Winger Tango

Wyoming On ‘The Road’ To Crisis Plan For Zombie/Hippie Uprising

Smell the Glove.Managing not to jizz themselves at the Ted Nugentness of it all, the Survivalists of the Wyoming House passed by voice vote a first reading of House Bill 85, which would prepare the “state” for potential catastrophes from Cormac McCarthy nuclear babyrapists to zombies to stoner Occupy louts to negroes come for their women. (But especially zombies.) Having already stocked its cellar with enough ammo to hold off Janet Reno for months, Wyoming turned its attention to every other Angry White Lumpen crank-approved militia-weirdo anti-gubmint Unabomer Manifesto face-melting Idea and said, “Hooboy gimmeee summa what that yeeeh bob burp,” or something, we don’t speak scary isolationist hillbilly bigot.

The task force would look at the feasibility of Wyoming issuing its own alternative currency, if needed. And House members approved an amendment Friday by state Rep. Kermit Brown, R-Laramie, to have the task force also examine conditions under which Wyoming would need to implement its own military draft, raise a standing army, and acquire strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier.

Prejudice and zombies.Said state Rep. Lorraine Quarberg, R-Thermopolis, her eyes presumably shiny and scary, “I don’t think there’s anyone in this room today what would come up here and say that this country is in good shape, that the world is stable and in good shape — because that is clearly not the case.” Then she called the FBI on the Ayrab at the convenience store, for freedom.


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    1. Geminisunmars

      I lived in Wyoming for two years. Great place to live if you're an alcoholic or Baptist. I'm neither, but would have had to become one if I'd stayed.

    2. Toomush_Infer

      Yeh, but Thermopolis? Like heroin for the blubber class….what a great place….!

  1. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, Jesus. Thermopolis actually exists. I thought that was a nuclear apocalypse joke.

    1. Ducksworthy

      True story. I once ordered a Stroh's at a bar in Thermopolis. The local unemployed sheep fuckers pointed out to me that they only drink Coors there.(Because Adolph hates Detroit?)

  2. OzoneTom

    So sad that they let themselves be bullied into sacrificing their dream of an aircraft carrier by the lamestream media.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The Census Bureau estimated the 2011 population of Wyoming at 568,000.
      A smallish carrier would cost $1 billion, the aircraft, another $200,000,000.

      Let's do what Wyoming legislators cannot do: the math.

      1. Ohforcripessake

        Well of course they will need an earmark or two from our socialist big government.

      2. ScyllaMe

        Eh, Wyoming has way more money than you'd think. They tax the crap out out any oil and gas (and any other minerals). I find it frightening that they could potentially buy an aircraft carrier if they really want.

        1. Biff

          Then there's the logistics of finding a mudhole in Wyoming deep enough to float said carrier.

          That said, I once spent an extra day (total of 3) riding my motorcycle around in Wyoming because it was just so damned beautiful…

    2. Beowoof

      You never know when as a land locked state when you will need to have aircraft battle group to keep an amphibious assault at bay.

    3. oldedinvn

      Pussies, that could have been the largest sane area in the state. Since the residents can't think, maybe metal would do the job for them.

  3. the_problem_child

    Didn't we already establish that Wyoming can't actually float an aircraft carrier?

    1. Negropolis

      It didn't work when the hippies tried to float the Pentagon in 1967, either.

      Can Wyoming not take a hint?

        1. Negropolis

          "Float" can mean a whole number of things in the English language. Plus, in this case, it fits the joke.

      1. James Michael Curley

        At least in 1967 we hippies got around the Pentagon. I doubt Wyoming legislators are smart enough to get around the block.

      2. LionHeartSoyDog

        Yeah, but when the Wiccans tried to pray Love into George W. Bush's diseased heart, it did scare the shit out of him.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      There is a "Two Ocean Lake" in Wyoming. I think that someone, half in the bag, saw that on a Wyoming road map and said "We better get ready." There's a move afoot to dig a version of the Panama Canal between Two Ocean and Emma Matilda Lakes. Teddy Roosevelt, eat your heart out!

  4. Texan_Bulldog

    Does anyone give a shit about WY and it's 1200 inhabitants? And why don't they take back Darth Cheney while they're at it?

    Although I see that Lorraine Quarberg has discovered the wonders of Aqua Net.

    1. orygoon

      Yeah, I like it cuz it's got Yellowstone, and lots of cool scenery elsewhere.

