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Welcome Wonkeratti to Super Tuesday! Are the birds chirping just a little bit louder? Is the exhaust in the air just a little more sharp? Is there love in your heart for all of your brethren?

Do you smell burning toast and/or holocaust victims being dead-baptized by Mormons? Well put on your Super Tuesday bonnet and get ready to partay: We have come to the time of morning in this, the Holiest of All Holy Days, where we exchange gifts of video of Joe Scarborough losing every last shred of will to live, and the blonde one next to him making Sympathy Faces. (You can tell she is new to sympathy, because sometimes it comes out as Cartoon Horror and other times as Bachelorette Dumb.) So watch through MSNBC’s eight-year commercial at the beginning, and enjoy this, our gift to you, with lurve! [MSNBC]

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  • Barb

    Mine started with an Alli diet aide commercial. That stuff causes anal leakage. I don't want to have to buy camouflage colored pants, thank you!

    • Mine was in Spanish, with two guys flogging Toyotas. Not sure any of the final four will make heavy inroads to the Hispanic vote.

    • Terry

      Mine started with a Toyota ad. Foreign car makers want to you vote Romney, apparently.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Mine was for Blue Cross health insurance.


    • BaldarTFlagass

      I did not get to see an advert, it went straight to the segment. I feel kinda left out.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Advertisers know instinctively you don't have any money?

    • I got some poor soccer mom who realized some Muslin terrorist had broken in and painted a green stripe across her floor.

      • Fare la Volpe

        This sounds like an innuendo I'm not getting.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      What's with the different ads? You all got GREAT ads. I got Office Depot bimbos talking about why I should shop there for…hell, I turned off the sound. They looked better than they sounded.

    • MissNancyPriss

      i got Vons.

      • Fare la Volpe

        They have a shot for that.

        • Barb

          Side Effects may include:

          Bad humors
          Late Onset Albinoism
          Mild kidney explosions
          Testicular cranberrying
          Rectal hallucinations

          • Geminisunmars

            Now you've done it. Saying rectal hallucinations will cause half the wonketteers to try and catch Vons.

    • Eve8Apples

      When I think of the modern GOP, the first thought that pops into my mind is "anal leakage." I think the ad is quite appropriate.

      • Barb

        Yes, they are so modern they are trying to drag our uteri into the 18th century.

    • jjdaddyo

      You know who else had anal leakage?

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys


    • Gunner Asch

      Mine was from Fidelity wanting me to move my 401k. What's left of it. I guess they noticed I go there sometimes to cry over the grave.

    • Limeylizzie

      Cute new kitty! How are you Missie?

  • Texan_Bulldog

    Sorry, but I can't watch 7:51 minutes of Joe & Mika. And, yes, I feel sure that 'sympathy' is a foreign concept for Mika (as is 'intelligence').

    • Maybe she has sympathy for the devil.

      ed: add a little Hole

    • Mika is Darla to Joe's Spanky and Willie's Alfalfa. Or maybe she's Candace to their Phineas and Ferb. Either way, I can't help but feel a certain sympathy for her. I'm sure MSNBC pays her a lot, but it can't possibly be enough.

      • BarackMyWorld

        "You are SO busted!"

  • EatsBabyDingos

    As a Virginia resident, I wish I could go to the polls and vote against Sant Newt, but their incompetence prevented the highlight of my day. Instead, I'll go throw a vote for Dr. Pill, just to push Joe into a frenzy.

    • Terry

      Write in Obama for the GOP primary. Wouldn't be great if Obama carried a few NoVa precincts?

      • EatsBabyDingos

        Sadly, Virginia does not allow write in votes in primaries. We iz too dum to figgur out how to wright the rigt name, and "W" is too hard to spel.

  • Beetagger

    Mika always looks like she's got a stiff dead intern up her ass.

    • Mika cracks me up by always making faces. She's second to Boehner sitting behind Obama at the SOTU speech in face-making.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    That was painful. Why are they taping Joe getting a transanal ultrasound? Is it an IQ test?

    • anniegetyerfun

      They'll find his head somehow, by gummit!

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Wait, I thought I was the only one who was already hard at work this early on the west coast.

    • SharkSandwich

      It looks like Miss Goodhead has taken yesterday's demand for a Nova Scotian editrix to heart.

  • Goonemeritus

    Yes Republicans it is over you let your rhetoric get way in front of the facts. At the end of the piece the only chance they see is the economy tanking or Iran going all pear shaped. From “it’s morning in America” to we can’t win unless America is in mourning in one generation.

  • smitallica

    Why are they reacting to this like it's some shocking new news? We in the reality-based community with Google and a brain have known this for years.

