KISS YOUR MAMA WITH THAT MOUTH?  5:44 pm March 7, 2012

Programming Note: Rules For Commenting Radicals

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes.
2. No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone).
3. Try not to be totally libelous.
4. If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?

OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. But not Texas-style, as we are civilized.

Rebecca Schoenkopf
Editrix

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 1070 comments }

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 5:47 pm

"i.e. ‘machinegunning’"

ah. sorry about that. duly noted.

ph7 March 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Wait. I thought "machinegunning " was a metaphor for a guy having so much sex he can't afford his Viagra.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Or so much Viagra that he couldn't afford the sex?

PrimlyStable March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

New Wonkette has a kinder, gentler machine-gun hand.

dijetlo March 7, 2012 at 6:18 pm

You are why we can't have nice things…

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I'm pretty sure I made a joke yesterday which mentioned the paralympics. Might as well just delete my account now and save the hassle.

LetUsBray March 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Yeah, c'mon dude and/or dudette: Everyone knows it's "machinegunning WITH VOTES".

AbandonHope March 7, 2012 at 7:49 pm

The PROPER term is "surveyor's marking".

Sparky McGruff March 7, 2012 at 10:51 pm

As in, "Sarah Palin was surveying the wolves from the helicopter, and left lots of surveyors marks behind"

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Did she ever have someone show her how to work a rifle? I heard she had some issues in her reality show firing one. Bless her heart.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 11:25 pm

"fully automatic surveyor's marking".

actor212 March 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm

1) No pooftahs.

2) No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way a'all, if there's anyone watching.

3) No pooftahs.

4) Now, this term I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.

5) No pooftahs.

6) There is nooooooooooooooooo rule six.

7) No pooftahs.

Right, that concludes the reading of the rules, carry on posting

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Yes, Mom.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Thumbs up for making it hot.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 7:30 pm

She wasn't kidding about that Mommy blog thing, was she?

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Wait, does this mean that we will never again see the photo of Weeping Santorum? Because I loved, if not mocking, then at least seeing that little kid cry, wearing her American Girls dress and clutching her American Girls doll.

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I don't think we ever slurred her so much as made light of her position within that horrible, horrible family. That's totally ok, right?

Also, Weeping Santorum is an AMAZING name for a death metal band.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Oh, we didn't really mock the poor kid, although I will admit to feeling a bit of (apparently misplaced) dread that she woud grow up to be pretty hideous. But I will admit definite joy at seeing the suffering of a child, and that's kind of unfair, even though it's a Santorum child and as such, not technically human.

HogeyeGrex March 7, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I was thinking "weeping santorum" sounded like a rather unpleasant medical condition.

BerkeleyBear March 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Which is why a metal band somewhere will embrace it. Gangrene and Pus being two prior incarnations I know of.

HogeyeGrex March 7, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Somewhere, GWAR is planning out a very messy stage effect.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Isn't that a side affect of too much olestra?

vtxmcrider March 8, 2012 at 12:24 am

That cannot not in any way be construed as a slur on a child. That is pure and unadulterated Schadenfreude which, as every Republican knows, is fully protected under the Constitution.

anniegetyerfun March 8, 2012 at 12:32 am

You know who ELSE liked to use long German words to express joy at his opponent's defeat?

gurukalehuru March 8, 2012 at 6:09 am

Frederick Barbarossa?

neiltheblaze March 8, 2012 at 8:06 am

Charles Lindbergh?

Advn2rgirl March 8, 2012 at 10:25 am

Angela Merkel?

GOPCrusher March 8, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Baron Von Richtoffen?

AlterNewt March 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

St Thomas Aquinas?

PrimlyStable March 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Where do we stand on buttsecs? This being Wonkette and all.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

I'm pretty sure that's still legal.

Not_So_Much March 7, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Probably not in Texas.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Fortunately, the Supreme Court overturned that.

At least until the current court re-overturns that.

iburl March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Conservative dudes in flowing robes love turning over for buttsechs.

Terry March 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Only if staggering amounts of gin are involved

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 6:37 pm

It better be. It's why I keep coming back.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Heh. Coming back.

teebob2000 March 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Right about here.

*points to about 2 inched below taint*

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I think it's fair to say we have a "wide stance".

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

As long as you are not skullfucking someone, it is perfectly fine.

Naked_Bunny March 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Even consensual skullfucking?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Honestly, I haven't figured out how to do them both at the same time.

Advn2rgirl March 8, 2012 at 10:26 am

"Dave? Does it always have to be in the head, Dave?"

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

PS:

Standing after the buttsecs is probably a lot easier than sitting.

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I'm led to believe that most lie down on buttsecs. But hey, it'd be a boring old world if we were all the same, amirite?

deanbooth March 7, 2012 at 9:00 pm

We all know that Breitbart had his head up his ass, so at this point buttseks with him would be equivalent to skullfucking.

littlebigdaddy March 7, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I'm getting a sort of BDSM vibe here, and I like it!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Thankfully, typing isn't hard even with a ball gag on.

LesBontemps March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Yeah, but Mistress Sarah Benincasa would go all dungeon on us. Can we get a little of that?

SkinnyNerd March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

That salutation – editrix – kind of has me thinking maybe I should disobey. What is the safe word though?

LetUsBray March 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

"Not totally libelous".

littlebigdaddy March 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Libel libel!

UW8316154 March 7, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Man, I'm having a hard time remembering it.
Blue Bah-……Blue Balls??

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2012 at 5:18 am

Green balloons!

Wow, I didn't realize we had been riding that meme so long: http://wonkette.com/412574/former-gop-missouri-ho

UW8316154 March 8, 2012 at 10:40 am

Seems like just yesterday! Some of the favorite wonkett (there's another one!) memes have been around so long, it's hard to remember when they first began.

bumfug March 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I must have missed all the skullfucking comments.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Who can keep up with so many posts every day?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

And you call yourself a Wonketeer?

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 8:31 pm

This maybe the the first time I've seen the word here.

GeorgiaBurning March 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

a Hunter Thompson reference, how soon we forget

MilwaukeeKent March 8, 2012 at 3:04 am

Well, if it's an HST reference, (though he probably got it from a biker who actually did that in a cemetery) we COULD replace it with his ever-handy "Have his testicles ripped out with a plastic fork" (maybe"Off" not "Out"…working from memory here).

Iam_Who_Iam March 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm

[To be read with gossipy whisper] I am ashamed I do not know how to link specific comments [hangs head in shame] but on the second page of comments (linky below) the deed was happening with Virginia Foxx. [Nervously scans room for C_R_Eature.]
http://wonkette.com/465560/hero-journalist-attemp

veritass March 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Then they came for the assholes, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an assho… nevermind. I'm actually just lazy.

SkinnyNerd March 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Is this memo for those talking heads on TV, radio guys, and politicians?

Lascauxcaveman March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

And require we should all commenters Yoda-syntax to use!

Ducksworthy March 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

So If I find the entire GOP presidential field mentally disabled I must remain silent? Or do they have to have a diagnosis to be exempt from criticism?

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Oh, man, that's a tough one. Because I'm pretty sure that some of them ARE on the special needs side.

How about: if a special needs person is elected to office, then they are fair game?

lucimorland March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

It's the Palin Principle

heathenette March 8, 2012 at 3:00 am

GW comes to mind. How ’bout him, can we still make fun of him? If he’s off limits I’m not playin’!

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Eagleton?

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Oh, god, this kills me, but I guess Sarah Marie Santroum is grown up and even though she looks a lot like her dad, she's actually kind of pretty. I'm ashamed at how much I like her eyebrows.

DrunkIrishman March 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Better looking than the older sister, who looks like a potato.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Potato libel!!!1!

doloras March 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

He lives in Mojave, in a Winnebago.
His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato.

(Zappa)

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 12:40 am

Potato-head Bobby was a friend of mine!

starfanglednut March 8, 2012 at 9:27 am

Z!!

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

AGAIN with the potato?
What is it going to be with you, with these potatoes?

DrunkIrishman March 8, 2012 at 4:48 am

I'm Irish…it's an obsession.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 12:40 am

A PREGNANT potato.

BarackMyWorld March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

She's only 14. Let's not get carried away.

DrunkIrishman March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

In Utah, that's legal.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Far be it from me to define anyone else's family units.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Fair enough. I was pretty cute at 14, but you'd never know it now.

DarwinianDemon March 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

In Santorum's America she would be a grandma already

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

That she is 14 is pretty obvious from the look on her face. My daughters have given me that look many times when they were in that age bracket..

VaWyo March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I just realized that was a real photo! I always thought wonkette photoshoped it.

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I agrees, but (and maybe it's just me) she looks kind of old for a fourteen-year-old. But maybe life in the Santorum family ages you.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

To be perfectly fair, if the world had spent the last few years laughing at a photo of me during an ugly cry as a kid, I'd probably look about 50 right now. Thank goodness I only look 48.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:24 pm

To judge from your free-spirited posting style, I wouldn't have thought you were a day over 47.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

34, but I like to live life to the fullest (meth).

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

That gal has NO LIPS. Yech.

OhHellToTheNo March 8, 2012 at 10:50 pm

That's not even the correct Weeping Santorum picture in the ABC article. I've never seen that one before and assume it is a fake!

UW8316154 March 7, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Uh-oh you guys. We're in BIG trouble.

DrunkIrishman March 7, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Well there goes a bulk of my snark. THANKS A LOT.

yellowerdog March 7, 2012 at 5:54 pm

You know who else required OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.?

UW8316154 March 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Well, following Rule #3, I got nuthin.

nounverb911 March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

The person who did summary executions at Gawker?

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Zod?

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:17 pm

And would saying "Kneel before Zod" be considered some form of sexual harassment?

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

It's the name of a common treatment at Marcus Bachman's Pray-Away-Gay Clinic.

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Weight Watchers?

Deportably_Jose March 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Joe Arpaio?

You meant to say 'and', right?

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 6:24 pm

With Frothy off somewhere mysterious, I guess maybe I can be the unofficial commenter to say "HITLER"!!!!!

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Godwins law.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 7:00 am

A-HEM!

rickmaci March 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Darth Vader?

real_dc_native March 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Ken Layne? Jim Newell?

CthuNHu March 7, 2012 at 11:37 pm

David Vitter's dominatrix hooker?

gurukalehuru March 8, 2012 at 6:16 am

Ming the Minionless?

nounverb911 March 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I'm afraid to ask. There was a certain ex-first lady with a jar?

MittsHairHelmet March 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

So I'm good if my comments are marginally libelous? Excellent.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Just remember, different (higher) standard for those who "thrust themselves" into the public eye, so to speak. NYT v. Sullivan. Needs actual malice aforethought, of which we might have plenty around these parts but not, strictly speaking, in the *legal* sense.

mrblifil March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

This might have been a problem prior to Breitbart croaking and all my prayers being answered NOT THAT I WISHED FOR HIS DEATH.

GeorgiaBurning March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

but like Mark Twain once said, you enjoyed reading the obituary

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Mama Berenstain LIVES!!1!

Beetagger March 7, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I guess I'll have to move to Red State now.

DarwinianDemon March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Can we libel fetuses and embryos?

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Not if you live in a state with "personhood" laws.

BklynIlluminati March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I think the new regime wants to put lipstick on us pigs. Can we still say Paultards?

DarwinianDemon March 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Paul-Differently Ableds

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Paul-Challengedes.

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

We could go all sciencey (hoping that Rebecca is a fine arts major) and call them Paultardigrades.

ChessieNefercat March 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I once designed a water balance experiment with tardigrades (water bears). They're adorable little dears under a microscope.

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 7:01 pm

"moss piglets" Sqeee!

ChessieNefercat March 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Interestingly (to me and maybe eight other people on the planet) I specialized in moss, my advisor specialized in moss, and yet, I never heard the term “moss piglets” (so sweet), just water bears. They are one of the few critters that enjoy rambling around in moss.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:57 am

Teh cute. Tardigrades, not the experiments.

Redhead March 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Ol' Paul-extra-chromosomes?

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 8:06 pm

"Moss piglets" is my new insult for everything.

real_dc_native March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I know Obama started this "lipstick on a pig" during the last election and it just proves he's a city boy. It just pisses off the pig and they eat the lipstick. And you can get hurt trying this.

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Paul-turds?

gurukalehuru March 8, 2012 at 6:22 am

How about Tardis? Or tard and feathered?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:59 am

Me likey.

Jim Newell March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I am going to ban you all!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Go back to Gawker, you hippie!

Jim Newell March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

No you go!

FlownOver March 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Alt-text or GTFO

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Can't make us. Oh wait, you probably can. NM.

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

OK, but show us your tits FIRST!

Veritas78 March 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Why don't you start with the spam poster?

Jim Newell March 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm

spam posters are hilarious

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:44 am

Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
Spam spam spam spam SPAM spam spam spam

… no one's larfink?

starfanglednut March 8, 2012 at 9:30 am

I like spam!

coolhandnuke March 7, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I'll go out in a blaze of glory…with my trusty fire retardant.

iburl March 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

watch it…..

Sharkey March 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm

i like eggs

Nothingisamiss March 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I love lamp.

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 12:53 am

you and Bon Jovi.

littlebigdaddy March 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm

No soup for us?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Jim:

You're suffering from a serious case of Blue Post. Been a while since ya got any?

BaldarTFlagass March 8, 2012 at 7:48 am

Why doesn't this comment have +100 or more upfists?

Tundra Grifter March 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Funny – I've been asking myself the same thing.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Probably because some 70+ regulars are too fucking depressed to fist anything but their partners today.

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 10:42 am

You are unique and special!

Tundra Grifter March 8, 2012 at 11:57 am

CK:

That means a lot, coming from the cool Blah dude. I wasn't sure anyone would get it.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Don't show the new boss how to ban and you will have job security.

smokefilledroommate March 8, 2012 at 4:24 am

Newell: Remember when Jenna Bush was married? I made a fart joke and you banned me! I was shocked. (Unfortunate true story).

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 4:45 am

You're as bad with the late nights and the booze as I am. You're bad.

So, uh, dinner sometime?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:45 am

Geeze. That Newell's got an itchy banhammer for shoah.

teebob2000 March 8, 2012 at 10:12 am

Promises, promises.

estevancarlos March 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

I posted a polite, treatise on how Breitbart wasn't a liar and was the kindest human being on earth, bringing love to all. Huffington Post blocked it. You guys are better.

So without further hesitation:

Brietbart was the nicest, loveliest man on earth and was never, ever a liar.

The end.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Obvy, HuffPoo saw that "kindest human being" stuff and realized right away you were lying through your teefs.

Nothingisamiss March 8, 2012 at 4:41 pm

YOU ARE BACK!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Not really, love. I checked in on Super Tuesday, as I said I would, and the next day, teh Wonketz exploded, and I'm still tens of thousands of miles away with a very slow connection, and wondering what to do.

But it is great to see you, my friend. I scratch your ears fondly.

Biff March 8, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I hope your Down Under Rosetta Stone has come in handy, anyway.

Jus_Wonderin March 7, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Well, dammit! I guess I got nuthin' to fuckin' say…anymores.

ph7 March 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

When morally conflicted, I ask WWJD?

What Would Jack [Steuff] Do?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

ah, something which gets my comment auto-deleted, is what he'd probably do

ChernobylSoup March 7, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Move to Japan during a nuclear crisis? Seems a bit extreme.

PrimlyStable March 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Break rule #1?

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I like to ask what Riley Waggaman would do, and I then I get to pretend I'm a hobbit.

(I miss you, Riley)

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 10:42 am

Steuf and Wags, the Frodo and Samwise of Wonkette.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Leave a goodbye post which implies the end is nigh and causes a weekend freakout of epic proportions?

UW8316154 March 7, 2012 at 11:50 pm

But only after nearly bringing our wonkett to its knees by making a poorly thought-out post that wasn't even that funny to begin with?

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 12:40 am

Well, yes – that's the "set-up" to the goodbye post "punch line". That's right – seems everything is funny to you Wonkette!

DustBowlBlues March 8, 2012 at 9:30 pm

And the same weekend while we were waiting for the world to end.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Someone posted, that Rapture Weekend something like "Help! I'm stuck to the Ceiling!" It was awesome and probably my favorite thing that happened.

I think it was either you or "Mrs Bitch". Whoever it was, Thank You!

