mullah mitt

Traitor Mitt Romney Helping Iran Destroy Israel, Says Ex-Mossad Chief

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Why does Romney want to execute Jewish worshipers? So he can baptize them, in a toilet!One thing the Republican presidential candidates love to do is talk about how they will bomb each and every Islamic Person, because the Islamic Persons might be plotting something against Israel, which is the only patriotic country outside of America’s borders, because of the greatest American Action Hero, a mythological Jewish mystic who lived (?) in the region two-thousand years ago. But Mitt Romney is so bad at pretending to be a right-wing zealot that he even screwed up the Threatening Iran section of his campaign lies PowerPoint Presentation. Now the actual former chief spy of the Mossad — the super-spy bosses of Israel — says Mitt Romney is screwing it up for Israel, by telling the Persian Demons exactly what a President Mitt Romney would do, if he somehow became president.

The funny thing is that everyone, even the Proud Iranian Nation, knows exactly what Mitt Romney would do if he became president: He would flip-flop, like a liberal!


WASHINGTON — A former head of Israel’s intelligence service, in an interview with The Huffington Post, slammed a recent op-ed by Mitt Romney as causing “serious issues” for the effort to prevent a nuclear-armed Iran.

Efraim Halevy, who was the director of the Mossad in the early 2000s and later the head of Israel’s National Security Council, told HuffPost that by forecasting his military intentions — and claiming that Obama would not act in the same way — Romney is effectively “telling the Iranians, ‘You better be quick about it.'”

So the Iranians have until Election Day, in America, to finish their laser-nuclear warhead arsenal and destroy Israel. Otherwise, Mitt Romney will lose the election. Wait, Mitt Romney will lose the election no matter what. Carry on, Iran! You can do whatever you want while your Muslim Brother is in the White House … for another four years. [Huffington Post]

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  • Barb

    Mitt Romney is the actor they hire to play the American President in a Canadian film.

    • OneDollarJuana

      Hah! That's rich. Although Mitt's wife doesn't feel like it's rich.

    • Baconzgood

      In an after school canadian film to boot.

      • James Michael Curley

        Is it about janitors and ropes or janitors and mops or janitors mopes?

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        Aboot what?

    • chicken_thief

      But in the movie he'd have better lines and would use a fucking teleprompter.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Degrassi Junior White House!

      • Maman

        The characters on DeGrassi have more depth

    • Chillatte

      More like a Canadian actor who plays a US President in a Michael Bay movie.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Independence Day?

    • 4TheTurnstiles

      I want to be in a movie with Kay Parker, in which I portray a much younger man running for public office, and she fucks me. Romney can watch, in character or not.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Assuming Bruce Greenwood is unavailable.

      • tcaalaw

        Actually, have Mitt Romney and Bruce Greenwood ever been seen together in public?

    • actor212

      Made in Budapest. With a Romanian crew. Financed by a Malaysian white slavery cartel

  • Chillatte

    Don't you just love it when Willard talks tough on Foreign Policy? Note to Mittens: countries in the Middle East aren't just like companies you can buy and liquidate.

  • DaRooster

    Mitt? Flip flop? Pshaw…

  • Callyson

    "In the effort to demolish the president he is making the situation worse."
    That's the most concise description of the Republican Presidential primary season I've seen…

  • pinkocommi

    What good is magic underwear if it doesn't protect you from Iran's nuclear ambitions?

  • CapnFatback

    It's easy to worship execution, providing that the tress are the right height for lynching.

  • SorosBot

    That's the same mythological Jewish mystic who later walked over to America and tried and failed to convert the Native Americans, who were descended from the lost tribes of Israel, right?

    • iburl


    • OneDollarJuana

      Across the Bering Strait, apparently.

      • Chichikovovich

        Well, he did that trick once, I don't see why he wouldn't make it a habit.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That's the long way around, innit?

    • Steverino247

      And built Egyptian pyramids for future tourists and Aztec priests to enjoy.

  • Fox n Fiends

    What a Moroni!!

  • nounverb911

    Mitt's just looking for more future baptizees.

  • weej_bain

    And in Ohio tonight, a tuba player spewing santorum shall dot Mitt's i.

    • chicken_thief

      Or possibly a trombone player…. a rusty trombone player?

      • MoeDeLawn

        that would be hot, humid, northern ohio – say, Cleveland (Steamer)?

        • Pres.Beeblebrox

          I was thinking more along the lines of a Cincinnati Bowtie or a Toledo Burrito.

          • weej_bain

            Amazing. Ohio is second to Virginia in pooping presidents, but it gets all the jokes.

            Cantor was born in Richmond, VeeAye. We need to work on this scatology gap between Ohio & Virginia.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey Mitt — the good news is, we finally found someone who believes what you say you're going to do. The bad news is, he's not an American voter.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This is good news for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

  • Lucidamente1

    "It's great to be here, folks. Did I ever tell you about the time we strapped the Jewish kid in the neighborhood to the roof of the family car? Good times."

