KOCH ON THE MIND  5:45 pm March 1, 2012

Koch Brothers Sue Their Own Crown Jewel Think Tank

by Jim Newell

Who is that guy to the left of Old Stephen Colbert?The Cato Institute, originally conceived as the Charles Koch Foundation in 1974, is the proud upper-crust luxury hotel for all of DC’s most erudite corporate libertarians, as well as Glenn Greenwald. It is a popular vehicle for right-wing economic ideology to sneak its way into conservative legislation. And it is, of course, one of the many Washington fronts for executing the every whim of cartoon billionaire oil tycoons Charles and David Koch, who have decided that they don’t have quite enough control over it and are thus suing Cato, Cato’s president, and a widow for her dead husband’s 25% ownership stake. The “Battle for Cato” is underway! You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you?

Cato had four shareholders — Charles Koch, David Koch, President Ed Crane, and chairman emeritus William A. Niskanen — until Niskanen died last year. Crane thinks Niskanen’s 25 percent share should go to Niskanen’s widow. Charles and David Koch think there should no longer be a fourth share, because then they would control two of three remaining shares. From MIKE ALLEN at THE POLITICO:

Koch officials tell POLITICO that the brothers think the shareholder agreement is clear that there should now only be three shareholders, while Crane thinks Niskanen’s 25-percent control should go to his widow, Kathryn Washburn.

“We’ve proposed a stand-still agreement and third-party mediation,” said Wes Edwards, deputy general counsel of Koch Companies Public Sector LLC. “We feel that we’ve been refused. … We haven’t alleged any wrongdoing or sought any damages. This is not about money. We view this as a matter of shareholder rights.”

Spare the legal poop. What’s really going on here, Cato staffers? We know that Wonkette is the #1 most favorite publication/warblog among Cato staffers, so surely you’d all like to write in to jim@wonkette.com to tell us the secret true story behind this power struggle, yes? And no, we don’t mean you, Cato PR person. You should never write us.

Update: Wow! From Ed Crane:

Charles G. Koch has filed a lawsuit as part of an effort to gain control of the Cato Institute, which he co-founded with me in 1977. While Mr. Koch and entities controlled by him have supported the Cato Institute financially since that time, Mr. Koch and his affiliates have exercised no significant influence over the direction or management of the Cato Institute, or the work done here.

Mr. Koch’s actions in Kansas court yesterday represent an effort by him to transform Cato from an independent, nonpartisan research organization into a political entity that might better support his partisan agenda. We view Mr. Koch’s actions as an attempt at a hostile takeover, and intend to fight it vehemently in order to continue as an independent research organization, advocating for Individual liberty, limited government, free markets and peace.

Update II: Here’s a response statement from Charles Koch!

We support Cato and its work. We are not acting in a partisan manner, we seek no “takeover,” and this is not a hostile action. All we seek is adherence to the shareholders’ agreement, which was agreed to by each of the shareholders. We want to ensure that Cato stays true to its fundamental principles of individual liberty, free markets, and peace into the future, and that it not be subject to the personal preferences of individual officers or directors.

ROWR etc.

[POLITICO]

 
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{ 285 comments }

nounverb911 March 1, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Cato? Didn't Bruce Lee play him on TV?

Chichikovovich March 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

That's a different Cato. The institute is named after Inspector Clouseau's butler.

LesBontemps March 1, 2012 at 6:00 pm

No no, I think it was OJ Simpson's house guest.

flamingpdog March 1, 2012 at 8:29 pm

All of them, Cato.

Nothingisamiss March 1, 2012 at 10:08 pm

+ many many thumbs.

tessiee March 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Most awesome quote from that guy:
Judge: So, you had no agenda living in Mr. Simpson's house?
Cato: What do you mean?
Judge: I suppose it never crossed your mind that he could help your acting career?
Cato: Well, it's not like we were auditioning for the same parts or anything.

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Wait, Cato wasn't a murderer too?

FROTHY March 1, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Shows how much YOU know. THAT was KATO.

ThundercatHo March 2, 2012 at 7:10 am

Correct. Bruce Lee played both Kato from the Green Hornet and Pink Panther. It also means, "beautiful, artistic person or caretaker" in Japanese. Additionally, it is the name of my dobe pup. Here's hoping that you have a safe and pleasant journey and that whatever issue needing your attention is resolved in a swift and positive manner. Come back to us soon. You will be missed.

Generation[redacted] March 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

"Hello, Cato? I'm very tired and do not wish to be attacked today."

SorosBot March 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Hee. But the Cato it's named after is actually a right-wing dipshit Roman politician who did everything he could to try to block Julius Caesar's reforms to help the poor and, among other things, invented the filibuster, so we're still paying for that ass' actions today.

He's a perfect person for the Randroid Kochs to name their institute after.

Chichikovovich March 1, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Thanx – I had never been sure whether that gaggle of hacks was named after Cato the Elder or Cato the Younger. From what you say here I'm taking it that it was the Younger.