DustBowlBlues March 9, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I so wish it had been me. It was my favorite Billboard Apocalypse joke. I do, however, steal it upon occasion. Is that good enough?

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 10:26 pm

That was Fun and it really stirred up the Breittards. We should do that again, if only to Tweak them and, later, to puncture their inflated hopes yet again.

BearNoLike March 9, 2012 at 3:19 am

TL/DR

DonnyKerabotsos March 7, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I'm calmer than you are, Dude.

SarahsBush March 7, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Not_So_Much March 7, 2012 at 6:01 pm

We're all assfucked now.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

You know who else forced rules on their commenters?

Beetagger March 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I'll just end this right here…. Hitler?

lucimorland March 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

at least it's an ethos

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Mommy bloggers?

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Hahahaha!

ph7 March 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Bigelow Tea Co.?

Joshua Norton March 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Gawker.com?

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Burma Shave?

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Breitbart? But now he's dead.

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

NOT THAT WE WANTED THAT.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:01 pm

No we come here to vent. I just want Those People to live very long very miserable life.

real_dc_native March 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

And I wish his little friend Jimmy O'Keefe a long and healthy life (behind bars with new 'friends').

Generation[redacted] March 8, 2012 at 12:21 am

And I want free cable TV for prisoners so he can watch Obama's reelection.

RadioSlut March 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

Richard Cohen?

Fuck Toad March 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Commenting rules at Wonkett? That is a violation of the basic freedoms that the Washingtonienne's anus fought and died for (and/or had old man wangs put up in for).

Beetagger March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I guess Rebecca had lunch with her lawyer today.

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Beetagger:

Never have lunch with your lawyer. You'll pick up the tab and still get billed for the time.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

It is OK if I call people "Sluts" or "Prostitutes." Because I'm led to believe that is what liberals do.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 6:52 pm

rush is a liberal?

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Only in the sense that someone could liberally shove oxy down his/her throat without taking a break or a sip of water. Personally, I don't think that someone like that exists, so this is all speculation.

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Oh for fuck's sake!

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Totally. Those people have an IQ that hovers around the temperature of freezer burn.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Is recognizing that conservative women are stupid some type of issue?

real_dc_native March 7, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Now I'm thinking something about Bryan Fischer that would get me banned if I posted it.

KenLayIsAlive March 8, 2012 at 8:19 am

That you want to skull fuck him like a retarded child until he's dead?

mormos March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

They're like children mistress. They are just testing the limits with their new master.

Also: If I’m a minion do I get dental? Cause Lex Luthor offers dental. The guys over at H.Y.D.R.A. have stock options.

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:04 am

healthcare? what are you? some kind a soshulist?

imissopus March 8, 2012 at 2:51 am

To the cocoon!

Joshua Norton March 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

What's the official editorial position on anal bleaching?

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

I don't know, but it might be interesting to see that opinion contrasted with Santorum.

SkinnyNerd March 7, 2012 at 6:14 pm

On yourself or on others?

ph7 March 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

"Neutral" seems the obvious choice.

Extemporanus March 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Bloggy style?

Terry March 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm

As a profession or a hobby?

HogeyeGrex March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Legs akimbo?

40 or 50 % McShineys March 7, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I have only had to use mental bleach around here, is the anal kind quicker working or something?

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 12:57 am

i think it's like that mysterious vodka soaked tampon they go on about at Gawker.

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Wide stance.

MissTaken March 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Face down, ass up.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

That's the way we bleach it up!

Weenus299 March 7, 2012 at 6:05 pm

People have to be reminded now? Geez God. Can somebody talk about how that Maine guy Angus King looks like Carter Pewterschmidt? Can we have fun with that? Or does anyone care about the lack of Olympia Snowe? http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/post/
http://familyguy.wikia.com/wiki/Carter_Pewterschm

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm

"that Maine guy Angus King looks like Carter Pewterschmidt?"

OMG, he totally does!

Also, you gotta love that , after his job as Governor ended; he, his wife, and his kids all got into the Winnebago and spent 6 months driving around the U.S.

Callyson March 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).
I take it, then, that we have established that the Republicans have been faking their disability all long, and we are free to carry on…
…that, or the names that we have been calling them are merely statements of actual fact, and hence are not slurs. Jolly good then…

vtxmcrider March 8, 2012 at 12:37 am

Michele Bachmann is not faking, so I guess she is off limits regarding her mental acuity or lack thereof. But since assfucking is still allowed as a topic, we can talk about the last time she and Markus shared that two-foot long double-headed dildo with the spurs on it.

Biff March 8, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Wasn't that a corndog?

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Looks like someone had a meeting with Wonkette's legal department.

ph7 March 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Advert Sales department would be my guess. Hard to not notice what happened to Rush…

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Actually (no snark) that's a good point. You've got to assume the dittoheads will be cruising every left-wing hangout looking to be able to say: "Look, Look, this person at Wonkette called Rush's behavior "contumelious"! And you can be sure that's one of those secret Libtard words for something revolting." Our fearless media, looking for false balance above all, will descend like the Furies.

Guppy March 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Wouldn't it be easier for the lazy dittoheads to just claim 4chan is a socialist blog?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yeah, but then they'd have the 4chan and /b/ trads all OVER their miserable asses, which would make them beg for deff amid their snot and tears, so, no.

glamourdammerung March 8, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Wouldn't it be easier for the lazy dittoheads to just claim 4chan is a socialist blog?

Actually, Fox has claimed such in the past. I am not aware if Limbaugh has as well.

Veritas78 March 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Hey, we keep them employed. We're job creators!

OhHellToTheNo March 8, 2012 at 10:53 pm

That's borderline libel. Allegedly we are job creators.

OhHellToTheNo March 8, 2012 at 10:51 pm

You mean "opened a gchat with Wonkette's lawyer-friend"?

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Does Glen Beck's rape and murder case count as libel?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

He has never denied it.

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Wait, so now it's irresponsible to both speculate and not speculate? Christ, I've got a headache already.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Secular and non-secular. That help?

Veritas78 March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Yeah, how old was she? I remember hearing about that.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Well, teenaged, I heard. I mean, he never said otherwise.

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

agyf:

That's definately what some people say!

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 10:07 pm

By "she", are you referring to the woman, or the goat? Because there were two separate incidents… or so I've heard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

I thought the goat was consensual.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 16, 2012 at 9:55 am

It'd be the only party that was.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:47 am

I'm pretty sure the goat was tony krvaric.

KenLayIsAlive March 8, 2012 at 8:22 am
Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Is the word "alleged" enough to deflect libel?

vtxmcrider March 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

Fare la Volpe never wanted that to happen.

mookwrthwilson March 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Can we use the words "Limbaugh", "Dominican" and "underage" in the same post???

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

As long as you don't use them in a libelous context.

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

It appears so!

Joshua Norton March 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

As long as the "underaged" aren't children.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Just remember that "In my opinion" should take care of most problems. For instance:

"In my opinion, most underage Dominican boys have a healthy fear of Rush Limbaugh" should be just fine.

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

And you are an Esquire, so you know what yer talkin' about, yes?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Damn, I redacted the wrong part.

Redhead March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Or "I heard… we don't know, but XXX doesn't deny it."

As in, "I heard Limbaugh dislikes insurance-paid birth control because he doesn't need it with his underage Dominican boys. We don't know for sure, but Limbaugh hasn't denied it."

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:29 pm

"No one has proved us wrong, ergo vis a vis ipso facto history's greatest monster."

This lawyerin' bizness is alright!

Redhead March 7, 2012 at 7:36 pm

First rule of J school -it's not libel if it's true!

AbandonHope March 7, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Allegedly.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I think you can also always use the FOX News standard save: "Some people say…." As in: "Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm

"Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

Which "he", Pierre or Rush?

flamingpdog March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind

Helen Keller had sexytime with male members?

Too soon? Too late? Too libelous?

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Her demise came when the maid left the plunger in the toilet bowl.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

In the interest of averting overly-insensitive and excessively-sordid material, I did experience a sadz upon reading Kaia's earlier suggestion that we "find a suicide pact partner…", Miss Editrieste.
Wait, that's wrong — I hadz teh sad not that the topic of suicide brings me down, but that I never did find such a buddy "in the comments below."

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I was going to ask if anyone would be my Pact Partner, but I was at work, and started doing that. But if Joe wins do you wanna eat a handful of pills and see what happens? (Disclaimer: My suicide will just be a lame cry for help)

RadioSlut March 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hey, either one of you two, to steal a Hum line, "my suicide machine is built for two."
Also, is TRIsomyG still a genetic anomaly?

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Totally not kidding when I say that I've often wondered who else owns a Hum CD, because I've always thought of them as super obscure (they probably went gold or something and I'm totally wrong). Anyway, I'm amazed by your Hum reference. Awesome.

johnnyzhivago March 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Next thing you know we're going to have to post comments in French!!

nounverb911 March 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Françaises diffamation alevins?

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Enfin!

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Trop en retard ! (Trop tôt ?)

BearNoLike March 9, 2012 at 3:22 am

WATCH IT PAL

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Quelle frommage!

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Qui coupe la frommage?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Hakuna fratta – we're out of cheese.

L188188 March 8, 2012 at 9:51 am

Hakuna matata – need more Lion King.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Vous savez qui a également forcé ses commentateurs à commenter en français…

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

If you guys keep talking in "Freedom", I'm going to have to Google Translate everything! BTW, how do you spell "Skullfuck" in your fancy language? More questions like that to follow…

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Cardinal Richélieu?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

C'est magnifique – mais c'est n'est pas la guerre.

vtxmcrider March 8, 2012 at 12:44 am

Mittens?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 1:42 am

Jerry Lewis?

BearNoLike March 9, 2012 at 3:24 am

Pepe le Pew?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Posting in French. Now that's a banning.

Doktor Zoom March 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Michel, Anne, vous travaillez?

Euh, non, nous regardons la television.

–The full extent of what upwards of 60% of people who took French in high school remember. Plus the dirty words, of course.

jqheywood March 8, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Oú est Sylvie?
Oú est Sylvie?
beep!

Avec Anne.
Avec Anne.
beep!

Au musée.
Au musée.
beep!

DahBoner March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Remember, Le French Fries are just their way of tricking Americans into the Slow Suicide Movement

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 1:45 am

Jeanne d'Arc* LIBEL!!!1!

*the original French fry

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:27 am

You sick, sick little rodent, you.

AddHomonym March 7, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Ils ne passent pas!

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:10 pm

I can swear really well in Hindi and no one understands. But I do look around to see my audience before using the really nasty sayings.

Gunner Asch March 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Dans ce pays-ci, il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres

UW8316154 March 8, 2012 at 12:15 am

Socialist!1!

Blueb4sunrise March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Well, fuck me dead.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

In the skull?

Blueb4sunrise March 7, 2012 at 7:36 pm

This is just the internets right?

Deportably_Jose March 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

3. Try not to be totally libelous.

Libel Libel!

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 6:12 pm

No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).

But telling the truth about Republicans is still fine, right?

LesBontemps March 7, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Do we get a style manual with these orders?

Terry March 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Hopefully there won't be any rules on class, or we're all screwed

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I can't WAIT for the Wonkette Style Guide!!!!!!!!one! Oh, how would they distill the style into written rules and protocols?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

At last we will know if the proper spelling is "buttsex," buttsecs" or "assfucking."

Doktor Zoom March 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Buttsechs.

Wadisay March 7, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I'm working on a blanket disclaimer. Here's what I've got so far:

The foregoing comments do not apply to any Palin child, and should not be construed to wish death or bodily harm on my goddam enemies. This comment is inoperative to the extent libelous, and no skulls were fucked in the drafting of these comments.

How's that?

PrimlyStable March 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Needs moar machinegunning.

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

"I am sorry you were offended" seems to work apparently, judging by how often I see Republicans use it. I think you have to remember to smirk while doing it though.

HogeyeGrex March 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I think Wonkette is going to need a sigfile feature.

DustBowlBlues March 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm

And I think I'm going to need you to explain WTF you're talking about. Remember: An Old, recluse in rurul OK, no job to keep me up to date. Besides, I don't actually need to work because we're fine, with just the Old Man's fat pension and my SS. Suck on it, kids.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

You might add a global: " In any case in which offence is taken, be informed that the other side does far, far worse and that forced me to descend to their level, even though I'm better than that."

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Plus: "slut", "prostitute", et al., ad nausea.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

"forced me to descend to their level, against my instincts …"

SenileAgitation March 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

That's retar–, um, silly.

FlownOver March 7, 2012 at 6:16 pm

[Ahem]

I respectfully direct your attention to Hustler v. Falwell and suggest – nay, declare – you had sex with your mother in an outhouse. Satirically speaking.

IceCreamEmpress March 7, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Dude, it was your mother. My mama don't roll like that.

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Also, can we still point out that the toxicology screen on Breitbart is due in about 3-5 more weeks?

KenLayIsAlive March 8, 2012 at 8:25 am

I'd ask what's taking so long, but I am GUESSING it is the scope and breadth of the toxins involved.

VinnyThePooh March 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Ja-wohl, mein Schoenkopf! *click*

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 12:42 am

Oh, Vinny, we barely knew ye!

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 1:48 am

You trying to get tossed in the Klink?

taylormattd March 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Wow, it literally won't let you post a comment with the word "ret***ed" in it.

PrimlyStable March 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

But what if we want to have a discussion about the subject of this Wikipedia article?

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

What if someone's a re+tard, like Michele Bachmann? BTW, in Iowa (where I live in a poop swamp with internet) they just passed a bill through the statehouse that all mentions of "re+tard" will be removed from the lawbooks in favor of "intellectually disabled". So, about Michele, that's what I meant.

not that Dewey March 7, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Or we might want to discuss potentials in the Lorenz Gauge Condition?

comrad_darkness March 8, 2012 at 10:20 am

this is a tricky one. The rules specify "actually mentally disabled". Take Bachmann, clearly she is mentally disabled, specifically deranged, but her supporters don't believe she is. Where does does the rule fall on this?

Biff March 8, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Has there been an actual diagnosis yet?

JackDempsey1 March 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

So no one can slur or find fault with me, now?
I was a child once.
I was.
I'll show you my britches.

CommieLibunatic March 7, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Was it something I said?

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

It's not you, it's Wonkette.

LesBontemps March 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Can we still mention Sarah Palin's hookworm problem if we point out that it's still merely conjecture, although based on observable phenomena?

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Can we still point out that Sarah is still having her wigs made by the same guy that produces Donald Trump's skull merkins.

Extemporanus March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm

MACHINEGUNNED!!1

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

St.Valentine's Day!

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

My Hero!

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 12:05 am

This administrator has been deleted by the commenters.

Neoyorquino March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Badges? We need no stinking badges! (Or perhaps we do, apparently). *Gets back in line.*

taylormattd March 7, 2012 at 6:32 pm

OMFG, your auto-delete macro is insane. Here is was my last comment attempted to say:

"So what happened, did Jack Stuef attempt to submit another T**g story to the front page?"

Should we call him He Who Must Not Be Named?

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Wow, that was impressive: even this one bit the dust: "I'm teaching (not altogether successfully) my son sine, tangent and other tr*g functions."

I guess I won't be discussing single periodicity with you guys anytime soon. Sorry about that.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Maybe we should just refer to him as "Trigonometry Palin".

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Or Mathishard Palin

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

You know who else didn't want to hear any talk about skull-fucking?

dijetlo March 7, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Sponge Bob?

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

The Vince Vaughn character in Full Metal Jacket?

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I think you mean Vincent D'Onofrio.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Yep. I sure did.—

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Rush Limbaugh's advertisers?

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I think his listeners are the skull fuckees.

Steverino247 March 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Oedipus?

chascates March 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Eleanor Roosevelt?

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Warner Bros. Records when discussing titles with Garcia. (true fact!)

GuyClinch March 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Yorick?

Doktor Zoom March 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I WOULD NOT ADVISE SAYING THAT PHRASE IN THE PRESENCE OF ANYONE RIDING A PALE HORSE AND CARRYING A SCYTHE.

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 9:10 pm

EVEN IF SAID ENTITY'S HORSE HAS NO MONIKER AND HAS JUST BEEN RIDDEN THROUGH SOME SORT OF DRY AND SANDY ENVIRONMENT?

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 11:35 pm

BINKIE LIBEL!!!!

fuflans March 7, 2012 at 11:37 pm

cheech marin in 'once upon a time in mexico'?

