the founders are watching porn

Super Tuesday Liveblog Part V: Mitt Visits Yoda, Cloud City, & Ohio

Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. waiting for some 90-year-old poll volunteer to come out of a cabin in the woods and turn in the 15 decisive votes that had been missing all night. Let’s type about it! (See liveblogs one, two, three, and four, for further trenchant Super Tuesday political commentary.)

10:34 — Could someone email JIM AT WONKETTE DOT COM when the Kaptur-Kucinich House primary is called? Your Wonkette is too busy typing about politics to know anything about politics.
10:38 — Lightning-fingered commenter “Barb” shares this photo from some restaurant. It’s a powerful reminder of what real leaders look like. George W. Bush is in the photo, too.

10:41 — CNN suggests — get this — that Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over. He will have to work on this! And here we watch this, like suckers. They just replay the tape of the panel discussion from Iowa caucus night over and over every primary night now. The 2008 Iowa caucus night.
10:44 — It all comes down to Ohio, it all comes down to Ohio! (What comes down to Ohio?) The Ohio primary comes down to Ohio! Everyone dust off your Ken Blackwell/Diebold/John Kerry theories while we sit here, in boredom.
10:49 — Santorum is winning many parts of Ohio… that have been 100% counted so far.
10:54 — Oh come on: “@ChuckTodd reports NBC News will NOT call Ohio TONIGHT.” Does this mean we have to go back to our lives soon? Ugh.
10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!”
11:00 — Ooh, 11:00, time for CNN to pretend to restart its coverage for the 17th time tonight.
11:01 — “Plenty of time for stuff to happen” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:02 — “We’ll be watching Ohio very, very closely” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:07 — Wolf Blitzer is paid a lot of money to speak on television.
11:09 — “We’ll continue to watch what happens in Ohio” — Wolf Blitzer.
11:10 — Roll Call: “With 65% reporting, Marcy Kaptur leads Dennis Kucinich 57%-39% in #OH09. Hard to see how he makes up that margin.” Sounds good to this Wonkette writer! Throw your tomatoes right here, right at the browser.
11:13 — ***DING DING DING NBC News projects Mitt Romney wins… the Idaho caucus! Great! And that’s your Quadrennial Wonkette Typing Of The Word “Idaho,” Barring Gay Sex Scandals.
11:17 — From Benjy Sarlin at TPM: “‘I don’t want to miss a thing’ comes on at Santorum party to audible, visual groans.” It’s gotta be Rick Santorum’s favorite song, right? Either that or the Goo Goo Dolls song from the City of Angels soundtrack.
11:22 — “Let’s go out to the Taco Bell Arena” — Wolf Blitzer. It’s a simple statement of fact! And yet can we get an audio clip of Wolf Blitzer saying that, anyway, to embed on America’s grave?
11:24 — Romney up 5,100 in Ohio with 90% reporting. They could call it but they’re not. And we could have a recount! WHO WOULDN’T LOVE THAT.
11:30 — John King is showing how Romney is getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that would go to Obama in the general, and this is a problem. It’s the opposite of the 2008 Democratic contest, when pundits showed how Obama was getting all of his primary votes in parts of the state — cities, suburbs — that he’d already get in the general, and this was a problem. Is it better for primary candidates to maximize votes in their base or not? No one asks this question. Ha ha, it’s 11:30.

11:38 — RELIEF HAS COME! Here’s Rebecca and/or Kirsten taking you into Late Nite, with a NEW LIVEBLOG! Go! Goodbye.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Come here a minute

    Coincidentally, Mitt Romney is spending the evening binging on mini-clusters.

    • Mondo_Cane

      that would be 'mini groat clusters' –

      • chascates

        A steaming heap! God amighty I'm hungry!

    • flamingpdog

      I'd be a lot happier if he were binging on mini-cluster bombs.

  • Barb

    http://i41.tinypic.com/ic5wew.jpg
    From the restaurant tonight. He had them all deported after dinner.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You could cut the awkward tension in that photo with a ginsu knife.

      • flamingpdog

        I'm assuming the two smiling ones are the legals.

    • C_R_Eature

      I would have worn one of those silly hats just to get within Nut-Kicking distance of that evil scumbag,

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Have I proposed to you within the last 43 minutes?

        • C_R_Eature

          Not yet!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Run away with me. We'll drag the rest of the Wonketz along, steal a few billion, and find a tropical island with little floaty brollies in the drinks.

