JAWBONING  2:51 pm March 6, 2012

Fox News: Obama Could Lower Gas Prices Now If He Wanted, Unlike Bush

by Kaia Mursi

George W. Bush wasn’t doing much of anything in 2008, having pretty much checked himself out of “administrative duties” sometime in late 2006. One of the things Bush was definitely not doing as he rode out his term was bringing down the cost of gas! And the Fox News of 2008 rushed to defend his inaction, calmly reassuring their as-yet unhinged pre-Tea Party audience that, duh, obviously the president just can’t up and lower gas prices, ONLY THE INVISIBLE HAND CAN. But what would happen if you swapped out “Bush” for “Obama”? Would it shock you to learn that everything at Fox would go all topsy-turvy?

In this upside-down world, the Constitution was immediately scrapped and rewritten upon the ascension of Barack Hussein Obama, such that His Highness now has the sole ability to dictate gas prices, in whichever way he chooses. THE END! [Media Matters]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 123 comments }

Maman March 6, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I thought gas was priced the same way as airline tickets, by an insane machine with a random number generator.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Al Haig?

elviouslyqueer March 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

No no. You're thinking of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, which usually rises and falls on the whims of some broker's colon flow.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Most computer programming languages include functions or library routines that purport to be random number generators. They are often designed to provide a random byte or word, or a floating point number uniformly distributed between 0 and 1. Such library functions often have poor statistical properties and some will repeat patterns after only tens of thousands of trials. They are often initialized using a computer's real time clock as the seed, since such a clock generally measures in milliseconds, far beyond the person's precision.

Besides, Mitt Romney isn't President, YET.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Clearly there is nothing a white president who used to be in the Oil industry could do. But a Black, Socialist, Muslim Kenyan should be able to drop gas prices back down to $1.25.

OkieDokieDog March 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Well screw Newt and his $2.00 gas. The Black, Socialist, Muslim Kenyan gets my vote.

WhatTheHeck March 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Cause this black man has power, the like of which, no white man has ever seen. He scares the white wimin an men folk.

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 3:31 pm

With free steak knives and green stamps or gtfo!

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

HE IS THE ONE!

Barb March 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I'm going on vacation next week. With the gas prices this high we've decided it will be cheaper just to mail the car there.

metamarcisf March 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Or you could just strap it to the back of your dog.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 2:59 pm

What? And get car santorum all over my Lhasa Apso?????

James Michael Curley March 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Is that one of those tiny soth ASian cars made by Tata?

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Jaguars and Range Rovers?

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I have a pair of Tata Motors. They're soooo adorable!

Barb March 6, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Have you seen this yet? http://pwire.at/zoPN77

nounverb911 March 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I love the New Yorker.

DaRooster March 6, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Quick… fly into one of those low roofed parking garages!

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The USPS appreciates your patronage!

Tundra Grifter March 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Your car should arrive there just about the time you return home.

justkillmenow March 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I thought Michelle could lower prices by flexing her arms.

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Well, as Rush told us back then, he is "Barack the Magic Negro."

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Yes, but as Rush has shown us, only Sluts get things done in this world.

memzilla March 6, 2012 at 2:56 pm

By Faux News logic, if we had a president who wasn't a Nearer, the Saudis would actually be paying us to take this toxic, dangerous, flammable liquid off of their hands!

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Maybe he appoint Trump to be our Ambassador of Oil. He can go to Saudi Arabia and tell those Muslims exactly what we are going to pay for oil from now on.

mrpuma2u March 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Like these nimrods can remember what they said last week. What a bunch of jaggoffs.

Texan_Bulldog March 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

At least all those Fox folks stay on message:
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/03/obama-

Hope Ed Henry mourns the loss of his soul, spine and brain by joining up with that cabal.

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Henry's career at Consistently No News was one long audition reel for this gig.

donner_froh March 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Slightly shorter Obama: "I don't have time for your shit."

BigDumbRedDog March 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Obama, can you please do something about my cable bill? It's insane. Also, it seems like cheese costs a lot around here lately.

terriblyfamous March 6, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Yeah, I've noticed that Tillamook cheddar has gotten a little spendy. What gives, Mr. President?

PubOption March 6, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Barry has more chance of bringing back government cheese, than he has of lowering oil prices.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Instead of apologizing to the Arab world, he should be hand-holding. That worked for W!

Texan_Bulldog March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Not to mention a lot of kissing!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/911review/293457625/

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Stoopid blahity President, too girly to kiss another man…

Gratuitous World March 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

in '02, 37% of price of gas was cost of crude oil. Today, it's 76%.
of course, 76 – 37 = 39, or (9 9 9), which I believe makes Herman Cain responsible.

veritass March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The worst thing about Fox News is that it's actually recorded.
The best thing about Fox News is that it's actually recorded.

