warblogging

Liveblogging The Superest Tuesday: Probably The End For Newt Gingrich, Right?

Goodnight Nurse!Hey why has Your Wonkette done so many Newt Gingrich posts all day forever? Because we doubt we’ll have Ol’ Newt to kick around anymore, and we miss the mean old bastard already. He’s been in a funk for weeks (years?) now, and without those recharging trips to Greece, he has just been a sour bag of mush (and not the kind of sour mush that riles his easily rileable moron base).

Goodbye, Newt! Goodbye forever, we’re sure!

OR ARE WE? Here is a chart of Tennessee, from TalkingPointsMemo, which fills our hearts with gladness! Go Newt Go!
Tennessee. T-t-t-t-tennessee

Anyway, let’s start this bitch!

6:23 PM — Oh, FOX is laughing at Noobama for claiming credit for added oil production when it took place on “state lands” and “private lands,” because you can not talk about oil imports going down if you are a Dem? Your editrix is sorry already that she has sold her soul to the teevee news succubus. LORDY LORDY what was she thinking?

6:26 PM — Thank God there is a commercial already. CNN and MSNBC too. HOORAY for CAPITALISM! Never did anyone appreciate advertising as much as your editrix, this second, when faced with all this goddamn bloviating.

6:31 — Rachel Maddow is back on. She will soothe our savage breast.

6:32 — Oh good a full half hour till the first results of the night, and now Maddow is back to commercial as well. Perhaps there are some websites with, say, exit polls, or politihacks explainifying for us rubes, about the votin’. We will go and try to find one, brb.

6:36 — What say you, Politico.com? Not helpful!

6:37 — Lego tractor-driving-man Brett Bair has a pretty lady on, but there is an exciting twist: her hair is brown.

6:38 — Who will get the delegates and how will they get the delegates and if Mitt Romney gets the majority of the delegates …. “On the flipside, Juan, 67 % of the delegates still on the table after tonight!” That is a flipside! For RON PAUL!!1!!!!

6:40 — Dudes be so jealous, Kirsten Boyd Johnson is coming over to my living room, and she is bringing WINE. Then we are going to braid each other’s hair and have PILLOW FIGHTS.

6:45 — Aw, Richard Simmons wrote you a nice thing! Thanks, Richard Simmons!

6:48 — Hey, can someone check if we “broke” the press release news about the hooker website that wants to advertise on Rush Limbaugh? If so, there’s a twitter meme we need to get our royalties from.

6:52 — Okay, fixed it!

6:57 — Pre-returns liveblogging is stupid. What did you think you were gonna get, a Fat Tuesday Fuckfest? WRONG.

6:58 — Blah blah Iran. Girls do not care about Iran. We care about stomping on Darrell Issa’s arsonist heart. (Sorry Obamz, but at the moment every XX is a single-issue voter.)

7:00 — NEWTTTTTTTT! SHEPPPPPPP! NEwT!!!!!!!!!!

7:03 — FOX tool still claiming Romney has the momentum because he won the last five? Sure, maybe, don’t know don’t care to check, but they claimed the same thing when Santorum won Iowa, and all the other ones, and whatever. Psht. I still kinda love Shep Smith, though, don’t tell Commie Mom she gets so MAD!

7:16 — Rachel calls Virginia for Mittens. ReLOVEution #FAIL.

7:17 — Show us a map, CHUCK. What’s on the map, CHUCK.

7:18 — Chuck says erm, Romney with a bunch of Ohio? TOO TALKY, CHUCK. STOP EXPLAINING AND JUST LABEL THAT SHIT. TRYING TO LIVEBLOG AND FOLLOW THe tWIttERX. Also, beer. I’M “Stumpedville,” CHUCK.

7:19 — Know who Commie Mom hates? (Actually, she hates Rachel Maddow, for being repetitious, don’t tell anyone.) But you know who else she hates? Ed Schultz. Because of how on his radio show he would run the name together like so: Edshutshow. She has a low tolerance for mush-mouth, Commie Mom.

7:20 — Anybody won anything else lately? No? BRB, mama needs a smoke.

7:28 — Ooh, on FOX: our boyfriend, Ed Rollins, who is hilarious and talks so much pious shit about how everyone ELSE is all full of shit. Lemme find you a link.

Oh, did you know that Jim has a liveblog here? Mama’s done for now, MINIONS.