          • C_R_Eature

            Come back to us Frothman. We and the rest of the Wonkeratti will Get so Weird that all the assholes will flee, in Fear and Loathing to the Moon where Gingrich can be their decadent President.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Watchu talkin' about, Willis? Y'all already so goddamn weird, it's a miracle those mofos haven't hotfooted it to the nearest habitable planet. (Hugs the CREature)

          • C_R_Eature

            Yeaaaaahh! BOAT DRINKS ALL AROUND!

            I carry a handful of little paper umbrellas with me when I travel, on General Principles.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            ANZ offers a FINE selection of their wines and champagnes, but they just wouldn't DO the little brollies. How can a person enjoy a nice glass of Cloudy Bay wivout a paper brolly? I'm'a travel wiv YOU in future.

        • tessiee

          YAY!!
          Frothy's back!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Not exactly, sweetums. I'm still out here in the land down under, where the natives walk on their heads. Been checking out SuperToosdee, but The Patient has not returned from her jaunt into the Real World for about four hours now, and I'm worrying. Tsk!

    • Gainsbourg69

      The dude to Bush's right doesn't feel as jovial as the others.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        He's probly *still* upset Bush executed his whole fambly. You know how sensitive these illegals are.

  • Negropolis

    Chuck Toad is saying that NBC might not even call it, tonight, if Cuyahoga doesn't get it's fucking act together, already.

    • Preferred Customer

      Let's put our heads together, and start a new country up.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Chuck Choad?

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        No–it's Fuck Toad.

    • OzoneTom

      Cuyahoga — I had a project for a few months in that area. Lotta pretty gals.

      And by "pretty" I mean that contraceptives were provided by their health insurance.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Cleveland, city of light! city of magic!
      Cleveland, city of light, you're calling me
      Cleveland, even now I can remember
      'Cause the Cuyahoga River
      Goes smokin' through my dreams

      Burn on, big river, burn on
      Burn on, big river, burn on

    • Janinthepan

      I know Medina county is one of those that can't get their votes in. Fuck that place of my birth.

      • user-of-owls

        Here, have a My Sincerest Condolences upfist.

        • Janinthepan

          Thanks :)

    • glasspusher

      Cuyahoga county rocks! It's one of the most liberal in Ohio. I was there for 5 years in grad school- case western. Ahhhhh…not as nice as sf bay, where I am now, but ok for 5 years.

    • Negropolis

      Cuyahoga still at 41%.

    • fuflans

      my ex husband was from cuyahoga county.

      he couldn't get his fucking act together either.

  • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

    excellent

    • Barb

      Wonder if he choked on a nacho.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Mission Nachomplished

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Wonder if he was able to open the door when he left.

      • tessiee

        Don't we all wish.

  • NYNYNYjr

    I'm calling it for Santorum, cause everything's better with Santorum.

    • Preferred Customer

      There's been a lot of loose talk tonight about Santorum friendly states. I do not want to go to there.

      • NYNYNYjr

        Literally, figuratively, mathmaticaly, spiritually, analy, monsterously, technically, especially…do not want to go there.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I was just about to go to bed, and now this. Seriously Newell, don't make the alcohol poisoning happen.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      It is inevitable. It is your destiny.

    • flamingpdog

      The Farce is strong in this one.

    • Biff

      It helps to know the enemy.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Apparently, the santorum is spreading. I would say this is a public health disasater.

  • MadBrahms

    Mitt may want to reconsider visiting Jabba's palace. He may be rich, but he also tortures and disassembles robots for pleasure. (NERD)

  • Attila_T_Hun

    It's high in the middle and round on both ends: Ohio

    • user-of-owls

      It's high in the middle and round on both ends

      Rasta Newt?

  • Negropolis

    Oh, fuck. Romney's closing the gap, again. Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you an election, it seems.

    • MadBrahms

      If there's one thing we can be sure of, it's that Santorum lives and dies by the size of the gap.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Even better, it can buy you a nomination AND a resentful base

  • fuflans

    they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.

    • flamingpdog

      With all the Hopey-mandated free birf control pills, it's gonna be one big porking lot.

  • fuflans

    npr station just went dead while airing interview with william shatner.

    coincidence?

    • tessiee

      No.
      He had to stand by at the local TV station in order to live broadcast the election.
      "It's. Romney. It's. Santorum. It's. Romney." etc.