Which has a potential upside – if the Koch brothers lose their Cato lawsuit, perhaps they will tear out their own entrails.

SorosBot March 1, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Yep, the younger; and I for one would love to see the Koch brothers force one of their enemies to read a personal letter aloud in the Senate, thinking it would damn them, only to find that it was actually a love letter from their own married sister.

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:01 pm

"if the Koch brothers lose their Cato lawsuit, perhaps they will tear out their own entrails"
do you know where I can get a ticket?

FROTHY March 1, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Oh, now, you just really like to get my hopes up, don't you?

FROTHY March 1, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Cato, you fool!

orygoon March 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Widow Niskanen has left-leaning tendencies? Or a uterus?

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Whether or not she still has a uterus, she is, probably, a (gasp) woman, and therefore unfit to participate in the vast intellectual universe of the Cato Institute.

Or some shit. I've got rehearsal to go to.

Negropolis March 1, 2012 at 10:28 pm

From what I'm reading, it doesn't seem to matter who she is or what she believes. This is pretty clearly a power grab, and the death was simply the vehicle by which to try to obtain it.

usuhname March 2, 2012 at 5:33 am

isn't about time those malevolent crinkly old prunes also kicked the bucket? It'd be their most decent act to date!

Jukesgrrl March 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm

Left-leaning? She probably used birth control at some time in her life so she is, expo facto, voila, indisputably, a whore. And therefore a liberal, also, too. And if she doesn't bend to the will of these oligarchs, who by merely drawing a breath are worth 400 of any working-class men, she needs to be schooled.

But in the meantime, is there no CONTRACT to cover what would happen to this esteemed and valued … I don't know what to call it, so let's go with Jim's term "vehicle" … if one of the partners passed away? How many lawyers do you suppose these rich men have on retainer? Do they really think they're never going to die? Somebody needs to call Legal Zoom.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 2, 2012 at 2:44 am

Because corporations are people, it's perfectly reasonable that a 25% share could die.

EatsBabyDingos March 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The Koch Brothers-Screwing widows and orphans since 1974.

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Just wait until they sue for their share of the Breitbart Media Empire.
Too Soon? hahahahahahahahaha

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

You mean worms.com?

trampndirtdown March 1, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Snappy new handle radio.

BigRadio March 2, 2012 at 1:16 am

Too soon?

mavenmaven March 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

They believe that a woman's place is in the strip club, not in the board room.

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Or on the boardroom table, a la "Rising Sun".

DerrickWildcat March 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

I hope the brothers declare war on each other.

Loaded_Pants March 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Well, considering how things often go within such mega-wealthy families, if Chuckles & Dave don't start fightin' over the empire, then their offspring will.

FROTHY March 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Do they *have* offspring? I can't imagine anything human interacting with them. But perhaps I'm wrong.

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:17 am

The Kochs prefer to deposit their precious man-juices in a more ideologically suitable receptacle, like Scott Walker's mouth.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:46 am

Unfortunately, these two, at least, have spawned, and have five between them. Ugh.

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 7:04 am

Money will buy you just about anything

Mahousu March 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Chuck and Davey have had several fights with their other two brothers, Fred and Bill. Over money, though, not politics, assuming there is any real difference between the two.

WhatTheHeck March 1, 2012 at 7:27 pm

One of them will go off half-Koched from such a feud.

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I hope the brothers are struck by a small asteroid, but then, I've always been an optimist.

user-of-owls March 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

All's fair for love and whore.

memzilla March 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Say, you know who else fought to control an insidious right-wing political front which was masquerading as a conservative think tank… ?

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

The RNC?

ifthethunderdontgetya March 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Christopher Lloyd as Judge Doom?
~

Bonzos_Bed_Time March 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Andrew Breitbart?

BearNoLike March 1, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Nope he died. Quitter.

Native_of_SL_UT March 1, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Chuck Norris?
No, wait.. Hank Williams?
No no, It's Ted Nugent right?

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Ted Williams? Am I close?

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Roger Ailes?

rocktonsam March 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Chuck Heston?

Barrelhse March 1, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Reginald Perrin?

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Now, there's a blast from the past.

redarmyzombie March 1, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Puff? As in, the dragon, not the rapper.

Nothingisamiss March 1, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Oh, no really?

*sigh*

I hate these right wing celebrities.

FlownOver March 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Button Gwinnett?

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Didn't he die today or something?

Fare la Volpe March 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Michael Steele?

Angry_Marmot March 1, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Norman Osborn?

cheetojeebus March 2, 2012 at 6:54 am

Osborn Cox?

flamingpdog March 1, 2012 at 8:33 pm

everyone at National Review Online?

trampndirtdown March 1, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Haldeman?

Fox n Fiends March 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

The Widow and Two Kochs.

ewwwwww

banana_bread March 1, 2012 at 6:43 pm

The world's worst porn.

Jukesgrrl March 1, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Ding dong … delivery. "Did someone order a pizza?"

