do androids dream of gay electric sheep?

Homophobic Jewish-Christian Robots Attacking Fellow Robot Mitt Romney

'Look sir, droids!'As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing away his kids’ education money, because Santorum has realized that college is an evil socialist atheist government thing. (He just realized this after spending his entire life in schools, colleges and government work.) Anyway, these robots who self-identify as homosexual-hating Jews and Christians are calling every phone in Ohio! They want the people to know Mitt Romney is the main supporter of Gay Rights.

Here is what the dual Jew/Christian homophobic robot says, if you are foolish enough to answer your phone:

“Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

“And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California. If you believe as we do that marriage and sexuality should only be between a man and a woman, please help us stop Mitt Romney.”

“As Governor, Romney signed ‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ proclamations, promoted homosexuality in our elementary schools, and unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state. Romney supports open homosexuality in the military, the appointment of homosexual judges, and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher. When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, NOT for homosexuality and Mitt Romney.”

Sorry, “Darcy Bardon,” there are no Christians in California. That’s why the Mormons had to come to California to organize the Gay Hating. [Athens Talks]

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121 comments

  1. DaRooster

    "Romney supports open homosexuality in the military…"

    Nu-uh… I seen just the other day where he said we shouldn't have repealed DADT… like he would change his mind about a sensitive subject like this.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          With a 20 foot dildo – because God knows I don't want to get within 10 feet of them.

  2. veritass

    "Social sanity and Rick Santorum."

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    (deep breath)
    AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
    Ok I think I'm done.
    ha. haha. hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  3. littlebigdaddy

    "Jew from Massachusetts" will go down really well with the Larry the Cable Guy crowd.

  4. Callyson

    "Please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, not for HOMOSEXUALITY and Mitt Romney."
    What's the matter, Ricky, did Mittens turn you down when you approached him that night? Hell hath no fury like The Frothy Mix scorned.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Santo has really spent all his effort on being the "Anti Gay" candidiate, hasn't he? He hasn't really gotten any press for being anything else.

      Good luck with that, Ricky.

  5. metamarcisf

    If the Hollywood liberal entertainment machine is really unbiased against the GOP, then why is the STARZ movie network running the film "Willard" this month? Is it just a coincidence that the republican frontrunner has the same name as the leader of a gang of rats bent on overthrowing the government?

    1. MadBrahms

      GREETINGS CITIZEN, I AM HETEROBOT 9000. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE THROBBING BEHIND MY HARD METAL CODPIECE.

        1. Loaded_Pants

          There was a whole series of those films:
          The Jizzard of Oz.
          Here Comes the Wizard.
          Dorothy Oils the Tin Woodman.
          Winged Monkey Orgy.
          Munchkin Munchers.

    1. Abernathy

      Ha, ha! Who would ever describe Fox News as "fair and balanced"? So absurdly funny! Maybe as a joke they should make that their slogan.

  6. elviouslyqueer

    making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher

    Oh right, like teachers make enough money to afford a decent dress. And the only reason why you'd even think of wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

    1. user-of-owls

      wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

      Throwing SHOES at people you HATE?!?! They're not only filthy homo girly men…they're MOOSLIMS!1!!

      Wake up queerple!!!!

  7. SorosBot

    "When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum"

    That word, sanity, I do not think it means what you think it means.

  8. prommie

    The idea of good sportsmanship and "fair play" is an aberration unique to British society and the Anglican church. The Roman Catholics, and most other religions, have always played by "the end justifies the means, winning isn't everything, its the only thing" set of rules.

    1. user-of-owls

      Oh no. Does this mean that when they told us that whole Marquess of Queensberry story they were lying?!

      I think I have to sit down for a moment.

  9. SorosBot

    "nd unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state"

    Um, no; that was the State Supreme Court; and the order was constitutional, specifically the finding that the ban on same sex marriage violated the Massachusetts Constitution. Which it did. But if you want to argue that enforcing the rule of equal protection under the law is unconstitutional, go ahead, bigoted shits.

  10. BigDumbRedDog

    " and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher."

    What about that really masculine looking female gym teacher? Is it okay for her to wear a dress?

      1. BigDumbRedDog

        Yes! I had a super hot gym teacher in the 7th grade. I'm pretty sure I caught the gay from her, even though I'm also pretty sure she was straight. She must have been a gay carrier. A gay typhoid Mary if you will.

  11. FakaktaSouth

    They should have let the Darcy one go first. Most Santorum-suckers I know would stop listening after Jew much less Massachusetts.

  12. MadBrahms

    Oh goody, a glimpse of Rick Santorum's would-be Handmaid's Tale wonderland! A place where non-heterosexuals can't even have sex (sexuality? let's move on), are barred from public office, and are subject to summary dismissal from work if they smell like anything other than Axe Body Spray and vagina (women won't be working anyway, because of their kitchen duties). All children will be forced to attend pep rallys on "Gay Youth Shame Day", in which suspected homosexuals will be pelted with slurs, spitballs, and holy water.

