EXTRA-CRISPY  11:54 am March 7, 2012

Human Soba Noodle Richard Cohen Pees On Ghost Andrew Breitbart

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Richard Cohen, rapping colonel.Opening his “valuable” Washington Post opinion page real estate with a tantalizing promise to speak ill of the dead, Colonel Sanders impersonator and usually vapid old coot Richard Cohen sort of delivers!

It is not nice to speak ill of the dead, my mother once told me. But it is okay, I think, to speak ill of those who praise the dead when the deceased was best known for sliming a well-intentioned and wholly commendable public servant or for exposing a politician who had already exposed himself.


Nobody really believes that Cohen’s mother said any such thing, because nobody ever says that (do they?) but it is nice of Cohen to ground his public grave-pissing in brave opposition to a moral claim! But why-for so very heated and uncollegial with the poor late Mr. Breitbart? Do tell, Richard! Do tell!

Every journalist knows the expression “too good to be true.” But for Breitbart, the Sherrod story was too good not to be true. It had to be true. She was exactly the kind of person that a left-wing, socialist, Muslim president like Barack Hussein Obama would like to appoint to high federal office. Call Breitbart’s tactics what you will, it wasn’t journalism.

Well well well, look at Richard Cohen! Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette, meow!
Perhaps if Andrew Breitbart were a real journalist instead of a louche blogger, Richard Cohen might have presented his objections in a more Civil and Genial manner. But since we are in basic total agreement, we will take a page from poor martyred Rush Limbaugh, who can use all the help he can get, and merely say, “Ditto.” So “Ditto, Richard Cohen!” Like so. [Washington Post]

 
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{ 98 comments }

nounverb911 March 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

I would have preferred that Cohen peed on Breitbart's grave.

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Take a close look at Cohen's photo.

Androids don't pee.

mrblifil March 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm

He has a rare prostate condition which causes the urine to back out of the clogged urethra and gush forth from his pen.

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Ok, so this is so very, very win.

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

I agree, and if I wasn't so exahusted from last night waiting for the thrilling Alaska returns, I'd have sex with that comment.

prommie March 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I hope it doesn't get in his vagina.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Nobody wants to stand in a line that fucking long….

GOPCrusher March 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I couldn't have expressed this viewpoint any better.

Barb March 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

Has he been invited to the White House to have a beer with Barry and Joey yet?

johnnyzhivago March 7, 2012 at 11:56 am

Cohen must have been the one carrying the poison tipped umbrella, I figure???

Maman March 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

No, that was Putin

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Putin finally did something I agree with. (Well, that and invite Paul McCartney to red square.)

johnnyzhivago March 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

Palin getting ready to step in and save the GOP:
http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/politi

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Imma think Romney beating Paul off pissed her.

OK, you can rearrange that sentence to make more sense…

freakishlywrong March 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I do not think "save" is what you think it means, johnny.

prommie March 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The Retard Cavalry to the rescue! I thought the rule was "never go full retard," but the GOP looks like its already there.

LesBontemps March 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

You can't say "retard" on Wonkette. Except if it's true.

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

Rebecca? Are you hiring new blood? Cuz, I'm like availaible. I work for peanuts…(no, really, I'm on a diet)…and from what Layne tells me, the gimp costume would fit me.

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Richard Cohen?!?!

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I wish I had such a manly beard.

SorosBot March 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Hey now, us unemployeds should have first dibs!

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Lazy shiftless unemployed people?

Get a job!

An_Outhouse March 7, 2012 at 11:58 am

Andrew who? Dick, you are both incoherent and late.

weej_bain March 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Louche lips sink shits.

Gratuitous World March 7, 2012 at 11:59 am

Cohen's mother also coined the term, "pull your head out of your ass!"
true story.

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

And it was no metaphor.

SnarkoMarx March 7, 2012 at 1:24 pm

And he pretty much ignored her on that one as well.

An_Outhouse March 7, 2012 at 12:00 pm

"Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette"
Hey, at tleast Wonkette has an editor.

WTF is this supposed to mean?
"to speak ill of those who praise the dead when the deceased was best known for sliming a well-intentioned and wholly commendable public servant or for exposing a politician who had already exposed himself."

