TUCKER UP BUTTERCUP  11:26 am March 10, 2012

Tucker Carlson’s ‘Daily Caller’ Does Yeoman’s Service In Refuting Dumb Right-Wing Freakout — UPDATED!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

UPDATED! CORRECTION BELOW!

Perhaps you were alive and sentient and cruising around stupid hack rightwing websites sometime in the last few days when you noticed that they all lost their collective shit because totally un-American (Yellow Peril) Secretary of Energy, Nobel Prize winner, and flat-out adorable munchkin Steven Chu admitted before Congress that he DOES NOT OWN A CAR. What’s that, Google? “steven chu doesn’t own a car = about 80,100 results”? Who ever would have thought! It’s almost like he’s one of those Elites who live in high-rises and ride the subway! (Jews.) For shame, adorable Steven Chu! What a shanda for the Goys!

Now imagine our surprise to wake up and find the problem is not that Steven Chu is a commie green hippie (who probably belongs to a co-op AND a CSA!) who thinks he’s better than us with his public-transportation-taking ways (or possibly even being chauffeured in a town car, since he is a Cabinet member, and probably is allowed to SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS; we’re surprised they didn’t mention that distinct possibility). Nope, thanks to Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, we know the real story is that Chu is not commie green hippie Elite ENUF, as his wife drives a gas-guzzling BMW. (But thanks to the Daily Caller, we also know Chu is not an Elite who lives in a high-rise, since the good folks there generously included a Google Street view of Chu’s home. You guys are the best!)

These guys, huh? When are those FEMA camps coming again please?

CORRECTION! We wrote that The Daily Caller had neglected to mention the possibility of Chu being chauffeured, with a town car, since he is a Cabinet member. “[W]e’re surprised they didn’t mention that distinct possibility,” wrote we.

But the Daily Caller did in fact note that distinct possibility, wrapping up their EXCLUSIVE on Chu’s wife’s 10-year-old luxury car with this coup de grace: “Since he is a member of President Obama’s cabinet, Chu is driven to work every day through the courtesy of a security detail, with taxpayers footing the bill.”

Where are Robespierre and the Jacobins when Tucker Carlson needs them?

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 225 comments }

FlownOver March 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

The bow tie can be used effectively as a garotte – assuming, of course, Mr. Carlson is himself looking for a way to die lonely and alone.

Barb March 10, 2012 at 11:34 am

With no car what could be happening in his garage? Does he have 7 year-old children making iPads in there? As soon as I get out of the line to get the iPad 2 I am going to get back in line for the iPad 3.

OzoneTom March 10, 2012 at 2:47 pm

He has no dog
And he has no friends and
His lawn is dying… and
What about all those packages
He sends. What's he building in there?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

"As soon as I get out of the line to get the iPad 2 I am going to get back in line for the iPad 3."

Doesn't really seem like the most efficient use of your valuable time. Can't you set up your Ipad2 to prompt you when the Ipad3 is about to go on sale?

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

two words. Meth lab.

FlownOver March 10, 2012 at 11:35 am

Totally OT:

Peter Bergman 1939-2012. RIP

Steverino247 March 10, 2012 at 11:41 am

I hoped everything you knew was wrong, but it's not. He's really dead. What a shame!

Rotundo_ March 10, 2012 at 11:50 am

So in the interest of balance, can a hack comedian kick the bucket to restore balance? Okay, maybe then a morning yuck yuck show idiot? Soon all we will have left is bozos in this bus…

IceCreamEmpress March 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

You mean, other than Breitbart?

Barb March 10, 2012 at 11:50 am

I thought you meant the soap opera guy. "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."

Barrelhse March 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

namgreB reteP

IceCreamEmpress March 10, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I don't care who your mistress is, Mr. Bergman!

neiltheblaze March 10, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Firesign Theatre was one of the things that didn't suck about being a teenager.

The_Trainman March 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

And, LSD.

PuckStopsHere March 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm

"Give the horsey a sugar pill…"

neiltheblaze March 10, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Nice paisley horsie.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

*Porgy and Mudhead break into the school cafeteria at night*
"Look, there's the mural depicting the heroic struggle of the little guys to finish the mural!"

AlterNewt March 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Somewhere in the Pacifica Archives there should be recordings of Bergman and Paul Krassner doing their daily wrap-up of the Iran/Contra hearings. They were brilliant.

swordfis March 10, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Anybody remember Paul Krassner's Ode to a Thermos, a parody Myakovsky epic? I wish I could get hold of it.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Oh, no.

All the Clowns on the bus have stopped Squeezing their Weezes, for a moment of silence.

Georgie quit biting his tires.

Papoon paused

Nick Danger's closed his third eye

The lights on the Funway grow dim

and now there's no one to hand me the pliers, so I will have to crush this dwarf.

Goodbye.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

In tribute, I will now take off my shoes and sit in a tree.

proudgrampa March 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

God Bless Vespucciland!

