TelePRompterZBarack Obama is taking questions from the adorable White House press corps right now. Is this a day for the happy singing of the Al Green and Chicago blues songs? No, this is a day for important issues that affect every American, such as “do you remember how Obama killed Bin Laden?” and also, “When will Obama kill Iran, to help out America’s only superfriends, the Israeli right wing?” Mostly, though, does Barack Obama know what’s in Rush Limbaugh’s heart? “I don’t know what’s in Rush Limbaugh’s heart,” he just said. We do! There are demons in there, big fat demons.

Here he is, talking! Talking about housing, refinancing, Syria (didn’t John McCain already solve that), Libya, whatever. [USA Today/AP]

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  • nounverb911

    "Remind Us He Killed Bin Laden"
    And Breitbart?

    • Terry

      Actually, some AM radio folks (and I'm sure shortwave) are suggesting pretty much exactly this.

    • SorosBot

      That would make me respect him even more.

    • GhostBuggy

      Too soon! Or not soon enough!

  • jjdaddyo

    He's going to announce that he has personally cured all types of cancer.

    • orygoon



  • Barb

    I'm glad he waited until today to do this. We've all run out of food stamps for the month and we can stay in and watch this.

  • Why am I anticipating the articulation of something called the Gung-ho Doctrine?

  • BlueStateLibel

    Maybe he will say something complimentary and nice about Ann Romney, seeing how her husband can't.

    • Callyson

      "At least she does not consider herself to be wealthy. Isn't that nice?"

  • edgydrifter

    But which of the Koch brothers is America's greatest enemy?

  • SayItWithWookies

    He's having Rush sent to Gitmo where he will be guarded by a squad of lesbian welders, forced to read The Color Purple and will have to carry his own golf clubs. I give him about a week before he breaks.

    • My version/ vision invokes more "Kiss of the Spider Woman" ~

  • SorosBot

    No liveblogging?

  • rocktonsam

    The republican response will be, "we disagree with Obama and always think the opposite is the best approach for Merkika."

    Enjoy your lunch.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Can I request "I Heard It Through The Grapevine?"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet he's going to announce his own moon colony initiative, to steal Newt's thunder.

  • jjdaddyo

    He's going to announce that under Obamacare, Rush Limbaugh's Vicodin and Viagra will no longer be covered…

    • FNMA

      And medical marijuana will be.
      Seriously, when they were debating the Blunt Amendment, that's what I thought it was about.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        That was supposed to be part of it, but Sen. Roach and Rep. Doobie's proposed amendments to the bill were shouted down in committee.

  • MrFizzy

    I'll bet Halliburton is hoping for a big announcement about bringing freedom to the people of Iran.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Maybe god saw so many people voting for these dickheads and said "Fuck it!" and is sending a very large comet our way. He did that to the dinosaurs once.

    • emmelemm

      At this point, a giant comet wouldn't be so bad. We (humanity) kinda deserve it.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I think there's some small chink in Iran's nuclear policy (though what the Chinese are doing is anybody's guess)…

  • MissTaken

    Please tell me he's singing "Try a Little Tenderness". Please!

    • SorosBot

      Now wouldn't that get all you straight ladies wet.

    • Limeylizzie

      I'd like to request that Michelle joins him on stage for a few verses of 'Je t'aime Moi Non Plus"

  • Earth is under attack by moon Nazis.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Bammerz 1:15 PM Press Conference Will Remind Us He Killed Bin Laden

    So to recap…

    • James Michael Curley

      That's great! I got to figure out a way to put it on my phone.

    • fuflans

      so great.

  • Disassociates himself from Studs Terkle's brand of totalitarian communism.

  • An_Outhouse

    Bin who? I been peein'. I might have missed something.

  • SorosBot

    OK, I just turned on CNN's live feed and he's talking about how Iran has agreed to let UN inspectors in. John McCain must be very sad right now.

    • x111e7thst

      Lindsey will be happy to console him.

    • chicken_thief

      Having tea with Ahmadinejad would never work. Bammers is sooo naive.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Obummers is sending the UN in to apologize for Ameruka! Red commie!11!!

  • freakishlywrong

    Too bad "Stretch" hosts Meet the Republican Talking Points. He always has hard-hitting, probing questions, (for Democrats).

