very dumb things

Founder Of Media Research Center Brent Bozell Has No Idea What First Amendment Does

Sexy Gingers.L. Brent Bozell III, the erudite and thoughtful fuhrer of rightwing hacktanks like the Media Research Center, proved his bona fides for leading anything that conducts “research” into “media,” by evincing via Twitterz a complete and total non-understanding of the Constitutional basis for our cherished American Free Speech. Jawing hacking on behalf of (who else?) poor beleaguered Rush Limbaugh, Bozell vomited forth this bit of utter nonsense: “Anti-free speech leftists despise first amendment, want Rush FIRED. Don’t let hypocrites win, sign MRC’s petition now!” There is then a link to MRC’s petition, which we are not pasting here because we would never let you sign something so lame.

As a public service, and AGAIN, Your Wonkette will explain wearily that the First Amendment does not apply to actions by private peoples, such as firing you for having a John Kerry sticker on your Subaru Golf (totally legal!). What it does prohibit is actions by the government to impede your ability to speak by, say, putting you in military jail forever for webcamming yourself dancing to Lady Gaga and shooting the sexxxy vid to Wikileaks. Maybe! Some dude from Yale disagrees.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  1. GunToting[Redacted]

    Once again, the people shouting loudest about things like the First Amendment have absolutely no FUCKING idea what it actually says (see also: too: Sarah Palin).

    1. yrbmegr

      I respectfully disagree. The shouting is not mindless ranting, but PROPAGANDA, and it's intentional.

        1. beavertank

          I disrespect your first amendment right to express your disagreement. For this, you die!

          1. Doktor Zoom

            I will defend to the death your right to kill people with whom you disagree.

            –Voltaire or maybe Mark Twain or Winston Churchill. No, must be Steven Wright.

        2. yrbmegr

          Just so. We liberals (making a wild assumption here!) can have respectful disagreements on things without impugning people's faith, integrity, value, etc. I thank you for your civilized discourse.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          And I respect your Third Amendment right to tell those soldiers to move their bedrolls out of your rec room.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's more than a little bit hilarious that this particular loudly-shouting person, with absolutely no clue what the First Amendment says, is the presi-fucking-dent of the "Media Research Center". Imagine what the lower-level bozos at MRC must be like.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        If you think that's hilarious, you should see some of their media research. It's supposed to be exposing the media's left-wing bias — and yet to me it's usually just random samplings of the news, like "Alabama has the most people with goiters" or some such that they get really outraged about.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      They know exactly what it says – they just have no idea what those things called words mean. Because only elitists worry about reading comprehension.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Er, Mr Bent Bozo, or whateverthefuk your name is, there is no way on this or any other planet that you're going to get laid when your beard instantly makes every woman you meet imagine what your pubic hairs gonna look like……

  2. Doktor Zoom

    Show me where in the Constitution it says that people have the right to criticize Rush Limbaugh! Those words do not actually appear in the Constitution!

    1. chicken_thief

      But do they appear in the Bible? Cause, you know, the Bible is the basis for the Constitution since Jesus wrote both.

    2. finallyhappy

      It appears in my copy of the Constitution that I wrote- just like the ones the right wing are always yelling about. I went to visit the actual Constitution at the Archives(It's near where I deal with crazed middle schoolers and confused tourists each week)- and you cannot read that thing. It is faded, under glass and the guards have guns. So I, like the right wing, make it say whatever I want

      1. actor212

        I still haven't been able to figure out how you can be in two places at once when you're really not anywhere at all.

        Oh pardon me. Antlelope Freeway in one-sixteenth of a mile…

      2. Tundra Grifter

        I played pickup softball in Golden Gate Park (Speedway Meadows) on many a Saturday with various members of that group.

        No surprise they were quite funny, easy to get along with, and mediocre players. Like me.

          1. MosesInvests

            How did you get in here, Roccoco? You don't have a key!- No, only half a key-I had to split it with the soundman. (Thanks, Rocky!)

