kiss your mama with that mouth?

Programming Note: Rules For Commenting Radicals

1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes.
2. No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone). This includes wishes for people to be raped in prison — not only is that barbaric, it’s also a huge cliché and we are tired of it. Yes, that includes veiled references to a bad person meeting their cellmate Bubba. Rape is evil, and we do not wish it on anyone, not even evil people.
3. Try not to be totally libelous.
4. If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?
5. Sometimes someone who works here — one of our moderators or perhaps the dogs — will ban you or delete your comment or laugh at you publicly, even though you didn’t break a stated rule! That is because they’re in charge here, and they’re sick of your shit.
6. There is NO Rule 6.

OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE. But not Texas-style, as we are civilized.

Rebecca Schoenkopf
Editrix

Dok Zoom and Shypixel
Your Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderators

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    "i.e. ‘machinegunning’"

    ah. sorry about that. duly noted.

    • ph7

      Wait. I thought "machinegunning " was a metaphor for a guy having so much sex he can't afford his Viagra.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Or so much Viagra that he couldn't afford the sex?

    • PrimlyStable

      New Wonkette has a kinder, gentler machine-gun hand.

    • dijetlo

      You are why we can't have nice things…

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        I'm pretty sure I made a joke yesterday which mentioned the paralympics. Might as well just delete my account now and save the hassle.

    • LetUsBray

      Yeah, c'mon dude and/or dudette: Everyone knows it's "machinegunning WITH VOTES".

    • AbandonHope

      The PROPER term is "surveyor's marking".

      • Sparky McGruff

        As in, "Sarah Palin was surveying the wolves from the helicopter, and left lots of surveyors marks behind"

        • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

          Did she ever have someone show her how to work a rifle? I heard she had some issues in her reality show firing one. Bless her heart.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        "fully automatic surveyor's marking".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      1) No pooftahs.

      2) No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way a'all, if there's anyone watching.

      3) No pooftahs.

      4) Now, this term I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.

      5) No pooftahs.

      6) There is nooooooooooooooooo rule six.

      7) No pooftahs.

      Right, that concludes the reading of the rules, carry on posting

  • flamingpdog

    Yes, Mom.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Thumbs up for making it hot.

    • HistoriCat

      She wasn't kidding about that Mommy blog thing, was she?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Wait, does this mean that we will never again see the photo of Weeping Santorum? Because I loved, if not mocking, then at least seeing that little kid cry, wearing her American Girls dress and clutching her American Girls doll.

    • MadBrahms

      I don't think we ever slurred her so much as made light of her position within that horrible, horrible family. That's totally ok, right?

      Also, Weeping Santorum is an AMAZING name for a death metal band.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Oh, we didn't really mock the poor kid, although I will admit to feeling a bit of (apparently misplaced) dread that she woud grow up to be pretty hideous. But I will admit definite joy at seeing the suffering of a child, and that's kind of unfair, even though it's a Santorum child and as such, not technically human.

      • HogeyeGrex

        I was thinking "weeping santorum" sounded like a rather unpleasant medical condition.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Which is why a metal band somewhere will embrace it. Gangrene and Pus being two prior incarnations I know of.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Somewhere, GWAR is planning out a very messy stage effect.

        • Beowoof

          Isn't that a side affect of too much olestra?

    • vtxmcrider

      That cannot not in any way be construed as a slur on a child. That is pure and unadulterated Schadenfreude which, as every Republican knows, is fully protected under the Constitution.

      • anniegetyerfun

        You know who ELSE liked to use long German words to express joy at his opponent's defeat?

        • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

          Frederick Barbarossa?

        • neiltheblaze

          Charles Lindbergh?

        • Advn2rgirl

          Angela Merkel?

        • GOPCrusher

          Baron Von Richtoffen?

          • AlterNewt

            St Thomas Aquinas?

  • PrimlyStable

    Where do we stand on buttsecs? This being Wonkette and all.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I'm pretty sure that's still legal.

      • Not_So_Much

        Probably not in Texas.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Fortunately, the Supreme Court overturned that.

          At least until the current court re-overturns that.

          • iburl

            Conservative dudes in flowing robes love turning over for buttsechs.

      • Terry

        Only if staggering amounts of gin are involved

      • Loaded_Pants

        It better be. It's why I keep coming back.

        • anniegetyerfun

          Heh. Coming back.

    • teebob2000

      Right about here.

      *points to about 2 inched below taint*

    • MadBrahms

      I think it's fair to say we have a "wide stance".

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      As long as you are not skullfucking someone, it is perfectly fine.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Even consensual skullfucking?

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Honestly, I haven't figured out how to do them both at the same time.

        • Advn2rgirl

          "Dave? Does it always have to be in the head, Dave?"

    • Tundra Grifter

      PS:

      Standing after the buttsecs is probably a lot easier than sitting.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I'm led to believe that most lie down on buttsecs. But hey, it'd be a boring old world if we were all the same, amirite?

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      We all know that Breitbart had his head up his ass, so at this point buttseks with him would be equivalent to skullfucking.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I'm getting a sort of BDSM vibe here, and I like it!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Thankfully, typing isn't hard even with a ball gag on.

    • LesBontemps

      Yeah, but Mistress Sarah Benincasa would go all dungeon on us. Can we get a little of that?

    • SkinnyNerd

      That salutation – editrix – kind of has me thinking maybe I should disobey. What is the safe word though?

      • LetUsBray

        "Not totally libelous".

        • littlebigdaddy

          Libel libel!

      • UW8316154

        Man, I'm having a hard time remembering it.
        Blue Bah-……Blue Balls??

        • Iam_Who_Iam

          Green balloons!

          Wow, I didn't realize we had been riding that meme so long: http://wonkette.com/412574/former-gop-missouri-ho

          • UW8316154

            Seems like just yesterday! Some of the favorite wonkett (there's another one!) memes have been around so long, it's hard to remember when they first began.

  • bumfug

    I must have missed all the skullfucking comments.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Who can keep up with so many posts every day?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And you call yourself a Wonketeer?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      This maybe the the first time I've seen the word here.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      a Hunter Thompson reference, how soon we forget

      • MilwaukeeKent

        Well, if it's an HST reference, (though he probably got it from a biker who actually did that in a cemetery) we COULD replace it with his ever-handy "Have his testicles ripped out with a plastic fork" (maybe"Off" not "Out"…working from memory here).

    • Iam_Who_Iam

      [To be read with gossipy whisper] I am ashamed I do not know how to link specific comments [hangs head in shame] but on the second page of comments (linky below) the deed was happening with Virginia Foxx. [Nervously scans room for C_R_Eature.]
      http://wonkette.com/465560/hero-journalist-attemp

  • veritass

    Then they came for the assholes, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't an assho… nevermind. I'm actually just lazy.

  • SkinnyNerd

    Is this memo for those talking heads on TV, radio guys, and politicians?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      And require we should all commenters Yoda-syntax to use!

  • Ducksworthy

    So If I find the entire GOP presidential field mentally disabled I must remain silent? Or do they have to have a diagnosis to be exempt from criticism?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, man, that's a tough one. Because I'm pretty sure that some of them ARE on the special needs side.

      How about: if a special needs person is elected to office, then they are fair game?

      • lucimorland

        It's the Palin Principle

      • heathenette

        GW comes to mind. How ’bout him, can we still make fun of him? If he’s off limits I’m not playin’!

    • Barrelhse

      Eagleton?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Oh, god, this kills me, but I guess Sarah Marie Santroum is grown up and even though she looks a lot like her dad, she's actually kind of pretty. I'm ashamed at how much I like her eyebrows.

    • DrunkIrishman

      Better looking than the older sister, who looks like a potato.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Potato libel!!!1!

      • doloras

        He lives in Mojave, in a Winnebago.
        His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato.

        (Zappa)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Potato-head Bobby was a friend of mine!

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Z!!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, babycakes! (hugs the girl)

      • tessiee

        AGAIN with the potato?
        What is it going to be with you, with these potatoes?

        • DrunkIrishman

          I'm Irish…it's an obsession.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        A PREGNANT potato.

    • BarackMyWorld

      She's only 14. Let's not get carried away.

      • DrunkIrishman

        In Utah, that's legal.

        • Biff

          Far be it from me to define anyone else's family units.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Fair enough. I was pretty cute at 14, but you'd never know it now.

      • DarwinianDemon

        In Santorum's America she would be a grandma already

      • Beowoof

        That she is 14 is pretty obvious from the look on her face. My daughters have given me that look many times when they were in that age bracket..

    • VaWyo

      I just realized that was a real photo! I always thought wonkette photoshoped it.

    • flamingpdog

      I agrees, but (and maybe it's just me) she looks kind of old for a fourteen-year-old. But maybe life in the Santorum family ages you.

      • anniegetyerfun

        To be perfectly fair, if the world had spent the last few years laughing at a photo of me during an ugly cry as a kid, I'd probably look about 50 right now. Thank goodness I only look 48.

        • Chichikovovich

          To judge from your free-spirited posting style, I wouldn't have thought you were a day over 47.

          • anniegetyerfun

            34, but I like to live life to the fullest (meth).

          • Chichikovovich

            34? Well, then your best debauchery is still ahead of you! Experience counts in these matters.—

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      That gal has NO LIPS. Yech.

    • OhHellToTheNo

      That's not even the correct Weeping Santorum picture in the ABC article. I've never seen that one before and assume it is a fake!

  • UW8316154

    Uh-oh you guys. We're in BIG trouble.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Well there goes a bulk of my snark. THANKS A LOT.

  • http://wonkette.com/ yellowerdog

    You know who else required OBEY THE LAWS, MINIONS, OR BE DEALT WITH WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.?

    • UW8316154

      Well, following Rule #3, I got nuthin.

    • nounverb911

      The person who did summary executions at Gawker?

    • MadBrahms

      Zod?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        And would saying "Kneel before Zod" be considered some form of sexual harassment?

        • Generation[redacted]

          It's the name of a common treatment at Marcus Bachman's Pray-Away-Gay Clinic.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Weight Watchers?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      Joe Arpaio?

      You meant to say 'and', right?

    • flamingpdog

      With Frothy off somewhere mysterious, I guess maybe I can be the unofficial commenter to say "HITLER"!!!!!

      • LagunaB

        Godwins law.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        A-HEM!

    • rickmaci

      Darth Vader?

    • real_dc_native

      Ken Layne? Jim Newell?

    • CthuNHu

      David Vitter's dominatrix hooker?

      • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

        Ming the Minionless?

  • nounverb911

    I'm afraid to ask. There was a certain ex-first lady with a jar?

  • MittsHairHelmet

    So I'm good if my comments are marginally libelous? Excellent.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Just remember, different (higher) standard for those who "thrust themselves" into the public eye, so to speak. NYT v. Sullivan. Needs actual malice aforethought, of which we might have plenty around these parts but not, strictly speaking, in the *legal* sense.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    This might have been a problem prior to Breitbart croaking and all my prayers being answered NOT THAT I WISHED FOR HIS DEATH.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      but like Mark Twain once said, you enjoyed reading the obituary

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Mama Berenstain LIVES!!1!

  • Beetagger

    I guess I'll have to move to Red State now.

  • DarwinianDemon

    Can we libel fetuses and embryos?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Not if you live in a state with "personhood" laws.

  • BklynIlluminati

    I think the new regime wants to put lipstick on us pigs. Can we still say Paultards?

    • DarwinianDemon

      Paul-Differently Ableds

    • Generation[redacted]

      Paul-Challengedes.

    • flamingpdog

      We could go all sciencey (hoping that Rebecca is a fine arts major) and call them Paultardigrades.

      • ChessieNefercat

        I once designed a water balance experiment with tardigrades (water bears). They're adorable little dears under a microscope.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          "moss piglets" Sqeee!

          • ChessieNefercat

            Interestingly (to me and maybe eight other people on the planet) I specialized in moss, my advisor specialized in moss, and yet, I never heard the term “moss piglets” (so sweet), just water bears. They are one of the few critters that enjoy rambling around in moss.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            "Moss piglets" is just too too.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Teh cute. Tardigrades, not the experiments.

      • Redhead

        Ol' Paul-extra-chromosomes?

      • Fare la Volpe

        "Moss piglets" is my new insult for everything.

    • real_dc_native

      I know Obama started this "lipstick on a pig" during the last election and it just proves he's a city boy. It just pisses off the pig and they eat the lipstick. And you can get hurt trying this.

    • tessiee

      Paul-turds?

      • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

        How about Tardis? Or tard and feathered?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Me likey.

  • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

    I am going to ban you all!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Go back to Gawker, you hippie!

      • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

        No you go!

        • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Alt-text or GTFO

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Can't make us. Oh wait, you probably can. NM.

        • flamingpdog

          OK, but show us your tits FIRST!

    • Veritas78

      Why don't you start with the spam poster?

      • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

        spam posters are hilarious

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
          Spam spam spam spam SPAM spam spam spam

          … no one's larfink?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I like spam!

          • UnholyMoses
          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Eh, it's not kosher.

    • coolhandnuke

      I'll go out in a blaze of glory…with my trusty fire retardant.

      • iburl

        watch it…..

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          i like eggs

          • Nothingisamiss

            I love lamp.

      • poncho_pilot

        you and Bon Jovi.

    • littlebigdaddy

      No soup for us?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Jim:

      You're suffering from a serious case of Blue Post. Been a while since ya got any?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Why doesn't this comment have +100 or more upfists?

        • Tundra Grifter

          Funny – I've been asking myself the same thing.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Probably because some 70+ regulars are too fucking depressed to fist anything but their partners today.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You are unique and special!

        • Tundra Grifter

          CK:

          That means a lot, coming from the cool Blah dude. I wasn't sure anyone would get it.

    • HistoriCat

      Don't show the new boss how to ban and you will have job security.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Newell: Remember when Jenna Bush was married? I made a fart joke and you banned me! I was shocked. (Unfortunate true story).

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        You're as bad with the late nights and the booze as I am. You're bad.

        So, uh, dinner sometime?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Geeze. That Newell's got an itchy banhammer for shoah.

    • teebob2000

      Promises, promises.

  • estevancarlos

    I posted a polite, treatise on how Breitbart wasn't a liar and was the kindest human being on earth, bringing love to all. Huffington Post blocked it. You guys are better.

    So without further hesitation:

    Brietbart was the nicest, loveliest man on earth and was never, ever a liar.

    The end.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Obvy, HuffPoo saw that "kindest human being" stuff and realized right away you were lying through your teefs.

      • Nothingisamiss

        YOU ARE BACK!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Not really, love. I checked in on Super Tuesday, as I said I would, and the next day, teh Wonketz exploded, and I'm still tens of thousands of miles away with a very slow connection, and wondering what to do.

          But it is great to see you, my friend. I scratch your ears fondly.

          • Biff

            I hope your Down Under Rosetta Stone has come in handy, anyway.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Not sure what that means, but I've lived in this part of the world before and don't really have a problem understanding ockers, although we had a scary moment when the ANZ people said "No fighting," and I heard "No farting."

          • Biff

            Rosetta Stone=language teaching courses. I just bought the Latin american Spanish set, pick it up tomorrow. Seems the polite thing to do, if I'ma go to Costa Rica.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Ah, oh yes, I have some of those. Good work, darls.

            Look, if you're not rushing off anywhere soon, please remember to put my email addie in your little black book, since I'm having a LOT of trouble getting to Wonketz from Ozland. One word, the political cat, and you can find me at Gee mailz. OTAY?

          • Biff

            Sent one sentence, just so it's there…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Well, dammit! I guess I got nuthin' to fuckin' say…anymores.

  • ph7

    When morally conflicted, I ask WWJD?

    What Would Jack [Steuff] Do?

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      ah, something which gets my comment auto-deleted, is what he'd probably do

    • ChernobylSoup

      Move to Japan during a nuclear crisis? Seems a bit extreme.

    • PrimlyStable

      Break rule #1?

    • MadBrahms

      I like to ask what Riley Waggaman would do, and I then I get to pretend I'm a hobbit.

      (I miss you, Riley)

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Steuf and Wags, the Frodo and Samwise of Wonkette.

    • HistoriCat

      Leave a goodbye post which implies the end is nigh and causes a weekend freakout of epic proportions?

      • UW8316154

        But only after nearly bringing our wonkett to its knees by making a poorly thought-out post that wasn't even that funny to begin with?

        • HistoriCat

          Well, yes – that's the "set-up" to the goodbye post "punch line". That's right – seems everything is funny to you Wonkette!

      • DustBowlBlues

        And the same weekend while we were waiting for the world to end.

        • C_R_Eature

          Someone posted, that Rapture Weekend something like "Help! I'm stuck to the Ceiling!" It was awesome and probably my favorite thing that happened.

          I think it was either you or "Mrs Bitch". Whoever it was, Thank You!

          • DustBowlBlues

            I so wish it had been me. It was my favorite Billboard Apocalypse joke. I do, however, steal it upon occasion. Is that good enough?

          • C_R_Eature

            Works for me!

      • C_R_Eature

        That was Fun and it really stirred up the Breittards. We should do that again, if only to Tweak them and, later, to puncture their inflated hopes yet again.

    • BearNoLike

      TL/DR

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm calmer than you are, Dude.

    • SarahsBush

      Shut the fuck up, Donny.

  • Not_So_Much

    We're all assfucked now.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know who else forced rules on their commenters?

    • Beetagger

      I'll just end this right here…. Hitler?

      • lucimorland

        at least it's an ethos

    • anniegetyerfun

      Mommy bloggers?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Hahahaha!

    • ph7

      Bigelow Tea Co.?

    • Joshua Norton

      Gawker.com?

    • MadBrahms

      Burma Shave?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Breitbart? But now he's dead.

      • Fare la Volpe

        NOT THAT WE WANTED THAT.

        • LagunaB

          No we come here to vent. I just want Those People to live very long very miserable life.

        • real_dc_native

          And I wish his little friend Jimmy O'Keefe a long and healthy life (behind bars with new 'friends').

          • Generation[redacted]

            And I want free cable TV for prisoners so he can watch Obama's reelection.

    • RadioSlut

      Richard Cohen?

  • Fuck Toad

    Commenting rules at Wonkett? That is a violation of the basic freedoms that the Washingtonienne's anus fought and died for (and/or had old man wangs put up in for).

    • Beetagger

      I guess Rebecca had lunch with her lawyer today.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Beetagger:

        Never have lunch with your lawyer. You'll pick up the tab and still get billed for the time.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is OK if I call people "Sluts" or "Prostitutes." Because I'm led to believe that is what liberals do.

    • Biff

      rush is a liberal?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Only in the sense that someone could liberally shove oxy down his/her throat without taking a break or a sip of water. Personally, I don't think that someone like that exists, so this is all speculation.

      • Fare la Volpe
        • Biff

          Oh for fuck's sake!

          • LagunaB

            Totally. Those people have an IQ that hovers around the temperature of freezer burn.