    Rick Santorum: For a brighter tomorrow!

    1. prommie

      Its impossible to smell like BOTH Axe body spray, and vagina, at the same time. They are incompossible, the one precludes the other. If you wear Axe, you will get no vagina.

      1. MadBrahms

        Fair; I just needed something that screamed "asshole masculinity". Axe is indeed the choice of men who start yelling about "lesbians" after being rebuffed by everyone on the dance floor.

    1. MadBrahms

      I'm sure it's the EPA's fault. Good thing those socialists don't regulate awkwardly-endowed metal men.

  13. actor212

    Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

    And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California.

    I saw this act. Next thing you know, Up With People is out singing the Coca Cola theme song

  14. arihaya

    OT : Don't you think we should pause the Santorum hating until he won the nomination? and then go full metal on him after that?

    1. gurukalehuru

      Oh, yeah, arihaya, what if we'd done that with the Herman stain, or prayin' Rick Perry, or even old crazy eyes herself…think of all the good jokes we would have missed.
      No, I think we should hold fire only on those we think actually have a shot at the nomination. Which is why I try to refrain from the "Chris Christie is so fat…" jokes.

  15. MissTaken

    Brian Camenker of Fistgate Fame. Yeah, this guy ain't closeted, no way, no how.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MassResistance

    One student asked about fisting and was provided with an explanation.[8] MassResistance dubbed the incident "Fistgate" after [9] Scott Whiteman, a MassResistance member, "secretly recorded the workshop".[10] As a result of the outcry that was generated when parents heard tapes of the event, Margot Abels, a state employee who participated in the discussion, and two other state employees were fired.[citation needed] One of the state employees was later reinstated to her job.[11][Third-party source needed]

    Abels filed suit against Brian Camenker and Scott Whiteman as a result of his distribution of the tape recordings.[12] The case was settled out of court; the result of a second lawsuit is unavailable.[13][unreliable source?]

    1. SorosBot

      So are you saying the guy probably secretly hires a dom male prostitute to stick his arm all up his ass, all the way up to the elbow?

        1. Steverino247

          Ha! I'll bet you didn't Skype THAT, did ya?

          And on a more humorous note: After getting his fist up all the way up there, the Man with the Golden Arm said, "Nothing up my slave!

          You know what you call an Amish man with his hand that far up a horse? A mechanic.

        2. SorosBot

          Well hey, you put that image in my head with the mention of "fistgate"; I figured you must have already put it into your own head when you made this comment.

          1. MissTaken

            That comment was nearly an hour ago and because I'm just a silly girl I had already forgotten it. Ouch!

  16. gout

    Homosexuality is fine as it is only between an Jew and a Jew or a Christian and a Christian. Any kind of Jew/Christian sex is dirty.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    Bad news, Rick — anyone who has to lie about Mitt Romney's record to make him look bad isn't going to beat Mitt Romney.

  18. annettaj

    I turned the ringer off on my phone.
    Ohio has become frothy and cardboardable these last
    few days.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Got to keep that transvaginal ultrasound probe under wraps … until the State needs it.

  19. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    If Mitt is losing the robot vote, who does he have left that supports him that he hasn't paid?

  20. owhatever

    Darcy is a slut and a prostitute. Ooops. I sincerely apologize to anyone who took that the wrong way. The liberals made me say those words, when what I was really trying to say was that she is a tramp and a whore. Now, while liberals like President Hussein Osambo are destroying America, I sincerely apologize once again to that sleazy, dime-job, round-heeled bitch and to the Kike from Massachusetts, too, and hope they will make successful porn movies together and post them on the Internet.

  21. Abernathy

    Hi, my name is Edna Abernathy; I’m a catlady from Yo Mama. If you believe as I do that hypocritical religious moralizing should only be between a creepy humanish-shaped blob of hate and the voices in his head/ass, please help us stop all the Republican candidates from speaking in public ever again.

    1. Loaded_Pants

      So it sounded even more robotic than the voice used by the Emergency Alert System?

  22. horsedreamer_1

    Isn't Cincinnati the third most Jewish city in the U.S.? Why import robocalls from Taxachusetts, then?

  23. Guppy

    No sex education in our kindergartens! Because young children should never learn that it's not OK for priests to be grabbing their "swimsuit area."

  24. Negropolis

    Kind of hard to snark. It's just so blatant. They are clubbing you over the head with it; they aren't even trying to be subtle. It's sooo fucking lazy.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Why not just come out with "If you hate fags, vote for Santorum" and be done with it?

      1. Negropolis

        Honestly, I'm starting to get bitter and angry about the blatantness of this. Any decent human being can see what's going on. It's like the dirty politics of old where candidates used coded language about civil rights even though it wasn't all that coded. We've seen this movie, before. And I know we're better than this. I hope we're better than this.

Comments are closed.