Steverino247 March 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

OK, let's keep an eye out for those skullfucking references, folks.

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I'll go bonkers.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I was waiting patiently for an appropriate use of that, and you just cold went BOOM!

Steverino247 March 8, 2012 at 12:43 am

Actually, I was stunned that no one thought of it first!

My wife hates that Senior Drill Instructor scene in Full Metal Jacket, especially the SF reference, but I laugh my ass off having been through similar shit in the Army. Pvt. Joker had the right attitude, but risked his life by making the comment out loud.

My wife thought the post was funny and she rarely encourages such behavior by laughing out loud.

BlueStateLibel March 7, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Don't worry though, since Mitt Rmoney isn't an actual human, libel laws don't apply to him – libel away all you want on him, friends.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

But Mitt Rmoney Inc. is a people, my friend.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Oh yeah, in a Manchurian sense.

Generation[redacted] March 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Just to cover the bases… Skullfucking the corpse of Breitbart — in or out?

Veritas78 March 7, 2012 at 6:51 pm

In and out, I think. That's how I do it, anyway.

FlownOver March 7, 2012 at 11:20 pm

You can't explain it.

vtxmcrider March 8, 2012 at 12:51 am

It does not seem to be against the rules, but it is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on Wonkette. No human dick could do that without an overdose of Viagra, and I'm talking about even when he was still alive.

dijetlo March 7, 2012 at 6:35 pm

On closer inspection, rule#1 appears to preclude any mention of the Palin brood. That said, I, for one, welcome our new litigation averse Overlords…..

Maman March 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Hey, how do you define children? Under 16, 18, 21, 25? What about if they have reproduced on their own or were thrust into the limelight by their psychopathically needy mother?

Wadisay March 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Their allegedly psychopathically needy mother. You've been warned.

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

My question exactly. Does a 16-17 year old girl who has a kid of her own, and is therefore a mother, still considered a child? What are the regs here?

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

It's not her fault, the aspirin slipped from between her knees.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Is she doing a trippy reality show?

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

A Tr*ggy reality show?

ChessieNefercat March 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm

How about if said brood and their damn dam and sire also too stays the eff off of our tv screens and interwebs?

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Yeah but everyone calls their children – Bay, Small plane,Tree, etc., I mean, come on it could be thousands of other children. What's next? No desert unless you eat your vegetables. This is Snarkette, right?L

rambone March 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Umm . . . while I'm sure we're all grateful for the guidelines, some of us learn better from example.

Would it be possible to copy and paste the most offensive and inappropriate comments into a daily blog entry?

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

A veritable 'Wonkette Wall of Shame' with a deleted post counter.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I hope you get to stick around, after your own rather public execution.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Yeah, me too. Oh my god. I'm alive!! Alive!!
Can you see me? Please say you can see me!

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 8:04 pm

IT LIVES!

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

But deviants like me would simply make it their goal to make the list daily.

rambone March 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Shhh!

[in deadpan] I am quite certain that no one here would do any such thing.

ChessieNefercat March 7, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I'm such a goody two shoes (usually), now I'm scared to comment, because I'm sure I'll break a rule, plus I'm convinced that this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Sniffle.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:15 pm

You done broke the whole wonkitt, chessie! bad cat! we must fly you like a retread flag!

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Wow. Those filters went up fast.

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Will I get banned for trying repeatedly to figure out what words are deleting the posts? Like that I suspect one is a name of the scion of a former Alaskan governor whom the Constitution has by name and incident expressly forbidden anyone to ever make fun of.

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Or maybe it was because I reminisced about the recent Breitbart troll that threatened me with axe-murder because I made fun of that former Alaskan governor?

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Well, Breitbart's name makes it through, so we can still kick his corpse, but the reply buttons on the comments with that name seem disabled. So now I can disrespect his memory without fear of anyone commenting on my blatant disregard of the conventions of polite discourse?

Free speech!!!!

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Free speech isn't free!

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Someone always pays. Just ask Rush.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

With the deal he's got with Clear Channel, he gets paid whether he gets banhammered or not.

MiniMencken March 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm

But aren't we all somebody's children? Well, I think I'll go back to doing the NY Times crossword puzzle and competitive patchwork quilt sewing. Nothing to look at here, folks.

Mr Pre-Press March 7, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Damn—another short school bus went left-of-center thru the guardrail. Michelle Malkin's panties are damp, somewhat.

AlterNewt March 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

So, we can't refer to (Pronoun) being (past-tense verb) in the (body part) ?

tribbzthesquidz March 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Oh, oh! It's time to break out the MadLibs!!!!!

BlueStateLibel March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

There's are sort of like Bush administration rules…only the exact opposite.

Deportably_Jose March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Okay, but what if the children in question are complete assholes, and totally have it coming?

natoslug March 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

That's what I was wondering — are we allowed to comment on the little nazi kid whose videos have been linked to here occasionally, or are we to believe that he would be a normal, well-adjusted child if he didn't have such fucktarded parents and cut him some slack?

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Shame, that. I tried to revive his youtube career, but it seems he's been scrubbed.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Don't you mean he's been skwubbed?

Biff March 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Foah twue.

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Is the cutoff 18 or 21? (Sixteen is legal in the south in some places, naturally.)

finallyhappy March 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

14 is legal if your parents sign someplaces!

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Oh shit, did my mom need to sign for me to be here?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 2:03 am

Last time I checked, the age of consent in the Square State is 15.

And you can also marry your first cousin.

orygoon March 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Whoa! Meet the new boss!

Now I will be busy trying to think of something good to say about The Heir and The Spare. Hard to do when one of them OH MY GOD, WTF NOOOOOOOO!!! such lovely children, er, excuse me.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Hi, banned just for being a dick.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

But I'm a girl!

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 7:06 pm

That's so weird, I thought I banned you. Here, let's try again.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

wtf? WRONG

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Let's not get all Gawker, please.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Coming up next, a comment-and-die post.

OhHellToTheNo March 9, 2012 at 1:57 am

"10 secrets liberals with a sense of humor didn't want you to know."

If you disagree, I will ban you!

Nothingisamiss March 8, 2012 at 5:18 pm

NO

Arishii March 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

pǝpɹɐʇǝɹ – is this ok tho?

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

The notion that any post on this exemplary website would
Result in me saying something cruel and
Inappropriate is just
Galling to me,
Galling.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 11:39 pm

It took me three passes.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Isn't "libel" the main fuel for Teh Wonketz ? If I can't imply awful things about public figures, I'll haz sads.

natoslug March 7, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Our editrix has those naughty comments in her cro-, er, surveyors' marks as we speak. Everyone chill!

Guppy March 7, 2012 at 7:07 pm

"No (…) hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone"

What about wishing chickenhawks would go get killed in their own wars? Or members of the Family getting executed in Uganda for homosexuality?

natoslug March 7, 2012 at 9:39 pm

While my first reaction to most of these people is an excruciatingly painful and slow death, I am usually happier once I realize that I'd rather they publicly shamed and then shunned and live very long, lonely lives with little or no human contact.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Or pinning a rentboy underneath their corpse?

Toomush_Infer March 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Sure, we're facing the dreaded "Limpbaugh rubber band reaction"….but how come that fat fuck is rubber and we're glue, huh?….is Santorum involved, or is it just our sluttiness?…

Barb March 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Well, it was nice meeting ya'll.

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I know, right?

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Yeppers, Baloon Juice.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 8:17 pm

It's been a pleasure.

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Guess we'll all get pink-slips in the morning.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Or new avatar, another e-mail account. And then just refer to people as ugly walking bags of water. With additional references like, wears glasses, is hugely fat.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Ah such a place where you used to be able to say what most the folks truly thought. It has been fun.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Like I said, I spend way too much time online anyway.

poncho_pilot March 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm

briefly in my mind i got machinegunning and motor boating mixed up and i was all like, "what's wrong with motor boating?"

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Is that a motorboat in your violin case, or are you just happy to see me?

June_Cleaver2.0 March 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I never said anything bad about Clarence Thomas…. What? That wasn't bad!

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I'ma develop a numerical meme sheet, so I can just write shit like:
That 1 is a 3ing 17, amirite people? and I'll laugh and laugh, because nobody will know wtf I'm trying to convey.

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

23 478 6!!

Biff March 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Oh no you didn't!

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

2 soon!

UW8316154 March 8, 2012 at 12:11 am

don't 3 a h8tr

Redhead March 7, 2012 at 7:14 pm

"1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled"
We can't make fun of Palin and One-L anymore?

*reads the rest of the rules* Rebecca – ummmm those are probably half the Wonkette comments…

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

"one-eyed man-king"

Rebecca, how did you know my nickname for my cock?

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm

What? It takes a shit-storm to bring you out of hiding, Crank?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 2:08 am

You had sexual relations with Helen Keller?

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Two huge solar flares erupt. The wonkette now has these rules. Coincindence?

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Don't know, but it's gonna be cloudy here, of course. They're giving high prob. of auroras on the 8th and maybe beyond.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I recall a similar event in the late 1990s. I was still living in the southern Appalachians in a rural community. The auroras appearing above Cumberland Mountain was an awesome sight.
We have too much "light pollution" here in town for anyone to see them if they appear this far south, though.

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Rebecca, what if I allege that my target and I have had consensual skull-fucking?

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Sounds like there is at least one slut involved, and we deserve a copy of the sextape.

not that Dewey March 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm

I generally keep it pretty clean. Except for that one time when I asked whether David Letterman had raped Chris Christie with his mouth. But I apologized for that.

chascates March 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Once Ken posted something he'd already posted before. Mine was the first comment: "I believe in recycling but posts?" Comment was deleted in seconds.
Editor makes the rules, commentors obey the rules.

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Yeah, Ken threatened to ban me when I posted an elaborate parody of his "Obama Is Morally Weak" post that declared him Morally Weak for continually resigning and coming back. It was one of my proudest moments.

banana_bread March 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

*raises hand* Can I still wish for mandatory trans-vaginal ultrasounds?

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

you can have all you want, I think.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Only on yourself.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Just not of your skull.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Of course your statement presupposes that one is not burdened and/or disabled, in a legal sense, by the presence of one's head, and therefore skull, up one's ass.

pdiddycornchips March 7, 2012 at 7:47 pm

are hoverounds still fair game? Have the rules changed regarding teabagging?

WhatTheHeck March 7, 2012 at 7:51 pm

It seems that the Debate has become less Intense.

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Comment of the evening.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm

And more Morman. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Morman.

OhHellToTheNo March 9, 2012 at 2:31 am

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

Beetagger March 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Ken??? Help!!!! We don't like the new teacher!

BarackMyWorld March 7, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Just to be clear….what is "machinegunning"? Besides literally attacking someone with a machine gun?

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

It is attacking someone with a machinegun.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

just like motorboating is attacking someone with a motorboat, natch.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Copy and pasted from urban dictionary:

Machine Gunning

The act of repeated defecation in one toilet without flushing until said toilet is sufficiently clogged and you and your friends are out of shit.

Flatulence released in repeated intervals while running.

There were other definitions as well but these were the only two that had anything to do with butts and as such were the only two that held my interest.

BarackMyWorld March 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

So long as this is still okay.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm
HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Well if you try that first one in my house, yeah you're going to get banned.

SheriffRoscoe March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Snow skiing is ramming a snow ski up someone's butt, with their assent, which is why skis come in many sizes and shapes.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 8:14 pm

It was my comment about some idiot freepers in which I really did advocate having them mown down with a machine gun. New owner, new rules, and it's cool.

Naturally, I don't advocate having freepers mown down with machine guns any more.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

I assume you don't, Fukui! I appreciate your being so gracious and not a HYSTERICAL NINNY LIKE SOME OF Y'ALL JESUS CHRIST.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

No, it's fine, and I don't think anyone could have a problem with the rules set out as they are, unless they're some madd Paulian or something. I, for one, appreciate the engagement you're giving to this as change is scary to people.

If I might be so presumptuous as to make a suggestion, this is quite a tight-knit commenting community, so we all pretty much "know" each other as much as you can behind a moniker, our stupid comments and an avatar: it might be nice to have a warning before being banned.

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Second Fukui-san. In other news. Some of us, though we've been working this block for years, check in and out. In other words, not everyone who comments tomorrow, next week or next month will have read this. A little warning would be appreciated.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Hysterical ninny? That hurts – accurate but it still hurts.

And anyone who thinks this is just about the new rules has forgotten the great Jack Stuef goodbye freakout – NEVAR FORGET!

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Well I've been enjoying your comments of late, none of which exhibited any vile-typey imagery you've indicated (any such comment I must have missed); so plz don't let homicidal wish-venting deprive us of your snark, which is often wisdom-filled more than crass-for-crassness'-sake.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Oh, I'm a dark-humoured, foul-mouthed arsehole, I'm aware of that! However, I'll more often than not try snarky information-led posts alongside bon mots and so on.

And thank you.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Just do a Denton " anyone who posts on this will be banned" Post

rocktonsam March 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

lets talk sports!

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

too soon!

GuyClinch March 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

My team made it to the skullfucking regionals!

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I love sports, real sports, playing and watching but those who talk sports incessantly are folks who should be avoided at all costs. I had other thoughts, but I guess I am now required to keep them in the thought bubble.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 9:49 pm

sport fucking is still a sport.

PuckStopsHere March 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

My favorite sport fucking play? The Tuesday Night Take Down, natch.

pdiddycornchips March 7, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Does anyone else find this difficult to masturbate to?

Biff March 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Impossible!

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I'm into all the skullfucking talk!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Get a skull.

4TheTurnstiles March 7, 2012 at 8:06 pm

You know the part in Tropic Thunder where that one guy who isn't even black gives Ben Stiller advice on what not to do in order to earn an academy award? Never go full… something. Because you might get sued by the Tundra grifter, yes?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Son, I wouldn't sue you for that.

Exhausted66 March 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

"skullfucking your enemies… it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. "

Yeah, but did you see what that skull was wearing?

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I have never understood this skullfucking thing. Why would anyone want to fuck something so dry and bony.

Exhausted66 March 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Loaded, if you'd like to talk about Michele Bachman, that's the next post.

Gnatsum March 7, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Right on. The blog is great and trying to get greater, but the comments are getting horribly hostile, boring, and sad. And worse, not funny. This esteemed blog (bring up the sappy violins) deserves better.

Loaded_Pants March 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I would also like to see more puns.

Doktor Zoom March 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I, for one, am in favor of machinepunning our ideological opponents.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Today we are no longer manure spreaders, but mature spreaders.

Gnatsum March 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Yes, like that!

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm

We should all just stick to knock-knock jokes.

Doktor Zoom March 8, 2012 at 1:08 am

Knock-knock!

Who's there?

RETREADS WILL SKULLFUCK YOU WITH A MACHINEGUN!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:41 am

That was ever so wittily funny!

emmelemm March 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That made me laugh hard enough to scare the dog.

ETA: Good work.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 7:21 pm

That's as may be, but whatever happened to, "If ya don't like it, don't look/listen/read/whatevs"? The nannyism bothers me, even though I'm well aware that it is a sound business decision and Teh Editrix has a right to recoup her investment. It seems the whole fucking world must be padded for the preshus chiyuldrun these days, god forbid they should accidentally smell a stray fart.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Smokefilledroommate, apparently your ban won't stick no matter how many times I hammer it, but do you think maybe you could hold back from posting a dick comment with the word "retard" cleverly dispersed 20 times throughout? Yeah? That'd be great.
As to the rest of you, you're usually MUCH better readers. There's no ban on skullfucking, just a request that you think about it. Is that too mean for you, you guys?
OH GOD, WILL YOU BE OKAY?

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Great. Now all I can think about is skullfucking.

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

You'll never be morbid
Once you poke the orbit

orygoon March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Yes, we're sorry, can we come out of our rooms now please?

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

*gasp*
By god, he IS the chosen one!!!

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

she.

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Okay, she then.

So, ARE you the messiah, miss she-who-can-never-be-banned?

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Yes! I am your High Priestess of Comments, emphasis on 'high'. Come smoke with me.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Can you insert the Maker hooks and ride Shai-Hulud? This should only take a couple of minutes.

