LIKELY STORIES  12:05 pm March 2, 2012

Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

by Wonkette Jr.

Michael Weiner, in happier times.Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be president (because he’s black). Important website World Net Daily reports, “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart!

This what the radio clown said, on the radio, after talk-radio host Michael Savage, when he “raised the question of whether the conservative media powerhouse … was murdered”:

“I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what? We the people want an answer. This was not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

Just to be safe, it’s probably a good idea for all wingnut bloggers to keep a very low, quiet profile for the next 20 years or so. [World Net Daily]

 
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{ 363 comments }

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Weather Underground? Andrew so so rotund and pasty that he could have been taken out by the Weather Girls. It's raining men, hallelujah!

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Goodness knows, Weather Report would have nothing to do with him

FNMA March 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Wait a minute. First Jaco and now Breitbart? Coincidence? I think not.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:57 pm

"Jaco"

Cartoon someone sent me on fb:
Guy tries to become the world's greatest guitar player by making a deal with the Devil. Devil wants guy's immortal soul in exchange. Guy says, "My immortal soul?? Forget it! What can I get for a dollar?"
Last panel has same guy, now looking disgruntled, playing on street corner with upside-down hat for donations, and a sign that says:
"World's Greatest Bass Player".

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm

James Jamerson libel!

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Were John Entwistle still alive, he would have addressed your slight after counting his money and skeet-shooting platinum albums in the backyard of his mansion.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Two words: Sting

FlownOver March 2, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Hah. No mention of Jack Casady, who played rings around almost every other bass player, and did it while on acid.

This is not intended as a factual statement. Only maybe…

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Jack Bruce. Also.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

…and you don't need a Weatherman to know which way Andy blows.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I knew something nefarious was going on in those Sausalito house boats!

Callyson March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

It's raining men, amen!

iburl March 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm

if it's raining men like Breitbart that sound you hear as "hallelujah" might actually be projectile vomiting.

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The hit list is very long and comprehensive…
What an idiot, everyone knows Breitbart OD'd on rentboys.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

It was that minty Guatamelan after a meal…

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I've been to Guatemala, and I guarantee, they aren't minty.

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"But he's wafer-thin!"

GuanoFaucet March 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Nice self-portrait, Ken.

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Bitpart being constantly ragey, flushed, supposedly drunky, sweaty, puffy and already had a heart attack within a year… yeah I'd go the unobvious answer of assassination.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Actually, he was killed years ago by a bullet that took that long to work its way through his avoirdupois.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I can't wait to see the Coroner's report under stomach contents. I bet his last meal was a Twinkie Club (Twinkie, bacon, Twinkie…..) washed down with cheap scotch.

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Breakfast of Champions!

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I know it gets me through most work days!

Well, that and coke.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 5:30 pm

*

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm

"a Twinkie Club (Twinkie, bacon, Twinkie…..)"

when real life has a sandwich of a chicken between two chickens http://www.kfc.com/doubledown/
AND a burger between two Krispy Kreme donuts, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger
you know we've broken the Poe's-Law-o-Meter.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Ah, yes. Occam's Nerf Bat.

CapnFatback March 2, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I've always been partial to Occam's Pillow, myself. Less poundy.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"being constantly ragey"

All the angry, hateful shitheads I've ever met have a lot of health problems, and tend to die off prematurely.

*pleased*

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 2:34 pm

So what does that mean for us cranky libruls?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Cranky =/= hateful

I hope

lefty74 March 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Breitbart assassinated? And Shirley Sherrod wasn't?

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Breitbart assassinated Davy Jones. This was a retaliation hit by Davy's fellow heartthrob singer Bammers.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

BREITBART WAS ASS

You could have shut your wordprocessor off right there, Mikey!

elviouslyqueer March 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Right. Breitbart's death had nothing whatsoever to do with his well-documented alcoholism, or the fact that he had so much bile in his system that his pancreas surgically removed itself from his body.

chascates March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

These things happen in threes. Will the next two be Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck?

elviouslyqueer March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Oh no, Rush first, plz. Preferably if it involves him being drowned in the bathtub by his methed-out Dominican yard boy. Then O'Reilly, who will succumb to toxic shock syndrome from exposure to a dirty loofah shoved up his ass. I expect Beck will die alone and insane in obscurity a la Grey Gardens.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

"Rush first, plz. Preferably if it involves him being drowned in the bathtub by his methed-out Dominican yard boy."

I sorta had my heart set on Rush being exploded by a whaffer-thin mint, but yours is good, too.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Let's not forget Rush. The concern over his demise would last about the time it would take a giraffe to vomit.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Although, since we also had to lose Davy Jones along with Breitbart, I shudder to think who might have to go to offset the joy of Rush's death.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Ten years ago, we had Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash.

Now we have no Hope, no Jobs and no Cash.

I pray every morning for Kevin Bacon

ShaveTheWhales March 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

My careful neutrality about gloating over death would not extend to Rush.

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

No, no. Bad things happen in threes.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

No, it was already Whitney Houston and Davy Jones.
Although it's perhaps debatable whether Breitbart could be considered a celebrity.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"he had so much bile in his system that his pancreas surgically removed itself from his body."

