Weep, weep, Wonkette, for your fallen prince Ken Layne. Okay, that’s enough. Oh, I see I might have scared you, since there is apparently a surfeit of youngish people falling over dead these days. (Davy Jones, you were the girl that I knew somewhere!) No, no, Layne is fine. He is just old and tired and hates all of you, each, individually. And so I am here to bring some laughter and love to your marathon sessions sitting on your couch, “looking” for “work.” (Dope and Cheetos.)
My qualifications for purchasing and running Your Wonkette include a sunny disposition, bountiful compassion, terrific spelling, middling wit, and the fact that I was unhindered by any sort of job that might have impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet.
Haha, I worked in newspapers. That is its own punchline, right? But now that I am a Businesswoman and a Job Creator instead of a filthy Poor, I expect my politics to change some, so don’t expect lots of Socialisty Obamatard posts like I might have offered up when I was a socialisty Obamatard. Where before I might have offered my sad unemployed loser’s widow’s mite to a homeless, or an environmental group, or poor underfunded President Soul Train, I will now probably cleverly kick those same homeless, yell at the environmental groups, and call President Soul Train possibly racist things like “President Soul Train.” Hey, he’s the one who can’t shut up with the Al Green.
As to the rest of the site, all the bloggers you know and love will continue until I have run it into the ground and can’t afford to pay them anymore, which is part of my SECRET PLAN to turn Wonkette into the one thing I’ve always really wanted: a Mommy Blog. Sometimes I will be tender, and occasionally bemused, and when you’re really lucky I will put my fists on my hips and be wryly FED UP! How charmed we shall all be by the sweet antics of and darnedest things said by whichever tyke I have stolen off the bus. Who said Los Angeles has no public transportation?
But until such time as I have properly Ruined Wonkette (shouldn’t take long, here’s hoping), we will continue apace, with the mocking of the Teanuts and the Wingtards (did I get those right?) and Andrew Breitbart. Wait, what? GODDAMNIT.
Courage.
Rebecca Schoenkopf
Editrix
{ 359 comments }
Welcome to the fold!
Editrix? Are you all leathery?
Probably wields her blue pen* like a whip.
____________________
* ancient technique for editing on paper**
____________________
** part of a newspaper; google it
I do believe "editrix" just earned a permanent place in the Wonkette lexicon. I like it.
Suck up!
Becky sounds more like a Domineditrix. And I called her Becky because she probably hates it. She has to accept that it ain't all peaches and cream. But the real question should be: Is she as attached to the buttsecks as Ana-Marie Cox?
Whatevs. WAKE UP SHE-OPLES! Ken Layne is gone right after Breitbart!!!one
1) Obviously Ken Layne WAS Ken Lay AND Andy Breitbart
AND/ALSO
2) This Becky Shanktopf or whatever is part of Lay/ne/Breitfart's cross-dressing, Sissy Slut training, LA Mafia remake.
3) Profit
Also. Well good luck or something. There's no whisky in that bottle in the top desk drawer. But the gin in the bottom drawer is really Everclear.
*kneeling*
WE ARE UNWORTHY, GODDESS!
NOW I remember where we've met this nice young lady before. It was way back in the days of the Topless-Lesbo-Bar scandal.
Like I said, awwwwwwwwwwwwwesome rack
I somehow missed that post the first time around. I guess after that welcome Becky/Rebecca knew what to expect from this batch (and chose to come here permanently anyway!!??!!)
wow, nice Editrix tits (oops, am I gonna be banned now? or promoted! :)
Fuck she's smoking hot, isn't she?!!!?
I like you Rebecca! I can feel our menstrual cycles synchronizing already.
Rebecca – Just do what Barb says and nobody gets hurt. Well nobody we care about anyway.
Remember how when Ken gave us all a pack of Little Debbies and a pack of Newports for posting our first post? I wonder what Rebecca has in her gift bags for us?
I could really use some tampons and Percocet right about now.
*crossing legs tightly*
I'm hoping for a Vajazzler and some Percocet.
A Midol and a Clorets, here's hoping.
Still waiting on my "iPhone".