      I just need to move there with a couple of tens of thousands of my librul friends and reverse its assholery, by takeover.

      I would totally love for that to happen.

        1. flamingpdog

          Poor Hunter. He could probably win today in Aspen/Pitkin County. He was just a head of his times.

          1. C_R_Eature

            That would have been so cool, and we would now be referring to "the Fat City Ideas Festival", etc.

            Also, the Sheriff's Deputy's would promise to refrain from eating Mescaline while on duty.

    1. el_donaldo

      Actually if you cut taxes, the army pays for itself. How you ask? Cut taxes = wingnut magic. Armies = also wingnut magic. It's simple math: Cut taxes = Army.

    2. Barrelhse

      They'll probably have a toll booth at the state line.
      "That's right, mister. Eighty bucks, or you can go around."

      1. Negropolis

        I can see some old, crusty, hillbilly prospector, right now…

        "Who would cross these hills of death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see."

    3. Negropolis

      And, with that, Wyoming passed legislation renaming "taxes" as "freedom debt/deficits".

    4. flamingpdog

      Actually, true facts, Republican Wyoming has a balanced budget every year while Colorado struggles with budget shortages because Republican Wyoming actually taxes the piss out of oil and gas extraction, while the Colorado's (allegedly)Democratic governor John Dickenpooper is in bed with the oil and gas industry and refuses to even discuss taxing oil and gas like they do in Wyoming.

      1. Negropolis

        The more natural resources you have to exploit, and the smaller the population, the better off your state is going to generally be. Wyoming has fewer people in its entire state than in the city of Denver.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          It's the perfect setup: out-of-staters pay the taxes. (How does this racket not violate the Commerce Clause?)

  5. Negropolis

    Janet SMASH!

    BTW, this proposed law dovetails very nicely into Michigan state University's course on surviving the coming zombie apocalpyse:

    Although the idea of studying an attack of the undead may sound absurd to many, instructor and course creator Glenn Stutzky told MSU News "the topic is serious and worthy of academic study, the challenges presented in surviving a hypothetical zombie pandemic have real-world applications."

    The state is already nearly post-apocalyptic, so it doesn't seem so far fetched.

      1. HateMachine

        See, you're failing to consider the possibility that they're on the loose there already.

      1. BigRadio

        Don't confuse U of M with MSU. Both MSU and OSU hate the WOLVERINES!!1! A Buckeye has no problems with a Spartan, and vice versa.

        1. Negropolis

          That simply isn't true. We just hate UofM more, but both teams hate OSU. Were it not for Dantonio being from Ohio, it'd be all out war in the media.

          1. Negropolis

            Damn you, OSU! I'd have rather we lost another game than to have to "share" the Big Ten title with you and UofM! Nice collapse, Spartans.

        2. Chichikovovich

          ? How does that change the fact that when Sparties and Buckeyes are together in the same small city it resembles a zombie apocalypse?

          p.s. You might be overestimating the Buckeye powers of discrimination. I don't see any general exception for Spartans in their chant:

          O, we don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan
          The whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan
          We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, we're from Ohio
          We're from Ohio…O-H
          We're from Ohio…I-O
          O, we don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan
          The whole state of Michigan, the whole state of Michigan
          We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan, we're from Ohio

          1. BigRadio

            This subthread has become uglier than a Michigan co-ed.
            A menage a trois of hate and distrust, not unlike the Mitt, Newt, Butt Juice show.
            Can't we all be friends, like that time I nailed that little cutey from MSU?

        3. paris biltong

          Confusing terms and acronyms. Can we just say that students in Lansing learn things that no one at Ann Arbor really gives a damn about?

    1. DemmeFatale

      My daughter, (a Poli-Sci major in libtard Oregon), has a professor that used to work for Homeland Security in D.C. He maintains that there is no terrorist threat to the US anymore.
      Of course the fear and paranoia is so useful to the zombie and militia people that they'll never give it up. We're stuck with it, now.
      (Wish I could snark about this, but it just makes me sad.)

        1. Swampgas_Man

          The zombies on Walking Dead are the only characters w/ any sensible outlook and real motivation.

  6. Serolf_Divad

    An aircraft carrier? Oh, I get it: it's in case God becomes terribly angry at all the dirty hippies lounging about in their Birkenstocks and sipping double frappuccinos and decides to visit the Earth with another terrible flood to wipe them all out. Everyone in the state of Wyoming (population 1837 or thereabouts) will pile into the aricraft carrier with their Ron Paul commemorative survival kit, their livestock and their guns and wait 'till the waters recede,

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      And they're wasting their time, because God already said no more floods, so next time She's just gonna touch off Yellowstone.

