It is now time for your Wonkette Monday Game Post! So: what does war-loving Sen. John McCain think the United States should do about Syria? Negotiate with? Mate with? Appease? Wine and dine? Hug? Kiss? Apply crippling sanctions to? Ignore? Ignore? Ignore? Send aid to? Grundle-pump? Send to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar? Sump’m else? Make your guesses now.
Bomb! The answer is that John McCain would love to “bomb” Syria. Since you all — literally every one of you — guessed correctly, Editor Emeritus Ken Layne will treat each of you to a prime rib dinner at Charlie Palmer’s. Way to go!
(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)
[Politico]
{ 168 comments }
So, like Libya, we should not bomb Syria — until we do — so Walnutz can say later that Obama shouldn't have done what Walnutz said we should do, until we do?
HEY MEMZILLA I THINK DONALD RUMSFELD HACKED YOUR INTENSEDEBATE ACCOUNT
That would be an unknown unknown.
Democratize. (Be nice to America or we'll bring Democracy to your country, too.)
"Palin" – most cost effective
Sarah bombs every time.
And without fail.
Gargh! I could have done without the McCain tongue threesome.
That is the very most awesomest animated gif to ever give me the dry heaves!
Fellate?
♫ Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Syria ♫
I dunno. It's catchy, but I feel like I've heard it before and better.
♫ Syr-ia! – I just bombed a place named Syr-ia! ♫
With all apologies to Curly:
♫ Sunnis and Druze and Kurds better scurry
When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri
When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri-a, the fringe will plotz ♫
You have to admit that, had McCain been elected, his policy of bombing any place that was hit by a tornado would have been interesting.
You know what else John McCain wanted to bomb?
Lindsey Graham's backside?
The flight deck of the U.S.S. Forrestal?
Also known as USS Forest Fire. (I was going to say AKA, but everybody knows that's the designation for an attack cargo ships and the Forrestal was a CV.)
A Presidential campaign?
Running for president?
Oh wait, that was just his usual stupidity and general incompetence.
The Kaiser.
That factory in Hanoi, no matter how low and close he had to get to the anti-aircraft guns and SAM batteries?
Wasilla?
Karl Rove?
Probably true, but you can't really count that, since everybody who's ever met or heard of Karl Rove has wanted to bomb him.
The Hittites?
His liver?
His face like a trollop?
Oh, no, wait — that's wrong.
He wanted to *plaster his face with makeup like a trollop*, is what he wanted.
My mistake.
The onion he wore on his belt, which was the style at the time?
The Huns?
The debates?
Canada, Hawaii, Switzerland, Antarctica, the Moon, the Sun, Atlantis, Narnia, Candyland… the list gets longer everyday.
"Show some sweet monkey love to". What? No?
Perhaps we should just say, "McCain wants to bomb… everything!"
Bombs are the aspirin of McCain's foreign policy.
If only he would hold one tightly between his knees.
Double Win.
Ooooh! Oooooh! *raises hand*
What is "give the hot beef injection to," Alex?
Go to hell!
Never did like MadLibs.
Just insert "penis" in every blank. Like most things in life, it works.
"Penis", "vagina", "fart", "poop/crap", "booger", "boobs"; those were always the big MadLibs words back at eleven years old.
Also the lastest "really bad words" you had just learned.
"Poop" and "fart" are especially versatile, because they can be used for nouns *or* verbs.
That's probably what Rushbo is saying right about now…
I thought maybe he wanted to "land a jet in" Syria, but given his history that's functionally equivalent to bombing it.
I wish Romney would stick out his tongue like that. It'd be cool to actually see the forks.
McCain's just being a realist. He knows that someone's gonna have to get bombed before he can get fracking.
Well if McCain wants to bomb brown people so much he should do it himself – oh wait he'd crash the plane before he ever got a chance to drop one bomb.
Then he would collaborate with them and someone get the media to later go on about his imaginary "honor".
I hope Politico just keeps a template for "John McCain: US should bomb ___" on file for its biweekly use.
"Lick"
Give 'em a good licking, McCain! (After you're done with yourself.)
Want to really hurt Assad? Send him to Arizona.
Don't worry, half of Arizona thinks that Hezbo/Irania is just across the border, biding their time.
That's on three sides, the southern one is only messicans
I don't know. Syria is basically Arizona with a more storied past.
John McCain: dropping bombs :: Meghan McCain: Jägerbombs.
She was featured on "Fat Chicks with Douchebags."
Which might explain why she's so fun to be around whereas he's just a big ol' poo.
I'd red her bull.
