MULLAH MITT  1:51 pm March 6, 2012

Traitor Mitt Romney Helping Iran Destroy Israel, Says Ex-Mossad Chief

by Wonkette Jr.

Why does Romney want to execute Jewish worshipers? So he can baptize them, in a toilet!One thing the Republican presidential candidates love to do is talk about how they will bomb each and every Islamic Person, because the Islamic Persons might be plotting something against Israel, which is the only patriotic country outside of America’s borders, because of the greatest American Action Hero, a mythological Jewish mystic who lived (?) in the region two-thousand years ago. But Mitt Romney is so bad at pretending to be a right-wing zealot that he even screwed up the Threatening Iran section of his campaign lies PowerPoint Presentation. Now the actual former chief spy of the Mossad — the super-spy bosses of Israel — says Mitt Romney is screwing it up for Israel, by telling the Persian Demons exactly what a President Mitt Romney would do, if he somehow became president.

The funny thing is that everyone, even the Proud Iranian Nation, knows exactly what Mitt Romney would do if he became president: He would flip-flop, like a liberal!

Anyway:

WASHINGTON — A former head of Israel’s intelligence service, in an interview with The Huffington Post, slammed a recent op-ed by Mitt Romney as causing “serious issues” for the effort to prevent a nuclear-armed Iran.

Efraim Halevy, who was the director of the Mossad in the early 2000s and later the head of Israel’s National Security Council, told HuffPost that by forecasting his military intentions — and claiming that Obama would not act in the same way — Romney is effectively “telling the Iranians, ‘You better be quick about it.’”

So the Iranians have until Election Day, in America, to finish their laser-nuclear warhead arsenal and destroy Israel. Otherwise, Mitt Romney will lose the election. Wait, Mitt Romney will lose the election no matter what. Carry on, Iran! You can do whatever you want while your Muslim Brother is in the White House … for another four years. [Huffington Post]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 76 comments }

Barb March 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Mitt Romney is the actor they hire to play the American President in a Canadian film.

OneDollarJuana March 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Hah! That's rich. Although Mitt's wife doesn't feel like it's rich.

Baconzgood March 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

In an after school canadian film to boot.

James Michael Curley March 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Is it about janitors and ropes or janitors and mops or janitors mopes?

LionHeartSoyDog March 6, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Aboot what?

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

But in the movie he'd have better lines and would use a fucking teleprompter.

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Degrassi Junior White House!

Maman March 6, 2012 at 2:12 pm

The characters on DeGrassi have more depth

Chillatte March 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

More like a Canadian actor who plays a US President in a Michael Bay movie.

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Independence Day?

4TheTurnstiles March 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I want to be in a movie with Kay Parker, in which I portray a much younger man running for public office, and she fucks me. Romney can watch, in character or not.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Assuming Bruce Greenwood is unavailable.

tcaalaw March 7, 2012 at 8:35 am

Actually, have Mitt Romney and Bruce Greenwood ever been seen together in public?

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Made in Budapest. With a Romanian crew. Financed by a Malaysian white slavery cartel

Chillatte March 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Don't you just love it when Willard talks tough on Foreign Policy? Note to Mittens: countries in the Middle East aren't just like companies you can buy and liquidate.

DaRooster March 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Mitt? Flip flop? Pshaw…

Callyson March 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

"In the effort to demolish the president he is making the situation worse."
That's the most concise description of the Republican Presidential primary season I've seen…

pinkocommi March 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

What good is magic underwear if it doesn't protect you from Iran's nuclear ambitions?

CapnFatback March 6, 2012 at 1:56 pm

It's easy to worship execution, providing that the tress are the right height for lynching.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm

That's the same mythological Jewish mystic who later walked over to America and tried and failed to convert the Native Americans, who were descended from the lost tribes of Israel, right?

iburl March 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

IS THAT YOU MORONI?

OneDollarJuana March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Across the Bering Strait, apparently.

Chichikovovich March 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Well, he did that trick once, I don't see why he wouldn't make it a habit.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

That's the long way around, innit?

Steverino247 March 6, 2012 at 5:43 pm

And built Egyptian pyramids for future tourists and Aztec priests to enjoy.

Fox n Fiends March 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

What a Moroni!!

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Mitt's just looking for more future baptizees.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

And in Ohio tonight, a tuba player spewing santorum shall dot Mitt's i.

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Or possibly a trombone player…. a rusty trombone player?

MoeDeLawn March 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

that would be hot, humid, northern ohio – say, Cleveland (Steamer)?

Pres.Beeblebrox March 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of a Cincinnati Bowtie or a Toledo Burrito.

weej_bain March 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Amazing. Ohio is second to Virginia in pooping presidents, but it gets all the jokes.

Cantor was born in Richmond, VeeAye. We need to work on this scatology gap between Ohio & Virginia.

SayItWithWookies March 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hey Mitt — the good news is, we finally found someone who believes what you say you're going to do. The bad news is, he's not an American voter.