          • real_dc_native

            But only figuratively, of course!

        • Beowoof

          Is recognizing that conservative women are stupid some type of issue?

        • real_dc_native

          Now I'm thinking something about Bryan Fischer that would get me banned if I posted it.

          • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

            That you want to skull fuck him like a retarded child until he's dead?

  • mormos

    They're like children mistress. They are just testing the limits with their new master.

    Also: If I’m a minion do I get dental? Cause Lex Luthor offers dental. The guys over at H.Y.D.R.A. have stock options.

    • poncho_pilot

      healthcare? what are you? some kind a soshulist?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      To the cocoon!

  • Joshua Norton

    What's the official editorial position on anal bleaching?

    • MadBrahms

      I don't know, but it might be interesting to see that opinion contrasted with Santorum.

    • SkinnyNerd

      On yourself or on others?

    • ph7

      "Neutral" seems the obvious choice.

    • Extemporanus

      Bloggy style?

    • Terry

      As a profession or a hobby?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Legs akimbo?

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      I have only had to use mental bleach around here, is the anal kind quicker working or something?

      • poncho_pilot

        i think it's like that mysterious vodka soaked tampon they go on about at Gawker.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Wide stance.

    • MissTaken

      Face down, ass up.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        That's the way we bleach it up!

  • Weenus299

    People have to be reminded now? Geez God. Can somebody talk about how that Maine guy Angus King looks like Carter Pewterschmidt? Can we have fun with that? Or does anyone care about the lack of Olympia Snowe? http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/post/
    http://familyguy.wikia.com/wiki/Carter_Pewterschm

    • tessiee

      "that Maine guy Angus King looks like Carter Pewterschmidt?"

      OMG, he totally does!

      Also, you gotta love that , after his job as Governor ended; he, his wife, and his kids all got into the Winnebago and spent 6 months driving around the U.S.

  • Callyson

    No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).
    I take it, then, that we have established that the Republicans have been faking their disability all long, and we are free to carry on…
    …that, or the names that we have been calling them are merely statements of actual fact, and hence are not slurs. Jolly good then…

    • vtxmcrider

      Michele Bachmann is not faking, so I guess she is off limits regarding her mental acuity or lack thereof. But since assfucking is still allowed as a topic, we can talk about the last time she and Markus shared that two-foot long double-headed dildo with the spurs on it.

      • Biff

        Wasn't that a corndog?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Looks like someone had a meeting with Wonkette's legal department.

    • ph7

      Advert Sales department would be my guess. Hard to not notice what happened to Rush…

      • Chichikovovich

        Actually (no snark) that's a good point. You've got to assume the dittoheads will be cruising every left-wing hangout looking to be able to say: "Look, Look, this person at Wonkette called Rush's behavior "contumelious"! And you can be sure that's one of those secret Libtard words for something revolting." Our fearless media, looking for false balance above all, will descend like the Furies.

        • Guppy

          Wouldn't it be easier for the lazy dittoheads to just claim 4chan is a socialist blog?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Yeah, but then they'd have the 4chan and /b/ trads all OVER their miserable asses, which would make them beg for deff amid their snot and tears, so, no.

          • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

            Wouldn't it be easier for the lazy dittoheads to just claim 4chan is a socialist blog?

            Actually, Fox has claimed such in the past. I am not aware if Limbaugh has as well.

    • Veritas78

      Hey, we keep them employed. We're job creators!

      • OhHellToTheNo

        That's borderline libel. Allegedly we are job creators.

    • OhHellToTheNo

      You mean "opened a gchat with Wonkette's lawyer-friend"?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Does Glen Beck's rape and murder case count as libel?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He has never denied it.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Wait, so now it's irresponsible to both speculate and not speculate? Christ, I've got a headache already.

        • LagunaB

          Secular and non-secular. That help?

    • Veritas78

      Yeah, how old was she? I remember hearing about that.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Well, teenaged, I heard. I mean, he never said otherwise.

        • Tundra Grifter

          agyf:

          That's definately what some people say!

      • tessiee

        By "she", are you referring to the woman, or the goat? Because there were two separate incidents… or so I've heard.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I thought the goat was consensual.

          • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

            It'd be the only party that was.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I'm pretty sure the goat was tony krvaric.

        • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive
    • Barrelhse

      Is the word "alleged" enough to deflect libel?

    • vtxmcrider

      Fare la Volpe never wanted that to happen.

  • mookwrthwilson

    Can we use the words "Limbaugh", "Dominican" and "underage" in the same post???

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      As long as you don't use them in a libelous context.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It appears so!

    • Joshua Norton

      As long as the "underaged" aren't children.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just remember that "In my opinion" should take care of most problems. For instance:

      "In my opinion, most underage Dominican boys have a healthy fear of Rush Limbaugh" should be just fine.

      • emmelemm

        And you are an Esquire, so you know what yer talkin' about, yes?

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Damn, I redacted the wrong part.

      • Redhead

        Or "I heard… we don't know, but XXX doesn't deny it."

        As in, "I heard Limbaugh dislikes insurance-paid birth control because he doesn't need it with his underage Dominican boys. We don't know for sure, but Limbaugh hasn't denied it."

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          "No one has proved us wrong, ergo vis a vis ipso facto history's greatest monster."

          This lawyerin' bizness is alright!

          • Redhead

            First rule of J school -it's not libel if it's true!

    • AbandonHope

      Allegedly.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think you can also always use the FOX News standard save: "Some people say…." As in: "Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

      • tessiee

        "Some people say that after Pierre, a small underage Dominican boy, was lured into Rush Limbaugh's Hotel room, he was never the same."

        Which "he", Pierre or Rush?

  • flamingpdog

    a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind

    Helen Keller had sexytime with male members?

    Too soon? Too late? Too libelous?

    • Barrelhse

      Her demise came when the maid left the plunger in the toilet bowl.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    In the interest of averting overly-insensitive and excessively-sordid material, I did experience a sadz upon reading Kaia's earlier suggestion that we "find a suicide pact partner…", Miss Editrieste.
    Wait, that's wrong — I hadz teh sad not that the topic of suicide brings me down, but that I never did find such a buddy "in the comments below."

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I was going to ask if anyone would be my Pact Partner, but I was at work, and started doing that. But if Joe wins do you wanna eat a handful of pills and see what happens? (Disclaimer: My suicide will just be a lame cry for help)

      • RadioSlut

        Hey, either one of you two, to steal a Hum line, "my suicide machine is built for two."
        Also, is TRIsomyG still a genetic anomaly?

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Totally not kidding when I say that I've often wondered who else owns a Hum CD, because I've always thought of them as super obscure (they probably went gold or something and I'm totally wrong). Anyway, I'm amazed by your Hum reference. Awesome.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Next thing you know we're going to have to post comments in French!!

    • nounverb911

      Françaises diffamation alevins?

    • Chichikovovich

      Enfin!

      • Crank_Tango

        Trop en retard ! (Trop tôt ?)

        • BearNoLike

          WATCH IT PAL

    • Tundra Grifter

      Quelle frommage!

      • Barrelhse

        Qui coupe la frommage?

        • Tundra Grifter

          Hakuna fratta – we're out of cheese.

          • L188188

            Hakuna matata – need more Lion King.

    • Crank_Tango

      Vous savez qui a également forcé ses commentateurs à commenter en français…

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        If you guys keep talking in "Freedom", I'm going to have to Google Translate everything! BTW, how do you spell "Skullfuck" in your fancy language? More questions like that to follow…

      • Chichikovovich

        Cardinal Richélieu?

      • Tundra Grifter

        C'est magnifique – mais c'est n'est pas la guerre.

      • vtxmcrider

        Mittens?

      • flamingpdog

        Jerry Lewis?

      • BearNoLike

        Pepe le Pew?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Posting in French. Now that's a banning.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Michel, Anne, vous travaillez?

      Euh, non, nous regardons la television.

      –The full extent of what upwards of 60% of people who took French in high school remember. Plus the dirty words, of course.

      • jqheywood

        Oú est Sylvie?
        Oú est Sylvie?
        beep!

        Avec Anne.
        Avec Anne.
        beep!

        Au musée.
        Au musée.
        beep!

    • DahBoner

      Remember, Le French Fries are just their way of tricking Americans into the Slow Suicide Movement

      • flamingpdog

        Jeanne d'Arc* LIBEL!!!1!

        *the original French fry

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          You sick, sick little rodent, you.

    • AddHomonym

      Ils ne passent pas!

    • LagunaB

      I can swear really well in Hindi and no one understands. But I do look around to see my audience before using the really nasty sayings.

    • Gunner Asch

      Dans ce pays-ci, il est bon de tuer de temps en temps un amiral pour encourager les autres

    • UW8316154

      Socialist!1!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Well, fuck me dead.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      In the skull?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        This is just the internets right?

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    3. Try not to be totally libelous.

    Libel Libel!

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled).

    But telling the truth about Republicans is still fine, right?

  • LesBontemps

    Do we get a style manual with these orders?

    • Terry

      Hopefully there won't be any rules on class, or we're all screwed

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I can't WAIT for the Wonkette Style Guide!!!!!!!!one! Oh, how would they distill the style into written rules and protocols?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      At last we will know if the proper spelling is "buttsex," buttsecs" or "assfucking."

      • Doktor Zoom

        Buttsechs.

  • Wadisay

    I'm working on a blanket disclaimer. Here's what I've got so far:

    The foregoing comments do not apply to any Palin child, and should not be construed to wish death or bodily harm on my goddam enemies. This comment is inoperative to the extent libelous, and no skulls were fucked in the drafting of these comments.

    How's that?

    • PrimlyStable

      Needs moar machinegunning.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      "I am sorry you were offended" seems to work apparently, judging by how often I see Republicans use it. I think you have to remember to smirk while doing it though.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I think Wonkette is going to need a sigfile feature.

      • DustBowlBlues

        And I think I'm going to need you to explain WTF you're talking about. Remember: An Old, recluse in rurul OK, no job to keep me up to date. Besides, I don't actually need to work because we're fine, with just the Old Man's fat pension and my SS. Suck on it, kids.

    • Chichikovovich

      You might add a global: " In any case in which offence is taken, be informed that the other side does far, far worse and that forced me to descend to their level, even though I'm better than that."

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Plus: "slut", "prostitute", et al., ad nausea.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        "forced me to descend to their level, against my instincts …"

  • SenileAgitation

    That's retar–, um, silly.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    [Ahem]

    I respectfully direct your attention to Hustler v. Falwell and suggest – nay, declare – you had sex with your mother in an outhouse. Satirically speaking.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      Dude, it was your mother. My mama don't roll like that.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Also, can we still point out that the toxicology screen on Breitbart is due in about 3-5 more weeks?

    • http://sickrantorum.com KenLayIsAlive

      I'd ask what's taking so long, but I am GUESSING it is the scope and breadth of the toxins involved.

  • VinnyThePooh

    Ja-wohl, mein Schoenkopf! *click*

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oh, Vinny, we barely knew ye!

    • flamingpdog

      You trying to get tossed in the Klink?

  • taylormattd

    Wow, it literally won't let you post a comment with the word "ret***ed" in it.

    • PrimlyStable

      But what if we want to have a discussion about the subject of this Wikipedia article?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        What if someone's a re+tard, like Michele Bachmann? BTW, in Iowa (where I live in a poop swamp with internet) they just passed a bill through the statehouse that all mentions of "re+tard" will be removed from the lawbooks in favor of "intellectually disabled". So, about Michele, that's what I meant.

      • not that Dewey

        Or we might want to discuss potentials in the Lorenz Gauge Condition?

    • comrad_darkness

      this is a tricky one. The rules specify "actually mentally disabled". Take Bachmann, clearly she is mentally disabled, specifically deranged, but her supporters don't believe she is. Where does does the rule fall on this?

      • Biff

        Has there been an actual diagnosis yet?

  • JackDempsey1

    So no one can slur or find fault with me, now?
    I was a child once.
    I was.
    I'll show you my britches.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Was it something I said?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      It's not you, it's Wonkette.

  • LesBontemps

    Can we still mention Sarah Palin's hookworm problem if we point out that it's still merely conjecture, although based on observable phenomena?

    • Beowoof

      Can we still point out that Sarah is still having her wigs made by the same guy that produces Donald Trump's skull merkins.

  • Extemporanus

    This comment has been deleted by the administrator.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      MACHINEGUNNED!!1

      • Barrelhse

        St.Valentine's Day!

    • ttommyunger

      My Hero!

    • user-of-owls

      This administrator has been deleted by the commenters.

  • Neoyorquino

    Badges? We need no stinking badges! (Or perhaps we do, apparently). *Gets back in line.*

  • taylormattd

    OMFG, your auto-delete macro is insane. Here is was my last comment attempted to say:

    "So what happened, did Jack Stuef attempt to submit another T**g story to the front page?"

    Should we call him He Who Must Not Be Named?

    • Chichikovovich

      Wow, that was impressive: even this one bit the dust: "I'm teaching (not altogether successfully) my son sine, tangent and other tr*g functions."

      I guess I won't be discussing single periodicity with you guys anytime soon. Sorry about that.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Maybe we should just refer to him as "Trigonometry Palin".

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Or Mathishard Palin

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    You know who else didn't want to hear any talk about skull-fucking?

    • dijetlo

      Sponge Bob?

    • Chichikovovich

      The Vince Vaughn character in Full Metal Jacket?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        I think you mean Vincent D'Onofrio.

        • Chichikovovich

          Yep. I sure did.—

    • Generation[redacted]

      Rush Limbaugh's advertisers?

      • Beowoof

        I think his listeners are the skull fuckees.

    • Steverino247

      Oedipus?

    • chascates

      Eleanor Roosevelt?

    • Barrelhse

      Warner Bros. Records when discussing titles with Garcia. (true fact!)

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Yorick?

    • Doktor Zoom

      I WOULD NOT ADVISE SAYING THAT PHRASE IN THE PRESENCE OF ANYONE RIDING A PALE HORSE AND CARRYING A SCYTHE.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        EVEN IF SAID ENTITY'S HORSE HAS NO MONIKER AND HAS JUST BEEN RIDDEN THROUGH SOME SORT OF DRY AND SANDY ENVIRONMENT?

        • ShaveTheWhales

          BINKIE LIBEL!!!!

    • fuflans

      cheech marin in 'once upon a time in mexico'?

  • Steverino247

    OK, let's keep an eye out for those skullfucking references, folks.

    • Barrelhse

      I'll go bonkers.

    • Biff

      I was waiting patiently for an appropriate use of that, and you just cold went BOOM!

      • Steverino247

        Actually, I was stunned that no one thought of it first!

        My wife hates that Senior Drill Instructor scene in Full Metal Jacket, especially the SF reference, but I laugh my ass off having been through similar shit in the Army. Pvt. Joker had the right attitude, but risked his life by making the comment out loud.

        My wife thought the post was funny and she rarely encourages such behavior by laughing out loud.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Don't worry though, since Mitt Rmoney isn't an actual human, libel laws don't apply to him – libel away all you want on him, friends.

    • Biff

      But Mitt Rmoney Inc. is a people, my friend.

      • Beowoof

        Oh yeah, in a Manchurian sense.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Just to cover the bases… Skullfucking the corpse of Breitbart — in or out?

    • Veritas78

      In and out, I think. That's how I do it, anyway.

      • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        You can't explain it.

    • vtxmcrider

      It does not seem to be against the rules, but it is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen on Wonkette. No human dick could do that without an overdose of Viagra, and I'm talking about even when he was still alive.

  • dijetlo

    On closer inspection, rule#1 appears to preclude any mention of the Palin brood. That said, I, for one, welcome our new litigation averse Overlords…..

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Hey, how do you define children? Under 16, 18, 21, 25? What about if they have reproduced on their own or were thrust into the limelight by their psychopathically needy mother?

      • Wadisay

        Their allegedly psychopathically needy mother. You've been warned.

      • emmelemm

        My question exactly. Does a 16-17 year old girl who has a kid of her own, and is therefore a mother, still considered a child? What are the regs here?

        • Biff

          It's not her fault, the aspirin slipped from between her knees.

        • Beowoof

          Is she doing a trippy reality show?

          • emmelemm

            A Tr*ggy reality show?

    • ChessieNefercat

      How about if said brood and their damn dam and sire also too stays the eff off of our tv screens and interwebs?

    • LagunaB

      Yeah but everyone calls their children – Bay, Small plane,Tree, etc., I mean, come on it could be thousands of other children. What's next? No desert unless you eat your vegetables. This is Snarkette, right?L

  • rambone

    Umm . . . while I'm sure we're all grateful for the guidelines, some of us learn better from example.

    Would it be possible to copy and paste the most offensive and inappropriate comments into a daily blog entry?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      A veritable 'Wonkette Wall of Shame' with a deleted post counter.

      • Biff

        I hope you get to stick around, after your own rather public execution.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Yeah, me too. Oh my god. I'm alive!! Alive!!
          Can you see me? Please say you can see me!

          • Fare la Volpe

            IT LIVES!

          • Steverino247

            What have you done to his eyes? YOU MANIACS!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            It only hurt for the first five minutes dood, geez.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      But deviants like me would simply make it their goal to make the list daily.

      • rambone

        Shhh!

        [in deadpan] I am quite certain that no one here would do any such thing.

  • ChessieNefercat

    I'm such a goody two shoes (usually), now I'm scared to comment, because I'm sure I'll break a rule, plus I'm convinced that this is all my fault. I'm sorry. Sniffle.

    • sarjo

      You done broke the whole wonkitt, chessie! bad cat! we must fly you like a retread flag!

  • el_donaldo

    Wow. Those filters went up fast.

    • el_donaldo

      Will I get banned for trying repeatedly to figure out what words are deleting the posts? Like that I suspect one is a name of the scion of a former Alaskan governor whom the Constitution has by name and incident expressly forbidden anyone to ever make fun of.

    • el_donaldo

      Or maybe it was because I reminisced about the recent Breitbart troll that threatened me with axe-murder because I made fun of that former Alaskan governor?

    • el_donaldo

      Well, Breitbart's name makes it through, so we can still kick his corpse, but the reply buttons on the comments with that name seem disabled. So now I can disrespect his memory without fear of anyone commenting on my blatant disregard of the conventions of polite discourse?

      Free speech!!!!

      • Biff

        Free speech isn't free!

        • Loaded_Pants

          Someone always pays. Just ask Rush.

          • Biff

            With the deal he's got with Clear Channel, he gets paid whether he gets banhammered or not.

  • MiniMencken

    But aren't we all somebody's children? Well, I think I'll go back to doing the NY Times crossword puzzle and competitive patchwork quilt sewing. Nothing to look at here, folks.

  • Mr Pre-Press

    Damn—another short school bus went left-of-center thru the guardrail. Michelle Malkin's panties are damp, somewhat.

