OH BOY  7:13 pm March 9, 2012

Wolf Attacks Theater: A Special BLITZER’S BLOG Review Of ‘Game Change’

by Jim Newell

Wolf, in better daysYour Wonkette woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and has been refreshing CNN’s Situation Room blog every 9 seconds without interruption since, longing for that glorious moment of release when the page would load and there, sitting atop the earlier, lesser posts, would be a fresh new entry to BLITZER’S BLOG offering Wolf Blitzer’s take on HBO’s new film, Game Change. The adaptation of John Heilemann and Mark Halperin’s collection of nutty and occasionally factual anecdotes from the 2008 McCain campaign debuts tomorrow night on HBO, and we’ve been holding off our decision on whether to watch it until reading BLITZER’S BLOG’s take. So here, at long last, is the verdict of Wolf Blitzer’s ghostwriter from the local kindergarten work-study program: Movie picture good not bad.

The closest thing to a critical thought in Blitzer’s review is this radical theory that runs sharply against the grain of conventional aesthetic wisdom:

But a great book doesn’t always guarantee a great film. Actually,

What???

Actually, I have been disappointed more often than not by film adaptations of wonderful books.

Oh dear, he’s not going to like it… unless possibly a second shoe is about to drop? “But this film doesn’t disappoint.” The review is rife with similarly hyperbolic, effusive praise that may well make his colleagues in the high-end film critics’ circles cringe: “It kept my interest for the entire two hours,” he writes. Later: “I think you will enjoy it.”

What else? There is a lady in the movie and she is good and so is the other lady who plays the lady on the other good thing. They’re all great ladies.

Julianne Moore is amazing as Palin. Tina Fey is a very good (and funny) Palin on “Saturday Night Live,” but Moore is even better. She is also a lot more serious.

Wolf also learned something quite interesting about himself during the screening: Apparently that thing he does everyday? Where he mutters nonsense at holograms in a robot room for several hours? This is broadcast on national television. Uh oh!

I will note that it was a bit strange for me to see various clips of my 2008 campaign reporting on the Big Screen. But that was fun and I was flattered.

And so we will watch Game Change, now that is has won BLITZER’s BLOG’s Palme D’or/Toronto Audience Award. Or, as Wolf would say about incoming election returns on a crucial election night, “we will pay attention to it.”

[CNN]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 161 comments }

littlebigdaddy March 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Way to go Blitz! You rock!

Callyson March 9, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Donna Brazile is looking down and thinking "Christ, I can't even think of why CNN keeps this idiot around."

OhHellToTheNo March 10, 2012 at 7:39 pm

"I can't believe anyone would ever want to be his boo. Jinx!"
- Donna Brazile and Anderson Cooper

Barb March 9, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I can't imagine how many makeup people it took to make the lovely Julianne Moore ugly enough to resemble Palin.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

No, I don't want to! No! Oh, okay…

"All of them, Katie."

Now leave me alone!

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

For a brief moment we forced you to descend to our level.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

It's not that far. And I had to climb up.

WhatTheHeck March 9, 2012 at 7:49 pm

or how many Bumpits they used during filming of this masterpiece – which should have been named “Gone with the Wind.”.

Boojum_Reborn March 10, 2012 at 8:37 am

Or "Break With the Wind."

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:18 pm

They should've used Beth Grant.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

That would have worked.

ChernobylSoup March 9, 2012 at 10:03 pm

See, so many people think Julianne Moore is a sweetheart. But there's something about that woman that I don't trust. I can't explain it but there you go.

Actually, I sometimes wonder if she sneaks into strangers' homes at night and steals their puppies and kittens.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Lobo proves once again that he has the intellectual horsepower of a push-mower.

Rotundo_ March 9, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Y'know, if he went on Jeopardy he could probably dispel the rumor that he is a bit of an intellectual lightweight…

Oh, he did? I'm sure that people were impressed…

Oh. I see…

FlownOver March 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Lawn Boy Libel!

bumfug March 9, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Jesus, this sounds like a fifth grade book report written by a kid who'd just read the Classics Illustrated version of the book.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I liked the part where the game changed.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm

True story! In high school a kid in my English gave a book report based entirely on the cover illustration.

All things considered, it was quite well done.

