Noted futurist and intergalactic dark lord Newton Gingrich roused his idiot supporters recently with a wildly hilarious riff on President Obama’s touting of algae as a possible energy resource.
What fun things has Ol’ Newty got for us today?
“Do you all remember in the movie, ‘The Graduate,’ the moment where Dustin Hoffman is just graduating and he goes to a party welcoming him home and this older gentleman comes over to him and says, ‘I have a word that will change your life,’ and the word was ‘plastics?’ And Hoffman spends the rest of the movie, going, ‘I don’t quite get this?’
Yes, your editrix remembers that part quite well, your mangling of one of the easiest-to-remember movie lines in filmdom, and also understands your intimation that somehow “plastics” was a silly thing that did not in any way make any of your GOP brethren unbelievable fuckloads of cash. But go on?
Har-har-ed Gingrich, as he continued:
“Maybe we should, as an experiment, get some algae and go to a gas station, and you know, sort of the ‘Barack Solution.’ Would you like some algae instead of gasoline? This is the kind of stuff that’s Cloud Cuckoo Land,” said Gingrich.
“Cloud Cuckoo Land” was the utopian land described by Aristophanes in The Birds. You know who else liked to describe his opponents ideas as “Cloud Cuckoo Land”?
[LA Times]
{ 175 comments }
To be fair… Newt thinks Obama is Lando Calrissian.
And his supporters fear the Lando Blackmississippians.
When you're Jabba, everything looks like a Lando.
he's a just a giant chocolate Easter bunny.
Maybe he thinks Barry's a big fan of The Lightning Seeds.
Isn't he?? They all look alike…
Is that why Mittens has spent this entire primary season frozen in carbonite?
To be fair, he always looks like that.
I have one word for Newt "Divorce Court".
That's two words.
That's HEDLEY!
Wasn't his high school math teacher his Mrs Robinson?
English
It certainly wasn't Ethics.
Or Esthetics.
It was math.
I stand corrected. I hate Geometry so I guess I substituted in English in my mind.
stop being obtuse.
It was math — he was dating her 'cause he needed her to cosine a loan.
As a guy, is that a bad thing ?
At his age then, a woman could not believe HORNY for a kid.
Yes, he is a slug.
Yet, at his age, I would have gone to bed with a catalog {whoops I did}.
Yes, the world would be better if he had had a heart attack when he was 12.
I also remember that scene in The Graduate where a stupid young man cheats on his lady with another woman.
How about if the Republican Party holds an open convention and nominates a ham sandwich to run against Obama?
Inanimate Carbon Rod 2012!
They already are doing that.
I hope it happens. Then I can look forward to Eric Cantor making the rounds of the talk shows describing the long Jewish tradition of loving ham sandwiches.
and ham biscuits
Given that it's not likely to say anything stupid, a ham sandwich might be the best choice they have.
I'd pay to see him tortured. I'd probably have an orgasm.
I already did, reading your post.
I must say Rebecca, your work ethic far surpasses that of noted slacker, Mr. Layne.
But how does her BAC compare to Mr. Layne?
I don't think anyone's held a tube up to her and told her to blow.
Yet.
Wow, you mean "Hitler!" is really the correct answer for once? Cool!
You know who else got the final solution once?
Pere Ubu?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VelS-YCtHV4
NICEly played!
*polite golf clap*
Martini?
thank you, thank you. yes. a martini would be lovely.
But when noted idiot "W" mentioned switchgrass, the right-wingers creamed their Dockers.
Cuz it sounded like someone was getting a beatin'
During the W years, sperm was on everything. Noted Republicans formed a circle and jerked into Ground Zero, too.
It was the way GeeDub said it, with the smirk 'n' all.
Well, to be fair, if you want to know about pond scum go direct to the source.
I think algae dies when it's exposed to the vile compound Callistium, so Newton may never have experienced its charms.
Is Callistium the 15th or 30th element on the Period Scale?
I believe it's one of the inert gases.
OOh. Way to relate to the everyday man with a reference to Aristophanes! Very contemporary, my man.
he was relatin' to the everyday Aryan with a reference to Adolph.
I remember that one, The Birds. When the crows attacked the kids at the school? Yeah, that was cool.
Did you know that was filmed in Sausalito, and not ancient Greece as most people believe? True fact!
Actually, it was filmed at Bodega Bay.