  • AlterNewt

    So, we can't refer to (Pronoun) being (past-tense verb) in the (body part) ?

    • tribbzthesquidz

      Oh, oh! It's time to break out the MadLibs!!!!!

  • BlueStateLibel

    There's are sort of like Bush administration rules…only the exact opposite.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Okay, but what if the children in question are complete assholes, and totally have it coming?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      That's what I was wondering — are we allowed to comment on the little nazi kid whose videos have been linked to here occasionally, or are we to believe that he would be a normal, well-adjusted child if he didn't have such fucktarded parents and cut him some slack?

      • Biff

        Shame, that. I tried to revive his youtube career, but it seems he's been scrubbed.

        • Crank_Tango

          Don't you mean he's been skwubbed?

          • Biff

            Foah twue.

    • Barrelhse

      Is the cutoff 18 or 21? (Sixteen is legal in the south in some places, naturally.)

      • finallyhappy

        14 is legal if your parents sign someplaces!

        • sarjo

          Oh shit, did my mom need to sign for me to be here?

      • flamingpdog

        Last time I checked, the age of consent in the Square State is 15.

        And you can also marry your first cousin.

  • orygoon

    Whoa! Meet the new boss!

    Now I will be busy trying to think of something good to say about The Heir and The Spare. Hard to do when one of them OH MY GOD, WTF NOOOOOOOO!!! such lovely children, er, excuse me.

  • commiegirl

    Hi, banned just for being a dick.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      But I'm a girl!

      • commiegirl

        That's so weird, I thought I banned you. Here, let's try again.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          Noooooooooooooooooooo!

          • Biff

            Noooooooooooooooooooo!

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            wtf? WRONG

          • rambone

            Rebecca might have been serious about turning this into a mommy-blog . . .

          • Crank_Tango

            Yeah what the fuck.

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            I think I'm still here… shhhh (you can see me, right?–don't tell the editrix).

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Phew!

            Let's just be really, really quiet and maybe the editrix won't notice.

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            I changed my avatar. Nevermind–I changed it back.

          • Crank_Tango

            Yeah but still. Round here we don't take kindly to Nobama takin away our beloved commenters.

          • Loaded_Pants

            I personally would like to rise to the challenge of commenting on a mommy blog since I'm not a mommy. But I do have an ill-tempered 3-year-old of the feline kind.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Et tu, you brute?

            (It's what I say to all my bratty felines)

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Let's not get all Gawker, please.

          • Crank_Tango

            Coming up next, a comment-and-die post.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Or changing the rules at random and retroactively banning anyone who broke the rules they didn't know about.

            This post contains the slippery-slope logical fallacy; we know the new rules. I just detest Gawker and its policies, which is why I never post there.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I used to read ALL these Wonketz-related blogs, but every last one of them, with the sole exception of Wonketz, turned into icky-sticky coo-and-poo. I haven't read them since forever, and never plan to again. Gawker srsly sucks ass these days.

          • Fare la Volpe

            I had just gotten into Jezebel when the commenters flipped out after I made an incest joke. I didn't even bother reading the comments after the first accusation of sexism and just unsubscribed.

            Fuck those little pearl clutchers.

          • OhHellToTheNo

            "10 secrets liberals with a sense of humor didn't want you to know."

            If you disagree, I will ban you!

        • Nothingisamiss

          NO

  • Arishii

    pǝpɹɐʇǝɹ – is this ok tho?

  • el_donaldo

    The notion that any post on this exemplary website would
    Result in me saying something cruel and
    Inappropriate is just
    Galling to me,
    Galling.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      It took me three passes.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Isn't "libel" the main fuel for Teh Wonketz ? If I can't imply awful things about public figures, I'll haz sads.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Our editrix has those naughty comments in her cro-, er, surveyors' marks as we speak. Everyone chill!

  • Guppy

    "No (…) hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone"

    What about wishing chickenhawks would go get killed in their own wars? Or members of the Family getting executed in Uganda for homosexuality?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      While my first reaction to most of these people is an excruciatingly painful and slow death, I am usually happier once I realize that I'd rather they publicly shamed and then shunned and live very long, lonely lives with little or no human contact.

    • HistoriCat

      Or pinning a rentboy underneath their corpse?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Sure, we're facing the dreaded "Limpbaugh rubber band reaction"….but how come that fat fuck is rubber and we're glue, huh?….is Santorum involved, or is it just our sluttiness?…

  • Barb

    Well, it was nice meeting ya'll.

    • emmelemm

      I know, right?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Yeppers, Baloon Juice.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      It's been a pleasure.

    • Barrelhse

      Guess we'll all get pink-slips in the morning.

      • LagunaB

        Or new avatar, another e-mail account. And then just refer to people as ugly walking bags of water. With additional references like, wears glasses, is hugely fat.

    • Beowoof

      Ah such a place where you used to be able to say what most the folks truly thought. It has been fun.

    • ttommyunger

      Like I said, I spend way too much time online anyway.

  • poncho_pilot

    briefly in my mind i got machinegunning and motor boating mixed up and i was all like, "what's wrong with motor boating?"

    • Barrelhse

      Is that a motorboat in your violin case, or are you just happy to see me?

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    I never said anything bad about Clarence Thomas…. What? That wasn't bad!

  • Biff

    I'ma develop a numerical meme sheet, so I can just write shit like:
    That 1 is a 3ing 17, amirite people? and I'll laugh and laugh, because nobody will know wtf I'm trying to convey.

    • Barrelhse

      23 478 6!!

      • Biff

        Oh no you didn't!

        • Crank_Tango

          2 soon!

          • UW8316154

            don't 3 a h8tr

  • Redhead

    "1. No slurs on children or the mentally disabled"
    We can't make fun of Palin and One-L anymore?

    *reads the rest of the rules* Rebecca – ummmm those are probably half the Wonkette comments…

  • Crank_Tango

    "one-eyed man-king"

    Rebecca, how did you know my nickname for my cock?

    • ttommyunger

      What? It takes a shit-storm to bring you out of hiding, Crank?

    • flamingpdog

      You had sexual relations with Helen Keller?

  • Loaded_Pants

    Two huge solar flares erupt. The wonkette now has these rules. Coincindence?

    • Barrelhse

      Don't know, but it's gonna be cloudy here, of course. They're giving high prob. of auroras on the 8th and maybe beyond.

      • LagunaB

        Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I recall a similar event in the late 1990s. I was still living in the southern Appalachians in a rural community. The auroras appearing above Cumberland Mountain was an awesome sight.
        We have too much "light pollution" here in town for anyone to see them if they appear this far south, though.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Rebecca, what if I allege that my target and I have had consensual skull-fucking?

    • Crank_Tango

      Sounds like there is at least one slut involved, and we deserve a copy of the sextape.

  • not that Dewey

    I generally keep it pretty clean. Except for that one time when I asked whether David Letterman had raped Chris Christie with his mouth. But I apologized for that.

  • chascates

    Once Ken posted something he'd already posted before. Mine was the first comment: "I believe in recycling but posts?" Comment was deleted in seconds.
    Editor makes the rules, commentors obey the rules.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Yeah, Ken threatened to ban me when I posted an elaborate parody of his "Obama Is Morally Weak" post that declared him Morally Weak for continually resigning and coming back. It was one of my proudest moments.

  • banana_bread

    *raises hand* Can I still wish for mandatory trans-vaginal ultrasounds?

    • Crank_Tango

      you can have all you want, I think.

    • LagunaB

      Only on yourself.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just not of your skull.

      • sarjo

        Of course your statement presupposes that one is not burdened and/or disabled, in a legal sense, by the presence of one's head, and therefore skull, up one's ass.

  • pdiddycornchips

    are hoverounds still fair game? Have the rules changed regarding teabagging?

  • WhatTheHeck

    It seems that the Debate has become less Intense.

    • emmelemm

      Comment of the evening.

    • LagunaB

      And more Morman. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Morman.

    • OhHellToTheNo

      Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

  • Beetagger

    Ken??? Help!!!! We don't like the new teacher!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Just to be clear….what is "machinegunning"? Besides literally attacking someone with a machine gun?

    • commiegirl

      It is attacking someone with a machinegun.

    • Crank_Tango

      just like motorboating is attacking someone with a motorboat, natch.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Copy and pasted from urban dictionary:

        Machine Gunning

        The act of repeated defecation in one toilet without flushing until said toilet is sufficiently clogged and you and your friends are out of shit.

        Flatulence released in repeated intervals while running.

        There were other definitions as well but these were the only two that had anything to do with butts and as such were the only two that held my interest.

        • BarackMyWorld

          So long as this is still okay.

        • HistoriCat

          Well if you try that first one in my house, yeah you're going to get banned.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Snow skiing is ramming a snow ski up someone's butt, with their assent, which is why skis come in many sizes and shapes.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      It was my comment about some idiot freepers in which I really did advocate having them mown down with a machine gun. New owner, new rules, and it's cool.

      Naturally, I don't advocate having freepers mown down with machine guns any more.

      • commiegirl

        I assume you don't, Fukui! I appreciate your being so gracious and not a HYSTERICAL NINNY LIKE SOME OF Y'ALL JESUS CHRIST.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          No, it's fine, and I don't think anyone could have a problem with the rules set out as they are, unless they're some madd Paulian or something. I, for one, appreciate the engagement you're giving to this as change is scary to people.

          If I might be so presumptuous as to make a suggestion, this is quite a tight-knit commenting community, so we all pretty much "know" each other as much as you can behind a moniker, our stupid comments and an avatar: it might be nice to have a warning before being banned.

        • http://dailyspitball.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

          Second Fukui-san. In other news. Some of us, though we've been working this block for years, check in and out. In other words, not everyone who comments tomorrow, next week or next month will have read this. A little warning would be appreciated.

        • HistoriCat

          Hysterical ninny? That hurts – accurate but it still hurts.

          And anyone who thinks this is just about the new rules has forgotten the great Jack Stuef goodbye freakout – NEVAR FORGET!

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Well I've been enjoying your comments of late, none of which exhibited any vile-typey imagery you've indicated (any such comment I must have missed); so plz don't let homicidal wish-venting deprive us of your snark, which is often wisdom-filled more than crass-for-crassness'-sake.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Oh, I'm a dark-humoured, foul-mouthed arsehole, I'm aware of that! However, I'll more often than not try snarky information-led posts alongside bon mots and so on.

          And thank you.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Just do a Denton " anyone who posts on this will be banned" Post

  • rocktonsam

    lets talk sports!

    • Crank_Tango

      too soon!

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      My team made it to the skullfucking regionals!

    • Beowoof

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I love sports, real sports, playing and watching but those who talk sports incessantly are folks who should be avoided at all costs. I had other thoughts, but I guess I am now required to keep them in the thought bubble.

      • Crank_Tango

        sport fucking is still a sport.

        • PuckStopsHere

          My favorite sport fucking play? The Tuesday Night Take Down, natch.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Does anyone else find this difficult to masturbate to?

    • Biff

      Impossible!

      • BigDumbRedDog

        I'm into all the skullfucking talk!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Get a skull.

  • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

    You know the part in Tropic Thunder where that one guy who isn't even black gives Ben Stiller advice on what not to do in order to earn an academy award? Never go full… something. Because you might get sued by the Tundra grifter, yes?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Son, I wouldn't sue you for that.

  • Exhausted66

    "skullfucking your enemies… it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. "

    Yeah, but did you see what that skull was wearing?

    • Loaded_Pants

      I have never understood this skullfucking thing. Why would anyone want to fuck something so dry and bony.

      • Exhausted66

        Loaded, if you'd like to talk about Michele Bachman, that's the next post.

  • Gnatsum

    Right on. The blog is great and trying to get greater, but the comments are getting horribly hostile, boring, and sad. And worse, not funny. This esteemed blog (bring up the sappy violins) deserves better.

    • Loaded_Pants

      I would also like to see more puns.

      • Doktor Zoom

        I, for one, am in favor of machinepunning our ideological opponents.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          Today we are no longer manure spreaders, but mature spreaders.

          • Gnatsum

            Yes, like that!

          • E_Tx_Pines

            Mrs. East_Tx_Pines has gone all squishy for your puppy pic.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Jezus, keep her AWAY from Barack Obama!

    • BigDumbRedDog

      We should all just stick to knock-knock jokes.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Knock-knock!

        Who's there?

        RETREADS WILL SKULLFUCK YOU WITH A MACHINEGUN!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          That was ever so wittily funny!

        • emmelemm

          That made me laugh hard enough to scare the dog.

          ETA: Good work.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      That's as may be, but whatever happened to, "If ya don't like it, don't look/listen/read/whatevs"? The nannyism bothers me, even though I'm well aware that it is a sound business decision and Teh Editrix has a right to recoup her investment. It seems the whole fucking world must be padded for the preshus chiyuldrun these days, god forbid they should accidentally smell a stray fart.

  • commiegirl

    Smokefilledroommate, apparently your ban won't stick no matter how many times I hammer it, but do you think maybe you could hold back from posting a dick comment with the word "retard" cleverly dispersed 20 times throughout? Yeah? That'd be great.
    As to the rest of you, you're usually MUCH better readers. There's no ban on skullfucking, just a request that you think about it. Is that too mean for you, you guys?
    OH GOD, WILL YOU BE OKAY?

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Great. Now all I can think about is skullfucking.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        You'll never be morbid
        Once you poke the orbit

    • orygoon

      Yes, we're sorry, can we come out of our rooms now please?

    • redarmyzombie

      *gasp*
      By god, he IS the chosen one!!!

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        she.

        • redarmyzombie

          Okay, she then.

          So, ARE you the messiah, miss she-who-can-never-be-banned?

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Yes! I am your High Priestess of Comments, emphasis on 'high'. Come smoke with me.

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            I'll be there in a few.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            No fair, goddammit. I quit last year, and now I'm in a country full of fucking smokers and you tempt me, you she-devil, you.

            No fair. (Eyes sister's fags longingly)

        • SudsMcKenzie

          Can you insert the Maker hooks and ride Shai-Hulud? This should only take a couple of minutes.

          • poncho_pilot

            needz moar thumper.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      We're being extra naughty tonight, we didn't get our naps on account of the Sooper Toosday shenanigans. We'll be better behaved tomorrow!

      edit: I guess what I really mean is: Your loyal audience is accustomed to pushing back on authority because we read articles every day about how ridiculous our "authority figures" are acting. It goes with the territory. There will be rude questions about policy changes. It's what we do.

    • rocktonsam

      I agree to the terms.

      Can I haz some p-points please.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Upfisted for socialism!

        • HistoriCat

          That's not socialism – it's good, old-fashioned brown-nosing! It's what made this country great.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            This from some CREATURE who spends ALL its time licking its nether regions with loud smacky noises. In public, yet.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Geez, dood, how many times I gotta pee on you awreddy?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Kismet! You can't kill a smoking baby. Smoking only makes it stronger.
      (and sheesh, I was just kidding. I don't normally post like that.)

      • Limeylizzie

        It made me love you more.

      • sarjo

        zis keeding of vhich you speak, is banned here.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Alas, poor Yorick! I skullfucked him, Fellatio; a fellow of infinite fuckability, of most excellent eyeholes; he hath borne me on his back a thousand times [leaving this line as is]; and now, how whored in my imagination it is! My gorge, not to mention my cock, rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have entered I know not how oft. Where be your lubes now? Still pretty fuckable, though, huh? /accidentally drops skull, which shatters/ Dang!

      • emmelemm

        Can I get an amen? Would that I had more fists to give.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I Really didn't think responding to "There's no ban on skullfucking" would be part of my Wednesday.

      • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

        Welcome to my world, pal

    • redarmyzombie

      GOD!!!! OH, GOD, I'M MELTING!!!!!!!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        You called?

        • HistoriCat

          I just do not want to know what kind of sexy times lead to "I''m melting"

          Primarily because that sounds like something I can never achieve.

    • Biff

      I'd have been a pretty good reader, if the post hadn't magically disappeared before getting to read it. Sounds like an admin-deleteable offense, perhaps…

    • LagunaB

      You sound like you need a nice cup of tea and maybe a slice of cake with chocolate butter cream icing. Ok now?

    • Beowoof

      Isn't a blowjob just another way to say skullfucking? Can we still say blowjob?

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Just as long as you're not talking about skullfucking the entire child cast of Sesame Street, I think it's cool.

        • sarjo

          Yeah, baby, Snuffleupagus this!

          • poncho_pilot

            i think he and Big Bird are really the same person like in Fight Club. never seen them both at the same time.

    • ttommyunger

      I've had it with these motherfucking rules on this motherfucking blog! Just kidding, I don't really give a fuck one way or the other.

      • sarjo

        Fuck, man! This is our fucking website! If we don't fucking care, who the fuck will?

        • ttommyunger

          It ain't mine, I'm just passing through, man.

    • finallyhappy

      I have really disliked the use of the r word. I'veworked with parents of kids with disabilities(my son has add) so that people will stop using that word. We thought it was being used by other kids, the uneducated, and just mean adults. I've hated seeing it used here among people whose opinions and ideas I otherwise generally share. Using it shows a serious lack of decency although a number of people here seem to think it is humorous.

      • sarjo

        Well, it is a funny thing but in my experience the closer you are to a hot button word, the funnier it can seem. I myself have ADD and many many MANY other issues, yet I find the "retread" meme (most particularly as it applies to S***h P***n, hilarious. I'm not defending this, just saying that "indecenct" may not be a fair description of the otherly-humored.

      • IceCreamEmpress

        The thing is that actually cognitively disabled people are, as a group, much less likely to say totally illogical and hateful bullshit than, say, your average CPAC attendee.

        I worked at a group home for a while and nobody there ever gave me a lecture on the gold standard.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Rebecca,

      A Wonketter freakout over rules for postings is an old tradition here. Don't be retarded and take it personally.

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

        It wouldn't be Wonkette, if a buncha us didn't rage-quit and start our own political humor blog. With blackjack, and hookers.

        Actually, forget about the humor.

  • rickmaci

    Damn. This place is turning into the f"ing HuffPo.

    • SexySmurf

      You say that like it's a bad thing; I, for one, would love to read twenty posts about Hulk Hogan's sex tape.

      • poncho_pilot

        i hope that it's like invisible tape. heh heh. ugh. sorry.

    • poncho_pilot

      suddenly Wonkette is worth billions and billions of Ameros.

      • sarjo

        And if it is worth anything, you know who's responsible?

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      This place is turning into the f"ing HuffPo.

      Needs moar celebrity anti-vaccine stupidity and Breitbart.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Not fucking likely, dood. At least the quality of posting hasn't dropped to those lows, and the commenters are, like, actually coherent, and the dreaded banhammer has been but lightly tapped across our noses.

      I dunno. I just think it's the changey part that's freaking us all out.