WhatTheHeck March 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

I’ll have you know, Bumfug, as a kid, I loved my Classics Illustrated. That’s how I learned the history of the world, as the CIA intended it.

RadioStalingrad March 9, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I'm holding out for Richard Cohen's review in the WaPo.

Jim Newell March 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Ha! I must not have banned you enough ways last night. But since you found a way to sneak back in then I have to let you stay. We'll have a unity rally to bring party factions back together, etc.

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACK!

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

PUMA. Party Unity Margaritas Allround!

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Jim:

Based on recent events, the ban hammer seems a bit turgid. Or marshmellowy.

Back in the day, when Ken swung it somebody got hurt!

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Whatcha talking about? This is gonna leave a scar.

Jim Newell March 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Would you like to try it?

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 9:17 am

Jim:

Are you asking me if I want to pitch or catch?

I'll pass. Remember – I, for one, welcomed our new female Overlord. I support her minions. I'm happy to have Wonkette still on the air.

Mumbletypeg March 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Radio's a keeper, Newell. He put the 'joker' in "Joe Christmas."

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Abrasos y besos, y muchos gracias.

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm

It's OK Jim, I've had my heart broken before, but I'll tell you what., that ripped my heart out. I was just goofing around, next thing I know Negropolis and I were banned. Grovel if I must, but I plead with you to bring him back. If anything he was riffing off me.
BTW, this is my work IP. And if I could stay on my knees a little longer sweet overlord, could you please unban my laptop. I'll be eternally grateful and I might even look at some of the ads.

Jim Newell March 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Unban your home laptop? I'm running for office, for pete's sake.

RadioApologeticDrunk March 10, 2012 at 12:11 am

Please Jim, pretty please, ♪ ♫ my sweet overlord ♪ ♫, please free Negropolis and my home IP address. Man, I'm like William S. Burrough's junky for this fix. I've never been libelous or whiny for that matter. ♪ ♫ Check the record, check the record, check the guy's track record, check the guy's rock record…he is NUTZ!!1! ♪ ♫
And I've never been supplicant to any Big Priest priory.

Nothingisamiss March 10, 2012 at 1:02 pm

FREE NEGROPOLIS!!!!

thanks. yelling still ok?

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:44 pm

My goodness, you're Immortal! Did you by any chance chop off the heads of other Avatars, to cascading bursts of electrical special effects?

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Considering how unserious the half-term governor is, wouldn't an actress being "a lot more serious" mean the portrayal was less accurate?

Goonemeritus March 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I guess we'll just have to leave it there.

Nostrildamus March 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Sitting on the carpet.
The dog is looking guilty.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

N:

Are those the first two lines of a haiku?

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Gesundheit.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Sitting on the rug
The dog is looking guilty.
He has hidden his bone.

Angry_Marmot March 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It's Friday night;
With luck, a good many bones
Will be hidden.

FlownOver March 9, 2012 at 10:00 pm

My anal glands itch.
See me scoot across the floor.
Rolled-up paper strikes.

NellCote71 March 9, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Today my dog slept.
Bad dog disturbs her dreams.
Fight, bite, cone, haz sad.

edgydrifter March 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

"Words were spoken, actions taken. The plot advanced. Some will not care for this film. Others will find it satisfactory, perhaps pleasant even. Time passed while I watched it."

–Wolf Blitzer, Critic Extraordinaire

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

"The interplay of colours and sounds reminded me of the musical mobile above my crib and held my attention in much the same way."

– Wolf Blitzer

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Pauline Kael had nothing on this guy.

mormos March 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Why did i instinctively read that in Morgan Freeman's voice?

Dudleydidwrong March 9, 2012 at 10:23 pm

"Time passed while I watched it, mainly to see myself in this film and feel flattered."

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Like many HBO productions, this movie will air at a variety of times, and will eventually be released on DVD and possibly the relatively new Blu-Ray format.

not that Dewey March 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

"We're waiting to hear which channel will be showing this HBO movie. Jessica, can you tell us which channel will be showing this HBO movie tonight?"

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Also it will possibly be made available at some point in the form of a "download," which I understand does away with physical media and allows a large digital file to be sent over the Internet directly onto your computer. Coming up, we'll talk to an expert about that.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

(May not be available in all areas due to Obama.)

