Before being a “job creator” was even a thing, Joe the Plumber bravely and famously confronted then-Senator Barack Obama to carp about problems from his made-up financial future as one of these as-yet unheard of “job creators.” Now this same angrily prescient heartland shaman is only months away from unfettered bitch session access to his old pal Barack, during which he will get to complain about more fictional concerns, only this time based on America’s made-up financial future! Yes, Joe the Plumber, our favorite unflushable from 2008, successfully completed the difficult transition from child star to adult entertainer, and won last night’s Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th congressional district, using the more matoor-sounding stage name “Joe Wurzelbacher.” JOE THE PLUMBER IS BACK YAY FOR POLITICS!
Let us defer to the local teevee news:
Samuel Wurzelbacher gained the nickname “Joe the Plumber” for expressing working-class concerns about taxes to then-candidate Barack Obama during a stop to the region.
The Toledo-area plumber defeated Steve Kraus, a Sandusky real estate agent, early Wednesday to grab the GOP nomination in Ohio’s 9th Congressional District.
Joe will now face the lady who defeated former Elf King Dennis Kucinich in the Democratic primary, and lose, thus saving America’s global street cred, for a few more milliseconds. Just in case, though, please find a suicide pact “buddy” in the comments below. [Ohio News Network]
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Now he can be "Joe the unelected congressman".
Or Joe "The Former Candidate"
He's failed at everything else. Why not running for Congress? Next, maybe he can fail at writing cookbooks or sky diving.
With our luck, he'd fail at falling.
I hope former girlfriend will untie the purse strings at $araPAC to fund his campaign. Oh, wait–that would mean less whore diamonds for ME? Suck it, Samuel!
I don't know what is sadder, Joe the Plumber, the people who voted for Joe the Plumber or the person who lost to Joe the Plumber?
Say, you know which other right-wing nutbag was hailed as a job creator… ?
Mooseolini?
Pharaoh?
Charles Lindbergh?
Friedrich Hayek?
Salma Hayek?
Oh, she's created a few jobs around my Kleenex…
The God of the Old Testament?
(Oops – sorry, I thought you said "hailed as a Job creator". )
Haaaaaaa!
Stalin?
Kirk Cameron?
Rick Santorum, 2006?
Toilets must be backing-up along the Lake Erie shore.
No, concerns about taxes for people making over $250,000 dollars a year are not "working-class concerns about taxes", Ohio News Network; in fact they are the complete opposite of working class.
"Winning the primary" is just a description of how far he got along in school.
Thank you, Kaia the Editor.
-Spurning the Commenter
Joe the Plumber, his name is not Joe and he is not a licensed plumber and he owes back taxes. So it sounds like he has the best plan to reduce taxes – don’t pay them.
A tax cheat who lies about every detail about himself? Sounds like he's got all the prerequisites for being a republican congressman down pat.
He was never a licensed plumber, but he did work for one, at some point. So we should call him Joe the Plumber's Helper.
It does bear repeating that Joe The Plumber is neither.
As a Congressman, he'll make one hell of a plumer.
He'll put feathers in caps?
He'll be just another Rethuglican party-line parrot.
And call them macaroni.
I'm waiting for the foto of him in a feather boa.
Plumbers in DC again? Isn't it still too soon?
You just never know when the Watergate might get backed up again.
Doesn't Joe The Plumber need to form a corporation first, so Rmoney can securitize and bankrupt it? Get with the program, Joe!
Actually, my favorite unflushable from 2008 is still the snowbilly, but this grifting asswipe is a close second.
#UNFLUSHABLE = WIN
More evidence 2012 republicans are on an absolute mission to look like the biggest idiots on the planet.
Mission Accomplished.
Heck of a job!
Isn't he still employed by Pajamagram© or something?
Joe from all the folks at Wonkette I say welcome back let the good times roll!
You rang?
Win!
No wonder the other guy lost. In 2012 it's never good to be described as "a Sandusky" anything.
Joe is hoping to spread the stupid around.
And he seems to be succeeding.
And his dreams of owning his own plumbing business evaporate slowly, leaving him nothing but a pile of money from the Koch brothers and regrets.
