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Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

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Michael Weiner, in happier times.Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be president (because he’s black). Important website World Net Daily reports, “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart!

This what the radio clown said, on the radio, after talk-radio host Michael Savage, when he “raised the question of whether the conservative media powerhouse … was murdered”:

“I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what? We the people want an answer. This was not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

Just to be safe, it’s probably a good idea for all wingnut bloggers to keep a very low, quiet profile for the next 20 years or so. [World Net Daily]

About the author

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Comments

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  • Barb

    Weather Underground? Andrew so so rotund and pasty that he could have been taken out by the Weather Girls. It's raining men, hallelujah!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Goodness knows, Weather Report would have nothing to do with him

      • FNMA

        Wait a minute. First Jaco and now Breitbart? Coincidence? I think not.

        • tessiee

          "Jaco"

          Cartoon someone sent me on fb:
          Guy tries to become the world's greatest guitar player by making a deal with the Devil. Devil wants guy's immortal soul in exchange. Guy says, "My immortal soul?? Forget it! What can I get for a dollar?"
          Last panel has same guy, now looking disgruntled, playing on street corner with upside-down hat for donations, and a sign that says:
          "World's Greatest Bass Player".

          • Chichikovovich

            James Jamerson libel!

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Were John Entwistle still alive, he would have addressed your slight after counting his money and skeet-shooting platinum albums in the backyard of his mansion.

          • tessiee

            ^^
            ^
            Jaco Pastorius is the only bass player I've ever heard of, and I'm not 100% sure he's not a Renaissance painter or 13-century religious philosopher, as his name suggests.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Must fight!…urge to mansplain!…great bass players of our time!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            I'm mighty partial, modern-day-wise, to Mr Victor Wooten. Woot!!

          • GOPCrusher

            Les Claypool

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            But I WILL say who was the most over-rated, flash-over-substance, out-of-tune-when-he-bowed-the-acoustic bass player of the '70s: Mr. Stanley Clarke! When I first heard Jaco, I wanted to burn my Return To Forever albums!

          • AlterNewt

            Tal Wilkenfeld is worth checking out.

          • Doktor Zoom

            Wooten was amusing, but everyone knew Jeeves was the brains of the operation.

            (ducks)

          • doloras

            I smoked a joint with Chris Squire from YES once.

          • tessiee

            If John Entwistle is who I think he is, I've always wanted to pie him in the face.
            Not because I have any particular dislike for him; I just want to see the dent his nose makes in the pie tin.

          • C_R_Eature

            Submitted for your approval.

            The Bass Solo: The Very Bad Thing that happens when the drums stop.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            That's not a bass solo

            THIS is a bass solo…

          • tessiee

            1. the bass player is not the same as the guy with the big nose,
            2. I haven't had the thought of, "I wonder what *else* those incredible fingers can do?" about a musician since I saw a close-up clip of Jimi Hendrix.

          • C_R_Eature

            1. The Guy with the Big Nose = Pete Townshend

            2. "Do Tell!"

          • ShaveTheWhales

            And throwing the teevee out of his hotel window.

          • C_R_Eature

            That might have been Keith Moon. But then again…

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Two words: Sting

        • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

          Hah. No mention of Jack Casady, who played rings around almost every other bass player, and did it while on acid.

          This is not intended as a factual statement. Only maybe…

          • C_R_Eature

            Jack Bruce. Also.

    • C_R_Eature

      …and you don't need a Weatherman to know which way Andy blows.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I knew something nefarious was going on in those Sausalito house boats!

    • Callyson

      It's raining men, amen!

    • iburl

      if it's raining men like Breitbart that sound you hear as "hallelujah" might actually be projectile vomiting.

  • nounverb911

    The hit list is very long and comprehensive…
    What an idiot, everyone knows Breitbart OD'd on rentboys.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It was that minty Guatamelan after a meal…

      • OneDollarJuana

        I've been to Guatemala, and I guarantee, they aren't minty.

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys

        "But he's wafer-thin!"

  • GuanoFaucet

    Nice self-portrait, Ken.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Bitpart being constantly ragey, flushed, supposedly drunky, sweaty, puffy and already had a heart attack within a year… yeah I'd go the unobvious answer of assassination.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Actually, he was killed years ago by a bullet that took that long to work its way through his avoirdupois.

    • Barb

      I can't wait to see the Coroner's report under stomach contents. I bet his last meal was a Twinkie Club (Twinkie, bacon, Twinkie…..) washed down with cheap scotch.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Breakfast of Champions!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          I know it gets me through most work days!

          Well, that and coke.

        • Doktor Zoom

          *

      • tessiee

        "a Twinkie Club (Twinkie, bacon, Twinkie…..)"

        when real life has a sandwich of a chicken between two chickens http://www.kfc.com/doubledown/
        AND a burger between two Krispy Kreme donuts, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luther_Burger
        you know we've broken the Poe's-Law-o-Meter.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Ah, yes. Occam's Nerf Bat.

      • CapnFatback

        I've always been partial to Occam's Pillow, myself. Less poundy.

    • tessiee

      "being constantly ragey"

      All the angry, hateful shitheads I've ever met have a lot of health problems, and tend to die off prematurely.