JustPixelz March 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

"It kept my interest for the entire two hours…"

Perhaps he should have paid attention to how that's done.

Jim Newell March 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Goddamnit well done! i want to go back in time and put that joke in my post before a commenter comes up with it but I lack the resources.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Yes, that was a truly good one.

Joshua Norton March 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Tina Fey is a very good (and funny) Palin on “Saturday Night Live,” but Moore is even better. She is also a lot more serious.

Stop the fracking presses!!! Funny comedienne is funny, not serious.

barto March 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Director "Jay Roach" hehe

Native_of_SL_UT March 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I'm eagerly awaiting Rich Lowery's starburst review.

smashedinhat March 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Blitzer. Forever peering out of a bubble. Putz.

JustPixelz March 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Say what you will about Wolf Blitzer, but he must wake up every day thanking God he's not Chris Matthews. I mean he gives long, rambling, incoherent speeches voicing one vacuous "observation" after another with no factual basis, consuming his guests time, interrupting before they can complete. Jack Kennedy, Elusive Hero. Your thoughts.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:04 pm

"HA!"

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 2:20 am

At least when Chris is on he's really on. Wolf is never correct about anything, ever, and he never advocates for anything. If you're in the political media and you're not going to advocate for things when you know that the people you cover everyday are bullshitting you, and all you are doing is passing on their bullshit, you're not worth my time. You hear that, John King?

He's a vapid, passionless man who'd rather be liked than respected, and when you play that sad, little game and straddle that little fence, you get neither. Wolf is everything that's wrong with today's established media. No one could say with a straight face that if he was the lose his job, tomorrow, that we'd be worse off for it.

lol! It seems you touched a nerve in me. I just can't accept the timidity of CNN; it's almost worse than the outright lies of Fox.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

It's just too bad Blitzer's review didn't end with:

"Suddenly, I was run over by a truck."

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

NEWELL, WE HAVE AN OFFENDER.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

What? No!

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Hint: include the following type-of-thing:

(disclaimer: it was a Nerf Truck.)

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:37 pm

"Then he woke in a cold sweat. It was all just a dream!"

Hey, I can do this!

not that Dewey March 9, 2012 at 8:53 pm

That's not Rebeccial Transcendence!

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

But it was funny! Come on.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm

It was a Literary reference! Don't hit me, Newell!

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm

That's the weird part – with the new rules I find myself suddenly more aware of the times I haphazardly wish for some else's innocent death. (Not you of course, Roscoe.) It appears I'm not the only one doing it out of pure… comic reflex? I dunno. It is funny, is all I'm saying. But I don't want an outstanding commenter here to be banned.

….AAAAaaaand I'm probably being way too paranoid!

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 12:59 am

No no that was funny. And it's only Wolf Blitzer.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 1:04 am

O-o-o okay. Th -thank you, Jim! *Sits down abruptly, quivering* *takes huge gulp of Rum*

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 1:06 am

The idea is more "don't get all angry and call for someone's death." absurdist alternate ending jokes about airheads randomly getting hit by trucks are great.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 1:29 am

Yeah, I actually agreed with Rebecca's original "Rules for Radicals" post when I first read it. Don't pick on people's disabled kids, no direct death threats, et.cetera. Wouldn't say that in person, so don't say it here. Also, why give 'em an opportunity to bust our balls? Especially if it's (gasp) Not Funny.
I can push things pretty far when I get Angry, or caught up in pushing a meme too far for fun. I'll watch it, but please just give me a Dope Slap if I forget and get Out of Hand & I'll knock it off pdq. Before you have to deploy the Tactical Nuclear Banhammer, that is. Kthnxbye!

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 1:39 am

Right. And most people understood it. Don't call a lady a whore/slut/etc., don't use "the r-word" b/c it's not worth it, don't make fun of kids, don't call for someone's death, etc. i know there was some confusion with others but at least with me it's these clear-cut things where you'll know it if you do it. i don't ban for occasional slip-ups. I ban when someone's sulking like a baby on every thread and doing these things knowingly to piss off an editor.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 1:52 am

That's all Crystal to me too. I don't like insults or cruelty directed towards people who don't deserve it and I'd much rather use circuitous language and funny concepts to bust the balls of those who do.
The real problem I have is that I do a fair amount of writing for a living and It's probably just a matter of time before "Cunt" finds it's way into an official report or work email. Talk about Banhammered!

