Sweet, fluffy intergalactic kittycat Newt Gingrich continued class-warring poor Mitt Romney on the teevee, bitterly spitting, when confronted with Romney’s claim that Newt was pandering (!) with his super-doable plan for $2.50 gas, “Well look, if you’re Mitt Romney and you’re rich enough, maybe you don’t get it.”
Newt went on to say that he, unlike Mitt Romney (with his nasty healthcare for everybody and other Franch schemes), stands for the common working man, the common working man just like himself. Whore diamonds. [RealClearPolitics]
HAPPY CLASS WARRIOR 5:11 pm March 6, 2012
Pinko Scum Newt Gingrich Class-Warring ‘Poor In Spirit’ Mitt Romney
Hola wonkerados.
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{ 131 comments }
When was the last time Newt actually worked?
I'm guessing it coincided with the last time Callista couldn't preload enough Compazine to get through the knob-gobbling.
Let's put it this way: Callista was still running MS-DOS.
When he was trying to keep wife #2 from finding out about girlfriend #2 ?
Define "work". If productivity is involved, the answer may be "never".
Depends–when's the last time he groveled to Sheldon Adelson for the big bucks?
when Callista asked for oral.
Who's the FemBot in that picture?
Which one not Audrey?
Hard to believe she's in her forties. She really looks like a much older woman who's had a lot of work done to look younger.
She does look like she's been lifted more than a bar bell.
I would've said "lifted more times than a keg of PBR at a fraternity rager," but yes, this.
Didn't you hear? PBR has been co-opted by the Hipsters, who drink it "ironically" in their plaid apartments while adjusting their chunky pedophile glasses.
It ain't cheap to look that old and cheap.
Indeed, one does not get that look overnight.
Botox is a hell of a drug.
The latest advertiser on Rush's show.
Callista looks like she could use a tune-up at the Stepford factory.
One does have to take them back periodically. Or the warranty is voided. Either to the factory or a factory trained and authorized maintenance shop.
Or the scrap-heap. Nothing wrong with taking them to the scrap heap.
You're heeeeerrrre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!
Uh – hi. Welcome back.
Hi, sweetie! (Rubs the furry belly) HEY! WATCH that thing. Geez, these cats have no shame.
Hey there! Welcome to the Super Oozeday horrorshow!
(Hugs and kisses Loaded)
Damn, I have missed every single one of you so fucking much. It's GREAT to be back in time for the bloodbath!
I'm afraid she's out of warranty — and the cost of maintenance keeps going up.
Newt might want to consider leasing, next time.
Is Newt's plan for $2.50 gas anything like Nixon's secret plan to get us out of Vietnam? If it is, I'll be happy to stick with the $5 gas, thank you.
I wasn't that long back from having been a spook in VN when Tricky Dick started that whole thing about destroying the VC Pentagon in Cambodia. What an emmense pile of horse poop. The VC/NVA were totally cellular organizations and never ever got the big boyz and girlz all together outside of North Vietnam. With our owning the skies and air cav that would have been really stupid. And the VC may have been a lot of things, but stupid was generally not at the top of the list.
I recently read the memoirs of General Vo Nguyen Giap. And, yeah, "stupid" is not a word I would use to describe either him or Nguyen Ai Quoc.
I'm reading about the whole debacle in Cambodia right now. There are not enough hells for Nixon and Kissinger and their swinish, lying, scabrous, assholish, filthy, depraved water-carriers.
The only thing Giap did that I didn't quit get was Tet, which started two weeks after I arrived. Then they went to more traditional battle engagement and the VC/NVA got their clocks cleaned. We had horrific losses, nearly half our total casualties for that damn war occurred in 1968, but there's were almost an order of magnitude higher. PR-wise they did well by it as the nightly news during that period turned a large number of American fence sitters against the war though at one hell of a cost.
Tet was a tactical disaster, but a brilliant PR action long term. Of course, our own strategic thinking was so fucked up and our collective morale so shitty that we couldn't capitalize on the desperation Tet reflected.
