Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. waiting for some 90-year-old poll volunteer to come out of a cabin in the woods and turn in the 15 decisive votes that had been missing all night. Let’s type about it! (See liveblogs one, two, three, and four, for further trenchant Super Tuesday political commentary.)
10:34 — Could someone email JIM AT WONKETTE DOT COM when the Kaptur-Kucinich House primary is called? Your Wonkette is too busy typing about politics to know anything about politics.
10:38 — Lightning-fingered commenter “Barb” shares this photo from some restaurant. It’s a powerful reminder of what real leaders look like. George W. Bush is in the photo, too.
10:41 — CNN suggests — get this — that Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over. He will have to work on this! And here we watch this, like suckers. They just replay the tape of the panel discussion from Iowa caucus night over and over every primary night now. The 2008 Iowa caucus night.
10:44 — It all comes down to Ohio, it all comes down to Ohio! (What comes down to Ohio?) The Ohio primary comes down to Ohio! Everyone dust off your Ken Blackwell/Diebold/John Kerry theories while we sit here, in boredom.
10:49 — Santorum is winning many parts of Ohio… that have been 100% counted so far.
10:54 — Oh come on: “@ChuckTodd reports NBC News will NOT call Ohio TONIGHT.” Does this mean we have to go back to our lives soon? Ugh.
10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!”
11:00 — Ooh, 11:00, time for CNN to pretend to restart its coverage for the 17th time tonight.
11:01 — “Plenty of time for stuff to happen” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We’ll be watching Ohio very, very closely” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:07 — Wolf Blitzer is paid a lot of money to speak on television.
11:09 — “We’ll continue to watch what happens in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:10 — Roll Call: “With 65% reporting, Marcy Kaptur leads Dennis Kucinich 57%-39% in #OH09. Hard to see how he makes up that margin.” Sounds good to this Wonkette writer! Throw your tomatoes right here, right at the browser.
11:13 — ***DING DING DING NBC News projects Mitt Romney wins… the Idaho caucus! Great! And that’s your Quadrennial Wonkette Typing Of The Word “Idaho,” Barring Gay Sex Scandals.
11:17 — From Benjy Sarlin at TPM: “‘I don’t want to miss a thing’ comes on at Santorum party to audible, visual groans.” It’s gotta be Rick Santorum’s favorite song, right? Either that or the Goo Goo Dolls song from the City of Angels soundtrack.
11:22 — “Let’s go out to the Taco Bell Arena” — Wolf Blitzer. It’s a simple statement of fact! And yet can we get an audio clip of Wolf Blitzer saying that, anyway, to embed on America’s grave?
11:24 — Romney up 5,100 in Ohio with 90% reporting. They could call it but they’re not. And we could have a recount! WHO WOULDN’T LOVE THAT.
11:30 — John King is showing how Romney is getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that would go to Obama in the general, and this is a problem. It’s the opposite of the 2008 Democratic contest, when pundits showed how Obama was getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that he’d already get in the general, and this was a problem. Is it better for primary candidates to maximize votes in their base or not? No one asks this question. Ha ha, it’s 11:30.
11:38 — RELIEF HAS COME! Here’s Rebecca and/or Kirsten taking you into Late Nite, with a NEW LIVEBLOG! Go! Goodbye.




{ 211 comments }
Coincidentally, Mitt Romney is spending the evening binging on mini-clusters.
that would be 'mini groat clusters' –
A steaming heap! God amighty I'm hungry!
I'd be a lot happier if he were binging on mini-cluster bombs.
http://i41.tinypic.com/ic5wew.jpg
From the restaurant tonight. He had them all deported after dinner.
You could cut the awkward tension in that photo with a ginsu knife.
I'm assuming the two smiling ones are the legals.
I would have worn one of those silly hats just to get within Nut-Kicking distance of that evil scumbag,
Have I proposed to you within the last 43 minutes?
Not yet!
Run away with me. We'll drag the rest of the Wonketz along, steal a few billion, and find a tropical island with little floaty brollies in the drinks.
YAY!!
Frothy's back!
Not exactly, sweetums. I'm still out here in the land down under, where the natives walk on their heads. Been checking out SuperToosdee, but The Patient has not returned from her jaunt into the Real World for about four hours now, and I'm worrying. Tsk!
The dude to Bush's right doesn't feel as jovial as the others.