"That's it. I'm outta here."
SLAM!
Step step step step step…

freakishlywrong March 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Maybe it was ACORN..Boo!

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Planned Parenthood finally caught up to him 44 years later.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Retroactive abortions for all!

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

And then Mormon-baptize their cold, dead remains.

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

This was not an ordinary man.

Thank gawd. And definitely not an extrordinary one by any stretch of the imagination.

If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.

Indeed – it would be irresponisble not to speculate.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

This is central to his point, of course.

NYNYNYjr March 3, 2012 at 11:26 am

"Remiss" is the shibboleth of wingtards.

tihond March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Did Vincent Foster kill Andrew Breitbart? Prove he didn't.

tihond March 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

My theory… Vincent Foster traveled through time, taking out enemies of the Dems, then returned to the past, where he was murdered by Barack Obama. Partially because Vincent Foster was set to expose the Kenyan sleeper agent, and partially because Obama made a deal with the Clintons that he would become president if he killed Foster. Wake up sheeple!

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Time travel… the missing piece to the puzzle!

comrad_darkness March 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Missing piece of every puzzle.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Then he assumed the identity of Robert A Heinlein and wrote "All You Zombies"

(There's a .pdf of the story out there on teh Googlies, but I decided, for once, not to link to it…)

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm

I didn't know that Heinlein was a member of The Hooters.

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Yeah, my first thought was "Heinlein titled one of his stories as an homage to the Hooters?" Hide your faces!

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm

That song was gone completely from my memory – the only Hooters song I could name was "And We Danced"

Good times.

OneDollarJuana March 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Conked him with a sock full of Ameros.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

You forgot the Scientologists who were no doubt involved.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 1:35 pm

In collusion with the reverse vampires!

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

In league with the saucer people!

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Finally, SOMEONE remembered the reverse vampires.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm

How do we know it wasn't Frothy and Ken Layne — *both of whom conveeeeeniently disappeared immediately afterwards*!!!

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"If I don't ask this question, I would be remiss."

True. Only appropriate to honor Breitbart's passing with a bout of lunacy.

Slim_Pickins March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I knew it! It was that dinner he had with Tucker Carlson at the Ayer's. Either Tucker or Bernadine poisoned him.

Beowoof March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Common knowledge that Mikey would have been at the top of any liberal assassination list.

ingloriousbytch March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

“It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.”

It's also plausible that he overdosed on coke while getting a blowjob from an underage street hustler so yeah, let's call that "murdered."

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Well, at least he died happy then. That will be a comfort to his wife and children.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Hopefully this will put all of the autoaphixiation malfunction rumors to rest. The family has suffered enough.

CessnaDriver March 2, 2012 at 4:44 pm

More likely paying to give the knobber.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

You know who else thought he was assassinated?

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Hitler?

sezme March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Gerald Ford?

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Squeeky Frome?

Not_So_Much March 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Archduke Ferdinand?

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Bill McKinley?

Tundra Grifter March 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm

He was a famous umpire. The great John McGraw of the New York Giants once yelled at him "They shot the wrong McKinley!"

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Like Mark David Chapman shot the wrong Beatle?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Bill McKinley?

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

You might have known him as William.

Beowoof March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

John and Robert Kennedy

Exhausted66 March 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Shirley Sherrod's Character?

Designer_Rants March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Joke's on Shirley. Can't sue a dead guy!*

*I'm no lawyer

CessnaDriver March 2, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Yes, you can.

Designer_Rants March 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I figured as much. But it's not going to be as satisfying as watching Breitbart screaming "Stop raping me! Behave!" in the courtroom when he's found guilty of being a horrible, horrible, race-baiting coke-fiend blogger.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Ronnie Raygun?

No, wait, he was so fucking dumb, he was shot and didn't realize it.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Dennis Miller's comedy career?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I wish I could double thumbs up this

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 9:46 pm

The Pope, the one before the creepy Nazi?

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Bill Ayers libel!

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Yeah, if Obama had secret hit squads to take out his political enemies and make it look like an alcohol-and-rage-fueled heart attack, that hairy troll with no credibility or ability to actually harm Obama whose only talent was in riling up the racist conspiracy-mongering morons who populate his sites would certainly be the first target, not someone who actually poses a real threat to the President. I'm sure.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Well, it certainly explains the John Boehner assassination.

fuflans March 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

brietbart died on 03-01-2012. every one of those numbers is in the fibonacci sequence.

coincidence? i think not.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

All Right! I admit it – I killed Breitbart.

I did it with the Bulgarian Umbrella and a lethal charge of Ricin. Fortunately, all the Undertakers are Masons, too, so the puncture wound went, shall we say, unreported.

