Send Us Your Ludicrous Super Tuesday Pix/Stories, For America

  super tuesday polling pix

Georgia, Graveyard Voting, 2008Super Tuesday: It is like Christmas, but it’s about politics! And we must treasure it before it dies off for another four years. And so your Wonkette is in the memory collection business today, again, and demands that you voters in 10 states send us your naughtiest Super Tuesday campaign pix and stories and videos and other items from this holiest day of participatory shadow-democracy. You know, “funny signs” and shit.

It was easier the last time your Wonkette pulled this Stupor Tuesday media solicitation stunt — there was a major Democratic presidential primary going on, bringing with it plenty of reader participation from you, our wondrous community of sadistic baby-eating Marxist-Leninists. So we’re hoping our sliver of Real Constitutional Conservative readers really pull through this year. And lo, there are also open primaries in four states — Georgia, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia — so any old schmuck can vote in the Republican primaries! Since our most vulgar, perverted (read: loyal) readers and commenters tend to be high-powered lawyers and bureaucrats living in Northern Virginia’s stately palaces, maybe this whole thing will work out.

Or maybe no one will send us anything, HEY-O.

The point is, God Bless America & Super Tuesday! Now MUSH, MUSH! Send everything to tips@wonkette.com under the subject line “ATROCITY EXHIBITION.”

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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90 comments

  1. nounverb911

    Too late, the Washington State repugs already screwed up their caucus over the weekend.

  2. SorosBot

    The lucky bastards; as Pennsylvania's primaries aren't until late April, I've only ever had a chance to make a meaningful vote in a Presidential primary in 2008.

  3. mrpuma2u

    I live in IL, the "Our primary is so late no one gives a crap" state. Love the cemetery photo, in Chicago the cemeteries are some of are most dependable bases.

    1. fuflans

      as moving our earlier primary (for bamz in 2008) netted us scott lee cohen in 2010, i'm not sure it's such a bad thing.

      and who knows? god willing they'll still be going until early june.

    1. nounverb911

      O'Keefe's still around? I thought they tied him to the boat at Breibart's Viking funeral.

    2. GOPCrusher

      I thought he would be weeping hysterically at Breitbart's gravesite, while contemplating having to go out and find a real job.

  4. MissTaken

    California will be voting while getting suntans in early June this year. I'm actually thinking of working the poll (oh yeah!) for the lulz.

    1. SorosBot

      It's so weird, when you had it on Super Tuesday last time around. Now you're close to last I think.

      And now I've got the mental image of you pole dancing and think I need to take a break…

    2. Terry

      Maryland's is April 3rd. I've been wishing they put it two days earlier, just for the fun of it.

  5. Callyson

    How happy am I that California moved its primary election back to June?
    Ecstatic, thanks for asking…

  6. JustPixelz

    I voted in Connecticut. There's no primary in Connecticut today, you say? That's right! But I voted for something involved with line B versus line C. (Line A dropped out after getting caught with a dead girl and a live boy, I guess.) So I feel super and got a "I voted today" sticker which self-destructs at midnight, or turns into a "I voted yesterday" sticker.

    1. Barrelhse

      Don't put that sticker on your refrigerator; if you do all the food will go bad at midnight.

    1. LesBontemps

      I hope vodka wins the primary, because it's the only drink that has a chance against whiskey in the general election.

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta

        vodka's pandering to the base about building a danged fence to keep the tequila out

  7. bureaucrap

    What a coincidence — I actually use "Atrocity Exhibition" as the subject line for ALL my email.

  8. Toomush_Infer

    Oh, just breathe deep, cross the state lines and vote as often as you want to…

  9. el_donaldo

    New Jersey won't primary until June. I think the idea is that the state GOP waits until its results are irrelevant in case Christie eats all the delegates before the convention.

