MONDAY GAME POST  5:55 pm March 5, 2012

Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

by Jim Newell

It is now time for your Wonkette Monday Game Post! So: what does war-loving Sen. John McCain think the United States should do about Syria? Negotiate with? Mate with? Appease? Wine and dine? Hug? Kiss? Apply crippling sanctions to? Ignore? Ignore? Ignore? Send aid to? Grundle-pump? Send to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar? Sump’m else? Make your guesses now.

Bomb! The answer is that John McCain would love to “bomb” Syria. Since you all — literally every one of you — guessed correctly, Editor Emeritus Ken Layne will treat each of you to a prime rib dinner at Charlie Palmer’s. Way to go!

(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)

[Politico]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 168 comments }

memzilla March 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

So, like Libya, we should not bomb Syria — until we do — so Walnutz can say later that Obama shouldn't have done what Walnutz said we should do, until we do?

Andrew Drinker March 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

HEY MEMZILLA I THINK DONALD RUMSFELD HACKED YOUR INTENSEDEBATE ACCOUNT

memzilla March 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm

That would be an unknown unknown.

Harry_S_Truman March 5, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Democratize. (Be nice to America or we'll bring Democracy to your country, too.)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

"Palin" – most cost effective

Chillatte March 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Sarah bombs every time.

Sharkey March 5, 2012 at 8:49 pm

And without fail.

Loaded_Pants March 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Gargh! I could have done without the McCain tongue threesome.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 5, 2012 at 8:12 pm

That is the very most awesomest animated gif to ever give me the dry heaves!

Schmannnity March 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Fellate?

CapnFatback March 5, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Syria

I dunno. It's catchy, but I feel like I've heard it before and better.

Chichikovovich March 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

♫ Syr-ia! – I just bombed a place named Syr-ia! ♫

CapnFatback March 5, 2012 at 6:22 pm

With all apologies to Curly:

Sunnis and Druze and Kurds better scurry
When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri
When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri-a, the fringe will plotz

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 5, 2012 at 6:03 pm

You have to admit that, had McCain been elected, his policy of bombing any place that was hit by a tornado would have been interesting.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm

You know what else John McCain wanted to bomb?

Schmannnity March 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Lindsey Graham's backside?

BarackMyWorld March 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm

The flight deck of the U.S.S. Forrestal?

Steverino247 March 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Also known as USS Forest Fire. (I was going to say AKA, but everybody knows that's the designation for an attack cargo ships and the Forrestal was a CV.)

Fukui-sanYesOta March 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

A Presidential campaign?

glamourdammerung March 5, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Running for president?

Oh wait, that was just his usual stupidity and general incompetence.

Fare la Volpe March 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm

The Kaiser.

imissopus March 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

That factory in Hanoi, no matter how low and close he had to get to the anti-aircraft guns and SAM batteries?

e_z March 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Wasilla?

BigRadio March 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Karl Rove?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Probably true, but you can't really count that, since everybody who's ever met or heard of Karl Rove has wanted to bomb him.

poncho_pilot March 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm

The Hittites?

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 8:07 pm

His liver?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:37 pm

His face like a trollop?
Oh, no, wait — that's wrong.
He wanted to *plaster his face with makeup like a trollop*, is what he wanted.
My mistake.

AutomaticPilot March 5, 2012 at 9:29 pm

The onion he wore on his belt, which was the style at the time?

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm

The Huns?

Deportably_Jose March 5, 2012 at 11:19 pm

The debates?

billy_reuben March 6, 2012 at 7:20 am

Canada, Hawaii, Switzerland, Antarctica, the Moon, the Sun, Atlantis, Narnia, Candyland… the list gets longer everyday.

Wonderthing March 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm

"Show some sweet monkey love to". What? No?

GeoffPeterson March 5, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Perhaps we should just say, "McCain wants to bomb… everything!"

axmxz March 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Bombs are the aspirin of McCain's foreign policy.

Chichikovovich March 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

If only he would hold one tightly between his knees.

BarackMyWorld March 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Double Win.

elviouslyqueer March 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Ooooh! Oooooh! *raises hand*

What is "give the hot beef injection to," Alex?

snickersnack March 5, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Go to hell!

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Never did like MadLibs.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Just insert "penis" in every blank. Like most things in life, it works.

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm

"Penis", "vagina", "fart", "poop/crap", "booger", "boobs"; those were always the big MadLibs words back at eleven years old.

