Sexy Gingers.L. Brent Bozell III, the erudite and thoughtful fuhrer of rightwing hacktanks like the Media Research Center, proved his bona fides for leading anything that conducts “research” into “media,” by evincing via Twitterz a complete and total non-understanding of the Constitutional basis for our cherished American Free Speech. Jawing hacking on behalf of (who else?) poor beleaguered Rush Limbaugh, Bozell vomited forth this bit of utter nonsense: “Anti-free speech leftists despise first amendment, want Rush FIRED. Don’t let hypocrites win, sign MRC’s petition now!” There is then a link to MRC’s petition, which we are not pasting here because we would never let you sign something so lame.

As a public service, and AGAIN, Your Wonkette will explain wearily that the First Amendment does not apply to actions by private peoples, such as firing you for having a John Kerry sticker on your Subaru Golf (totally legal!). What it does prohibit is actions by the government to impede your ability to speak by, say, putting you in military jail forever for webcamming yourself dancing to Lady Gaga and shooting the sexxxy vid to Wikileaks. Maybe! Some dude from Yale disagrees.

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  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Once again, the people shouting loudest about things like the First Amendment have absolutely no FUCKING idea what it actually says (see also: too: Sarah Palin).

  • SpiderCrab

    Bedtime for Bozell.

    • L. Brent Bozo the Clown

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      L. Brent Bozell the Turd

      • Tundra Grifter

        L. Bent Bozo the Turd is the one I've been using for a while now.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      Er, Mr Bent Bozo, or whateverthefuk your name is, there is no way on this or any other planet that you're going to get laid when your beard instantly makes every woman you meet imagine what your pubic hairs gonna look like……

  • anniegetyerfun

    Don't retreat, reload! And by "reload", I mean, pop another few Viagra! Pow!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Show me where in the Constitution it says that people have the right to criticize Rush Limbaugh! Those words do not actually appear in the Constitution!

    • chicken_thief

      But do they appear in the Bible? Cause, you know, the Bible is the basis for the Constitution since Jesus wrote both.

      • subsum

        That's right. If English was good enough for Jesus it should be good enough for us.

      • Guppy

        I recall the disemboweling of a notably fat king in Judges 3.

    • finallyhappy

      It appears in my copy of the Constitution that I wrote- just like the ones the right wing are always yelling about. I went to visit the actual Constitution at the Archives(It's near where I deal with crazed middle schoolers and confused tourists each week)- and you cannot read that thing. It is faded, under glass and the guards have guns. So I, like the right wing, make it say whatever I want

  • anniegetyerfun

    This has to be the worst role that Kenneth Branagh has ever played.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I think they're all Bozells on this bus.

    • Major Thom

      Excellent Firesign reference. Probably lost on anyone under 50.

      • I still haven't been able to figure out how you can be in two places at once when you're really not anywhere at all.

        Oh pardon me. Antlelope Freeway in one-sixteenth of a mile…

      • Biff

        Coming, Mother!

      • Tundra Grifter

        I played pickup softball in Golden Gate Park (Speedway Meadows) on many a Saturday with various members of that group.

        No surprise they were quite funny, easy to get along with, and mediocre players. Like me.

    • Don't crush Brent Zaius, hand me the pliers.

    • Major Thom

      You can sit here in the waiting room or you can wait here in the sitting room.

      • Are those my cues?

        • Major Thom

          This brings back such nice marijuana-fogged memories.

          • MosesInvests

            How did you get in here, Roccoco? You don't have a key!- No, only half a key-I had to split it with the soundman. (Thanks, Rocky!)

          • I'd like a pizza to go and no anchovies

          • MosesInvests

            No anchovies? You must have the wrong number-I spell my name DANGER.

          • *click*


          • Steverino247

            Rocky Roccoco, at your cervix!

          • Memories?

            If you're not living then and now simultaneously, you didn't smoke enough!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        regnaD kciN

        • I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desk and reading my name on the glass of my office door:

        • Wait! Didn't I say that on the OTHER side of the record?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    L. Brent Bozell's I and II are spinning in their graves. Or maybe not … this dolt got his double dose of stupid genes from somewhere.

    The First Amendment does protect his right to say stupid things about the First Amendment, but the only thing preventing MRC for firing his ass for epic incompetence is his position as President.

    • anniegetyerfun

      The "III" after his name actually refers to the number of extra chromosomes attached to each of his chromosomes.

    • tallmutha

      Let it be remembered that Brent Bozell II moved the family to Spain expressly so they could know the joy of living under Franco.

  • yrbmegr

    I understand the basis for your post, but I disagree. People like Bozell are fully aware of what the First Amendment means. They just lie to their supporters about it to achieve specific goals. This is what conservative leaders do, and it is why reality has a liberal bias.