I was only following orders. From George Soros. Well, I was paid handsomely, in Ameros.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Oh please. My grandpa uses Ricin. The hip new poison today is polonium. Polonium, cocaine and alcohol.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Hey, I did the best I could with what I had. You know what the exchange rate for Ameros is now? I had to borrow a used Bulgarian Umbrella from Bill Ayres and I fricken' synthesized my own Ricin in the kitchen.
Man, I'm gonna start demanding payment in gold. Or ammo.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 12:49 pm

How about whore diamonds?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Oh, I can get behind Whore Diamonds. Thanks!

jodyleek March 2, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Is a Bulgarian Umbrella something like a Rusty Trombone?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

In Chicago, it is. That's on Barry's College videotape, too.

sezme March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

That was a pretty damn good post! Now then, Wonkette Jr., why don't you nervously knock on the new boss's office door and see if she'll finally start letting you use your real name. Do it while she's still in a good mood!

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

And Tweet a candid photo!

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

TITS or GITFO

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Meh, I see tits all the time. Now, show me a Cedar Waxwing or a Carolina Wren, then we're talking, baby.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

But…it's such a Great Tit!

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Do you meet a lot of Crested Boobies in the aviary?

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Tits or GTFO! Assuming you're a gurl-seems everything is going that way now.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm

It IS called "Wonkette", after all.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm

'Could be a diminutive male; just sayin'.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm

And while you're at it, ask if she'll buy matching shirts for your bowling league.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pqcESS0gRc

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Especially since after trying to keep this circus rolling, she may never be in a good mood ever again.

SexySmurf March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Yeah, but what does Nancy Grace think?

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

She doesn't.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

*Rimshot* Perfect set-up and follow through.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Thanks Soros!

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Lol…Nancy Grace and "think" in the same sentence.

Tundra Grifter March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

S2:

Since the alleged victim wasn't female, blonde, and beautiful, I would go with "no interest."

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:55 pm

And Casey Anthony hasn't been implicated in Breitbart's untimely demise.

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Savage is an odd bird, and kind of a sad story. He has a Ph.D. in anthropology (ethnobotany) from Berkeley, but was never able to get the academic gig (a very difficult thing in the 70s and 80s as many here will attest). He became embittered and turned into a wingnut (or are we supposed to say 'wingtard' now?) asshole. Still smart, but insane.

Mojopo March 2, 2012 at 12:50 pm

That makes sense to me, because I am familiar with the profile. Several of the wingnuts I know are extremely smart – stupidity isn't the problem. Insanity is. Also, the principals they follow in their own lives are much different than those they prescribe for everyone else. So it's a hypocrisy thing, too. Crazy Backstabber Syndrome, is what I'm saying.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

"He has a Ph.D. in anthropology (ethnobotany) from Berkeley"

So he turned against smart people and the left wing?
He's like the creepy guys who no women will have anything to do with, because they're creepy — so they end up hating women instead of becoming, oh, I don't know — less creepy.

freddymcmurray March 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I agree that he's a weird bird. But my conspiracy theory is that it's all an act. To make money. If you listen to him some days, he sounds like a liberal (not joking). He just says whatever's on his mind that day, like an old fart would (O'Reilly comes to mind) and he stokes audiences with outlandish statements. Also, I'm pretty sure he's gay. Straight men don't talk about their poodles this much.

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I thought "wingtards" were businessman's shoes?

GuanoFaucet March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

“I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what?"

This statement perfectly encapsulates what passes for wingnut logic.

Not_So_Much March 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Is anyone even asking whether Barry HUSSEIN Obummer used a Kenyan Muslin witchcraft spell to force Breitbart to be a drunken coke-fiend until his heart blowed up real good?!1!!1

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

SCTV ref FTW!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I'm impressed, 'eh, with your memories, you two hosers.

MoeDeLawn March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I still shop at Tex & Edna Boyle's Organ Emporium.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:26 pm

And Spatula World.

edgydrifter March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Breitbart was an angry, flabby alcoholic with a bum ticker. By American standards, he was pretty fucking ordinary, Weiner.

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

And brain numbingly ignorant and proud of it.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Truly, he spoke for the masses.

sezme March 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You might want to be careful about glass eye jokes from here on in.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Frankly, that just makes her all the hotter to me.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Likewise.

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'm not sure that's how I'd view it. As far as I can see, Wonkette has no sacred cows. If it looks like these jokes are taboo after the fact, then we'll have to patch things up.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

I see what you did there.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

"Wonkette has no sacred cows."

Although it does have a sacred leotard, if you know who I mean, and I think you do.

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

That is a really complicated way of saying retard, given we can just write retard again. But I like it.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm

We can say "retard", we just can't say "Tr!g" (even embedded in other words like "ingtr!gue" or "tr!gger"), so I spelled his name with an exclamation point. But yes, he is the sacred leotard to whom I was referring.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Did you just call our hawt new overlady a cow?

FNMA March 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Quick story: My late father had a glass eye. Once, at dinner, he sneezed so hard that it popped out and scared the living shit out of my sister. My brother and I thought it was about the coolest fucking thing we'd ever seen. My dad thought it was pretty funny. But then, he wasn't above playing practical jokes with his glass eye. No surprise I turned out this way.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

OK, is this where I pull out the story about the waitress at the Hell's Angels hangout on Second Avenue in the Village who used to give socket jobs for tips?

