BABY YOU CAN DRIVE MY CAR  7:06 pm March 2, 2012

Car Robber Congressman Saddened By Focus On One Teensy Little Remark

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Cry, Cry Baby.Renowned car thief and Chairman of the House Oversight Committee Darrell Issa thinks it is terribly unfair that your panties are in such a wad just because some bloated drug addict called a nice young co-ed a “slut,” when the real attacks are on Religious zzzzzzz.

Wrote Issa to Elijah Cummings, the ranking minority member of said committee, “I am struck by your clear failure to recognize your own contributions to the denigrations of this discussion and attacks on people of religious faith,” before continuing on at length about “disingenuous” and “inflammatory” rhetoric and even “disgusting” “personal attacks” of the anatomical variety on the women on his staff. (Heh. Staff.)

What? Attacks on women? Your editrix is horrified and appalled to think that such things could happen to women in the US — or at least to good GOP women who clearly do not consume their birth control by the barrel. (As Gordo Lardbucket has pointed out, the sluttier you are, the more Pills you must take, because Science.)

Then Darrell Issa cried a bunch, because he is a giant crybaby, who cries.

[TPM]

 
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{ 414 comments }

Barb March 2, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Rush can have all the Dr Porkenheimer's Boner Juice pills he wants and women should be forced to have two babies every year we are fertile.

OzoneTom March 2, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Barb, I'm not sure that you understand how negotiation is supposed to work!

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Oh I think Barb does. The first word is "lock" and the second "load." Then you might, slight chance but hey, get a scintilla of Limpblow's attention drawn away from his 24/7 ego fapping.

NellCote71 March 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Chuckles out loud. Upfists.

WhatTheHeck March 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm

lots of babies to grow up to be soldiers to fight countless wars.amen.

OC_Surf_Serf March 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Let's see: Nine into twelve, carry the seven, take the derivative…two a year ???

Mormons and West Virginians are special!

thebeatgoeson March 2, 2012 at 7:36 pm

they could have twins, duh!!!

OC_Surf_Serf March 2, 2012 at 7:39 pm

…or be a Nadya Suleman and pop 'em all out within a few years.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Oh come on, Barb, once the sperm and the egg meet up and decide to share a room, they're a person! Women can poop out hundreds of zygotes a year – God will take care of them. And if he doesn't – blame it on OBAMA!

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 11:09 am

Don't give Rush a second thought, Barb.
He's just a stunt-pulling attention whore trying to wrest away attention from Beck and co.

Barb March 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Good to see ya, Demme! I'm giving him all kinds of second thoughts. I'm bitching to his sponsors and six of them have dropped him already.

flamingpdog March 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

WOW, you're even more persuasive than I thought you were!

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Good for you!
I'll never forgive Snapple for sponsoring him.
Remember how you could always spot these pin-heads, back in the day?
They were always drinking Snapple and frothing about "feminazis."
(Does he still say that?)

Barb March 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Glenn Beck did something stupid during Christmas of 2010 and Omaha Steaks called me for my usual gift order and I refused to buy anything from them. I'll call the companies I use and have them pull up my order history and then I tell them that I will no longer do business with them.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Link to online petition to Rush's sponsors:
http://campaigns.dailykos.com/p/dia/action/public

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Issa, you ignorant slut.

(And so are those cunt on your staff!!1)haha

Isyaignert March 3, 2012 at 2:48 am

Haha… cunts on your staff… you said cunts on your staff.

Sorry for teh thrid grade humor; it's late and I'm tired.

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 7:10 pm

All attractive young women are sluts because they won't have sexytime with Rush Lardbucket. Possibly LESBIAN sluts as well.

ibwilliamsi March 2, 2012 at 11:45 pm

They're sluts because Rush likes boys. Duh!

OneDollarJuana March 3, 2012 at 10:42 am

Rush would be a slut, except one of the slut requirements is actually having a lot of free sex. Can't imagine that Rush gets much any that he doesn't pay for.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Backed up by the Dominican Boys Choir.

poncho_pilot March 3, 2012 at 4:55 am

you know who else was…aww fuck it. we know where this is headed.

Deportably_Jose March 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

The Catholic Church? Wait no, they usually did the backing up.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm

We need to start in petition in every state that has ballot measures to pass a law making Rush marriages illegal.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Wig? I thought those were hair plugs.

Seriously though, I was perplexed as to why Elton would perform at Rush's last (hehe) wedding at the time (2010). Turned out that Elton's wealth decreased considerably in 2009 (I recall a bloomberg story from around that time but I'm too lazy/drunk right now to post a link to it). I thought Elton had a insane art collection worth a shitload of money not to mention all those Disney/Broadway royalties.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Elton John routinely performs at weddings (for a million dollars or more) with the payment going to his Elton John AIDS Foundation. The Foundation (which often partners on projects with amfAR) funds "programmes for HIV/AIDS prevention, for the elimination of prejudice and discrimination against HIV/AIDS-affected individuals, and for providing services to people living with or at risk of contracting HIV/AIDS." EJ founded the charity after his friend Freddy Mercury died of AIDS.

To my knowledge EJ has not spoken of appearing at the Limbaugh wedding but his husband David Furnish told People magazine that John justified his appearance by telling him, "Life is about building bridges, not walls." Furnish added that he saw the performance as a chance to open minds among the right-wingers present at the ceremony, according to the Daily Mail. Furnish and John acknowledge that they are aware of Limbaugh's vehement attacks on AIDS victims and AIDS research.

Feel free to continue thinking of John as an old asshole in a wig, but if you're interested you can see where the money went here: http://ejaf.org/

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 1:13 am

Taking Limbaugh's money for the express purpose of keeping people with AIDS alive makes him a douchebag? I see. Which AIDS patients would you propose should return the services they've received?

ShaveTheWhales March 3, 2012 at 3:41 am

You know, these late-hours comments have done quite a lot to restore my opinion of old Reg.

(+) A million bucks for AIDS victims / research.
(-) < > Who in the present day actually cares what Elton John does?

This is not building bridges, this is resource extraction, and I like it.

Key to this would be the idea that EJ doesn't take himself too seriously; and when would anyone have ever got the idea that he did?

finallyhappy March 3, 2012 at 8:25 am

Did you see his soda commercial(I can't remember-pepsi or coke)? He does not take himself seriously at all. And if he got a milllion bucks from Rush- money made from dumb redneck bigots for Aids research/services- good for him.

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Issa shame.

Swampgas_Man March 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

Wicked P-Issa!

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Cockadile tears

WhatTheHeck March 2, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Tears of a clown

GuanoFaucet March 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Darryl Issa dumbfuck asshole.

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Issa issa dick.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Is Issa in training for Boner's job?

LettucePrey March 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Which is more hilarious?
(1) A prescription drug addict whining about what insurance pays for.
(2) Still using the word "Feminazis" in the year 2012, like it's clever;
(3) the notion that having insurance coverage for birth control requires a woman to launch an involuntary porn career;
(4) The fact that people listen to these douchnozzles as anything other than intentionally offensive performance art.

All of them, Katie. If there were a pill that men could take daily that would make them shoot exclusively blanks, we "feminazis" would want insurance to cover that as well. As, no doubt, would Rush and Issa. They are spectacular at missing the point.

BerkeleyBear March 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Apparently there is a researcher who thinks he may have come up with that. And yeah, I'm guessing that will be required to be supplied to every male 13-89 on demand at all social events where there is the slightest possibility of sex.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 8:39 pm

By "social events" do you mean CPAC? 'Cuz it seems like there's a lot of hot sexing going on there, much to the consternation of certain attendees who go there to get laid but don't.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Yeah, but according to what was posted here from Craigslist, most or all of the hot sex is by definition not, shall we say, Procreative.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm

So only the closet gheys (meaning, since GOProud got booted out, all of them) get laid at CPAC? I'd sign right up but I don't think I'd like sex with a closet case. I prefer my partners to just fall asleep right after instead of them locking themselves in the bathroom for the rest of the night to cry over their offenses to God. I need my beauty sleep.

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Your (4) isn't funny at all. It's just kinda scary.

OzoneTom March 2, 2012 at 7:38 pm

'If there were a pill that men could take daily that would make them shoot exclusively blanks, we "feminazis" would want insurance to cover that as well.'

C'mon, we could just claim that we were on that pill and be gone before the slut found out about her Gift from God™ a couple of weeks later.

Joshua Norton March 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

(5) You can't get pregnant the way he does it.

Sparky McGruff March 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm

9 year old Dominican boys don't get pregnant, that's true.

PuckStopsHere March 2, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Well done, Lettuce. More comprehensive than the health care coverage itself will turn out to be, I suspect!

fuflans March 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

you have been missing (missed) i think.

