kiss your mama with that mouth?

Programming Note: Rules For Commenting Radicals

1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes.
2. No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone).
3. Try not to be totally libelous.
4. If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?

OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. But not Texas-style, as we are civilized.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


    1. ph7

      Wait. I thought "machinegunning " was a metaphor for a guy having so much sex he can't afford his Viagra.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        I'm pretty sure I made a joke yesterday which mentioned the paralympics. Might as well just delete my account now and save the hassle.

      1. Sparky McGruff

        As in, "Sarah Palin was surveying the wolves from the helicopter, and left lots of surveyors marks behind"

    2. actor212

      1) No pooftahs.

      2) No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way a'all, if there's anyone watching.

      3) No pooftahs.

      4) Now, this term I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.

      5) No pooftahs.

      6) There is nooooooooooooooooo rule six.

      7) No pooftahs.

      Right, that concludes the reading of the rules, carry on posting

  1. anniegetyerfun

    Wait, does this mean that we will never again see the photo of Weeping Santorum? Because I loved, if not mocking, then at least seeing that little kid cry, wearing her American Girls dress and clutching her American Girls doll.

    1. MadBrahms

      I don't think we ever slurred her so much as made light of her position within that horrible, horrible family. That's totally ok, right?

      Also, Weeping Santorum is an AMAZING name for a death metal band.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Oh, we didn't really mock the poor kid, although I will admit to feeling a bit of (apparently misplaced) dread that she woud grow up to be pretty hideous. But I will admit definite joy at seeing the suffering of a child, and that's kind of unfair, even though it's a Santorum child and as such, not technically human.

      2. HogeyeGrex

        I was thinking "weeping santorum" sounded like a rather unpleasant medical condition.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          Which is why a metal band somewhere will embrace it. Gangrene and Pus being two prior incarnations I know of.

    2. vtxmcrider

      That cannot not in any way be construed as a slur on a child. That is pure and unadulterated Schadenfreude which, as every Republican knows, is fully protected under the Constitution.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        You know who ELSE liked to use long German words to express joy at his opponent's defeat?

        1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Fortunately, the Supreme Court overturned that.

          At least until the current court re-overturns that.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      I'm led to believe that most lie down on buttsecs. But hey, it'd be a boring old world if we were all the same, amirite?

    1. LesBontemps

      Yeah, but Mistress Sarah Benincasa would go all dungeon on us. Can we get a little of that?

    2. SkinnyNerd

      That salutation – editrix – kind of has me thinking maybe I should disobey. What is the safe word though?

          1. UW8316154

            Seems like just yesterday! Some of the favorite wonkett (there's another one!) memes have been around so long, it's hard to remember when they first began.

      1. MilwaukeeKent

        Well, if it's an HST reference, (though he probably got it from a biker who actually did that in a cemetery) we COULD replace it with his ever-handy "Have his testicles ripped out with a plastic fork" (maybe"Off" not "Out"…working from memory here).

  2. veritass

    Then they came for the assholes, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an assho… nevermind. I'm actually just lazy.

  3. Ducksworthy

    So If I find the entire GOP presidential field mentally disabled I must remain silent? Or do they have to have a diagnosis to be exempt from criticism?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Oh, man, that's a tough one. Because I'm pretty sure that some of them ARE on the special needs side.

      How about: if a special needs person is elected to office, then they are fair game?

      1. heathenette

        GW comes to mind. How ’bout him, can we still make fun of him? If he’s off limits I’m not playin’!

      1. doloras

        He lives in Mojave, in a Winnebago.
        His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato.


      1. Beowoof

        That she is 14 is pretty obvious from the look on her face. My daughters have given me that look many times when they were in that age bracket..

    1. flamingpdog

      I agrees, but (and maybe it's just me) she looks kind of old for a fourteen-year-old. But maybe life in the Santorum family ages you.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        To be perfectly fair, if the world had spent the last few years laughing at a photo of me during an ugly cry as a kid, I'd probably look about 50 right now. Thank goodness I only look 48.

        1. Chichikovovich

          To judge from your free-spirited posting style, I wouldn't have thought you were a day over 47.

          1. Chichikovovich

            34? Well, then your best debauchery is still ahead of you! Experience counts in these matters.—

    2. OhHellToTheNo

      That's not even the correct Weeping Santorum picture in the ABC article. I've never seen that one before and assume it is a fake!

        1. Generation[redacted]

          It's the name of a common treatment at Marcus Bachman's Pray-Away-Gay Clinic.

    1. flamingpdog

      With Frothy off somewhere mysterious, I guess maybe I can be the unofficial commenter to say "HITLER"!!!!!

    1. FROTHY

      Just remember, different (higher) standard for those who "thrust themselves" into the public eye, so to speak. NYT v. Sullivan. Needs actual malice aforethought, of which we might have plenty around these parts but not, strictly speaking, in the *legal* sense.

  4. mrblifil

    This might have been a problem prior to Breitbart croaking and all my prayers being answered NOT THAT I WISHED FOR HIS DEATH.

  5. BklynIlluminati

    I think the new regime wants to put lipstick on us pigs. Can we still say Paultards?

      1. ChessieNefercat

        I once designed a water balance experiment with tardigrades (water bears). They're adorable little dears under a microscope.

          1. ChessieNefercat

            Interestingly (to me and maybe eight other people on the planet) I specialized in moss, my advisor specialized in moss, and yet, I never heard the term “moss piglets” (so sweet), just water bears. They are one of the few critters that enjoy rambling around in moss.

    1. real_dc_native

      I know Obama started this "lipstick on a pig" during the last election and it just proves he's a city boy. It just pisses off the pig and they eat the lipstick. And you can get hurt trying this.

    1. Tundra Grifter


      You're suffering from a serious case of Blue Post. Been a while since ya got any?

        1. Tundra Grifter


          That means a lot, coming from the cool Blah dude. I wasn't sure anyone would get it.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        You're as bad with the late nights and the booze as I am. You're bad.

        So, uh, dinner sometime?

  6. estevancarlos

    I posted a polite, treatise on how Breitbart wasn't a liar and was the kindest human being on earth, bringing love to all. Huffington Post blocked it. You guys are better.

    So without further hesitation:

    Brietbart was the nicest, loveliest man on earth and was never, ever a liar.

    The end.

        1. FROTHY

          Not really, love. I checked in on Super Tuesday, as I said I would, and the next day, teh Wonketz exploded, and I'm still tens of thousands of miles away with a very slow connection, and wondering what to do.

          But it is great to see you, my friend. I scratch your ears fondly.

