HELLO I LOVE YOU  11:30 am March 2, 2012

Palace Coup At Your Wonkette

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Sexpot Lady Journo Twitter Pic.Weep, weep, Wonkette, for your fallen prince Ken Layne. Okay, that’s enough. Oh, I see I might have scared you, since there is apparently a surfeit of youngish people falling over dead these days. (Davy Jones, you were the girl that I knew somewhere!) No, no, Layne is fine. He is just old and tired and hates all of you, each, individually. And so I am here to bring some laughter and love to your marathon sessions sitting on your couch, “looking” for “work.” (Dope and Cheetos.)

My qualifications for purchasing and running Your Wonkette include a sunny disposition, bountiful compassion, terrific spelling, middling wit, and the fact that I was unhindered by any sort of job that might have impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet.

Haha, I worked in newspapers. That is its own punchline, right? But now that I am a Businesswoman and a Job Creator instead of a filthy Poor, I expect my politics to change some, so don’t expect lots of Socialisty Obamatard posts like I might have offered up when I was a socialisty Obamatard. Where before I might have offered my sad unemployed loser’s widow’s mite to a homeless, or an environmental group, or poor underfunded President Soul Train, I will now probably cleverly kick those same homeless, yell at the environmental groups, and call President Soul Train possibly racist things like “President Soul Train.” Hey, he’s the one who can’t shut up with the Al Green.

As to the rest of the site, all the bloggers you know and love will continue until I have run it into the ground and can’t afford to pay them anymore, which is part of my SECRET PLAN to turn Wonkette into the one thing I’ve always really wanted: a Mommy Blog. Sometimes I will be tender, and occasionally bemused, and when you’re really lucky I will put my fists on my hips and be wryly FED UP! How charmed we shall all be by the sweet antics of and darnedest things said by whichever tyke I have stolen off the bus. Who said Los Angeles has no public transportation?

But until such time as I have properly Ruined Wonkette (shouldn’t take long, here’s hoping), we will continue apace, with the mocking of the Teanuts and the Wingtards (did I get those right?) and Andrew Breitbart. Wait, what? GODDAMNIT.

Courage.

Rebecca Schoenkopf
Editrix

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 359 comments }

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 11:31 am

Welcome to the fold!
Editrix? Are you all leathery?

JustPixelz March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am

Probably wields her blue pen* like a whip.
____________________
* ancient technique for editing on paper**
____________________
** part of a newspaper; google it

ChernobylSoup March 2, 2012 at 11:40 am

I do believe "editrix" just earned a permanent place in the Wonkette lexicon. I like it.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Suck up!

vtxmcrider March 2, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Becky sounds more like a Domineditrix. And I called her Becky because she probably hates it. She has to accept that it ain't all peaches and cream. But the real question should be: Is she as attached to the buttsecks as Ana-Marie Cox?

WunkRocker March 2, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Whatevs. WAKE UP SHE-OPLES! Ken Layne is gone right after Breitbart!!!one
1) Obviously Ken Layne WAS Ken Lay AND Andy Breitbart
AND/ALSO
2) This Becky Shanktopf or whatever is part of Lay/ne/Breitfart's cross-dressing, Sissy Slut training, LA Mafia remake.
3) Profit
Also. Well good luck or something. There's no whisky in that bottle in the top desk drawer. But the gin in the bottom drawer is really Everclear.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

*kneeling*

WE ARE UNWORTHY, GODDESS!

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

NOW I remember where we've met this nice young lady before. It was way back in the days of the Topless-Lesbo-Bar scandal.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Like I said, awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome rack

Gunner Asch March 2, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I somehow missed that post the first time around. I guess after that welcome Becky/Rebecca knew what to expect from this batch (and chose to come here permanently anyway!!??!!)

Dashboard_Jesus March 4, 2012 at 1:01 am

wow, nice Editrix tits (oops, am I gonna be banned now? or promoted! :)

dailyworldwatch March 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Fuck she's smoking hot, isn't she?!!!?

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

I like you Rebecca! I can feel our menstrual cycles synchronizing already.

JustPixelz March 2, 2012 at 11:35 am

Rebecca – Just do what Barb says and nobody gets hurt. Well nobody we care about anyway.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am

Remember how when Ken gave us all a pack of Little Debbies and a pack of Newports for posting our first post? I wonder what Rebecca has in her gift bags for us?

MissTaken March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

I could really use some tampons and Percocet right about now.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

*crossing legs tightly*

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

I'm hoping for a Vajazzler and some Percocet.

johnnymeatworth March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

A Midol and a Clorets, here's hoping.

Biff March 2, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Still waiting on my "iPhone".

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Pack of Little Debbies and a pack of Newports for posting our first post?!?1? All I got for my first post was bounced because I mindlessly included the word "re+arded" in it, right after Riley was getting his ass kicked for the r-word thingie! Fortunately, I suckered our benevolent overLayne into letting me back on by dropping a few names of other Wonketeers (you know who you are). I'd settle for a Little Debbie now. (Do I need to provide her last name?)

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

Synchroschmoozing!

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Mensies!!

ElPinche March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Me, too. My balls are tingly…thats menstrual juice , right?

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Funny, I have the weirdest stuff flowing from between my legs, too.

