THE FOUNDERS ARE WATCHING PORN  10:32 pm March 6, 2012

Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio

by Jim Newell

Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. waiting for some 90-year-old poll volunteer to come out of a cabin in the woods and turn in the 15 decisive votes that had been missing all night. Let’s type about it! (See liveblogs one, two, three, and four, for further trenchant Super Tuesday political commentary.)

10:34 — Could someone email JIM AT WONKETTE DOT COM when the Kaptur-Kucinich House primary is called? Your Wonkette is too busy typing about politics to know anything about politics.
10:38 — Lightning-fingered commenter “Barb” shares this photo from some restaurant. It’s a powerful reminder of what real leaders look like. George W. Bush is in the photo, too.

10:41 — CNN suggests — get this — that Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over. He will have to work on this! And here we watch this, like suckers. They just replay the tape of the panel discussion from Iowa caucus night over and over every primary night now. The 2008 Iowa caucus night.
10:44 — It all comes down to Ohio, it all comes down to Ohio! (What comes down to Ohio?) The Ohio primary comes down to Ohio! Everyone dust off your Ken Blackwell/Diebold/John Kerry theories while we sit here, in boredom.
10:49 — Santorum is winning many parts of Ohio… that have been 100% counted so far.
10:54 — Oh come on: “@ChuckTodd reports NBC News will NOT call Ohio TONIGHT.” Does this mean we have to go back to our lives soon? Ugh.
10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!”
11:00 — Ooh, 11:00, time for CNN to pretend to restart its coverage for the 17th time tonight.
11:01 — “Plenty of time for stuff to happen” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We’ll be watching Ohio very, very closely” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:07 — Wolf Blitzer is paid a lot of money to speak on television.
11:09 — “We’ll continue to watch what happens in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:10 — Roll Call: “With 65% reporting, Marcy Kaptur leads Dennis Kucinich 57%-39% in #OH09. Hard to see how he makes up that margin.” Sounds good to this Wonkette writer! Throw your tomatoes right here, right at the browser.
11:13 — ***DING DING DING NBC News projects Mitt Romney wins… the Idaho caucus! Great! And that’s your Quadrennial Wonkette Typing Of The Word “Idaho,” Barring Gay Sex Scandals.
11:17 — From Benjy Sarlin at TPM: “‘I don’t want to miss a thing’ comes on at Santorum party to audible, visual groans.” It’s gotta be Rick Santorum’s favorite song, right? Either that or the Goo Goo Dolls song from the City of Angels soundtrack.
11:22 — “Let’s go out to the Taco Bell Arena” — Wolf Blitzer. It’s a simple statement of fact! And yet can we get an audio clip of Wolf Blitzer saying that, anyway, to embed on America’s grave?
11:24 — Romney up 5,100 in Ohio with 90% reporting. They could call it but they’re not. And we could have a recount! WHO WOULDN’T LOVE THAT.
11:30 — John King is showing how Romney is getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that would go to Obama in the general, and this is a problem. It’s the opposite of the 2008 Democratic contest, when pundits showed how Obama was getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that he’d already get in the general, and this was a problem. Is it better for primary candidates to maximize votes in their base or not? No one asks this question. Ha ha, it’s 11:30.

11:38 — RELIEF HAS COME! Here’s Rebecca and/or Kirsten taking you into Late Nite, with a NEW LIVEBLOG! Go! Goodbye.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 211 comments }

Come here a minute March 6, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Coincidentally, Mitt Romney is spending the evening binging on mini-clusters.

Mondo_Cane March 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

that would be 'mini groat clusters' –

chascates March 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

A steaming heap! God amighty I'm hungry!

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I'd be a lot happier if he were binging on mini-cluster bombs.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 10:36 pm

http://i41.tinypic.com/ic5wew.jpg
From the restaurant tonight. He had them all deported after dinner.

