This is totally what you were expecting, wasn’t it?
IN OTHER NEWS GRAVITY IS NOW FAKE 5:45 pm March 2, 2012
Tagg Romney Reveals Unassailable Proof of His Dad’s Coolness
Hola wonkerados.
To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?
Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.
blog advertising is good for you
{ 177 comments }
Tagg's coolness comes from the bag of ice his wife poured down his pants.
Can't say I blame her.
Hey – I almost spit beer on my keyboard!
Tagg ? WTF? Isn't that a Palin kid?
Anyhoo, no Tagg, you fool, it's not cool.
He's Willow's youngest.
You may be thinking of Thraggg.
Thraggg sounds like a terrible metal band that might endorse Mitt Romney.
The Trogs were great, though.
Eegah?
Sarah Palin children's names are:
Bay, Tree, Plane, Gun, etc.
Stranglehold on the nomination!
Gagg.
Fat-cat sleazer.
Oh, Ted Nugent? Really? Someone else who was last relevant about 30 years ago? Yeah. Too cool for school, dood.
Whenever I see "The Nuge," I think of my brothers' tinnitus caused by plastering themselves up against his amplifiers during live concerts. IN THE 70'S!!!
(Hmmm…Maybe the Nuge-caused partial deafness propelled one of my idiot brothers to years as a singer in a Punk band.)
He was never relevant, not even 30 years ago. Popular, maybe. Relevant, no.
There's a Cat Scratch Fever joke here somewhere…..
Well I don't know where they come from
but they sure do come
I hope they're comin' for me
And I don't know how they do it
but they sure do it good
I hope they're doin' it for free
…um, yeah, I'll keep looking for that joke…
Didn't Tagg's mom do the ABC game where you change the first letter of your unborn child's name to see if you can make it rhyme with something the kids will beat him up for? I guess she didn't make it past the letter "E" huh?
just saw it's short for Taggart. so even more fail in all of this.
So was this before, or after the terrible fictional character in the terrible movie adaptation of the even more terrible Ayn Rand book? Because that Taggart is a girl, haha!
Ted Nugent is retŠ°rded Tagg. Better reload.
Whoo Hoo! How wicked cool for 1977!!!
Even in 77, Nugent's music was overshadowed by Elvis Costello, Huey Lewis & The News…
How cool is that? Not cool at all; just like Willard Romney.
Refresh my memory. Was Saint Tagg the one who saw up the Angel Moroni's flowy gown?
Can Hank Williams Jr. be far behind? But who will get the coveted Lee Greenwood nod?
Oh please. KISS or GTFO, Tagg.
Yeah, Breitbart was a Nugent fan too.
Oh fuck it: You know who else was a Nugent fan?
Well, I'd say, "All of them, Katie" but someone was begging for the banhammer to be used on anyone who used that expression after the "change in management."
So, I'll go with HITLER! instead.
DAMN YOU!11!!!
~
AotK might work.
70's Burnouts?
can' t think of a one.
Milton S. Hershey?
Now THERE'S a well-worn highway.
I'll take some shit for this, but I rather liked the Amboy Dukes.
At least you didn't name your kid Tagg.
That was before Ted fried his frontal lobes & journeyed to the center of self-parody. If I were the Gibson folks I'd be embarrassed as hell.
Wayne Kramer?
No way, horse, Brother Wayne is about jailguitardoors.org, not nutball right wing jungle antics.
Late 90s, I think after the release of Citizen Wayne, the K Man did a coheadlining tour with the Nuge.
With this move, Tagg moves back into first place in the inheritance pool.
it's a shallow pool but hey, it's still some accomplishment. and he's still some pig.
Tagg, are you challenging your dad's "cool" supporters to a Battle of the Bands with Obama's supporters?
Hmmm.
Bring it on! That's a contest I'd love to see. But not hear mind you. Ted Nugent? Kid Rock? Not thanks man.
Tagg oughta shoot for David Lee Roth next. That would be a game-changer.
And has Donny Osmund been heard from…I thought that would be a gimmee?
Davy Jones said I'm not your steppin' stone…
Too soon!
Bold Michigan move Ted. Endorsing 3 days after the primary.
Hey…give the Motor City Madman a break…he was recovering from a love hangover brought on by a blood lust.
He couldn't find his dentures.
but what do the surviving members of The Stooges or The MC5 think?
yeah, keep walking Tagg.
