Mitt Romney has “captured the Old Dominion,” Virginia, after the Illuminati threw all of Ron Paul’s votes in the trash dumpster. Does this count as a “Southern win” for Romney, at long last? Ugh, technically, but it wasn’t so hard when all of the non-Ron Paul candidates were taken out, for being to stupid to fill out a form. And whoa hey, who’s gonna win Ohio? Let’s hope it’s Mitt, then Santorum will be finished again, and Newt will emerge as the new anti-Romney for a couple more weeks etc. etc. etc. [deep breath] holy shit, let’s liveblog the television!

7:37 — Mitt Romney is now the Forest Queen of Vermont, according to NBC. The Founding Fathers of Vermont (The Care Bears) would be ashamed.

7:40 — “Ohio clearly matters the most,” they all keep saying, because it’s true! To expand upon that breathless babbling in the intro paragraph, the next two primaries are in the Deep South, where Gingrich should win, so let’s all root for anything that kills Rick Santorum (in politics) and swings things back to Newt. Also — OH WAIT: STOP EVERYTHING: RON PAUL IS SPEAKING. He wants to end the Fed and the wars.

7:47 — Oh my god there are hilarious sparkly old ladies in Georgia on the television! Pic soon! “What you see is what you get with [Newt],” one of them says. “He needs Sarah Palin!” says another. Well.

7:50 — A Beltway Pentagon Lobbyist Insider “familiar with the Speaker” tells us that these are Newt Wives #13-16:

7:55 — Why does CNN restart its show every half-hour? Then there is this endless noise/background song that always plays like, bump, bump, ba da dump, SCREECH, bump, bump, ba da bump, SCREECH. It’s great television! Anyway, back to the mental hospital for us.

7:58 — Coming Up: Tennessee and Oklahoma! Voters in those primaries are 70%+ Evangelical which is just… that’s a lot of Jesus, folks.

8:00 — STUNNER: Mitt Romney wins Massachusetts! How are there even any people left there, after the Romney Plan to secure them all affordable health care a few years ago killed 100% of the population?

8:06 — “You have to be a servant leader to connect with people” — Moustache guy on CNN, Alex Castlevania or whatever. He is orange-faced, and wearing a red tie. Why does seemingly every Republican male in Washington make this obvious mistake, all the time?

8:12 — CNN isn’t really into utilizing a full spectrum of colors to show who won each state. Rick Santorum’s states are purple, which is comical. But Mitt Romney is dark red, Newt Gingrich is neon red, Ron Paul is pale red. Are we picking the paint shade for Wolf Blitzer’s new add-on masturbatorium here or what?

8:15 — Dana Bash is looking out a ballot-counting office window and pointing at the empty parking lot, saying, “This is where the truck with the ballots will come in.” Live television, baby.

8:20 — Oh fuck, Sarah Palin is on CNN from her caucus place in Wasilla.

8:21 — “I won’t TELL you, um, who I voted fo… I wanted to say hi to Wolf and everyone!” Yep, she’s three sheets to the wind. Oh my god, CNN asks her if she’s running in 2016. “Anything is possible for an American.” CNN follows up with the same question; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming four states away.

8:25 — Wolf Blitzer asks her about Rush Limbaugh calling ladies sluts, after an awkward delay; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming 50 states away.

8:25 — Sarah Palin is better at speaking on camera than the entire CNN crew combined. Why is this shot on a fucking Windows 3.1 camera phone? Oh there is Todd, sitting by the vending machine.

8:29 — There is now a full CNN panel discussion about whether Sarah Palin will run at either the convention or in 2016. “Does Sarah Plain have a role as a candidate in the future?” There is no future, CNN. There is no future.

8:35 — Rick Santorum wins Tennessee! “Is this Mitt’s LDS problem?” Chris Matthews says because he has like two thoughts total. “It’s the old religion problem.” The OLLLLL’ RELIGION problem. MSNBC: Lean Forward, Bend Over.

8:37 — Okay, this Wonkette writer is going to the liquor store again, go read Liz Colville right here for the next hour! NOW!

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  • Limeylizzie

    Mittens wins Vermont.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Romney is going to win Ohio. Now Santorum can go back to his Virginia compound and jerk off to photos of Jerry Falwell.

    • Damn, you just made me unbearably happy.

      • MosesInvests

        Frothy! (or whatever) Welcome back!