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:06 am

needz moar thumper.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

We're being extra naughty tonight, we didn't get our naps on account of the Sooper Toosday shenanigans. We'll be better behaved tomorrow!

edit: I guess what I really mean is: Your loyal audience is accustomed to pushing back on authority because we read articles every day about how ridiculous our "authority figures" are acting. It goes with the territory. There will be rude questions about policy changes. It's what we do.

rocktonsam March 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I agree to the terms.

Can I haz some p-points please.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Upfisted for socialism!

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 9:52 pm

That's not socialism – it's good, old-fashioned brown-nosing! It's what made this country great.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:06 am

This from some CREATURE who spends ALL its time licking its nether regions with loud smacky noises. In public, yet.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:06 am

Geez, dood, how many times I gotta pee on you awreddy?

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Kismet! You can't kill a smoking baby. Smoking only makes it stronger.
(and sheesh, I was just kidding. I don't normally post like that.)

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm

It made me love you more.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

zis keeding of vhich you speak, is banned here.

GuyClinch March 7, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Alas, poor Yorick! I skullfucked him, Fellatio; a fellow of infinite fuckability, of most excellent eyeholes; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times [leaving this line as is]; and now, how whored in my imagination it is! My gorge, not to mention my cock, rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have entered I know not how oft. Where be your lubes now? Still pretty fuckable, though, huh? /accidentally drops skull, which shatters/ Dang!

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Can I get an amen? Would that I had more fists to give.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

I Really didn't think responding to "There's no ban on skullfucking" would be part of my Wednesday.

GuyClinch March 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Welcome to my world, pal

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

GOD!!!! OH, GOD, I'M MELTING!!!!!!!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:08 am

You called?

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 7:53 am

I just do not want to know what kind of sexy times lead to "I''m melting"

Primarily because that sounds like something I can never achieve.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I'd have been a pretty good reader, if the post hadn't magically disappeared before getting to read it. Sounds like an admin-deleteable offense, perhaps…

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

You sound like you need a nice cup of tea and maybe a slice of cake with chocolate butter cream icing. Ok now?

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Isn't a blowjob just another way to say skullfucking? Can we still say blowjob?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Just as long as you're not talking about skullfucking the entire child cast of Sesame Street, I think it's cool.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Yeah, baby, Snuffleupagus this!

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:08 am

i think he and Big Bird are really the same person like in Fight Club. never seen them both at the same time.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I've had it with these motherfucking rules on this motherfucking blog! Just kidding, I don't really give a fuck one way or the other.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Fuck, man! This is our fucking website! If we don't fucking care, who the fuck will?

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

It ain't mine, I'm just passing through, man.

finallyhappy March 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I have really disliked the use of the r word. I'veworked with parents of kids with disabilities(my son has add) so that people will stop using that word. We thought it was being used by other kids, the uneducated, and just mean adults. I've hated seeing it used here among people whose opinions and ideas I otherwise generally share. Using it shows a serious lack of decency although a number of people here seem to think it is humorous.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Well, it is a funny thing but in my experience the closer you are to a hot button word, the funnier it can seem. I myself have ADD and many many MANY other issues, yet I find the "retread" meme (most particularly as it applies to S***h P***n, hilarious. I'm not defending this, just saying that "indecenct" may not be a fair description of the otherly-humored.

IceCreamEmpress March 7, 2012 at 11:46 pm

The thing is that actually cognitively disabled people are, as a group, much less likely to say totally illogical and hateful bullshit than, say, your average CPAC attendee.

I worked at a group home for a while and nobody there ever gave me a lecture on the gold standard.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Rebecca,

A Wonketter freakout over rules for postings is an old tradition here. Don't be retarded and take it personally.

Deportably_Jose March 8, 2012 at 5:59 am

It wouldn't be Wonkette, if a buncha us didn't rage-quit and start our own political humor blog. With blackjack, and hookers.

Actually, forget about the humor.

rickmaci March 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Damn. This place is turning into the f"ing HuffPo.

SexySmurf March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

You say that like it's a bad thing; I, for one, would love to read twenty posts about Hulk Hogan's sex tape.

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:10 am

i hope that it's like invisible tape. heh heh. ugh. sorry.

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:09 am

suddenly Wonkette is worth billions and billions of Ameros.

sarjo March 8, 2012 at 1:24 am

And if it is worth anything, you know who's responsible?

glamourdammerung March 8, 2012 at 3:54 am

This place is turning into the f"ing HuffPo.

Needs moar celebrity anti-vaccine stupidity and Breitbart.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:15 am

Not fucking likely, dood. At least the quality of posting hasn't dropped to those lows, and the commenters are, like, actually coherent, and the dreaded banhammer has been but lightly tapped across our noses.

I dunno. I just think it's the changey part that's freaking us all out.

Skullfuggary March 8, 2012 at 7:47 am

Nope. It's not just change. This place has been handed over a number of times. This is about coming in keyboard fingers blazing, taking everyone to school for the precieved sins of a few. The entire Wonkeretti was put on trial, a solution in search of a problem. Everything was fine until this heavy-handed, over-dramatic, mass accusatory post. An established community of intelligent, committed, and loyal followers deserves better than to be treated like unruly children. We are gorwn-assed adults. I'm still pissed by this. It was disrespectful and even worse is the ass-kissing when we didn't do anything wrong.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Dood, you know you're one of my favourite commenters here. So please take what I say with that in mind.

I agree with some of what you say, but not all of it. Frankly, I'm not pissed so much as deeply saddened. Is it so easy to destroy a community? Is this all it takes? I don't see that the rules the Editrix has laid down are necessarily harsh or disrespectful. Asking us to think before making hatey rapey posts is not the same as threatening us with consequences for using strong language or making teh snark.

And it bothers me no end that you're talking about "ass-kissing" when it comes to your fellow commenters. I'm not yer fucking parent, and you're a big kid and free to make your own comments. But people who have decided to go along are not necessarily ass-kissers. Perhaps they love the community more than they hate the rules.

Cut me off if you want. I'll miss you, but that's life.

redarmyzombie March 8, 2012 at 11:58 pm

I noticed that our new Editrix's earlier attempt at using the banhammer seemed to malfunction. I'm not certain if that was a clever ruse on her part, or if somethings wrong with the programming at work here…

In any event, I'm expecting this whole thing to blow over once the wingnuts have stopped imploding on themselves, unless they achieve gravitational collapse, in which case: FUCK!

Deportably_Jose March 8, 2012 at 6:24 am

If that's true, I demand WAY more in the way of celebrity nipples. It's been a long, cold, 2 1/2 years since this.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I have a feeling I am going to need to learn how to spell the word "allegedly" since most of the stuff I say I literally just make up.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I literally just make up

And that's, on a fundamental level, snark of the best kind.

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 2:24 am

jEEzus, BDRD, if most of the stuff you say you just literally make up, I'm sure there's an opening* at Fox Snooze for you!

*Can we still say "opening"?

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:12 pm

THANK YOU MA'AM! MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

SexySmurf March 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Who knew someone who goes by the name of "Commiegirl" would have so many rules about what people could write?

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Obviously she is a big government fan?

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

As long as the icepicks don't come out.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 10:07 pm

TROTSKY … er, possible lawsuit

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Anyone who's read history?

FlownOver March 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Law Seven: Anyone may challenge for leadership of the clan.

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm

You keep what you kill.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Or, Texas- style for you. (Texas-style?)

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:12 am

Texas has style?

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:17 pm

8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

I liked that movie. I do not talk about this at parties, though.

ElPinche March 7, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Ok…I get it…..I get it.

Barb March 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Rebecca, I'm not qualified to speak for anyone but myself.

I can't help but to wonder how many of us read the rules and wondered, "was it something I did or said?"

I appreciate you and it is your website to do with as you see fit. The rules seem clear in a vague kind of way. Are you looking for us to have better party manners in our posts?

I've always thought the goal here was to look at the story and it was just one huge "can you find a caption for this photo" contest and we let the snark fly. (I could be wrong)

Would you like us to read the stories and *polite golf clap* comment on how insightful it was and talk about whether we agree or disagree with the content? Are we going for snark still?

I know that getting a grip here must feel like you are herding cats and we like to test the boundaries. I am one of nine children and my father, all 6' 9" would walk into the room and yell "cut it out!" to all of us. I always had to be the dumb ass and ask, "cut what out?" and I would get to go cut the switch from the tree out back.

What would you like us to cut out, please? What is the goal we are trying to achieve here? No attacks on children, no making fun of people with disabilities, no death threats. I get that. Is there anything else, please? Are we changing direction in any way that we should know about? Are we there yet?

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Agreed.

Whilst I understand the whole not making death threats or slandering the youth and the <REDACTED>, is there anything else we should worry about, as rules #3 and#4 *ARE* rather vague? Will I be banned for my use of the word <REDACTED>, or are its vague implications suitable withing the context of teh rulez?

Dashboard Buddha March 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

You are wonderful.

GuyClinch March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Gah, my dad (he was 5' 10" at the time, about 5' 7" these days) made me go cut the switch once, which he manfully used on the back of my calves for something longer than was *absolutely* necessary. He never warmed much to my constant and at the time forward-thinking suggestions that we consider xeriscaping (we were in Ohio's fertile Miami Valley). Anyhow, thanks for the mammaries!

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

rambone March 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Does anyone here think that was clever or funny?

Do you want the truth, or the "truth" ?

chascates March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

It's a fine line between snark and slander but we'll try to prevent the fucktards (!) from getting anything they can use to promote their evil agenda. And there's always the ban hammer for offenders.

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Maybe we should try fuckwads and Paulwads from now on?

Or just use "bachmann" as a catch-all. Either way works for me.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 9:00 pm

"Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond", huh?

Fare la Volpe March 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

Surveyor's marks.

Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

What is this? I'm used to being treated like shit. My S&M boner is confused!!

but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"?

"Santorum," thankyouverymuch.

And thank you for treating us like intelligent adults with this comment – we listen to that kind of thing. I was about to ask you exactly what Barb just did, but like most brilliant things I'm about to write, Barb beat me to the punch. So thank you for clearing things up and for not being sanctimonious about it. It makes us feel appreciated and makes us want to stay.

Barb March 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Fare, my first reaction was, "I'm outta here" and then I thought about it and had a cupcake. Festive buttery baked goods make everything so much better.

I didn't want to be the one who asked, seriously. I just needed clarification and I got it. I'm going to try to work on my party manners. I enjoy being here with ya'll and I'd like to stay.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 3:49 am

Hey, darling, I'm so glad you clarified it for all of us. Also, thanks, oh Editrix of the Mighty Whip.

I don't think Editrix is asking for unreasonable politesse. Just not to put teh Wonketz in teh crosshairs, which I can pretty much live with. And I don't think it's cool to make fun of little people like a certain somebody's kid who suffers through no fault of his own, even tho I've been tempted to include him in the attacks upon his unpalatable parent.

Anyway, I just wanted to say: PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!!

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Personally, I am cunting like a machine-gunned retard for some skull-fucking over here. Also, sluts.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 11:21 pm

the commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." fuckin Newbs

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I'm OK with this. ('Course, I'm a killjoy at the best of times.) The posters here are intelligent and very funny people and we can come up with appropriate euphemisms and insider terms.

The dittoheads are going to be out in force looking for blood, and it makes sense to hang out in Sicily for awhile until the heat dies down.

(Except for the Santorum – crotch thing, which as I've mentioned is a matter of religious conscience.)

comrad_darkness March 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Sicily is nice this time of year. If you are far away from the volcanos.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

For the record, I didn't make the comment referenced above. Mine was a thought-provoking insightful take on the Emergency Broadcast System.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 9:29 pm

No, no, no, she didn't. That was a comment on the Palin thread. Smoke just jumped up and down shouting retard a bunch. But it's cool, I think she might have stopped now!

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm

To be fair, I think *everyone* has had one of those moments…

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Can you resurrect my beloved Extemporanus? Pleeeeze?
(or uh, was he the one that made that comment? *gulp*)

bikerlaureate March 7, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Stop being at all reasonable. We're all trying to come down from the whole power-trip dealie thing here.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Oh okay, like Barb I always was the kid to talk back and be in trouble in my family of six kids.

Barb March 8, 2012 at 9:42 am

I knew we were kindred spirits, Beo.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 10:17 pm

A. I read this to calm down about how angry I am about the right. And I like to read others who feel the same.
B. And then I look for ways to get them out of office. So this is also a catalyze for me to get more involved in the process of which I am now doing. Because just being snarky is not enough. And I have had enough.
C. I did not fight a land mark civil litigation on extending the limitation of rape in 1990 for 5 years which protected women and children to have to re-defend that position in 2012. So I am pissed.
D. I understand some comments are counter-productive but proving the right wrong will be a long process and it is a war.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:09 am

Let me just hug you, babez. It'll make me feel better.

ElPinche March 7, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I like the crystal pepsi clarity on this. I usually take the low road myself..or the gutter of the low road (see all my Breitbart comments). However we can deal. We are Warbloggers. We are Legion.

RadioSlut March 8, 2012 at 12:14 am

Whenever I hover over the "submit comment" button with some comment that "might" offend, I think, WWPD? World War El Pinche Do? Keep kicking ass, Palin is, and always will be, a cunt.

ElPinche March 8, 2012 at 2:29 am

Amen RadioSlut!!

Beetagger March 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

Obviously someone failed to do proper due diligence before purchasing Wonkette. Yes, you get the website, but the downside… we come with it.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 2:56 am

It's a hell of a downside, but it's our downside, dammit!

BearNoLike March 9, 2012 at 3:39 am

So it's not a war blog anymore, it's more like a state department for Malawi, surrounded.

You know what would be awesome is if there was some sort of intrade bet Drudge vs. Wonkette.

I feel a little dirty in a not good way. Palin's an idiot quitter that I have no respect for, and punch-pulling in a prettier interface is still the very thing.

What is the expiration date on saying idiot?

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Frankly, I admire the Administrator's courage and optimism. I would rather try to teach marksmanship at a School for the Blind than good manners or common sense to this fucking crew. I would suggest in future simply deleting dangerous comments without explanation rather than trying to herd this bunch of cats. Reason, logic and good business sense do not resonate with this loose-knit cabal of malcontents and assholes; I include myself in both categories, thankyouverymuch.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 10:28 pm

revre

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Ummm. OK. I'm too old and clueless to know what that means and too sorry to google it.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Blazing Saddles, Gabby Johnson. It was the first movie I ever saw and it guides my life, Like Jeebus does for others, .. "Mathew, Mark, Luke, and Duck"

ElPinche March 7, 2012 at 11:40 pm

me too!!

Antispandex March 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I love you, Commie Girl! But in a totally platonic, non-rapey way.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Hope you guys like poop jokes cause thats all I have left.

rickmaci March 7, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Am I the only one who finds it a turn on to get disciplined by my Editrix?

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Yes.

gullywompr March 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Pretty much, yeah.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Just a masochist. But that is ok too! Whatever works for you.

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

If I can't say cunt, I am fucked and , likely, mute.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I've Never said it here, but I like the preposition that I could. Why do I feel like I'm defending Rush Cuntball?

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Exactly, plus I love the freeform madness of the Wonkette and I don't want that to change.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 9:01 pm

… my escape plan is Baloon Juice.

Barrelhse March 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Sunshine!

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Green Balloons Juice!

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

something something, pry your cunt from your cold dead fingers, I say dear Lizzie!

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I'll hold onto it and you can do the prying…

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Deal!

chascates March 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

WWETS! (What would Ellen Terry say?)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

"Cuntbagel!", I expect.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:00 am

*That* sounds delicious! Will I have to put locks on it?

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

“My grand-nephew is a homo”?

Guppy March 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Yet, ironically, you won't be able to say where you're fucked.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Try chutia, mahtorchote or macachute. Hindi. For above word.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:02 am

What, behen-chod has gone out of fashion?

Kutti is always good. Also, too. And diu ne lo mo is just triff.

LagunaB March 8, 2012 at 10:07 am

Fair dinkum.Sent from my iPhone

ElPinche March 7, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I call everyone a cunt, and not just cunts.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 2:30 am

I once got in trouble for answering the phone "Alright, cunt?" thinking it was my brother calling.

It was my mother. I was 35.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:04 am

Don't feel bad, darlz. I did something very similar, oncet. Thinking it was the swine of a little brother, I opened the door screaming, What the FUCK do you want, asshole? Only to see my father standing in the doorway with a look of total shock on his face. (My father never swore — I think the worst thing he ever said was "arse!")

