WHAT IS ANYTHING  8:30 pm March 6, 2012

Super Tuesday Liveblog The Third: Spit It Out, Ohio! And Other Vague Shrugs Of Assent

by Liz Colville

i am sad and sleepy

Hello. What are you doing? It’s time to figure out what some quadrilateral land masses think about three organic masses and one gas, which were each forced to apply for Obama’s job because their tyrannical wives and gas-wife made them. We would say, We are watching this very closely, but that would be plagiarism, so we will just say, We have televisions that seem to work. What’s happened so far is that Romney has won Virginia and hilariously won a large portion of Massachusetts, Gingrich has won Georgia but has yet to figure out what his sleep number is, and Ron Paul has gone to Outer Snow Space to speak to a frozen tundra of anemia sufferers. Santorum has won Tennessee. Romney has also won Vermont, which is a real shame, and we’re still waiting to find out about Ohio, and what percentage of any of this matters.

8:30PM — “I just want to tell you something interesting about how this is going to work,” said somebody on CNN just a minute ago (WE ARE PASTBLOGGING FOR A SEC) about the “tight” “race” between Romney and Santorum in Ohio, and she unfortunately did not go on to say, “Obama will be reelected in a historic landslide, and we will laugh and laugh,” but did say something about truckloads of paper or something. She seemed genuinely excited, whereas earlier John King nodded to Wolf Blitzer in a manner that undeniably said, “I want to kill myself,” and then touched some colored quadrilaterals with his fingertips. BUT that was then, when Jim was still around, and then Sarah Palin came on fresh from a chemical peel and John King and others proverbially kissed the back of her hand and then just to give you a sense of what this world is coming to the CNN headline became SARAH PALIN JUST VOTED IN ALASKA, which is evidently breaking news and is an example of New Old Old New Old New Non-Journalism.
8:31 — “Do you think Sarah Palin…has a role?”
8:31:01 — No.
8:38 — RICK SANTORUM WINS TENNESSEE [CNN PROJACULATION].
8:39 — Now we are in Georgia listening to Callista Gingrich talking like a member of the Jetsons’ housekeeping staff.
8:43 — She is gone. Gone. But she is still there.
8:44 — Gingrich is here. “You believe in the power of ideas.” He is doing his thing of reminding us how very long and slightly he has remained in this amateur badminton championship.
8:47 — This is an AP US History lecture on the most boring chapter of our history, and the students are all drunk and high.
8:49 — Gingrich has declared himself the “tortoise” of this race.
ehhhhhhhhhhh
8:52 — “A long time ago.” “Ideas.” “American history.”
8:54 — “First of all…” It’s been 23 minutes.
8:55 — He would like to conduct “seven three-hour debates” with Obama.
8:56 — Gingrich created a brief maelstrom of Obama heckling by quoting the president as saying, “I’m not really worried about higher gas prices because it will make it harder for me to get reelected.” That kind of makes no sense, but Obama did pretty much say that higher gas prices are a “bad idea for any president looking to get reelected.”
8:57 — He calls Obama’s speeches “so deliciously incoherent.” “And here, also, is an example of delicious incoherence.”
8:58 — ALGAEEEEE. “…[G]o to gas stations with a jar of algae.”
bleeeeerk
Figure 2: The Chinese are on it already.
9:02 — RICK SANTORUM WINS OKLAHOMA WHERE THE FARTS COME SWEEPIN’ DOWN THE PLAIN.
9:04 — Wolf Blitzer may have just said that Mitt Romney won a state called “Orlant,” which sounds like a tasty but deadly butter substitute.
9:07 — CNN dude rightly points out that Gingrich’s speech consisted almost entirely of “I’m this, I’m that,” and nothing about Georgia. But after all, what or where is Georgia?
9:13 — Santorum is currently LEADING in Ohio with such and such amount of the vote. He is two percent ahead of delegate glutton Mitt Romney, but this will probably change, and it’s very important that we go to FARGO again to see who cares about anything.
9:14 — One North Dakota official lady is talking about “a district at large,” where Ron Paul has literally three times the number of votes of the second-place blob, which is Santorum. And by “votes” so far we mean a number of yeses so small you can count them on 12 hands or in Romney’s case two hands. Who is paying for this information to appear on the television? (Mitt Romney.)
9:17 — Santorum is holding a rally in “Stupidville” [fine, Steubenville] Ohio.
9:20 — PARENTS’ NIGHT. Look at what can happen if you have sex once a year and don’t even have to have enjoyed it.
9:22 — Rebecca Black maaaay, may be one of Santorum’s children.
tuesday tuesday gonna get drunk on tuesday
HAY
9:24 — Rick Santorum declares Ohio to be “still too close to call,” and yet here he is, telling us that Freedom is Ending.
9:28 — “Our rights come to us from our creator.” The creator is now rolling in his grave.
9:29 — “Rebecca Black” just looked at Santorum like, “Oh, fuck, I’m outta here, I hate children, including myself.”
9:30 — Can you imagine being this angry at health insurance, at an inanimate object that is just trying to help?
9:31 — Can you imagine?
9:31 — That your life’s work is taking out a restraining order on the government, which is not even stalking you?
9:32 — “We need a fighter…understanding how neighborhoods and families work.” Let us guess how: BAD SEX!
9:32 — “Mom’s hamming it up a little bit over there.”
9:33 — “I’m a little worried about [Rick Santorum]‘s mother standing there that whole time” – Wolf Blitzer. But don’t worry, America, “she’s very spry.” Alright. Time for some CLOSE LOOKS. CLOSE L@@KS. And it is time to hand off this tuber to KIRSTEN! Farewell.