    2. flamingpdog

      70 million years ago nearlly all of Wyoming was under an inland seaway. You can never be too careful.

  7. Larry McAwful

    What does Wyoming need its own currency for? They already have a state quarter. I drove through Wyoming a couple of years ago, and there really isn't much to buy out there, not since the end of the Teapot Dome scandal.

  8. anniegetyerfun

    I have to admit that I found Wyoming to be one of the loveliest states that I have ever visited. Part of this might have been the fact that there was almost no one there, and I do so hate humanity.

      1. flamingpdog

        Nice fossils. It was a great place to live 55-50 million years ago. But hotter than hell. Like today – actually, more like 50 to 100 years from now – but with lots more rain.

    1. orygoon

      Hell yeah! Big swathes of the west are awesome that way!

      When I was a kid, I was a military brat, and for a few years we lived in Massachusetts, which I loved. But I remember in sixth grade they put us in a bus and took us out a few hours west for an outdoor experience (which was–getting lost, I kid you not). I looked out the but window and I'd count between houses. I think the highest number I got to was 5 or so, until we got to the getting-lost-in-it woods/swamp.

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I went to college in Western Mass, and it left a lot to be desired. The landscape was pretty bleak – lots of corn fields and not much else… oh, some pretty deciduous forests, but nothing really grand. The West, though, I will always love. I like the deserts, the craggy mountains, the rain forests, and the beaches – no matter what kind of beach. Rocky, sandy, windy – I don't care. I don't really ever want to leave it, unless somewhere super exciting calls.

    2. littlebigdaddy

      I love the landscape there but admit it can be a bit overwhelming. Being able to see for a hundred miles and seeing really nothing of interest before the next mountain range is disconcerting. The people are mostly harmless lunatics. They want to be left alone and are happy to leave you alone into the bargain.

      1. Gunner Asch

        "Nothing of interest"! You sound like my 6 year old daughter when we took her to Dante's View in Death Valley (the most spectacular scene in the world, IMHO) and she spent her time watching ants.

        1. DemmeFatale

          So true.
          We traveled a lot when they were young, (6-12), and now they give us their best "j'accuse" faces, and ask why we didn't wait. Oh yeah, cause a car with 2 teenage girls would have been really fun!!

          Picture this: Death Valley, August, mid-day, German tourists, Convertible (with the top down)! WTF?!

          1. Biff

            We used to be tasked with locating their remains. The name Death Valley seems to attract the suicidal, whether intentional or accidental. Now that I'm retired, their disappearances don't affect me anymore so I can sit back and enjoy the news instead of dreading the call.

    3. ScyllaMe

      I suspect you visited only the edges. The middle of the state is indeed a blighted, post-apocalyptic wasteland. But yeah, it is pretty fantastic that there's not many people there.

        1. flamingpdog

          How else would people know where to put the state boundaries if Gawd hadn't made it obvious to them?

  9. Serolf_Divad

    The original bill appropriated $32,000 for the task force, though the Joint Appropriations Committee slashed that number in half earlier this week.

    LOL, they're going to spend less money studying the issue of how to prepare for Armageddon and the total collapse of Western Civilization than it would cost to buy a new Huyndai Elantra.*

    *To be fair, though: only after you factor in title, taxes and fees.

          1. Biff

            I only went once, to see the Four Tops and The Temptations back in the early 70's. The shine was still on it then.

  10. Barrelhse

    Aircraft carrier? LMFAO. Which lake, Bimbo?
    I hope they blow the whole freakin' budget on this bullshit, assholes.

    1. flamingpdog

      Have you ever driven I-80 across Nebraska? National Guard troops coming from Lincoln would die of boredom before they reached Cheyenne.

        1. flamingpdog

          Best 8 hours I ever spent in Kansas was driving all the way across it at night with a bunch of other guys back in college.

          1. FlownOver

            Yeah, but you have to start at "Twelve million bottles of beer on the wall…"

            …or know how to roll 'em at 85 MPH. If you go any slower the troopers think you're a suspicious character & pul you over for a look-see.

          2. flamingpdog

            Actually, that was when CW McCall's "Convoy" was in the top 10 on the charts, and on the radio twice an hour, it seemed like. We spent the 8 hours trying to catch the draft of semis so we could save on gas and get through Kansas quicker.