      • Skullfuggary

        Nope. It's not just change. This place has been handed over a number of times. This is about coming in keyboard fingers blazing, taking everyone to school for the precieved sins of a few. The entire Wonkeretti was put on trial, a solution in search of a problem. Everything was fine until this heavy-handed, over-dramatic, mass accusatory post. An established community of intelligent, committed, and loyal followers deserves better than to be treated like unruly children. We are gorwn-assed adults. I'm still pissed by this. It was disrespectful and even worse is the ass-kissing when we didn't do anything wrong.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Dood, you know you're one of my favourite commenters here. So please take what I say with that in mind.

          I agree with some of what you say, but not all of it. Frankly, I'm not pissed so much as deeply saddened. Is it so easy to destroy a community? Is this all it takes? I don't see that the rules the Editrix has laid down are necessarily harsh or disrespectful. Asking us to think before making hatey rapey posts is not the same as threatening us with consequences for using strong language or making teh snark.

          And it bothers me no end that you're talking about "ass-kissing" when it comes to your fellow commenters. I'm not yer fucking parent, and you're a big kid and free to make your own comments. But people who have decided to go along are not necessarily ass-kissers. Perhaps they love the community more than they hate the rules.

          Cut me off if you want. I'll miss you, but that's life.

      • redarmyzombie

        I noticed that our new Editrix's earlier attempt at using the banhammer seemed to malfunction. I'm not certain if that was a clever ruse on her part, or if somethings wrong with the programming at work here…

        In any event, I'm expecting this whole thing to blow over once the wingnuts have stopped imploding on themselves, unless they achieve gravitational collapse, in which case: FUCK!

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      If that's true, I demand WAY more in the way of celebrity nipples. It's been a long, cold, 2 1/2 years since this.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    I have a feeling I am going to need to learn how to spell the word "allegedly" since most of the stuff I say I literally just make up.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      I literally just make up

      And that's, on a fundamental level, snark of the best kind.

    • flamingpdog

      jEEzus, BDRD, if most of the stuff you say you just literally make up, I'm sure there's an opening* at Fox Snooze for you!

      *Can we still say "opening"?

  • BigDumbRedDog

    THANK YOU MA'AM! MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

  • SexySmurf

    Who knew someone who goes by the name of "Commiegirl" would have so many rules about what people could write?

    • Beowoof

      Obviously she is a big government fan?

    • HistoriCat

      As long as the icepicks don't come out.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        TROTSKY … er, possible lawsuit

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Anyone who's read history?

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Law Seven: Anyone may challenge for leadership of the clan.

    • emmelemm

      You keep what you kill.

      • LagunaB

        Or, Texas- style for you. (Texas-style?)

        • poncho_pilot

          Texas has style?

    • sarjo

      8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      I liked that movie. I do not talk about this at parties, though.

  • ElPinche

    Ok…I get it…..I get it.

  • Barb

    Rebecca, I'm not qualified to speak for anyone but myself.

    I can't help but to wonder how many of us read the rules and wondered, "was it something I did or said?"

    I appreciate you and it is your website to do with as you see fit. The rules seem clear in a vague kind of way. Are you looking for us to have better party manners in our posts?

    I've always thought the goal here was to look at the story and it was just one huge "can you find a caption for this photo" contest and we let the snark fly. (I could be wrong)

    Would you like us to read the stories and *polite golf clap* comment on how insightful it was and talk about whether we agree or disagree with the content? Are we going for snark still?

    I know that getting a grip here must feel like you are herding cats and we like to test the boundaries. I am one of nine children and my father, all 6' 9" would walk into the room and yell "cut it out!" to all of us. I always had to be the dumb ass and ask, "cut what out?" and I would get to go cut the switch from the tree out back.

    What would you like us to cut out, please? What is the goal we are trying to achieve here? No attacks on children, no making fun of people with disabilities, no death threats. I get that. Is there anything else, please? Are we changing direction in any way that we should know about? Are we there yet?

    • redarmyzombie

      Agreed.

      Whilst I understand the whole not making death threats or slandering the youth and the <REDACTED>, is there anything else we should worry about, as rules #3 and#4 *ARE* rather vague? Will I be banned for my use of the word <REDACTED>, or are its vague implications suitable withing the context of teh rulez?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You are wonderful.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Gah, my dad (he was 5' 10" at the time, about 5' 7" these days) made me go cut the switch once, which he manfully used on the back of my calves for something longer than was *absolutely* necessary. He never warmed much to my constant and at the time forward-thinking suggestions that we consider xeriscaping (we were in Ohio's fertile Miami Valley). Anyhow, thanks for the mammaries!

    • commiegirl

      Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
      What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

      I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

      So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

      While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

      The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

      We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

      Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

      • rambone

        Does anyone here think that was clever or funny?

        Do you want the truth, or the "truth" ?

      • chascates

        It's a fine line between snark and slander but we'll try to prevent the fucktards (!) from getting anything they can use to promote their evil agenda. And there's always the ban hammer for offenders.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Maybe we should try fuckwads and Paulwads from now on?

          Or just use "bachmann" as a catch-all. Either way works for me.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        "Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond", huh?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

        Surveyor's marks.

        Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

        What is this? I'm used to being treated like shit. My S&M boner is confused!!

        but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"?

        "Santorum," thankyouverymuch.

        And thank you for treating us like intelligent adults with this comment – we listen to that kind of thing. I was about to ask you exactly what Barb just did, but like most brilliant things I'm about to write, Barb beat me to the punch. So thank you for clearing things up and for not being sanctimonious about it. It makes us feel appreciated and makes us want to stay.

        • Barb

          Fare, my first reaction was, "I'm outta here" and then I thought about it and had a cupcake. Festive buttery baked goods make everything so much better.

          I didn't want to be the one who asked, seriously. I just needed clarification and I got it. I'm going to try to work on my party manners. I enjoy being here with ya'll and I'd like to stay.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, darling, I'm so glad you clarified it for all of us. Also, thanks, oh Editrix of the Mighty Whip.

            I don't think Editrix is asking for unreasonable politesse. Just not to put teh Wonketz in teh crosshairs, which I can pretty much live with. And I don't think it's cool to make fun of little people like a certain somebody's kid who suffers through no fault of his own, even tho I've been tempted to include him in the attacks upon his unpalatable parent.

            Anyway, I just wanted to say: PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE ME!!!

        • Crank_Tango

          Personally, I am cunting like a machine-gunned retard for some skull-fucking over here. Also, sluts.

          • SudsMcKenzie

            the commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." fuckin Newbs

      • Chichikovovich

        I'm OK with this. ('Course, I'm a killjoy at the best of times.) The posters here are intelligent and very funny people and we can come up with appropriate euphemisms and insider terms.

        The dittoheads are going to be out in force looking for blood, and it makes sense to hang out in Sicily for awhile until the heat dies down.

        (Except for the Santorum – crotch thing, which as I've mentioned is a matter of religious conscience.)

        • comrad_darkness

          Sicily is nice this time of year. If you are far away from the volcanos.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        For the record, I didn't make the comment referenced above. Mine was a thought-provoking insightful take on the Emergency Broadcast System.

        • commiegirl

          No, no, no, she didn't. That was a comment on the Palin thread. Smoke just jumped up and down shouting retard a bunch. But it's cool, I think she might have stopped now!

          • redarmyzombie

            To be fair, I think *everyone* has had one of those moments…

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Can you resurrect my beloved Extemporanus? Pleeeeze?
            (or uh, was he the one that made that comment? *gulp*)

          • commiegirl

            I didn't actually do anything to Extemporanus, I'm fairly sure. I thought he did that to himself?

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Damn trickster pwned me. I thought that was real–he didn't seem to make any comments after the last one. Should've known.

          • Extemporanus

            I'M SO SORRY BABY!

            Ya know, we're it not for all of your tard work, that gag never even would've gotten off the ground.

            (p.s. Thank you for heroically — and singularly?! — coming to my imagined rescue, Smoke. Your brave display of selflessness in the face of great personal turmoil shall not soon be forgotten. My p-ness is yours.)

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            (happy baby noises)
            Aw, shucks! *shits pants*

            No–honestly, I lurve you too!! :) I will always defend Your Anus.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            He gotcha, babes. Next time check if you can still upfist him. If ya can, he hasn't been banhammered.

          • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

            It's fun being in the weeds, isn't it!? Anyhow, congraxx on the new job and such like! I'll give you $48 and two sandwiches for it.

          • Extemporanus

            You and my mom both.

            I WAS COMBING MY HAIR, ALRIGHT?!

            Thank you, sincerely, for the thread-wide, rational and reasonable, commenter give-and-take, dear Editrix. It's greatly appreciated, and as you've no doubt noticed, already gone a long way toward un-rousing all but the most rousable of us rabble.

          • RadioSlut

            I can still say "anal wink blot," right?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Why you wanna call me names in front of my back, dood?

          • bikerlaureate

            Stop being at all reasonable. We're all trying to come down from the whole power-trip dealie thing here.

      • Beowoof

        Oh okay, like Barb I always was the kid to talk back and be in trouble in my family of six kids.

        • Barb

          I knew we were kindred spirits, Beo.

      • LagunaB

        A. I read this to calm down about how angry I am about the right. And I like to read others who feel the same.
        B. And then I look for ways to get them out of office. So this is also a catalyze for me to get more involved in the process of which I am now doing. Because just being snarky is not enough. And I have had enough.
        C. I did not fight a land mark civil litigation on extending the limitation of rape in 1990 for 5 years which protected women and children to have to re-defend that position in 2012. So I am pissed.
        D. I understand some comments are counter-productive but proving the right wrong will be a long process and it is a war.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Let me just hug you, babez. It'll make me feel better.

      • ElPinche

        I like the crystal pepsi clarity on this. I usually take the low road myself..or the gutter of the low road (see all my Breitbart comments). However we can deal. We are Warbloggers. We are Legion.

        • RadioSlut

          Whenever I hover over the "submit comment" button with some comment that "might" offend, I think, WWPD? World War El Pinche Do? Keep kicking ass, Palin is, and always will be, a cunt.

          • ElPinche

            Amen RadioSlut!!

      • Beetagger

        Obviously someone failed to do proper due diligence before purchasing Wonkette. Yes, you get the website, but the downside… we come with it.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          It's a hell of a downside, but it's our downside, dammit!

      • BearNoLike

        So it's not a war blog anymore, it's more like a state department for Malawi, surrounded.

        You know what would be awesome is if there was some sort of intrade bet Drudge vs. Wonkette.

        I feel a little dirty in a not good way. Palin's an idiot quitter that I have no respect for, and punch-pulling in a prettier interface is still the very thing.

        What is the expiration date on saying idiot?

    • ttommyunger

      Frankly, I admire the Administrator's courage and optimism. I would rather try to teach marksmanship at a School for the Blind than good manners or common sense to this fucking crew. I would suggest in future simply deleting dangerous comments without explanation rather than trying to herd this bunch of cats. Reason, logic and good business sense do not resonate with this loose-knit cabal of malcontents and assholes; I include myself in both categories, thankyouverymuch.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        revre

        • ttommyunger

          Ummm. OK. I'm too old and clueless to know what that means and too sorry to google it.

          • SudsMcKenzie

            Blazing Saddles, Gabby Johnson. It was the first movie I ever saw and it guides my life, Like Jeebus does for others, .. "Mathew, Mark, Luke, and Duck"

          • ttommyunger

            “Mongo only pawn in game of life…..”

      • ElPinche

        me too!!

  • Antispandex

    I love you, Commie Girl! But in a totally platonic, non-rapey way.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Hope you guys like poop jokes cause thats all I have left.

  • rickmaci

    Am I the only one who finds it a turn on to get disciplined by my Editrix?

    • Limeylizzie

      Yes.

    • gullywompr

      Pretty much, yeah.

    • LagunaB

      Just a masochist. But that is ok too! Whatever works for you.

  • Limeylizzie

    If I can't say cunt, I am fucked and , likely, mute.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I've Never said it here, but I like the preposition that I could. Why do I feel like I'm defending Rush Cuntball?

      • Limeylizzie

        Exactly, plus I love the freeform madness of the Wonkette and I don't want that to change.

        • SudsMcKenzie

          … my escape plan is Baloon Juice.

          • Barrelhse

            Sunshine!

          • Chichikovovich

            Green Balloons Juice!

          • SudsMcKenzie

            Meanwhile, Ken is roasting a nubile pig, taken down with an arrow made of a 70's TeeVee antennae and broken glass, Barbecued by Arizona foreclosed lumber.

          • Beowoof

            Yeah and I bought his book about that place.

          • ttommyunger

            You should be fucked, Limey; frequently and well. Also mute, if Mr. Limey's dick is where it belongs-in your mouth…There, I said it, and I'm glad.

    • Crank_Tango

      something something, pry your cunt from your cold dead fingers, I say dear Lizzie!

      • Limeylizzie

        I'll hold onto it and you can do the prying…

        • Crank_Tango

          Deal!

    • chascates

      WWETS! (What would Ellen Terry say?)

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        "Cuntbagel!", I expect.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          *That* sounds delicious! Will I have to put locks on it?

      • Limeylizzie

        “My grand-nephew is a homo”?

    • Guppy

      Yet, ironically, you won't be able to say where you're fucked.

    • LagunaB

      Try chutia, mahtorchote or macachute. Hindi. For above word.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        What, behen-chod has gone out of fashion?

        Kutti is always good. Also, too. And diu ne lo mo is just triff.

        • LagunaB

          Fair dinkum.Sent from my iPhone

    • ElPinche

      I call everyone a cunt, and not just cunts.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        I once got in trouble for answering the phone "Alright, cunt?" thinking it was my brother calling.

        It was my mother. I was 35.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Don't feel bad, darlz. I did something very similar, oncet. Thinking it was the swine of a little brother, I opened the door screaming, What the FUCK do you want, asshole? Only to see my father standing in the doorway with a look of total shock on his face. (My father never swore — I think the worst thing he ever said was "arse!")

          As I scraped myself off the opposite wall, where his slap had landed me, he said, in shocked tones, "This is how you speak to your father?"

          I never ever answered the door the same way again.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            He properly slapped you? That sucks. My folks do the shun and judge thing, which is unpleasant.

            I do still answer the phone from my bro "alright, cunt?" – but it's easier these days because it's a Berlin number.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            My father only ever hit me twice in my life. The first time was when I was trying to kill my sister (yes, this one, with whom I am now spending time), and looked like succeeding; and this was the second time. He very very rarely hit his children, preferring to hug and kiss them and explain (doesn't work very well till they reach the age of reason). But, yeah, he just had this reflex haul off slap across the chops.

            Like a good liberal, he felt guilty as hell about it and made me tea and brought it upstairs on a tray after feeling all my limbs to make sure I wasn't actually dead and faking breathing. It used to drive us kids nuts because he would apologize endlessly. We would say, "IT's OK, Dad, we get it, we messed up, we deserved it!" I think each of us might have got one smack once in our lives. I was the Bad Kid so I got two.

            I daren't ever answer the door that way again, because I KNOW my Dad's molecules would reassemble into Dad if I did.

        • ElPinche

          Hahaha….my mama doesn't know the meaning of the word, so I'd be safe. But then I'd have to explain to her the complex meaning of the word. Sometimes we can be cunts regardless of sex, creed, etc, but all of us came out of a cunt.

          • RadioSlut

            con voce Pacino You Fucking Cunt!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else. Its like a sickness. So I apologize ahead of time to our bossy new overlady for any sk*llfuck!ng references that might now slip out.

    • Guppy

      "Whenever someone tells me specifically not to do something I instantly get the desire to do nothing else."

      Yeeeaaahhh… I got that urge two or three Great Purges/Five-Year Commenting Plans ago.

      Upshot: I was able to come back when they implemented IntenseDebate. I think I got it out of my system.

  • Chichikovovich

    If I understand correctly, these new rules would prohibit me from expressing a desire to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch. But my religion orders me to do that. I think we're going to have a First Amendment issue here.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Call me crazy, but kick-in-the-crotch seems to have less giggle value than something like Barb's "kick in the teeth" or "punch in the throat" — but that's just me, I suspect it has to do with spicing up the cliches w/ some variety, and also I'm a female so I wouldn't experience the crotch kick in quite the same way perhaps as you.

      • Crank_Tango

        I have an overwhelming desire to smack him in the jaw with a sledgehammer. A metaphorical sledgehammer, of course.

        • Redhead

          If you were, hypothetically, allegedly, to smack him in the jaw with a machine gun, would it still count as machinegunning?

      • Chichikovovich

        Well, everyone has their own posting style – I find “punch in the teeth” the kind of phrase I only use if I really mean it. “Kick in the crotch” has more of a rowdy comedy feel to me.But all this is beside the point, since I am bound by the revelations of the Guiding Spirit of my creed, and She has been very unequivocal that it's “kick in the crotch”. I merely submit to Her guidance and counsel.—

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          expressing the desire to "hoof the cunt in the 'nads" would be the phrase I'd probably employ

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Put the boot in, as it were.

        • sarjo

          Hmmm, I'm seeing some refreshing avenues here. What if, hypothetically, one were to suggest "rubber chickening" someone? Or what if, again hypothetically, one confessed one's desire to "toenail fuck" a hated adversary? These have a certain je ne sais quoi, non?

        • poncho_pilot

          bisect his angle?

          give him a private mandate?

    • BigDumbRedDog

      In my interpretation of the rules I think you are okay as long as you don't kick him in the crotch to death. As much as some might totally want to allegedly see that alleged act.

      • Chichikovovich

        I understand that there are those who would wish this, and I do not judge them. But I cannot take that step myself, because of the revelations manifested to me by the Guiding Spirit, which are exhortations to love life and seek peace. And to kick Rick Santorum in the crotch.

        • PuckStopsHere

          I believe there is now a religion in which one of the sacraments is kicking the aforementioned right in the aforementioned, hard.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Strange, but true: No matter what religion one claims, it appears they all contain a commandment to kick Rick Santorum most heartily about the 'nads.

    • LagunaB

      I have a – I own my own company – so no one tells me, reaction.

  • Sassomatic

    Why do I get the creepy-ass feeling that because some fat (it's true! I can prove it!) jerk pretended to apologize about calling someone a slut. It's like in elementary school when the fat stupid person who was my age, but now is a grown-up, and so it doesn't count, peed in the bushes and then everyone lost recess for the rest of the year?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I HAD TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • heathenette

      I understand our editrix’s problem, but we pay for Rush being an ass by loosing our freedoms. Isn’t that just so American! We let the bully win.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Might I be so bold as to suggest some sort of spanking regime be instituted on those deviants guilty of breaking the new rulz?

    • chascates

      And then the oral sex!

      • Limeylizzie

        Always the oral sex.

    • Limeylizzie

      I would be in favour of that if they could wear Waffen SS uniforms.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        I was going to suggest she dress up like my eighth grade algebra teacher and use a ruler. but to each his/her own

        • Limeylizzie

          As long as there is spanking and maybe a little caning and then rough sex I'll be good.