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Shortly after Vietnam, I was stationed with a guy who used to pop his out and set it next to his drink at the NCO Club and say "Keep an eye on my drink, I'm going to the latrine."

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

"I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said.

This is news?

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

In more important news:
I wonder if Marsha Brady has accepted the loss and can wash her cheek now?

chascates March 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You'd think Rupert Murdoch just died:
With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his empire?
The death Thursday of the combative online blogger and publisher leaves open the question of what will become of a thriving colony of conservative websites for which he was owner, prolific contributor and relentless salesman.
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20120302/D9T8ANI80.html

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"Empire?" Who do these wingnuts think he was, Charles Foster Kane?

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm

A Leaches Stern Fork?

A Searcher Ken Lofts? (hmmm, Ken is in an anagram of Charles Foster Kane)

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Aha! I just knew that Ken was wrapped into this! Now we have the anagram proof!

It's almost as accurate as Numerology.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Or phrenology—

Native_of_SL_UT March 2, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Hey, I have an empire too. It's commonly known as a Barco lounger.

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

At the end, it has been rumored he whispered "Riley.."

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

This made me laugh so hard I have hereby awarded you the Most High Gold-Coloured 5-Pointed Star Medallion of Threadwin. Congratulations!

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 2:04 pm

It took me a minute… but that was fucking brilliant.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Ha! I was thinking there was a Citizen Kane joke in all of this as well. Perhaps that weirdo cop from "Law & Order: Columbo Intent" could portray Breitbart in the movie:
http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/vincent-d

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Vincent D'Onofrio! He could do it, considering he's gotten Chubby now. Who could they get for Ferret-Face O'Keefe? Riley could play Riley – all he needs to do is stand around and get Manhandled.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 6:10 pm

As O'Keefe, in his first acting role: Beck!
http://www.mediaite.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/1
http://www.100xr.com/100_XR/Artists/B/Beck/Beck.j

O'Keefe would play himself, but he's starring in "The Timothy McVeigh Story":
http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/CBS_Production_News/8

And as Riley? Could it be anyone else?!
http://cdn.buzznet.com/media-cdn/jj1/headlines/20

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

It's the greatest battle for a legacy since season three of Hoarders, where the survivors had to figure out who was responsible for carting away 30 years of newspaper coupons and cat shit from their dead mom's doublewide.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Oh let this lead to a nice protracted and resource-draining inter-wingnut legal battle like the Koch fight over Cato is headed towards.

bureaucrap March 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Well, if the new publisher has enough $$ to buy one website, she would clearly have the $$ to buy "a thriving [bacterial] colony" of websites, and switch their politics ever so slightly to Trotskyist, Leninist, and/or Maoist. Then she would be sued by DoJ for monopolizing the market in cranks, cynics and troglodytes. So maybe not.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

For a horrible moment there, I thought, "With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his empire?" was, "With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his diaper? "

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 3:35 pm

I think you have it pretty much right, either way.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:34 pm

"The Empire of the Scum".
– J.G. Ballard

Sorry, just thought of this.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Warm Leatherette

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Nuuuuuuuuummmmannn!!!

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Hello, Numa Numa.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:59 pm

His whole empire can be sent to Afghanistan, none will be lost.

MissTaken March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Can we liveblog the Congressional inquiries into Breitbart's obvious assassination? Please?!

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

The Majik Twinkie

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Liveblog, you will.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

With the amount of crazy in the current House Republican caucus, that's entirely possible.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Not a matter of If but When.

I can't wait to see Darryl Issa's panel comprised entirely of fat, drunk, male rightwing Rage Bloggers. Popcorn City.

a_pink_poodle March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Weather Underground? What does my local 5 day forecast have to do with anything? I mean I really like how they color code the cold and warm days on their weather history calendar, but seriously, what do they have to do with anything political?

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm

This would never have happened if they hadn't started using that "Best Forecast" crap.

a_pink_poodle March 2, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Well their Wundermap is still pretty neat.

chascates March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

And from:
Sinclair News.Net (We Are Redesigning our Logo)
In light of the comments which have been posted on this article we want to make something perfectly clear. We are not and have not said nor do we believe the death of Andrew Breitbart is the result of anything other than a believed heart attack. We simply reported that different media outlets reporting the cause of death as being of “natural causes” before a cause of death has been determined is wrong and has created this sense of something more sinister. While we are certain Joel Pollak meant well with stating his opinion as to the cause of death (as did Andrews father-in-law) reporting “natural causes” as being “fact” before a cause had been official determined and entered on a death certificate is wrong for so many obvious reasons. http://www.lsnewsgroup.com/2012/03/01/andrew-brei

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm

….other than a believed heart attack
He died from believing in heart attacks?

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Tink?

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

If you believe in heart attacks, clap your aortic valve!

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Too Soon!!!

hagajim March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Surprised it took so long.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

"We the people want an answer."

Fuck that noise. I, the person, need you to chill out.

AlaskaGrrl March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

No Michael, no. If you didn't ask or even consider the question you would be sane.