"Catch It and Keep It." Best game show ever!

RIP, Peter.

Indiepalin March 10, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Saw Proctor and Bergman in '73 on their TV or not TV tour. Just awesome. Smoked a doobie with my Spanish teacher

KennyFuckingPowers March 10, 2012 at 11:38 am

Big oil don't like 'lectric cars like Budweiser don't like weed!
Even though they go together pretty good and shit.
They hate each other with compassion.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Who knew skoalrebel had a brother?

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 11:38 am

Is it just me, or does Tucker Carlson totally not have enough to do? Taking a homeless dog for a walk would be more useful than spewing out the tripe he peddles on the Internets as "news."

dyedwool March 10, 2012 at 11:42 am

Agreed. Someone needs to take away all his clip-on ties. Having to actually tie those fuckers would eat up at least a few minutes he otherwise spends on his Interwebs drivel each day.

Rotundo_ March 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

It's what happens when a trustafarian buys himself a platform and speaks. It may be the shiniest, most wonderful platform around, but you know it was all bought with grandmas frozen pea money and no one of any intelligence is going to take it seriously. At least he didn't decide to become a performance artist and smear various condiments on his genitals while reciting really poorly written poetry and striking unusual poses for audiences of ten close friends or less. Trustafarians can fall down some really nasty holes if not carefully steered to safety from time to time.

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Do you have a # where I can get tickets to that performance art?

finallyhappy March 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Actually, one of the hunger protesters at Occupy Dc is a performance artist who according to the City Paper, self circumcised himself for a performance(sometime before Occupy happened- I think) . I did not read any further(farther?) in the article.

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Someone told him he should be circumspect and that was his interpretation. I don't want to think any further about this. (Your use, I believe would be farther, as it was physical space into the article; mine was figurative or metaphorical.)

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm

"it was all bought with grandmas frozen pea money"

True story:
When I lived in the South, I used to go to a seamstress for alterations. Since this was the South, she also made debutante dresses, and kept an album of pictures of the finished results.
One of the debutantes could be described by the nonspecific but nonetheless horrifying euphemism "takes after her father". Her plainness was emphasized by her much too glamourous first name, e.g. "Tiffany". The best part was that her father was Billy Bob, the Popsicle King.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"Taking a homeless dog for a walk"

As opposed to a dog who buys a house or rents an apartment?

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 3:06 pm

He'd certainly have squatters' rights.

Thanks, folks! I'll be here all week! Try the veal!

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Or, as Santorum would say:
Veal your waitresses! Try the tip!

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 5:07 pm

tessiee:

Yes. Sometimes the rich and well-off need to reach down and get in touch with the masses.

LetUsBray March 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Clearly Jon Stewart needs to call him a dick who's hurting America on national TV again; he evidently didn't get the message the first time.

ttommyunger March 10, 2012 at 11:40 am

Tucker Carlson, reigning Queen of the D.C. Pussyfarts. I'm guessing America will never be able to fully scrape his type (entitled little pricks) off it its collective shoe.

Steverino247 March 10, 2012 at 11:43 am

Instead of FEMA camps, I think someone should be posted to walk up and slap the shit out of them each and every time they say something this stupid.

I volunteer.

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 11:54 am

pics or it didn't happen! bring a friend. with a camera.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Made me flash on scene from Airplane.

Steverino247 March 10, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Get hold of yourself! (SLAP!)

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

When would you have time to, um, you know, wash your hands?

NYNYNYjr March 10, 2012 at 8:23 pm

You are inciting violence against women.

Steverino247 March 10, 2012 at 8:38 pm

No, I'm inciting violence against those who incite violence against women.

NYNYNYjr March 10, 2012 at 9:22 pm

May I point out Tucker's beautiful flowing red hair and delicate hands and kissable lips- how could anyone wish harm on such a charming feminine creature?

WhatTheHeck March 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The point of all this Mr. Chu, is how the hell are you ever gonna have a gun rack if you don’t even own a car? And as for making out in the backseat, its what patriotic, real Americans use their cars for.

GliblyArcane March 11, 2012 at 6:00 am

Tucker Carlson should know this better than anyone; back in the day when he was shilling for right wing hacks at the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette he famously championed a state-wide initiative to require gun racks in all vehicles by riding a gun-rack-equipped unicycle to work every day, dressed in his St. George's blazer and a bow tie made entirely out of hundred dollar bills.

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 11:47 am

Totally OT 2.0:

Jimmy Ellis went home yesterday (Friday, 03/09).

"Hold Back the Night!"

R.I.P.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

They happen in threes. Breitbart was just the start.

Or maybe it was Whitney.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Hopefully, he's not in a disco inferno now.

zappadoo76 March 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

As the heir to the Swanson Frozen Teevee Dinner fortune, I'll bet Tucker doesn't drive a car, either. He has servants for that.

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 11:57 am

he hops in a giant microwave and it teleports him wherever he needs to go.