    • LagunaB

      Nun outfits or cheerleader outfits should be part of punishments.

  • DahBoner

    Holy Guacamole, Batman!

  • commiegirl

    Reposting from Barb's questions above.

    Barb, thank you for asking! No, I don't want or need your polite golf claps, but the Right is in a FUCKING LATHER looking for payback for their sweet prince Rush, and that's the day someone decides to completely ignore what happened to this site when Someone went after Trig, and wave a big old fucking red flag at them.
    What they really want is another gorgeous boycott, so Wonkette can go bankrupt and die, right? We all agree they'd REALLY LIKE THAT?

    I like Wonkette just as it is — only without death threats and the stuff that's really beneath us all, because it puts Palin's FUCKING CROSSHAIRS RIGHT ON TOP OF US.

    So everyone knows? The commenter today wrote something like "Palin's just mad at us we called her on swinging her retard around like a flag." Does anyone here think that was clever or funny? Is that what we should defend?

    While we're at it, everybody boo-hoo-ing because I suggest they THINK whether they need to post about Jean Schmidt (or whomever) and skullfucking her? Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness.

    The word "retarded" was in the filters before I bought the joint; apparently sometimes it catches it, sometimes it don't. But we should cut it out, or we'll be like old crackers who think it's hilarious to forward Obama emails, and we'll be social outcasts for the rightminded.

    We just should, because we're good and we're better than that.

    Now, I'd hoped this post could remind everyone not to be a total PRICK with a few light laughs, and without having to lay on you a Patented Jewish Mother Guilt Trip To Beyond, but I'd underestimated all y'all's "independence." "Spunk"? Has everybody finished their freakout? Will you all be all right?

    • Barb

      I appreciate your answer and I think that if I apply myself I could be a better person before um, lunchtime tomorrow. LOL
      I understand what you are saying, I appreciate where you are coming from and I will absolutely be more aware of what I post. Thanks!

      • commiegirl

        Well, Barb, I think you're lovely, and I appreciated especially your nice comments when I got here. I didn't reply cuz I was too shy to jump into the comments right away and thought I'd stay a bit aloof.

        THAT'S gone to hell, huh?

        • BigDumbRedDog

          Now will you show us your tits? Its the least you can do.

        • Guppy

          Don't make a habit of commenting, or else we'll start believing you like us and/or care about us.

          Maybe if you re-implemented the Wonkette Comment of the Random, Indeterminate Period award again.

          • commiegirl

            Guppy, OF COURSE I care about you! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THE WEEKEND POSTS???

          • Guppy

            I still wake up in a cold sweat over the weekend posting. It will take time to adjust.

            Let me put it this way: as High Lady Editrix, Wonkette is now your personal estate. We commenters are literally your interweb serfs, bound to the URL, to crush under your (FM) boot heel as you see fit, lest we actually begin to think we have wills of our own.

            A proper editrix does not fraternize with her commenters, rather she looks down upon them with well-deserved scorn, from very high up, cocktail in hand. Think of a combination of Darth Cheney and Dame Noonington.

            Try getting fitted for a monocle and see if that puts you in the proper frame of mind. That is, if it is your will, O Wise and Glorious Editrix.

          • HistoriCat

            And we appreciated the hell out of them.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Too right.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You don't even BEGIN to know how much the weekend posts are appreciated, lady.

            I mean, I know you're only doing it because us troublemakers come in here and try to break the commenting system and what-all, but still.

        • Crank_Tango

          You know who else thought they'd stay a bit aloof…

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            John Kerry?

          • redarmyzombie

            Andrew Brietbarrrrrrrrrrrrrwait, would that get me banned?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Nah, ya didn't call him names or nuthin'.

          • SudsMcKenzie

            Snookie?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            SNOWSnooki?

          • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

            Mitt?

          • flamingpdog

            Bill O'Reilly?

            Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said a bit a loofah.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Um, Hitler.

            No?

            KITLER?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Nah. Go ahead and loof, see if we care.

          Srsly, Editrix, ya done good. Asking us to play nice would never have worked. Making us see that our community might be crushed out of existence if we *don't* — well, that's a whole different kettle of fish, innit? You're more businesslike than that Devil'sTurd that was running this place when last I hung out here. I love the man, I always will, but I have no idea how he kept this place running.

          Anywho. I can't help cussing like a fucking longshoreman, that's me, it's what I do. But I can do my best to keep my *community* alive. THAT, I can do.

          Oh, yeah, and — SCHMECK! <– loud kissy noise

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Because YOU iz a goddess, Barb.

    • ProgressiveInga

      "Well, I expected more from Wonkette's commenters, who are noted throughout the universe for their sparkling wit and handsomeness."

      I am having trouble separating the snark from the serious, a compliment from a criticism, a spanking from a pat on the back. Crap, I'm back in catholic school, aren't I?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        It leaves lifelong scars.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      See? Everyone just needed some context. Otherwise it's as if you're trying to impose (VERY VERY LIMITED) order on a freeform cesspool of degenerate liberal id, which will unleash both panic and reams of snark.

      Of course I might just be grouchy because I've managed nothing constructive today except cleaning my stove and the Lakers are giving away a game to the fucking Wizards right now. And I promised myself I wouldn't care this season…

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Unfortunately, you have to care if you're a fan, and I can't believe I haven't blown my head off yet rooting for the Eagles all these years.

        • sarjo

          C'mon, the Eagles are great! "On a dark desert highway…" What's not to like?

          • Steverino247

            I hate the fucking Eagles, man!

          • sarjo

            Wow, sounds like someone has a heartache tonight.

          • UW8316154

            I've got a peaceful, easy feeling….

          • flamingpdog

            Especially since Joe Walsh went all teabagger!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, didn't you just say that to me YESterday?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Plus your Lakers are about to give away Pau Gasol and dismantle a contending team for no fucking reason! Perhaps this idiocy is demoralizing for your players, Dr. Buss and Mr. Kupcake!

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          It's not Dr. Buss, it's his idiot son Jim. Everyone knew his taking over was going to suck. The team definitely has a couple of needs and I think they hired the wrong coach, but getting rid of Pau after losing Lamar Odom is really nuts.

          • Biff

            I knew Jerry as a hotelier in my home town before he decided to become a sports maven. I liked him, and respected his decision to not kill me when I dated his daughter.

    • AddHomonym

      Personally, I could do without ever seeing another "magic underwear" comment, also.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Magic underwear.

        • AddHomonym

          Skullfucker!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Underooo-nies, underpants
            Magic knickers, magic hands

            (sung to the tune of "Rock of Ages")

    • emmelemm

      Will you all be all right?

      "I AM NOT ALL RIGHT!"

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      I has purged my charmaps of the Cyrillic letters that scam yer filters. However, it will be much more difficult to offer so many car tuning tips to the Wonketteers. I guess talking about advancing the timing is cool, but if I understand the new rulz, tips about about r-wording the timing will cause not only engine knocking, but some knocks with the banhammer. Dat 'bout it?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Don't think so, weej. The script is what catches references to certain areas of math, if you get my drift, and it's very, heh, wonky. Just about everyone's said the R-WORD at least once today and not been caught nor banhammered. Seems like the nice-lady-Editrix-person isn't going for the jugular. (unwads underroos, sits down in comfort at last)

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Hmmmm, well, I guess so… Can you do anything about my p-ness? Everyone else here cheats, I just know it.

      • sarjo

        Dude, why do you think everyone is sucking up to the new boss? Every "gee, so right!" "i agree, becky!" "finally, some rules!" gets ya 10+ p points. Asking questions, criticizing, snark…automatic -20 p. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          I always say, "who gives a shit about pee?"

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            Word.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Well! If you're gonna be LIKE THAT about it — (pees all over sfr)

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I thought that was "SHE-OPLE." No?

      • commiegirl

        Sharkey, if I could cheat your p-ness, I'd cheat mine too. Mama don't know nothing about p-ness.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          For future reference, this is sometimes the part where I try to get banned, perhaps for no reason or perhaps because the editor didn't see the humour. Eh, you're still new.

          • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

            What? Were you also considering asking how she could possible call herself "mama" and know nothing about p-ness? I thought I was the only juvenile childish um, emotionally immature one here!

      • redarmyzombie

        My p-ness gas gotten quite large since the moment I came here.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Gas? Well, THAT explains it. (farts discreetly, slinks away)

          • redarmyzombie

            Ugh, damn typos… -_-

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        I don't cheat! *looks at own p-ness, gets sad*

        • RadioSlut

          DR, I have been a critic of "p"ness and metrics in general. We know who the commentors are here — who's funny, witty, silly, smart, insightful, blah, blah, blah. I know who you are and I'm pleased to be in your acquaintance. As I said yesterday, my sleep number is 69. Who fucking gives a shit about an arbitrary number? Am I allowed to say that?

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            Yowsa Radio, yowsa. P-ness is overrated.

          • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

            shhhhhhhh… i'm trying to get her to have sex with me…

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Why thank you, RS. That makes me feel all nice right before bed time! And same to you. I come here every day for the lulz and and new stuff that I didn't know I didn't know, and you're one of the people who consistently makes that happen.

            edit: I don't really care about p-ness, or even penis, but it's still nice to know how supportive the Wonketeers are!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Banhammered yet? No?

            I guess you ARE allowed to say that then. Slut. PROSTITUTE!!

            I can haz sex tapes now?

          • Chichikovovich

            Arbitrary numbers can be quite fascinating. Why just the other day I was riding in cab number 1729, and a friend told me it was the smallest number expressible as the sum of two cubes in two different ways.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Upfisted just for avoiding teh sadz. Also because, fuckit, you're funny as hell and I like you.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Well went back through and peed on all yer posts Sharkey, see if we can get you over a C-note tonight??

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          Wow, I got wee-wee'd up!

          • ElPinche

            I p'd on you too , R-Kelly style.

      • flamingpdog

        If it makes you feel any better, Shark, I used to fret about my p-ness until I reached 120 (last weekend) and now I am finally at peace with teh Wonkette. I have no freaking idea why, but it seems like a nice plateau, I guess. Banglade-e-esh, Bangla-DE-E-E-ESH!! Or whatever. I think it's past my bedtime..

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          I don't, really. Never really liked the IntenseDebate – even quit for a while when they first started it.

          Although it is kind of rush when you get like 30+ on one comment for sheer comedic talent and/or cruelty.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Dood, I've been fisting you forEVAH. You just keep resisting my blandishments, is all. Quitcher resistance and prepare to watch your p-ness grow by, er, leaps and bounds.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          Duly noted.

    • RadioSlut

      I guess the honeymoon is over.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Time for us lazy lieberals to get back to the work of forcing all Americans into welfare.

    • fuflans

      well as long as i can still drink excessively i don't see how this will change much.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        But really, how much is "too much"? You still have internet, so you must be doin' alright.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      You have not stated whether you like birds or not.
      Yes or No?
      Please choose one.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      I would like very much to be a moderator please.
      My name is Derrick Wildcat.
      Are you awake? Are you looking at this internet World Wide Web Page?
      I will be here for awhile..

      • sarjo

        Mr. Wildcat: There is required a Certification Course for being a World Wide Web Moderator. You will receive a Master of Moderation Certificate and then many job offers. Only it is required to send with haste $2,743.50 (US funds only) to me. I await reception of funds.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      I can live with that.

      Elaborate WWII Nazi-Killing and Escape From Occupied France Erotica is still OK though, right?

      • Steverino247

        Since I've posted some on here, I sure hope so!

    • rickmaci

      For the record, you had me at "commiegirl." Peace, out.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Is this the day " All of them Katie" finally died?

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      TOO SOON!!!!1!

  • Antispandex

    WWAMCD?

    What would Ana Marie Cox Do?

    We can still say cox, right? Just not cocks? I'm confused. Back during the OC Weekly days, Commie Girl had far less rules.

    • commiegirl

      In the OC Weekly days, we didn't have any goddamn comments! Sheeit. (Mostly I actually got my death- and rape-threats ON PAPER, if you can even believe it.)

      • Antispandex

        And I'm sorry for those, they were meant to be more seductive than they probably came out on paper.

        (and I meant that you had less rules, the Weekly is crap since you left).

  • GorzoTheMighty

    We who are about to be banned salute you!

  • chascates

    Just so Wonkette continues: http://busblog.tonypierce.com/2012/03/farewell-wo

    Not farewell, just a new chapter.

    • commiegirl

      Fuck Tony Pierce. He started following me on Twitter RIGHT AFTER he posted that, like 'hey dude no offense.' Fuck that.

      • C_R_Eature

        Is it still OK if we light up that scum? We Wonketteers do have each others backs, you know.

      • flamingpdog

        Yeah, FUCK TONY PIERCE!!!1! NOBODY dumps on teh Wonkette – I don't care WHO"S running the show. Everybody, I think, knows I have issues with our glorious Prezdint Hopey, but when the Republiklans fuck with him, well, FUCK THEM! He's OUR fucking Prezdint Hopey, and WE"RE the only ones who get to dump on him. You got ME behind you* now, commiegirl!

        *my favorite position, btw.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Slut.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Like you don't love it.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            How well you know me, goddammit.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      God, what a fucking douchehat. Wonkette has fucking Newell back for fuck's sake, and Ken didn't post much any more anyway.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Okay, that was just irredeemably dumb.

    • Chichikovovich

      This Tony Pierce gentleman evidently is in the grips of a passionate love affair with his own precious writing style. It's a sadly misplaced affection.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm old enough to remember when international fax service was such a huge improvement over teletype. So, feel young again.

      • Gunner Asch

        I'm old enough to remember how to fix those teletypes. So, feel young again.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Me too. I worked for Mozilla back when it was Netscape, and trying to create all that worldy webby wide thing and stuff. Back in THOSE days, we had Lynx, and ping.

    • HistoriCat

      Man – those were the days. Just people putting shit up on the web. In 4 or 5 clicks you could go from a basic "here's my website, please hire me" page to the most disgusting porn you had ever seen.

      Good times.

  • Biff

    During that debate liveblog that one time, I typed "Die Newt, die!" This in no way meant that I wanted him to drop dead at that moment (well, maybe a little). What I'm hoping is that what was said in the past won't get dredged up and used against me as a cudgel..

    • not that Dewey
    • Chichikovovich

      I understood you to mean "The newt, the". Really should have been "Der Newt, Der" to get gender agreement between the noun and article, but perfectly innocuous apart from that.

    • el_donaldo

      cudgel? no. truncheon more like.

    • flamingpdog

      Sorry, but it went on your permanent record.

      • Biff

        You have NO idea…

    • Jerri

      No no, you typed "The Newt, the!" in German.

  • Beowoof

    Can we still say obtuse or obstructed thinking process. Such as, most republicans have an obtuse and obstructed thinking process. Have to love dictionary.com.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      How about "most republicans seem to suffer from irreconcilable cognitive dissonance which is quite possibly a symptom of stunted intellectual development"?

      • http://dailyspitball.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

        I think I just came a little.

  • smashaduck

    Hey guys. Psst. Anyone remember the safe word? Fuck all. I kinda liked it when Ken and his ginger bitch spanked us. So I didn't really pay attention to that briefing. Um. Elephant? Couscous? Fuck. Uh. Kansas? Shit. Someone? Did anyone write it down?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Swordfish.

      • http://dailyspitball.blogspot.com/ smashaduck

        I'm pretty sure you can't say that anymore. It's both vaguely violent and offensive towards someone somewhere. Probably jews because of the scales and fins rule.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Yeah, it changed to "Norquist"

          It's heeb(*)-friendly and unequivocal.

          * I feel the need to say I'm using this casual slur in an ironic manner

          • smashaduck

            It's okay. If we spend all our time ironically mocking minorities and gays, they'll never notice, due to that whole (how do I put this) satire comprehension deficit. I mean watermelon and fried chicken jokes aren't racist at all right? It's just them colords are so thin skinned. Next thing you know, freepers will assume we're as &lt;REDACTEDLY REDACTED&gt; as they are and start linking to the wonkettes without their infantile (is that allowed?) barf alert tags.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            I was about to write a justification of my mockery of people who might write "heeb" but I'm not sure whether your post is a truly meta criticism in the style of David Foster Wallace.

            Anyway, I'm confused, and I'm a dickhead anyway.

            Either way, upfist for you.

          • smashaduck

            I should also take this time to note that none of my best friends are heebs or gays…for I am both a heeb and a gay. That and I don't have any friends.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            I apologize unreservedly if my post caused you offence. It was not intended.

          • smashaduck

            Oh god. If this becomes a comment-apology-comment-overly sensitive rant-apology-rinse and repeat site, IOW, Gawker, I really am outta here.
            I apologize for taking the lord's name in vain. Also apologize to Gawker, they can't help it, bless their hearts.

          • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

            For fuck's sake, it's still Green Balloons okay? Get with the program.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Ah good, normal service is resumed.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      GREEN BALLOONS!!

      Goddammit, Sharkey, I'm ALWAYS late to the fucking party.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    The thing we Russians fear most is the new Tsar, err, Tsarina. Keep the vodka cheap, and the bar open late, that's all I ask.

  • real_dc_native

    What ever the new management might do I have to say that this "Programming Note" has stimulated one of the funniest comment trails I've seen for a while. It's a good thing I didn't read this at work because I am laughing out load and have tears rolling down my cheeks.

    You Wonketteers are in rare form.

    Well done Ms. Editrix. You have won my undying respect and love.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      It's one of the reasons why I love the wonkete! No huge capital-letter freakouts, just snark and discussion.

      LONG LIVE THE WONKETTE UNDER THE NEW EDITRIX!

  • chascates

    Whew! At least we've avoided the Festivus Airing of Grievances!

  • ttommyunger

    This is kind of fun, also kind of sad.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      The dreams of being banned are the best I ever had.
      It's a mad world.
      Mad world.

      • ttommyunger

        Jeez, another philosopher, who knew? Don't make the mistake of taking me seriously, I'm just along for the ride.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          lolz. so am I!

          • ttommyunger

            You are OK in my book, for what it's worth.

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            Hey man, thanks–feeling's mutual. Just purchased some year of the dragon stamps today–the image is great but I thought they'd be more colorful. (Even after three + years of not working in a post office, I still get the philatelic catalog. I guess I'll always be an old school stamp dork).

          • ttommyunger

            Iss all good.

  • tessiee

    And Michael Moore is fat, also too.

    • jesus_vs_gojira

      Al Gore's house has air conditioning! He flies in a plane instead of walking/swimming to places.

      • Doktor Zoom

        57 states!

  • Biff

    As long as this doesn't happen, we'll be OK.

  • ttommyunger

    This is about to get good: if I remember correctly the spanking is followed by the oral sex.

    • MosesInvests

      I s'pose I could stay a *bit* longer….

      • ttommyunger

        No, we must be off!

        • Steverino247

          It's too perilous!

          • ttommyunger

            Run away, run away!!!!