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  • Barb

    I'm going to miss Newt like a cold sore.

    • Tilley

      Like an ingrown toenail.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        So .. how much DO you galz miss that kinda stuff, anywho?

        • Barb

          Hey Hobbes, I'm on my way out the door to a business dinner with Pokey. I will catch up with you later and after some cocktails.

        • Tilley

          Frothy darling! How's it going?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey there, beautiful! Things are incredibly tough. I guess no one can prepare you for these things, although goodness knows you tried, dear friend. On the plus side, my sister's HR mgr went through something similar, and gave her good advice, so she was somewhat prepared. My sister's always been a tall skinny type, but I was frankly horrified to see how much weight she lost. She's had to have all her clothes taken in. And there are more visits to the doctor, more tests, and possibly, more surgery. Dear sweet good Nothingisamiss is sending prayers to the deity for my sister. I couldn't ask for more. What wonderful people are these Wonketteerz, to send so much love and good wishes! We try to keep spirits up all around. That's all we can do. (Hugs the Tilley) Thanks so much for everything. I will see her surgeon next week and have a WORD, as they say in these parts.

    • emmelemm

      Herpes.

    • Nostrildamus

      I'm going to miss Newt like an ex-wive. Or two.

    • tessiee

      Gallstones hurt like a motherfucker, but at least they go away eventually, so not like gallstones.

  • Callyson

    Note to self: no more Tuesday night classes until after the election. Am missing out on way too much fun.

  • memzilla

    ♪ ♫ Newt-Newt-Newtsie, goodbye! Newt-Newt-Newtsie, don't cry… ♪ ♫

  • edgydrifter

    I see Perry is polling strong with Tennessee's Alamo re-enactment cosplayers.

  • SmutBoffin

    …and Ron Paul stayed flat.

    • arihaya

      there can be only that much of Paultard in the world

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Dui, ma?

  • MissTaken

    I keep looking at that graph but all I see is a rainbow of fruit flavors which is actually a very accurate description of the GOP primary field.

    • Chichikovovich

      The two things I take from that graph are 1) A tsunami of negative ads works big-time, at least if the subject of the ads has as many negatives as Rick Santorum. 2) Every single vote that Romney dislodges from Santorum goes to one of the other not-Romneys. Check out Newt's exponential rise coupled with the down-the-alps tumble of Santorum and the much smaller but still noticeable dip of Romney.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • BTWBFDIMHO

      She stops anytime Obama comes back. Is she the Obama Girl?

  • not that Dewey

    Michele Bachmann appears in the legend, but not in the graph. Is that a metaphor for something?

    • Tundra Grifter

      ntD:

      She's only a legend in her own mind.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Doesn't almost all of the oil come from private lands thus explaining the arguments about the Gulf of Mexico and the Arctic Refuge? Or has my stroke started?

  • SorosBot

    Even if we don't have Newt Gingrich around anymore, we'll still kick him.

    • Swampgas_Man

      The best time to kick a man is when he's down and you can make sure he won't get up again.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Since he's now been a Very Important GOP Presidential Candidate (VIGOPPC, pronounced like the sound of throwing up) he will always stick around so we can kick him.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I look forward to getting Santorum behind us.
    Wait…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Um, no.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Watching MSNBC…Every time someone says "Game change," Mark Halperin gets a nickle.

    • emmelemm

      I think you mean five bees for a quarter.

    • Rotundo_

      Can I give him my nickle with a slingshot?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

    ♪ ♫ Goodbye Newtie Tuesday ♫ ♪

    • tessiee

      Who could stand the sight of you?
      You change wives with every new day,
      No one's gonna miss you.

  • Tundra Grifter

    For Ole Newt is hasn't been about votes or delegates for quite some time.

    It's been about vanity, ego, and SuperPAC money. Three things he hasn't been short of.

    As long as the casino dollars inflate him like a hotair balloon he'll keep running. Otherwise he has to go back to giving crappy speeches, writing crappy books, and peddling crappy half-baked history DVD's, begging for airtime and trying desperately to get people to pay attention to him.

    He set himself up by being very sure he was going to "win" in Georgia, and then going around saying "It's do or die" like he was Joe Namath before Super Bowl III.

    Ole Newt shot a hole in a large blank piece of paper, drew a bullseye around it, and is now crowing he hit the center of the target.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh, I misread that first line as "Foul Ole Newt."