          1. FROTHY

            Not sure what that means, but I've lived in this part of the world before and don't really have a problem understanding ockers, although we had a scary moment when the ANZ people said "No fighting," and I heard "No farting."

          2. Biff

            Rosetta Stone=language teaching courses. I just bought the Latin american Spanish set, pick it up tomorrow. Seems the polite thing to do, if I'ma go to Costa Rica.

          3. FROTHY

            Ah, oh yes, I have some of those. Good work, darls.

            Look, if you're not rushing off anywhere soon, please remember to put my email addie in your little black book, since I'm having a LOT of trouble getting to Wonketz from Ozland. One word, the political cat, and you can find me at Gee mailz. OTAY?

    1. MadBrahms

      I like to ask what Riley Waggaman would do, and I then I get to pretend I'm a hobbit.

      (I miss you, Riley)

    2. HistoriCat

      Leave a goodbye post which implies the end is nigh and causes a weekend freakout of epic proportions?

      1. UW8316154

        But only after nearly bringing our wonkett to its knees by making a poorly thought-out post that wasn't even that funny to begin with?

        1. HistoriCat

          Well, yes – that's the "set-up" to the goodbye post "punch line". That's right – seems everything is funny to you Wonkette!

        1. C_R_Eature

          Someone posted, that Rapture Weekend something like "Help! I'm stuck to the Ceiling!" It was awesome and probably my favorite thing that happened.

          I think it was either you or "Mrs Bitch". Whoever it was, Thank You!

          1. DustBowlBlues

            I so wish it had been me. It was my favorite Billboard Apocalypse joke. I do, however, steal it upon occasion. Is that good enough?

      2. C_R_Eature

        That was Fun and it really stirred up the Breittards. We should do that again, if only to Tweak them and, later, to puncture their inflated hopes yet again.

        1. LagunaB

          No we come here to vent. I just want Those People to live very long very miserable life.

        2. real_dc_native

          And I wish his little friend Jimmy O'Keefe a long and healthy life (behind bars with new 'friends').

  7. Fuck Toad

    Commenting rules at Wonkett? That is a violation of the basic freedoms that the Washingtonienne's anus fought and died for (and/or had old man wangs put up in for).

      1. Tundra Grifter


        Never have lunch with your lawyer. You'll pick up the tab and still get billed for the time.

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is OK if I call people "Sluts" or "Prostitutes." Because I'm led to believe that is what liberals do.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Only in the sense that someone could liberally shove oxy down his/her throat without taking a break or a sip of water. Personally, I don't think that someone like that exists, so this is all speculation.

        1. real_dc_native

          Now I'm thinking something about Bryan Fischer that would get me banned if I posted it.

  9. mormos

    They're like children mistress. They are just testing the limits with their new master.

    Also: If I’m a minion do I get dental? Cause Lex Luthor offers dental. The guys over at H.Y.D.R.A. have stock options.

    1. MadBrahms

      I don't know, but it might be interesting to see that opinion contrasted with Santorum.

    2. 40 or 50 % McShineys

      I have only had to use mental bleach around here, is the anal kind quicker working or something?

    1. tessiee

      "that Maine guy Angus King looks like Carter Pewterschmidt?"

      OMG, he totally does!

      Also, you gotta love that , after his job as Governor ended; he, his wife, and his kids all got into the Winnebago and spent 6 months driving around the U.S.

  10. Callyson

    No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).
    I take it, then, that we have established that the Republicans have been faking their disability all long, and we are free to carry on…
    …that, or the names that we have been calling them are merely statements of actual fact, and hence are not slurs. Jolly good then…

    1. vtxmcrider

      Michele Bachmann is not faking, so I guess she is off limits regarding her mental acuity or lack thereof. But since assfucking is still allowed as a topic, we can talk about the last time she and Markus shared that two-foot long double-headed dildo with the spurs on it.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Actually (no snark) that's a good point. You've got to assume the dittoheads will be cruising every left-wing hangout looking to be able to say: "Look, Look, this person at Wonkette called Rush's behavior "contumelious"! And you can be sure that's one of those secret Libtard words for something revolting." Our fearless media, looking for false balance above all, will descend like the Furies.

          1. FROTHY

            Yeah, but then they'd have the 4chan and /b/ trads all OVER their miserable asses, which would make them beg for deff amid their snot and tears, so, no.

          2. glamourdammerung

            Wouldn't it be easier for the lazy dittoheads to just claim 4chan is a socialist blog?

            Actually, Fox has claimed such in the past. I am not aware if Limbaugh has as well.

      1. tessiee

        By "she", are you referring to the woman, or the goat? Because there were two separate incidents… or so I've heard.

  11. mookwrthwilson

    Can we use the words "Limbaugh", "Dominican" and "underage" in the same post???

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just remember that "In my opinion" should take care of most problems. For instance:

      "In my opinion, most underage Dominican boys have a healthy fear of Rush Limbaugh" should be just fine.

      1. Redhead

        Or "I heard… we don't know, but XXX doesn't deny it."

        As in, "I heard Limbaugh dislikes insurance-paid birth control because he doesn't need it with his underage Dominican boys. We don't know for sure, but Limbaugh hasn't denied it."

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think you can also always use the FOX News standard save: "Some people say…." As in: "Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

      1. tessiee

        "Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

        Which "he", Pierre or Rush?

  12. flamingpdog

    a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind

    Helen Keller had sexytime with male members?

    Too soon? Too late? Too libelous?

  13. Mumbletypeg

    In the interest of averting overly-insensitive and excessively-sordid material, I did experience a sadz upon reading Kaia's earlier suggestion that we "find a suicide pact partner…", Miss Editrieste.
    Wait, that's wrong — I hadz teh sad not that the topic of suicide brings me down, but that I never did find such a buddy "in the comments below."

    1. Designer_Rants

      I was going to ask if anyone would be my Pact Partner, but I was at work, and started doing that. But if Joe wins do you wanna eat a handful of pills and see what happens? (Disclaimer: My suicide will just be a lame cry for help)

      1. RadioSlut

        Hey, either one of you two, to steal a Hum line, "my suicide machine is built for two."
        Also, is TRIsomyG still a genetic anomaly?

        1. Designer_Rants

          Totally not kidding when I say that I've often wondered who else owns a Hum CD, because I've always thought of them as super obscure (they probably went gold or something and I'm totally wrong). Anyway, I'm amazed by your Hum reference. Awesome.

      1. Designer_Rants

        If you guys keep talking in "Freedom", I'm going to have to Google Translate everything! BTW, how do you spell "Skullfuck" in your fancy language? More questions like that to follow…

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Michel, Anne, vous travaillez?