Pack of Little Debbies and a pack of Newports for posting our first post?!?1? All I got for my first post was bounced because I mindlessly included the word "re+arded" in it, right after Riley was getting his ass kicked for the r-word thingie! Fortunately, I suckered our benevolent overLayne into letting me back on by dropping a few names of other Wonketeers (you know who you are). I'd settle for a Little Debbie now. (Do I need to provide her last name?)
Synchroschmoozing!
Mensies!!
Me, too. My balls are tingly…thats menstrual juice , right?
Funny, I have the weirdest stuff flowing from between my legs, too.
Too far!!
Ken would have advised him to sit on a towel.
Santorum?
Nah……not today at least .
Jesus, Barb, didn't they tell you that they took your monthlies away? And don't you tell me you miss them, because then I will cease to peg you as insanely brilliant, and merely think you are insane.
I don't miss them, no.
Peg? pegging??
Neither do I, except I wish I hadn't gotten wrinkles, arthritis, thinning hair, and lost my short term memory in exchange.
I see what you did there.
Wonkette has been hacked. DO not comment!!! It's a virus!
No, no, no! "It's a cookbook!" Get your memes straight, dude.
It's people!
It's a floor wax! It's a dessert topping! IT'S BOTH!
It's a floor wax! (slap) It's a dessert topping! (slap) It's a floor wax! (slap) It's a dessert topping! (slap) It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping!
Snape Killed Trinity with Rosebud!
Oh My God, it was a cookbook! Come back!! Eat us!!
Wonkette doesn't allow comments.
It's a trap!
Isn't everything?
You had me at "dick jokes."
First Breitbart, now Layne. I may not make it through the weekend without single malt scotch. Of course I haven't in years. Nevermind.
Just confirming here, Breitbart's still dead?
As is Francisco Franco
But, truthfully, has anyone actually checked lately to see if Franky is still dead?
Augusto Pinochet too?
But who knows. I expect him to show up again in Zombie or vampire form.
Zombie-vampire was his last incarnation. I think slime mold is up next. Either that or a kitty.
As Ted Kennedy, who he ridiculed when he learned of his death.
Fucker [Brightfart]…. I hope he rots in liberal hell.
Hope you get a big tax break, Ms Job Creator!!
She's bragging about her spelling but she doesn't even know it's spelled J-E-R-B-Z.
I got at least three simultaneous erections reading that post. More!
Show off.
Triphallia????
Great, a chick editor. Now every post is going to be about either shoes, The Notebook or our feelings.
Oh oh, make-up tips!
Ahem. Recipes.
Or Pinterest…I understand the ladies dig that site. Although, I wonder if Jeremy has shown any Linterest there.
I can't wait to find out where our G-spot is!
Or the seven tips to drive him wild.
And by "him" I mean "me." I can't figure this shit out for the life of me.
I'm waiting for the in-depth analysis of how Republicans are like Edward (whiny, bloodsucking, white as the driven snow) and Democrats are like Jacob (hippies, closet cases, always a bridesmaid never a bride).
Oh! And how the American voters are like Bella; dumb, vapid, clueless, yet somehow desirable, the ultimate prize?
Yeah, shoes!!! I'd rather have a Louboutin in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
It'll be like the Lifetime Channel of the intertubes.
Kourtney will probably be sent packing, too.
If she has a guest blogger who reviews shit movie like The Vow, it'll be worse than the panda.
Hey Rebecca? You holdin'? I'm asking for a friend.
Barb has the little kids, but I have the teens meaning that I am now longer a mom which is why I comment here on Wonkette. If you are looking for denizens for a Dickensian workhouse I offer you mine so I can get back to swilling wine and snark.
My kids are younger and are entitled to those janitorial jobs. Jesus, what is America coming to if we can't exploit the little children?
Wait til Papist Ricky gets into the White House and prepardons every Catholic priest for whatever he may or may have not done in the past or forever into the future.
Mine can pick apart rope! There is plenty of menial work to go around…
My birds do that too! Maybe the little bastards can start earning their keep.
Mine are 21 and 25.
They can be olde-timey overseers!
Ugh! Teenagers!
Hang on, Maman! It DOES get better!
Can we have more Star-Trek topics on Wonkette now?
Nahh, just comparisons of the Ferengi to anti-Semitic caricatures.
4) Profit!
ftw.
Remember "In the Wink of an Eye," where Kirk banged the beautiful green alien? So hawwtt! Everything was speeded up except her orgasm.
