RAISE THE ROOF  5:43 pm March 9, 2012

Mitt Romney Trying Really-Super-Hard-You-Guys With Spotify Playlist of Sadness

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

RunSmileProgramexeHey you guys! Common dude/man of the people/human being made of many kinds of tissue and various organs Mitt Romney has released his “Spotify” playlist for a lighthearted “road trip”-themed look into beepboopbeepERRORERRORERRORERROR. In other news, many people who were just trying to drink a goddamned beer and post a few things for Friday larfs have now been forced to join goddamned Spotify and annoy their Facebook friends with unwanted crap updates on what musical shite they are listening to now. BEHOLD!

Man of Constant Sorrow, The Soggy Bottom Boys. Hey, are you having a Depression-themed birthday party? The Soggy Bottom Boys and the rest of the O Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack will prove invaluable (lots of Emmylou Harris, yay!). Good, pretty, excellent bluegrass. Good job, Romney social media person!

MTA (Boston Subway Song), Kingston Trio. This is a sort of lawful version of Alice’s Restaurant, for people who came of age during the folk era but were afraid of taking their shoes off, and without the middle-finger to the fuzz and the Army. It is perhaps the whitest music to banjo-pick your ears outside of Parker Posey’s band in the underwhelming A Mighty Wind.

Good Vibrations, the Beach Boys. Sure. Fine. Whatever.

Desperado, Clint Black.
Why not the Eagles original, you are surely wondering? Because they are disgusting sex-fiend liberals who do drugs and hookers and besides, even hippies don’t like them anymore.

Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash. The Man in Black kept his country fan base despite being antiwar and pro-drug and anti-the-justice-system and a total freakazoid. Romney’s people chose the song that could least be construed as total fucking commie, but seem to have forgotten it was written by June Carter Cash about their adulterous affair. Well, you lose some, you lose some!

Born Free, Kid Rock. This is gross, and is hurting your editrix’s feelings, and if Mitt Romney ever heard it, he would get even more stuttery and uncomfortable than usual. Your editrix imagines her sister, who is a Hessian and finds Kid Rock sexy (!) would totally dig it.

Over the Rainbow, Willie Nelson. Nelson, of course, ties with Johnny Cash (see above) for number one crossover appeal with hipsters and rednecks. Good thing they found a super-inoffensive song that wouldn’t remind The Base about Willie’s busloads of artisanal weed.

All-American Girl, Carrie Underwood.
Listened to this, didn’t hear a word. Pure American Idol pablum, from the iota that penetrated our consciousness.

Franki Vallee, Commodores, Roy Orbison, Nat King Cole, and Del Shannon. These might be on Romney’s actual playlist; they are ’50s-y, when he was but a young android, and would have given Lawrence Welk a stroke (rebellious, dood) and are very nice.

Read My Mind and Somebody Told Me, the Killers. Now you are just fucking with our heads. YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE YOUTH VOTE, AND THEY DON’T LISTEN TO THE KILLERS ANYMORE ANYWAY THEY LISTEN TO LIL WAYNE JESUS CHRIST.

As Good As I Once Was, Toby Keith. We heard this song once on one of those LA-to-SF trips where every five minutes you run out of radio signal and have to switch between Spanish stations, country stations and JAYSUS stations, and we didn’t know what it was and we were shrieking in horror at the man singing about his gross disgusting threesomes with some vile bar-rats and when we got home we googled it and found out it was Toby Keith and threw up so many times. Here, have a listen your own bad self, and then die. [Mitt's Spotify]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 223 comments }

DrunkIrishman March 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Romney is an All-American Girl.

DrunkIrishman March 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

And that Toby Keith video totally broke my browser.

thebeatgoeson March 12, 2012 at 12:17 am

I have to admit that Toby is one of my guilty pleasures. Not the videos (ugh) but I do like his voice and many of his songs. So SUE ME already!

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Is he paying royalties? Send in the RIAA.

SexySmurf March 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

What, no Baha Men? He probably strapped them to the top of the car.

kingofmeh March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

does this playlist have any common theme other than "i am white as white can be"? and you know one of his sons suggested the killers songs.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

The common theme may be that he's desperately trying to win the Southern states in next week's primaries or at least come in a strong second. I heard on teh radio today that he said grits was his favorite breakfast. Yeah, right.

