Whore Diamonds!Sweet, fluffy intergalactic kittycat Newt Gingrich continued class-warring poor Mitt Romney on the teevee, bitterly spitting, when confronted with Romney’s claim that Newt was pandering (!) with his super-doable plan for $2.50 gas, “Well look, if you’re Mitt Romney and you’re rich enough, maybe you don’t get it.”

Newt went on to say that he, unlike Mitt Romney (with his nasty healthcare for everybody and other Franch schemes), stands for the common working man, the common working man just like himself. Whore diamonds. [RealClearPolitics]

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  • nounverb911

    When was the last time Newt actually worked?

    • kissawookiee

      I'm guessing it coincided with the last time Callista couldn't preload enough Compazine to get through the knob-gobbling.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Let's put it this way: Callista was still running MS-DOS.

    • OkieDokieDog

      When he was trying to keep wife #2 from finding out about girlfriend #2 ?

    • Terry

      Define "work". If productivity is involved, the answer may be "never".

    • Callyson

      Depends–when's the last time he groveled to Sheldon Adelson for the big bucks?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      when Callista asked for oral.

  • Who's the FemBot in that picture?

    • nounverb911

      Which one not Audrey?

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hard to believe she's in her forties. She really looks like a much older woman who's had a lot of work done to look younger.

      • She does look like she's been lifted more than a bar bell.

        • elviouslyqueer

          I would've said "lifted more times than a keg of PBR at a fraternity rager," but yes, this.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Didn't you hear? PBR has been co-opted by the Hipsters, who drink it "ironically" in their plaid apartments while adjusting their chunky pedophile glasses.

      • MissTaken

        It ain't cheap to look that old and cheap.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Indeed, one does not get that look overnight.

        • SorosBot

          Botox is a hell of a drug.

    • Callyson

      The latest advertiser on Rush's show.

  • nounverb911

    Callista looks like she could use a tune-up at the Stepford factory.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      One does have to take them back periodically. Or the warranty is voided. Either to the factory or a factory trained and authorized maintenance shop.

      • Or the scrap-heap. Nothing wrong with taking them to the scrap heap.

        • HistoriCat

          You're heeeeerrrre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!

          Uh – hi. Welcome back.

          • Hi, sweetie! (Rubs the furry belly) HEY! WATCH that thing. Geez, these cats have no shame.

        • Loaded_Pants

          Hey there! Welcome to the Super Oozeday horrorshow!

          • (Hugs and kisses Loaded)

            Damn, I have missed every single one of you so fucking much. It's GREAT to be back in time for the bloodbath!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm afraid she's out of warranty — and the cost of maintenance keeps going up.
      Newt might want to consider leasing, next time.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Is Newt's plan for $2.50 gas anything like Nixon's secret plan to get us out of Vietnam? If it is, I'll be happy to stick with the $5 gas, thank you.

    • I wasn't that long back from having been a spook in VN when Tricky Dick started that whole thing about destroying the VC Pentagon in Cambodia. What an emmense pile of horse poop. The VC/NVA were totally cellular organizations and never ever got the big boyz and girlz all together outside of North Vietnam. With our owning the skies and air cav that would have been really stupid. And the VC may have been a lot of things, but stupid was generally not at the top of the list.

      • I recently read the memoirs of General Vo Nguyen Giap. And, yeah, "stupid" is not a word I would use to describe either him or Nguyen Ai Quoc.

        I'm reading about the whole debacle in Cambodia right now. There are not enough hells for Nixon and Kissinger and their swinish, lying, scabrous, assholish, filthy, depraved water-carriers.

        • The only thing Giap did that I didn't quit get was Tet, which started two weeks after I arrived. Then they went to more traditional battle engagement and the VC/NVA got their clocks cleaned. We had horrific losses, nearly half our total casualties for that damn war occurred in 1968, but there's were almost an order of magnitude higher. PR-wise they did well by it as the nightly news during that period turned a large number of American fence sitters against the war though at one hell of a cost.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Tet was a tactical disaster, but a brilliant PR action long term. Of course, our own strategic thinking was so fucked up and our collective morale so shitty that we couldn't capitalize on the desperation Tet reflected.