As I scraped myself off the opposite wall, where his slap had landed me, he said, in shocked tones, "This is how you speak to your father?"

I never ever answered the door the same way again.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 5:08 am

He properly slapped you? That sucks. My folks do the shun and judge thing, which is unpleasant.

I do still answer the phone from my bro "alright, cunt?" – but it's easier these days because it's a Berlin number.

ElPinche March 8, 2012 at 8:39 am

Hahaha….my mama doesn't know the meaning of the word, so I'd be safe. But then I'd have to explain to her the complex meaning of the word. Sometimes we can be cunts regardless of sex, creed, etc, but all of us came out of a cunt.

RadioSlut March 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

con voce Pacino You Fucking Cunt!

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else. Its like a sickness. So I apologize ahead of time to our bossy new overlady for any sk*llfuck!ng references that might now slip out.

Guppy March 7, 2012 at 9:29 pm

"Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else."

Yeeeaaahhh… I got that urge two or three Great Purges/Five-Year Commenting Plans ago.

Upshot: I was able to come back when they implemented IntenseDebate. I think I got it out of my system.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

If I understand correctly, these new rules would prohibit me from expressing a desire to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch. But my religion orders me to do that. I think we're going to have a First Amendment issue here.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Call me crazy, but kick-in-the-crotch seems to have less giggle value than something like Barb's "kick in the teeth" or "punch in the throat" — but that's just me, I suspect it has to do with spicing up the cliches w/ some variety, and also I'm a female so I wouldn't experience the crotch kick in quite the same way perhaps as you.

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I have an overwhelming desire to smack him in the jaw with a sledgehammer. A metaphorical sledgehammer, of course.

Redhead March 7, 2012 at 9:20 pm

If you were, hypothetically, allegedly, to smack him in the jaw with a machine gun, would it still count as machinegunning?

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Well, everyone has their own posting style – I find “punch in the teeth” the kind of phrase I only use if I really mean it. “Kick in the crotch” has more of a rowdy comedy feel to me.But all this is beside the point, since I am bound by the revelations of the Guiding Spirit of my creed, and She has been very unequivocal that it's “kick in the crotch”. I merely submit to Her guidance and counsel.—

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

expressing the desire to "hoof the cunt in the 'nads" would be the phrase I'd probably employ

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:32 am

Put the boot in, as it were.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Hmmm, I'm seeing some refreshing avenues here. What if, hypothetically, one were to suggest "rubber chickening" someone? Or what if, again hypothetically, one confessed one's desire to "toenail fuck" a hated adversary? These have a certain je ne sais quoi, non?

poncho_pilot March 8, 2012 at 1:26 am

bisect his angle?

give him a private mandate?

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 9:12 pm

In my interpretation of the rules I think you are okay as long as you don't kick him in the crotch to death. As much as some might totally want to allegedly see that alleged act.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I understand that there are those who would wish this, and I do not judge them. But I cannot take that step myself, because of the revelations manifested to me by the Guiding Spirit, which are exhortations to love life and seek peace. And to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch.

PuckStopsHere March 7, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I believe there is now a religion in which one of the sacraments is kicking the aforementioned right in the aforementioned, hard.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:34 am

Strange, but true: No matter what religion one claims, it appears they all contain a commandment to kick Rick Santorum most heartily about the 'nads.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I have a – I own my own company – so no one tells me, reaction.

Sassomatic March 7, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Why do I get the creepy-ass feeling that because some fat (it's true! I can prove it!) jerk pretended to apologize about calling someone a slut. It's like in elementary school when the fat stupid person who was my age, but now is a grown-up, and so it doesn't count, peed in the bushes and then everyone lost recess for the rest of the year?

Blueb4sunrise March 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I HAD TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heathenette March 7, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I understand our editrix’s problem, but we pay for Rush being an ass by loosing our freedoms. Isn’t that just so American! We let the bully win.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Might I be so bold as to suggest some sort of spanking regime be instituted on those deviants guilty of breaking the new rulz?

chascates March 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

And then the oral sex!

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Always the oral sex.

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I would be in favour of that if they could wear Waffen SS uniforms.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I was going to suggest she dress up like my eighth grade algebra teacher and use a ruler. but to each his/her own

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

As long as there is spanking and maybe a little caning and then rough sex I'll be good.

LagunaB March 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Nun outfits or cheerleader outfits should be part of punishments.

DahBoner March 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Holy Guacamole, Batman!

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Reposting from Barb's questions above.

Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

Barb March 7, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I appreciate your answer and I think that if I apply myself I could be a better person before um, lunchtime tomorrow. LOL
I understand what you are saying, I appreciate where you are coming from and I will absolutely be more aware of what I post. Thanks!

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Well, Barb, I think you're lovely, and I appreciated especially your nice comments when I got here. I didn't reply cuz I was too shy to jump into the comments right away and thought I'd stay a bit aloof.

THAT'S gone to hell, huh?

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Now will you show us your tits? Its the least you can do.

Guppy March 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Don't make a habit of commenting, or else we'll start believing you like us and/or care about us.

Maybe if you re-implemented the Wonkette Comment of the Random, Indeterminate Period award again.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Guppy, OF COURSE I care about you! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE WEEKEND POSTS???

Crank_Tango March 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm

You know who else thought they'd stay a bit aloof…

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:56 pm

John Kerry?

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Andrew Brietbarrrrrrrrrrrrrwait, would that get me banned?

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Snookie?

donner_froh March 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Mitt?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 2:43 am

Bill O'Reilly?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said a bit a loofah.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:15 am

Um, Hitler.

No?

KITLER?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:14 am

Nah. Go ahead and loof, see if we care.

Srsly, Editrix, ya done good. Asking us to play nice would never have worked. Making us see that our community might be crushed out of existence if we *don't* — well, that's a whole different kettle of fish, innit? You're more businesslike than that Devil'sTurd that was running this place when last I hung out here. I love the man, I always will, but I have no idea how he kept this place running.

Anywho. I can't help cussing like a fucking longshoreman, that's me, it's what I do. But I can do my best to keep my *community* alive. THAT, I can do.

Oh, yeah, and — SCHMECK! <– loud kissy noise

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:11 am

Because YOU iz a goddess, Barb.

ProgressiveInga March 7, 2012 at 9:08 pm

"Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness."

I am having trouble separating the snark from the serious, a compliment from a criticism, a spanking from a pat on the back. Crap, I'm back in catholic school, aren't I?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:17 am

It leaves lifelong scars.

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

See? Everyone just needed some context. Otherwise it's as if you're trying to impose (VERY VERY LIMITED) order on a freeform cesspool of degenerate liberal id, which will unleash both panic and reams of snark.

Of course I might just be grouchy because I've managed nothing constructive today except cleaning my stove and the Lakers are giving away a game to the fucking Wizards right now. And I promised myself I wouldn't care this season…

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Unfortunately, you have to care if you're a fan, and I can't believe I haven't blown my head off yet rooting for the Eagles all these years.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:31 pm

C'mon, the Eagles are great! "On a dark desert highway…" What's not to like?

Steverino247 March 8, 2012 at 12:31 am

I hate the fucking Eagles, man!

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 11:18 am

Plus your Lakers are about to give away Pau Gasol and dismantle a contending team for no fucking reason! Perhaps this idiocy is demoralizing for your players, Dr. Buss and Mr. Kupcake!

imissopus March 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

It's not Dr. Buss, it's his idiot son Jim. Everyone knew his taking over was going to suck. The team definitely has a couple of needs and I think they hired the wrong coach, but getting rid of Pau after losing Lamar Odom is really nuts.

Biff March 8, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I knew Jerry as a hotelier in my home town before he decided to become a sports maven. I liked him, and respected his decision to not kill me when I dated his daughter.

AddHomonym March 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Personally, I could do without ever seeing another "magic underwear" comment, also.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:24 am

Magic underwear.

AddHomonym March 8, 2012 at 10:20 am

Skullfucker!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Underooo-nies, underpants
Magic knickers, magic hands

(sung to the tune of "Rock of Ages")

emmelemm March 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Will you all be all right?

"I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!"

weej_bain March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I has purged my charmaps of the Cyrillic letters that scam yer filters. However, it will be much more difficult to offer so many car tuning tips to the Wonketteers. I guess talking about advancing the timing is cool, but if I understand the new rulz, tips about about r-wording the timing will cause not only engine knocking, but some knocks with the banhammer. Dat 'bout it?

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:20 am

Don't think so, weej. The script is what catches references to certain areas of math, if you get my drift, and it's very, heh, wonky. Just about everyone's said the R-WORD at least once today and not been caught nor banhammered. Seems like the nice-lady-Editrix-person isn't going for the jugular. (unwads underroos, sits down in comfort at last)

Sharkey March 7, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Hmmmm, well, I guess so… Can you do anything about my p-ness? Everyone else here cheats, I just know it.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Dude, why do you think everyone is sucking up to the new boss? Every "gee, so right!" "i agree, becky!" "finally, some rules!" gets ya 10+ p points. Asking questions, criticizing, snark…automatic -20 p. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I always say, "who gives a shit about pee?"

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Word.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:23 am

Well! If you're gonna be LIKE THAT about it — (pees all over sfr)

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:22 am

I thought that was "SHE-OPLE." No?

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Sharkey, if I could cheat your p-ness, I'd cheat mine too. Mama don't know nothing about p-ness.

Sharkey March 7, 2012 at 11:11 pm

For future reference, this is sometimes the part where I try to get banned, perhaps for no reason or perhaps because the editor didn't see the humour. Eh, you're still new.

natoslug March 7, 2012 at 11:41 pm

What? Were you also considering asking how she could possible call herself "mama" and know nothing about p-ness? I thought I was the only juvenile childish um, emotionally immature one here!

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 11:02 pm

My p-ness gas gotten quite large since the moment I came here.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:44 am

Gas? Well, THAT explains it. (farts discreetly, slinks away)

redarmyzombie March 8, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Ugh, damn typos… -_-

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I don't cheat! *looks at own p-ness, gets sad*

RadioSlut March 7, 2012 at 11:43 pm

DR, I have been a critic of "p"ness and metrics in general. We know who the commentors are here — who's funny, witty, silly, smart, insightful, blah, blah, blah. I know who you are and I'm pleased to be in your acquaintance. As I said yesterday, my sleep number is 69. Who fucking gives a shit about an arbitrary number? Am I allowed to say that?

weej_bain March 7, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Yowsa Radio, yowsa. P-ness is overrated.

Sharkey March 7, 2012 at 11:55 pm

shhhhhhhh… i'm trying to get her to have sex with me…

Designer_Rants March 8, 2012 at 12:23 am

Why thank you, RS. That makes me feel all nice right before bed time! And same to you. I come here every day for the lulz and and new stuff that I didn't know I didn't know, and you're one of the people who consistently makes that happen.

edit: I don't really care about p-ness, or even penis, but it's still nice to know how supportive the Wonketeers are!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:47 am

Banhammered yet? No?

I guess you ARE allowed to say that then. Slut. PROSTITUTE!!

I can haz sex tapes now?

Chichikovovich March 8, 2012 at 9:22 am

Arbitrary numbers can be quite fascinating. Why just the other day I was riding in cab number 1729, and a friend told me it was the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:47 am

Upfisted just for avoiding teh sadz. Also because, fuckit, you're funny as hell and I like you.

weej_bain March 7, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Well went back through and peed on all yer posts Sharkey, see if we can get you over a C-note tonight??

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 12:30 am

Wow, I got wee-wee'd up!

ElPinche March 8, 2012 at 2:31 am

I p'd on you too , R-Kelly style.

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 2:51 am

If it makes you feel any better, Shark, I used to fret about my p-ness until I reached 120 (last weekend) and now I am finally at peace with teh Wonkette. I have no freaking idea why, but it seems like a nice plateau, I guess. Banglade-e-esh, Bangla-DE-E-E-ESH!! Or whatever. I think it's past my bedtime..

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 10:31 am

I don't, really. Never really liked the IntenseDebate – even quit for a while when they first started it.

Although it is kind of rush when you get like 30+ on one comment for sheer comedic talent and/or cruelty.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 4:21 am

Dood, I've been fisting you forEVAH. You just keep resisting my blandishments, is all. Quitcher resistance and prepare to watch your p-ness grow by, er, leaps and bounds.

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 10:36 am

Duly noted.

RadioSlut March 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I guess the honeymoon is over.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Time for us lazy lieberals to get back to the work of forcing all Americans into welfare.

fuflans March 7, 2012 at 11:59 pm

well as long as i can still drink excessively i don't see how this will change much.

Designer_Rants March 8, 2012 at 12:27 am

But really, how much is "too much"? You still have internet, so you must be doin' alright.

DerrickWildcat March 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

You have not stated whether you like birds or not.
Yes or No?
Please choose one.

DerrickWildcat March 8, 2012 at 1:02 am

I would like very much to be a moderator please.
My name is Derrick Wildcat.
Are you awake? Are you looking at this internet World Wide Web Page?
I will be here for awhile..

sarjo March 8, 2012 at 1:17 am

Mr. Wildcat: There is required a Certification Course for being a World Wide Web Moderator. You will receive a Master of Moderation Certificate and then many job offers. Only it is required to send with haste $2,743.50 (US funds only) to me. I await reception of funds.

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 9:48 am

I can live with that.

Elaborate WWII Nazi-Killing and Escape From Occupied France Erotica is still OK though, right?

Steverino247 March 8, 2012 at 9:55 am

Since I've posted some on here, I sure hope so!

rickmaci March 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

For the record, you had me at "commiegirl." Peace, out.

SudsMcKenzie March 7, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Is this the day " All of them Katie" finally died?

natoslug March 7, 2012 at 11:41 pm

TOO SOON!!!!1!

Antispandex March 7, 2012 at 9:05 pm

WWAMCD?

What would Ana Marie Cox Do?

We can still say cox, right? Just not cocks? I'm confused. Back during the OC Weekly days, Commie Girl had far less rules.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

In the OC Weekly days, we didn't have any goddamn comments! Sheeit. (Mostly I actually got my death- and rape-threats ON PAPER, if you can even believe it.)

Antispandex March 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

And I'm sorry for those, they were meant to be more seductive than they probably came out on paper.

(and I meant that you had less rules, the Weekly is crap since you left).

GorzoTheMighty March 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

We who are about to be banned salute you!

chascates March 7, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Just so Wonkette continues: http://busblog.tonypierce.com/2012/03/farewell-wo

Not farewell, just a new chapter.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Fuck Tony Pierce. He started following me on Twitter RIGHT AFTER he posted that, like 'hey dude no offense.' Fuck that.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 12:12 am

Is it still OK if we light up that scum? We Wonketteers do have each others backs, you know.

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:07 am

Yeah, FUCK TONY PIERCE!!!1! NOBODY dumps on teh Wonkette – I don't care WHO"S running the show. Everybody, I think, knows I have issues with our glorious Prezdint Hopey, but when the Republiklans fuck with him, well, FUCK THEM! He's OUR fucking Prezdint Hopey, and WE"RE the only ones who get to dump on him. You got ME behind you* now, commiegirl!

*my favorite position, btw.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 3:41 am

Slut.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 4:15 am

Like you don't love it.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

God, what a fucking douchehat. Wonkette has fucking Newell back for fuck's sake, and Ken didn't post much any more anyway.

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Okay, that was just irredeemably dumb.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 9:26 pm

This Tony Pierce gentleman evidently is in the grips of a passionate love affair with his own precious writing style. It's a sadly misplaced affection.

ShaveTheWhales March 8, 2012 at 12:21 am

I'm old enough to remember when international fax service was such a huge improvement over teletype. So, feel young again.

Gunner Asch March 8, 2012 at 2:05 am

I'm old enough to remember how to fix those teletypes. So, feel young again.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 3:43 am

Me too. I worked for Mozilla back when it was Netscape, and trying to create all that worldy webby wide thing and stuff. Back in THOSE days, we had Lynx, and ping.

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 8:11 am

Man – those were the days. Just people putting shit up on the web. In 4 or 5 clicks you could go from a basic "here's my website, please hire me" page to the most disgusting porn you had ever seen.

