extra-crispy

Human Soba Noodle Richard Cohen Pees On Ghost Andrew Breitbart

Richard Cohen, rapping colonel.Opening his “valuable” Washington Post opinion page real estate with a tantalizing promise to speak ill of the dead, Colonel Sanders impersonator and usually vapid old coot Richard Cohen sort of delivers!

It is not nice to speak ill of the dead, my mother once told me. But it is okay, I think, to speak ill of those who praise the dead when the deceased was best known for sliming a well-intentioned and wholly commendable public servant or for exposing a politician who had already exposed himself.


Nobody really believes that Cohen’s mother said any such thing, because nobody ever says that (do they?) but it is nice of Cohen to ground his public grave-pissing in brave opposition to a moral claim! But why-for so very heated and uncollegial with the poor late Mr. Breitbart? Do tell, Richard! Do tell!

Every journalist knows the expression “too good to be true.” But for Breitbart, the Sherrod story was too good not to be true. It had to be true. She was exactly the kind of person that a left-wing, socialist, Muslim president like Barack Hussein Obama would like to appoint to high federal office. Call Breitbart’s tactics what you will, it wasn’t journalism.

Well well well, look at Richard Cohen! Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette, meow!
Perhaps if Andrew Breitbart were a real journalist instead of a louche blogger, Richard Cohen might have presented his objections in a more Civil and Genial manner. But since we are in basic total agreement, we will take a page from poor martyred Rush Limbaugh, who can use all the help he can get, and merely say, “Ditto.” So “Ditto, Richard Cohen!” Like so. [Washington Post]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    I would have preferred that Cohen peed on Breitbart's grave.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Take a close look at Cohen's photo.

      Androids don't pee.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

      He has a rare prostate condition which causes the urine to back out of the clogged urethra and gush forth from his pen.

      • Nothingisamiss

        Ok, so this is so very, very win.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I agree, and if I wasn't so exahusted from last night waiting for the thrilling Alaska returns, I'd have sex with that comment.

      • prommie

        I hope it doesn't get in his vagina.

    • ttommyunger

      Nobody wants to stand in a line that fucking long….

      • GOPCrusher

        I couldn't have expressed this viewpoint any better.

  • Barb

    Has he been invited to the White House to have a beer with Barry and Joey yet?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Cohen must have been the one carrying the poison tipped umbrella, I figure???

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      No, that was Putin

      • Nothingisamiss

        Putin finally did something I agree with. (Well, that and invite Paul McCartney to red square.)

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Palin getting ready to step in and save the GOP:
    http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c3#/video/politi

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Imma think Romney beating Paul off pissed her.

      OK, you can rearrange that sentence to make more sense…

    • freakishlywrong

      I do not think "save" is what you think it means, johnny.

    • prommie

      The Retard Cavalry to the rescue! I thought the rule was "never go full retard," but the GOP looks like its already there.

      • LesBontemps

        You can't say "retard" on Wonkette. Except if it's true.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Rebecca? Are you hiring new blood? Cuz, I'm like availaible. I work for peanuts…(no, really, I'm on a diet)…and from what Layne tells me, the gimp costume would fit me.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Richard Cohen?!?!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I wish I had such a manly beard.

    • SorosBot

      Hey now, us unemployeds should have first dibs!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Lazy shiftless unemployed people?

        Get a job!

  • An_Outhouse

    Andrew who? Dick, you are both incoherent and late.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Louche lips sink shits.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Cohen's mother also coined the term, "pull your head out of your ass!"
    true story.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And it was no metaphor.

    • SnarkoMarx

      And he pretty much ignored her on that one as well.

  • An_Outhouse

    "Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette"
    Hey, at tleast Wonkette has an editor.

    WTF is this supposed to mean?
    "to speak ill of those who praise the dead when the deceased was best known for sliming a well-intentioned and wholly commendable public servant or for exposing a politician who had already exposed himself."

    • Nothingisamiss

      Sarah Palin's idea of a simple, direct, smart people sentence.

    • prommie

      Anthony Weiner, who, ahem, "exposed himself."

    • Swampgas_Man

      Cohen is allergic to commas.