  • chascates

    "Mr. President: there is no way Americans can avoid higher taxes, lower expectations of achievement, or a pleasant retirement. Would you at least grant them the simple act of decriminalizing marijuana so that they might enjoy something in their squalid lives?"

    chascates, at-large reporter for working class Americans.

    • Chichikovovich

      Suggested edit:

      "Mr. President: there is no way Americans can avoid higher taxes, lower expectations of achievement, or a pleasant retirement unless the government does something batshit crazy like cutting military expenditures down to the bare bones point where they are merely twenty times higher than any other country, which of course will never happen so long as military contractors make sure they build lots of factories in key congressional districts. Would you at least grant them the simple act of decriminalizing marijuana so that they might enjoy something in their squalid lives?"

  • James Michael Curley

    He announced the death of Congressman Donald Payne (D-NJ, 10th Con.) a courageous fighter and 20 year representative from Newark, NJ.

    • MrFizzy

      New Jersey is people too, my friend

  • Walnuts is masturbating in silent rage.

    • SorosBot

      He's got to be so mad that we've got a president who won't invade any even when the weapons inspectors go in and discover that those weapons of mass destruction don't actually exist.

      • Chichikovovich

        There's still hope – maybe he'll wait until the inspectors finish their inspection, and say "Nope, nothing here". Then he can order them to leave and claim that Iran never let them in in the first place. Then release the drones. That sort of thing always worked like a charm for W/Cheney.

  • V572 FlambĂ©

    You people had better heed Ari der Fleischer's advice and watch what you say, now that Holder's announced the Prez can kill any one of you any time without warning, recourse or debate.

    Here's a tip: if you see a small aircraft with no cockpit hovering or circling above you, duck and cover.

    • chascates

      I thought that just applied to Americans in foreign countries!

      • HistoriCat

        Palestine in the Middle East / Palestine in Texas – who can keep these things straight?

      • V572 FlambĂ©

        Oh well then never mind. That's just fine with me!

  • chascates

    Also, Rush Limbaugh is a fucktard.

  • UnholyMoses

    Sooooo … this is just Obama's way of getting into the new cycle on Super Tuesday.


    Oh, and NO WARZ WITH IRAN!! The entire GOP haz a sadz.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Until he threatens to bomb Texas for threatens to secede, I'm not paying attention.

    • Chichikovovich

      I was hoping he'd threaten to bomb Texas until they do secede.

  • MissTaken

    But if we don't go to war with Iran how will any of us care enough to learn where Iran is on a map?

    • Generation[redacted]

      US Americans don't have maps, such as?

  • Baconzgood

    Rush has a heart?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, a giant mass of lard where most people's heart would be.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Imagine a large spherical wad of gummy worms made of cholesterol.

  • LiveToServeYa

    I think he's using Grecian Formula to control the grey. Poor bugger. It might almost be a relief for him to lose the election if only it didn't mean FLAMING VIOLENT DEATH for all of us. Or Mormon indoctrination camp, which amounts to the same thing.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, to be taken seriously on Super Tuseday, will Obama have to refer to Callista Gingrich as a slut? Or demand that God replace the Constitution?

    • prommie

      Its more subtle than that; its that God directly inspired the Founding Saints to draft the Constitution as a divinely inspired act of Prophecy. So, we just need to accept that The Constitution is the Word of God.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It's next to Missouri, right?

  • SorosBot

    What would you do to get immigration reform passed through Congress? I'd say dump the racist know nothing Republicans.

  • Goonemeritus

    Here he is, talking! Talking about housing, refinancing, Syria”

    I refuse to support refinancing housing in Syria with my tax dollars!

  • sharethegrief

    Extra points for calling Thrush a "radio announcer."

  • MissTaken

    Has he announced that the Hollywood elitist Patricia Heaton is now occupying a lovely cell in Gitmo? I assume "G-Town Gal" stands for Gitmo.

    “Hey G-Town Gal: turn your underwear inside out! Then u only have to do laundry every 2 weeks – saves on detergent & trips to laundromat! …Plz let us also pay for your Starbucks, movie theater tickets, and your favorite hot wings combo deal at KFC! Anything else?”


