Ron Paul not-actual delegate (class of ’08) Garrett Quinn sends us this delightful Ron Paul promotional item, from the eccentric old man’s candy factory, which has been shrouded in secrecy ever since Ron Paul fired all his black workers, for stealing, and replaced them with hobbits.
It’s the GO RON PAUL! official chocolate bar:
Your purchase of Ron Paul Bars helps fund various grassroots projects. A portion of your purchase (20.12% net proceeds) is currently funding “The Ron Paul Super Brochure” project. Consider making bulk purchases to send Ron Paul Chocolate Bars to early & late primary/caucus states! The Ron Paul Chocolate Bar wrapper and custom made bar is an educational tool that has a “Wow” effect unlike anything we’ve seen.
Yeah, that’s kind of the usual reaction when Ron Paul supporters are offered free food. [Garrett Quinn's Less Is More]
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Does it taste like santorum?
No, but the former Pennsylvania senator's Hershey Highway Kisses® do.
Like Ayn Rand's santorum, to be exact.
No. It tastes like sweat and the bitter tears of Paultards.
This idea is worth 100 Grand.
Actually, I hope Rep. Paul, discovering what an inefficient, painstaking way this is to raise funds, makes the connection vis-a-vis public school programs.
Next up: bake sales, then car washes.
Payday!
Available only in white chocolate.
I love your answer!
Thanks (blushing). Yet, you are the Lady Godiva of Wonketeer chocolates, and I am just a humble Milk Dud.
Barb's nekkid????
I thinking of Barb and Rebecca nekkid. Ooh-la-la.
That's so cute, thanks!
Also, it only comes with nuts.
I checked the ingredient list. It includes santorum.
ew, peanuts, also.
Oompa Loompa Doopido Do, What can the Gold Standard Do for You.
Oompa Loompa Doopidee Dee, Racist Newsletters Written By Me….
Ron Paul is an kind of an old man version of Veruca Salt.
Golden ticket gets you into WonkaWorld, for starters.
Candygram for Mongo¡ Candygram for Mongo¡
Mongo just tool in game of life…..
Melts your mind, not in your hand.
it was designed by the MK Ultra program.
Where are the nuts?
In Congress?
Crafting poorly-spelled replies to us for mocking their Hobbitgod … ?
Attaching handmade Ron Paul signs to every light pole in town.
When they aren't yelling at passing cars.
Or torching synagogues.
WELCOME TO THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION 2012
August 27, 2012 – August 30, 2012
Tampa, Florida
His donor database is full of them.
Well there's a picture of one right on the bar.
In the blimp?
I hope the Peter Paul candy company sues the eyebrows off him for this.
Ron Paul is Peter Paul's second cousin.
I prefer Old Testament Chocolate, myself.
Where can I invest in Hannukkah gelt futures?
This is as close as this turd will ever get to being on currency.
Unless he sticks his finger in an electrical outlet.
I hope it happens twice so I can comment on how re-volting that is.
"You got your gold standard in my racism!"
"You got your racism in my gold standard!"
"Ron Paul's chocolate, two stupid ideas in one!"
Hey! You got vomit on my radio!
You got radio on my vomit!
–MST3K, Catalina Caper
Hmmm. I find a golden ticket in that candy bar, I'm quietly putting it back on the shelf and walking away before anyone notices. Some things I do not want to know.
That's actually kind of funny – wait, did someone with a sense of humor sneak onto Paul's publicity team?
Help. Police. Murder.
I've got a gol-den tick-et!
Wait, what did I just win?
A disjointed lecture on the evils of the Federal Reserve.
No dark chocolate in his campaign, I guess.
Oddly enough, they DO offer a dark chocolate version.
But no bars with nuts.
No one can explain it.
I thought these people believed the Kenyan imposter was the chocolate standard????
No, he's the Chocolate Reign.
(Some stay quiet and others feel the pain.)
I apologize for having eaten my children's inheritance.
Cacao content: -10%
Coca content – not enough.
Kaka Content 95%
I was thinking 3/5ths.
it actually leeches cacao out of your body making you less chocolaty and more…white.
Ron Paul's ideas are like a box of chocolate: attractive on the outside, but once you've consumed them you just feel sick and pimply.
Oughta sell well, republicans gotta eat something sweet while they boycott those lesbian Girl Scout cookies.
It comes in white chocolate, raspberry, and libertarian flavors.
I see what you did there.
Since these are not doubt libertarian, free-market chocolate bars, how much of them are insect parts, rodent hairs, worms, and various other excreta? Don't need no sissified regulations telling us what to do.
i think they're mostly made from recycled newsletters and crazy.
Hey, Tom Metzger died!
maybe he's the secret ingredient in the Ron Paul bar!
It's also not really chocolate.
Also, made with raw milk, 'cause, why the hell not, right?
Those are the darkest things that have been within 500 yards of his campaign.
Surprised they don't come wrapped up in little pointy white sheets …
Stamping that crazy old man's face on the chocolate kind of ruins the appetite; it would make it very hard to eat that thing.
"a “Wow” effect unlike anything we’ve seen."
especially when Paul's campaign workers go door to door saying, "We're hoping you'll trade your vote for this bar of chocolate."
So "WOW!" in fact that our company had about 2,000 of these things made (with our company logo, not the Hobbitman) to celebrate our company's 80th anniversary.
