heat's on now

‘THE VETTING’ Is Just Unearthing Game-Changer After Game-Changer

While we were typing trivial other things, Breitbart.com’s new children’s scavenger hunt THE VETTING continued turning out hot scoops about radical liberals. Look at the latest “get”: A CNN lady had tweeted that she was sad when the black guy who Obama hugged that one time died last year. Mr. President, it’s time to resign.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • PuckStopsHere

    I can't wait to see Joe the Plumbers videos from his days at Harvard Law.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Or Sarah Palin's from her days at ITT Tech (for snow machine technology).

      • poncho_pilot

        tv/vcr repair major?

    • Angry_Marmot

      Or Ike Clanton in a spelling contest.

    • teebob2000

      Working on the toilets there, you mean?

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        He's not a plumber, remember? Maybe looking at the toilets wishing he knew how to 'plumb'.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Requiring plumbers to have licenses and know what they are doing just is another way that big government wants to take away our freedom!

        • ChessieNefercat

          Maybe looking at the toilets wishing he know how to use one.

          • Loaded_Pants

            "You mean you don't put the used toilet paper in the sink?"
            –Joe the Plunger

          • Generation[redacted]

            Wow, you really know your hillbillies.

          • Loaded_Pants

            Yes, it's true. The tales (horror stories) I could tell. And they wouldn't violate any of our Editrix's Commandments because they aren't libelous. They are true. I'd swear on a burning stack of Korans.

        • Crank_Tango

          But he has been known to wear plum-smugglers to the beach. Wow, now I need brain-bleach just for thinking that one up.

        • poncho_pilot

          if by plumb you mean eat lead paint chips then i think he's got that covered. oh, and congrats on your unsuccessful banishment.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Was he the one who fixed that leaky pipe in the cafeteria?

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'd settle for JtP's Plumber's License.

      And his long-form birthier certificate, of course. Also.

    • Negro(banned)

      Who knew that Northwest Ohio Polytechnical Community College had changed it's name to Harvard Law?

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Puck, for the love of all that is wise in the universe… Don't hold your breath!!!

  • nounverb911

    So Soledad O'Brien is a secret Irishican/Catholic Muslin?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      So she can or cannot refuse to provide herself with birth control?

    • Crank_Tango

      If she doesn't have any Irish in her, I can remedy that quick-fast-in-a-hurry.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Her Papa was a Rolling Stone

  • facehead

    Breitbart just got his wings.

    • nounverb911

      No, more like his flame resistant suit.

    • Angry_Marmot

      His leathery, scabied, pyodermic wings.

      • HogeyeGrex

        A dozen internets for you.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think he just got his yacht full of dildos.

      • HogeyeGrex

        All at once.

      • Angry_Marmot

        A yacht full of Saint Anthony's special dildos.

    • poncho_pilot

      i always assumed he used tampons.

      • Z Crudmonger

        Vodka flavored tampons, no doubt.

        • poncho_pilot

          The Breitbart:

          1 part Vodka
          1 part Bitters
          1 part Formaldehyde

          wet rim of a rocks glass and place upside down in a small pile of Cocaine. mix ingredients with ice in a shaker. pour in rocks glass. garnish with tampon and screaming fit.

  • Barb

    Andrew Breitbart just just a giant turduckhen of hate.

    • nounverb911

      So everyday since last Thursday is like Thanksgiving?

    • Angry_Marmot

      So proud to be here at the birth of a meme.

      • chascates

        Or the most awesome name for a metal band yet.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Was O'keefe the duck or the chicken?

    • Crank_Tango

      He definitely put the "turd" in turducken.

    • C_R_Eature

      I just love this so much. It's prompted my brain to construct some Visual Imagery that's, well, Indescribably Grotesque and Hilarious.
      I will be chuckling, inexplicably, to myself for days. Thanks.

      • Barb

        Thanks C_R_Eature for getting it. : )

        • C_R_Eature

          Oh, you're very welcome. Thank you for thinking of this disturbing and very hilarious thing. You are truly a gem among the Wonkette Commentariat.

          • Barb

            I appreciate your friendship, thanks.

          • C_R_Eature

            My pleasure!

          • Barb

            There is a post where someone is posting that people have been banned, LOL. For shits and giggles, people are changing their user names to "________banned" and now the hysteria begins. I'm thinking about changing my name, lol.

          • Geminisunmars

            Barbarbanned? Isn't there some Beachboy song…?

          • Barb

            I love your post and I am seriously considering changing my name now, thanks for your keen humor.

          • Geminisunmars

            I have been complimented by The Barb, Herself. Look everyone, look!!! (That might sound snarkier than I mean it. I am truly blushiing with pleasure.)

          • Barb

            Geminisunmars, thanks for the compliment. I am the one who is honored with your reply, thanks!

          • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

            LOLOLOL

          • Barb

            Jim Newell, that is a demerit.

  • Fox n Fiends

    soledad o'brien is just an anagram for soros brain lode. wake up sheeple.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Sorosbot libel.

      • SorosBot

        There is no truth to the rumor that this 'bot serviced her – but oh I wish it was so.

        • sewollef

          Well, I'd definitely 'doink' her…. as some of us ex-pat Brits might say.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Slut. PROSTITUTE!!

    • Barrelhse

      Well, she doesn't LOOK Irish.

      • flamingpdog

        Neither did Jackie Kennedy's second husband, 'arry O'Nassis.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Next, The Vetting reveals what we have all been afraid of: President Obama is secretly black.

    • GhostBuggy

      And probably a liberal!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        And from Chicago!

      • Biff

        We can hope, can't we?

    • Geminisunmars

      And a college grad. Several times.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        What a snob.

        • Loaded_Pants

          Elitist, too. Because we never had a President before who was a member of the college-educationalized elite.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Dood, it's only a secret to the blind.

    • teebob2000

      The president is near!

  • chascates

    And she's still a stone fox although she's gotten a little doughy! Loved her when she was on TechTV.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I miss my TechTV.

      • chascates

        Remember the Science Fiction show and that cool guy in Hollywood who had all of the old Sci Fi movie props?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      A little doughy = too many babbies, not enuf aborshuns.

      • Beowoof

        Bad liberal, she needed more french, gay abortions to be a real liberal leader.