    • flamingpdog

      OhmiDarwin, you're right! I've been a born-again bachelor for so long, I plain forgot about that part of relationships.

      • Guppy

        Wait… relationships involve sex?

      • ttommyunger

        Gone, in my case, but not forgotten.

  • tribbzthesquidz

    Dear editor: I stand by your decision. If I wanted to wince at comments I could kick it elsewhere. Stand by for kicking!
    By the way: I studiously ignored the Wonkette posts when that thing that happened happened. And the Blingees and everything, ugh. Just awful. I still don't understand how those guys let that get published and it was dumb to write those words in that order anyway in the first place. It's appropriate that one dude moved on to the Onion where they can publish his high school diary entries and it mostly won't be taken seriously. I will miss KL though. Sort of.
    I ran out of jokes a couple years ago anyway.

    Buttsecks 4evar!
    Hitler! All of them, Katie.
    Courtney loves veggies.

    • sarjo

      Whoa, lucky for you the Boss isn't insisting we make a lick of goddam sense!

      • tribbzthesquidz

        Half-step elsewhere.

        • sarjo

          Precisematicement, my dear.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      It's Kortney, not Courtney! Jeesh!

      • HistoriCat

        Obviously tribbz is a WINO

      • flamingpdog

        Jeezus, yeah. And it's not like I haven't posted her PETA audition video here at teh Wonkette eleventy-eleven times since People Eating Tasty Animals stopped advertising here.

        *resists temptation to post it for the eleventy-twelfth time*

  • http://wonkette.com Chillatte

    Great. How many points do I get every time I get away with the "r-word"?

    On a serious note, can you imagine being forced to post your snark elsewhere only to receive replies like "LOL!", "WIN!" or even worse, "FANNED!" So yeah, perhaps it is worth being a bit more civilized for a change, especially if that means keeping Wonkette around for a while longer.

  • sarjo

    Sorry, "boss." Being told the rules of "the right way to talk on Wonkette" pretty much brainpan intercourses Wonkette for me. WITHOUT any rule list, Wonkette's people have always been the smartest, funniest people on the internet. I know this because, like a "retread," I spend a LOT of time on the internet. Your attitude seems to be "I love you, I own you, now change!" I am seriously 1. sad, and 2. insulted. I am waiting and seeing, but I fear the worst. A PC Wonkette…nice.

    • commiegirl

      Sorry you feel insulted, Sarjo; would you be sorrier if Wonkette was boycotted out of existence? You do realize the comment in question has already been posted all over WingNut Estates with calls for same? Right?

      But that's cool, we can Die for Honor.

      Fuck that.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        edit: Disregard this, I finally read the comment about the flag, babies, etc.

        Wait, what did I miss? I didn't realize there was a real problem? Besides, remember when the AngerMoms boycotted Ellen at JCPenneys, or Schweddy Balls? I wouldn't be too worried about the rightwing's shiny object fixation on boycotting. They lose interest very quickly.

        • commiegirl

          We don't have quite the same fanbase as Ellen does, D_R, and calling babies "retards" isn't gonna get us more. I'm loathe to encourage them but they have done actual damage before.

          And SarJo, you're boring, and you're a brat. Go ahead, stamp your feet and scream all you want. I've had kids, I can tune it all out just fine.

          DADDY I WANT AN OOMPA LOOMPA.

          Go back and read it again when you're done holding your breath, and see if you might not be overreacting.

          Oh, and I already know what you're going to say: OR WHAT YOURE GONNA BAN ME?

          No, there's no rule against being a twat.

          • sarjo

            Okay, nice to know you're welcoming us old hands with open arms. I think ad hominem attacks are pretty uncalled for. Whatever offense you might take at the R word or skullwhatever, you might consider that your personal name calling is every bit as offensive.

          • commiegirl

            I am shocked — SHOCKED — that as soon as something "unPC" or ad hominem is pointed your way, you get all butthurt. I would never, ever have thought that Sarjo!

            I take offense to very little, Sarjo, I have a very, very thick skin from years of screaming voicemails threatening to kill and rape me. What I *am* trying to do is not get this place shut down by assholes within a week of getting here.

            You, it seems, are the sensitive type. After flouncing around and bitching about your HOLY COMMENTING RIGHTS without seeming to understand what's at stake, well, spoiled brat about covers it for me.

            Go ahead and be a victim now all you want. Typical. And dull.

          • flamingpdog

            Finally, something I can masturbate to tonight!

        • Guppy

          Look up at the top of the page. See the flashing banner ad impersonating a Windows dialog box, the one telling you that you have so-many problems in your Windows PC, and if you just clicky the box, enter your credit card number and install the executable, everything will be all better?

          Ads for Schweddy Balls would be a step up around here. Wonkette is probably closer to advertising seekingarrangements.com than Rush is.

      • RadioSlut

        Couldn't the wingnuts pull shit off this site on a daily, if not hourly, basis and feign outrage? I hear you about throwing the fetus out with douche water, but I hope you see how much we love this place, indeed, are addicted to it.
        I suppose we are in a infernal pissing contest with the freepers and the deadman's dungeon. Except they are mean spirited and humorless — and those racist pigs have no sense off the sublime. So I guess we are in this dichotomy together.
        Speaking for myself, I'll be cool, I like strong women, just like my half jewish mom.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          Sure they could. They're always outraged by something (stupid). And the comment in question was just that; a comment from an anonymous commenter on the internet. Just go to WND or wherever stupidity is sold and read your very own politically diametrically-opposed copy of the comment in question (probably about Obummer waving around his long-form birth certificate).

          But I just want to wake up tomorrow and forget about this, and assume Wonkette is back to normal. It would be GOOD for my honeydo list to be turned off by Wonkette, but not for my sense of community, cuz I don't like any other community right now. (I'm not turned off yet, this has just been a spat with my wife type-thing. Those always blow over [right?]) I might even be turned ON. Lust for life tomorrow, everyone!

  • RadioSlut

    Alinsky was a slut.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      You're not banned? Shit.

    • smashaduck

      Clearly the Editrix is asleep.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Everyone should have realized that people would be looking through posting here and on other random websites to try to create a false equivalency when the leader of the Party of Limbaugh managed to actually get noticed for his normal behavior.

  • Veritas78

    Personally, I'll be sure to watch my tongue any day the right is in a lather about something.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      So, every day, then?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Holy Christ, almost 600 comments in five hours? Are we not over this yet? I now regret any role my contributions to this thread may have played in prolonging everyone's existential crisis.

    • chascates

      I've had an existential crisis long before this thread came along!

    • HistoriCat

      The feedback loop is going strong.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    What with all that LIVEBLOGGING last night I've been kind of cranky today myself.

    (please don't ban me)

    • flamingpdog

      And I'm cranky AND old. Can we still say "HEEENNGH!

  • SaintRond

    I admit, I often think of the bad people being set upon by chimpanzees because they like to bite faces so much. More than a few times each day, I try to figure out which circle each individual Republican would be assigned to in Dante's Inferno. Thoughts of this nature relax me, like a cup of nice Tummy Mint Tea or a warm summer breeze on a lazy day, or just a teensy little snort of heroin.

    Anyway, I hope I wasn't being referenced in this warning. If I didn't think there was a Hell where bad people went to receive eternal punishment when they died, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      You forgot, "Fuck you all. Peace… god bless.."

      • SaintRond

        I'm having a crisis of faith tonight.

        • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

          I have faith in you.

          Cunt.

          ETA: That was a joke btw referencing your signature phrase! Srsly hope your crisis resolves itself soon. Your regular two-word salute to our dingbatshitinsane's in office always make me laugh, & your personal anecdotes shared some time ago almost made me cry.

          • SaintRond

            Thank you for those kind words. It's important to be appreciated and has rekindled something in me. I might even take a picture of my wiener tonight.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Don't forget to post it on teh InnerToobz!

    • Doktor Zoom

      I just want to know why you hate chimpanzees so much that you would wish such a thing on them.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I think we're all having that "kid-who-grew-up-in-an-abusive-home, WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID/DID" reaction. Oddly, I'm pleased to find so many black sheep among us all. And no, it wasn't you. The Editrix pointed out the specific offender, and the rest of us seem to be off the hook. In fact, in a somewhat disappointing turn of events, no one was even banhammered.

  • PuckStopsHere

    One Word: WAR BLOG!

    • Antispandex

      Veni, vidi, tradidi…also.

      • PuckStopsHere

        Christ. We really are commenting in French, then?

        • sarjo

          Si.

  • CapnFatback

    David Denby will have his revenge.

  • C_R_Eature

    Hi, Rebecca:
    Thanks for clarifying the Commenting Rules. Lately, It seemed like a greater number of posts were being deleted, for reasons that we couldn't properly grasp.

    The "Rules" seem, at first glance, pretty reasonable and ones that I think I follow by default. I'm adamantly opposed to slurring Children or the Differently-Abled, I never threaten anyone, personally, with Violence (that's for blowhards and frightened people who've never been in a fight and want to bolster their Egos, IMHO) and, in spite of what Andy Breitbart claimed, I've never Raped anyone or advocated rape of any kind to anyone.

    As Barb has written before, I can only speak for myself. Here's my Blog Posting Philosophy: please review and do let me know if I'm doing anything egregious. I'll have to provide a few examples, I think, to best illustrate my points so please bear with me.

    * One of the things I cherish about Wonkette is the depth of knowledge, level of humor and cleverness of the folks who write here. When I post here, I try to be Funny. If I can't be funny, then I try to be clever and at the very least relevant to the topic at hand. A lot of what I write will reference old Monty Python routines, Frank Zappa songs or other arcane cultural items. Many people don't find these things funny but I hope at least they're considered Clever.

    1.) Instead of calling people Re[redacted]s, I'll likely post something like this:
    "The much anticipated Video of the last Palin Family Reunion has finally been Posted Online!"

    2.) In an earlier post, I said that I would put up with wearing a silly hat just to get within Nut-Kicking distance of George W. Bush. This was clearly said just for comedic effect and in no manner was I threatening or advocating kicking George W. Bush in the Nuts. I'll have you know that at one time I was well within Nut-Kicking distance of Donald Rumsfeld and did no such thing. I hope this settles the matter.

    3.) In an earlier post, I referred to the House Majority Whip Eric Cantor as an Acanthonus armatus, a fish with the common name of the "Bony Eared Assfish" I hope that's not Libel. I thought the comparison was pretty apt.

    3, cont'd) When Andrew Breitbart died, I wrote a pretty even-handed post (I think) that expressed sorrow for his loss as a person and for the effect on his children, family and friends while strongly condemning his actions and public persona. I think that it was pretty fair and quite mild, in comparison to the language that Breitbart himself used after Teddy Kennedy died.
    Of course, afterwards I wrote multiple posts stating that Andrew Breitbart was, in fact still Dead and had him quoted, in response to news items of the day, as saying " *Gurgle* pppppppppttthhhh! *Gurgle*,*Gurgle* Hisssssssssss. "

    I also referred to him as a "talentless hack Corporate tool who specialized in angry public tirades, ratfucking perceived enemies and hiring embarrassingly inept henchmen to engage in covert character assassination of innocent private citizens, for profit."

    Later, I referred to Rush Limbaugh as "… you disgusting vacuous overpaid skinbag of middle school resentments, methane, Viagra, Oxycontin and adipose tissue." and told him to "Go Away and Fuck Yourself", I feel this is pretty accurate, and well within the historical boundaries of the Wonkette Commentary Sphere. What do you think?

    4.) *Wonkette has a powerful Group Dynamic going on. I wrote a post that said:
    "I'm sure that all this public talk about Birth Control and Sluts and uteruses and vaginal probes is going to overstimulate some barely repressed Republican Luminary into a bizarre, grotesque and appallingly vile sex scandal.
    It's got to happen. The real question is, who will crack first? Santorum? Gingrich? Bachmann (either one)? Virginia Foxx? "

    Somehow, this metamorphosed into a discussion of a Certain southern Mid-Atlantic Region Representative with a glass eye indulging in wanton Eye Socket Copulatory Behavior. I felt dirty. These things happen around here sometimes, as a bit of drinking is involved. I am sorry in advance should conversations get so out of hand again.

    In sum, Rebecca, I will make a concerted effort to Behave and not write anything that would put Our Wonkette in jeopardy. I can't promise I'll be successful, though as I write pretty much what I feel at the time and sometimes the news makes me very Angry.
    I'm sure you'll let me know if and when I step over the line.

    Best Regards, CRE

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Eh, the confessional is down the hall. This is the bathroom.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Terlet. And that's MY CREature wut I luvz wif all my heart theah, so be nice to him/her, pls. I asks. And if that ain't enuf, I asks nicely.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          I like the C.R. Eature, don't get me wrong.

      • C_R_Eature

        Then, what are all these Priests doing here…. Oh, rriiiight! Never mind!

        *backs carefully out the door*

    • Doktor Zoom

      Broken hearts are STILL for assholes.

      • C_R_Eature

        Next time, just say "Please Stop. I'm Bored."

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "Here's my Blog Posting Philosophy: please review and do let me know if I'm doing anything egregious."

      TOO FUCKING LONG, DID NOT READ

      • flamingpdog

        I read the whole thing, but my only question is what happened to the days when you had to break a treatise like that into three or four posts?

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Oh, I read it too and I tend to really like CRE's posts, but taht was fucking long for a wonkete post.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            (Jumps up and down, screaming) It's NOT A POST, it's a comment!!

            Wut? Oh, all right. I'll behave.

          • Fukui-sanYesOta

            Oh it's the same bloody thing, it's just nomenclature.

            If you don't calm down I'll call you a pedant. PEDANT!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Eh, I was just looking for a little attention.

            And I AM a pedant. So there.

          • C_R_Eature

            You thing you're a pedant. Look at what I wrote last night. Sheesh!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, you wanna be in the Pedant Club too, CRE? I think your card is in the mail, dood.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Pedant, pederast, whatever.

        • C_R_Eature

          So, will I get Spanked for that?

          Cool.

        • C_R_Eature

          OK, so I'll break 'em up next time and work in some titty pictures and celebrity gossip, ok? Hey, sounds familiar…

      • C_R_Eature

        Sorry. that one did get out of hand, I'll break 'em up next time, promise. In my defense, I was Not Drinking. Much.

        FYI, this is a bit longer than my original reply: "TL;DNR? FCK U!

    • Skullfuggary

      You don't have anything to apologize for or explain…so don't.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Are you and Chichikovovich having some kind of dick-measuring contest? Because he will throw up a 5-pagedown-length comment, if you piss him off! It's like daring Kobe to go for 80 points!

      • C_R_Eature

        Nah, I just fucked up & let the post run away with itself. Late.Tired. Brain. stuck. in. WRITE. mode. Sorry.

        No way I'd have a dick-measuring contest with Chich. His is highly educated, witty and bi-lingual and probably huge.

  • commiegirl

    My 16-hour day here is done, beloveds. See you in the morning.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Does this mean your unlocking the lock on lock and load?

    • BarackMyWorld

      G'night, mommy.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        wait, now whose going to tuck me in?

      • flamingpdog

        No, I called her Mom first, nine hours ago. She's my mommy, mine, mine, MINE!!!

        OK, I should have gone to bed three hours ago.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          (feels the pdog's forehead)

          That's it, young man, it's off to bed with you! Jammies on, and not another word.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Bye.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Poor Editrix. My sympathies. We can be nutbags here. I'm sure a certain calm will descend by morn.

  • CapnFatback

    Do not upfist this comment.

    Risking what is bound to be an unpopular opinion, sniggers about not being able to use the "r- word," have been far funnier and more clever than any comments that actually contained the actual word "retard." Out of restriction bloomed creativity. Caged bird singing and all that rot.

    There may be a fine line between snark and vulgarity, and many of us–certainly myself–tread the border between good and bad taste, flaunting our genitals at the Puritans as we tiptoe. That's the essence of the ballet of Wonkette. But sometime raunch for raunch's sake or emotion gets the better of us–santorum happens–and it's not all bad to be reminded by Comrade Schoenkopf that we can be funnier and smarter.

    I swear to do so starting . . . next post?

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Do not upfist this comment."

      UPFIST THIS ONE INSTEAD!!!

    • sarjo

      Capn, your point is a good one BUT the beauty of Wonkette is that there is rarely any positive feedback for posts that are "funny" only by virtue of being vulgar. The Wonkett-erati seem to encourage a pretty high flying, intellectually stimulating brand of humor.

      And sometimes, the finest fruits require the rankest soil.

      • CapnFatback

        I'm certain, Comrade sarjo, that if you and I had a few free days, a team of research assistants, and a box of caffeine pills, we'd manage to find plenty of upfisted comments that were heavier on the shock and schlock and lighter on the clever. Like I said, emotion can get the best of us. Sometimes upfisting such a comment proves too irresistible, because, hey, it's how we feel or because we like each other and want to virtually thrust our thumbs up in each other's direction.

        I agree that even the comment that re-ignited this mess managed to mix the low with the funny, but I know that I would have been hard-pressed to give it a thumbs up. At least 11 folks did according to the right-wing screenshot of it. That's worse news than the comment itself in my opinion.

        Maybe we should just put our fists back in our pockets, anyhoo. I dunno. It's late and my shoulder hurts.

        Where are those caffeine pills, dammit?

    • CapnFatback

      Dammit. *sniffs air* Who fisted?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      You're gettin' fisted whether you like it or not I'm afraid. I only regret I was not first in line to offer it.

      • CapnFatback

        If fisted, I shall not comment. If p-pointed, I shall not reply.

        . . .

        . . .

        . . .

        . . . DAMMIT!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      "fine line between snark and vulgarity"… err on the side of stupidity, for safety's sake. Well, that's what I do anyway.

      • CapnFatback

        But this post goes to eleven.

  • fuflans

    i have a idea: we won't say anything mean about sarah palin's kids if we don't have to read any more about sarah palin.

  • user-of-owls

    So I guess now we can all say "Frist!" but we can't be mean to anyone, because, you know, they might get upset. And from now on we ought to be mindful of the sensitive feelings of those who traffic in hate, since they are simply misguided and deserve our love and understanding.

    But really, other than that, not a thing has changed. And here I was worried that the place I've lived since the days of panda porn (Oops! I'm so sorry guys! I didn't mean to offend anyone with that awful word!!!) would somehow become different under this new leadership. Oh, what a gull I was! :) :) :)

    Would one of you dear, sweet souls be so kind as to tell me where one should go to turn in their Wonket Membership card? You see, I fear that I won't be well-suited to our new blog of motherfucking hugs and kisses.

    • PuckStopsHere

      As I have not noticed any increase in the civility of the posts, I suspect there will be a corresponding lack of change in the civility of the comments, which is a good thing. Put your card back in your wallet, you are needed here.

      • user-of-owls

        Wallet? Fucking elitist.