He's probly *still* upset Bush executed his whole fambly. You know how sensitive these illegals are.
Chuck Toad is saying that NBC might not even call it, tonight, if Cuyahoga doesn't get it's fucking act together, already.
Let's put our heads together, and start a new country up.
Chuck Choad?
No–it's Fuck Toad.
Cuyahoga — I had a project for a few months in that area. Lotta pretty gals.
And by "pretty" I mean that contraceptives were provided by their health insurance.
Cleveland, city of light! city of magic!
Cleveland, city of light, you're calling me
Cleveland, even now I can remember
'Cause the Cuyahoga River
Goes smokin' through my dreams
Burn on, big river, burn on
Burn on, big river, burn on
I know Medina county is one of those that can't get their votes in. Fuck that place of my birth.
Here, have a My Sincerest Condolences upfist.
Thanks :)
Cuyahoga county rocks! It's one of the most liberal in Ohio. I was there for 5 years in grad school- case western. Ahhhhh…not as nice as sf bay, where I am now, but ok for 5 years.
Cuyahoga still at 41%.
my ex husband was from cuyahoga county.
he couldn't get his fucking act together either.
excellent
Wonder if he choked on a nacho.
Mission Nachomplished
Wonder if he was able to open the door when he left.
Don't we all wish.
I'm calling it for Santorum, cause everything's better with Santorum.
There's been a lot of loose talk tonight about Santorum friendly states. I do not want to go to there.
Literally, figuratively, mathmaticaly, spiritually, analy, monsterously, technically, especially…do not want to go there.
I was just about to go to bed, and now this. Seriously Newell, don't make the alcohol poisoning happen.
It is inevitable. It is your destiny.
The Farce is strong in this one.
It helps to know the enemy.
Apparently, the santorum is spreading. I would say this is a public health disasater.
Mitt may want to reconsider visiting Jabba's palace. He may be rich, but he also tortures and disassembles robots for pleasure. (NERD)
Ahhh, but you are not a true high nerd unless you make an up to date diorama of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEAG9MELCt0
It's high in the middle and round on both ends: Ohio
It's high in the middle and round on both ends
Rasta Newt?
Oh, fuck. Romney's closing the gap, again. Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you an election, it seems.
If there's one thing we can be sure of, it's that Santorum lives and dies by the size of the gap.
Even better, it can buy you a nomination AND a resentful base
they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.
With all the Hopey-mandated free birf control pills, it's gonna be one big porking lot.
npr station just went dead while airing interview with william shatner.
coincidence?
No.
He had to stand by at the local TV station in order to live broadcast the election.
"It's. Romney. It's. Santorum. It's. Romney." etc.
do swing states become swing states simply by being utterly fucking inept at reporting vote totals?
Why the hell are you yelling, Wolf Blitzer, you slut? STOP YELLING!
BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!
Chuck's analysis about Romney needing to shore up his support in the south is SAD considering he's a Republican, and they've been consistently carrying the south since 1980…
Fuck, man, even Bob Dole carried the south…
But he's a Yankee from "New England", which is ironic, because the American Southern accent is mostly English..
Who is the Catholic saint of finding shit? 'Cause Santorum needs to find some more votes, somewhere.
http://www.therealpresence.org/eucharst/mir/st_an…
Saint Dude?
Don't know, but St. Jemima is the Patron Saint of Breakfast, I think.
St. Peter Upyerass.
St. Anthony — and don't be talkin' bad about him, because he's my patron saint, even though I'm an atheist.
St. Anthony, I think. Unless you're female and looking for a husband, in which case, St. Anne. If you're male and looking for a husband, it's St. SOL.
Trivia: 'Chyron' comes from the Greek- he was the man who used to pull the news scroll across the ground during plays.
Halperin sez whoever wins Ohio has a "big leg up."
Whether it's dog-on-car or man-on-dog, US America gets pissed on.
Nice.
BREAKING: OHIO STILL TOO KOCH TO CALL
They seem Koch-blocked.
BREAKING: DEAD MEAT IN OHIO
It's a real Koch-up.
I do like the way Blitzer has to stand on his little lobo-shelf to make him look the same height as John King.
As entertaining as it is, Martin Bashir's Prince Charles metaphor is pretty damn pointless.
Not unlike the prince.
agreed.
I came down to Ohio, once.
If onlythe final result of the Republican primary in Ohio could be "Four de-ead in O-hi-o".