    1. johnnyzhivago

      I was planning to re-register as a Republican so I could vote for the worst possible candidate in that stupid thing, but ended up deciding it was a meaningless gesture since they are all equally awful.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        That was exactly my thinking. How does one choose the "worst" Republican candidate?

    2. Barrelhse

      If he does it's because he thought they were shit-on-a-shingle; anyone could have made the same mistake.

  10. Deportably_Jose

    Keep in mind also that being vulgar failures, Gingrich and Santorum failed to get on the ballot in Virginia, despite that being the state where all campaign consultants live, and also where Gingrich lives.

    The upshot here is that Wonketes can be perverse jerkwads in that state, without lowering yourselves to voting for either of those dudes. Just as long as you don't mind voting for the hoary old crypto-Confederate lunatic, instead.

  11. Local_Mojo

    Don't they mean Supercilious Tuesday?

    Supercilious \soo-puhr-SIL-ee-uhs\ , adjective: Disdainfully arrogant; haughty.

  12. chascates

    Live Obama presser starting now, something about the economy, housing, Israel & Iran, crazy Smarch weather.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      To be followed shortly by his much-anticipated NCAA bracket.

      We're all holding our breath, Mr Baracketteer-In-Chief.

  13. BaldarTFlagass

    I'd like to dress up as a New Black Panther and go hang out at my local polling place and snap some pics of me intimidating some little old ladies, but Texas is not having their primary today, and I'm white. Dang.

    1. chascates

      Just wear an Obama mask and hang out at the entrance to a Luby's or Sirloin Stockade instead.

  14. WhatTheHeck

    God, I wish this were Taiwan where the pols can punch and kick the crap out of each other. Sure would make it entertaining rather than just plain ol politickin.

  15. b[redact]opple

    So should I go home and vote for Doctor Congressman Paul? Us federal bureaucrats get three hours off for that shit. I'm trying to decide what to do.

  16. IceCreamEmpress

    Us unaffiliated voters in Massachusetts can vote in any damn primary we want! I am going to go over and vote "None of the Above" on the Repub ballot any second now. Unless I change my mind and take the Green Rainbow ballot. I have no idea what a Green Rainbow is but it makes me laugh.

  17. Barb

    I have to spend Super Tuesday at a dinner meeting with a vendor at El Pinto, George Bush's favorite New Mexican Mexican restaurant. I plan to ask for the "Newt Gingrich $2.50 gas special" and then I am going to slam some tequila and defile the pictures of George Bush that pepper the place.

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    Nothing posted yet. Maybe the email server is simply overwhelmed by the response to the request for pix.

  19. SayItWithWookies

    Sadly, my polling place was distinctly quiet and empty today, and I was only the 22nd person to vote there. But I'm wearing my "I Voted" sticker just to cause consternation among my Republican colleagues who at least have some inkling that the hippie socialist probably didn't vote in the best interests of the GOP.

    1. CogitoErgoBibo

      I was strongly considering doing the same thing, but it's sort of sad to even try in Virginia. Paul versus Mittens? That's all? Phooey. At least in other states I could have tried to stick the party with Santorum as their chosen, beatable nut job.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I know — I was disappointed that Newt and Santorum were so incompetent that they couldn't get on the ballot and thus self-eliminated themselves. From consideration, that is.

    2. Loaded_Pants

      I did my part to challenge the status quo by voting for Paul. The polling place felt like being at a deathwatch except no one was there.

  20. owhatever

    I have a picture of your girlfriend being a slut and a prostitute with someone you would never suspect in my precinct. I'll download (or destroy) it only if you pay me with five more "p" points.

  21. OneYieldRegular

    I'm truly regretting having not snapped a photo of a random sign I saw posted along a winding country road a couple of weeks ago that read, in its entirety, "DRINK."

  22. Limeylizzie

    We have no Republicans in Harlem, we do have that crazy Pastor James "Long-legged Mackdaddy" Manning so I may shuffle off up the street and see what he has on his giant sign today.

Comments are closed.