      *pleased*

      • Swampgas_Man

        So what does that mean for us cranky libruls?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Cranky =/= hateful

          I hope

  • lefty74

    Breitbart assassinated? And Shirley Sherrod wasn't?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Breitbart assassinated Davy Jones. This was a retaliation hit by Davy's fellow heartthrob singer Bammers.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    BREITBART WAS ASS

    You could have shut your wordprocessor off right there, Mikey!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Right. Breitbart's death had nothing whatsoever to do with his well-documented alcoholism, or the fact that he had so much bile in his system that his pancreas surgically removed itself from his body.

    • chascates

      These things happen in threes. Will the next two be Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck?

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh no, Rush first, plz. Preferably if it involves him being drowned in the bathtub by his methed-out Dominican yard boy. Then O'Reilly, who will succumb to toxic shock syndrome from exposure to a dirty loofah shoved up his ass. I expect Beck will die alone and insane in obscurity a la Grey Gardens.

        • tessiee

          "Rush first, plz. Preferably if it involves him being drowned in the bathtub by his methed-out Dominican yard boy."

          I sorta had my heart set on Rush being exploded by a whaffer-thin mint, but yours is good, too.

      • Barb

        Let's not forget Rush. The concern over his demise would last about the time it would take a giraffe to vomit.

        • SorosBot

          Although, since we also had to lose Davy Jones along with Breitbart, I shudder to think who might have to go to offset the joy of Rush's death.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Ten years ago, we had Bob Hope, Steve Jobs and Johnny Cash.

            Now we have no Hope, no Jobs and no Cash.

            I pray every morning for Kevin Bacon

        • ShaveTheWhales

          My careful neutrality about gloating over death would not extend to Rush.

      • OneDollarJuana

        No, no. Bad things happen in threes.

      • tessiee

        No, it was already Whitney Houston and Davy Jones.
        Although it's perhaps debatable whether Breitbart could be considered a celebrity.

    • tessiee

      "he had so much bile in his system that his pancreas surgically removed itself from his body."

      "That's it. I'm outta here."
      SLAM!
      Step step step step step…

  • freakishlywrong

    Maybe it was ACORN..Boo!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Planned Parenthood finally caught up to him 44 years later.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Retroactive abortions for all!

        • Oblios_Cap

          And then Mormon-baptize their cold, dead remains.

  • Oblios_Cap

    This was not an ordinary man.

    Thank gawd. And definitely not an extrordinary one by any stretch of the imagination.

    If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.

    Indeed – it would be irresponisble not to speculate.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      This is central to his point, of course.

    • NYNYNYjr

      "Remiss" is the shibboleth of wingtards.

  • tihond

    Did Vincent Foster kill Andrew Breitbart? Prove he didn't.

    • tihond

      My theory… Vincent Foster traveled through time, taking out enemies of the Dems, then returned to the past, where he was murdered by Barack Obama. Partially because Vincent Foster was set to expose the Kenyan sleeper agent, and partially because Obama made a deal with the Clintons that he would become president if he killed Foster. Wake up sheeple!

      • Generation[redacted]

        Time travel… the missing piece to the puzzle!

        • comrad_darkness

          Missing piece of every puzzle.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Then he assumed the identity of Robert A Heinlein and wrote "All You Zombies"

        (There's a .pdf of the story out there on teh Googlies, but I decided, for once, not to link to it…)

        • BaldarTFlagass

          I didn't know that Heinlein was a member of The Hooters.

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Yeah, my first thought was "Heinlein titled one of his stories as an homage to the Hooters?" Hide your faces!

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            I was a big Hooters fan, used to go to their concerts whenever I could.

            Weirdest phenomenon: all these orthodox Jews used to go to the shows (assuming it wasn't a Friday night, of course). They'd mill about, eyeing girls and basically just takign up space until "Zombies" and then go absolutely nuts when they got to the whole bits about Moses and Noah, culimating in a HUGE cheer when Eric whould shout "Yea, they were the Israelites!"

          • HistoriCat

            That song was gone completely from my memory – the only Hooters song I could name was "And We Danced"

            Good times.

      • OneDollarJuana

        Conked him with a sock full of Ameros.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        You forgot the Scientologists who were no doubt involved.

        • Generation[redacted]

          In collusion with the reverse vampires!

          • tessiee

            In league with the saucer people!

          • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

            Finally, SOMEONE remembered the reverse vampires.

      • tessiee

        How do we know it wasn't Frothy and Ken Layne — *both of whom conveeeeeniently disappeared immediately afterwards*!!!

  • HateMachine

    "If I don't ask this question, I would be remiss."

    True. Only appropriate to honor Breitbart's passing with a bout of lunacy.

  • Slim_Pickins

    I knew it! It was that dinner he had with Tucker Carlson at the Ayer's. Either Tucker or Bernadine poisoned him.

  • Beowoof

    Common knowledge that Mikey would have been at the top of any liberal assassination list.

  • ingloriousbytch

    “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.”

    It's also plausible that he overdosed on coke while getting a blowjob from an underage street hustler so yeah, let's call that "murdered."

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Well, at least he died happy then. That will be a comfort to his wife and children.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Hopefully this will put all of the autoaphixiation malfunction rumors to rest. The family has suffered enough.

    • CessnaDriver

      More likely paying to give the knobber.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    You know who else thought he was assassinated?

