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Joe The Plumber May Become Congressman The Plumber

Goodbye, private sector!Before being a “job creator” was even a thing, Joe the Plumber bravely and famously confronted then-Senator Barack Obama to carp about problems from his made-up financial future as one of these as-yet unheard of “job creators.” Now this same angrily prescient heartland shaman is only months away from unfettered bitch session access to his old pal Barack, during which he will get to complain about more fictional concerns, only this time based on America’s made-up financial future! Yes, Joe the Plumber, our favorite unflushable from 2008, successfully completed the difficult transition from child star to adult entertainer, and won last night’s Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th congressional district, using the more matoor-sounding stage name “Joe Wurzelbacher.” JOE THE PLUMBER IS BACK YAY FOR POLITICS!

Let us defer to the local teevee news:

Samuel Wurzelbacher gained the nickname “Joe the Plumber” for expressing working-class concerns about taxes to then-candidate Barack Obama during a stop to the region.

The Toledo-area plumber defeated Steve Kraus, a Sandusky real estate agent, early Wednesday to grab the GOP nomination in Ohio’s 9th Congressional District.

Joe will now face the lady who defeated former Elf King Dennis Kucinich in the Democratic primary, and lose, thus saving America’s global street cred, for a few more milliseconds. Just in case, though, please find a suicide pact “buddy” in the comments below. [Ohio News Network]

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Now he can be "Joe the unelected congressman".

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Or Joe "The Former Candidate"

    • yrbmegr

      He's failed at everything else. Why not running for Congress? Next, maybe he can fail at writing cookbooks or sky diving.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        With our luck, he'd fail at falling.

    • Biff

      I hope former girlfriend will untie the purse strings at $araPAC to fund his campaign. Oh, wait–that would mean less whore diamonds for ME? Suck it, Samuel!

    • jwowwsrightboob

      I don't know what is sadder, Joe the Plumber, the people who voted for Joe the Plumber or the person who lost to Joe the Plumber?

  • memzilla

    Say, you know which other right-wing nutbag was hailed as a job creator… ?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Mooseolini?

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Pharaoh?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Charles Lindbergh?

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

      Friedrich Hayek?

      • Steverino247

        Salma Hayek?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Oh, she's created a few jobs around my Kleenex…

    • Chichikovovich

      The God of the Old Testament?

      (Oops – sorry, I thought you said "hailed as a Job creator". )

      • Fare la Volpe

        Haaaaaaa!

    • Callyson

      Stalin?

    • Major Thom

      Kirk Cameron?

    • chicken_thief

      Rick Santorum, 2006?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Toilets must be backing-up along the Lake Erie shore.

  • SorosBot

    No, concerns about taxes for people making over $250,000 dollars a year are not "working-class concerns about taxes", Ohio News Network; in fact they are the complete opposite of working class.

  • OneDollarJuana

    "Winning the primary" is just a description of how far he got along in school.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Thank you, Kaia the Editor.

    -Spurning the Commenter

  • Barb

    Joe the Plumber, his name is not Joe and he is not a licensed plumber and he owes back taxes. So it sounds like he has the best plan to reduce taxes – don’t pay them.

    • beavertank

      A tax cheat who lies about every detail about himself? Sounds like he's got all the prerequisites for being a republican congressman down pat.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He was never a licensed plumber, but he did work for one, at some point. So we should call him Joe the Plumber's Helper.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      It does bear repeating that Joe The Plumber is neither.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

    As a Congressman, he'll make one hell of a plumer.

    • nounverb911

      He'll put feathers in caps?

      • memzilla

        He'll be just another Rethuglican party-line parrot.

      • beavertank

        And call them macaroni.

      • WhatTheHeck

        I'm waiting for the foto of him in a feather boa.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Plumbers in DC again? Isn't it still too soon?

      • Biff

        You just never know when the Watergate might get backed up again.

  • memzilla

    Doesn't Joe The Plumber need to form a corporation first, so Rmoney can securitize and bankrupt it? Get with the program, Joe!

  • freakishlywrong

    Actually, my favorite unflushable from 2008 is still the snowbilly, but this grifting asswipe is a close second.

    • DahBoner

      #UNFLUSHABLE = WIN

  • SoBeach

    More evidence 2012 republicans are on an absolute mission to look like the biggest idiots on the planet.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

      Mission Accomplished.

    • Callyson

      Heck of a job!

    • Biff

      Isn't he still employed by Pajamagram© or something?

  • Goonemeritus

    Joe from all the folks at Wonkette I say welcome back let the good times roll!

    • LesBontemps

      You rang?

      • tessiee

        Win!

  • MittsHairHelmet

    No wonder the other guy lost. In 2012 it's never good to be described as "a Sandusky" anything.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Joe is hoping to spread the stupid around.

    • Barb

      And he seems to be succeeding.

  • SolitaireRose

    And his dreams of owning his own plumbing business evaporate slowly, leaving him nothing but a pile of money from the Koch brothers and regrets.

