grab yer popcorn

Watch RI Senate Candidate Do Creepy Mind Control On Innocent Child

Here, HERE is how the opening to the Sarah Palin Is Eaten By Moon Nazis movie sequel will start: there will be a guy with a silly name like “Barry Hinckley,” a Republican candidate for the United States Senate who looks vaguely like a post-meltdown Charlie Sheen, growing flustered when his prop 5-year-old child malfunctions under questioning from Fox News poop chute Neil Cavuto. “Are you worried about the debt?” Cavuto asks. “Um, no,” says the kid. Shit. Dad’s going to have to rewire the kid ON AIR. How does he do it? Scroll forward to around 2:44 and then see if you can tell us what the hell you just saw.

CYBORG INVASION HAS BEGUN? Nobody knows. We are still waiting for someone to post the next segment of footage, where Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid. Sarah will be so mad when she finds out! And then on to scene two, etc. What? We have no idea, either. Happy Friday! [HuffPo]

Comments

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  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Oh you silly liebruls. You got the act all wrong. Barry's the dummy.

    • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

      That's what I was thinking! It was like his "adult male eligible for political office" surrogate mannequin was malfunctioning, almost ruining the whole plan! Cavuto was obviously freaked out.

      Jesus, that was creepy. Seriously, what the fuck? I feel like I just got a brief, furtive glimpse behind the curtain.

      • flamingpdog

        Of the sliding door in the confessional.

  • nounverb911

    Child abuse! Cavuto looks like a defrocked priest.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    Well done sir! You can barely see "daddy's" lips move. I just love little Charlie McCarthy's complex facial expressions.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Dad has the shifty-eye thing going on. Poor little brainwashed spawn boybot.

    • Strepsi

      The whole thing is like Balloon Dad and Balloon Boy, part II.

      That FOX News anchor sounds like he has to drink and smoke himself into a coma every night to get over the shame of his "journalism" career.

  • memzilla

    Of course, had a Democratic candidate used his child to pimp his candidacy, Faux News and Rush would be calling the candidate a slut and a whore.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      No, they'd call the kid a whore; the dad a pimp.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Today we are all pimps.

        • Steverino247

          Well, it's not like it's easy or anything.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Correction: Poverty pimps. — JC Watts

    • Doktor Zoom

      Be fair. He's not old enough to clean toilets yet.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        He's not blah, he doesn't have to clean toilets.

  • Callyson

    Oh God when I first saw this guy I thought he was Bernhard Goetz, the subway shooter. This guy looks like the type.

  • edgydrifter

    But which one is the puppet and which is the puppet master?

    • mavenmaven

      The Koch Brothers are the puppet master.

  • OzoneTom

    I was relieved when dad showed his right hand.

    Just kidding — like I was going to watch that!

  • nounverb911

    Poor Hudson is going to have this crap follow him around for the rest of his life.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That's not a nice thing to say about his dad.

      • Doktor Zoom

        No, but it's accurate.

    • Barrelhse

      "Hudson"? What's wrong with Edsel?

  • coolhandnuke

    The kid's nose grew two inches during this segment.

  • fuflans

    another hinckley showing troubling signs at an early age.

    • nounverb911

      Does Jodie Foster have kids?

      • Generation[redacted]

        More importantly, was she impressed by this?

        • not that Dewey

          NOW would be a good time to use that panic room, Jodie.

          • BigRadio

            Bedwetter?

        • Negropolis

          This has got to become a meme. "Was Jodie Foster/she by this?" indeed. Propogate!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    "Hudson's talking 5 year-old to 5 year-old"

    Looks like Hinckley has his potential support base covered. Will he get an endorsement, or shooting tips, from his namesake John?

    • flamingpdog

      I think he's shooting for the Catholic priest vote.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I'm not even sure if he knows which one of the Teletubbies is gay.

    • nounverb911

      Rushbo?

  • CapnFatback

    Just to be sure, Cavuto should re-shoot the interview, and this time make Hinckley drink a glass of water every time the kid speaks.

    Then he should shoot himself.

    • Negropolis

      ROTFLMAO!

  • Callyson

    If the election for U.S. Senate was being held today and the candidates are Sheldon Whitehouse, the Democrat, and Barry Hinckley, the Republican, for whom would you vote: Whitehouse or Hinckley?
    Whitehouse: 50.1%
    Hinckley: 27.8% http://www.wpri.com/generic/news/politics/local_p
    Good luck, kid…

    • Fare la Volpe

      That graph pleases me in my pants place.