Deportably_Jose March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Here's the thing, though: if Obama is sending assassins after irrelevant bloggers who KNOW HIS TERRIBLE SECRET, and if said assassins have perfected the art of killing people in a manner that is completely indistinguishable from the inevitable consequence a lifetime of (rumored!) alcohol and cocaine abuse together with an underlying pre-existing heart condition, then…

Why in God's name would you, irrelevant blogger, ever call attention to yourself, by accusing Obama of doing such a thing?

Well, I suppose this makes it easy to figure out. If Savage Weiner keels over tomorrow, it means that Obama does, in fact, have a Death Note. And if he sinks to the bottom of the lake, then he clearly isn't a witch, either.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He would call attention to himself because he is a brave TRUE Amurrican, willing to shed his blood to renew that tree, whatever, and all other FREEDUM stuff. Obamination CANOT silence the truth!!1!! And whatever The Great Sarah Palin says, also, too.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Breitbart was more of a Brown Note, if you know what I mean (and I think you do)

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Weiner is just jealous 'cause he's so fucking irrelevant he isn't worth killing.

not that Dewey March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Weiner's just jealous that Breitbart exposed some other Weiner's wiener.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Beat him to the munch.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Beat him to the donkey punch.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Fuck it, let's just beat him to a pulp.

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Come now. You know the snipers need practice shots from time-to-time and there's always a new guy who needs an easy first kill so he can get the more important ones right later…

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

That would be too quick for him. A gut shot with a .22 would be nice, prolly take a day or two.

qwerty42 March 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

So is the thought that BHO carried out the hit himself or that he had the CIA do it? Maybe "SEIU thugs"!!! Or teh ACORNZ! Or, and this would be the most terrifying of all: the Trilateral Commission. The Illuminati? So many could be involved, maybe Mexican drug cartels, the QUDS force, as well as all of the above.

poncho_pilot March 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm

i think gay Republicans. they were upset that his attempts to get them included failed. and he had to die.

i think making up our own right wing conspiracy theories would be fun just to see how far they travel before the wingnuts believe in them.

qwerty42 March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Oh geeze, they could not stop themselves. So:
The Republican "establishment" did it because he did not like them and they knew blame would go to BHO. Plus, why not?
or
A secret special force in the USPS.

poncho_pilot March 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

O'Keefe did it so he could take over. and who was his backer? dun dun dun! Michael Savage!

Biff March 2, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Just put it on the Colbert Report, they'll believe it.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Navy Seals. They are now under his spell.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I understand that killing assholes is like eating potato chips…you can't stop at just one.

Biff March 2, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Olestra created santorum before Santorum was "cool"? Sure, we'll go with "cool".

Come here a minute March 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

If Mr. Weiner had used the name "Savage Weiner" as his alias instead of "Michael Savage", the radio show could be much more interesting.

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Headline: Savage Weiner rips into Santorum. Film at 11.

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm

That's his porn name.

V572 Flambé March 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Another view of Michael Savage:
http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image

Hard to say if it was happier times, though.

2161911 March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

I'll believe in these conspiracies when Mark Levin stumbles and falls into a deadly weasel trap. The end.

WhatTheHeck March 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I thought only important people got assassinated!

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Breitbart's New Websites in develpoment:

* BigAutopsy
* BigFuneral.
* Bigdrunkenparty
* BiglawyersbattleoverWill
* BigDustbinofhistory

el_donaldo March 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I hear they might consolidate all the sites under BigLie

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

BigArterialBlockage
BigFuckingDeal
BigJoke'sonYou
BigParanoidDelusion
BigNoiseWhenHeHitthePavementTHUD

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 2:29 pm

That last one? I wish I'd thought of it. Dammit!

SayItWithWookies March 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I'm glad someone is speculating baselessly instead of trying to find answers. This is how religion is going to kick science's ass.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

If he actually were remiss, would that make him double-transgendered?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

RE/MISS: Here for all your Transgendered Real Estate needs in Mississippi.

DahBoner March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Taken out by Obama's elite Pink Triangle Lesbian SEAL Team 69

HarryButtle March 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

They can take me out anytime, know what I'm sayin'? Amirite?

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Regular Pinkerton Thugs, those dames.

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Yay! I get to leave work early today! Of course that's because there's a fucking Tornado barreling down my street as I speak, but you take the breaks you can get.

Later, fucknuts. I'll report in from my bomb shelter / drinking hole.

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

So you're somewhere between Lexington and Cincy?

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I'm actually down in Chattanooga, but luckily my boss is paranoid and has no desire to pay for my insurance if I get crushed by a tree.

2161911 March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Try to get to the liquor store before it closes

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Done and done.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:04 pm

In Frothy's absence, Jukesgrrl hugs Fare la Volpe and says, "Be careful, darlz."

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Where did Frothy go? He made oblique references to being away for a month but I missed the details.

ingloriousbytch March 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm

They won't say that Obama killed Bin Laden but have some coked up rageaholic blogger with untreated bipolar disorder die in LA and all of sudden President Urkel becomes Omar from "The Wire."

2161911 March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Making Breitbart "Stringer Bell"

ingloriousbytch March 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Don't you blaspheme the name of Stringer Bell! I won't stand for it! You hear me? I won't!!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Oh, my, that's a winner!