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 10:45 pm

You could cut the awkward tension in that photo with a ginsu knife.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I'm assuming the two smiling ones are the legals.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm

I would have worn one of those silly hats just to get within Nut-Kicking distance of that evil scumbag,

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Have I proposed to you within the last 43 minutes?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Not yet!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

Run away with me. We'll drag the rest of the Wonketz along, steal a few billion, and find a tropical island with little floaty brollies in the drinks.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

YAY!!
Frothy's back!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:50 am

Not exactly, sweetums. I'm still out here in the land down under, where the natives walk on their heads. Been checking out SuperToosdee, but The Patient has not returned from her jaunt into the Real World for about four hours now, and I'm worrying. Tsk!

Gainsbourg69 March 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm

The dude to Bush's right doesn't feel as jovial as the others.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:53 am

He's probly *still* upset Bush executed his whole fambly. You know how sensitive these illegals are.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Chuck Toad is saying that NBC might not even call it, tonight, if Cuyahoga doesn't get it's fucking act together, already.

Preferred Customer March 6, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Let's put our heads together, and start a new country up.

littlebigdaddy March 6, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Chuck Choad?

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm

No–it's Fuck Toad.

OzoneTom March 6, 2012 at 10:43 pm

Cuyahoga — I had a project for a few months in that area. Lotta pretty gals.

And by "pretty" I mean that contraceptives were provided by their health insurance.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Cleveland, city of light! city of magic!
Cleveland, city of light, you're calling me
Cleveland, even now I can remember
'Cause the Cuyahoga River
Goes smokin' through my dreams

Burn on, big river, burn on
Burn on, big river, burn on

Janinthepan March 6, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I know Medina county is one of those that can't get their votes in. Fuck that place of my birth.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Here, have a My Sincerest Condolences upfist.

Janinthepan March 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Thanks :)

glasspusher March 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Cuyahoga county rocks! It's one of the most liberal in Ohio. I was there for 5 years in grad school- case western. Ahhhhh…not as nice as sf bay, where I am now, but ok for 5 years.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Cuyahoga still at 41%.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

my ex husband was from cuyahoga county.

he couldn't get his fucking act together either.

Jim Newell March 6, 2012 at 10:37 pm

excellent

Barb March 6, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Wonder if he choked on a nacho.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Mission Nachomplished

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Wonder if he was able to open the door when he left.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Don't we all wish.

NYNYNYjr March 6, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I'm calling it for Santorum, cause everything's better with Santorum.

Preferred Customer March 6, 2012 at 10:42 pm

There's been a lot of loose talk tonight about Santorum friendly states. I do not want to go to there.

NYNYNYjr March 6, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Literally, figuratively, mathmaticaly, spiritually, analy, monsterously, technically, especially…do not want to go there.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I was just about to go to bed, and now this. Seriously Newell, don't make the alcohol poisoning happen.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm

It is inevitable. It is your destiny.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 10:59 pm

The Farce is strong in this one.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

It helps to know the enemy.

littlebigdaddy March 6, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Apparently, the santorum is spreading. I would say this is a public health disasater.

MadBrahms March 6, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Mitt may want to reconsider visiting Jabba's palace. He may be rich, but he also tortures and disassembles robots for pleasure. (NERD)

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Ahhh, but you are not a true high nerd unless you make an up to date diorama of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEAG9MELCt0

Attila_T_Hun March 6, 2012 at 10:40 pm

It's high in the middle and round on both ends: Ohio

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm

It's high in the middle and round on both ends

Rasta Newt?

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Oh, fuck. Romney's closing the gap, again. Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you an election, it seems.

MadBrahms March 6, 2012 at 10:43 pm

If there's one thing we can be sure of, it's that Santorum lives and dies by the size of the gap.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Even better, it can buy you a nomination AND a resentful base

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 10:42 pm

they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

With all the Hopey-mandated free birf control pills, it's gonna be one big porking lot.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 10:43 pm

npr station just went dead while airing interview with william shatner.

coincidence?

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

No.
He had to stand by at the local TV station in order to live broadcast the election.
"It's. Romney. It's. Santorum. It's. Romney." etc.

obfuscator2 March 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm

do swing states become swing states simply by being utterly fucking inept at reporting vote totals?

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Why the hell are you yelling, Wolf Blitzer, you slut? STOP YELLING!