    • HogeyeGrex

      In honor of International Womens' Day, I have to say, "I'd hit it."

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Doughy? I thought she looked very womanly, nothing like dough. Although I may have been distracted by her showing a bit of backbone when the animatronic scarecrow started screeching at her. Nope, just looked again, and she still looks very pleasantly womanly. I'd let her correct my half-assed conspiracy theories all day, and by that I mean my conspiracy theories are still a brazilian times more logical than whatever the Breitbart troll was yammering on about.

      • chascates

        I figured I shouldn't have included that but the last time I saw her on television I thought her cheeks seemed a little bigger than my last memories of her, which were probably 15 or so years ago. I apologize for any sexist remark and restate how good-lucking, talented, and smart she is.
        Jeez, Commie Mom's new rules have an actual effect!

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          Judging by models and actresses today my version of what an attractive woman looks like is probably somewhat outdated. I am not a fan of women who are trying to look like either Skeletor or a 12 year old boy, so I tend to find women in their late 30's to mid 50's very, um, appealing. Which I'm sure is sexist as well, but hell, I admit that if she were to ask, I would have the sexytimez with her as often as she wanted. Especially if she continues to not let herself be used as a spokesperson for the bullshit of Breitbart's Big Whatever.

          • Dirt_Dog

            Agreed. S. O'B is totally womanly and not a bit doughy. "Jumping your bones" is a phrase, not a goal — most of us would like a little flesh over the bones. A decent body-fat index is a sign of child-bearing potential, which is, evolutionarily, the absolute indication of sexiness to most of us hetero-penis-bearing humans.

            Sorry, not snarky — just a nerd defending someone I've thought was totally hot from the nerd-tv days. After all, my ideal in a US Senator (female) is Amy Klobuchar — hot is relative to the pool.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            MADONNA/CORTNEY LOVE/ANN COULTER LIBEL!!!11!!!![sorry, knee-jerk libel reflex]

          • snoopyfan2010

            On behalf of women with curves, it's about time someone said that.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            mmmm . . . curves . . . there's a reason fertility totems don't look like Ctenomorphodes chronus.

          • snoopyfan2010

            Because you need hips and thighs to do that…..

  • Callyson

    Look at the latest “get”: A CNN lady had tweeted that she was sad when the black guy who Obama hugged that one time died last year.
    Aaaand on that note, I don't have to feel guilty anymore about speaking ill about one dead person: fuck Freighfart's sorry ass.

  • SayItWithWookies

    As opposed to her tweet the morning after Andrew Breitbart died, which was "One less person woke up in his own piss today."

  • metamarcisf

    G. Gordon Liddy must be cracking up over this "crusade", as he pushes another needle into his Spiro Agnew voodoo doll.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      While holding the other hand in a candle flame.

      • Steverino247

        And still not minding that it hurts.

    • ttommyunger

      G. Gordon Liddy, Lifetime Winner of the "Biggest Fuck-Up In the World" Title: for allowing his operatives to go into the field with incriminating names and phone numbers on their person, leaving a briefcase full of incriminating evidence behind in a hotel room and using a door device so obvious a minimum-wage security guard detected it. Go Gordon! Fuck-Ups the world over salute you. Runner-up: Ollie North.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    The tweet came from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!11!!!!

  • nounverb911

    Breitbart's just getting even for all the people that tweeted they weren't sad when he died.

  • littlebigdaddy

    This ranks up there in strategic intelligence along with going after Sandra Fluke. Nice, wholesomely attractive woman, intelligent (for CNN), well-liked. Yeah, that's a winner!

  • Lucidamente1

    These people are more retarded than . . . (careful)

    • teebob2000

      Yes!

    • Geminisunmars

      A bag of earthworms?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Shut yo mouf!

      • Angry_Marmot

        But I'm talkin' 'bout Daft!

        • Biff

          Wait, whose kid is that?

        • tessiee

          And we can dig it!

    • Steverino247

      (Channels the Great Harvey Korman)
      That's RANCID!

    • RadioSlut

      Someone with TrisomyG?

      • Sparky McGruff

        Someone who named her special needs son "Trisomy G"?

    • C_R_Eature

      A bag of hammers – and Breittards?

  • AlterNewt

    She needs to be investigated IN HALF.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Is Sen. Grothman aware there's a news personality whose name is basically "Sole Dad"?

    • littlebigdaddy

      A name that translates as "solitude" seems kind of odd to give a kid. Still, her parents were academics, so no accounting for that.

  • SorosBot

    How long will it take before these shit-for-brains realize that all they're doing is making a laughingstock of themselves?

    • Geminisunmars

      Do you want the short answer a) or the long answer b)?

      a) never
      b) nnnnnneeeeeevvvvvvveeeeerrrrrr

      • miss_grundy

        Thank you for your short and long answer. And if you want to laugh at these losers even more, I saw a report on Yahoo about some Tea Party Marine who has a Facebook page in which he stated that he doesn't want to obey any orders from the Commander-in-Chief because that individual is the current POTUS. My question to this jerk would be: "Why would you enlist in the Marines during the Obama administration, asshole? He is the C-i-C and you'll do what he tells you to and like it, schmuck!"

        • billy_reuben

          Well, it is a bit of a kerfuffle, now isn't it? Commander-in-Chief *and* President? At the same time?!! Who has ever heard of such an arrangement!? I'm sure there's a way to sort this out, and get rid of this newfangled convention.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Sometimes Fi

    • Crank_Tango

      In what respect, Charlie?

  • orygoon

    Winger scavenger hunt: Find poo. The more poo, the more win. Quality of poo not an issue. If you can't find poo, find stuff that you think might possibly resemble poo. And if you can't even find that, we will simply poop out some poo.

    And THEY have the nerve to natter about "child abuse".

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Next up from the zombie corpse of Breitbart: Barack Obama went to Law School!

    • Fare la Volpe

      His mother married a foreigner!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Over and over and over once!!!

      • teebob2000

        Fuck that, she married a colored! AND a yellow!

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    It's a liberal conspiracy! Be aware that liberals may be hiding under your bed, in your toilet and right now, the ghost of Derrick Bell may very well be in your home!!

  • flamingpdog

    Worst. Pollack joke. EVER!

