Good morning from your Wonkette editor since, oh, 2006. It has been an exciting (terrible?) six years, hasn’t it? There was old what’s his name, and Iraq, and the Great Recession, and then the sexy president with his singing and dancing all the time. And now your longtime editor will finally stop disappearing for months at a time and officially hand over this Important American Publication to a deserving and talented political writer/editor, Ms. Rebecca Schoenkopf. She is a feared and respected Liberal Woman, so the wingnuts will just love her (as they plot to send her to Gitmo). Also, Rebecca is a fancy book-writin’ author and is famous for being “Commie Girl,” the newspaper columnist who drove California Republicans insane for the OC Weekly. Wonkette.com is obviously going to become just like National Review’s “The Corner,” which was always the plan?
Rebecca will be running Wonkette from her Los Angeles headquarters, until she moves to D.C. (?!) or whatever. We don’t know; it’s not our business. (Ha ha, literally!) But your editor will be around for a while “to consult,” like Rick Santorum does for the coal and vibrator corporations. And this year might be kind of interesting, with the politics?
Thank you for being part of the Wonkette family of lunatics all these years, for the emails and comments and links and Twitters and MySpaces and all the things, over all the years. It was a weird day in the summer of 2006 when Alex Pareene brought me here “as a guest editor,” and I basically never left, despite constant threats and many sabbaticals. It has been fun, it has been grueling, it has been educational, and now it’s time for me to follow Jesus down the Road of Mystery. Here is my Twitter, which I don’t really use. Goodbye For Now; see you in the comments!
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So Newell is back, and Ken's departure is also back! It's just like old times at the old Wonkette.
All these backs and no one's front.
Doesn't ANYone do missionary anymore???
You see that exposed front up top in that photo there? Yeah.
That's the front ?!?
Can Ann Marie Cox be far behind?
Speaking of which: God, that photo.
The
Kingeditor is dead, long live theKingeditor.Long live the queen…
Welcome new female overlord. An 'ette for the Wonkette.
Audios Ken.
Videos as well, Ken.
So long, and thanks for all the front butt.
That picture of Ken never gets old.
What fresh hell is this?
Yeah! Stop slouching!
Welcome Rebecca! Ken, the fucking weeping Eagle. It STAYS.
I feel raped but I know I must lie back and make the best of it.
GUNT LIBEL
In other words, she's a slut.
Rebecca, has Ken warned you about us yet? Welcome to the family.
Is that German for shithead? I certainly HOPE SO!
Schoen seems to be a variant of schon (umlaut o) so either "pretty head" or "very much head" – either way, much more fun than scheisskopf.
Look at this guy. A regular Rammstein.
sadly for you i think it means pretty. Scheisskopf is the word you're looking for and yes, he's going to make us march in formation.
with wires through our wrists tied to stainless steel pins inserted in our hips.
You will be missed, Ken.
But who will write stuff on Wonkette that makes me want to drink broken glass?
All of them, Katie.
Oh well, Ken. I figured after enough second-guessing about this status-shapeshifting ambivalence that a nearly departed editor is at least better than a dearly departed one.
Vaya con whatever-it-is you're following on the Mystery Tour (it rhymed with Breezus!)~
Well, so long, Ken!
And welcome, Rebecca!
So … when the fuck y'all hiring me? I've been published (though as a ghostwriter)! I've won awards! I like to screw around on the Internet all day when I'm supposed to be working! I take massive amounts of pills and would mainline coffee if I could.
I'm the perfect Wonkette employee.
Though I would like to see the dental plan first …
Can you get something posted before 10 am Eastern time? Because that's where the real need is.
If I were full-time?
It'd be ready by the time you got in at 8 am (EST/ECT).
And I live in teh Show-Me-Your-Stupid State.
Part time? Probably doable.
Rebecca! Why isn't my pee-score higher? Goddammit, get on this now!
Wonkette is, somewhat surprisingly, a fiercely competitive marketplace of ideas.
At least you broke 100. I hover in the mid-80s. Stop complaining.
I've given up on peeing. My pee-score has gone down a point in the past six months. They must be scored like the SAT — wrong answers (late-to-the-party unpeed comments?) count against you.
Congratulations I'm sorry. To both.
What does Ken's leaving have to do with Breitbart?
And the disappearance of Mittborg/Frothy? I'm sensing a vast conspiracy, the tentacles of which reach the upper echelons of power.
We need to form a special Volunteer Posse to investigate.
It would be durned irresponsible not to posse-tulate.
We'll find out when the video is released.
Ken drank Breitbart to death which is commendable and a lot smarter than drinking oneself to death.
Rebecca, welcome. Anyone who annoyed Orange County Republicans is a friend of mine.
Ken, best wishes–hope you'll keep visiting.