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Too far!!

not that Dewey March 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Ken would have advised him to sit on a towel.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Santorum?

ElPinche March 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Nah……not today at least .

orygoon March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

Jesus, Barb, didn't they tell you that they took your monthlies away? And don't you tell me you miss them, because then I will cease to peg you as insanely brilliant, and merely think you are insane.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I don't miss them, no.

UW8316154 March 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Peg? pegging??

DustBowlBlues March 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Neither do I, except I wish I hadn't gotten wrinkles, arthritis, thinning hair, and lost my short term memory in exchange.

BearNoLike March 3, 2012 at 2:54 am

I see what you did there.

NYNYNYjr March 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

Wonkette has been hacked. DO not comment!!! It's a virus!

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

No, no, no! "It's a cookbook!" Get your memes straight, dude.

GhostBuggy March 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It's people!

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

It's a floor wax! It's a dessert topping! IT'S BOTH!

gurukalehuru March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

It's a floor wax! (slap) It's a dessert topping! (slap) It's a floor wax! (slap) It's a dessert topping! (slap) It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping!

Deportably_Jose March 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Snape Killed Trinity with Rosebud!

NYNYNYjr March 2, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Oh My God, it was a cookbook! Come back!! Eat us!!

ShaveTheWhales March 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Wonkette doesn't allow comments.

Pres.Beeblebrox March 2, 2012 at 3:21 pm

It's a trap!

OhNoGuy March 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Isn't everything?

FNMA March 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

You had me at "dick jokes."

MrFizzy March 2, 2012 at 11:34 am

First Breitbart, now Layne. I may not make it through the weekend without single malt scotch. Of course I haven't in years. Nevermind.

nounverb911 March 2, 2012 at 11:35 am

Just confirming here, Breitbart's still dead?

Maman March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

As is Francisco Franco

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

But, truthfully, has anyone actually checked lately to see if Franky is still dead?

sewollef March 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Augusto Pinochet too?

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

But who knows. I expect him to show up again in Zombie or vampire form.

Nostrildamus March 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Zombie-vampire was his last incarnation. I think slime mold is up next. Either that or a kitty.

CapeClod March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

As Ted Kennedy, who he ridiculed when he learned of his death.

sewollef March 2, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Fucker [Brightfart]…. I hope he rots in liberal hell.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 11:36 am

Hope you get a big tax break, Ms Job Creator!!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:41 pm

She's bragging about her spelling but she doesn't even know it's spelled J-E-R-B-Z.

WordSaladNation March 2, 2012 at 11:36 am

I got at least three simultaneous erections reading that post. More!

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Show off.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Triphallia????

SexySmurf March 2, 2012 at 11:36 am

Great, a chick editor. Now every post is going to be about either shoes, The Notebook or our feelings.

OkieDokieDog March 2, 2012 at 11:42 am

Oh oh, make-up tips!

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Ahem. Recipes.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Or Pinterest…I understand the ladies dig that site. Although, I wonder if Jeremy has shown any Linterest there.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

I can't wait to find out where our G-spot is!

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

Or the seven tips to drive him wild.

And by "him" I mean "me." I can't figure this shit out for the life of me.

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

I'm waiting for the in-depth analysis of how Republicans are like Edward (whiny, bloodsucking, white as the driven snow) and Democrats are like Jacob (hippies, closet cases, always a bridesmaid never a bride).

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Oh! And how the American voters are like Bella; dumb, vapid, clueless, yet somehow desirable, the ultimate prize?

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Yeah, shoes!!! I'd rather have a Louboutin in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 12:51 pm

It'll be like the Lifetime Channel of the intertubes.

UW8316154 March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Kourtney will probably be sent packing, too.

DustBowlBlues March 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm

If she has a guest blogger who reviews shit movie like The Vow, it'll be worse than the panda.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

Hey Rebecca? You holdin'? I'm asking for a friend.

Maman March 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

Barb has the little kids, but I have the teens meaning that I am now longer a mom which is why I comment here on Wonkette. If you are looking for denizens for a Dickensian workhouse I offer you mine so I can get back to swilling wine and snark.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

My kids are younger and are entitled to those janitorial jobs. Jesus, what is America coming to if we can't exploit the little children?

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Wait til Papist Ricky gets into the White House and prepardons every Catholic priest for whatever he may or may have not done in the past or forever into the future.

Maman March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Mine can pick apart rope! There is plenty of menial work to go around…

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

My birds do that too! Maybe the little bastards can start earning their keep.

DemmeFatale March 2, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Mine are 21 and 25.
They can be olde-timey overseers!

Ugh! Teenagers!
Hang on, Maman! It DOES get better!

larryfinexx March 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

Can we have more Star-Trek topics on Wonkette now?

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Nahh, just comparisons of the Ferengi to anti-Semitic caricatures.

Biff March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

4) Profit!

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

ftw.

V572 Flambé March 2, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Remember "In the Wink of an Eye," where Kirk banged the beautiful green alien? So hawwtt! Everything was speeded up except her orgasm.

sewollef March 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

You mean 2 minutes isn't the norm?

What am I missing?

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Foreplay?

OhNoGuy March 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

58 minutes, at least.