    And in the continuing spirit of recent Wonkette bitching: Why are we getting lame, boring posts like this while Tips to Wonkette about kinky local Republican politicians get ignored? If this keeps up, I'm going to die of Pawlentyitis long before I ever get kicked off of this website.

    • Crank_Tango

      Contact your doctor immediately if you should suffer from Pawlentyitis. Once you get T-Paw Fever, you will never be the same again.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I fear that we might have to wait until Cocktober for a nice, juicy sausage-y post. But I'm hoping that April golden showers may bring gay flowers.

    • Skullfuggary

      I know, right? The only thing keeping my coming back here is some of you, at the moment. It's getting not to be fun for me, anymore.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Yer dead Andy, flat ass dead. RIP and all that good shit. So rest you flaming bag of poo.

  • metamarcisf

    Scenes we'd like to see: The next episode in "The Vetting" – Alien Breitbart Autopsy.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Oh My God. Soledad O'Brien read… a book. FIRE HER ASS IMMEDIATELY.

    • anniegetyerfun

      To be perfectly fair, literacy is not looked upon with kindness in the more conservative circles of our great cuntry.

      • flamingpdog

        I dunno about that. I understand that ex-Republican congressperson Mark Foley from Florida went through a lot of pages while he was on the Hill.

        • Crank_Tango

          you know who else went through a lot of something when he was on the Hill….come to think of it, he probably wasn't on the Hill very much at all…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Pubic hairs? Coke cans?

    • I_P

      I'll read her a book if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

      • Crank_Tango

        Hitler?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Read AND understood it.

    • Beowoof

      Sorry it's CNN, not Fox having a brain does not immediately disqualify you to be on the TeeVee.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    How sad. I'm just glad Breitbart didn't live to witness this humiliation of his empire.

    (wipes single tear, does shot of Manischewitz in the great man's honor)

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      I'm REALLY glad he didn't live to witness…anything.

    • Generation[redacted]

      If he had lived, I can picture him saying, "Are you nuts? If you release that video you'll make us all look like idiots!"

      • ChessieNefercat

        That's what he was really thinking when he was on his drunken rampage during CPAC. He made his big wait til you see what I have to show you and then realized he had nuttin.'

      • Biff

        Which is why he was holding back, he hadn't had the opportunity to "vet" it yet, and by "vet", I mean doctor the fuck out of.

      • tessiee

        Yeah, LOOK like.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Manishegetz. Half Christian Brothers.

  • SorosBot

    Next up: they dig up new info on Obama's "radical leftist" kindergarten teacher, who taught that sharing is nice.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Have you forgotten his cross-dressing Indonesian Nanny, and the Madrassa where he learned to hate America?

      • SorosBot

        Oh yeah, I forgot, how silly of me; and of course all the investigations of the views of father, which are very relevant considering his parents divorced when he was a baby and he didn't actually know the man.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          And the mother, running around the world looking for colored men to marry!!

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            It's a place white people invented because they needed pineapples.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Probably also gave him Graham crackers and apple juice, teaching him that all things come from the government.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Real conservative children have to earn their snacks, by outsourcing their nanny's job to China.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sharing, Sharia … what's the diff?
      They're close enough, in Teatardistan.

  • mavenmaven

    I guess this means she can't be Vice President in this election.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh for crying out loud. Hey, Breitfarters, I do not want to know who you think any more of the Liberal Founding Commies are, aight? You know how y'all don't care about factual American history? That's how I feel about you telling me about every person who ever tried to do a nice thing for another person or society or the planet. I don't WANT to know who you've twisted them in to. Go. Away. Wasn't there some kind of pact between you people? (Not wishing for, just asking if)

    • Crank_Tango

      Well if they keep outing libtards, then they eventually might just realize they don't "surround" us after all.

    • Beowoof

      Hurry, the comet will leave without you.

  • neiltheblaze

    Clearly, Andrew Breitbart was holding these bold, insightful people back.

    • C_R_Eature

      Yes, but only because of the Precipitous Drop nearby. Now, they're free to Run!

      • flamingpdog

        Freely, like Santorum from a Dominican rentboy's ass.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Come on, Obama hugged a black person! Soledad O'Brien showed sympathy toward a black man. What other indication do you need that our entire country is going to hell!

    • nounverb911

      Sarah Palin waiting in the wings for a brokered convention?

      • Generation[redacted]

        Nah, Sarah Palin waiting for a brokered convention is like when you fake out your dog by pretending to throw the ball.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Either way, we are through the Looking Glass people!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Nice!

      • MosesInvests

        But wait-didn't Sarah Palin something something blah basketball player?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    It's stunning how they've uncovered this deep black conspiracy. It's shaking the foundations of my beliefs. Fuck all y'all Liebruls! I'm now a Wingnut. Down with science. I don't need maths. Lojik? Fuck that. All I need are my guns, my cans of Spam, my bible and my well worn Playgirls… I mean Playboys.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And if you subscribe to all their beliefs, you're going to have a lot of babbies to feed, so get to work.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Wow, shit just got real.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      True enough, although not in the usual sense of the phrase.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Soledad O'Brien gives new meaning to the term Black Irish.

    Just sayin'.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      The smart and lovely Karen Finney, also, too.

    • Biff

      More like Brown Irish, amirite?

    • Skullfuggary

      They prefer to be called Blah Irish.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    How horribly radically evil can he have been if Soledad O'Brien liked him? I'd hardly expect her iPod to be loaded with Death Metal or some shit. Florence and the Machine maybe.

  • Doktor Zoom

    This is shocking. Next, we'll find out that prominent Democrat Robert Byrd once belonged to the KKK, and that nuclear scientist (and liberal) J. Robert Oppenheimer lost his security clearance because he didn't fellate J. Edgar Hoover.

    Also, any number of prominent American universities teach media studies classes using films directed and written by COMMUNISTS.

    • SorosBot

      Ah, good old paranoid Hoover. He also wouldn't let Einstein work on the Manhattan Project, which was his idea in the first place, because he thought old Albert was suspect because of his involvement with the anti-war movement during World War I. This was the anti-war movement in Germany.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Clyde was so mad, he slapped Edgar's face and refused to hold hands with him during that entire vacation!

    • Angry_Marmot

      Spartacus Libel!

    • Skullfuggary

      …and that nuclear scientist (and liberal) J. Robert Oppenheimer lost his security clearance because he didn't fellate J. Edgar Hoover.