    • Chichikovovich

      Absolutely. Look back to some case where howls for censorship went up against someone on the left – the Dixie Chicks, or's "Betray-us" ad – there were surely one or two left-wing voices that mistakenly invoked the first amendment in those connections. I've no doubt that if you go back in the archives you will find dozens of right-wingers (perhaps even Bozell himself) explaining in condescending tones that this isn't what the First Amendment says at all, and isn't it typical of those silly left wingers (every last one of them! Not just the obscure Daily Kos posting I'm commenting on) not to get it.

      • James Michael Curley

        It is correct to invoke the First Amendment when, as in the case of the Move-On "Betray-Us" ad, several members of congress introduced resolutions to condemn, criticize, castrate, etc.

  • He looks like a gheyer Chuck Norris.

    • freakishlywrong

      Who only molests little boys.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I usually go with Civil War reenactor.

      Confederate general.

  • Julian Assange is Larry Flint's long lost brother from Oz??? Who knew??? If you properly decode the Wikileaks you get pictures of boobies – WikiPorn??

  • Maybe we should take Bozell hostage and exercise our Second Amendment rights.

    And by that, I mean form a militia. We can use him as a battering ram when we storm the BATF.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, that would mean that Bozell would meet a fate that would be worse than death, to listen to people like him. He'd have to be "well-regulated" .

      • I propose that sparing the rod would spoil the child, so a club to the head ought to keep him regular.

        That, and a high fibre diet.

        • Chichikovovich

          Or we could regulate him by tossing him in a well, as the Second Amendment demands.

      • SayItWithWookies

        No need for regulation — according to the NRA, the first clause of the second amendment has been replaced with an ellipsis. Really, that's the way it's depicted on the wall of their headquarters.

        • Aw, goddamit! Do you know how hard it is to form an elliptical militia?????

          • SayItWithWookies

            But an elliptical firing squad can shoot at twice as many people as a circular one can.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's been my observation that just about every single person I have ever met in this life that uses his first initial/middle name instead of first name is usually an insufferable prick. Present company excluded, of course.

    • J. Fred Muggs takes exception, and may exercise his First Amendment right to fling feces at you.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Which is also his Second Amendment right.

    • beavertank

      L. Ron Hubbard's estate begs to differ, and is threatening to sue if you don't take that back.

      Oh no! Your first amendment rights! Oh wait…

    • Chichikovovich

      I couldn't agree more. J. Fred Muggs once threw shit at me.

      Edit: Rookie mistake – always refresh before posting.

    • I thought the sign of eternal prickdom was the use of the roman numeral.

      • finallyhappy

        Yes, -also because people don't even get that you can't be the third(if you are not a king) if the first and second aren't living

        • I especially love the baby-makers who add II instead of Jr., as if they are interchangeable.

      • Just for the record, in this case both I and II are deceased.

    • SorosBot

      J. Edgar Hoover agrees.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        In that movie where he was played by F. Murray Abraham?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Stop discriminating against me!

      — S. WithWookies

    • HateMachine

      Am I acceptable if I use my middle name but don't fuck with initials?

      • As long as your middle name is Hussein.

    • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

      What? What?

  • it's the timeworn impotent argument:

    "The First Amendment protects my right to say hateful + bigoted things, but doesn't protect your right to call me on being a hateful bigot."

  • CapnFatback

    Too late, Rebecca, I already signed the petition as "Anal Cyst."

    I figured since Rush is always talking out of his porcine ass, the least it could do is support his efforts to see sexytime college co-ed videos.

    • Oooh, Imma go sign as your brother, P. Lionel

  • ChernobylSoup

    It's okay. His complexion proves that god hates him.

  • CapnFatback

    So the MRC is advocating for a right-wing hack? Do you suppose it's not really a watchdog group after all?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Watchdogs get rabies too.

    • Doktor Zoom

      More of a watchdogwhistle group

  • Generation[redacted]

    The 1st amendment protects the rights of conservatives to say whatever they want, and our right to listen quietly and nod in agreement.

  • SorosBot

    It's sort of like how wingnuts think the First Amendment should protect the rights of bigots to discriminate against those they hate, provide they justify their hatred with their religion; and in general how they like to scream about freedom while actively trying to destroy actual freedom for all.

    • UnholyMoses

      Much like their "small government" wails only apply to their ability to scream slurs at others without consequence, while not applying to the military or women's uterii.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Something tells me on that link there's probably somewhere to donate money. He's good–must have taken some courses from the Snowbilly School of Faux Outrage Grifting.

  • Joshua Norton

    complete and total non-understanding of the Constitutional basis for our cherished American Free Speech.

    I wish I could write for a bunch of morons who wouldn’t have the brains to challenge me when I write FAIL. Seems like a pretty good job.