    • flamingpdog

      Hitler?

    • sezme

      Gerald Ford?

      • nounverb911

        Squeeky Frome?

    • Not_So_Much

      Archduke Ferdinand?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Bill McKinley?

        • Tundra Grifter

          He was a famous umpire. The great John McGraw of the New York Giants once yelled at him "They shot the wrong McKinley!"

          • tessiee

            Like Mark David Chapman shot the wrong Beatle?

    • C_R_Eature

      Bill McKinley?

      • Oblios_Cap

        You might have known him as William.

    • Beowoof

      John and Robert Kennedy

    • Exhausted66

      Shirley Sherrod's Character?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Joke's on Shirley. Can't sue a dead guy!*

        *I'm no lawyer

        • CessnaDriver

          Yes, you can.

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            I figured as much. But it's not going to be as satisfying as watching Breitbart screaming "Stop raping me! Behave!" in the courtroom when he's found guilty of being a horrible, horrible, race-baiting coke-fiend blogger.

    • tessiee

      Ronnie Raygun?

      No, wait, he was so fucking dumb, he was shot and didn't realize it.

    • GOPCrusher

      Dennis Miller's comedy career?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I wish I could double thumbs up this

    • littlebigdaddy

      The Pope, the one before the creepy Nazi?

  • littlebigdaddy

    Bill Ayers libel!

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, if Obama had secret hit squads to take out his political enemies and make it look like an alcohol-and-rage-fueled heart attack, that hairy troll with no credibility or ability to actually harm Obama whose only talent was in riling up the racist conspiracy-mongering morons who populate his sites would certainly be the first target, not someone who actually poses a real threat to the President. I'm sure.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, it certainly explains the John Boehner assassination.

    • fuflans

      brietbart died on 03-01-2012. every one of those numbers is in the fibonacci sequence.

      coincidence? i think not.

  • C_R_Eature

    All Right! I admit it – I killed Breitbart.

    I did it with the Bulgarian Umbrella and a lethal charge of Ricin. Fortunately, all the Undertakers are Masons, too, so the puncture wound went, shall we say, unreported.

    I was only following orders. From George Soros. Well, I was paid handsomely, in Ameros.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Oh please. My grandpa uses Ricin. The hip new poison today is polonium. Polonium, cocaine and alcohol.

      • C_R_Eature

        Hey, I did the best I could with what I had. You know what the exchange rate for Ameros is now? I had to borrow a used Bulgarian Umbrella from Bill Ayres and I fricken' synthesized my own Ricin in the kitchen.
        Man, I'm gonna start demanding payment in gold. Or ammo.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          How about whore diamonds?

          • C_R_Eature

            Oh, I can get behind Whore Diamonds. Thanks!

    • jodyleek

      Is a Bulgarian Umbrella something like a Rusty Trombone?

      • C_R_Eature

        In Chicago, it is. That's on Barry's College videotape, too.

  • sezme

    That was a pretty damn good post! Now then, Wonkette Jr., why don't you nervously knock on the new boss's office door and see if she'll finally start letting you use your real name. Do it while she's still in a good mood!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And Tweet a candid photo!

      • C_R_Eature

        TITS or GITFO

        • user-of-owls

          Meh, I see tits all the time. Now, show me a Cedar Waxwing or a Carolina Wren, then we're talking, baby.

          • C_R_Eature

            But…it's such a Great Tit!

          • user-of-owls

            Whatever. Just don't mess with my Junco and we're cool.

          • not that Dewey

            Oregon Dark-eyed juncos look like cute, little, tiny executioners.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Owl make sure to keep away from it. Now turn your head and cough

          • Chichikovovich

            Do you meet a lot of Crested Boobies in the aviary?

          • C_R_Eature

            I saw a Red Breasted Bed Thrasher once.

      • ttommyunger

        Tits or GTFO! Assuming you're a gurl-seems everything is going that way now.

        • anniegetyerfun

          It IS called "Wonkette", after all.

          • ttommyunger

            'Could be a diminutive male; just sayin'.

    • tessiee

      And while you're at it, ask if she'll buy matching shirts for your bowling league.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pqcESS0gRc

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Especially since after trying to keep this circus rolling, she may never be in a good mood ever again.

  • SexySmurf

    Yeah, but what does Nancy Grace think?

    • Barb

      She doesn't.

      • SorosBot

        *Rimshot* Perfect set-up and follow through.

        • Barb

          Thanks Soros!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Lol…Nancy Grace and "think" in the same sentence.

    • Tundra Grifter

      S2:

      Since the alleged victim wasn't female, blonde, and beautiful, I would go with "no interest."

      • GOPCrusher

        And Casey Anthony hasn't been implicated in Breitbart's untimely demise.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Savage is an odd bird, and kind of a sad story. He has a Ph.D. in anthropology (ethnobotany) from Berkeley, but was never able to get the academic gig (a very difficult thing in the 70s and 80s as many here will attest). He became embittered and turned into a wingnut (or are we supposed to say 'wingtard' now?) asshole. Still smart, but insane.

    • Mojopo

      That makes sense to me, because I am familiar with the profile. Several of the wingnuts I know are extremely smart – stupidity isn't the problem. Insanity is. Also, the principals they follow in their own lives are much different than those they prescribe for everyone else. So it's a hypocrisy thing, too. Crazy Backstabber Syndrome, is what I'm saying.