    • Loaded_Pants

      Heaton has "apologized".
      Here's a pic of Mrs. Family Values Heaton:

      • Chichikovovich

        Yes, another Rush type "apology" – says that she used bad words, but stands by what she said. (Alludes vaguely to "we have our differences".) Clearly has not bothered to check if her straight-from-Rush talking points about Fluke's testimony were lies through and through, though she could have learned it easily if she would have spend just a couple of the minutes she spent composing disgusting slanders simply reading the widely available transcript of the testimony instead.

        She does express regret that she didn't show "Christian love", but has no clue how preposterous that sounds when set beside the vile sewage she spewed energetically for days. Sorry Patricia, you've clearly mastered the "Christian hate" we're seeing so much of these days, but "Christian love" is to you just a phrase that comes in handy at fake pr-apology time.

        • Yeah, it's sort of aggravating that amid all the 'contoversy' (or more accurately, assholes bullying women into silence), it's been sort of lost here is that what's at stake is that women BE ABLE TO ACCESS THINGS THEY'RE ALREADY PURCHASING INSTEAD OF BEING FORCED TO PAY FOR THEM TWICE.

    • fuflans

      i saw this crap yesterday. had no idea who she is.

      now i have no idea who she WAS.

  • chascates

    Norah O'Donnell is hawt!

  • prommie

    That Obama, what a mischievous scamp! You know he only decided to interrupt prime soap opera time in order to stir up the stay-at-home rageful haters, the tea-party-tards, and thus get them out to the polls to vote for their favorite candidate, Rick Santorum. This fellow is a smart one.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Lucky for the shut-ins, Republicans don't require any kind of ID to vote for them.

  • freakishlywrong

    Can't watch at work Have any of our intrepid media asked him about Snookie being pregnant/engaged/broken up with Gianni?

  • Barrelhse

    "Big fat demons, with cocks this long and balls like grapefruit!"

    • freakishlywrong

      I can't watch, so I don't know what that refers to, but I am compelled to upfist it multiple times.

      • prommie


  • Yeah, whatever.

    Fuck you, President Drone Strike. Go give another bankster another blowjob.

  • owhatever

    Sorry, could not watch this because I was home-schooling my six children and it was time for them to study why slavery was an economic boon to the United States and how the Negro people benefitted, or otherwise they would still be living in some African jungle instead of writing rap music and driving fast cars and partying with white girls.

    • freakishlywrong

      And being Presidents.

    • proudgrampa

      So how is that home-schooling thing working out?

      I've proposed to my daughter that I home-school her two kids: I could teach them how to make martinis. For some reason, she says "No!" Rather emphatically.

      I don't know how she became such a snob. Certainly didn't learn it from me…

  • Guppy

    Reach across the aisle and compromise: bomb Limbaugh.

  • ingloriousbytch

    Did he confess to killing Breitbart? And if so, how long was the standing ovation?

  • James Michael Curley

    Thank you

  • freakishlywrong

    Obama also slammed pundits, saying "typically it's not the folks who are popping off who pay the price, it's these incredible men and women in uniform and their families who pay the price."

    Show me a Republican who would say that.

  • DemonicRage

    Four more months or so of playing these games, then Netanyahoo gives the "go ahead' to the Israeli jets (thumbing his nose to his Washington host of yesterday), and the real activity begins. After a month or so of that, we should all be living in, at the very least, a broken economy.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Israel's jets can't reach Iran, without sending aerial tankers over hostile ground. Can you spell 'target practice'?
      It's a similar problem to Saddam's weapons program, which was also mostly hot air and posturing — but this time we don't have a fucking idiot in the White House.

    • prommie

      Yes. The Likud grows weary of the Schwartze President, they cannot command our armed forces as they could under Bush.

  • Nostrildamus

    I don't know what's in Rush Limbaugh's heart …

    Today's menu features milk-fed baby heart stuffed with olives and riccotta cheese.

  • hagajim

    War on housing? So that's why all those damn drones keep flying over my place. Shit.

    • Generation[redacted]

      BLAM! You've been robosigned!

  • fuflans

    posts like this remind me that it's worth the fight.

    good to think of in moments of weariness.

  • ttommyunger

    Fav part of this Newsie: That pause and smile before he wished Mittens "Good Luck". The guy is on his game, motherfuckers.

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