Or go for the coveted youth vote. What do the progeny of Patti Smith and the late Fred "Sonic" Smith think of Mitt? Their son Jackson still lives in Michigan with his wife Meg White (yes, THAT Meg White). Tagg, bring me the endorsement of the White-Smiths and I will make a contribution to Mitt's campaign.
that's crazy. yeah, i didn't know anything about that.
i know what a blacksmith does but what would a whitesmith do?
Make horse socks?
Okay, this is just like … I can't put my finger on it, but this is one of the funniest things I have ever read.
Something that involves having "morning" be after noon.
So, Jackson wanted to marry a worse singer than is his mom?
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
come along if you can.
come along if you can.
take a trip to the land
inside of Tagg's mind.
pass.
Why not? It would be very short.
But please realize
Youll probably be surprised
For it's the land unknown to man
Where fantasy is fact
So if you can, please understand
You might not come back
Tagg Romney — doofus, or sexual predator? The lines are open.
inbred Mormon homunculus?
sexual predator drone?
Holy – what the fuck did I just look at? Dude is seriously fugly.
Can't unsee! My eyes almost melted!
WTF is up with Mormons' weird ass teeth/smiles?
Inbreeding.
He's been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.
He just bit into a fart.
Doofator.
Definitely a derp.
What's with those tiny little eyes? He looks like a mole.
Unfair photo. Doesn't show his best feature.
(Hint: it's in his pants!)
Oh, he's one of those "just put a bag over his head"-types?
Even if he had a good feature "down there", no one would ever get to see it because it stays locked up in the magic underwear.
First the one, then the other.
Eight year olds, Dude.
It's the magical undies.
Whoa! Scary link! Why'd you do that to us, Dewey? Here come the night terrors.
You've been Taggrolled.
Why do my comments keep disapeering? If a double post shows up in an hour, my apologies.
It's 'cause a Commie is now running the blog.
Meet the new commie, same as the old commie?
Imagine the 2052 campaign when Meghan McCain (R-Cuba) brags about getting Justin Bieber's endorsement.
I hate to think what her ample breasts are going to look like 40 years from now.
Well, thanks to her inheritance, they'll probably look exactly the same.
Willow Palin/ Davey Jones
Too soon!
I know, right?! That ticket formed something like four blocks from me!?!?!
Willow Palin/ Cher!Sent from my iPhone
That's more like it.
Sent from my old crappy laptop
Wow, I did the calculations, and I should still be (marginally) alive by 2052. Can I get my seats for the inauguration/superbowl/world cup/UFC bowl now ?
I'll obviously be high on legalized, ultra-strong cannabis, so… Let's Get It On!!
Well, hot diggity dogg.
Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are on Team Mitt…and on Team Gonorrhea :•(
Wagg, dagg, sweet poon Tagg!
Sure, Mr. Smooth Obama has sung Al Green like the second coming of Luther Vandross and sung blues with B.B. King, Buddy Guy and that friend of Charlie Watts. But Mitt will top that: a duet with Nuge on "Wango Tango".
We join the song about halfway through:
Mitt:
Well, it's a brand new dance
Yeah been sweepin' the nation
I said a brand new dance
A rock 'n' roll sensation
Yeah I like it baby, I do it every night
I got to do it 'cos I like it so much
Oh honey believe it baby
Nuge:
You see it's a crazed gyration
of the rock generation
It's my motivation to
avoid the nauseation, frustration
When I need some lubrication – Baby!
Kinda like, goes kinda like this
Mitt:
You take her right ankle out
You take her left ankle out
You get her belly propped down
You get her butt propped up
Yeah lookin' good now baby
Mitt: Tagg, Ted, are you sure this is a good idea?
Tagg: you're sounding great Dad!. Nuge: Yeah, you're soundin' great Romsterman!
Nuge:
I think you're in the right position now baby
Yeah but if you ain't quite ready I'll make sure everything is a little bit nicer 'cos
I'm gonna get a little talcum
I'm gonna borrow it from Malcolm
Mitt: Who's Malcolm? Is there gay sex in this song? I'm running for President, for God's sake.
Yeah you look so good baby
I'm startin to drool all over myself
I got the droolin', droolin'
get all wet, salivate, salivate
I got salivate late, salivate late, salivate late
Got salivate, salivate,
salivate, salivate, heh heh heh
Yeah you look so good baby, I like it
I like it, I like it
Tagg: You're the coolest, Daddy-o.
Mitt: Is that a video camera over there? Get that guy!
