Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?


It is now time for an important Phriday Photo Phun Contest! Buzzfeed’s continuing mission to unearth every possible comical Romney clan photo from the far corners of the Internet has finally hit pay dirt with some hawt topless Mitt Romney pixxx. How does shirtless Mitt Romney stack up next to the other Republican presidential candidates? YOU BE THE DECIDER. Do we have a shirtless Rick Santorum photo to enter into competition as well?

Is Weird Rick a never nude? Oh well, this will have to be his entry:

And who could forget this terrifying photo of a shirtless Newt Gingrich?

Your judging must also take into account the original standard in shirtless presidential candidates:

Consider your choice carefully. Or don’t. Happy Friday! [Buzzfeed/ Original beach image behind Rick Santorum via Shutterstock]

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  1. Barb

    I vote for the buff coffee-colored gentleman. That kid from the Jersey Shore calls his abs "the situation" Obama calls his "the administration"

        1. flamingpdog

          I beg your pardon, but that man is no BUFF. I'm not sure he has even ever stepped foot on the campus of my beloved University of Colorado!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      If anyone posts a photo of the shirtless Ole Newt, I promise to buy Wonkette from Rebecca just so I can ban her. Or him. Or it.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Have you no SHAME?

          Unfortunately, I was been blinded by the fishbelly whiteness of his white fishbelly, so I can't count my cash.

  2. DrunkIrishman

    I'm surprised Romney could actually go into the water. That Romney 3.0 update must've made him water resistant.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think they just covered him in Vaseline to make him waterproof for the shoot.

  3. Fare la Volpe

    Who's that old lady on the right in the first pic? She should really put on a bra.

  4. edgydrifter

    If I had to choose a president based on best tits, it would be hard to pick between Palin and Christie.

    1. annettaj

      Palin's are water based in some sort of rubber
      and Christie's are lard based in Jabba the Hutt skin cells.

  5. imissopus

    Watch out, babbie! Grandpa Paul is totally going to climb out of that pool and leave you to sink or swim on your own, as if the pool was a metaphor for the free market and you were a helpless parasite living off the hard work of other people.

  6. pinkocommi

    Newt thankfully hasn't been seen topless in public since he ran down the streets of New York being shot at by Ghostbusters. But he was wearing the blue sailor boy and red neckerchief ensemble at the time, so maybe that doesn't count.

  7. SorosBot

    At least we don't have to include a shirtless Palin – there are some things that man was not meant to see; and once seen, cannot be unseen.

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Honestly, ever since I saw Ronald Reagan's Manly Man-Tits, I have never been the same.

  9. salt_bagel

    Upper right: Jack Lalanne shrivels into a frail old man unless he provides a constant supply of infant sacrifices to his Dark Lord.

  10. Jerri

    That Mittens picture looks absolutely menacing.
    At least Ron Paul's Moobs are getting some support from that flotation device.

    Thank you for including our sexeh President of Pectorals as a palate cleanser, as it was sorely needed.

  11. elviouslyqueer

    What is Mitt wearing in that photo? A whalebone truss?

    Oh, and if any of you Wonketteers dare post a topless pic of Newt, karma will not only bite you in the ass, but it will also reach up, tear your eyes out, and devour them like a pack of angry, emaciated wildebeests.

  12. Nostrildamus

    Tune up those biceps with the Ron Paul workout:
    gold bars up and over your head – 100 reps.

  13. pinkocommi

    It is all fun and games until someone loses an eye at the mere thought of Newt topless.

  14. fartknocker

    Why can't we have a nice picture of the First Lady in swimwear? Just the thought of Newt on a beach in swimwear would scare every porpoise in the Gulf of America.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      "Topless" must be modeling his Kevlar 2.0 skin, better modified to protect his precious circuitry from wind, wet, and weather. Although I must admit, his two sons (Trick and Tuppence) make for some mighty fine fapping.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          If by "experience", you mean, "updated firmware", sure. Someone is always tinkering with that shit.

        2. DarwinianDemon

          I'm not convinced he has any experience. I'd more readily believe Matt and Tagg budded off him like a sea sponge than believe he ever got sweaty making the beast with two backs.

          1. DarwinianDemon

            Correct. She deposited her eggs in a mossy log and he fertilized them a week later.

      1. DarwinianDemon

        Yeech, no. He's so stiff and plastic-y, you might as well get a Real Doll. Look at him…you know he's been having gross, lame grandpa sex since he was 18.

        1. Man0nTheStreet

          You mean with french girls while he was dodging the Vietnam draft doing his Mission in France?

  15. SayItWithWookies

    I thought I had a shirtless pic of Newt I could send in, but upon closer examination it was a shot of a potato that had fallen in some cat hair. But it could probably still beat him in Alabama and Mississippi.

  16. ElPinche

    I think it's great that Dr. Ron Paul has lactating man-boobs for the convenience of the child and /or zygote during transferal from Heaven to Our World.

  17. SkinnyNerd

    Santorum is wearing way too little in that photo. I thought he was an advocate of the burqini, or is that only for the women folk?

    1. swordfis

      The head doesn't seem to fit on the neck right, and the shadows are weird, and he looks like a baby with encephalitis. Yup, it's Rick alright.

    1. IceCreamEmpress

      Do you mean "running for Preznit" or "running slowly along a beach like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch?"

  18. IceCreamEmpress

    If it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have a shot at Second Hottest Presidential Torso (after Geo. Washington, who's all buffilicious in his toga on the Capitol grounds).

    Of course, if it weren't for Hopey, R-Money might have had a shot at Presidenting in the first place. COCKBLOCKED AGIN, MITTENS!

  19. ttommyunger

    Baby shit! We all know which would be the most impressive with his britches off, no contest.

    1. Man0nTheStreet

      That's why there's a jukebox in the WH bedroom, filled with Teddy Pendergrass, Luther Vandross and Barry White, at Mrs. Obama's request.

  20. JackDempsey1

    Will scholarships will be awarded to the winner?
    Otherwise, this is a degrading spectacle for all the individuals participating, and I'm including the voyeurs.

  21. dandalion

    I cant help but keep focusing on the sock tan lines on the Rick Santorum picture…

    I too am glad that with my first visit to this site I wasn't exposed to a topless Newt! There are somethings you can not scrub from your brain.

Comments are closed.