        • (Hugs you) Hey, dood! Only for a little while. I must return to my duties as soon as Madam returns from the tailor with all her clothing one size or two smaller.

          Hah, she thinks she can drive in her condition. Never argue with a sick person, tho. They get awful crabby from health crises-ing.

          • MosesInvests

            Nope, can't argue with sick wimmenz. Anyway, throw a couple of shrimp on the barbie, eat a Vegemite sandwich, and tie me kangaroo down, sport. And take care of yourself while you're taking care of your sister, ok?

          • Nail me 'ide when I'm dead, Fred,
            Nail me 'ide when I'm dead
            So we nailed 'is 'ide when 'e died, Clyde
            That's it 'angin' there by the shed!

            I love that song. Goes great with loud drunken roustabouts.

            Thanks so much, Mose. (Hugs the li'l Investor)

    • V572 Flambé

      no way. Rick's Catholic. Falwell was a heretic Protestant.

      • DrunkIrishman

        Fine! Father Coughlin.

  • chascates

    Santorum seems about to win Oklahoma. DustBowlBlues please report in!

    • memzilla

      Why does "win Oklahoma" sound like a fourth-place consolation prize? [no disrespect, DBB]

    • Limeylizzie

      Maybe she is out voting.

      • chascates

        She's more likely avoiding her rightwing relatives. The county I was born in up in the Texas Panhandle had a 96% vote for McCain in 2008.

        • Wow. That sounds like a ….What's the opposite of "brain trust"?

          • Brain fart?

          • I was wondering where you were. Take a few days off?

          • Not exactly, love. Doing my duty, and for quite a while yet. Might be able to sneak back in occasionally, but not often.

          • Loaded_Pants

            Brain rust?

        • nounverb911

          Who'd the other 4% vote for?

          • chascates

            I'm sure there was a White Nationalist Party or something on the ballot.

        • You poor, poor thing.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Well hell…this "alive embloggening" is going to keep me from my nap.

    • You're not *supposed* to be napping wiv Newt.

    • Swampgas_Man

      More importantly, it's keeping me from Mass Effect 3!

      • Doktor Zoom

        Oh, I just love that Jack Lemmon.

  • I am sure that Mittens is really concerned that the peeps who voted for him aren't ENTHUSIASTIC. Like it is less of a vote somehow.

  • Is this over yet?



  • BarackMyWorld

    Energy companies SUUUUURE love advertising on MSNBC for some reason.

  • Coach Landry is explaining the Flex Defense on CNN. Wait, that's Ron Paul.

    • Schmannnity

      Ron Paul would be good for an additional 9 to 15 points if he would only wear a fedora.

  • chascates

    Is there a state that's the 'New Dominion'?

    • Blueb4sunrise


  • SudsMcKenzie

    I want to see how Mittens does with the "Davey Crockett" vote in TN.

    • HistoriCat

      I would donate to Mitt's campaign if he told TN what Crockett did – "you can all go to hell, I'm going to Texas."

  • AlterNewt

    Now Mitt can leave these distractions behind and get down to the serious business of losing to Obama.

  • Super? Seems more like Clark Kent Tuesday so far.

  • Dr. Paul is lecturing about personal liberty again. This is not for you, womens, so go dust your figurines or something.

    • chascates

      That would not please his hero Ayn Rand but then she was decidedly atheist as well.

    • Call me, laydeez, if you need any help dusting your figures! Oh, figurines, you say. (WTF are those?)

      • ThundercatHo

        Hummels, Lenox bird sculptures, Snow Babies, those hideous blown glass thingies they sell at a kiosk in the mall . . . you know, dust collectors aka shit you buy for your little old gray-haired mother and will give away at the estate sale.

        • You buy your Momz HUMMERS???

          Oh, Hummels. Right. Vision problems. (Hyperventilates at the thought of now-dead Mom purchasing hummers)

  • nounverb911

    Mittens saves a virgin?

    Sorry, I had the wrong glasses on.

    • Only us Oldz appreciate the poignancy of that remark. (adjusts eyegear)

      • How's it hangin', Dood?

        • Let's put it this way: it's summer over here.

          Do your ears hang low,
          Do they dangle to and fro?

          "Ears" was not part of the original lyrics.

  • BarackMyWorld

    OH WAIT: STOP EVERYTHING: RON PAUL IS SPEAKING. He wants to end the Fed and the wars.

    Hey, Ron…

  • Limeylizzie

    Who are these menopausal, spangled bitches ?

