HOT SUPER TUESDAY TYPING ACTION  7:36 pm March 6, 2012

Super Tuesday Liveblogging Part II: Mitt Saves Virginia! (& Ohio??)

by Jim Newell

Mitt Romney has “captured the Old Dominion,” Virginia, after the Illuminati threw all of Ron Paul’s votes in the trash dumpster. Does this count as a “Southern win” for Romney, at long last? Ugh, technically, but it wasn’t so hard when all of the non-Ron Paul candidates were taken out, for being to stupid to fill out a form. And whoa hey, who’s gonna win Ohio? Let’s hope it’s Mitt, then Santorum will be finished again, and Newt will emerge as the new anti-Romney for a couple more weeks etc. etc. etc. [deep breath] holy shit, let’s liveblog the television!

7:37 — Mitt Romney is now the Forest Queen of Vermont, according to NBC. The Founding Fathers of Vermont (The Care Bears) would be ashamed.

7:40 — “Ohio clearly matters the most,” they all keep saying, because it’s true! To expand upon that breathless babbling in the intro paragraph, the next two primaries are in the Deep South, where Gingrich should win, so let’s all root for anything that kills Rick Santorum (in politics) and swings things back to Newt. Also — OH WAIT: STOP EVERYTHING: RON PAUL IS SPEAKING. He wants to end the Fed and the wars.

7:47 — Oh my god there are hilarious sparkly old ladies in Georgia on the television! Pic soon! “What you see is what you get with [Newt],” one of them says. “He needs Sarah Palin!” says another. Well.

7:50 — A Beltway Pentagon Lobbyist Insider “familiar with the Speaker” tells us that these are Newt Wives #13-16:

7:55 — Why does CNN restart its show every half-hour? Then there is this endless noise/background song that always plays like, bump, bump, ba da dump, SCREECH, bump, bump, ba da bump, SCREECH. It’s great television! Anyway, back to the mental hospital for us.

7:58 — Coming Up: Tennessee and Oklahoma! Voters in those primaries are 70%+ Evangelical which is just… that’s a lot of Jesus, folks.

8:00 — STUNNER: Mitt Romney wins Massachusetts! How are there even any people left there, after the Romney Plan to secure them all affordable health care a few years ago killed 100% of the population?

8:06 — “You have to be a servant leader to connect with people” — Moustache guy on CNN, Alex Castlevania or whatever. He is orange-faced, and wearing a red tie. Why does seemingly every Republican male in Washington make this obvious mistake, all the time?

8:12 — CNN isn’t really into utilizing a full spectrum of colors to show who won each state. Rick Santorum’s states are purple, which is comical. But Mitt Romney is dark red, Newt Gingrich is neon red, Ron Paul is pale red. Are we picking the paint shade for Wolf Blitzer’s new add-on masturbatorium here or what?

8:15 — Dana Bash is looking out a ballot-counting office window and pointing at the empty parking lot, saying, “This is where the truck with the ballots will come in.” Live television, baby.

8:20 — Oh fuck, Sarah Palin is on CNN from her caucus place in Wasilla.

8:21 — “I won’t TELL you, um, who I voted fo… I wanted to say hi to Wolf and everyone!” Yep, she’s three sheets to the wind. Oh my god, CNN asks her if she’s running in 2016. “Anything is possible for an American.” CNN follows up with the same question; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming four states away.

8:25 — Wolf Blitzer asks her about Rush Limbaugh calling ladies sluts, after an awkward delay; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming 50 states away.

8:25 — Sarah Palin is better at speaking on camera than the entire CNN crew combined. Why is this shot on a fucking Windows 3.1 camera phone? Oh there is Todd, sitting by the vending machine.

8:29 — There is now a full CNN panel discussion about whether Sarah Palin will run at either the convention or in 2016. “Does Sarah Plain have a role as a candidate in the future?” There is no future, CNN. There is no future.

8:35 — Rick Santorum wins Tennessee! “Is this Mitt’s LDS problem?” Chris Matthews says because he has like two thoughts total. “It’s the old religion problem.” The OLLLLL’ RELIGION problem. MSNBC: Lean Forward, Bend Over.

8:37 — Okay, this Wonkette writer is going to the liquor store again, go read Liz Colville right here for the next hour! NOW!

 

Hola wonkerados.

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Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 232 comments }

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Mittens wins Vermont.

IceCreamEmpress March 6, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Vermont needs mittens!