Good times.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

During that debate liveblog that one time, I typed "Die Newt, die!" This in no way meant that I wanted him to drop dead at that moment (well, maybe a little). What I'm hoping is that what was said in the past won't get dredged up and used against me as a cudgel..

not that Dewey March 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I understood you to mean "The newt, the". Really should have been "Der Newt, Der" to get gender agreement between the noun and article, but perfectly innocuous apart from that.

el_donaldo March 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

cudgel? no. truncheon more like.

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:09 am

Sorry, but it went on your permanent record.

Biff March 8, 2012 at 10:44 am

You have NO idea…

Jerri March 8, 2012 at 9:35 am

No no, you typed "The Newt, the!" in German.

Beowoof March 7, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Can we still say obtuse or obstructed thinking process. Such as, most republicans have an obtuse and obstructed thinking process. Have to love dictionary.com.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:34 pm

How about "most republicans seem to suffer from irreconcilable cognitive dissonance which is quite possibly a symptom of stunted intellectual development"?

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I think I just came a little.

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Hey guys. Psst. Anyone remember the safe word? Fuck all. I kinda liked it when Ken and his ginger bitch spanked us. So I didn't really pay attention to that briefing. Um. Elephant? Couscous? Fuck. Uh. Kansas? Shit. Someone? Did anyone write it down?

ProgressiveInga March 7, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Swordfish.

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I'm pretty sure you can't say that anymore. It's both vaguely violent and offensive towards someone somewhere. Probably jews because of the scales and fins rule.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Yeah, it changed to "Norquist"

It's heeb(*)-friendly and unequivocal.

* I feel the need to say I'm using this casual slur in an ironic manner

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

It's okay. If we spend all our time ironically mocking minorities and gays, they'll never notice, due to that whole (how do I put this) satire comprehension deficit. I mean watermelon and fried chicken jokes aren't racist at all right? It's just them colords are so thin skinned. Next thing you know, freepers will assume we're as &lt;REDACTEDLY REDACTED&gt; as they are and start linking to the wonkettes without their infantile (is that allowed?) barf alert tags.

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I should also take this time to note that none of my best friends are heebs or gays…for I am both a heeb and a gay. That and I don't have any friends.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:28 am

GREEN BALLOONS!!

Goddammit, Sharkey, I'm ALWAYS late to the fucking party.

GeorgiaBurning March 7, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The thing we Russians fear most is the new Tsar, err, Tsarina. Keep the vodka cheap, and the bar open late, that's all I ask.

real_dc_native March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

What ever the new management might do I have to say that this "Programming Note" has stimulated one of the funniest comment trails I've seen for a while. It's a good thing I didn't read this at work because I am laughing out load and have tears rolling down my cheeks.

You Wonketteers are in rare form.

Well done Ms. Editrix. You have won my undying respect and love.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 9:59 pm

It's one of the reasons why I love the wonkete! No huge capital-letter freakouts, just snark and discussion.

LONG LIVE THE WONKETTE UNDER THE NEW EDITRIX!

chascates March 7, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Whew! At least we've avoided the Festivus Airing of Grievances!

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm

This is kind of fun, also kind of sad.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 10:09 pm

The dreams of being banned are the best I ever had.
It's a mad world.
Mad world.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Jeez, another philosopher, who knew? Don't make the mistake of taking me seriously, I'm just along for the ride.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

lolz. so am I!

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm

You are OK in my book, for what it's worth.

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm

And Michael Moore is fat, also too.

jesus_vs_gojira March 7, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Al Gore's house has air conditioning! He flies in a plane instead of walking/swimming to places.

Doktor Zoom March 8, 2012 at 12:57 am

57 states!

Biff March 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm

As long as this doesn't happen, we'll be OK.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 10:10 pm

This is about to get good: if I remember correctly the spanking is followed by the oral sex.

MosesInvests March 7, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I s'pose I could stay a *bit* longer….

ttommyunger March 8, 2012 at 12:21 am

No, we must be off!

Steverino247 March 8, 2012 at 12:36 am

It's too perilous!

ttommyunger March 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Run away, run away!!!!

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:13 am

OhmiDarwin, you're right! I've been a born-again bachelor for so long, I plain forgot about that part of relationships.

Guppy March 8, 2012 at 8:49 am

Wait… relationships involve sex?

ttommyunger March 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Gone, in my case, but not forgotten.

tribbzthesquidz March 7, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Dear editor: I stand by your decision. If I wanted to wince at comments I could kick it elsewhere. Stand by for kicking!
By the way: I studiously ignored the Wonkette posts when that thing that happened happened. And the Blingees and everything, ugh. Just awful. I still don't understand how those guys let that get published and it was dumb to write those words in that order anyway in the first place. It's appropriate that one dude moved on to the Onion where they can publish his high school diary entries and it mostly won't be taken seriously. I will miss KL though. Sort of.
I ran out of jokes a couple years ago anyway.

Buttsecks 4evar!
Hitler! All of them, Katie.
Courtney loves veggies.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Whoa, lucky for you the Boss isn't insisting we make a lick of goddam sense!

tribbzthesquidz March 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Half-step elsewhere.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Precisematicement, my dear.

BigDumbRedDog March 7, 2012 at 10:59 pm

It's Kortney, not Courtney! Jeesh!

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Obviously tribbz is a WINO

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:18 am

Jeezus, yeah. And it's not like I haven't posted her PETA audition video here at teh Wonkette eleventy-eleven times since People Eating Tasty Animals stopped advertising here.

*resists temptation to post it for the eleventy-twelfth time*

Chillatte March 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Great. How many points do I get every time I get away with the "r-word"?

On a serious note, can you imagine being forced to post your snark elsewhere only to receive replies like "LOL!", "WIN!" or even worse, "FANNED!" So yeah, perhaps it is worth being a bit more civilized for a change, especially if that means keeping Wonkette around for a while longer.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Sorry, "boss." Being told the rules of "the right way to talk on Wonkette" pretty much brainpan intercourses Wonkette for me. WITHOUT any rule list, Wonkette's people have always been the smartest, funniest people on the internet. I know this because, like a "retread," I spend a LOT of time on the internet. Your attitude seems to be "I love you, I own you, now change!" I am seriously 1. sad, and 2. insulted. I am waiting and seeing, but I fear the worst. A PC Wonkette…nice.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Sorry you feel insulted, Sarjo; would you be sorrier if Wonkette was boycotted out of existence? You do realize the comment in question has already been posted all over WingNut Estates with calls for same? Right?

But that's cool, we can Die for Honor.

Fuck that.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 11:00 pm

edit: Disregard this, I finally read the comment about the flag, babies, etc.

Wait, what did I miss? I didn't realize there was a real problem? Besides, remember when the AngerMoms boycotted Ellen at JCPenneys, or Schweddy Balls? I wouldn't be too worried about the rightwing's shiny object fixation on boycotting. They lose interest very quickly.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 11:16 pm

We don't have quite the same fanbase as Ellen does, D_R, and calling babies "retards" isn't gonna get us more. I'm loathe to encourage them but they have done actual damage before.

And SarJo, you're boring, and you're a brat. Go ahead, stamp your feet and scream all you want. I've had kids, I can tune it all out just fine.

DADDY I WANT AN OOMPA LOOMPA.

Go back and read it again when you're done holding your breath, and see if you might not be overreacting.

Oh, and I already know what you're going to say: OR WHAT YOURE GONNA BAN ME?

No, there's no rule against being a twat.

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Okay, nice to know you're welcoming us old hands with open arms. I think ad hominem attacks are pretty uncalled for. Whatever offense you might take at the R word or skullwhatever, you might consider that your personal name calling is every bit as offensive.

Guppy March 8, 2012 at 8:56 am

Look up at the top of the page. See the flashing banner ad impersonating a Windows dialog box, the one telling you that you have so-many problems in your Windows PC, and if you just clicky the box, enter your credit card number and install the executable, everything will be all better?

Ads for Schweddy Balls would be a step up around here. Wonkette is probably closer to advertising seekingarrangements.com than Rush is.

RadioSlut March 7, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Couldn't the wingnuts pull shit off this site on a daily, if not hourly, basis and feign outrage? I hear you about throwing the fetus out with douche water, but I hope you see how much we love this place, indeed, are addicted to it.
I suppose we are in a infernal pissing contest with the freepers and the deadman's dungeon. Except they are mean spirited and humorless — and those racist pigs have no sense off the sublime. So I guess we are in this dichotomy together.
Speaking for myself, I'll be cool, I like strong women, just like my half jewish mom.

Designer_Rants March 7, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Sure they could. They're always outraged by something (stupid). And the comment in question was just that; a comment from an anonymous commenter on the internet. Just go to WND or wherever stupidity is sold and read your very own politically diametrically-opposed copy of the comment in question (probably about Obummer waving around his long-form birth certificate).

But I just want to wake up tomorrow and forget about this, and assume Wonkette is back to normal. It would be GOOD for my honeydo list to be turned off by Wonkette, but not for my sense of community, cuz I don't like any other community right now. (I'm not turned off yet, this has just been a spat with my wife type-thing. Those always blow over [right?]) I might even be turned ON. Lust for life tomorrow, everyone!

RadioSlut March 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Alinsky was a slut.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 7, 2012 at 10:26 pm

You're not banned? Shit.

smashaduck March 7, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Clearly the Editrix is asleep.

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Everyone should have realized that people would be looking through posting here and on other random websites to try to create a false equivalency when the leader of the Party of Limbaugh managed to actually get noticed for his normal behavior.

Veritas78 March 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Personally, I'll be sure to watch my tongue any day the right is in a lather about something.

ShaveTheWhales March 7, 2012 at 11:09 pm

So, every day, then?

imissopus March 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Holy Christ, almost 600 comments in five hours? Are we not over this yet? I now regret any role my contributions to this thread may have played in prolonging everyone's existential crisis.

chascates March 7, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I've had an existential crisis long before this thread came along!

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 11:06 pm

The feedback loop is going strong.

Sharkey March 7, 2012 at 10:58 pm

What with all that LIVEBLOGGING last night I've been kind of cranky today myself.

(please don't ban me)

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:24 am

And I'm cranky AND old. Can we still say "HEEENNGH!

SaintRond March 7, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I admit, I often think of the bad people being set upon by chimpanzees because they like to bite faces so much. More than a few times each day, I try to figure out which circle each individual Republican would be assigned to in Dante's Inferno. Thoughts of this nature relax me, like a cup of nice Tummy Mint Tea or a warm summer breeze on a lazy day, or just a teensy little snort of heroin.

Anyway, I hope I wasn't being referenced in this warning. If I didn't think there was a Hell where bad people went to receive eternal punishment when they died, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 11:24 pm

You forgot, "Fuck you all. Peace… god bless.."

SaintRond March 7, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I'm having a crisis of faith tonight.

Mumbletypeg March 7, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I have faith in you.

Cunt.

ETA: That was a joke btw referencing your signature phrase! Srsly hope your crisis resolves itself soon. Your regular two-word salute to our dingbatshitinsane's in office always make me laugh, & your personal anecdotes shared some time ago almost made me cry.

SaintRond March 8, 2012 at 12:17 am

Thank you for those kind words. It's important to be appreciated and has rekindled something in me. I might even take a picture of my wiener tonight.

Doktor Zoom March 8, 2012 at 1:10 am

I just want to know why you hate chimpanzees so much that you would wish such a thing on them.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:38 am

I think we're all having that "kid-who-grew-up-in-an-abusive-home, WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID/DID" reaction. Oddly, I'm pleased to find so many black sheep among us all. And no, it wasn't you. The Editrix pointed out the specific offender, and the rest of us seem to be off the hook. In fact, in a somewhat disappointing turn of events, no one was even banhammered.

PuckStopsHere March 7, 2012 at 11:10 pm

One Word: WAR BLOG!

Antispandex March 7, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Veni, vidi, tradidi…also.

PuckStopsHere March 7, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Christ. We really are commenting in French, then?

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Si.

CapnFatback March 7, 2012 at 11:28 pm

David Denby will have his revenge.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Hi, Rebecca:
Thanks for clarifying the Commenting Rules. Lately, It seemed like a greater number of posts were being deleted, for reasons that we couldn't properly grasp.

The "Rules" seem, at first glance, pretty reasonable and ones that I think I follow by default. I'm adamantly opposed to slurring Children or the Differently-Abled, I never threaten anyone, personally, with Violence (that's for blowhards and frightened people who've never been in a fight and want to bolster their Egos, IMHO) and, in spite of what Andy Breitbart claimed, I've never Raped anyone or advocated rape of any kind to anyone.

As Barb has written before, I can only speak for myself. Here's my Blog Posting Philosophy: please review and do let me know if I'm doing anything egregious. I'll have to provide a few examples, I think, to best illustrate my points so please bear with me.

* One of the things I cherish about Wonkette is the depth of knowledge, level of humor and cleverness of the folks who write here. When I post here, I try to be Funny. If I can't be funny, then I try to be clever and at the very least relevant to the topic at hand. A lot of what I write will reference old Monty Python routines, Frank Zappa songs or other arcane cultural items. Many people don't find these things funny but I hope at least they're considered Clever.

1.) Instead of calling people Re[redacted]s, I'll likely post something like this:
"The much anticipated Video of the last Palin Family Reunion has finally been Posted Online!"

2.) In an earlier post, I said that I would put up with wearing a silly hat just to get within Nut-Kicking distance of George W. Bush. This was clearly said just for comedic effect and in no manner was I threatening or advocating kicking George W. Bush in the Nuts. I'll have you know that at one time I was well within Nut-Kicking distance of Donald Rumsfeld and did no such thing. I hope this settles the matter.

3.) In an earlier post, I referred to the House Majority Whip Eric Cantor as an Acanthonus armatus, a fish with the common name of the "Bony Eared Assfish" I hope that's not Libel. I thought the comparison was pretty apt.

3, cont'd) When Andrew Breitbart died, I wrote a pretty even-handed post (I think) that expressed sorrow for his loss as a person and for the effect on his children, family and friends while strongly condemning his actions and public persona. I think that it was pretty fair and quite mild, in comparison to the language that Breitbart himself used after Teddy Kennedy died.
Of course, afterwards I wrote multiple posts stating that Andrew Breitbart was, in fact still Dead and had him quoted, in response to news items of the day, as saying " *Gurgle* pppppppppttthhhh! *Gurgle*,*Gurgle* Hisssssssssss. "

I also referred to him as a "talentless hack Corporate tool who specialized in angry public tirades, ratfucking perceived enemies and hiring embarrassingly inept henchmen to engage in covert character assassination of innocent private citizens, for profit."

Later, I referred to Rush Limbaugh as "… you disgusting vacuous overpaid skinbag of middle school resentments, methane, Viagra, Oxycontin and adipose tissue." and told him to "Go Away and Fuck Yourself", I feel this is pretty accurate, and well within the historical boundaries of the Wonkette Commentary Sphere. What do you think?

4.) *Wonkette has a powerful Group Dynamic going on. I wrote a post that said:
"I'm sure that all this public talk about Birth Control and Sluts and uteruses and vaginal probes is going to overstimulate some barely repressed Republican Luminary into a bizarre, grotesque and appallingly vile sex scandal.
It's got to happen. The real question is, who will crack first? Santorum? Gingrich? Bachmann (either one)? Virginia Foxx? "

Somehow, this metamorphosed into a discussion of a Certain southern Mid-Atlantic Region Representative with a glass eye indulging in wanton Eye Socket Copulatory Behavior. I felt dirty. These things happen around here sometimes, as a bit of drinking is involved. I am sorry in advance should conversations get so out of hand again.

In sum, Rebecca, I will make a concerted effort to Behave and not write anything that would put Our Wonkette in jeopardy. I can't promise I'll be successful, though as I write pretty much what I feel at the time and sometimes the news makes me very Angry.
I'm sure you'll let me know if and when I step over the line.

Best Regards, CRE

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 12:44 am

Eh, the confessional is down the hall. This is the bathroom.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:09 am

Terlet. And that's MY CREature wut I luvz wif all my heart theah, so be nice to him/her, pls. I asks. And if that ain't enuf, I asks nicely.

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 10:07 am

I like the C.R. Eature, don't get me wrong.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 6:21 am

Then, what are all these Priests doing here…. Oh, rriiiight! Never mind!

*backs carefully out the door*

Doktor Zoom March 8, 2012 at 12:53 am

Broken hearts are STILL for assholes.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 7:07 am

Next time, just say "Please Stop. I'm Bored."