  • WhatTheHeck

    It is not nice to speak ill of the dead, my mother once told me>

    So why is Wonket mentioning this guy?

  • freakishlywrong

    Aw fuck. I used to love soba noodles!

  • memzilla

    Rebecca, you gotta pull down that "Writerrrz Wanted" ad from Craigslist. Look at the schmuckful dreck it's attracting.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Speaking ill of the dead is highly underrated.

    • memzilla

      I'd love to have more unhinged wingtards to practice on, though — one big fat one, especially. I only feel sorry for the brain-hungry zombies who will starve.

      [PS: It's only a sin to wish someone dead if the world would not be improved by their passing.]

      • Sassomatic

        The only reason that one is still here is because God can't convince Satan to let him into Hell.

      • MoeDeLawn

        Zombies would rip open that skull and then realize they should have stopped at Taco Bell after all.

        • GOPCrusher

          BUUUURRRRIIIITTTOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Andrew who?

  • Goonemeritus

    Well well well, look at Richard Cohen! Apparently he thinks it is Open Try-Out Season at Your Wonkette, meow!

    I’ll have you know Wonkette posters are proud amateurs from the Latin “amare” or for love. Richard writes for whore diamonds.

  • MadBrahms

    Oh, Richard. You're just sour because, right or wrong, people actually gave a shit about Breitbart's columns, unlike certain sham editorialists.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    and yet Dick Cohen lives.

    • Nothingisamiss

      And has a writing job. It is to cry.

  • SpiderCrab

    Come on: Let's say it loud and clear: WITH BREITBART DEAD IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA!!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Cue the dancing Munchkins in 3, 2, 1…

  • rocktonsam

    finally, a Dick joke

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Cohen didn't need to qualify is grave-pissing. For freaks like Breitbart, a slap from a liberal felt like a kiss.

  • Callyson

    Good column, but I prefer the video homage where Frightfart is screaming incoherently at the OWS people. Seems to capture his essence, such as it was…

  • prommie

    In memory of the happily decesased Breitbart, can we change the name of that facial hairstyle called the "neckbeard" and start calling it a "Breitbart?"

    • GOPCrusher

      It seems like a fitting tribute.

  • Wadisay

    Cohen also has articles in the can eloquently and sarcastically denouncing Limbaugh, Hannity and O'Rielly, but he's waiting for them to die.

  • Terry

    "…Obama would like to appoint to high federal office."

    Shirley Sherrod was the Georgia State Director of Rural Development for the Dept of Agriculture. Is that considered a high Federal office? Regionally significant, certainly, but a high Federal office?

    • HistoriCat

      Number 4,583 in the chain of command – if the nuclear strike wiped out everyone else, she was ready to take charge!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Where's Breitbart's grave again? When you gotta go, you gotta go.

  • Lucidamente1

    De mortuis nil nisi boner.

    • Chichikovovich

      I can work with that: Breitbart was a prick.

      Thanks, Lucida, for that classic Roman wisdom.

    • joobajooba

      Heh heh. Boner.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The recent lineup of earnest fools who have proclaimed their readiness to rule the nation and the world was — and remains — a depressing and frightening sight. Imagine President Perry or Santorum or Bachmann or Palin or Gingrich.

    Oh look — the sleeping dragon vole awakes. And it's truly bad news for the conservative movement if their intellectual bankruptcy and just plain meanness are evident to Richard Cohen.

    • Chichikovovich

      It's even more extreme than that: Cohen doesn't even feel the need to say "but both sides do it – the Democrats nominated William Jennings Bryan, and that guy was wacky" for "balance". That's how bad things have gotten.

  • AlterNewt

    ASSHOLE DUBS ASSHOLE 'ASSHOLE'.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Best.

  • Terry

    Breitbart and Lee Atwater are currently sharing a particularly nasty corner of Hell right now.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We have Breitbart fact-checking Atwater's work. It'll take forever to get it right.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Cohen compares Breitbart to the late James Q. Wilson (last of the thinking conservatives): "[I]n Breitbart I can find nothing of value. He thought politics was like war. Wilson thought it was about ideas. That’s why you can only read about Breitbart. You can, however, always read Wilson."