ChernobylSoup March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

If I was a gallon of gas and Obama turned his icy stare toward me, I'd be like "dude, I'm sorry I got all up so high. How 'bout I drop down to 2? Buck ten?. Okay okay, name your price.."

seppdecker March 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

The Invisible Hand would do it, but it's busy wanking Newt, Santorum, Rush (with tweezers), Gohmert, Loesch…

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Yes Fox News is unfair, and yes they distracted everyone with their drill baby drill nonsense when the real issue was market speculation. But Obama could do something; this run-up in oil price is driven by the tension over Iran. Speculators (80% of the oil commodity market) are taking positions betting on the uncertainty. If Obama signaled the possibility of a big release from the strategic reserve the speculators would run for the hills and dump their holdings.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Can't.

They never replenished the release of 30 million barrels last June. The fund to buy it back is short $1.5 billion.

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

30 million of 727 million the tank is hardly dry.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

If he can't pay $1.5 billion how in the hell is he supposed to replenish more?

This is hardly an emergency, which is what it should be used for.

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

We have done multiple releases without replenishment in the past. Besides a sale now would net profit for the Government on the backs of the speculators win/win.

UnholyMoses March 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Well, if speculators had disappeared the last time the SOR was tapped, I'd agree.

But they didn't. They're still there.

And what happens if Iran tries to close down the Straights of Hormuz? What is the Saudis and OPEC decide to cut production for whatever the hell reason they want?

Simply put: Releasing from the SOR won't do much to help lower gas prices. Sure, they may go down a quarter a gallon or so for a few weeks, but there is still no long term solution, other than to end speculation (via taxing it into oblivion, or some other method).

Not trying to blast you or anything. Just trying to point out that the SOR is supposed to be there for emergencies, and emergencies only; releases from it have done little, if anything, to affect prices; and it's not a solution so much as a political ploy.

If and when we have an emergency that demands we release it, then fine.

But we're not there … yet.

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

When we released in 2011 the price per barrel dropped from over $100 to under $80 and stayed down for 6 months. In fact it didn’t start climbing until this latest speculative bubble. I agree that legislation to restrict the futures market in oil to industries trying to hedge oil price is the right solution but in this political environment that will not happen. I personally don’t mind seeing prices for gas at $4 but that’s me. I think if speculators knew that every time they did a stupid run up the SOR could zero out their kids college fund some of this nonsense would stop.

Nothingisamiss March 6, 2012 at 4:16 pm

They care about the future? Not our current Masters of the Universe. "Will it make me money right now?" Those are the moral retards we are stuck with.

UnholyMoses March 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

While I see your point, I guess I don't see it as being worth it, especially with how unstable the region has become and how quickly things could get so very, very much worse. And it'd suck if we released a bunch of oil just to bring prices down a bit for a few months, only to realize we don't have enough when we really and truly need it.

There's also the fact that we pay relatively little for gas compared to most non-oil-producing nations (it's something like $6 per LITER in UK, IIRC) and, even though I have a relatively long commute each day (50 miles round trip) I'm also okay with $4 a gallon gas.

Sadly, those already on a budgetary razor's edge are not, which is why the "Release the SOR hounds!" call can resonate with some. [Though you're doing it more based on logic, which is a nice change!]

Of course, all that oil has to be refined, and right now they have more oil than they can handle. Thus, supply isn't the issue. Of course, neither is demand, which is down.

Thus, I see skip the release from the SOR and just hammer the shit out of the speculators via legislation, regulatory changes (which might be easier and faster to implement), and whatever the hell else they can until speculators are no more in the U.S.

After that, it's finding ways to deal wit the worldwide speculative market that we can't control …

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

You make a well reasoned and insightful argument I defer. By contrast my argument was solely based on the desire to jam it up the speculators asses and break it off.

anniegetyerfun March 6, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Of course, if he did that, he'd just be playing right into the hands of the Republicans, who are purposely racheting up the tension via Israel and the GOP's "bomb everyone" campaigns.

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

I've been advocating that for a couple of weeks. Plus an executive order implementing a windfall profits tax on oil and gas companies. It was no coincidence that during the summer of 2008, Exxon/Mobil recorded the highest profit of any American company in history

poncho_pilot March 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Kissinger?

Wonderthing March 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

When you've decided that the only way to win is to tell the most and the biggest lies, then frogs can fly and pigs dig to China for oil, so we can all drive with the air conditioning on and the window down! Party on!