        • Doktor Zoom

          I say, old bean, we'll give old Johnny Incivility a good skullfucking, eh?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      If you stay, I'll finally buy you that pony you want. And those cakes we like.

      • user-of-owls

        Jet pack or no deal.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          Water jet pack*?

          (* rental)

        • flamingpdog

          I'll rat-fink out all my associates and a couple of my non-immediate family members to you if you stay on, Owls.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Will you settle for a bidet seat? It'll keep your feathery little tush nice and warm. (I had my very first today.)

          Owls, love, no one's stopped saying the R-word all over, and, in fact, no one's stopped swearing or cussing or saying downright uncivil things. Please don't go. Please?

    • sarjo

      No other reply than LOL ROFL and assorted other lulz can be made. Bless your heart and pass the cat videos please.

      • user-of-owls

        Aww, you are SO sweet!!!! LOL!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) luv U <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Jezus fuck me blind, I know I say that shit, but it don't sound right coming out of YOUR beak, buddy.

      • Negropolis

        sarjo, just wanted to say that how you were treated for stating some rather inoffensive concerns was really kind of classless.

        I log on here to find that all hell broke loose…and it wasn't the fault of the community.

        • sarjo

          Thank you, my dusky friend. I'm only crying because I'm happy.

    • Extemporanus

      Care to take wing and join me on another walk, old friend?

      A little fresh air will do both of us a Wonkette of good…

      • user-of-owls

        I feel like fucking incompetent groundhog or something. Crawled my ass outta the hole and *bang* six more weeks (?) of winter.

        I guess "All Options Are on the Table."

        • Extemporanus

          That wasn't your own shadow that you spotted, Owls, it was the shadow thrown by the likes of me, Dewey, and an oddball assortment of others just cold sittin' on your shoulders and quietly watchin' your back.

          So, no need to go all Bataan on us, brah. A short walk around the block will suffice.

          At a minimum, shut down your computer, walk outside right now, look straight up into the open night sky, and don't stop looking until you feel the rotation of the Earth and begin to float away. Whatever you do after that will be the right thing to do.

          I'll be on the roof…

        • Limeylizzie

          Owls, if you leave I will leave as well, I hate it when you fly away, so please stay, please…tears rolling down face….eyes all sad like a kicked kitten…..

        • not that Dewey

          I don't think our Editrix had you in mind when she wrote these words.

          BTW, I thought there was something oddly familiar about the colorscheme of the Admin's comment headers — light blue field, red accent, gold pee medalion– and then AHA! The Blue Caps of the NKVD! I'm sure they know I meant that as a compliment.

          UPDATE: it appears the Black Marias came and hauled off two commenters in the middle of the night. One of them was heard calling your name.

        • Extemporanus

          OWLS-Y OWLS-Y OXEN FREE!

          I'm gonna self-importantly assume that your two days (and counting!) of comment coop-flewage means that you wisely (accidentally?) accepted my hokey yet heartfelt sexy-time invitation to join me for a bracing bit of bullshit erasing moonlit pacing.

          Or perhaps you just cold skullfucked your mentally challenged self to death with a totally libelous machine gun. Who the <MommyBlog>h-e-double hockey sticks</MommyBlog> knows?!

          Anyhoot, dude, I just wanted to swoop back in to add that your day-by-day owl being is day-by-day on my mind, and that I'm fixin' to give the recently resurrected Radio[Noun] and Negropolis a brief "Welcome Back" Wonketterrorist fist bump before hittin' the un-rule-y bricks, beaches, and beeyotches yet again.

          C U Next Tuesday!

        • not that Dewey

          Poke.

      • CapnFatback

        Where do you gents go on these mythical walks, pray tell?

        (You are totally lighting up the boards at TMZ; I just know it.)

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      I don't get the outrage, to be frank.

      Who has ever made a post like "Sean Hannity likes nothing more than skullfucking a kindergarten full of slow kids while Bill O'Reilly looks on, waiting, with his machete"? Nobody, that's who.

      It's service as normal, as far as I can see.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      What pdog said, plus, I will throw in the removable and healthy organs of all my neighbours also.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I have never broken a law.

    • fuflans

      dude you are cracking me up.

  • C_R_Eature

    Rule Number Six:

    There Is No Rule Number Six!

    (See what I mean about the Monty Python references, Rebecca?)

    • MosesInvests

      Rule Number Seven: No pooftahs! (Not the closeted, homophobic ones, anyway. All ghey members of the Wonkettariat more than welcome, obvs.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        'S alright, really. We know it isn't meant that way.

        The plumber came by yesterday and we offered him a cuppa. He said, "Right, long as it's not any of that poofter stuff." Nice fellow, nonetheless.

        • MosesInvests

          I figured most folks around here would recognize a Monty Python quote-just being extra careful to avoid the banhammer.

  • Skullfuggary

    What fresh fuckery is this?

    Rebecca, no threat, but I can assure you that this will not work. And by "this" I mean treating an established community of intelligent adults as misbehaved children.

    No r#t@rd? That can be done. We've done it before. Banning the tearing down on the children of politicians? That can be done, as well. Getting into the minutiae of trying to regulate vulgarity? On Wonkette? Are you kidding me?

    Less is more, in this case, editrix. I take a very libertarian stance on speech, particularly on the internet. It really just works better that way. Wonkette has always been a safe-speech zone, and I'd love for us to continue in our storied tradition of Iconoclasm.

    For the lurve of quality snark, do not turn us into Gawker, easily the most unintentionally unfunny commenting sections on the net, these days, exactly because of its oversensitivity. This is a terrible overreaction and overcompensation. We are not that delicate; we've never been that delicate; we will not be that delicate.

    • commiegirl

      Skullfuggary, nowhere does it say I am trying to regulate vulgarity. Nowhere. Read any of the posts in the past week, and then please rethink your assumption. I thought we'd settled this last night, and now have a sadz.

  • RadioSlut

    Oh, make me tear MP. I look forward to your faceted comments amongst all these diamonds.. Abrasos y besos.And DR, Hum was my favorite band of the 90's.Man, I knew you were top notch,, fuck "p" ness.You are the only person who knows and appreciates this incredible music, however poorly it was mastered. I'm listening to Downward is Heavenward now. Again, I let knew I liked you.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Ditto, RS. I really only know "You'd Prefer An Astronaut", but now I'm queuing up the Spotify machine and it's time to listen to the Hum page.

      • RadioSlut

        They had four albums, the first was only on vinyl and I've never heard any of it. Electra 2000 is spotty, but, Iron Clad Lou is one of my favs. Their dynamics were awesome. Our band used to cover a song by Poster Children called "If You See Kay," and it was in the similar genre.
        All their albums were mastered before the Loudness Wars began and you've got to amp their songs up to appreciate their musicianship. And I always respected the enigmatic lyrics. Out of those three albums there is probably only six songs I skip over.

  • Negropolis

    Rule #5: Oh, and no kissing on the lips.

    Now, put the money on the dresser, Wonkette commentariat. Also. Too. Tambien.

  • deleted4201338

    owls and Derrick, I've been wondering where both of you guys were. Good to see you.

    I've also been trying to figure out why I feel persistently concerned about what are, after all, fairly reasonable rules about civil discourse. (To the best of my recollection, I have never made a "r*****" comment, or used the adjective "r*******". I must confess I never broke my kids of the use of the adjective, although they do apply it to situations, not people. My expressions of intended violence are generally restricted to the obviously hyperbolic — e.g., acts involving rusty chainsaws).

    So there's really nothing in the new Rulez that would affect my limited commenting, which consists mostly of shallow wordplay and the occasional snarkless diatribe.

    I've eventually concluded that the source of my distress is that the articulation of commenting rules reflects acceptance of the right wing's ability to frame the issue. Here we have a national-visibility media blowhard who directs personal abuse at a private citizen for days, and we're supposed to accept that a single random non-PC comment from a commenter on a relatively minor-exposure blog is somehow equivalently awful. If it turns out to be true that advertisers are that stupid, we've really already lost everything. BTW, the thing with Steuf was a little different, since he was an actual blog poster, and hence arguably subject to editorial control.

    I only started reading Wonkette in 2008, so I missed the assfucking. Since I've been on board, 75% of the entertainment value has come from the comments. Certainly, there have been many memorable original posts, but day in and day out most of the laughs (and some tears) have been supplied by the Wonketteriat. And I believe that a lot of the humor has come because the Wonkete community hasn't taken itself seriously.

    As advertised, a snarkless diatribe. It appears that all, or most, of the principal contributors have accepted the new "be polite" rules. Ironically (and I believe this is actually irony), I — who have probably never violated the rules — have a problem with this. I'm 64, I'm cranky, what are you gonna do?

    To all worthly Wokette scum: so long, and keep up the good snark.

    • sarjo

      As our worthless, bloated adversary might say: Ditto.

    • Skullduggary

      Can I ask you to do one thing for me, my friend? Sleep on it, and then see how you feel. Give it a day or two to see how everything shakes out before making a decision. I will tell you that I will not be leaving without a fight.

      We may just be squatters (maybe even renters because of the page-clicks/traffic?), and the new phyiscal owner of the place can techically make whatever rules they want, but we can make our voices heard and then see what happens. Don't forget; we are the spiritual owners and keepers of the place and its traditions.

      • Huevos Ocupados

        You gotta fight for your right to libel!

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      You can't go.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Seconded.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Thirded.

          And I don't even know That Commenter. I think Negropolis is correct. Also, my partner sez "Change is scary." I wonder if we're all just freaking *because* Change. Anywho. I shall sleep on it and think some more.

          • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

            I'll skip the fourth and offer a fifth.

          • not that Dewey

            Who was that Deleted Avatar? I've seen two since i woke up — pretty mediocre purge, if you ask me.

          • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

            I'm wondering too, it looks like they self-deleted (maybe?) but it wasn't Owls, apparently.

          • Chichikovovich

            Judging from old replies to my comments that are now de-avatared, this was ShavetheWhales.

            If you're reading this, Shave: please come back. You are/were one of my favorite posters. For me your departure is a tragedy, since now nobody will get my Galois theory jokes. So please cool off and return.

            [Geez, this place is filled with drama queens.]

          • not that Dewey

            Kronecker? I hardly even know her!

            Yes, please come back. Nelson Muntz was only half-joking about nuking the Whales.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The rules are reasonable. For me, automatically gainsaying them because they're partly due to fear of reprisal from people we hate would be like reflexively opposing Obama even when he's doing something you completely agree with.

    • UW8316154

      Only 75% of the entertainment value is from the comments? It's more like 90% for me, and the other 10% is policitcal education from the posts themselves. Isn't that what the posts are for: simply a method of generating witty, intelligent commentary?

      Anyway, I love you guys… (hic)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Yeah, sure. I tried the Drama Queen Resignation route once too, and was back in less than a week. Didn't nuke my account though, because I like obsessively fondling my greatest hits. Looking forward to your new persona and avatar!

      • HistoriCat

        You know who else dramatically nuked their account and then returned?

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Gandalf?

          • HistoriCat

            Nice one!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Steve Jobs?

        • Chichikovovich

          Give me a hint…. did He return exactly three days later?

    • Nothingisamiss

      Don't go. Really.

  • Trinket

    About time we had someone sensible running this place. I want to throat-punch assholes as much as the next person, but I am a liberal, so I feel guilty about it.

    Is it rapey to suggest that someone should eat a sack of salted dicks? I ask because I'm sure people around here will want to know.

    • schvitzatura

      Lightly salted, poisoned, and rodent would be a bridge too far, at this stage. Becca just threw out the baby with our bathwater.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oh, hell to the fucking no. Lightly poisoned salted rat dicks (or is it lightly salted poisoned rat dicks?) are part of the menu around here.

  • BathroomGoblin

    How does this impact Dickshitnipples?

  • The_Trainman

    Wonkette has been the funniest blog since the French Revolution. Nothing else comes close. A lot of the lols come from reader comments but some comments in the past were fucking wrong. I got tired of reading them and stopped checking out the blog rather than complain. I don't have to define that exactly because I am not running this, Rebecca is. And, I like what she said above. Seems clear to me what she's asking folks to consider before they post comments.

  • Makinglifehell

    Hiya. First time poster..you know the rest. Not to start out on the wrong foot, (I'm totally starting on the wrong foot,) but there are a few things that I, as a year-plus lurker around here, feel need to be addressed immediately. First, I would be remiss if I did not thank everyone involved with this operation past and presnt, from top to bottom. Each one of you have in some way have enlightened or entertained me immensely. Neither of these being an easy task since my lifelong mentor, George Carlin, departed this pitiful rock a few years ago. The articles and comments here have filled the void his death left in my soul.
    Enough bullshit, on to the complaints! (Which will probably get me banned.)
    To begin at the beginning:
    1. "No slurs on children or the mentally disabled (the actually mentally disabled). This is well-established, assholes."
    This is daft. How is it that we, being on the side we're on, facing adversaries that have no rules, no moral compass, or even a whit of decency, can't use slurs against these very people or their (alleged) offspring? It seems obvious to me that our ideological opposites don't adhere to any kind of standards regarding who is or isn't slur-worthy. Why should we? (I know, the whole 'stooping to their level' cannard. Fuck that.) If these fuckers didn't want us to make fun of their kids, disabled or otherwise, they either shouldn't have had kids in the first place, or they never should have stepped into the public arena. They certainly shouldn't parade the 'lil mongoloid bastards around (especially if their darling buddy child is [allegedly] named after its condition) without expecting public discourse, both good and bad, about them.
    2. "No wishing or ideating on physical threats to those with whom you disagree (i.e. ‘machinegunning’ or hoping for their deaths in any other sense than that you hope they die lonely and alone)."
    This made me slap my head repeatedly. Can we hope for those whom we disagree with to die while having their gentials stuck in the passenger side door of a semi? They wouldn't necessarily have to be alone. In fact, it would be much more enjoyable if there were onlookers, at least. And fire, all death is better with fire!
    3. "Try not to be totally libelous."
    Seriously? You do know where you are, right?
    4. "If you wanna be disgusting pigs and talk about skullfucking your enemies, then your editrix, as a one-eyed man-king in the land of the blind, will not take offense. But it’s pretty perilously fucking close to wishing rape on someone. Maybe think about that?"
    Wow. Bustin' out the big 'ol R word that doesn't end in …tarded, huh? Instead of skull fucking, might I suggest we advocate old school Vatican-style ass-ripping forced penetration of the humonculi on the other side of the fence, sans lube – just to prove our dominance. Or does that offend your precious little daisy sensitivities? Sorry about that, but some of us, ok, I feel assaulted on a daily basis from a barage of right wing policies and ideologies that should have been dismissed as misguided and ridiculed for being dangerous decades ago. Yet here we are, in a 24 hour shit storm of salicious politicians and pompous pundits who would sell their own grandmothers for a blowjob (better yet, whore that bitch out and be a job-creator!) constanly doing what they accuse the Left of, cramming their agendas and (lack of) morals and dogmas down our collective throat. So please, Ms. editor, sir, excuse the fuck out of myself and whomever else that gets enraged enough about all this bullshit to actually type some of these vitriolic thoughts out here for the entertainment and contribution to the preservation of the sanity of the rest of us disaffected and helpless souls in the peanut gallery. Sharing, after all, is cathartic and has even been described by some as 'caring'. We're sorry if your corporate overlords don't like it. We're sorry if it hurts their bottom line. We'd all be very sorry if this place closed up shop permanently. But, unfortunately in the world we live in, sometimes change means death. And I'm afraid that trying to muzzle the commentors is precisely that kind of change for Wonkette.
    It's been fun, and I would like to say that you all will be missed, but instead I hope that no one tries to hit any of you in the first place. I would like to leave you with these thoughts: This is War. It's bigger than all of us. Nothing is sacred.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      1. Just because your self-proclaimed enemy is a steaming turd is no reason you have to be one as well. It is possible to be petty, vindictive, right and funny without stooping to the steaming level. As for the children, why would you target surveyor's marks someone who isn't guilty of whatever dumbfuckery you are speaking out against. Yes, Sarah Palin loved to use Trig as a prop during her aborted run for VP. That does not mean he is fair game — he was an innocent in that clusterfuck. Continuing to use the delightful Palin family as an example here . . . Bristol, however, with her attempts at stardom and public figurehood (and what a figure — rawr! The Pillsbury Doughboy must have been dying of envy!!!), from her "look at me, I don't fuck anymore" abstinence campaign to her DWTS debacle to screaming obscenities to drunks in a bar (which she should not have been permitted in in the first place), would be fair game. This really doesn't seem like a difficult or onerous rule.

      2. I think I kind of agree with you on this, although actively stating "I wish someone would just fucking rape Santorum to death with a nail-studded 2×4" is kind of tacky. I think this goes back to the first part of rule #1: Really, do we need to sink to their level? Yes, I would be quite happy if all of the war/hatemongers of the world were to suddenly die, but it would be a lot more fun if they were to be made aware of what monumental fuckups they actually are and forced to deal with that. Yeah, I'm a fucking dreamer, what of it?

      3. I'm not sure what to make of this. Once again, rule #1. Don't be a dick, don't state as fact things that are untrue. I'm sure it is still fine to ponder the Palin Hookworm Conjecture or why Glenn Beck hasn't denied the rumours about his raping and killing that little girl back in the 90's, but don't claim something is true about someone that is not.

      4. Skullfucking really doesn't sound all that enjoyable, but if it gets you off, fine. As for rape, or even threats of rape, don't be an ass. That's my interpretation. Rape isn't funny, and I don't care who that magnificent ape was or where he is.

      For most of us, I don't think this is really any change. You can still call someone a cunt, a prick, a dick, a cocksucking sack of shit (even if they aren't these things literally) and a worthless excuse for a human being. What do we gain from lying and attacking the innocent? Fuck, I shouldn't look back through old comments while drunk, but yours stood out for some reason. I am not saying that we should be silent, but that we should, foul-fucking-mouthed or not, be honest and truthful. It's the one thing that very definitely separates us from the Breitbarts of the world. Er, the two things. Oh, and we're alive and that nasty, lying, grandstanding bastard is dead. The three things. I guess what I'm saying is show a little class when pointing out that some lying fuckstick is a lying fuckstick. Peace.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      1. Just because your self-proclaimed enemy is a steaming turd is no reason you have to be one as well. It is possible to be petty, vindictive, right and funny without stooping to the steaming level. As for the children, why would you target surveyor's marks someone who isn't guilty of whatever dumbfuckery you are speaking out against. Yes, Sarah Palin loved to use T**g as a prop during her aborted run for VP. That does not mean he is fair game — he was an innocent in that clusterfuck. Continuing to use the delightful Palin family as an example here . . . Bristol, however, with her attempts at stardom and public figurehood (and what a figure — rawr! The Pillsbury Doughboy must have been dying of envy!!!), from her "look at me, I don't fuck anymore" abstinence campaign to her DWTS debacle to screaming obscenities to drunks in a bar (which she should not have been permitted in in the first place), would be fair game. This really doesn't seem like a difficult or onerous rule.