    • tessiee

      "He has a Ph.D. in anthropology (ethnobotany) from Berkeley"

      So he turned against smart people and the left wing?
      He's like the creepy guys who no women will have anything to do with, because they're creepy — so they end up hating women instead of becoming, oh, I don't know — less creepy.

    • freddymcmurray

      I agree that he's a weird bird. But my conspiracy theory is that it's all an act. To make money. If you listen to him some days, he sounds like a liberal (not joking). He just says whatever's on his mind that day, like an old fart would (O'Reilly comes to mind) and he stokes audiences with outlandish statements. Also, I'm pretty sure he's gay. Straight men don't talk about their poodles this much.

    • Barrelhse

      I thought "wingtards" were businessman's shoes?

  • GuanoFaucet

    “I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what?"

    This statement perfectly encapsulates what passes for wingnut logic.

  • Not_So_Much

    Is anyone even asking whether Barry HUSSEIN Obummer used a Kenyan Muslin witchcraft spell to force Breitbart to be a drunken coke-fiend until his heart blowed up real good?!1!!1

    • littlebigdaddy

      SCTV ref FTW!

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        I'm impressed, 'eh, with your memories, you two hosers.

        • MoeDeLawn

          I still shop at Tex & Edna Boyle's Organ Emporium.

          • tessiee

            And Spatula World.

          • littlebigdaddy

            And whatever that business was presided over by "the guy with the snake on his face."

  • edgydrifter

    Breitbart was an angry, flabby alcoholic with a bum ticker. By American standards, he was pretty fucking ordinary, Weiner.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      And brain numbingly ignorant and proud of it.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Truly, he spoke for the masses.

  • sezme

    You might want to be careful about glass eye jokes from here on in.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Frankly, that just makes her all the hotter to me.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Likewise.

    • BornInATrailer

      I'm not sure that's how I'd view it. As far as I can see, Wonkette has no sacred cows. If it looks like these jokes are taboo after the fact, then we'll have to patch things up.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I see what you did there.

      • tessiee

        "Wonkette has no sacred cows."

        Although it does have a sacred leotard, if you know who I mean, and I think you do.

        • BornInATrailer

          That is a really complicated way of saying retard, given we can just write retard again. But I like it.

          • tessiee

            We can say "retard", we just can't say "Tr!g" (even embedded in other words like "ingtr!gue" or "tr!gger"), so I spelled his name with an exclamation point. But yes, he is the sacred leotard to whom I was referring.

          • BornInATrailer

            Even embedded words. Oh, suddenly some occasional unexplained censoring frustration becomes clear.

          • GOPCrusher

            How about he be referred to as "That special needs child that if the evil liberals had their way, the brave Sarah Palin would have been forced to abort so they could feast upon the fetus"?

          • Barrelhse

            I'm partial to "tarded again."

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Did you just call our hawt new overlady a cow?

    • FNMA

      Quick story: My late father had a glass eye. Once, at dinner, he sneezed so hard that it popped out and scared the living shit out of my sister. My brother and I thought it was about the coolest fucking thing we'd ever seen. My dad thought it was pretty funny. But then, he wasn't above playing practical jokes with his glass eye. No surprise I turned out this way.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        OK, is this where I pull out the story about the waitress at the Hell's Angels hangout on Second Avenue in the Village who used to give socket jobs for tips?

      • GOPCrusher

        Shortly after Vietnam, I was stationed with a guy who used to pop his out and set it next to his drink at the NCO Club and say "Keep an eye on my drink, I'm going to the latrine."

  • flamingpdog

    "I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said.

    This is news?

    • Barb

      In more important news:
      I wonder if Marsha Brady has accepted the loss and can wash her cheek now?

  • chascates

    You'd think Rupert Murdoch just died:
    With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his empire?
    The death Thursday of the combative online blogger and publisher leaves open the question of what will become of a thriving colony of conservative websites for which he was owner, prolific contributor and relentless salesman.
    http://apnews.myway.com/article/20120302/D9T8ANI80.html

    • C_R_Eature

      "Empire?" Who do these wingnuts think he was, Charles Foster Kane?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        A Leaches Stern Fork?

        A Searcher Ken Lofts? (hmmm, Ken is in an anagram of Charles Foster Kane)

        • C_R_Eature

          Aha! I just knew that Ken was wrapped into this! Now we have the anagram proof!

          It's almost as accurate as Numerology.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            Or phrenology—

          • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

            Oh, the bumps tell us so much!

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        Hey, I have an empire too. It's commonly known as a Barco lounger.

      • BornInATrailer

        At the end, it has been rumored he whispered "Riley.."

        • C_R_Eature

          This made me laugh so hard I have hereby awarded you the Most High Gold-Coloured 5-Pointed Star Medallion of Threadwin. Congratulations!

        • anniegetyerfun

          It took me a minute… but that was fucking brilliant.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Ha! I was thinking there was a Citizen Kane joke in all of this as well. Perhaps that weirdo cop from "Law & Order: Columbo Intent" could portray Breitbart in the movie:
        http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/vincent-d

    • Doktor Zoom

      It's the greatest battle for a legacy since season three of Hoarders, where the survivors had to figure out who was responsible for carting away 30 years of newspaper coupons and cat shit from their dead mom's doublewide.