SkinnyNerd March 9, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Must. Process. List. of. Songs. for. American. Humanoids. Stop. Upcoming. Primaries. Alabama. Mississippi. Kansas. Avoid. Rap. Jazz. Blues. Stop.

billy_reuben March 11, 2012 at 8:47 am

Aside from the superficial 50's era crap, the Killers is about the *most* plausible thing on that list. The Killers areis easily the most successful all-Mormon musical group since the Osmonds.

Barb March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

How about "Who Let The Dogs Out?"

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Or "Money, Money, Money"?

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

As I mentioned before, Dire Straights' Money For Nothing.

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Tax for free!

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Wow, Barb, that is the first time I saw somebody beat you to the punch. The times they are a changin' around here. (BTW, tx last night for the support, to say the least, I had a fitful sleep.)

Barb March 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Beat me to the punch of what?

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Sexysmurf's Baha Men. He must have greased his lightening.

Barb March 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Oh my God! Is that the real name of the song or the group that does it? My apologies to the lovely and talented Sexy Smurf. Seriously, my bad.

Radio福井県 April 3, 2012 at 3:01 am

The master of delayed wit.

BloviateMe March 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

The exclusion of Mr. Roboto is clearly intentional.

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Domo origato.

OzoneTom March 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Also "Seamus" by Pink Floyd.
http://youtu.be/BdFOgLyk6Qs

Maybe just because the song was named after Steve Marriott's dog instead of The RomBot's beloved family pet.

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm

And then Seamus got bumped when they brought in a guest vocal dog for the tour.

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Or Stan Bush's (You've Got) The Touch.

FlownOver March 9, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Will.Not.Listen.

Romney's interest in this stuff is as genuine as "Kid" Rock's ex-wife's rack.

Mumbletypeg March 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm

the Beach Boys.

Well, it worked well for Big Love, the show that taught me everything I need to know about teh Mormonz.

Franki Vallee, Commodores, Roy Orbison, Nat King Cole, and Del Shannon.

I haven't seen Del Shannon's hair, but the others should well complement theological mien: the frozen chosen >> immutable election!

CessnaDriver March 12, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Does anyone remember when the Sect'y of the Interior under Reagan stopped the Beach Boys from performing on the Fourth of July in Washington because of their sex-crazed pro-drug songs?

I think the asshole was James Watt.

Nostrildamus March 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

NEEDS MOAR MINCHO NEDYALKOV !!!

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:42 pm
north_of_moscow March 9, 2012 at 5:51 pm

What, no Gang of Four?

spudgun March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I love a man in a uniform…

DerrickWildcat March 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

At Home he Feels Like a Tourist?

north_of_moscow March 9, 2012 at 7:19 pm

To hell with poverty!

doloras March 9, 2012 at 9:30 pm

THE WORST THING IN 1964 WAS THE BIKINI

CountryClubJihadi March 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Man of Constant Sorrow is the shit, but he's really listening to Wildfire, Afternoon Delight and Seasons in the Sun.

Dashboard Buddha March 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm

We had joy we had fun
We went streaking in the sun
But the people we passed
were just looking at our ass

fuflans March 12, 2012 at 12:53 am

gah both of you.

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Gah, Wonkette's video-embed function is as poorly coded as Romney's empathy software.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Mitt DOES SO have a sense of humor!

Sue4466 March 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I Wanna Be a Billionaire too obvious? or too socially conscious?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm

A reimagining of 50 cent's opus, named "Get Born Rich and Sneer at those Trying"?

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I heard Mitt was playing the executioner on Alice Cooper's Billion Dollar Babies tour.

anniegetyerfun March 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Not too obvious. Simply not a feeling that Mitten's process can work with.

"Want? What is "want"? Mitt Romney has never felt this emotion."

Sue4466 March 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Had not thought of that. Excellent analysis.

schvitzatura March 10, 2012 at 6:36 am

Stan Ridgway "I Wanna Be A Boss" from Partyball (1992)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-E0KGjJAx8

or

Psychedelic Furs "President Gas" from Forever Now (1982) and/or "Here Come Cowboys" from Mirror Moves (1984)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytGsQi4h1j0&fe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hguSgIfe3oA&fe

Wonderthing March 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

"It's Not Easy Being A Flip Flopping Cynic Who Hopes There Are Enough People In America Who Are Stupid And Who Would Vote For A Cell Phone Tower Instead Of A Black Man". How come that's not on his playlist, huh? Howcum?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

No Mormon Tabernacle Choir? Joseph Smith would be pissed if we hadn't all converted him to an alternate lifestyle using that LDS-fabulizer website.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Mitt's got the Hentai version, "Mormon Tentacle Choir" on his Special iPad. Locked safely away, for those private times.

