monday game post

Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

It is now time for your Wonkette Monday Game Post! So: what does war-loving Sen. John McCain think the United States should do about Syria? Negotiate with? Mate with? Appease? Wine and dine? Hug? Kiss? Apply crippling sanctions to? Ignore? Ignore? Ignore? Send aid to? Grundle-pump? Send to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar? Sump’m else? Make your guesses now.

Bomb! The answer is that John McCain would love to “bomb” Syria. Since you all — literally every one of you — guessed correctly, Editor Emeritus Ken Layne will treat each of you to a prime rib dinner at Charlie Palmer’s. Way to go!

(We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)

[Politico]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • memzilla

    So, like Libya, we should not bomb Syria — until we do — so Walnutz can say later that Obama shouldn't have done what Walnutz said we should do, until we do?

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      HEY MEMZILLA I THINK DONALD RUMSFELD HACKED YOUR INTENSEDEBATE ACCOUNT

      • memzilla

        That would be an unknown unknown.

  • Harry_S_Truman

    Democratize. (Be nice to America or we'll bring Democracy to your country, too.)

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    "Palin" – most cost effective

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

      Sarah bombs every time.

      • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

        And without fail.

  • Loaded_Pants

    Gargh! I could have done without the McCain tongue threesome.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      That is the very most awesomest animated gif to ever give me the dry heaves!

  • Schmannnity

    Fellate?

  • CapnFatback

    Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Syria

    I dunno. It's catchy, but I feel like I've heard it before and better.

    • Chichikovovich

      ♫ Syr-ia! – I just bombed a place named Syr-ia! ♫

      • CapnFatback

        With all apologies to Curly:

        Sunnis and Druze and Kurds better scurry
        When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri
        When I take 'em out in Ol' Syri-a, the fringe will plotz

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You have to admit that, had McCain been elected, his policy of bombing any place that was hit by a tornado would have been interesting.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know what else John McCain wanted to bomb?

    • Schmannnity

      Lindsey Graham's backside?

    • BarackMyWorld

      The flight deck of the U.S.S. Forrestal?

      • Steverino247

        Also known as USS Forest Fire. (I was going to say AKA, but everybody knows that's the designation for an attack cargo ships and the Forrestal was a CV.)

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      A Presidential campaign?

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      Running for president?

      Oh wait, that was just his usual stupidity and general incompetence.

    • Fare la Volpe

      The Kaiser.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      That factory in Hanoi, no matter how low and close he had to get to the anti-aircraft guns and SAM batteries?

      • e_z

        Wasilla?

    • BigRadio

      Karl Rove?

      • tessiee

        Probably true, but you can't really count that, since everybody who's ever met or heard of Karl Rove has wanted to bomb him.

    • poncho_pilot

      The Hittites?

    • horsedreamer_1

      His liver?

    • tessiee

      His face like a trollop?
      Oh, no, wait — that's wrong.
      He wanted to *plaster his face with makeup like a trollop*, is what he wanted.
      My mistake.

    • AutomaticPilot

      The onion he wore on his belt, which was the style at the time?

    • Negropolis

      The Huns?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      The debates?

    • billy_reuben

      Canada, Hawaii, Switzerland, Antarctica, the Moon, the Sun, Atlantis, Narnia, Candyland… the list gets longer everyday.

  • Wonderthing

    "Show some sweet monkey love to". What? No?

  • GeoffPeterson

    Perhaps we should just say, "McCain wants to bomb… everything!"

  • axmxz

    Bombs are the aspirin of McCain's foreign policy.

    • Chichikovovich

      If only he would hold one tightly between his knees.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Double Win.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Ooooh! Oooooh! *raises hand*

    What is "give the hot beef injection to," Alex?

    • snickersnack

      Go to hell!

  • MissTaken

    Never did like MadLibs.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just insert "penis" in every blank. Like most things in life, it works.

      • SorosBot

        "Penis", "vagina", "fart", "poop/crap", "booger", "boobs"; those were always the big MadLibs words back at eleven years old.

        • Loaded_Pants

          Also the lastest "really bad words" you had just learned.

        • tessiee

          "Poop" and "fart" are especially versatile, because they can be used for nouns *or* verbs.

    • Callyson

      That's probably what Rushbo is saying right about now…

  • edgydrifter

    I thought maybe he wanted to "land a jet in" Syria, but given his history that's functionally equivalent to bombing it.