    • SorosBot

      Oh let this lead to a nice protracted and resource-draining inter-wingnut legal battle like the Koch fight over Cato is headed towards.

    • bureaucrap

      Well, if the new publisher has enough $$ to buy one website, she would clearly have the $$ to buy "a thriving [bacterial] colony" of websites, and switch their politics ever so slightly to Trotskyist, Leninist, and/or Maoist. Then she would be sued by DoJ for monopolizing the market in cranks, cynics and troglodytes. So maybe not.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      For a horrible moment there, I thought, "With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his empire?" was, "With Breitbart gone, what becomes of his diaper? "

      • 40 or 50 % McShineys

        I think you have it pretty much right, either way.

    • C_R_Eature

      "The Empire of the Scum".
      – J.G. Ballard

      Sorry, just thought of this.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Warm Leatherette

        • C_R_Eature

          Nuuuuuuuuummmmannn!!!

          • Doktor Zoom

            Hello, Numa Numa.

    • GOPCrusher

      His whole empire can be sent to Afghanistan, none will be lost.

  • MissTaken

    Can we liveblog the Congressional inquiries into Breitbart's obvious assassination? Please?!

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      The Majik Twinkie

    • C_R_Eature

      Liveblog, you will.

    • SorosBot

      With the amount of crazy in the current House Republican caucus, that's entirely possible.

      • C_R_Eature

        Not a matter of If but When.

        I can't wait to see Darryl Issa's panel comprised entirely of fat, drunk, male rightwing Rage Bloggers. Popcorn City.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Weather Underground? What does my local 5 day forecast have to do with anything? I mean I really like how they color code the cold and warm days on their weather history calendar, but seriously, what do they have to do with anything political?

    • HistoriCat

      This would never have happened if they hadn't started using that "Best Forecast" crap.

      • a_pink_poodle

        Well their Wundermap is still pretty neat.

  • chascates

    And from:
    Sinclair News.Net (We Are Redesigning our Logo)
    In light of the comments which have been posted on this article we want to make something perfectly clear. We are not and have not said nor do we believe the death of Andrew Breitbart is the result of anything other than a believed heart attack. We simply reported that different media outlets reporting the cause of death as being of “natural causes” before a cause of death has been determined is wrong and has created this sense of something more sinister. While we are certain Joel Pollak meant well with stating his opinion as to the cause of death (as did Andrews father-in-law) reporting “natural causes” as being “fact” before a cause had been official determined and entered on a death certificate is wrong for so many obvious reasons. http://www.lsnewsgroup.com/2012/03/01/andrew-brei

    • Blueb4sunrise

      ….other than a believed heart attack
      He died from believing in heart attacks?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Tink?

        • Generation[redacted]

          If you believe in heart attacks, clap your aortic valve!

          • horsedreamer_1

            Too Soon!!!

  • hagajim

    Surprised it took so long.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    "We the people want an answer."

    Fuck that noise. I, the person, need you to chill out.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    "If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

    No Michael, no. If you didn't ask or even consider the question you would be sane.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Here's the thing, though: if Obama is sending assassins after irrelevant bloggers who KNOW HIS TERRIBLE SECRET, and if said assassins have perfected the art of killing people in a manner that is completely indistinguishable from the inevitable consequence a lifetime of (rumored!) alcohol and cocaine abuse together with an underlying pre-existing heart condition, then…

    Why in God's name would you, irrelevant blogger, ever call attention to yourself, by accusing Obama of doing such a thing?

    Well, I suppose this makes it easy to figure out. If Savage Weiner keels over tomorrow, it means that Obama does, in fact, have a Death Note. And if he sinks to the bottom of the lake, then he clearly isn't a witch, either.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He would call attention to himself because he is a brave TRUE Amurrican, willing to shed his blood to renew that tree, whatever, and all other FREEDUM stuff. Obamination CANOT silence the truth!!1!! And whatever The Great Sarah Palin says, also, too.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Breitbart was more of a Brown Note, if you know what I mean (and I think you do)

  • ttommyunger

    Weiner is just jealous 'cause he's so fucking irrelevant he isn't worth killing.

    • not that Dewey

      Weiner's just jealous that Breitbart exposed some other Weiner's wiener.

      • ttommyunger

        Beat him to the munch.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Beat him to the donkey punch.

          • ttommyunger

            Fuck it, let's just beat him to a pulp.

    • Steverino247

      Come now. You know the snipers need practice shots from time-to-time and there's always a new guy who needs an easy first kill so he can get the more important ones right later…

      • ttommyunger

        That would be too quick for him. A gut shot with a .22 would be nice, prolly take a day or two.

  • qwerty42

    So is the thought that BHO carried out the hit himself or that he had the CIA do it? Maybe "SEIU thugs"!!! Or teh ACORNZ! Or, and this would be the most terrifying of all: the Trilateral Commission. The Illuminati? So many could be involved, maybe Mexican drug cartels, the QUDS force, as well as all of the above.

    • poncho_pilot

      i think gay Republicans. they were upset that his attempts to get them included failed. and he had to die.

      i think making up our own right wing conspiracy theories would be fun just to see how far they travel before the wingnuts believe in them.