Biel_ze_Bubba March 2, 2012 at 2:47 am

That's one of the Canterbury Tales, right?

EatsBabyDingos March 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Some judge in Montanastan implies Obama's the offspring of a dog. These guys are obviously the offspring of a horse and a donkey.

heathenette March 1, 2012 at 7:59 pm

That’s Montucky, to you.

SorosBot March 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Wait, they're suing? Shouldn't they let the free market determine who owns Cato?

Crank_Tango March 1, 2012 at 7:36 pm

robble robble, trial lawyers and activist judges, robble robble.

trampndirtdown March 1, 2012 at 11:39 pm

TORT REFORM!!!!!!

user-of-owls March 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm

The Cato Institute, originally conceived

That right there is the best justification for legalized abortion that we've seen in a long time.

ifthethunderdontgetya March 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Cato had four shareholders — Charles Koch, David Koch, President Ed Crane, and chairman emeritus William A. Niskanen — until Niskanen died last year.

Three douchebags enter Galt's Gulch.

One man leaves

Let's hope they all kill each other.
~

Beowoof March 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Call it the Cato Games and televise it. I would watch non-stop

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I'd throw knives to the guys who look like they're losing.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Three douchebags enter Galt's Gulch.

One man leaves Everyone dies of thirst, because they just refuse to cooperate in digging the well.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 2, 2012 at 2:48 am

Are there no Messicans for hire in Galt's Gulch?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

Of course not! That's why they built the danged fence!

MinAgain March 1, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I hope some clever attorney files a motion to quash the Kochs' crown jewels. Lawsuit, that is.

Callyson March 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm

I can think of a couple of motions I'd like to file toward the Kochs' crown jewels…no legal training required…

Beowoof March 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Gotta have complete control of the lying at all times.

MissTaken March 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

The last "Battle For Kato" involved a bloody glove. Something tells me this will end just as badly.

Crank_Tango March 1, 2012 at 7:37 pm

too soon!

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Didn't it have something to do with this guy?

Nothingisamiss March 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm

A santorum soaked glove?

OC_Surf_Serf March 1, 2012 at 6:03 pm

…and the Kato Kaelin Institute is still searching for the real murderer.

(ok, I am olds)

sharethegrief March 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I recorded the chase scene. It's still thrilling.

Barrelhse March 1, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I still recall laughing at that. Also the T-shirt vendor who had out the first shirts immediately following the murders: "Remember Nicole and Mitch"

Negropolis March 2, 2012 at 7:36 am

Honestly, it's not that long ago. Now, you start regaling us about your firsthand memories of Watergate, and I'll give it to you that you're old.

SudsMcKenzie March 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

White Billionaire Dick-Wad Problems.

CivicHoliday March 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

poor Kathryn…if only she had been born with a penis instead of gross lady parts, this would not be an issue.

donner_froh March 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm

This is not about money. We view this as a matter of shareholder rights.

Right. The Koch brothers are never about money.

Chichikovovich March 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

A lawyer friend of mine is fond of saying: "If they say it isn't about the money, don't worry. It's about the money."

Mahousu March 1, 2012 at 6:56 pm

"Either that or it's about the sex," as a divorce lawyer friend of mine would add.

Negropolis March 1, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Which is also what an Arkansas senator said during Bill Clinton's impeachment.

NewtsChicknNeck March 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

It's not about money now…it's about being able to control shit that determines how we can keep money. so, you know, it's not about money.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:11 am

With $25 billion or so in their pockets, these guys are to Mitt Romney what Romney is to most of us. I believe them when they say this is not about money.

It's about CONTROL.

Lucidamente1 March 1, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I got your tort reform right here, Koch brothers.

Native_of_SL_UT March 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Well at least they fuck their friends over too and not just the rest of us.

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Pal, they don't have friends. And only idiots forget that.

Negropolis March 1, 2012 at 10:32 pm

There is no honor among thieves.

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:22 am

Absolutely. When they fuck people over, it's not personal. It's simply their nature. Like scorpions.

Guppy March 1, 2012 at 6:26 pm

"You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you? "

I know Zombie Ayn Rand does!

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I'd heard she was good and stiff.

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:24 am

"if you experience rigor mortis lasting longer than 4 hours……."

cheetojeebus March 2, 2012 at 6:57 am

It's like the amazing race! You each have 100 erections, you now have to fuck these 300 Orly taitzs, taints? (what the hell is the plural form?) then pick up your travel documents to Hell under that rock over there.

Guppy March 1, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Wait, let me check to make sure if I'm first with this…

Nope, nobody seems to have posted this yet:

KOCH FIGHT!

BigRadio March 1, 2012 at 10:17 pm

It's illegal in most states.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 2, 2012 at 2:51 am

But fun to bet on. What's the Vegas line on this one?

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 6:35 pm

It's like the old "I promise I won't come in your mouth" routine. Once Koch is involved, all prior agreements go right out the window.

Veritas78 March 1, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Why would such a "promise" ever be sought? Sounds more like a threat to me.