Isyaignert March 3, 2012 at 2:50 am

As it is today, men are irrelevant. Women don't fukkin' need them. We love 'em and want 'em, but we don't need 'em.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

"for her testify about contraception coverage"

Is Sarah Palin writing for TPM now?

DerrickWildcat March 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I shouldn't have to pay for your vagina pills! It's not in the Constitution!
CAPS LOCK 2012!!!

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:40 pm

CAPS LOCK/mispelings 201211!1

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:18 am

That's right, Derrick! The only thing they should be paying me for is my boner pils!!!1!

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Let's not Rush to judgement. We all know Russ and Issa are blowhard baby bullies.

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 2, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Yay! Wonkette is about California now. Suck it, losers; you ain't cool enough to live here.

Callyson March 2, 2012 at 7:36 pm

We'll really be cool if/when we can figure out how to get Darrell Issa out of this state…

yyyaz March 2, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Two words: Richard Fucking Nixon. OK, three words.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 9:05 pm

And Ronald fucking Reagan.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm

And Orange Fucking County

Fred_Wertham_Jr March 2, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Don't forget the Birchers. We fucking invented wingnuts.

I'm not really helping my case here, am I?

OneDollarJuana March 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

As I recall, (and I was a Californian at the time), California got rid of Raygun by making him President. Kind of a bad move in retrospect, no? Better to keep Issa in a California jail for car theft, I think.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:19 am

Bah! California is basically Texas without the jobs, now.

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

In the "Inland Empire," sure. But not on the coast.
You really know how to hurt a girl.
Texas? Really?

OT:
Can't wait to watch my Yankees play their first Spring Training game today!!! Finally!

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 11:30 pm

You know I'm jus' teasin'. I respect a state that can keep this current iteration of the Republican Party out of high office, well, Arnie was a mistake, but it could have been worse. That said, you guys have a fucked up political system for a few decades, especially for ballot intiatives, which has produced some of the most progressive but some of the most regressive constitutional amendments. Even when Dems control stuff, the system still gives too much power to the minority.

But, yeah, calling you guys Texas is fightin' words. lol

DemmeFatale March 4, 2012 at 1:04 am

Really.
No H8TE in my State!
(my sign at a Prop.8 protest)

OneDollarJuana March 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

Having grown up in the Pit (San Jose) in the 50's, 60's, 70's I can attest that it's more Oklahoma than Texas.

gurukalehuru March 3, 2012 at 8:02 am

eh. I am 57 and a poor so I don't even make it to the semi-finals of the cool competition, but I live in Prague, coolest city on the planet, so top that, HAH!

Gunner Asch March 3, 2012 at 10:47 am

Yeah, well I live in the middle of nowhere and when my wife plugged in our location on a website that shows the blast areas in a nuclear war we found that we miss the holocaust entirely and don't die until the radiation and nuclear winter evenly blankets the whole country. So who's cool now? Hell's Canyon FTW!

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Call the Waaaaaahmbulance for Issa.

Veritas78 March 2, 2012 at 8:48 pm

He's heard enough sirens in his life. Usually in response to his stealing something, or burning it down.

MaxUdargo March 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm

These Republicans and their manly tears – Issa, Boehner – they're just so deeply moved by how beautiful they are, inside. They're just so good. Too good.

I'm not stalking you, Manchu. I'm just replying to every post you make.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm

See? The hearing had nothing to do with birth control!

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Issa is the result of his parents playing Vatican roulette.

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Mother a Mormon and father Eastern Orthodox–even less rhythm than the Pope.

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Rush's been married four times and no kids.
Ergo:
1. Rush's a virgin.
2. Rush's shooting blanks.
3. Rush has an abortionist on staff.

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Four beards.

Callyson March 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

All of 'em, Katie.

rickmaci March 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

4. Brokeback Lardbow.

LagunaB March 2, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Rush is passed out by 8pm and they tell him how great he was in the morning and then go shopping.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I'd vote for that one.

Dudleydidwrong March 2, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Thank Jeebus and Murphy that Limpballs has never reproduced. The world can only stand so much.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

4. Rush is so used to his underage rentboys that he doesn't know there's another place to put it besides the butthole.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:20 am

Beards; bears all the way down to the floor.

CivicHoliday March 3, 2012 at 10:08 am

or the more obvious answer, all of his slutty gold-digger wives are all *gasp* on the PILL, provided to them by BIG GOVERNMENT. War is peace!

OneDollarJuana March 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

4. BJ's, titty-fucks, hand jobs, etc. NEVER near the va-jay-jay!

poncho_pilot March 3, 2012 at 12:05 pm

gross. who'd ever want to titty-fuck Rush?

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:49 pm

Rush is so fat he can titty-fuck himself.

poncho_pilot March 4, 2012 at 3:22 am

i'd ask how he'd get his greedy little wee wee and ample cleavage to perform that docking procedure but i forgot that due to his reality distortion field and mass he can bend time and space.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Yes, Republicans, please keep calling the 99% of women who have used birth control sluts; that will work real well in November.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I really, really hope that this is the GOP's lasting tactic.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 8:17 pm

It's almost like they are actually determined to lose. It is deliberate? Are they really plants? The liberal conspiracy is bigger than anyone imagined!

zwoits March 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Yes! Rush is a liberal mole! SHhhhHHHHHhhhhhh!

Biel_ze_Bubba March 3, 2012 at 8:50 am

"Are they really plants?"

Plant libel! My petunias have a higher IQ, on average, than these cretins.

HistoriCat March 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

They're more like fungi or slime mold.

valthemus March 3, 2012 at 10:02 am

My greatest fear is that they will use up all their crazy before the convention.

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 10:31 am

They'll use up all their crazy around the same time as the sun uses up all its hydrogen.

Monsieur_Grumpe March 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

As most dads say, "I'll give you something to cry about."

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I've considered writing a book called something like "I'll give you something to cry about: a handbook for Abusive Parents". I think it would sell very well and make me rich,.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Put a discreet cross and some bible passage about the importance of stern physical correction of children somewhere on the cover, and you'll be a very wealthy man.

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Or my pop's favorite variant:
You're cruisin' for a bruisin'

Fukui-sanYesOta March 2, 2012 at 10:42 pm

The threat of choice for east end london young toughs:
Want to wake up with a crowd around you?

naturally rendered as

Wanna wake up wiv a craaahd rahnd ya?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Nice. Mine was "I'll knock you into the middle of Next Week!"

pronounced as

"Aaahhl Knaack you inta the middlea Next Week! (as in "Bang! Zoom! To da Moon, Alice!")

Dad was a paratrooper. He really could do it.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:52 pm

"I'm gonna count to three…"

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 1:24 am

I've been watching crime shows on BBC America lately; that swapping "th" with "v" sounds weird at first, but once your ear adjusts to it, it makes the speaker sound really stupid.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 2:38 am

I cringe when I hear "bruv"; it's even worse than "brah" is, over here.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 3, 2012 at 7:21 am

It's my home accent – estuary English. I th-front when I'm drunk or being lazy, and it does sound like one is stupid.

edit:

it's maah 'ome aksent – eshtry english. I T-H-front when Aah'm drunk or bein' lazy and it duz saahnd lahk whun is schtupid.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:22 am

Some of us didn't even get the warning before the swat.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

My Mother and I used to do this lovely little dance where I ran in a circle while she held onto my arm and whupped my ass with a switch.

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 10:54 am

…or "How would you like a knuckle sandwich?"
(Always made me hungry, though.)

Hera Sent Me March 2, 2012 at 7:23 pm

These guys mix rank hypocrisy with the emotional fortitude of first graders.

"Mommy! That kid I hit just hit me back! Boo hoo hoo!"

ChernobylSoup March 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm

We tried to be as reprehensible as the repubs but calling the pope a slut just doesn't have the same zing.

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Must be the red Pradas.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:24 am

But, honestly, did you see how he was dressed!? I mean, that gown and those shoes? He was just asking for it.

wolvenwood13 March 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Child molester supporter is more accurate. Oh and also Nazi.

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Rebecca, glad to see you survived your first day in the asylum.

dadanarchist March 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm

To quote Edie McClurg:

"Mm mm mm. What a little asshole."

Guppy March 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

According to my watch, it's about time for "Who's the real leader of the GOP?" to make the rounds on cable news again.

OneDollarJuana March 3, 2012 at 10:49 am

Is there a leader in a circle jerk?

jodyleek March 3, 2012 at 9:15 pm

The biggest dick, obviously.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Circular firing squad, if you ask me.

edgydrifter March 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm

The Nazi-Slut Agenda to destroy American morality is like a giant doomsday asteroid + ebola + all the oil wells on earth simultaneously running dry. Darrell Issa cries for us, people, for us.

