Homophobic Jewish-Christian Robots Attacking Fellow Robot Mitt Romney

by Wonkette Jr.

'Look sir, droids!'As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing away his kids’ education money, because Santorum has realized that college is an evil socialist atheist government thing. (He just realized this after spending his entire life in schools, colleges and government work.) Anyway, these robots who self-identify as homosexual-hating Jews and Christians are calling every phone in Ohio! They want the people to know Mitt Romney is the main supporter of Gay Rights.

Here is what the dual Jew/Christian homophobic robot says, if you are foolish enough to answer your phone:

“Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

“And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California. If you believe as we do that marriage and sexuality should only be between a man and a woman, please help us stop Mitt Romney.”

“As Governor, Romney signed ‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ proclamations, promoted homosexuality in our elementary schools, and unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state. Romney supports open homosexuality in the military, the appointment of homosexual judges, and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher. When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, NOT for homosexuality and Mitt Romney.”

Sorry, “Darcy Bardon,” there are no Christians in California. That’s why the Mormons had to come to California to organize the Gay Hating. [Athens Talks]

 
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{ 121 comments }

DaRooster March 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

"Romney supports open homosexuality in the military…"

Nu-uh… I seen just the other day where he said we shouldn't have repealed DADT… like he would change his mind about a sensitive subject like this.

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

You know how you can tell he's going to flip-flop on an issue? He gets this robotic smirk on his face.

Loaded_Pants March 5, 2012 at 8:15 pm

That's a glitch they haven't fixed yet.

Texan_Bulldog March 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

So Mittens is a homosexual? Is that code for 'Mormon'?

littlebigdaddy March 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Something to do with the underpants.

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Mormosexual

Also: Mittrosexual

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 5:04 am

He's straight … until you flip him.

gurukalehuru March 6, 2012 at 8:35 am

Ho-Moroni, the Salt Lake City treat!

Chillatte March 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

You gotta feel bad for these bigots. I mean, can you imagine being stuck with either Frothy or Willard?

DaRooster March 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Nope, they reap what they have been sowing for the last few years… Fuck 'em.

widestanceromance March 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Raw, dry and standing up.

BerkeleyBear March 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

With a 20 foot dildo – because God knows I don't want to get within 10 feet of them.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

"Break on through to the other side."

donner_froh March 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

‘Gay Youth Pride Day’ today, sex with dogs on the Boston Common tomorrow. Just ask Rick Santorum.

LesBontemps March 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Sex with dogs is so last week, in the Montana Federal District Court.

Tengu March 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

"Hi, my name is Rick Santorum; I'm an anachronism from 1962…"

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Try 1462.

Rosie_Scenario March 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I bid 1264.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 1:39 am

One dollar, Bob!

Gratuitous World March 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

1010100111GAY01011100

veritass March 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"Social sanity and Rick Santorum."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(deep breath)
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Ok I think I'm done.
ha. haha. hahaha… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

littlebigdaddy March 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"Jew from Massachusetts" will go down really well with the Larry the Cable Guy crowd.

LesBontemps March 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

At least he's not a New York Jew.

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Too busy slandering Lester Maddox to get after Romney.

LesBontemps March 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

Thanks for remembering.

Callyson March 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"Please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum, not for HOMOSEXUALITY and Mitt Romney."
What's the matter, Ricky, did Mittens turn you down when you approached him that night? Hell hath no fury like The Frothy Mix scorned.

Lascauxcaveman March 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Santo has really spent all his effort on being the "Anti Gay" candidiate, hasn't he? He hasn't really gotten any press for being anything else.

Good luck with that, Ricky.

GOPCrusher March 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm

That and being the Champion For Women's Reproductive Rights.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

And Amurrica's Spokesman for the Pope.

Chillwillard March 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Jews for Jesus for Frothy!

metamarcisf March 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

If the Hollywood liberal entertainment machine is really unbiased against the GOP, then why is the STARZ movie network running the film "Willard" this month? Is it just a coincidence that the republican frontrunner has the same name as the leader of a gang of rats bent on overthrowing the government?

