'Look sir, droids!'As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing away his kids’ education money, because Santorum has realized that college is an evil socialist atheist government thing. (He just realized this after spending his entire life in schools, colleges and government work.) Anyway, these robots who self-identify as homosexual-hating Jews and Christians are calling every phone in Ohio! They want the people to know Mitt Romney is the main supporter of Gay Rights.

Here is what the dual Jew/Christian homophobic robot says, if you are foolish enough to answer your phone:

“Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

“And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California. If you believe as we do that marriage and sexuality should only be between a man and a woman, please help us stop Mitt Romney.”

“As Governor, Romney signed ‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ proclamations, promoted homosexuality in our elementary schools, and unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state. Romney supports open homosexuality in the military, the appointment of homosexual judges, and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher. When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, NOT for homosexuality and Mitt Romney.”

Sorry, “Darcy Bardon,” there are no Christians in California. That’s why the Mormons had to come to California to organize the Gay Hating. [Athens Talks]

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  • DaRooster

    "Romney supports open homosexuality in the military…"

    Nu-uh… I seen just the other day where he said we shouldn't have repealed DADT… like he would change his mind about a sensitive subject like this.

    • You know how you can tell he's going to flip-flop on an issue? He gets this robotic smirk on his face.

      • Loaded_Pants

        That's a glitch they haven't fixed yet.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So Mittens is a homosexual? Is that code for 'Mormon'?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Something to do with the underpants.

      • Mormosexual

        Also: Mittrosexual

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      He's straight … until you flip him.

  • You gotta feel bad for these bigots. I mean, can you imagine being stuck with either Frothy or Willard?

    • DaRooster

      Nope, they reap what they have been sowing for the last few years… Fuck 'em.

      • widestanceromance

        Raw, dry and standing up.

        • BerkeleyBear

          With a 20 foot dildo – because God knows I don't want to get within 10 feet of them.

          • "Break on through to the other side."

  • ‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ today, sex with dogs on the Boston Common tomorrow. Just ask Rick Santorum.

    • LesBontemps

      Sex with dogs is so last week, in the Montana Federal District Court.

  • Tengu

    "Hi, my name is Rick Santorum; I'm an anachronism from 1962…"

    • SorosBot

      Try 1462.

      • Rosie_Scenario

        I bid 1264.

        • Negropolis

          One dollar, Bob!

  • 1010100111GAY01011100

  • veritass

    "Social sanity and Rick Santorum."

    (deep breath)
    Ok I think I'm done.

  • littlebigdaddy

    "Jew from Massachusetts" will go down really well with the Larry the Cable Guy crowd.

    • LesBontemps

      At least he's not a New York Jew.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Too busy slandering Lester Maddox to get after Romney.

        • LesBontemps

          Thanks for remembering.

  • Callyson

    "Please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, not for HOMOSEXUALITY and Mitt Romney."
    What's the matter, Ricky, did Mittens turn you down when you approached him that night? Hell hath no fury like The Frothy Mix scorned.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Santo has really spent all his effort on being the "Anti Gay" candidiate, hasn't he? He hasn't really gotten any press for being anything else.

      Good luck with that, Ricky.

      • GOPCrusher

        That and being the Champion For Women's Reproductive Rights.

      • And Amurrica's Spokesman for the Pope.

  • Jews for Jesus for Frothy!

  • metamarcisf

    If the Hollywood liberal entertainment machine is really unbiased against the GOP, then why is the STARZ movie network running the film "Willard" this month? Is it just a coincidence that the republican frontrunner has the same name as the leader of a gang of rats bent on overthrowing the government?

    • BornInATrailer

      Crispin Glover at his finest.

    • I've never seen the movie Willard; is it actually about a fictional republican frontrunner?

      • metamarcisf

        It is based on a true story.

    • GOPCrusher

      REELZ Channel is going to show The Undefeated this month to balance things out.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Quite a package on that robot.

    • MadBrahms


      • Nostrildamus

        The famous final scene from "Dorothy Does Oz".

        • Loaded_Pants

          There was a whole series of those films:
          The Jizzard of Oz.
          Here Comes the Wizard.
          Dorothy Oils the Tin Woodman.
          Winged Monkey Orgy.
          Munchkin Munchers.

    • You can't fool me! Madonna wore that costume at the Super Bowl!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Shrub wore it on the aircraft carrier.

    • WhatTheHeck

      That’s so it can “go where no man has gone before.”

  • DaRooster

    Rick Santorum? Social sanity?

    That's like saying Fox News is Fair and Balanced…

    • Abernathy

      Ha, ha! Who would ever describe Fox News as "fair and balanced"? So absurdly funny! Maybe as a joke they should make that their slogan.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        [Giving reality and right-wing paranoid fantasy equal time] = [balanced]

  • BigRadio

    Robots are sluts.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Well, this one is definitely prostituting itself.