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Chuck's analysis about Romney needing to shore up his support in the south is SAD considering he's a Republican, and they've been consistently carrying the south since 1980…

Fuck, man, even Bob Dole carried the south…

DahBoner March 7, 2012 at 7:56 am

But he's a Yankee from "New England", which is ironic, because the American Southern accent is mostly English..

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Who is the Catholic saint of finding shit? 'Cause Santorum needs to find some more votes, somewhere.

doloras March 6, 2012 at 10:47 pm
Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Saint Dude?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Don't know, but St. Jemima is the Patron Saint of Breakfast, I think.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:02 pm

St. Peter Upyerass.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

St. Anthony — and don't be talkin' bad about him, because he's my patron saint, even though I'm an atheist.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:56 am

St. Anthony, I think. Unless you're female and looking for a husband, in which case, St. Anne. If you're male and looking for a husband, it's St. SOL.

NYNYNYjr March 6, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Trivia: 'Chyron' comes from the Greek- he was the man who used to pull the news scroll across the ground during plays.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Halperin sez whoever wins Ohio has a "big leg up."

Whether it's dog-on-car or man-on-dog, US America gets pissed on.

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Nice.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 10:50 pm

BREAKING: OHIO STILL TOO KOCH TO CALL

Barb March 6, 2012 at 10:52 pm

They seem Koch-blocked.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

BREAKING: DEAD MEAT IN OHIO

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's a real Koch-up.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I do like the way Blitzer has to stand on his little lobo-shelf to make him look the same height as John King.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

As entertaining as it is, Martin Bashir's Prince Charles metaphor is pretty damn pointless.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Not unlike the prince.

MissNancyPriss March 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

agreed.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I came down to Ohio, once.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 10:54 pm

If onlythe final result of the Republican primary in Ohio could be "Four de-ead in O-hi-o".

OT: From The Onion, words of comfort for Sagittariuses: "Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 It's true that no man is an island, but all bullshit humanistic hand-wringing aside, it's totally okay to be happy that malignant Breitbart asshole is gone forever."

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Haha! My Breitbart hand-wringing lasted about 20 seconds before the happiness set in.

MilwaukeeKent March 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Too soon! [Checks watch] Nope, 'bout right.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Those are words of comfort for all signs, not just Sagittarii.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:58 am

Oh, god, that's WUNnerful! (laughs hysterically, pees the carpet with excitement)

chascates March 6, 2012 at 10:55 pm

When will we reach a point, caucus-wise, when everyone except Uncle Goldbug Paul will drop out and leave Mittens alone?

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

When bored billionaires stop injecting their pocket change into Newt and Santorum's SuperPACs?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

It has to be the very height of irony that Citizens' United, which ruling was loudly cheered by Repuglycuntz everywhere, has fucked them over so bad.

HuddledMass March 7, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I know, right? Karma's a bitch and I love her.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Bitch after my own heart, Huddled. (And, like as not, after my lungs and liver as well.)

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Sequel 5? What is this, Police Academy?

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 10:58 pm

"A Nightmare on Euclid Avenue"

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

"The Shape of Things to Come"

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Jim makes all the cool sound effects.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm

"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?" – Homer Simpson, 2004

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Needz moar Bubba Smith!

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 10:55 pm

This was a terrible night for Ron Paul – he sucked in District 23 of North Dakota! Ron! Man, I thought better of you!

Barb March 6, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Elliot Spitzer says that Santorum is "thinking about 2016." You would think that he would stop at just 7 children.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Spitzer knows his uteri!

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Pshaw. You'll never catch the Duggars with that kind of quitter mentality.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:00 am

"Mentality" is not what's helping them earn the title of Biggest Breeders EVAH.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Octorumom!

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Someone should tell his wife that it is a uterus and not a clown car.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Given what came out I wouldn't be too sure of that.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:08 am

I DID! I swear to GAWD I did. But does ANYbody listen to me?

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Although it's not clear whether he plans to have them in the usual way, or just find them along the Appalachian Trail.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Jesus, we've worn out all the Wonkettes and we're back to our Wonket. Thanks for staying up with us, Jim. Love from the Mountain Time Zone.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 11:06 pm

They mentioned something about box wine or something, I cant remember.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I think there are still a load of those Wonkette T-shirts around unless Ken kept them to use as towels.