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Can Ben and Jerry's name a flavor after Mitt now?

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

It will be non-coffee flavored with little chunks of waffle.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Nice!

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Only if they come out with a room temperature ice cream.

Dashboard Buddha March 6, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I don't know what they would call it, but it would change flavors as you ate it.

EDIT – Ate…ATE you buffoon! You claim to really dig these people, but you don't give them the full word.

(full disclosure – my laptop keyboard doesn't like my Sasquatch sized hands…especially when I've been drinking. Which is now.

Dashboard Buddha March 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Well natch…it's cold up there.

DrunkIrishman March 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Romney is going to win Ohio. Now Santorum can go back to his Virginia compound and jerk off to photos of Jerry Falwell.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Damn, you just made me unbearably happy.

MosesInvests March 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Frothy! (or whatever) Welcome back!

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

(Hugs you) Hey, dood! Only for a little while. I must return to my duties as soon as Madam returns from the tailor with all her clothing one size or two smaller.

Hah, she thinks she can drive in her condition. Never argue with a sick person, tho. They get awful crabby from health crises-ing.

MosesInvests March 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Nope, can't argue with sick wimmenz. Anyway, throw a couple of shrimp on the barbie, eat a Vegemite sandwich, and tie me kangaroo down, sport. And take care of yourself while you're taking care of your sister, ok?

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

no way. Rick's Catholic. Falwell was a heretic Protestant.

DrunkIrishman March 6, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Fine! Father Coughlin.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Santorum seems about to win Oklahoma. DustBowlBlues please report in!

memzilla March 6, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Why does "win Oklahoma" sound like a fourth-place consolation prize? [no disrespect, DBB]

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Maybe she is out voting.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

She's more likely avoiding her rightwing relatives. The county I was born in up in the Texas Panhandle had a 96% vote for McCain in 2008.

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Wow. That sounds like a ….What's the opposite of "brain trust"?

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Brain fart?

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Brain rust?

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Who'd the other 4% vote for?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I'm sure there was a White Nationalist Party or something on the ballot.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm

You poor, poor thing.

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Well hell…this "alive embloggening" is going to keep me from my nap.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

You're not *supposed* to be napping wiv Newt.

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

More importantly, it's keeping me from Mass Effect 3!

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Oh, I just love that Jack Lemmon.

Maman March 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I am sure that Mittens is really concerned that the peeps who voted for him aren't ENTHUSIASTIC. Like it is less of a vote somehow.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Is this over yet?

No?

KILLMENOWPLEASEKILLMENOW!!E-O-LEVEN11!!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Energy companies SUUUUURE love advertising on MSNBC for some reason.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Coach Landry is explaining the Flex Defense on CNN. Wait, that's Ron Paul.

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Ron Paul would be good for an additional 9 to 15 points if he would only wear a fedora.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Is there a state that's the 'New Dominion'?

Blueb4sunrise March 6, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Ooooo
Nude-o-minion.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I want to see how Mittens does with the "Davey Crockett" vote in TN.

HistoriCat March 7, 2012 at 10:48 am

I would donate to Mitt's campaign if he told TN what Crockett did – "you can all go to hell, I'm going to Texas."

AlterNewt March 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Now Mitt can leave these distractions behind and get down to the serious business of losing to Obama.

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Super? Seems more like Clark Kent Tuesday so far.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Dr. Paul is lecturing about personal liberty again. This is not for you, womens, so go dust your figurines or something.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

That would not please his hero Ayn Rand but then she was decidedly atheist as well.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Call me, laydeez, if you need any help dusting your figures! Oh, figurines, you say. (WTF are those?)

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Hummels, Lenox bird sculptures, Snow Babies, those hideous blown glass thingies they sell at a kiosk in the mall . . . you know, dust collectors aka shit you buy for your little old gray-haired mother and will give away at the estate sale.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

You buy your Momz HUMMERS???

Oh, Hummels. Right. Vision problems. (Hyperventilates at the thought of now-dead Mom purchasing hummers)

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Mittens saves a virgin?

Sorry, I had the wrong glasses on.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Only us Oldz appreciate the poignancy of that remark. (adjusts eyegear)

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

How's it hangin', Dood?

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Let's put it this way: it's summer over here.

Do your ears hang low,
Do they dangle to and fro?

"Ears" was not part of the original lyrics.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

OH WAIT: STOP EVERYTHING: RON PAUL IS SPEAKING. He wants to end the Fed and the wars.