 
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{ 408 comments }

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Newt using the Hulk Hogan music again…

iburl March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I am a real Amer-i-can
Fight for the rights of all rich men
I am a real Amer-i-can
Not an Alin-sky-ite Kenyan!

Biff March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

I just walked in the door, and Shouty Keith tells me santorum won Tennessee. Fucking Vols.

Boojum_Reborn March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Nothing sucks like a Big Orange.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

We're InterNetz gay-married and I'm halfway across the world, and you're CHEERFUL? Srsly, Biffster? SRSLY?

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Resolute, courageous and consistent, also. How goes the walkabout?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm

It's been interesting, if exhausting. It's about a 16-18 hour time-difference, and it's been very difficult trying to adapt. But it's very beautiful, if difficult and strange. Did you know that sick people do not like to be told that they're ill and need to rest? On the plus side, the sister has not taken my head off yet. On the minus side, I have never had so much hard physical labour to cope with. No time to go looky-loo yet, but we have plans for when she's feeling a bit better. Although she's driving herself off to strange places without me and I'm not supposed to say anything about it. Siblings can be difficult. I know you know about this because you have a few your own self, yes?

(Hugs the Biff most fondly) Thanks for being a good pal, Biffz.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm

If you get anywhere near Uluru, pour out a 40 in memory of my oldest brother who died there; I never got to go there, myself.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

And heeeeeeeeeere's Newtie! And the plastic surgery disaster, who is actually speaking.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

She looks like a bottle opener when she talks. I had only seen her open that face once before when they asked her the Lent question. Hawky. bleh.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

And she once looked human; now she just looks hideous.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Oh god. Do not make me google before and afters. Dammit. Well, I guess I gotta do something while Newt blathers…on and on with this guy.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Check out the tan on Santa Claus!

johnnymeatworth March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

…and Sack Of Shit Tuesday continues….

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

NPR has a reporter at the Tennessee GOP war room which is actually the Country Music Hall of Fame. Santorum just picked as winner.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

the south is rising again.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

For the love of god, don't ever mention Newt's boner again.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Did he steal some of Rushie's Viagra, or Callista's botox?

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Yes.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

And our favorite owl splits the double interrogative with a game winning kick.

snackypants March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

The south is rising on a pool of Santorum.

YasserArraFeck March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

My gorge is rising again

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Oi! There'll be none of THAT, young man.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Well, its *gorge* is, at any rate.

memzilla March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I thought the first rule of Fight Club was nobody talks about Fight Club?

johnnymeatworth March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

To make soap, first we render fat.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

What is this? Wrestlemania III?

DoktorThompson March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

This is the one where Newtus the Barber Beefcake won the tag team match, no?

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Where are all of Newts adoring kids?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

You mean the ones who are the same age as his wife?

el_donaldo March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Newt is deeply meditating on a) new wives, b) blowjobs from new wives, or c) maybe using his stump speech to discuss the threat of Sharia to new wives and blowjobs.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Blow jobs @ $2.50 a gallon?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Apparently Joe the Dumber is in a House primary in Ohio because of redistricting?

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I like to call it Republican gerrymandering. JTP will go up against either Marcy Kaptur or Dennis Kucinich in Nov.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

He just told Georgians they were all whatever the opposite of elite is and they cheered. Y'all suck! Yay!

Biff March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Bless your hearts!

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Somethin' ain't right with that boy.

Terry March 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Well, as this IS the Georgia Republican primary we're talking about, old Newty may have a point. Newt is officially the King of the Dumbfucks.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Newt says that his campaign isn't dead because he managed to win his own state. Way to go!

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Well, at least he won bigger than Landslide Romney did in Michigan, where all the children are well-behaved and all the trees are the right height.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Except it's not even his own state because he's lived in VA for centuries, and RMONEY won THAT.

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Newt's after The Elite again. HATE them 'lites.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

What was Newt doing in 1958 that it constitutes the beginning of his political career?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

busting kindergarten unions

Pragmatist2 March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Masturbating?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Fucking his Math teacher in the AV closet?

MissNancyPriss March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

yeah, that.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Selling "GRIT".

CapnFatback March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

In a curious stroke of Diebold comeuppance here in Ohio today, no matter what GOP presidential candidate's box you ticked, the screen read "Obama."