  • obfuscator2

    do swing states become swing states simply by being utterly fucking inept at reporting vote totals?

  • Negropolis

    Why the hell are you yelling, Wolf Blitzer, you slut? STOP YELLING!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      BEHAVE YOURSELF!!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Chuck's analysis about Romney needing to shore up his support in the south is SAD considering he's a Republican, and they've been consistently carrying the south since 1980…

    Fuck, man, even Bob Dole carried the south…

    • DahBoner

      But he's a Yankee from "New England", which is ironic, because the American Southern accent is mostly English..

  • Negropolis

    Who is the Catholic saint of finding shit? 'Cause Santorum needs to find some more votes, somewhere.

    • doloras
    • Doktor Zoom

      Saint Dude?

    • C_R_Eature

      Don't know, but St. Jemima is the Patron Saint of Breakfast, I think.

    • flamingpdog

      St. Peter Upyerass.

    • tessiee

      St. Anthony — and don't be talkin' bad about him, because he's my patron saint, even though I'm an atheist.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      St. Anthony, I think. Unless you're female and looking for a husband, in which case, St. Anne. If you're male and looking for a husband, it's St. SOL.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Trivia: 'Chyron' comes from the Greek- he was the man who used to pull the news scroll across the ground during plays.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Halperin sez whoever wins Ohio has a "big leg up."

    Whether it's dog-on-car or man-on-dog, US America gets pissed on.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Nice.

  • Extemporanus

    BREAKING: OHIO STILL TOO KOCH TO CALL

    • Barb

      They seem Koch-blocked.

    • user-of-owls

      BREAKING: DEAD MEAT IN OHIO

    • Fare la Volpe

      It's a real Koch-up.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    I do like the way Blitzer has to stand on his little lobo-shelf to make him look the same height as John King.

  • BarackMyWorld

    As entertaining as it is, Martin Bashir's Prince Charles metaphor is pretty damn pointless.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Not unlike the prince.

    • MissNancyPriss

      agreed.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    I came down to Ohio, once.

  • flamingpdog

    If onlythe final result of the Republican primary in Ohio could be "Four de-ead in O-hi-o".

    OT: From The Onion, words of comfort for Sagittariuses: "Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21 It's true that no man is an island, but all bullshit humanistic hand-wringing aside, it's totally okay to be happy that malignant Breitbart asshole is gone forever."

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Haha! My Breitbart hand-wringing lasted about 20 seconds before the happiness set in.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Too soon! [Checks watch] Nope, 'bout right.

    • tessiee

      Those are words of comfort for all signs, not just Sagittarii.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oh, god, that's WUNnerful! (laughs hysterically, pees the carpet with excitement)

  • chascates

    When will we reach a point, caucus-wise, when everyone except Uncle Goldbug Paul will drop out and leave Mittens alone?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      When bored billionaires stop injecting their pocket change into Newt and Santorum's SuperPACs?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        It has to be the very height of irony that Citizens' United, which ruling was loudly cheered by Repuglycuntz everywhere, has fucked them over so bad.

        • HuddledMass

          I know, right? Karma's a bitch and I love her.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Bitch after my own heart, Huddled. (And, like as not, after my lungs and liver as well.)

  • user-of-owls

    Sequel 5? What is this, Police Academy?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      "A Nightmare on Euclid Avenue"

      • user-of-owls

        "The Shape of Things to Come"

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Jim makes all the cool sound effects.

    • flamingpdog

      "We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?" – Homer Simpson, 2004

    • HistoriCat

      Needz moar Bubba Smith!

  • Data Exactly

    This was a terrible night for Ron Paul – he sucked in District 23 of North Dakota! Ron! Man, I thought better of you!

  • Barb

    Elliot Spitzer says that Santorum is "thinking about 2016." You would think that he would stop at just 7 children.

    • chascates

      Spitzer knows his uteri!

    • user-of-owls

      Pshaw. You'll never catch the Duggars with that kind of quitter mentality.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        "Mentality" is not what's helping them earn the title of Biggest Breeders EVAH.

    • flamingpdog

      Octorumom!

      • Barb

        Someone should tell his wife that it is a uterus and not a clown car.

        • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Given what came out I wouldn't be too sure of that.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I DID! I swear to GAWD I did. But does ANYbody listen to me?