      • Loaded_Pants

        "Pants place"? Is that like a Trouser Tent outlet?

  • fuflans

    wow that wasn't too weird.

  • SorosBot

    Not worried about the debt? That five-year-old is smarter than daddy.

    • rocktonsam

      that 5 year old is smarter than all of FOX NEWZ

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I don't get it. I see the guy running for the senate and the five year old. Who is the little kid on the left, though.

    • Loaded_Pants

      One of Roger Ailes's sonsabitches.

  • SorosBot

    The kid's named Hudson? That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Are you finished?

    • Fare la Volpe

      We already have a Newt in this race.

      • SorosBot

        Yeah but he's a lot dumber and less competent than the ten-year-old girl.

    • emmelemm

      "We're in some pretty shit now, man!"

      • Extemporanus

        The A2s always were a bit twitchy.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Nuke the site from orbit; it's the only way to be sure.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Uh, fall back by squads…lay down suppressing fire…

      HUDSON YOU IDIOT, GET IN THERE!

    • PubOption

      Hawk?

  • CapnFatback

    MUPPET INTERVIEWS MOPPET PUPPET!

    • user-of-owls

      SHRINKS THINK HINK STINKS!

    • HistoriCat

      Muppet libel!

  • 2161911

    Looks like Cavuto isn't going relinquish his Dickhead of the Year award anytime soon…

    • Fare la Volpe

      No shit. This was the puffball of puffball interviews, and he still managed to act like a dick.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    All I know is Hudson doesn't look like daddy at all. His mom must be a slut.

    • TeaNuts

      Well after that party, I'm surprised he doesn't ……….. Too Soon?

      • HistoriCat

        Now you're going to have to file a complaint against yourself.

    • anniegetyerfun

      You mean, she demands that the government pay for her birth control?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        She has SO MUCH SEX, she can't afford it.

    • Negropolis

      Milkman libel!

  • Walkinwiddaking

    I think I read a novel that was similar to this interview back in 1975 when I was tripping on some window pane. This, however, is scarier.

  • Guppy

    It should be illegal to use a minor in a political campaign.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      He also cleans the restrooms in the campaign bus.

      • Steverino247

        And in five years, they'll give him a brush.

  • orygoon

    Meh. RI is a really blue state and has two of the better Democratic senators–love them both. (They give me an extra thrill whenever they are awesome, because I lived in RI for a little while, long ago.) So this guy is making a fool of himself and and a tool of his kid for nothing.

    • thebeatgoeson

      Even when we had Republican senators they were still pretty awesome – father/son duo John and Lincoln Chafee were pretty reasonable guys. I think Linc was the only Republican to vote against the Iraq war.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I lived in Little Rhody for decades, and I love the place. Even the dumb people mostly vote Democratic. And the previous mayor of Providence is Italian, gay, and Jewish. A three-fer.

      • user-of-owls

        It IS a wee peach of a state, isn't it? And you're lucky the dumb people don't know how to find Our Wonket. Yeah, that's right, I'm looking at you Woonsocket.

    • Negropolis

      The politicians up top seem to be of high quality, but the people you have down at the bottom are truly bottom of the barrel. Nothing but old-fashioned patronage and mob connections. It's like the New Jersey of New England.

  • gout

    That's why pros use little down babies instead.

  • Extemporanus

    Your move, Balloon Boy.

    • BigRadio

      to: Extemporanus
      re: New avatard

      I'm not sure if we've had a chance to psychoanalyze ourselves with your new Rorschach inc. blot.. After all, it has been kind of busy around here for the last day or so. But consider this an opportunity everybody.
      Here's what I see: Pedobear in a tux.
      YMMV

      • Extemporanus

        Dude, you are seriously fucked in the head.

        Any sane person can see that it's clearly Pedobunny in a tux.

        Seek help…now.

        • C_R_Eature

          No, man…it's obviously a Giant Flying Vampire Toad. Can't you see it?

          • BigRadio

            Now you know how Callista feels.

          • C_R_Eature

            ….aaaaannd the reason for the huge Tiffany's account.

        • BigRadio

          Well, maybe pedobear has a splitting headache. Did you think about that?
          I AM NOT FUCKING CRAZY!!!1!!!!11!!