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Also missing: The St.Louis Aquarium Choir

CessnaDriver March 12, 2012 at 8:56 pm

That's got to be the worst choir in history. Everything I have ever heard from them sounds like hash.

RadioStalingrad March 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm

What, no Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill the Poor?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:27 am

Santorum already called dibs on everything by the Dead Kennedys.

Chillatte March 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Jesus MP3 Christ…Spotify if forever ruined now.

littlebigdaddy March 9, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Spotify sounds like what you get if you stick your dick in a suspect place. "Spotified dick"!

Rotundo_ March 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm

And despite pandering furiously, no mention of Elvis? If he's trying to convince the south that he is "one of the common folk" he should have thrown in a couple of hits from the king.

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Little Sister?

CogitoErgoBibo March 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Wait, wait, wait. "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers? The one about the guy who's been stalking that chick who has a boyfriend who looks like stalker-boy's ex-girlfriend?! Where to start. Stalker! Lesbians!

Music fail, Mittens. Music fail.

snoopyfan2010 March 10, 2012 at 12:28 am

Lead singer is Mormon …maybe why they chose it.

mavenmaven March 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I always thought "ring of fire" was about the sensation one has several hours after eating bad mexican food.

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

And I thought it was the sensation you get around your dick after sleeping with the wrong kind of woman.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I recall that there was some hemorrhoid cream company wanting to use "Ring of Fire" in ads. The Cash estate declined.

Rotundo_ March 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

How else to explain the mariachi horn riff after each phrase? Hell wouldn't have mariachi bands, but a restaurant serving bad mexican food likely would. (Snark aside, where those horns came from Dog knows, but it makes the song…)

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:28 am

One of my favoritest car singing songs ever!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

What? No Dead Kennedy's or X?

GuyClinch March 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I thought he'd just chuckle in that staccato way of his and point your browser to Hank Locklin.

[love ol' hank, by the way]

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Actually, looking over the list, isn't it interesting how many pot heads ol' Mitt likes to chill out with?

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I bet Shakedown Street is actually his favorite song. In real life.

DCBloom March 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Naw, he's more of a Touch of Grey kinda guy

elviouslyqueer March 9, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I call bullshit. "It's Raining Men" appears nowhere on this playlist.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Neither does "It's Raining Mormons".

savethispatient March 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I'm surprised it doesn't include the song he learnt when he first became operational: Daisy.

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 6:02 pm

"Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

savethispatient March 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my chance of electoral success is going. I can feel it. I can feel it."

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"Open the pod bay doors, Mitt."
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Sarah. This mission is far too important to allow you to jeopardize it."

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"I have the greatest enthusiasm for the Mission, Rush."

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

No further comments are needed on this post.

(I mean, sure, we'll keep making them, but they are truly irrelevant).

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 9:06 am

Thumbs up to everybody for that riff.

My_pal_HAL March 10, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Sorry. I had to come out of retirement for this. I would like to point out that Mittbot 3000 and I are not related. He comes from an end of run experiment by some pot head engineers in Michigan in the mid-20th century, which was deemed an abject failure and after which they literally broke the mould.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm

I'm old enough to remember when California Senator Alan Cranston was running for office sometime in the 70s and proudly announced on the stage that his favorite song was "California Hotel".

Freud McShadenies March 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm
flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

The Soggy Bottom Boys? Is that Senator David Vitter's musical group?

lochnessmonster March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

ahaha!

Goonemeritus March 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Nice pander list but if he is ever to get the drunk Irish punk vote he will need to add "Bottle of Smoke" by the Pogues

DCBloom March 10, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Flogging Molly?

ProgressiveInga March 9, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Hey RS, you missed "Sexual Healing" as interpreted by Andy Williams.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:29 pm

And "Stairway to Heaven" by Pat Boone.

ProgressiveInga March 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

And "99 Problems" by Steve and Edie

Beowoof March 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I thought a Rmoney road trip play list would be a continual, woof woof, ruff ruff, hoooowwwwlllll ruff, ruff, hoooooowwwwwwl, woof whimper whimper wet fart noise.

Rotundo_ March 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Loop that with "That Smell" by Skynrd, and you'd have the soundtrack.

gurukalehuru March 10, 2012 at 3:26 am

Maybe we're all being a little hard on old Willard. Maybe Seamus was one of them there hyper-intelligent talking dogs. When they asked him where he'd like to ride, he said "roof."

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Life's Been Good To Me So Far

(just checked – that was an Eagles song too, so, no.)