Guess whomever wrote the text has never had to order promo items before …
You want a real "WOW!" factor, you make something that really matches your product line. Like the chocolate casket I was handed at a meeting of all counsel for Hillenbrand Industries (including Batesville Casket Company) a few years back. Now, that was a WOW moment (as in "Wow, these people are waaay too happy about making caskets").
Promo items can be kinda fun. The outfit that arranged my father's cremation gave me a biz card that is a cleverly concealed 6-ft tape measure.
People in the Death Industry (casket makers, morticians, et alia.) have fucked up senses of humor. (And that's somewhat understandable, given their profession.)
They just slay folks at parties …
Deathcare Industry – get your creepy terms straight.
Oh yeah, this is a perfect way to address the munchies!
Ron Paul's campaign is dead. Ted Nougat just endorsed Mitt Romney.
""[A]fter a long heart&soul conversation with MittRomney today I concluded this goodman will properly represent we the people & I endorsed him,"
"we the people" what kind of collectivist commie talk is that??!!
In Ted's world, "we the people" are the super group he is forming with Kid Rock and Gary Busey. So he hired Mitt as his agent.
Who would be on vocals? It it's Busey, it'd be the only reason to listen to them.
Ted Nougat just endorsed Mitt Romney – And Barbara Hershey will soon join him, followed by Reese Witherspoon.
I guess the pinup calendar thing didn't pan out.
Ron Paul: he's the late in chocolate.
Next – Screaming Yellow Zonkers with Ron's mug on the box. That's going to wrap up at least ONE demographic.
Will vote for chocolate?
Not milk chocolate, you cheap-assed old fool. Although it's more than I would expect from you, which is Raisinettes.
I think it would have been more appropriate for Ron Paul to sell Doritos, his supporters would buy ten bags at a time for the, you know, munchies.
I'm holding out for the Paul Ryan bars.
I want to see Paul Ryan behind bars.
Dr Paul has been careful to emphasize that while his name and face are on the chocolate bars, he actually is not responsible for what's in them.
custom made bar is an educational tool that has a “Wow” effect unlike anything we’ve seen
Hey, they copied that phrase from the ad for the vibrator I was considering getting…
The Ron Paul Super Brochure” project
wtf?
But, where's the blimpz?
i would totally hand these out next Halloween and give the kids lectures on libertarian bullshit. because i'm an asshole.
i mean Halloween 2013. have to let them age a bit.
Ways Ron Paul is like Willy Wonka
1. They both make chocolate bars.
2. They both hang around with orange people. (Boehner v. Oompa Loompas)
3. They both are experienced better when on psychedelic drugs.
4. They both want us to join them in a world of pure imagination.
5. They both are bat-shit crazy.
The Wow Standard, a diarrhea-centric currency system
These will fly off the stands at the segregated lunch counters.
Chocolate : Brought to you by Central America!
More Ron Paul news: http://www.cliffviewpilot.com/bergen/3466-second-…
I was more shocked by the fact there was a non-white paultard than by the fact that they actually managed to follow through with a plan.
The father of the father of Aqua Buddhism.
The funniest thing about Ron Paul supporters is that they think they're principled defenders of individual freedom, when the entire country actually sees them as deluded whackaloons who are completely unaware of the utter unelectability of the loopy old man they follow like a pillar of fire.
The funniest thing about Ron Paul supporters is that they think they're principled defenders of individual freedom
As long as that individual is a white, male, wealthy, heterosexual Christian.
Amen!
Newt Gingrich may talk big about child labor, but Ron Paul does something about it!
Where's the Callista Sanitary Napkin Ring?
Still makes more sense than the actual gold standard; chocolate, unlike gold, actually does have some of that vaunted "inherent value" that goldbugs like to yammer about. In that you can eat it and it tastes good, rather than being treated as "precious" simply because it's shiny and digging out of the ground is hard.
Disgusting. I bit into one of these and got a eyebrow stuck between my teeth.
Wait, someone found a way to fuck up chocolate? That's innovative.
I would have thought our new editor would have at least waiting a couple of days before starting to pick on the mentally handicapped.
Also, I figured the bar would have been white "chocolate".
Not to be outdone, Santorum is selling Malted Milk Balls.
Oompah loompah loompedy doo
Ron Paul chocolate tastes just like poo
Oompah loompah loompedy aye
If you eat it you''l probably die
That better be white chocolate.
The stoner caste of RonPauloompas are salivating in their seats over this.
I prefer crunchy frog.
You know who else favored straw men, then got his own candy bar?
Babe Ruth?
Does the chocolate have weed in it? Gold? Cuz otherwise, no thanks.
You mean RAW milk, don't you?
The Oompah Loompah's are screaming discrimination about this.
Ron Paul? Meh. On the bright side, it's been a good week: Andrew Breitbart is dead and I got to vote for Newt Fuck-Face in early voting down here in Dumfukistan. Again, I voiced my displeasure to the dumbstruck poll workers on the way out regarding the lack of verifiable paper back-up for my vote. I can get an immediate receipt (with photo, thankyouverymuch) for a twenty-five dollar withdrawal at an ATM, but getting a paper record of my vote is just too fucking complicated…..riiiiiiight. This shit has got to change.
Has anyone ever seen Mrs. Paul?
Or do they keep her locked up at the fish stick factory?
If you think that's good, try the Romney Vanilla Bar! It's good enough!
I was going to use my food stamps for cigarettes and beer, but now I'm thinking Ron Paul Chocolate.
Hmmm… twenty hours and no "Hershey Highway" jokes. Has everyone been driven away by the new Czarina?
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