the Santorum candidacy.
How to Laugh and Vomit at the same time.
That is an incredibly helpful skill. Make sure to update your resume!
Oh, it's already on there. I might even get a promotion to Laughing Vomiteur First Class.
That picture never grows old.
Nor does this one.
I had never seen that. Thank you.
Eye Bleach!!
Is he rimmed by propriety or pegged by conscience?
Rebecca,
I noticed there hasn't been a new Wonkwire post in 5 days. If you're abolishing it, good riddance (I never understood the significance of those stories versus regular Wonkette stories), but I am tired of seeing the same story at the top.
Thanks.
Sincerely,
BMW
BMW, we are getting rid of it. You'll notice regular short stories in the main body. (You guys, click on them anyway, even though there's no jump!)
But it'll still be a few days before we get it migrated. Patience, grasshopper, and etc.
Bec
I protest getting rid of the Won……….ehhhhhhh, never mind.
I'm good with the change, as long as the new stories are Filthy.
Wait, we all LOVE the wonkwire!
No, wait, you're right. We click the stories like Pavlovian crack-addicted monkeys so it makes no difference anyway.
"He is who he is."
Yeah, a troglodyte. We all know that.
He'd be a fine president of Kansas, Karen, and that is all.
but i thought he wasn't just dust in the wind?
That whole state can be blown to Oz; no one will have lost any.
Rick wins Kansas and Romney wins Wyoming as well as Guam, the Virgin Islands, and the Northern Mariana Islands.
Well, now we can all smoke a cigarette.
57 states?
Yeah, Rick's so constant, he recommends doing exactly the same thing even when the facts change:
“We don’t need somebody who changes when the climate changes,” the candidate remarked.
This is why it takes Rick so long to get to his law office — they destroyed the bridge across the river and replaced it with a new one, but ol' Rick still insists on plunging in right where the old one used to be. Eventually he'll just be able to drive across on the pile of cars he's left there.
I'm so using that.
I'm not (nor have I ever been) Catholic, but Rick Santorum strikes me as one of those people who are STILL in denial about Vatican II.
in those days the priests stood at the altar with their backs facing God's children. these days God's children have their backs to the priests. sexy time talk probably sounds funny in Latin too.
Irrumabo me, vobis deformis filius a canis! Adherebit tuum calidum, crispus PUSILLUS.
Stoopid Monkey.
Yup! Rick brings that refreshing, hateful bigotry to his campaign that you might have expected from, say, your grandfather's asshole friend Earl circa 1952. The fact that science now understands that homosexuality isn't a choice shouldn't change a thing! Being swayed by facts is for pussies!
No, it's really much better to have somebody who declares that climate change is a conspiracy and a hoax perpetrated by all liberals and scientists, when the climate changes.
I'm not (nor have I ever been) Catholic, but Rick Santorum strikes me as one of those people who are STILL mad about Vatican II.
YES. Teh Jooz.
What about us?
It made sense at the time.
It's probably a coincidence that a little old lady got mutilated late last night.
The werewolf was clear across town at the time, drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's.
And, as Barb has reported earlier, his hair was Perfect.
Even though he was Walkin' through the streets of Soho in the rain.
Will this get Karen Santorum banned from commenting here?
OT: the hubby finally found a job! And only after two months!
It's at a funeral home that is right on our block so there isn't even a commute.
He's lived the in the neighborhood forever but had never been in the showroom. So he finally got to see it when they gave him a tour of the place.
They have the exact same coffin model that Michael Jackson (&, before him, James Brown) was buried in.
So if you want to go out in a stylish death box, it'll cost ya around $30K.
Did they bury Breibart in the Michael Jackson model?
No way he'd fit in that.
Congrats! Wait, what does hubby do?
Funeral homes seem like nice, quiet places to work.
Accounting mostly. But that's not what he'll be doing at this job. He'll be filling out death certificates, greeting people who knew the recently departed, scheduling, answering the phones, taking in delivery (not the body kind), etc. He's way overqualified for the job but it's a job at least. Not terribly exciting. In fact, it can be a bit heartbreaking. First day on the job and he had to hand the ashes of an infant to its mother.
I grew up in a small town across the street from the funeral home. My mom worked there for about 15 years as the florist, running the office, and had a phone in our house to help answer calls late at night. People called her 'the friendly grief lady'. I scandalized the people that owned the place in high school when I bought Jessica Mitford's The American Way of Death. I think recycling is the best way to go.
one of my uncles worked doing the body kind of delivery when i was a small child. my mom didn't have a car in those days so we'd pick her up from work in the funeral home van. i always got to ride in the back.
Very close friends of ours lost twins , a boy and a girl, a couple of hours after birth and the funeral was the saddest thing , I had never been to a Jewish funeral before and when they took those two tiny coffins out of the hearse and put them in the grave I thought my heart would break and then to have to put dirt on top , I have never cried so much .
Lizzie, that is so sad.
In one of my previous jobs as an OB nurse my duties included bringing stillborn babies up from the morgue to the mother's room and helping the parents begin the grieving process. We took pictures, little footprints and if possible a lock of hair so the parents would have momentos. Most of the time the babies just looked like they were sleeping.
Holy fucking shit. That is intense. And requires an insane amount of empathy.
He has incredible empathy which is why I love him. When it's required, he has an equal amount of composure. Unlike me. If it had been be me, I would have lost it & been a blubbering mess for the rest day.
That's crushing. I can't imagine. But still, I hope he loves it. Not having a job probably sucked for both of you.
We probably would have been able to make it through the rest of the year but then the savings would have been gone, would probably have had to sell the house, and so forth. We've got a rental place out in Powhatan County & probably would not have had any choice but to move into it. And that would have meant kicking out the current tenant which would have been a shitty thing to do. We are both very very relieved.