BornInATrailer March 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Crispin Glover at his finest.

Deportably_Jose March 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I've never seen the movie Willard; is it actually about a fictional republican frontrunner?

metamarcisf March 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

It is based on a true story.

GOPCrusher March 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

REELZ Channel is going to show The Undefeated this month to balance things out.

littlebigdaddy March 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Quite a package on that robot.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

GREETINGS CITIZEN, I AM HETEROBOT 9000. PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE THROBBING BEHIND MY HARD METAL CODPIECE.

Nostrildamus March 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The famous final scene from "Dorothy Does Oz".

Loaded_Pants March 5, 2012 at 8:10 pm

There was a whole series of those films:
The Jizzard of Oz.
Here Comes the Wizard.
Dorothy Oils the Tin Woodman.
Winged Monkey Orgy.
Munchkin Munchers.

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

You can't fool me! Madonna wore that costume at the Super Bowl!

ShaveTheWhales March 5, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Shrub wore it on the aircraft carrier.

WhatTheHeck March 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

That’s so it can “go where no man has gone before.”

DaRooster March 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Rick Santorum? Social sanity?

That's like saying Fox News is Fair and Balanced…

Abernathy March 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Ha, ha! Who would ever describe Fox News as "fair and balanced"? So absurdly funny! Maybe as a joke they should make that their slogan.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 5:08 am

[Giving reality and right-wing paranoid fantasy equal time] = [balanced]

BigRadio March 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Robots are sluts.

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Well, this one is definitely prostituting itself.

elviouslyqueer March 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher

Oh right, like teachers make enough money to afford a decent dress. And the only reason why you'd even think of wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

wearing high heels is so you have something to throw at your unrulier students.

Throwing SHOES at people you HATE?!?! They're not only filthy homo girly men…they're MOOSLIMS!1!!

Wake up queerple!!!!

barto March 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

…but NEVER between a Jew and a Shiksa…

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

"When you vote tomorrow, please vote for social sanity and Rick Santorum"

That word, sanity, I do not think it means what you think it means.

BigDumbRedDog March 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Vote for frothy or you too will catch the gay!

slithytoves March 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Brian Camenker also hates transgender manequins. I didn't know there was any other kind… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MassResistance

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Well, in fairness to Bri, it's the only way he can get a date.

GOPCrusher March 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Fistgate"? LOL!

ShaveTheWhales March 5, 2012 at 11:25 pm

So that is his real name.

prommie March 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The idea of good sportsmanship and "fair play" is an aberration unique to British society and the Anglican church. The Roman Catholics, and most other religions, have always played by "the end justifies the means, winning isn't everything, its the only thing" set of rules.

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Oh no. Does this mean that when they told us that whole Marquess of Queensberry story they were lying?!

I think I have to sit down for a moment.

LiveToServeYa March 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Oh, pip pip, cheerio, stiff upper lip and all that rot.

MosesInvests March 5, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Cake-or death?

elburritodeluxe March 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I can't decide if this offends me more as bad politics or shitty copywriting.

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

"nd unconstitutionally ordered state officals to make Massachusetts America’s first same-sex marriage state"

Um, no; that was the State Supreme Court; and the order was constitutional, specifically the finding that the ban on same sex marriage violated the Massachusetts Constitution. Which it did. But if you want to argue that enforcing the rule of equal protection under the law is unconstitutional, go ahead, bigoted shits.

BigDumbRedDog March 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm

" and the ENDA law, making it illegal to fire a man who wears a dress and high heels to work, even if he’s your kid’s teacher."

What about that really masculine looking female gym teacher? Is it okay for her to wear a dress?

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Is there any other kind of female gym teacher?

HistoriCat March 5, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Stereotypes – the language of hate.

BigDumbRedDog March 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Yes! I had a super hot gym teacher in the 7th grade. I'm pretty sure I caught the gay from her, even though I'm also pretty sure she was straight. She must have been a gay carrier. A gay typhoid Mary if you will.