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

So this is what Newt's face looks like after sex.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Wow-he wiped it off quick!

Biff March 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Hey newt, what's the fucking big idea?

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

But, based upon the movie Deliverance I thought Georgia was the natural home of Santorum.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

It must have cost the Newt-a-mania campaign a heap of money to have those vocal chords implanted in Callista.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Unnamed sources tell us they simply shoved an old Walkman up her ass.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

It isn't possible that Ohio is smart enough to not vote for any of them, eh?

Biel_ze_Bubba March 7, 2012 at 5:28 am

The GOP was smart enough to not put "none of the above" on the ballot.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm
fuflans March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

can we stand another round of newt?

i don't know people, i don't know.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

How many times has Newt railed against "the establishment" so far?

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Kenny fucking Powers! (lately, that what that song reminds me of)

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Froth surges over Oklahoma. Aren't tornadoes enough?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Just take a gander at their two senators. Red faced, Jesusy, and hatin' on the gayz, womenz, and brownz.

DoktorThompson March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

"Just take a gander at [everyone in the state]. Red faced, Jesusy, and hatin' on the gayz, womenz, and brownz."

Fixed.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Wait till you see those bats.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I don't have cable or sat, CSPAN is on the radio. I'll be liveblogging "I Hate My Teenage Daughter" here as well.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Newt's chin looks like a puzzle piece..

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

"The power of ideas"? Crazy, loony ideas!

swizzard March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I think Knute has just started calling Romney "Wall Street"? Which, I thought Wall Street = the Good Guys?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike…

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

the banana splits?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Naming his debate coaches.

Cool it, nooowwww…

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Bobby, Cindy, Marcia and Greg

swizzard March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

#donda

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

"can you tell me where they've gone?, i thought i saw 'em walkin' up over the hill
Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike"

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Times have changed since 'Bob & Carol,Ted & Alice'.

Nostrildamus March 7, 2012 at 1:15 am

Groucho, Harpo, Chico and Zeppo

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Oh good lord. Interrupt him again – someone – anyone. I thought Newts were lizards? They're tortoises?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

If I hear Newt say “frankly” one more time I will hunt him down and give a fearsome frown.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Elite. Fundamentally.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Them too. :(

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

You forgot "clearly." The fucker.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Newt: I want to be frank with you..
Callie: No!! I want to be Frank!

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

"santorum surge and all this stuff"

T

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Eww.. who's that laughing pigman behind Newt?

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Which one?

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Is that Kenny Rogers behind Callista?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Is she bent over?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I think it's Foster Brooks. Look at the Grin.

CapnFatback March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Dunno, but Kenny Rogers Roasters is undoubtedly inside Newt.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

That ad that quotes me verbatim insulting Reagan is a total lie!

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I am the Tortoise, you are the Santorum, Kooko Kachoo

sarah_connor March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

stupid fucking super tuesday

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Goesintight.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

here is funny shakespeare commentary on republicans:

And hang a calf's-skin on his recreant limbs.

(i am multi-tasking blogging and making cuts to 'king john'.)

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.

~H. L. Mencken

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you moldy rogue, away!

- Henry IV, part 2

"All of Them, Katie."

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

"She is gone. Gone. But she is still there."

Schroedinger's Third Wife?

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:17 pm

No, that was The Kinks.

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I don't hate Mitt, or even Lil Ricky. But man I hate this arrogant bloated shitsack.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

So, so much better with the sound off.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Newt wins one state and you'd think he won the goddamn nomination..

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I knew that horrible Blow Toad would behave that way. Hence the swift deployment of the MUTE button.

In a more perfect world, he's be shut in a room full of Napoleons.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm

The pastries?

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Have you no compassion for those poor pastries?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Awright, awright, I'll eat 'em my own self.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Gingrich just said the media, who thought he was dead in the summer, should rethink things now that he won one solitary state.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Well, he did win his Home State. Santorum can't say that.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

1994 was a positive campaign? Really? I was alive then, and uh; no.

DoktorThompson March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

It was positively fucking insane.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

It's a chapter in the book of Sheldon Adelson's ideas.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Mitt is a notorious Adelsonian

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

When Newt's leaves the stage will the child janitors come in to clean the ballroom?

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Newt has just sewn up the Travellodge Sleepy bear vote.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Newt is hoping to sew up the Triangle Shirtwaist Manufactory vote…

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

On to Pennsylvania and the Homestead Riot vote and then on to Illinois for the Haymarket Riot vote.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Needz WAY MOAR:

(1) Chest hair; (2) Leather; (3) SEXXXXXXXXAY.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Vibrating Beds.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Why not?

Pragmatist2 March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Uh- Newt- Speaking for that portion of the "elites" who don't have PhDs, have not been college professors and who have not been Speaker of the House – I may be an "elite" but you, sir, are a loser.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"… drunk and high."

check and check.