  11. flamingpdog

    Wyoming issuing its own alternative currency, if needed.

    Pfft, they already have 10 brazillion sheep to use for currency, provided you don't mind taking the ranch hand that's plugged into them as part of the deal.

  12. Barb

    Saturday posts are happening and a double alt+text. Rebecca Schoenkopf, in front of all of these unworthy scum and with God as my witness, will you gay marry me? Our cellar will be stocked with the finest cheeses in a can, meats from a can and beer in a can, natch. I've got a brand new pair of roller skate and you've got a brand new key.

      1. DemmeFatale

        I remember being a teenager in England when this was on Top of the Pops!
        It was my 1st thought when I saw Barb's post, but I was afraid it was too obscure!
        Good for you pdog!
        I'll bet Lizzie remembers this on TOTP, (as well as the My Ding-a-Ling debacle, Laurel and Hardy, and Pan's People).

        BTW: I'll bring some SPAM to Barb's survivalist cellar!

  13. Callyson

    its own alternative currency…its own military draft…a standing army…strike aircraft and an aircraft carrier
    Why stop there? Why not just secede and get a head start on all that? Your senators won't be missed, and you can take Dickhead Cheney back while you're at it…

  14. memzilla

    Their own alternative currency? Well, Slim Jims and Cheetos will probably survive a thermonuclear blast.

          1. Negropolis

            You don't have to wear any pants, but you do have to be in a Slanket, Snuggie, Toasty Wrap, or a comparable piece of as-seen-on-TV-crap pajama wear.

  15. Negropolis

    If I was a Wyomingite, the only thing I'd be afraid of are the things crawling out of Jackson Hole. You know, Cheneys.

  16. flamingpdog

    The bill must pass two more House votes before it would head to the Senate for consideration. The original bill appropriated $32,000 for the task force, though the Joint Appropriations Committee slashed that number in half earlier this week.

    HA, HA, even these bozos don't take this proposal seriously! 16K wouldn't even pay for the weekend trip (with wives) to the five-star Broadmoor Hotel in Jesurado Springs, to have their opening brain- (and I use the word "brain" loosely) storming session. Much less more than 2.5 pages of a consultant report on the matter.

    (You don't get the feeling I've put in 32 years in low-level management in state guvmint, do ya?)

    1. Chichikovovich

      In other words, you already have decades of experience surviving a zombie holocaust.

      1. flamingpdog

        Sorry, should have made it clear that it's in Jesurado Springs, Colorado. Ted Haggard, Focus on the Family, all that good stuff.

      1. Designer_Rants

        They just drive their brain-cars around at top-speed of 35mph through the heavy fog of foreyners and gheys and cattle theeves until two of them have a head-on collision. The jolt makes them collectively shit themselves, at which point they call lunch and phone in an aircraft carrier order.

  17. mavenmaven

    What will their currency be called? The Wyomero? The Cow-chip? How will they print it post apocalypse? They've been breathing too much methane out there.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Their aircraft carrier was going to be named after a former vice-president but they couldn't agree. Half wanted to call it the WS Cheney. The other half wanted it named the WS Dick. So they compromised and had agreed on the WS Batshit when the legislature sobered up and canceled it for now.

  18. Come here a minute

    There is an invisible zombie right there in the picture of state Rep. Lorraine Quarberg, R-Thermopolis — the photographer helpfully framed the picture to include space for us to imagine it eating her brain!

    1. MadBrahms

      "Boy, I still think we really screwed up on that Thunderdome fiasco!"

      Frequently heard in the Wyoming State House, I imagine.

  19. fartknocker

    I would love to be a fly on the wall at the General Dynamics when the VP of Business Development announces "we just sold a fucking aircraft carrier to the State of Wyoming. And we're launching it in Wyoming."

    1. memzilla

      Sure… if Matchbox is now a subsidiary of General Dynamics. Those 1:72nd scale F-16s can sting like a motherf***er.

      1. Negropolis

        You see, Dewey, we have to understand: barbarians need to be educated. They need to be disciplined. Teh Gheys have got to subdue Wyoming by force, to bring the long-suffering state culture and enlightenment. It is the only way. Hopefully, they will be greeted as the liberators they truly are. For once, the poor souls were under the scrouage of harsh fluorescent lighting, they shall now see the beauty of the world under the incandescent vanity lights!