        1. actor212

          I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desk and reading my name on the glass of my office door:

  3. Biel_ze_Bubba

    L. Brent Bozell's I and II are spinning in their graves. Or maybe not … this dolt got his double dose of stupid genes from somewhere.

    The First Amendment does protect his right to say stupid things about the First Amendment, but the only thing preventing MRC for firing his ass for epic incompetence is his position as President.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      The "III" after his name actually refers to the number of extra chromosomes attached to each of his chromosomes.

    2. tallmutha

      Let it be remembered that Brent Bozell II moved the family to Spain expressly so they could know the joy of living under Franco.

  4. yrbmegr

    I understand the basis for your post, but I disagree. People like Bozell are fully aware of what the First Amendment means. They just lie to their supporters about it to achieve specific goals. This is what conservative leaders do, and it is why reality has a liberal bias.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Absolutely. Look back to some case where howls for censorship went up against someone on the left – the Dixie Chicks, or's "Betray-us" ad – there were surely one or two left-wing voices that mistakenly invoked the first amendment in those connections. I've no doubt that if you go back in the archives you will find dozens of right-wingers (perhaps even Bozell himself) explaining in condescending tones that this isn't what the First Amendment says at all, and isn't it typical of those silly left wingers (every last one of them! Not just the obscure Daily Kos posting I'm commenting on) not to get it.

      1. James Michael Curley

        It is correct to invoke the First Amendment when, as in the case of the Move-On "Betray-Us" ad, several members of congress introduced resolutions to condemn, criticize, castrate, etc.

  5. weej_bain

    Julian Assange is Larry Flint's long lost brother from Oz??? Who knew??? If you properly decode the Wikileaks you get pictures of boobies – WikiPorn??

  6. actor212

    Maybe we should take Bozell hostage and exercise our Second Amendment rights.

    And by that, I mean form a militia. We can use him as a battering ram when we storm the BATF.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Well, that would mean that Bozell would meet a fate that would be worse than death, to listen to people like him. He'd have to be "well-regulated" .

      1. actor212

        I propose that sparing the rod would spoil the child, so a club to the head ought to keep him regular.

        That, and a high fibre diet.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Or we could regulate him by tossing him in a well, as the Second Amendment demands.

      2. SayItWithWookies

        No need for regulation — according to the NRA, the first clause of the second amendment has been replaced with an ellipsis. Really, that's the way it's depicted on the wall of their headquarters.

          1. SayItWithWookies

            But an elliptical firing squad can shoot at twice as many people as a circular one can.

  7. BaldarTFlagass

    It's been my observation that just about every single person I have ever met in this life that uses his first initial/middle name instead of first name is usually an insufferable prick. Present company excluded, of course.

    1. beavertank

      L. Ron Hubbard's estate begs to differ, and is threatening to sue if you don't take that back.

      Oh no! Your first amendment rights! Oh wait…

    2. Chichikovovich

      I couldn't agree more. J. Fred Muggs once threw shit at me.

      Edit: Rookie mistake – always refresh before posting.

      1. finallyhappy

        Yes, -also because people don't even get that you can't be the third(if you are not a king) if the first and second aren't living

  8. Gratuitous World

    it's the timeworn impotent argument:

    "The First Amendment protects my right to say hateful + bigoted things, but doesn't protect your right to call me on being a hateful bigot."

  9. CapnFatback

    Too late, Rebecca, I already signed the petition as "Anal Cyst."

    I figured since Rush is always talking out of his porcine ass, the least it could do is support his efforts to see sexytime college co-ed videos.

  10. CapnFatback

    So the MRC is advocating for a right-wing hack? Do you suppose it's not really a watchdog group after all?

  11. Generation[redacted]

    The 1st amendment protects the rights of conservatives to say whatever they want, and our right to listen quietly and nod in agreement.

  12. SorosBot

    It's sort of like how wingnuts think the First Amendment should protect the rights of bigots to discriminate against those they hate, provide they justify their hatred with their religion; and in general how they like to scream about freedom while actively trying to destroy actual freedom for all.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Much like their "small government" wails only apply to their ability to scream slurs at others without consequence, while not applying to the military or women's uterii.