Yeah, I don't know why I'm correcting you either. I'm totally missing the point again, aren't I?
No, no, this is important, because Russian River.
Connect the dots, sheeple!!!!
As a citizen of Newtonian Moon City, I applaud Supreme Fatness Commander Newt as I crash my Eagle into some nukular waste dumps on the dark side of the moon.
Now I miss Barbara Bain. Not that Callista isn't better suited for the frozen anatmospheric wastes of the moon, but really — we've got to think of our future as a species here.
John McMoon, is that you?
Ya know I was never afraid of clowns until I saw that picture. Thanks :(
I dunno, Pennywise always kind of scared the fuck out of me. Or maybe it was just Tim Curry.
Ladies, please take a look at Newt Gingrich.
Now that you're done throwing up, riddle me this:
Do you believe, for even a second, that Newt Gingrich has ever gone down on a woman?
Sorry, I just puked on my keyboard.
Accidentally. He tripped.
Actually, someone like him, he'd have to go down, early and often; he has a lot to make up for, you know?
No, in Republican misogyny land, the way a man makes up for looking like a fat toad is buying a woman shiny gold and diamonds, not giving her sexual pleasure; only menfolk get to experience that.
"Newtie, hon, I don't want to see your face, OK? And no anal!"
What is this "anal" thing? I hear the kids talking about it all the time.
I could be wrong, but I think it's some sort of drug delivery system
Mental… image…. melting… brain… melting…
Newt lives in Loud Cuckold Land so he's done that under considerably more humiliating circumstances.
Aaaand I'm back to never having sex again in this lifetime…
Gah! The hell's the matter with you, conjuring up that horrible image when most of us are sober! Now I keep picturing 5 pounds of damp bread dough lolling around between two hot dogs, and I blame you!
Plus, even if he did, you know he got the "Okay, that'll do" shoulder tap from whoever he was working on (assuming pharmaceuticals didn't render her next to comatose for the duration of the horrible, horrible deed).
well and here i was planning to stay sober today.
but thanks fare! now i have an excuse to super tuesday binge.
What's the opposite of "Giggity!"?
Well that image slammed my knees shut and I didn't even need an aspirin.
Does toe-sucking count? I could believe that.
Toe sucking is Dick Morris' favorite thing to do; especially with prostitutes.
You know who else liked to describe his opponents ideas as “Cloud Cuckoo Land”?
HITLER!
~
Fandom nerds on TV Tropes?
Margaret Thatcher's spokesman, Bernard Ingham.
I believe Mr Hitler invaded Cloud Cuckoo Land, did he not? Right after Poland and just before plucky little Belgium.
All crude oil is, you unbelievable fuckwit, is rotted algae (among other organics.)
All Obama is doing is disposing of refuse properly!
Mmmm, algae generates 10 to 100 times the biofuel than any other 2nd gen source so we should keep on with the corn stills and passing lawz, like Iowa just did, to make it a felony with hard time to get a jerb at one of those humongous pig meat production palaces and then do the wikileaky of yer phone photos (see zucchini replacement ad at the right). We do this cuz the current agrabiz has most of 'Murica's politicians by their gonads.
In his defense, Cloud Cuckoo Land is one of the more challenging levels on Mario Bros. 2.
Wrong! Cloud Cuckooland is the final level from Banjo-Twoie on Nintendo 64, not any Mario game.
And the pixel-animated bear and bird from that game have as much of a chance at ever becoming President than this newt.
Next he will quote that famous latin phrase, "Carp Diem," which translates to whine daily.
And here I thought that was the punchline to the parable about teaching a man to fish.
~
Not "Seize the fish"?
"Catch of the Day."
Yes, how stupid an idea, to try and develop new forms of fuel instead of just relying on the oil which the world is quickly running out of, especially as development keeps increasing demand.
Using algae to produce "energy" is like using sand to produce "glass"…
Using algae is "planning ahead" and since we will be raptured up (well, obviously not you since you're a godless robot) there is no need to plan. This is why I exist on a diet strictly of Cheetos, Tostitos Con Queso, and Dr Pepper.
Y'know, I'm waiting for the grand day when Jesus descends and all these Christians end up wearing trusses because John of Patmos couldn't hear so good.
(In case that's too obscure: "Rapture? I said 'rupture,' you idiot!")