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Newt's saying everything in this speech because he isn't going together another chance. Finish, asshole. We need more Tamron time.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

For someone so anti-environment, he sure likes to recycle his jokes.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Seven three-hour debates in the Lincoln-Douglas tradition? Really? REALLY?!?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Because the POTUS has 3 hours to waste talking to an idiot.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Not *just* an idiot, but an *insignificant* idiot with no prayer of winning.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

A candidate who's spewing talking points created during the Reagan Administration shouldn't need a teleprompter, Newt.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Ah, the acid flashback – $2.50/gallon petrol.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Dagnabbed NPR coverage isn't carrying Newt's idiocy live. I am unsure whether this is a bad thing.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

You're not missing anything.
1. People will soon catch on to his campaign.
2. He's running against Obama not the other Republicans.
3. He can reduce the price of gas.
4. Obama is a Muslim.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

At least the NPR fund drive is over. The PBS one is going on now but fortunately I'm enjoying a special on the Black Death on a digital feed. The Black Death seems pretty timely today.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

You Lucky Bastard! You Lucky, lucky Bastard! You lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky…

*SHUT UP*

sorry.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Gingrich is still talking!? Where's a Hippie with a pie when you really need one?

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Over here, unfortunately. (Hugs the CRE) Hey, you.

DrunkIrishman March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Newt runs a frugal campaign because of all the alimony he's paying.

ElPinche March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

8:55 : El Pinche rolls a big fat blunt and puts a torch to it. It's Finding Bigfoot time. "That's definitely squatch sign!"

In many ways squatch is like Reagan. The GOP keeps looking for him . Giant bear poops in the forest gives them hope, but in the end they'll never find him.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Hey, … Pinche, did you hear that?

ElPinche March 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Definitely sounded squatchy.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I'll try a call.

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Newt = $2.50/gallon gasoline…in his dreams.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Oklahoma called for the frothy one. This campaign isn't going to end anytime soon, is it?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Why do you hate the circus?

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

This is more like the show under the tent where you pay $2 to see a three-headed cow and a bearded woman, except the bearded woman is covered in whore trinkets and sounds like a 84-year-old iron mausoleum gate.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

AHAHAHAHA! No.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:56 pm

The President will never again bow to the Saudi king – but it must be OK if they hold hands with each other.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

"I did not make this up."

In case you were wondering, Newt did make that up.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Shallow and self serving? Seems like that defines Newt.

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Waitaminnit, so NOBODY got knocked out of this damned race yet?

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

No, with Frothy winning Tennessee and Oklahoma, Mittens moar, and Paul who never will sit down until son Rand is Veep.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Someone doesn't remember crazy one-L, stupid Perry or gropey Cain.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Here we go, he's gonna talk about algae…

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Email to Newt: The Bobby Jindal Snicker At Funny-Sounding Ideas Thing is not effective.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Here, Newt: drink this big beaker of Pfisteria Algae. It's All Natural!

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I'd love to Pfist Newt. With a ten-foot pole, of course.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I knew Al, and lemme tellya … wut?

Oh, the green stuff. Carry on, then.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Newt, in his endless, rambling speech, actually has the gall to call Obama incoherent. Projection much?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

People who need teleprompters the most criticize their use. Go figure.

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Someone didn't listen to/watch Obama's press conference today.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

"Speaker" Moonbase thinks Obama's speeches are incoherent.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Probably the most coherent, lucid, and inspiring speaker ever to have held the Presidency, but whatevs, I guess this is just the Dunning-Krueger effect in operation.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

You really COULD sell tickets to a debate with Pres O for charity Newt, I would buy 10,000. Oh lord to watch this guy get bitch slapped by an ACTUAL intellectual. Be still my heart.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I'm tellin' ya, girl. I'd sell off half my neighbours to illegal organ-harvesters to get tickets to THAT.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 11:29 am

That does it – I am staying the hell away from your neighborhood!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Dood, they only want HUMAN organs, you're safe.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:05 am

I'm wit you, kid. I'm chubbing up just thinking about it.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Has Gingrich brought up his Clever Plan yet?

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

I really, really wish that it didn't sometimes take five forlorn minutes for multi-page comment thread posts to refresh (on an iPad). Submitting shitty witticisms in the face of Jim's repeated, unseen, yet belatedly appreciated orders to "get the fuck out there's a new thread you dope" has a way of dulling one's drive to soldier on.

Also, fuck you, Newt. For starters…

ProgressiveInga March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

In-co-HAIR-ant?

WinterOuthouse March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Who writes these scripts?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

He is seriously making this shit up as he goes along, as to not be seen using the dreaded teleprompter.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling toward you. You reach down and you flip the tortoise over on its back. The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Callista is definitely a replicant.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Yeah, though the need to tweak the design to look more human.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Why are you not helping?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Time to die.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Newt wants to help.

(Yeah, I posted it twice. Fuck it, I'm drinking)

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Hey Newt, tell the Air force how useless algae is, you hopeless git.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I'm mentioning this awesome Bill Maher quote again:
"Gas is high cause of tensions with Iran. You can bitch about gas prices, or you can beat the drum for war, but u can't do both."

