THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS  10:09 am March 6, 2012

Noted Humanitarian Rush Limbaugh To Be Honored At Missouri Statehouse

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Sometimes a cigar is a prostituteNational treasure and beloved American public intellectual Rush Limbaugh will join Great Communicators Walter Cronkite, Mark Twain, and Charlie Parker and some others (Harry S Truman, Bob Barker, and John Ashcroft) in the Show Me state’s …. nope. Can’t do it. Here, go read this for a minute and then come back.

Okay, we’ve all digested that? And the fact that this year’s inductees into the Hall of Famous Americans includes His Grossness and Dred Scott? Doughnuts to dollars famously unsuccessfully freed slave Scott (every time he thought he was out, they dragged him back in!) was included for his noted anti-abortion stance. Good, then your editrix will go have a cigarette and her morning cry.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 117 comments }

Barb March 6, 2012 at 10:11 am

They will probably have to use crushed up Viagra in getting it erected.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

I'm sure it's a Fluke erection

Callyson March 6, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Thus putting that drug to better use than giving it to Rushbo. And to the considerable relief of wife #4, also, too.

An_Outhouse March 6, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Don't worry, he's not wasting it on Beard #4.

Terry March 6, 2012 at 10:13 am

Missouri has some interesting timing with this.

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

Well, they're not known as the "Slow Me" state for nothing. The state emblem is a short bus.

FNMA March 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

I thought it was the Blow Me state…

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

Noooooooooooooo, that would be slutty.

YasserArraFeck March 6, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I thought Joyzie was the "Blow Me" state….

freakishlywrong March 6, 2012 at 10:31 am

If by interesting you mean "shitty" then, yeah.

revmatty March 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Yea, MO loves Limbaugh. His cousin is a highly politically connected Federal Judge, and outside of the metro areas (STL, KC, and the city limits of Columbia) MO is in the deep south. Obama lost here.

kissawookiee March 6, 2012 at 10:13 am

I am not sure how you make a statue of a shitstain, but I suppose the color of bronze is a good first step.

memzilla March 6, 2012 at 10:14 am

Ah yes, Missouri, the "Show Me Some Misogyny" state.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

This is the state that went big-time for Santorum; so yes, they do seem to love hating women.

MittsHairHelmet March 6, 2012 at 10:15 am

They're gonna need a forklift to install a bust of that asshole's enormous head.

sewollef March 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

Ah, perfect. The timing — it's all about the timing — it just could not be better could it?

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

Not really. It's going to be up his butt on the full size one.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

Missouri: the "Show-Me State"

Rush says, "Thanks, now show me the bag of Viagra and the house of boys!"
~

iburl March 6, 2012 at 10:17 am

Their new "Hall of Opioid Abusing Race-bating Misogynists"

TheSheriffsNear March 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

"And the fact that this year’s inductees into the Hall of Famous Americans includes His Grossness and Dred Scott? " That's what you call balance! What you give to those people, must be balanced with what you give to our people. (We, the white, god-fearing citizens of Rockridge.) Well played on the timing, too.

Chichikovovich March 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

His Grossness and Dred Scott? " That's what you call balance!

I guess you could call it another "Missouri Compromise". Dred Scott has had pretty bad luck with those.

TheSheriffsNear March 6, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Well played, Chichi. That's the joke I was looking for. Time to turn in my History degree.

Joshua Norton March 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

Noted Humanitarian Rush Limbaugh To Be Honored At Missouri Statehouse

Mainly because he lent them a T-Shirt so they could tent the place that time they had to spray for termites.

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

Seems that you will never understand the word humanitarian. He is just so misunderstood. I am sure {gag} that he meant it in a nice way.

valthemus March 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

Rush Limbaugh?!!? No! No! No, no, no! NO!! No! No!! NO!!!!

neiltheblaze March 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

A bust? They're making a statue of Rush's man-boobs?

Texan_Bulldog March 6, 2012 at 10:19 am

Poor Dred. Haven't black people suffered enough?

FakaktaSouth March 6, 2012 at 10:20 am

First Missouri infiltrates my football conference (since they are southern and or eastern – now they are dicks) and now this? I heard Sen McCaskill talking about the petition to stop this – I hope it kicks his ass out – she owes me.
http://www.clairemccaskill.com/rush

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I saw her talking about this on TV last night. I was too lazy to get off my fat ass and type on the computer but now, in your honor, I did so (well … typed, not got off my fat ass). In respect for your football conference, too, because those people moving all around is not good. What's next? Pittsburgh will be on the West Coast?

actor212 March 6, 2012 at 10:20 am

It should be the Missouri outhouse.

