Rick Santorum Spending Kids' College Money On His Funny Campaign

Rick Santorum chose a hot Tennessee BBQ joint yesterday to unveil his new campaign message: He's really poor. How poor? He's so poor, he has to run for president, the last job in America that comes with decent health insurance. How poor? He's so poor, he makes many hundreds of thousands of dollars per year and then blows it all on the aforementioned presidential campaign. Because he's been dipping into the Holy Santorum Chest of Treasures and Investments to cover the costs of his campaign, which he wasn't supposed to touch until his second-wedding night.

It's a risky message, one that may not "play well" with the Santorum Children demographic. Via Buzzfeed:  

"I walked away from all of the jobs that I had and all the money," Santorum said at the Dayton Christian School. He and his wife Karen have been "spending down our savings," he said.

"That's not necessarily the best thing to do when you have three kids entering college in the next three years, but our country is worth it," he said.

Oh hot criminy, it's the old "the country is worth it" excuse. Debt-enslaved family members have been hearing this from their patriarchs since forever. You know. "Family, I bought a yacht -- because our country is worth it." Or the ever-popular, "Family, I invested all of our money in a land deal in... well it doesn't matter where, they'll tell us later! And our country is worth it. Now what I need you to do is get your friends to invest, and then they need to gettheirfriends to invest, and then..."

But Weird Rick's a plotting one, and this all fits into his grand scheme. Oh, what's that, children, we don't have enough to send you to Liberal Snob Indoctrination University -- home of the Fighting Abortionists -- anymore? Guess you'll all have to become priests or nuns now! "Too bad."

[ Buzzfeed ]