          • It was a brilliant strategic move even if it did cost a lot of lives. For one thing, it gave the South Vietnamese revolutionaries hope. For another, it showed the US (and, more importanty, the South Vietnamese and the rest of Asia) that the US was no more invulnerable than any of their other colonial masters. The fact that guerillas could appear in the very heart of Saigon, smuggling in caches of arms and ammunition, sabotaging government facilities and firing at the US embassy despite the enormous might of the American Empire was not lost on the Asian populace, you can rest assured of that.

    • Terry

      Now that you mention it, his real plan probably involves bombing two or more countries.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Bombing middle eastern countries? Heck yes, that always makes the price of oil go down!

  • Barb

    I wonder after he builds his moon colony if he will be the first man divorced on the moon.

    • nounverb911

      By time the moon colony is built, Newt will be on wife number 6.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        And you do mean "on" right?

    • Hey, beautiful! (Hugs the Barb) Damn, I miss you! I miss ALLA youse!

      With any luck, Newtie will soon kack. Hopefully, right after Mittens. Callista can go back to playing the French horn as a rich widow.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Papa Bear! You have returned! *hugs and cuddles all about*

        I had heard whisperings of health difficulties and was concerned for you. Everything okay?

        • Darling Boy! (Picks up the Certified Pasty-American, swings him around, kisses him fondly)

          Health difficulties for my only sister, and I am not "returned," just skiving for the day while Madam argues with the plumber and gets all her clothes taken in one size, since she is now the approximate size and weight of a drinking straw. On the PLUS side, she seems to be getting *better,* although we won't know for a few months. All we can do is hope for the best and keep slaving away in this miserable galley. Jeez, I've cooked and cleaned more in this weekend than I've probably done for the last year. Eh, that's what love is about.

          Have I told youlately that I love you? No? Here's another hug, then. Damn, I am so GLAD to see your sweet little face.

          • Callyson

            Aw, hugs to you and your fam, and best of luck to everyone.

          • Thank you so much, sweetie. I do appreciate all the love and kindness and good wishes from everyone in this, my little piece of heaven, where I have returned for a little dose of that VENOM that makes US politics bearable.

  • YasserArraFeck

    My God, the whiteness. It's…it's….dazzling!

  • SorosBot

    Newt knows about life for the working class from Callista, who is after all a professional working girl.

    • That's gonna cost you some sponsors.

    • Was. She's hung up the spurs, now.

  • Newt's plan is to convert the US to the Metric System – $2.50 per liter should be easy, even with two more wars going.

  • After the war with Iran starts, we'll be on the Herman Cain gas plan: $9.99

    • Oh, how I WISH I could Tweet that, but I appear to have a VERY slow connection and my machine keeps trying to resolve to, and then telling me that the site does not exist. I know I ought to do something to the config, but fuck that, it's SuperTuesday and I'm too anxious to see BLOOD!!!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    They're both total douche bags. Next!

  • smashedinhat

    Planet Newt needs bathrooms. Lots and lots of bathrooms.

  • LiveToServeYa

    When Newt is Grand High Cockalorum of the Moon, the Magic Underwear will be on the other foot and Mitt will speak out of his other mouth, or perhaps both mouths at once.

  • Troglodeity

    Mitt Romney accusing anyone else of pandering is like … well, it's like Newt Gingrich lecturing others on morality.

  • Rebecca, a quick tip: usually the images of eagles used in this asylum are of the "crying" variety. That one perched next to the Staypuft Marshmallow Man is incapable of tears, as it has had its tear ducts soldered shut with Botox.

  • savethispatient

    MittBot 3000 also has no need for sleep, so there's another angle Newt can try.

  • Lucidamente1

    Whore diamonds? That's Slut Diamonds to you, young lady.

    • Obviously just another over-educated single white woman. I was assured that "over-educated" != "intelligent".