Wait. Same thing?

chascates March 6, 2012 at 10:20 am

When asked about the selection of Limbaugh, Tilley told the Southeast Missourian, "Keep this in mind: It's not called the Hall of Universally Loved Missourians. We've inducted people like John Ashcroft, Warren Hearnes and Harry Truman. They certainly had their detractors."

So serial killers still have a shot at their statues?

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

What have you got against us? I mean, I don't love the taste of Whole Grain Cheerios, but they are heart healthy so I eat 'em by the box.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I see what you did there.

Naked_Bunny March 6, 2012 at 12:55 pm

*rimshot*

north_of_moscow March 6, 2012 at 10:21 am

I posted this awhile back. It seems germane, so here it is again: "I was visiting family near Cape Girardeau recently and went with my aunt to put flowers on graves at this beautiful country cemetery. She was going from headstone to headstone, explaining who was related to who, where they lived, how they died. She knew everyone in that place, from the late 1800s on. She even knew who was in the grave that was marked with a creek rock. Then we got to a row of Limbaughs. She just rolled her eyes and said 'Folks around here don't really care for them.'"

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

If this isn't a true story, it ought to be.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Considering that the "folks around here" were all dead and buried, that's a pretty damned unpopular bunch.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

You can tell me that story any time you please.

Buzz Feedback March 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

Dred Scott was pissed because his wife could only get 3/5 of an abortion.

chicken_thief March 6, 2012 at 10:38 am

But, in a Paul Harvey manner of story telling: And now, for the rest of the story. The remaining 2/5 grew up to be a blubbery druggie who led the Republican Party via his radio show and inducted into the Missouri Hall on the same day as his papa.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

So, was the fetus 5/5 of a person, or what?

BaldarTFlagass March 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

Blow me.

EatsBabyDingos March 6, 2012 at 10:23 am

How will Virginia top this?

BigDumbRedDog March 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

Ugh, I don't know if I can take this much right wing grossness so early in the morning.

Maman March 6, 2012 at 10:25 am

See, its ok. The Missourian doesn't have to be beloved. Just famous. So Rush is the Voldemort of Missouri.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Still, you think they'd have a separate Hall of Infamous Missourians.

Mojopo March 6, 2012 at 10:26 am

They're just asking for that shit to get paint-balled. Go on ahead, display that cooter's head where I can see it.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He'll get the Jebediah Springfield treatment within a week:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Telltale_Head

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Where's Mitt's santorum gun when you need it?

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

UPDATE: 3:08 p.m. — The link to the page with Schubert working on the bust of Limbaugh is no longer working.

CORRECTION:This article has been changed to reflect that Claire McCaskill is a Democratic senator, not a Republican.

God–get with the program, HuffPo.

Chillatte March 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

When's the ceremony for his yearly Asshole of Year Award?

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Right after he returns from his semi-annual six-month vacation to Boyrape Island.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I believe they're retired the award, and just handed it to him on a permanent basis.

Blueb4sunrise March 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

A HuffPo link? No way.

Eve8Apples March 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

"Keep this in mind: It's not called the Hall of Universally Loved Missourians."

How many other assholes are honored in the Hall? Any Klansmen, Nazis, psychopaths, pedophiles, or serial rapists? I hope the ghost of Mark Twain burns their Hall to the ground.

Goonemeritus March 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

Missouri needs to learn to distinguish between famous and infamous. Just because the Menendez brothers were infamous didn’t mean Doublemint gum should have used them in an ad campaign.

metamarcisf March 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

Charlie Parker knew how to score better drugs

Beowoof March 6, 2012 at 10:30 am

Every time I see a pic of El Rushbo with that cigar in his mouth I think of the George Carlin bit on white pussy businessmen sucking on a big brown dick.

The exact quote sums up my feelings on Rush:

Alright, now listen, I have a few more items of things that are pissing me off. And this one comes in the form of a question: Haven't we had about enough of this cigar smoking shit in this country? When is this shit gonna end? When is this shit gonna go away? When are these fat arrogant overpaid overfed overprivilaged overindulged white collar business criminal asshole cocksuckers gonna put out their cigars and move along to their next abomination. White pussy businessmen sucking on a big brown dick. That's all it is. A big brown dick. Sigment Frued said a cigar is just a cigar. Oh yeah? Well sometimes it's just a big brown dick. With the fat arrogant white collar business criminal asshole sucking on the wet end of it. But hey, the news is not all bad for me. You wanna know the good part? Cancer of the mouth. Good! Fuck em! Makes me happy. It's an attractive disease, goes well with a "cell phone". So light up, suspender man, and suck that smoke deep down into your empty suit, and blow it out your ass you fucking cocksucker!"