    • tessiee

      Although it's not clear whether he plans to have them in the usual way, or just find them along the Appalachian Trail.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Jesus, we've worn out all the Wonkettes and we're back to our Wonket. Thanks for staying up with us, Jim. Love from the Mountain Time Zone.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      They mentioned something about box wine or something, I cant remember.

      • chascates

        I think there are still a load of those Wonkette T-shirts around unless Ken kept them to use as towels.

  • rocktonsam

    My fondest memory of Stupid Tuesday was on FOX NEWS when they had Magyn Kelly and $arah Palin on split screen and oh never mind.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Did you see starbursts?

  • Barb

    Sarah Palin Says 'Anything Is Possible' When Asked About Possible Presidential Run.
    Anything but this bitch winning is possible.

    VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?
    Gov. PALIN: Anything in this life, in this world, is possible. Anything is possible for an American. I don't discount any idea or plan at the point isn't in my control. Anything is possible.

    VERCAMMEN: But would you seriously consider a run?

    Gov. PALIN: I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country, to put things back on the right track. Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help."

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Great I'm drunk AND have a raging boner now.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I think you were on the Arugula course when she said this.

      I should really eat some dinner.

    • user-of-owls

      I would seriously consider whatever I can do to help our country

      Exile would be a nice start.

      • Barb

        What the fuck does "and the Americans especially" mean?

        • user-of-owls

          That she's a retard, of course.

      • SheriffRoscoe

        Oh but I want her to run, owls. I want that very much.

        • user-of-owls

          As do I, and very far away.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Suicide also. Too.

    • chascates

      Our economy, the foreign policy, proposals we have to see put forward in order to secure our homeland, and the Americans especially, our brave fighting men and women overseas right now in places perhaps we shouldn't be right now, anything I can do to help, I will be willing to help.

      God, she's like a circus contortionist with a single sentence.

      • Barb

        When questioned about what the VEEP does, she choked. Imagine her brilliant answer to what the POTUS does.

      • rocktonsam

        communication major, hellooooo

        • Barb

          "Communication" major? More like "communicable" major.
          "non connubial" for Bristol.

    • flamingpdog

      Anything but this bitch winning is possible.

      On the other hand, this bitch whining is undoubtedly still in our future. Sigh.

      Hey Barb, how ya doin' these days?

      • Barb

        I'm doing really well, Sugar Britches, thanks for asking.
        The more I hear Sarah talking the more I think that she thinks she's going to be asked to run after a brokered convention. It's the lazy bitch road to the White House. Barack Obama wakes up every morning with pieces of this woman in his stool. The debates would be hilarious!

        • BigRadio

          How are those "lightening fingers" Barb? BTW, what body part is the "thunder"?

          • Barb

            You left out the "E" in "thunder" It's "the under"

    • Biff

      Juliana Moore makes her seem entirely too reasonable, in the trailers.

      • Barb

        I pulled out the book, "Game Change" last night to reread as an appetizer to the HBO movie.

        • Biff

          No HBO here, doubt I'll ever see it…

    • tessiee

      "VERCAMMEN: Sarah Palin for President, 2016 — is it possible?"

      Oh, for shit's sake, NO!
      NOOOOOOO!!! *yells at sky in rainstorm*
      Shut up, you fucking moron!
      We were all through! She'd finally gone the hell away and we were all making fun of Santorum as the lord god king dunce instead, and we were HAPPY, dammit! — and then YOU, vercammen, YOU had to go and poke the hornet's nest!
      Now we'll have to go through another 3 or 4 years of this runny discharge before her battery winds down and she wanders off into the woods somewhere.
      Thanks a whole big bunch.

      • C_R_Eature

        Goddammit! The only news I want to hear about That Woman will be delivered by a horde of ecstatic, garishly dressed Midginets singing "…She's gone where the Goblins go, Yo ho, Yoho Yoho Yoho Yoho!"

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    "…Mitt Romney still has trouble winning people over."

    Whaa? Corporations are people too, my friends.

    • flamingpdog

      Why did I have the thought pop into my head that he probably would have little trouble running people over?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        It's a short leap from dogs on the roof to people under the Cadillac?

  • AlterNewt

    This changes everything!

    Just kidding. It doesn't change anything.

  • C_R_Eature

    The 5 Scariest and Most Nauseating words, together, in the English language:

    "Rick Santorum, Republican Presidential Nominee."

    Gee, thanks, Rachel.