      • qwerty42

        Oh geeze, they could not stop themselves. So:
        The Republican "establishment" did it because he did not like them and they knew blame would go to BHO. Plus, why not?
        or
        A secret special force in the USPS.

        • poncho_pilot

          O'Keefe did it so he could take over. and who was his backer? dun dun dun! Michael Savage!

      • Biff

        Just put it on the Colbert Report, they'll believe it.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Navy Seals. They are now under his spell.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I understand that killing assholes is like eating potato chips…you can't stop at just one.

        • Biff

          Olestra created santorum before Santorum was "cool"? Sure, we'll go with "cool".

  • Come here a minute

    If Mr. Weiner had used the name "Savage Weiner" as his alias instead of "Michael Savage", the radio show could be much more interesting.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Headline: Savage Weiner rips into Santorum. Film at 11.

    • littlebigdaddy

      That's his porn name.

  • V572 Flambé

    Another view of Michael Savage:
    http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image

    Hard to say if it was happier times, though.

  • 2161911

    I'll believe in these conspiracies when Mark Levin stumbles and falls into a deadly weasel trap. The end.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I thought only important people got assassinated!

  • C_R_Eature

    Breitbart's New Websites in develpoment:

    * BigAutopsy
    * BigFuneral.
    * Bigdrunkenparty
    * BiglawyersbattleoverWill
    * BigDustbinofhistory

    • el_donaldo

      I hear they might consolidate all the sites under BigLie

    • Steverino247

      BigArterialBlockage
      BigFuckingDeal
      BigJoke'sonYou
      BigParanoidDelusion
      BigNoiseWhenHeHitthePavementTHUD

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        That last one? I wish I'd thought of it. Dammit!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'm glad someone is speculating baselessly instead of trying to find answers. This is how religion is going to kick science's ass.

  • Doktor Zoom

    If he actually were remiss, would that make him double-transgendered?

    • C_R_Eature

      RE/MISS: Here for all your Transgendered Real Estate needs in Mississippi.

  • DahBoner

    Taken out by Obama's elite Pink Triangle Lesbian SEAL Team 69

    • HarryButtle

      They can take me out anytime, know what I'm sayin'? Amirite?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Regular Pinkerton Thugs, those dames.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Yay! I get to leave work early today! Of course that's because there's a fucking Tornado barreling down my street as I speak, but you take the breaks you can get.

    Later, fucknuts. I'll report in from my bomb shelter / drinking hole.

    • Oblios_Cap

      So you're somewhere between Lexington and Cincy?

      • Fare la Volpe

        I'm actually down in Chattanooga, but luckily my boss is paranoid and has no desire to pay for my insurance if I get crushed by a tree.

    • 2161911

      Try to get to the liquor store before it closes

      • Fare la Volpe

        Done and done.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      In Frothy's absence, Jukesgrrl hugs Fare la Volpe and says, "Be careful, darlz."

      • Fare la Volpe

        Where did Frothy go? He made oblique references to being away for a month but I missed the details.

  • ingloriousbytch

    They won't say that Obama killed Bin Laden but have some coked up rageaholic blogger with untreated bipolar disorder die in LA and all of sudden President Urkel becomes Omar from "The Wire."

    • 2161911

      Making Breitbart "Stringer Bell"

      • ingloriousbytch

        Don't you blaspheme the name of Stringer Bell! I won't stand for it! You hear me? I won't!!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Oh, my, that's a winner!

    • DCBloom

      Obama IS Omar…. without all the gay stuff

  • el_donaldo

    Did Michael Savage switch from being a liberal to being a screaming head conservative because he was too talentless to attract any attention in his earlier political/cultural persuasion? It's a crazy question, but if I don't ask this question, I'd be remiss.

  • SorosBot

    Maybe Breitbart was assassinated by NASA because he uncovered the truth about the moon landing hoax and how the Illuminati were secretly hiding the descendants of Jesus along with the Vatican and the alien Reptloids disguised as the British Royal Family which also secretly controls our financial system alongside the reverse vampires.

    • An_Outhouse

      that truth has been uncovered for some time now. He must have been assassinated for something else.

    • http://wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

      Needs more Eris and golden apple fucking.

    • GOPCrusher

      Is this the plot of the next Dan Brown novel?

    • Barrelhse

      And the Rothschilds. Don't forget the Rothschilds.

  • C_R_Eature

    Well, I'm not saying it was Aliens, But…

    • UnholyMoses

      Dude's hair is like a Follicular Gauge of Crazy — getting more crazy as its owner does the same.

      If I still ate shrooms like PEZ, I'd DVR that show for the LULZ.

      • Loaded_Pants

        I think it was the same hairstyle that dearly departed Andrew often aspired to.

  • axmxz

    Does Michael Savage moonlight on weekends as the meat in a two-donkey sandwich for $15 a bang? I’m asking a crazy question, but so what? We the people want an answer. This is not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.

    • Redhead

      That reminds me. I heard that in 1991, Michael Savage raped and murdered an underage boy, and then told Glenn Beck all about, so he could copy it the next year in his quest to fame. I don't know if it's true. Is it? I'd be remiss not to ask.