Callyson March 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Issa criticized Democrats for using the situation to "politicize the situation and use it to raise campaign cash."
Yeah, because the Reeps weren't trying to rally the flagging enthusiasm of their base and/or raise funds from their rich backward supporters by bringing this issue up in the first place.
Morans.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 7:36 pm

How dare they politicize a political issue!@!!

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Far be it from me to accuse anyone of being a politician, but…

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

There's not enough Viagra on the planet to lift the Rethugs' flaccid enthusiasm.

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Meanwhile, The Situation cynically plugs Valtrex across multiple MTV platforms.

Beowoof March 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

I would love a tell all book on Rush's 4 marriage failures. (I know only three have failed as of today, but old soft pork, still has ample opportunity to screw this one up, and be forced back to the Dominican Republic for 10 year old boy sex). I am sure those women have stories to tell that would regale a lefty like me for days and days on end. And can you imagine a movie. Too bad Chris Farley died he would be awesome as Rushbo.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Bill Hicks had a theory about this topic.

WARNING: Not to be played during dinner.

ALSO! Link is an audio clip with a non-moving picture. Somebody complained about this once, so I thought I'd warn you.

Beowoof March 2, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Huge Bill Hicks fan and I have seen this and you are right not during dinner, or snacks or if your stomach is queasy today.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 8:01 pm

You can demand he release the video tapes, but I'm not watching it.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:27 am

Honestly, I wonder about his current wife. Maybe it's a bad thing, but one of my first thoughts after he doubled down on this was that his wife should totally be withholding any kind of intimacy with him and talking some sense into him.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

DId anybody notice that President Obama called up Ms. Fluke on the phone today and commiserated with her? Multiple upfists for Prezdint Hopey!

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Yeah, and then she had to go out and endure a horrible, condescending interview from Andrea Mitchell, who just kept asking her variations of "How do you feel about what the bad man said about you?" and "Isn't it awesome the president called?" I'd link to the video but I have standards.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Hey, he's exploiting a defenseless white girl for political advantage! What a hypocrite!!!!! I for one am so sad for how our once great nation has fallen.

Beowoof March 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Class something foreign to Issa and others of his ilk.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 3, 2012 at 8:55 am

So that's why they think Obama's not an American!

MozakiBlocks March 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Every so often Barry reminds me of why I voted for him. He's such a mensch.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I can see this young woman as a poster child for a reenergized women's rights movement.

BTWBFDIMHO March 3, 2012 at 12:04 am

That guy is the Prez of the wrong country.

DerrickWildcat March 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Doesn't Limbaugh pay ladies to Marry him?

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Or he just goes to teh Caribbean and simply pays the laddies ladies.

PuckStopsHere March 3, 2012 at 12:32 am

If true, what would that make Rush's ladies? What is it they call women who take money for sex? There's a word for that but I can't think of it…

redarmyzombie March 5, 2012 at 5:29 am

There's a Tiffany's joke here somewhere, if I can find it…

BlueStateLibel March 2, 2012 at 7:41 pm

You will pry my birth control from my cold dead hands. Just a warning.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 7:53 pm

No! Don't say that! That's what Breitbart said about liburty and look what Obama did to him!

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Charlton Heston said the same thing about his gun &, look at him! He's still dead!
(I've always wondered if fake Moses was buried with a gun in his cold dead hands but it seems he was cremated, so probably not.)

sharethegrief March 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm

He was reconstituted into a potent gunpowder.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I would have thought it would be from your cold dead kneecaps, but I guess I've been listening to the lamestream media too much lately.

redarmyzombie March 5, 2012 at 5:31 am

No, you're thinking of Aspirin.

fartknocker March 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

So it's OK for a bloviating talk show asshole to call a person a slut over birth control issues when she's testifying at a Senate hearing but when a Federal judge in Montana sends an e-mail that is racist and directed towards the President and his mother, these same representatives of the people have absolutely no issue. If it was a Federal judge who was a Democrat that sent a similar e-mail, these same shitstains would be calling for removal hearings.

These little events are just more ammunition to be used in November to demonstrate to voters that these goatfucks couldn't give a rat's ass about their constituents. Hopefully the Democrats can convey this message: unfortunately for some of these voters, you can't cure or fix stupid.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 8:36 pm

It's actually logical that GOPers would attack women who want to use birth control since the only females they don't hate are post-menopausal white women who are askeared of the black President & prepubescent girls.

fuflans March 2, 2012 at 11:02 pm

i think the word 'shitstain' is so very appropriate in this context and i applaude your use of it.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Doubtlessly, Issa has many examples that he can point to, I mean, specific examples, in which Elijah Cummings has said horrible things about religious people. No doubt. None at all. Nope.

Come here a minute March 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Darrell Issa makes his mother sigh. (She's old enough to know better.)

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

A Gold Star for the clever Beatles reference!

johnnyzhivago March 2, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Calm down everyone – Rush has the right idea here. He saves bundles on Birth Control ever since his "wife" demanded that he be castrated.

dadanarchist March 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Is that why he's so fat?

Dudleydidwrong March 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Yeah, and I'll bet the castration surgery was paid for by Medicare.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Our tax dollars at work!

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 7:52 pm

You had me at "focus on slut".

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Obscured in all of the fog concerning that fat douchebag calling a woman a slut is the basic reality – independence of the claim "I don't want to pay for your birth control!!!!". Get a clue: you're not paying anything. Birth control is revenue neutral, and may even be revenue saving. The insurance company pays a tiny sum for birth control pills, and save a huge amount on the enormous hospital costs of an unintended pregnancy. (The cost of the hospital care for a single hi-risk premature infant could buy birth control for all the childbearing age women of a large town.) (Not even counting the costs to the company of maternity leave, etc.)

There is a lot of data on these things. And when they come from things like insurance company actuarial tables, with which the make or lose their money, ideology tends to drift away. a) birth control without copay by itself costs the insurance company a miniscule amount. b) when you consider savings elsewhere it is cost-neutral or even cost saving, depending on the circumstances.

I've no doubt that Limbaugh's stunt was calculated to distract attention from things like this. So long as the conversation is about him and his asshole behavior, it also turns the conversation to this bizarre "why should I pay for you to have sex?" line of attack. Don't get me wrong – there are dozens of confusions, and morally despicable presuppositions, wrapped up in that question. I just want to mention one response that should be immediate without meaning to suggest that there aren't a dozen others too:
Nobody is paying extra on their insurance because of birth control coverage.

This insidious lie must be challenged every time it arises.

emmelemm March 2, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Thank you.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 8:06 pm

So, what I hear you saying here is that you hate Jesus and Freedom.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:50 pm

And teh troops.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

And you have just illustrated the biggest problem with counteracting the incessant lies of these dickholes: It takes more than a moment to explain, and by then, Average American Joe Derp has already wandered off to eat something fried and/or masturbate.

emmelemm March 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"Go away! 'Batin!"

mormos March 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Preferably both

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Simultaneously.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Free lube!

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I thin that the true nuts don't want any part of the insurance $$ pool going towards it. Whether their rates go up or not.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 8:38 pm

True, but if we can get them to concede that evidently true point, then we can say “hey, practice your religion as you wish. Just don't ask me to pay for it.”—

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 9:01 pm

'k'

Also, yes, excellent.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

But we already pay for them to practice it. Tax exemptions.

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Worse yet Chich, I'm pretty sure that Russ Limbloat doesn't even have health insurance.
I'll bet my left nut he's a cheap tipper too.

mormos March 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm

credit where credit is due, and this is the only time i will ever compliment rush limpdick. He actually tips absurdly well. Like $1000 a dinner well. Or so says the times

Chichikovovich March 3, 2012 at 8:26 am

Rush realizes that the waitstaff need a compelling reason not to spit on his food.

sezme March 3, 2012 at 3:53 pm

He may just be bad at math, though.

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 8:44 pm

You're not one of those nuts that support childhood vaccination, are you?

BlueStateLibel March 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Outstanding as usual; also, do you think our beloved pharma is liking our friendly Repugnants beating up on their drugs?

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Wrong, pinko, it's about MY RELIGIOUS FREEDOMZ!!!!

Gainsbourg69 March 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm

These yahoos know that contraceptives are not going to be subsidized by the government. They are only complaining because they don't want the job creators paying for a slut's dirty sex habit.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 10:35 pm

That's the point – the job creators aren't paying for it either! The insurance company is all about managing risk. Practicing birth control (really cheap) significantly reduces the risk of a maternity stay in the hospital – very expensive, especially if complications or premature birth are involved in which case it becomes insanely expensive. In the occasions when birth control coverage has been introduced into insurance pools, it has been found to be cost neutral.Why were insurance companies so happy to just offer birth control coverage at no extra charge in Obama's compromise? Because it's smart business.—

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

It puts new meaning to the importance of Single Payer Now!