ShaveTheWhales March 5, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Gayphoid Mary. Meme or not?

FakaktaSouth March 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

They should have let the Darcy one go first. Most Santorum-suckers I know would stop listening after Jew much less Massachusetts.

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

It's ok, it takes a few moments for them to turn up their hearing aids.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Oh goody, a glimpse of Rick Santorum's would-be Handmaid's Tale wonderland! A place where non-heterosexuals can't even have sex (sexuality? let's move on), are barred from public office, and are subject to summary dismissal from work if they smell like anything other than Axe Body Spray and vagina (women won't be working anyway, because of their kitchen duties). All children will be forced to attend pep rallys on "Gay Youth Shame Day", in which suspected homosexuals will be pelted with slurs, spitballs, and holy water.

Rick Santorum: For a brighter tomorrow!

prommie March 5, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Its impossible to smell like BOTH Axe body spray, and vagina, at the same time. They are incompossible, the one precludes the other. If you wear Axe, you will get no vagina.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Fair; I just needed something that screamed "asshole masculinity". Axe is indeed the choice of men who start yelling about "lesbians" after being rebuffed by everyone on the dance floor.

el_donaldo March 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

But who will speak up for the robo-sexuals?

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Vibrators?

RedneckMuslin March 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Bender?

Swampgas_Man March 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Ro-BOT HOOOOUUUUSSSE!

user-of-owls March 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

They promised us jet-packs and this is what we get? Foo.

MadBrahms March 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm sure it's the EPA's fault. Good thing those socialists don't regulate awkwardly-endowed metal men.

prommie March 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

And Fie, fie on them.

Swampgas_Man March 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm

That's the FUTURE you're thinking of. Santorum is in the PAST.

LesBontemps March 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Is the robot in that pic played by Anthony Weiner?

actor212 March 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hi, my name is Brian Camenker; I’m a Jew from Massachusetts.

And, this is Darcy Brandon; I’m a Christian from California.

I saw this act. Next thing you know, Up With People is out singing the Coca Cola theme song

Nostrildamus March 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I figured it was going to turn into "The Aristocrats".

HarryButtle March 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

So, Brian's a hook-nose? A Hebe? A Red Sea pedestrian? Perhaps he's the Messiah.

MosesInvests March 5, 2012 at 7:09 pm

'E's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy!

arihaya March 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

OT : Don't you think we should pause the Santorum hating until he won the nomination? and then go full metal on him after that?

anniegetyerfun March 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm

There can be no pause in the hatred of this putrid little shitstain of a man.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I'm using this time to get warmed up.

gurukalehuru March 6, 2012 at 8:47 am

Oh, yeah, arihaya, what if we'd done that with the Herman stain, or prayin' Rick Perry, or even old crazy eyes herself…think of all the good jokes we would have missed.
No, I think we should hold fire only on those we think actually have a shot at the nomination. Which is why I try to refrain from the "Chris Christie is so fat…" jokes.

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Brian Camenker of Fistgate Fame. Yeah, this guy ain't closeted, no way, no how.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MassResistance

One student asked about fisting and was provided with an explanation.[8] MassResistance dubbed the incident "Fistgate" after [9] Scott Whiteman, a MassResistance member, "secretly recorded the workshop".[10] As a result of the outcry that was generated when parents heard tapes of the event, Margot Abels, a state employee who participated in the discussion, and two other state employees were fired.[citation needed] One of the state employees was later reinstated to her job.[11][Third-party source needed]

Abels filed suit against Brian Camenker and Scott Whiteman as a result of his distribution of the tape recordings.[12] The case was settled out of court; the result of a second lawsuit is unavailable.[13][unreliable source?]

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

So are you saying the guy probably secretly hires a dom male prostitute to stick his arm all up his ass, all the way up to the elbow?

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

FUCK YOU, SOROS!

Dammit, I was eating lunch.