  • elviouslyqueer

    making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher

    Oh right, like teachers make enough money to afford a decent dress. And the only reason why you'd even think of wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

    • user-of-owls

      wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

      Throwing SHOES at people you HATE?!?! They're not only filthy homo girly men…they're MOOSLIMS!1!!

      Wake up queerple!!!!

  • barto

    …but NEVER between a Jew and a Shiksa…

  • SorosBot

    "When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum"

    That word, sanity, I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Vote for frothy or you too will catch the gay!

  • slithytoves

    Brian Camenker also hates transgender manequins. I didn't know there was any other kind…

    • Well, in fairness to Bri, it's the only way he can get a date.

    • GOPCrusher

      "Fistgate"? LOL!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      So that is his real name.

  • prommie

    The idea of good sportsmanship and "fair play" is an aberration unique to British society and the Anglican church. The Roman Catholics, and most other religions, have always played by "the end justifies the means, winning isn't everything, its the only thing" set of rules.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh no. Does this mean that when they told us that whole Marquess of Queensberry story they were lying?!

      I think I have to sit down for a moment.

      • LiveToServeYa

        Oh, pip pip, cheerio, stiff upper lip and all that rot.

    • MosesInvests

      Cake-or death?

  • elburritodeluxe

    I can't decide if this offends me more as bad politics or shitty copywriting.

  • SorosBot

    "nd unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state"

    Um, no; that was the State Supreme Court; and the order was constitutional, specifically the finding that the ban on same sex marriage violated the Massachusetts Constitution. Which it did. But if you want to argue that enforcing the rule of equal protection under the law is unconstitutional, go ahead, bigoted shits.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    " and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher."

    What about that really masculine looking female gym teacher? Is it okay for her to wear a dress?

    • SorosBot

      Is there any other kind of female gym teacher?

      • HistoriCat

        Stereotypes – the language of hate.

      • BigDumbRedDog

        Yes! I had a super hot gym teacher in the 7th grade. I'm pretty sure I caught the gay from her, even though I'm also pretty sure she was straight. She must have been a gay carrier. A gay typhoid Mary if you will.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Gayphoid Mary. Meme or not?

  • FakaktaSouth

    They should have let the Darcy one go first. Most Santorum-suckers I know would stop listening after Jew much less Massachusetts.

    • It's ok, it takes a few moments for them to turn up their hearing aids.

  • MadBrahms

    Oh goody, a glimpse of Rick Santorum's would-be Handmaid's Tale wonderland! A place where non-heterosexuals can't even have sex (sexuality? let's move on), are barred from public office, and are subject to summary dismissal from work if they smell like anything other than Axe Body Spray and vagina (women won't be working anyway, because of their kitchen duties). All children will be forced to attend pep rallys on "Gay Youth Shame Day", in which suspected homosexuals will be pelted with slurs, spitballs, and holy water.

    Rick Santorum: For a brighter tomorrow!

    • prommie

      Its impossible to smell like BOTH Axe body spray, and vagina, at the same time. They are incompossible, the one precludes the other. If you wear Axe, you will get no vagina.

      • MadBrahms

        Fair; I just needed something that screamed "asshole masculinity". Axe is indeed the choice of men who start yelling about "lesbians" after being rebuffed by everyone on the dance floor.

  • el_donaldo

    But who will speak up for the robo-sexuals?

    • Vibrators?

    • RedneckMuslin


      • Swampgas_Man


  • user-of-owls

    They promised us jet-packs and this is what we get? Foo.

    • MadBrahms

      I'm sure it's the EPA's fault. Good thing those socialists don't regulate awkwardly-endowed metal men.

    • prommie

      And Fie, fie on them.

    • Swampgas_Man

      That's the FUTURE you're thinking of. Santorum is in the PAST.

  • LesBontemps

    Is the robot in that pic played by Anthony Weiner?

  • Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

    And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California.

    I saw this act. Next thing you know, Up With People is out singing the Coca Cola theme song

    • Nostrildamus

      I figured it was going to turn into "The Aristocrats".

  • HarryButtle

    So, Brian's a hook-nose? A Hebe? A Red Sea pedestrian? Perhaps he's the Messiah.

    • MosesInvests

      'E's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy!

  • arihaya

    OT : Don't you think we should pause the Santorum hating until he won the nomination? and then go full metal on him after that?

    • anniegetyerfun

      There can be no pause in the hatred of this putrid little shitstain of a man.

    • I'm using this time to get warmed up.