"Anyone who annoyed Orange County Republicans is a friend of mine. " Amen to that. Lord knows they annoy me enough.
That exotic dancer has a butt for a belly.
Exotic dancer? I thought he was Breitbart. Oh well.
Breitbart was an exotic duncer that had a butt for a brain.
Welcome Rebecca! Can't wait to see you rock the alt text.
Via con Dios, Ken. See you around the tubez…
Layne/Pareene 2016!!! (Commissar/Vice Commissar that is…)
Ms Rebecca just tweeted "I AM YOUR NEW WONKETTE."
I like how she's already taking control.
Nobody's saying "Green Balloons" here.
Yes, but can Rebecca fart the National Anthem? Ken, you will be missed like wet toilet paper on the roll in the stall.
Best wishes, Ken. And will you attend the conventions?
Is Rebecca the gal that Murdoch had to fire? You know, the one with the wiry red pubic hair on her head?
Welcome Rebecca! I'm a Virgo, I like long walks through expensive shopping malls and yes, they are real and they are fabulous!
All I know about her is that there's a whole bunch of news stories about her doing something inappropriate with a horse. In England. Which is self-explanatory.
Don't they have capitol punishment for people who do that? I hear they also make the animal face the same fate and has to go first and they make the sinner watch. If this scandal is true then I hope she be hung like a horse! Wait, is THAT what this means? I am confused.
I've seen them and I agree. The tattoo of Allen West on the left gland is particularly excellent.
It makes me so randy when you call them "glands"
Dang! So I guess Rebecca's not you, which I wuz kinda hopin'.
Welcome to the asylum Rebecca. Ken best wishes, you've been a true old friend.
Warren is the man!
Thanks
Leaving the day after the untimely demise of Breitbart. Verrrry suspicious.
His work is done, obvs.
It's still early on the Left Coast, and I am groggy yet. Is that guy still dead?
Ken, I will miss your scathing venomous assessments of American cultural decline. Really miss them.
Couldn't agree more. ♪ Nobody does it better♫
Yeah. I really liked Ken's postings-of-doom, they consorted closely with my general outlook on life.
Did you let her know about The Buttsechs Codicil Protocol here?
Hasta la vista Ken. Six years of war, insanity and buttsechs. Good times!
First Brietbart now this!
Thanks for all the great posts, insights, and guffaws.
The only thing that was holding my participation back was not enough fear of the editor. I'm going to be, in the words of Larry Craig, 'a very very naughty bad naughty boy' now!
S'long Ken — don't become a fat coke fiend and do a Breitbart.
Welcome Rebecca I look forward to seeing your work. I'm sure you are a talented and smart person. But never mind that
SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!!!!!
Thanks Baconz. I'm kind of upset that I had to scroll this far down to find a request for tits.
I assume this comment is
100% SNARKFREE.
I checked out her website. I didn't see any buttseckhs jokes, but I think she'll do.
Better Schoenkopf than Schwartzkopf.
gazuntite
Or Schoen.
Does Rebecca know what she's getting into here? Good luck!
Bad News/Good News 2012 #brokeredconvention
a liberal woman? but is she heavier than a…duck???!!!
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of Science?
Sen. James Inhofe.
Oh yay, a lady overlady!
Or Scheiss.
Or Schwanz
Or Secesh.
Today, we are all emo eagles.
My hangover just got worse. Godspeed, young Layne. Hi, Ms. Rebecca Schoenkopf.
I'd hit that.
Oh, come ON–you were all thinking it!
Ken who?
Ed Zachary.
Which, the furries?
The front-butt?
EW! Don't be gross, I'm tawkin' about our new Wonkette Overlord!
Pissing off Orange County Republicans is pretty easy to do, but doing it well and over time is an accomplishment. Welcome to show.
Who is paying for her birth control?
Did you see her tweeterings? Someone should pay for her bird control.
I would, if I could watch the tapes. Or co-star in them.
Bring back
Arrested DevelopmentAna Marie Cox!We want Sweet Cheeks!!
and butter sechs! I mean, stick!
Down fist!
And Ken, I hope you find your naval! If your seekings bring you through Orygun, drop right in.
Schoenkopf? Sounds ethnic. Where the white women at?
It translates as "beautiful head". Daddy likes!
Ken how can you leave us, I promise we’ll keep our room clean and not talk back any more if you stay.
Ha! (I know the feeling.)
Eh, he'll be back.
Like the caretaker at the Overlook Hotel, he has always been the caretaker at the Overlook Hotel.
Well, he is still sans-sploid.
New editor! Can we now type the forbidden words ———– and ————–?
I know it's strange. You can call some one cunt-fuck-shit-balls but not a ——–. What a site.
Retard retard retard?
What?
Oh. I thought the verboten words were "Wasilla" and "Presidential Candidate Alan Keyes."