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:24 am

She could be a vegan

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Lawyers! Big fradycats. Woooaahh…get upset, go and run for a Lawyer! Big Galtian Supermen, Eh?
Real Men would settle this by formal Duel. Just ask Zell Miller.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 2, 2012 at 2:52 am

Or Button Gwinnett.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 5:48 am

This Button Gwinnett?

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 9:25 am
C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:28 am

I get it! Good one.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 10:26 am

Good lord…I remember that movie

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

It's actually quite good–watched it with Kid Zoom just a few months back. Spielberg's first feature-length effort (though made for TV), and very tightly put together; of course it has shades of Speilbergian excess already, like the heavy-handed allegories–Weaver's character is named "David Mann," though maybe the blame for that one goes to screenwrited Richard Matheson… And what does our plucky every-Mann drive? A Plymouth Valiant, of course… It's almost like the movie was designed as an exercise for Analysis-By-Numbers class. And yet, it's one satisfying, tautly-constructed little adventure that in some ways impressed me as much last fall as it did when it aired on TV when I was…oh, god, ten years old?

BarackMyWorld March 1, 2012 at 6:41 pm

NBC's Nightly News is actually reporting on Limbaugh's saying women who get birth control are being paid to have sex, but left out the part where he actually called the woman from Georgetown who testified a prostitute and a "slut." LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS!!!!

Generation[redacted] March 1, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Sure, why not? After all, men who have cholesterol screenings are getting paid to eat bacon. Mmmmmm… bacon.

SorosBot March 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I've bought condoms before; does that make me a slut and a male prostitute?

…oh wait, I forgot it's a double standard; as a man I can enjoy sex all I want, it's only women who are sluts and should be shamed.

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Well, it's possible you're still a slut. I know I was when I was your (presumed) age.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:13 am

SorosBot is older than he looks, and he's looking like a stunningly handsome young bot.

SorosBot March 2, 2012 at 1:49 am

No, I'm an old man; I'm 36, and show it, with my receding hairline and gray chest hairs.

Biff March 1, 2012 at 9:54 pm

You state in your opening sentence that you bought condoms before, so no, not a slut. Until you get them free, you are not a slut.

imissopus March 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

They're not free if they are being paid for by my hard-earned tax munieeeez! Or by my employer, who is paying for me to be a dirty dirty slut. Is what I think Rush said.

Biff March 1, 2012 at 11:44 pm

As long as I'm not paying, they're free to me, and that's all I care about!

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 12:09 am

Snark aside, the woman he has ridiculed for 2 days in a row needed those pills for health reasons and not because of how much sex she was or was not having.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:15 am

Uh, the woman who needed those pills, who is a friend of Ms. Fluke, who is being attacked by Limbaugh, is a *lesbian.* She needed those pills for strictly *medical* reasons having nothing to do with contraception.

How's them apples?

BarackMyWorld March 2, 2012 at 12:20 am

I was coming back to fix my comment but you beat me to the correction.

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:28 am

OMG, she's a deviant slut!!!!

Negropolis March 2, 2012 at 7:47 am

If that makes her a slut, what about the old dudes (and increasingly obese young dudes who can't get it up) who'd be livid if their boner pills were taken away? Their sluts too, right?

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:19 am

For what it's worth, within ten minutes of my arrival at the office this morning, one of my coworkers announced that Limbaugh's comments had made her so angry she could punch something. Somehow, though, she was unaware of his mid-1980's proclamation that “Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.” She was surprised to discover that, yes, she actually could despise him just a little further.

James Michael Curley March 1, 2012 at 6:43 pm

These two pant loads can't create a simple partnership which survives the death of a partner (with tax free transfers) and they want to advise us how to run the US Government and Economy.

NewtsChicknNeck March 1, 2012 at 6:57 pm

why simplify something that we can complicate the shit out of and ultimately alienate one another over?

redarmyzombie March 1, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Yeah, sure. "Advise us" is exactly what they want…

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:31 am

In the same way that Southern gemm'in would "advise" their field niggers on the finer points of cotton growing…….

Schmannnity March 1, 2012 at 6:43 pm

It's not frivolous litigation when Republicans do it.

Generation[redacted] March 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Five hundred quatloos on the fat disgusting pile of excrement!

Fare la Volpe March 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Which?

Rotundo_ March 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm

All of them Katie…

Nothingisamiss March 1, 2012 at 10:14 pm

You'll have to be more specific.

SayItWithWookies March 1, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Like, how much could share possibly be worth of an institution that answers every question with "the government should stay out of everything?" Because I'll do it for half what you're paying those sock puppets now.

Crank_Tango March 1, 2012 at 7:42 pm

For some reason "sock puppets" made me think of crusty, jizz-filled socks.

Although I guess that is not an inaccurate description…

glamourdammerung March 1, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Well, they did screw some of their siblings in business deals so at least these two Kochs are consistent.

Fare la Volpe March 1, 2012 at 7:04 pm

More evidence of our urgent need for TURT REFURM.