          • Extemporanus

            YOU ARE ALL FUCKING CRAZY!!

          • C_R_Eature

            You noticed. Thanks!

          • BigRadio

            I see what you did there.
            Now I see Pedobear in a Donna Karan dress with a plunging neckline.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I see a fleur-de-lis painted by a drunk Cajun with Parkinsons. But then I know what a big Saints fan Extempo is.

      • Biff

        Jeebus, he changed it again. Now it looks like the offspring of Mickey Mouse and Bullwinkle the Moose.

        • Doktor Zoom

          Moops!

          • BigRadio

            He is slowly DRIVING US CRAZY with his morphing ink blot.
            Remember, keep telling yourself, it's only an avatar.

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    creepiest shit ive seen in a while, and i've seen some creepy shit.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Mom?

    • BigRadio

      I fucking hate that Cavuto clown too! You're right, he is some fucked up shit.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Since it's Friday why the hell not….

    You know who ELSE used children to advance their political career?

    • Chichikovovich

      Stephan of Cloyes?

    • nounverb911

      The Witch in Hansel and Gretel?

    • flamingpdog

      Jesus of Nazareth?

    • Geminisunmars

      The Pied Piper?

    • ThundercatHo

      Aslan?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Saddam Hussein?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Bill Cosby?

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Well, if you're gonna go there, better queue up Art Linkletter first.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      The Wasilla Massive Vagina?

    • Negropolis

      Governor Griftress?

    • HistoriCat

      All of them Katie.

    • PubOption

      Margaret Thatcher. She first came to public attention through cutting school milk.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Jerry Lewis?

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

      Pope Benedict XVI?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Pretty much the same kind of interview that Hannity has with Palin.

  • Trinket

    Yeah, if that dad is such a crappy actor he can't keep from mouthing his co-star's lines while they're spoken, he's not gonna get far in this race.

    The kid, on the other hand, has charisma to spare.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      He is adorable.

  • C_R_Eature

    Wait! Is this Boy one of these Boys?

    • WunkRocker

      All of them, Katie.

  • x111e7thst

    "Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis..". I have not been able to find good acid in more years than I care to count, but clearly I just have not been looking hard enough.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Mugwump libel!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Guess how many spankings I got by, "ruining" grade school class photos by making funny faces?

    • orygoon

      Show us. The photos, dammit, not your calloused butt!

    • thebeatgoeson

      That was the best part of the video for me!

  • sharethegrief

    I see lots of 1st grade birthday parties in their future.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    The Return of the Village of the Damned.

  • orygoon

    Hudson, listen up. When you grow up, what you want to be is a Democrat. Because, for one thing, we don't believe in child abuse. It's also fun to see Daddy's head explode, when Daddy is a creepy POS.

  • Nostrildamus

    Kill a goldfish or GTFO.

    • emmelemm

      No kidding, right?

  • Nostrildamus

    Way too many 5-year-olds in this segment.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Tucker Carlson is putting his kid out to work already?

    • flamingpdog

      I thought that was Tucker Carlson until he spoke and actually made sense.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    OT but dang, another moderate legislator of major standing (this one a Dem) is calling it quits. This guy has been the rep in my district for 36 years; longer than I've been voting!

    Should I run for his soon-to-be empty seat? Or just bemoan how much harder it's going to be to make dick jokes?

    • flamingpdog

      How much "harder" it is going to be to make dick jokes? Ha ha ha ha ha.

      Let the dick jokes begin. (Too easy).

    • emmelemm

      I would vote for you. (I don't live over on your side of the Sound, though.)

    • WunkRocker

      Go for it!
      Run on the, "Won't be such a Dick" platform.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Or maybe "I'm an even bigger Dick," since the guy is so popular in my district. Eighteen straight wins is a pretty decent record.

    • C_R_Eature

      "Harder?" "Dick Jokes?" My friend, you've already started!

      Run! Platform: A Fetus in every Pot and TWO Dick Jokes in every garage!

    • flamingpdog

      Run, for sure, but first change your name legally to E. Norm S. Dicks.

      • C_R_Eature

        Hugh G. Rection

    • anniegetyerfun

      DO IT. Think of the chocolate bars that we could send out.

    • orygoon

      Do it! I'll come up and volunteer in your campaign!