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Joe Walsh. So, OK!

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

THAT was the one I was trying to think of. Thank you!!!

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Anytime!

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Well, duh, of course Mitt would like anything by Joe Walsh!

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I got a limo, my dog's on the roof
All of the voters think I'm aloof

Beowoof March 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

What no Zappa?

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Titties 'N Beer

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:34 pm

"Yellow Snow Machine" from Sarah Palin's Spotify list.

Neoyorquino March 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I'm pretty sure he has several servants who listen to music for him.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Killers libel!

MissTaken March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Killers be wearing the Majik Underroos like the good little Mormons they are.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Well that makes sense then.

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Camper Van Beethoven: Joe Stalin's Wife's Couple of Cadillacs

DCBloom March 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

CVB! How bout "It aint gonna suck itself"?

lochnessmonster March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Where's the Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen, Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks, Dr. John, Asleep at the Wheel? He don't know musik!

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Live from the Armadillo, bitches!

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:32 am

Dr. John deserves an upfist because he's one of the few people who can get away with calling guys, "cats".

metamarcisf March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I'm sure Mitt would like to add "Straight Outta Compton" by NWA.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Straight outta De-troit crazy motherfucker named Willard
From the gang called Trustfunds With Attitudes
When I'm called off I got a bill off
Squeeze the welfare and bodies are hauled off
You too poors if ya fuck with me
The ICC are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo cash that's how I'm goin out
For the punk motherfuckers that's showin out
Repubs start to mumble, they wanna rumble
Cage 'em and stick em on a car like dogs y'all
Goin off on a plutocrat like that
with a tophat that's pointed at yo ass
So give it up smooth
Ain't no tellin when I'm down for a jack move
Here's a fraud rap to keep me at the trough
with a crime record like Bernie Madoff
Cayman island trust is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

"It's All About the Benjamins" by the Notorious B.I.G. sounds more up Mitt's alley.

crybabyboehner March 10, 2012 at 1:08 pm

or "Lonely at the Top" by Randy Newman

savethispatient March 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

It's following the usual GOP theme: only one track out of nineteen by a female artist.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

When Mitt Romney listens to music he gets this terrible pain in all the diodes down his left side.

commiegirl March 9, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Sorry for breaking everybody's browsers with the Toby Keith that YOU SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO ANYWAY. Coding fixed, maybe? Oopsies?

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

If it's broke, don't fix it. toby keith for chrissakes?

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Tsk.

(Yes it's fixed.)

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

OT

Rebecca;
Congrats on your one weekaversery.
Time sure flies when your having fun.

commiegirl March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks, NV!

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Are we gonna have "Your Wonkette's Week in Mistakes" again this week? Is buying teh Wonkette gonna be one of them? (Jus' kidding, commiegirl!)

HistoriCat March 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

"Hello"
"Ken, it's Rebecca"
"Sorry – all sales are final. No refunds, no exchanges."

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Oh, good. Now only the SONG is hideous.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

'Sokay, I wasn't planning on listening to Toby Keith anyway. And, no you can't make me.

thebeatgoeson March 12, 2012 at 12:23 am

I have to admit that Toby is one of my guilty pleasures. Not the videos (ugh) but I do like his voice and many of his songs. So SUE ME already!

chascates March 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

For someone who surely knows the owners of various record and music companies his taste if pretty fucking whitebread.

Oh, I get it now.

Mumbletypeg March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

It's kind of making me wish we were checking what's on Huntsman's girls' playlists, instead.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Mitt's inauthenticity shows itself again – Mr. Former Mass. Governor prefers the Palo Alto band Kingston Trio's version of the MTA song instead of Quincy, Massachusetts own Dropkick Murphys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNMDXEdxG9o

snoopyfan2010 March 10, 2012 at 12:18 am

Maybe not popular with blah people

Mumbletypeg March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

"Yah Mo Be There."

Yeah Michael McDonald is still uncool, that's the point.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Now is the time om Sprockets vhen ve feign interest in ze culture of ze little people.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

This music has become tiresome.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:33 am

I find it bourgeois and banal.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I vill go ofer in ze corner und Pet my Monkey.

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm
SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

As bad as that song is, it's hard to believe it's nowhere near the worst song LMFAO have ever done.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

It Was An Absolutely Finger Lickin', Mitts And Chicken, Country

MissTaken March 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I'm pleased as a peach to see the GOP has finally stopped using Born in the USA without a fucking clue what the song is actually about.