  13. Texan_Bulldog

    Something tells me on that link there's probably somewhere to donate money. He's good–must have taken some courses from the Snowbilly School of Faux Outrage Grifting.

  14. Joshua Norton

    complete and total non-understanding of the Constitutional basis for our cherished American Free Speech.

    I wish I could write for a bunch of morons who wouldn’t have the brains to challenge me when I write FAIL. Seems like a pretty good job.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      And Carrot Top. If the Constitution guarantees everyone the right to broadcast garbage on the radio, he just might get another job.

      On second thought, probably not even then.

  15. UW8316154

    I don't want Rush fired, not true at all. I just want him to quickly decompose into an irrelevant puddle of santorum sweeted with viagra and oxy and just a dash of Dominican.

  16. kissawookiee

    I cannot decide which is bringing me more Facebook joy: people insisting that advertisers fleeing Limbaugh in droves are violating his 1st Amendment rights, or people insisting that it's spelled "ammendment." The fact that these two phenomena frequently co-occur surprises me less than the sun rising in the east AGAIN this morning, also.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Tangentially related–a week or so back, Neil DeGrasse Tyson pointed out to Jon Stewart that the Daily Show's opening animation has the Earth rotating in the wrong direction.

  17. yrbmegr

    Since when does a dude from Yale get to "exercise his First Amendment rights" using words like "ubiquitously"? Is it Speech when there are wrong words in it?

  18. upthruster

    "L. Brent Bozell III"

    Really?! Three of them? Who does lineage naming anymore? -Only people who have no real identitiy of their own and have to use Grandpa's name to get some attention.

    L stands for Loser….the third.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Preppy lacrosse-playing girlfriend murderers such as George Huguely V do it even more inexplicably, as I'm betting he's a) not a monarch and b) does not have four generations of living ancestors.

  19. FakaktaSouth

    Supply side Jesus thinks Rush and all his minions should stop being such whining assholes. Where's your Free Market God NOW? Yeah that's right, he's here with me and my fuck your show petition and consumer choice advocacy. It's BUSINESS bitches.

  20. UnholyMoses

    What the hell do we expect from people who only give a shit about the Second Amendment, and want to repeal the 10th, 14th, a few dozen others?

    1. beavertank

      Whoops, I fixed that one while the admin was fixing it for me, and now the comment has disappeared… poor lil' comment.

        1. beavertank

          Yeah, it told me it timed out while posting once, so I submitted again. Turns out it double posted… when I noticed I deleted the second one, since the first had a reply already. Then on refresh the admin had already fixed it for me… The aristocrats!

          1. Doktor Zoom


            (This message brought to you by the Committee for Assuming that Every Glitch is Actually a Nefarious Plot. Follow us on Twitter, or see our frequent posts on Yahoo News)

          2. beavertank

            Oh god! I never knew! I… I'm a victim!

            …I can parlay this into a lucrative tour of the talk show circuit now, right?

    1. Generation[redacted]

      It's their First Amendment right to define the First Amendment how they see fit.

  21. north_of_moscow

    If speeches are free, how are all these GOP presidential candidates going to make a living after this season of POLITIX! ends?

  22. DaRooster

    “Anti-free speech leftists despise first amendment, want Rush FIRED. Don’t let hypocrites win, sign MRC’s petition now!”

    Uh… FYI the 3rd… with every sponsor that douche bag has dropping him like hot Santorum nobody out here needs to ask for him to be fired… they are doing it. Quit blaming Leftists for your bois stupidity.

  23. freakishlywrong

    So a war on women becomes a "war on religious freedom"
    And a hateful goiter/asshole known for incendiary and offensive discourse becomes a victim of libruls and is being "silenced".

    Orwell weeps.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      Nah, Orwell simply makes an odd chopping gesture on his left forearm while saying, "Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…"

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's nothing. Contraceptive coverage by health insurance is a "War on Babies".
      (Check Bozell the Turd's MRC website, if you can stomach it.)