    Pretty much nailed it there. Breitbart's noise is fading already.

  • RedneckMuslin

    And he's really going to tell Limpballs off after Limpballs dies! You just wait! And I hope it's not a long wait.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    His nuts are too small to stumble over

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I don't know, are these comments by Cohen…too soon?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Really! Wait til the body's cold, Dickie

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He claims to be bashing the people who are lionizing Breitbart … then he explains why they shouldn't. If Breitbart happens to get bashed in the process, well, that's just collateral damage.

  • OneYieldRegular

    It's sort of difficult to imagine a worse epitaph than being dissed by Richard Cohen for being a bad journalist – after you're dead.

  • neiltheblaze

    It's always thrilling when "he of the coke-bottle lenses" actually sees something.

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    Didn't Richard Cohen die late last year? Or was that another inmate at the Washington Post Op-Ed Page and Nursing Home for Advanced Dementia?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Wow! I guess a blind pig actually can find an acorn once in awhile.

  • LesBontemps

    Way to define l'esprit de l'escalier, Dickie.

    Also too:

    Late: Day.
    Short: Dollar.

  • mavenmaven

    Today we are all Soba noodles.

  • chascates

    But Ann Coulter said Breitbart's death was like the death of John Lennon!!!!

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'll never forget where I was or what I was doing when I heard the news, oh Lord, about Breitbart's sudden passing.

      I was…uh you know it was…probably doing something….or other…somewhere…

      • HistoriCat

        You were posting something moderately witty on Wonkette. It's OK – we were all doing the same thing.

    • GOPCrusher

      Ann does live in his/her own special little world, doesn't she/he?

  • anniegetyerfun

    I am fine with his assessment of old Andy.

  • James Michael Curley

    "exposing a politician who had already exposed himself"
    With all the recent stories about Apple and Android Apps that search, discover and send different things from your phone, is it possible Anthony Weiner's Weiner pics may have been sent to his twitter friend without his knowledge just like he claimed?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Nice turn of phrase, that. "…exposing a politician who had already exposed himself. "

  • WiscDad

    Is that a typo? "louche blogger"? Should be douche blogger. The meanings are similar, and he may have been both…but he was far more douche than louche

  • ttommyunger

    This comment has been administered by the deleter.

  • Limeylizzie

    Why, oh new Overlady, are comments being deleted, we are used to being able to run off at the mouth like teenagers?

    • Tundra Grifter

      2L:

      Just don't use the "r-word!"

      My girlfriend was once asked "Do you eat with that mouth?" She could be a bit salty.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This morning I received my first SPAM email titled "Breaking News from Breitbart."

    Breaking wind, perhaps, but not news. Considering he just passed away (I believe his funeral was yesterday) I find this very, very creepy.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I got that too. I'm sort of surprised, but I figure one of my many conservative foils put my email on the list.

  • DahBoner

    Wait a minute!

    Soba is "buckwheat".

    I thought Spanky killed him in a card fight…

  • zappadoo76

    "… a left-wing, socialist, Muslim president like Barack Hussein Obama…."

    That's Wonkette-speak.

    Okay, which one of you is Richard Cohen?

    • ruperto32

      I'm Richard Cohen. What about it?

    • Bobbysox22

      No, I'm Richard Cohen. Ruperto is lying, as usual.

    • HistoriCat

      Today we are all Ric– oh, fuck no. I just can't do it.

    • Fuck Toad

      Only if he had said "Muslin".

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Breitbart was not just a bomb thrower without ideas.

    He did not have any bombs either.

  • rickmaci

    "louche blogger". You know it's a good day when Wonkette sends you scurrying to the dictionary based on a word in a blog about a newspaper diva and a dead crypto fascist. Snark On!!!

  • lulzmonger

    Let the BigFranchise dipshits wail & fap. He'll be the answer to a question in Trivial Pursuit in a few years: "Who was the co-founder of Huffington Post who later became a right-wing website owner?"

    Groundskeepers must already know that's one grave that won't need watering for a loooooooong time.