      Euh, non, nous regardons la television.

      –The full extent of what upwards of 60% of people who took French in high school remember. Plus the dirty words, of course.

      1. jqheywood

        Oú est Sylvie?
        Oú est Sylvie?

        Avec Anne.
        Avec Anne.

        Au musée.
        Au musée.

    2. DahBoner

      Remember, Le French Fries are just their way of tricking Americans into the Slow Suicide Movement

    3. LagunaB

      I can swear really well in Hindi and no one understands. But I do look around to see my audience before using the really nasty sayings.

    4. Gunner Asch

      Dans ce pays-ci, il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      At last we will know if the proper spelling is "buttsex," buttsecs" or "assfucking."

  14. Wadisay

    I'm working on a blanket disclaimer. Here's what I've got so far:

    The foregoing comments do not apply to any Palin child, and should not be construed to wish death or bodily harm on my goddam enemies. This comment is inoperative to the extent libelous, and no skulls were fucked in the drafting of these comments.

    How's that?

    1. glamourdammerung

      "I am sorry you were offended" seems to work apparently, judging by how often I see Republicans use it. I think you have to remember to smirk while doing it though.

      1. DustBowlBlues

        And I think I'm going to need you to explain WTF you're talking about. Remember: An Old, recluse in rurul OK, no job to keep me up to date. Besides, I don't actually need to work because we're fine, with just the Old Man's fat pension and my SS. Suck on it, kids.

    2. Chichikovovich

      You might add a global: " In any case in which offence is taken, be informed that the other side does far, far worse and that forced me to descend to their level, even though I'm better than that."

  15. FlownOver


    I respectfully direct your attention to Hustler v. Falwell and suggest – nay, declare – you had sex with your mother in an outhouse. Satirically speaking.

      1. Designer_Rants

        What if someone's a re+tard, like Michele Bachmann? BTW, in Iowa (where I live in a poop swamp with internet) they just passed a bill through the statehouse that all mentions of "re+tard" will be removed from the lawbooks in favor of "intellectually disabled". So, about Michele, that's what I meant.

    1. comrad_darkness

      this is a tricky one. The rules specify "actually mentally disabled". Take Bachmann, clearly she is mentally disabled, specifically deranged, but her supporters don't believe she is. Where does does the rule fall on this?

  16. JackDempsey1

    So no one can slur or find fault with me, now?
    I was a child once.
    I was.
    I'll show you my britches.

  17. LesBontemps

    Can we still mention Sarah Palin's hookworm problem if we point out that it's still merely conjecture, although based on observable phenomena?

    1. Beowoof

      Can we still point out that Sarah is still having her wigs made by the same guy that produces Donald Trump's skull merkins.

  18. Neoyorquino

    Badges? We need no stinking badges! (Or perhaps we do, apparently). *Gets back in line.*

  19. taylormattd

    OMFG, your auto-delete macro is insane. Here is was my last comment attempted to say:

    "So what happened, did Jack Stuef attempt to submit another T**g story to the front page?"

    Should we call him He Who Must Not Be Named?

    1. Chichikovovich

      Wow, that was impressive: even this one bit the dust: "I'm teaching (not altogether successfully) my son sine, tangent and other tr*g functions."

      I guess I won't be discussing single periodicity with you guys anytime soon. Sorry about that.

    1. Doktor Zoom


      1. Steverino247

        Actually, I was stunned that no one thought of it first!

        My wife hates that Senior Drill Instructor scene in Full Metal Jacket, especially the SF reference, but I laugh my ass off having been through similar shit in the Army. Pvt. Joker had the right attitude, but risked his life by making the comment out loud.

        My wife thought the post was funny and she rarely encourages such behavior by laughing out loud.

  20. BlueStateLibel

    Don't worry though, since Mitt Rmoney isn't an actual human, libel laws don't apply to him – libel away all you want on him, friends.

  21. Generation[redacted]

    Just to cover the bases… Skullfucking the corpse of Breitbart — in or out?

    1. vtxmcrider

      It does not seem to be against the rules, but it is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on Wonkette. No human dick could do that without an overdose of Viagra, and I'm talking about even when he was still alive.

  22. dijetlo

    On closer inspection, rule#1 appears to preclude any mention of the Palin brood. That said, I, for one, welcome our new litigation averse Overlords…..

    1. Maman

      Hey, how do you define children? Under 16, 18, 21, 25? What about if they have reproduced on their own or were thrust into the limelight by their psychopathically needy mother?

      1. emmelemm

        My question exactly. Does a 16-17 year old girl who has a kid of her own, and is therefore a mother, still considered a child? What are the regs here?

    2. ChessieNefercat

      How about if said brood and their damn dam and sire also too stays the eff off of our tv screens and interwebs?

    3. LagunaB

      Yeah but everyone calls their children – Bay, Small plane,Tree, etc., I mean, come on it could be thousands of other children. What's next? No desert unless you eat your vegetables. This is Snarkette, right?L

  23. rambone

    Umm . . . while I'm sure we're all grateful for the guidelines, some of us learn better from example.

    Would it be possible to copy and paste the most offensive and inappropriate comments into a daily blog entry?

  24. ChessieNefercat

    I'm such a goody two shoes (usually), now I'm scared to comment, because I'm sure I'll break a rule, plus I'm convinced that this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Sniffle.

    1. el_donaldo

      Will I get banned for trying repeatedly to figure out what words are deleting the posts? Like that I suspect one is a name of the scion of a former Alaskan governor whom the Constitution has by name and incident expressly forbidden anyone to ever make fun of.

    2. el_donaldo

      Or maybe it was because I reminisced about the recent Breitbart troll that threatened me with axe-murder because I made fun of that former Alaskan governor?

    3. el_donaldo

      Well, Breitbart's name makes it through, so we can still kick his corpse, but the reply buttons on the comments with that name seem disabled. So now I can disrespect his memory without fear of anyone commenting on my blatant disregard of the conventions of polite discourse?

      Free speech!!!!

          1. Biff

            With the deal he's got with Clear Channel, he gets paid whether he gets banhammered or not.

  25. MiniMencken

    But aren't we all somebody's children? Well, I think I'll go back to doing the NY Times crossword puzzle and competitive patchwork quilt sewing. Nothing to look at here, folks.

  26. Mr Pre-Press

    Damn—another short school bus went left-of-center thru the guardrail. Michelle Malkin's panties are damp, somewhat.