  • Troglodeity

    I wish Romney would stick out his tongue like that. It'd be cool to actually see the forks.

  • CapnFatback

    McCain's just being a realist. He knows that someone's gonna have to get bombed before he can get fracking.

  • SorosBot

    Well if McCain wants to bomb brown people so much he should do it himself – oh wait he'd crash the plane before he ever got a chance to drop one bomb.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      Then he would collaborate with them and someone get the media to later go on about his imaginary "honor".

  • MissTaken

    I hope Politico just keeps a template for "John McCain: US should bomb ___" on file for its biweekly use.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    "Lick"

    Give 'em a good licking, McCain! (After you're done with yourself.)

  • JackObin

    Want to really hurt Assad? Send him to Arizona.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Don't worry, half of Arizona thinks that Hezbo/Irania is just across the border, biding their time.

      • GeorgiaBurning

        That's on three sides, the southern one is only messicans

    • Negropolis

      I don't know. Syria is basically Arizona with a more storied past.

  • BarackMyWorld

    John McCain: dropping bombs :: Meghan McCain: Jägerbombs.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillatte

      She was featured on "Fat Chicks with Douchebags."

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      Which might explain why she's so fun to be around whereas he's just a big ol' poo.

    • horsedreamer_1

      I'd red her bull.

    • ElPinche

      Man, I hate those , I bombed that part of the SAT.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    This the worst version of Match Game. Ever. Where's Gene Rayburn when you need him?

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      FUCK YOU (kisses!)

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Boinking Paul Lynde?

      • MosesInvests

        Wouldn't that be Charles Nelson Reilly?

    • AutomaticPilot

      Hey, I recognize your avatar! Don't I know you from somewhere?

  • MissTaken

    Send it to private school, basketball camp, or the Applebee’s salad bar?

    Damn Jim, the Applebee's Salad Bar? I didn't realize you hated Syria so much.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      I smell a David Brooks column!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Seriously….how was this not McCain's campaign theme song???

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Holy shit…actual Nazi footage. Nothing says romance more than "A Stuka over Poland".

    • Callyson

      Damn, the Frothy Mix and all the other closet cases in the GOP would go nuts for this classic.

  • Joshua Norton

    I said "finger bang". Are there any lovely consolation prizes?

    • tessiee

      *gestures to Door #1, which reveals Amana Radar Range*

    • user-of-owls

      You get to punch one of the LNS assholes in the nuts.

      Take pictures!

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    I am not sure why you all pick on McCain about this since bombing brown people is pretty much the only policy he is consistent about.

  • Buzz Feedback

    I'd like Bret Somers to block. Oh shit wrong game.

    • Schmannnity

      Paul Lynde Libel!

      • Buzz Feedback

        We can settle it with a cage match between him and Charles Nelson Reilly.

  • SayItWithWookies

    For some reason all of John McCain's foreign policy recommendations have to do with flying planes over the country — ones that, presumably, don't get shot down because the pilot failed to heed a missile warning. Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively. Or maybe it's just coincidence — who can tell.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Nicely played.

    • tessiee

      "Maybe he's constantly revisiting some moment of shame and failure in a vain and gross attempt to fix it retroactively."

      Like dating Scorpios?

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Having not looked it up nor wanting to, I can't decide if "grundle-pump" is closer to fuck, marry, or kill.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      There is no commonly-accepted definition.

    • Barrelhse

      Or Editor Emeritus.

    • tessiee

      I thought it was like Brundlefly in that Jeff Goldblum movie.

    • user-of-owls

      Yes.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I was hoping the answer would be "provide a nice home for my daughter."

    Megs McCabe was a guest on Up with Chris Hayes last week. In one breath she talked about how proud she was to be from Arizona and in the next referred to Phoenix as "the kidnapping capital of America," a statement that was not even questioned by Hayes or any other guest. Why, why, why, do the natives of Arizona, including ones who only visit on holiday weekends to collect their allowance from Mommy, paint this state in such a horrible light? Yes, it sucks in many ways. But if it's as bad as Meghan and Jan Brewer would have us believe, Syria would be a step up.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Phoenix also isn't even close to the kidnapping capital of the world – that lie has been debunked time and time again. The right keeps pushing it to make themselves look so oppressed by the evil, villainous imigrantes.