    • Not to mention let you call yourself "president" and pay you big bucks when you write FAIL.

  • This is goods news for Pauly Shore.

    • Tundra Grifter

      And Carrot Top. If the Constitution guarantees everyone the right to broadcast garbage on the radio, he just might get another job.

      On second thought, probably not even then.

  • UW8316154

    I don't want Rush fired, not true at all. I just want him to quickly decompose into an irrelevant puddle of santorum sweeted with viagra and oxy and just a dash of Dominican.

    • Geminisunmars

      This is known as a Right Wing Bloody Mary.

  • kissawookiee

    I cannot decide which is bringing me more Facebook joy: people insisting that advertisers fleeing Limbaugh in droves are violating his 1st Amendment rights, or people insisting that it's spelled "ammendment." The fact that these two phenomena frequently co-occur surprises me less than the sun rising in the east AGAIN this morning, also.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Tangentially related–a week or so back, Neil DeGrasse Tyson pointed out to Jon Stewart that the Daily Show's opening animation has the Earth rotating in the wrong direction.

  • yrbmegr

    Since when does a dude from Yale get to "exercise his First Amendment rights" using words like "ubiquitously"? Is it Speech when there are wrong words in it?

  • upthruster

    "L. Brent Bozell III"

    Really?! Three of them? Who does lineage naming anymore? -Only people who have no real identitiy of their own and have to use Grandpa's name to get some attention.

    L stands for Loser….the third.

    • "Who does lineage naming anymore?"

      The same people who wear monogrammed clothing.

      • DaRooster

        I am the IV… and the robe is getting a bit worn…

    • SayItWithWookies

      Preppy lacrosse-playing girlfriend murderers such as George Huguely V do it even more inexplicably, as I'm betting he's a) not a monarch and b) does not have four generations of living ancestors.

      • finallyhappy

        but those morons(and he is proof of their idiocy) don't understand the rules anyway.

      • On the plus side, I'm pretty sure there won't be a George Huguely VI.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Supply side Jesus thinks Rush and all his minions should stop being such whining assholes. Where's your Free Market God NOW? Yeah that's right, he's here with me and my fuck your show petition and consumer choice advocacy. It's BUSINESS bitches.

    • LesBontemps

      Take the cannoli.

  • UnholyMoses

    What the hell do we expect from people who only give a shit about the Second Amendment, and want to repeal the 10th, 14th, a few dozen others?

  • yrbmegr

    Uproarious hilarity!

  • yrbmegr

    Don't try to discuss the Dormant Commerce Clause with them. Sheesh!

    • beavertank

      Whoops, I fixed that one while the admin was fixing it for me, and now the comment has disappeared… poor lil' comment.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Vanished as I was reading it … that was weird.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And then re-appeared below. Good times!

        • beavertank

          Yeah, it told me it timed out while posting once, so I submitted again. Turns out it double posted… when I noticed I deleted the second one, since the first had a reply already. Then on refresh the admin had already fixed it for me… The aristocrats!

          • Doktor Zoom


            (This message brought to you by the Committee for Assuming that Every Glitch is Actually a Nefarious Plot. Follow us on Twitter, or see our frequent posts on Yahoo News)

          • beavertank

            Oh god! I never knew! I… I'm a victim!

            …I can parlay this into a lucrative tour of the talk show circuit now, right?

  • comrad_darkness

    The First Amendment means what Fox News says it means.

    • Generation[redacted]

      It's their First Amendment right to define the First Amendment how they see fit.

      • comrad_darkness

        True dat.

  • DaRooster

    Phillip Seymour Hoffman looks taller…

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Love the cutting edge ALL CAPS logo with "research" in a smaller font.

  • north_of_moscow

    If speeches are free, how are all these GOP presidential candidates going to make a living after this season of POLITIX! ends?

    • beavertank

      Because freedom ain't free.

      …it costs $1.09.

  • DaRooster

    “Anti-free speech leftists despise first amendment, want Rush FIRED. Don’t let hypocrites win, sign MRC’s petition now!”

    Uh… FYI the 3rd… with every sponsor that douche bag has dropping him like hot Santorum nobody out here needs to ask for him to be fired… they are doing it. Quit blaming Leftists for your bois stupidity.

  • freakishlywrong

    So a war on women becomes a "war on religious freedom"
    And a hateful goiter/asshole known for incendiary and offensive discourse becomes a victim of libruls and is being "silenced".

    Orwell weeps.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Nah, Orwell simply makes an odd chopping gesture on his left forearm while saying, "Same as it ever was…same as it ever was…"

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That's nothing. Contraceptive coverage by health insurance is a "War on Babies".
      (Check Bozell the Turd's MRC website, if you can stomach it.)