FlownOver March 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

His posts, reflecting the family fortune, are chock full of green peaness.

Credit to "The Critic."

HelmutNewton March 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

No, he has servants for housekeeping, food preparation, laundry, etc. He has chauffeurs to drive him and his brood around.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:28 pm

And Smithers to work the telephone machine.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hmmm, Tucker's new pad seems remarkably larger than Mr. Chu's:

Journalist Tucker Carlson and his wife, Susan, traded houses. The couple sold a six-bedroom, eight-bath Colonial in Kent for $4 million. It has a heated pool, six fireplaces, and an in-law suite. Less than a mile away, also in Kent, they bought a seven-bedroom, six-bath Colonial for $2 million. The new house has a two-car garage and an au pair suite. The former host of CNN’s Crossfire and MSNBC’s Tucker, Carlson is cofounder and editor of the online news site the Daily Caller.

edit: hey, is that a BMW 5-series in the driveway there?

GliblyArcane March 11, 2012 at 6:04 am

When he's alone with his hot wheels and bi-curious finger puppets in his play room at night, he does however wear a tinfoil hat.

neiltheblaze March 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

When are the FEMA camps coming? We should ask Michele Bachmann – she's right on top of all that.

littlebigdaddy March 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

Needz moar Truck Nutz!

Callyson March 10, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Fucker Snarlson is still around? Time to update Jon Stewart's quote:
"You know what's interesting though? You're as big a dick online as you are on any show."

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

i was just asking myself, "Tucker Carlson is still a thing that's happening?"

i wish i'd know earlier in life that professional asshole was a real job.

orygoon March 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

In Mr. Chu's marriage, maybe he is not the boss of her.

FlownOver March 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

See? How un-Merrikan can you get?

EloquentScience March 10, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Come on, Tucker. You can do better than that!

Chu -> Chinese infiltrator -> not using a car so that the oil can all be used in China's drive to take over the world.

Follow me?

AlterNewt March 10, 2012 at 12:14 pm

That's odd. Tim Geithner doesn't own a wallet.

not that Dewey March 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Is this one of those "bald barber/skinny chef" fake-non-hypocritical things? Like Al Gore being fat, or George Soros investing money?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"bald barber/skinny chef"

The only chef I know personally is quite thin; and, since she cooks all day long, hates to cook at home.

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

The Volt

Left – great car, great idea to address our energy needs, government should support it, Chu is a visionary.

Right – fire hazard piece of shit, global warming hoax, government is wasting my money, Chu is a hypocrite.

Libertarian – could have worked if the invisible hand had built it, energy schmenergy, government should not exist at all, Chu is a fascist.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Communist – Hello? Anyone out there?

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 2:08 pm

gullylwompr:

Sheer uh "Am i uh An Idiot? uh InSannity was a big fan of the Volt. As long as GM was a major sponsor of his radio show.

After GM dumped him, he hates those cars.

Go figure!

el_donaldo March 10, 2012 at 12:26 pm

ew. You made me click on a Daily Caller link so I could see the Google streetview pic. They think a 325i is a scandal? Really?!?

It's amazing how the story manages to be both irrelevant and stalker-creepy at the same time.

Mumbletypeg March 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Let me get this straight. Mrs. Chu's BMW is a 2002 model? She's been driving the same vehicle for 10 years and all Carlson can do it bitch about its fuel/mpg being "less-than-efficient"? Dry your tears Tucker and admit that, by well-applied frugal standards, the Chu's are practicing sensible consumerism by not replacing the damned family automobile every single year.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"Why doesn't his daddy just buy him a new BMW when the tire blows out? Doesn't everyone do that?" -Tucker

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I don't own a car either; not owning a car is a perfectly normal thing that millions of Americans do; or rather, don't do. Oh but we mostly live in the cities so I guess we're not "real Americans" to the right-wing asshats.

sezme March 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Hey me too! I rather enjoy the looks of quizzical disdain I get when people learn that I don't have a car. Also proud of not being a "real American" for what it's worth, because that seems to also entail gun-ownership and Jesus-worship.

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 12:52 pm

it amuses to think how the right wing can go on about Americans being exceptional and blahblahblah but when any American steps out of line a little they release the hounds.

because, you know, America is not at all a country with a history of eccentrics who changed the world by thinking differently and moving forward with their ideas despite what their critics said.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Commie.
Should be PINKO pilot, amirite?

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I guess I'm lucky that most of the people I know are also city dwellers and know that carlessness is perfectly normal; though I do have some cousins who live in Bumblefuck, MD that think it's somehow strange. But then one of them even drives a pickup truck and doesn't understand why I mock him for it.

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 1:10 pm

As a resident of Bumblefuck, VA, I can assure you that pickups are pretty handy things to have available. Sometimes you have to go get a new tranny for the Camaro from the salvage yard. Try that on your recumbent bicycle, you effete latte-swilling sissy.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

And here I thought you picked up trannies at make-up counters and silicone sales.

