MADEYALOOK  5:27 pm March 9, 2012

Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Moobmania!

It is now time for an important Phriday Photo Phun Contest! Buzzfeed’s continuing mission to unearth every possible comical Romney clan photo from the far corners of the Internet has finally hit pay dirt with some hawt topless Mitt Romney pixxx. How does shirtless Mitt Romney stack up next to the other Republican presidential candidates? YOU BE THE DECIDER. Do we have a shirtless Rick Santorum photo to enter into competition as well?

Is Weird Rick a never nude? Oh well, this will have to be his entry:

And who could forget this terrifying photo of a shirtless Newt Gingrich?

Your judging must also take into account the original standard in shirtless presidential candidates:

Consider your choice carefully. Or don’t. Happy Friday! [Buzzfeed/ Original beach image behind Rick Santorum via Shutterstock]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 117 comments }

GunToting[Redacted] March 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm

NONE of them, Katie!

Terry March 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Given that Paul is approximately one million years old, he looks alright.

Barb March 9, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I vote for the buff coffee-colored gentleman. That kid from the Jersey Shore calls his abs "the situation" Obama calls his "the administration"

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Buff colored coffee gentleman?

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Cafe au lait.

Barb March 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Mulatte

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Is that a Starbuck$ flavor?

Barb March 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

No, that BUFF "coffee colored" gentleman.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I beg your pardon, but that man is no BUFF. I'm not sure he has even ever stepped foot on the campus of my beloved University of Colorado!

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"Steady, the Buffs!"

salt_bagel March 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Colored gentleman coffee buff?

Fare la Volpe March 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Coffee gentleman colored in the buff?

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Pics or GTFO!

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The one with the best photoshopper?

Sue4466 March 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

My eternal gratitude for skipping a shirtless Newt pic. For real.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

If anyone posts a photo of the shirtless Ole Newt, I promise to buy Wonkette from Rebecca just so I can ban her. Or him. Or it.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Start emptying out your mattress, TG.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Have you no SHAME?

Unfortunately, I was been blinded by the fishbelly whiteness of his white fishbelly, so I can't count my cash.

starfanglednut March 11, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Oh great. Now I have to bleach my brain permanently.

Pragmatist2 March 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Bachmann?

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Marcus?

Pragmatist2 March 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Probably the better choice.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I'm sure Marcus is cruising this post as we speak.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Ten grand says Ole Newt has a bigger cup size than Ole Crazy Eyes.

freddymcmurray March 10, 2012 at 4:20 am

i bet her nips look like her crazy crazy eyes

DrunkIrishman March 9, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I'm surprised Romney could actually go into the water. That Romney 3.0 update must've made him water resistant.

Fare la Volpe March 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

See that big yellow patch? Shock protector.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I think they just covered him in Vaseline to make him waterproof for the shoot.

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm

They should have used santorum.

SkinnyNerd March 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Is voting for non-humans allowed?

redarmyzombie March 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Remember, corporations are people, my friend!

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm

They just needed to remove the genitals.

Fare la Volpe March 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Who's that old lady on the right in the first pic? She should really put on a bra.

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Wetsuits, huh Mittens? Interesting.

GunToting[Redacted] March 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

This pic was taken before he put the second one on.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Does he have to wear magic wetunderwear when he goes diving?

Nostrildamus March 9, 2012 at 5:32 pm

OK, now who's gonna clean off my keyboard?

phlox✔ March 9, 2012 at 11:44 pm

I hope that's not splooge on your keyboard.

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Where's Mitt's windsurfer?

Jukesgrrl March 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

That thing that was gay and elitist when John Kerry did it?

Slim_Pickins March 9, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Where is his magic underwear?

edgydrifter March 9, 2012 at 5:33 pm

If I had to choose a president based on best tits, it would be hard to pick between Palin and Christie.

annettaj March 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Palin's are water based in some sort of rubber
and Christie's are lard based in Jabba the Hutt skin cells.

Infrogmation March 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Taft 2012!

imissopus March 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Watch out, babbie! Grandpa Paul is totally going to climb out of that pool and leave you to sink or swim on your own, as if the pool was a metaphor for the free market and you were a helpless parasite living off the hard work of other people.