    • beavertank

      And once again, politics mirrors prostitution.

    • SkinnyNerd

      "I'll never make $200,000 as a plumber, let me try congressperson."

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Cue the preteen girl that Joe is having an online flirtation with in 3….2….1….

    • Fare la Volpe

      Girl?

    • Callyson

      "Girl"? This is a Republican man we're talking about, remember…

    • Guppy

      I thought "Free Candy" was just the name of his business.

    • tessiee

      Visual: Large middle aged man with comb-over and hairy back shoulders sitting at computer, typing.
      Voice-over, in gruff gravel voice a la the construction worker on "Futurama": Hi, my name is Heather. I like ponies and raspberry lip gloss.

  • nounverb911

    Coming soon to an election booth near you. An epic fail bigger than the Red Sox and Patriots combined.

  • edgydrifter

    Maybe I've underestimated Republican charity. Between Xtine, Sam-Joe and all the Palins, one could argue Republicans are deeply committed to employing the feeble-minded.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Committed to putting them on the public payroll, you mean.

    • Callyson

      I thought they were trying to contribute to the general welfare of the populace by amusing us all, but your version works too.

    • Biff

      The McDonald's in the nearby town does the same, but I don't recommend going to there, either.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Not so up on my Ohio geography, but doesn't Joe the Dumber's congressional district run the gambit from a Toledo Bow Tie to a Cleveland Steamer?

    • Gunner Asch

      I don't know if "run the gambit" was a slip of the keyboard or wordplay, but I like it either way.

  • nounverb911

    Piper Palin?

  • freakishlywrong

    Joe the plumber/Bob the builder 2016.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      The great irony will be their campaign platform of killing PBS.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

    "The Toledo-area plumber defeated Steve Kraus, a Sandusky real estate agent. "

    Bravo, Joe. You beat a guy from a town named after a pedophile.

  • Joshua Norton

    Boy, McCain really unleashed a clown car of whack jobs on us during his campaign of epic fail. Anyone who votes for this dogmatic boob deserves exactly what they get.

    • Nothingisamiss

      My boobs stopped being dogmatic some time ago. A little meditation and yoga, and bam! I woke up and they were all, "meh."

  • SexySmurf

    I wish I was talentless and unemployable, so I could do cool things like have a talk show and run for Congress.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You be nice to Mike Huckabee.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Samuel Wurzelbacher gained the nickname “Joe the Plumber” for expressing working-class concerns about taxes to then-candidate Barack Obama during a stop to the region.

    Uhm, no. Actually, he made up a lie about how he would magically fall under some kind of tax raise that never happened and has panhandled for the last three years because of someone getting media coverage for being a liar.

    • Ruhe

      But you see what's important to remember is that Sandra Fluke is a puppet of the Obama administration but Joe the Plumber is an utterly natural phenomenon. He's practically organic.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Suitable for spreading on your lawn.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Only if your definition of 'working class' includes handymen making more than $250k a year.

      • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

        Which is hard to do as an unlicensed plumber and not just because the license would be necessary to own the business in the first place. Unless the "plan" was to just not bother with any state/city/county licensing.

        • HistoriCat

          Not bothering with licenses means never having to bother about paying taxes.

          • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

            Well, Sam has always paid his taxe-er, oh.

            After years of going on about hating the government as part of the standard GOP stump speeches for the election trail, I guess breaking the law as a "qualification" for office was the next logical step.

  • PubOption

    That's a strange picture of Joe. It looks like he has half a 'surveyor's mark' on his nose.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I think a '1:20' is a gang bang.

  • ghblowhard

    Honestly I think this piece deserves a Blingee.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Has our new Goddess in Chief created one blingee since entering office? I don't think so – IMPEACHMENT, IMPEACHMENT!

  • SayItWithWookies

    See, kids — if you eat your vegetables, stay in school, then spend years working hard, one day you too can be a footnote to a failed moment of mass hysteria in the heartland, struggling to catch a wave that keeps passing you by.

    • freakishlywrong

      Hope!

  • SkinnyNerd

    As a plumber, can he identify human sewage in a mirror?

  • 2161911

    His grandmother was famed commerical spokeswoman Josephine the Plumber, back in the sixties. How ironic that she has thrown her considerable support behind the democratic incumbent. Ironic. Like rain on your wedding day.

    • Biff

      He's soaking in something, likely santorum.

      No, wait–that was Madge…

  • Buzz Feedback

    Time for a Courtesy Flush.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Joe = Snowball; Election = Hell.

  • CivicHoliday

    who the fuck is voting in Ohio's 9th district? Up with Joe and down with Dennis?? A whole new level of crazy has taken hold over there.

    • Chichikovovich

      Marcy Kaptur is a first-rate Congressperson, with less grandstanding than Kucenich. Also the (preposterous) redistricting archipelago stretching from Cleveland to Toledo that threw them together contained more of Kaptur's old district than Kucenich's. So that half of the vote isn't so shocking.

