monday game post

Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

It is now time for your Wonkette Monday Game Post! So: what does war-loving Sen. John McCain think the United States should do about Syria? Negotiate with? Mate with? Appease? Wine and dine? Hug? Kiss? Apply crippling sanctions to? Ignore? Ignore? Ignore? Send aid to? Grundle-pump? Send to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar? Sump’m else? Make your guesses now.

Bomb! The answer is that John McCain would love to “bomb” Syria. Since you all — literally every one of you — guessed correctly, Editor Emeritus Ken Layne will treat each of you to a prime rib dinner at Charlie Palmer’s. Way to go!

(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. memzilla

    So, like Libya, we should not bomb Syria — until we do — so Walnutz can say later that Obama shouldn't have done what Walnutz said we should do, until we do?

  2. Harry_S_Truman

    Democratize. (Be nice to America or we'll bring Democracy to your country, too.)

    1. 40 or 50 % McShineys

      That is the very most awesomest animated gif to ever give me the dry heaves!

      1. CapnFatback

        With all apologies to Curly:

        Sunnis and Druze and Kurds better scurry
        When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri
        When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri-a, the fringe will plotz

  3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You have to admit that, had McCain been elected, his policy of bombing any place that was hit by a tornado would have been interesting.

      1. Steverino247

        Also known as USS Forest Fire. (I was going to say AKA, but everybody knows that's the designation for an attack cargo ships and the Forrestal was a CV.)

      1. tessiee

        Probably true, but you can't really count that, since everybody who's ever met or heard of Karl Rove has wanted to bomb him.

    1. tessiee

      His face like a trollop?
      Oh, no, wait — that's wrong.
      He wanted to *plaster his face with makeup like a trollop*, is what he wanted.
      My mistake.

    2. billy_reuben

      Canada, Hawaii, Switzerland, Antarctica, the Moon, the Sun, Atlantis, Narnia, Candyland… the list gets longer everyday.

      1. SorosBot

        "Penis", "vagina", "fart", "poop/crap", "booger", "boobs"; those were always the big MadLibs words back at eleven years old.

        1. tessiee

          "Poop" and "fart" are especially versatile, because they can be used for nouns *or* verbs.

  4. edgydrifter

    I thought maybe he wanted to "land a jet in" Syria, but given his history that's functionally equivalent to bombing it.

  5. Troglodeity

    I wish Romney would stick out his tongue like that. It'd be cool to actually see the forks.

  6. CapnFatback

    McCain's just being a realist. He knows that someone's gonna have to get bombed before he can get fracking.

  7. SorosBot

    Well if McCain wants to bomb brown people so much he should do it himself – oh wait he'd crash the plane before he ever got a chance to drop one bomb.

  8. MissTaken

    I hope Politico just keeps a template for "John McCain: US should bomb ___" on file for its biweekly use.

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      Don't worry, half of Arizona thinks that Hezbo/Irania is just across the border, biding their time.

  9. SteveMcCroskey

    This the worst version of Match Game. Ever. Where's Gene Rayburn when you need him?

  10. MissTaken

    Send it to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar?

    Damn Jim, the Applebee's Salad Bar? I didn't realize you hated Syria so much.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Holy shit…actual Nazi footage. Nothing says romance more than "A Stuka over Poland".

    2. Callyson

      Damn, the Frothy Mix and all the other closet cases in the GOP would go nuts for this classic.

  11. SayItWithWookies

    For some reason all of John McCain's foreign policy recommendations have to do with flying planes over the country — ones that, presumably, don't get shot down because the pilot failed to heed a missile warning. Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively. Or maybe it's just coincidence — who can tell.

    1. tessiee

      "Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively."

      Like dating Scorpios?

  12. Jukesgrrl

    I was hoping the answer would be "provide a nice home for my daughter."

    Megs McCabe was a guest on Up with Chris Hayes last week. In one breath she talked about how proud she was to be from Arizona and in the next referred to Phoenix as "the kidnapping capital of America," a statement that was not even questioned by Hayes or any other guest. Why, why, why, do the natives of Arizona, including ones who only visit on holiday weekends to collect their allowance from Mommy, paint this state in such a horrible light? Yes, it sucks in many ways. But if it's as bad as Meghan and Jan Brewer would have us believe, Syria would be a step up.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Phoenix also isn't even close to the kidnapping capital of the world – that lie has been debunked time and time again. The right keeps pushing it to make themselves look so oppressed by the evil, villainous imigrantes.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Though if you count "alcoholic non-custodial parent violates restraining order to spirit kids to secret location" as "kidnapping" then I would imagine Phoenix closes the gap on Mexico City, Karachi, etc. pretty impressively.