  • metamarcisf

    I wonder if Callista has ever pumped her own gas…

    • Jus_Wonderin

      For the life of me I can't pull the obvious joke that is obvious in this posting. Meh, maybe it is because it is the end of the day for me.

      But, ya Won me.

    • Terry

      Not since she started….

      Eh, heck with it.

    • An_Outhouse

      She doesn't even pass her own gas.

    • Oh, is THAT the hose she was supposed to be pumping?

    • YasserArraFeck

      No, but she's currently pumping her own gasbag….for diamonds, of course.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Oh thank god. It's 4:20, and the SuperDuperTuesdaySuckfestForever has started with the broadcasting. These people all have incredibly stupid pissing contests – they're both less employed than I am and I have never had a real job – fiddle dee dee…

    • Fare la Volpe

      I have never had a real job

      But you've always been a working girl, no?

      • FakaktaSouth

        YOU KNOW I wear my contraception on my sleeve baby –
        "Recommended at the price, Insatiable in appetite" – what a tramp

        • Love your new tagline, sugar!

          • FakaktaSouth

            Hooray! Thanks darling!

  • V572 Flambé

    Cheap gas will return us to the glory days in which all these Old White Guys grew up, having achieved a 1500-SF tract house on a quarter-acre in the exurbs. On Sunday Dad and Mom could load Bud and Sis and the Princess in the Olds Vistacruiser, stop at the filling station for a tank of $0.25/GA ethyl, and head out for nice Sunday afternoon drive on the parkway. Or maybe go out on the observation deck at the airport and watch the Constellations take off and land. Stop at HoJo on the way home for fried clams and a milk shake. Then at 7 Ed Sullivan would come on, and joust with Topo Gigio, the Little Italian Mouse…"Oh, Eddie! You so funny!"

    Blacks were obsequious, gays didn't exist, women went to finishing school or sought an "Mrs" degree at Directional State U. If the Princess was really ambitious, she could be a teacher or (even better!) a stewardess. When Dad's coronary arteries clogged up from all the fried chicken, he'd go to hospital for a few weeks of rest and then come home, and try to stay on a low salt diet to keep that BP down. That was it, that was all the medical care there was besides obstetrics, so the health insurance didn't cost much.

    • Gingrich, like cheap beer, will give you all the gas you'll ever want. Not likely you could get him to shut up if you wrapped his head and jaw with six rolls of duct tape.

    • V572 Flambé

      And I forgot to mention reading short stories by Irwin S Cobb in the Saturday Evening Post.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Oh, this posting is perfect. Made my day!!

      • V572 Flambé

        Thanks! Since that was pretty much my life, it wasn’t much trouble to recall. But I’m glad you enjoyed it! Imagine someone going out for a Sunday drive these days…

  • Now Gingrich can tell you, and will, precisely how wealthy he is.

    Except he'll lie.

  • Enjoy the last day of your campaign, Newt!

    • fuflans

      i've been wondering if that's the reason he's getting so much wonkette coverage today.

      • Expect more coverage after he endorses Santorum tomorrow.

  • Nostrildamus

    Newt should just hold an aspirin between his butt cheeks. Then he wouldn't say stuff like this.

  • "Well look, if you’re Mitt Romney and you’re rich enough, maybe you don’t get it."

    Such a man of the people! Does Newt know he himself is both rich enough AND doesn't get it? Like, *really* doesn't get it?

  • vodkamuppet

    Rebecca, I quit smoking cigarettes a few years ago but could I bum one of yours? A smoke really helps wash down the grain alcohol I have to gargle with while brushing my teeth with crack to maintain my sanity through this election cycle. Only eight months to go and then I can quit. Eight months.

    • nounverb911

      Just don't smoke and gargle at the same time.

      • vodkamuppet

        I will simultaneously smoke and gargle whatever I want, thank you!

        • Fare la Volpe

          Hey there, you can call me Volpe.

          *inches bar stool closer*

          • Thought I wouldn't catch ya, din'tcha?

          • not that Dewey


          • You rang?

          • not that Dewey

            Just happy to see you on this fine Purim Eve Eve and Super Tuesday.