Welcome to DeathMart, I love you!
Oh, good lord. I'm sorry.
I'm not so sure about that. My buddy's dad was a funeral home director. I went to pick up said friend at the home and I noticed that his dad was having a fence built. I asked him why and he said that folks were dying to get in. Which surprised me since he was always complaining that he was broke because business was so dead.
Those jokes must have killed at the office.
I think it's time we had them embalmed.
Is there a discount if I buy in bulk? You see, it appears I'm responsible for the deaths of many famous persons. All the biting and such.
Well Great Bazoomy Congratulations to you and yours! This truly is cause for celebration.
A Funeral home, you say? Allow me to offer you this grotesque, inappropriate and hilarious Monty Python Undertaker's Sketch.
It's a good thing partner and I share the same twisted sense of humor. I've already made my "I see you made it out alive"-joke after he got off work last night.
And tomorrow you can say "Well, at least you won't have to pack lunch."
I will admit to being uneasy after I posted that (as in now look what you've done!). Glad you're OK with it. I tend to laugh at these kinds of things because I have to.
I just lost a 2nd cousin in the Mission District last night, do you guys travel?
Congratulations on your husband getting a job! Things are looking up!
Thanks! Now I'm hoping things will keep improving. Last year was crap. First the hubby's cancer scare (which dragged on for months). Then after the surgery, right around the holidays, he got laid off.
I'm afraid to ask what Mr. Pants does for a living.
I'll bet there's some rent boy somewhere who would beg to differ….
Let it never be said, however, that Rick isn't quite the shit.
Yet he's still a tosser who blows.
OT: Anyone else planning on watching Snowbilly: the Movie on
TVHBO tonight?Should we have an open thread/liveblog for it?
No Way, but go for it!
no, dude.
enough is enough of $P, thank you.
I'm watching, but the dissonance between my lust for Julianne and my distaste for $arah may cause some strange and horrible sensations………
Just picture Julianne in her role as the money obsessed hooker in China Beach and it'll all work out.
Are you thinking of Marg Helgenberger?
I am! Egg on my face! Thanks!
Boogie Nights, then. Hey, that's even better.
I actually wish I had HBO so I could do this tonight. A liveblog would be fun, but sadly, all I have is… what is this? Hulu?
I have sometimes lamented not having HBO. Tonight is not one of those times.
I'm making a point of ignoring this movie (to the extent I was aware it existed, anyway), but can we at least have a few snide remarks along the lines of, "Who's playing McCain? Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.?"
You don't need a weatherman to know which way the salad tosses.
Oh come on guys, this is all TOO GROSS
Santorum stories are always like this. I keep a bucket handy.
He calls himself "Steady Eddie". What the fuck else do you need to know?
I can understand him not getting blown – that's just dirty. But surely the poor bastard gets tossed once in while.
Nor is he blown or tossed by the winds of intelligence.
Does anyone know how Rick polled in the voting district where the Abortionplex is located?
Lot of absentee ballots.
It was Margareta and Pink Taco day today, so I'm not sure there was a lot of voting going on.
Did she spit the santorumsperm into a jar?
Hey may not have been blown or tossed…but he sure does suck.
I think that picture up there is proof that he both sucks and blows.
When I first heard the term "blow job" in my very tender years, I was confused by it. I thought: "What? You blow on it? What's that supposed to do?"
the ocarina of time?
I tossed a Rooster once. I don't recommend it.
Okay, it's Saturday night and Mama is about to get her drink on. Get in here and let's discuss this bitch.
Hear, Hear! Bartender, a round of Santorums for everyone!
Ew?
No, it's Eeeeew!!
I sure wouldn't drink that. I think people do, just for the looks of Disgust on the faces of the other patrons.
These two girls will share a cup.
Yeah, I'm still not watching that. I don't care how drunk you get me.
Did he get the support of the Phelps Family? How about the Kansans who advocate assassinating abortion doctors?
It was, after all, International Womens Day.
He let her speak, that was so nice of him.
A perfect match. He wears his "Beard" goggles and she wears her "Lowered Expectations" goggles 24/7.
Everybody be careful, there's going to be gusts of political correctness tomorrow. Strong gusts.
Mommy doesn't want anybody to get hurt.
What about dwarf tossing? <a href="http://?http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/cerabino-lawmaker-wants-state-to-reinstate-dwarf-tossing-1898183.html” target=”_blank”>?http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/cerabino-lawmaker-wants-state-to-reinstate-dwarf-tossing-1898183.html
Never had a blowjob? Little Ricky has a fine treat in store for him.
Think he'll be able to get the taste out of his mouth?
The mental image just made me throw up a little in my mouth!
You are right, Karen. Like shit, he is neither blown nor tossed; Santorum is stirred.
Reasonably sure he's been blown and tossed a time or two at the highway rest stops.
Blow jobs are birth control, and so is being "tossed in the wind tunnel" ( A Pennsylvania euphemism for buttsecks, apparently). Ricky doesn't approve of snuffing his seed in such a manner..
Someone's failing at her "wifely duties." What part of "obey" is she missing?
I am not Catholic, but reasonably sure that being blown is one of the no-nos.
Same here. I'd end up with grieving parents either trying to comfort me, or trying to get me fired. Maybe both.
Amber Waves, baby!
I think her telling Dirk Diggler that he could come inside her was Oscar material myself. And easy to masturbate to, as well.
Yesssssssss
DIRK: IcangoagainicangoagainI'mreadyletmegoagain!
It was the teeny little coffins that did it, you saw one and that was bad enough and then to see another one exactly the same made me realize the unbelievable loss.
…and he's always Stoned.
Everybody Must Get Stoned.
Well, it makes it more enjoyable. I mean, it probably makes him less of a sociopath.
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