        1. Biff

          There's a famous former biker bar, now more like a fern bar, so not all of 'em left. They kept the name, Cutthroat Saloon.

          1. Biff

            Like parts of Wyoming, most of Alpine County is impossibly beautiful. I'd live there among them, if it wasn't for all the freaking snow.

  20. BigRadio

    No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation; grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal; coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts; pass any Bill of Attainder, ex post facto Law, or Law impairing the Obligation of Contracts, or grant any Title of Nobility.

    What exactly do they not understand about this?

    1. MadBrahms

      "Marque", "ex post facto", that sounds like foreigner-speak to me. And Wyoming doesn't cotton to foreigner-speak.

    2. Barrelhse

      Maybe they announced that they're Sovereign Citizens and, therefore, those silly old laws don't apply.

      1. BigRadio

        haha. This is what they mean by Constitutional Conservatards. It's analogous to Conservapedia or the Conservative Bible. What a bunch of simpleton sociopaths.

      2. CivicHoliday

        The sad thing is that if we sent Dennis out there to explain it to them, the entire body of state representatives would tackle him en mass, tie him to a tree, and demand he reveal where he hid his pot of gold.

  21. ttommyunger

    Now we know- all those wide open spaces they've been sing about: between their fucking ears.

  22. soeoho

    You might laugh now but just wait. I suggest a preemptive strike based on WMD's and the preponderous lack of evidence that argues against that very clear and present fartage eminating from this rouge state. For proof I have verified through numerous sources with not 1, but 2 first names, not to be named, that Wyoming has hidden the largest caldera known (B. F. Volcano) in the NW quadrant and disguised it as Yellowstone Park!
    This is not funny.
    Major Kong (at failsafe)

    1. Negropolis

      I hear that if the volcano blows its top, it could actually destroy the world. Plus, with all that vacant land, we can't be sure that they aren't harboring illegal (extraterrestrial) aliens. So, yeah, we are well within our right as a nation to protect ourselves from this rogue state.

      Bomb Wyoming, Cheney be damned!

    2. flamingpdog

      They have lots of buffalo at Yellowstone, and they used to have lots of Indians. Now Wyoming has Republican state legislators, living proof that Indians fucked buffalo.

    3. C_R_Eature


      authent code Whisky Lima Sierra Uniform Tango 6 2 9 Zero November Oscar Zulu Zulu 1 5 3 8 Alpha Golf India Julet 6 1 9. I say again: Whisky Lima Sierra Uniform Tango 6 2 9 Zero November Oscar Zulu Zulu 1 5 3 8 Alpha Golf India Julet 6 1 9.
      message ends

  23. anniegetyerfun

    Interestingly, at this moment, the website features a list of "first women" moments in the state's history. My question – were all of these women necessarily insane?

  24. Mumbletypeg

    Quarberg has the kind of face that one imagines the voice belonging to it must have a higher-pitchy squeak, effusive, like she just popped an Altoid — but when you meet her in person, what comes out instead is this deep, nasal, gloooottal tremor like a fire alarm on a freighter.

    1. Negropolis

      Quarberg looks like a character the incomparable Kristen Wiig might play on Saturday Night Live.

  25. BZ1

    In this new post-armageddon bill, the Repubs actually consider land-locked Wyoming would need an aircraft carrier; you can't make this stuff up …

    1. Joshua Norton

      She still makes me laugh out loud. And that's really not an easy job.

      (Or it might have been that last box of Blush Rose that I just polished off. Or the fact that I was amazed that my pirated NYT login still worked because I haven't used it in literally years.)

    2. Negropolis

      Relationship status: It’s complicated.

      Interests: Unpredictable and decontextualized screaming;…his game I made up that involves sticking my index finger in people’s mouths when they yawn and pulling it out before they bite down again.

      Ha! Good as ever, Juli.

      BTW, that KLM program sounds absolutely horrible. It's like high school all over again.

      1. Guppy

        "It's like high school all over again."

        Considering that I often ended up with a lunch table all to myself, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

  26. Nostrildamus

    Update shows they nixed the aircraft carrier. I'm glad they're being reasonable about this whole thing!

  27. Blueb4sunrise

    Arizona did all that shit last year. The trick is to NOT TELL ANYBODY!!!
    Stupid fucking Wyomingans.

  28. MistaEko

    State White Paper WY782934

    Feasibility of Wyoming State utilizing Aircraft Carrier in Martial Law Circumstances

    Prepared for: State of Wyoming

    Prepared by: Booz Allen Hamilton

    You fuckers are landlocked.