  • ifthethunderdontgetya

    Bring me another guinea pig, said Reptiloid Rmoney.

    Or a bunny, if you've got one. These corporate brainwashing events make me hungry!

  • GortRay

    The man of a thousand faces just can't keep up with which one is supposed to be doing the talking at any given time. Romney needs an Adelson of his own to pull the strings and provide the script.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is win-win for these assholes. Romney bitches about Iran, Newtie carps about the ensuing high gas prices and the church lady gets to fret about the rapture.

    • redarmyzombie

      This is good news for Brietbart.

      Oh, wait…

  • poorgradstudent

    Is it just me or does Israel's relationship with the United States and pretty much every US politician make me think of the stereotypical scolding wife from a '60s sitcom?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Israel = Endora?

    • Swampgas_Man

      Makes me think of Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond.

      • poorgradstudent

        "Why are there Muslims still alive in my Middle East, Raymond?!"

  • Lucidamente1

    "I tell you, that Theodor Herzl, he was great. When we baptized him last year, it was such a moving ceremony."

  • DerrickWildcat

    Well just as long as we bomb somebody.

    • nounverb911


    • Swampgas_Man

      Why can't we do something nobody would ever expect? Bomb Israel and mess w/ everybody's heads!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        We can use the same excuse they did when they bombed the USS Liberty back in '67. "Ooops, we thought we were bombing a bunch of ragheads! Sorry, our bad."

  • Baconzgood

    Can't we all just get along? Jewbs for morman Jebus!

  • Gratuitous World

    Same thing he did to Michigan's trees. They have no incentive to grow taller

  • Lucidamente1

    “I like those fancy beanies you bought. Really sprung for the big bucks.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    Ha ha. Silly Mossad boss. Like the Cylons had a plan anyway.

    • imissopus

      They did, but it was subject to random reversals, conflicting actions, and nonsensical plot points. Just like the GOP campaign.

      • ManchuCandidate

        Considering that the original BSG was based on the Mormoni exodus… well wheels within wheels, people.

    • SorosBot

      Or the writers and producers; too bad they fooled a lot of people on that until the end.

  • MissTaken

    he even screwed up the Threatening Iran section of his campaign lies PowerPoint Presentation

    I like to throw in a couple of slides about Threatening Iran when I make a PowerPoint Presentation. Keeps the new little accountants on their toes.

  • 4TheTurnstiles


  • Blueb4sunrise

    So why is Efraim telling everyone that …………..never mind…….too meta……

  • johnnyzhivago

    This Just In – Iran sends out peace feelers to Israel.

    And announces plans to wipe Salt Lake City off the map.

  • mavenmaven

    Frankly, the thought of Romney as commander in chief is frightening. Didn't the Nephites lose?

  • widestanceromance

    I like being able to execute people. It makes them the right height.

  • actor212

    Wouldn't this make Mitt…oh, I don't know…THE ANTICHRIST!!!!!!!!!

    *crooked smirk*

  • Generation[redacted]

    Don't worry about a thing. His plan is to have Iran release the hostages nukes on his inauguration day.

  • elburritodeluxe

    I guess the Obama-Netanyahu talks went better than expected.

  • Hera Sent Me

    In totally unrelated news, Bain Capital announced plans to buy a small company that makes horse carriages. A Bain spokesman explained the unusual investment by saying, "You never know when some idiot politician will say something that makes the price of oil jump to $1000 a barrel".

    • Generation[redacted]

      Sounds like they have some insider information!

  • mrpuma2u

    Isreal has nothing to worry about from Mittens unless they make him their Minister of Labor. Then they are screwed.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Is there any US politician that HASN'T announced plans to bomb the hell out of Iran?

    • chicken_thief

      Why does everyone always forget Ron Paul?! I mean, besides the fact that he is totally forgettable….

      • DrunkIrishman


  • hagajim

    Execution is worshipped? Damn, Mittens has some balls to throw that out there. I know Mormons are weird, but worshipping executions? Is that so they can baptize the newly executed?

    • PubOption

      If he's trying to follow the Israeli line, it should be extra-judicial killings that are worshipped.

  • chascates

    Romney does belong to that non-Christian, non-Jewish religion.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Wait …uh… so, the ex-Mossad director is complaining that Mitt is CORRECTLY forecasting what Barry will do? That his predictions somehow MAKE SENSE? In that case, he can lay his worries to rest.

  • fuflans

    i think you people are underestimating the migth of the santorum presidency.

  • ttommyunger

    These militant Israelis are afflicted with what I call "ATF" Attitude. ATF Agents think nobody should have a gun but them, and they usually carry at least two at all times. Personally, I think we would have a more civil social discourse if everybody was armed to the fucking teeth, but that's just me.