And once again, politics mirrors prostitution.
"I'll never make $200,000 as a plumber, let me try congressperson."
Cue the preteen girl that Joe is having an online flirtation with in 3….2….1….
Girl?
"Girl"? This is a Republican man we're talking about, remember…
I thought "Free Candy" was just the name of his business.
Visual: Large middle aged man with comb-over and hairy back shoulders sitting at computer, typing.
Voice-over, in gruff gravel voice a la the construction worker on "Futurama": Hi, my name is Heather. I like ponies and raspberry lip gloss.
Coming soon to an election booth near you. An epic fail bigger than the Red Sox and Patriots combined.
Maybe I've underestimated Republican charity. Between Xtine, Sam-Joe and all the Palins, one could argue Republicans are deeply committed to employing the feeble-minded.
Committed to putting them on the public payroll, you mean.
I thought they were trying to contribute to the general welfare of the populace by amusing us all, but your version works too.
The McDonald's in the nearby town does the same, but I don't recommend going to there, either.
Not so up on my Ohio geography, but doesn't Joe the Dumber's congressional district run the gambit from a Toledo Bow Tie to a Cleveland Steamer?
I don't know if "run the gambit" was a slip of the keyboard or wordplay, but I like it either way.
Piper Palin?
Joe the plumber/Bob the builder 2016.
The great irony will be their campaign platform of killing PBS.
"The Toledo-area plumber defeated Steve Kraus, a Sandusky real estate agent. "
Bravo, Joe. You beat a guy from a town named after a pedophile.
Boy, McCain really unleashed a clown car of whack jobs on us during his campaign of epic fail. Anyone who votes for this dogmatic boob deserves exactly what they get.
My boobs stopped being dogmatic some time ago. A little meditation and yoga, and bam! I woke up and they were all, "meh."
I wish I was talentless and unemployable, so I could do cool things like have a talk show and run for Congress.
You be nice to Mike Huckabee.
Samuel Wurzelbacher gained the nickname “Joe the Plumber” for expressing working-class concerns about taxes to then-candidate Barack Obama during a stop to the region.
Uhm, no. Actually, he made up a lie about how he would magically fall under some kind of tax raise that never happened and has panhandled for the last three years because of someone getting media coverage for being a liar.
But you see what's important to remember is that Sandra Fluke is a puppet of the Obama administration but Joe the Plumber is an utterly natural phenomenon. He's practically organic.
Suitable for spreading on your lawn.
Only if your definition of 'working class' includes handymen making more than $250k a year.
Which is hard to do as an unlicensed plumber and not just because the license would be necessary to own the business in the first place. Unless the "plan" was to just not bother with any state/city/county licensing.
Not bothering with licenses means never having to bother about paying taxes.
Well, Sam has always paid his taxe-er, oh.
After years of going on about hating the government as part of the standard GOP stump speeches for the election trail, I guess breaking the law as a "qualification" for office was the next logical step.
That's a strange picture of Joe. It looks like he has half a 'surveyor's mark' on his nose.
I think a '1:20' is a gang bang.
Honestly I think this piece deserves a Blingee.
Has our new Goddess in Chief created one blingee since entering office? I don't think so – IMPEACHMENT, IMPEACHMENT!
See, kids — if you eat your vegetables, stay in school, then spend years working hard, one day you too can be a footnote to a failed moment of mass hysteria in the heartland, struggling to catch a wave that keeps passing you by.
Hope!
As a plumber, can he identify human sewage in a mirror?
His grandmother was famed commerical spokeswoman Josephine the Plumber, back in the sixties. How ironic that she has thrown her considerable support behind the democratic incumbent. Ironic. Like rain on your wedding day.
He's soaking in something, likely santorum.
No, wait–that was Madge…
Time for a Courtesy Flush.
Joe = Snowball; Election = Hell.
who the fuck is voting in Ohio's 9th district? Up with Joe and down with Dennis?? A whole new level of crazy has taken hold over there.