      • Guppy

        "with less grandstanding than Kucenich."

        This is a good thing?

    • Guppy

      What does Joe's wife look like?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Absent. She left him for a guy who has a job.

  • Ruhe

    Joe the Plumber/Chance the Gardener 2016

    • Nothingisamiss

      Should be Gardener/Plumber. Joe's gonna need someone with more savy.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    This a good setup for Palin/Plumber 2016 and the end times.

    • freakishlywrong

      Man, Palin/Plumber is a natch, no?

      • OneDollarJuana

        But Santorum/Plumber is more logical.

        • LesBontemps

          Santorum Plumber = Worst. Job. Evar.

      • Biff

        Dumb and Plumber!

    • pdiddycornchips

      That Mayan calendar thing ain't lookin' so bad now is it?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    No way would I trust a PINO (Plumber In Name Only) who can't even fix his own leaky guano faucet.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    What wasn't mentioned was that Joe the Plumber was running against Harry the Hedge Fund Manager – it's a class warfare thing.

  • hagajim

    It doesn't matter what happens in November, this man will always be Joe the Loser to me.

  • BornInATrailer

    That's some serious Idiocracy shit right there.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Richard Nixon had a whole bunch of "plumbers" working for him in the White House, and that didn't end well at all.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Haha, remember how the wingnuts were hoping to get some Ohio gummint people fired for somehow doing harm to Saint Joe by leaking his voter registration records or something?

    No? Neither do I, really, just that it was, for about 7 minutes, the Most Horrible Outrage Since the Nationwide Black Panther Voter Intimidation Campaign At One Polling Place.

  • Tundra Grifter

    After his vanity campaign has collapsed, I hope someone spends a few minutes to go through his reporting of campaign expenses.

    Anyone who thinks Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell was a bit loose with spending campaign money to support herself is going to have a field day with this guy.

  • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

    Damn your black heart, John McCain

    • tessiee

      *shakes fists menacingly*

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/FlipOffResearch FlipOffResearch

    Joe the plumber has the same hairdo as that Babeu guy from Arizona. I think they'd make a cute couple.

    • tessiee

      So does that Babeau guy.

  • An_Outhouse

    Joe the Liar is a fine looking specimen if you want to resemble an erect penis.

    • tessiee

      An erect penis at least has a certain amount of sex appeal.

  • WhatTheHeck

    He’s cross-threaded his ambitions.
    Fail.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    As much as this turn of events makes me want to panic for the fate of my country, I'll wait until after Sammy's first debate before picking my suicide buddy.

  • rocktonsam

    This is good news for John McCain.

    And should help Joe the Dummer get laid moar, too,

  • prommie

    He is just grody to the max. Gag me with a spoon. (I've been listening to The Plimsouls)

    • Biff
      • DahBoner

        So, we were walkin' down the street, trying to find someone who knows what a "jimmy hat" is…

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sometimes the douche just bags itself.

  • MadBrahms

    If Joe is elected to high office, I will drink Draino as a tribute / easy way out.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    How else is he going to afford health insurance?

  • Sassomatic

    "Steven-the-real-estate-agent." Nope, not nearly as catchy. He didn't stand a chance.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Sandusky real estate" even less so.

  • Jimmyone

    Maybe Rushbo needs some one like Joe to explain how wimminz plumbing really works.

  • Nothingisamiss

    But to have signed a pledge saying he's never had premarital sex and never seen porn.

  • tessiee

    If there ever was a perfect running mate for Santorum…

  • Nothingisamiss

    Erect Penis libel!

  • Generation[redacted]

    So he gets kicked out of Israel but not Ohio? How is that possible?

  • Slim_Pickins

    To restate my meme of the day "you can fool too many of the people, too much of the time."

  • OneYieldRegular

    Somebody please trick him into filming a campaign ad in front of the Watergate Building.

  • mavenmaven

    Failed plumbers, failed painters, what's the difference?

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      Don't go Godwin on us.

  • chascates

    What's with the bandaid on his face? Plumber's helper?

  • James Michael Curley

    Like other well know Republican Plumbers when does he start his term at Allenwood?

  • orygoon

    When teh legislation is all stopped up, who you gonna call?

  • ttommyunger

    But if he lands a white-collar job, how will he explain the lingering aroma of raw sewage wafting around him?

  • Ducksworthy

    With that head, I think "Joe the Plunger" would be more appropriate.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Since I live in Washington, I've sometimes considered changing my name to Sam the Shaker, just to run against that guy.

    Be nice have some real movers and shakers on the ballot.

  • owhatever

    Show us the birth certificate.

  • whopooted

    he's hot. i'd totally gay fuck him. then kick him out to the curb like trash, used and crying.

  • DahBoner

    I used to have a suicide pact with french fries

  • pdiddycornchips

    Just think, in four or five years, our pundits will be calling Snowbilly and JTP "Republican party elders".

  • jolpaj

    I guess the fist-fight he started with the Israeil journalist because Israeli journalism is anti-Israel is over.