    • HistoriCat

      You should definitely run, But when you're caught tweeting pics of your crotch, don't expect any special treatment.

  • soeoho

    90 Percent of my responses to these ads are positive too! Positively barfy.

  • Extemporanus

    COMPLETE THE DANG WENCES BEFORE CREEPING SHARIA LEWIS LEADS TO MORE LESTERS!!

    (I'm sorry, you guys…)

    • nounverb911

      Lambchop Libel!

    • Biff

      's alright…

  • Not_So_Much

    Wow, dad has the full-on Karayzee Eyez. Might still be hope for the kid from Children of the Corn.

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cheaphits/reviews cheaphits

    "Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid. Sarah will be so mad when she finds out"

    Exactly!!! I think you nailed it!

    Great work!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Looks like there should be another Hinckley at Saint Elizabeth's.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Didn't watch, but last night I saw that scene from the Exorcist on cable, so I'm going to just assume it looks something like that.

  • Data Exactly

    This might be the most I consider Rhode Island or anybody else from that New England middle of nowhere for quite a while. Better savor the moment. But also – is his kid some sort of PUPPET?!? What's with the lip synching???

  • Beowoof

    Something tells this kid will grow to be a gay liberal. Judging by his current political bent, it does appeal to a witless 4 year-old. As he learns to think and not be a republican prick I am hopeful he will disappoint Dad a lot.

  • Goonemeritus

    This is just more proof that school is indoctrinating our children. Hell I bet Hudson lost sleep about the power of the Fed and went on and on about fiat currency before he started kindergarten.

    • flamingpdog

      They had to toss him out of the cafeteria after he got up on the table and berated the free and reduced-cost lunch program.

  • Fare la Volpe

    That was a very funny SNL skit.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    Hudson is no Jonathan Krohn.

  • Nostrildamus

    OT: Just notice the "last 5 visitors" section of my IntenseDebate profile is loaded with Right-Wing nuts who post only to RW blogs I never visit. I've never seen any of them here at Wonkette. Why are they visiting me? Anyone else notice this with their accounts or know what's going on?

    • flamingpdog

      Breitfart left one final message before he was murdered ….

    • C_R_Eature

      It's Breitbart's Doomsday Weapon, released the day he was Murdered.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Nick Angel is looking into this.

    • SorosBot

      It's one guy, with a bunch of accounts; he was the old downfister and had been away for months but appears to have started up his stalking shit again.

      • C_R_Eature

        Spanky? I thought that cocksucker was Breitbart himself.

        Too bad.

      • C_R_Eature

        You know, when some of our pithier and more outrageous Breitbart slapdowns show up on Fap Republic, Rude State, Big Polly Dicks et.al. (and you know they will) I hope they at least have the courtesy to credit us.

    • C_R_Eature

      Actually, this happens to us every Troll Invasion. I think they check us out looking for intemperate posts to jump in & bust our balls about.
      Personally, I don't know how they can just pick one. Or keep it under 10. 100? Oh, hell, they're all Intemperate. It's what we do here.

      • Nostrildamus

        God, what pathetic lives they must lead. They must be totally hot in the sack.

        • C_R_Eature

          "They must be totally hot in the sack sock.

          Edited for accuracy.

        • SorosBot

          They've got very fun lives of getting angry and racist on the internet while eating Cheetos in mom's basement.

    • Biff

      Maybe it's my fault, because I posthumously "followed" brightfart…

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Omg, you're right. But why visit me? My p is quite low.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Apparently Wonkette has turned off the automated "[username] is now following you" emails, which is how Spanky used to get his jollies. He'd change his name to a new Important Message About Libunatics* and then "follow" literally everyone who posted to Wonkette on any given day. He'd even drop and re-follow users, to be sure we got his important messages. The username that eventually got him kicked off IntenseDebate altogether was "Libs thank Breivik," with the profile description "Dems LOVE IT that so many died in Norway, so they can blame conservatives!" That one generated enough complaints that they yanked his accounts for TOS violations. Now that he can't downfist or harass via auto-notify, his options are limited.

        *His very own coinage, you know. He's quite proud of it, and would actually take time to explain that it's a combination of "liberals" and "lunatics," just to make sure people got it. Really.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      WrightRezco visited me. So-o-o 2008. That one really MUST be locked in Mommy's basement.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Since 2008. Probably a good thing. We don't need 'em runnin' around in public.