Marcy Kaptur is a first-rate Congressperson, with less grandstanding than Kucenich. Also the (preposterous) redistricting archipelago stretching from Cleveland to Toledo that threw them together contained more of Kaptur's old district than Kucenich's. So that half of the vote isn't so shocking.
"with less grandstanding than Kucenich."
This is a good thing?
What does Joe's wife look like?
Absent. She left him for a guy who has a job.
Joe the Plumber/Chance the Gardener 2016
Should be Gardener/Plumber. Joe's gonna need someone with more savy.
This a good setup for Palin/Plumber 2016 and the end times.
Man, Palin/Plumber is a natch, no?
But Santorum/Plumber is more logical.
Santorum Plumber = Worst. Job. Evar.
Dumb and Plumber!
That Mayan calendar thing ain't lookin' so bad now is it?
No way would I trust a PINO (Plumber In Name Only) who can't even fix his own leaky guano faucet.
What wasn't mentioned was that Joe the Plumber was running against Harry the Hedge Fund Manager – it's a class warfare thing.
It doesn't matter what happens in November, this man will always be Joe the Loser to me.
That's some serious Idiocracy shit right there.
Richard Nixon had a whole bunch of "plumbers" working for him in the White House, and that didn't end well at all.
Haha, remember how the wingnuts were hoping to get some Ohio gummint people fired for somehow doing harm to Saint Joe by leaking his voter registration records or something?
No? Neither do I, really, just that it was, for about 7 minutes, the Most Horrible Outrage Since the Nationwide Black Panther Voter Intimidation Campaign At One Polling Place.
After his vanity campaign has collapsed, I hope someone spends a few minutes to go through his reporting of campaign expenses.
Anyone who thinks Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell was a bit loose with spending campaign money to support herself is going to have a field day with this guy.
Damn your black heart, John McCain
*shakes fists menacingly*
Joe the plumber has the same hairdo as that Babeu guy from Arizona. I think they'd make a cute couple.
So does that Babeau guy.
Joe the Liar is a fine looking specimen if you want to resemble an erect penis.
An erect penis at least has a certain amount of sex appeal.
He’s cross-threaded his ambitions.
Fail.
As much as this turn of events makes me want to panic for the fate of my country, I'll wait until after Sammy's first debate before picking my suicide buddy.
This is good news for John McCain.
And should help Joe the Dummer get laid moar, too,
He is just grody to the max. Gag me with a spoon. (I've been listening to The Plimsouls)
Zappa did it first!
So, we were walkin' down the street, trying to find someone who knows what a "jimmy hat" is…
Sometimes the douche just bags itself.
If Joe is elected to high office, I will drink Draino as a tribute / easy way out.
How else is he going to afford health insurance?
"Steven-the-real-estate-agent." Nope, not nearly as catchy. He didn't stand a chance.
"Sandusky real estate" even less so.
Maybe Rushbo needs some one like Joe to explain how wimminz plumbing really works.
But to have signed a pledge saying he's never had premarital sex and never seen porn.
If there ever was a perfect running mate for Santorum…
Erect Penis libel!
So he gets kicked out of Israel but not Ohio? How is that possible?
To restate my meme of the day "you can fool too many of the people, too much of the time."
Somebody please trick him into filming a campaign ad in front of the Watergate Building.
Failed plumbers, failed painters, what's the difference?
Don't go Godwin on us.
What's with the bandaid on his face? Plumber's helper?
Like other well know Republican Plumbers when does he start his term at Allenwood?
When teh legislation is all stopped up, who you gonna call?
But if he lands a white-collar job, how will he explain the lingering aroma of raw sewage wafting around him?
With that head, I think "Joe the Plunger" would be more appropriate.
Since I live in Washington, I've sometimes considered changing my name to Sam the Shaker, just to run against that guy.
Be nice have some real movers and shakers on the ballot.
Show us the birth certificate.
he's hot. i'd totally gay fuck him. then kick him out to the curb like trash, used and crying.
I used to have a suicide pact with french fries…
Just think, in four or five years, our pundits will be calling Snowbilly and JTP "Republican party elders".
I guess the fist-fight he started with the Israeil journalist because Israeli journalism is anti-Israel is over.
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