      Did. not. know.

      Am. not. surprised.

      • Doktor Zoom

        (Was. Speaking. Metaphorically. Of. Course.)

  • anniegetyerfun

    Can we get the name of every single person who has ever viewed or edited Derik Bell's wikipedia page? I think that's when the real vetting can begin.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Vetting, hell. Let's just bring back the blacklist.

    And HUAC. I bet there's a substantial portion of the House republicans who'd be willing to bring back HUAC.

    • nounverb911

      Keeping it in the family, Breitbart's father-in-law (Orson Bean) was blacklisted in the 50's.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I hope he verbally abused Breitbart every Thanksgiving.

    • Barrelhse

      Is HUAC sort of the same as FAP?

      • tessiee

        It was the noise I made when I saw the picture of Grothman in the Farrah Fawcett wig and puked.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Well, her parents were both immigrant academics, her mother is Afro-Cuban and taught French, she self-identifies with American blahs and she and all of her siblings went to Harvard. She's practically Obama in drag!!!1!1!

    • Crank_Tango

      If she is Nobama in drag, I have no problem with that.

    • Skullfuggary

      Afro=Kenya, Cuban=Communist.

      She is th Kenyan commie! Quick, get me some more chalkboards. I'm onto something.

      • Sparky McGruff

        Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Oligarhy!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wait a minute – the name Soledad O'Brien doesn't sound merkin enough to me. Is it possible that this woman is not of German stock? Germans are obviously the only people that the Breitbarts of the world can trust.

    • Barrelhse

      She's named after a prison in CA, that's pretty much American.

  • mormos

    THE DUNCE KING IS DEAD. WHO OF THE DUNCES CAN CLAIM HIS DUNCE CROWN?

    Also: Seriously, what do republicans have against vaginas? Inquiring minds want to know!

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Seriously, what do republicans have against vaginas?"

      Not their penises, that's for sure.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      Transvaginal wands, sometimes. That is about it.

    • tessiee

      ???

      Santorum isn't the Dunce King?

  • HogeyeGrex

    Reading the comments over there, I kept thinking, "There's no hate like Liberal hate."

    • Angry_Marmot

      Bigger vocabulary means better invective.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Dear Whoever Found the Password to Breitbart's Web Sites:

    Have you considered the possibility, maybe there was a reason he didn't release this stuff when he was alive? Face it. You're not half the shouty angry drunk he was, and not fit to fill his vomit-covered shoes.

    • tessiee

      "not fit to fill his vomit-covered shoes"

      Which is probably for the best, since some of the vomit got *in* the shoes, too.

  • JackDempsey1

    Not sure how one becomes a Derek Bell "fan."
    Are there trading cards? I've never seen one wrapped around a piece of bubble gum.
    Marketing opportunity: the "Stars of Black Academia" trading cards should be packaged in cellophane at the bottom of 40 oz malt liquor bottles.
    "Mommy, Uncle Jimmy dropped by today and handed me a new Cornel West."

    • Biff

      "Blackademia" has a nice ring to it.

      • flamingpdog

        I haz a Massa's of Science degree.

        • Biff

          I bow.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Haha, Black Academics, as if!!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      It was going pretty good there, until you couldn't think of anything but another tired malt liquor reference. Sigh, at least it wasn't grape Kool-Aid, menthols or watermelons.

      • JackDempsey1

        regarding the tired reference:
        This deadline work is killing me.

        I'd apologize for propagating a negative stereotype, but there's some chance that you're actually a white guy impersonating a black guy with that highly deceptive (and possibly quasi-illegal) avatar, and (stick with me) then I'd be apologizing to a white guy for saying something marginally negative (and, yes, tired—I've already admitted that, jeezus) about a group of people neither one of us belong to, and that would be weird.

        • Chichikovovich

          On the other hand, there's a very good chance that Chet is who he says he is, in which case an apology would be appropriate, and avoiding giving one on the grounds you are giving here would be very weird indeed.

          [For the record, I've never noticed one hint of evidence that Chet is anything different from what he represents himself as being.]

          • snoopyfan2010

            Good grief, Lucy!

          • Sparky McGruff

            I think to be safe, JD should put together a standard issue nopology. Be sure to run it by Wonkette's (butt)crack legal team of Foreplay, Assplay, and Blowme for legal approval.

            I'm going to play it safe by posting a nondemnation of this discussion. "That isn't the language I would have used. I would have made a joke about Bristol Palin instead.".

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Because how could I be possibly be a black guy and be this good at the witty repartee?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Derrick Bell was OK, but I just couldn't ever get excited about the Houston Astros.

    • littlebigdaddy

      I've got a Shelby Steele card I've been trying to get rid of for ages!

      • IceCreamEmpress

        I'll trade you an Amiri Baraka and two Ward Connerlys.

        • CapnFatback

          I must be hoarding all the women's cards. I've got a ton of Kimberle Crenshaw, Patricia Williams, Geneva Smitherman, Beverly Moss, Melissa Harris Perry, Elizabeth Higginbotham . . .

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That's what his liberal twin brother Claude Steele said!
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claude_Steele

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Another conspiracy alert!!!!!!!!!!

    Michelle Obama's brother's basketball team (got that?), Oregon State, just upset #1 Washington (or "stunned" as they say in the headlines). Craig Robinson's Beavers (yes, it's even worse than Ducks) now advance in the Pac12 finals to meet the winner of the University of Arizona/UCLA contest that is airing right now.

    Without a doubt more librul cheating! A team named after lady-parts wins an impossible game with the Muslin b-ball-playin' president no doubt on the coach's speed dial.

    This off-topic political investigation brought to you by Jukesgrrl, your Lois Lane in U of A territory, who is afraid our new overlords might miss this crucial story.

    • flamingpdog

      Send the story to Tips@Wonkette.com, Jukes. We'll never hear of it again.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Wait, USC is already out? Damn, there goes yet one more opportunity for some reporter to use everyone's favorite PAC-12 headline: Trojans Pound Beavers.

      • Chichikovovich

        It's the other USC that I'd like to see take on Oregon State. I'm sure headline writers are praying for that matchup.

        • yyyaz

          Sports eds. I knew were especially fond of Oral Roberts losing. See, Morehead State. Also, too.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          "Cocks Game to Meet Beavers." I should be a headline writer.