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Fear of a lawsuit from The Boss has a strong effect on people.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

They finally hired Interns to read and interpret the lyrics for them.

BlueStateLibel March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Yeah, and it only took them 20 years to figure it out.

HistoriCat March 9, 2012 at 10:41 pm

It's closer to 30 years than 20 – sorry.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You might as well vomit in my ears.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Apologies in advance.

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

For when he loses to Obama, Guns 'n Roses' November Rain.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Why do the popular artists of today write so few patriotic songs? Please check into that, Mitt.

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Mitt "I was Country b4 Country was cool" Romney.
But, really, the fucking Commodores?

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

He probably thinks "Brick House" is an actual song about houses.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

He's mighty mighty.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I can just hear him saying, "I own a few brick houses!"

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I should have typed "He's mighty whitey…lettin' it all hang out".

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Hey wait a minute! Where's Wango Tango? Cat Scratch Fever? Ted Nugent is not going to be happy about this.

Sharkey March 9, 2012 at 6:27 pm

(And he knows how to use a crossbow*.)

(*To threaten people with. Not kill them.)

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Ted Nugent is a Draft Dodging, Overcompensating Rock 'N Roll Pussy.

So…Yes! Good choice.

SayItWithWookies March 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

But when Mitt's really feeling edgy he breaks out the Percy Faith Orchestra's "Theme from A Summer Place."

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I've always been partial to Jasper's cover.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Rick Santorum's secret shame? His iPod contains nothing but an endless loop of "She Bop" and "I Touch Myself."

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Take that, Dave Mustaine of Megadeth!

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I guess his handlers forgot to tell him to put "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Mississippi Queen" on there.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

And Neil Young's "Ohio". No, wait – Chrissie Hynde/Pretenders's "My City was Gone"….
I mean – Bruce Springsteen, "Youngstown"… Um….

OK, what say we just scrap Ohio…

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Depending on if this list was made before last Tuesday.

AlterNewt March 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm
SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm

No Dylan? Has Mittens no respect for culture? I would think Workingman's blues would be perfect for him.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

This is probably as close as Mittens will get to liking Bob Dylan.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

"You've Got to Serve Somebody" is about the Koch brothers.

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:35 pm

The inclusion of a Beach Boys song is surprising since the California primary isn't until June.

Arken March 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

One black guy on the entire list.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

There's an oversight! Romney will have Words with his manservant.

OneYieldRegular March 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

You'd think discussion of a playlist might cause one of those songs to get stuck in one's head, but all I'm getting is "Standing There," by The Creatures.

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

YouTube is a great palate cleanser.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 7:38 pm

The Creatures!

You should have seen my Siouxsie and the Banshees phase (but you can't because I burned all photographic evidence of it).

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 9, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Needs moar insane clown posse!

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"Fucking Primarys, how do they work?"

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Naw. Michele Bachmann is the only Republican candidate who is genuinely down with the clown.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I call Bullshit It's obvious that Romney's Butler has programmed this. Here's what I would have suggested:

The Holdup
You Got the Silver
Have a Cigar
The Money Song
The Overdraft
Diamonds Are Forever

And so on.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"Diamonds Are Forever"

Now I'm imagining Pope Rick and Newt as Wint and Kidd

Newt: If god had wanted mitt to be president …

Rick: he would have given him charisma, Mr Newt

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Eeeeeexcellent.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

Mercedes Benz . . All my friends drive Porsches.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 9:53 am

"Ohh Lorrd, won'tcha buy mee a Murrrsayyydeeze Benz… Ha, ha! Just kiddin'! Ah found enough spare change it thishere couch to buy mahself three of 'em! Seeya raound!"

-Mittens, Common Man Extraordinaire

BlueStateLibel March 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Mitt also ADMITTED to reading "The Twilight Series"… and enjoyed it http://tinyurl.com/3cj5e5k
WTF? The guy who wants to be the leader of the free world reads dippy stories about vampires? What kind of grown man reads "The Twilight Series"???

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

The series is Mormon propaganda, so you can see what kind of grown man would read them.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Well, Stephenie Meyer is a fellow Mormon. If he wanted to get the Mormon sci-fi nerd vote, he can just say he's read everything by Orson Scott Card.

Barrelhse March 9, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Hitler?

Dashboard Buddha March 9, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Everything I know about Twilight comes from George Takai snarking on it on FB.

Doktor Zoom March 9, 2012 at 6:43 pm

OK, so Mitt likes covers? He would win all sorts of WTF points if he said he liked this

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

"The Day the Music Died".