You mean 2 minutes isn't the norm?
What am I missing?
Foreplay?
58 minutes, at least.
All hail our new Queen who shall teach us women all how to proper clasp Knee Aspirins.
Does this mean Ken is free to come live in my basement and please me at my whims?
Trucknuts. Don't forget trucknuts.
(you, like, paid actual monies for this site? I didn't know that was an option. My 401k just isn't losing money fast enough. I could have ponied up a couple of the hundreds of dollars that's left in it.)
Just declare yourself Emperor of the blog already.
Send our Commie Editrix semi-frequent edicts on your expected editorial direction, and whatnot. Abolish cat photos. All that fun Emperor shit.
I think I'm in love.
Also, can we have a no "all of them, Katie" rule?
You can have all of them, Katie.
And no moar " _____ Libel!1!1"?
Libel libel!!
You've torn your dress!
Your face is a mess!
I think we ought to keep the regulations out of that one. Every time I'm ready to retire an ancient, awful joke, someone goes and does genuinely good work with it.
You know who else wanted rules about what was allowed to be written?
Your 1st grade teacher?
Strunk and White? (Both of them)
J. Edgar Hoover?
Hitler!
"All of them, Katie"
WOW! Has it been nearly four years since Sarah Palin™ pointed out her elitist intellectual curiosity had (literally) no boundaries?
Time flies – whether you are having fun or not.
Also.
T.
At last, our long internet snark nightmare is over.
Whatever. Show us your tits or GTFO!
This is the kind of tawdry bad taste that makes Our Wonkette our Wonkette. Thank you, kind sir.
I try. It isn't easy being cheesy.
I actually did a mandatory "FAP" line and backspaced over it. Now I feel like a pussy.
We need a hologram so we can kopf a feel, too.
Fapping furiously……
ummm, she did, or did you miss this? (oh, and they are AWESOME!) http://www.myspace.com/meltingpointradio/photos/1…
Waaaay too much clothing!
mmmm… Teanuts and Wingtards. When is lunch?
Do they come with bleu cheese dressing?
Too french.
I guess Rebecca is into Koch-blocking. This will be fun.
“President Soul Train.”
Don Cornelius is dead and General Motors is alive.
Too soon!
Ladies and gentleman – we have the new big giant face of Wonkette. Not that anybody here remembers her. Or Snorg Girl. Nobody REALLY remembers her. Or my dope and cheetos. I'm always running out of those.
This welcoming session is OVER!!!
Oh I remember, and miss, the Snorg Girl.
Snorg Girl forever.
Was she the one w/ the glasses?
The one with the great knobs. She was kind of a big deal.
No, the one with the curly hair and the snarcastic t-shirts, circa 2007.
The incredibly, painfully cute one with the glasses was Ana Marie Cox, whippersnapper.
impeded my ability to type dick jokes on the Internet
What about buttsechs, Rebecca? The Wonkette has a long tradition of being the locus of intertube buttsechs, going back to Wonkette Emeritus Ana Marie Cox.
Back in my day, it wasn't a Wonkette post unless there was some assfucking.
Good times, good times.
That and panda babies.
The precious Butterstick, who is now working on the Apple Corp assembly line.
And we had to trudge 10 miles through snow to get it, too.
I'll give Becky the same advice I give all fresh meat: Don't make fun of retards.
Or Andy Breitbart's alleged love of auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Nicely played
*golf clap*
Martini?
He is just old and tired and hates all of you, each, individually
Yes, Mistress. Now call me a filthy little fox and make me wear the leash.
Ah, ♪ ♫ and the whip comes down.♫♪
I wonder if she has selected who will be her sex poodle yet?
*looks forlornly at ball gag*
Damn. I'm never first.
Editrix/Mistress I have a couple floggers and riding crops I would happily loan for disciplining the troops. Naturally, I will want to watch.
Rush Limbaugh? Is that you?
Get the IV Viagra, stat.
Bring Benincasa back??? Even though the slattern had something actually kind of nice to say about Breitfart on her Facebook page yesterday!
I think she's too busy pimping her book to come back.
