madeyalook

Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?

Moobmania!

It is now time for an important Phriday Photo Phun Contest! Buzzfeed’s continuing mission to unearth every possible comical Romney clan photo from the far corners of the Internet has finally hit pay dirt with some hawt topless Mitt Romney pixxx. How does shirtless Mitt Romney stack up next to the other Republican presidential candidates? YOU BE THE DECIDER. Do we have a shirtless Rick Santorum photo to enter into competition as well?

Is Weird Rick a never nude? Oh well, this will have to be his entry:

And who could forget this terrifying photo of a shirtless Newt Gingrich?

Your judging must also take into account the original standard in shirtless presidential candidates:

Consider your choice carefully. Or don’t. Happy Friday! [Buzzfeed/ Original beach image behind Rick Santorum via Shutterstock]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    NONE of them, Katie!

    • Terry

      Given that Paul is approximately one million years old, he looks alright.

  • Barb

    I vote for the buff coffee-colored gentleman. That kid from the Jersey Shore calls his abs "the situation" Obama calls his "the administration"

    • nounverb911

      Buff colored coffee gentleman?

      • Tundra Grifter

        Cafe au lait.

        • Barb

          Mulatte

          • Tundra Grifter

            Is that a Starbuck$ flavor?

          • HistoriCat
      • Barb

        No, that BUFF "coffee colored" gentleman.

        • flamingpdog

          I beg your pardon, but that man is no BUFF. I'm not sure he has even ever stepped foot on the campus of my beloved University of Colorado!

          • Tundra Grifter

            "Steady, the Buffs!"

      • salt_bagel

        Colored gentleman coffee buff?

        • Fare la Volpe

          Coffee gentleman colored in the buff?

          • flamingpdog

            Pics or GTFO!

  • nounverb911

    The one with the best photoshopper?

  • Sue4466

    My eternal gratitude for skipping a shirtless Newt pic. For real.

    • Tundra Grifter

      If anyone posts a photo of the shirtless Ole Newt, I promise to buy Wonkette from Rebecca just so I can ban her. Or him. Or it.

      • flamingpdog

        Start emptying out your mattress, TG.

        • Tundra Grifter

          Have you no SHAME?

          Unfortunately, I was been blinded by the fishbelly whiteness of his white fishbelly, so I can't count my cash.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Oh great. Now I have to bleach my brain permanently.

  • Pragmatist2

    Bachmann?

    • nounverb911

      Marcus?

      • Pragmatist2

        Probably the better choice.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I'm sure Marcus is cruising this post as we speak.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Ten grand says Ole Newt has a bigger cup size than Ole Crazy Eyes.

    • freddymcmurray

      i bet her nips look like her crazy crazy eyes

  • DrunkIrishman

    I'm surprised Romney could actually go into the water. That Romney 3.0 update must've made him water resistant.

    • Fare la Volpe

      See that big yellow patch? Shock protector.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think they just covered him in Vaseline to make him waterproof for the shoot.

      • nounverb911

        They should have used santorum.

    • SkinnyNerd

      Is voting for non-humans allowed?

      • redarmyzombie

        Remember, corporations are people, my friend!

    • An_Outhouse

      They just needed to remove the genitals.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Who's that old lady on the right in the first pic? She should really put on a bra.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Wetsuits, huh Mittens? Interesting.

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      This pic was taken before he put the second one on.

    • flamingpdog

      Does he have to wear magic wetunderwear when he goes diving?

  • Nostrildamus

    OK, now who's gonna clean off my keyboard?

    • phlox✔

      I hope that's not splooge on your keyboard.

  • nounverb911

    Where's Mitt's windsurfer?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      That thing that was gay and elitist when John Kerry did it?

    • Slim_Pickins

      Where is his magic underwear?

  • edgydrifter

    If I had to choose a president based on best tits, it would be hard to pick between Palin and Christie.