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 1:58 pm

This is good news for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Lucidamente1 March 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

"It's great to be here, folks. Did I ever tell you about the time we strapped the Jewish kid in the neighborhood to the roof of the family car? Good times."

ifthethunderdontgetya March 6, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Bring me another guinea pig, said Reptiloid Rmoney.

Or a bunny, if you've got one. These corporate brainwashing events make me hungry!
~

GortRay March 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm

The man of a thousand faces just can't keep up with which one is supposed to be doing the talking at any given time. Romney needs an Adelson of his own to pull the strings and provide the script.

freakishlywrong March 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

This is win-win for these assholes. Romney bitches about Iran, Newtie carps about the ensuing high gas prices and the church lady gets to fret about the rapture.

redarmyzombie March 7, 2012 at 2:57 am

This is good news for Brietbart.

Oh, wait…

poorgradstudent March 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Is it just me or does Israel's relationship with the United States and pretty much every US politician make me think of the stereotypical scolding wife from a '60s sitcom?

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Israel = Endora?

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Makes me think of Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond.

poorgradstudent March 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

"Why are there Muslims still alive in my Middle East, Raymond?!"

Lucidamente1 March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

"I tell you, that Theodor Herzl, he was great. When we baptized him last year, it was such a moving ceremony."

DerrickWildcat March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Well just as long as we bomb somebody.

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Arizona?

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Why can't we do something nobody would ever expect? Bomb Israel and mess w/ everybody's heads!

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

We can use the same excuse they did when they bombed the USS Liberty back in '67. "Ooops, we thought we were bombing a bunch of ragheads! Sorry, our bad."

Baconzgood March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Can't we all just get along? Jewbs for morman Jebus!

Gratuitous World March 6, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Same thing he did to Michigan's trees. They have no incentive to grow taller

Lucidamente1 March 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

“I like those fancy beanies you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.”

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Ha ha. Silly Mossad boss. Like the Cylons had a plan anyway.

imissopus March 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

They did, but it was subject to random reversals, conflicting actions, and nonsensical plot points. Just like the GOP campaign.

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Considering that the original BSG was based on the Mormoni exodus… well wheels within wheels, people.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Or the writers and producers; too bad they fooled a lot of people on that until the end.

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 2:04 pm

he even screwed up the Threatening Iran section of his campaign lies PowerPoint Presentation

I like to throw in a couple of slides about Threatening Iran when I make a PowerPoint Presentation. Keeps the new little accountants on their toes.

4TheTurnstiles March 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Severely.

Blueb4sunrise March 6, 2012 at 2:07 pm

So why is Efraim telling everyone that …………..never mind…….too meta……

johnnyzhivago March 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

This Just In – Iran sends out peace feelers to Israel.

And announces plans to wipe Salt Lake City off the map.

mavenmaven March 6, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Frankly, the thought of Romney as commander in chief is frightening. Didn't the Nephites lose?

widestanceromance March 6, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I like being able to execute people. It makes them the right height.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Wouldn't this make Mitt…oh, I don't know…THE ANTICHRIST!!!!!!!!!

*crooked smirk*

Generation[redacted] March 6, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Don't worry about a thing. His plan is to have Iran release the hostages nukes on his inauguration day.

elburritodeluxe March 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I guess the Obama-Netanyahu talks went better than expected.

Hera Sent Me March 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

In totally unrelated news, Bain Capital announced plans to buy a small company that makes horse carriages. A Bain spokesman explained the unusual investment by saying, "You never know when some idiot politician will say something that makes the price of oil jump to $1000 a barrel".

Generation[redacted] March 6, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Sounds like they have some insider information!

mrpuma2u March 6, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Isreal has nothing to worry about from Mittens unless they make him their Minister of Labor. Then they are screwed.

Swampgas_Man March 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Is there any US politician that HASN'T announced plans to bomb the hell out of Iran?

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Why does everyone always forget Ron Paul?! I mean, besides the fact that he is totally forgettable….

DrunkIrishman March 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Who?

hagajim March 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Execution is worshipped? Damn, Mittens has some balls to throw that out there. I know Mormons are weird, but worshipping executions? Is that so they can baptize the newly executed?

PubOption March 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm

If he's trying to follow the Israeli line, it should be extra-judicial killings that are worshipped.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Romney does belong to that non-Christian, non-Jewish religion.

LiveToServeYa March 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Wait …uh… so, the ex-Mossad director is complaining that Mitt is CORRECTLY forecasting what Barry will do? That his predictions somehow MAKE SENSE? In that case, he can lay his worries to rest.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

i think you people are underestimating the migth of the santorum presidency.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:51 am

These militant Israelis are afflicted with what I call "ATF" Attitude. ATF Agents think nobody should have a gun but them, and they usually carry at least two at all times. Personally, I think we would have a more civil social discourse if everybody was armed to the fucking teeth, but that's just me.

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