  • Local_Mojo

    I don't think that lady's hair is naturally blonde.

    That man seems awkward in front of a camera. Why do they allow him on?

  • SorosBot

    Why does MSNBC continue to employ this dickhead anyway?

    • Fare la Volpe


      • MissNancyPriss


        • Fare la Volpe


          • not that Dewey

            "They're owned by Comcast"

  • Respitetini

    Needs Moar Stanislavski

  • SpiderCrab

    Joe Scarborough: Do the honorable thing and fall on your sword. It would be great television.

    • HistoriCat

      I think Joe is busy falling on someone else's sword. And by "sword" I mean "penis".

  • After listening to that drivel, instead of my morning cup of joe, I'll pour a cup of paint stripper into my ears to try and clean them.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What the hell kinda name is Mika anyway? Was Zbigniew hoping for a boy that he was gonna name Michael, or what?

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      If you are a Finnish F1 driver (Hakkinen), it works.

    • She is remarkably attractive for a woman with his genes.

  • memzilla

    Yeah, I sure hope the economy goes into the s***ter again, so the Rethuglican's chances improve for November!


    • Generation[redacted]

      Cheer up, Joe. Maybe we'll go to war.

  • justkillmenow

    You can't make me watch that.

  • smashedinhat

    Settle down Joe, there is still plenty of blather to endure. I recommend a small drop of the alcoholz in the morning beverage to smooth the way.

    • smitallica

      Morning Jack?

      • smashedinhat

        Keeps the transmission humming until the three Martini lunch.

        • HistoriCat

          You and Baconzgood should do lunch sometime.

  • Barb

    "hence the weight loss" Sounds more like a furniture loss. I am not one of the 1% who can just order up a new sofa every time I get a hankering for pork rinds.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Oh, so you're one of those elitists with furniture? Milk crates and cinder blocks hose right down.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They should change the name of the show to Morning Grind, not just the segment. And what's with all the fucking coffee references anyway?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Cutsiness is next to truthiness.

    • Starbucks is their major sponsor.

  • More likely a pitch from Vayama for cheap flights to Santa Domingo with a personal valet.

  • chascates

    If 'the Revolution' is televised it will be hilariously wacky!

  • An_Outhouse

    That's the same face he made when his 'intern' forgot the safe word.

  • You can tell she is new to sympathy, because sometimes it comes out as Cartoon Horror and other times as Bachelorette Dumb.)

    If it weren't for the latter expression, I'd never get laid.

    Also too the sympathy one.

    (the Cartoon Horror part comes later).

  • Scarborough: (bangs fist): "Who's gonna go door-to-door for –" *barely suppressed dry-heave* "– MITT??"

    Guest talking point regurgit-artist "Richard": "The Supreme Court could still rule the health care mandate unconstitutional… or the economy could change, for the worse..pardon the expression but 'Game Changers,' derp der.." around 4:48 before his expression, priceless ahead of cutting back to his host duo, Richard-What's-its won my morning looking like he just swallowed a boa constrictor while trying to assuage Scarbro's histrionics.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Don't forget Iran – which made Mika lose her shit.

      • I thought you wrote "shirt", and then I was gonna say "?? I would have noticed THAT!!"

  • An_Outhouse

    That clip is worthy of being made into an animated blingy. I want to watch it and laugh over and over and over.

  • neiltheblaze

    This is almost as good as George Will's epiphany that Republican politicians are scared to death of Rush Limbaugh. Only took him a decade and a half to figure it out.

    The most insightful and accurate person in this clip is the weather guy.

  • Baconzgood

    I plan on having a shot everytime they mention Ray-gun today. I've already finished a bottle of VO and now I'm working on Jim Beam. I figure by lunch I'll be on hazelnut shnaps and by dinner I'll be finishing the last of the vermouth.

  • An_Outhouse

    Who are the two closeted homosexuals he is talking to? Can't they add some names to the scrolly things at the bottom of the screen? And what's up with a 30 second ad at the beginning? Hey, MSNBC, people viewing clips on the web have no attention span! This is not the 1980's.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Huh. I've never seen an asshole morph into a pussy before.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Did Blandy McBluetie really just hope out loud for the economy to go south?

    What is wrong with these people?

  • Generation[redacted]

    It doesn't matter what Mittens said about supporting the individual mandate that Republicans have been saying is unconstitutional for the past two years. Only one thing matters in this race: What does Fox News say?

  • I remember election night in '74
    When he was what–9 years old?

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      I dunno, I haven't looked at Joe for ages, and it looks like he is coming down with some serious Larry King Face. Is he really "that young"?