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Algae??, whats next a Moon Base.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Gingrich! You won One Fucking State! Wrap it up!

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It's like giving a drunk an unopened bottle of cheap booze.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Yes. Absolutely.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

But, how would they open it? You should open it for them.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

No, that would create Moral Hazard. They'll just have to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, apply themselves and figure out how to open it all by themselves. Somehow.

NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

I would go to AA if it would take away the Newt.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Shit, I'd go to ANYTHING if it would take away the Newt. Forever and ever and EVER.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Please tell us how $2.50 gas is attainable – because it fucking isn't you moron.

And no, I'm not going to Newt.org no matter how many times you pimp it.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

You just need to want it enough, like new wives.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

With Newtie takin' this long to mark one win, what will we have to deal with when Frothy & Mittens take their bows for each winning a few moar???

Since this all really is vaudeville, where is the beloved hook?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

All acceptance speeches should be held at the Apollo Theater.

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

I once saw a movie on the Internets called "Drill here, drill now"

NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Was the title charged that way on your hotel bill.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Fuck off you bloated, condescending, adulterous, porcine bastard!

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

That is a malicious slander against pigs, madame. Babe, Gordy, and Wilbur will be sending you a sternly worded letter.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:08 am

….but tell us how you really feel, Lizzie.

AddHomonym March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Back in my day, gas was eight cents … onions on our belts, etc. etc.

Blueb4sunrise March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

AZ. Live-blog Update

Winds diminish after sundown!!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

It was $1.89 when Obama took office…And it was $4 the summer before that!

God, you have to be stupid to agree with this guy.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Yeah, he's totally gonna win Alabama now, I can feel it.

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

As they say in the 'Bams, "Thank God for Mississippi."

Oh wait, that's not much better.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Jeebus weeps, he finally finished.

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Newt gallon? Is that like a cup of Santorum?

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

True fact: At Mittens' Ohio HQ just now, the crowd was rockin' out to "Play That Funky Music, White Boy."

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Sung by the Swingle Singers?

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Meanwhile Frothy slid from behind and is now surging ahead of Mittens in the Almost-A-Palindrome-State by 4,000 votes.*

*One of the few funny things PJ O'Rourke has written.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Gingrich! It's not the State of the Union! It'll NEVER be the State of the Union! SHUT UP!!

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Finally, finally over. After what seems like many, many hours.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Please continue, Newt.

Selfish_T March 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Gingrich is really doubling down on this bullshit made-up energy policy thing.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Kenya is making moniez offa the hi gas prices charged by the Muslin in the Whit house!!11!

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Newt's a tortoise, huh? Maybe he's THIS tortoise?

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Today, we are all old reptile-santorum-covered shoes.

Slim_Pickins March 6, 2012 at 9:11 pm

On top of everything else, Newt is narcoleptic, who knew besides Callista and when did they know it?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Sleep apnea.

Slim_Pickins March 6, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Nah, sleep apnea is completely different, its pauses in breathing or shallow breaths while you sleep. Narcolepsy is a disorder marked by excessive daytime sleepiness, uncontrollable sleep attacks, and cataplexy. All three of which Newt exhibits in the video.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:12 pm

MSNBC is showing how Newt just lied about what Obama said about gas prices at his press conference. Hey Newt, there's an opening for CEO at the Big Puss-Bag Web Network!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Is anyone else out there as drunk as Al Sharpton?

AddHomonym March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

It would be gauche to get plastered on Syrah, but I am working on it.

NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

No. Unfortunately. Is he as drunk as Diane Sawyer?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Speaking of drunk, wasn't Dean Martin from Steubenville?

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Yush.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Good.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:14 pm

OMG, Rev. Al Sharpton accused Newt of self-parody! Was he eatin' the pie, Al?

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Imagine how long the fat little cunt talked as a kid when his mother put one of his grotesque crayon scrawls on the refrigerator.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Too much praise during toilet training.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm

" .. so the ELITES, like Mrs Schmitz, claim that cows are not green and cannot be green. That's what they want you to think. However, thanks to my vision and leadership, we now have a green cow as evidenced by this diagram …"

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Look, it's Howard Dean, the reviled and despised author of Democratic majorities in both chambers in 2008! Persona non grata!

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Stupidville Ohio?

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Everywhere outside of Cleveland.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Oh for the love of christ, now we have to listen to the founder of the Woman Haters Club?

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 9:17 pm

The truth is we finished counting the votes in Ohio an hour ago. We're just sitting on the results because we're huge drama queens, and we live for this. Sorry, America.

savethispatient March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I think Santorum just said he is speaking from "Stupidville, Ohio"

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I wouldn't refer to the town as 'Stupidville', Rick.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Santorum is in Stupidville!

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

What's Slimfast Monica Lewinsky doing behind Frothy?

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Look at me in the Janitor's closet!!!! Am I an idiot or what??? Woooo Real People!!!! what is WRONG WITH THESE GUYS???