    1. natoslug

      That's what I was wondering — are we allowed to comment on the little nazi kid whose videos have been linked to here occasionally, or are we to believe that he would be a normal, well-adjusted child if he didn't have such fucktarded parents and cut him some slack?

      1. flamingpdog

        Last time I checked, the age of consent in the Square State is 15.

        And you can also marry your first cousin.

  27. orygoon

    Whoa! Meet the new boss!

    Now I will be busy trying to think of something good to say about The Heir and The Spare. Hard to do when one of them OH MY GOD, WTF NOOOOOOOO!!! such lovely children, er, excuse me.

          1. Crank_Tango

            Yeah but still. Round here we don't take kindly to Nobama takin away our beloved commenters.

          2. Loaded_Pants

            I personally would like to rise to the challenge of commenting on a mommy blog since I'm not a mommy. But I do have an ill-tempered 3-year-old of the feline kind.

          1. Fukui-sanYesOta

            Or changing the rules at random and retroactively banning anyone who broke the rules they didn't know about.

            This post contains the slippery-slope logical fallacy; we know the new rules. I just detest Gawker and its policies, which is why I never post there.

          2. FROTHY

            I used to read ALL these Wonketz-related blogs, but every last one of them, with the sole exception of Wonketz, turned into icky-sticky coo-and-poo. I haven't read them since forever, and never plan to again. Gawker srsly sucks ass these days.

          3. Fare la Volpe

            I had just gotten into Jezebel when the commenters flipped out after I made an incest joke. I didn't even bother reading the comments after the first accusation of sexism and just unsubscribed.

            Fuck those little pearl clutchers.

          4. OhHellToTheNo

            "10 secrets liberals with a sense of humor didn't want you to know."

            If you disagree, I will ban you!

  28. el_donaldo

    The notion that any post on this exemplary website would
    Result in me saying something cruel and
    Inappropriate is just
    Galling to me,

  29. Guppy

    "No (…) hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone"

    What about wishing chickenhawks would go get killed in their own wars? Or members of the Family getting executed in Uganda for homosexuality?

    1. natoslug

      While my first reaction to most of these people is an excruciatingly painful and slow death, I am usually happier once I realize that I'd rather they publicly shamed and then shunned and live very long, lonely lives with little or no human contact.

  30. Toomush_Infer

    Sure, we're facing the dreaded "Limpbaugh rubber band reaction"….but how come that fat fuck is rubber and we're glue, huh?….is Santorum involved, or is it just our sluttiness?…

      1. LagunaB

        Or new avatar, another e-mail account. And then just refer to people as ugly walking bags of water. With additional references like, wears glasses, is hugely fat.

    1. Beowoof

      Ah such a place where you used to be able to say what most the folks truly thought. It has been fun.

  31. poncho_pilot

    briefly in my mind i got machinegunning and motor boating mixed up and i was all like, "what's wrong with motor boating?"

  32. Biff

    I'ma develop a numerical meme sheet, so I can just write shit like:
    That 1 is a 3ing 17, amirite people? and I'll laugh and laugh, because nobody will know wtf I'm trying to convey.

  33. Redhead

    "1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled"
    We can't make fun of Palin and One-L anymore?

    *reads the rest of the rules* Rebecca – ummmm those are probably half the Wonkette comments…

    1. Barrelhse

      Don't know, but it's gonna be cloudy here, of course. They're giving high prob. of auroras on the 8th and maybe beyond.

      1. Loaded_Pants

        I recall a similar event in the late 1990s. I was still living in the southern Appalachians in a rural community. The auroras appearing above Cumberland Mountain was an awesome sight.
        We have too much "light pollution" here in town for anyone to see them if they appear this far south, though.

  34. Fare la Volpe

    Rebecca, what if I allege that my target and I have had consensual skull-fucking?

    1. Crank_Tango

      Sounds like there is at least one slut involved, and we deserve a copy of the sextape.

  35. chascates

    Once Ken posted something he'd already posted before. Mine was the first comment: "I believe in recycling but posts?" Comment was deleted in seconds.
    Editor makes the rules, commentors obey the rules.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Yeah, Ken threatened to ban me when I posted an elaborate parody of his "Obama Is Morally Weak" post that declared him Morally Weak for continually resigning and coming back. It was one of my proudest moments.

      1. sarjo

        Of course your statement presupposes that one is not burdened and/or disabled, in a legal sense, by the presence of one's head, and therefore skull, up one's ass.

  36. BarackMyWorld

    Just to be clear….what is "machinegunning"? Besides literally attacking someone with a machine gun?

      1. BigDumbRedDog

        Copy and pasted from urban dictionary:

        Machine Gunning

        The act of repeated defecation in one toilet without flushing until said toilet is sufficiently clogged and you and your friends are out of shit.

        Flatulence released in repeated intervals while running.

        There were other definitions as well but these were the only two that had anything to do with butts and as such were the only two that held my interest.

      2. SheriffRoscoe

        Snow skiing is ramming a snow ski up someone's butt, with their assent, which is why skis come in many sizes and shapes.

    1. Fukui-sanYesOta

      It was my comment about some idiot freepers in which I really did advocate having them mown down with a machine gun. New owner, new rules, and it's cool.

      Naturally, I don't advocate having freepers mown down with machine guns any more.

      1. commiegirl

        I assume you don't, Fukui! I appreciate your being so gracious and not a HYSTERICAL NINNY LIKE SOME OF Y'ALL JESUS CHRIST.

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          No, it's fine, and I don't think anyone could have a problem with the rules set out as they are, unless they're some madd Paulian or something. I, for one, appreciate the engagement you're giving to this as change is scary to people.

          If I might be so presumptuous as to make a suggestion, this is quite a tight-knit commenting community, so we all pretty much "know" each other as much as you can behind a moniker, our stupid comments and an avatar: it might be nice to have a warning before being banned.

        2. smashaduck

          Second Fukui-san. In other news. Some of us, though we've been working this block for years, check in and out. In other words, not everyone who comments tomorrow, next week or next month will have read this. A little warning would be appreciated.

        3. HistoriCat

          Hysterical ninny? That hurts – accurate but it still hurts.

          And anyone who thinks this is just about the new rules has forgotten the great Jack Stuef goodbye freakout – NEVAR FORGET!

      2. Mumbletypeg

        Well I've been enjoying your comments of late, none of which exhibited any vile-typey imagery you've indicated (any such comment I must have missed); so plz don't let homicidal wish-venting deprive us of your snark, which is often wisdom-filled more than crass-for-crassness'-sake.

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          Oh, I'm a dark-humoured, foul-mouthed arsehole, I'm aware of that! However, I'll more often than not try snarky information-led posts alongside bon mots and so on.