That word is not permitted but assfucking and the like are just fine.
Today we are all developmentally delayed.
Yes, but you still can't type
Now is the time on SPROCKETS when we dance?
Ken and Rebecca, I am filled with joy and sadness, but can't decide with which for whom.
Ken you old desert rat, good luck.
Rebecca, welcome to the libtard answer to Breitbart.com, but with less dead people running it.
Out with the old in with the psychiatrist-sounding lady. Here's a gift for coming on to Wonkette, but being a fancy doctor lady, you probably already knew it was the Airstream Song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Z48PuMiyA
Your just so smart and psychiatristy-sounding!
Sorry, I was distracted by the hawt does in the background. Is something going on?
I for one welcome the arrival of our new over
Laynelord.Btw, has any considered that Ken Layne is leaving on his magical mystery tour the same day!!!! as Frothy, also leaving on a magical mystery tour, from which both may or may not be back???
Ken : Santorum :: Riley : Breitbart?
I'm thinking two words: "Sy" and "bil".
but. but. WEREZ TEH BIRF CERTIFICUT?!!!?/?
I want to know where the hell Wonkette got a picture of my last Halloween party tragedy.
Go find your Dignity Ken – 2.99 on Kindle, 7.99 paperback. In almost seriousness, thank you for keeping the good ship Wonkette afloat these many years.
Oh, and Rebecca – don't think of our constant sexual innuendos as harassment. More like that overlong hug your creepy uncle gives you at Thanksgiving.
"i can't believe what a pretty young lady/man you've become since i last saw you. how old are you now? oh? 18, huh?"
Bye Ken! Good luck walking up and down California's deserts, again. Just don't shoot any mountain lions or we'll have to make you the head of Fish and Game.
Welcome Rebecca! Good luck wading up and down through the buttsechs. This place is thick with Santorum.
Good-bye, Ken, though not adieu. I hope to keep seeing updates on the land tortoises and the Inland Empire.
i wish the land tortoises were the aristocracy of the Inland Empire. they'd do a better job, and you know…turtle overlords. much better than plasticized rich people shot full of botox.
I've got a bad feeling about this: I suppose next Barb will be put on the payroll. Women! 52% of the population, 65% of the money and 100% of the pussy….We're doomed, guys.
Tell Jesus "Hi!" if you run into him on your Trail of Tears.
Ken, I remember when you came to us during the second term of America’s great, always-in-search-of-a-war president. Then there was that walk-about of the western heartland you embarked on, leaving us rudderless. In spite of your many “lost weekends,” I wish you all the biting sarcasm you couldn’t find in the desert.
Does Rebecca have red hair? And a hearty farewell to Pope Cat (who will never really leave, it's in his blood/bank account) who I predict will be shortlisted for the Booker prize for his next work The Confessions of Andrew Breitbart: Rage, Rum, and Sodomy on the Right"!
Oh Ken, first the rambles across the desert with only a bottle of water and some graham crackers, then the Utopian Novel, now this…
My reaction to this is the same reaction I get when Michele talks about having sexy times with Marcus – "Yeah, you say that all the time. Wait, what? For REAL this time???????"
I'm going to miss you, Ken, and the way you kept us from ever getting too optimistic. For serious. I hope someone keeps that tone going.
(*whiny voice*)
KEEEEEEEEEEN!
Thanks for the (sometimes bitter), memories!
Welcome Becca!
Do your friends call you "Becca?"
(Pay no attention to the louts on here begging for titty shots.)
Hey Ken, thanks for everything you've done to make this one of the few decent places on the internets. Much appreciation for the long hours, and especially for the very angry rants about this country being in the crapper swirling the drain. I loved those. Hope Rebecca gave you lots of moneys (or at least paid off your gambling debts).
First Breitbart, now Ken. If I wasn't too busy with work, I would probably say something like, "too soon," or perhaps "all of 'em, katie," but instead I will just say
hitler?
Fare thee well, desert bear!
Good luck and please enjoy yourself, sir.
Worst Friday news dump evar!
Bye, Ken–perhaps now you'll have time to fix the Wonkbot and do some occasional guest video editorials.
Feels good to say I'll miss Ken Layne a lot, again, and to really mean it. Again.
All the stars will glow bright,
and your friends will give up the fight
they'll see your work in a different light
yeah, when you go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt-I6zDx7cU
Vaya con Dios.
Ken is on a mission to document all religious paraphernalia on public lands in the Southwest.
Indeed, via con dios o' bearded one.
He must defeat Shen Long to stand a chance.
So, Ken Layne leaves us on the same day Frothy leaves us?
*suspicious*
Has anyone ever seen them together?
Try monitoring the Appalachian Trail.
Wonkette is edited? There's a waste of money.