Extemporanus March 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Your move, tide.

vodkamuppet March 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

What a bunch of sluts.

DaRooster March 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Hey Fox… Barry has a majic wand (I'm sure) but it don't lower gas prices… it does something completely different.

You should try it and Get Fucked!
Ass-Tards!

WiscDad March 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Fox News new tag line…'Creating alternate realities on the hour'

OneYieldRegular March 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

It's exactly like in that old movie, "The Graduate," when Dustin Hoffman is asked, "What's the one most important word you'll ever need to know?" and he doesn't say anything and the guy says "Plastics!" and then Dustin Hoffman is confused for the rest of the movie, the end.

Generation[redacted] March 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It's very simple. Right now we extract 80 million barrels of oil every day to feed our growing demand. All we have to do is triple that, to 240 million barrels every day. By the end of the decade, we bump it up to 1 billion barrels a day. I don't see any problem with doing that, and why hasn't Obama done it already?

MaxNeanderthal March 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Wasn't there an old movie where a similar tactic is pursued in search of gold dust, until the town collapses on top of them….

Baconzgood March 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I love reading about gas prices. I don't have a car, and haven't in 4 years, because I moved into a place where I can either walk or (weather permitting) ride my bike to work. The lil' lady has an auto and keeps harping on me to get one but who want's to be bothered about going to a dealership, paying for gas, hitting old women, DUIs, yelling at people cutting me off, and all that jazz. This is why I love the city and the location on the neighborhood (not so much the crime) I live in.

ChernobylSoup March 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I thought hitting old women was one of the few upsides to owning your own car.

Baconzgood March 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Lotsa paper work.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Not if they don't catch you.

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm

And if you live in a "bad area," you don't have to worry about your car being stolen, either!

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I also love not owning a car – pity that there's still the winter gas bills.

vodkamuppet March 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Yes! All my idiot friends and relatives scoffed when I ditched my car and moved downtown 6-7 years ago. I told them they wouldn't be laughing when gas hits 5 bucks a gallon. Well, I was right and they're still idiots.

Nothingisamiss March 6, 2012 at 4:19 pm

That's a great gravestone: "I was right and they're still idiots."

vodkamuppet March 6, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Oh dang, that is an epitaph. I think I stole that from Thomas Paines epitaph though. Whatever, no one remembers him anyway.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

In this upside-down world, the Constitution was immediately scrapped

This is true. And it's staying scrapped, or more accurately, now been used for toilet paper by Republican and Democratic Administrations alike.

Bush had Alberto Gonzalez, Obama has Eric Holder. Meet the new boss!

USA! USA! USA!

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Yeah, they're exactly the same, what with Obama ending the war in Iraq, ignoring the calls to bomb Iran, giving us health care reform, repealing DADT, standing against the war one women's rights that Bush fully supported, and everything else he's done that's completely different than Bush. But no, because he's not good enough on every issue they're exactly the same and we might as well vote for Romney in this election.

What I'm saying is, fuck off you moron.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I must have missed the post in which you were made the official Wonkette message cop, SpamBot.
~

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

The free market should control everything. Except when we don't like the outcome. Then the Kenyan soshulist should step in with Big Gubmint Action.

You may not agree with the Teatards, but you have to admire the purity of their logic.

Nothingisamiss March 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

I'll take that pure logic with a little pure grain alcohol.

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Also according to Fox, it's because of Obama that the new iPad will cost both an arm and a leg tomorrow.

rickmaci March 6, 2012 at 3:14 pm

The FauxNews editorial philosophy is lifted straight from Alice in Wonderland. "If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would." Very simple.

hagajim March 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Apparently the dipshits at Faux have forgotten the laws of economics, no matter how fractured they are by manipulation. Gas is a global commodity and nobody can effect the price. Maybe the U.S. out to get into the commodities market and start buying up gas contracts like the airlines do – yeah that would be really fucking smart! Not.

archikvetch March 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

The Newter said he would get gas down to $2.50 per gallon by boosting domestic production. Assuming world wide demand stays constant, why would Newt's overlords NOT sell the blacky sticky stuff at higher prices? OBVIOUSLY Newt's plan MUST involve nationalization of our oil resources! Go Newt! I am sure that is what he meant…, right?

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Works for Venezuela.

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Gas-X Shrugged

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

If I recall, Bush said earlier in his presidency that he could get the prices lowered by going over and "jawboning" with the OPEC leadership. You'd think it would be even easier for Obama to do this, seeing as to how he is a co-religionist, and supports the terrorisms to boot.