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Obama IS Omar…. without all the gay stuff

el_donaldo March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Did Michael Savage switch from being a liberal to being a screaming head conservative because he was too talentless to attract any attention in his earlier political/cultural persuasion? It's a crazy question, but if I don't ask this question, I'd be remiss.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Maybe Breitbart was assassinated by NASA because he uncovered the truth about the moon landing hoax and how the Illuminati were secretly hiding the descendants of Jesus along with the Vatican and the alien Reptloids disguised as the British Royal Family which also secretly controls our financial system alongside the reverse vampires.

An_Outhouse March 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

that truth has been uncovered for some time now. He must have been assassinated for something else.

slowhansolo March 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Needs more Eris and golden apple fucking.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Is this the plot of the next Dan Brown novel?

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

And the Rothschilds. Don't forget the Rothschilds.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Well, I'm not saying it was Aliens, But…

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Dude's hair is like a Follicular Gauge of Crazy — getting more crazy as its owner does the same.

If I still ate shrooms like PEZ, I'd DVR that show for the LULZ.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 6:50 pm

I think it was the same hairstyle that dearly departed Andrew often aspired to.

axmxz March 2, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Does Michael Savage moonlight on weekends as the meat in a two-donkey sandwich for $15 a bang? I’m asking a crazy question, but so what? We the people want an answer. This is not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.

Redhead March 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

That reminds me. I heard that in 1991, Michael Savage raped and murdered an underage boy, and then told Glenn Beck all about, so he could copy it the next year in his quest to fame. I don't know if it's true. Is it? I'd be remiss not to ask.

iburl March 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the savage weiner is a gay homophobe:

(Weiner) …"was a friend of beat poet Allen Ginsberg, the very, very out gay author of Howl. In a 1970 letter to Ginsberg, someone signed Michael Weiner described a semi-erotic encounter he had had with another man in Fiji. Weiner says he did not write the letter, though the return address was in Honolulu, where Weiner resided at the time. Savage now describes his one-time friend Ginsberg as "latrine slime," and says that upon hearing of his death, "I clasped my hands together and prayed to God. I said, 'Thank you, God, for answering my prayers. One of the blights of the human race is gone.'""

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 3:25 pm

"Weiner says he did not write the letter, though the return address was in Honolulu"

How can you be so ni-EEEEEve? He was in Honolulu writing a fake birf cerfiticket for time-traveling Obama!!

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Show us the long form death certificate.

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 12:54 pm

So?

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Speaking of Breitbart, a friend passed along this link.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I've really been trying to not overuse the word "Awesome". But that's just Awesome

I want a dartboard.

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I actually prefer the Photoshop with Breitbart, the Twin Towers, and the crying eagle. If someone made a clock out of that, I'd buy it.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Me too!

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I think Davy Jones in the background was a little over the top.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

…the fuck?

An_Outhouse March 2, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I'm going to be pissedif Obama DIDN'T off Andrew. What part of Hope and Change does he not understand?

barto March 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

No one's asking the real obvious question: was it a suicide? Just sayin'.

Angry_Marmot March 2, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation or GTFO.

OneYieldRegular March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

If I don't ask this question, I'd be remiss: Where's the death certificate?

Christamighty, clowns, this idiot wind needs to stop blowing now.

Tundra Grifter March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I'm simply amazed by this post!

Not that The Silly Savage would say something so stupid.

I'm astonished anyone still listens to him.

valthemus March 2, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Savage is like the 7-11 of raging wingnut twits: You know you can get better quality at a better price elsewhere, but when you need a loaf of batshit bread he's just so convenient.

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

As one would imagine, there's a Children's Treasury of Unhinged Speculation in the comments section at the other Professional Grade Sociopath's "Info Wars" site. We are being woefully remiss here by underspeculating about this Great Cosmic Injustice that has befallen humanity. Look upon the works of Infowars commenters, ye flighty, and despair!

The timing also served brilliantly todeflect attention from Sherriff Joe Arpaio’s press conference.

this is why you release the crap right away, don’t play freaking games with it. they probably used one of those frequency weapons to induce the heart attack.

So… Obama is a homosexual?

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Look upon the works,…ye flighty, and despair!

Owlsymandias?

Generation[redacted] March 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

According to marketing executive Arthur Sando, Breitbart spent his final hour in a bar near his home called the Brentwood sipping red wine and talking politics

"Sipping?" I call BS on that.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

/snobby wine steward voice/
This vintage is a *chugging* wine, Sir.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Yeah, I'm sure Obama really needed to distract from another moron screeching the same old birth certificate bullshit the racist crazies have refused to shut up about for the last four years which just keeps showing them to be incredibly stupid. Really.

ShaveTheWhales March 2, 2012 at 3:04 pm

What is the frequency weapon, Kenneth?

Manhattan123 March 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I bet it was Seal Team 6. Those guys are fucking awesome.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

What does TweetOnThis think about this story? Wait, on second thought I don't want to know.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Where was Sarah Palin shortly after midnight, Left Coast Time, Thursday morning?