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:18 pm

We're in a high school gymnasium–which is all the farther anyone should ever take their education if they truly love God and America!

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

High school?!? Fucking snob!

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I would do Santorum's wife before I would do Callista. She'd totally go for it too, if I dressed up as a kindly, older OB/Gyn.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm

They're no Cindy McCain, though.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

As would I.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

You'd do Santorum's wife, or you'd do me if I dressed up as as an old doctor?

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

You, baby, you.

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm

K93: Steubenville's soft rock hits

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 9:20 pm

According to my sources, Newt Gingrich passed 50% in Georgia, so nobody can take it from him. As if anybody wanted Georgia. Gingrich can have it.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:20 pm

…brother-cousins and uncle-sisters

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Where marriage is between one man and his 15-year-old cousin.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:20 pm

You're going to lose a whole lot more than a "few", Rick.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Gold medals, silver medals…this is a very Special Olympics for Ricky.

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Waiting for Santorum's version of the Dean Scream!

DustBowlBlues March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Hello. This is the 123rd. voter (as of 6:00) in my county. We had a chicken-shit Republic who ran against Obama along with a robo call asking me to give the baby killing etc. (it's the Dust Bowl. You can fill in the rather gory details yourselves.You've heard it all before.

Now Rick is speaking. I wish Newt would start crawling the other way and give this right-wing scary fucker a chance. WTF? Sweater vest won Tennessee–a state too long with too many vowels.

The end.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Why do you hate America?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Now Frothy wants us to believe he is from Southern Ohio and West Virginia, too?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

It's called either the 'coal belt' or 'nut buckle'.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Santorum: Eve-ry Sperm is Saaaa-cred, Eve-ry Sperm is Great! If a Sperm gets Wasted, God gets Quite Irate!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

"The woman who makes babies for me…"

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Did Ricky just call his wife his "Mom"??

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Worked for reagan…

ProgressiveInga March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

It's impossible to miss the distinctive "Santorum Forehead" on the msbnc feed right now.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Karen has a big forehead, too. Those kids were doomed to have fiveheads.

mayor_quimby March 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

I wonder if that family has passed the 'too fugly to reproduce' threshold, but then I think of a homeschooler yearbook and I can safely say no. Somebody's gonna mate with these big waterhead fuckers, who knows why.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Wasn't Sarah Maria the one in that hilarious picture?

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

No, that was one of the boats that Columbus was on, you know, with the Pinta and the Nina.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I thought Sarah Maria was the whore in a spaghetti western.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

No, no, you're thinking of Maria la Puta. That was the role that made Lupe Vélez famous.

mayor_quimby March 6, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Can anybody explain the pregnant looking daughter(?) next to Dick Froth?
http://www.renewamerica.com/images/columns/111224

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Bristolized?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I think so.

Here's a helpful guide to probably which is which, based on ages… http://2012.republican-candidates.org/Santorum/Ch

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Where's the Thousand Mile Stare son? Is he up in the clock tower again?

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

What the fuck does ANY of this shit have to do with running for President, ricky?

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Elizabeth Santorum keeps looking directly at ME.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Looking at her eyes, it looks like She1ey may be doing some channeling.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Try moving around the room and see if her eyes follow you, if so, shoot the wall under your tv set.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Santorum's family is incomplete without some fetuses.

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Just introduced his fam. Where's his daughter with the doll and matching outfits? LUVS HER!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Sadly, she's like 14 by now.

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Is she the one in the glasses? They all still sport that creepy "Children of the Corn" look. Can't tell. Regardless, Rick's still a raging asshat.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Is this a concession speech?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I wish.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Does the East Wing even have enough rooms for all these kids of his?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Santorum: Let's get all the children up here! That's right, Buckaroos! Drive that herd on up here! Hyah! Yee Ha! Yip Yip Yip!

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Yes, Rick. Defeating Obama is JUST LIKE WORLD WAR II.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Santorum is 53. Are his parents really old enough to have fought in WWII? Or are they the greatest just because they gave birth to him?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

His dad was a returning deceased war veteran and his mom was a child bride.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Mother is 93, so do the math and remember how older women whelp some fucked up kids.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I'm a year younger than him, and my Dad fought in WWII, so yes, it's not out of the question.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

After I asked that I looked it up.It does seem that his father was old enough.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

His family is really strange.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Of course they are, did you see that shriveled ball of hate that is "Mom"?

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

She looks so sad, I feel a bit sorry for her, actually. Hi there Beloved Owls BTW.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

The Jewish boy next to Santorum seems to be enjoying himself, though.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Hellos to you, dear old thing. I've missed you.
**whirrrr**

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Missed you too, welcome home.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Can I borrow that vibrator when you're done with it?

These sexxxy speeches are making me want to ear rape myself.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Obamacare! Drink!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Leeches. PUT THE LEECHES ON HIM! FOR FREEDOM!!