    • iburl

      I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the savage weiner is a gay homophobe:

      (Weiner) …"was a friend of beat poet Allen Ginsberg, the very, very out gay author of Howl. In a 1970 letter to Ginsberg, someone signed Michael Weiner described a semi-erotic encounter he had had with another man in Fiji. Weiner says he did not write the letter, though the return address was in Honolulu, where Weiner resided at the time. Savage now describes his one-time friend Ginsberg as "latrine slime," and says that upon hearing of his death, "I clasped my hands together and prayed to God. I said, 'Thank you, God, for answering my prayers. One of the blights of the human race is gone.'""

      • tessiee

        "Weiner says he did not write the letter, though the return address was in Honolulu"

        How can you be so ni-EEEEEve? He was in Honolulu writing a fake birf cerfiticket for time-traveling Obama!!

  • BornInATrailer

    Show us the long form death certificate.

  • BigRadio

    So?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Speaking of Breitbart, a friend passed along this link.

    • C_R_Eature

      I've really been trying to not overuse the word "Awesome". But that's just Awesome

      I want a dartboard.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        I actually prefer the Photoshop with Breitbart, the Twin Towers, and the crying eagle. If someone made a clock out of that, I'd buy it.

        • C_R_Eature

          Me too!

        • GOPCrusher

          I think Davy Jones in the background was a little over the top.

    • SorosBot

      …the fuck?

  • An_Outhouse

    I'm going to be pissedif Obama DIDN'T off Andrew. What part of Hope and Change does he not understand?

  • barto

    No one's asking the real obvious question: was it a suicide? Just sayin'.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation or GTFO.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If I don't ask this question, I'd be remiss: Where's the death certificate?

    Christamighty, clowns, this idiot wind needs to stop blowing now.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I'm simply amazed by this post!

    Not that The Silly Savage would say something so stupid.

    I'm astonished anyone still listens to him.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Savage is like the 7-11 of raging wingnut twits: You know you can get better quality at a better price elsewhere, but when you need a loaf of batshit bread he's just so convenient.

  • user-of-owls

    As one would imagine, there's a Children's Treasury of Unhinged Speculation in the comments section at the other Professional Grade Sociopath's "Info Wars" site. We are being woefully remiss here by underspeculating about this Great Cosmic Injustice that has befallen humanity. Look upon the works of Infowars commenters, ye flighty, and despair!

    The timing also served brilliantly todeflect attention from Sherriff Joe Arpaio’s press conference.

    this is why you release the crap right away, don’t play freaking games with it. they probably used one of those frequency weapons to induce the heart attack.

    So… Obama is a homosexual?

    • Chichikovovich

      Look upon the works,…ye flighty, and despair!

      Owlsymandias?

    • Generation[redacted]

      According to marketing executive Arthur Sando, Breitbart spent his final hour in a bar near his home called the Brentwood sipping red wine and talking politics

      "Sipping?" I call BS on that.

      • tessiee

        /snobby wine steward voice/
        This vintage is a *chugging* wine, Sir.

    • SorosBot

      Yeah, I'm sure Obama really needed to distract from another moron screeching the same old birth certificate bullshit the racist crazies have refused to shut up about for the last four years which just keeps showing them to be incredibly stupid. Really.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      What is the frequency weapon, Kenneth?

  • Manhattan123

    I bet it was Seal Team 6. Those guys are fucking awesome.

  • SorosBot

    What does TweetOnThis think about this story? Wait, on second thought I don't want to know.

    • GOPCrusher

      Where was Sarah Palin shortly after midnight, Left Coast Time, Thursday morning?

  • Redhead

    "We the people want an answer?"

    What people? The ones hiding in tinfoil hats and screaming about flouride being added to their water, plus all the voices in their heads?

  • rocktonsam

    "second rate" seems a bit generous for this asshole

  • Dashboard Buddha

    We the people want to know. We, that is my sponsors, need me to pander to the lowest of the knuckle draggers. These bills don't pay themselves, you know.

    • James Michael Curley

      It was a Madison Avenue conspiracy. Brietbart dies just when the Arbitron and Neilson ratings are being measured?

  • Mr Pre-Press

    Did they find Rushbo's dildo in his ass, or what?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'll wait till I see the Zapruder film and the Warren Commission report before I make a decision.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I bet it's Breibart on the crass-y knoll.

  • notreelyhelping

    It wuz thuh chemtrails that done him. Secret voices told me. Just wait. When the official word comes out, that won't be the official word. Primo fassy. CASE CLOSED!

    • GOPCrusher

      HAARP LIBEL!!1!11!

  • mavenmaven

    Because, you know, its always the leftists who conspire and attack American targets. Except in every case when an actual killing occured.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart!

    This what the radio clown said, on the radio, after talk-radio host Michael Savage, when he “raised the question of whether the conservative media powerhouse … was murdered”:

    “I’m asking a crazy question,” Savage said, “but so what? We the people want an answer. This was not an ordinary man. If I don’t ask this question, I would be remiss.”

    Is Steuf back writing these? Because I have no idea what you are trying to say here. Editors need to be editing.

    • Chichikovovich

      Agreed, editors! You could of done much better.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Oww!! Is that your needle I just sat on?!

        • Chichikovovich

          I suppose you could call it a needle. For all intensive purposes.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Defanatly!

          • Chichikovovich

            Glad we are in accord. Because when I read a badly edited article I can hardly keep my sanity in tact.—

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Their's just no excuse!