Steverino247 March 5, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Ha! I'll bet you didn't Skype THAT, did ya?

And on a more humorous note: After getting his fist up all the way up there, the Man with the Golden Arm said, "Nothing up my slave!

You know what you call an Amish man with his hand that far up a horse? A mechanic.

SorosBot March 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Well hey, you put that image in my head with the mention of "fistgate"; I figured you must have already put it into your own head when you made this comment.

MissTaken March 5, 2012 at 4:32 pm

That comment was nearly an hour ago and because I'm just a silly girl I had already forgotten it. Ouch!

littlebigdaddy March 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Philip K. Dick ref FTW.

gout March 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Homosexuality is fine as it is only between an Jew and a Jew or a Christian and a Christian. Any kind of Jew/Christian sex is dirty.

SayItWithWookies March 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Bad news, Rick — anyone who has to lie about Mitt Romney's record to make him look bad isn't going to beat Mitt Romney.

SudsMcKenzie March 5, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"Mitt likes Cold Play".

GOPCrusher March 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Oooh. Burn.

annettaj March 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I turned the ringer off on my phone.
Ohio has become frothy and cardboardable these last
few days.

slowhansolo March 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Never trust a robot that has to wear a codpiece.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 5:15 am

Got to keep that transvaginal ultrasound probe under wraps … until the State needs it.

Sharkey March 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Robo-calls, not Robo-balls!

Lionel[redacted]Esq March 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

If Mitt is losing the robot vote, who does he have left that supports him that he hasn't paid?

fuflans March 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

i can't focus on anything other than 'just fabulous' shoes.

i have a woman's brain.

WiscDad March 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Hi, my name is Dr. Frankenfurter; I’m a Sweet Transvestite from Transylvania

owhatever March 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Darcy is a slut and a prostitute. Ooops. I sincerely apologize to anyone who took that the wrong way. The liberals made me say those words, when what I was really trying to say was that she is a tramp and a whore. Now, while liberals like President Hussein Osambo are destroying America, I sincerely apologize once again to that sleazy, dime-job, round-heeled bitch and to the Kike from Massachusetts, too, and hope they will make successful porn movies together and post them on the Internet.

Jukesgrrl March 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm

You could make a lot of money from that talent.

Thedongsofwar March 5, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Ish as in. "Jewish", please.

Abernathy March 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Hi, my name is Edna Abernathy; I’m a catlady from Yo Mama. If you believe as I do that hypocritical religious moralizing should only be between a creepy humanish-shaped blob of hate and the voices in his head/ass, please help us stop all the Republican candidates from speaking in public ever again.

deanbooth March 5, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I live in Ohio and yesterday I got what sounded like a robocall from Romney. Turns out it was actually Romney.

Loaded_Pants March 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

So it sounded even more robotic than the voice used by the Emergency Alert System?

horsedreamer_1 March 5, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Isn't Cincinnati the third most Jewish city in the U.S.? Why import robocalls from Taxachusetts, then?

Guppy March 5, 2012 at 9:51 pm

No sex education in our kindergartens! Because young children should never learn that it's not OK for priests to be grabbing their "swimsuit area."

C_R_Eature March 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm

You don't want to fool around with these robots. They will fuck you up.

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 1:32 am

Kind of hard to snark. It's just so blatant. They are clubbing you over the head with it; they aren't even trying to be subtle. It's sooo fucking lazy.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 5:21 am

Why not just come out with "If you hate fags, vote for Santorum" and be done with it?

Negropolis March 6, 2012 at 7:28 am

Honestly, I'm starting to get bitter and angry about the blatantness of this. Any decent human being can see what's going on. It's like the dirty politics of old where candidates used coded language about civil rights even though it wasn't all that coded. We've seen this movie, before. And I know we're better than this. I hope we're better than this.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 6, 2012 at 7:40 am

We are. They're not.
(And yes, that's what everybody says.)

ttommyunger March 7, 2012 at 7:29 am

Hmmmm. I am having difficulty fapping to this.

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