      Buggrit. Millennium hand and shrimp! I told 'em, I did!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Old Foul Newt, plz.

    • tessiee

      "shot a hole in a large blank piece of paper, drew a bullseye around it, and is now crowing he hit the center of the target."

      Enjoyed this. Will steal.

      • Tundra Grifter

        tessiee:

        You're welcome to it! I adapted it from a joke I heard years ago.

        I wish more of it were original.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Rebecca, a tip: make one of your East Coast minions take the first shift for these sorts of events. It's only 3:30 in CA, you're going to put your head through your TV well before all the results are in.

    • HistoriCat

      Exactly – you're going to burn yourself out at that pace. Look what it did to Ken!

      Although if Kirsten is coming over, maybe the two of them will be taking a break later on.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        That pic on the FB widget over there —————————>

        …that goes with the Studs Terkel story? That's Ken and it was taken the day the sale closed!

        Also Rush Limbaugh demands Rebecca and KBJ make a video of this "break."

        • HistoriCat

          Don't make me find any point of agreement with Rushbo!

  • johnnymeatworth

    "Newt, Newt, he's our man!/Flush his fat ass down the can!"

    and BTW, please feel free to use the phrase "goddamn bloviating" as much as possible.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It'll be sad to see ol' Newt go — but our loss is Freddie Mac's gain.

  • chascates

    Soon Newt will be on teevee making commercials for reverse-mortgage companies and mail order vitamins.

    • johnnymeatworth

      Not to mention Cialis–"even works if she has The Cancer!"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      AGAIN?

    • tessiee

      Grecian Formula or GTFO.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Will you be having pillow fights in babydoll pajamas? or are you going to do makeovers?

    • Barrelhse

      And we get to watch the tapes, right?

  • MissTaken

    I wonder if Newt has explained to Callista that he is a massive failure and they will not be moving into the White House. Since her face does not move there's no way to know.

    • SorosBot

      And he promised he'd be in the White House someday in his SeekingArrangements.com profile.

      • Generation[redacted]

        "As seen on the Rush Limbaugh show!"

    • Rotundo_

      Maybe it's like Captain Pike on the the first Star Trek, only instead of lights she taps out once for yes and twice for no. Maybe morse code? The rest of her face cannot move so grunting in morse code?

    • tessiee

      The many moods of Callista:
      : – | happy
      : – | sad
      : – | angry
      : – | thoughtful
      : – | horny (because she's checking out the gardeners again)

      Etc. etc.

  • Limeylizzie

    I am so excited for the Liveblogging, I clearly have no life.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I don't either, but I will be missing chunks to cart ungrateful teens around. sigh.

    • Tilley

      Yah, me neither. Wonkette liveblogging and a shakerful of Cosmos is about as exciting as life gets for this rapidly aging Boomer hippie.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    He'll be able to spend more time with his children laborers.

  • Limeylizzie

    Is it wrong to find Michael Steele very attractive?

    • BarackMyWorld

      He looks like a middle-aged Humpty Hump.

      • Limeylizzie

        True, but he looks as if he would smell really nice, not in a cologney-way but in a masculine, clean . soapy way.

        • MissTaken

          I know what you mean, and the man can dress.

          • Limeylizzie

            No kidding, he has some gorgeous suits and he's so masculine and big, I wonder how tall he is.

        • BarackMyWorld

          You're saying you'd like to get busy in a Burger King bathroom?

          • MissTaken

            Only after drinking a bottle of Hennessy I got on my shelf.

      • emmelemm

        Yes! True dat.

    • C_R_Eature

      Not if you're Michael Steele.

      Well, it's OK for you. too.

      • Limeylizzie

        I think I could bring him over to the light and the side of reason.

        • C_R_Eature

          If you can, Lizzie, I am empowered to award you the Silk Be-ribboned Most High Solid Gold Five Pointed Star Medallion of Conversion to you.

          This one's never been awarded, but I know you can do it.

          • Limeylizzie

            Why thanks, Creature, I bet I could do it and would enjoy the fight.

          • OneDollarJuana

            However, if you wind up pregnant and have a new std, "blame yourself".

          • C_R_Eature

            I predict a solid KO in the early 2nd round. Lizzie Ruuuuulz!

    • elfgoldsackring

      It may be all kinds of wrong, but baby it just feels so right.