Biff March 3, 2012 at 10:07 am

I'm single, why should I pay?

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:35 pm

"why should I pay for you to have sex?"

I'm pretty sure he has to pay *everyone* to have sex… Oh, you mean with someone *other* than him!

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"Birth control is revenue neutral, and may even be revenue saving. The insurance company pays a tiny sum for birth control pills, and save a huge amount on the enormous hospital costs of an unintended pregnancy."

I agree as far as that goes, but I'm pretty sure they don't want to pay for pregnancies/prenatal care/deliveries, etc., just like they don't want to pay for anything that helps the already born babbies.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 1:41 am

Really, I think the evangelicals have gotten themselves into a lather about birth control pills and condoms only because of their newfound mutual defense agreement with the Catholics. They have gotten over their historic hatred and mistrust of Papists, and now they have to back them up on this ridiculous birth control business because the enemy of their enemy is secular Satanist Nobama. Protestant fundie evangelicals care about abortion, but I grew up among them, and you cannot convince me that they really believe condom use is a sin. Apparently, they will throw condoms and birth control pills under the bus for the "greater good" of Catholic help outlawing abortion again.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Seriously, maybe it is my age or upbringing, but watching grown men cry in public is a bit strange to begin with. When it is for no reason beyond hurt widdle feelings because someone fought back, it just borders on creepy.

LetUsBray March 2, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Further IOKIYARage: Ed Muskie cries in public once, and he's finished. These freaks are blubbering away constantly, and it's totally cool.

Jukesgrrl March 3, 2012 at 12:23 am

And I distinctly remember (even though I was a babe in swaddling clothes, it goes without saying), that he cried over a personal attack on his wife, to whom he had been married nearly 30 years at that point, by the ultraconservative Union-Leader publisher. Can you imagine if a newspaper editor accused Mrs. Boehner of being a drunken party girl?

WiscDad March 2, 2012 at 7:57 pm

If you think this is reason to cry…wait til Nov 6th

SmutBoffin March 2, 2012 at 7:57 pm

"…continuing on at length about…'disgusting' 'personal attacks' of the anatomical variety on the women on his staff."

Uh-huh. Was the source of these attacks Issa himself?

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Just another day in the office.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 1:49 am

Mr. Issa, were the women on your staff attacked by name on a nationally syndicated public affairs program? Well then shut the fuck up.

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Issa:
mandates on individual freedom
mandates on individual freedom
mandates on individual freedom
mandates on individual freedom

James Michael Curley March 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

Mandate was once the name of a combined tummy reducer, butt supporter, ball bra designed to give that "lean young look" and was advertised on the back of American Legion Magazine back in the '60's.

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

First I thought, 'HAH! great bit by JMC……….'
http://famewatcher.com/slimming-mens-underwear-bo

James Michael Curley March 3, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Memory modules are working well today. Tomorrow, Eh?

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 8:01 pm

So Issa has a sad that Limpblow limited his diatribe to Sandra Fluke. Rushie shoulda said that "all sexually active college coeds using birth control are slutty prostitutes." This must be made a plank to walk in the Repuglycuntz platform.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Certainly sounded to me as if Rush included all wimmins when he said that the government paying for birth control (when does that happen other than maybe Medicaid?) makes him think, "What if someone came to your door and said, "I'm having sex with three guys tonight and can you pay for my birth control?" He didn't say Ms. Flukes name, so I'll just assume I might be the slut at his door since I would be thrilled to make Rush personally pay for my birth control … AND provide me with three lovers.

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Is there no medication to cure me of this weeping asshole?

SmutBoffin March 2, 2012 at 8:09 pm

If there were, we woulda been rid of Boehner a long time ago.

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm
imissopus March 2, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Thanks, that was…educational.

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm

For temporary relief only. If problem persists, see your KGB agent.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Steamed chicken? Wtf?

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Will no one rid us of these turbulent priests?

Nostrildamus March 3, 2012 at 12:04 am

What's black and white and goes around and around and around?

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 1:35 am

A nun falling down the stairs?

flamingpdog March 3, 2012 at 1:50 am

What's black and white and red all over?

Chichikovovich March 3, 2012 at 8:32 am

Have you been getting into the "Convent Canings" bondage pørn again?

starfanglednut March 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

A nun in a blender?

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 2:34 am

Kim Kardashian and (fill in the blah blank)?

A clergy circle-jerk?

James Michael Curley March 3, 2012 at 9:14 am

Should read "Will no one rid us of these turgid priests?"

Nostrildamus March 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm

"Will no one give us release from these turgid priests?"

LagunaB March 2, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Portable morphine drip?

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Yes please.

LagunaB March 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Please give address. We deliver. With great emphatic response.Sent from my iPhone

vtxmcrider March 2, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"Weeping asshole" is the medical term for "santorum drip."

Gunner Asch March 3, 2012 at 11:34 am
Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Every time I see that guy's name, I think somebody's just quoting Jar-Jar Binks.

GeorgiaBurning March 2, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Take a look at his picture sometime. The resemblance is scary. But Jar-Jar had conviction. Darrel just has plea bargains and charges dropped.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 8:18 pm

And what should be done about the negro problem?

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Oh come on now, you know perfectly well what should be done.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

While Rushbo would never actually advocate cownegrodogicide, he would definitely blame the negro, not the train.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I don't know; it seems like sloppy planning to me. I mean, what are the odds that the cow and dog are going to be properly lined up with the negro at the exact moment the train passes?

user-of-owls March 3, 2012 at 1:10 am

Well that does it. We're definitely not inviting you>/i> into the Who Killed Breitbart to Prevent the Truth from Being Told Clubhouse.

"Sloppy planning." Sheesh.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 1:42 am

Sorry, O feathery one, but "sloppy planning" is what I said, and "sloppy planning" is what I meant.

Two variables is at least one variable too many. Nobody wants to go to the effort of coordinating cow, dog, and train; then luring the negro to a precise location by the railroad tracks, at a precise moment, with promises of a grape soda (or whatever it is that Those People like); only to find out that the dog is off chasing a neighborhood cat, or the cow has wandered away in search of a tasty patch of grass, or both. Then where would you be? In the unenviable position of having wasted most of the day, and also possibly a grape soda.

James Michael Curley March 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

"And there's hamburger all over the tracks in Mobile."

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Then there's this wonderfully droll Times headline, coming in November:

"Papist, Mormon, Adulterer, Libertarian All Toast"

Subhead: "Papist Tumbles Mormon Into Serial Adulterer, Crushing Libertarian and Re-Electing Negro President"

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I like your explanation the best.

jesus_vs_gojira March 2, 2012 at 11:18 pm

And what should be done about the negro problem?

I'm not sure, but I think it involves voter suppression.

flamingpdog March 3, 2012 at 1:54 am

In some circles, it would involve trees of the right height.

BZ1 March 2, 2012 at 8:18 pm

What is it with these crying jags? first Boner, now Issaidjit

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Maybe they realize that after this session of Congress is over, they're never getting laid again. Ever.

rickmaci March 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

What is it with these GOTeaP elected guys and all the crying? There is no crying in racist, sexist, homophobic, reactionary politics !!!

Biff March 2, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Issa did it first, after spending a million bucks ridding California of Gray Davis, then realizing he wasn't going to be the nominee.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

FOREVER ALONE meme-guy cries less than these fucking weirdos.

JustPixelz March 2, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Apparently O'Reilly is on-board with Limbaugh in claiming "we" — taxpayers, he said — are being forced to pay for contraception for Sandra Fluke and women like her. But isn't this about an insurance benefit, paid for by insurance premiums, which are usually privately funded?

And, not for nothing, if you asked single men if they'd support a tax increase so all women get free contraception, it would poll at 100%.

BlueStateLibel March 2, 2012 at 8:57 pm

It's an insurance benefit. If we're going to get pissed at taxpayers paying for anything, it's paying for "scooters" and that whole well-documented scam… why should I have to pay for someone who's too lazy to walk? Granted, there are a few exceptions, and there are some people who need them, but I doubt most do.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:26 pm

How are those Patriots going to get to the medicine cabinet where they keep their diabetes drugs? Huh?

poncho_pilot March 3, 2012 at 11:47 am
tessiee March 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Lulz, I thought of Patriots, the football team, and wondered why they'd have diabeetus drugs in the medicine cabinet, taking up room that could be used for steroids.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"But isn't this about an insurance benefit, paid for by insurance premiums, which are usually privately funded?"