    • Barb

      I would think the 5 scariest words would be, "McCain inexplicably picks Sarah Palin."

      • C_R_Eature

        That was Horrible and I still have nightmares. Some people apparently think that it's funny or educational to have such dangerous cranks come so close to the center of such Civilization Destroying power, but I never thought so.
        I don't like roller coasters, or slasher movies either, for much the same reason.

    • tessiee

      Really, I don't understand this.
      How in the hell, fuck, bitch, sissy, doody, crap did this stupid, crazy, and repulsive closet case come within a hundred light-years of running for President? How did he get even one vote, even from his wife?
      I don't understand this at all, and I suspect that if I *did* understand it, I'd feel even worse.

      • C_R_Eature

        There's a lot of really crazed people out there. That part doesn't bother me much. Hell, I'm not exactly normal. However, Whatever else I may be I am Rational and it really bothers me that so many people have just run headlong from Rationality towards Crazytown. On purpose.

    • Nostrildamus

      How about "Carnivorous Aliens Invade – Cheney Negotiator"?

      • C_R_Eature

        Yup, something worse. leave it to you guys.

  • Wadisay

    Cold, robotic, twitchy, randy to be president, repellent, rich, vile vulture capitalist, pandering, full of hateful ideas as he is, there's something about the way this whole race is shaking out that almost makes me feel sorry for Romney. Almost. Fuck him anyway.

    • chascates

      Like that moment in the movie The Candidate when Robert Redford asks "Now what?".

    • Barb

      "Randy to be President." Shit, if a guy named Randy, any Randy, he's be spanking all of these ass clowns.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Why the GOP race won't end before the convention:
    Gingrich has a grudge.
    Romney has a strategy.
    Santorum has a crusade.
    Ron Paul has a cause.

    Paul is the walrus. Which one's Pink?

    • chascates

      But Bachmann was the perfect candidate! What's wrong with people?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Lady Gaga.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      All of 'em…*burp* Katie.

    • DoktorThompson

      Rush, obviously. He's the one with the cigars.

    • flamingpdog

      They're all pink on the inside. Well, except for Mittens.

    • RadioSlut

      Why can't I be Mr. Purple.

    • MosesInvests

      And if I tell you the name of the game, boys-we call it ridin' the gravy trai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ain….
      That's what this is all about, amirite?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Well, yeah, but Syd Barrett is like SO fucking dead awreddy and we got all these goddamn pinky-white dumbass mothafuckas to worry about.

    • tessiee

      "Which one's Pink?"

      Syd Barrett on his worst day was more lucid than Santorum on his best.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Not me, man, I am SO fucking BROWN.

  • C_R_Eature

    This extended Republican Primary Freakshow Slugfest is every bit as good an idea as This.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      or this

      • C_R_Eature

        That is exactly how Andrew Breitbart started out. "Fire Bad!"

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Or this!!

        • C_R_Eature

          "thats  teribal". Moran.

          I've been taking these just after each Republican debate. They're not as much fun as you might think.

    • flamingpdog

      I have to show this at work tomorrow. Thank Darwin there are no mountain whales.

      • C_R_Eature

        "Here come pieces of…OOhhh!!"
        I watch this whenever I'm sad and it helps.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Come bug me for a hug the next time you're sad, sweetie. I'll give you some serious heartlifting love and hugs. (Squeeze)

    • tessiee

      I like the comment under the blowing up the whale video where the guy's wife is asking him, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE DAMN CAR, JOHN??

      • C_R_Eature

        I love that bit!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Jeezus, dood, I know I lerve you and all, but that is simply fucking disgusting.

      Any more where that came from?

  • FakaktaSouth

    Awwwwww the Santorum slip and slide. Bummer.

  • C_R_Eature

    Psssst! Lizzie – Michael Steele!!

    Quick, Convert Him. He's talking Nonsense again.

  • DaRooster

    “We say it boldly, and we say it exclusively: Romney is slightly ahead of Santorum in Ohio”

    Please… something hold back the Santorum.

    • Barb

      I think the many sphincters of the Republican party should ban together to hold back the Santorum.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    grrrr, Mitt up by 6k in OH, aye, ohh, (godamnit again?) Ohio.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Ooh! MIchael Steele is on MSNBC. Too bad his cute dog is not. And he is not talking at all about lesbian strippers. WTF?

    • Negropolis

      That's the first rule of Lesbian Stripper Club: You don't talk about lesbian stripper clubs.