Hey, Ron…

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Who are these menopausal, spangled bitches ?

Maman March 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Do you think this is the stage before we join the Red Hat Society?

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Oh God, is that us in a few years?

Dashboard Buddha March 6, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Hardly…beauty may go, but style and class never fade

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Thanks, DB, I shall remember that as I get an urge to buy a brightly coloured track suit and comfortable shoes.

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Perhaps they were hawt once. Now reduced to matching vests in deranged devotion to the guy who married his high school geometry teacher.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

You guys finally gonna start using Linux? Wut?

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

I love you so much!

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Hi Darling, it's mutual.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

mr fuflans is dying a little because of GA.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Is he from there?

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

East Coast Kickers on MSNBC. Ouch.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

OMG, the East Cob Kickers, a quartet of old Georgia ladies dressed up in flag/bee costumes! One of them is having a stroke in the middle of her response!

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Oh, shit. I thought it was "Coast!" Well, the white russians are goin' down MIGHTY SMOOTHE! Yee haw!

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 8:04 pm

not a stroke, exactly- she has her ben-hua balls in.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Whom was she stroking?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Watching MSNBC: These old women being interviewed at Newt HQ are just sad. Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad….

"He's a good ole boy." Oy.

Maman March 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Like being one of the Dukes of Hazard is good?

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Well, I guess you could say Newt is making his way the only way he knows how. Though he's also had a little more fun than the law should allow.

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

OMG! I'm watching four older women in star spangled vests who are Gingrich supporters. Now I have to gouge my eyes out.

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Santorum smeared in Virginia!

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm

He didn't smear enough of himself here in VA. That was his problem.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Well, Virginia IS for lovers. Doesn't say of what.

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I have always felt that was one of the most nonsensical tourism slogans ever.
(True story: The ad agency that came up with "Virginia is for Lovers" campaign would eventually morph into the agency that came up with those GEICO cavemen ads.)

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Please tell me it wasn't Leo Burnett. I used to work for those dumbasses, oncet.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

4 more recently discovered Gingrich ex-wives are on MSNBC right now, begging for more money so he can keep up his alimony!

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Why is Rachel interviewing Derek Jeter?! Oh, it's just fucking Harold Ford Jr.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

That deserves way more upfists than there are Wonkette readers.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Why thank you, Sir!

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

What investment bank did he crawl out of?

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Hey look! It's SorosBot's new Sugar Mamas!

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Hey! And ew, ew, ew.

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I see what you did there.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Mark Shields on PBS Newshour says Santorum can 'live off the land' and stay in the race.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I would love to see Mr. Frothtard picking through dumpsters and eating bbq rat.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

When you put it THAT way …

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Al Sharpton is drunk.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

per usual.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Really? I haven't noticed him much tonight, maybe that's why.

JustPixelz March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Give Alex Wagner the 6p show. NO WAIT! I watch Jon Stewart while Sharpton's on. It's an easy choice.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Just like the rest of us.

C'mon these fucking elections are a PAIN if you can't get no relief.

cheetojeebus March 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The bloodsucking tentacles of rightwing politics are whirling and writhing around tonight like some undead mutant specter from a John Carpenter movie.
Step 1 for survival: ______________________!

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Drink

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Heavily

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Drugz.

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Get guns from the abandoned Wal-Mart.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

And Propane bottles. Make huge bombs in the backyard, Drink Heavily, shoot them and laugh hysterically at the fireballs.
It'll keep the neighbors away.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Um … you don't live anywhere in CALIFORNIA, do you, CRE?

JayRinga March 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

True story – I was sitting at home, feeling shitty and watching this clown car drive, when these 4 elderly, star spangled Newt Gingrich ladies popped on my teevee. I was so excited, but no one in my house understands why…

I knew you guys would understand why.

I love you Wonkette.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

My God, walls and walls of disorienting screens! The only way CNN can top themselves now is to do election coverage from inside an Imax OmniMax theatre, with Wolf and Cooper flying around the dome-screen on a Spider-Man rigging system!

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Do they have the holograms again?

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I asked this on the lower thread before realizing that there was a new one, but do all Georgians wear such horrible, butt-ugly fashion disasters, or just those four sartorially challenged old biddies?

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Butt-ugly? What are you talking about?? See, some of them have small stars and some of them have big stars. That's what the kids call 'fashion'.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm

It's the rhinestones. I think I'm blind. Why would anyone wear anything like that?