Maybe now Wonkette will start allowing comments.
That picture…
Stripper with front butt, check.
Easter bunnies, check.
Oompa Loompas, check.
It works on SO MANY LEVELS!!!
Come back and see us for Thanksgiving now, ya hear? And don't forget to write!!
Great!
Another reason to get drunk before noon on a Friday!
Well Jeez, Ken, it was David Lat that got me in here. On Monday, May 15, 2006 1:49 PM, as a matter of fact.
Don't be a stranger, you!
~
Congratulations, Ken. See you on the golf course at La Quinta or something.
"Publisher/editor"… and also, it would seem, proprietress.
But according to this piece she's "negotiating to acquire a very well-branded national blog" … I guess that fell through.
"You might have been a headache, but you never were a bore"
Godspeed Ken.
So farewell then, Ken.
Again.
I hope you can regain a little faith in humanity by reading not a goddamn thing about "politics" forever and ever.
Farewell Ken.
As you meander along the path of life, always remember: "Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't leave us, Papa Bear! What about the scathing misanthropy and the desert-brained contempt?!!!! Where will we go after the Apocalypse now that we don't have the Layne Desert Compound to fall back on?
Viacom Dios.
Well, congrats Ken. Ya finally got someone to take this load off your hands.
I'm gonna miss you. No one else does bitter, angry, old man the way you do.
On the other hand, the new editor is purdy.
Well, doesn't this just put the dead rat in the filthy toilet of our lives?
Best to Ken, sincere condolences to Rebecca.
Ken, you know I've disagreed with you a lot and thought you were often an overblown hysteric about a few things…okay, a lot of things…but interacting with the folks here has been a great outlet for my political addiction for the last three years, for which I have you to thank. Also it has been a great distraction from me doing constructive things on many days, which I suppose is either a testament to the work you do or to my inherent laziness. But anyway, if you ever journey into the city and you're in the Koreatown vicinity I'll happily buy you a few shots of soju until we both vomit or pass out or both. Vaya con Dios.
So Long, Ken and Thanks for All the
FishSnark. You will be missed.Oh, before you go…just what was The Frequency, Kenneth?
And please take that goddamn bellybutt picture with you. Thanks.
Fondly, CRE
Goodbye, little guy.
The world needs more of you, not fewer…
Ken, all the best and thanks for everything, sincerely.
Rebecca, I read your little intro/bio, I mean, primer (short i), and I love you already.
With all apologies to Mr. Zimmerman:
♫ "Goodbye" is too good a word, Ken
So I'll just say "snark thee well"
I ain't saying you had an axe to grind
You could've let me write the "r" word, but I don't mind
Wonkette kinda wasted all my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right. ♫
Damn it. I started my day with a trip to the lady doctor, and now this? Boo!! I'll miss you and your outrage, Ken.
(Nothing against you, Rebecca, I promise. Welcome.)
So, Ken is become Destroyer of Worlds, emeritus?
The only Wonkete Overlord I've ever known. /*sniff*/
Good luck and stay iconoclassy.
A WOMAN running a WEBSITE?! THIS. SHALL. NOT. STAND.
I am really depressed and this bit of news is not helping. Big Sad.
Thanks for something or other, Ken. I'd invite you over for a celebratory drink, but then I'd have to light the stove and clear the airfield.
can't we all just meet somewhere in the middle and raise a toast?
will miss you ken.
don't forget to leave mean comments!
I have a B&B and if we all got together, we could, for one day, tilt this asshat state left. Oh, and we could invite Commie Mom.
Tis' fitting that Ken signs off by re-posting the greatest wonkette photo ever.
All part of the plan. Ken has arrived, returned, & will return again. Just like Napoleon.
Peyote time?
Good luck Ken it has been swell.
Thanks, Ken — Wonkette is the wet spot in my day. I know, sad.
Ken–Will you be giving your cranberry relish recipe to the new wonket Boss Lady or should I buy an external hard drive and four or three pin drives to back up my recipe and print 500 hard copies of it?
This is traumatic, but not quite as traumatic as thinking "our" wonkette had gone away just when we needed it to talk about the Apocalypse, on the off-chance we hadn't been raptured. That's was a nail-biting weekend, haha, but you answered me personally for the only time (except for that one night when I nearly got hammer-banned) and said no, you hadn't been raptured up so wonkette.com would be sticking around) I will always be grateful for that. (Not the threat) And for the cranberry relish.
I'll never forget you Karl.
Why leave now? I won't forget you either, Kevin.
Kenneth Keith Layne! You go over there and apologize, young man!
Thanks for all the political smut you were my little liberal blogger version of J Edger Hoover.
Ken: You'e not going to work for The Huffington Post or Politico or The National Enquirer, are you?!
Double plus good.
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