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Why would your Camaro need a transsexual, and why would you pick one up from a salvage yard?

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

needz moar hipster fedoras.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:36 pm

"pickups are pretty handy things to have available"

Don't remember who said this, but:
"A pickup truck on a farm or a building site is a tool. A pickup truck parked in front of the nail salon at the mall is being *driven* by a tool."

finallyhappy March 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Bumblefuck, MD- I think I know that place-near the PA line where there are Confederate flags and big Palin signs during the last election.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:37 pm

No, that would be Rising Scum, MD. Where "hoodie" has a whole 'nother meaning.

Doktor Zoom March 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Ah, but are you watching enough TV?

JackDempsey1 March 10, 2012 at 12:35 pm

As a Nobel Prize winner, he was awarded a cadre of (mostly foreign-born) graduate students who lift him ~8 inches off the ground and transport him to meetings, the grocery store, etc. Why would he need a car?
Maybe for the sound system.

LetUsBray March 10, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Why would he need a sound system? Can't some of the graduate students form an acapella chorus?

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Having actual posts up on the weekend is nice, but will take some getting used to.

Mumbletypeg March 10, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Eh, y'know who else's "Kill'em with Kindness" policy enactment took folks some "getting used to"?

anniegetyerfun March 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Jesus?

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Jeffrey Dahmer?

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The Bureau of Indian Affairs?

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Jack Kevorkian?

HistoriCat March 10, 2012 at 12:59 pm

When are those FEMA camps coming again please?

I keep asking that question and can't get an answer. This proves Obama is morally weak.

FlownOver March 10, 2012 at 1:25 pm

The fact they aren't here is proof Obama is determined to roll them out right after he's re-elected.

HistoriCat March 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Wake up Sheeple!

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Actually I'm starting to find some cogency in that argument. What else could bring anyone to put up with such a tsunami of morons except the knowledge that it is just a matter of time….

BornInATrailer March 10, 2012 at 1:01 pm

So I guess this means today I don't want a retard to fall out of the sky on Tucker Carlson, breaking his neck, while he figuratively skull-fucks political journalism?

Warwhatgoodfor March 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I do own one – a 2008 Smart car. Loads of fun, and designed for the curvy narrow city roads in Italy. Very maneuverable, tight steering, and brakes that would stop a semi. While I do get tired of the cracks form massive truck/SUV drivers when I pull into a parking space, I do love blowing past BMWs at 85 mph on the highway. I mean, what self respecting cop is going to pull over something the size of a golf cart?

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I like 'em. How's the maintenance on that thing? Been reliable so far?

Warwhatgoodfor March 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Maintainance is once a year. I have mine done at the local Goodyear since the dealership is forty miles away. Four years old next month, and no problems at all. It does use premium, but for a one liter engine developing 71 horse power and 35 mpg city, I'm not complaining. Fully loaded with sun roof, 15k. And it is fully loaded. This is not my old VW bug, although that was a lot fun also.

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I love me some short wheelbase. Beetle was my first car, also had a MG Midget. I've seen videos of Smartcars with Huyabusa engines in them that just scream. Been thinking of letting the Ford Ranger rest in the driveway for a while and going smaller – those Fiat 500's look nice to me, although the reviews are not stellar.

Oops, looks like I forgot to say something snarky. Next time, I promise.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 10, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I don't get the hate for the Fiat 500 in the US – Europeans love 'em, especially the Abarth version. I've driven one in London and it's perfect for that environment; nippy and responsive.

Not sure on fitting a gun rack to them, of course.

finallyhappy March 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You can pedal 85 miles per hour!!

comrad_darkness March 10, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Times must be a changing. I never got pulled over in my 85mph escort for (I always assumed) the same reason.

mavenmaven March 10, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I don't get it, the scoop is a picture from 2009 Google Earth? Is that proof of anything? Note the "outing" of Chu's possibly Hebraic wife with the "(née Fetter)" scoop. Wonder if she also read… Saul Alinsky?!?!?!

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 2:01 pm

What I gathered is that Chu is a hypocrite because nee Fetter owns a ten year old car that doesn't get fabulous mileage, and how come he lives in an expensive area, he must make too much money, or maybe needs a raise because they have an old car, and it is all Obama's fault for having tree-hugging sec of energy. Couldn't be clearer, could it.

anniegetyerfun March 10, 2012 at 2:53 pm

He makes too much money for a gov't employee. If he were a criminal banker, that'd be different. Free market!

HistoriCat March 10, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Needz moar chalkboard.

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Glenn Beck's stage manager: We need the following 8"x11" photographs for the chalkboard tonight:
-Hitler
-Osama Bin Laden
-Obama
-Steven Chu
-2002 BMW
-Kevin Bacon
-Small Limp Penis with the words "Solar Panels" tattooed on it

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 10:46 pm

"how come he lives in an expensive area, he must make too much money"

To paraphrase the former Mr. Tessie:
If *they* live in the expensive neighborhood, it means they're successful. If *we* live in the expensive neighborhood, it means I'm getting paid too much.