      • Chichikovovich

        Though if you count "alcoholic non-custodial parent violates restraining order to spirit kids to secret location" as "kidnapping" then I would imagine Phoenix closes the gap on Mexico City, Karachi, etc. pretty impressively.

      • Negropolis

        Kidnapping capital of America, my friend.

        Anyone have any actual stats on this? Seems to me that it wouldn't be totally out of school to think that maybe it could have a high kidnapping rate for a major American city.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Maybe she likes getting kidnapped? Only way a guy will take her out, now and again?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        There's an idea I hadn't thought of.Quite plausible.

  • rocktonsam

    asshole says what?

  • MissTaken

    For a man who cannot lift his arms above his head McCain has quite the tongue reach. I guess that explains how he got Cindy?

    • SorosBot

      Oh dammit now you're making me need the brain bleach again.

  • qwerty42

    But won't that cause problems when we bomb Iran? Or is this a case of "why the hell not?" Kinda like the end of The Wild Bunch.

    • MadBrahms

      Wait, Syria isn't in Iran? I have got to stop trusting the maps on FOX News.

    • tessiee

      "What are we bombing, Johnny?"
      "Whattya got?"
      [from the upcoming John McCain movie, "Rebel without a Clue"]

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    diarrhea poop on

    • BigRadio

      Santorum

    • tessiee

      Triumph? Is that you?

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Yes. No. Both answers are there for me to poop on!

  • MissTaken

    But she brought the Bud.

    • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      And then he turned into Gene Simmons.

  • MadBrahms

    My choice was going to be "sass", but fine, have your stupid bombs.

    • orygoon

      I myself am fond of the verb "to castigate".

      • MadBrahms

        "Upbraid" also works nicely. But "sass" is still number one, if only because I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand"

        • tessiee

          "I want to see a diplomat tell Damascus to "talk to the hand""

          And then follow it up with, "You ain't all that, Girlfriend!" while doing a sassy head-shake.

          • Negropolis

            And a z-snap. You can't forget the z-snap. And, I'll give a supportive bad cop/very bad cop "mmm-hmmm; I know that's right."

            If only all of foreign policy included very, very urban women with an attitude, we'd have this world worked out overnight.

  • CapnFatback

    This is old news for John McCain.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Fill In The Blank: John McCain Says U.S. Should _____ Syria

    poop on Syria, with great big grey poops from jet planes!
    ~

  • Come here a minute

    That John McCain is such a creative thinker. I hope Newt Gingrich picks him as his running mate (i.e., Cheneys him).

  • barto

    No din-din for me. Lost my appetitie looking at the graphic…

  • orygoon

    I was spot on, but I'm a vegetarian, so what will Ken Layne do for me, hnmm?

    • http://gawker.com Jim Newell

      Cook you on the grill

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Accuse you of being morally weak.

    • tessiee

      Depress the shit out of you whenever he posts an article.

  • justkillmenow

    Damn. I thought for sure he wanted to wear it on his belt, as was the fashion at the time.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Oh, I was going to go with "groom."

  • loki_monster

    That gif is a fucking masterpiece.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      It totally pumps my grundle.

  • BigRadio

    Drop leaflets on

  • owhatever

    Sure, why not? Gots to drop them bombs somewhere, and Democrat sluts are pretty much off limits this week.

  • BlueStateLibel

    McCain should be in an assisted living facility. I am not joking.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      Considering the median age and the health care benefits, that's a good description of the US Senate. Although their food is much better than the place my mom was at.

  • Tundra Grifter

    On the one hand we have Iraq and Afghanistan. We bombed them, invaded them, and got stuck in a huge mess that cost a fortune in blood and treasure. Not just our blood, by the way.

    On the other hand we have Egypt and Libya. I guess we did bomb a little in Libya, Egypt notsomuch. Overall we showed restraint, and while I wouldn't particularly care to live in either nation right now, from a nice, safe distance it does appear things are better now than they were back then.

  • tessiee

    "send Sarah Palin to"?

  • tessiee

    "confiscate any oil in"?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    "deport illegals from"

    • Negropolis

      To, my friend. You meant "to", right?

  • tessiee

    "TP"?

    • Chichikovovich

      Three great suggestions in a row! It's like the New Yorker cartoon caption contest.