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Does Palin shoot Wolf from a helicopter in the movie?

Dashboard Buddha March 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Now that would be "must see" tv!

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

ANOTHER ONE.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Narc. You're really gonna get beat up at recess.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 9:37 pm

My dad is a webmaster, you know.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Oh, right – go tell your Dad! Pooh. Hope you enjoy sitting alone at Lunch.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I'm going to stick with the negative reviews from Duh Gov'Nuh and Sen. McCain.

Come on, Wolf! Anybody can review a movie they've actually seen!

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Yeah, the movie looks interesting and Sarah Palin is a fun story and all, but I'd like to have seen more than just the last few chapters of the book adapted.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I'm holding out for Moon Nazis.

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm

But what does Breitbart think of the movie?

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

His review: "Grrrrrrggh…brainnnns…..whissskeeyyy…."

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 8:48 pm

It left him dead.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Speechless. He sat completely still through the entire screening. Had to be carried out, even. So overcome he hasn't even released a statement yet.

Dudleydidwrong March 9, 2012 at 10:46 pm

He was faxing the review but the paper caught fire. It must be at least 451 degrees somewhere.

CapeClod March 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I wished he would have said:
"After watching this movie, its hard to believe that we took those idiots seriously"

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

And Jack Cafferty could be all, "What's this 'we' shit?"

not that Dewey March 9, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Katie Couric was clearly stepping on the tack in her shoe during that interview. "If I just press down a little harder, I won't notice this caustic vomit that we are currently broadcasting."

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:07 pm

"What Were We Thinking?"

GuyClinch March 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

CNN needs to look into why Wolf's software doesn't update automatically.

Dashboard Buddha March 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That's what happens if you rely too much on the free version of the software.

Designer_Rants March 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Ever since TimeWarner and AOL split up, they don't get those free CDs in the mail anymore. They always contained the latest firmware upgrade for Wolfbot.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:49 pm

They claim that the wireless signal was compromised by the ongoing Coronal mass Ejection electromagnetic flux anomaly. Fine, I'll buy that. But what about all the other times then, Eh?

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

May I add that not only is Julianne Moore one of the only decent actresses I can think of working in film these days, but on The Daily Show the other night she looked so gorgeous I almost fell out of my chair. Granted I have a weakness for redheads to begin with, but she's really a stunner.

ProgressiveInga March 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

And she said in an interview a few years ago that she doesn't mind doing lesbo scenes in her movies and that she likes to kiss girls "because they're soft and they smell good." True story.

Um, brb…………..

bonghitforjesus March 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm

all I remember of the Daily Show interview is the way her red hair fell across her tasteful yet buxom cleavage.

owhatever March 9, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I liked his review of Nailin' Palin better.

pinkocommi March 9, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Wolf Blitzer watches a movie that includes Wolf Blitzer? I bet he jizzed in his pants right there in the darkened room.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Gah!

CogitoErgoBibo March 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Good lord. There's just no substance at all there, despite there being plenty of, you know, words. Is Wolf gunning for Andy Rooney's coveted "old guy trying to be both hip and square" spot on 60 Minutes? Wait. That's actually insulting to Andy, right? Never mind. Nothing to see here. Move along.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

At least Andy contributed something of value to news reporting back in the day. Wolfie? Not so much.

mavenmaven March 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

"Actually, I have been disappointed more often than not by movie adaptations of wonderful books. Thor was so-so, Hulk was terrible, Captain America was OK"

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Wolf particularly liked the scenes he appears in, is the takeaway I get.

ttommyunger March 9, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Are you telling me there are NO tit shots? Two solid hours and no tit shots? I don't think I'll be seeing that move, thankyouverymuch.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm
ttommyunger March 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

The dreaded Administrator has gone too far this time!

DerrickWildcat March 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I think it would be good if this movie would win one of those awards.

orygoon March 9, 2012 at 8:07 pm

He's talking about The Hunger Games, right, in which Sarah Palin and her children all get eated?

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Uh…When's that one on again?