      1. Designer_Rants

        It could be steam powered! They could just tap into Yellowstone's thermal power and build pipelines to their leviathan as they moved ever-so-slowly to invade Nebraska. Hey WY, I just came up with that for FREE! Next Big Idea's gonna cost you that $16K.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Excellent point. Just don't mention that geothermal steam power is Carbon-Neutral, that will just piss them of and they'll spec it out for Coal.

          $16K? You can hold out for double that and a Retainer. They have money falling out of their asses for things like this, apparently.

          1. C_R_Eature

            Yes! Subcontract to friends and families businesses and dummy front corporate entities. Beltway Banditism for the West!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      So long as it's designed to sail on a sea of lava, there should be no problem. But –unless the Republiclowns repeal a few of the Laws of Thermodynamics– you definitely wouldn't want to be in one of the Wyoming Navy's submarines.

  29. Joshua Norton

    Wyoming issuing its own alternative currency, if needed.

    Because what could possibly go wrong with that?

    This underscores a larger phenomenon: adopting conservative Republican ideas invariably leads to questions such as, “Wait, we did what?” a few years later.

  30. amoosefloats

    Wyoming Birthplace to Dick Cheney, Men who kill gay men for sport and cows. Good luck considering most of your land is BLM federal land anyway. All of you own land is owned by carnies, and cowboy meth heads.

    1. Negropolis

      They do; it's just really hard to tell when your nearest neighbor is a days-drive away.

    1. orygoon

      I'll take 3 nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine sandwiches, chips and coke to go, please.

  31. ShaveTheWhales

    I'm sure this is exactly what the Founders had in mind when they decided Wyoming and California should each have two Senators.

    1. Guppy

      I think the idea was to keep the Senate unelected so nobody would put too much stock into it to begin with.

  32. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Well, any state currency worth its weight in wingnuts has to be backed by gold … how much of that particular shiny metal do they have piled up in their bunkers?

  33. cheaphits

    Maybe like the most famous WY citizens, The Hole in the Wall Gang (that is if you don't count "He Whose Name May Not Be Spoken" Cheney and no one should count him) they can hold out and make a go of it from robbing trains. No lawmen ever successfully entered it to capture outlaws during its more than fifty years of active existence, nor were any lawmen attempting to infiltrate it by use of undercover techniques successful. Of course, then they were probably Democrats.

  34. x111e7thst

    They are not thinking this through properly. Wyoming does not make its own precursor chemicals for cooking meth and they import all their Oxycontin. The whole thing will collapse in a week.

  35. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Is it legal to marry your sister in Wyoming? I'm looking for an explanation here.

  36. chascates

    I'm guessing they won't stockpile the evil contraceptives as that would cause women to become sex addicts instead of building the new United State of Wyoming.

  37. Chet Kincaid

    They should go to CarMax and pick up a certified, inspected, pre-owned aircraft carrier. They come with free vehicle history reports and a 5-day money-back guarantee!

  38. C_R_Eature

    I'd like to assemble a Task Force to investigate the feasibility of Nuking the Wyoming Legislature from orbit.
    It's the only way to be sure.

  39. BlueStateLibel

    So how long would it take Bloombert's NYPD army to invade and occupy Wyoming? 24 hours or less? I hate Bloomberg and the NYPD, but I still would like to see this happen.

  40. elburritodeluxe

    Some clever right wing jackass just convinced Wyoming to invest in his apocalyptic wet dream.

    1. Guppy

      "clever right wing jackass"

      So many right-wing jackasses, but so few who could be described as "clever."

  41. SudsMcKenzie

    If they put the U.S.S. Cheyenne, (or whatever), out in the middle of a desert and it didn't move – it might be good news for John McCain.

    1. C_R_Eature

      He'd still miss it. Then he would be captured by Desert Hippies, given Jalapeno and LSD enemas and forced to sign a statement that he killed Paul.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Ah, hahahahaha!

          Skyrader overshoots carrier, pancakes and spins to a stop next to huge, neon Yoni sculpture.
          Naked, mud crusted 'shroomer guy: "Woah, Duuuuude! That's the most awesome installation ever!"
          Nude chick with bat wings and green scale body paint, pulling Lt. McCain from wreckage: "Hey, wow, so Awesome! You must be worn out. Come on over to the Cleansing Tent for a refreshing Jalapeno and LSD enema!"