    • Nostrildamus

      The President resigns in disgrace over federal crimes for which his subordinates are sent to prison and what Joe's concerned about is how this is bad for the Republican party?

      There are no words.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Buck up, Joe. I am sure you'll feel better when McCain bombs another country. Meanwhile, the sentient Americans will watch the rethugs bomb each other with glee.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Can we take up a collection and ship the beady-eyed little shit weasel off to Barbados? And by Barbados I mean a yurt in Kazakhstan.

  • freakishlywrong

    Yay new overlady! There's nothing I like better than griping about this cross-eyed shitstain of a "conservative". We KNOW Joe, we KNOW.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Joe has always had a thing for the ladies. They call it a strangling cord.

    • Limeylizzie

      Hi eyes are so vile he looks like a vole.

  • Before we all (or about half of us, anyway) ejaculate all over our monitors I'd like to offer a few caveats:

    There are WalMarts everywhere
    American Idol is still on the teevee
    Lynyrd Skynyrd can still draw crouds

    Add about 16 gazillion RoveBucks to the mix and we could wind up with "WTF just happened?"

    • Fare la Volpe

      American Idol is still on the teevee

      You're shitting me.

    • BerkeleyBear

      This is what's interesting. The GOP as a party is pretty clearly a joke. Which is why Rove, the Kochs, et al. have just decided to set up shadow movements that dance to their cash tune. Not really sure it can work in a Presidential contest where personality matters so much (and the current President is so much more personable than any potential challenger), but cash rains obviously helped install the morons now governing Florida, Ohio and Wisconsin. That's what scares me – outside funded morons winning so many House, Senate and state level offices that an Obama re-election is rendered pointless.

      • I am continually surprised that so few people are worried about that, and that they didn't start game-planning against it in early 2010.

  • Joshua Norton

    Ooh, if it's Super Tuesday do I have to wear a cape?


    Well, can I wear one anyway?

    • EatsBabyDingos

      Yes, if you wear the obligatory black top hat, twirl your mustache, and your first name is "Snidely."

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Somebody asked for agreement among the sitting douchebags that "the White Night" is no longer an option. White Night? Am I spelling it wrong? Is someone like Sarah Palin a White Night who sweeps in along with a fucking blizzard and covers up all the Rethuglican morans and miserable cretins and makes things all new and whitey tighty again? They wish. Even Moron Joe says that "It's over!" It never started, Joey. There isn't one person in the top fifty of the Rethuglican Party who isn't batshit crazy. We are only dealing with part of the sour cream at the top.

    • MosesInvests

      The expression is White Knight-as in k-nigget. Although this bunch is looking more like the Black Knight (It's only a flesh wound.-I've had worse.-You bastard! I'll bite your knees off!)

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Thanks. I'm familiar with "white knight," chess, and Monty Python. I was attempting to picture a white blizzard that would cover the piles of Republican shit that now clutter up our landscape. I guess I wasn't snarky enough.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          I liked it, FWIW.

        • MosesInvests

          I figured you were being snarky, I just couldn't hold back my Monty Python Tourette's (thanks, AnnieGetYourFun-I'm totally stealing that!).

  • Obviously it would be crazy to be optimistic about anything but this video made me laugh with glee.

  • Barb

    No Soros, it's just my reminder to copy every witty thing you say here and take it to another website and use it as my own.

    • SorosBot

      I knew it!

  • Eve8Apples

    "Well put on your Super Tuesday bonnet and get ready to partay"

    In honor of Super Tuesday, I'm wearing nothing but a sweater vest and magic panties all day.

  • not that Dewey

    Why don't they just get Ken Mehlman again? Oh. Right.

  • "You can tell she is new to sympathy, because sometimes it comes out as Cartoon Horror and other times as Bachelorette Dumb."

    I love this. As The Wife sits and watches her Stories, and I lay on the couch "American-style" (shoveling partially hydrogenated oils and high-fructose corn syrups into my maw while typing in misspelled all-caps on vile internet speakeasies) I often exhibit either one of those facial expressions as the vulgarity-bullets of overheard prime-time audio strike my ear bones. I mean, anyone else watch "The Bachelor" last night?

  • Chichikovovich

    And you're surprised by this, Joe? The Republicans have been gearing all their rhetoric up to run against a policy that Dole had as one of his planks in his run for president, a policy that was put together in conservative think tanks, a policy that we have known for years was identical to the one Mitt shepherded in for Massachusetts and proudly trumpeted until the winds changed. And not only that this policy was suboptimal, or poorly crafted – the claim was that this policy drafted in conservative think tanks, supported by Dole, successfully and proudly installed by Romney, is a Marxist-Stalinist, unconstitutional, revolutionary attempt to install Communism on American soil, complete with the forced euthanasia of the elderly as in the genocidal dystopian nightmare that is the Netherlands* and Gulags for patriotic dissenters.