      • FakaktaSouth

        And you certainly don't turn in the receipts for your expense report.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    What up, dawg?

  • Gainsbourg69

    I didn't know Michael Steele was the one responsible for turning the republican primary into a three ring circus. His incompetence is epic.

    • Barb

      Did you notice the white tie with the HUGE brown polka dots he was wearing. We all know where he was when the Santorum hit the fan.

  • chascates

    So next Tuesday is Mississippi and Alabama. Unlike Wolf Blitzer I'll go ahead and call both states for a close tie between Gingrich and Santorum. With Robert E. Lee getting second place as a write-in.

    • flamingpdog

      Is it too late for Zombie Strom to get into the race?

    • Negropolis

      I hear ole Stonewall Jackson is surging in the polls.

    • C_R_Eature

      Lester Maddox, the DarkWhite Horse candidate.

  • Data Exactly

    I see a little pooch of Romney counties in the south-west of Ohio's map, looking patiently at a treat…

    • RadioSlut

      Remember, the northern border of Kentucky is Lake Erie.

  • OzoneTom

    This just in — looks like mean Jean Schmidt is going down to defeat in OH.

    • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      There IS a God!

      (Oh, shit. Now that my atheism is gone what's left to believe in?)

    • tessiee

      Isn't she that lady who owned a baseball team and made racist remarks about the players of said team?

    • HuddledMass

      Yeah, defeated in the primary by a MORE right-wing Republican. Can there be such a thing?

  • flamingpdog

    10:57 — Most annoying, hackneyed debate/election night pundit line of this election cycle that must never be said anymore because it’s a joke of extremely limited comedic return: “The winner tonight? Barack Obama!"

    I guess that's one less meme on teh Wonkette, eh?

    • C_R_Eature

      Wake me up when they steal "Buttsechs".

  • onemoretime79

    Youre not like suckers, my brave intrepid Wonkette reporters. Youre like eaters, woh. (!)

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    "Update at 11:15 p.m. — Results with 73% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 42%, Marcy Kaptur 54%, Graham Veysey 4%"

    It's not called yet.

    • Negropolis

      I hope Marcy pulls this out. Kucinich has just been horrible in the past few years, both with who he's handled the redistricting and then even before then.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        It's looking pretty good for her:

        "Update at 11:31 p.m. — Results with 79% of precincts reporting as follows: Dennis Kucinich 38%, Marcy Kaptur 58%, Graham Veysey 4%."

        • RadioSlut

          I'm going to miss his eye candy of a wife though.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Romney is the Republicans' Kerry.

    • Negropolis

      Except that Romney's not a war hero and has no actual core.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        I have utmost respect for John Kerry. I guess I was referring to the 'aloof elitist' bit. (Romney, however is every bit the aloof soulless elitist).

        • Negropolis

          I know you do. I was just being a jackass.

      • tessiee

        And Kerry's friends have bewbies.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      If he were worth a toenail of Kerry's! There's a lot to be said about Kerry, but most of it is good. The same is not true of RMONEY.

  • Biff

    Kucinich losing to Kaptur? Nooooooo!

  • chascates

    Our Lady of Outrage may yet want another chance at VEEP:
    “I think the definition of hypocrisy is for Rush Limbaugh to have been called out, forced to apologize and retract what it is that he said in exercising his First Amendment rights and never is that the same applied to the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,” Palin told CNN in an interview from Wasilla, Alaska.

  • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

    ****NEW AND PRESUMABLY LAST LIVEBLOG HERE, SO GO HERE, OR HAVE ALLAH STRIKE YOU DOWN ON THE TOILET*****
    http://wonkette.com/466054/liveblogging-your-sloo

    Thanks!

  • tessiee

    The guys in the picture who Bush is pawing don't look all that happy, do they?

  • tessiee

    "the leftist radicals who say such horrible things about the handicapped, about women, about the defenseless,”

    No, Sarah, you're confused as usual — those are the voices in your head.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

    Wait, remind me again, fellas. HTH did I end up with a bunch of fucking demented bozos like yourselves again?

    Oh, right. I came over here of my own free will. Fine. Thanks a whole fucking LOT.

    • C_R_Eature

      " You are One of Us. You are One of Us. You are One of Us."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble.

  • ttommyunger

    Thanks for posting the pix of Chimpy. Being reminded that he is history always makes me feel better.