          • (Hugs the ntD fiercely) Give littleSuzieNotThatDewey a big hug for me! Is it spring yet?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Is tonight going to be a Punishment night*, sir?


          • For Newt? Darn tootin'!

          • vodkamuppet

            Did you ever move to Detroit?

    • I have one you can smoke, just lay off the crack, k?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    You know, just your average lunch pail "historian".

  • orygoon

    I am poor both in whore diamonds and Cadillacs, and wonder, what's a girl to do?

  • chascates

    Gingrich is wealthy with whores.

  • It's so petty, buy I don't care: Callista's polyurethane hair helmet just cracks me up!

    Newt should put one of those big rubber sex dolls in a Callista wig and a Chanel suit and see if anyone notices the difference.

    • Mojopo

      Oh God. We have to look at her pivoting for the cameras again tonight. I keep waiting for Jamie Sommers to rip Callista's face plate off and make some sense of this whole thing.

  • orygoon

    My local Goodwill has racks and rack of Republican Cloth Coats, which seem to have gone out of fashion.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Watching these charlatans argue about policy is like watching that psychic who used to ask his audience if anyone knows a dead person whose name starts with a "T" argue with that dumbass lady who used to go on Montel who told a mom that her missing child was dead. These men aren't capable of running a self-service laundromat, much less a country.

  • freakishlywrong

    Fuck. I hate these fuckers. Go fuck off and die. Fuckers.

  • MissTaken

    The only financial instrument that I will accept Newt's expertise on is what the going rate on whore diamonds for blow jobs are.

    • Mojopo

      My sister said, "Whatever is on Jared's commercials this month."

    • SorosBot

      And to think, I've been giving cunnilingus for blow jobs when I should have been trading whore diamonds for them all this time.

  • Tiffany's no doubt hates to see the Gingrich's departure from the nomination spectacle. Then, breathing a sigh of relief, turn its attention back to outfitting the actors on the set of the upcoming Great Gatsby remake. From which literary masterpiece I quote:

    "Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy physical egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart."

    ..Maybe Newt should look forward to spending less time quibbling about working class appeal & more time engaging prominent figures whose brassy qualities he can relate to.

  • Mojopo

    Titty baby jewelry pig, for continuity.

  • user-of-owls

    Mitt Romney (with his nasty healthcare for everybody and other Franch schemes)

    Ha ha. Rebecca called Mitt a fag.

  • Sassomatic

    Out of touch rich jerk calls other rich jerk out of touch.

  • fuflans

    so rebecca what? did you have to spend the last two weeks reading up on all the wonkette greatest hits?

    cause you're hitting a lot of them.

    • user-of-owls

      A measly two weeks? Please. The poor thing had to take a full semester at Prof. Ken's University of Wonket just to get partially fluent. And it was no coast, either, crammed as it was with such courses as:

      Principles of Buttsechs Mechanics
      Alvin Greene & Daoism
      Controversies in Epidemiology: The Palin Hookworm Conjecture
      Biology Lab: Panda Porm

      and of course,

      Advanced Trig

      • Chichikovovich

        As I would expect of The Chosen One – you can even post the name for the study of the ratios of sides of right-angle triangles without fear. I bow down in awe.

        • user-of-owls

          As you should, friend, as you should.

          In fact, though I can do These Things, I keep looking over my shoulder for any incoming smites.

      • fuflans

        the economics of a declining superpower: the rent is too damn high

        and something about meg mccain.

    • HistoriCat

      Has she been here all along? Wait – didn't I see this on a cheesy television show years ago? The new girl at school after a few weeks is revealed as the teacher.

      Anybody? It's just me then – OK, I'll shut up now.

  • smitallica

    Every time I see that photo, I imagine a field mouse in her beak.

    • MosesInvests

      I'm thinking howler monkey in her beak.

  • doloras

    Gas in New Zealand is $2.05/liter in local currency = $US6.31 / gallon. Suck it up, whiners.

  • ttommyunger

    Odd, until I saw that picture I never realized the potential benefits of total blindness.

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