  • Generation[redacted]

    This is good news for the Dixie Chicks

  • You silly liebruls. The US America Constitution is only meant to protect RW assholes from themselves. Those are "rights" (see!) not LEFTS.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Silly liberals: one does not need to actually read the Constitution in order to defend it.

  • chascates

    The problem isn't freedom of speech. It's the inability to think before using that freedom.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I think we all know who TMBG had in mind when they wrote:

    I should be allowed to blurt the merest idea
    If by random whim one occurs to me…

    I should be allowed to shoot my mouth off
    I should have a call in show

    • FakaktaSouth

      "Everything sticks like a broken record – everything sticks until IT GOES AWAY"
      (yeah, I fixed it)

  • Another part of the First Amendment, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;"

    means that I can impose my religious convictions on you but if you try to stop me it violates my freedom of religion.

    • Doktor Zoom

      And the only reason people sue to stop schools from having officially-sponsored prayers is because their feelings are hurt. Well what about MY feelings? I'm offended by atheists, so I'll sue THEM!!!

  • Doktor Zoom

    As usual, whenever wingnuts start talking about the Constitution, I think of this.

    • DaRooster

      Eggs Actly.

  • Being a creepy ginger (creepy describing the dude not the ginger) he must be desperate to keep another creepy dude in business to make him seem more normal

  • Selfish_T

    The Media Research Center's stated mission is to "prove — through sound scientific research — that liberal bias in the media does exist and undermines traditional American values".

    I have to wonder how "scientific research" works when step #1 is the acceptance of the foregone conclusion.

    • yrbmegr

      How it works is simple. MRC writes it and the sheeple believe it. Really no different than any other scientific research.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Wingnuts use the word "research", but it does not mean what they think it means.

      Thus do they bless us with "Creation Science", "Intelligent Design", and the "Climate Hoax."

    • Tundra Grifter

      The MRC website "Newsbusters" is stuffed with rubes and gulls who swallow without thought or reason the right wing nutz' line.

      I got kicked out of there for maintaining another position. They have no interest in people offering points of view.

      "Liberal bias in the media" is a cottage industry for the otherwise completely unemployable. The wonderful book "London Labor and the London Poor" has a chapter on various frauds and chicanes. One is a very conservative writer who lives on contributions while he finishes his masterpiece of reactionary thought. He published a very conservative pamphlet which he hands out for free and the money rolls in for him to continue.

      Not much has changed since then.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Yo, assfuck, I got your violation of the First Amendment right here.

  • Good to know the wingtards are against firing people. Last year they had a different viewpoint when it came to the now-departed Jack Steuf for his use of just one objectionable word:

    Some pople are alive, only because its illegal to kill them. I believe there is a special place in hell for people like this jerkoff !

    • MadBrahms

      Yes, but that was only because we liberals brought them down to our level, etc, etc blargle blargle moar vicodin blargle

  • Doktor Zoom

    Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lube.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad to know L. Brent Bozell III will respect my right to say he has the perspicacious demeanor of a failed rapist.

  • Barrelhse


  • Barrelhse

    Also. Looks like Brent has kind of a mush-mouth that he's trying to hide with his facial "hair".

  • ChiRon8

    Bozell the Clown, III

  • Tundra Grifter

    The right wing nutz always whimper and simper when they get dope-slapped by The Invisible Hand.

  • James Michael Curley

    I've been hoping for the inevitable war between Media Research Center and Media Matters.

    "Now the rovin’ gambler he was very bored
    He was tryin’ to create a next world war
    He found a promoter who nearly fell off the floor
    He said I never engaged in this kind of thing before
    But yes I think it can be very easily done
    We’ll just put some bleachers out in the sun
    And have it on Highway 61"

  • tallmutha

    I signed his dumb petition in the names "Skinnyghetto Crackhead" and "Francisco Franco" (Google Bozell Franco, you'll have a surprise in store) but then laid off thinking he might actually be able to make some use of the additional numbers–does anybody know how that works?

  • Redhead

    When I was a little kid, I once responded to my dad (in the middle of an argument) – "It's a free country! I can do what I want! You can't tell me what to do!"

    He rather quickly and effectively taught me that yes, I could do what I wanted, but that it would definitely come with consequences and my right to do what I wanted didn't extend to doing it consequence-free. I see the Republicans are still struggling with the lessons of the eight-year-olds.

  • ttommyunger

    One can assume that Breitbart is keeping a seat warm for him, considering everything is warm where he is.

  • SiameseCatLady

    I have always wondered –

    Does Bozell dye his pubic hair the same color as he dyes his head & facial hair?

  • MRjonz

    Old American Adage: "Never trust a man who parts his name on the left."

  • Lex

    In all fairness to Bozell, his tweet probably read more coherently in the original German.

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