      • Limeylizzie

        I bet he likes to laugh in bed and is up for some hijinks.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Fo' shibble bibble.

    • shrillharpy

      I only see the Michael Steele muppet that they trot on the Daily Show.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I would say it's more like an indication of irreversible brain or eye damage.

      • Tilley

        Naw, the man's good-looking enough, just too — um — what's the word? Oleaginous? Yes, that's it. Too oleaginous. I love it when I get to use that word.

        • tessiee

          You've inspired me to look it up; it means flattering in that smarmy, oily way, like Eddie Haskell: "My, what a lovely housedress, Mrs. Cleaver".

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I love a woman who can use "oleaginous" correctly. (Kisses the Tilley fervently)

  • BarackMyWorld

    If Gingrich doesn't get out soon, I'm buying into the theory that Sheldon Adelson is paying for Gingrich to stay in the race to cock-block Santorum.

  • SorosBot

    Michael Steele's saying the GOP candidates are destroying themselves with their fear of pissing off Rush Limbaugh and his fans on MSBC.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Michael Steele is Chairman of the Obvious National Committee.

  • C_R_Eature

    I think that This should be the Theme Song for tonight and perhaps the whole depraved spectacle of this Republican Silly Season.

    • fuflans

      yes.

      • C_R_Eature

        It speaks to me. These days.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      "Maybe you are him…"

      Damn, I miss Warren.

      • C_R_Eature

        Me too. He and Hunter wold have had a field day with this crowd.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    If Kirstin is there with Rebecca, who is this here that claims to be Kirsten? She said that she drove 800 miles just to be with me.

    • C_R_Eature

      Don't you know about The Clones?

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Never mind, it was UPS.

    • MissTaken

      Is she letting you keep your black socks on? If so you have a "Kristen", not "Kirsten".

  • chascates

    Will Sarah Palin make an endorsement after tonight or will she still want to 'help' a brokered convention?

    • Troglodeity

      She's apparently not good at happy endings.

      • chascates

        Or at half-way points for that matter.

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'll be following this closely whilst watching old episodes of "Destination Truth" – Josh and the team go hunting in the wild cornfields of the Middle Western U.S. for the rarest of the rare wild beasts, a sane, non-diabetic Republican!

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    NotRomneys are still beating Romney by a 3:2 margin.

  • Beowoof

    Newt don't go, you bring a level of entertaining hypocrisy to the race that will be hard for the others to duplicate. And with your multiple marriages you truly are the man to represent guys such as Rush Limpbaugh.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Rebecca and Kirsten in the same living room? Can I go and prepare dinner tonight? I was thinking mayhaps a seafood risotto…

  • Troglodeity

    Doesn't matter that we're a net exporter of oil for the first time in forever, or that Obama has deported as many illegal immigrants in 3 years as Bush did in 8 (and filed criminal charges against 10 times as many employers of illegal immigrants). Because Obama's black, so there.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Well … I thought you KNEW that. I mean, isn't that how it's SUPPOSED to be?

  • chascates

    And, earlier this afternoon:
    Limbaugh also ripped Obama for saying that it is not his job to arbitrate comments made by politicians and pundits, charging, “You did! You just commented on me! He says he leads by example, [but] he called tea party supporters tea baggers knowing full well what an insult it is.”

    He continued, "it’s Barack Obama who said it’s not surprising then they get bitter and they clinging to guns or religion … I’ll bet he knows what’s in Jeremiah Wright’s heart — he was in Jeremiah Wright’s church for 20 years. “

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Who gives a flying fuck?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I love how they keep bring up Jeremiah Wright. It's like they're still trying to win the 2008 election.

      • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

        Because the Republicans really want a third Bush term.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      It is not nice to pick on Limbaugh for the non-sequiturs. After all, his long term drug abuse has clearly impaired his mental health so it is not fair to expect a logical statement from him.

    • SorosBot

      Christ, Jeremiah Wright again? What's next, more Tony Rezco or Bill Ayers guilt-by-association bullshit?

      • chascates

        Comment from a WashTimes poll on Republican attitudes on birth control:

        HIs mentor Saul Alinsky taught him well along with the other Commie scum Bill Ayers.

        • BarackMyWorld

          Saul Alinsky apparently taught elementary school, since Obama was 10 when he died.

        • SorosBot

          They need some new memes there.