    • annettaj

      Palin's are water based in some sort of rubber
      and Christie's are lard based in Jabba the Hutt skin cells.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Taft 2012!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Watch out, babbie! Grandpa Paul is totally going to climb out of that pool and leave you to sink or swim on your own, as if the pool was a metaphor for the free market and you were a helpless parasite living off the hard work of other people.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    What?! Rooster doesn't want to strut his stuff??

  • pinkocommi

    Newt thankfully hasn't been seen topless in public since he ran down the streets of New York being shot at by Ghostbusters. But he was wearing the blue sailor boy and red neckerchief ensemble at the time, so maybe that doesn't count.

  • voodooeconomics

    Ron Paul's tits shows promise.

    • salt_bagel

      RPT or GTFO

  • SorosBot

    At least we don't have to include a shirtless Palin – there are some things that man was not meant to see; and once seen, cannot be unseen.

    • Tundra Grifter

      SB:

      Duh Gov'Nuh should be obscene – but not heard.

    • Callyson

      Now you know how we ladies feel about having seen Gingrinch *with* a shirt on…

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Honestly, ever since I saw Ronald Reagan's Manly Man-Tits, I have never been the same.

  • salt_bagel

    Upper right: Jack Lalanne shrivels into a frail old man unless he provides a constant supply of infant sacrifices to his Dark Lord.

  • facehead

    That photo of Mitt and his rubberized love slaves is a winner.

    OT, but if you haven't seen this site defending Limbaugh … more chicken dinner:
    http://defendrush.org/

  • chascates

    Alexander Putin?

  • Jerri

    That Mittens picture looks absolutely menacing.
    At least Ron Paul's Moobs are getting some support from that flotation device.

    Thank you for including our sexeh President of Pectorals as a palate cleanser, as it was sorely needed.

  • CalamityJames

    Why does Ron Paul want to drown that poor baby? It doesn't look like a mulatto.

  • elviouslyqueer

    What is Mitt wearing in that photo? A whalebone truss?

    Oh, and if any of you Wonketteers dare post a topless pic of Newt, karma will not only bite you in the ass, but it will also reach up, tear your eyes out, and devour them like a pack of angry, emaciated wildebeests.

    • flamingpdog

      Too late!!!

      *scampers back into fortified burrow*

  • edgydrifter

    Eisenhower had pierced nipples. Allegedly.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      He also kept his foreskin tied into a bow – it was the fashion, doncha know!

  • Nostrildamus

    Tune up those biceps with the Ron Paul workout:
    gold bars up and over your head – 100 reps.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Are we judging by boob size?

    • nounverb911

      Newt's the biggest boob for sure.

    • salt_bagel

      In America, ALL competitions are judged by boob size.

      • Tundra Grifter

        In Soviet Union, Boob judges YOU!

    • SorosBot

      Newt wins, hands down.

      • MissTaken

        Newt wins, many hands full

        • SorosBot

          So wait, are you saying you want to get hands wrapped around Newt's moobs?

  • pinkocommi

    It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye at the mere thought of Newt topless.

  • fartknocker

    Why can't we have a nice picture of the First Lady in swimwear? Just the thought of Newt on a beach in swimwear would scare every porpoise in the Gulf of America.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Worst "daddy porn" site. EVAR.

  • commiegirl

    Mama likes that Romney pic. Not bad, Topless Robot. Not bad at all.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Yeah, that one is definitely the most doable. Boys in surfer gear helps.

    • elviouslyqueer

      "Topless" must be modeling his Kevlar 2.0 skin, better modified to protect his precious circuitry from wind, wet, and weather. Although I must admit, his two sons (Trick and Tuppence) make for some mighty fine fapping.

      • commiegirl

        You can keep the young-dumb-and-full-of-come. I like em with some experience.

        • Tundra Grifter

          If they are young and dumb,it won't be long now.

        • anniegetyerfun

          If by "experience", you mean, "updated firmware", sure. Someone is always tinkering with that shit.

        • DarwinianDemon

          I'm not convinced he has any experience. I'd more readily believe Matt and Tagg budded off him like a sea sponge than believe he ever got sweaty making the beast with two backs.