TinyDespot March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

All hail our new Queen who shall teach us women all how to proper clasp Knee Aspirins.

Does this mean Ken is free to come live in my basement and please me at my whims?

Joshua Norton March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

Trucknuts. Don't forget trucknuts.

(you, like, paid actual monies for this site? I didn't know that was an option. My 401k just isn't losing money fast enough. I could have ponied up a couple of the hundreds of dollars that's left in it.)

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Just declare yourself Emperor of the blog already.

Send our Commie Editrix semi-frequent edicts on your expected editorial direction, and whatnot. Abolish cat photos. All that fun Emperor shit.

ChernobylSoup March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

I think I'm in love.

Also, can we have a no "all of them, Katie" rule?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

You can have all of them, Katie.

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

And no moar " _____ Libel!1!1"?

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Libel libel!!

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm

You've torn your dress!

gullywompr March 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Your face is a mess!

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I think we ought to keep the regulations out of that one. Every time I'm ready to retire an ancient, awful joke, someone goes and does genuinely good work with it.

gullywompr March 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

You know who else wanted rules about what was allowed to be written?

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Your 1st grade teacher?

donner_froh March 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Strunk and White? (Both of them)

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

J. Edgar Hoover?

gurukalehuru March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Hitler!

JustPixelz March 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

"All of them, Katie"

WOW! Has it been nearly four years since Sarah Palin™ pointed out her elitist intellectual curiosity had (literally) no boundaries?

Geminisunmars March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Time flies – whether you are having fun or not.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Also.

KeepFnThatChicken March 2, 2012 at 1:57 pm

T.

edgydrifter March 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

At last, our long internet snark nightmare is over.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am

Whatever. Show us your tits or GTFO!

V572 Flambé March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

This is the kind of tawdry bad taste that makes Our Wonkette our Wonkette. Thank you, kind sir.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I try. It isn't easy being cheesy.

KeepFnThatChicken March 2, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I actually did a mandatory "FAP" line and backspaced over it. Now I feel like a pussy.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 2:11 pm

We need a hologram so we can kopf a feel, too.

ttommyunger March 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Fapping furiously……

Dashboard_Jesus March 4, 2012 at 1:43 am

ummm, she did, or did you miss this? (oh, and they are AWESOME!) http://www.myspace.com/meltingpointradio/photos/1

ttommyunger March 4, 2012 at 7:03 am

Waaaay too much clothing!

OkieDokieDog March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am

mmmm… Teanuts and Wingtards. When is lunch?

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Do they come with bleu cheese dressing?

Geminisunmars March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Too french.

fartknocker March 2, 2012 at 11:40 am

I guess Rebecca is into Koch-blocking. This will be fun.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:40 am

“President Soul Train.”

Don Cornelius is dead and General Motors is alive.

gullywompr March 2, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Too soon!

Data Exactly March 2, 2012 at 11:40 am

Ladies and gentleman – we have the new big giant face of Wonkette. Not that anybody here remembers her. Or Snorg Girl. Nobody REALLY remembers her. Or my dope and cheetos. I'm always running out of those.

This welcoming session is OVER!!!

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

Oh I remember, and miss, the Snorg Girl.

Data Exactly March 2, 2012 at 11:55 am

Snorg Girl forever.

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Was she the one w/ the glasses?

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The one with the great knobs. She was kind of a big deal.

Data Exactly March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

No, the one with the curly hair and the snarcastic t-shirts, circa 2007.

gurukalehuru March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

The incredibly, painfully cute one with the glasses was Ana Marie Cox, whippersnapper.

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet

What about buttsechs, Rebecca? The Wonkette has a long tradition of being the locus of intertube buttsechs, going back to Wonkette Emeritus Ana Marie Cox.

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

Back in my day, it wasn't a Wonkette post unless there was some assfucking.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Good times, good times.

Pop_Socket March 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

That and panda babies.

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

The precious Butterstick, who is now working on the Apple Corp assembly line.

Geminisunmars March 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

And we had to trudge 10 miles through snow to get it, too.

SexySmurf March 2, 2012 at 11:41 am

I'll give Becky the same advice I give all fresh meat: Don't make fun of retards.

Or Andy Breitbart's alleged love of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

Nicely played

*golf clap*

Martini?

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 11:42 am

He is just old and tired and hates all of you, each, individually

Yes, Mistress. Now call me a filthy little fox and make me wear the leash.

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

Ah, ♪ ♫ and the whip comes down.♫♪

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

I wonder if she has selected who will be her sex poodle yet?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

*looks forlornly at ball gag*

Damn. I'm never first.

mrpuma2u March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Editrix/Mistress I have a couple floggers and riding crops I would happily loan for disciplining the troops. Naturally, I will want to watch.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Rush Limbaugh? Is that you?

weej_bain March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Get the IV Viagra, stat.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Bring Benincasa back??? Even though the slattern had something actually kind of nice to say about Breitfart on her Facebook page yesterday!

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

I think she's too busy pimping her book to come back.

flamingpdog March 2, 2012 at 11:56 am

She's probably on the Tweeter right now with ReBecca cooking up a deal to sell teh Wonkette a thousand copies of her book to be given away as sign-up bonuses for teh Wonkette so she can drive up her numbers on the best-seller lists.

sarah_connor March 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

Will you be home schoolin all our kids? Sounds good to me.