    • Do you think this is the stage before we join the Red Hat Society?

      • Limeylizzie

        Oh God, is that us in a few years?

        • Dashboard Buddha

          Hardly…beauty may go, but style and class never fade

          • Limeylizzie

            Thanks, DB, I shall remember that as I get an urge to buy a brightly coloured track suit and comfortable shoes.

          • Polyester velour. Purple polyester velour.

          • LagunaB

            In size 2x. With matching handbag.

          • Sweet Lordy Jesus, spare my eyes!

          • Fare la Volpe

            My mother has been timing herself every time she comes home: each day she tries to beat her previous record of how fast she can slip into her muumuu.

            God help me.

          • Poor baby. FLEE to Ann Arbor, FLEE!

          • Are you going for the velour track suits or the balloon material ones? I will go for the pastels, I think. And glasses around my neck on a chain

          • Limeylizzie

            Oh Mylar all the way and some thick-soled loafers.

          • ThundercatHo

            Don't forget the gigantic lame' handbag and/or animal print tote for your newspaper clippings, knitting and taser.

          • Limeylizzie

            I DO knit!

          • ThundercatHo

            I remember you and Barb knitting for the Occupados. Are you planning a BHO inspired piece?

          • Limeylizzie

            I will try to come up with something by November! Santorum wins ND btw.

          • ThundercatHo

            The glasses chain should be beaded and match your outfit.

      • Perhaps they were hawt once. Now reduced to matching vests in deranged devotion to the guy who married his high school geometry teacher.

      • You guys finally gonna start using Linux? Wut?

    • I love you so much!

      • Limeylizzie

        Hi Darling, it's mutual.

    • fuflans

      mr fuflans is dying a little because of GA.

      • Limeylizzie

        Is he from there?

  • shrillharpy

    East Coast Kickers on MSNBC. Ouch.

  • OMG, the East Cob Kickers, a quartet of old Georgia ladies dressed up in flag/bee costumes! One of them is having a stroke in the middle of her response!

    • shrillharpy

      Oh, shit. I thought it was "Coast!" Well, the white russians are goin' down MIGHTY SMOOTHE! Yee haw!

    • Barrelhse

      not a stroke, exactly- she has her ben-hua balls in.

    • Whom was she stroking?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Watching MSNBC: These old women being interviewed at Newt HQ are just sad. Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad….

    "He's a good ole boy." Oy.

    • Like being one of the Dukes of Hazard is good?

      • BarackMyWorld

        Well, I guess you could say Newt is making his way the only way he knows how. Though he's also had a little more fun than the law should allow.

  • OMG! I'm watching four older women in star spangled vests who are Gingrich supporters. Now I have to gouge my eyes out.

  • Schmannnity

    Santorum smeared in Virginia!

    • Loaded_Pants

      He didn't smear enough of himself here in VA. That was his problem.

    • Well, Virginia IS for lovers. Doesn't say of what.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I have always felt that was one of the most nonsensical tourism slogans ever.
        (True story: The ad agency that came up with "Virginia is for Lovers" campaign would eventually morph into the agency that came up with those GEICO cavemen ads.)

        • Please tell me it wasn't Leo Burnett. I used to work for those dumbasses, oncet.

  • 4 more recently discovered Gingrich ex-wives are on MSNBC right now, begging for more money so he can keep up his alimony!

  • Why is Rachel interviewing Derek Jeter?! Oh, it's just fucking Harold Ford Jr.

    • That deserves way more upfists than there are Wonkette readers.

    • What investment bank did he crawl out of?

  • MissTaken

    Hey look! It's SorosBot's new Sugar Mamas!

    • SorosBot

      Hey! And ew, ew, ew.

    • I see what you did there.

  • chascates

    Mark Shields on PBS Newshour says Santorum can 'live off the land' and stay in the race.

    • ThundercatHo

      I would love to see Mr. Frothtard picking through dumpsters and eating bbq rat.

      • When you put it THAT way …

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Al Sharpton is drunk.

    • per usual.

    • Limeylizzie

      Really? I haven't noticed him much tonight, maybe that's why.

    • Give Alex Wagner the 6p show. NO WAIT! I watch Jon Stewart while Sharpton's on. It's an easy choice.

    • Just like the rest of us.

      C'mon these fucking elections are a PAIN if you can't get no relief.

  • cheetojeebus

    The bloodsucking tentacles of rightwing politics are whirling and writhing around tonight like some undead mutant specter from a John Carpenter movie.
    Step 1 for survival: ______________________!