          And thank you.

    1. Beowoof

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I love sports, real sports, playing and watching but those who talk sports incessantly are folks who should be avoided at all costs. I had other thoughts, but I guess I am now required to keep them in the thought bubble.

  37. 4TheTurnstiles

    You know the part in Tropic Thunder where that one guy who isn't even black gives Ben Stiller advice on what not to do in order to earn an academy award? Never go full… something. Because you might get sued by the Tundra grifter, yes?

  38. Exhausted66

    "skullfucking your enemies… it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. "

    Yeah, but did you see what that skull was wearing?

    1. Loaded_Pants

      I have never understood this skullfucking thing. Why would anyone want to fuck something so dry and bony.

  39. Gnatsum

    Right on. The blog is great and trying to get greater, but the comments are getting horribly hostile, boring, and sad. And worse, not funny. This esteemed blog (bring up the sappy violins) deserves better.

    1. FROTHY

      That's as may be, but whatever happened to, "If ya don't like it, don't look/listen/read/whatevs"? The nannyism bothers me, even though I'm well aware that it is a sound business decision and Teh Editrix has a right to recoup her investment. It seems the whole fucking world must be padded for the preshus chiyuldrun these days, god forbid they should accidentally smell a stray fart.

  40. commiegirl

    Smokefilledroommate, apparently your ban won't stick no matter how many times I hammer it, but do you think maybe you could hold back from posting a dick comment with the word "retard" cleverly dispersed 20 times throughout? Yeah? That'd be great.
    As to the rest of you, you're usually MUCH better readers. There's no ban on skullfucking, just a request that you think about it. Is that too mean for you, you guys?

          1. FROTHY

            No fair, goddammit. I quit last year, and now I'm in a country full of fucking smokers and you tempt me, you she-devil, you.

            No fair. (Eyes sister's fags longingly)

        1. SudsMcKenzie

          Can you insert the Maker hooks and ride Shai-Hulud? This should only take a couple of minutes.

    1. Designer_Rants

      We're being extra naughty tonight, we didn't get our naps on account of the Sooper Toosday shenanigans. We'll be better behaved tomorrow!

      edit: I guess what I really mean is: Your loyal audience is accustomed to pushing back on authority because we read articles every day about how ridiculous our "authority figures" are acting. It goes with the territory. There will be rude questions about policy changes. It's what we do.

        1. HistoriCat

          That's not socialism – it's good, old-fashioned brown-nosing! It's what made this country great.

    2. GuyClinch

      Alas, poor Yorick! I skullfucked him, Fellatio; a fellow of infinite fuckability, of most excellent eyeholes; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times [leaving this line as is]; and now, how whored in my imagination it is! My gorge, not to mention my cock, rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have entered I know not how oft. Where be your lubes now? Still pretty fuckable, though, huh? /accidentally drops skull, which shatters/ Dang!

    3. SudsMcKenzie

      I Really didn't think responding to "There's no ban on skullfucking" would be part of my Wednesday.

        1. HistoriCat

          I just do not want to know what kind of sexy times lead to "I''m melting"

          Primarily because that sounds like something I can never achieve.

    4. Biff

      I'd have been a pretty good reader, if the post hadn't magically disappeared before getting to read it. Sounds like an admin-deleteable offense, perhaps…

    5. LagunaB

      You sound like you need a nice cup of tea and maybe a slice of cake with chocolate butter cream icing. Ok now?

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        Just as long as you're not talking about skullfucking the entire child cast of Sesame Street, I think it's cool.

          1. poncho_pilot

            i think he and Big Bird are really the same person like in Fight Club. never seen them both at the same time.

    6. ttommyunger

      I've had it with these motherfucking rules on this motherfucking blog! Just kidding, I don't really give a fuck one way or the other.

    7. finallyhappy

      I have really disliked the use of the r word. I'veworked with parents of kids with disabilities(my son has add) so that people will stop using that word. We thought it was being used by other kids, the uneducated, and just mean adults. I've hated seeing it used here among people whose opinions and ideas I otherwise generally share. Using it shows a serious lack of decency although a number of people here seem to think it is humorous.

      1. sarjo

        Well, it is a funny thing but in my experience the closer you are to a hot button word, the funnier it can seem. I myself have ADD and many many MANY other issues, yet I find the "retread" meme (most particularly as it applies to S***h P***n, hilarious. I'm not defending this, just saying that "indecenct" may not be a fair description of the otherly-humored.

      2. IceCreamEmpress

        The thing is that actually cognitively disabled people are, as a group, much less likely to say totally illogical and hateful bullshit than, say, your average CPAC attendee.

        I worked at a group home for a while and nobody there ever gave me a lecture on the gold standard.

    8. Lionel[redacted]Esq


      A Wonketter freakout over rules for postings is an old tradition here. Don't be retarded and take it personally.

      1. Deportably_Jose

        It wouldn't be Wonkette, if a buncha us didn't rage-quit and start our own political humor blog. With blackjack, and hookers.

        Actually, forget about the humor.

    1. SexySmurf

      You say that like it's a bad thing; I, for one, would love to read twenty posts about Hulk Hogan's sex tape.

    2. FROTHY

      Not fucking likely, dood. At least the quality of posting hasn't dropped to those lows, and the commenters are, like, actually coherent, and the dreaded banhammer has been but lightly tapped across our noses.

      I dunno. I just think it's the changey part that's freaking us all out.

      1. Skullfuggary

        Nope. It's not just change. This place has been handed over a number of times. This is about coming in keyboard fingers blazing, taking everyone to school for the precieved sins of a few. The entire Wonkeretti was put on trial, a solution in search of a problem. Everything was fine until this heavy-handed, over-dramatic, mass accusatory post. An established community of intelligent, committed, and loyal followers deserves better than to be treated like unruly children. We are gorwn-assed adults. I'm still pissed by this. It was disrespectful and even worse is the ass-kissing when we didn't do anything wrong.

        1. FROTHY

          Dood, you know you're one of my favourite commenters here. So please take what I say with that in mind.

          I agree with some of what you say, but not all of it. Frankly, I'm not pissed so much as deeply saddened. Is it so easy to destroy a community? Is this all it takes? I don't see that the rules the Editrix has laid down are necessarily harsh or disrespectful. Asking us to think before making hatey rapey posts is not the same as threatening us with consequences for using strong language or making teh snark.

          And it bothers me no end that you're talking about "ass-kissing" when it comes to your fellow commenters. I'm not yer fucking parent, and you're a big kid and free to make your own comments. But people who have decided to go along are not necessarily ass-kissers. Perhaps they love the community more than they hate the rules.

