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Watch RI Senate Candidate Do Creepy Mind Control On Innocent Child

Here, HERE is how the opening to the Sarah Palin Is Eaten By Moon Nazis movie sequel will start: there will be a guy with a silly name like “Barry Hinckley,” a Republican candidate for the United States Senate who looks vaguely like a post-meltdown Charlie Sheen, growing flustered when his prop 5-year-old child malfunctions under questioning from Fox News poop chute Neil Cavuto. “Are you worried about the debt?” Cavuto asks. “Um, no,” says the kid. Shit. Dad’s going to have to rewire the kid ON AIR. How does he do it? Scroll forward to around 2:44 and then see if you can tell us what the hell you just saw.

CYBORG INVASION HAS BEGUN? Nobody knows. We are still waiting for someone to post the next segment of footage, where Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid. Sarah will be so mad when she finds out! And then on to scene two, etc. What? We have no idea, either. Happy Friday! [HuffPo]

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190 comments

    1. MaxUdargo

      That's what I was thinking! It was like his "adult male eligible for political office" surrogate mannequin was malfunctioning, almost ruining the whole plan! Cavuto was obviously freaked out.

      Jesus, that was creepy. Seriously, what the fuck? I feel like I just got a brief, furtive glimpse behind the curtain.

    1. Strepsi

      The whole thing is like Balloon Dad and Balloon Boy, part II.

      That FOX News anchor sounds like he has to drink and smoke himself into a coma every night to get over the shame of his "journalism" career.

  1. memzilla

    Of course, had a Democratic candidate used his child to pimp his candidacy, Faux News and Rush would be calling the candidate a slut and a whore.

  2. Callyson

    Oh God when I first saw this guy I thought he was Bernhard Goetz, the subway shooter. This guy looks like the type.

  3. OzoneTom

    I was relieved when dad showed his right hand.

    Just kidding — like I was going to watch that!

  4. nounverb911

    Poor Hudson is going to have this crap follow him around for the rest of his life.

  5. weej_bain

    "Hudson's talking 5 year-old to 5 year-old"

    Looks like Hinckley has his potential support base covered. Will he get an endorsement, or shooting tips, from his namesake John?

  6. CapnFatback

    Just to be sure, Cavuto should re-shoot the interview, and this time make Hinckley drink a glass of water every time the kid speaks.

    Then he should shoot himself.

  7. SorosBot

    The kid's named Hudson? That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

  8. 2161911

    Looks like Cavuto isn't going relinquish his Dickhead of the Year award anytime soon…

    1. Fare la Volpe

      No shit. This was the puffball of puffball interviews, and he still managed to act like a dick.

  9. Walkinwiddaking

    I think I read a novel that was similar to this interview back in 1975 when I was tripping on some window pane. This, however, is scarier.

  10. orygoon

    Meh. RI is a really blue state and has two of the better Democratic senators–love them both. (They give me an extra thrill whenever they are awesome, because I lived in RI for a little while, long ago.) So this guy is making a fool of himself and and a tool of his kid for nothing.

    1. thebeatgoeson

      Even when we had Republican senators they were still pretty awesome – father/son duo John and Lincoln Chafee were pretty reasonable guys. I think Linc was the only Republican to vote against the Iraq war.

    2. Spurning Beer

      I lived in Little Rhody for decades, and I love the place. Even the dumb people mostly vote Democratic. And the previous mayor of Providence is Italian, gay, and Jewish. A three-fer.

      1. user-of-owls

        It IS a wee peach of a state, isn't it? And you're lucky the dumb people don't know how to find Our Wonket. Yeah, that's right, I'm looking at you Woonsocket.

    3. Negropolis

      The politicians up top seem to be of high quality, but the people you have down at the bottom are truly bottom of the barrel. Nothing but old-fashioned patronage and mob connections. It's like the New Jersey of New England.

    1. BigRadio

      to: Extemporanus
      re: New avatard

      I'm not sure if we've had a chance to psychoanalyze ourselves with your new Rorschach inc. blot.. After all, it has been kind of busy around here for the last day or so. But consider this an opportunity everybody.
      Here's what I see: Pedobear in a tux.
      YMMV

      1. Extemporanus

        Dude, you are seriously fucked in the head.

        Any sane person can see that it's clearly Pedobunny in a tux.

        Seek help…now.