Jukesgrrl March 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

What?! Rooster doesn't want to strut his stuff??

pinkocommi March 9, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Newt thankfully hasn't been seen topless in public since he ran down the streets of New York being shot at by Ghostbusters. But he was wearing the blue sailor boy and red neckerchief ensemble at the time, so maybe that doesn't count.

voodooeconomics March 9, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Ron Paul's tits shows promise.

salt_bagel March 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

RPT or GTFO

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

At least we don't have to include a shirtless Palin – there are some things that man was not meant to see; and once seen, cannot be unseen.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

SB:

Duh Gov'Nuh should be obscene – but not heard.

Callyson March 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Now you know how we ladies feel about having seen Gingrinch *with* a shirt on…

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Honestly, ever since I saw Ronald Reagan's Manly Man-Tits, I have never been the same.

salt_bagel March 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Upper right: Jack Lalanne shrivels into a frail old man unless he provides a constant supply of infant sacrifices to his Dark Lord.

facehead March 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That photo of Mitt and his rubberized love slaves is a winner.

OT, but if you haven't seen this site defending Limbaugh … more chicken dinner:
http://defendrush.org/

chascates March 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Alexander Putin?

Jerri March 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That Mittens picture looks absolutely menacing.
At least Ron Paul's Moobs are getting some support from that flotation device.

Thank you for including our sexeh President of Pectorals as a palate cleanser, as it was sorely needed.

CalamityJames March 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Why does Ron Paul want to drown that poor baby? It doesn't look like a mulatto.

elviouslyqueer March 9, 2012 at 5:39 pm

What is Mitt wearing in that photo? A whalebone truss?

Oh, and if any of you Wonketteers dare post a topless pic of Newt, karma will not only bite you in the ass, but it will also reach up, tear your eyes out, and devour them like a pack of angry, emaciated wildebeests.

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Too late!!!

*scampers back into fortified burrow*

edgydrifter March 9, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Eisenhower had pierced nipples. Allegedly.

Man0nTheStreet March 17, 2012 at 7:18 am

He also kept his foreskin tied into a bow – it was the fashion, doncha know!

Nostrildamus March 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Tune up those biceps with the Ron Paul workout:
gold bars up and over your head – 100 reps.

Generation[redacted] March 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Are we judging by boob size?

nounverb911 March 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Newt's the biggest boob for sure.

salt_bagel March 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

In America, ALL competitions are judged by boob size.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

In Soviet Union, Boob judges YOU!

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Newt wins, hands down.

MissTaken March 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Newt wins, many hands full

SorosBot March 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

So wait, are you saying you want to get hands wrapped around Newt's moobs?

pinkocommi March 9, 2012 at 5:44 pm

It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye at the mere thought of Newt topless.

fartknocker March 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Why can't we have a nice picture of the First Lady in swimwear? Just the thought of Newt on a beach in swimwear would scare every porpoise in the Gulf of America.

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Worst "daddy porn" site. EVAR.

commiegirl March 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Mama likes that Romney pic. Not bad, Topless Robot. Not bad at all.

SheriffRoscoe March 9, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Yeah, that one is definitely the most doable. Boys in surfer gear helps.

elviouslyqueer March 9, 2012 at 5:54 pm

"Topless" must be modeling his Kevlar 2.0 skin, better modified to protect his precious circuitry from wind, wet, and weather. Although I must admit, his two sons (Trick and Tuppence) make for some mighty fine fapping.

commiegirl March 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm

You can keep the young-dumb-and-full-of-come. I like em with some experience.

Tundra Grifter March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

If they are young and dumb,it won't be long now.

anniegetyerfun March 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

If by "experience", you mean, "updated firmware", sure. Someone is always tinkering with that shit.

DarwinianDemon March 10, 2012 at 1:37 am

I'm not convinced he has any experience. I'd more readily believe Matt and Tagg budded off him like a sea sponge than believe he ever got sweaty making the beast with two backs.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:19 am

If you ask Mrs. Mitt, I bet he swam over her or something.

valthemus March 10, 2012 at 12:26 am

Agreed on Romney: Shaggable, yes; electable, no.