          Cut me off if you want. I'll miss you, but that's life.

      2. redarmyzombie

        I noticed that our new Editrix's earlier attempt at using the banhammer seemed to malfunction. I'm not certain if that was a clever ruse on her part, or if somethings wrong with the programming at work here…

        In any event, I'm expecting this whole thing to blow over once the wingnuts have stopped imploding on themselves, unless they achieve gravitational collapse, in which case: FUCK!

  41. BigDumbRedDog

    I have a feeling I am going to need to learn how to spell the word "allegedly" since most of the stuff I say I literally just make up.

    1. flamingpdog

      jEEzus, BDRD, if most of the stuff you say you just literally make up, I'm sure there's an opening* at Fox Snooze for you!

      *Can we still say "opening"?

  42. SexySmurf

    Who knew someone who goes by the name of "Commiegirl" would have so many rules about what people could write?

  43. Barb

    Rebecca, I'm not qualified to speak for anyone but myself.

    I can't help but to wonder how many of us read the rules and wondered, "was it something I did or said?"

    I appreciate you and it is your website to do with as you see fit. The rules seem clear in a vague kind of way. Are you looking for us to have better party manners in our posts?

    I've always thought the goal here was to look at the story and it was just one huge "can you find a caption for this photo" contest and we let the snark fly. (I could be wrong)

    Would you like us to read the stories and *polite golf clap* comment on how insightful it was and talk about whether we agree or disagree with the content? Are we going for snark still?

    I know that getting a grip here must feel like you are herding cats and we like to test the boundaries. I am one of nine children and my father, all 6' 9" would walk into the room and yell "cut it out!" to all of us. I always had to be the dumb ass and ask, "cut what out?" and I would get to go cut the switch from the tree out back.

    What would you like us to cut out, please? What is the goal we are trying to achieve here? No attacks on children, no making fun of people with disabilities, no death threats. I get that. Is there anything else, please? Are we changing direction in any way that we should know about? Are we there yet?

    1. redarmyzombie


      Whilst I understand the whole not making death threats or slandering the youth and the <REDACTED>, is there anything else we should worry about, as rules #3 and#4 *ARE* rather vague? Will I be banned for my use of the word <REDACTED>, or are its vague implications suitable withing the context of teh rulez?

    2. GuyClinch

      Gah, my dad (he was 5' 10" at the time, about 5' 7" these days) made me go cut the switch once, which he manfully used on the back of my calves for something longer than was *absolutely* necessary. He never warmed much to my constant and at the time forward-thinking suggestions that we consider xeriscaping (we were in Ohio's fertile Miami Valley). Anyhow, thanks for the mammaries!

    3. commiegirl

      Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
      What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

      I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

      So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

      While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

      The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

      We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

      Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

      1. rambone

        Does anyone here think that was clever or funny?

        Do you want the truth, or the "truth" ?

      2. chascates

        It's a fine line between snark and slander but we'll try to prevent the fucktards (!) from getting anything they can use to promote their evil agenda. And there's always the ban hammer for offenders.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Maybe we should try fuckwads and Paulwads from now on?

          Or just use "bachmann" as a catch-all. Either way works for me.

      3. Fare la Volpe


        Surveyor's marks.

        Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

        What is this? I'm used to being treated like shit. My S&M boner is confused!!

        but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"?

        "Santorum," thankyouverymuch.

        And thank you for treating us like intelligent adults with this comment – we listen to that kind of thing. I was about to ask you exactly what Barb just did, but like most brilliant things I'm about to write, Barb beat me to the punch. So thank you for clearing things up and for not being sanctimonious about it. It makes us feel appreciated and makes us want to stay.

        1. Barb

          Fare, my first reaction was, "I'm outta here" and then I thought about it and had a cupcake. Festive buttery baked goods make everything so much better.

          I didn't want to be the one who asked, seriously. I just needed clarification and I got it. I'm going to try to work on my party manners. I enjoy being here with ya'll and I'd like to stay.

          1. FROTHY

            Hey, darling, I'm so glad you clarified it for all of us. Also, thanks, oh Editrix of the Mighty Whip.

            I don't think Editrix is asking for unreasonable politesse. Just not to put teh Wonketz in teh crosshairs, which I can pretty much live with. And I don't think it's cool to make fun of little people like a certain somebody's kid who suffers through no fault of his own, even tho I've been tempted to include him in the attacks upon his unpalatable parent.

            Anyway, I just wanted to say: PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!!

        2. Crank_Tango

          Personally, I am cunting like a machine-gunned retard for some skull-fucking over here. Also, sluts.

          1. SudsMcKenzie

            the commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." fuckin Newbs

      4. Chichikovovich

        I'm OK with this. ('Course, I'm a killjoy at the best of times.) The posters here are intelligent and very funny people and we can come up with appropriate euphemisms and insider terms.

        The dittoheads are going to be out in force looking for blood, and it makes sense to hang out in Sicily for awhile until the heat dies down.

        (Except for the Santorum – crotch thing, which as I've mentioned is a matter of religious conscience.)

        1. commiegirl

          No, no, no, she didn't. That was a comment on the Palin thread. Smoke just jumped up and down shouting retard a bunch. But it's cool, I think she might have stopped now!

          1. commiegirl

            I didn't actually do anything to Extemporanus, I'm fairly sure. I thought he did that to himself?

          2. Extemporanus

            I'M SO SORRY BABY!

            Ya know, we're it not for all of your tard work, that gag never even would've gotten off the ground.

            (p.s. Thank you for heroically — and singularly?! — coming to my imagined rescue, Smoke. Your brave display of selflessness in the face of great personal turmoil shall not soon be forgotten. My p-ness is yours.)

          3. Extemporanus

            You and my mom both.


            Thank you, sincerely, for the thread-wide, rational and reasonable, commenter give-and-take, dear Editrix. It's greatly appreciated, and as you've no doubt noticed, already gone a long way toward un-rousing all but the most rousable of us rabble.

          4. bikerlaureate

            Stop being at all reasonable. We're all trying to come down from the whole power-trip dealie thing here.

      5. Beowoof

        Oh okay, like Barb I always was the kid to talk back and be in trouble in my family of six kids.

      6. LagunaB

        A. I read this to calm down about how angry I am about the right. And I like to read others who feel the same.
        B. And then I look for ways to get them out of office. So this is also a catalyze for me to get more involved in the process of which I am now doing. Because just being snarky is not enough. And I have had enough.
        C. I did not fight a land mark civil litigation on extending the limitation of rape in 1990 for 5 years which protected women and children to have to re-defend that position in 2012. So I am pissed.
        D. I understand some comments are counter-productive but proving the right wrong will be a long process and it is a war.