        1. BigRadio

          Well, maybe pedobear has a splitting headache. Did you think about that?
          I AM NOT FUCKING CRAZY!!!1!!!!11!!

          1. BigRadio

            I see what you did there.
            Now I see Pedobear in a Donna Karan dress with a plunging neckline.

          2. Lascauxcaveman

            I see a fleur-de-lis painted by a drunk Cajun with Parkinsons. But then I know what a big Saints fan Extempo is.

      2. Biff

        Jeebus, he changed it again. Now it looks like the offspring of Mickey Mouse and Bullwinkle the Moose.

          1. BigRadio

            He is slowly DRIVING US CRAZY with his morphing ink blot.
            Remember, keep telling yourself, it's only an avatar.

  11. Generation[redacted]

    Since it's Friday why the hell not….

    You know who ELSE used children to advance their political career?

  12. Trinket

    Yeah, if that dad is such a crappy actor he can't keep from mouthing his co-star's lines while they're spoken, he's not gonna get far in this race.

    The kid, on the other hand, has charisma to spare.

  13. x111e7thst

    "Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis..". I have not been able to find good acid in more years than I care to count, but clearly I just have not been looking hard enough.

  14. orygoon

    Hudson, listen up. When you grow up, what you want to be is a Democrat. Because, for one thing, we don't believe in child abuse. It's also fun to see Daddy's head explode, when Daddy is a creepy POS.

  15. Lascauxcaveman

    OT but dang, another moderate legislator of major standing (this one a Dem) is calling it quits. This guy has been the rep in my district for 36 years; longer than I've been voting!

    Should I run for his soon-to-be empty seat? Or just bemoan how much harder it's going to be to make dick jokes?

    1. flamingpdog

      How much "harder" it is going to be to make dick jokes? Ha ha ha ha ha.

      Let the dick jokes begin. (Too easy).

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Or maybe "I'm an even bigger Dick," since the guy is so popular in my district. Eighteen straight wins is a pretty decent record.

    2. C_R_Eature

      "Harder?" "Dick Jokes?" My friend, you've already started!

      Run! Platform: A Fetus in every Pot and TWO Dick Jokes in every garage!

    3. HistoriCat

      You should definitely run, But when you're caught tweeting pics of your crotch, don't expect any special treatment.

  16. Extemporanus

    COMPLETE THE DANG WENCES BEFORE CREEPING SHARIA LEWIS LEADS TO MORE LESTERS!!

    (I'm sorry, you guys…)

  17. Not_So_Much

    Wow, dad has the full-on Karayzee Eyez. Might still be hope for the kid from Children of the Corn.

  18. cheaphits

    "Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid. Sarah will be so mad when she finds out"

    Exactly!!! I think you nailed it!

    Great work!

  19. Generation[redacted]

    Didn't watch, but last night I saw that scene from the Exorcist on cable, so I'm going to just assume it looks something like that.

  20. Data Exactly

    This might be the most I consider Rhode Island or anybody else from that New England middle of nowhere for quite a while. Better savor the moment. But also – is his kid some sort of PUPPET?!? What's with the lip synching???

  21. Beowoof

    Something tells this kid will grow to be a gay liberal. Judging by his current political bent, it does appeal to a witless 4 year-old. As he learns to think and not be a republican prick I am hopeful he will disappoint Dad a lot.

  22. Goonemeritus

    This is just more proof that school is indoctrinating our children. Hell I bet Hudson lost sleep about the power of the Fed and went on and on about fiat currency before he started kindergarten.

    1. flamingpdog

      They had to toss him out of the cafeteria after he got up on the table and berated the free and reduced-cost lunch program.

  23. Nostrildamus

    OT: Just notice the "last 5 visitors" section of my IntenseDebate profile is loaded with Right-Wing nuts who post only to RW blogs I never visit. I've never seen any of them here at Wonkette. Why are they visiting me? Anyone else notice this with their accounts or know what's going on?

    1. SorosBot

      It's one guy, with a bunch of accounts; he was the old downfister and had been away for months but appears to have started up his stalking shit again.

      1. C_R_Eature

        You know, when some of our pithier and more outrageous Breitbart slapdowns show up on Fap Republic, Rude State, Big Polly Dicks et.al. (and you know they will) I hope they at least have the courtesy to credit us.