She's probably on the Tweeter right now with ReBecca cooking up a deal to sell teh Wonkette a thousand copies of her book to be given away as sign-up bonuses for teh Wonkette so she can drive up her numbers on the best-seller lists.
Will you be home schoolin all our kids? Sounds good to me.
That's "homeschol" to you, Missy, and don't you forget ut!
It's homeSKOOL. Who was your teacher, Karen Santorum?
DON'T MAKE YOU STOP THIS CAR!
"a Mommy Blog"
What about my right to not have that kind of material on the internet? Your move, Issa/Blunt/Santorum.
Welcome Rebecca I trust Ken gave you detailed care and feeding instruction for us. If I were to emphasize one thing it would be to not let broader Wonkette nation get too optimistic. We need discipline lots and lots of discipline.
I'm willing to pay extra for the discipline.
Groupon.
Huh? I'm not allowed to ask "how much did you pay for that piece of *&%(#"? Is that question too rude? Is there now a "too rude" at Wonkette? Uh oh, things really have changed…
I think you're on double secret probation.
I think the objection is actually to the notion that it might have been worth anything at all.
I think they were aiming for my comment and missed. Sorry.
The editrix is just upset because she was "negotiating to acquire a very well-branded national blog" … and then proprietor died unexpectedly yesterday. So she bought Wonkette instead.
Do you know who else cracked down on her enemies ruthlessly after achieving power? Michelle Obama.
I am here to bring some laughter and love to your marathon sessions sitting on your couch, “looking” for “work.”
Or in my case, doing the above while "studying" for an "accounting" class where the prof can't keep his Republican bias out of the classroom to save his life…save me, Rebecca, save me!
Seriously, welcome aboard…
We need a better photo is see if your kopf is schoen, or nicht mal.
She has awesome tatas, if Google is accurate. Awesome
Homeric even.
That's a mighty big 'if'.
Thank you for your comment. I'm currently in my bunk and will be unavailable to reply at present. Please leave your messsage and I will respond as soon as I run out of Kleenex.
I did your suggested Google search, and I was absolutely delighted to discover that Ms. “Accurately Named" Schoenkopf has an impressive, expansive, compelling and well-rounded pair of intelligence and cutting wit.
Nicht mal, aber nicht nüchtern, vielleicht.
Liebling.
Editrix – kinky!
You paid money for this shithole?
Meet the new boss, possibly a shit-ton more cheerful than the old boss.
Not that I won't miss you, Layne. Nobody makes crippling depression funny like you, you bearded bleak-ass motherfucker.
So you "bought" Wonkette or just redistributed it to yourself? This is important.
Job Creator? What we need here is more Blow Job Creators.
Indeed.
Jimmy O'Keefe's has a sudden vacancy
Schoen = good, nice Kopf = head
Make of that what you will.
OMg!!
Pi Day AKA Steak n' Beej Day is just around the corner.
hand jobs are jobs too
Yay a female Wonkette! Can we now finally stop with the transvaginal ultrasounds before we hit the "Submit Comment" button?
Wait, what? I'm the only one who has to do that?
*shutting off webcam*
Huh? Why, um, no.
ur doin it rong
Well, you looked like you enjoyed them, so we kept doing them. Sorry.
Ixnay, man! I'm the one on the hook with the medical supply company….
You were fine with them before, so you certainly don't get to stop now.
Well fartnuggets; there goes my Friday afternoon.
Sorosbot, what have you been telling her?!
I’d like to remind you that as a trusted internet commenter, I can be helpful in rounding up others to…toil in your snark sweatshops.
Now don't try to outdo Jean Teasdale right off the bat. Work it up slowly.
I am NOT a stalker!
You give good text. Do you own a liquor store and a boat?
She's The Perfect Woman!
A saucy wench she be. Arg! 'tis a good thing.
It's the eyepatch, isn't it?
She bought Wonkette and she will rename it Big Wonkette.
Just be sure to take your vacation for the two weeks leading up to and including Sarah Palin's youngest child's birthday.
Cool! Ken's finally sold out. This means Ken's a dot com millionaire now!
Also me likes pretty female editrix'. Me used to work on newspaper, too. Me write good.
(Also, too, good luck with your future endeavors, Kenny. May you find them much more joyful. BTW, oes this means the Corvids will be touring full time now, or are you just going to sit back and enjoy your internet riches?)