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

It's the Kudzu. It exudes hallucinogenic oil.

Don't ever try to burn the stuff, you'll Freak Out the whole neighborhood.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

AHAHAHAHA! (runs out with petrol and a torch)

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Take the flamethrower! Take the flamethrower!

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

NOW you tell me. (dusts cinders off clothing, inspects for holes)

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

They were looking for "Let's Make a Deal" and took a wrong turn.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Why does John King only get to use a Sony Trinitron Projection TV from 1992?!

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Because NOBODY LOVES HIM is why!!! (Hugs the Chet)

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

It's a simulacrum. The TV, I mean.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

In the last photo is that Phil Spector in drag in the red wig???? Does the State of California know about this???

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

I can't see that over here, for whatever reason. The government must have banned YouTube, or something.

KeepFnThatChicken March 6, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Awww, it's so sweet to look at Georgia butt-humping South Carolina in Gingrich Orange™ on the NYT results page. Reminds me of Newt humping Jackie Callista.

and don't forget the sex chat room is open. http://wonkette.chatango.com/

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Tiny Wolf Blitzer is on the nightstand, next to my alarm clock!!

SheriffRoscoe March 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Best thing to do with crazy demented old Georgia "Belles" is put 'em on the teevee and let 'em gush.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Exit polls indicate wealthy, educated voters went for Romney and poor, ignorant people went for Santorum.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:21 pm

You know how poor people are always getting the shit end of the stick?

Yeah. That.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I'm shocked, I say, SHOCKED. The poor and the ignorant voting for Santorum?!

Loaded_Pants March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

No surprise that Romney got VA. The GOP establishment here is made up of rich, clueless assholes just like him. The registered base barely came out to vote. They pretty much hate the too liberal Romney & weed-legalizing Paul.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

"that’s a lot of Jesus, folks."

That might work even better without the comma.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Santorum in the lead in Ohio.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

The farmers in Southern Ohio vote early so they can go to bed at dusk with their cows. Ohio's never over until Cleveland sings around midnight.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Or until Ken Blackburn pulls out about 100,000 votes for George Bush Junior, thus delivering him the state and re-election. Um, yay?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I try to forget about that.

OurHoboSenator March 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I am so sad that I don't have a sparkly flag vest to wear while I watch these results. Although I am a Communist Alinskyite Kenyan Muslin Demoncrat, so I am probably not worthy of wearing a sparkly flag vest.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Some Blingee artist needs to come up with an appropriate outfit for your affiliations.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Want to borrow my Dallas Cowgirl vest?

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:06 pm

And Ron Paul wins! – one Congressional district in Virginia, in highly Democratic Richmond where a bunch of Dems were crossing over to fuck with Mittens.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:06 pm

It's good news for Mitt Romney!

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

What that he has to keep this nonsense going until he loses in November?

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Alex Castallanos on CNN says you've got to get lower than the voters if you want to win. I don't know, all the Repubican candidates seem like snakes to me…

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Damn it, is Rachel and Tam worth a Gregory? Shut up shut up shut up.

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Gabriel Santorum endorses Romney!

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Did he put out a Joint Statement with Jarbara?

Schmannnity March 6, 2012 at 8:17 pm

They agree that the Super Tuesday events have been jarring.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Mitt would have been in a Pickle had they endorsed anyone else.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Uh, ew, sticky.

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm

People who live in glass houses….just sayin'.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I have an urge to carefully tap a fork around the top of Steve Schmidt's head. Who wants breakfast?

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Ewww, I don't want to see what's inside that noggin.

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I kinda like him. He calls out S'torum for "crazy talk." granted I'd rather look at Tamron.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:13 pm

The Tennessee volunteers have Frothy up with 46%. Will this and Oklahoma provide him enough lube? The Ohio results are showing that there may be some rosaries being said for Mittens.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I was promised hot, form-fitting Tamron glamor! Where is she?!

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Dude in the cruelest swap I've seen since the Dick York/Sargent, they somehow put Tuck Chode on the monitor??? Perchance she will be back!

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:27 pm

She's having dinner with Lawrence. She'll be back as soon as they tip the waiter at Lutece.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

She is unbelievable tonight in a really beautiful cream , form-fitting, low-cut number.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I'm walkin' on fucking sunshine!

Barrelhse March 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

That's cool, but don't be driving on that shit.