          • Chichikovovich

            You have a gift.—

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        The USC Student Newspaper http://dailytrojan.com/

    • littlebigdaddy

      Haha–PAC 12 is the 10th best conference in the country. Now, if OSU were winning in the West Coast Conference that might mean something.

    • Angry_Marmot

      In any athletic event, I always bet on the rodent.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I bet on that basketball-playing dog and won every time.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        It's only right you should support your family.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is exactly the kind of careful, measured, dignified, elegant, scholarly approach to empirically-based research that I've come to expect from Breitbart.

    • Barrelhse

      Shit, I thought you were going to say from Us.

  • not that Dewey

    Guilt by dissociation.

    • OneYieldRegular

      You should patent that.

  • Generation[redacted]

    That's it. Her career is over.

    Pleeze don't hurt us Frightfart!

    (looking forward to the rest of the "vetting" process)

  • moar_plz

    I'd like to congratulate Andrew on one week of sobriety.

    • Biff

      Do they give out chips for that? With guacamole?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      I'll drink to that. Actually, I AM drinking to that.

    • flamingpdog

      ♪ Breitbart's body lies amoldering in the grave. ♪

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      In a possibly related story, coke dealers in L.A. have reported a record drop in sales.

      • Crank_Tango

        Allegedly.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          I think "possibly related" covers me with the lawyers. After all, it could be "possibly related" to half of Hollywood still being hung over from Oscar parties.

    • ElPinche

      Nice! I'm sticking my dick in these mash potatoes.

      • tessiee

        Well, for god's sake, whatever you do, don't stick it in the jar of peanuts, because that would just be fucking nuts.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Who would have thought we would be repurposing the Amy Winehouse jokes so soon? My golf clap is from the heart, my friend. From the heart.

      • tessiee

        "Who would have thought we would be repurposing the Amy Winehouse jokes so soon?"

        they hardly even had a chance to become Whitney Houston jokes.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Too soon!

    • Veritas78

      Woops — formaldehyde has alcohol in it, per Wikipedia: "A typical commercial grade formalin may contain 10–12% methanol in addition to various metallic impurities."

      So he's probably still soused. But hey, aren't we all?

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh, my. Now THAT'S mean.

      In a brilliantly wonderful way, of course.

  • sewollef

    Oh, bloody hell…. really? Really?

    Fuck Breitfart — and the horse he rode in on!

    • flamingpdog

      Who was riding the other Three Horses?

  • DustBowlBlues

    Okay, fuck this topic, or whatever. I have more important shit to say. I just read down to the posts way down at the bottom of my screen and read that the editor has given us rules. My comments were on page 5 or 6, on my computer but the thread had gone cold 6 hours before.

    Are there anymore clarifications I need? Also, I started thinking about other aspects of "our" wonkette: that Chatango chat thingie. I don't do it often, because it goes fast and confuses an Old like me, but do we still have it? If we really need to blow off steam, we could flip to that and claim we have tommy guns in our hands, aimed at all the other ***ards (I am so not going to be the first hammerbanned)? I will really miss T***ards and will have to go back to doing updates on fb so I can use it there. Republi****s, also.

    • Limeylizzie

      We can't use the t-rd word even without the 'Re"???? Goodness gracious, I hate authority.

      • RadioSlut

        Paultard works.
        How about returd?
        Santorum is a returd.

      • AlterNewt

        … though punishment and discipline have their place.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    So, I haven't quite been following thus, and I need someone to tell me if I'm basically right:

    At this point, the secret whitey tapes that Andrew Breitbart gave his life, via Death Note, to see published are actually about how when Obama was a Black Law student, he had a Black Law professor, who he introduced and said nice things about, while they were both Black, and both the first at things, at Harvard. But the REAL controversy is that he gave the guy a hug, which proves that the liberal media is in on it. And also too, the Black Law professor once wrote a story, which is the Torchwood Miniseries, Children of Earth, but about Black people instead of children, and about America instead of low-budget England and doesn't feature an immortal bisexual spaceman to my knowledge, and this all proves that said first Black tenured professor at Harvard, who repeatedly fought his administration because other minorities were being unfairly denied tenure, is actually a reverse racist for thinking poorly of American race relations at the time.

    And all of this proves that Soledad O'Brien is a reverse-racist too, for finding the above too nonsensical and farcical to take seriously, and for not realizing that "THE MEDIA DIDN'T COVER THIS [complete non-story]" is all the proof anyone should need.

    Did I get that all right?

    • flamingpdog

      Thanks for fingering it out for me, DJ – I was afraid I was actually going to have use my brain instead of just my spleen at teh Wonkette today.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Aside from forgetting about the reverse vampires, yes.

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys

        I am relieved to google that a reverse vampire is NOT someone that shits blood.

        • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

          No, but you really will want to get that checked out, all the same.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I saw a TV spot with Henry Winkler pitching reverse vampires during Rachel tonight!

    • Generation[redacted]

      The FrightFart troll said something about white supremecy. That's all I got out of his rant.

    • anniegetyerfun

      That is what I came up with as well, but according to the Breitbart site, "something something conspiracy media race haters"?

    • IceCreamEmpress

      You left out that every one of these non-white quasi-Amurricans were affiliated with OMG HARVARD UNIVERSITY which creation science has shown was erected by Satan himself, in his clever disguise as Increase Mather or whothefuckever.

      And you know who else went to Harvard? No, not you-know-who's piano player (although he did), but even worse—it rhymes with Schmennedy.

      • flamingpdog

        Tim Pawlennedy?

        • Geminisunmars

          zzzzzzzennedy

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Every time you praise rhymes-with-Schmennedy, Pope Santorum pukes!!

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      IS THERE A WHINY PATHETIC DIVA BABY IN MY THREAD?

      • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

        Ha ha, you fellas have really been fighting the good fight today with your whining about rules that have always been around but probably haven't been enforced in a while, once Ken decided you were helpless and just started ignoring threads. Yesterday's post was probably about the 50th time a post of its kind has been put up reinforcing some extremely limited guidelines — and it was certainly the most polite — and for the first time, I really couldn't believe my eyes you guys, I saw some people giving passionate defenses of their rights, and how free speech was repressed! What a sad, sad thing. You have no rights, there is no free speech, and I guess I'll go ahead and ban you each — eh, I'll think about it for 10 minutes — for whining all day about the loosest set of commenting restrictions out there. (10 minutes! I'm getting soft.)