Sure, but I think that most people who have insurance have it through their jobs.
If you view it through the lens of, "This is one more thing that we can get corporations out of paying for by shifting the burden to private citizens", it suddenly makes sense.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 2, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Thing is, we (the taxpayer) pay for employer-provided healthcare anyway. Companies get a tax exemption on their healthcare costs, which is *exactly the same* as the government paying for it. Costs about 200 billion a year.

edit: Imma talk about this a little more.

It's obviously part of a worker's compensation package, so it should be taxed at that point, but it's not. It's treated as a business overhead (like wages) so it's not taxed at that point and *then, above this* can be offset against the company's profits for tax purposes.

This is government-funded healthcare by the back door – for a shittier service and far less choice, in general.

edit 2: and then, half these fucking lying bastard healthcare companies are set up as non-profits, so it's not taxed there either.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Is it really "exactly the same" as the government paying for it?

Aren't insurance premiums a business expense, so businesses are just not being taxed on the income they use to pay for the expense, rather than businesses charging it to the government (which seems to be what you're saying)?

When I get a tax exemption, it means the government deducts the expense from my total income and not from my taxes owed. I pay a little bit less taxes, but because my income goes down, not because the government is allowing me to deduct the full cost of the expense from my total taxes paid.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 2, 2012 at 11:58 pm

No, it's not exactly the same, but I didn't want to edit my original assertion, which was wrong.

It means it's government-subsidized, which is different – the entire amount isn't paid for, but it's treated as a deduction, and therefore we pay 35% of it.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 12:12 am

I think in her case, she was talking about a student plan at a private Catholic college, so she'd be the one paying the premium. In which case, Limbaugh was WAY off.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Limbaugh and this crop of Republicans leaders have never been interested in explaining something accurately if it doesn't help them. They are still insisting on calling the Affordable Care Act a "government take over" of healthcare, despite the fact that it most certainly isn't, after all.

Jukesgrrl March 3, 2012 at 12:35 am

Please don't anybody miss O'Reilly's reason for piling on. He claimed that insisting "the govt." pay for birth control (there we go again) would be like him demanding the government pay for his protective gear when he played college football. Seriously, he compared birth control pills to the shoulder pads he wore when he played football (if he ever did) for Marist College. Bill might want to be reminded that it's unlikely HE paid for that uniform, but some Catholic college donor no doubt did. Maybe the same one who donated to Georgetown University's student health dept.

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Hey guys, it's not fair to call Rush "Lardbaugh" anymore. He's really trimmed down recently, tipping the scales at a svelte 165.

And that's only his head.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:57 pm

He's four feet tall. Lying down.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Hey Rush, wanna lose 165 pounds of ugly fat, quick? Cut off your head!

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 1:57 am

When they kept show clips of his studio live feed on TV this week, I got excited because at first I thought it was long lost footage of Jabba the Hutt in "Return of the Jedi."

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

"long lost footage of Jabba the Hutt"

"Bring me Solo, and a cookie."

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 8:46 pm

We can't intervene in Indochina. That would require sailing off the edge of the Earth.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Magellan libel!

AddHomonym March 2, 2012 at 8:51 pm

No congressman, no cry.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Darrel has a point, that it IS a very narrow focus, to merely look at Limbaugh's "slut" comment.

Not as fucking narrow as only having only a bunch of men testify about women's birth control issues, that shit wins the Narrownapolis 500. But still.

LetUsBray March 2, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Hasn't it been three fucking days of slut comments so far? I'd love to see Ms. Fluke pursue legal action.

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Go back to the Royals, you turd. Maybe your shared Neanderthal politics could help persuade Walmart heir David Glass to spend to put a good team on the field.

mookwrthwilson March 2, 2012 at 8:59 pm

He's not just a car thief…he's also an arsonist and he committed insurance fraud too.

LetUsBray March 2, 2012 at 10:08 pm

But it's libruls who lack values.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Party of Personal Responsibility, ya know.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Arson and insurance fraud are important Family Values. They could help your family rake in more moniez. And what is more patriotic than that?

SudsMcKenzie March 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I think he stampeded cattle through the Vatican as well.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Kinky!

Nostrildamus March 3, 2012 at 12:10 am

It's called wealth creation, Commie!

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:37 am

So, what you're saying is that he's a real winner, huh?

horsedreamer_1 March 3, 2012 at 2:26 am

A less ambitious Rick Scott.

LagunaB March 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Another round of HUAC? Shoot another Kennedy?

emmelemm March 2, 2012 at 9:39 pm

They're all gone at this point… I guess they could shoot Caroline. Wouldn't accomplish much, though.

LagunaB March 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Are kidding me? They were all practicing. They were all Catholics that practice. They were all democratic men who liked women/ their wives and had sexy time. Which resulted in beaucoup de les enfants. Just because they killed my uncles does don't mean there are no more Kennedys. We live on to avenge.Sent from

el_donaldo March 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Earlier today I thought it was Tagg Romney that needed the lesson in the thing that's so totally obvious it's completely clear to everyone else. Well, he still does. But he's second in line right now.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Nothing says personal responsibility like blaming Democrats for stupidity Limbaugh spewed.

Joshua Norton March 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Sir, did the talk about sex get to you? Sir, why is your face all red? Sir, I’m only going to ask this once, but…where is your other hand?

IceCreamEmpress March 2, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Darrell Issa can be as Christian Taliban as he likes, but people in the rest of the country are still going to think he's real Taliban because he's Arab. (Or "an Ay-rab" as they might say.)

Remember he was one of the targets of that "blow up mosques" thing a while back…

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 9:31 pm

The reason Issa is crying in that photo is because Issa personally funded the recall election of Governor Davis, expecting to be able to be the man to replace him. However, the Republican Party had other plans, which consisted of sitting him down, saying thanks for the recall election, but "it's not your time." So, he leaves this meeting and goes out to tell the press that he's not running for Governor, but not the reason why. Although that had to have been pretty humiliating, it's nearly as humiliating an experience as I'd like him to have every fucking day for the rest of his life. Believe me, I can think of something new every day, too.

ShaveTheWhales March 3, 2012 at 3:55 am

Thanks for reminding me of one of the few reasons to have small positive thoughts about Governor Gropenator.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

"Issa personally funded the recall election of Governor Davis, expecting to be able to be the man to replace him. However, the Republican Party had other plans, which consisted of sitting him down, saying thanks for the recall election, but "it's not your time." "

*falls off chair laughing*

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm

This won't be the weekend fodder, will it?

miss_grundy March 2, 2012 at 9:51 pm

The bigger the cigar that Mushmouth smokes, the smaller his peen gets; that is, if there is a peen within the layers of fat on his body. The only reason he has had four wives is because some women will marry anyone in order to live a comfortable life. I would rather be single than be in bad company.

And if women can't have contraceptive drugs then men shouldn't be able to have access to erectile dysfunction drugs so they can get more lead in their pencils. I would also not allow men to be screened for prostate, penile or testicular cancers. And the first men to be hit with these types of cancers should be the loudmouths at Faux News and conservative talk radio. At least it would thin the herd.

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Ask me, it all went to hell when we got the steam engine, I tell you what.

Sassomatic March 2, 2012 at 9:55 pm

"the anatomical variety on the women on his staff" Is anatomical variety code for trannies?

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I love this idea that women are having "so much sex", that they can't afford contraception. Birth control pills cost the same amount no matter how much or how little sex one is having, you dumb fucks.

zwoits March 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Women have the right to the great american pursuit of happiness…sexual happiness. And it helps society if it is done responsibly. Win/win.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Oh, get outta here with your common sense!!

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 10:09 pm

What? Attacks on women? Your editrix is horrified and appalled

There, there young lady, don't you go worrying your schöne little kopf over it. You'll get a grey hair and then you'll never land a man.

Oh heavens, now I've gone and confused your delicate female mind, haven't I. What a cad am I.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Oh, now you've done it. She's either going to faint away with the vapours, or go into a hysterical rage, upsetting the crockery and frightening the help.

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It may help if you get something warm into her.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Dr Frank prescribes Hot Beef Injections. Good for what ails you.**

**Darryl Issa's Community College party pick-up line.
– ref. Issa, Darryl Mein Schtruggle, Regnery, '10

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Heh…so, I'm on Al Franken's email list, and he's got an online petition with this simple message:

DEAR REPUBLICANS:

My boss is not my doctor. My health care choices are none of my boss's business — and none of yours, either.

Seriously — what's wrong with you guys?

Glad to see he's feeling secure enough in the job to be so openly snarky.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Can we haz link, pleez? Or can only Minnysoootans sign?

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I just signed it and I got a thanky note immediately afterwards, so I guess you don't have to be Minnysootan to sign. I don't have a linky to pass along, but I suspect if you go to http://www.alfranken.com/ they'll have a place for you to sign.