Crank_Tango March 1, 2012 at 7:42 pm

If the koch brothers get any more Turd Refirm, they will never shit again.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:16 am

And what, exactly, makes you think they shit *now*?

Geminisunmars March 1, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Jim Newell – I do see the resemblance, but that was still a pretty nasty thing to say about Stephen Colbert.

Jukesgrrl March 1, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Could we please have a round of applause for the fact that Jim gave us alt text.

DaRooster March 1, 2012 at 7:05 pm

"This is not about money…"

"Because we have pretty much most of that."

Spurning Beer March 1, 2012 at 7:09 pm

BREAKING NEWS: ANDREW BREITBART DEAD.

Angry_Marmot March 1, 2012 at 8:01 pm

… And trapped in a hell with the door locked from the inside, poor thing.

UW8316154 March 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Still??

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:18 am

It's been a few hours.

flamingpdog March 1, 2012 at 8:42 pm

♪ Breitbart dead, more than ever,
Breitbart dead, more than ever,
More than ever we need Breitbart dead. ♪

ElPinche March 1, 2012 at 9:34 pm

I wonder how the breitshart trolls are taking it. I bet they're beating their heads on walls and flinging their poop.

SorosBot March 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm

We did have one descend on the death thread, although not until it was over 600 comments.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:19 am

They're screaming and howling about how they just KNOW-HO-HOE Bammerz totally did it, or mayb it was #Occupy, because all them lefty wingnuts are the same.

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Upon further review, I'd like to swap him for Arpaio.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:17 am

Ding, dong!

Wut? Too soon?

Callyson March 1, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Two Kochs and a Crane walk into a bar…
…dammit, there's a joke in there *somewhere*…

OhNoGuy March 1, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Somebody says "there's dead trout in the cesspool with a quarter in it's mouth" . The crane jumps in to get the trout and the Koch brothers jump in and fight over the quarter.
Best I can do on short notice.

Steverino247 March 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm

100 erections? A fella could have a pretty good time in Dallas with all that.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:20 am

Hey, depending on your orientation, a fella could have a damn good time ANYWHERE with all that.

VinnyThePooh March 1, 2012 at 7:30 pm

"Possession is 9/10ths of the law, muthafuckas! Just you try it!"
- Ed Crane

Pithaughn March 1, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Oh come, it's because they included "peace" in the mission statement. How can you have any peace if you have'nt had your war?

arihaya March 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm

so a rabidly libertarian conservative think tank, is not rabidly libertarian conservative enough for the Koch Bros… jeez never see that coming

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Isn't control of over the Cato Institute supposed to go to whoever wields the One Ring?

Generation[redacted] March 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Those fucking hobbits.

Dashboard Buddha March 1, 2012 at 10:57 pm

One ring to find them, and on the wall street bind them

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 12:33 am

A Koch ring?

ManchuCandidate March 1, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Crane: I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you.
Anakin Skywalker: I should have known the Randians were plotting to take over. Chancellor Koch has showed me the true ways of Libertarianism.
Crane: Anakin, Chairman Koch is evil! The Kochs are evil. The Dark Side of Libertarianism is an evil presence.
Anakin Skywalker: From my point of view, it is the Randians who are evil.
Crane: Well, then you really are lost!
Anakin Skywalker: [summons his lawyers] This is the end for you… my former master.

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm
chascates March 1, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Bomb squad called to Rush Limbaugh's house on Palm Beach
http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/region_c_palm_beach_

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 7:50 pm

The oxycontin wasn't expected until Friday.

emmelemm March 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Two words: Reichstag Fire.

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Except without the actual fire. So, maybe, Reichstag Hoax?

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 8:08 pm

To be fair, a Nuclear Powered Pan-Sexual Roto Plooker looks an awful lot like a bomb on an x-ray.

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Or a Telefunken U-47

(Look, you said it KNOWING I'd reply, and I read it knowing you knew…Should we start seeing other memes?)

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Yes, yes, I know. I try to spread the Zappa references out, so as not to become Boring…but there's so many that are applicable these days, it's just irresistible.
Besides, there's children out there that Have no Zappa. We must do something.

And here's the part of the post where I say "With Leather?"

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 7:28 am

Crew slut!

annettaj March 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm

The fourth wife wants to bypass the lawyers, huh?

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 3:56 am

A quadruple lawyer bypass? Sounds risky.

Generation[redacted] March 1, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Aw, the comments on that site are just… special.

redarmyzombie March 1, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Dare I even look…

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 10:09 pm

They're fucking hilarious. Things I learned:
"PTL" = "Praise The Lord" (and not "Penis is This Long").
And, a choice gem:
"Hitler was a leftist, you know a national socialist. Leftists are the source of all tyranny. Fascism, strong central government in bed with large corporations and unions. You know, Democrats. You folks really need to study history a little bit."

You can't make this shit up.

not that Dewey March 1, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Did he explode?