Doktor Zoom March 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Did she ever hug a professor?

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I think Carlson is right to be upset.

[Story is somewhat snarked-up but in its essentials true.]
When I was an assistant professor I taught at Berkeley for awhile and one thing I remember is parking. It was impossible. To buy a space from the University was prohibitively expensive, private lots were even worse. However, Nobel Laureates and Fields Medal winners got their own spaces, with their names on them. But I walked to the U, which was fine, but on crappy days could be a bit of a drag.

One term the walk from my office to the classroom took me past two of the awarded slots that were always empty. One was Steve Smale's – I later learned he was away that term. The other was some physicist whose name I could never remember. Three times a week that empty spot taunted me. When it was raining hard the spot mocked me. But every MWF in the afternoon, the slot was there. Sometimes, at other times, I would purposely walk to where I was going along that path, just to see if it was empty. It always was. I began to suspect that Nobelist-whose-name-I-can't-remember didn't even have a car.

I bet it was Chu. I hate that guy.

unclejeems March 10, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I wish we had a Nobel laureate at my place, so I could walk past her/his empty parking space with her/his name on it. Sigh.

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Class warfare!

[Edit: Though I'm now at a place that would have had a Nobel Laureate, if the fools hadn't denied him tenure when he was an assistant prof.]

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 2:25 pm

The fools! He'll show them all!!!

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Just our luck that this was the one time in history when all the fools in fact did get shown.—

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

"parking. It was impossible. To buy a space from the University was prohibitively expensive"

Campus parking, to quote Shakespeare, sucks the root.
We often had patients/clients call to complain about the lack of parking, and since I answered the phone, I always agreed with them, usually to their surprise.

The number of parking spaces awarded to a department was based on the total seniority of everyone who worked in the department. I had more than 10 years in the system, but since I was the newest person *in that department*, I didn't get a parking space. This made it necessary for me to pay $200./month for a commercial space (on my 12 buck an hour "salary"), and walk 25 minutes to my office.

Perhaps I'm unpeaceful, but one of the best things about having to quit a job I otherwise liked was taking away the parking spaces I earned but didn't get to use.

berkeleyfarm March 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I was going to say "Steve Smale got a spot?" but then I read " … and Fields Medal winners".

Do they just give him the N sticker like the others?

For those of you Elsewhere, the Cal Laureates generally say that the parking spot is the preferred perk. The regular Cal stickers are merely a hunting permit; there aren't enough spaces for them all.

(A pal of mine is a daughter of a Laureate. I ooohed and ahhhed when she drove over once, in a car her dad had given her, complete with stickers.)

chascates March 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I imagine all cabinet secretaries have drivers and limos, just like they're a big deal or something. May I also point out that Robert Novak is still dead and no longer running people down in the streets (or sidewalks) of DC.

glamourdammerung March 10, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I am trying really hard to see what kind of point Tucker is trying desperately to make here and I just do not "get it". Maybe he is running some kind of random content generator?

imissopus March 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Maybe Ann Romney could loan him one of her Cadillacs.

smashedinhat March 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

HA! Tucker Carlson. Anyone else remember when he went after Chuckles the video store clerk and got him fired? I hate this guy.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

What is this?

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I remember him coming up with an obviously made-up story about getting propositioned in a Men's room, Becoming Appalled, running to get a friend,coming back and kicking the shit out of the guy. I don't have the desire or the patience to look it up, but Jon Stewart ripped it apart to great comedic effect.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 10:52 pm

"an obviously made-up story about getting propositioned in a Men's room, Becoming Appalled"

To paraphrase a similar story about Winston Churchill, Tucker Carlson is not attractive enough to have those kinds of worries.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Churchill was awesome and he would have stomped that pasty little trust fund coward right into the Terra. While drunk.

BarackMyWorld March 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I thought of about 5 or 6 puns using the name "Chu" to respond to this story with, but I am sad to report that none of them were even close to being funny.

Therefore, enjoy this bit of wisdom instead.

not that Dewey March 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Gesundheit.

Mumbletypeg March 10, 2012 at 2:04 pm

bit of wisdom

related:

Others here besides me probably check in on James Howard Kunstler's unmitigated, weekly-waged tirade on the subject of our dependence on oil (& other fatal survival schemes), but his latest gives a summary-perspective, using the same ebullient language followed by *gasp!* well spoken, intelligent-seeming commenters by the gazillion.

BarackMyWorld March 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

That's a little more pessimism than I can swallow, but…yeah, shale is probably even more difficult to make into fuel than the dreaded algae.

not that Dewey March 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

That's great. That was depressing as shit. Now I know where to turn when I start missing Ken too much.