I think the first thing we need to do is offer Rebecca a big, heartfelt preemptive "we're sorry".
"For everything in general."
"I don't know what I'm going to do to piss you off, but I want to offer my sincerest apologies in advance for it, and I'm off to my room to think about what I will have done."
I still can't figure out why my marriage didn't work…
NEVER!
If we say anthing that will offend you, we will be very sorry that you are offended.
And more importantly, a preemptive:
This comment has been deleted by the administrator
Wait. Will there be baby panda pix?
Um, New Lady from SoCal, just exactly where were you night before last, a little after midnight?
Ooooh, you think this is like a Crips thing, where you get to drive down a highway with your lights off and then off the first dude that flashes his at you?
NICE TOUCH! I wanna work here!
What is this Ken Layne of whom you speak?
I've already forgotten about that guy. Whoever he is. "Ol' Whashisface", we used to call him, I think.
A ginger, wasn't he?
Did Layne hand over the banhammer to you? That man used it like an artist.
Welcome, Rebecca! I look forward to you being the Augusto Pinochet to Ken's Salvador Allende. I just hope there'll be water cannons.
Maybe she'll be the David Miscavige to Ken's L. Ron Hubbard, did you consider that?
Either way, the beatings will be tremendous.
I would prefer being locked in a double-wide trailer for seven weeks and forced to prepare a written document of my sins. Thank you.
I can see BACONZGOOD jumping up n' down on
Oprah'sEllen's couch.You gotta man?
And she remembered to include alt-text on her inaugural post. This bodes well for the future.
And you know, not a lot of things bode at all these days. Some people might even say that boding is just not done anymore. But this? This was no boding accident.
Some people might even say that boding is just not done anymore
Not true at all. I had four bodings of disaster just this morning.
I, for one, welcome our new female overlord.
Ana Marie left some nice cups to fill.
It feels so good to finally have an -ette back in charge of Wonkette. The world just got a little better in some way.
Rebecca, you're my kind of girl! Welcome! You take us back to the days of Ana Marie!
MILFy goodness.
I'd hit that.
Which eye is the fake one?
What?!? I'm not being rude. It's on her website.
A one-eyed sex maniac is now the boss around here? Uh, ok.
Harelip!
everyone on Bear Creek if i have to.
Would I?! Would I?!
(pussy face!)
Lol—
She loves when you call her the one-eyed wonder weasel. I bet.
There used to be a punk band called "Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye." Among the Best Band Names Ever, I think. Right up there with my personal favorite, "The Very Idea of Fucking Hitler"
Right now I am wearing a hoodie from the band "Your Momma's Big Fat Booty Band"
Their music is ok, but their name is fabulous
Current favorite band name: Stew and the Negro Problem
(and Stew is the only black member of the band)
My favorite band name of all time: The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black.
I want to say my favorite band name is Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments, but it's a bridge too far for an all-white band, snarking as they might be.
So, instead, the honor remains with GG ALLIN & THE MURDER JUNKIES.
Brings to mind the joke about the fellow with the fake eye made of wood who asks the gal with the fake wooden leg if she'd care to dance. Her response of "Wouldn't I!" is countered by "Pegleg!" Sorry.
I for one welcome our new mommy-blogger overlady.
Yeah but if she isn't funny… then I guess we'll just keep coming back here again and again until some commenter makes it funny again.
A wimmins in charge??!?! Oh great, Wonkette is the new political Jezebel . We'll be seeing stories on Michelle O's menstrual cycles, more Kate Middleton, and nancy graces fat nipples. I WUNT MY WONKETT BACK !1!1!
Update: I just saw her boobs. YAY!!!! Welcome!
What, no "Whosbecky-becky-becky-stan" jokes? You guys are already slacking. Welcome Miss S. and I hope you've had all your shots. Keep the barf bags and moist towelettes handy. A well-stocked bar and medicine cabinet couldn't hurt either.
Was the coup bloody or non-bloody? Do we get to see pictures of bodies to make sure that it REALLY happened? How can we be sure?
Also, I'm sure everyone will dearly miss Ken's uplifting posts that made everyone want to commit suicide – those were the days.
Welcome Rebecca, and on behalf of all us Wonkefags, may I say YAY MOAR DICK JOKES!