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 11:01 pm

My fondest memory of Stupid Tuesday was on FOX NEWS when they had Magyn Kelly and $arah Palin on split screen and oh never mind.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Did you see starbursts?

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Sarah Palin Says 'Anything Is Possible' When Asked About Possible Presidential Run.
Anything but this bitch winning is possible.

VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?
Gov. PALIN: Anything in this life, in this world, is possible. Anything is possible for an American. I don't discount any idea or plan at the point isn't in my control. Anything is possible.

VERCAMMEN: But would you seriously consider a run?

Gov. PALIN: I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country, to put things back on the right track. Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help."

SheriffRoscoe March 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Great I'm drunk AND have a raging boner now.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I think you were on the Arugula course when she said this.

I should really eat some dinner.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country

Exile would be a nice start.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:11 pm

What the fuck does "and the Americans especially" mean?

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

That she's a retard, of course.

SheriffRoscoe March 6, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Oh but I want her to run, owls. I want that very much.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

As do I, and very far away.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:10 am

Suicide also. Too.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help.

God, she's like a circus contortionist with a single sentence.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

When questioned about what the VEEP does, she choked. Imagine her brilliant answer to what the POTUS does.

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

communication major, hellooooo

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

"Communication" major? More like "communicable" major.
"non connubial" for Bristol.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Anything but this bitch winning is possible.

On the other hand, this bitch whining is undoubtedly still in our future. Sigh.

Hey Barb, how ya doin' these days?

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I'm doing really well, Sugar Britches, thanks for asking.
The more I hear Sarah talking the more I think that she thinks she's going to be asked to run after a brokered convention. It's the lazy bitch road to the White House. Barack Obama wakes up every morning with pieces of this woman in his stool. The debates would be hilarious!

BigRadio March 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

How are those "lightening fingers" Barb? BTW, what body part is the "thunder"?

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:51 pm

You left out the "E" in "thunder" It's "the under"

Biff March 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Juliana Moore makes her seem entirely too reasonable, in the trailers.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I pulled out the book, "Game Change" last night to reread as an appetizer to the HBO movie.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

No HBO here, doubt I'll ever see it…

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

"VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?"

Oh, for shit's sake, NO!
NOOOOOOO!!! *yells at sky in rainstorm*
Shut up, you fucking moron!
We were all through! She'd finally gone the hell away and we were all making fun of Santorum as the lord god king dunce instead, and we were HAPPY, dammit! — and then YOU, vercammen, YOU had to go and poke the hornet's nest!
Now we'll have to go through another 3 or 4 years of this runny discharge before her battery winds down and she wanders off into the woods somewhere.
Thanks a whole big bunch.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 6:18 am

Goddammit! The only news I want to hear about That Woman will be delivered by a horde of ecstatic, garishly dressed Midginets singing "…She's gone where the Goblins go, Yo ho, Yoho Yoho Yoho Yoho!"

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 11:04 pm

"…Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over."

Whaa? Corporations are people too, my friends.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Why did I have the thought pop into my head that he probably would have little trouble running people over?

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 11:56 pm

It's a short leap from dogs on the roof to people under the Cadillac?

AlterNewt March 6, 2012 at 11:04 pm

This changes everything!

Just kidding. It doesn't change anything.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm

The 5 Scariest and Most Nauseating words, together, in the English language:

"Rick Santorum, Republican Presidential Nominee."

Gee, thanks, Rachel.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

I would think the 5 scariest words would be, "McCain inexplicably picks Sarah Palin."

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

That was Horrible and I still have nightmares. Some people apparently think that it's funny or educational to have such dangerous cranks come so close to the center of such Civilization Destroying power, but I never thought so.
I don't like roller coasters, or slasher movies either, for much the same reason.

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:07 am

Really, I don't understand this.
How in the hell, fuck, bitch, sissy, doody, crap did this stupid, crazy, and repulsive closet case come within a hundred light-years of running for President? How did he get even one vote, even from his wife?
I don't understand this at all, and I suspect that if I *did* understand it, I'd feel even worse.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

There's a lot of really crazed people out there. That part doesn't bother me much. Hell, I'm not exactly normal. However, Whatever else I may be I am Rational and it really bothers me that so many people have just run headlong from Rationality towards Crazytown. On purpose.