UW8316154 March 2, 2012 at 1:09 pm

That's "homeschol" to you, Missy, and don't you forget ut!

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

It's homeSKOOL. Who was your teacher, Karen Santorum?

orygoon March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

DON'T MAKE YOU STOP THIS CAR!

JustPixelz March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

"a Mommy Blog"

What about my right to not have that kind of material on the internet? Your move, Issa/Blunt/Santorum.

Goonemeritus March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

Welcome Rebecca I trust Ken gave you detailed care and feeding instruction for us. If I were to emphasize one thing it would be to not let broader Wonkette nation get too optimistic. We need discipline lots and lots of discipline.

GOPCrusher March 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I'm willing to pay extra for the discipline.

Barb March 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

Groupon.

bureaucrap March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

Huh? I'm not allowed to ask "how much did you pay for that piece of *&%(#"? Is that question too rude? Is there now a "too rude" at Wonkette? Uh oh, things really have changed…

ChernobylSoup March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

I think you're on double secret probation.

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

I think the objection is actually to the notion that it might have been worth anything at all.

SexySmurf March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I think they were aiming for my comment and missed. Sorry.

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The editrix is just upset because she was "negotiating to acquire a very well-branded national blog" … and then proprietor died unexpectedly yesterday. So she bought Wonkette instead.

NYNYNYjr March 2, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Do you know who else cracked down on her enemies ruthlessly after achieving power? Michelle Obama.

Callyson March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

I am here to bring some laughter and love to your marathon sessions sitting on your couch, “looking” for “work.”
Or in my case, doing the above while "studying" for an "accounting" class where the prof can't keep his Republican bias out of the classroom to save his life…save me, Rebecca, save me!
Seriously, welcome aboard…

PubOption March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

We need a better photo is see if your kopf is schoen, or nicht mal.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

She has awesome tatas, if Google is accurate. Awesome

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 11:54 am

Homeric even.

Pop_Socket March 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

That's a mighty big 'if'.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Thank you for your comment. I'm currently in my bunk and will be unavailable to reply at present. Please leave your messsage and I will respond as soon as I run out of Kleenex.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I did your suggested Google search, and I was absolutely delighted to discover that Ms. “Accurately Named" Schoenkopf has an impressive, expansive, compelling and well-rounded pair of intelligence and cutting wit.

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Nicht mal, aber nicht nüchtern, vielleicht.

Limeylizzie March 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Liebling.

hagajim March 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

Editrix – kinky!

mistermix March 2, 2012 at 11:46 am

You paid money for this shithole?

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

Meet the new boss, possibly a shit-ton more cheerful than the old boss.

Not that I won't miss you, Layne. Nobody makes crippling depression funny like you, you bearded bleak-ass motherfucker.

Pookums March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

So you "bought" Wonkette or just redistributed it to yourself? This is important.

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

Job Creator? What we need here is more Blow Job Creators.

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am
actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:55 am

Jimmy O'Keefe's has a sudden vacancy

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Schoen = good, nice Kopf = head

Make of that what you will.

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

OMg!!

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Pi Day AKA Steak n' Beej Day is just around the corner.

rocktonsam March 2, 2012 at 9:29 pm

hand jobs are jobs too

MissTaken March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

Yay a female Wonkette! Can we now finally stop with the transvaginal ultrasounds before we hit the "Submit Comment" button?

Wait, what? I'm the only one who has to do that?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 11:54 am

*shutting off webcam*

Huh? Why, um, no.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 11:55 am

ur doin it rong

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

Well, you looked like you enjoyed them, so we kept doing them. Sorry.

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Ixnay, man! I'm the one on the hook with the medical supply company….

HateMachine March 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

You were fine with them before, so you certainly don't get to stop now.

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Well fartnuggets; there goes my Friday afternoon.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Sorosbot, what have you been telling her?!

ManchuCandidate March 2, 2012 at 11:47 am

I’d like to remind you that as a trusted internet commenter, I can be helpful in rounding up others to…toil in your snark sweatshops.

arduinohacker March 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

Now don't try to outdo Jean Teasdale right off the bat. Work it up slowly.

Blueb4sunrise March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

I am NOT a stalker!

lefty74 March 2, 2012 at 11:49 am

You give good text. Do you own a liquor store and a boat?

Biff March 2, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Mort_Sinclair March 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

A saucy wench she be. Arg! 'tis a good thing.

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 2:52 pm

It's the eyepatch, isn't it?

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

She bought Wonkette and she will rename it Big Wonkette.

Schmannnity March 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

Just be sure to take your vacation for the two weeks leading up to and including Sarah Palin's youngest child's birthday.

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

Cool! Ken's finally sold out. This means Ken's a dot com millionaire now!

Also me likes pretty female editrix'. Me used to work on newspaper, too. Me write good.

(Also, too, good luck with your future endeavors, Kenny. May you find them much more joyful. BTW, oes this means the Corvids will be touring full time now, or are you just going to sit back and enjoy your internet riches?)

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

I think the first thing we need to do is offer Rebecca a big, heartfelt preemptive "we're sorry".

Swampgas_Man March 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"For everything in general."