      • Tilley

        Bill Ayers and Saul Alinsky still pop up with tiresome regularity on my local news comment board. 'course those posters are all re– uh, they's none too brite.

        • C_R_Eature

          Yeah, but Bloggerisimo Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      You know what Teh Youngz say? Dood, that was SO four years AGO!

      • C_R_Eature
        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Not exactly, sweetie. (Hugs the CREature, kisses a hairy cheek)

          I promised I'd check in for SuperToosdee because I was expecting them to start screaming "NIGGER" as soon as the results poured in. I'm disappointed. But HOPEFUL! I might stay here for six months or leave in three weeks. It's not clear at this point. All depends on Sister and her surgeon. I probably won't be back HERE for a bit, tho. Too much to do. You understand.

    • Tilley

      Rash Phlegmball can suck my dick.

    • tessiee

      Jeez, fat boy was really all over the goddam map, wasn't he?
      Take a pill and focus, dood!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    I pulled out my brownie recipe for extra fudgy-nutty variety, in tribute to my commonwealth's two eligible contenders. And as art imitates life, I find I'm out of pecans thus this batch will necessarily do without. So the Fudgepacker element seems primed to win, acc. to this indicator anyway, although I always felt Ron Paul's nuttiness added worthwhile humor — I've missed hearing more from him lately.

    • FakaktaSouth

      You got any weed? – you could use that for Ron. And for special brownies.

    • Barrelhse

      Double-up on the cannabutter, it's gonna be a long night.

  • Limeylizzie

    They just called Georgia for Newt!

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Yee Haw! To bad he can't win in the state he lives in, Virginia!

  • shrillharpy

    Rachel's announced that the Newtster wins GA. YAY! No? Toadie is STILL IN IT TO WIN IT!

  • SorosBot

    Newt wins Georgia; Virginia still too close to call even though only Romney and Paul were on the ballot.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Man, if Mint RMONEY can't crush Ron Paul in fucking VA, he's not gonna win the nom. Ridiculous.

  • GreatChristiano

    I woulda liked Newt much better if he had a HUGE beer belly.

    Yeah, that would do it…

  • chascates

    AP calls Georgia for the serial adulterer.

    • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

      Herman Cain won?

  • Limeylizzie

    Oh look, Laurence O'Donnell is in the same studio as his gf, Tamron Hall, sexual tension ahoy!

    • FakaktaSouth

      I like this very much. I would kill Larry (and I love Mr. O and his shit eating grin whilst discussing Rush's trouble) but I'd kill him for TamTam's skin. She is lovely.

      • Limeylizzie

        And her eyes are amazing, she is really a beautiful woman, I also think she is a good interviewer.

        • FakaktaSouth

          She's great at her job. Okay, she's on my special list too now.

    • SorosBot

      That kind of sexual tension is fun, if it's anything like commenting on Wonkette alongside the girlfriend.

      • MissTaken

        Wow, you already found yourself a Sugar Mama? You move quickly!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          A-HEM, young lady! A-HEM.

        • SorosBot

          Yeah, now I just have to learn to close my eyes and think of hot young women so I can stomach licking a wrinkly, 80 year old snatch. I work hard for the money!

          (And you're so silly; that's a big part of what I like about you).

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Uh … You wanna tell us MOAR about this, SB? (pulls out notebook and recorder)

        • SorosBot

          Well to tell any more (that you don't already know) would get a little too personal.

          • tessiee

            You'll feel so much better if you confess everything.
            Now speak up loud and clear into this nice…
            vase of flowers.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You don't see ME complaining. (Hugs the li'l Bot)

            Awright, awright, I'll quit the teasing awreddy.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      No matter what happens tonight, Larry is the real winner.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Apparently I was too late tuning in to catch any Tamron last night, and only saw Lawrence's smug, Tamron-eating face. I hate him!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Still watching MSNBC…I really appreciate Steve Schmidt's analysis and professionalism. No snark. He adds a lot to their coverage.

    • Barrelhse

      Nothing like a good Schmidt.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      My drinking game is "at the end of the day" – he has just destroyed me in the past.

  • arihaya

    I can't wait for insightful Super Tuesday analysis from Andrew Breitbart, oh wait ..

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

      Er … sorry.

  • Wonderthing

    You know, of course, that Jeb Bush is waiting in the wings to "reconcile the party."