    2. C_R_Eature

      Actually, this happens to us every Troll Invasion. I think they check us out looking for intemperate posts to jump in & bust our balls about.
      Personally, I don't know how they can just pick one. Or keep it under 10. 100? Oh, hell, they're all Intemperate. It's what we do here.

        1. SorosBot

          They've got very fun lives of getting angry and racist on the internet while eating Cheetos in mom's basement.

      1. Doktor Zoom

        Apparently Wonkette has turned off the automated "[username] is now following you" emails, which is how Spanky used to get his jollies. He'd change his name to a new Important Message About Libunatics* and then "follow" literally everyone who posted to Wonkette on any given day. He'd even drop and re-follow users, to be sure we got his important messages. The username that eventually got him kicked off IntenseDebate altogether was "Libs thank Breivik," with the profile description "Dems LOVE IT that so many died in Norway, so they can blame conservatives!" That one generated enough complaints that they yanked his accounts for TOS violations. Now that he can't downfist or harass via auto-notify, his options are limited.

        *His very own coinage, you know. He's quite proud of it, and would actually take time to explain that it's a combination of "liberals" and "lunatics," just to make sure people got it. Really.

  24. flamingpdog

    Cavuto says he didn't get his act together until he turned 15? He has to be the freaking oldest-looking preteen I've ever seen.

  25. OneYieldRegular

    "Ventriloquist love/It ain't such a groove/whenever I exploit you for my own political gain/your lips never move."

  26. C_R_Eature

    I can't wait until Andrew Breitbart interviews this kid on Breitbart TV and…

    Oh wait, Breitbart's Still Dead!

    1. C_R_Eature

      …"his child will slaughter thousands to impose his rule over the lawless hordes of Quadrant Gamma, Quadrant Epsilon, and the inhumanly barbarous Sioux City metro area."
      Hell, I saw all that in his eyes in the first few seconds of the clip. Oh the Places you'll Go!

  27. Chet Kincaid

    Alright, what the fuck was going on there? Every time the kid talks, the Dad is mouthing the same words. Is there a mirror off camera, and the kid's reading his lips? Is the guy's wife standing off camera relaying the Dad's mumbles? Is the kid the android from "AI" with eyeballs hidden on the side of his head? Who comes up with this kind of weird shit?

    1. C_R_Eature

      It's done with implanted electrodes. In the frontal lobes.

      I did a small amount of Web-Based research and what I found is Disturbing.

  28. Doktor Zoom

    “All right, Jason. Tell Santa what you want. Tell him what you want.”

    Jason said, “I….want…Procton and…Gamble to…stop animal testing.”

    The mother rapped her son over the head, saying, “Procter, Jason, that’s Procter and Gamble. And what do they do to animals? Do they torture animals, Jason? Is that what they do?”

    Jason said, "Yes, they torture." He was probably six years old.

    –David Sedaris, "The Santaland Diaries"

  29. Sparky McGruff

    What did I see? What the hell did I see? All I saw was that poor little monkey trying to put the cork back in!

    Oh,sorry… wrong joke.

  30. Dudleydidwrong

    If you look at the video at about 3:00 you'll discover that little Hudson gives us all a visual clue as to how long his dad's dick is.

  31. salt_bagel

    Not sure what's wrong with a little creepy dad ventriloquism. In fact, this clip reminds me of when my dad and I asked out my junior prom date.

  32. Negropolis

    CYBORG INVASION HAS BEGUN? Nobody knows. We are still waiting for someone to post the next segment of footage, where Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid.

    What the hell have you been smoking, girl?

    That said, that video was fucking creepy. That said, I'm also laughing hysterically after every one of these comments. I haven't laughed this hard and this consistently in a single thread in a long time.

  33. June_Cleaver2.0

    Republicans are so pathetically obvious. We can even see their lips move. Or Hudson needs a new battery.

  34. Preacher_Griz

    Since their mouths create the words simultaneously, this means they are channeling the Word of God. Therefore, the first Father/Son Prophet Duo in Biblical History!!!

  35. WordSaladNation

    Someone on another website (like I read other websites, no I don't, I was just "browsing") said that this looked like a condition known as echopraxia, which Wikipedia calls "a behaviour characteristic of some people with autism, Tourette syndrome, Ganser syndrome, schizophrenia (especially catatonic schizophrenia), some forms of clinical depression and some other neurological disorders."

    No snark here; I was just kind of interested that such a thing exists.

Comments are closed.