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"I don't know what I'm going to do to piss you off, but I want to offer my sincerest apologies in advance for it, and I'm off to my room to think about what I will have done."

I still can't figure out why my marriage didn't work…

banana_bread March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

NEVER!

Geminisunmars March 2, 2012 at 1:22 pm

If we say anthing that will offend you, we will be very sorry that you are offended.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And more importantly, a preemptive:

This comment has been deleted by the administrator

x111e7thst March 2, 2012 at 11:51 am

Wait. Will there be baby panda pix?

orygoon March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Um, New Lady from SoCal, just exactly where were you night before last, a little after midnight?

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Ooooh, you think this is like a Crips thing, where you get to drive down a highway with your lights off and then off the first dude that flashes his at you?

NICE TOUCH! I wanna work here!

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

What is this Ken Layne of whom you speak?

Deportably_Jose March 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I've already forgotten about that guy. Whoever he is. "Ol' Whashisface", we used to call him, I think.

UW8316154 March 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm

A ginger, wasn't he?

CapeClod March 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

Did Layne hand over the banhammer to you? That man used it like an artist.

SayItWithWookies March 2, 2012 at 11:54 am

Welcome, Rebecca! I look forward to you being the Augusto Pinochet to Ken's Salvador Allende. I just hope there'll be water cannons.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Maybe she'll be the David Miscavige to Ken's L. Ron Hubbard, did you consider that?

SayItWithWookies March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Either way, the beatings will be tremendous.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I would prefer being locked in a double-wide trailer for seven weeks and forced to prepare a written document of my sins. Thank you.

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I can see BACONZGOOD jumping up n' down on Oprah's Ellen's couch.

mrpuma2u March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

You gotta man?

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

And she remembered to include alt-text on her inaugural post. This bodes well for the future.

And you know, not a lot of things bode at all these days. Some people might even say that boding is just not done anymore. But this? This was no boding accident.

Chichikovovich March 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Some people might even say that boding is just not done anymore

Not true at all. I had four bodings of disaster just this morning.

Tundra Grifter March 2, 2012 at 11:58 am

I, for one, welcome our new female overlord.

Ana Marie left some nice cups to fill.

Pop_Socket March 2, 2012 at 11:59 am

It feels so good to finally have an -ette back in charge of Wonkette. The world just got a little better in some way.

littlebigdaddy March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Rebecca, you're my kind of girl! Welcome! You take us back to the days of Ana Marie!

CrunchyKnee March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

MILFy goodness.

YouBetcha March 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I'd hit that.

el_donaldo March 2, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Which eye is the fake one?

What?!? I'm not being rude. It's on her website.

Steverino247 March 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

A one-eyed sex maniac is now the boss around here? Uh, ok.

Barrelhse March 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Harelip!

poncho_pilot March 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

everyone on Bear Creek if i have to.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Would I?! Would I?!

KeepFnThatChicken March 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm

(pussy face!)

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Lol—

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

She loves when you call her the one-eyed wonder weasel. I bet.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

There used to be a punk band called "Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye." Among the Best Band Names Ever, I think. Right up there with my personal favorite, "The Very Idea of Fucking Hitler"

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Right now I am wearing a hoodie from the band "Your Momma's Big Fat Booty Band"

Their music is ok, but their name is fabulous

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Current favorite band name: Stew and the Negro Problem

(and Stew is the only black member of the band)

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

My favorite band name of all time: The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black.

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I want to say my favorite band name is Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, but it's a bridge too far for an all-white band, snarking as they might be.

So, instead, the honor remains with GG ALLIN & THE MURDER JUNKIES.

SenileAgitation March 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Brings to mind the joke about the fellow with the fake eye made of wood who asks the gal with the fake wooden leg if she'd care to dance. Her response of "Wouldn't I!" is countered by "Pegleg!" Sorry.

sezme March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

I for one welcome our new mommy-blogger overlady.

BearNoLike March 3, 2012 at 3:05 am

Yeah but if she isn't funny… then I guess we'll just keep coming back here again and again until some commenter makes it funny again.

ElPinche March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

A wimmins in charge??!?! Oh great, Wonkette is the new political Jezebel . We'll be seeing stories on Michelle O's menstrual cycles, more Kate Middleton, and nancy graces fat nipples. I WUNT MY WONKETT BACK !1!1!

Update: I just saw her boobs. YAY!!!! Welcome!

ThundercatHo March 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

What, no "Whosbecky-becky-becky-stan" jokes? You guys are already slacking. Welcome Miss S. and I hope you've had all your shots. Keep the barf bags and moist towelettes handy. A well-stocked bar and medicine cabinet couldn't hurt either.

BlueStateLibel March 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Was the coup bloody or non-bloody? Do we get to see pictures of bodies to make sure that it REALLY happened? How can we be sure?

Also, I'm sure everyone will dearly miss Ken's uplifting posts that made everyone want to commit suicide – those were the days.

elviouslyqueer March 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

I was unhindered by any sort of job that might have impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet

Welcome Rebecca, and on behalf of all us Wonkefags, may I say YAY MOAR DICK JOKES!

BearNoLike March 3, 2012 at 3:11 am

They're hilarious. All of them, Katie.