    Now it is true that the iron rigor of GOP message discipline coupled with hundreds of millions in superPAC money and a 24/7 propaganda arm of the Republican party in Fox news can convince dumb people of preposterous things. Many Republicans will be aware of the idiocy of the message, but cynically play along so that they might hope to get what they can announce is a "mandate" for breaking unions, or eliminating estate taxes, or passing voter suppression laws, just as Bush did with privatizing social security. But there's a huge risk: if you're running a Presidential campaign on the thesis that water freezes at room temperature, or that the moon is actually made of cheese, you'll be able to corral the 27%-ers just by pointing out that Michael Moore believes the opposite, of course, but to get the remaining 23% you had better make sure you have absolutely no slips. There is a limit to how much relentless message discipline, focus-group crafted rhetoric, and constant Fox News bombardment can do.

    And look, this "revelation" should in principle be pretty small potatoes. Romney's defence against the claim that his plan is not identical to Obama's plan is "Look, that was at the state level, where it was a good, sensible "lab of democracy" effort that worked for Massachusetts. Obama's was at the Federal level, where the identical plan is a shocking, unconstitutional, socialist powergrab aimed at killing your grandma and sending government bureaucrats (evil Federal ones, not warm and cuddly State ones) to force-feed contraception to your teenage daughters." This claim is on its face preposterous, and nobody found it plausible except people who were psychologically invested in believing it. So now it turns out that we have it in writing that Romney himself never accepted the distinction he is claiming is world-historical. What a surprise. If 90% of your campaign is based on the thesis that the moon is solid cheese, {and the other 10% the desperate hope that the economy collapses} you should have a backup plan in case one of your candidates turns out to have gone emphatically on record saying it's really a big rock.

    *[ Did you know that the "Netherlands" means "Low Countries"? That means it's literally Hell, people – the underworld! They thought we wouldn't notice, but they've underestimated the intelligence of Republicans for the last time.]

    • BerkeleyBear

      Damn, son – that's an impressive amount of rant for so early in the morning. Been holding on to this one for a while, eh?

    • fuflans

      you always make my day with your screeds. and i mean that in the very best of ways.

      thanks and keep em coming.

  • jjdaddyo

    Is Orly Taitz Joe's sidekick for today?

  • Guppy

    Remember, Catholics: vote Santorum, or be denied communion!

  • Needs moar racism.

    I love how these ghouls are wishing for a slump in the economy or "foreign policy" issue (terrorist attack) to be a game changer. It's almost as if he knew what an assholey dude he being when his voice trailed off as he said "Iran."

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, openly hoping for war is sorta a no no. Privately hoping for it is standard GOP policy, of course, as is saber rattling about how we have to do something, but not openly hoping for it.

  • Joe is the Great Satan, and Mika is the Little Satan. Mika is Joe, and Joe is Mika.

  • hagajim

    It was sure nice to see Li'l Joe throw in the towel. I (for once) actually think he may be correct in that the Repugs have thrown themselves so far off the cliff they cannot hope to win in November….but we shall see, I have faith that 'Merikans are dumb enough to be fooled into voting for fools.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Joe is only frustrated because there are no wedge issues they can use to beat Obama over the head with. In fact, they handed Obama a wedge issue of his own with this war on women. His party has to run on nothing but the economy and it scares him and all those cunts to death.

  • Data Exactly

    Ohh, "Morning Joe" – the craziness is almost palpable. Keep it flowing, especially because the candidates aren't getting any better.

    Also, Barbour and Rove "don't have a choice" but to help out the nominee – ha-ha! they're such bitches!

  • anonymousofficezombie

    Mmmm… delicious Shadenfreude.

    Almost makes up for those eight years of chest- thumping, smirking braggadocio under W. Almost.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Scarborough was about five seconds away from pulling out a revolver and ending it there, isn't he?

  • Nostrildamus

    To Wonketteers that feel they just can't bear to watch the segment, really this is worth it. Only a few seconds in Joe puts his head in his hands and starts to moan as his cohost details the latest Romney revelation. It's delicious and worth a quick view. Trust me.

  • emmelemm

    Slightly off-topic, I would just like to say: Rebecca, the more I get to know you, the more I like you.

    Super Tuesday bonnet, indeed!

  • ttommyunger

    I feel sorry for Mika's daddy. Why hasn't he killed Joe already? I don't get it.

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