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Aw come on, you know we're not allowed to talk about that.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Chet Kincaid March 9, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Has Wolf interviewed Mittens? I'm sure it was hilarious, two robots simulating a conversation, like Siri vs. Siri or one half of Google Translate grilling the other.

Designer_Rants March 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Sometimes the programming is so lifelike, it fools biological beings. But not Wolf or Mittens. Needs work.

MadBrahms March 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Somehow I feel like that clip is exactly how Wolf Blitzer experiences movies.

BlueStateLibel March 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Now, now, wasn't there some big movie that showed that robots have feelings too? I'm sure there's some engineer in Singapore right now feverishly working to resolve these issues.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 9:34 pm

W: Tell me about the campaign.
M: Tell me what you would like to know.
W: I would like to know about the campaign.
M: There are many things to say about the campaign.
W: Tell me about the many things.
M: What would you like to hear about the things?
W: Many things.
M: Tell me more.
W: I am curious about the many things you can tell me.
M: Tell me more.
W: I am curious about the many things you can tell me.
M : Tell me more.
W: I am curious about the many…
[Sound of hand hitting keyboard]

W: Your family is very pleasant. Tell me about them.
M: I have a wife and many children. My wife is a heavyweight champion. Oh No. I don't mean that.
W: Have you said something mistaken?
M: It is improper to say a wife is heavy even as a joke, unless you are consulting with a physician about thyroid disorders or you wish to say she is heavy with child.
W: Would you like to correct your previous statements?
M: Yes. My wife supports me.
W: Tell me more.
M: She has two Cadillacs. We like American cars.
W: How large do you like your cars to be?
M: Large, small, we like to have many cars of a variety of sizes.
W: Tell me more.
M: Trees, I like trees.
W: How high do you like the trees to be?
M: Like the trees in Michigan. They are just the right height.
W: Tell me more.
M: What do you want to know about trees?
W: Many things.
M: There are many things to say about trees.
W: Tell me about the many things.
M: What would you like to hear about the things?
W: Many things.
M: Tell me more.
W: I am curious about the many things you can tell me about trees.
M: Tell me more.
W: I am curious about the many things you can tell me about trees.
M: Tell me more.

[Cut to commercial]

Chet Kincaid March 10, 2012 at 12:28 am

Perfect.

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 1:11 am

This is a nominee for comment of the year. Also, there is no "comment of the year" on this website and I'll forget about it in 10 minutes. But again, it is a nominee for comment of the year.

imissopus March 10, 2012 at 2:31 am

I had to read this four times before I got the reference. If the Library of Congress archived the best blog comments, this would be a shoo-in.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Keep watching the sky, Wolf.
~

MadBrahms March 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I know the 90s were weird. Vanilla Ice. Crystal Pepsi. Zubaz. But did… did that article just refer to Wolf Blitzer as a "stud"?

What kind drugs were we doing back then?

Designer_Rants March 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Yeah, that article (?) made feel all weird.

Fare la Volpe March 9, 2012 at 8:43 pm

If Wolf Blitzer were a color, he'd be clear.

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Ignorance is Blitz.

BlueStateLibel March 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

"…and only time will tell."

chascates March 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

NOTE TO WORLD: Ignore this movie and everything about Sarah Palin. Don't click on the articles that feature her picture or name, don't bring her up in conversations-online or otherwise, and don't say anything when anyone else does.

I know, I know, it's like watching a slow-motion car wreck but we have to shut her out or she'll be with us for decades. Just let her exist in cellphone interviews on Fox and screechy Facebook rants. Let her become a trivia question on game shows and a oddball note in history texts.

Spurning Beer March 9, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Hey, seriously, depriving The Sarah of attention is effectively committing murder in a vivid and graphic manner, like machine-gunning. We're not supposed to be doing that stuff anymore.

DustBowlBlues March 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm

The way I advise trolls should be treated. PS Israel's Ambassador to USA is on the teevee machine, reminding me of how badly I do not want to go to war with any country, and want to completely leave the two that are left. Go ahead and call Israel names, I still don't want to go to war against Iran.

MadBrahms March 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Film criticism is not a good career move for you, Wolf. Don't quit your day job.

OK, OK, quit your day job, but stay away from movies, too.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

While it is Wolf, there is a good chance that watching anything that spends two hours on Sarah Palin might just leave you with an inability to communicate in clear and precise English.