GhostBuggy March 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

If Becks here does turn this into a mommy blog, can we all stay and keep commenting? And if so, can I be the one in charge of taking out the anti-vaxxers my wife sez riddles those types of sites?

L188188 March 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

From LinkedIn:

Specialties
Efficient manager of staff, money, and time. Expert commentator on politics, art, and pop culture. Versed in web analytics, radio and video production, and all media platforms.

Oh dear, are you ever in the wrong place.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Welcome to Wonkette Rebecca! Be aware that we'll likely just Hijack whatever post you put up and turn it into a Liveblog of whatever the day's developing Outrage is.
It's just how things roll around here.
Also, Dick Jokes!

chascates March 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I went ahead and bought your book on Amazon.

In Stock.
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.
Only 1 left in stock–order soon (more on the way).
Want it delivered Saturday, March 3? Order it in the next 6 hours and 46 minutes, and choose One-Day Shipping at checkout. Details

UW8316154 March 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Oh, look at who is trying to be teachers pet already!

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Apple polisher

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Do you needs some Kleenex to wipe off yer nose?

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Has someone been snorkeling?—

vtxmcrider March 2, 2012 at 3:44 pm

An "apple polisher" in the civilized world is called, on Wonkette, an asskisser or a buttlicker.

BigDumbRedDog March 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I for one welcome our drunken and surly looking new overlady.

johnnyzhivago March 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Can a female really edit a major blog??? I mean think about all the time spent in ditches – it's a matter of anatomy???

And won't it be a distraction to male commenters??

Fare la Volpe March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

There are too many emotions involved in buttfucking jokes!

revmatty March 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Whee! Your first post is hopefully an indicator of the editorial tone you will take. You'll fit in just fine here.

Guppy March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

The Wonkette is dead sober gone! Long live the Wonkette!

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I find this post quite easy to masturbate to.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Seems everything is funny to you, Wonket

SenileAgitation March 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Jesus, Rebecca is positively jolly next to Ken. Good luck with this tragic investment. If nothing else you are surrounded by commenters who appreciate your wits and your tits in about equal measure, tits given a slight edge. Have fun.

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

OMG, OMG, OMG, it's Commie Girl!
I lived in OC (Fullerton) when you were at your peak (and breeding, are you still doing that?) and lived to read your prose in the back of the OC Weekly. Those were the days of mirth and College Republicans for Jesus.

BigDumbRedDog March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I just had a comment deleted by the administrator for he first time ever. Booooh!

Oblios_Cap March 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

You're not a furry are you? Cause that's one yiffpile I could get into.

4TheTurnstiles March 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Bring the buttsecks. That's really all it takes.

Wonderthing March 2, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Hmmmph. Next thing you know editors will be wanting to marry each other.

Ducandy March 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Now Israel owns everything.

Douché March 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm

First Breitbart and now Layne, this bitch is going to take over the world.

UnionAgitator March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Meece to nitecha.

WhatTheHeck March 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

“I worked in newspapers.”

Puppies also work in newspapers. I hope you break-in period is swift.

gurukalehuru March 2, 2012 at 12:43 pm

We will see, Rebecca, we will see. The words "mommy blog" do inspire a frisson of trepidation.
No cat pix, OK??

slithytoves March 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Fuck off. :)

archikvetch March 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Snark from the OC you may ask? Well, I've read Commie Girl, and this is going to be snarkalicious! With dick jokes to boot!

BornInATrailer March 2, 2012 at 12:50 pm

Why does this post have a pic of Courtney Love?

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I thought it was Christina Applegate.

Ducandy March 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I thought it was the new bitch.

An_Outhouse March 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Does a West Coast editor mean no posts before noon NYC time?

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

That would work for me.

anniegetyerfun March 2, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Oh, god, between Jim getting up at 2PM Hawaiian time and this, my morning are going to be more awash in whiskey than ever before.

WeHaveIssues March 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Who are you? Whom? Who? Whatever… west coast political satire-lite? Oh Hell.

Unless you are willing to drag your bikini waxed hoo-ha inside the beltway, we will not be amused. Somebody get me the Russert boy!

Deportably_Jose March 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

So Rebecca: will you be providing health insurance for your newfound employees? Or will you be continuing Ken's policy of requiring them to post sex tapes? In lieu of insurance?

40 or 50 % McShineys March 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Oh, yeah, We'll Come

NO I MEANT "WELCOME," IT WAS A PUNCTUATION ACCIDENT, HONEST

Biff March 2, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Damn you, autocorrect!

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

I like any girl whose name is NiceHead –especially if Rebecca means giving.

rocktonsam March 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

so this new new dick joke lady will get teh wonket women birth controlz?

Manhattan123 March 2, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Just put an aspirin between your knees the next time you feel like posting, missy.

OneYieldRegular March 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Typical Laynestream media lies!

No? Okay then, welcome.

KeepFnThatChicken March 2, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Ken who?

No, seriously, welcome aboard.

Ken, godspeed — coming from an atheist.

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm

JEWZ DID KEN LANE!!

3/02/2012 — NEVAR FORGET!!1

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Welcome to the island, Rebecca…we promise to eat you last.

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Must … resist … cunnilingus … jokes …

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Why? I didn't…

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

She's the new Number Two?