Zombie Hendrix (and wouldn't THAT be something) endorses Obama!
i don't…live today.
maybe tomorrow, baby.
i just can't…braaaaainsss!!!
Oh yesss … and Zombie Cooke, Zombie Morrison and Zombie Joplin (Janis, not Scott).
Zombie Neil Peart endorses Ron Paul!
… wait, what?
Closer to the heartless.
Yeah, Tagg.
It doesn't get any cooler than this.
IF you're a Reptiloid.
~
What is it with Romney and animals/musicians who defecate themselves?
Tagg is 42 years old. I'm sure he has his finger on the pulse of today's happening sounds, and sees that young America is ready to rock the vote with Bob Ritchie and The Nuge.
I'm 49, and even I don't think Ted Nugent is cool. Didn't he eat raw meat or something?
(finger tired,can't reach google machine)
42? Does he already have his own grandmormons?
Calm down, Tagg, we know how your dad feels about changing his kids' diapers.
Since Mitt is thrashing around the underbrush looking for any 40-years past his prime rock dinosaur from Michigan to join his camp, why not go even farther back to Bay City's own "? and the Mysterians". I have no idea what a Mysterian is, but I'm pretty sure that whatever it is, Mitt is one. And "96 tears" would be the perfect theme song for Mitt's campaign.
Match made in heaven, Mitt – get your people to give ? a call.
Hey! That's an ultimate garage band song. Don't fuck with it. "Too many teardrops for one heart to carry on." That's po-et-tree, child! Not to mention the falsetto is killer.
Don't get me wrong, I love the song. Just saying that if things keep going the way they've been going, Mitt's campaign may turn out to be somewhat – shall we say – lachrymose.
Yeah, but they're Messican.
draft dodger terrible singer endorsed draft dodger terrible candidate
I said this is match made in heaven
Did Mitt also get out of the draft by showing up to the draft office without having washed, changed his clothes, combed his hair or wiped his ass for a month and toting a big fresh dump in his pants? Amazing. It's like the two of them were long lost twins.
And you can bet tying an animal to a car is the best thing The Nuge has ever done to one.
AND Kid Rock? He's almost got the white-trash cock rock vote locked down. If he gets Warrant to endorse, it's all over.
And Insane Clown Posse? Now that Bachman's out, I mean.
Even if she's out of the race ICP is sticking with her. Because she's totally down with the clown.
Mitt's campaign makes me think a Great White endorsement would be more fitting.
Let's see there "Tagg," in terms of Detroit musicians (of which there are quite a few, BTW) I would say that even Bob Seeger is cooler than Ted Nugent. When your dad gets to use "Hollywood Nights" as his walk-on, come back and tell me about it.
Where's Mitch Ryder when you need him?
Oh, let's just turn the page.
Come mid-November I can see him singing:
I know I'm gonna miss the USA
I know I'll miss it every single day
But no one loves me here anyway…
If Mitt does win, I think I'm going to Katmandu.
Tagg would be a good name for a mullet model.
C'mon now pretty Mama
I hit ya cause I love ya
I didn't mean to make ya cry
So stick your pretty face between my thighs
YEAH, OH YEAH
GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
DerrickWildcat! Go to your room!!!!!
Tagg is it.
You hep cats, you.
Bingo!
And what's cool about Kid Rock? Didn't he videotape himself getting blowjobs? And does Tagg/Mitt/any Romney know the words to "Wang, Dang, Sweet Poontang?"
I wondered about the same thing. That's family values for you.
See, if we actually had a mainstream media with balls, someone would ask that very question.
Wolf Blitzer: I understand you've received an endorsement from Kid Rock. Do you know he videotaped himself getting that thing President Clinton was impeached for?
Rmoney: I was against it before I was for it.
Did Mitt Romney also shit himself when he was called for the draft?
No, he just ran away to FRANCE.
Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang, just one Ted's magical love ballads of the 70's:
That Nadine, what a teenage queen
She lookin' so clean, especi'lly down in between
What I like
She come to town, she be foolin' around
A-puttin' me down as a rock-and-roll clown
It's all right
(Wang dang sweet poontang)
(Wang dang sweet poontang)
Wang dang, what a sweet poontang
A-shakin' my thang as a rang-a-dang-dang in the bell
Ooh, baby
She's so sweet when she yanks on my meat
Down on the street you know she can't be beat
What the hell
(Wang dang sweet poontang)
(Wang dang sweet poontang)
All right, baby
You see what I got here in my hands
I got it right in my hands
Just for you, baby
I think I'm gonna yank on it one time
Look out!