  • Terry

    Bomb Syria? To what end? To finish the job their own government is doing?

  • Mahousu

    Do you know what country John McCain doesn't want to bomb?

    • Callyson

      None of 'em, Katie.

    • horsedreamer_1

      British Honduras? Upper Volta?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

        North Vietnam?

    • Mahousu

      Actually, I don't know. I was hoping somebody could think of one.

    • Negropolis

      Canada?

      'Cause, really, what cruel fucker would want to bomb the Canucks, the most passively-aggressive nice people on earth?

    • neiltheblaze

      Lichtenstein.

  • Doktor Zoom

    "encourage Rush Limbaugh to slut-shame" Syria?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Nominate Syria for Vice President.
    It couldn't be any worse for America than Palin.

  • Callyson

    US should Iraq Syria. Because Iraq – ing Iraq turned out so well.

    • Negropolis

      Maybe we could Afghanistand them up? What's that? It's the same thing? Oh, well.

  • Barrelhse

    "Slap you silly, you bitch!" ?

  • neiltheblaze

    Cut them dead socially?

  • chascates

    What we need is a new 'Country Buster' bomb (not to be confused with small town drive-in fare) that would eliminate entire portions of the Middle East, while sparing Israel, secular parts of Turkey, and our comrades-in-oil in Saudi Arabia.

  • horsedreamer_1

    When all you have is a hammer….

    • Negropolis

      …everything looks like a skull?

      I promise you that I'm not a serial killer.

  • tessiee

    "poke good-natured fun at"?

  • tessiee

    "bake a batch of delicious cupcakes for"?

  • tessiee

    "perform a mandatory transvaginal ultrasound on"?

  • 40 or 50 % McShineys

    Uh, let's see… "probe Syria's oil-producing areas firmly and deeply, with its hot, throbbing oil rigs?" No, wait. it's gotta be the other Republican sexual fantasy.

    Ok, I'll go with "free-market butt-rape!"

  • user-of-owls

    Whoever made that animated gif should get the Nobel Prize for Hilarity. They should then be hanged for crimes against humanity.

  • Antispandex

    Bump and grind?

    • Negropolis

      I don't see nothin' wrong…

  • fuflans

    glitterbomb!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Trucknutz!! Nobody has said already, have they?

  • ElPinche

    Crash into?

  • Negropolis

    Israel seems in a particularly bombing mood as of late, and being the good "ally" that they are and all, I'm sure they could help us out, right?

    Seriously, though, what Assad is doing is what G-Daffy wanted to do in Libya with the difference being the UN and Arab League haven't invited us for a military intervention, yet. And, I can't wait until Assad — that cross eyed badger-looking motherfucker — is six feet under. I mean, these dumb-asses have got to be seeing what we are all seeing. He may not go down as quickly as G-Daddy, Hosni, Ben Ali, Saleh and the rest went down, but his ass is grass. The only question is whether the world will expediate the process and how.

  • elfgoldsackring

    (We’ll also accept “grundle-pump.”)

    Yeah, so I heard.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Mind-meld with?

  • DahBoner

    Send Syria out for a pack of smokes, a loaf of bread and an extenstion cord?

  • Douché

    Wait a second, Applebee's has a salad bar? WOW.

  • James Michael Curley

    I thought this guy's fifteen decades of fame was over.

  • Negropolis

    I only ask because I'm from a border town (Detroit), and they often top crime lists in very obscure categories of crime like auto theft. While not a border town, Phoenix does act as a major station.

  • ttommyunger

    "Wrinkled Nut-Sack Speaks!"

  • user-of-owls

    Ah, this looks comfy. I agree wholeheartedly with your last remark. We're here for each other…you and me…there will always be a special bond between us. And no caterwauling bitches are going to harm that. We just won't let them. I thought long and hard about just setting up a 'refugee blog' that was non-commercial. Just a freak cooperative where Wonkexiles could find comfort in one another's company, like one of those rundown cafes in Europe where all the old men come to tell the same stories of the homeland over and over again. But for now, fuck that. Stay and wait. Now, a big hug for you my friend. It pains me to see you upset and I'm sure the reverse is true. So, let's just not let the pinche putas get under our skin. I'm getting pretty good at just flying right past the very first comment on any post. Vamos, compa, vamos a ir sonrisa!