How do you manage to keep your nice figure instead of ballooning up to the size of Limbaugh with a diet like that?
Bulimia, mate.
Oh, you meant MissT????
If Obama was smart like Newt, he would be figuring out how to quadruple the world's daily rate of oil extraction to meet rising demand while cutting prices in half. And at the end of his 2nd term, quadruple it again.
A campaign driven solely by hate, bitterness, lying and salty, salty tears. Fuck you Newt. And stay fucked.
So basically, you're calling him a typical Republican?
You forgot self-agrandizment, ignorance and fuglyness.
As much as I dislike Romney who flip flops more than the spatulas at IHOP, I would welcome never hearing this bloviating goat fuck utter another statement. He really is a shallow, hypocritcal shit stain.
yes, but he's appealing to equally shallow, vapid hypocritical shit stains. it's win-win.
Of course, Aristophanes was making fun of Socrates and Plato; I suppose if you have to be accused of being crazy, being crazy like Socrates and Plato would be an acceptable simile.
Hey Newt, blow it out your gashole.
I've always called this part of the relationship "The Excitement Phase." It will pass.
Yea really: you post like bunnies, smoke a cigarette and next thing you know, you're slapping another one up.
Soon, it's breakfast at the table, not in bed, and hiding behind the HuffPo…*sob*….SHE DOESN'T APPRECIATE US ANYMORE!
It all ends up in a slanging match with body talk and bruises.
And you start crossposting, you know, you're sitting in a bar and someone asks you for a light, and next thing you know, BAM!, you're at Eschaton but it's just not the same, they're trying to hard, and you see them sober in the morning without the makeup and realize you ruined a really good thing…
Shit, shit, shit. I thinked that maybe I could have been his speech writerer. You people made me realize that I am not in your league.
Fuck you very much.
So I am jealous you b ustards.
Aristophanes also wrote Lysistrata which consists of a Spartan Herald entering the stage and shrouding his own erect phallus with his cloak. Also I think the girls don big fake cocks at one point and wave them around as a joke.
Or as Newt Gingrich likes to refer to such activity: "Thursdays."
it also involves punative abstinence which is pretty much what any reader of this thread is going to do.
Hey Newt… I'm a Grampa and I barely remember The Graduate…
Way to stay "current".
I saw that movie when it was new, I was 9 years old, and it gave me a MILF fixation for life.
I saw it when I was 22 and it gave me a Katherine Ross fixation for a good long while.
Well, in fairness, remember who he's talking to: people with onions on their belts, because that's the style back then.
My college had a tradition of showing it the first weekend of the year; something about being an unemployable and shiftless disaffected 20-something with a liberal arts degree apparently resonated with them, or their future selves, or something.
No, you're right, but since the answer was given right up front, it was more fun to take it the other way for once. You know, like buttsechs.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled memes…
so we're through the looking ass?
You know who else is in cloud cuckoo land? Exxon
Jack Nicholson?
Swiss clock makers?
Every time he buys another whore diamond Newt gets to use his best line: "babe we are going to drill here and we are going to drill now". You can't expect him to give something like that up for algae.
don't listen to those liberals who believe in an imaginary Cloud Cuckoo Land. ok? now open your hymnals to pg. 3, "O Lord, I'll Meet You On Sugar Candy Mountain."
I have one word for you, Newt, just one word:
Shitferbrains.
He was right! Look at the "plastic " boobs " plastic" face,"plastic" hair on his old lady!
goddamn double posting.
Santorum would never tolerate any reference to that film, so loaded with iniquity. The very idea of
adultery, orolder lovers, ora sacred cross used irreverently to bar the dooror college educatin' hijinks provokes his righteous indignation.And Mitt condemns the movie because in the end the lovers run away on a bus. A bus — like migrant farm workers. And later they probably wear garbage bags as rain gear.
Well, she *said* "no," but he heard "rubber."
The dumb is strong with this one …
Shit, shit, shit. I thinked that maybe I could have been his speech writerer. You people made me realize that I am not in your league.
I'm not certain whether or not you're in our league (no offense to you); but if you can write a sentence without passing out or trying to eat the pencil, you're certainly quailified to be a speechwriter for Newty toot toot.
About a hundred years ago, basically, there were no cars in America. We transformed our economy and way of life around the automobile and petroleum in about 50 years. Eventually we have to do transform again. Maybe some algae will be involved. Anybody (besides Newt) want to bet against it?