Ducksworthy March 9, 2012 at 8:53 pm

"woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and has been refreshing CNN’s Situation Room blog every 9 seconds without interruption since"? WTF man? I'm sure I speak for us all when I say "Get a grip Jim."

MadBrahms March 9, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Good god, Jim. You need to develop a healthier addiction, like porn, or maybe smack.

Jim Newell March 9, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I definitely did this!

anniegetyerfun March 9, 2012 at 9:03 pm

More serious than SNL? That's not possible, Blitz!

The_Trainman March 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm

The school book report style of Wolf's review makes it so attractive to internet users. CNN, they know their audience.

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Wolf is milf-toast.

rocktonsam March 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm

since the "film" is on HBO, is there nudity?

Who played Bristol in the getting knocked up scene?

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm

"It compares favorably with spending two hours reading a good book. Except I was in the book, so then I wondered if my opinion was biased, and I concluded that it was."

ElPinche March 9, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Julianne Moore is amazing as Palin. Tina Fey is a very good (and funny) Palin on “Saturday Night Live,” but Moore is even better. She is also a lot more serious.

Blitzer, CNN's John Madden.

RadioApologeticDrunk March 10, 2012 at 1:39 am

And none of them tits. GTFO.

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 2:02 am

John Heilemann and Mark Halperin

I loathe these two stooges with the heat of a thousand Christopher Christie farts.

BTW, I'm tired of the Beltway Village media pimping this as a wage for all of the blowjobs Heilemann and Halperin have given in DC.

Negropolis March 10, 2012 at 2:08 am

I can't wait until The Blitzer becomes self-aware. It will be something to behold, a beautiful disaster, if you will.

Hell, I've seen better writing in a junior high creative writing class.

Arken March 10, 2012 at 8:27 am

He made the margins bigger and more than double-spaced it with 18-point font, didn't he?

neiltheblaze March 10, 2012 at 10:21 am

So this guy earns seven figures a year – and he's all "We went to see "Game Change" – and it was fun!!" I bet he hunted and pecked every last letter too.

Biff March 10, 2012 at 10:31 am

Judging from the trailers I've seen in the ads for this movie, there is a decided lack of screeching. Without screeching there is no $arah.
Also, tits. None tits.

Manhattan123 March 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

So a two-hour biopic based on a journalistic book about recent events in political history is "a lot more serious" than a 4-minute sketch on a weekly comedy show. Got it.

OhHellToTheNo March 10, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I found Wolf Blitzer's portrayal of a journalist to be lacking in the CNN adaption of "News". Tina Fey does a better dramatic journalist of the "News" on SNL than Wolf Blitzer. She is very funny and informative, also.

I thought it was weird to see Wolf Blitzer on CNN. I hope he was very flattered that I couldn't be bothered to find a reason to demand he be fired.

DahBoner March 12, 2012 at 10:15 am

No, Blitz.

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Nope. That ruins it. Leave it be. Nobody with a brain thinks we want people getting hit by trucks fo realzz.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Oh, Heh heh heh. Yeah, that's right – we wouldn't want anyone to get run over by a Truck, would we now? *wink*
Yeah, that's the ticket!

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 12:49 am

For the record, fuck you both forever.

The Ghost of Breitbart has posted your bail in a Faustian bargain for favors to be determined, around Halloween time. Until then you may resume "Funnin' on the Internet."

Tundra Grifter March 10, 2012 at 9:20 am

I may not be the right guy to do it, but I would like to put in a good word for Negropolis. I've never seen him near the deadline – let along stroll over it.

RadioStalingrad March 10, 2012 at 1:52 am

Wow, look Jim, our "p"nesses are the same size.It's like that Allstate commercial where the hippie says "we're like connected," and the Newt supporter says "no we're not." And then I tilt my head and widen my eyes.

Jim Newell March 10, 2012 at 2:03 am

I still haven't figured out the secret editor's cheat code to make my "p"ness infinitely higher than everyone else's for no reason whatsoever, like what Wall Street does with money.

Boojum_Reborn March 10, 2012 at 8:45 am

Fart puppy dreaming.
Clouds of memories, eaten
Renew scent visions.

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