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Just in time for International Men’s Day (and its 363 brothers), MediaMatters brings us this jolly bit of hilarity from FOX and Friends, regarding pants. In this gutbusting segment, poor confused Steve Doocey celebrated International Women’s Day by wandering the streets of New York being abused. He was surely prepared for the humorless feminazi, but also clearly thought when he asked the man New Yorker what he thought of a pants label that said “give it to yr bitch to wash,” the man would be all, “Fuhgeddaboutit, I’m a big dumb asshole who also hates and fears snatch, and the womens oughta make me a sammich gabbagoul!” And then the man didn’t. Finally, up came a woman who said she thought it was funny — totally fucking stupid, but funny — and Doocey peed himself in relief. (Doocey pees himself several times daily, for reasons including but not limited to: surprise, joy, confusion, fear of Gretchen, fear of Brian, fear of math, fear of hermaphrodites, fear of hamsters, and sex.)

Gretchen Carlson, being a “fun” woman — not like those total cunts at NOW — who can “hang” with her loathsome crew of pig-jackals, assures Brian Kilmeade that his favorite new funny joke is totally funny to her too, since she is a lady who likes to launder her man while massaging his prostate just so, but look in her eyes when he continues his Donald Trump-wannabe boorishness. One night, she is thinking. One night, as he lies sleeping. Icepick, right in his softened skull. She knows seven ways to kill a man. She knows just the point to drive it home.


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