Chet Kincaid March 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

There is a very lame New Year's Eve Party going on at Romney HQ. Mormons are "walking on sunshine", which is all they are allowed to imbibe.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Katrina and the Waves are gonna SUUUUUUUUEEEEE. That shit was terrible.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Besides, that's not even something anyone could actually ever walk on.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

OMG, I just get home and you're already on Part II. I say if former Sen. Mix and his beauteous and pure daughter can't win Oklahoma and Tennessee they may as well hang it up. If the Bible thumpers can't pray him to victory there, he sure isn't going to win enough delegates in the heathen states.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

"Walkin' on Sunshine". Heh. Sunshine Acid would either make this spectacle very excruciatingly Funny or Very Very Horrible.
Or Very Excruciatingly Horribly Funny

Blueb4sunrise March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Meanwhile, in Southern Az. ………

Live blog: Strong winds and blowing dust Live

Read more: http://live.azstarnet.com/Event/Live_blog_Strong_

Doktor Zoom March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Liveblogging the weather? OK, now I don't feel so bad for taking that nap.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Shit's really whipping around here– I drove somewhere a few hours ago and it felt like my car was going to blow off the road.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:22 pm

God I feel sorry for Julian Moore.

johnnymeatworth March 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Wait, Sarah Palin actually made it into and out of a polling place? AND cast a vote?

She must have written herself in.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

She probably rates a private precinct because of the lamestream media tryin' to git her!

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Early Cuyahoga County results show Mittens with 47%. Beware Frothy, a Cleveland Steamer may be coming your way!!!

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Followed by a Cincinnati Surprise.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Broker that convention bitches!!!! COME ON ya know ya want some more of SAYRAH!!! God that chick's voice is STILL worse than the Kickers.

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Oh yeah, Sarah's going to whine about Rush Limbaugh and hypocrisy after she told David Letterman to go fuck his actual apology. THAT CUNT UUUUUUUUGH

I cannot believe JNew got me to change the channel. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

That's surprising after how she stepped up and criticized his use of the term "re+@rd3d" after criticizing Rahm Emanuel for saying it.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Will you Run Sarah?
Well, maybe a light jog.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:29 pm

When The People BEG her. Which she imagines they will.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Run Long, Sarah! Off that Pier. Yes, the short one.

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm

the Ididarod is running now with 100's of mushers.

the Idida$arah has thousands in that race.

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Since when did they move Cleveland to Ohio?

NYNYNYjr March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I have a question: I've heard that Mittard Romney is a Muslim, is that true?

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Rick Santorum won Oklahoma?!? He seems soooooooo not Oklahoma-like. It's hard to explain. Like, if Santorum lived in Oklahoma the natives would tie Santorum up to a wild hog, brand the hog and send him flying across the countryside. Huh.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Catholics might not read the Bible as enthusiastically as Evangelicals do, but at least they read the Bible and not the Book of Mormon.

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Nooo, everybody has to read the Book of Mormon at least once. Or, if not even that, watch this video that will bring you up to speed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46PXaJxzuDE

johnnyzhivago March 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Palin is live – but no turkeys being beheaded behind her??? What gives???

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

The farmer and I 'processed' 2 ducks a couple of weeks ago and brought up that fine image of her video.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

If you liked the Sarah Palin Thanksgiving special just wait to see what's up for Easter.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Wolf Blitzer asks her about Rush Limbaugh calling ladies sluts, after an awkward delay; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming 50 states away.

I'm guessing the forthcoming word salad was too incoherent to summarize?

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:33 pm

According to Maddow Newt is almost ready to speak. Ugh.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Frothy takes Tennessee

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Did not.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

And god, some strange old tone-deaf bearded man at Gingrich headquarters in mangling Georgia On My Mind. Ray Charles is spinning in his grave; and at least Willie Nelson is probably too stoned to be offended.

SudsMcKenzie March 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Ewwwee, Im getting a lot of Pro Scott Walker commercials tonight.

Hold me Wonkette, I feel a terrible chill.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:59 pm

It'll be OK, sweetie. Truly. (Hugs the pupper)

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I am so done with that bitch. I have actually enjoyed laughing at her before. She is worthless, she is evil, she is a woman – how??? and I wish she would be smothered by the od'ed corpse of her fatass master. How can she be this horrible, to apologize for that dickbag and sneer and act like there is ANY comparison to what he did to a private citizen? Sarah Palin BEEEEGS for people to say things about her – she made a fortune off of it. She says believing Rush owes that girl anything is Hypocrisy?
I am done. DONE.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

WTF? Win Georgia, get Secret Service protection?