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 9:58 pm

This just in – gigantic tsunami of grease and bile heading fast across the Atlantic!!!!

not that Dewey March 1, 2012 at 10:25 pm

In other words, another typical weekday morning on 770AM, KKOB

user-of-owls March 1, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Don't miss the Mr. Grease and The Bile Show, weekdays at 6 am here on 770AM The Kob.

Biff March 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm

He just wanted to be surrounded by bad-ass cops, in case Obama's henchmen come for him like they did Brightfart.

Dashboard Buddha March 1, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Ah Ruch? kinda sucks when you act like such an asshole and everyone knows your address, right?

subsum March 1, 2012 at 11:16 pm

"In Palm Beach, people tend to be very cautious. The same thing that would go in another municipality and everyone would say 'Oh look, we got something in the mail.' Here people are cautious,"

Yeah, you fucking douchebags. You know the proles are gonna get ya first…

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 11:22 pm

"Some type of a plaque that was electronic in nature. Something to do with the assassination of President Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth," Palm Beach Police Department Spokesperson Fred Hess said.

….Police were able to contact the sender who then apologized for sending something that could be construed as being dangerous.

"Something about selling this product. Apparently it was a sample sent, according to the sender, to Mr. Limbaugh saying 'Here's an opportunity and maybe we can market something like this, ' " Hess said.

Yeah, because there's always a market for "Sic Semper Tyrannis" merch, especially when the president is Near.

trampndirtdown March 1, 2012 at 11:50 pm

And of course the big tough rugged individualist went running to the gubmint cops. Rash you're just a pussy.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:55 am

Why can't these gun-nut dick-swingers strap on the full Rambo gear and totally bootstrap this whole situation? NOW they want po-pos? Girly-ass motherfuckin' wimps.

glamourdammerung March 2, 2012 at 1:58 am

He probably called them himself because he was sad about Breitbart getting too much press. Or he was simply drugged out again.

Negropolis March 2, 2012 at 7:50 am

False alarm. Turns out it was just an especially violent fart.

V572 Flambé March 1, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Used to stumble across Cato Institute general headquarters while lost trying to find my way into DC from College Park on New York Avenue. I'd always think, "What is this high-powered right-wing tank doing in such a questionable NE neighborhood?"

Angry_Marmot March 1, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"What is this high-powered right-wing tank doing in such a questionable NE neighborhood?"

Trolling.

flamingpdog March 1, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Cheap, Dominican-looking rent boys close at hand.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Our Top Story Tonight: Bloggerisimo Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

rickmaci March 1, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Don't cry for me mAnnie Coulter….

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:57 am

So is Francisco Franco.

Designer_Rants March 1, 2012 at 8:39 pm

"You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you?"

Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!

annettaj March 1, 2012 at 8:45 pm

When will the Dan Akroyd character give the Eddie Murphy character the one dollar
for screwing these sick bastards over?

Tundra Grifter March 1, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I thought the right wing nutz opposed the "death tax" and wanted a person's heirs to inherit eveything.

johnnyzhivago March 1, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I'd like to see this "Cato" Institute's Birth Certificate, long form, please.

ttommyunger March 1, 2012 at 9:37 pm

So, they have to talk to lawyers a lot? Pay them shit-loads of money, too? I love it!

chitrade March 1, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I hate the Cato Institute, except when they say something I agree with and push the matter. Then those motherfuckers are "all-right".

If their infighting doesn't kill them, it must make them stronger. They will be enhanced and right-sized by the marketplace of ideas, invisible hand of litigation, etc. Can't be a bad thing for 'em!

Also: Carthage must be destroyed.

Biff March 1, 2012 at 9:44 pm

What does Breitbart have to say about this?
Oh, wait…

ShaveTheWhales March 1, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I think it's been about long enough.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 10:03 pm

" *Gurgle* pppppppppttthhhh! *Gurgle*,*Gurgle* Hisssssssssss. "

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 10:13 pm

"Motherfuckin' Dem Liberal Bastar-" *Gurgle* pppppppppttthhhh! *Gurgle*,*Gurgle* Hisssssssssss. "

Fixed

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Thank you.

Biff March 1, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Most realistic death rattle I've ever seen in print. Would fist again.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Thanks! Not too soon, then?

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:37 am

Guck.

Negropolis March 1, 2012 at 10:26 pm

This is the most insidery of inside baseball. 1%-on-1% violence. I really do wish I cared.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 10:37 pm

I just do not understand why the Koch's don't take a third of the treasure they dumped on the bloated, complacent Cato Institute and open an outsourced shop in India.
They'd get a far better work product. Faster and (it goes without saying) Cheaper, also.

I thought Rich Guys were smart with Investments.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:39 am

Uh … you saw what Rich Guys did to the fucking economy over the past eight years when their complacent asspuppet was in charge? HUH? DIDJU?

Because that should put that fucking piece of "common wisdom" myth to rest immediatement, dood, if not before. Holy quacking DUCKshit, man. They broke EVAHthing.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:20 am

RQDDD (Rhetorical Question, Deliberately Dumbed Down).