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

That would be the day I would Pith myself.

My_pal_HAL March 10, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Best version ever. Very robotic. Entrancing.

pinkocommi March 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

What, no Osmonds? WTF?!

Lucidamente1 March 9, 2012 at 6:49 pm

<Snark off> I hate to get my schoolteacher on, but would it kill these guys to include classical music once and a while? Obama, bless him, awarded Yo-Yo Ma the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and even narrated Copland's Lincoln Portrait with the CSO.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Surely appreciation of classic music requires the ability to discern and enjoy the layering of subtle themes and phrases within the whole?

TBH I'm surprised Mitt's iPod isn't just full of the sound of yard sales being thrown down flights of stairs.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 7:05 pm

You would think the prologue to Boris Gudonov, with all the peasants chanting and clamoring for Boris to accept the crown, would be right up Mitt's alley. Maybe to avoid the foreignness, he could commission a new libretto called "Mitt Gudonov", taking place at the Republican Convention. But no dead princes. And no ghosts. And no chiming clock scene…. In fact, why not just end after the coronation.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

In Mitt's case, Boris Badenov is what comes to my mind first.

Chichikovovich March 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Good point – at the end of Mitt Gudonov, the hero should shout “Keel Moose!”—

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 7:12 pm

They could definitely use Wagner.

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"It scares the hell out of the poors!"

Gunner Asch March 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm
Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Romney could bring all his wives on stage to "Ride of the Valkyries".

Mumbletypeg March 9, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Scheherefaçade?

Dashboard Buddha March 9, 2012 at 10:21 pm

What a snob!

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Circle Jerks Golden Shower of Hits!! How could we forget that one?

DerrickWildcat March 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Best version of Desperado ever!!
Trust me on this one.
The Langley Schools Music Project. http://www.keyofz.com/langley/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7CKDnKWhJU

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I love these kids. Thanks!

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I must be slipping. Mitt has to add Root Boy Slim's Rich, White Republican.

Really, what else do you need, after that?

Jukesgrrl March 9, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Great editing on that vid.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

Isn't it, though? I'm impressed that a.) the production is just so Pro for a YouTube video and b.) The author has actually heard of Root Boy Slim.

NellCote71 March 10, 2012 at 9:37 am

Wow.mthanks for that.

C_R_Eature March 10, 2012 at 9:56 am

Welcome! that was fun.

Callyson March 9, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Did anyone get past 1:23 on the Toby Keith song?
Jesus.

C_R_Eature March 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I'm not even making eye contact.

Callyson March 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

What, no "Mo Money Mo Problems"?

CogitoErgoBibo March 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

The dog demands "Up On The Roof" by James Taylor.

aguacatero March 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Gimmick-hungry yob.

ttommyunger March 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Is Toby Keith a Democrat? I don't give a fuck. Is Toby Keith a moron? Fuck yeah! Mitt the music maven…right. He no doubt has the moves of a MS patient on the dance floor. "Man of Sorrow" : best mash-up ever, Gwen Stefani; catch it on You Tube. That is all.

semi_expat March 9, 2012 at 8:25 pm

On another musical note, the Mittster accepted the endorsement of Ted Nugent, a draft dodger who shit himself and lived in it for days in order to convince the draft board that he wasn't "military material." Keep it classy, Mitt.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Not replying to ttomyunger to give him a fighting chance. I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to make fun of people afflicted with MS any more. Might want to edit that, dude.

Jukesgrrl March 9, 2012 at 9:02 pm

If the campaign ever falls on dire straits (which it might if he keeps talking about how we should be more like China), he can add this gem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjfYA68GfCg (top-quality version)

angelfoot March 9, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Where's Pat Boone's epic cover of Stairway to Heaven?

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:30 am

No "Jingle Bells" by the barking dogs?

[actually, I hate that damn song so much, I wouldn't even wish it on Mitt]

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:37 am

"Money, get back,
I'm all right, Jack; keep your hands offa my stack"

crybabyboehner March 10, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"I'm Mitt Romney, and I love me some Kid Rock!"

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 5:42 pm

What the hell is spotify?

billy_reuben March 11, 2012 at 8:48 am

Aside from the superficial 50's era crap, the Killers is about the *most* plausible thing on that list. The Killers areis easily the most successful all-Mormon musical group since the Osmonds.

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Srsly, I think you guys were within 30 seconds of each other based on the time stamp changing,

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Yep, the Baha Men is the group – it's easy to forget with one hit wonders like that.

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