Mitt Romney Is The Worst Panderer In All of History, Mississippi Edition

How does a multi-millionaire Northerner like Mitt Romney get in good with a crowd of southern voters in Mississippi? He will simply explain to them that being Southern is a disease, which he has now caught from his unfortunate Mississippi-born bodyguard. "This guy I see every day time after time after time," he says -- that is how contagion works, folks -- and a result he is "learning to say 'y'all'" and enjoy popular peasant foods such as grits. How does the disease make you feel, Mittens? "Strange," he admits. Mitt Romney feels your pain, Mississippi.

But do not feel too concerned yet, as Mittens is only at Stage I of the disease and as of yet only an "unofficial Southerner." But just give it a few days. He'll be sporting a fanny pack with a Confederate flag on it and reminiscing about secession by next week. [The Hill]