BTWBFDIMHO March 2, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I worked in newspapers.

Where, in London?

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Yeah, she thought we wouldn't notice if she just started spelling Rebekah with two cc's. I say, comb your hair, grrl.

thatsmrfresh March 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

you don't mind if we share your phone number with the Paultards, do you?

Mr Pre-Press March 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I'm bitterly clinging to my guns and religion, thank you.

DoktorThompson March 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

It's only alleged, sure, but has Glenn Beck denied that he raped and murdered Breitbart? I'm not saying he did it, I'm just saying he hasn't denied it.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Ken, I'll just leave my thanks on the dresser like always. Good luck to ya.

/snark
I woke up around three with a splitting headache…so while waiting for the meds to kick in, I looked about online. Since my 'net feet always bring me to Wonkette, I took a peek. Nothing happening that early in the morning so I thought I would look at old comments. That was fun…there's a lot of uproarious snark in these parts, this little corner of snarky sanity on the web.

Thanks again.

mavenmaven March 2, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Rush Limbaugh thinks if you are a woman receiving any kind of funding or salary for any purpose, you need to show naked videos on the internet.

CivicHoliday March 2, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Welcome from the heartland! Not all of us are coasters, and we from the sad sad "real America" parts of America need ye olde Wonkette most of all. My illustrious senator Roy Blunt just tried to outlaw my functioning lady parts, for example. So yes…please grab the baton and run with it, for we need you now more than ever as the culture war spins out of control.

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 1:35 pm

He's your Senator, too?

Condolences from a fellow Misserian (KC-side).

CivicHoliday March 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

UGH yes, I'm in the Lou. Other than the Carnahans and Claire McCaskill, we don't have much good going for us politically. (And even those guys are not far left of Ben Nelson. Sigh…)

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 1:35 pm

For a little insight into Rebecca and Ken's sick & twisted (i.e. "sweet & supportive"") relationship, I highly recommend that you read her lovely review of his fine novel Dignity.

(Also, perhaps, this old post about OC GOP lesbo bondage strippers…)

We're in very good hands, you guys. And with Wonkette finally behind him, Ken Layne, at long last, is too.

(At least until his wife and kids escape from his doomsday cult desert compound…)

bikerlaureate March 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Very helpful, tnx.

I guess she can be permitted to overlord.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I heard Rebecca say Newell is getting a raise. Pass it on. (Maybe he can stop eating cat food.)

savethispatient March 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

You think Jim's diet is related to his pay? I thought he liked succulent meaty chunks of real rabbit!

bringmeanaxe March 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Welcome, Rebecca! I am so excited…..your column in the OC Weekly kept me sane when I worked in Irvine, CA. I also bought your book just to reread all your great writing.

Ducandy March 2, 2012 at 7:17 pm

She's a Democrat from Orange County? Not possible.

BklynIlluminati March 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Is this the line were we all kiss up to our new overlord and accrue brownie points?

rambone March 2, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Welcome Rebecca!

Deletions by the administratrix? Looks like we're in for some discipline! My safe word is "president's santorum."

twoeightnine March 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Wanna bone?

Biff March 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Welcome, Commie Girl. Is there any way you can slow down the exodus of Orange County Olds to my adopted state of confusion Nevada? They're stinking up the place something terrible!

donner_froh March 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

A hot, one-eyed, hyper-literate editrix!

What more could a man want?

KeepFnThatChicken March 2, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Tequila and cocaine.

Oh, and a vasectomy.

Ducandy March 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm

"What more could a man want? "

Sara Benincasa?

Neoyorquino March 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Nice pic. She gives great scowl.

James Michael Curley March 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Now I get it. Layne was Man Bear Pig driving up the comments and page hits to sell this Corvair at Corvette prices.

fuflans March 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm

!!!

imissopus March 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Rebecca, welcome! This place better not change! I hate change! Seriously, I'm also an Angeleno so if you ever need someone to run to Starbucks or clear palm fronds out of your driveway after a particularly heavy Santa Ana day, I'm your penguin.

Nopantsmcgee March 2, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Cheetos makes my pipe all sticky. Munchos are better.

proudgrampa March 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm

OMG KEN LAYNE IS GONE. I TOLD YOU THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN THREES!!!!1!!!!!

DAVY JONES
ANDREW BREITBART
KEN LAYNE

What? Oh. Well, that's a relief!

Never mind.

notreelyhelping March 2, 2012 at 2:22 pm

This is news…but it's not bad news. Give us a little time to used to such an idea.

CapnFatback March 2, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Smart, I get it. Fire Layne on a Friday so he'll take the weekend to calm down/get blackout drunk and be less likely to come back and shoot up the internets with his semi-automatic snark gun.

Anyhoo, it's about time the patriarchy was tossed on its ear. I can only assume that this change means a shift to v-points, which is cool cuz when it comes to the lady parts, I could use all the pointers I can get.

crybabyboehner March 2, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Why don't you slip out of those mom jeans and into something comfortable?

GinnehRED57 March 2, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Chee-tohs, Wingtards, and Teanuts; The cocktail snack mix of the new millennium!

I sense that "rag" jokes will shortly become au courant. There is much potential amusement in making the menfolk cross their legs and grimace.