Wang dang, what a sweet poontang
A-shakin' my thang as a rang-a-dang-dang in the bell
She's so sweet when she yanks on my meat
Down on the street you know she can't be beat
What the hell
Where in the hell is Tipper Gore?
Your move, Old Possum.
Only the cool kids have their dads living in their basements.
Ted Pantload? Kid Suck? I guess these are the endorsements you tout when Spinal Tap has told you to fuck off.
They know a wanker when they see one.
Ted Nugent for all his bullshit bravado lives in Crawford, TX. I have friends in Crawford and they have concluded he is a gaping asshole. GWB2 had a ranch in Crawford. That's all I need to know about the Ted Nugent. An endorsement from Romney's son who has probably never worked a day in his life being a $20 million trust fund baby makes his endorsement irrelevant.
I agree. Wish I could give more up fists.
Its not like Obama was going to carry the white trash vote anyways.
Are you sure about that?
Can't you see that he's near?
You never know. Some like to jump the fence.
Mitt's on pins and needles waiting for the Perry Como endorsement.
Tagg (really?) & Mitt are excited by Ted & Kid!!!!!!! . . . .zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . Since both are LOUD, arrogant no talent dickheads, who cares? Who will be next . . . Toby Keith?
Tagg, why don't you get a real job–instead of pimping for your two-faced papa Mitt?
Surprisingly, Toby Keith is a Democrat, and endorsed Obama in 2008
Has Tagg listened to Nugent's classic 70s hit, "Gonna go to Utah and Rape me Some Sixteen Year Old Mormon Bitches (Theys Gonna Scratch me Where it Itches)?"
Ted is unapologetically unhinged. I guess if Ted "one gun short of a massacre" Nugent is cool, I don't know what cool is and don't want to know. Some of his "highlights" as of late:
and this:
So, yeah, fuck Ted Nugent. Fuck 'em with his machine guns.
Truly, Ozzy is more lucid.
What is up with all these has-beens supporting the never-will-bes?
Wow, Ted (Tiny Goober) Nugent, no less. Now if he could just get the coveted Lee Greenwood endorsement…..or Toby Keith.
Toby be a Democrat, no kiddin'
Still a Doofus. Democrats are only marginally less corrupt than RepubliKlans in my opinion. I carry no water for them.
I'm waiting to see which one Fess Parker likes…
If you ever start to feel that, "Gosh, my IQ is so high… I really need to shave off a few points," go read Ted Nugent's editorials for The Washington Times. In the latest one, he demonstrates his staggering profundity by noticing that "Words mean things." If there were no byline, you'd swear they were written by someone who'd just gotten his first pair of big boy pants.
One Hit Wonders for Mitt!
Don't you need to have a hit to be a One Hit Wonder?
Isn't Nugent certifiable?
When do Insane Clown Posse join the other great Detroit musicians on Team Mitt?
Where are The Stooges in all this? Someone needs to send Tagg a copy of Search and Destroy.
Mittens, how do they work?
KId Rock and Nugent back Mitt ? Wow – Mitt only needs Peanut Eminem to complete the holy trinity of Michigan's musical d-bagz. Best of luck to him.
Another clueless Romney.
Wait, Kid Rock has endorsed Mitt Romney?
Now more than ever we need Zombie Warren Zevon to come and slowly kill Kid Rock for completely ripping off "Werewolves of London."
Is it suddenly 1978 again? Wango ze Tango, and all that.
When will Andy Williams endorse? (He's still alive, isn't he?)
On the upside, when Nugent finally cracks he'll probably take out a bunch of folks unlucky enough to be near at the time.
Anyone who gets that close to Ted Nudgent probably deserves it.
Kid Rock sucks. That is all.
When informed of Ted's endorsement, Mitt exclaimed, "I'm a big fan of Tad Nugget's music, just ask Ann." Meanwhile Tagg was caught furiously humping Ted's man thigh, eyes rolled back in his head.
"i want to spend my life with some girls like you.
ba ba ba baaa ba ba ba ba
you'll do everything that i tell you to.
ba ba ba baaa ba ba ba ba
and then when i die
off to Kolob i'll hie
like Super Man.
ba ba ba baaa ba ba ba ba
ba ba ba baaa ba ba ba ba"
Comments on this entry are closed.