DemmeFatale March 6, 2012 at 10:59 am

Well said!
(This pic makes me want to throat-punch him like no other.)

Eve8Apples March 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

He can have his bust in the Missouri Hall of Fame on two conditions. One, the bust must depict him puffing on a big, brown phallic cigar. Two, we get to put that Carlin quote on a bronze plaque hanging above his fat head.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:12 pm

"You wanna know the good part? Cancer of the mouth."

Some years back, I worked in the Intensive care section of a teaching hospital. As you might expect, most of the surgeons there had a very dark sense of humor. One of them had a son who decided that he was going to smoke cigars. The predictable "they're better for you than cigarettes" argument ensued, with Dr. Snark winning it by saying cheerfully, "Oh, good. Mouth cancer. That's *easy*. We can just slice your tongue and lips right off."

Keep smokin' those big brown dicks, Rush.

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:32 am

Screw ever one. You dint not mention , Ambrose Bierce or whatever his name was. Somewhere in the debbils dikshonary he described Rush.
Fuck you very much.

Mumbletypeg March 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

go have a cigarette and her morning cry.

Today we are all morally weak, as Layne would put it — enslaved each to our own (de)vices*

*and I share at least one of yours RS, the other one having been perfected by Holly Hunter some years ago in one of her memorable film moments~

Toomush_Infer March 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Still thinkin' 'bout it: how does that overweight, stressed out, out-of-shape bag of shit get to buy health insurance in a pool with anybody – who's paying for the slutty way he takes care of himself?…

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Seriously!
He talks a good game of bullshit, but he acts like someone whose quite justifiable self-hatred is causing him to commit suicide with every choice he makes. He's fat as a hog, smokes constantly, gobbles pills, has never done a complete sit-up in his life, has sex with strangers in third world countries, is consumed with anger and hate… I don't know what he eats, but I bet it has a pretty high fried and/or junk food component (just a guess). If there were something on the market called "cancer juice", he'd chug it by the gallon. How has this worthless prick not had, like, fourteen heart attacks?

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Not sure he has a heart.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

Would be great if the sculptor gave him a pignose.

RedneckMuslin March 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

Dredd Scott is being honored because he was unsuccessful in freeing himself.

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:55 am

Was he some relation of a certain gubbiners?

mrblifil March 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

White supremacists love them some Dredd Scott…for the comedy.

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

Can,t we not make abortion illegal for men?
Anything I say after that will be deleted.

MissNancyPriss March 6, 2012 at 10:40 am

I read it as "Missouri Steakhouse"

mrblifil March 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

What I love about Rush's recent turmoil is that he had to say something noteworthy to steal the news cycle back from dead pustule Andrew Breitbart. Which means that even in death, we are all one step closer to working for Andrew Breitbart.

UW8316154 March 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

What? Breitbart is dead??

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Still.

meatlofer March 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

It isn't Missouri, it was Guatemala. And it isn't the State House,it was a shithouse.I hope this clears things up.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm

And it wasn't a statue, it was paid sex with an underage boy.

ElPinche March 6, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Or Dominican Republican, where Rush used shithouses to fuck underaged male prostitutes……so they say.

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

Can,t we not make abortion illegal for men?

hagajim March 6, 2012 at 10:49 am

Ahhhh, Missouri, you have just renamed yourself the "Show Me We're a Bunch of Dumbfucks" State.

DaRooster March 6, 2012 at 10:50 am

So, of all the people born/raised/that lived in Missouri… this is the best of what's left?

Poor Missouri…

oldedinvn March 6, 2012 at 10:57 am

Would that it were the only state.

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

Shouldn't the people of Missouri be shamed that this fat asshead came from their state?

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Some of them are still pissed over the fact that he wasn't allowed to buy the St. Louis Rams.

Biff March 6, 2012 at 10:52 am

Missouri should only bestow this honor posthumously.
Also, I think they'll need to dig a big-assed moat around it because the way I envision it it'll be like Monkey Island, but all the poo-flinging will be directed inward.