Nostrildamus March 7, 2012 at 1:53 am

How about "Carnivorous Aliens Invade – Cheney Negotiator"?

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 5:22 am

Yup, something worse. leave it to you guys.

Wadisay March 6, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Cold, robotic, twitchy, randy to be president, repellent, rich, vile vulture capitalist, pandering, full of hateful ideas as he is, there's something about the way this whole race is shaking out that almost makes me feel sorry for Romney. Almost. Fuck him anyway.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Like that moment in the movie The Candidate when Robert Redford asks "Now what?".

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

"Randy to be President." Shit, if a guy named Randy, any Randy, he's be spanking all of these ass clowns.

MilwaukeeKent March 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Why the GOP race won't end before the convention:
Gingrich has a grudge.
Romney has a strategy.
Santorum has a crusade.
Ron Paul has a cause.

Paul is the walrus. Which one's Pink?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:14 pm

But Bachmann was the perfect candidate! What's wrong with people?

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Lady Gaga.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

All of 'em…*burp* Katie.

DoktorThompson March 6, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Rush, obviously. He's the one with the cigars.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

They're all pink on the inside. Well, except for Mittens.

RadioSlut March 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Why can't I be Mr. Purple.

MosesInvests March 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

And if I tell you the name of the game, boys-we call it ridin' the gravy trai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ain….
That's what this is all about, amirite?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

Well, yeah, but Syd Barrett is like SO fucking dead awreddy and we got all these goddamn pinky-white dumbass mothafuckas to worry about.

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

"Which one's Pink?"

Syd Barrett on his worst day was more lucid than Santorum on his best.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

Not me, man, I am SO fucking BROWN.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm

This extended Republican Primary Freakshow Slugfest is every bit as good an idea as This.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 11:16 pm

or this

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

That is exactly how Andrew Breitbart started out. "Fire Bad!"

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Or this!!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

"thats  teribal". Moran.

I've been taking these just after each Republican debate. They're not as much fun as you might think.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I have to show this at work tomorrow. Thank Darwin there are no mountain whales.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

"Here come pieces of…OOhhh!!"
I watch this whenever I'm sad and it helps.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 4:20 am

Come bug me for a hug the next time you're sad, sweetie. I'll give you some serious heartlifting love and hugs. (Squeeze)

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:10 am

I like the comment under the blowing up the whale video where the guy's wife is asking him, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE DAMN CAR, JOHN??

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 12:14 am

I love that bit!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

Jeezus, dood, I know I lerve you and all, but that is simply fucking disgusting.

Any more where that came from?

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Awwwwww the Santorum slip and slide. Bummer.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Psssst! Lizzie – Michael Steele!!

Quick, Convert Him. He's talking Nonsense again.

DaRooster March 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

“We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio”

Please… something hold back the Santorum.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I think the many sphincters of the Republican party should ban together to hold back the Santorum.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

grrrr, Mitt up by 6k in OH, aye, ohh, (godamnit again?) Ohio.

littlebigdaddy March 6, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Ooh! MIchael Steele is on MSNBC. Too bad his cute dog is not. And he is not talking at all about lesbian strippers. WTF?

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 11:23 pm

That's the first rule of Lesbian Stripper Club: You don't talk about lesbian stripper clubs.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

And you certainly don't turn in the receipts for your expense report.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:24 pm

What up, dawg?

Gainsbourg69 March 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

I didn't know Michael Steele was the one responsible for turning the republican primary into a three ring circus. His incompetence is epic.

Barb March 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Did you notice the white tie with the HUGE brown polka dots he was wearing. We all know where he was when the Santorum hit the fan.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

So next Tuesday is Mississippi and Alabama. Unlike Wolf Blitzer I'll go ahead and call both states for a close tie between Gingrich and Santorum. With Robert E. Lee getting second place as a write-in.

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Is it too late for Zombie Strom to get into the race?