A buncha corrupt billionaires are betting against it, is what I hear. Maybe we can win our money back from them?
So Obammer's a certain mayor of the Cloud City of Bespin?
Don't get him started!
The beauty of Newt's $2.50 a gallon promise is how he frames current gas prices as a failure of Obama. But when we had oilman Dubya Bush and his sidekick oilman Dick Cheney running things, gas prices were the highest in the history of the universe.
All these Repubicans are running to be Dubya's third term. I haven't heard one new idea from any of them. Lower taxes, less regulation. (That sure worked!) Another war in the middle east. (Mission accomplished!) More torture.
Rebbecka or whatever your name is (too much trouble to scan up for spelling) Would you marry me. Well, if you ever get super, super desperate and can.t find a homeless person, I am here in Ha Noi for you.
RED SIREN ALERT! PUT ALL NEWT NEWS ASIDE FOR THIS BREAKTHROUGH.
I was sure that I remembered a name approximately like "Callista" from my childhood toys, and then it came to me. They tried to fool us by changing one letter, but it didn't work. Here's a documentary on Callisto's home satellite*.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mywI5Ygl6BI
*{that's right "Callista" – we know your real name)
Well, that's a minute and 42 seconds I'll never get back.
I seriously doubt Newt Gingrich ever made it passed Terrydactyland…
Pfft…like Newt believes in evolution…
"What a stupid Dem program. The real way to solve the energy crisis is the build colonies on the moon, and drill for oil there (remnant of space dinosaurs) and send it back to earth via long flexible tentacle pipes. In fact, I wrote a book about it years ago…"
You had me at "space dinosaurs"
Jesus rode those when he fought the martians who stole Santa Claus!
Great. Another Zynga game on Facebook. Farmville, Cloud Cuckoo Land, Angry Birds in Cloud Cuckoo Land… I'd get the app for my iPhone, but AT&T throttled my bandwidth.
I must say, I love the paint job on Newtie, the rest of him can go to heck!
Paint job?
The picture of newt in clown makeup, I like that.
You want to know what a bad diet and no exercise can do? I'll give you a hint. That's not makeup!
Dude – your email is showing.
To say Newt kind missed the point of the movie is putting it mildly.
Hint: It wasn't about Dustin Hoffman trying to figure out what plastic was.
well i don't know about you all, but for me the point of that movie was to grow up to be mrs. robinson.
and i did.
You know who else asks, "You know who else…"?
Hitler?
And then he says, "I do! I do! I am always the answer!"
So selfish. & he thought the Jews were lousy with it.
A whole passel of Wonketeers?
The tattletale's bitch!
Wayne Brady on Family Feud?
I'm sorry. Truly. I hope you weren't planning to wrap cocktail weenies in them, as that would make things really unpleasant. And confusing.
I just love how the GingReichsfuhrer manages to neatly goosestep his way across the political and social landscape.
Behold, I've had a revelation of a new power source! We shall construct a gargantuan sphere in the depths of space, all for the purpose of completely enclosing Gingrich and harvesting his total output of bullshit! The Black Sun will power the Imperium for a thousand million years!!
the only thing more frightening than that picture is this thread.
Am I the last person who hasn't upgraded to The Cloud?
Rebecca, with Limbaugh dominating the news for the last few days, thanks for reminding me how much I hate Newt Gingrich.
"It's just a pack of mumbo jumbo chanting designed to get money from fools. Now let's say the lord's prayer 40 times and then pass the collection plate." — Reverend Lovejoy
i'm working on a lot of salvation and afterlife stuff. we're looking into how to get everyone into Heaven. now watch this drive.
You know who else thought "Hitler" was always the right answer?
Hitler?
Personally, I was thinking Pat Buchanan.
Hey, this reminds me of a joke: what's small, green, non-sentient, and generates gas? Besides Newt Gingrich.
Ian Broudie?
NEEDS MOAR RACISMZ
Newt's lost his touch.
Is that John Wayne Gacy?
Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio, and can you take Newt with you?
If Newt is going to reference Aristophanes he might as well just go ahead and wear the mask of Cleon. It would fitting.
To be fair, no one knows cuckoo like the Newtster.
thanks…i got rid of it
Why is this conversation going off on a tangent?
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