    • BarackMyWorld

      Does "reconcile the party"= lose by 20 points?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I don't think "the party" is gonna be willing, considering what he said about not considering himself a conservative any more.

    • Rotundo_

      Jeb isn't as stupid as his brother. I think the "I'm not that kind of conservative line pretty much told the GOP he's out 'til 2016 *if* then.

  • Schmannnity

    I have decided to withdraw all my advertising and sponsorships from the Limbaugh show.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Not going to stay in bed with a bunch of hookers?

      • Schmannnity

        Step away from my window, dammit!

  • johnnymeatworth

    NEWT WON A STATE! NEWT WON A STATE!

  • chascates

    Newt tweets:
    newtgingrich Thank you Georgia! It is gratifying to win my home state so decisively to launch our March Momentum. #MarchMo #250gas #SuperTuesday

  • Nopantsmcgee

    BTW, that graph looks nothing like a penis. At least not any I've seen.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      There are more things in heaven and earth, Nopantsmcgee, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Can you imagine having been in one of those planning to destroy the world meetings with both Steve Schmidt and SarahP? I bet dogs were freaking howling at those pitches. Unreal. Like Charlie Brown's teacher getting rogered by Rush's microphone.

  • Data Exactly

    Wow, just by sleeping Gingrich wins the first state!

    • chascates

      By not speaking he didn't screw up!

    • arihaya

      second actually, after the South "First in the Civil War" Carolina

      • Data Exactly

        er, first state of Super Tuesday. That probably was a better win though, since multiple candidates contested that state.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    Newt's not fuckin' going anywhere. Maybe the car for a quickie , but that's it.

  • Barrelhse

    And a Mickey Finn?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Rachel calls Virginia for Mittens.

    Virginia is for losers.

    • C_R_Eature

      Mitt's gonna celebrate by tying his campaign manager to the roof of the Bus for a nice drive across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, to feast on Oysters and beer in Chrisfield.

    • Loaded_Pants

      And to think I wasted my vote on Paul.

  • Tilley

    Here's what I have to say about the glorious border state of Tennessee this evening:

    1) Our infamous state legislator Staci X, renowned for penning such great hits as "Aborted Fetuses Require Birth Certificates" and "Don't Say Gay (in the Classroom)" and "It's OK to Bully Fags if You're a Christian," switched his endorsement from The Newt to Ayatollah Sanitorium, after Rev. Ricky appeared at the New Hopewell Baptist Church (or whatever) and Auditorium, Inc., in Powell, TN, and, in total violation of campaign laws and stuff, rallied all 30 people in attendance to vote for him in the name of the Baby Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour who Suffered on the Cross. This, I am thinking, may have had something to do with The Salamander's late-stage surge, because even here in Retardoville, TN, we loathe Staci X's guts with a passion.

    2) You gotta admit, that line graph looks pretty sexxx-ay.

    • BarackMyWorld

      +1 just for saying "sexxx-ay".

    • SorosBot

      Wait, Stacy X hates sex? But that short-term member of the X-Men was a sort-of prostitute, who used her mutant pheromone control powers on her customers.

      (Note: I am not making this up; she is a real (albeit obscure) Marvel character.)

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    TPM's Kentucky graph is startin' to look like there is a strange attractor at work. Mmmm, that bit of chaos theory fits, yes it does.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      weej, sweetheart, one look at the mo'fockin' lineup of Republicanland, and you realize some VERY strange attractors is the only explanation for their "success," such as it is.

  • rocktonsam

    Newt can't quit.

    Them diamonds ain't going to buy themselves.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Paul is banking on the white supremacist vote to deliver him Idaho.

    • FakaktaSouth

      What else are there besides whiteys in Idaho? I mean, can you be supreme if you're all there is?

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Well there are also the sheep, but they are very nervous, obvs.

      • DrunkIrishman

        Potatoes. Lots and lots of potatoes.

        • Nostrildamus

          Good point. The potatoes might well outwit the Paultards there.

        • tessiee

          Trust someone with your screen name to notice potatoes.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Does anybody remember Larry Craig's recipe for the Congressional Cookout? No?

          A potato. Cored with an apple corer, so there's a hole right through it. Stick a sausage in that hole and bake the whole thing in the microwave.

          And no, I am NOT fucking kidding. I only wish to bejayzus I were.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Its nice to have an Editor who apparently actually has cable.