They're hilarious. All of them, Katie.
If Becks here does turn this into a mommy blog, can we all stay and keep commenting? And if so, can I be the one in charge of taking out the anti-vaxxers my wife sez riddles those types of sites?
From LinkedIn:
Specialties
Efficient manager of staff, money, and time. Expert commentator on politics, art, and pop culture. Versed in web analytics, radio and video production, and all media platforms.
Oh dear, are you ever in the wrong place.
Welcome to Wonkette Rebecca! Be aware that we'll likely just Hijack whatever post you put up and turn it into a Liveblog of whatever the day's developing Outrage is.
It's just how things roll around here.
Also, Dick Jokes!
I went ahead and bought your book on Amazon.
In Stock.
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com. Gift-wrap available.
Only 1 left in stock–order soon (more on the way).
Want it delivered Saturday, March 3? Order it in the next 6 hours and 46 minutes, and choose One-Day Shipping at checkout. Details
Oh, look at who is trying to be teachers pet already!
Apple polisher
Do you needs some Kleenex to wipe off yer nose?
Has someone been snorkeling?—
An "apple polisher" in the civilized world is called, on Wonkette, an asskisser or a buttlicker.
I for one welcome our drunken and surly looking new overlady.
Can a female really edit a major blog??? I mean think about all the time spent in ditches – it's a matter of anatomy???
And won't it be a distraction to male commenters??
There are too many emotions involved in buttfucking jokes!
Whee! Your first post is hopefully an indicator of the editorial tone you will take. You'll fit in just fine here.
The Wonkette is
deadsobergone! Long live the Wonkette!I find this post quite easy to masturbate to.
Seems everything is funny to you, Wonket
Jesus, Rebecca is positively jolly next to Ken. Good luck with this tragic investment. If nothing else you are surrounded by commenters who appreciate your wits and your tits in about equal measure, tits given a slight edge. Have fun.
OMG, OMG, OMG, it's Commie Girl!
I lived in OC (Fullerton) when you were at your peak (and breeding, are you still doing that?) and lived to read your prose in the back of the OC Weekly. Those were the days of mirth and College Republicans for Jesus.
I just had a comment deleted by the administrator for he first time ever. Booooh!
You're not a furry are you? Cause that's one yiffpile I could get into.
Bring the buttsecks. That's really all it takes.
Hmmmph. Next thing you know editors will be wanting to marry each other.
Now Israel owns everything.
First Breitbart and now Layne, this bitch is going to take over the world.
Meece to nitecha.
“I worked in newspapers.”
Puppies also work in newspapers. I hope you break-in period is swift.
We will see, Rebecca, we will see. The words "mommy blog" do inspire a frisson of trepidation.
No cat pix, OK??
Fuck off. :)
Snark from the OC you may ask? Well, I've read Commie Girl, and this is going to be snarkalicious! With dick jokes to boot!
Why does this post have a pic of Courtney Love?
I thought it was Christina Applegate.
I thought it was the new bitch.
Does a West Coast editor mean no posts before noon NYC time?
That would work for me.
Oh, god, between Jim getting up at 2PM Hawaiian time and this, my morning are going to be more awash in whiskey than ever before.
Who are you? Whom? Who? Whatever… west coast political satire-lite? Oh Hell.
Unless you are willing to drag your bikini waxed hoo-ha inside the beltway, we will not be amused. Somebody get me the Russert boy!
So Rebecca: will you be providing health insurance for your newfound employees? Or will you be continuing Ken's policy of requiring them to post sex tapes? In lieu of insurance?
Oh, yeah, We'll Come
NO I MEANT "WELCOME," IT WAS A PUNCTUATION ACCIDENT, HONEST
Damn you, autocorrect!
I like any girl whose name is NiceHead –especially if Rebecca means giving.
so this new new dick joke lady will get teh wonket women birth controlz?
Just put an aspirin between your knees the next time you feel like posting, missy.
Typical Laynestream media lies!
No? Okay then, welcome.
Ken who?
No, seriously, welcome aboard.
Ken, godspeed — coming from an atheist.
JEWZ DID KEN LANE!!
3/02/2012 — NEVAR FORGET!!1
Welcome to the island, Rebecca…we promise to eat you last.