Now that you mention it, his real plan probably involves bombing two or more countries.
Bombing middle eastern countries? Heck yes, that always makes the price of oil go down!
I wonder after he builds his moon colony if he will be the first man divorced on the moon.
By time the moon colony is built, Newt will be on wife number 6.
And you do mean "on" right?
Hey, beautiful! (Hugs the Barb) Damn, I miss you! I miss ALLA youse!
With any luck, Newtie will soon kack. Hopefully, right after Mittens. Callista can go back to playing the French horn as a rich widow.
Papa Bear! You have returned! *hugs and cuddles all about*
I had heard whisperings of health difficulties and was concerned for you. Everything okay?
Darling Boy! (Picks up the Certified Pasty-American, swings him around, kisses him fondly)
Health difficulties for my only sister, and I am not "returned," just skiving for the day while Madam argues with the plumber and gets all her clothes taken in one size, since she is now the approximate size and weight of a drinking straw. On the PLUS side, she seems to be getting *better,* although we won't know for a few months. All we can do is hope for the best and keep slaving away in this miserable galley. Jeez, I've cooked and cleaned more in this weekend than I've probably done for the last year. Eh, that's what love is about.
Have I told youlately that I love you? No? Here's another hug, then. Damn, I am so GLAD to see your sweet little face.
Aw, hugs to you and your fam, and best of luck to everyone.
My God, the whiteness. It's…it's….dazzling!
Newt knows about life for the working class from Callista, who is after all a professional working girl.
That's gonna cost you some sponsors.
Was. She's hung up the spurs, now.
Newt's plan is to convert the US to the Metric System – $2.50 per liter should be easy, even with two more wars going.
After the war with Iran starts, we'll be on the Herman Cain gas plan: $9.99
Oh, how I WISH I could Tweet that, but I appear to have a VERY slow connection and my machine keeps trying to resolve Twitter.com to Twitter.com.au, and then telling me that the site does not exist. I know I ought to do something to the config, but fuck that, it's SuperTuesday and I'm too anxious to see BLOOD!!!
They're both total douche bags. Next!
Planet Newt needs bathrooms. Lots and lots of bathrooms.
When Newt is Grand High Cockalorum of the Moon, the Magic Underwear will be on the other foot and Mitt will speak out of his other mouth, or perhaps both mouths at once.
Mitt Romney accusing anyone else of pandering is like … well, it's like Newt Gingrich lecturing others on morality.
Rebecca, a quick tip: usually the images of eagles used in this asylum are of the "crying" variety. That one perched next to the Staypuft Marshmallow Man is incapable of tears, as it has had its tear ducts soldered shut with Botox.
Badda bing.
MittBot 3000 also has no need for sleep, so there's another angle Newt can try.
Whore diamonds? That's Slut Diamonds to you, young lady.
Obviously just another over-educated single white woman. I was assured that "over-educated" != "intelligent".
I wonder if Callista has ever pumped her own gas…
For the life of me I can't pull the obvious joke that is obvious in this posting. Meh, maybe it is because it is the end of the day for me.
But, ya Won me.
Not since she started….
Eh, heck with it.
She doesn't even pass her own gas.
Oh, is THAT the hose she was supposed to be pumping?
No, but she's currently pumping her own gasbag….for diamonds, of course.
Oh thank god. It's 4:20, and the SuperDuperTuesdaySuckfestForever has started with the broadcasting. These people all have incredibly stupid pissing contests – they're both less employed than I am and I have never had a real job – fiddle dee dee…
I have never had a real job
But you've always been a working girl, no?
YOU KNOW I wear my contraception on my sleeve baby –
"Recommended at the price, Insatiable in appetite" – what a tramp
Love your new tagline, sugar!
Hooray! Thanks darling!