DarwinianDemon March 10, 2012 at 1:32 am

Yeech, no. He's so stiff and plastic-y, you might as well get a Real Doll. Look at him…you know he's been having gross, lame grandpa sex since he was 18.

Man0nTheStreet March 17, 2012 at 7:21 am

You mean with french girls while he was dodging the Vietnam draft doing his Mission in France?

SayItWithWookies March 9, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I thought I had a shirtless pic of Newt I could send in, but upon closer examination it was a shot of a potato that had fallen in some cat hair. But it could probably still beat him in Alabama and Mississippi.

anniegetyerfun March 9, 2012 at 9:23 pm

I found this one of a deformed manatee, but it's also more flattering than it need be, because you can tell that that fucker is sucking in its gut a bit.

ElPinche March 9, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I think it's great that Dr. Ron Paul has lactating man-boobs for the convenience of the child and /or zygote during transferal from Heaven to Our World.

SkinnyNerd March 9, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Santorum is wearing way too little in that photo. I thought he was an advocate of the burqini, or is that only for the women folk?

Limeylizzie March 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Is Mittens wearing Spanx?

Limeylizzie March 9, 2012 at 6:00 pm

OT, but glad that this creature isn't topless…
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/governor-chr

flamingpdog March 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

At least he didn't call the law student a slut and a prostitute.

RadioSlut March 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Tits AND GTFO.

Loaded_Pants March 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

The shopped pic of Rick? Those hands are way too big.

swordfis March 9, 2012 at 9:34 pm

The head doesn't seem to fit on the neck right, and the shadows are weird, and he looks like a baby with encephalitis. Yup, it's Rick alright.

Beetagger March 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Fap, fap, fap

BarackMyWorld March 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

This may be the only time I've been sorry Sarah Palin isn't running.

IceCreamEmpress March 9, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Do you mean "running for Preznit" or "running slowly along a beach like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch?"

commiegirl March 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Ahahahaha! I just got it! She said "stack"!

PuglyDoRight March 9, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Newt's a larger cup size than all of his wives.

owhatever March 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Last time Newt waded in the water, Japan caught a tsunami.

IceCreamEmpress March 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm

If it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have a shot at Second Hottest Presidential Torso (after Geo. Washington, who's all buffilicious in his toga on the Capitol grounds).

Of course, if it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have had a shot at Presidenting in the first place. COCKBLOCKED AGIN, MITTENS!

snoopyfan2010 March 10, 2012 at 12:35 am

If it weren't for basic human emotions, Money might have a chance.

ttommyunger March 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Baby shit! We all know which would be the most impressive with his britches off, no contest.

Man0nTheStreet March 17, 2012 at 7:27 am

That's why there's a jukebox in the WH bedroom, filled with Teddy Pendergrass, Luther Vandross and Barry White, at Mrs. Obama's request.

ttommyunger March 17, 2012 at 7:36 am

Hell Yah!

JackDempsey1 March 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Will scholarships will be awarded to the winner?
Otherwise, this is a degrading spectacle for all the individuals participating, and I'm including the voyeurs.

HistoriCat March 9, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I'm assuming Santorum wins the no-talent competition.

Swampgas_Man March 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm

As a Digesting American, thank you for not including Newt, even photoshopped.

dandalion March 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I cant help but keep focusing on the sock tan lines on the Rick Santorum picture…

I too am glad that with my first visit to this site I wasn't exposed to a topless Newt! There are somethings you can not scrub from your brain.

fuflans March 10, 2012 at 1:34 am

i just find it sad that none of the romneys ever get to be drunk.

tessiee March 10, 2012 at 2:21 am

I'm finding this exceedingly difficult to…
Oh, wait, I just scrolled down.
Never mind.

BTWBFDIMHO March 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Here's also Newt at the beach. https://picasaweb.google.com/11400799981044075510

Manhattan123 March 10, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Wow, Grandpa Ron sure looks like a barrel of laughs.

dcjdjay March 10, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Say what you want about Mittens, but the man is still hot.

An_Outhouse March 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Woof! Who let the dogs out?

HistoriCat March 9, 2012 at 9:57 pm
DarwinianDemon March 10, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Correct. She deposited her eggs in a mossy log and he fertilized them a week later.

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