  24. Fare la Volpe

    Silly liberals: one does not need to actually read the Constitution in order to defend it.

  25. chascates

    The problem isn't freedom of speech. It's the inability to think before using that freedom.

  26. Doktor Zoom

    I think we all know who TMBG had in mind when they wrote:

    I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea
    If by random whim one occurs to me…

    I should be allowed to shoot my mouth off
    I should have a call in show

    1. FakaktaSouth

      "Everything sticks like a broken record – everything sticks until IT GOES AWAY"
      (yeah, I fixed it)

  27. donner_froh

    Another part of the First Amendment, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;"

    means that I can impose my religious convictions on you but if you try to stop me it violates my freedom of religion.

    1. Doktor Zoom

      And the only reason people sue to stop schools from having officially-sponsored prayers is because their feelings are hurt. Well what about MY feelings? I'm offended by atheists, so I'll sue THEM!!!

  28. Maman

    Being a creepy ginger (creepy describing the dude not the ginger) he must be desperate to keep another creepy dude in business to make him seem more normal

  29. Selfish_T

    The Media Research Center's stated mission is to "prove — through sound scientific research — that liberal bias in the media does exist and undermines traditional American values".

    I have to wonder how "scientific research" works when step #1 is the acceptance of the foregone conclusion.

    1. yrbmegr

      How it works is simple. MRC writes it and the sheeple believe it. Really no different than any other scientific research.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wingnuts use the word "research", but it does not mean what they think it means.

      Thus do they bless us with "Creation Science", "Intelligent Design", and the "Climate Hoax."

    3. Tundra Grifter

      The MRC website "Newsbusters" is stuffed with rubes and gulls who swallow without thought or reason the right wing nutz' line.

      I got kicked out of there for maintaining another position. They have no interest in people offering points of view.

      "Liberal bias in the media" is a cottage industry for the otherwise completely unemployable. The wonderful book "London Labor and the London Poor" has a chapter on various frauds and chicanes. One is a very conservative writer who lives on contributions while he finishes his masterpiece of reactionary thought. He published a very conservative pamphlet which he hands out for free and the money rolls in for him to continue.

      Not much has changed since then.

    1. MadBrahms

      Yes, but that was only because we liberals brought them down to our level, etc, etc blargle blargle moar vicodin blargle

  30. SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad to know L. Brent Bozell III will respect my right to say he has the perspicacious demeanor of a failed rapist.

  31. Barrelhse

    Also. Looks like Brent has kind of a mush-mouth that he's trying to hide with his facial "hair".

  32. Tundra Grifter

    The right wing nutz always whimper and simper when they get dope-slapped by The Invisible Hand.

  33. James Michael Curley

    I've been hoping for the inevitable war between Media Research Center and Media Matters.

    "Now the rovin’ gambler he was very bored
    He was tryin’ to create a next world war
    He found a promoter who nearly fell off the floor
    He said I never engaged in this kind of thing before
    But yes I think it can be very easily done
    We’ll just put some bleachers out in the sun
    And have it on Highway 61"

  34. tallmutha

    I signed his dumb petition in the names "Skinnyghetto Crackhead" and "Francisco Franco" (Google Bozell Franco, you'll have a surprise in store) but then laid off thinking he might actually be able to make some use of the additional numbers–does anybody know how that works?

  35. Redhead

    When I was a little kid, I once responded to my dad (in the middle of an argument) – "It's a free country! I can do what I want! You can't tell me what to do!"

    He rather quickly and effectively taught me that yes, I could do what I wanted, but that it would definitely come with consequences and my right to do what I wanted didn't extend to doing it consequence-free. I see the Republicans are still struggling with the lessons of the eight-year-olds.

  36. ttommyunger

    One can assume that Breitbart is keeping a seat warm for him, considering everything is warm where he is.

  37. SiameseCatLady

    I have always wondered –

    Does Bozell dye his pubic hair the same color as he dyes his head & facial hair?

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