I don't normally sign petitions to Republiklans because, like they'll pay attention?, but if I were gay, I would be so madly in gay love with Al that I can't resist his invites. WARNING: He will ask for a contribution – he's still a politician, after all.

emmelemm March 3, 2012 at 3:55 am

I haven't seen a single petition that doesn't then ask for a contribution. (Doesn't mean I don't sign them.)

Veritas78 March 2, 2012 at 10:12 pm

OT, but did anyone notice how fresh the world looked today? That all creatures that walk, swim, burrow, or creepeth did so with a spring in their step or whatever they hath do?

Yes, it was because we are minus one fat cokehead pedophile, who was finally consumed by hatred yesterday.

Right now, his soft tissue membranes have dissolved and the liquids are draining from his corpse (perhaps along with his hate). His eyeballs have collapsed. If he hasn't been cremated yet or filled with formaldehyde, maggot embryos are already hatching. (How do they get there? The maggots go in, the maggots go out, nobody knows.)

Most importantly, the world quickly begins to cleanse itself. He's still dead, and we're not.

It's a great day to be alive!

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Where does Issa get his hair done, Jiffy Lube?

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

"Wrote Issa to Elijah Cummings, the ranking minority member of said committee, “I am struck by your clear failure to recognize your own contributions to the denigrations of this discussion and attacks on people of religious faith,”
OK, I don't know what Elijah Cummings looks like, but I'm picturing a middle-aged blah guy typing on a computer in his office.
Darrell Issa barges into the office, highly indignant.
to be continued…

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 10:15 pm

continued from previous post…
Darrell [pointing melodramatically]: YOU!!
Elijah: Say what now?
Darrell [pressing back of hand to forehead]: They're denigrating this discussion and attacking me because of my religious faith!
Elijah: Um… hmm. That's a real shame, Darrell. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to get this powerpoint presentation ready for tomorrow's meeting.
Darrell: And YOU, Elijah, YOU are contributing to the whole thing!
Elijah: I'm not contributing to anything, Darrell. I'm sitting here at my desk doing my work.
Darrell: You see? You SEE? You're REFUSING to acknowledge that you're in on it, too!!
[runs down the hallway sobbing]
Elijah: Um… OK, then. [to self] Jeez, what a nutcake. [returns to typing on keyboard] Four… and carry the one…

mlytnz March 2, 2012 at 10:16 pm

let's put a law on the table mandating that all men must show a marriage certificate before purchasing viagra!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Where the hell did I put my cotton gin??

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Boehner drank it all. Again.

"Dammit, you Promised to save me a shot this time!" *SLAP!*

"Filthy Slut." "Boo hoohoohoo! Boohoohoohoohoohoo!"

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

True story: My seven year old son hit some kid* today at school.

It was because that kid was picking on a girl.

Thus, my first grader knows how to treat females better than Limbaugh, Issa, et al.

(* Who was in middle school, thus 4-6 years older … though The Mrs and I kinda made a giant, so take that into account.)

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Wow, your fine fellow stood up to a bully. Too bad there are not more like him. Huzzah!

PS: Let us know the day he is old enough to run for Congress.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Maybe UM can run for Congress himself, with UM Jr. as his enforcer. Sounds like his kid is lot tougher than the Hinckley kid on the other thread there.

UnholyMoses March 3, 2012 at 9:32 am

Oh no … my history would NOT hold up to scrutiny.

Well, unless folks are okay with a guy who followed the Dead, has made Cheech and Chong look like amateurs, dumped folks outta my life when the supported Palin, and have a tendency to speak my mind when it'd be best if I just STFU.

Ummmmmmm … wait a second.

Anyone know how long it takes to set up a PAC?

HuddledMass March 2, 2012 at 11:10 pm

A gallant move by the young UMoses – we applaud him.

UnholyMoses March 3, 2012 at 9:30 am

Awww … shucks.

**blushes**

Trust me — I'm quite proud of the little dude. I also give all the credit to Mrs Moses — she's quite the amazing mom who has instilled a great respect for women (and the environment, etc.) in our kid. Thumbs up to her.

The best part, though?

He has actual, clinically-diagnosed-and-not-just-a-spoiled-brat-in-need-of-more-and-better-discipline Asperger's. And Tourette's (tics and clicks kind, not the shouty kind).

So … um, yeah. We thought we'd be stuck with a Republican, but he's turning out quite well. So far.

**knocks on wood**

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 10:33 pm

What about the trash being published today like that "Catcher in the Rye" filth! We need to think of the children!

finallyhappy March 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

The Lorax- dangerous film started yesterday. KILL THE TREES

Oblios_Cap March 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Devito nailed the "critics" on the TV yesterday.

DustBowlBlues March 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Being a big, fat liberal in Okrahome, I'm watching Bill Maher.r course. He and Russ Feingold said two things no one but the wonkeratti ever says. (Not buttseks and trucknutz.)

That the recently beatified Olympia Snowe insisted they rewrite the health care bill to suit her, then voted against it. And that all this ugly shit in our politics began with the contract with america, though when I talk about it I call 1992 the year Newt's Xians destroyed the system.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:47 am

The fawning over Snowe is disgusting. IT's what the Village does with "moderates." She is no different than Evan Bayh. Mark my words, she's leaving to grift up something fierce. In many ways, I dislike her more than I do the crazies, because she's not honest about her intentions and never has been. It's this kind of phoniness that has made it easier to transfer wealth up the ladder. These so-called Republican 'moderates' are the tip of the spear.

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 9:00 am

Olympia Snowe is implicated in a potential for-profit college scam. There's a lawsuit involving the company in which she and her husband invest, that has been scamming federal education $$ to line their own pockets. C&L postulates that the timing of her retirement is related to this.
http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/profit-col

chascates March 2, 2012 at 10:38 pm

And by 'people of religious faith' Issa did not mean people of Muslim faith.

Doktor Zoom March 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Well, duh. That's because, as theological expert Pam Geller always says, it's not an actual religion. Because it's really a political ideology. And lord knows the definitional lines between those two things are clear and bright.

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm

It's a good thing christians never get involved in politics.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

OT: The first Ron Paul for President sign went up on my street in Tucson today. Three days AFTER the Arizona primary. Those Paultards really ARE baked.

Or is it some kind of "Remember the Alamo"? Or both.

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 10:41 am

Paultard hipster irony?

Or someone removing signs from his neighborhood and putting them in others so that his neighborhood doesn't appear to be so loony?

Jukesgrrl March 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Both of those answers are plausible, professor.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Has anyone checked up on Breitbart in this thread? I've been operating under the assumption that he is Still Dead.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Not gonna check up on Brightfart. Now if you'd like me upchuck on him …

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Yeah well, now that you mention it…go for it.

HistoriCat March 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Sorry – not familiar with the name.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Someone explain to Rep. Issa that Rush Limbaugh's position on this issue has nothing to do with the "religious freedom" argument Issa's been making for the last few weeks, and he probably shouldn't be trying to ally himself with someone who is saying this is about sex (the exact argument Issa has been denying is his rationale, remember?).

Idiots.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 2, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Ooh, the "Schoenkopf Years" here at teh Wonket are going to be a blast, I think.

The only thing the lede of this article is missing is an appropriately horrifying patented Wonkette descriptive phrase, thus:

{adjective}{noun} Rush Limbaugh

like, "jellied Viagra-fancier Rush Limbaugh", or my favorite, "bloated jewelry piglet Newt Gingrich"

poncho_pilot March 3, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Amorphous Pork Gravy Ball Rush Limbaugh?

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Anytime I see "guano faucet" is a good time!

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I can't decide between:

Cigar-fellating lardass Rush LImbaugh
and
Drug-gobbling pedophile Rush LImbaugh.

BTWBFDIMHO March 3, 2012 at 12:00 am

The Chairman of the House Oversight Committee is a car robber?!!? Of which country, Unitedstan?

Nostrildamus March 3, 2012 at 12:20 am

Hilarious description of Romney rally today in "Seattle". Especially nice is the description of what makes a Romney crowd more unpleasant than a Santorum, Paul or Gingrich crowd. (It's that extra little bit of entitlement.)

banana_bread March 3, 2012 at 12:22 am

I cannot even articulate how much it pisses me off that someone can get away with calling BC users sluts.

Besides the obvious concern trolling it brings along, there are SO many reasons to be on the pill besides contraception! I was on it once, before I was sexually active, to control my extremely bad periods. I went on it again to control ovarian cysts. The real kick in the crotch is that the second time I went on BC, I was on another drug that nullified the contraceptive effects. I literally could not use it for actual birth controlling.