These two jokers never created any wealth in their lives, they both were squirted out of the womb into baskets full of bank notes and stock options that their daddy made by making oil deals with the Commies.

The Masters of the Universe on Wall Street made baskets upon shitloads upon shipping containers full of money so it's all working according to plan. Global economic collapse? Pfffft! Who cares what happens outside the Gated Community , the Limo and the Lear? Cue the inflight movie and get me a Scotch, Jeeves!

Isyaignert March 1, 2012 at 10:37 pm

"cartoon billionaire oil tycoons Charles and David Koch…: so true, so true. These fukkers remind me of the evil Duke brothers in "Trading Places," the best Christmas movie ever made IMHO. So fun to watch them eat themselves. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

DerrickWildcat March 1, 2012 at 10:38 pm

You know what would be pretty good?
The Gato Institute. Imagine that!
A whole institute of Mexican cats! I would like to visit a place such as that.

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 11:12 pm

They would oppose the redistribution of kibble.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:40 am

*Some* of them would.

Jukesgrrl March 1, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Too bad Frothy's gone. He would go with you.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:40 am

Who you callin' "gone," dood. Plane leaves TOMORROW. I'm sitting right here twitching and frothing.

redarmyzombie March 2, 2012 at 1:39 am

And ya won't be gone a MINUTE sooner!

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 1:41 am

Jonesing for my wonketz, dammit. Pitiful, I know.

Biff March 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

How come I not know you leave? Wherever, whatever, have a good time…

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:40 am

Hey, that's MY house! La Casa de Los Gatos.

not that Dewey March 2, 2012 at 1:14 am

Cats ask for it by name!

Negropolis March 2, 2012 at 7:42 am

That would be the cat's meow! Though, they'd never form concensus on anything ever.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 8:53 am

"A whole institute of Mexican cats! I would like to visit a place such as that."

You can do that right now, just jump in the car and head on down to the nearest Taco Bell.

Negropolis March 2, 2012 at 9:03 am

I've never seen a real, live Mexican at Taco Bell, let alone a Mexican cat.

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 9:26 am

Who said anything about live? Try the Cheesy "Beefy" Tostcata!

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

LEGALIZE TEH CATNIP

fuflans March 1, 2012 at 10:43 pm

nice get their mr. newell.

wonkette: where the cato institute airs their differences.

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Sorry to go OT again, kids, but I need to give a bigass correction to a different OT anecdote I posted yesterday in the "Santorum and the Women who signed the Declaration of Independence" thread. I'd told about a dad who, at my office, muttered to a social worker that his daughter's school "hadn't been teaching anything except Black History Month…goldurn coon schools." The social worker, an intern, and I all heard this.

Only it turns out we were dead wrong. What he'd actually said, as the social worker found out when he called the dad back Wednesday night, was that the girl's school "hadn't taught anything about Black History Month" and the final complaint was not about "coon schools"–it was about the town where his daughter goes to school, Kuna (podunk town about 30 miles from Boise). Most people pronounce it "KYOO-na," but I have indeed heard "KOO-na" occasionally. "Kuna schools."

So there you go–three fairly well-educated earwitnesses all thought they heard a racial epithet, when the poor dad was actually complaining about the lack of diversity in his little hick town. (Hell, that "goldurn" even makes more sense now–that was snark!)

My apologies to the dad that I misunderstood, and big, BIG thanks to the social worker for his decision to take the extra step to find out what the guy actually meant.

The take-away from this? Don't mumble.

Jukesgrrl March 1, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I forgive you because I'm sure this DID happen somewhere else.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:45 am

No, the REAL take-away from this, pardon my cooties, Dok, is — always double-check, and don't assume. Sometimes that mean-looking bitch that you thought rammed your car on purpose is a harried mom with a sick kid; or the guy upstairs who's blasting his music is kinda deaf and doesn't know how loud it is (this one happened to me; I used to get mad and throw things at the ceiling and cuss the poor fucker out). Love everyone around you, most of them are just as fucked as you are, no more and no less. Except Andrew Breitbart. Him, you can cuss out.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 9:21 am

I'm pretty sure you made that part about the cooties up.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:06 am

Seriously, what Jukesgrrl said is exactly what I thought when I saw your other "correction" post. It's got that awful ring of truth to it.

Veritas78 March 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Is the fat cokehead pedophile still dead?

Gosh, I can't wait to wake up tomorrow. Because he won't!

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Our Top Story Tonight: Bloggerisimo Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:45 am

And I thought I had it in for that fat fuck.

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

Today we all had it in for that fat fuck.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:08 am

Hey! it's Tomorrow and, by golly, Bloggerisimo Andrew Breitbart is still dead.

Veritas78 March 2, 2012 at 9:29 am

What a great day to be alive! If only because Breitbart isn't.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:45 am

Yesterday was a Fine Day, too.

You know, we're going to attract the Butthurt Umbrage Trolls speaking this way, don't you?