Cheap gas will return us to the glory days in which all these Old White Guys grew up, having achieved a 1500-SF tract house on a quarter-acre in the exurbs. On Sunday Dad and Mom could load Bud and Sis and the Princess in the Olds Vistacruiser, stop at the filling station for a tank of $0.25/GA ethyl, and head out for nice Sunday afternoon drive on the parkway. Or maybe go out on the observation deck at the airport and watch the Constellations take off and land. Stop at HoJo on the way home for fried clams and a milk shake. Then at 7 Ed Sullivan would come on, and joust with Topo Gigio, the Little Italian Mouse…"Oh, Eddie! You so funny!"
Blacks were obsequious, gays didn't exist, women went to finishing school or sought an "Mrs" degree at Directional State U. If the Princess was really ambitious, she could be a teacher or (even better!) a stewardess. When Dad's coronary arteries clogged up from all the fried chicken, he'd go to hospital for a few weeks of rest and then come home, and try to stay on a low salt diet to keep that BP down. That was it, that was all the medical care there was besides obstetrics, so the health insurance didn't cost much.
Gingrich, like cheap beer, will give you all the gas you'll ever want. Not likely you could get him to shut up if you wrapped his head and jaw with six rolls of duct tape.
And I forgot to mention reading short stories by Irwin S Cobb in the Saturday Evening Post.
Don Martin's cartoons in Mad Magazine, or were they too subversive?
George Woodbridge was my favorite, but this guy…http://www.salon.com/2012/03/06/resurrecting_a_comic_art_icon/…was amazing too. Scroll down to see some of his amazing compositions. SFW
Oh, this posting is perfect. Made my day!!
Thanks! Since that was pretty much my life, it wasn’t much trouble to recall. But I’m glad you enjoyed it! Imagine someone going out for a Sunday drive these days…
Now Gingrich can tell you, and will, precisely how wealthy he is.
Except he'll lie.
Enjoy the last day of your campaign, Newt!
i've been wondering if that's the reason he's getting so much wonkette coverage today.
Expect more coverage after he endorses Santorum tomorrow.
Newt should just hold an aspirin between his butt cheeks. Then he wouldn't say stuff like this.
"Well look, if you’re Mitt Romney and you’re rich enough, maybe you don’t get it."
Such a man of the people! Does Newt know he himself is both rich enough AND doesn't get it? Like, *really* doesn't get it?
Rebecca, I quit smoking cigarettes a few years ago but could I bum one of yours? A smoke really helps wash down the grain alcohol I have to gargle with while brushing my teeth with crack to maintain my sanity through this election cycle. Only eight months to go and then I can quit. Eight months.
Just don't smoke and gargle at the same time.
I will simultaneously smoke and gargle whatever I want, thank you!
Hey there, you can call me Volpe.
*inches bar stool closer*
Thought I wouldn't catch ya, din'tcha?
Did you ever move to Detroit?
I have one you can smoke, just lay off the crack, k?
You know, just your average lunch pail "historian".
I am poor both in whore diamonds and Cadillacs, and wonder, what's a girl to do?
Gingrich is wealthy with whores.
It's so petty, buy I don't care: Callista's polyurethane hair helmet just cracks me up!
Newt should put one of those big rubber sex dolls in a Callista wig and a Chanel suit and see if anyone notices the difference.
Oh God. We have to look at her pivoting for the cameras again tonight. I keep waiting for Jamie Sommers to rip Callista's face plate off and make some sense of this whole thing.
My local Goodwill has racks and rack of Republican Cloth Coats, which seem to have gone out of fashion.
Watching these charlatans argue about policy is like watching that psychic who used to ask his audience if anyone knows a dead person whose name starts with a "T" argue with that dumbass lady who used to go on Montel who told a mom that her missing child was dead. These men aren't capable of running a self-service laundromat, much less a country.
Fuck. I hate these fuckers. Go fuck off and die. Fuckers.
The only financial instrument that I will accept Newt's expertise on is what the going rate on whore diamonds for blow jobs are.
My sister said, "Whatever is on Jared's commercials this month."