        • CapnFatback

          Ban if you must, Jim; just don't pull the Carbonite sponsorship on my comments. The Cap'n is counting on that endorsement dough to pay for a new barnacle scraper for the S.S. Noah's Snark.

          • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

            I'd never think of it.

        • Geminisunmars

          But regulations are job killers.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          One man's polite is another man's condescending, passive-aggressive, and vague ("Try not to be totally libelous"? I think that falls under the old "I know it when I see it" rule about pornography. But if not, I'll admit my knowledge of libel law is pretty spotty, what with not being a lawyer and all.)

          I am all in favor of guidelines and rules, if only to keep you guys from being inundated with angry wingnut emails and legal threats (which I always imagined is part of the job), and I can't defend the utter freak-out about first amendment rights or whatever that resulted in that 1000-comment monstrosity of a thread. But we're all adults here and at least part of that post came off as pretty damn condescending (go back and read the whole skull-fucking line again.) And as far as I can tell I'm one of the younger adults hanging around this cesspool.

          And while I'm not a shrinking violet and I certainly don't hold anyone around here to any high standard of civility – I consider this a feature of Wonkette – I'll point out that calling people assholes and disgusting pigs does not qualify as "polite," no matter what past postings you're using for comparison. There might be an unwritten understanding that that is how we address each other around here, but let's not pretend that one side or the other of this debate holds the moral high ground.

          So ban people if you must, but you know how the commenters are around here. This might have happened while you were at Gawker, but Ken once in all apparent seriousness called Obama morally weak, and that phrase immediately became a snark meme that still pops up regularly. Layne was so flummoxed he temporarily banned a commenter who wrote a whole satire of it.

          This place is a free-range Frankenstein monster. It's all fine to keep it from throwing a little girl down a well, but you gotta expect the roars of protest.

  • RadioSlut

    I can now see the importance of carrying out the assassination as soon as possible.

    • flamingpdog

      So long and thanks for all the fission, Radio!

    • Barb

      I am replying to your comment because someone just posted below that you were banned. IF you can reply to your comments you weren't banned. I am glad you aren't banned because I enjoy you so much.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I've watched the video 20 times and I still don't see the moon Nazis!

    • Angry_Marmot

      You've got to want it badly enough.

  • Tundra Grifter

    In return for a couple of days of SPAM from breitbart.com (and a fund-raising request from Li'l Ricky Santorum – looks like he either purchased or borrowed Ole Crazy Eye's email roster because she's been emailing me like an ignored one-night stand ever since I got those free tickets to the event with her and Duh Gov'nuh I read about on Wonkette) – take a breath – I'd like to point out that one may register and comment on breitbart.com stories.

    It will be interesting to see how long they let "OBlivious" continue to post.

    • C_R_Eature

      You know, I went over to the New Improved "BigGovernment" site earlier, with it's astounding Obama – destroying Video Scoop. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I sure wasn't ready for what I saw. It's a Catastrophe – not a trainwreck, but a full on Greek gods-battling-and-destroying-the-Earth category Tragedy. When I was there, the Hot lead Story had 2500+ comments, most of which were from sarcastic Trolls, true believers fighting with the Trolls, paranoid anti-government SPAM and longtime users posting variants of "How the fuck do I use this Disqus thing?" Ten stories were some variant of the lead. And all of the old story links were broken in the upgrade and led back to the front page. It was truly a beautiful thing.
      Now I know why we have been spared Troll Invasions lately. They're all either fighting with each other or just trying to figure out what the hell's going on.

      • redarmyzombie

        Truly, this is the sign of a wondrous new era.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        So they're not on Intensedebate anymore?

        • HistoriCat

          Oh shit – does that mean Wonkette will be moving to Disqus in 6 months or a year? I can't handle that – Disqus does not play nice with Chrome. I don't even bother trying to read comments on TPM any more.

          • C_R_Eature

            I don't have an account, but I can read the comments fine and I'm running Firefox 10, with lots of security and noscript add-ons. That might work for you.

      • SorosBot

        Hey, I already have a Disqus account that I use for commenting elsewhere – so I could fuck with them still too. But nah, only when they show up to troll us (and it has been quite a while for the most part).

        • C_R_Eature

          Agreed, it's only worth fucking with them when they rudely barge in here to fuck with us. Besides, it looks like there's plenty of anti-Biggovernment Trollery to go around there.
          I'll bet it took you no time at all to figure out your Disqus account, in stark contrast to all the foamy thrashing about and wailing that I saw going on Over There.

  • Come here a minute

    HUG OF DEATH

  • Exhausted66

    I can't believe I voted for Obama.

  • mindo99

    Here I sit, broken hearted

    Tried to write and just Brietbarted.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Serious question: What is, as of this moment, the functional difference between the Breitbartians and the Westboro Baptist Church? I mean, Derrick Bell was like the Mr. Rogers of academia. Shitting on his memory is right up there with the WBC's threat to picket the actual Mr. Rogers's funeral.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      The comparison to Fred Rogers is on a self-presentation level, obviously, not a comparison of the two men's work. Professor Bell was an incredibly warm and approachable person, almost unusually so for someone of his intellectual accomplishments and stature.

  • http://lovematters-manabouttown.blogspot.com/ UnionAgitator

    I'll bet a month's supply of USS Reagan caps that no Breitbartian ever read Professor Bell's "Ethical Ambition."

  • Negro(banned)

    Needz moar wordz, Newell.

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      Ha ha ha, WHAT?

    • Barb

      Love ya, someone just posted you were banned.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya
    • Generation[redacted]

      Wow. Watching that was. Surreal. Like bashing the grammatical part of my head against a misspelled sledge hammer, wall, and brick in no particular order.

    • flamingpdog

      What the fuck was she talking about and what the Hell question was she answering?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Apologies to the editrix but I can think of no other way to say it: Sarah Palin just skull-fucked the English language.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          I'm not interested in the Critical Race Theory views of a woman who found a Hawaii college "too ethnic" and went around making yech-faces and saying "OMG I fucked a black guy!!!" after fucking a black guy.