Loaded_Pants March 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Also the lastest "really bad words" you had just learned.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

"Poop" and "fart" are especially versatile, because they can be used for nouns *or* verbs.

Callyson March 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That's probably what Rushbo is saying right about now…

edgydrifter March 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I thought maybe he wanted to "land a jet in" Syria, but given his history that's functionally equivalent to bombing it.

Troglodeity March 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I wish Romney would stick out his tongue like that. It'd be cool to actually see the forks.

CapnFatback March 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

McCain's just being a realist. He knows that someone's gonna have to get bombed before he can get fracking.

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Well if McCain wants to bomb brown people so much he should do it himself – oh wait he'd crash the plane before he ever got a chance to drop one bomb.

glamourdammerung March 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Then he would collaborate with them and someone get the media to later go on about his imaginary "honor".

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I hope Politico just keeps a template for "John McCain: US should bomb ___" on file for its biweekly use.

Lascauxcaveman March 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm

"Lick"

Give 'em a good licking, McCain! (After you're done with yourself.)

JackObin March 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Want to really hurt Assad? Send him to Arizona.

Blueb4sunrise March 5, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Don't worry, half of Arizona thinks that Hezbo/Irania is just across the border, biding their time.

GeorgiaBurning March 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm

That's on three sides, the southern one is only messicans

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I don't know. Syria is basically Arizona with a more storied past.

BarackMyWorld March 5, 2012 at 6:12 pm

John McCain: dropping bombs :: Meghan McCain: Jägerbombs.

Chillatte March 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

She was featured on "Fat Chicks with Douchebags."

Andrew Drinker March 5, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Which might explain why she's so fun to be around whereas he's just a big ol' poo.

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I'd red her bull.

ElPinche March 5, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Man, I hate those , I bombed that part of the SAT.

SteveMcCroskey March 5, 2012 at 6:13 pm

This the worst version of Match Game. Ever. Where's Gene Rayburn when you need him?

Jim Newell March 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

FUCK YOU (kisses!)

Texan_Bulldog March 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Boinking Paul Lynde?

MosesInvests March 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Wouldn't that be Charles Nelson Reilly?

AutomaticPilot March 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Hey, I recognize your avatar! Don't I know you from somewhere?

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Send it to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar?

Damn Jim, the Applebee's Salad Bar? I didn't realize you hated Syria so much.

Deportably_Jose March 5, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I smell a David Brooks column!

BarackMyWorld March 5, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Seriously….how was this not McCain's campaign theme song???

Dashboard Buddha March 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Holy shit…actual Nazi footage. Nothing says romance more than "A Stuka over Poland".

Callyson March 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Damn, the Frothy Mix and all the other closet cases in the GOP would go nuts for this classic.

Joshua Norton March 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I said "finger bang". Are there any lovely consolation prizes?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:39 pm

*gestures to Door #1, which reveals Amana Radar Range*

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm

You get to punch one of the LNS assholes in the nuts.

Take pictures!

glamourdammerung March 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I am not sure why you all pick on McCain about this since bombing brown people is pretty much the only policy he is consistent about.

Buzz Feedback March 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I'd like Bret Somers to block. Oh shit wrong game.

Schmannnity March 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Paul Lynde Libel!

Buzz Feedback March 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

We can settle it with a cage match between him and Charles Nelson Reilly.

SayItWithWookies March 5, 2012 at 6:18 pm

For some reason all of John McCain's foreign policy recommendations have to do with flying planes over the country — ones that, presumably, don't get shot down because the pilot failed to heed a missile warning. Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively. Or maybe it's just coincidence — who can tell.

Nothingisamiss March 5, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Nicely played.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 7:38 pm

"Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively."

Like dating Scorpios?

Mumbletypeg March 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Having not looked it up nor wanting to, I can't decide if "grundle-pump" is closer to fuck, marry, or kill.

Sharkey March 5, 2012 at 7:52 pm

There is no commonly-accepted definition.

Barrelhse March 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Or Editor Emeritus.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I thought it was like Brundlefly in that Jeff Goldblum movie.

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Yes.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I was hoping the answer would be "provide a nice home for my daughter."

Megs McCabe was a guest on Up with Chris Hayes last week. In one breath she talked about how proud she was to be from Arizona and in the next referred to Phoenix as "the kidnapping capital of America," a statement that was not even questioned by Hayes or any other guest. Why, why, why, do the natives of Arizona, including ones who only visit on holiday weekends to collect their allowance from Mommy, paint this state in such a horrible light? Yes, it sucks in many ways. But if it's as bad as Meghan and Jan Brewer would have us believe, Syria would be a step up.