      2. Negropolis

        Kidnapping capital of America, my friend.

        Anyone have any actual stats on this? Seems to me that it wouldn't be totally out of school to think that maybe it could have a high kidnapping rate for a major American city.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      Maybe she likes getting kidnapped? Only way a guy will take her out, now and again?

  13. MissTaken

    For a man who cannot lift his arms above his head McCain has quite the tongue reach. I guess that explains how he got Cindy?

  14. qwerty42

    But won't that cause problems when we bomb Iran? Or is this a case of "why the hell not?" Kinda like the end of The Wild Bunch.

    1. tessiee

      "What are we bombing, Johnny?"
      "Whattya got?"
      [from the upcoming John McCain movie, "Rebel without a Clue"]

      1. MadBrahms

        "Upbraid" also works nicely. But "sass" is still number one, if only because I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand"

        1. tessiee

          "I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand""

          And then follow it up with, "You ain't all that, Girlfriend!" while doing a sassy head-shake.

          1. Negropolis

            And a z-snap. You can't forget the z-snap. And, I'll give a supportive bad cop/very bad cop "mmm-hmmm; I know that's right."

            If only all of foreign policy included very, very urban women with an attitude, we'd have this world worked out overnight.

  15. Come here a minute

    That John McCain is such a creative thinker. I hope Newt Gingrich picks him as his running mate (i.e., Cheneys him).

  16. justkillmenow

    Damn. I thought for sure he wanted to wear it on his belt, as was the fashion at the time.

  17. owhatever

    Sure, why not? Gots to drop them bombs somewhere, and Democrat sluts are pretty much off limits this week.

    1. GeorgiaBurning

      Considering the median age and the health care benefits, that's a good description of the US Senate. Although their food is much better than the place my mom was at.

  18. Tundra Grifter

    On the one hand we have Iraq and Afghanistan. We bombed them, invaded them, and got stuck in a huge mess that cost a fortune in blood and treasure. Not just our blood, by the way.

    On the other hand we have Egypt and Libya. I guess we did bomb a little in Libya, Egypt notsomuch. Overall we showed restraint, and while I wouldn't particularly care to live in either nation right now, from a nice, safe distance it does appear things are better now than they were back then.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Three great suggestions in a row! It's like the New Yorker cartoon caption contest.

    1. Negropolis


      'Cause, really, what cruel fucker would want to bomb the Canucks, the most passively-aggressive nice people on earth?

  19. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Nominate Syria for Vice President.
    It couldn't be any worse for America than Palin.

  20. chascates

    What we need is a new 'Country Buster' bomb (not to be confused with small town drive-in fare) that would eliminate entire portions of the Middle East, while sparing Israel, secular parts of Turkey, and our comrades-in-oil in Saudi Arabia.

  21. 40 or 50 % McShineys

    Uh, let's see… "probe Syria's oil-producing areas firmly and deeply, with its hot, throbbing oil rigs?" No, wait. it's gotta be the other Republican sexual fantasy.

    Ok, I'll go with "free-market butt-rape!"

  22. user-of-owls

    Whoever made that animated gif should get the Nobel Prize for Hilarity. They should then be hanged for crimes against humanity.

  23. Negropolis

    Israel seems in a particularly bombing mood as of late, and being the good "ally" that they are and all, I'm sure they could help us out, right?

    Seriously, though, what Assad is doing is what G-Daffy wanted to do in Libya with the difference being the UN and Arab League haven't invited us for a military intervention, yet. And, I can't wait until Assad — that cross eyed badger-looking motherfucker — is six feet under. I mean, these dumb-asses have got to be seeing what we are all seeing. He may not go down as quickly as G-Daddy, Hosni, Ben Ali, Saleh and the rest went down, but his ass is grass. The only question is whether the world will expediate the process and how.

  24. Negropolis

    I only ask because I'm from a border town (Detroit), and they often top crime lists in very obscure categories of crime like auto theft. While not a border town, Phoenix does act as a major station.

  25. user-of-owls

    Ah, this looks comfy. I agree wholeheartedly with your last remark. We're here for each other…you and me…there will always be a special bond between us. And no caterwauling bitches are going to harm that. We just won't let them. I thought long and hard about just setting up a 'refugee blog' that was non-commercial. Just a freak cooperative where Wonkexiles could find comfort in one another's company, like one of those rundown cafes in Europe where all the old men come to tell the same stories of the homeland over and over again. But for now, fuck that. Stay and wait. Now, a big hug for you my friend. It pains me to see you upset and I'm sure the reverse is true. So, let's just not let the pinche putas get under our skin. I'm getting pretty good at just flying right past the very first comment on any post. Vamos, compa, vamos a ir sonrisa!

Comments are closed.