    2. flamingpdog

      He'd be shot out of the air by some Colorado kid testing the bottle rockets his dad drove him up to Wyoming to buy legally.

  42. Neoyorquino

    A diminutive representative from one of the more populated areas was quoted as saying "These our witnesses Aunty. Us suffer bad. Want justice. We want Thunderdome."

  43. BaldarTFlagass

    Instead of buying an aircraft carrier, everyone in Wyoming should just join the Navy.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Yes, but How're you gonna keep 'em Down on the Farm after they've seen a shipload of naked men in the shower Paree?

  44. donner_froh

    The Swiss Navy has some great deals on surplus equipment. There is a barely used Independence class aircraft carrier that was only sailed around Lake Geneva on Sunday afternoons.

  45. C_R_Eature

    OT: Does anyone out there know if the domain is still available?

    EDIT: it's not!!

  46. greypanter

    "Managing not to jizz themselves at the Ted Nugentness of it all"

    How can you make that assertion? Do the honorable "members" of the Wyoming House have jizz-o-meters installed on their private parts? Are the readings available on C-Span?

  47. greypanter

    I hope the Wyoming House spends 100% of their time on the preparations for this probable event. Just think of all of the other stuff that would prevent from happening.

  48. DHarcavy

    I went to Wyoming once. It was closed. [cow bell] Seriously, the "entering" and "leaving" signs were on the same pole [cymbal crash] And don't get me started on my hotel room . . . it was so small, when I opened the door the window broke [drum riff] . . . my toupee fell off, and I had wall-to-wall carpeting . . . but seriously. . . .

  49. JackDempsey1

    "Things started going downhill when our coinage was all roundy like West Virginia, give or take. Let's make money that's as fair and square as our beautiful state, and let the pieces fall where they may. Let's stop the coins (and the fate) of Wyoming from rolling underneath the stoves and refrigerators of the average cattleman. Can I get a yeee-haw?"

  50. Toomush_Infer

    Nah, the point is – these great big nowhere state like North Dakota are cheap to buy, politically. The Koch brothers can put up about $20 grand/person and have their own two senators for less than it costs to put up an offshore aircraft carrier factory….

  51. Negropolis

    Oh, Wyoming:

    (Reuters) – Three young people have been hospitalized with kidney failure and a dozen others sickened in Casper, Wyoming, in an outbreak linked to a batch of the designer drug Spice, authorities said on Friday.

    State medical officials said the cause of the outbreak was under investigation but reported that Casper residents who have sought medical treatment for vomiting and back pain had recently smoked or ingested a chemical-laced herbal product packaged as "blueberry spice."

    The illnesses reported by physicians and hospitals in the east central Wyoming city beginning on Sunday had added up to a cluster that alarmed health officials by the end of the week.

    "At this point, we are viewing use of this drug as a potentially life-threatening situation," Tracy Murphy, Wyoming state epidemiologist, said in a statement.

  52. DahBoner

    No way Vegans will ever get far in an uprising, becuz they can't walk very far in their cow-free sandals…

  53. DustBowlBlues

    G*ddamit. Ever since my district's own member to the state lege upped his Islamaphobia cred (a sure vote-getter here in the Dust Bowl) by calling Muslins "baby killers and women burners" then saving us from the curse of Sharia Law, (Worked like a charm. He was termed out and the lazy bastard was elected our District Atty. Easier than working for a living, no?) I have repeatedly suggested the lege pass another law to protect us from the Zombie Apocalypse.

    The OK lege is going to be furious that they didn't follow my advice, instead letting Wyoming beat them to this cool, new law that also protects Wyomingers from the black, Muslin, socialist-fascist prez's takeover of our USA.

    1. HistoriCat

      You should run for the lege on that platform DBB – it's a disgrace that Wyoming has managed to get so far ahead of OK on this issue.

  54. yrbmegr

    There's not a Wal Mart in Wyoming with a parking lot big enough for them to park an aircraft carrier.

  55. owhatever

    Dear Wyoming,

    You hicks keep up this arms race and we will kick your asses.

    Thank you,

  56. Troglodeity

    No aircraft carrier after all? Are they insane?!?

    They're leaving the Republic of Wyoming wide open to a surprise attack by the South Dakota Imperial Navy.

  57. fitley

    When Wyoming has it's massive circle-jerks do they strap their guns on first or after they spooge all over each other?

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