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 1:43 am

"Here's my Blog Posting Philosophy: please review and do let me know if I'm doing anything egregious."

TOO FUCKING LONG, DID NOT READ

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:31 am

I read the whole thing, but my only question is what happened to the days when you had to break a treatise like that into three or four posts?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 3:45 am

Oh, I read it too and I tend to really like CRE's posts, but taht was fucking long for a wonkete post.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:10 am

(Jumps up and down, screaming) It's NOT A POST, it's a comment!!

Wut? Oh, all right. I'll behave.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 6:15 am

So, will I get Spanked for that?

Cool.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 6:27 am

OK, so I'll break 'em up next time and work in some titty pictures and celebrity gossip, ok? Hey, sounds familiar…

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 6:14 am

Sorry. that one did get out of hand, I'll break 'em up next time, promise. In my defense, I was Not Drinking. Much.

FYI, this is a bit longer than my original reply: "TL;DNR? FCK U!

Skullfuggary March 8, 2012 at 1:58 am

You don't have anything to apologize for or explain…so don't.

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

Are you and Chichikovovich having some kind of dick-measuring contest? Because he will throw up a 5-pagedown-length comment, if you piss him off! It's like daring Kobe to go for 80 points!

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Nah, I just fucked up & let the post run away with itself. Late.Tired. Brain. stuck. in. WRITE. mode. Sorry.

No way I'd have a dick-measuring contest with Chich. His is highly educated, witty and bi-lingual and probably huge.

commiegirl March 7, 2012 at 11:44 pm

My 16-hour day here is done, beloveds. See you in the morning.

weej_bain March 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Does this mean your unlocking the lock on lock and load?

BarackMyWorld March 7, 2012 at 11:56 pm

G'night, mommy.

BigDumbRedDog March 8, 2012 at 12:12 am

wait, now whose going to tuck me in?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:35 am

No, I called her Mom first, nine hours ago. She's my mommy, mine, mine, MINE!!!

OK, I should have gone to bed three hours ago.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:20 am

(feels the pdog's forehead)

That's it, young man, it's off to bed with you! Jammies on, and not another word.

ShaveTheWhales March 8, 2012 at 1:47 am

Bye.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:19 am

Poor Editrix. My sympathies. We can be nutbags here. I'm sure a certain calm will descend by morn.

CapnFatback March 7, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Do not upfist this comment.

Risking what is bound to be an unpopular opinion, sniggers about not being able to use the "r- word," have been far funnier and more clever than any comments that actually contained the actual word "retard." Out of restriction bloomed creativity. Caged bird singing and all that rot.

There may be a fine line between snark and vulgarity, and many of us–certainly myself–tread the border between good and bad taste, flaunting our genitals at the Puritans as we tiptoe. That's the essence of the ballet of Wonkette. But sometime raunch for raunch's sake or emotion gets the better of us–santorum happens–and it's not all bad to be reminded by Comrade Schoenkopf that we can be funnier and smarter.

I swear to do so starting . . . next post?

BarackMyWorld March 7, 2012 at 11:54 pm

"Do not upfist this comment."

UPFIST THIS ONE INSTEAD!!!

sarjo March 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Capn, your point is a good one BUT the beauty of Wonkette is that there is rarely any positive feedback for posts that are "funny" only by virtue of being vulgar. The Wonkett-erati seem to encourage a pretty high flying, intellectually stimulating brand of humor.

And sometimes, the finest fruits require the rankest soil.

CapnFatback March 8, 2012 at 12:12 am

I'm certain, Comrade sarjo, that if you and I had a few free days, a team of research assistants, and a box of caffeine pills, we'd manage to find plenty of upfisted comments that were heavier on the shock and schlock and lighter on the clever. Like I said, emotion can get the best of us. Sometimes upfisting such a comment proves too irresistible, because, hey, it's how we feel or because we like each other and want to virtually thrust our thumbs up in each other's direction.

I agree that even the comment that re-ignited this mess managed to mix the low with the funny, but I know that I would have been hard-pressed to give it a thumbs up. At least 11 folks did according to the right-wing screenshot of it. That's worse news than the comment itself in my opinion.

Maybe we should just put our fists back in our pockets, anyhoo. I dunno. It's late and my shoulder hurts.

Where are those caffeine pills, dammit?

CapnFatback March 7, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Dammit. *sniffs air* Who fisted?

Mumbletypeg March 8, 2012 at 12:00 am

You're gettin' fisted whether you like it or not I'm afraid. I only regret I was not first in line to offer it.

CapnFatback March 8, 2012 at 12:23 am

If fisted, I shall not comment. If p-pointed, I shall not reply.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . . DAMMIT!

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 12:03 am

"fine line between snark and vulgarity"… err on the side of stupidity, for safety's sake. Well, that's what I do anyway.

CapnFatback March 8, 2012 at 12:36 am

But this post goes to eleven.

fuflans March 7, 2012 at 11:51 pm

i have a idea: we won't say anything mean about sarah palin's kids if we don't have to read any more about sarah palin.

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 1:04 am

So I guess now we can all say "Frist!" but we can't be mean to anyone, because, you know, they might get upset. And from now on we ought to be mindful of the sensitive feelings of those who traffic in hate, since they are simply misguided and deserve our love and understanding.

But really, other than that, not a thing has changed. And here I was worried that the place I've lived since the days of panda porn (Oops! I'm so sorry guys! I didn't mean to offend anyone with that awful word!!!) would somehow become different under this new leadership. Oh, what a gull I was! :) :) :)

Would one of you dear, sweet souls be so kind as to tell me where one should go to turn in their Wonket Membership card? You see, I fear that I won't be well-suited to our new blog of motherfucking hugs and kisses.

PuckStopsHere March 8, 2012 at 12:20 am

As I have not noticed any increase in the civility of the posts, I suspect there will be a corresponding lack of change in the civility of the comments, which is a good thing. Put your card back in your wallet, you are needed here.

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 12:28 am

Wallet? Fucking elitist.

Doktor Zoom March 8, 2012 at 1:14 am

I say, old bean, we'll give old Johnny Incivility a good skullfucking, eh?

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 12:22 am

If you stay, I'll finally buy you that pony you want. And those cakes we like.

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 12:27 am

Jet pack or no deal.

Sharkey March 8, 2012 at 12:38 am

Water jet pack*?

(* rental)

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:40 am

I'll rat-fink out all my associates and a couple of my non-immediate family members to you if you stay on, Owls.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:17 am

Will you settle for a bidet seat? It'll keep your feathery little tush nice and warm. (I had my very first today.)

Owls, love, no one's stopped saying the R-word all over, and, in fact, no one's stopped swearing or cussing or saying downright uncivil things. Please don't go. Please?

sarjo March 8, 2012 at 12:23 am

No other reply than LOL ROFL and assorted other lulz can be made. Bless your heart and pass the cat videos please.

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 12:36 am

Aww, you are SO sweet!!!! LOL!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) luv U <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:52 am

Jezus fuck me blind, I know I say that shit, but it don't sound right coming out of YOUR beak, buddy.

Negropolis March 8, 2012 at 1:17 am

sarjo, just wanted to say that how you were treated for stating some rather inoffensive concerns was really kind of classless.

I log on here to find that all hell broke loose…and it wasn't the fault of the community.

sarjo March 8, 2012 at 1:22 am

Thank you, my dusky friend. I'm only crying because I'm happy.

Extemporanus March 8, 2012 at 12:34 am

Care to take wing and join me on another walk, old friend?

A little fresh air will do both of us a Wonkette of good…

user-of-owls March 8, 2012 at 12:39 am

I feel like fucking incompetent groundhog or something. Crawled my ass outta the hole and *bang* six more weeks (?) of winter.

I guess "All Options Are on the Table."

Extemporanus March 8, 2012 at 1:31 am

That wasn't your own shadow that you spotted, Owls, it was the shadow thrown by the likes of me, Dewey, and an oddball assortment of others just cold sittin' on your shoulders and quietly watchin' your back.

So, no need to go all Bataan on us, brah. A short walk around the block will suffice.

At a minimum, shut down your computer, walk outside right now, look straight up into the open night sky, and don't stop looking until you feel the rotation of the Earth and begin to float away. Whatever you do after that will be the right thing to do.

I'll be on the roof…

Limeylizzie March 8, 2012 at 6:32 am

Owls, if you leave I will leave as well, I hate it when you fly away, so please stay, please…tears rolling down face….eyes all sad like a kicked kitten…..

not that Dewey March 8, 2012 at 8:47 am

I don't think our Editrix had you in mind when she wrote these words.

BTW, I thought there was something oddly familiar about the colorscheme of the Admin's comment headers — light blue field, red accent, gold pee medalion– and then AHA! The Blue Caps of the NKVD! I'm sure they know I meant that as a compliment.

UPDATE: it appears the Black Marias came and hauled off two commenters in the middle of the night. One of them was heard calling your name.

Extemporanus March 10, 2012 at 4:06 am

OWLS-Y OWLS-Y OXEN FREE!

I'm gonna self-importantly assume that your two days (and counting!) of comment coop-flewage means that you wisely (accidentally?) accepted my hokey yet heartfelt sexy-time invitation to join me for a bracing bit of bullshit erasing moonlit pacing.

Or perhaps you just cold skullfucked your mentally challenged self to death with a totally libelous machine gun. Who the <MommyBlog>h-e-double hockey sticks</MommyBlog> knows?!

Anyhoot, dude, I just wanted to swoop back in to add that your day-by-day owl being is day-by-day on my mind, and that I'm fixin' to give the recently resurrected Radio[Noun] and Negropolis a brief "Welcome Back" Wonketterrorist fist bump before hittin' the un-rule-y bricks, beaches, and beeyotches yet again.

C U Next Tuesday!

not that Dewey March 12, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Poke.

user-of-owls March 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm
CapnFatback March 8, 2012 at 12:42 am

Where do you gents go on these mythical walks, pray tell?

(You are totally lighting up the boards at TMZ; I just know it.)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 1:56 am

I don't get the outrage, to be frank.

Who has ever made a post like "Sean Hannity likes nothing more than skullfucking a kindergarten full of slow kids while Bill O'Reilly looks on, waiting, with his machete"? Nobody, that's who.

It's service as normal, as far as I can see.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:18 am

What pdog said, plus, I will throw in the removable and healthy organs of all my neighbours also.

DerrickWildcat March 8, 2012 at 12:13 am

I have never broken a law.

fuflans March 8, 2012 at 12:28 am

dude you are cracking me up.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 12:26 am

Rule Number Six:

There Is No Rule Number Six!

(See what I mean about the Monty Python references, Rebecca?)

MosesInvests March 8, 2012 at 1:21 am

Rule Number Seven: No pooftahs! (Not the closeted, homophobic ones, anyway. All ghey members of the Wonkettariat more than welcome, obvs.)

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 6:35 am

'S alright, really. We know it isn't meant that way.

The plumber came by yesterday and we offered him a cuppa. He said, "Right, long as it's not any of that poofter stuff." Nice fellow, nonetheless.

MosesInvests March 8, 2012 at 8:47 am

I figured most folks around here would recognize a Monty Python quote-just being extra careful to avoid the banhammer.

Skullfuggary March 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

What fresh fuckery is this?

Rebecca, no threat, but I can assure you that this will not work. And by "this" I mean treating an established community of intelligent adults as misbehaved children.

No r#t@rd? That can be done. We've done it before. Banning the tearing down on the children of politicians? That can be done, as well. Getting into the minutiae of trying to regulate vulgarity? On Wonkette? Are you kidding me?

Less is more, in this case, editrix. I take a very libertarian stance on speech, particularly on the internet. It really just works better that way. Wonkette has always been a safe-speech zone, and I'd love for us to continue in our storied tradition of Iconoclasm.

For the lurve of quality snark, do not turn us into Gawker, easily the most unintentionally unfunny commenting sections on the net, these days, exactly because of its oversensitivity. This is a terrible overreaction and overcompensation. We are not that delicate; we've never been that delicate; we will not be that delicate.

commiegirl March 8, 2012 at 10:12 am

Skullfuggary, nowhere does it say I am trying to regulate vulgarity. Nowhere. Read any of the posts in the past week, and then please rethink your assumption. I thought we'd settled this last night, and now have a sadz.

RadioSlut March 8, 2012 at 1:18 am

Oh, make me tear MP. I look forward to your faceted comments amongst all these diamonds.. Abrasos y besos.And DR, Hum was my favorite band of the 90's.Man, I knew you were top notch,, fuck "p" ness.You are the only person who knows and appreciates this incredible music, however poorly it was mastered. I'm listening to Downward is Heavenward now. Again, I let knew I liked you.

Designer_Rants March 8, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Ditto, RS. I really only know "You'd Prefer An Astronaut", but now I'm queuing up the Spotify machine and it's time to listen to the Hum page.

RadioSlut March 8, 2012 at 8:37 pm

They had four albums, the first was only on vinyl and I've never heard any of it. Electra 2000 is spotty, but, Iron Clad Lou is one of my favs. Their dynamics were awesome. Our band used to cover a song by Poster Children called "If You See Kay," and it was in the similar genre.
All their albums were mastered before the Loudness Wars began and you've got to amp their songs up to appreciate their musicianship. And I always respected the enigmatic lyrics. Out of those three albums there is probably only six songs I skip over.

Negropolis March 8, 2012 at 1:31 am

Rule #5: Oh, and no kissing on the lips.

Now, put the money on the dresser, Wonkette commentariat. Also. Too. Tambien.

deleted4201338 March 8, 2012 at 1:41 am

owls and Derrick, I've been wondering where both of you guys were. Good to see you.

I've also been trying to figure out why I feel persistently concerned about what are, after all, fairly reasonable rules about civil discourse. (To the best of my recollection, I have never made a "r*****" comment, or used the adjective "r*******". I must confess I never broke my kids of the use of the adjective, although they do apply it to situations, not people. My expressions of intended violence are generally restricted to the obviously hyperbolic — e.g., acts involving rusty chainsaws).

So there's really nothing in the new Rulez that would affect my limited commenting, which consists mostly of shallow wordplay and the occasional snarkless diatribe.

I've eventually concluded that the source of my distress is that the articulation of commenting rules reflects acceptance of the right wing's ability to frame the issue. Here we have a national-visibility media blowhard who directs personal abuse at a private citizen for days, and we're supposed to accept that a single random non-PC comment from a commenter on a relatively minor-exposure blog is somehow equivalently awful. If it turns out to be true that advertisers are that stupid, we've really already lost everything. BTW, the thing with Steuf was a little different, since he was an actual blog poster, and hence arguably subject to editorial control.

I only started reading Wonkette in 2008, so I missed the assfucking. Since I've been on board, 75% of the entertainment value has come from the comments. Certainly, there have been many memorable original posts, but day in and day out most of the laughs (and some tears) have been supplied by the Wonketteriat. And I believe that a lot of the humor has come because the Wonkete community hasn't taken itself seriously.

As advertised, a snarkless diatribe. It appears that all, or most, of the principal contributors have accepted the new "be polite" rules. Ironically (and I believe this is actually irony), I — who have probably never violated the rules — have a problem with this. I'm 64, I'm cranky, what are you gonna do?

To all worthly Wokette scum: so long, and keep up the good snark.

sarjo March 8, 2012 at 1:45 am

As our worthless, bloated adversary might say: Ditto.

Skullduggary March 8, 2012 at 1:49 am

Can I ask you to do one thing for me, my friend? Sleep on it, and then see how you feel. Give it a day or two to see how everything shakes out before making a decision. I will tell you that I will not be leaving without a fight.

We may just be squatters (maybe even renters because of the page-clicks/traffic?), and the new phyiscal owner of the place can techically make whatever rules they want, but we can make our voices heard and then see what happens. Don't forget; we are the spiritual owners and keepers of the place and its traditions.

Huevos Ocupados March 8, 2012 at 3:53 am

You gotta fight for your right to libel!

DerrickWildcat March 8, 2012 at 4:30 am

You can't go.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 5:14 am

Seconded.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:41 am

Thirded.

And I don't even know That Commenter. I think Negropolis is correct. Also, my partner sez "Change is scary." I wonder if we're all just freaking *because* Change. Anywho. I shall sleep on it and think some more.

weej_bain March 8, 2012 at 8:36 am

I'll skip the fourth and offer a fifth.

not that Dewey March 8, 2012 at 8:54 am

Who was that Deleted Avatar? I've seen two since i woke up — pretty mediocre purge, if you ask me.