      7. ElPinche

        I like the crystal pepsi clarity on this. I usually take the low road myself..or the gutter of the low road (see all my Breitbart comments). However we can deal. We are Warbloggers. We are Legion.

        1. RadioSlut

          Whenever I hover over the "submit comment" button with some comment that "might" offend, I think, WWPD? World War El Pinche Do? Keep kicking ass, Palin is, and always will be, a cunt.

      8. Beetagger

        Obviously someone failed to do proper due diligence before purchasing Wonkette. Yes, you get the website, but the downside… we come with it.

      9. BearNoLike

        So it's not a war blog anymore, it's more like a state department for Malawi, surrounded.

        You know what would be awesome is if there was some sort of intrade bet Drudge vs. Wonkette.

        I feel a little dirty in a not good way. Palin's an idiot quitter that I have no respect for, and punch-pulling in a prettier interface is still the very thing.

        What is the expiration date on saying idiot?

    4. ttommyunger

      Frankly, I admire the Administrator's courage and optimism. I would rather try to teach marksmanship at a School for the Blind than good manners or common sense to this fucking crew. I would suggest in future simply deleting dangerous comments without explanation rather than trying to herd this bunch of cats. Reason, logic and good business sense do not resonate with this loose-knit cabal of malcontents and assholes; I include myself in both categories, thankyouverymuch.

        1. ttommyunger

          Ummm. OK. I'm too old and clueless to know what that means and too sorry to google it.

          1. SudsMcKenzie

            Blazing Saddles, Gabby Johnson. It was the first movie I ever saw and it guides my life, Like Jeebus does for others, .. "Mathew, Mark, Luke, and Duck"

    1. SudsMcKenzie

      I've Never said it here, but I like the preposition that I could. Why do I feel like I'm defending Rush Cuntball?

      1. Limeylizzie

        Exactly, plus I love the freeform madness of the Wonkette and I don't want that to change.

          1. SudsMcKenzie

            Meanwhile, Ken is roasting a nubile pig, taken down with an arrow made of a 70's TeeVee antennae and broken glass, Barbecued by Arizona foreclosed lumber.

          2. ttommyunger

            You should be fucked, Limey; frequently and well. Also mute, if Mr. Limey's dick is where it belongs-in your mouth…There, I said it, and I'm glad.

    2. Crank_Tango

      something something, pry your cunt from your cold dead fingers, I say dear Lizzie!

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        I once got in trouble for answering the phone "Alright, cunt?" thinking it was my brother calling.

        It was my mother. I was 35.

        1. FROTHY

          Don't feel bad, darlz. I did something very similar, oncet. Thinking it was the swine of a little brother, I opened the door screaming, What the FUCK do you want, asshole? Only to see my father standing in the doorway with a look of total shock on his face. (My father never swore — I think the worst thing he ever said was "arse!")

          As I scraped myself off the opposite wall, where his slap had landed me, he said, in shocked tones, "This is how you speak to your father?"

          I never ever answered the door the same way again.

          1. Fukui-sanYesOta

            He properly slapped you? That sucks. My folks do the shun and judge thing, which is unpleasant.

            I do still answer the phone from my bro "alright, cunt?" – but it's easier these days because it's a Berlin number.

          2. FROTHY

            My father only ever hit me twice in my life. The first time was when I was trying to kill my sister (yes, this one, with whom I am now spending time), and looked like succeeding; and this was the second time. He very very rarely hit his children, preferring to hug and kiss them and explain (doesn't work very well till they reach the age of reason). But, yeah, he just had this reflex haul off slap across the chops.

            Like a good liberal, he felt guilty as hell about it and made me tea and brought it upstairs on a tray after feeling all my limbs to make sure I wasn't actually dead and faking breathing. It used to drive us kids nuts because he would apologize endlessly. We would say, "IT's OK, Dad, we get it, we messed up, we deserved it!" I think each of us might have got one smack once in our lives. I was the Bad Kid so I got two.

            I daren't ever answer the door that way again, because I KNOW my Dad's molecules would reassemble into Dad if I did.

        2. ElPinche

          Hahaha….my mama doesn't know the meaning of the word, so I'd be safe. But then I'd have to explain to her the complex meaning of the word. Sometimes we can be cunts regardless of sex, creed, etc, but all of us came out of a cunt.

  44. BigDumbRedDog

    Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else. Its like a sickness. So I apologize ahead of time to our bossy new overlady for any sk*llfuck!ng references that might now slip out.

    1. Guppy

      "Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else."

      Yeeeaaahhh… I got that urge two or three Great Purges/Five-Year Commenting Plans ago.

      Upshot: I was able to come back when they implemented IntenseDebate. I think I got it out of my system.

  45. Chichikovovich

    If I understand correctly, these new rules would prohibit me from expressing a desire to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch. But my religion orders me to do that. I think we're going to have a First Amendment issue here.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Call me crazy, but kick-in-the-crotch seems to have less giggle value than something like Barb's "kick in the teeth" or "punch in the throat" — but that's just me, I suspect it has to do with spicing up the cliches w/ some variety, and also I'm a female so I wouldn't experience the crotch kick in quite the same way perhaps as you.

      1. Crank_Tango

        I have an overwhelming desire to smack him in the jaw with a sledgehammer. A metaphorical sledgehammer, of course.

        1. Redhead

          If you were, hypothetically, allegedly, to smack him in the jaw with a machine gun, would it still count as machinegunning?

      2. Chichikovovich

        Well, everyone has their own posting style – I find “punch in the teeth” the kind of phrase I only use if I really mean it. “Kick in the crotch” has more of a rowdy comedy feel to me.But all this is beside the point, since I am bound by the revelations of the Guiding Spirit of my creed, and She has been very unequivocal that it's “kick in the crotch”. I merely submit to Her guidance and counsel.—

        1. Fukui-sanYesOta

          expressing the desire to "hoof the cunt in the 'nads" would be the phrase I'd probably employ

        2. sarjo

          Hmmm, I'm seeing some refreshing avenues here. What if, hypothetically, one were to suggest "rubber chickening" someone? Or what if, again hypothetically, one confessed one's desire to "toenail fuck" a hated adversary? These have a certain je ne sais quoi, non?

    2. BigDumbRedDog

      In my interpretation of the rules I think you are okay as long as you don't kick him in the crotch to death. As much as some might totally want to allegedly see that alleged act.