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I hear ole Stonewall Jackson is surging in the polls.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 5:26 am

Lester Maddox, the DarkWhite Horse candidate.

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I see a little pooch of Romney counties in the south-west of Ohio's map, looking patiently at a treat…

RadioSlut March 6, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Remember, the northern border of Kentucky is Lake Erie.

OzoneTom March 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

This just in — looks like mean Jean Schmidt is going down to defeat in OH.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 11:53 pm

There IS a God!

(Oh, shit. Now that my atheism is gone what's left to believe in?)

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

Isn't she that lady who owned a baseball team and made racist remarks about the players of said team?

HuddledMass March 7, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Yeah, defeated in the primary by a MORE right-wing Republican. Can there be such a thing?

flamingpdog March 6, 2012 at 11:27 pm

10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!"

I guess that's one less meme on teh Wonkette, eh?

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 5:26 am

Wake me up when they steal "Buttsechs".

onemoretime79 March 6, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Youre not like suckers, my brave intrepid Wonkette reporters. Youre like eaters, woh. (!)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm

"Update at 11:15 p.m. — Results with 73% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 42%, Marcy Kaptur 54%, Graham Veysey 4%"

It's not called yet.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I hope Marcy pulls this out. Kucinich has just been horrible in the past few years, both with who he's handled the redistricting and then even before then.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm

It's looking pretty good for her:

"Update at 11:31 p.m. — Results with 79% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 38%, Marcy Kaptur 58%, Graham Veysey 4%."

RadioSlut March 6, 2012 at 11:49 pm

I'm going to miss his eye candy of a wife though.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Romney is the Republicans' Kerry.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Except that Romney's not a war hero and has no actual core.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 11:55 pm

I have utmost respect for John Kerry. I guess I was referring to the 'aloof elitist' bit. (Romney, however is every bit the aloof soulless elitist).

Negropolis March 7, 2012 at 1:25 am

I know you do. I was just being a jackass.

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:13 am

And Kerry's friends have bewbies.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 2:01 am

If he were worth a toenail of Kerry's! There's a lot to be said about Kerry, but most of it is good. The same is not true of RMONEY.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Kucinich losing to Kaptur? Nooooooo!

chascates March 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Our Lady of Outrage may yet want another chance at VEEP:
“I think the definition of hypocrisy is for Rush Limbaugh to have been called out, forced to apologize and retract what it is that he said in exercising his First Amendment rights and never is that the same applied to the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,” Palin told CNN in an interview from Wasilla, Alaska.

Jim Newell March 6, 2012 at 11:42 pm

****NEW AND PRESUMABLY LAST LIVEBLOG HERE, SO GO HERE, OR HAVE ALLAH STRIKE YOU DOWN ON THE TOILET*****
http://wonkette.com/466054/liveblogging-your-sloo

Thanks!

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

The guys in the picture who Bush is pawing don't look all that happy, do they?

tessiee March 7, 2012 at 12:15 am

"the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,”

No, Sarah, you're confused as usual — those are the voices in your head.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

Wait, remind me again, fellas. HTH did I end up with a bunch of fucking demented bozos like yourselves again?

Oh, right. I came over here of my own free will. Fine. Thanks a whole fucking LOT.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 6:56 am

" You are One of Us. You are One of Us. You are One of Us."

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 5:52 am

Thanks for posting the pix of Chimpy. Being reminded that he is history always makes me feel better.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 5:39 am

Come back to us Frothman. We and the rest of the Wonkeratti will Get so Weird that all the assholes will flee, in Fear and Loathing to the Moon where Gingrich can be their decadent President.

C_R_Eature March 7, 2012 at 6:41 am

Yeaaaaahh! BOAT DRINKS ALL AROUND!

I carry a handful of little paper umbrellas with me when I travel, on General Principles.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Watchu talkin' about, Willis? Y'all already so goddamn weird, it's a miracle those mofos haven't hotfooted it to the nearest habitable planet. (Hugs the CREature)

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

ANZ offers a FINE selection of their wines and champagnes, but they just wouldn't DO the little brollies. How can a person enjoy a nice glass of Cloudy Bay wivout a paper brolly? I'm'a travel wiv YOU in future.

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