And to think, I've been giving cunnilingus for blow jobs when I should have been trading whore diamonds for them all this time.
Tiffany's no doubt hates to see the Gingrich's departure from the nomination spectacle. Then, breathing a sigh of relief, turn its attention back to outfitting the actors on the set of the upcoming Great Gatsby remake. From which literary masterpiece I quote:
"Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy physical egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart."
..Maybe Newt should look forward to spending less time quibbling about working class appeal & more time engaging prominent figures whose brassy qualities he can relate to.
Titty baby jewelry pig, for continuity.
Mitt Romney (with his nasty healthcare for everybody and other Franch schemes)
Ha ha. Rebecca called Mitt a fag.
Out of touch rich jerk calls other rich jerk out of touch.
so rebecca what? did you have to spend the last two weeks reading up on all the wonkette greatest hits?
cause you're hitting a lot of them.
A measly two weeks? Please. The poor thing had to take a full semester at Prof. Ken's University of Wonket just to get partially fluent. And it was no coast, either, crammed as it was with such courses as:
Principles of Buttsechs Mechanics
Alvin Greene & Daoism
Controversies in Epidemiology: The Palin Hookworm Conjecture
Biology Lab: Panda Porm
and of course,
Advanced Trig
As I would expect of The Chosen One – you can even post the name for the study of the ratios of sides of right-angle triangles without fear. I bow down in awe.
As you should, friend, as you should.
In fact, though I can do These Things, I keep looking over my shoulder for any incoming smites.
the economics of a declining superpower: the rent is too damn high
and something about meg mccain.
Has she been here all along? Wait – didn't I see this on a cheesy television show years ago? The new girl at school after a few weeks is revealed as the teacher.
Anybody? It's just me then – OK, I'll shut up now.
Every time I see that photo, I imagine a field mouse in her beak.
I'm thinking howler monkey in her beak.
Gas in New Zealand is $2.05/liter in local currency = $US6.31 / gallon. Suck it up, whiners.
Odd, until I saw that picture I never realized the potential benefits of total blindness.
Neon white.
My "cut to the heart of the matter" election sticker: "White/White '12"
Hey now, the eventual nominee might pick a credible black Republican as VP, like um… well there's.. uh, help me out people.
Enlisting is for brown people. Wait . . .
Or fill them with even more angry revenge fantasies
Let's not punish their kids – make the assholes themselves enlist . Sure, most of them would expire from basic training but it would be a small price to pay for having so many go-getter types involved in the war effort.
You must have missed the handout that says "the very wealthy do not need to enlist." See Sick Rantorum for details.
Edward Brooke?
Donald Payne. Wut? He's DEAD, it's not like he's gonna complain, and Mint RMONEY can just have him baptized as a Republican, so I don't see the problem.
So pasty!
Speaking as a Certified Pasty American®, I'd like the record to reflect that I have nothing in common with these warmongering albinos. Thank you.
Awww, sweetie! Nobody could *ever* accuse you of being a salamander or a Wifebot!
HEY!
Is tonight going to be a Punishment night*, sir?
*Please?
Thank you so much, sweetie. I do appreciate all the love and kindness and good wishes from everyone in this, my little piece of heaven, where I have returned for a little dose of that VENOM that makes US politics bearable.
You rang?
Just happy to see you on this fine Purim Eve Eve and Super Tuesday.
It was a brilliant strategic move even if it did cost a lot of lives. For one thing, it gave the South Vietnamese revolutionaries hope. For another, it showed the US (and, more importanty, the South Vietnamese and the rest of Asia) that the US was no more invulnerable than any of their other colonial masters. The fact that guerillas could appear in the very heart of Saigon, smuggling in caches of arms and ammunition, sabotaging government facilities and firing at the US embassy despite the enormous might of the American Empire was not lost on the Asian populace, you can rest assured of that.
(Hugs the ntD fiercely) Give littleSuzieNotThatDewey a big hug for me! Is it spring yet?
For Newt? Darn tootin'!
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