Man, I hate those , I bombed that part of the SAT.
This the worst version of Match Game. Ever. Where's Gene Rayburn when you need him?
FUCK YOU (kisses!)
Boinking Paul Lynde?
Wouldn't that be Charles Nelson Reilly?
Hey, I recognize your avatar! Don't I know you from somewhere?
Send it to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar?
Damn Jim, the Applebee's Salad Bar? I didn't realize you hated Syria so much.
I smell a David Brooks column!
Seriously….how was this not McCain's campaign theme song???
Holy shit…actual Nazi footage. Nothing says romance more than "A Stuka over Poland".
Damn, the Frothy Mix and all the other closet cases in the GOP would go nuts for this classic.
I said "finger bang". Are there any lovely consolation prizes?
*gestures to Door #1, which reveals Amana Radar Range*
You get to punch one of the LNS assholes in the nuts.
Take pictures!
I am not sure why you all pick on McCain about this since bombing brown people is pretty much the only policy he is consistent about.
I'd like Bret Somers to block. Oh shit wrong game.
Paul Lynde Libel!
We can settle it with a cage match between him and Charles Nelson Reilly.
For some reason all of John McCain's foreign policy recommendations have to do with flying planes over the country — ones that, presumably, don't get shot down because the pilot failed to heed a missile warning. Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively. Or maybe it's just coincidence — who can tell.
Nicely played.
"Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively."
Like dating Scorpios?
Having not looked it up nor wanting to, I can't decide if "grundle-pump" is closer to fuck, marry, or kill.
There is no commonly-accepted definition.
Or Editor Emeritus.
I thought it was like Brundlefly in that Jeff Goldblum movie.
Yes.
I was hoping the answer would be "provide a nice home for my daughter."
Megs McCabe was a guest on Up with Chris Hayes last week. In one breath she talked about how proud she was to be from Arizona and in the next referred to Phoenix as "the kidnapping capital of America," a statement that was not even questioned by Hayes or any other guest. Why, why, why, do the natives of Arizona, including ones who only visit on holiday weekends to collect their allowance from Mommy, paint this state in such a horrible light? Yes, it sucks in many ways. But if it's as bad as Meghan and Jan Brewer would have us believe, Syria would be a step up.
Phoenix also isn't even close to the kidnapping capital of the world – that lie has been debunked time and time again. The right keeps pushing it to make themselves look so oppressed by the evil, villainous imigrantes.
Though if you count "alcoholic non-custodial parent violates restraining order to spirit kids to secret location" as "kidnapping" then I would imagine Phoenix closes the gap on Mexico City, Karachi, etc. pretty impressively.
Kidnapping capital of America, my friend.
Anyone have any actual stats on this? Seems to me that it wouldn't be totally out of school to think that maybe it could have a high kidnapping rate for a major American city.
Maybe she likes getting kidnapped? Only way a guy will take her out, now and again?
There's an idea I hadn't thought of.Quite plausible.
asshole says what?
For a man who cannot lift his arms above his head McCain has quite the tongue reach. I guess that explains how he got Cindy?
Oh dammit now you're making me need the brain bleach again.
But won't that cause problems when we bomb Iran? Or is this a case of "why the hell not?" Kinda like the end of The Wild Bunch.
Wait, Syria isn't in Iran? I have got to stop trusting the maps on FOX News.
"What are we bombing, Johnny?"
"Whattya got?"
[from the upcoming John McCain movie, "Rebel without a Clue"]
diarrhea poop on
Santorum
Triumph? Is that you?
Yes. No. Both answers are there for me to poop on!
But she brought the Bud.
And then he turned into Gene Simmons.
My choice was going to be "sass", but fine, have your stupid bombs.
I myself am fond of the verb "to castigate".
"Upbraid" also works nicely. But "sass" is still number one, if only because I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand"
"I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand""
And then follow it up with, "You ain't all that, Girlfriend!" while doing a sassy head-shake.
And a z-snap. You can't forget the z-snap. And, I'll give a supportive bad cop/very bad cop "mmm-hmmm; I know that's right."
If only all of foreign policy included very, very urban women with an attitude, we'd have this world worked out overnight.
This is old news for John McCain.
Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria
poop on Syria, with great big grey poops from jet planes!
~
That John McCain is such a creative thinker. I hope Newt Gingrich picks him as his running mate (i.e., Cheneys him).
No din-din for me. Lost my appetitie looking at the graphic…
I was spot on, but I'm a vegetarian, so what will Ken Layne do for me, hnmm?
Cook you on the grill
Accuse you of being morally weak.