Fare la Volpe March 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Phoenix also isn't even close to the kidnapping capital of the world – that lie has been debunked time and time again. The right keeps pushing it to make themselves look so oppressed by the evil, villainous imigrantes.

Chichikovovich March 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Though if you count "alcoholic non-custodial parent violates restraining order to spirit kids to secret location" as "kidnapping" then I would imagine Phoenix closes the gap on Mexico City, Karachi, etc. pretty impressively.

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Kidnapping capital of America, my friend.

Anyone have any actual stats on this? Seems to me that it wouldn't be totally out of school to think that maybe it could have a high kidnapping rate for a major American city.

Lascauxcaveman March 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Maybe she likes getting kidnapped? Only way a guy will take her out, now and again?

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm

There's an idea I hadn't thought of.Quite plausible.

rocktonsam March 5, 2012 at 6:22 pm

asshole says what?

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

For a man who cannot lift his arms above his head McCain has quite the tongue reach. I guess that explains how he got Cindy?

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Oh dammit now you're making me need the brain bleach again.

qwerty42 March 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm

But won't that cause problems when we bomb Iran? Or is this a case of "why the hell not?" Kinda like the end of The Wild Bunch.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Wait, Syria isn't in Iran? I have got to stop trusting the maps on FOX News.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:42 pm

"What are we bombing, Johnny?"
"Whattya got?"
[from the upcoming John McCain movie, "Rebel without a Clue"]

smokefilledroommate March 5, 2012 at 6:26 pm

diarrhea poop on

BigRadio March 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Santorum

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Triumph? Is that you?

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 12:48 am

Yes. No. Both answers are there for me to poop on!

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 6:34 pm

But she brought the Bud.

smokefilledroommate March 6, 2012 at 12:20 am

And then he turned into Gene Simmons.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm

My choice was going to be "sass", but fine, have your stupid bombs.

orygoon March 5, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I myself am fond of the verb "to castigate".

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"Upbraid" also works nicely. But "sass" is still number one, if only because I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand"

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm

"I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand""

And then follow it up with, "You ain't all that, Girlfriend!" while doing a sassy head-shake.

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:14 pm

And a z-snap. You can't forget the z-snap. And, I'll give a supportive bad cop/very bad cop "mmm-hmmm; I know that's right."

If only all of foreign policy included very, very urban women with an attitude, we'd have this world worked out overnight.

CapnFatback March 5, 2012 at 6:35 pm

This is old news for John McCain.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

poop on Syria, with great big grey poops from jet planes!
~

Come here a minute March 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm

That John McCain is such a creative thinker. I hope Newt Gingrich picks him as his running mate (i.e., Cheneys him).

barto March 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

No din-din for me. Lost my appetitie looking at the graphic…

orygoon March 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I was spot on, but I'm a vegetarian, so what will Ken Layne do for me, hnmm?

Jim Newell March 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Cook you on the grill

Fukui-sanYesOta March 5, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Accuse you of being morally weak.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Depress the shit out of you whenever he posts an article.

justkillmenow March 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Damn. I thought for sure he wanted to wear it on his belt, as was the fashion at the time.

anniegetyerfun March 5, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Oh, I was going to go with "groom."

loki_monster March 5, 2012 at 6:51 pm

That gif is a fucking masterpiece.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 5, 2012 at 8:22 pm

It totally pumps my grundle.

BigRadio March 5, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Drop leaflets on

owhatever March 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Sure, why not? Gots to drop them bombs somewhere, and Democrat sluts are pretty much off limits this week.

BlueStateLibel March 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm

McCain should be in an assisted living facility. I am not joking.

GeorgiaBurning March 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Considering the median age and the health care benefits, that's a good description of the US Senate. Although their food is much better than the place my mom was at.

Tundra Grifter March 5, 2012 at 7:20 pm

On the one hand we have Iraq and Afghanistan. We bombed them, invaded them, and got stuck in a huge mess that cost a fortune in blood and treasure. Not just our blood, by the way.

On the other hand we have Egypt and Libya. I guess we did bomb a little in Libya, Egypt notsomuch. Overall we showed restraint, and while I wouldn't particularly care to live in either nation right now, from a nice, safe distance it does appear things are better now than they were back then.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 7:33 pm

"send Sarah Palin to"?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

"confiscate any oil in"?

GeorgiaBurning March 5, 2012 at 7:39 pm

"deport illegals from"

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:17 pm

To, my friend. You meant "to", right?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"TP"?