Tundra Grifter March 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

BTF:

I'm doing this from memory (sometimes memory serves; sometimes it double-faults) but I believe that was a campaign promise by Mr. Bush.

He shouldn't have had to deal with rising gas prices in the first place because he'd promised us it wouldn't happen.

Toomush_Infer March 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

And by "jawboning" he meant K I S S I N G !!!!….

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I was working on something along the lines of "Bush jawboning – jawbone of an ass – kissing ass" but it's just not falling together. Partial credit for concept?

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I thought he was strictly a Muslim. You would think that the Arabs would want to help a brutha out.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Fuck! I put a down payment of a left testicle on it, hoping to only get kneecapped.

Pragmatist2 March 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Black Magic?

Mojopo March 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm

The worst thing about this slow drain to November is that I don't even feel challenged by the Repubs. It's like trying to debate with the kids on the short bus. I just want to go home, OK?

Nothingisamiss March 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Sometimes I feel like this, and then I remember that a higher percentage of teatard people vote than smart people.

Mojopo March 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I am mindful of this. Trying not to be smug/would be happy to register Dem voters.

edgydrifter March 6, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Can't fake a birf certificate but controls a shadowy cabal that steers global petroleum supplies and prices. Sure, that computes.

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

And has complete power over the NYSE and the minds of investors who are jittery over possible future shortages. That, too. Also.

chascates March 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

If Andrew Breitbart were still alive he could refute this.

HistoriCat March 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Who?

elviouslyqueer March 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Oh please. If Billo would just extract the loofah from his ass, he'd release enough gas to power the country until, say, 2026. PROBLEM SOLVED.

MosesInvests March 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Especially if he's eating a lot of falafel.

SoBeach March 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm

The talking heads on Fox are as cynical and soulless as their audience is willfully ignorant.

Toomush_Infer March 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Yup, it's a lot of gas….. (just shoot me)…

mavenmaven March 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Well, yeah, remember, the Fox new commentator's job is to push talking points written by their corporate sponsors so that their "fans" can repeat them endlessly and thus do what the oligarchs want.

MaxNeanderthal March 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I see that GM has suspended production of a car the sad petrolheads could buy tomorrow and get 100+ mpg, but at the same time they're wailing about the cost of gas…
The cognitive dissonance- it hurts!

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

At least it's rechargeable

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 4:01 pm

Careful, Apple has a really bad history with batteries suddenly bursting into flames.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Republicans don't want the government to interfere in the free market, unless they want the government to interfere in the free market.

BarackMyWorld March 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Bill Maher: "Gas is high cause of tensions with Iran. You can bitch about gas prices, or you can beat the drum for war, but u can't do both."

SayItWithWookies March 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

So FOX News is now clamoring for government intervention in the free market? Wow, all those criminal investigations must have Rupert really spooked.

pinkocommi March 6, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Who cares that gas prices are high when the Faux News bullshit is free?

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 4:20 pm

In Chicago, .87 cents of the cost of gas is taxes.

barto March 6, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Oh Fox Noise, that's just the invisible hand giving you the invisible finger.

ManchuCandidate March 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Prices go up. Prices go down. You can't explain that!

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 5:23 pm

So far this is my nominee for "post with the most serious comments (i.e., suckiest post) of the year."

imissopus March 6, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Mass transit infrastructure! Sounds communist.

fuflans March 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm

i only made it thru about 1 minute, but i did get to see 'cal thomas syndicated columnist'

which pretty much rounded out the wonkette day of gross pasty white jowls.

DahBoner March 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Invisible Hand Contolling Gas Prices = Chicago Merc X-Change Mafia, speculating prices FUCKING SKY HIGH for Lulz n profits

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/raymond-j

rocktonsam March 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

OT.

Over by where I live, a guy killed himself in front of Paul Ryan's office in Janesville Wisconsin this afternoon.

dadanarchist March 6, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Sounds like a job for… predator drones!

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 6:42 am

Gas prices going up? Outrageous! Nothing else ever goes up, what the fuck is going on here, Barry?

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Pictures or it didn't happen

WhatTheHeck March 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

I’ve never seen one motorized. Do they have to be serviced often?

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:27 pm

The spinning tassels need to be cleaned.

Nothingisamiss March 6, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Seen *one*?

MissTaken March 6, 2012 at 3:29 pm

And they must be kept well-lubed.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Oooh! Ooh! I'd like to apply for that job!

FlownOver March 6, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Get a room, you two. And some snark. This actual policy shit plays like the Half Hour News Hour around these parts.

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