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Plus as I recall she was a journalist covering the basketball tournament Glenn Rice was playing in. That's just so…unethical.

          • Biff

            Is it unethnical, though?

    • Biff

      GODDAMNIT WHY DID I CLICK THAT CLICKY!!!!!111!

    • Geminisunmars

      Well, I for one, appreciate that she has been obviously very busy these last three years getting up to speed on (or is that getting up on speed) Americun History. She's learned that the Civil War had to be fought because people mistakenly believed that there was class differences. (I think that's what she said. I wasn't about to reendure that clip.)

    • BarackMyWorld

      I don't understand…what she's…

      WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!?!

      Gah!

      • neiltheblaze

        She doesn't know. So, I guess that means, why should we?

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Hannity seems confused that this story isn't gaining any traction. Maybe, just maybe, Breitbart had a secret plan (to be activated by mysterious associates in the event of his death) to terminally embarass Right Wing pundits, one by one, with lame stunts like this one, a sort of post-humorous sudden-death-bed conversion of the Lee Atwater variety. Maybe the Limbaugh take-down was the first, a set-up seeded before events. Hannity is so gullible he'll believe anything told to him by anyone with a flag-pin on their lapel, so he was 2nd. Whenever I see Hannity on TV, I want to say, "Hi, SLuggo. How's Nancy?"
    Where will the ghost of Breitbart strike next?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Hannity's only skill of reciting Republican talking points with total conviction has exposed his total lack of critical thinking skills.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Dude adds quality and value to it, as well. Not only his ability as a perfect parrot, but he adds this special talent for dog-whistle race-baiting with wide-eyed, innocent wonder. He's color blind, which is why he spends an inordinate amount of time discussing 15 percent of the population with disaffected White exurbanites. On the plus side, he has the worst fake laugh in the industry.

  • Pithaughn

    First female WH press secretary?

    • not that Dewey

      Dee Dee Myers?

      • Skullfuggary

        And, after that, how could anyone forget Dana Perino?

        • flamingpdog

          "I'll take Cuban/American crises for $200, Alex."

  • C_R_Eature

    I think that it bears repeating, lest we forget, that Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

    • Skullfuggary

      But, his stupidity lives on in the undiagnosed brain tumors of every one of his acolytes.

      • C_R_Eature

        I have a Videodrome-like Theory about that.

        • FakaktaSouth

          I enjoy you – I can see you actually sitting around and pondering this postulation – and it makes me think more, not less of you – to be sure. Now I have to go google Videodrome as I lean across the laundry I need to put up, because I too go down pointless wells of what I call intellectual curiosity – it sounds better than Adult ADD. Thanks dude.

          ETA – James Woods AND Blondie? GTFO.

          • C_R_Eature

            Thank you very much. It's good to know that there's others out in the wilderness that appreciate the Weird things that are generated in my head. It's nice to have a place to write these things where people don't immediately react in Fear and Loathing , too.

            You just have to watch Videodrome if you haven't seen it yet. I watched it, originally , on Videocassette, which ties into the storyline.
            You'll see.

          • FakaktaSouth

            Ruh-roh…Videodrome is on the netflix streaming – I just checked…rabbit hole, engaged. (SQUIRREL!) I will report back.

          • C_R_Eature

            Ah hahahahahah! Your Brain will never be the same. Don't say you weren't warned.

          • Gunner Asch

            I missed that one altogether. I see it was made in '93, so I have the excuse of being caught up in my own Coping With Insane, Suicidal Teenage Girls movie.

          • C_R_Eature

            That sounds far, far scarier. I hope both your Brain and the Girls made it out OK.

          • Gunner Asch

            Well, now they're 28 and 31 and I only fret myself into a cold sweat about the younger one now, and that just once a year or so. Progress! The older one only had a closed head injury at 13 followed by years of black rages and a permanent loss of 10 pts or so of IQ. Fortunately she was very sharp to begin with and more than holds her own in Corporate America. The residual temper stuff probably helps. The younger one had a worse situation. This parenting stuff is Hard.

          • C_R_Eature

            Whew! Good for them, and you too. I'll raise a glass to you when I can.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I don't have the time, energy or sobriety to look through all of the comments, but I have to ask…

    Is anyone else as sick of the phrase "GAME CHANGER" as I am??

    • C_R_Eature

      Only just as soon as I heard it.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      All of us Dashboard.

    • Geminisunmars

      HBO thinks it's a winner.

    • neiltheblaze

      Especially since we all know the game never changes.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Only the rules.

        • HistoriCat

          What are you talking about?

          1. If a Republican does it, it's good.
          2. If a Democrat does it, it's bad.

          The rules have not changed in 20 or 30 years.

          • Fare la Volpe

            I meant re: what spaces you can earn your $200,000 passing Go bonus. With Citizens United the answer is every space, all the time.

          • HistoriCat

            Ah – thanks for clarifying. You are, of course, correct. Basically the banker can just give out money whenever he wants to.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, all I can say is: "Everybody knows the World is full of Stupid People."

  • Generation[redacted]

    If the lamestreem media refuses to cover this, Rush certainly has some dead air to fill.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Wonkette radio spot!

      • C_R_Eature

        "This program brought to you by the people of Wonkette. Proud to be Rude, Rudely Proud! "

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          I like it! Just run it by the lawyers first. By which I mean that tank of piranhas in Rebecca's living room.

          • C_R_Eature

            Good idea! After they've had their raw liver, of course.

    • BarackMyWorld

      So much for all those french fries he has left.

  • MikeHawkstrong

    Just so you all know, Jim just banned Radio and Negropolis. Be careful out there.

    • Barb

      What are you talking about? I just replied to their comments. IF you can reply, they aren't banned. They changed their names to "_______banned" for shits and giggles.

      • C_R_Eature

        We're such an Unruly bunch.

        • Barb

          Bad C_R_! Go to my room!

          • C_R_Eature

            Oh…Okay…

            *slinks off, grinning*

    • Huevos Ocupados

      Dammit! Negropolis was my ride home…

      Shit just got real.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        IS this for real? Negropolis and Radio are two fave Wonketeers.

        • Huevos Ocupados

          I’m not sure, but given Barb’s post above and Negropolis’ new name of ‘barbhesnotjoking’ it doesn’t look good.