So yeah, obviously my out-of-whack hormones and crazy precancerous tumors make me a SLUT. Fuck you, Issa and Limbaugh. Fuck you in the ass with a trans-vaginal probe.

banana_bread March 3, 2012 at 12:25 am

Also, I posted a similar screed to my Faceybook and I got three replies within five minutes, all from lady friends who also use the pill for non-contraceptive issues.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 12:59 am

I need more thumbs up to give this.

horsedreamer_1 March 3, 2012 at 5:34 pm

SLUT TUMORS KILLED AT BONAROO.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 12:31 am

As Gordo Lardbucket has pointed out, the sluttier you are, the more Pills you must take, because Science.

Yes, he seems to be under the impression women only take birth control on the occasions they are planning to be sexually active, instead of taking the pill every day regardless.

He really has no idea that if she has sex one time or 100 times, she is going to use the same number of pills in a month. He literally doesn't realize women don't have an on/off switch to their ovaries that can be controlled by swallowing a birth control pill!

And since AM radio's preeminent bag of farts in bloated human form doesn't seem to understand how the female reproductive system works, add biology to the enormous list of subjects Rush feels confident to run his mouth about despite his total misunderstanding.

What a fucking asshole. I honestly can't understand how wife number four can put up with this guy.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 10:59 am

I didn't see Rachel Maddow last night, but apparently she also talked about this exact thing.

Gunner Asch March 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

$

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 1:38 pm

It's a schtick, and the wingers are too stupid to see it.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 12:57 am

Meh. Another self-hating minority that thinks he's a WASP. How a criminal like Issa gets to climb so high in his party, and why he's rewarded for continuing to be a dick, just shows you what it's about.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:35 am

My favorite part in this whole scandal is how the media is nearly completely ignoring what he said after he slurred the poor woman with the word "slut" and then went on to call her prostitute. Right after that, he makes it even worse by saying that since we're paying for the birth control (a total lie, BTW), we should at least get to see all of the sex shes having via sex tapes.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 1:36 am

Times like these make me wonder what Andrew Breitbart would do.

Nah.

Barrelhse March 3, 2012 at 7:48 am

Too late?

Nostrildamus March 4, 2012 at 12:20 am

He's festering at this very moment.

Not about this, particularly. Just festering.

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 1:51 am

Off topics, but…WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GO UPDATE THE WONKETTE WIKIPEDIA PAGE?!?!

(As in update the editors' names and the list of…ahem…"regular features"? I'd do it but I'm too lazy afraid of fucking it up somehow. I mean…Jesus, do you KNOW how many times I edit my own posts HERE? I've already edited this very post 4 times.)

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 10:45 am

It also deals with serious matters of politics and policy.

WTF?

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 11:28 am

There was no mention of poop jokes.

James Michael Curley March 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

Wikipedia is fiction. Wonkette is documentary.

Troubledog March 3, 2012 at 2:05 am

This is dumb.

SudsMcKenzie March 3, 2012 at 2:06 am

Why didn't Oldman win that Oscar

* I'll show myself elf to the door*

shebeers March 3, 2012 at 2:43 am

I say we take one of Virginia's vaginal ultrasound probes they ordered (and don't need for now) and put it up his rectum to find his "religion." The radiology technician will clearly see no sign of God but will find his brain.

DCBloom March 3, 2012 at 6:23 am
paris biltong March 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

Gee, I go away for a couple of days (down with the flu, actually, not down under like Frothy) and come back to find that the women have taken over Wonkette and are attacking poor, fat, stupid Rush Limbaugh. BTW, what if Ms Fluke had been a regularly married person, would he still think she was having too much sex? It says a lot about the man that he thinks only the promiscuous do it more than once in a blue moon. Like someone said about Wilt Chamberlain's scores (20,000 women, not 100 points), the real challenge is to satisfy one woman 2000 times (let alone 20,000).

ttommyunger March 3, 2012 at 7:55 am

I have a question for Issa and Limpbow: how do you manage to trip over a two-inch dick?

Barrelhse March 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

OT- on behalf of the Syrian people: Fuck You, World.

flamingpdog March 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Damn, I first read that as the Sybian people. More Wonkette, less lesbionic porn from now on.

DahBoner March 3, 2012 at 9:19 am

My biggest concern as a single man, is putting American Sluts back to work…

Chichikovovich March 3, 2012 at 11:02 am

OT, but it's the last post from Friday night, so essentially an open thread for the weekend. (via Talking points memo) The Mittster and his people apparently neglected to tell everybody about his 2009 op ed in USA today – an open letter to Obama about how he absolutely should totally adopt the Massachusetts plan because it has been such a great success, and he should view the Republicans as his allies in this connection:
http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/2009073

You know, I'm starting to think that Mitt is kind of dishonest and will cynically say anything he thinks will get him elected. Perhaps I've just become uncharitable as the years have gone by.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 11:07 am

OMG, what a find!

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

WAIT….WHUT????

This is pretty mind-blowing to me. It isn't just "flip-flopping," this is Romney actively asking Obama to do exactly what Obama ended up doing, a year before attacking him for it.

It'd be like if in 1777, Thomas Jefferson was criticizing people for signing the Declaration of Independence and denying it was the document he wrote, or Abraham Lincoln coming out in favor of slavery after the Civil War and claiming the Emancipation Proclamation wasn't his idea. It is complete, obvious dishonesty.

Logically this letter SHOULD BE the silver bullet that kills his campaign.

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 10:58 pm

"Logically this letter SHOULD BE the silver bullet that kills his campaign."

You'd think — but he's tall, white, and has good hair, so we're stuck with him for at least a while longer.

rocktonsam March 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm

WELL DONE! With as much as Susan Page is on the media, you'd think she would have mentioned this.

Mittens remains more of a hypocrite than ever.

Always a jack ass, also.

Chichikovovich March 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Well, I can't take credit – according to TPM it was a moderate conservative blogger who aired it. It's beyond doubt that the Obama people know about this, so if we haven't heard it's because they feel, not unreasonably, that it isn't the right time. Wait until Mitt actually has the nomination, especially after the convention if possible, when hammering Romneycare Obamacare takes up 90% of the airtime. (If the economy continues to improve, as it appears that it will, they'll want to be backing away from that pretty fast, and Romney is already backpedaling like mad from the whole contraception issue. It's a huge loser, and he and his people know it.) Then suddenly Romney would be out on a limb, with no do-over on the convention, bereft of the main theme.So who did want this to come out? It could be just an uncoordinated, independent action by the moderate conservative blogger, of course. It could be magical creatures from the centre of the earth too. But I'm thinking that this is coming out now because the organization of one of the political actors wants it to come out now.Maybe the Romney people know the Obama people will release it when it's best for them if they have the chance, so he's trying to derail that. He didn't want to release it before, because that might have genuinely imperiled the nomination, but perhaps with Michigan behind them, they figure that nothing can feasibly derail him now.Maybe Gingrich or Santorum are looking for one last Ardennes offensive lunge on Super Tuesday, and one or the other is releasing the heavy ordnance they were keeping in reserve.—

BarackMyWorld March 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I think its too late…this is out now…assuming the press does its job and reports on it instead of letting the campaigns do all the hard work.

Something else, though, this really shows how amateur the other Republican campaigns are. This should have been page 1 in their opposition research, assuming they even did any.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Would it really be so difficult for any opposition research professional to find this, sitting out on the public website of a national newspaper? It's more like negligence that somebody HASN'T put this out there already.

Chichikovovich March 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Or Bush Jr. denouncing using American troops for “nation-building” overseas, just a few years before the occupation of Iraq.—

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 11:03 am

AZ House OKs warnings for travel north of Mexican line

Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/local/border/az-house-o

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 11:27 am

Turnabout is fair play.

Is "the Mexican Line" where the concentration of Mexicans falls to 1/e of its full-scale value?

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 11:33 am

Ah yes, thanks for the reminder. The D-Mexicanized-Z.

If we could only figure out how to keep Californians away……….

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 11:43 am

I make occasional sorties into Tucson or Tempe, to see bands that refuse to play in NM. So far, there's no prohibition against New Mexicans, only Regular Mexicans.

Blueb4sunrise March 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

You get a pass 'cause my sister lives in NM. She's a bit of a winger though.

ShaveTheWhales March 4, 2012 at 12:40 am

No problem here.

Negropolis March 3, 2012 at 11:26 pm

This kind of continued bullshit is exactly why Obama actually has a chance of taking AZ in November as crazy as it sounds.

zappledapple March 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

Rebecca, TWO Beatle references in ONE post? Truly, you are the sexysarcasticsex goddess we have been waiting for. After the other ones left. And in addition to the ones we have. MMMWAHH!

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:43 am

I don't think you're a crank — or no more of a crank than the rest of us, anyway — and I understand that the money that insurance companies pay out is financed by the government, i.e. us, which I actually didn't know before (and which also makes me wonder what the fuck insurance companies *do* with all they money *we* pay them, but that's another rant for another day).