    • Oh, yeah, arihaya, what if we'd done that with the Herman stain, or prayin' Rick Perry, or even old crazy eyes herself…think of all the good jokes we would have missed.
      No, I think we should hold fire only on those we think actually have a shot at the nomination. Which is why I try to refrain from the "Chris Christie is so fat…" jokes.

  • MissTaken

    Brian Camenker of Fistgate Fame. Yeah, this guy ain't closeted, no way, no how.

    One student asked about fisting and was provided with an explanation.[8] MassResistance dubbed the incident "Fistgate" after [9] Scott Whiteman, a MassResistance member, "secretly recorded the workshop".[10] As a result of the outcry that was generated when parents heard tapes of the event, Margot Abels, a state employee who participated in the discussion, and two other state employees were fired.[citation needed] One of the state employees was later reinstated to her job.[11][Third-party source needed]

    Abels filed suit against Brian Camenker and Scott Whiteman as a result of his distribution of the tape recordings.[12] The case was settled out of court; the result of a second lawsuit is unavailable.[13][unreliable source?]

    • SorosBot

      So are you saying the guy probably secretly hires a dom male prostitute to stick his arm all up his ass, all the way up to the elbow?

      • MissTaken

        FUCK YOU, SOROS!

        Dammit, I was eating lunch.

        • Steverino247

          Ha! I'll bet you didn't Skype THAT, did ya?

          And on a more humorous note: After getting his fist up all the way up there, the Man with the Golden Arm said, "Nothing up my slave!

          You know what you call an Amish man with his hand that far up a horse? A mechanic.

        • SorosBot

          Well hey, you put that image in my head with the mention of "fistgate"; I figured you must have already put it into your own head when you made this comment.

          • MissTaken

            That comment was nearly an hour ago and because I'm just a silly girl I had already forgotten it. Ouch!

  • littlebigdaddy

    Philip K. Dick ref FTW.

  • gout

    Homosexuality is fine as it is only between an Jew and a Jew or a Christian and a Christian. Any kind of Jew/Christian sex is dirty.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Bad news, Rick — anyone who has to lie about Mitt Romney's record to make him look bad isn't going to beat Mitt Romney.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    "Mitt likes Cold Play".

    • GOPCrusher

      Oooh. Burn.

  • annettaj

    I turned the ringer off on my phone.
    Ohio has become frothy and cardboardable these last
    few days.

  • Never trust a robot that has to wear a codpiece.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Got to keep that transvaginal ultrasound probe under wraps … until the State needs it.

  • Robo-calls, not Robo-balls!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    If Mitt is losing the robot vote, who does he have left that supports him that he hasn't paid?

  • fuflans

    i can't focus on anything other than 'just fabulous' shoes.

    i have a woman's brain.

  • WiscDad

    Hi, my name is Dr. Frankenfurter; I’m a Sweet Transvestite from Transylvania

  • owhatever

    Darcy is a slut and a prostitute. Ooops. I sincerely apologize to anyone who took that the wrong way. The liberals made me say those words, when what I was really trying to say was that she is a tramp and a whore. Now, while liberals like President Hussein Osambo are destroying America, I sincerely apologize once again to that sleazy, dime-job, round-heeled bitch and to the Kike from Massachusetts, too, and hope they will make successful porn movies together and post them on the Internet.

    • You could make a lot of money from that talent.

  • Ish as in. "Jewish", please.

  • Abernathy

    Hi, my name is Edna Abernathy; I’m a catlady from Yo Mama. If you believe as I do that hypocritical religious moralizing should only be between a creepy humanish-shaped blob of hate and the voices in his head/ass, please help us stop all the Republican candidates from speaking in public ever again.

  • I live in Ohio and yesterday I got what sounded like a robocall from Romney. Turns out it was actually Romney.

    • Loaded_Pants

      So it sounded even more robotic than the voice used by the Emergency Alert System?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Isn't Cincinnati the third most Jewish city in the U.S.? Why import robocalls from Taxachusetts, then?

  • Guppy

    No sex education in our kindergartens! Because young children should never learn that it's not OK for priests to be grabbing their "swimsuit area."

  • C_R_Eature

    You don't want to fool around with these robots. They will fuck you up.

  • Negropolis

    Kind of hard to snark. It's just so blatant. They are clubbing you over the head with it; they aren't even trying to be subtle. It's sooo fucking lazy.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why not just come out with "If you hate fags, vote for Santorum" and be done with it?

      • Negropolis

        Honestly, I'm starting to get bitter and angry about the blatantness of this. Any decent human being can see what's going on. It's like the dirty politics of old where candidates used coded language about civil rights even though it wasn't all that coded. We've seen this movie, before. And I know we're better than this. I hope we're better than this.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          We are. They're not.
          (And yes, that's what everybody says.)

  • ttommyunger

    Hmmmm. I am having difficulty fapping to this.

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