I guess der für seine Hure Schmuck gekaufener Schweinchen is staying in for the long haul, or at least until sugar daddy Sheldon's dough runs out.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Bob Barr is on NPR saying Newt is the hardest working guy he ever met and the smartest as well. Bob Barr does not get around much.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Is he any relation to Candy Barr?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Ah, if only! Back when Dallas was a happnin' place! And Jack Ruby ran swell joints.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Obviously only hangs out wiv idiots and slackers.

Jim Newell March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

GO READ LIZ COLVILLE'S LIVEBLOG NOW, SHEEPLE
http://wonkette.com/465924/super-tuesday-live-blo

Sharkey March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Yes master…

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I'll do it for Booze.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:01 pm

You're so good to us.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Go Santorum!
I can't believe I said that.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Ewwww Newt is talking, Callista's roots need doing.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Well, well, well, look who just woke up…

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Newt speaks and it sounds like goose farts on a muggy day.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Calista got her curl back! Yay!!

V572 Flambé March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Callista can talk? Who knew?

shrillharpy March 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Newt's stepford wife. Reminds me of the Femmebots from when I watched "The Bionic Woman."

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

OH NO. Gingrich is going to speak and knowing his megalomania, he's going to spin winning HIS OWN FUCKING STATE as winning Presidency of the Moon.

Wait…Callista can speak!? I thought she just went "Meep, Meep!"

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I know! I couldn't believe my ears…

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

She's got such a normal sounding voice. I am crushed.

I really was hoping she sounded like This.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

TRUE FACT: Calista Gingrich only has only four hairs on her head, but they are on average ten inches in diameter.

Jim Newell March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Again!

GO READ LIZ COLVILLE'S LIVEBLOG NOW, SHEEPLE
http://wonkette.com/465924/super-tuesday-live-blo

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Maybe when I have the time…?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Calista looks a ventriloquist dummy.

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Someone needs to tell that dude behind Cali that his Newt mask is on upside-down.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Newt stepped up to the podium, smiled and said "Y'know…" and I hit the MUTE button.

Am I missing anything?

LagunaB March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Yeah, time to move over to part 3. See above order re: Jim.

C_R_Eature March 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Jim is so good to us, after we raged and frothed and called him Rude manes and cried the last time.

cotugirl March 6, 2012 at 9:14 pm

A Palin future is dystopian like "The Hunger Games" or the video game "Half Life". Frightening and depressing. Pass the Kool Aid.

MittsHairHelmet March 6, 2012 at 11:19 pm

8:25 — Sarah Palin is better at speaking on camera than the entire CNN crew combined. Why is this shot on a fucking Windows 3.1 camera phone? Oh there is Todd, sitting by the vending machine.

Classic Jim Newell. Welcome back.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:20 am

Mitt and his mom jeans always make me laugh. 501s or GTFO!

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Polyester velour. Purple polyester velour.

Maman March 6, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Are you going for the velour track suits or the balloon material ones? I will go for the pastels, I think. And glasses around my neck on a chain

LagunaB March 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

In size 2x. With matching handbag.

FROTHY March 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Sweet Lordy Jesus, spare my eyes!

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Oh Mylar all the way and some thick-soled loafers.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 8:48 pm

The glasses chain should be beaded and match your outfit.

Designer_Rants March 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I was wondering where you were. Take a few days off?

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Don't forget the gigantic lame' handbag and/or animal print tote for your newspaper clippings, knitting and taser.

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I DO knit!

Fare la Volpe March 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

My mother has been timing herself every time she comes home: each day she tries to beat her previous record of how fast she can slip into her muumuu.

God help me.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I remember you and Barb knitting for the Occupados. Are you planning a BHO inspired piece?

Limeylizzie March 6, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I will try to come up with something by November! Santorum wins ND btw.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Nail me 'ide when I'm dead, Fred,
Nail me 'ide when I'm dead
So we nailed 'is 'ide when 'e died, Clyde
That's it 'angin' there by the shed!

I love that song. Goes great with loud drunken roustabouts.

Thanks so much, Mose. (Hugs the li'l Investor)

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Not exactly, love. Doing my duty, and for quite a while yet. Might be able to sneak back in occasionally, but not often.

FROTHY March 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Poor baby. FLEE to Ann Arbor, FLEE!

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