Redhead March 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

"We the people want an answer?"

What people? The ones hiding in tinfoil hats and screaming about flouride being added to their water, plus all the voices in their heads?

rocktonsam March 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

"second rate" seems a bit generous for this asshole

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm

We the people want to know. We, that is my sponsors, need me to pander to the lowest of the knuckle draggers. These bills don't pay themselves, you know.

James Michael Curley March 2, 2012 at 2:48 pm

It was a Madison Avenue conspiracy. Brietbart dies just when the Arbitron and Neilson ratings are being measured?

Mr Pre-Press March 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Did they find Rushbo's dildo in his ass, or what?

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I'll wait till I see the Zapruder film and the Warren Commission report before I make a decision.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I bet it's Breibart on the crass-y knoll.

notreelyhelping March 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

It wuz thuh chemtrails that done him. Secret voices told me. Just wait. When the official word comes out, that won't be the official word. Primo fassy. CASE CLOSED!

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

HAARP LIBEL!!1!11!

mavenmaven March 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Because, you know, its always the leftists who conspire and attack American targets. Except in every case when an actual killing occured.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

“It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart!

This what the radio clown said, on the radio, after talk-radio host Michael Savage, when he “raised the question of whether the conservative media powerhouse … was murdered”:

“I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what? We the people want an answer. This was not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

Is Steuf back writing these? Because I have no idea what you are trying to say here. Editors need to be editing.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Agreed, editors! You could of done much better.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Oww!! Is that your needle I just sat on?!

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I suppose you could call it a needle. For all intensive purposes.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Defanatly!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Since it's OK to speculate on what might have happened, does anyone know where the remote-controlled pink dildo is? That thing had awesome potential capabilities and if The Government confiscated it from the Oathkeepers … well, I'm just sayin' …

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

My sources say that it's been under repair at the Skunk Works facility since those Russian assholes at the press conference slapped it out of the air. They've been having real problems rebooting the onboard AI system, apparently.

KotBR March 2, 2012 at 1:31 pm

He forgot the wing-nut approved factphrase 'some people say…'

MozakiBlocks March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

The right wing blogsphere has already worked themselves up into a righteous swivet over this. Poor things.

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

A couple of aneurisms wouldn't even phase them, unfortunately.

BklynIlluminati March 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

If assassinated you mean by snorting rails the size of cigars with a side of oxy all chased with copious amounts of alcohol in conjunction with the heart problems caused by said cocaine then yes, yes he was assassinated.

Eve8Apples March 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Savage killed Breitbart. The two of them were having a heroin induced love affair with a Venezuelan rent boy named Pedro. Savage became insanely jealous because Pedro clearly had strong feelings for Breitbart so Savage knocked off Breitbart to prove to Pedro how much Savage loved him.

I have no evidence to back any of this up, but I'm just throwing this out there to add to the rational discussion of this important issue of the day.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm

OK, I admit that the name "Savage Weiner" made me laugh — but aside from that, I have to say that I don't really care for Dan Savage's new sidekick.

Eve8Apples March 2, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Savage Weiner will be the name of my new band.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Off topic, but Wonkette needs to do an (another?) article about the Obama algae-fuel controversy that the wingnuts have been freaking out about. Or the fact that we're now producing so much oil we can sell more of it than we import.

IonaTrailer March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Must have been a hit. Nobody walks in LA.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Savage then shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?", when after all, it was you and me.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Pleased to Meet you!

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Pleased to meet you. It's tessiee, right?

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

What's puzzling me is the nature of her game.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Well I, for one, am in need of some restraint.

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I like to think that, whereever Breitbart is now, he's probably yelling at poor people.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Wouldn't that be heaven though, for him?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I think he's going to have a hard time getting them to "STOP RAPING PEOPLE" Down There.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Breitbart died at 43.
Bush was Bush 43.
Coincidence…
*or SHARIA*??

dun dun dunnnn!

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Me: So, Andrew Breitbart died.
Husband: Who?
Me: You're a lousy communist, you know that?

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I am going to keep encouraging everyone to get on the "Who?" bandwagon … let him be remembered (if at all) as "that shouty drunk guy – what was his name?"

OurHoboSenator March 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm

We will never know the truth, because Obama already murdered Jerry Falwell, so who will hawk VHS tapes about The Obama Body-Count on the teevee now?

BigDumbRedDog March 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Today we are all irrelevant assholes. No, really.

whiterabid March 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Brietbart isn't dead. He's playing bass guitar for the Beatles.

elburritodeluxe March 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Hint hint, Orly!

proudgrampa March 2, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Today, we are all remiss.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I suspect that the authorities are going to have a tough time finding the real killer (hee), as more and more people confess with each passing day.

owhatever March 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Sheriff Joe will now investigate the death certificate.

HolyCow!! March 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

As a member of the double super-secret Obama Gay Agenda Implementation & Gun Removal Team, I can assure you that we had nothing to do with what-his-name's death.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Only because you were too busy performing abortions.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 6:38 pm

And buttsexing.

Biff March 2, 2012 at 3:08 pm

…Breitbart was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center…

OMD, reagan did it!