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

As we all know, expanding health insurance is EXACTLY how most great nations have fallen.

AddHomonym March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Don't look to the government to change things, elect me and I will change things!

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

As someone stuck in a job I hate because of a pre-existing condition, FUCK YOU, Rick.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Who is at home caring for Baby Bella? Some government employee caretaker, I'd bet.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

They're all wearing Bella pins, so it's okay.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

He claims their insurance has no coverage for her to have home care.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

For those who don't already know, Rick Santorum pays $100K p.a. for "home health care" aides for little Bella.

For those of us who might have relatives at home who could use a little of that, y'all are SHIT OUTA LUCK, fuckers.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm

One of Rick's kids is a Jewish boy at his bar mitzvah. He seems bored, also.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

He has seven living children and his financial statements say he has five college funds. So two of them aren't going. One is Bella. The other?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Doesn't he have some other female child he doesn't want to groom for "over-educated" slutty prostitution?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

This (Santorum's speech) is getting creepy

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

He's right, you know. Last year when I broke my leg I looked to my neighbor for help.

Sure, he told me to fuck off, but at least the government didn't "have me."

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

They're living off their savings?! Gag me.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

"Kids, I sent all o'your College money to that nice Preacher man who was screwin' that Hockey player."

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Reagan. Drink!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Reagan! Drink!

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Great minds, Grump.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Reagan again! Drink!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm
NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Reagan. Drink.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Jeebus wrote the Constitution? Second Amendment too?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I like how Santorum accents the CUNT when he says "CUNTry".

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I am trying to decide which of these morons I hate the most.

gullywompr March 6, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ahem…. "All of them Katie".

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

depends on who's doing the most talking.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:13 am

Why fucking bother?

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Rick: "Obama is a top! But America is a bottom!"

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Did they rehearse that gasp?

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

The Founding Fathers pledged their lives, their honor, and their sacred trust to ensuring that Americans would be free to go bankrupt after a health care emergency.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Rick: "The Government's heavy hand is shoving your head toward the big, black cock of mandatory health insurance!!"

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

That's *exactly* how it sounds, when he sez it.

C'mere, CUNTry, and take mah TWELVE INCHES of meat.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

When I was governor?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Governor of the blah people.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

OMG, he just started to say he was a governor.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

He was the "Governor" of that mens locker room he just walked out off.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The Pavlovian effect in these folks is so amazing. They can absolutely take the most mundane things in the world and make these people INSANE about them. Gnashing teeth over health care policy is fucking crazy. I like my crazy smart. Stupid crazy sucks balls.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:14 am

But it is much easier; not having to deal with all that thinky stuff and all…..

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Frankly, I've never accomplished much of anything. So vote for me!

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Government control? Like the first goddamn thing you wouldn't do would be to overturn Roe v. Wade. I guess government control is fine and dandy when it's a theocracy. Fucking prick.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Republicans don't want the government to interfere with your healthcare, unless they want the government to interfere with your healthcare.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"…accept coverage that violates your religious conscience…"

TEH GUVMENT'S GONNA FORCE YOU TO SWALLOW BIRF CONTROL PILLZ!!!!111one

Chillatte March 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Is Rick really gonna win Ohio? O Frother Where Art Thou???

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I will never apologize–in fact, if elected, I will burn Korans every day!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Again,,,the Individual Mandate was a Heritage Foundation idea you Disingenuous piece of Contaminated Froth, you.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

The Heritage Foundation? That bunch of Alinskyites!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Commie Scum!

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Dear Republicans,
Really?
MG

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

The Greatest Generation did pretty well going to elitist snobby colleges on the GI Bill…and having a top tax rate of over 60% on the wealthiest…and they didn't have to rely on the Government to win WWII!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Dick Rick before he Dicks you!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Looks like Frothmeister 3000 might well win Florida.

Here's CNN's breakdown of vote by race

White Romney 39% Santorum 36%
(96%)

Black NA because sample too small
(1%)

Other NA because sample too small
(3%)

NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

So, is this where we add Greatest Generation to the drinking game?

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

and let's add "freedom", "government" and "obamacare"

it's the only way to be sure

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Mike DeWine! Smoke a marijuana-laced banana whenever he is on the screen.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Yeah dude with the sick daughter you never see because you're chasing this bullshit around – tell me all about sacrificing ANY thing for another person, much less your life for your country.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:16 am

No, no, you misunderstand, it's YOUR life he's willing to sacrifice. Get a grip!

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Yes, you do "keep coming back." Like a bad batch of clam linguine.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

That is No Fun. take it from me.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Linguine con Vongole! Wiv BACTERIA! Yummers!

Vongole … oh~
Oh, canta – BARF!

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Please stop coming back. All of you.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Rebecca Black is actually the one that was crying in that classic Santorum photo we all know and love..