OT: From The Onion, words of comfort for Sagittariuses: "Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 It's true that no man is an island, but all bullshit humanistic hand-wringing aside, it's totally okay to be happy that malignant Breitbart asshole is gone forever."
Haha! My Breitbart hand-wringing lasted about 20 seconds before the happiness set in.
Too soon! [Checks watch] Nope, 'bout right.
Those are words of comfort for all signs, not just Sagittarii.
Oh, god, that's WUNnerful! (laughs hysterically, pees the carpet with excitement)
When will we reach a point, caucus-wise, when everyone except Uncle Goldbug Paul will drop out and leave Mittens alone?
When bored billionaires stop injecting their pocket change into Newt and Santorum's SuperPACs?
It has to be the very height of irony that Citizens' United, which ruling was loudly cheered by Repuglycuntz everywhere, has fucked them over so bad.
I know, right? Karma's a bitch and I love her.
Bitch after my own heart, Huddled. (And, like as not, after my lungs and liver as well.)
Sequel 5? What is this, Police Academy?
"A Nightmare on Euclid Avenue"
"The Shape of Things to Come"
Jim makes all the cool sound effects.
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?" – Homer Simpson, 2004
Needz moar Bubba Smith!
This was a terrible night for Ron Paul – he sucked in District 23 of North Dakota! Ron! Man, I thought better of you!
Elliot Spitzer says that Santorum is "thinking about 2016." You would think that he would stop at just 7 children.
Spitzer knows his uteri!
Pshaw. You'll never catch the Duggars with that kind of quitter mentality.
"Mentality" is not what's helping them earn the title of Biggest Breeders EVAH.
Octorumom!
Someone should tell his wife that it is a uterus and not a clown car.
Given what came out I wouldn't be too sure of that.
I DID! I swear to GAWD I did. But does ANYbody listen to me?
Although it's not clear whether he plans to have them in the usual way, or just find them along the Appalachian Trail.
Jesus, we've worn out all the Wonkettes and we're back to our Wonket. Thanks for staying up with us, Jim. Love from the Mountain Time Zone.
They mentioned something about box wine or something, I cant remember.
I think there are still a load of those Wonkette T-shirts around unless Ken kept them to use as towels.
My fondest memory of Stupid Tuesday was on FOX NEWS when they had Magyn Kelly and $arah Palin on split screen and oh never mind.
Did you see starbursts?
Sarah Palin Says 'Anything Is Possible' When Asked About Possible Presidential Run.
Anything but this bitch winning is possible.
VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?
Gov. PALIN: Anything in this life, in this world, is possible. Anything is possible for an American. I don't discount any idea or plan at the point isn't in my control. Anything is possible.
VERCAMMEN: But would you seriously consider a run?
Gov. PALIN: I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country, to put things back on the right track. Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help."
Great I'm drunk AND have a raging boner now.
I think you were on the Arugula course when she said this.
I should really eat some dinner.
I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country
Exile would be a nice start.
What the fuck does "and the Americans especially" mean?
That she's a retard, of course.
Oh but I want her to run, owls. I want that very much.
As do I, and very far away.
Suicide also. Too.
Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help.
God, she's like a circus contortionist with a single sentence.
When questioned about what the VEEP does, she choked. Imagine her brilliant answer to what the POTUS does.
communication major, hellooooo
"Communication" major? More like "communicable" major.
"non connubial" for Bristol.
Anything but this bitch winning is possible.
On the other hand, this bitch whining is undoubtedly still in our future. Sigh.
Hey Barb, how ya doin' these days?
I'm doing really well, Sugar Britches, thanks for asking.
The more I hear Sarah talking the more I think that she thinks she's going to be asked to run after a brokered convention. It's the lazy bitch road to the White House. Barack Obama wakes up every morning with pieces of this woman in his stool. The debates would be hilarious!
How are those "lightening fingers" Barb? BTW, what body part is the "thunder"?
You left out the "E" in "thunder" It's "the under"
Juliana Moore makes her seem entirely too reasonable, in the trailers.
I pulled out the book, "Game Change" last night to reread as an appetizer to the HBO movie.
No HBO here, doubt I'll ever see it…
"VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?"
Oh, for shit's sake, NO!
NOOOOOOO!!! *yells at sky in rainstorm*
Shut up, you fucking moron!