Doktor Zoom March 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

Dolores doesn't scare me.

HistoriCat March 2, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Who?

James Michael Curley March 1, 2012 at 11:02 pm

"Non-binding mediation" is a legal term for "We're going to get our dick handed to us if we go to trial."

subsum March 1, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Remind again which one is Mortimer and which one is Randolph. I can never tell them apart.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 12:04 am

I won't be able to sleep until I know how this effects Sarah Palin. Where is my tweet machine?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 6:11 am

This Just In: Grifterisimo Sarah Palin is still alive.

ThundercatHo March 2, 2012 at 7:46 am

I heard that in a fit of grief she tore her thrift shop clothes and ripped out her Bumpit. She was found face down in the snow, flailing her limbs, making "Andy Angels".

onemoretime79 March 2, 2012 at 1:51 am

"vehemently" is a word that needs moar use around these parts, in these days and in these times.

color me tinkled pink at the thought this will go further.

BlueStateLibel March 2, 2012 at 7:54 am

So let me get this straight – the Koch demons want to end taxes on inheritances over $5 million, but they want to confiscate this woman's inheritance?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 8:21 am

Oh, but it's Not about the Money. It's Not about the Money! It's Not about the Money!

It's about the money.

Jukesgrrl March 2, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Please! Save that talk for quiet rooms.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Ooooo! sorry. Mum's the word. "Mummmmmmmm".

LiveToServeYa March 2, 2012 at 8:37 am

Cato? Pay attention! This is your employer speaking! I am cancelling the attack orders for tonight! You understand?

BaldarTFlagass March 2, 2012 at 8:49 am

"You each have 100 erections over this, don’t you? "

Yeah, and all at the same time. I look like a porcupine.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:12 am

I think there might be an App for that.

KenLayIsAlive March 2, 2012 at 9:09 am

I wouldn't believe the Koch Burps actually wrote Wonkette, but it is their signature disingenuousness.

"We don't seek a takeover, we simply seek an outcome that puts us completely in control of everything."

Oh, I SEE.

CivicHoliday March 2, 2012 at 10:43 am

Hey, where are our editors this morning? Sleeping off another hangover from staying up too late celebrating victory for Maryland and defeat for Blunt?

CivicHoliday March 2, 2012 at 10:44 am

oh nevermind, a morning post was there as soon as I left this article. Yay, and so it begins!

not that Dewey March 1, 2012 at 10:41 pm

They have the best midget lesbian drive-time wackiness.

[slide whistle]

user-of-owls March 1, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Their phone pranks are even better! My favorite was when they tricked that elementary school teacher into telling the little girl her mother was dead! That was hysterical!

not that Dewey March 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

During his June 8th, 2011 appearance, Andrew Breitbart showed Mr Grease and The Bile a picture of Anthony Weiner's erect penis. A listener forwarded them a screenshot captured from their live Paltalk video feed, and Mr Grease posted it on Twitter. Andrew Breitbart was very upset at what transpired. [50] Mr Grease had also taken a picture of the photo during the showing without the knowledge of Breitbart.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:50 am

Great, now I look like I have the Koch brothers' stick up MY ass.

Ew, I think I just grossed myself out.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 12:50 am

Yep. Hairy legs too, I'll bet.

FROTHY March 2, 2012 at 2:01 am

Yes, darling, but you LOOK like a stunningly handsome young man, and you're a ginger, too. If MissTaken throws you out, you can ALWAYS come hang with, oh, I'd say about half the population.

Dashboard Buddha March 2, 2012 at 9:09 am

The line starts here, pal. Wait till your pubes start turning grey. That's a real et tu moment for ya.

Chet Kincaid March 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

Get over it, because it only gets worse, year by year!

YasserArraFeck March 2, 2012 at 6:09 am

Scottie's mouth must have been full (of shit?)

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 7:21 am

It's ok, you were right to point that out, Can't say it too many times,

OT, but funny….. Hubby was in the break room at work where some women were discussing the whole contraceptive thing. One mousy little woman actually said, "Now Obama is trying to take our birth control." Completely silenced the room.

Finally one of the women said, "Are you really that stupid"? Apparently so, because after it was explained to her she replied that her husband told her how to vote and he would never take her birth control.

So, that's what we are up against.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 7:31 am

It's a Way of Life.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 8:26 am

Facepalm.

I'll need a few more C.C.'s (Cups of Coffee) before this seems funny.

DCBloom March 2, 2012 at 9:08 am

I live in rural N.C. You should hear some of my stories from when I worked for the 2008 campaign!

No, never mind…. you really don't need to hear it.

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 9:14 am

Thank you for your Consideration. It'll help with my Rage Issues.

BZ1 March 2, 2012 at 10:19 am

projection, anyone, anyone??

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

I've been thinking that it would be Verrrry Interesting if any of our Trolls went strangely silent after Good Ol' Andy has shuffled off his mortal coil.
Hmm?

C_R_Eature March 2, 2012 at 10:23 am

Mulva?

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