    • SudsMcKenzie


      • C_R_Eature


    • Drugz.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Get guns from the abandoned Wal-Mart.

      • C_R_Eature

        And Propane bottles. Make huge bombs in the backyard, Drink Heavily, shoot them and laugh hysterically at the fireballs.
        It'll keep the neighbors away.

        • Um … you don't live anywhere in CALIFORNIA, do you, CRE?

  • JayRinga

    True story – I was sitting at home, feeling shitty and watching this clown car drive, when these 4 elderly, star spangled Newt Gingrich ladies popped on my teevee. I was so excited, but no one in my house understands why…

    I knew you guys would understand why.

    I love you Wonkette.

  • My God, walls and walls of disorienting screens! The only way CNN can top themselves now is to do election coverage from inside an Imax OmniMax theatre, with Wolf and Cooper flying around the dome-screen on a Spider-Man rigging system!

    • SorosBot

      Do they have the holograms again?

  • SorosBot

    I asked this on the lower thread before realizing that there was a new one, but do all Georgians wear such horrible, butt-ugly fashion disasters, or just those four sartorially challenged old biddies?

    • MissTaken

      Butt-ugly? What are you talking about?? See, some of them have small stars and some of them have big stars. That's what the kids call 'fashion'.

      • SorosBot

        It's the rhinestones. I think I'm blind. Why would anyone wear anything like that?

    • C_R_Eature

      It's the Kudzu. It exudes hallucinogenic oil.

      Don't ever try to burn the stuff, you'll Freak Out the whole neighborhood.

      • AHAHAHAHA! (runs out with petrol and a torch)

        • C_R_Eature

          Take the flamethrower! Take the flamethrower!

          • NOW you tell me. (dusts cinders off clothing, inspects for holes)

    • Barrelhse

      They were looking for "Let's Make a Deal" and took a wrong turn.

  • Why does John King only get to use a Sony Trinitron Projection TV from 1992?!

    • Because NOBODY LOVES HIM is why!!! (Hugs the Chet)

    • It's a simulacrum. The TV, I mean.

  • In the last photo is that Phil Spector in drag in the red wig???? Does the State of California know about this???

    • I can't see that over here, for whatever reason. The government must have banned YouTube, or something.

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    Awww, it's so sweet to look at Georgia butt-humping South Carolina in Gingrich Orange™ on the NYT results page. Reminds me of Newt humping Jackie Callista.

    and don't forget the sex chat room is open.

  • Tiny Wolf Blitzer is on the nightstand, next to my alarm clock!!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Best thing to do with crazy demented old Georgia "Belles" is put 'em on the teevee and let 'em gush.

  • chascates

    Exit polls indicate wealthy, educated voters went for Romney and poor, ignorant people went for Santorum.

    • You know how poor people are always getting the shit end of the stick?

      Yeah. That.

    • I'm shocked, I say, SHOCKED. The poor and the ignorant voting for Santorum?!

    • Loaded_Pants

      No surprise that Romney got VA. The GOP establishment here is made up of rich, clueless assholes just like him. The registered base barely came out to vote. They pretty much hate the too liberal Romney & weed-legalizing Paul.

  • SorosBot

    "that’s a lot of Jesus, folks."

    That might work even better without the comma.

  • Limeylizzie

    Santorum in the lead in Ohio.

    • The farmers in Southern Ohio vote early so they can go to bed at dusk with their cows. Ohio's never over until Cleveland sings around midnight.

      • Or until Ken Blackburn pulls out about 100,000 votes for George Bush Junior, thus delivering him the state and re-election. Um, yay?

  • OurHoboSenator

    I am so sad that I don't have a sparkly flag vest to wear while I watch these results. Although I am a Communist Alinskyite Kenyan Muslin Demoncrat, so I am probably not worthy of wearing a sparkly flag vest.

    • Some Blingee artist needs to come up with an appropriate outfit for your affiliations.

    • Barrelhse

      Want to borrow my Dallas Cowgirl vest?

  • SorosBot

    And Ron Paul wins! – one Congressional district in Virginia, in highly Democratic Richmond where a bunch of Dems were crossing over to fuck with Mittens.

  • It's good news for Mitt Romney!

    • nounverb911

      What that he has to keep this nonsense going until he loses in November?