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 3:17 pm

I like the comment directly under that which says, "I thought Emerson Lake and Palmer had re-formed".

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Excellent

valthemus March 2, 2012 at 3:31 pm

"Just to be safe, it’s probably a good idea for all wingnut bloggers to keep a very low, quiet profile for the next 20 years or so."

From your keyboard to God's monitor…

SpiderCrab March 2, 2012 at 3:40 pm

The right wing certainly has a lofty view of Breity's importance in their mad cosmology, but the truth is there are dozens of more important cogs in the Great Lie Machine, any one of which I'd happily swap to the devil for Breity's return.

smitallica March 2, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Yes, because if the administration were to assassinate someone, they would DEFINITELY go after an inconsequential blowhard who nobody to the left of Joseph Goebbels paid the tiniest bit of attention to.

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm

And they woulda fucked up O'Keefe's ass, too.

marionetta March 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I'm sure Breitbart will be sorely missed. By his friends at NAMBLA.

Condolences to his family and congratulations to Satan; he has a new media guy.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2012 at 4:33 pm

This was not an ordinary man.

Probably the first honest thing I have heard from Micheal Wiener.

Nostrildamus March 3, 2012 at 12:43 am

Well, whoever did it, at least they quickly smuggled that pregnant goat out of AB's apt to avoid a scandal.

marionetta March 3, 2012 at 5:21 am

I'm sure Breitbart will be sorely missed. By his friends at NAMBLA.

outragedcitizen March 4, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Riley did it!

user-of-owls March 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Whatever. Just don't mess with my Junco and we're cool.

not that Dewey March 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Oregon Dark-eyed juncos look like cute, little, tiny executioners.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Owl make sure to keep away from it. Now turn your head and cough

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

^^
^
Jaco Pastorius is the only bass player I've ever heard of, and I'm not 100% sure he's not a Renaissance painter or 13-century religious philosopher, as his name suggests.

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 2:16 pm

If John Entwistle is who I think he is, I've always wanted to pie him in the face.
Not because I have any particular dislike for him; I just want to see the dent his nose makes in the pie tin.

ShaveTheWhales March 2, 2012 at 2:45 pm

And throwing the teevee out of his hotel window.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Must fight!…urge to mansplain!…great bass players of our time!

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Even embedded words. Oh, suddenly some occasional unexplained censoring frustration becomes clear.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

How about he be referred to as "That special needs child that if the evil liberals had their way, the brave Sarah Palin would have been forced to abort so they could feast upon the fetus"?

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 5:51 pm

I'm partial to "tarded again."

Designer_Rants March 2, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Oh, the bumps tell us so much!

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I was a big Hooters fan, used to go to their concerts whenever I could.

Weirdest phenomenon: all these orthodox Jews used to go to the shows (assuming it wasn't a Friday night, of course). They'd mill about, eyeing girls and basically just takign up space until "Zombies" and then go absolutely nuts when they got to the whole bits about Moses and Noah, culimating in a HUGE cheer when Eric whould shout "Yea, they were the Israelites!"

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I saw a Red Breasted Bed Thrasher once.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Glad we are in accord. Because when I read a badly edited article I can hardly keep my sanity in tact.—

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Submitted for your approval.

The Bass Solo: The Very Bad Thing that happens when the drums stop.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I'm mighty partial, modern-day-wise, to Mr Victor Wooten. Woot!!

doloras March 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

I smoked a joint with Chris Squire from YES once.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Their's just no excuse!

ShaveTheWhales March 2, 2012 at 3:06 pm

So it is a tack!

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 2:54 pm

That's not a bass solo

THIS is a bass solo…

tessiee March 2, 2012 at 3:15 pm

1. the bass player is not the same as the guy with the big nose,
2. I haven't had the thought of, "I wonder what *else* those incredible fingers can do?" about a musician since I saw a close-up clip of Jimi Hendrix.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:19 pm

1. The Guy with the Big Nose = Pete Townshend

2. "Do Tell!"

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 3:32 pm

That might have been Keith Moon. But then again…

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Les Claypool

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Wooten was amusing, but everyone knew Jeeves was the brains of the operation.

(ducks)

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Hm. I'm thinking Michael Cera as O'Keefe?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Eeeeeeexelent. Screenplay time!

A Wonkette Syndicate LLC Production

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 6:23 pm

But I WILL say who was the most over-rated, flash-over-substance, out-of-tune-when-he-bowed-the-acoustic bass player of the '70s: Mr. Stanley Clarke! When I first heard Jaco, I wanted to burn my Return To Forever albums!

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 6:33 pm

"The Social Disease". Based upon truly disgusting events.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"Blow Toad".
Tales of a Happy Culture Warrior, nimble young Boys, and Blow.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Yarrrrr

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Now, we know why the Rum is all gone!

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 9:11 pm
C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Oh, man, you win the Gold Star! Woah.

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 9:47 pm

And whatever that business was presided over by "the guy with the snake on his face."

AlterNewt March 5, 2012 at 8:35 am

Tal Wilkenfeld is worth checking out.

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