Chichikovovich March 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Three great suggestions in a row! It's like the New Yorker cartoon caption contest.

Terry March 5, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Bomb Syria? To what end? To finish the job their own government is doing?

Mahousu March 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Do you know what country John McCain doesn't want to bomb?

Callyson March 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

None of 'em, Katie.

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 8:10 pm

British Honduras? Upper Volta?

Deportably_Jose March 5, 2012 at 11:26 pm

North Vietnam?

Mahousu March 5, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Actually, I don't know. I was hoping somebody could think of one.

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Canada?

'Cause, really, what cruel fucker would want to bomb the Canucks, the most passively-aggressive nice people on earth?

neiltheblaze March 6, 2012 at 8:01 am

Lichtenstein.

Doktor Zoom March 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

"encourage Rush Limbaugh to slut-shame" Syria?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Nominate Syria for Vice President.
It couldn't be any worse for America than Palin.

Callyson March 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

US should Iraq Syria. Because Iraq – ing Iraq turned out so well.

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Maybe we could Afghanistand them up? What's that? It's the same thing? Oh, well.

Barrelhse March 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

"Slap you silly, you bitch!" ?

neiltheblaze March 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Cut them dead socially?

chascates March 5, 2012 at 8:07 pm

What we need is a new 'Country Buster' bomb (not to be confused with small town drive-in fare) that would eliminate entire portions of the Middle East, while sparing Israel, secular parts of Turkey, and our comrades-in-oil in Saudi Arabia.

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm

When all you have is a hammer….

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:21 pm

…everything looks like a skull?

I promise you that I'm not a serial killer.

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

"poke good-natured fun at"?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm

"bake a batch of delicious cupcakes for"?

tessiee March 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm

"perform a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound on"?

40 or 50 % McShineys March 5, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Uh, let's see… "probe Syria's oil-producing areas firmly and deeply, with its hot, throbbing oil rigs?" No, wait. it's gotta be the other Republican sexual fantasy.

Ok, I'll go with "free-market butt-rape!"

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Whoever made that animated gif should get the Nobel Prize for Hilarity. They should then be hanged for crimes against humanity.

Antispandex March 5, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Bump and grind?

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I don't see nothin' wrong…

fuflans March 5, 2012 at 8:58 pm

glitterbomb!

Sharkey March 5, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Trucknutz!! Nobody has said already, have they?

ElPinche March 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Crash into?

Negropolis March 5, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Israel seems in a particularly bombing mood as of late, and being the good "ally" that they are and all, I'm sure they could help us out, right?

Seriously, though, what Assad is doing is what G-Daffy wanted to do in Libya with the difference being the UN and Arab League haven't invited us for a military intervention, yet. And, I can't wait until Assad — that cross eyed badger-looking motherfucker — is six feet under. I mean, these dumb-asses have got to be seeing what we are all seeing. He may not go down as quickly as G-Daddy, Hosni, Ben Ali, Saleh and the rest went down, but his ass is grass. The only question is whether the world will expediate the process and how.

elfgoldsackring March 5, 2012 at 10:54 pm

(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)

Yeah, so I heard.

FlownOver March 5, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Mind-meld with?

DahBoner March 6, 2012 at 7:42 am

Send Syria out for a pack of smokes, a loaf of bread and an extenstion cord?

Douché March 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

Wait a second, Applebee's has a salad bar? WOW.

James Michael Curley March 6, 2012 at 9:49 am

I thought this guy's fifteen decades of fame was over.

Negropolis March 7, 2012 at 12:36 am

I only ask because I'm from a border town (Detroit), and they often top crime lists in very obscure categories of crime like auto theft. While not a border town, Phoenix does act as a major station.

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

"Wrinkled Nut-Sack Speaks!"

user-of-owls April 6, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ah, this looks comfy. I agree wholeheartedly with your last remark. We're here for each other…you and me…there will always be a special bond between us. And no caterwauling bitches are going to harm that. We just won't let them. I thought long and hard about just setting up a 'refugee blog' that was non-commercial. Just a freak cooperative where Wonkexiles could find comfort in one another's company, like one of those rundown cafes in Europe where all the old men come to tell the same stories of the homeland over and over again. But for now, fuck that. Stay and wait. Now, a big hug for you my friend. It pains me to see you upset and I'm sure the reverse is true. So, let's just not let the pinche putas get under our skin. I'm getting pretty good at just flying right past the very first comment on any post. Vamos, compa, vamos a ir sonrisa!

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