But the timing is good — Mrs D was just planting some potatoes in our soon-to-be subsistence garden, because she read an article on the Internet about all the toxins in standard store-bought potatoes, and I'm doing a DIY VHF-UHF antenna so we can get digital TV broadcasts from 90 miles away — challenging, because I'm kind of fighting the curve of the Earth. But it receives PBS, so all is good.

I think we'll be prepared when the teapocalypse comes.

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 2:51 pm

i chu-chu-choose not to have a car.

BarackMyWorld March 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

That was NOT one of the 5 or 6 I thought of, so good job!

deanbooth March 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Watsamata Chu?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

"I thought of about 5 or 6 puns using the name "Chu" to respond to this story with, but I am sad to report that none of them were even close to being funny."

This isn't exactly a pun on "Chu", but it's the best I can come up with at the moment:
Nameless old Jewish guy who's friends with Grandpa Simpson (paying for purchase at Kwik-E-Mart): Here you go, Achoo.
Apu: It's Apu.
OJG: Wha?
Apu: It's A-PU, not A-CHOO.
OJG: At my age, I have trouble with both.

pinkocommi March 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Good god! What if Secretary Chu BIKED to work? I mean, clutch the pearls!!

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 2:51 pm

they'd be better served grabbing the handles and experiencing empathy. alas…

payton March 11, 2012 at 12:11 am

He actually used to at his last job, but the Secret Service won't allow it anymore.

The faux class warfare (the security detail! the decade-old BMW!) is particularly rich, since Tucker Carlson lives in a much more plush neighborhood, with 8 bathrooms and a heated pool. These are the same people who thought nothing of Dick Cheney having his own fleet of black helicopters and secret underground mineshaft Undisclosed Location, and who've wasted billions of dollars on security follies like TSA and fortifying or BRACing every single federal office.

102415 March 10, 2012 at 1:49 pm

So now who else is glad that A.B. is D.E.A.D?

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

A. L. L. O. F. T. H. E. M. K. A. T. I. E.

LetUsBray March 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

The problem with wishing someone dies lonely and alone is that it makes it impossible to verify that the cause was comically noisy and malodorous exploding diarrhea, as was my fond wish for the individual in question.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Actually, I don't want to know the truth.
The imagery is just so much better in my mind.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Golly, how did I miss this Right Wing Freakout? I must have been distracted by the RW Contraception freakout, the RW Abortion freakout, the RW Anthropogenic Climate Change freakout, the RW EPA Mercury emission standards freakout, the RW Keystone Pipeline approval freakout, the RW Western water allocation freakout, the RW Land use standards freakout, the RW Food Stamp Fraud freakout, the RW Debt & Deficit Freakout, the RW Gold Standard freakout, the RW Obama -Bell Radical Terrorist Hug videotape freakout and the RW Breitbart was Murdered freakout.
Clearly, I'm falling behind.

EDIT: Tucker Carlson is a Sphincter Boy. IMHO.

102415 March 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Maybe we should tranq them real good after we gather them into the FEMA camps before we try the rehabing? Clicker training and treats will work with dogs but not if they are *sensitized* and afraid. I hope my special friend/stalker is at home today following my every thought here.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

In honor of Peter Bergman, today we will be referring to the "Reeducation" process at the camps as being "Returned for Regrooving"

And yes, we do have Plans for these people. They'll find out. Ah, ha ha ha hahahha…

Doktor Zoom March 10, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You appear to have missed the Right Wing Ruth Bader Ginsburg Hates the Constitution freakout, too.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

What…another one!? I'm going to have to rethink this whole OCD News Junkie behavior, as it's evident it's not helping. It's almost too much for a synthetic digital electronic avatar to bear.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

They are a bunch of fainting couch ladies, aren't they? They remind me of my lazy, self-absorbed dog who barks at neighbors getting into their own cars in their own driveways. After barking at their audacity, she marches back inside, all chest puffed out and full of self-importance.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Well, at least your dog has an honest job to do – alerting the Pack Leader that stuff is happening outside. Your dog never lies about the stuff happening outside, shuts up when it's over and doesn't leave a residue of Cheeto crumbs and sex fluids all over your keyboard like those Daily Caller people.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

True. And funny. I'll cut her some slack.

owhatever March 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Another thunderous piece of rightwingnut investigative journalism. Next, the trolls will unearth hidden video of that snob Chu not only hugging, but kissing, his wife. Unimportant, thinkest thous? It will prove Obama wants to give America to China. Hah.

102415 March 10, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Remember the tire retreading places? Do they still do that?

Makinglifehell March 10, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Yes, but due to recent changes in etiquette policy, they must now be referred to as 'special needs' tire places.

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Do they participate in 'special races'?

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 2:48 pm

business is slow though so they do side jobs retreading Republican talking points.

Makinglifehell March 10, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Job creators!