      1. Chichikovovich

        I understand that there are those who would wish this, and I do not judge them. But I cannot take that step myself, because of the revelations manifested to me by the Guiding Spirit, which are exhortations to love life and seek peace. And to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch.

        1. PuckStopsHere

          I believe there is now a religion in which one of the sacraments is kicking the aforementioned right in the aforementioned, hard.

        2. FROTHY

          Strange, but true: No matter what religion one claims, it appears they all contain a commandment to kick Rick Santorum most heartily about the 'nads.

  46. Sassomatic

    Why do I get the creepy-ass feeling that because some fat (it's true! I can prove it!) jerk pretended to apologize about calling someone a slut. It's like in elementary school when the fat stupid person who was my age, but now is a grown-up, and so it doesn't count, peed in the bushes and then everyone lost recess for the rest of the year?

    1. heathenette

      I understand our editrix’s problem, but we pay for Rush being an ass by loosing our freedoms. Isn’t that just so American! We let the bully win.

  47. BigDumbRedDog

    Might I be so bold as to suggest some sort of spanking regime be instituted on those deviants guilty of breaking the new rulz?

      1. BigDumbRedDog

        I was going to suggest she dress up like my eighth grade algebra teacher and use a ruler. but to each his/her own

        1. Limeylizzie

          As long as there is spanking and maybe a little caning and then rough sex I'll be good.

  48. commiegirl

    Reposting from Barb's questions above.

    Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
    What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

    I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

    So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

    While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

    The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

    We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

    Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

    1. Barb

      I appreciate your answer and I think that if I apply myself I could be a better person before um, lunchtime tomorrow. LOL
      I understand what you are saying, I appreciate where you are coming from and I will absolutely be more aware of what I post. Thanks!

      1. commiegirl

        Well, Barb, I think you're lovely, and I appreciated especially your nice comments when I got here. I didn't reply cuz I was too shy to jump into the comments right away and thought I'd stay a bit aloof.

        THAT'S gone to hell, huh?

        1. Guppy

          Don't make a habit of commenting, or else we'll start believing you like us and/or care about us.

          Maybe if you re-implemented the Wonkette Comment of the Random, Indeterminate Period award again.

          1. Guppy

            I still wake up in a cold sweat over the weekend posting. It will take time to adjust.

            Let me put it this way: as High Lady Editrix, Wonkette is now your personal estate. We commenters are literally your interweb serfs, bound to the URL, to crush under your (FM) boot heel as you see fit, lest we actually begin to think we have wills of our own.

            A proper editrix does not fraternize with her commenters, rather she looks down upon them with well-deserved scorn, from very high up, cocktail in hand. Think of a combination of Darth Cheney and Dame Noonington.

            Try getting fitted for a monocle and see if that puts you in the proper frame of mind. That is, if it is your will, O Wise and Glorious Editrix.

          2. FROTHY

            You don't even BEGIN to know how much the weekend posts are appreciated, lady.

            I mean, I know you're only doing it because us troublemakers come in here and try to break the commenting system and what-all, but still.

        2. FROTHY

          Nah. Go ahead and loof, see if we care.

          Srsly, Editrix, ya done good. Asking us to play nice would never have worked. Making us see that our community might be crushed out of existence if we *don't* — well, that's a whole different kettle of fish, innit? You're more businesslike than that Devil'sTurd that was running this place when last I hung out here. I love the man, I always will, but I have no idea how he kept this place running.

          Anywho. I can't help cussing like a fucking longshoreman, that's me, it's what I do. But I can do my best to keep my *community* alive. THAT, I can do.

          Oh, yeah, and — SCHMECK! <– loud kissy noise

    2. ProgressiveInga

      "Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness."

      I am having trouble separating the snark from the serious, a compliment from a criticism, a spanking from a pat on the back. Crap, I'm back in catholic school, aren't I?

    3. imissopus

      See? Everyone just needed some context. Otherwise it's as if you're trying to impose (VERY VERY LIMITED) order on a freeform cesspool of degenerate liberal id, which will unleash both panic and reams of snark.

      Of course I might just be grouchy because I've managed nothing constructive today except cleaning my stove and the Lakers are giving away a game to the fucking Wizards right now. And I promised myself I wouldn't care this season…

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Plus your Lakers are about to give away Pau Gasol and dismantle a contending team for no fucking reason! Perhaps this idiocy is demoralizing for your players, Dr. Buss and Mr. Kupcake!

        1. imissopus

          It's not Dr. Buss, it's his idiot son Jim. Everyone knew his taking over was going to suck. The team definitely has a couple of needs and I think they hired the wrong coach, but getting rid of Pau after losing Lamar Odom is really nuts.

          1. Biff

            I knew Jerry as a hotelier in my home town before he decided to become a sports maven. I liked him, and respected his decision to not kill me when I dated his daughter.

    4. AddHomonym

      Personally, I could do without ever seeing another "magic underwear" comment, also.

    5. weej_bain

      I has purged my charmaps of the Cyrillic letters that scam yer filters. However, it will be much more difficult to offer so many car tuning tips to the Wonketteers. I guess talking about advancing the timing is cool, but if I understand the new rulz, tips about about r-wording the timing will cause not only engine knocking, but some knocks with the banhammer. Dat 'bout it?

      1. FROTHY

        Don't think so, weej. The script is what catches references to certain areas of math, if you get my drift, and it's very, heh, wonky. Just about everyone's said the R-WORD at least once today and not been caught nor banhammered. Seems like the nice-lady-Editrix-person isn't going for the jugular. (unwads underroos, sits down in comfort at last)

      1. sarjo

        Dude, why do you think everyone is sucking up to the new boss? Every "gee, so right!" "i agree, becky!" "finally, some rules!" gets ya 10+ p points. Asking questions, criticizing, snark…automatic -20 p. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

      2. commiegirl

        Sharkey, if I could cheat your p-ness, I'd cheat mine too. Mama don't know nothing about p-ness.

        1. Sharkey

          For future reference, this is sometimes the part where I try to get banned, perhaps for no reason or perhaps because the editor didn't see the humour. Eh, you're still new.

          1. natoslug

            What? Were you also considering asking how she could possible call herself "mama" and know nothing about p-ness? I thought I was the only juvenile childish um, emotionally immature one here!

        1. RadioSlut

          DR, I have been a critic of "p"ness and metrics in general. We know who the commentors are here — who's funny, witty, silly, smart, insightful, blah, blah, blah. I know who you are and I'm pleased to be in your acquaintance. As I said yesterday, my sleep number is 69. Who fucking gives a shit about an arbitrary number? Am I allowed to say that?