    • chascates

      And drinks wine! And probably not from a box.

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Theres Nothing Wrong with Box Wine, … or so I've heard.

        • tessiee

          It's the finest wine of any sold at the gas station.

      • emmelemm

        Uh… I'd say MOST LIKELY from a box.

        {no offense editrix please don't whip me again}

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Oh, you know you love every little sting of the lash.

      • chascates

        And I have drunk me plenty of 'Black Box' Shiraz.

  • chascates

    WaPo sez Newt won Georgia with 43%, not exactly a ringing endorsement.

  • rocktonsam

    Tamron Hall wins the night with that dress!

    HUBBA HUBBA

    • PubOption

      Is she named after a camera lens?

  • chascates

    Rebecca, it sounds like your mom has pretty good political antennae.

  • FakaktaSouth

    OHIOiANs ARE DISSATISFIED AND ANGRY??? OH my GOD they have foisted that piece of shit John Boehner on this country and THEY are angry? Give it a rest.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      ^^THIS^^ THIS is why I loves you.

      No shit. The nerve of those dumbasses after foisting Drinky McOrangeTan on our collective asses. The fucking nerve.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I just cant pay attention to anything Tameron Hall is saying.

  • V572 Flambé

    Mmmm….Tamron Hall in a cram-colored linen sundress. Less Ed Show guy screen-time and more Tamron, pleeze.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Oh, surprise…Vermont goes for Romney.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ohio too close to call, come on Frothy!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oi! Wot's this about, then?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Just saw a really stupid GE commercial about how they produce turbines used in the brewery process of Budweiser.. At the end of the explanation voice-over, they have to spell it out for the stupid people, so they have some shithead in a bar ask a GE employee, "Wait–so you guys make the beer?" to which the employee replies, "No. We make the power that makes the beer." Jesus fucking Christ.

  • Limeylizzie

    Mike DeWine is one ugly bastard.

  • Mr Pre-Press

    We'll miss Newt the way Rush misses his Caribbean butt-plugz.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    The "Kickers" look like the only thing they're ready to kick is the bucket.

  • SorosBot

    Gah! The MSNBC reporter at Gingrich's Georgia headquarters is interviewing a quartet of old ladies wearing rhinestone American flag vests. It is truly one of the most garish hideous outfits I have ever seen. Is all of Georgia this fucked up when it comes to fashion, or just these three elderly gals?

    • FakaktaSouth

      I swear to God I do not sound like that. You really could talk to me without wanting to jam pencils thru your ear holes all the way to your brain. That shit was making me blind and deaf all at once. Holy holy hell. But that's about right for the type of lady of that age that is politically active for the Rs around here.

      • SorosBot

        Why would anyone wear that? I think I'm blind too.

        • Mojopo

          Maybe they get so tired of their peanut-boiling aprons that they vajazzle their vests to feel more glam. It has to be something festive and classy enough to stop at Shoney's afterwards.

    • C_R_Eature

      So… You saw it too? Whew!

    • MissTaken

      I mentioned on Jim's thread that those must be your sugar mamas. You're so lucky!

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Those are the "East Club Kickers" I was talking about. (Or whatever the hell she said their name was).

      They need to have some kind of 'new thread siren' or something…

      • Rotundo_

        I think I know what they kick….

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Has anyone told those fucking geriatric bitches that it is AGAINST THE FUCKING LAW to use the nation's flag as part of their clothing? Someone needs to throw their ancient saggy asses in a jail cell for a year. It'll improve their dispositions something wonderful.

  • C_R_Eature

    Hah! And now we've got Fuck Toad on MSNBC, wanking in front of a huge flat screen's worth of gaudy graphics.

  • fuflans

    commie mom! like roomate rob!

  • tessiee

    Eddie Murphy once said, RE herpes, "You have that shit forever; it's like luggage".
    I think we'll have Newt forever.
    and possibly Newt will have herpes forever.

  • ttommyunger

    Got nothing against teh gheys, but Richard Simmons makes my skin crawl just a little. A little more than usual now.

    • Nopantsmcgee

      I am teh gay and he creeps me out.

      • ttommyunger

        Thank you, I feel better now. Don't know if you ever caught him doing his submissive bit on Howard Stern's clusterfuck of a show, but I have and I've always wondered what Howard had on tape to elicit that kind of response from Richard. Truly creepy, did not speak well of either of them.