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Sarah Palin's idea of a simple, direct, smart people sentence.

prommie March 7, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Anthony Weiner, who, ahem, "exposed himself."

Swampgas_Man March 7, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Cohen is allergic to commas.

WhatTheHeck March 7, 2012 at 12:00 pm

It is not nice to speak ill of the dead, my mother once told me>

So why is Wonket mentioning this guy?

freakishlywrong March 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Aw fuck. I used to love soba noodles!

memzilla March 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Rebecca, you gotta pull down that "Writerrrz Wanted" ad from Craigslist. Look at the schmuckful dreck it's attracting.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Speaking ill of the dead is highly underrated.

memzilla March 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I'd love to have more unhinged wingtards to practice on, though — one big fat one, especially. I only feel sorry for the brain-hungry zombies who will starve.

[PS: It's only a sin to wish someone dead if the world would not be improved by their passing.]

Sassomatic March 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The only reason that one is still here is because God can't convince Satan to let him into Hell.

MoeDeLawn March 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Zombies would rip open that skull and then realize they should have stopped at Taco Bell after all.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2012 at 1:44 pm

BUUUURRRRIIIITTTOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!

elviouslyqueer March 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Andrew who?

Goonemeritus March 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Well well well, look at Richard Cohen! Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette, meow!

I’ll have you know Wonkette posters are proud amateurs from the Latin “amare” or for love. Richard writes for whore diamonds.

MadBrahms March 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Oh, Richard. You're just sour because, right or wrong, people actually gave a shit about Breitbart's columns, unlike certain sham editorialists.

Blueb4sunrise March 7, 2012 at 12:03 pm

and yet Dick Cohen lives.

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

And has a writing job. It is to cry.

SpiderCrab March 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Come on: Let's say it loud and clear: WITH BREITBART DEAD IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA!!!

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Cue the dancing Munchkins in 3, 2, 1…

rocktonsam March 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

finally, a Dick joke

valthemus March 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Cohen didn't need to qualify is grave-pissing. For freaks like Breitbart, a slap from a liberal felt like a kiss.

Callyson March 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Good column, but I prefer the video homage where Frightfart is screaming incoherently at the OWS people. Seems to capture his essence, such as it was…

prommie March 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

In memory of the happily decesased Breitbart, can we change the name of that facial hairstyle called the "neckbeard" and start calling it a "Breitbart?"

GOPCrusher March 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It seems like a fitting tribute.

Wadisay March 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Cohen also has articles in the can eloquently and sarcastically denouncing Limbaugh, Hannity and O'Rielly, but he's waiting for them to die.

Terry March 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"…Obama would like to appoint to high federal office."

Shirley Sherrod was the Georgia State Director of Rural Development for the Dept of Agriculture. Is that considered a high Federal office? Regionally significant, certainly, but a high Federal office?

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Number 4,583 in the chain of command – if the nuclear strike wiped out everyone else, she was ready to take charge!

mrblifil March 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Where's Breitbart's grave again? When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Lucidamente1 March 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

De mortuis nil nisi boner.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I can work with that: Breitbart was a prick.

Thanks, Lucida, for that classic Roman wisdom.

joobajooba March 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Heh heh. Boner.

SayItWithWookies March 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The recent lineup of earnest fools who have proclaimed their readiness to rule the nation and the world was — and remains — a depressing and frightening sight. Imagine President Perry or Santorum or Bachmann or Palin or Gingrich.

Oh look — the sleeping dragon vole awakes. And it's truly bad news for the conservative movement if their intellectual bankruptcy and just plain meanness are evident to Richard Cohen.

Chichikovovich March 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

It's even more extreme than that: Cohen doesn't even feel the need to say "but both sides do it – the Democrats nominated William Jennings Bryan, and that guy was wacky" for "balance". That's how bad things have gotten.

AlterNewt March 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

ASSHOLE DUBS ASSHOLE 'ASSHOLE'.

Nothingisamiss March 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Best.

Terry March 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Breitbart and Lee Atwater are currently sharing a particularly nasty corner of Hell right now.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

We have Breitbart fact-checking Atwater's work. It'll take forever to get it right.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Cohen compares Breitbart to the late James Q. Wilson (last of the thinking conservatives): "[I]n Breitbart I can find nothing of value. He thought politics was like war. Wilson thought it was about ideas. That’s why you can only read about Breitbart. You can, however, always read Wilson."