  • Alex Castallanos on CNN says you've got to get lower than the voters if you want to win. I don't know, all the Repubican candidates seem like snakes to me…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Damn it, is Rachel and Tam worth a Gregory? Shut up shut up shut up.

  • Schmannnity

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Gabriel Santorum endorses Romney!

    • C_R_Eature

      Did he put out a Joint Statement with Jarbara?

      • Schmannnity

        They agree that the Super Tuesday events have been jarring.

        • C_R_Eature

          Mitt would have been in a Pickle had they endorsed anyone else.

    • Uh, ew, sticky.

    • Barrelhse

      People who live in glass houses….just sayin'.

  • I have an urge to carefully tap a fork around the top of Steve Schmidt's head. Who wants breakfast?

    • Ewww, I don't want to see what's inside that noggin.

      • V572 Flambé

        I kinda like him. He calls out S'torum for "crazy talk." granted I'd rather look at Tamron.

  • The Tennessee volunteers have Frothy up with 46%. Will this and Oklahoma provide him enough lube? The Ohio results are showing that there may be some rosaries being said for Mittens.

  • I was promised hot, form-fitting Tamron glamor! Where is she?!

    • FakaktaSouth

      Dude in the cruelest swap I've seen since the Dick York/Sargent, they somehow put Tuck Chode on the monitor??? Perchance she will be back!

      • She's having dinner with Lawrence. She'll be back as soon as they tip the waiter at Lutece.

    • Limeylizzie

      She is unbelievable tonight in a really beautiful cream , form-fitting, low-cut number.

  • I'm walkin' on fucking sunshine!

    • Barrelhse

      That's cool, but don't be driving on that shit.

  • There is a very lame New Year's Eve Party going on at Romney HQ. Mormons are "walking on sunshine", which is all they are allowed to imbibe.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Katrina and the Waves are gonna SUUUUUUUUEEEEE. That shit was terrible.

  • Besides, that's not even something anyone could actually ever walk on.

  • OMG, I just get home and you're already on Part II. I say if former Sen. Mix and his beauteous and pure daughter can't win Oklahoma and Tennessee they may as well hang it up. If the Bible thumpers can't pray him to victory there, he sure isn't going to win enough delegates in the heathen states.

  • C_R_Eature

    "Walkin' on Sunshine". Heh. Sunshine Acid would either make this spectacle very excruciatingly Funny or Very Very Horrible.
    Or Very Excruciatingly Horribly Funny

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Meanwhile, in Southern Az. ………

    Live blog: Strong winds and blowing dust Live

    Read more:

    • Doktor Zoom

      Liveblogging the weather? OK, now I don't feel so bad for taking that nap.

    • Shit's really whipping around here– I drove somewhere a few hours ago and it felt like my car was going to blow off the road.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    God I feel sorry for Julian Moore.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wait, Sarah Palin actually made it into and out of a polling place? AND cast a vote?

    She must have written herself in.

    • chascates

      She probably rates a private precinct because of the lamestream media tryin' to git her!

  • Early Cuyahoga County results show Mittens with 47%. Beware Frothy, a Cleveland Steamer may be coming your way!!!

  • FakaktaSouth

    Broker that convention bitches!!!! COME ON ya know ya want some more of SAYRAH!!! God that chick's voice is STILL worse than the Kickers.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh yeah, Sarah's going to whine about Rush Limbaugh and hypocrisy after she told David Letterman to go fuck his actual apology. THAT CUNT UUUUUUUUGH

    I cannot believe JNew got me to change the channel. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

    • BarackMyWorld

      That's surprising after how she stepped up and criticized his use of the term "re+@rd3d" after criticizing Rahm Emanuel for saying it.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Will you Run Sarah?
    Well, maybe a light jog.

    • When The People BEG her. Which she imagines they will.

    • C_R_Eature

      Run Long, Sarah! Off that Pier. Yes, the short one.

    • rocktonsam

      the Ididarod is running now with 100's of mushers.

      the Idida$arah has thousands in that race.

  • Since when did they move Cleveland to Ohio?

  • NYNYNYjr

    I have a question: I've heard that Mittard Romney is a Muslim, is that true?

  • Data Exactly

    Rick Santorum won Oklahoma?!? He seems soooooooo not Oklahoma-like. It's hard to explain. Like, if Santorum lived in Oklahoma the natives would tie Santorum up to a wild hog, brand the hog and send him flying across the countryside. Huh.