We were all through! She'd finally gone the hell away and we were all making fun of Santorum as the lord god king dunce instead, and we were HAPPY, dammit! — and then YOU, vercammen, YOU had to go and poke the hornet's nest!
Now we'll have to go through another 3 or 4 years of this runny discharge before her battery winds down and she wanders off into the woods somewhere.
Thanks a whole big bunch.
Goddammit! The only news I want to hear about That Woman will be delivered by a horde of ecstatic, garishly dressed Midginets singing "…She's gone where the Goblins go, Yo ho, Yoho Yoho Yoho Yoho!"
"…Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over."
Whaa? Corporations are people too, my friends.
Why did I have the thought pop into my head that he probably would have little trouble running people over?
It's a short leap from dogs on the roof to people under the Cadillac?
This changes everything!
Just kidding. It doesn't change anything.
The 5 Scariest and Most Nauseating words, together, in the English language:
"Rick Santorum, Republican Presidential Nominee."
Gee, thanks, Rachel.
I would think the 5 scariest words would be, "McCain inexplicably picks Sarah Palin."
That was Horrible and I still have nightmares. Some people apparently think that it's funny or educational to have such dangerous cranks come so close to the center of such Civilization Destroying power, but I never thought so.
I don't like roller coasters, or slasher movies either, for much the same reason.
Really, I don't understand this.
How in the hell, fuck, bitch, sissy, doody, crap did this stupid, crazy, and repulsive closet case come within a hundred light-years of running for President? How did he get even one vote, even from his wife?
I don't understand this at all, and I suspect that if I *did* understand it, I'd feel even worse.
There's a lot of really crazed people out there. That part doesn't bother me much. Hell, I'm not exactly normal. However, Whatever else I may be I am Rational and it really bothers me that so many people have just run headlong from Rationality towards Crazytown. On purpose.
How about "Carnivorous Aliens Invade – Cheney Negotiator"?
Yup, something worse. leave it to you guys.
Cold, robotic, twitchy, randy to be president, repellent, rich, vile vulture capitalist, pandering, full of hateful ideas as he is, there's something about the way this whole race is shaking out that almost makes me feel sorry for Romney. Almost. Fuck him anyway.
Like that moment in the movie The Candidate when Robert Redford asks "Now what?".
"Randy to be President." Shit, if a guy named Randy, any Randy, he's be spanking all of these ass clowns.
Why the GOP race won't end before the convention:
Gingrich has a grudge.
Romney has a strategy.
Santorum has a crusade.
Ron Paul has a cause.
Paul is the walrus. Which one's Pink?
But Bachmann was the perfect candidate! What's wrong with people?
Lady Gaga.
All of 'em…*burp* Katie.
Rush, obviously. He's the one with the cigars.
They're all pink on the inside. Well, except for Mittens.
Why can't I be Mr. Purple.
And if I tell you the name of the game, boys-we call it ridin' the gravy trai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ain….
That's what this is all about, amirite?
Well, yeah, but Syd Barrett is like SO fucking dead awreddy and we got all these goddamn pinky-white dumbass mothafuckas to worry about.
"Which one's Pink?"
Syd Barrett on his worst day was more lucid than Santorum on his best.
Not me, man, I am SO fucking BROWN.
This extended Republican Primary Freakshow Slugfest is every bit as good an idea as This.
or this
That is exactly how Andrew Breitbart started out. "Fire Bad!"
Or this!!
"thats teribal". Moran.
I've been taking these just after each Republican debate. They're not as much fun as you might think.
I have to show this at work tomorrow. Thank Darwin there are no mountain whales.
"Here come pieces of…OOhhh!!"
I watch this whenever I'm sad and it helps.
Come bug me for a hug the next time you're sad, sweetie. I'll give you some serious heartlifting love and hugs. (Squeeze)
I like the comment under the blowing up the whale video where the guy's wife is asking him, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE DAMN CAR, JOHN??
I love that bit!
Jeezus, dood, I know I lerve you and all, but that is simply fucking disgusting.
Any more where that came from?
Awwwwww the Santorum slip and slide. Bummer.
Psssst! Lizzie – Michael Steele!!
Quick, Convert Him. He's talking Nonsense again.
“We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio”
Please… something hold back the Santorum.
I think the many sphincters of the Republican party should ban together to hold back the Santorum.
grrrr, Mitt up by 6k in OH, aye, ohh, (godamnit again?) Ohio.