          • tessiee

            If you ask Mrs. Mitt, I bet he swam over her or something.

          • DarwinianDemon

            Correct. She deposited her eggs in a mossy log and he fertilized them a week later.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Agreed on Romney: Shaggable, yes; electable, no.

      • DarwinianDemon

        Yeech, no. He's so stiff and plastic-y, you might as well get a Real Doll. Look at him…you know he's been having gross, lame grandpa sex since he was 18.

        • Man0nTheStreet

          You mean with french girls while he was dodging the Vietnam draft doing his Mission in France?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I thought I had a shirtless pic of Newt I could send in, but upon closer examination it was a shot of a potato that had fallen in some cat hair. But it could probably still beat him in Alabama and Mississippi.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I found this one of a deformed manatee, but it's also more flattering than it need be, because you can tell that that fucker is sucking in its gut a bit.

  • ElPinche

    I think it's great that Dr. Ron Paul has lactating man-boobs for the convenience of the child and /or zygote during transferal from Heaven to Our World.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Santorum is wearing way too little in that photo. I thought he was an advocate of the burqini, or is that only for the women folk?

  • Limeylizzie

    Is Mittens wearing Spanx?

  • Limeylizzie

    OT, but glad that this creature isn't topless…
    http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/governor-chr

    • flamingpdog

      At least he didn't call the law student a slut and a prostitute.

  • RadioSlut

    Tits AND GTFO.

  • Loaded_Pants

    The shopped pic of Rick? Those hands are way too big.

    • swordfis

      The head doesn't seem to fit on the neck right, and the shadows are weird, and he looks like a baby with encephalitis. Yup, it's Rick alright.

  • Beetagger

    Fap, fap, fap

  • BarackMyWorld

    This may be the only time I've been sorry Sarah Palin isn't running.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Do you mean "running for Preznit" or "running slowly along a beach like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch?"

  • commiegirl

    Ahahahaha! I just got it! She said "stack"!

  • PuglyDoRight

    Newt's a larger cup size than all of his wives.

  • owhatever

    Last time Newt waded in the water, Japan caught a tsunami.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    If it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have a shot at Second Hottest Presidential Torso (after Geo. Washington, who's all buffilicious in his toga on the Capitol grounds).

    Of course, if it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have had a shot at Presidenting in the first place. COCKBLOCKED AGIN, MITTENS!

    • snoopyfan2010

      If it weren't for basic human emotions, Money might have a chance.

  • ttommyunger

    Baby shit! We all know which would be the most impressive with his britches off, no contest.

    • Man0nTheStreet

      That's why there's a jukebox in the WH bedroom, filled with Teddy Pendergrass, Luther Vandross and Barry White, at Mrs. Obama's request.

      • ttommyunger

        Hell Yah!

  • JackDempsey1

    Will scholarships will be awarded to the winner?
    Otherwise, this is a degrading spectacle for all the individuals participating, and I'm including the voyeurs.

    • HistoriCat

      I'm assuming Santorum wins the no-talent competition.

  • Swampgas_Man

    As a Digesting American, thank you for not including Newt, even photoshopped.

  • http://dandalionsworld.blogspot.com/ dandalion

    I cant help but keep focusing on the sock tan lines on the Rick Santorum picture…

    I too am glad that with my first visit to this site I wasn't exposed to a topless Newt! There are somethings you can not scrub from your brain.

  • fuflans

    i just find it sad that none of the romneys ever get to be drunk.

  • tessiee

    I'm finding this exceedingly difficult to…
    Oh, wait, I just scrolled down.
    Never mind.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Here's also Newt at the beach. https://picasaweb.google.com/11400799981044075510

  • Manhattan123

    Wow, Grandpa Ron sure looks like a barrel of laughs.

  • dcjdjay

    Say what you want about Mittens, but the man is still hot.

  • An_Outhouse

    Woof! Who let the dogs out?