Perhaps you were alive and sentient and cruising around stupid hack rightwing websites sometime in the last few days when you noticed that they all lost their collective shit because totally un-American (Yellow Peril) Secretary of Energy, Nobel Prize winner, and flat-out adorable munchkin Steven Chu admitted before Congress that he DOES NOT OWN A CAR. What’s that, Google? “steven chu doesn’t own a car = about 80,100 results”? Who ever would have thought! It’s almost like he’s one of those Elites who live in high-rises and ride the subway! (Jews.) For shame, adorable Steven Chu! What a shanda for the Goys!

Now imagine our surprise to wake up and find the problem is not that Steven Chu is a commie green hippie (who probably belongs to a co-op AND a CSA!) who thinks he’s better than us with his public-transportation-taking ways (or possibly even being chauffeured in a town car, since he is a Cabinet member, and probably is allowed to SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS; we’re surprised they didn’t mention that distinct possibility). Nope, thanks to Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, we know the real story is that Chu is not commie green hippie Elite ENUF, as his wife drives a gas-guzzling BMW. (But thanks to the Daily Caller, we also know Chu is not an Elite who lives in a high-rise, since the good folks there generously included a Google Street view of Chu’s home. You guys are the best!)

These guys, huh? When are those FEMA camps coming again please?

CORRECTION! We wrote that The Daily Caller had neglected to mention the possibility of Chu being chauffeured, with a town car, since he is a Cabinet member. “[W]e’re surprised they didn’t mention that distinct possibility,” wrote we.

But the Daily Caller did in fact note that distinct possibility, wrapping up their EXCLUSIVE on Chu’s wife’s 10-year-old luxury car with this coup de grace: “Since he is a member of President Obama’s cabinet, Chu is driven to work every day through the courtesy of a security detail, with taxpayers footing the bill.”

Where are Robespierre and the Jacobins when Tucker Carlson needs them?

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