Aside from the misogyny that the wingnuts are trying to exploit/create around this issue, which is bad enough, I think there's a separate issue. I've observed on more than one occasion that some people get really pissy about insurance paying out claims in general for people they don't approve of. Get one of them going sometime about how smokers and/or fat people drive up the cost for everybody. I had one co-worker, who was a big vegan and felt sorry for all the little cows and pigs and fishies, actually say in my hearing that cancer research shouldn't be funded, "because smokers do it to themselves".

Biff March 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

(and which also makes me wonder what the fuck insurance companies *do* with all they money *we* pay them, but that's another rant for another day)

Why, give each other obscene bonuses, of course!

poncho_pilot March 3, 2012 at 11:54 am

"Because it's good business for them to help women avoid the unintended pregnancies which would cost them a lot of money."

that would be a reasonable way of looking at things. sadly, they can't whip up their base with reasonable. so to us they say, "you fucking communist cunt. get out of here."

gurukalehuru March 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The thing I don't understand about all this foofaraw is how do Rush Wingtard and all of his shittoheads know so precisely what Ms. Fluke was going to say, seeing as how she wasn't allowed to actually say it.

imissopus March 3, 2012 at 1:16 pm

She did get to testify, but it was an unofficial session, and I think only Democrats were there. But there is video and it was publicized.

JackObin March 3, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Pugsly Limbaugh should be harpooned, and the blubber used to make condoms for mormons.

Oblios_Cap March 3, 2012 at 12:52 pm

It's hard to be the epitome of Exceptionalism.

Exceptionally Stupid, that is.

ElPinche March 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Boy howdy, have I had anatomical variety of women on my staff ('specially after five or six shots of yager )

comrad_darkness March 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

You know, democrats may have no spine, but at least they keep the waterworks in check. That's something to celebrate.

wolvenwood13 March 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Good luck gettng laid tonight Rushie.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

He gets what he pays for, one way or another.

tessiee March 4, 2012 at 12:33 am

This is always a nice palate cleanser, and nobody's posted it yet:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzrxy9A7Ja4&fe

C_R_Eature March 4, 2012 at 8:47 am

That is just all kinds of Awesome and I really really do miss George Carlin. If her were still around today he's be lighting these assholes on fire.
But, sadly, he's gone. It's up to us now, I guess!

C_R_Eature March 4, 2012 at 8:54 am

I just thought of this:

“disgusting” “personal attacks” of the anatomical variety on the women on his staff.

**RING RING**

Female Staffer: "Hello, you have reached the Congressional offices of Representative Darryl Issa. How may I direct your call?"

Caller: "Mulva?"

CessnaDriver March 8, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Issa spent MILLIONS on recalling Gray Davis so that Issa could be the governor.

The Steroid Queen waltzed in and STOLE the governorship from Issa!

One reason to hate the SQ just a little bit less.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Oh, NOW it makes sense. Thanks for clarifying that. Seriously.

Just think, we used to worry that Republicans didn't know how much milk cost or what bar codes were for. How far we've traveled.

Fukui-sanYesOta March 2, 2012 at 10:38 pm

What the fuck is it with the Birchers here? There was a Bircher stand (complete with Obama w/hitler tasche poster) in my sort-of-Tony east bay town the other day … with a young black dude staffing it.

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 11:56 pm

OTOH, Humbolt county.

imissopus March 4, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Richard Fucking Nixon – dead
Ronald Fucking Reagan – dead
Orange Fucking County – um, slightly less conservative than it used to be, maybe?

Well, two out of three.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I've seen that crowd on those CPAC weekend videos and all of them give me the willies. Stay far, far away from those: you'll either end up with some pallid jumpy closet-mollusk or a nightmare psycho right outta "Looking for Mr. Goodbar".

40 or 50 % McShineys March 3, 2012 at 1:49 am

"Soy loco por el cornballer!"

Nothingisamiss March 3, 2012 at 7:33 am

Listen Fuki-sanYesOta, when I fly out of this hellhole and visit friends in the east bay, I don't want to see some fucking birchers. If y'all weren't so, you know, peaceful and all, those fuckers would go back to Sacremento where they'd be welcome.

DemmeFatale March 3, 2012 at 10:41 am

They are regularly assaulting eyeballs in my college town here in the bay area, and I saw them with a stand in Union Square in San Francisco(!).
I'll bet some "locals" took care of them and their Hitler posters, and left something for the meth-heads and drug addicts, too.

Chet Kincaid March 3, 2012 at 9:03 am

What is there, a different accent every 3 blocks in London, Jeez! Now you've made me read the Wiki on Estuary English, which led me on on to this dizzying list:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dialects_of_

cheetojeebus March 3, 2012 at 11:11 am

or the laser cats thing he did on SNL?!

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 11:25 am

"And if he got a milllion bucks from Rush- money made from dumb redneck bigots for Aids research/services- good for him."

I think it has a nice, symmetrical karmic quality to it.

Biff March 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

You can always tell a New Mexican, but you can't tell them much.

imissopus March 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Barb libel!

Biff March 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I'm an absentee New Mexican myself; got a little chunk of dirt south of Deming…

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Ah, yes. The Deming-Lordsburg corridor. The "Asshole of New Mexico"

UW8316154 March 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Not really California at all, more like the southern edge of Cascadia. Regional capital is Eugene.

user-of-owls March 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Alas, O flowery one, you fail to see what is really happening here. Even a toddler could divine from the evidence that this is simply another black op staged by…well, you know. So here's the real scoop.

The cow, obviously, was a plant put in place by the FSB, who were working with the Freemasons on the job. The objective of the mission? Assassinate the dog. Why the canine? It's plain as day: he was himself on a mission to destroy the train, which of course was no "passenger train," but instead was delivering a load of flying monkeys with suicide vests (NWO), semtex-laced Vanilla Wafers with time-delay fuses (Soros), an array of killer Black Panther penguins (PETA/Trilateral Commission) and a small army of stoats infected with the Marburg virus (Illuminati…duh).

The dog (armed with a tiny nuclear device disguised as a tooth) had been told by his controller that the locomotive had to be destroyed…by any means necessary. His handlers told him again and again that if that train made it to its final destination (FEMA Concentration Camp #217), the world would collapse in on itself and all life would end.

But the cow, trained practically from birth as a suicide assassin, was simply not let the lethal train be interfered with in any way whatsoever. So when she spotted the dog, and of course the negro, she knew what to do. Acting for all the world like she was mindlessly grazing, she ran precise angular calculations in her head. She knew that if she simply killed the dog (or as the article puts it, "crushed out," the FSB's fingerprints would be all over the operation. Thus the negro. And I just don't have time to even begin to tell his story. (Hint: The Plan) But the short version? You have to look at the "puddle of water," man…that's crucial! Does a grown man die from falling in a puddle? Of course not. So where does that leave us? Well what would die from such a thing? Duh, they (you know who) had salted the puddle, so when the giant slug, who'd taken the shape of a "negro," was cast into the salty water, it was all over for him.

But the real key to the conspiracy lies in the mysterious locus of menace, the so-called town of "Kirklandclate." Follow that thread and you'll get to the heart of everything that's going on.

Grape soda…christ, was a gullible maroon you've been.

So the

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

On the minus side, I now feel worse than I did before about my complete inability to line up a pool shot (you mean I have to actually hit the white ball, and then *it* has to hit *another* ball that has to *go* somewhere?).

On the plus side, I read this:
"time-delay fuses"
As "time-delay fetuses", which would make an awesome biological weapon or band name.

But you're right, I'm just a gullible maroon who has *no connection* with the Tree-Hugging Atheist Saucer People (if they even existed, which of course they don't), and couldn't possibly be in on the sort of complicated plotting you describe, because…
um…
*trails off*
And also, this conversation never happened.
*whistles nonchalantly*

tessiee March 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"But the real key to the conspiracy lies in the mysterious locus of menace, the so-called town of "Kirklandclate.""

World Headquarters of the Costco Empire?

Doktor Zoom March 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

See, I was just going to say the dog was collateral damage, but I find Owls' analysis far more persuasive.

not that Dewey March 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Get a Faraday cage, you two.

HistoriCat March 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Do you have a newsletter I can subscribe to?

Also, you didn't mention anything about the reverse vampires. I assume that's because you ran out of time and not because you're covering up their very existence.

flamingpdog March 4, 2012 at 12:05 am

Uh, I was thinking a nun who fell asleep on a nude beach, but, thank you, yours is even sicker.

C_R_Eature March 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

"If I have to stop this car…!

redarmyzombie March 5, 2012 at 5:24 am

Protist libel!
Slime Molds react to external stimuli and are capable of retaining simple memory, so they already have a leg up on these goons…

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