    • Catholics might not read the Bible as enthusiastically as Evangelicals do, but at least they read the Bible and not the Book of Mormon.

  • Palin is live – but no turkeys being beheaded behind her??? What gives???

    • chascates

      The farmer and I 'processed' 2 ducks a couple of weeks ago and brought up that fine image of her video.

    • ThundercatHo

      If you liked the Sarah Palin Thanksgiving special just wait to see what's up for Easter.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Wolf Blitzer asks her about Rush Limbaugh calling ladies sluts, after an awkward delay; Wonkette liveblogger heard screaming 50 states away.

    I'm guessing the forthcoming word salad was too incoherent to summarize?

  • SorosBot

    According to Maddow Newt is almost ready to speak. Ugh.

  • Limeylizzie

    Frothy takes Tennessee

  • SorosBot

    And god, some strange old tone-deaf bearded man at Gingrich headquarters in mangling Georgia On My Mind. Ray Charles is spinning in his grave; and at least Willie Nelson is probably too stoned to be offended.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Ewwwee, Im getting a lot of Pro Scott Walker commercials tonight.

    Hold me Wonkette, I feel a terrible chill.

    • It'll be OK, sweetie. Truly. (Hugs the pupper)

  • FakaktaSouth

    I am so done with that bitch. I have actually enjoyed laughing at her before. She is worthless, she is evil, she is a woman – how??? and I wish she would be smothered by the od'ed corpse of her fatass master. How can she be this horrible, to apologize for that dickbag and sneer and act like there is ANY comparison to what he did to a private citizen? Sarah Palin BEEEEGS for people to say things about her – she made a fortune off of it. She says believing Rush owes that girl anything is Hypocrisy?
    I am done. DONE.

  • WTF? Win Georgia, get Secret Service protection?

    I guess der für seine Hure Schmuck gekaufener Schweinchen is staying in for the long haul, or at least until sugar daddy Sheldon's dough runs out.

  • chascates

    Bob Barr is on NPR saying Newt is the hardest working guy he ever met and the smartest as well. Bob Barr does not get around much.

    • Is he any relation to Candy Barr?

      • chascates

        Ah, if only! Back when Dallas was a happnin' place! And Jack Ruby ran swell joints.

    • Obviously only hangs out wiv idiots and slackers.


    • Yes master…

    • C_R_Eature

      I'll do it for Booze.

    • C_R_Eature

      You're so good to us.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Go Santorum!
    I can't believe I said that.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ewwww Newt is talking, Callista's roots need doing.

  • Extemporanus

    Well, well, well, look who just woke up…

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Newt speaks and it sounds like goose farts on a muggy day.

  • Calista got her curl back! Yay!!

  • V572 Flambé

    Callista can talk? Who knew?

  • shrillharpy

    Newt's stepford wife. Reminds me of the Femmebots from when I watched "The Bionic Woman."

  • C_R_Eature

    OH NO. Gingrich is going to speak and knowing his megalomania, he's going to spin winning HIS OWN FUCKING STATE as winning Presidency of the Moon.

    Wait…Callista can speak!? I thought she just went "Meep, Meep!"

    • I know! I couldn't believe my ears…

      • C_R_Eature

        She's got such a normal sounding voice. I am crushed.

        I really was hoping she sounded like This.

  • Extemporanus

    TRUE FACT: Calista Gingrich only has only four hairs on her head, but they are on average ten inches in diameter.

  • Again!


    • Data Exactly

      Maybe when I have the time…?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Calista looks a ventriloquist dummy.

  • Extemporanus

    Someone needs to tell that dude behind Cali that his Newt mask is on upside-down.

  • C_R_Eature

    Newt stepped up to the podium, smiled and said "Y'know…" and I hit the MUTE button.

    Am I missing anything?

    • LagunaB

      Yeah, time to move over to part 3. See above order re: Jim.

      • C_R_Eature

        Jim is so good to us, after we raged and frothed and called him Rude manes and cried the last time.

  • cotugirl

    A Palin future is dystopian like "The Hunger Games" or the video game "Half Life". Frightening and depressing. Pass the Kool Aid.

  • MittsHairHelmet

    8:25 — Sarah Palin is better at speaking on camera than the entire CNN crew combined. Why is this shot on a fucking Windows 3.1 camera phone? Oh there is Todd, sitting by the vending machine.

    Classic Jim Newell. Welcome back.

  • ttommyunger

    Mitt and his mom jeans always make me laugh. 501s or GTFO!

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