Must … resist … cunnilingus … jokes …
Why? I didn't…
She's the new Number Two?
I worked in newspapers.
Where, in London?
Yeah, she thought we wouldn't notice if she just started spelling Rebekah with two cc's. I say, comb your hair, grrl.
you don't mind if we share your phone number with the Paultards, do you?
I'm bitterly clinging to my guns and religion, thank you.
It's only alleged, sure, but has Glenn Beck denied that he raped and murdered Breitbart? I'm not saying he did it, I'm just saying he hasn't denied it.
Ken, I'll just leave my thanks on the dresser like always. Good luck to ya.
/snark
I woke up around three with a splitting headache…so while waiting for the meds to kick in, I looked about online. Since my 'net feet always bring me to Wonkette, I took a peek. Nothing happening that early in the morning so I thought I would look at old comments. That was fun…there's a lot of uproarious snark in these parts, this little corner of snarky sanity on the web.
Thanks again.
Rush Limbaugh thinks if you are a woman receiving any kind of funding or salary for any purpose, you need to show naked videos on the internet.
Welcome from the heartland! Not all of us are coasters, and we from the sad sad "real America" parts of America need ye olde Wonkette most of all. My illustrious senator Roy Blunt just tried to outlaw my functioning lady parts, for example. So yes…please grab the baton and run with it, for we need you now more than ever as the culture war spins out of control.
He's your Senator, too?
Condolences from a fellow Misserian (KC-side).
UGH yes, I'm in the Lou. Other than the Carnahans and Claire McCaskill, we don't have much good going for us politically. (And even those guys are not far left of Ben Nelson. Sigh…)
For a little insight into Rebecca and Ken's sick & twisted (i.e. "sweet & supportive"") relationship, I highly recommend that you read her lovely review of his fine novel Dignity.
(Also, perhaps, this old post about OC GOP lesbo bondage strippers…)
We're in very good hands, you guys. And with Wonkette finally behind him, Ken Layne, at long last, is too.
(At least until his wife and kids escape from his doomsday cult desert compound…)
Very helpful, tnx.
I guess she can be permitted to overlord.
I heard Rebecca say Newell is getting a raise. Pass it on. (Maybe he can stop eating cat food.)
You think Jim's diet is related to his pay? I thought he liked succulent meaty chunks of real rabbit!
Welcome, Rebecca! I am so excited…..your column in the OC Weekly kept me sane when I worked in Irvine, CA. I also bought your book just to reread all your great writing.
She's a Democrat from Orange County? Not possible.
Is this the line were we all kiss up to our new overlord and accrue brownie points?
Welcome Rebecca!
Deletions by the administratrix? Looks like we're in for some discipline! My safe word is "president's santorum."
Wanna bone?
Welcome, Commie Girl. Is there any way you can slow down the exodus of Orange County Olds to my adopted state of
confusionNevada? They're stinking up the place something terrible!A hot, one-eyed, hyper-literate editrix!
What more could a man want?
Tequila and cocaine.
Oh, and a vasectomy.
"What more could a man want? "
Sara Benincasa?
Nice pic. She gives great scowl.
Now I get it. Layne was Man Bear Pig driving up the comments and page hits to sell this Corvair at Corvette prices.
!!!
Rebecca, welcome! This place better not change! I hate change! Seriously, I'm also an Angeleno so if you ever need someone to run to Starbucks or clear palm fronds out of your driveway after a particularly heavy Santa Ana day, I'm your penguin.
Cheetos makes my pipe all sticky. Munchos are better.
OMG KEN LAYNE IS GONE. I TOLD YOU THAT THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN THREES!!!!1!!!!!
DAVY JONES
ANDREW BREITBART
KEN LAYNE
What? Oh. Well, that's a relief!
Never mind.
This is news…but it's not bad news. Give us a little time to used to such an idea.
Smart, I get it. Fire Layne on a Friday so he'll take the weekend to calm down/get blackout drunk and be less likely to come back and shoot up the internets with his semi-automatic snark gun.
Anyhoo, it's about time the patriarchy was tossed on its ear. I can only assume that this change means a shift to v-points, which is cool cuz when it comes to the lady parts, I could use all the pointers I can get.
Why don't you slip out of those mom jeans and into something comfortable?