  • flamingpdog

    Cavuto says he didn't get his act together until he turned 15? He has to be the freaking oldest-looking preteen I've ever seen.

  • OneYieldRegular

    "Ventriloquist love/It ain't such a groove/whenever I exploit you for my own political gain/your lips never move."

  • BigRadio

    To be fair, the kid has a sweater vest under his jacket.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Yes Neal, using a child as a political prop is so novel.

    5-YEAR-OLD MOPPET TWIT / JARBARA BUSH '12!!!

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Do not displease He Who Walks Behind The Rows.

  • C_R_Eature

    I can't wait until Andrew Breitbart interviews this kid on Breitbart TV and…

    Oh wait, Breitbart's Still Dead!

    • HistoriCat

      Who?

  • BlueStateLibel

    I'm three sheets to the wind at 7:07 EST, but at one point it seems the poor kid says if he was president: "new war, save country." Reminds me of this Onion story: http://tinyurl.com/7azgvkm

    • C_R_Eature

      …"his child will slaughter thousands to impose his rule over the lawless hordes of Quadrant Gamma, Quadrant Epsilon, and the inhumanly barbarous Sioux City metro area."
      Hell, I saw all that in his eyes in the first few seconds of the clip. Oh the Places you'll Go!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Alright, what the fuck was going on there? Every time the kid talks, the Dad is mouthing the same words. Is there a mirror off camera, and the kid's reading his lips? Is the guy's wife standing off camera relaying the Dad's mumbles? Is the kid the android from "AI" with eyeballs hidden on the side of his head? Who comes up with this kind of weird shit?

    • C_R_Eature

      It's done with implanted electrodes. In the frontal lobes.

      I did a small amount of Web-Based research and what I found is Disturbing.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That line just sums up the decade, doesn't it?

  • Doktor Zoom

    “All right, Jason. Tell Santa what you want. Tell him what you want.”

    Jason said, “I….want…Procton and…Gamble to…stop animal testing.”

    The mother rapped her son over the head, saying, “Procter, Jason, that’s Procter and Gamble. And what do they do to animals? Do they torture animals, Jason? Is that what they do?”

    Jason said, "Yes, they torture." He was probably six years old.

    –David Sedaris, "The Santaland Diaries"

    • Barrelhse

      He'll put somebody's eye out with that thing.

  • Sparky McGruff

    What did I see? What the hell did I see? All I saw was that poor little monkey trying to put the cork back in!

    Oh,sorry… wrong joke.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    If you look at the video at about 3:00 you'll discover that little Hudson gives us all a visual clue as to how long his dad's dick is.

  • salt_bagel

    Not sure what's wrong with a little creepy dad ventriloquism. In fact, this clip reminds me of when my dad and I asked out my junior prom date.

  • HarryButtle

    It's the creepy cannibal kid from Pet Semetary.

  • Negropolis

    CYBORG INVASION HAS BEGUN? Nobody knows. We are still waiting for someone to post the next segment of footage, where Barry Hinckley’s eyes start to glow orange and Neil Cavuto’s head melts away to reveal a giant radioactive maggot and the two of them make out until they merge and form a gay chrysalis, which eventually cracks open and out drops Todd Palin dressed as a mermaid.

    What the hell have you been smoking, girl?

    That said, that video was fucking creepy. That said, I'm also laughing hysterically after every one of these comments. I haven't laughed this hard and this consistently in a single thread in a long time.

  • June_Cleaver2.0

    Republicans are so pathetically obvious. We can even see their lips move. Or Hudson needs a new battery.

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    Since their mouths create the words simultaneously, this means they are channeling the Word of God. Therefore, the first Father/Son Prophet Duo in Biblical History!!!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Svengali, much??

    • Doktor Zoom

      Or a Svenjolly.

      He's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on the kid.

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    Someone on another website (like I read other websites, no I don't, I was just "browsing") said that this looked like a condition known as echopraxia, which Wikipedia calls "a behaviour characteristic of some people with autism, Tourette syndrome, Ganser syndrome, schizophrenia (especially catatonic schizophrenia), some forms of clinical depression and some other neurological disorders."

    No snark here; I was just kind of interested that such a thing exists.

  • WinterOuthouse

    The shit people do to kids! Next they'll make little Hudson be an Altar Boy.

  • Soylent Green

    Way to call out the poor little kid on live TV. Thats our Fox.