          • ShaveTheWhales

            So it is a tack!

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Since it's OK to speculate on what might have happened, does anyone know where the remote-controlled pink dildo is? That thing had awesome potential capabilities and if The Government confiscated it from the Oathkeepers … well, I'm just sayin' …

  • KotBR

    He forgot the wing-nut approved factphrase 'some people say…'

  • MozakiBlocks

    The right wing blogsphere has already worked themselves up into a righteous swivet over this. Poor things.

    • Barrelhse

      A couple of aneurisms wouldn't even phase them, unfortunately.

  • BklynIlluminati

    If assassinated you mean by snorting rails the size of cigars with a side of oxy all chased with copious amounts of alcohol in conjunction with the heart problems caused by said cocaine then yes, yes he was assassinated.

  • Eve8Apples

    Savage killed Breitbart. The two of them were having a heroin induced love affair with a Venezuelan rent boy named Pedro. Savage became insanely jealous because Pedro clearly had strong feelings for Breitbart so Savage knocked off Breitbart to prove to Pedro how much Savage loved him.

    I have no evidence to back any of this up, but I'm just throwing this out there to add to the rational discussion of this important issue of the day.

  • tessiee

    OK, I admit that the name "Savage Weiner" made me laugh — but aside from that, I have to say that I don't really care for Dan Savage's new sidekick.

    • Eve8Apples

      Savage Weiner will be the name of my new band.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Off topic, but Wonkette needs to do an (another?) article about the Obama algae-fuel controversy that the wingnuts have been freaking out about. Or the fact that we're now producing so much oil we can sell more of it than we import.

  • IonaTrailer

    Must have been a hit. Nobody walks in LA.

  • tessiee

    Savage then shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?", when after all, it was you and me.

    • C_R_Eature

      Pleased to Meet you!

    • Chichikovovich

      Pleased to meet you. It's tessiee, right?

      • BarackMyWorld

        What's puzzling me is the nature of her game.

        • C_R_Eature

          Well I, for one, am in need of some restraint.

  • Nostrildamus

    I like to think that, whereever Breitbart is now, he's probably yelling at poor people.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Wouldn't that be heaven though, for him?

    • C_R_Eature

      I think he's going to have a hard time getting them to "STOP RAPING PEOPLE" Down There.

  • tessiee

    Breitbart died at 43.
    Bush was Bush 43.
    Coincidence…
    *or SHARIA*??

    dun dun dunnnn!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Me: So, Andrew Breitbart died.
    Husband: Who?
    Me: You're a lousy communist, you know that?

    • HistoriCat

      I am going to keep encouraging everyone to get on the "Who?" bandwagon … let him be remembered (if at all) as "that shouty drunk guy – what was his name?"

  • OurHoboSenator

    We will never know the truth, because Obama already murdered Jerry Falwell, so who will hawk VHS tapes about The Obama Body-Count on the teevee now?

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Today we are all irrelevant assholes. No, really.

  • whiterabid

    Brietbart isn't dead. He's playing bass guitar for the Beatles.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Hint hint, Orly!

  • proudgrampa

    Today, we are all remiss.

  • tessiee

    I suspect that the authorities are going to have a tough time finding the real killer (hee), as more and more people confess with each passing day.

  • owhatever

    Sheriff Joe will now investigate the death certificate.

  • HolyCow!!

    As a member of the double super-secret Obama Gay Agenda Implementation & Gun Removal Team, I can assure you that we had nothing to do with what-his-name's death.

    • tessiee

      Only because you were too busy performing abortions.

      • Loaded_Pants

        And buttsexing.

  • Biff

    …Breitbart was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center…

    OMD, reagan did it!

  • tessiee

    I like the comment directly under that which says, "I thought Emerson Lake and Palmer had re-formed".

    • C_R_Eature

      Excellent

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    "Just to be safe, it’s probably a good idea for all wingnut bloggers to keep a very low, quiet profile for the next 20 years or so."

    From your keyboard to God's monitor…

  • SpiderCrab

    The right wing certainly has a lofty view of Breity's importance in their mad cosmology, but the truth is there are dozens of more important cogs in the Great Lie Machine, any one of which I'd happily swap to the devil for Breity's return.

  • smitallica

    Yes, because if the administration were to assassinate someone, they would DEFINITELY go after an inconsequential blowhard who nobody to the left of Joseph Goebbels paid the tiniest bit of attention to.

    • Barrelhse

      And they woulda fucked up O'Keefe's ass, too.

  • marionetta

    I'm sure Breitbart will be sorely missed. By his friends at NAMBLA.

    Condolences to his family and congratulations to Satan; he has a new media guy.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    This was not an ordinary man.

    Probably the first honest thing I have heard from Micheal Wiener.

  • Nostrildamus

    Well, whoever did it, at least they quickly smuggled that pregnant goat out of AB's apt to avoid a scandal.

  • marionetta

    I'm sure Breitbart will be sorely missed. By his friends at NAMBLA.

  • http://wonkette.com/ outragedcitizen

    Riley did it!

  • Doktor Zoom

    Yarrrrr

  • C_R_Eature

    Now, we know why the Rum is all gone!

  • Doktor Zoom
  • C_R_Eature

    Oh, man, you win the Gold Star! Woah.