      2. I think I kind of agree with you on this, although actively stating "I wish someone would just fucking rape Santorum to death with a nail-studded 2×4" is kind of tacky. I think this goes back to the first part of rule #1: Really, do we need to sink to their level? Yes, I would be quite happy if all of the war/hatemongers of the world were to suddenly die, but it would be a lot more fun if they were to be made aware of what monumental fuckups they actually are and forced to deal with that. Yeah, I'm a fucking dreamer, what of it?

      3. I'm not sure what to make of this. Once again, rule #1. Don't be a dick, don't state as fact things that are untrue. I'm sure it is still fine to ponder the Palin Hookworm Conjecture or why Glenn Beck hasn't denied the rumours about his raping and killing that little girl back in the 90's, but don't claim something is true about someone that is not.

      4. Skullfucking really doesn't sound all that enjoyable, but if it gets you off, fine. As for rape, or even threats of rape, don't be an ass. That's my interpretation. Rape isn't funny, and I don't care who that magnificent ape was or where he is.

      For most of us, I don't think this is really any change. You can still call someone a cunt, a prick, a dick, a cocksucking sack of shit (even if they aren't these things literally) and a worthless excuse for a human being. What do we gain from lying and attacking the innocent? Fuck, I shouldn't look back through old comments while drunk, but yours stood out for some reason. I am not saying that we should be silent, but that we should, foul-fucking-mouthed or not, be honest and truthful. It's the one thing that very definitely separates us from the Breitbarts of the world. Er, the two things. Oh, and we're alive and that nasty, lying, grandstanding bastard is dead. The three things. I guess what I'm saying is show a little class when pointing out that some lying fuckstick is a lying fuckstick. Peace.

      [Edited to change the youngest Palin's name to T**g since the full version is apparently verboten]

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Bravo, and as you have so much more lucid and clever points than my vulgar non-PC name calling which is no longer up to wonkette standards, I encourage you to post early and often. Please! Perhaps you have the wit to say the things that I cannot.

    • CapnFatback

      This is really long, so I'll translate:

      1. I really wanna say "retard."
      2. I probably should take a kickboxing class to vent this anger, but reading about murder is way less taxing.
      3. This "libelous" word makes my grumpy for some reason.
      4. I really, really wanna say "retard."

      • Makinglifehell

        1. Absolutely, especially when applicable.
        2. Too fat, I like reading.
        3. It just means nothing, especially from a know nothing jagoff like myself commenting on a satirical webite.
        4. But that's beside the point.
        5. I just don't like ruelz!

    • Makinglifehell

      Thank you all for your gracious and thoughtful comments. Any time I have posted on other blogs/websites, I am immediately mocked ridiculed and called all kinds of colorful pejoratives. Some of which are utterly true and therefore hurt the worst. Honestly, I thought this little diatribe of mine was another pointless endeavor, as I thought I was never coming back. Something about the whole mom tone coming from on high tripped my fuck-you switch. Actually, it was the second editors comment (actually a reply) i read about the 'unfunny' joke that caused the outburst. I can't help it – I laughed, as did the wife when she read it. Maybe we're just twisted, or from a generation or socioeconomic class (poor) that finds that kind of stuff (the dreaded r-word) totally harmless. Back in high school, I had a girlfriend whose little brother had Down Syndrome. The lovable little bugger played it up, too. He was innocent, but conniving. He knew how to game the system. Truth be known, I feel horrible for the youngest of the Mama bear's progeny. I actually hope he comes out ok (against all odds and evidence to the contrary.) Who knows, maybe someday we could have a President T**g, and that might not be a bad thing, assuming he's the polar opposite of his mother in every aspect. I swear, future posts will be shorter!

    • Makinglifehell

      Wow57p?! *does best Sally Field* "You like me, you really like me!"

  • Huevos Ocupados

    So…a kinder, gentler Wonkette? Does this mean my taxes are going up?

    • flamingpdog

      Only if you're an African bovid. If you are, then Know Gnu Taxes!

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        I love taxonomy punnery and wordplay. You don't get that in the yahoo comments, sir or madam!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Or a Linux programmer. No? Gnu?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    It's all cool. Breathe, frothy, breathe. Almost nothing will change with these spelled-out rules.

    I do feel a little guilty about posting that I was hoping people would die screaming in fiery car wrecks a week ago, but I knew it was bad when I posted it, so meh.

    Nah, nothing has changed. Santorum is still a Pope-wannabe shitfucker, Rmoney is still a panda-raping asshole and all is fine with the wonkette.

  • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    Wait. Slow down, now. Something happened to Rush Limbaugh?

    • ElPinche

      Yeah, I had to double check, but it's just that stupid "slut" incident. Be still my heart!

  • schvitzatura

    Onomasiologists have determined "retard" to have shifted from the pejorative to the approbative sphere; diachronic linguistics, as seen in the 1998 Farrelly Brother's seminal 1998 film There's Something About Mary (ranked 27th in the American Film Institute's "100 Years, 100 Laughs: America's Funniest Movies"), has established this factually:

    I work with retards…no one's going to tell me who I can and can't work with, right?

    New boss is not the same as the old boss…William Claude Dukenfield is rolling over in his grave, editrixbeotch!

  • schvitzatura

    Becca:

    ING, Sprint, Crucial, and PETA no likey the use of pejoratives for all life from the moment of conception to at least in the case of homo sapiens americanii, to age 25 (at a minimum)? Disparaging the "differently abled"?

    I know you shelled out a pretty penny for the Wonkette thingamabob, and are looking for a decent rate of return to recoup your "investment", but didn't you read the Safe Harbor section of what Ken's legal counsel passed across the table? Wonkette is /b/ cleaned up for Auntie Jo's visit from Petaluma.

    Swap sponsors with Rushbo, Sleep Number and AOL for Kortney's cucumberish fetish and all will be well.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      "I know you shelled out a pretty penny for the Wonkette"

      I'd really like to know how much that was. Today I've thought "shit, maybe I could have bought it and let everyone run rampant".

      Whatever.

      • HistoriCat

        I can think of a whole set of websites which might be for sale soon (a BIG set!) …

  • Beanball

    Man, I go on vacation for a couple of weeks and come back to a fucking revolution.

    Wonkette got sold? And here I thought Newell was a Commie.

    Will wonders never cease?

  • http://dailyworldwatch.wordpress.com/ dailyworldwatch

    RULES? COMMUNISM!!!

  • C_R_Eature

    Shorter-

    Rebecca: BEHAAAVE YOURSELVES!

    Wonkeratti: No. Ok, maybe. All right, but I can still say "Cunt", right?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      don't say "st#pid skank Sl*t-wh-res" about santorum followers and you should be alright. best of luck CRE!

      • C_R_Eature

        Actually I'm OK with these Rules. I like to play with language and saying Rude and horribly insulting things without, you know, saying Rude and horribly insulting things will be fun.

        EDIT: a comment I tried just got ADMINHAMMERED due to an Impertinent reference to a certain Former Half-Term Governor's youngest portable Campaign Prop/Anti Abortion Weapon.

        Clearly, I have work to do.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Welcome to the deleted. Today I was deleted for the first time in six months. We love you no matter your foul mouth or foulish meanings. We all have work (censorship) to do.

          • C_R_Eature

            I predict that Deletion will become a Badge of Honour amongst the Wonkeratti.

            And, thanks!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I don't have time to read 900 comments. I'm still pissed off that I had to really work hard yesterday and didn't get to play here hardly at all. Anyway, can we still say we hate someone or something with the heat of 10,000 supernovas?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, now I've had time to read some of this, and I'm not so pissed that I missed it now. I'm not TNT, but I know drama. THAT was some drama.

      • HistoriCat

        Based on how hard I was laughing last night, I thought it was comedy.

        • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

          Yup. Guess you had to be there. :)

          Don't worry Baldar, there's always next year, the SECOND anniversary of the you-know-what.

  • GreatChristiano

    Calling Obama a panhandler is not offensive, is it?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Fair. I'm sick of all the "fuck 'em with a rusty chainsaw," myself. Quit your bellyaching and use the other 99% of ways to be funny, you titty-babies!

    • ElPinche

      Right on.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      Oh yeah?! Come threaten to cut my dick off with a box cutter and stuff it in my mouth to my face!

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Fuck 'em with a rusty, dull chainsaw?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    None kid jokes, no moar ***ards (guess that means Tea or otherwise), none gunz & chainsaws, skullfucking almost in timeout. Mmmmm, let's see then there is…

    Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Maecenas porttitor congue massa. Fusce posuere, magna sed pulvinar ultricies, purus lectus malesuada libero, sit amet commodo magna eros quis urna. Nunc viverra imperdiet enim. Fusce est. Vivamus a tellus. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Proin pharetra nonummy pede. Mauris et orci. Aenean nec lorem.

    Shall try to b'have.

    • AlterNewt

      Google Translate was no help at all with that one.

      • Iam_Who_Iam

        Yeah, I got…

        “Welcome to my bed, I have a mass. Here is my sad old span, I advise you hunger for my foot.”

        Seeing how this is Wonkette I’m guessing that’s pretty damn close.

  • stanpan

    Wonketeers (in unison): Yes, Mrs Loopner.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Is Nurse Ratched going to withhold our meds if we say Re..Re..Damn Your eye I can't say it.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      My grandmother worked at Merci in the late 70's and/or early 80's, and I remember going through the changes of referring to the developmentally-disabled as re****s to developmentally disabled to the differently-enabled. I had a lot of fun as an early teen, hanging out with that crowd in the summers. I've always associated the re-… word with people who are incredibly evil or just plain wrong rather than with people who were developmentally disabled or suffered from Down Syndrome. I think I had a point here, but it's been lost to time and wine. Fuck.

  • L188188

    Oh brother. Here goes Wonkette. Who would have guessed?

  • UnholyMoses

    Um … what if you have a direct relative who is … ya know … the "R" word? Then what?

    And since this is, like the eleventy thousandth comment, does this comment constitute dead horse skullfucking? Or is it just beating?

    I need a ruling …

    (* And by "R" = I mean "Republican," which, IM(ns)HO is about as bad as that other "R" word.)

  • Steverino247

    Posting begins at 8. Those who are late do not get Fruit Cup.

  • comrad_darkness

    So it's totally cool to wish that rush limbaugh lives forever as he has to live in the hellscape that is being rush limbaugh?

    Or am I out of line here?

  • Preferred Customer

    Actually, it's now mandatory that these concepts be included in every post. So, really, nothing should change.

  • thefrontpage

    But it's still okay to make references to felching, Cleveland steamers, blue plate specials, teabagging and the Dirty Sanchez, correct?

  • thefrontpage

    And we can still make fun of Republicans, conservatives, right-wingers, Tea Partiers, teabaggers, Late Night Shots, George W. Bush, Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Nixon, Cheney, Card, Fleisher, Rove, Miers, Gonzales, Ashcroft, Bolton, Rumsfeld, Limbaugh, Schlessinger, Malkin, Coulter, O'Reilly, Breitbart, and everyone else associated with any of these people, right? Because if not, you may lose about 99 percent of your readership!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Quite frankly, I think the PowersThatBe would like to winnow out and discard all the "edgy" types and try for a politer brand of readers. There's always TheRudePundit, for those who like the rude. Or go make your own blog. It's eyeballs that count, and the politer the eyeballs-in-residence, the more advertisers, i.e., one recoups one's investment the faster. Sound business decision, can't argue with that.

      OTOH, me, I'm a rude motherfucker, and I *have* my own blog, so I guess I'll keep it there. It's been great knowing you all. In a way, this comes at the perfect time. I'm far away, and I needed to change my life anyway.

  • Nesnora

    I'll be alright as long as I can call people like Rush "fuckdumps" (not about ladies, I'm too classy for that), or Chris Christie a titcake.

    Never been into death threats. Mostly because I believe people should have the courage of their convictions.

  • proudgrampa

    Jesus Christ. Take one afternoon off, and the whole world changes!

  • Chichikovovich

    All of them, Katie?—

    • HistoriCat

      Were you here during the Gabby Giffords shooting Chich?

      • Chichikovovich

        That was before my time, but I'm getting such a diva vibe from the posters in response to the new hall monitor I figured that there must have been some waves of out-in-a-huff walking at various times.—

      • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

        Neilist!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, just slightly buzzed and re-reading old threads to avoid ugly .vb code.

        Not speaking of Neilist, whatever happened to shortsx3?

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          Twitter? Fuck me . . . okay. I remember him having his own blog (something about goretex), but lost track of it during one of my many computer switches.

        • HistoriCat

          Thanks natslug – I thought I was going to have to give the answer myself.

          Someone has a direct line to shorts^3 – during the great Jack Stuef goodbye freakout he was on the chatango discussion, calming everyone down and generally being the voice of reason.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

    My partner's sister has a friend who named her kid "Kumar." Pls to understand that these folks are SO fucking white, they make paper look tan. Naturally, they pronounce it "Coo Mar." I can't SAY the kid's name, I just fucking can't. Plus, holy mother of god, the idiot wears his hair in DREADS. Blond DREADS. Is it wrong of me to want to smack him repeatedly with a slipper?

  • DustBowlBlues

    I take a couple of days off, reading just the posts at the top, and miss this yardstick across the knuckles.

    Rebecca–We need clarification. If I say, "Republican fucktard: Eat shit and die." Is that allowed? Because I don't carry shit in my hand, the way I would a gun, which I don't have anyway, being a liberal.

    Sean O'Rushbeck don't really have their heads so far up their asses that they've developed adolescent acne, but if I say that about them, am I i trouble?

    Ken's rule seemed to be not to criticize him or the wonket. We always warned newbies not to say, "Slow news day" because that pissed him off. Teasing about wonkette didn't work, either, for Ken.

    I take it that the quote from "Tropic Thunder", "You went full retard on that one" is off limits? What if we add a footnote on the source of the quote. Will you bring the banhammer down on Robert Downey, Jr. and not us?

    I just know some late night, I'm going to be sleepless because I'm so angry at some Republitard or Teatard and ventn my anger on wonkette, and get banhammered. I am so afraid.

    Please, Madame Editor, give us a warning before you kick us off? Because when I was a union rep, a warning always had to come first. Except if we actually go shoot someone after making a joke about it on the wonket.

    Rebecca, Madame editor, please help us out here.

  • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

    Oh my god, the WHINERS in this long thread. How did everyone get so spoiled? We used to do posts like these pretty regularly back in the day without being a tenth as polite and fair as this one, but now suddenly the first amendment has been revoked! Looks like we're going to have to have a massive, cruel purge soon, HAHAHAHAH.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Don't get too clever on us, Jim, or I'll report wonkette for using child labor. I have seen you under that umbrella and I know you are not 21! So put that beer back in the fridge young man, and get into your jammies.

      • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

        Yes ma'am (cowers)

        Wanna come up with a list of 10 preliminary commenters to ban for me? I'd do it but I'm watching TV now. I'll give you a plus one on one comment at some point in return.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          I give up myself for banning as I refuse to censor myself when it comes to of-age santorum supporters. I find it only fair game after a year of learning exactly what santorum supporters think of me. Ban me before I force the PC police to do it for me.

        • OhHellToTheNo

          Want to come up with a list of why people are losing their damn mind over not being able to say one word which, honestly, the overwhelming majority of the commenters never used?

          And, how not wishing death upon someone in a fashion that might be considered a threat anyway (who knows anymore) is such a huge deal?

          Because I'm *really* confused why people are getting scared.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Michelle Malkin always starts her libelous comments with "Some people are saying." This may be my secret weapon (but not to kill or wing) in the future.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I'm good with the changes, and will try to remember to not get too worked up during the 2012 election. What's kind of sad is that it take away my best name for an intellectually challenged child who was kept up far after his bedtime night after night after night so he could be onstage with his entertainer mother. No more will I refer to him as the-look-I-didn't-[REDACTED]-this-[REDACTED]-prop-[REDACTED]. A terrible thing to say but so true and so funny, that in my 2008 election frenzy, it just popped out of my fingers onto the keys.

    Never again. {Pretends to zip fingers shut}.

  • Iam_Who_Iam

    Um, ok this thread is dead, ‘cept some of us have a life and it has taken me days to read through the comments and I do find this all fascinating in a twisted sort of study of the masses kind of way.

    Just a thought: Is it possible some of this wild frenzied freak out is cuz folks are coming to terms with the idea that our long loved though abusive father figure is finally really gone? Maybe we are adjusting to the idea that never again will he come barreling down the hall filled with rage, eyeballs bulging and fists waving, raving about how the whole world is full of dumb asses as we all cower in the corner in some combination of fear and awe of the almighty? How many times did he say “That’s it! I’ve had it with you pathetic losers, I’m leaving!” and yet just moments later we could hear him snoring in his room? I think maybe we just realized that this time he really did it, he left; so we lash out at the new parental authority out of confusion and hurt though it really has little to do with her and more to do with some serious abandonment issues.

    Or we’re a bunch of whiny assholes… either way works.

  • OhHellToTheNo

    So…when does AJ Daulerio start?

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    First, they came for my machine guns, but I didn't care, because I wasn't a gun owner.

    Then they came for my skullfucking, but I didn't care, because I wasn't a skullfucker.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Also, wow, Rebecca. 1,083 comments. Each one is nearly funnier than the previous. Last time we had internal meltdowns and infighting, it was pretty harsh… but you swoop in like Jesus and make it all sparkly.

    I'd ask you to have my babies, but vasectomy.

  • Troubledog

    May I mock the Irish please? If I don't use too many mean words.

  • http://monadalkniaelabs.com Rarian Rakista

    Ooh shiny.

  • Bezoar

    Jeeze, It’s been 3 years since Ken gave over Wonkette to Rebecca. We need a nostalgic anniversary issue.

  • Everhope

    God, I hate admitting it, but I’ll watch Coulter for 30 seconds just to admire her legs. But then one quickly realizes where the leg bones are connected with the none to revelatory moment that her intellect resides in her adams apple.

    • Amazeballs

      Are you saying that she’s a)transgender and b)any intelligence she has would then only be because she was born male? Great joke. I’m sure she’d love it (or if not her, maybe shop it around to O’Reilly)!

      • Everhope

        Nah, didn’t think any of that. But I do wonder this: Does she shut up at all while making love to her gentleman friend? Or, when he drops his drawers in a fit of sexual cupidity at the sight of those 8 mile long legs, does Miss Ann yell while pointing: Straw Man! Straw Man! To which he whimpers, oh, Annie, false equivalency, spank me, I’m such a liberal!

  • mtiffany

    Regarding rule #2, is “in a dirty bed” an acceptable variation of “lonely and alone” ?

  • CT_Katie

    He’s going to regret bringing up Trump’s man-parts:

    http://gawker.com/donald-trump-s-lawyer-is-a-marital-rape-truther-1720508329