Tundra Grifter March 6, 2012 at 11:00 am

Harry "S" (no period – like Boss BlunderRush) Truman – I am quite impressed, Rebecca.

Well played!

Meanwhile, as a child I loved Bob Barker in "Truth or Consequences!"

Pop_Socket March 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

He is a local son made good. If by 'good' you mean 'flatulently evil.'

johnnymeatworth March 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

Now now, it's entirely possible that they're just keeping it around for the skeet shooting demo.

southernbeale March 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

The MO statehouse may be the last place where Rush can be found; a second radio station has dumped him:
http://www.allaccess.com/net-news/archive/story/1

SorosBot March 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

I love it when bad things happen to bad people.

GOPCrusher March 6, 2012 at 1:55 pm

I hope it gets to the point where ClearChannel goes back and asks for their 44 million back for this year.

ThundercatHo March 6, 2012 at 11:14 am

Don't the inductees need to be dead first? I'm totally ok with that.

Tommmcattt March 6, 2012 at 11:22 am

Wait, they are sculpting a bust of Rush Limbaugh?!?!?!!?

I'm investing in clay and bronze futures RIGHT NOW!

johnnyzhivago March 6, 2012 at 11:23 am

Is clay really dense enough to portray Limbaugh's head?

Puffperney March 6, 2012 at 11:24 am

Having spent my entire adult life (2 years out for Army service) in Missouri, I can tell you that Rush is very representative of most Missourians. So, it does make sense from that standpoint.

Redhead March 6, 2012 at 11:25 am

Stop feeding the troll (I'm looking at you, Arianna. Missouri's a lost cause.)

Puffperney March 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

True!!

fartknocker March 6, 2012 at 11:27 am

The best thing I ever learned about Missouri was that once you got to the center of the state, any direction you traveled you were leaving. Kansas City is a cool town but the rest of the state was nothing but truck stops, tweekers, fireworks sales and Amish folks.

Data Exactly March 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

"Can’t do it. Here, go read this for a minute and then come back."
"Good, then your editrix will go have a cigarette and her morning cry."

Don't go all Joe Scarborough on us, Schoenkopf! Not this early, no ma'am!

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Your move, South Carolina.

Pat_Pending March 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hmmm… I assume that working in poo would be a new medium for the sculptor.

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Um, it's Missouri.

Callyson March 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Missouri: The Show Me the Video State.

4TheTurnstiles March 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Test-of-concept video for the bust:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIDAI0vfUYg

tessiee March 6, 2012 at 12:22 pm

More to the point, is it too late to abort Rush?

ChiRon8 March 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm

From the "Comments" portion of the news story: "When I first saw the headline I thought it said steakhouse…my first impression was more appropriate"

Best. Comment. So. Far

Giveusabob March 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

It would appear the bust is only half-finished at present. Still time to dress it up with a wide open shirt collar and many, many rolls of sweaty flesh. http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/2012/03

For accuracy's sake, that is.

sarah_connor March 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

No snark, it seriously pains my ass to be from this loathsome godforsaken hell hole. I left 28 years ago with running shoes. And yes, so much misogyny that I can personally attest to, to this day, that we should all vote "no" on Senator Claire McCaskill's poll. maybe something can be done to keep this state-sanctioned outrage from happening. http://clairemccaskill.com/rushfixed

Doth I protest too much? Very well, then, I doth protest too much.

HelmutNewton March 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

With Ashcroft, and now Windbag, they can now officially call it the "Hall Of Shame".

WiscDad March 6, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I thought he was being honored at a Missouri STEAKHOUSE…my bad

Nostrildamus March 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Just microwave a big whiffle ball. It would be a reasonable enough likeness.

poorgradstudent March 6, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Mid-Missouri is the meth capital of the United States. COINCIDENCE?!?!?!

miss_grundy March 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Instead of honoring native son, Brad Pitt, they give a monument to this jag-off? This tells me everything I need to know about Missouri.

Jukesgrrl March 6, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I trust if they ever have a Hall of Famous Arizonans it has a lock on the door and bars on the windows.

alzronnie March 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I knew about Charlie Parker, Bob Barker, and Ashcroft but I didn't know that Mark Twain, Harry Truman, and Cronkite were drug addicts too.

Generation[redacted] March 6, 2012 at 4:09 pm

They don't call it hillbilly heroin for nuthin'

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 7:09 am

Yet again, I am ashamed to be a Missourian. Fuck!

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