Loaded_Pants March 2, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Welcome, Rebecca! I must warn you that I am fluent in both English & American Hillbilly & I often mix them up.

owhatever March 2, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Hello. Is it just a coincidence that Andrew Breitbulb swooned away just a day before YOU show up claiming to be our new leader and Electrolux? Are you just Andy's reincarnation because he got to the Heaven and the God said, "Hell no, boy," and sent him to the Hell, where the Devil said, "Heavens no, you asshole," so they compromised and sent him back to earth in the form of a shapely she-devil-angel to run the Wonkette transit system and write nothing but liberal shit all the time now? Also.

slowhansolo March 2, 2012 at 3:10 pm

This is what happens, apparently, when you drop out for one day to reflect upon the death of a very bad person.

Welcome, Rebecca, to a different kind of hell than the newspaper world.

DerrickWildcat March 2, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Do U Like Birds?
Yes or No?

HelmutNewton March 2, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Welcome Rebecca! To you AND your awesome rack!
http://wonkette.com/414509/is-erik-brown-micheal-

lowaltflier March 2, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Oh! What a wonderful life. Commie Girl was the only reason I picked up a copy of OC Weekly. Haven't read it since you left.

And Good Luck to you Ken.

vulpes82 March 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Just tell us that Jim is okay. It's always hard when Daddy goes away; I just don't want him to think it's his fault. He's sensitive, poor thing.

fuflans March 2, 2012 at 4:21 pm

welcome rebecca!

can i have a job?

I_P March 2, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Will there be buttsecks? I was promised buttsecks.

GortRay March 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Hail, new Wonkette-trix! We bow to your superior beingness and will follow you through the Hell-gates to the election year slimefest.

Rotundo_ March 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Welcome aboard oh Goddess of Snark! We shall miss the relentlessly upbeat and perky posts of Mr Layne and hopefully Ken will drop us a line from time to time from his desert survival bunker, but we are ready for a new keyholder to the asylum.

ImmigrationGirl March 2, 2012 at 5:43 pm

So you've ruined my image of blogger as those who live in their parents' basement and recycle cans to pay for their beer and cigarettes.

Beetagger March 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Can you write the alt text captions in French?

ShreditorsDesk March 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Yeh and all that, but can you cook?

Monsieur_Grumpe March 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Does this mean more buttsex stuff?

horsedreamer_1 March 2, 2012 at 7:46 pm

So, does this vindicate Nick Denton selling this place in the first place, or prove the folly as the site persists?

DustBowlBlues March 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Rebecca–This is the most exciting news, ever. Your mom is a big, fat liberal in OK–and so am I! Since I'm an old, and could be your mother, you have to be nice to me and laugh at my jokes. haha. I'd love to know who she is, but since that's too personal, just do this: give me a clue what city your mother lives in and come election time, I'll drive around it and look for the Obama sign.

charitablearm March 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Hooray! I, like Bonzos_Bed_Time, have fond OC Weekly memories – you are perhaps the first person I knew of who would call themselves a commie. I'm very excited. No dick jokes but posting on a Saturday night seems sadly wonkette enough!

kitchenmudge March 3, 2012 at 3:31 am

It's spelled "Goddammit".

V572 Flambé March 3, 2012 at 9:58 am

Just saying, "schoenkopf" = beautiful head auf Deutsch.

Harry_S_Truman March 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

Hey, New Person.

Any chance of you working weekends?

jervix March 3, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Must figure out how to hide massive Star Trek chest tattoo at Wonkette beach celebrations.

erekose2112 March 4, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Like.

thefrontpage March 6, 2012 at 11:29 am

Good luck and best wishes! As long this doesn't become The Huffington Post or Politico, or the Drudge Report, that's good. In fact, dont' change a thing here.

Lascauxcaveman March 2, 2012 at 11:57 am

Ana Marie (yes, I go back that far) was quite generous with the bourbon, IIRC.

starfanglednut March 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Whatever. It's the percocet that really matters.

UnholyMoses March 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

And the buttsechs. Don't forget that!

(And, yes, I go back that far, too, though under a different name.)

DustBowlBlues March 2, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I remember. I never posted, I don't think you were allowed to, but got tired of seeing those pictures of famous people I'd never heard of who were spotted on the street in DC and finally quit reading because I was tired of that fucking panda.

As I recall, I came back in 2004 after the election when I was ready to buy a gun (or borrow a couple of tommy guns from any of my neighbors–2nd Amendment!) and kill every Republitard in town. (Town: pop. 2,000, 1,983 dead).

actor212 March 2, 2012 at 4:30 pm

*pondering*

How could they know??

Extemporanus March 2, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Hot tramps, I fist you so!

sezme March 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Well, if you're curious about Sara B, you could perhaps search for her name in the googles and learn that she just published a book and is on a book tour. Or sure, you could just ask Rebecca.

Mumbletypeg March 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

The book is good, too. Especially around the chapter "Om Mani Padme Fuck You" and forward from there~

Dashboard_Jesus March 4, 2012 at 1:04 am

Heve I ver told you how much I LUVS the DustBowl? cuz I do…btw, it's baaack.. .http://www.businessinsider.com/20-signs-america-is-headed-for-another-dust-bowl-2012-2

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