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 10:33 am

The rules are reasonable. For me, automatically gainsaying them because they're partly due to fear of reprisal from people we hate would be like reflexively opposing Obama even when he's doing something you completely agree with.

UW8316154 March 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

Only 75% of the entertainment value is from the comments? It's more like 90% for me, and the other 10% is policitcal education from the posts themselves. Isn't that what the posts are for: simply a method of generating witty, intelligent commentary?

Anyway, I love you guys… (hic)

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 11:25 am

Yeah, sure. I tried the Drama Queen Resignation route once too, and was back in less than a week. Didn't nuke my account though, because I like obsessively fondling my greatest hits. Looking forward to your new persona and avatar!

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

You know who else dramatically nuked their account and then returned?

Chet Kincaid March 8, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Gandalf?

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Nice one!

Chichikovovich March 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Give me a hint…. did He return exactly three days later?

Nothingisamiss March 8, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Don't go. Really.

Trinket March 8, 2012 at 1:42 am

About time we had someone sensible running this place. I want to throat-punch assholes as much as the next person, but I am a liberal, so I feel guilty about it.

Is it rapey to suggest that someone should eat a sack of salted dicks? I ask because I'm sure people around here will want to know.

schvitzatura March 8, 2012 at 5:02 am

Lightly salted, poisoned, and rodent would be a bridge too far, at this stage. Becca just threw out the baby with our bathwater.

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:20 am

Oh, hell to the fucking no. Lightly poisoned salted rat dicks (or is it lightly salted poisoned rat dicks?) are part of the menu around here.

BathroomGoblin March 8, 2012 at 2:06 am

How does this impact Dickshitnipples?

The_Trainman March 8, 2012 at 2:58 am

Wonkette has been the funniest blog since the French Revolution. Nothing else comes close. A lot of the lols come from reader comments but some comments in the past were fucking wrong. I got tired of reading them and stopped checking out the blog rather than complain. I don't have to define that exactly because I am not running this, Rebecca is. And, I like what she said above. Seems clear to me what she's asking folks to consider before they post comments.

Makinglifehell March 8, 2012 at 3:45 am

Hiya. First time poster..you know the rest. Not to start out on the wrong foot, (I'm totally starting on the wrong foot,) but there are a few things that I, as a year-plus lurker around here, feel need to be addressed immediately. First, I would be remiss if I did not thank everyone involved with this operation past and presnt, from top to bottom. Each one of you have in some way have enlightened or entertained me immensely. Neither of these being an easy task since my lifelong mentor, George Carlin, departed this pitiful rock a few years ago. The articles and comments here have filled the void his death left in my soul.
Enough bullshit, on to the complaints! (Which will probably get me banned.)
To begin at the beginning:
1. "No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes."
This is daft. How is it that we, being on the side we're on, facing adversaries that have no rules, no moral compass, or even a whit of decency, can't use slurs against these very people or their (alleged) offspring? It seems obvious to me that our ideological opposites don't adhere to any kind of standards regarding who is or isn't slur-worthy. Why should we? (I know, the whole 'stooping to their level' cannard. Fuck that.) If these fuckers didn't want us to make fun of their kids, disabled or otherwise, they either shouldn't have had kids in the first place, or they never should have stepped into the public arena. They certainly shouldn't parade the 'lil mongoloid bastards around (especially if their darling buddy child is [allegedly] named after its condition) without expecting public discourse, both good and bad, about them.
2. "No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone)."
This made me slap my head repeatedly. Can we hope for those whom we disagree with to die while having their gentials stuck in the passenger side door of a semi? They wouldn't necessarily have to be alone. In fact, it would be much more enjoyable if there were onlookers, at least. And fire, all death is better with fire!
3. "Try not to be totally libelous."
Seriously? You do know where you are, right?
4. "If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?"
Wow. Bustin' out the big 'ol R word that doesn't end in …tarded, huh? Instead of skull fucking, might I suggest we advocate old school Vatican-style ass-ripping forced penetration of the humonculi on the other side of the fence, sans lube – just to prove our dominance. Or does that offend your precious little daisy sensitivities? Sorry about that, but some of us, ok, I feel assaulted on a daily basis from a barage of right wing policies and ideologies that should have been dismissed as misguided and ridiculed for being dangerous decades ago. Yet here we are, in a 24 hour shit storm of salicious politicians and pompous pundits who would sell their own grandmothers for a blowjob (better yet, whore that bitch out and be a job-creator!) constanly doing what they accuse the Left of, cramming their agendas and (lack of) morals and dogmas down our collective throat. So please, Ms. editor, sir, excuse the fuck out of myself and whomever else that gets enraged enough about all this bullshit to actually type some of these vitriolic thoughts out here for the entertainment and contribution to the preservation of the sanity of the rest of us disaffected and helpless souls in the peanut gallery. Sharing, after all, is cathartic and has even been described by some as 'caring'. We're sorry if your corporate overlords don't like it. We're sorry if it hurts their bottom line. We'd all be very sorry if this place closed up shop permanently. But, unfortunately in the world we live in, sometimes change means death. And I'm afraid that trying to muzzle the commentors is precisely that kind of change for Wonkette.
It's been fun, and I would like to say that you all will be missed, but instead I hope that no one tries to hit any of you in the first place. I would like to leave you with these thoughts: This is War. It's bigger than all of us. Nothing is sacred.

natoslug March 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

1. Just because your self-proclaimed enemy is a steaming turd is no reason you have to be one as well. It is possible to be petty, vindictive, right and funny without stooping to the steaming level. As for the children, why would you target surveyor's marks someone who isn't guilty of whatever dumbfuckery you are speaking out against. Yes, Sarah Palin loved to use Trig as a prop during her aborted run for VP. That does not mean he is fair game — he was an innocent in that clusterfuck. Continuing to use the delightful Palin family as an example here . . . Bristol, however, with her attempts at stardom and public figurehood (and what a figure — rawr! The Pillsbury Doughboy must have been dying of envy!!!), from her "look at me, I don't fuck anymore" abstinence campaign to her DWTS debacle to screaming obscenities to drunks in a bar (which she should not have been permitted in in the first place), would be fair game. This really doesn't seem like a difficult or onerous rule.

2. I think I kind of agree with you on this, although actively stating "I wish someone would just fucking rape Santorum to death with a nail-studded 2×4" is kind of tacky. I think this goes back to the first part of rule #1: Really, do we need to sink to their level? Yes, I would be quite happy if all of the war/hatemongers of the world were to suddenly die, but it would be a lot more fun if they were to be made aware of what monumental fuckups they actually are and forced to deal with that. Yeah, I'm a fucking dreamer, what of it?

3. I'm not sure what to make of this. Once again, rule #1. Don't be a dick, don't state as fact things that are untrue. I'm sure it is still fine to ponder the Palin Hookworm Conjecture or why Glenn Beck hasn't denied the rumours about his raping and killing that little girl back in the 90's, but don't claim something is true about someone that is not.

4. Skullfucking really doesn't sound all that enjoyable, but if it gets you off, fine. As for rape, or even threats of rape, don't be an ass. That's my interpretation. Rape isn't funny, and I don't care who that magnificent ape was or where he is.

For most of us, I don't think this is really any change. You can still call someone a cunt, a prick, a dick, a cocksucking sack of shit (even if they aren't these things literally) and a worthless excuse for a human being. What do we gain from lying and attacking the innocent? Fuck, I shouldn't look back through old comments while drunk, but yours stood out for some reason. I am not saying that we should be silent, but that we should, foul-fucking-mouthed or not, be honest and truthful. It's the one thing that very definitely separates us from the Breitbarts of the world. Er, the two things. Oh, and we're alive and that nasty, lying, grandstanding bastard is dead. The three things. I guess what I'm saying is show a little class when pointing out that some lying fuckstick is a lying fuckstick. Peace.

natoslug March 8, 2012 at 8:19 pm

1. Just because your self-proclaimed enemy is a steaming turd is no reason you have to be one as well. It is possible to be petty, vindictive, right and funny without stooping to the steaming level. As for the children, why would you target surveyor's marks someone who isn't guilty of whatever dumbfuckery you are speaking out against. Yes, Sarah Palin loved to use T**g as a prop during her aborted run for VP. That does not mean he is fair game — he was an innocent in that clusterfuck. Continuing to use the delightful Palin family as an example here . . . Bristol, however, with her attempts at stardom and public figurehood (and what a figure — rawr! The Pillsbury Doughboy must have been dying of envy!!!), from her "look at me, I don't fuck anymore" abstinence campaign to her DWTS debacle to screaming obscenities to drunks in a bar (which she should not have been permitted in in the first place), would be fair game. This really doesn't seem like a difficult or onerous rule.

2. I think I kind of agree with you on this, although actively stating "I wish someone would just fucking rape Santorum to death with a nail-studded 2×4" is kind of tacky. I think this goes back to the first part of rule #1: Really, do we need to sink to their level? Yes, I would be quite happy if all of the war/hatemongers of the world were to suddenly die, but it would be a lot more fun if they were to be made aware of what monumental fuckups they actually are and forced to deal with that. Yeah, I'm a fucking dreamer, what of it?

3. I'm not sure what to make of this. Once again, rule #1. Don't be a dick, don't state as fact things that are untrue. I'm sure it is still fine to ponder the Palin Hookworm Conjecture or why Glenn Beck hasn't denied the rumours about his raping and killing that little girl back in the 90's, but don't claim something is true about someone that is not.

4. Skullfucking really doesn't sound all that enjoyable, but if it gets you off, fine. As for rape, or even threats of rape, don't be an ass. That's my interpretation. Rape isn't funny, and I don't care who that magnificent ape was or where he is.

For most of us, I don't think this is really any change. You can still call someone a cunt, a prick, a dick, a cocksucking sack of shit (even if they aren't these things literally) and a worthless excuse for a human being. What do we gain from lying and attacking the innocent? Fuck, I shouldn't look back through old comments while drunk, but yours stood out for some reason. I am not saying that we should be silent, but that we should, foul-fucking-mouthed or not, be honest and truthful. It's the one thing that very definitely separates us from the Breitbarts of the world. Er, the two things. Oh, and we're alive and that nasty, lying, grandstanding bastard is dead. The three things. I guess what I'm saying is show a little class when pointing out that some lying fuckstick is a lying fuckstick. Peace.

[Edited to change the youngest Palin's name to T**g since the full version is apparently verboten]

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 8, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Bravo, and as you have so much more lucid and clever points than my vulgar non-PC name calling which is no longer up to wonkette standards, I encourage you to post early and often. Please! Perhaps you have the wit to say the things that I cannot.

CapnFatback March 9, 2012 at 12:56 am

This is really long, so I'll translate:

1. I really wanna say "retard."
2. I probably should take a kickboxing class to vent this anger, but reading about murder is way less taxing.
3. This "libelous" word makes my grumpy for some reason.
4. I really, really wanna say "retard."

Makinglifehell March 9, 2012 at 2:51 am

1. Absolutely, especially when applicable.
2. Too fat, I like reading.
3. It just means nothing, especially from a know nothing jagoff like myself commenting on a satirical webite.
4. But that's beside the point.
5. I just don't like ruelz!

Makinglifehell March 9, 2012 at 2:37 am

Thank you all for your gracious and thoughtful comments. Any time I have posted on other blogs/websites, I am immediately mocked ridiculed and called all kinds of colorful pejoratives. Some of which are utterly true and therefore hurt the worst. Honestly, I thought this little diatribe of mine was another pointless endeavor, as I thought I was never coming back. Something about the whole mom tone coming from on high tripped my fuck-you switch. Actually, it was the second editors comment (actually a reply) i read about the 'unfunny' joke that caused the outburst. I can't help it – I laughed, as did the wife when she read it. Maybe we're just twisted, or from a generation or socioeconomic class (poor) that finds that kind of stuff (the dreaded r-word) totally harmless. Back in high school, I had a girlfriend whose little brother had Down Syndrome. The lovable little bugger played it up, too. He was innocent, but conniving. He knew how to game the system. Truth be known, I feel horrible for the youngest of the Mama bear's progeny. I actually hope he comes out ok (against all odds and evidence to the contrary.) Who knows, maybe someday we could have a President T**g, and that might not be a bad thing, assuming he's the polar opposite of his mother in every aspect. I swear, future posts will be shorter!

Makinglifehell March 9, 2012 at 2:55 am

Wow57p?! *does best Sally Field* "You like me, you really like me!"

Huevos Ocupados March 8, 2012 at 3:45 am

So…a kinder, gentler Wonkette? Does this mean my taxes are going up?

flamingpdog March 8, 2012 at 3:56 am

Only if you're an African bovid. If you are, then Know Gnu Taxes!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 4:23 am

I love taxonomy punnery and wordplay. You don't get that in the yahoo comments, sir or madam!

FROTHY March 8, 2012 at 5:46 am

Or a Linux programmer. No? Gnu?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 4:09 am

It's all cool. Breathe, frothy, breathe. Almost nothing will change with these spelled-out rules.

I do feel a little guilty about posting that I was hoping people would die screaming in fiery car wrecks a week ago, but I knew it was bad when I posted it, so meh.

Nah, nothing has changed. Santorum is still a Pope-wannabe shitfucker, Rmoney is still a panda-raping asshole and all is fine with the wonkette.

slowhansolo March 8, 2012 at 4:22 am

Wait. Slow down, now. Something happened to Rush Limbaugh?

ElPinche March 8, 2012 at 9:02 am

Yeah, I had to double check, but it's just that stupid "slut" incident. Be still my heart!

schvitzatura March 8, 2012 at 4:38 am

Onomasiologists have determined "retard" to have shifted from the pejorative to the approbative sphere; diachronic linguistics, as seen in the 1998 Farrelly Brother's seminal 1998 film There's Something About Mary (ranked 27th in the American Film Institute's "100 Years, 100 Laughs: America's Funniest Movies"), has established this factually:

I work with retards…no one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

New boss is not the same as the old boss…William Claude Dukenfield is rolling over in his grave, editrixbeotch!

schvitzatura March 8, 2012 at 4:58 am

Becca:

ING, Sprint, Crucial, and PETA no likey the use of pejoratives for all life from the moment of conception to at least in the case of homo sapiens americanii, to age 25 (at a minimum)? Disparaging the "differently abled"?

I know you shelled out a pretty penny for the Wonkette thingamabob, and are looking for a decent rate of return to recoup your "investment", but didn't you read the Safe Harbor section of what Ken's legal counsel passed across the table? Wonkette is /b/ cleaned up for Auntie Jo's visit from Petaluma.

Swap sponsors with Rushbo, Sleep Number and AOL for Kortney's cucumberish fetish and all will be well.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 8, 2012 at 5:02 am

"I know you shelled out a pretty penny for the Wonkette"

I'd really like to know how much that was. Today I've thought "shit, maybe I could have bought it and let everyone run rampant".

Whatever.

HistoriCat March 8, 2012 at 11:33 am

I can think of a whole set of websites which might be for sale soon (a BIG set!) …

Beanball March 8, 2012 at 5:16 am

Man, I go on vacation for a couple of weeks and come back to a fucking revolution.

Wonkette got sold? And here I thought Newell was a Commie.

Will wonders never cease?

dailyworldwatch March 8, 2012 at 5:29 am

RULES? COMMUNISM!!!

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 7:05 am

Shorter-

Rebecca: BEHAAAVE YOURSELVES!

Wonkeratti: No. Ok, maybe. All right, but I can still say "Cunt", right?

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 8, 2012 at 9:29 pm

don't say "st#pid skank Sl*t-wh-res" about santorum followers and you should be alright. best of luck CRE!

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Actually I'm OK with these Rules. I like to play with language and saying Rude and horribly insulting things without, you know, saying Rude and horribly insulting things will be fun.

EDIT: a comment I tried just got ADMINHAMMERED due to an Impertinent reference to a certain Former Half-Term Governor's youngest portable Campaign Prop/Anti Abortion Weapon.

Clearly, I have work to do.

BigSkullF*ckingDog March 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Welcome to the deleted. Today I was deleted for the first time in six months. We love you no matter your foul mouth or foulish meanings. We all have work (censorship) to do.

C_R_Eature March 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I predict that Deletion will become a Badge of Honour amongst the Wonkeratti.

And, thanks!