Ooh! MIchael Steele is on MSNBC. Too bad his cute dog is not. And he is not talking at all about lesbian strippers. WTF?
That's the first rule of Lesbian Stripper Club: You don't talk about lesbian stripper clubs.
And you certainly don't turn in the receipts for your expense report.
What up, dawg?
I didn't know Michael Steele was the one responsible for turning the republican primary into a three ring circus. His incompetence is epic.
Did you notice the white tie with the HUGE brown polka dots he was wearing. We all know where he was when the Santorum hit the fan.
So next Tuesday is Mississippi and Alabama. Unlike Wolf Blitzer I'll go ahead and call both states for a close tie between Gingrich and Santorum. With Robert E. Lee getting second place as a write-in.
Is it too late for Zombie Strom to get into the race?
I hear ole Stonewall Jackson is surging in the polls.
Lester Maddox, the
DarkWhite Horse candidate.I see a little pooch of Romney counties in the south-west of Ohio's map, looking patiently at a treat…
Remember, the northern border of Kentucky is Lake Erie.
This just in — looks like mean Jean Schmidt is going down to defeat in OH.
There IS a God!
(Oh, shit. Now that my atheism is gone what's left to believe in?)
Isn't she that lady who owned a baseball team and made racist remarks about the players of said team?
Yeah, defeated in the primary by a MORE right-wing Republican. Can there be such a thing?
10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!"
I guess that's one less meme on teh Wonkette, eh?
Wake me up when they steal "Buttsechs".
Youre not like suckers, my brave intrepid Wonkette reporters. Youre like eaters, woh. (!)
"Update at 11:15 p.m. — Results with 73% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 42%, Marcy Kaptur 54%, Graham Veysey 4%"
It's not called yet.
I hope Marcy pulls this out. Kucinich has just been horrible in the past few years, both with who he's handled the redistricting and then even before then.
It's looking pretty good for her:
"Update at 11:31 p.m. — Results with 79% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 38%, Marcy Kaptur 58%, Graham Veysey 4%."
I'm going to miss his eye candy of a wife though.
Romney is the Republicans' Kerry.
Except that Romney's not a war hero and has no actual core.
I have utmost respect for John Kerry. I guess I was referring to the 'aloof elitist' bit. (Romney, however is every bit the aloof soulless elitist).
I know you do. I was just being a jackass.
And Kerry's friends have bewbies.
If he were worth a toenail of Kerry's! There's a lot to be said about Kerry, but most of it is good. The same is not true of RMONEY.
Kucinich losing to Kaptur? Nooooooo!
Our Lady of Outrage may yet want another chance at VEEP:
“I think the definition of hypocrisy is for Rush Limbaugh to have been called out, forced to apologize and retract what it is that he said in exercising his First Amendment rights and never is that the same applied to the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,” Palin told CNN in an interview from Wasilla, Alaska.
****NEW AND PRESUMABLY LAST LIVEBLOG HERE, SO GO HERE, OR HAVE ALLAH STRIKE YOU DOWN ON THE TOILET*****
http://wonkette.com/466054/liveblogging-your-sloo…
Thanks!
The guys in the picture who Bush is pawing don't look all that happy, do they?
"the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,”
No, Sarah, you're confused as usual — those are the voices in your head.
Wait, remind me again, fellas. HTH did I end up with a bunch of fucking demented bozos like yourselves again?
Oh, right. I came over here of my own free will. Fine. Thanks a whole fucking LOT.
" You are One of Us. You are One of Us. You are One of Us."
Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble.
Thanks for posting the pix of Chimpy. Being reminded that he is history always makes me feel better.
Come back to us Frothman. We and the rest of the Wonkeratti will Get so Weird that all the assholes will flee, in Fear and Loathing to the Moon where Gingrich can be their decadent President.
Yeaaaaahh! BOAT DRINKS ALL AROUND!
I carry a handful of little paper umbrellas with me when I travel, on General Principles.
Watchu talkin' about, Willis? Y'all already so goddamn weird, it's a miracle those mofos haven't hotfooted it to the nearest habitable planet. (Hugs the CREature)
ANZ offers a FINE selection of their wines and champagnes, but they just wouldn't DO the little brollies. How can a person enjoy a nice glass of Cloudy Bay wivout a paper brolly? I'm'a travel wiv YOU in future.
Comments on this entry are closed.