Depress the shit out of you whenever he posts an article.
Damn. I thought for sure he wanted to wear it on his belt, as was the fashion at the time.
Oh, I was going to go with "groom."
That gif is a fucking masterpiece.
It totally pumps my grundle.
Drop leaflets on
Sure, why not? Gots to drop them bombs somewhere, and Democrat sluts are pretty much off limits this week.
McCain should be in an assisted living facility. I am not joking.
Considering the median age and the health care benefits, that's a good description of the US Senate. Although their food is much better than the place my mom was at.
On the one hand we have Iraq and Afghanistan. We bombed them, invaded them, and got stuck in a huge mess that cost a fortune in blood and treasure. Not just our blood, by the way.
On the other hand we have Egypt and Libya. I guess we did bomb a little in Libya, Egypt notsomuch. Overall we showed restraint, and while I wouldn't particularly care to live in either nation right now, from a nice, safe distance it does appear things are better now than they were back then.
"send Sarah Palin to"?
"confiscate any oil in"?
"deport illegals from"
To, my friend. You meant "to", right?
"TP"?
Three great suggestions in a row! It's like the New Yorker cartoon caption contest.
Bomb Syria? To what end? To finish the job their own government is doing?
Do you know what country John McCain doesn't want to bomb?
None of 'em, Katie.
British Honduras? Upper Volta?
North Vietnam?
Actually, I don't know. I was hoping somebody could think of one.
Canada?
'Cause, really, what cruel fucker would want to bomb the Canucks, the most passively-aggressive nice people on earth?
Lichtenstein.
"encourage Rush Limbaugh to slut-shame" Syria?
Nominate Syria for Vice President.
It couldn't be any worse for America than Palin.
US should Iraq Syria. Because Iraq – ing Iraq turned out so well.
Maybe we could Afghanistand them up? What's that? It's the same thing? Oh, well.
"Slap you silly, you bitch!" ?
Cut them dead socially?
What we need is a new 'Country Buster' bomb (not to be confused with small town drive-in fare) that would eliminate entire portions of the Middle East, while sparing Israel, secular parts of Turkey, and our comrades-in-oil in Saudi Arabia.
When all you have is a hammer….
…everything looks like a skull?
I promise you that I'm not a serial killer.
"poke good-natured fun at"?
"bake a batch of delicious cupcakes for"?
"perform a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound on"?
Uh, let's see… "probe Syria's oil-producing areas firmly and deeply, with its hot, throbbing oil rigs?" No, wait. it's gotta be the other Republican sexual fantasy.
Ok, I'll go with "free-market butt-rape!"
Whoever made that animated gif should get the Nobel Prize for Hilarity. They should then be hanged for crimes against humanity.
Bump and grind?
I don't see nothin' wrong…
glitterbomb!
Trucknutz!! Nobody has said already, have they?
Crash into?
Israel seems in a particularly bombing mood as of late, and being the good "ally" that they are and all, I'm sure they could help us out, right?
Seriously, though, what Assad is doing is what G-Daffy wanted to do in Libya with the difference being the UN and Arab League haven't invited us for a military intervention, yet. And, I can't wait until Assad — that cross eyed badger-looking motherfucker — is six feet under. I mean, these dumb-asses have got to be seeing what we are all seeing. He may not go down as quickly as G-Daddy, Hosni, Ben Ali, Saleh and the rest went down, but his ass is grass. The only question is whether the world will expediate the process and how.
(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)
Yeah, so I heard.
Mind-meld with?
Send Syria out for a pack of smokes, a loaf of bread and an extenstion cord?
Wait a second, Applebee's has a salad bar? WOW.
I thought this guy's fifteen decades of fame was over.
I only ask because I'm from a border town (Detroit), and they often top crime lists in very obscure categories of crime like auto theft. While not a border town, Phoenix does act as a major station.
"Wrinkled Nut-Sack Speaks!"
Ah, this looks comfy. I agree wholeheartedly with your last remark. We're here for each other…you and me…there will always be a special bond between us. And no caterwauling bitches are going to harm that. We just won't let them. I thought long and hard about just setting up a 'refugee blog' that was non-commercial. Just a freak cooperative where Wonkexiles could find comfort in one another's company, like one of those rundown cafes in Europe where all the old men come to tell the same stories of the homeland over and over again. But for now, fuck that. Stay and wait. Now, a big hug for you my friend. It pains me to see you upset and I'm sure the reverse is true. So, let's just not let the pinche putas get under our skin. I'm getting pretty good at just flying right past the very first comment on any post. Vamos, compa, vamos a ir sonrisa!
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