Pretty much nailed it there. Breitbart's noise is fading already.

RedneckMuslin March 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

And he's really going to tell Limpballs off after Limpballs dies! You just wait! And I hope it's not a long wait.

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

His nuts are too small to stumble over

Jus_Wonderin March 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I don't know, are these comments by Cohen…too soon?

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Really! Wait til the body's cold, Dickie

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

He claims to be bashing the people who are lionizing Breitbart … then he explains why they shouldn't. If Breitbart happens to get bashed in the process, well, that's just collateral damage.

OneYieldRegular March 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

It's sort of difficult to imagine a worse epitaph than being dissed by Richard Cohen for being a bad journalist – after you're dead.

neiltheblaze March 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

It's always thrilling when "he of the coke-bottle lenses" actually sees something.

Ken Cuccinelli March 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Didn't Richard Cohen die late last year? Or was that another inmate at the Washington Post Op-Ed Page and Nursing Home for Advanced Dementia?

Oblios_Cap March 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Wow! I guess a blind pig actually can find an acorn once in awhile.

LesBontemps March 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Way to define l'esprit de l'escalier, Dickie.

Also too:

Late: Day.
Short: Dollar.

mavenmaven March 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Today we are all Soba noodles.

chascates March 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm

But Ann Coulter said Breitbart's death was like the death of John Lennon!!!!

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I'll never forget where I was or what I was doing when I heard the news, oh Lord, about Breitbart's sudden passing.

I was…uh you know it was…probably doing something….or other…somewhere…

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

You were posting something moderately witty on Wonkette. It's OK – we were all doing the same thing.

GOPCrusher March 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Ann does live in his/her own special little world, doesn't she/he?

anniegetyerfun March 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I am fine with his assessment of old Andy.

James Michael Curley March 7, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"exposing a politician who had already exposed himself"
With all the recent stories about Apple and Android Apps that search, discover and send different things from your phone, is it possible Anthony Weiner's Weiner pics may have been sent to his twitter friend without his knowledge just like he claimed?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Nice turn of phrase, that. "…exposing a politician who had already exposed himself. "

WiscDad March 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Is that a typo? "louche blogger"? Should be douche blogger. The meanings are similar, and he may have been both…but he was far more douche than louche

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm

This comment has been administered by the deleter.

Limeylizzie March 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Why, oh new Overlady, are comments being deleted, we are used to being able to run off at the mouth like teenagers?

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

2L:

Just don't use the "r-word!"

My girlfriend was once asked "Do you eat with that mouth?" She could be a bit salty.

Tundra Grifter March 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

This morning I received my first SPAM email titled "Breaking News from Breitbart."

Breaking wind, perhaps, but not news. Considering he just passed away (I believe his funeral was yesterday) I find this very, very creepy.

actor212 March 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I got that too. I'm sort of surprised, but I figure one of my many conservative foils put my email on the list.

DahBoner March 7, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Wait a minute!

Soba is "buckwheat".

I thought Spanky killed him in a card fight…

zappadoo76 March 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

"… a left-wing, socialist, Muslim president like Barack Hussein Obama…."

That's Wonkette-speak.

Okay, which one of you is Richard Cohen?

ruperto32 March 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I'm Richard Cohen. What about it?

Bobbysox22 March 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

No, I'm Richard Cohen. Ruperto is lying, as usual.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Today we are all Ric– oh, fuck no. I just can't do it.

Fuck Toad March 7, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Only if he had said "Muslin".

glamourdammerung March 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Breitbart was not just a bomb thrower without ideas.

He did not have any bombs either.

rickmaci March 7, 2012 at 7:51 pm

"louche blogger". You know it's a good day when Wonkette sends you scurrying to the dictionary based on a word in a blog about a newspaper diva and a dead crypto fascist. Snark On!!!

lulzmonger March 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Let the BigFranchise dipshits wail & fap. He'll be the answer to a question in Trivial Pursuit in a few years: "Who was the co-founder of Huffington Post who later became a right-wing website owner?"

Groundskeepers must already know that's one grave that won't need watering for a loooooooong time.

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