          Probably nothing that can’t be fixed though…

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            Thanks for the reply.

          • Huevos Ocupados

            Sure thing. I've noticed that Radio is back at least.

        • Fare la Volpe

          It's fake; they're fucking with us. You can't upfist or reply to a comment if it's banned.

          You can reply and upfist an account that's deleted, but then the avatar would be a broken image and a name consisting of "deleted" and a string of numbers.

  • Angry_Marmot

    They're waiting for the corpse to give off the odor of sanctity and three miraculous cures.

    • GliblyArcane

      Well that acrid scent he's giving off now sure isn't sanctity – it's the smell of Ronald Reagan pouring phosphorous on him in hell.

  • tessiee

    THE VETTING should totes be in squiggly red letters, like a Stephen King book title.

    • not that Dewey

      Now I can't stop thinking about The Bloodening

      • tessiee

        OMG! They just show

    • C_R_Eature

      The letters should grow, in Claymation eeriness, out of a swamp and be plucked out of the ground one by one by a giant six-fingered hand. At the end, a deep echoing voice says "NI**ER!"

      The next video on the Big Government website.

    • tessiee

      Also, wind chimes, empty playground swings swinging back and forth, and creepy children's voices singing.

  • GliblyArcane

    Next big reveal: Obama wears out pocket of trousers by inserting and removing hand repeatedly during speech in support of Derrick Bell – it's a khaki conspiracy masterminded by secret cabal of Muslim/Marxist/Communist/Higher Education advocates!

    • Huevos Ocupados

      Pleat libel!

  • DahBoner

    Wait!

    Wouldn't they want Obama to STAY and hug some more Black guys???

  • freakishlywrong

    The loathsome Billo and the equally strident and fuckwitted Laura Ingram have also advanced the theory that Sandra is a "plant" and that this whole nefarious plan originated in the WH to obfuscate the fact that the whole country sided with the Catholic church. No, I'm not linking to it.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I guess all those "polls" and "data" proving them wrong are all left-wing conspiracies too.

  • C_R_Eature

    Hey everyone. A co-worker sent me a link to "Bizarre and Unique Holidays". I love this sort of thing.
    Let's see. March…9th. Here we go! Today… is… Panic Day. Panic Day? Panic Day!?

    OMG RUN EVERYBODY RUNRUNRUNRUN!!1!1!

  • C_R_Eature

    All right now, on Washington Journal now we've got Ex-Bush Admin Former Undersecretary of State for Arms Control & Intl. Security Ellen Tauscher, speaking on the crisis in Syria.It's a reasonable, sane conversation, for a change.
    As the conversation inevitably works it's way around to Iran, she consistently pronounces the word "Nucular". Nucular! AAARGH it's NU_CLE_AR, NUCLEAR DAMMIT AS IN NU_CLE_US NUCLEUS RANT GROWL BARK

    Bad Memories of the Administration of He Who Shall Not Be Named. Fucking George W. Bush. I know he said that specifically to piss me off.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Nucular Engineer Jimmy Carter as well. And don't get me started on Jack Bauer!!

      • C_R_Eature

        I liked "Jack Bauer" better as a Boy Vampire.

        I really think the whole "Nucular" pronunciation thingy is an In-Group signal to us on the outside. As in "Hey, I'm one of the Cool Kids and I can say it this way and you can't stop me."

        This would explain why Dubya persistently used it and why I caught him saying "Nuclear" correctly by mistake at a news conference.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          No, no, you see, the origin of the word is the verb "to nuke". It is a sign of a poor education to turn into a noun like "nucleus" or that made-up adjective, "nuclear." It has been "nucular" since Einstein coined the word!!

          • C_R_Eature

            Thanks. I knew I should have paid better attention in Nucular Phisicks class.

            But I had a crazy teacher, he wore dark glasses.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Just as long as he didn't have dark skin….

            "Those people" are radicals, y'know.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Neil deGrasse Tyson Libel!!

    • Biff

      I used to have a right-wing extremist for a first-line supervisor. We actually used to have some deep conversations and meaningful arguments, and always left the ring as friends. When he started saying "nucular", I realized it was a right-wing talking point, basically solidarity with their dull-witted commander in chief. Yes, I realize that "W" was also my President, but right-wing civilians considered him to be their commander in chief.

      • tessiee

        Pronouncing words correctly is so eleeeeeetist.

      • C_R_Eature

        Yes. Well, The "W" is long forgotten but the Stupid still lives on.

    • tessiee

      The two words Bush couldn't say were "nuclear" and "sorry".

      • C_R_Eature

        WIN

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    the more I look at her the more I am amazed she is a negress….but providence does not lie

  • ElPinche

    Why can't Soledad be more like K-Lo?

    • CapnFatback

      Metabolism.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Basic exercise.

        • BarackMyWorld

          Not the secret offspring of Robert W. Welch and Roseanne Barr.

  • ttommyunger

    So many enemies, so little time….

  • Steverino247

    I'll know Breitbart is really dead when I see endless commercials on Fox News for Andrew Breitbart commemorative plates, each in the series showing some triumph of investigative journalism. I'm expecting the Wiener Plate to be an especially hot seller.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Great for Hot Dogs!"

    • C_R_Eature

      I'll know Breitbart is really dead when I can Gnaw on his skull, because it just hasn't gotten Weird enough for me.

      Wait…can I say that?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Did you fuck the skull?

        • C_R_Eature

          Certainly not! That would be Disgusting and Inappropriate and just cause for falling under the swift blow of the Banhammer.

          Er….here, I'm done chewing on this. Want to fuck around with it?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    I've found their secret hideout!!
    http://www.nsbp.org/

    • C_R_Eature

      But how do they pronounce "Nuclear"? I think I'll just have to pop on in there and find out!

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I started watching the video in the lower right corner of the home page by Dr. Hakeem Oluseyi, but I actually don't have time right now. However, I can imagine the average wingtard voter watching it and seething with inferiority!

        • C_R_Eature

          I've bookmarked this & will thoroughly enjoy it later, thanks! Perhaps I will pass along the link to a few appropriate Racists, just for Fun.

  • RanierEast

    When donkeys arguing say the controversy before them is totally uncontroversial. Plug away!

  • fuflans

    seriously. is this getting any traction?

    well except at big red drudge state?