Chee-tohs, Wingtards, and Teanuts; The cocktail snack mix of the new millennium!
I sense that "rag" jokes will shortly become au courant. There is much potential amusement in making the menfolk cross their legs and grimace.
Welcome, Rebecca! I must warn you that I am fluent in both English & American Hillbilly & I often mix them up.
Hello. Is it just a coincidence that Andrew Breitbulb swooned away just a day before YOU show up claiming to be our new leader and Electrolux? Are you just Andy's reincarnation because he got to the Heaven and the God said, "Hell no, boy," and sent him to the Hell, where the Devil said, "Heavens no, you asshole," so they compromised and sent him back to earth in the form of a shapely she-devil-angel to run the Wonkette transit system and write nothing but liberal shit all the time now? Also.
This is what happens, apparently, when you drop out for one day to reflect upon the death of a very bad person.
Welcome, Rebecca, to a different kind of hell than the newspaper world.
Do U Like Birds?
Yes or No?
Welcome Rebecca! To you AND your awesome rack!
http://wonkette.com/414509/is-erik-brown-micheal-…
Oh! What a wonderful life. Commie Girl was the only reason I picked up a copy of OC Weekly. Haven't read it since you left.
And Good Luck to you Ken.
Just tell us that Jim is okay. It's always hard when Daddy goes away; I just don't want him to think it's his fault. He's sensitive, poor thing.
welcome rebecca!
can i have a job?
Will there be buttsecks? I was promised buttsecks.
Hail, new Wonkette-trix! We bow to your superior beingness and will follow you through the Hell-gates to the election year slimefest.
Welcome aboard oh Goddess of Snark! We shall miss the relentlessly upbeat and perky posts of Mr Layne and hopefully Ken will drop us a line from time to time from his desert survival bunker, but we are ready for a new keyholder to the asylum.
So you've ruined my image of blogger as those who live in their parents' basement and recycle cans to pay for their beer and cigarettes.
Can you write the alt text captions in French?
Yeh and all that, but can you cook?
Does this mean more buttsex stuff?
So, does this vindicate Nick Denton selling this place in the first place, or prove the folly as the site persists?
Rebecca–This is the most exciting news, ever. Your mom is a big, fat liberal in OK–and so am I! Since I'm an old, and could be your mother, you have to be nice to me and laugh at my jokes. haha. I'd love to know who she is, but since that's too personal, just do this: give me a clue what city your mother lives in and come election time, I'll drive around it and look for the Obama sign.
Hooray! I, like Bonzos_Bed_Time, have fond OC Weekly memories – you are perhaps the first person I knew of who would call themselves a commie. I'm very excited. No dick jokes but posting on a Saturday night seems sadly wonkette enough!
It's spelled "Goddammit".
Just saying, "schoenkopf" = beautiful head auf Deutsch.
Hey, New Person.
Any chance of you working weekends?
Must figure out how to hide massive Star Trek chest tattoo at Wonkette beach celebrations.
Like.
Good luck and best wishes! As long this doesn't become The Huffington Post or Politico, or the Drudge Report, that's good. In fact, dont' change a thing here.
Ana Marie (yes, I go back that far) was quite generous with the bourbon, IIRC.
Whatever. It's the percocet that really matters.
And the buttsechs. Don't forget that!
(And, yes, I go back that far, too, though under a different name.)
I remember. I never posted, I don't think you were allowed to, but got tired of seeing those pictures of famous people I'd never heard of who were spotted on the street in DC and finally quit reading because I was tired of that fucking panda.
As I recall, I came back in 2004 after the election when I was ready to buy a gun (or borrow a couple of tommy guns from any of my neighbors–2nd Amendment!) and kill every Republitard in town. (Town: pop. 2,000, 1,983 dead).
*pondering*
How could they know??
Hot tramps, I fist you so!
Well, if you're curious about Sara B, you could perhaps search for her name in the googles and learn that she just published a book and is on a book tour. Or sure, you could just ask Rebecca.
The book is good, too. Especially around the chapter "Om Mani Padme Fuck You" and forward from there~
Heve I ver told you how much I LUVS the DustBowl? cuz I do…btw, it's baaack.. .http://www.businessinsider.com/20-signs-america-is-headed-for-another-dust-bowl-2012-2
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