Biff March 10, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Why doesn't Carlson expose why Obama wants us to pay $10/gal for gas, huh?
This is an actual argument I've had with very stupid people that live perilously close to me.
See, when gas gets that expensive, we'll all buy Government Motors Volts, and they have no doubt Obama has stock and will become fabulously wealthy at our expense! But hold on, China has cornered the market on rare earth, so we're beholden to them for batteries and such, so yeah, let's just roll over to our new Chinese overlords, who also pay Obama handsomely. See, he can't lose, which is why he needs to be a one-term president. Are you following this?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Haven't even glanced at this post yet, but I have to say I'm loving the reference to "Pucker up, Buttercup".

anniegetyerfun March 10, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Can we discuss how this article started?

In a piece of video that shot across the Internet Thursday like a sports car doing zero-to-60 in four seconds, Energy Secretary Stephen Chu told the House Subcommittee on Energy and Power that he does not own a car.

Well, at least that wasn't hamfisted in any sense.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I guess we should be thankful is didn't start out as
"CHU BLOWS GOATS I HAVE PROOF"

anniegetyerfun March 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

OK, which of you jokers is the Daily Caller commenter who suggests that the entire administration should undergo a trial by a jury of "piers"?

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Dunno, but there's plenty of short ones down in my parts Tucker can take a nice long walk on.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Laughed out loud, and I haven't even started drinking. Yet.

orygoon March 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

…a Trail of Piers.

Veritas78 March 10, 2012 at 8:08 pm

That's either New Jersey mob justice, or that Morgan guy is moonlighting as a juror-for-hire.

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm

LOL!

I hope "Jury by Piers" becomes a meme.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Also, he has a fat ass.

RadioStalingrad March 10, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Nothing like throwing a wrench in their works, But BMW is actually a green-oriented company. Their plants are 100% sustainable. For instance the one in South Caroliny uses methane from a nearby land fill.
And guess what? My 535 xi champagne socialist nazi car gets 28 mpg on the highway. Can we still call the Daily Caller a bunch of fuckwads?

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

We don't need "Facts" to call these Daily Callerites Fuckwads. But it does make it that much more Fun.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 3:45 pm

What a fucking assfuck.

Local_Mojo March 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Ah, Chu! Playing to sterotype: everyone knows Nobel laureates can't drive.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Ah, Chu!

Gesundheit.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Well, you know what other Government Official had a German car in his driveway?

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm
gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

James Bond in The Man With The Golden Gun, GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, and The World Is Not Enough?

BarackMyWorld March 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

That Middle-Eastern Sultan in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade"?

Geminisunmars March 10, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Angela Merkel? (her driveway)

102415 March 11, 2012 at 12:36 am

Patrick Buchanan, but he is not a racist.

C_R_Eature March 11, 2012 at 12:39 am

He just wants to drive over and invade the Sudetenland.

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm

No car? And I bet Steven Chu went to college. WHAT A SNOB!

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Don't the terrorists know where Stephen Chu (rhymes with Jew ) lives now? Should Fucker Carlson be exported? or will Holder take him out with a drone? (not to be confused with skull fucking him with a machine gun).

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

UPDATE: "Chu is driven to work every day through the courtesy of a security detail, with taxpayers footing the bill"

which now will need to be a bit larger and more expensive. Thanks, Fucker and your Caller!!

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I seem to remember some tiny provision in the National Defense Authorization Act – something about U.S. Citizens, something something terrorism, extraordinary rendition, something like that. I'm sure it wasn't important.

randcoolcatdaddy March 10, 2012 at 4:50 pm

What has the country come to when we have a Secretary of State that doesn't own her own third world country? I mean, really…

BarackMyWorld March 10, 2012 at 4:51 pm
C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

(I just can't look. Not yet)

ProgressiveInga March 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Santorum is all over the Heartland.

Gross.

glamourdammerung March 10, 2012 at 7:10 pm

<insert Brownback joke here>

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Don'tcha love the way the right wing nutz spin an obvious fact into something negative about Mr. Obama and his Administration?

Actually, I don't actually like it much, either. I do continue to be amazed by it.

TDC writes “Since he is a member of President Obama’s cabinet, Chu is driven to work every day through the courtesy of a security detail, with taxpayers footing the bill.”

Like every cabinet member hasn't been driven to work since Warren Harding was President? They toss in that "…with taxpayers footing the bill" like Mr. Obama personally decided to pee on all their money.

WoW!

proudgrampa March 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I just came to read the comments.

WiscDad March 10, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Does he ride the Jew-Chu train?

Dashboard Buddha March 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Pardon me Carl…what's your problem with the Jew-Chus?

Chet Kincaid March 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm

The mainstream "gotcha" media is "controlled" by liberals because conservatives are too fucking stupid to know what an effective "gotcha" actually is.

Chet Kincaid March 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I do not click on Blanche Carlson's Gentleman Caller. His Upper Class Money background restrains him from going full-on batshit crazy like Breitbart, and the world does not need a conservative version of Salon/Slate/Daily Beast (who can tell them apart, anyway?).