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm

npr is telling me health care is going to be santorum's wedge issue to attack romney.

gross.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

He'll come from behind.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Well looks like Frothy has a hat trick with Tennessee, Oklahoma, and North Dakota. In Ohio he may face another hat trick with the Cleveland Steamer, Cincinnati Surprise, and Toledo Bow Tie. Not doing so well in the cities Ricky.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Liz, you're getting more comments than the previous editors. Take tomorrow off. Enjoy.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Those two older daughters?

Oh HELL yes.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

What, even the slimfast monica lewinsky (thanks owls!) whose face looks like a penny glued to a triangle of Laughing Cow cheese?

Biff March 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I'm easy.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:20 pm

La Vache qui Rit! We used to eat those horrible things, on Jacobs' Cream Crackers, ew.

That, and Marie biscuits for tea.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Rachel Maddow almost said "What a Long Strange Trip it's Been."

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

That's my kind of analysis.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Truck-nutz, got my chips cashed in..

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 9:39 pm

npr is also telling me mittens has flip flopped on health care.

this is the kind of coverage i turn to the tv for npr.

and fucking put matt continetti out to pasture.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 9:40 pm

TPMLivewire
09:35 PM EST
Kucinich, Kaptur Neck And Neck In Ohio
Results are trickling in for the Democratic Primary between Reps. Dennis Kucinich and Marcy Kaptur in Ohio's 9th District. With 16% of precincts reporting, Kaptur has 51% of the vote and Kucinich has 45%.

CapnFatback March 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

If Rebecca Black is indeed Santorum's daughter, we now know the answer to the "front seat/back seat" conundrum.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Back seat. Where do you think all those Kids came from, Eh?

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Less than 20 minutes until Justified. Watching Timothy Oliphant waste some hillbillies always makes me smile.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm

I'm hooked, too. Good stories.

user-of-owls March 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

The Government is evil!
The Government is vile!
The Government is your enemy!

Elect me to run The Government!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

They just don't seem to get the disconnect there, do they?

NellCote71 March 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I hate it when Rachel gets all serious journalism-y and not her usual snarky self.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I hate to say it, but Santorum's wife vaguely resembles Elizabeth Edwards.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Too soon?

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

here is more evidence that shakespeare new some republicans:

"Thou odouriferous stench! sound rottenness!
Thou hate and terror to prosperity"

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Thou] sanguine coward, [thou] bed-presser, [thou] horseback-breaker, [thou] huge hill of flesh!
-Henry IV, part I

Gingrich? Limbaugh? Both?

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Shut up Rachel, so we can hear what "poor in spirit" Ann has to say!

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Nobody on MSNBC gives a flying fuck what Ann Romney is saying!

chascates March 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm

New thread!!!

Fukui-sanYesOta March 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm

OK, for Mitt's speech: down every drink in the house if he mentions France

Wadisay March 6, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Ann Romney: nobody knows the truffles she's seen.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I love how msnbc is talking over "Two Caddys".

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Is that Tag Heuer Romeny standing over on the left looking like George Stephanopopolopolopalus?

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

I thought it was "George Stephanopopoulosnuffleupagus." No?

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 9:46 pm

oh noes i cannot listen to romney and tagg.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:46 pm

go mitt go. go mitt go. go mitt go. Are they hypnotized?

Nostrildamus March 7, 2012 at 1:28 am

10 PRINT "GO MITT"
20 GOTO 10

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

That's so BASIC.

smokefilledroommate March 7, 2012 at 11:26 pm

IF MITT = PERSON
SYNTAX ERROR

Biff March 6, 2012 at 9:47 pm

How are the trees, mittens? Too tall? Too short?

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Night of the Background Pigmen

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Oh-weeeeeeeeeenk!

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 9:48 pm
FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

DustBowlBlues March 6, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Come on, Mittens. Are the trees in Mass the right or wrong height?

Jim Newell March 6, 2012 at 9:49 pm

GO TO KIRSTEN'S BLOG POST NOW YOU DONKEYS
http://wonkette.com/465969/super-tuesday-liveblog

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Thank you, sir.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:50 pm

There's some sort of terrible Disney Anamitronic talking robot on my teevee screen but it's saying nonsense, like those Presidents in…oh wait, that's Mittens.
Never mind.

Wadisay March 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm

They're chanting their companies' ticker symbols at the Romney rally.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Romney, for real now, just almost said: "In 2012, we're gonna get him (Obama) out of the Outhouse".

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:02 am

"This will not stand": Tortoise Anti-Defamation League.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

So sorry to hear that, Biffster. WTH was he doing up in that Aboriginal sacred place? Not trying to convert the natives, one hopes?

I'm not really holidaying here, so, don't expect to see Uluru, but I will pour out a libation for the dear departed. Were you two very close? (Hugs the Biff) It's tough, innit, losing family? Very sorry about your brother.

Biff March 7, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Oh hell no, he was working in Alice Springs building some missile-tracking shit. Just out drinking and driving, which was a family tradition. I survived, he didn't. He was my hero, so it was sad, but also very long ago. See, he was the first to escape our wretched family, and I wanted to be just like him. We were very much alike, after all.

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