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I really can't tell Salon and Slate apart. I was just thinking yesterday that there's a really good article I stumbled upon about Ayn Rand, and I wouldn't even know which of those two to try to find it on again.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 11:08 pm

It's been awhile since I glanced at either, but I remember Salon as being a bit more "USA Today"-ish than Slate, with some really appalling comments on some of the articles.

Dashboard Buddha March 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

“Since he is a member of President Obama’s cabinet, Chu is driven to work every day through the courtesy of a security detail, with taxpayers footing the bill.”

He didn't really say that, did he? Seriously? This is either this is award winning stupid, or they just don't care what kind of lie they tell. Fuck, what are they supposed to ride…mopeds? What did Bush's people ride? If Barry ever puts his foot up on the desk, I bet the folks will go nuts, just like they did when every other president in the history of US presidents put the feet up. Oh, wait.

glamourdammerung March 10, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I can not imagine why Chu would require a security detail "on the taxpayer dime". It is not like there is at least two cable "news" channels that try to incite violence against members of the Obama administration or anything. Oh wait….

Walkinwiddaking March 10, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Wow. A 2002 beemer…how extravagant. How does Tucker get transported around D.C.? Anybody? Anybody?

Veritas78 March 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm

The old fashioned way, in a litter hoisted aloft by four strapping young bucks.

102415 March 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

On a broom.

valthemus March 10, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Chu and his colleagues figured out laser cooling and brought me to the brink of being a full-on physics groupie. For Tucker the Dancing Wonder Schmuck to be casting aspersions and criticizing Chu is like a meth addict making fun of someone for still having all their teeth… it pretty much satirizes itself. Kudos to Tuckster for making life so much easier for Wonketteers!

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

"For Tucker the Dancing Wonder Schmuck to be casting aspersions"

You know who else likes to cast Persians?

NYNYNYjr March 10, 2012 at 8:18 pm

What did the Jew say to the Chinee? Hey, fellow elitist, don't sit there, that seat's covered in vomit.

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Kind of tangential to this, I'm kind of mad at GM in who they rolled out the Volt, and how they've played with their workers' lives at the Hamtramck plant in Detroit. They didn't put the charging infrastructure in place before they rolled it out to prepare it for the market, and the price-point is still too high even with the tax credit provided for it. It was doomed before they ever rolled it out because of this. They thought they could get by on marketing and good feelings. It almost reminds me of how they did the EV1, how they half-ass the projects they should really be going all in on. The first compromise was making this an extended-range hybrid instead of trying to play with the big boys and going all electric. Now, you have hybrids that get the same mileage as this "electric".

I just hate how this is reminding me of the old GM. 1,300 workers were layed off at the plant, the other day, for at least five weeks, after months and months of being honored by the company, all the while knowing things weren't going well.

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The only thing good to come out of Tucker's depraved world is Rachel Maddow. How she survived that is a testament to her tenacity and natural talents.

Jennyjen798 March 11, 2012 at 5:43 pm

A successful American living below their means? How scandalous! That ain't how we do it here in the good ol' U.S. of A., git a rope boys!

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Do you have any idea what he even means? While I figure it's something other than the normal meaning of tranny, I have no clue what the hell it could be.

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Transmission.

SorosBot March 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Why would someone call that a "tranny", a word that already has a completely different, more common meaning?

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Fuckin'-A right, Chick! What, did these faggots take home economics rather than autoshop? Jesus Skullfucking Christ!

PS. Van Halen, not Van Hagar.

poncho_pilot March 10, 2012 at 3:02 pm

dance, dance, dance to the radio.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

"Tranny" for transmission has been in use for decades and probably predates its use as a contraction of transvestite.

Chichikovovich March 10, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I imagine that in Bumblefuck VA, they see a lot of transmissions and need to be convinced of the existence of transsexuals from photographs. Unlike those of us who live in Sodom USA, for whom it's mostly the other way around.

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

We use trannies as lawn ornaments in these parts. They are either going to be fixed or sold… someday…

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

The Camaro doesn't actually need one, but I enjoy a little company whilst cruising the Dairy Queen parking lot. Salvage yards are hotbeds of activity out here in Bumblefuck. Meet me there at noon, we can pick out used wiper assemblies together.

Fare la Volpe March 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

She's real handy with nuts and bolts.

gullywompr March 10, 2012 at 2:29 pm

They have fantastic styling, to my eye. But Autoweek, Consumer Reports, and Car And Driver all panned it's acceleration and braking distance – while the former is of no concern to me at my age, the latter is a bit troubling. And the mileage is not quite what you'd expect for a small car in this century. I'm thinking: wait for next year's model.

LetUsBray March 10, 2012 at 3:48 pm

In LA, trannies work for a living just like the rest of us.

Designer_Rants March 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm

"Lawn tranny for a 1972 Dodge Dart, only $50 bucks? That's a good deal, Daaang!" ~Joe Dirt, not a car owner

HempDogbane March 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Here in Minnesota some of the trannies drive pickups.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Well, that might explain who's parking them in front of the nail salon.

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