grampa's been reading david brooks again

Orrin Hatch Calls Obama A Hipster With A Funny Hat And Coffee

Orrin Hatch on the Senate floor, you guys: “President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.” Wow, he traded in an entire category of his coalition for a single hat and coffee drink! Is that a “Fair Trade” of the sort that the hipsters love so much? Ha ha ha… eh… kill us now? [Buzzfeed]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • edgydrifter

    I was unaware that the UAW had moved into coffee slinging.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Did he borrow that fedora from Matt Drudge?

    • Callyson

      No, from James O'Keefe…

  • MissTaken

    Are you sure Orrin didn't say "pimp hat and some purple drank"?

    • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

      Sugar, water, purple!

    • emmelemm

      Oh, snap.

      (I wouldn't put it past them.)

  • Barb

    More like a mulatte.

    • I_P

      *snort*

      • Barb

        That was pretty evil of me, eh, I_P?

        • I_P

          If by "evil" you mean "devilishly good" then I agree.

        • memzilla

          At least you didn't say blahpuccino.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Orrin prefers the dope-pio.

  • edgydrifter

    Hipsters don't wear fedoras, Orrin. Douchebags wear fedoras.

    • SorosBot

      Now you've got to learn how the Venn diagrams works – while it's true that not all douchebags are hipsters, all hipsters are douchebags. And they were fedoras, along with unkempt facial hair and clashing colors.

    • SexySmurf

      Douche bags don't wear fedoras; they wear Ed Hardy wool-knit caps 365 days a year.

      • tessiee

        And that fucking beard/facial hair/whatever it's supposed to be that looks like they drew an outline on their jaw with an eyeliner pencil.

  • RadioCualquier

    I like my coffee blah.

  • memzilla

    Doctor! There's all this Santorum coming out of my Hatch!

    • RadioCualquier

      Put two aspirin between your knees and call me in the morning.

  • I_P

    Oh Orrin. Don't you have some dead hipsters to posthumously baptize or something?

    • vodkamuppet

      Dead hipsters, great name for a band (a hipster band)

    • horsedreamer_1

      The dude from Women is a Mormon?

  • veritass

    He's just sayin' the POTUS has got a couple of shirts with a deep V, that's all.

  • JackDempsey1

    He should have riffed off the recent musical performance:
    "Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunchbucket of the Dem Party for
    2 turntables and a microphone."

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    You know a trend is over when Republicans start talking about it. Thank God Hipsterism is dead, though.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It was doomed the moment it caught on.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Obama moved the White House to Williamsburg?

    • Chichikovovich

      The Obamavicher Rebbe

      • finallyhappy

        I keep telling people that his name is Baruch Hussan(like the groom) Obamavich

    • tessiee

      Brooklyn, or Colonial?

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but he like totally did it before it was cool to do such a thing. Of course.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Orrin, please. Everyone knows fedoras are so 2009. Hell, hipsters have long since moved past the conductor hat in my area.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      This may catch on. Or was that last year?

    • tessiee

      So, the trucker caps are done? That's a relief.

  • CapnFatback

    Meanwhile, the GOP is still appealing strongly to those required by their doctors to wear helmets.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Helmets or tin foil hats?

      • Loaded_Pants

        They line the helmets with tin foil. Y'know, just in case.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hipster fedora? If he means the hat that high school girls wear to Young Life meetings to look worldly, then Utah preserves its reputation as the unhippest state in the Union.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Orin won't be scorin' with teh double skinny crowd.

  • Mahousu

    He'd have been more persuasive if he had said "double skim late-y." As it was, he seemed entirely too familiar with the drink.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, by Sen. Hatch's definition, hipness is defined by 1992.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    Why couldn't they have had hipsters when I was in high school? Instead I just got socially ostracized for listening to weird music and wearing converse instead of k swiss. No fair.

    • Biff

      I had my last fedora in 1962. Thank dog for President Kennedy eschewing the wearing of hats. As for shoes, the best I could get was Keds. Usually it was whatever store brand they sold at either White Front or W.T. Grant's.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night…"

    Orrin, Orrin, for crissakes, you know what happens when you drink one Coor's Light. Now put that damn thing down before you start trying to quote more poetry. Mormons don't quote stupid-ass poetry, you know that!

  • 2161911

    Those crazy darkies…

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    This is pure haberdashery I say.

    • Negropolis

      Utter poppycockery, indeed, good sir.

  • DarwinianDemon

    Republicans traded the pinstripes of the titans of industry for the comforting straps of straight jackets and tricorner hats of the tea party.

  • yrbmegr

    Can you be in the Senate and be incomprehensible?

    • Geminisunmars

      Happens all da time.

    • Callyson

      I think it's a requirement, at least to get the GOP nomination.

    • Wilcoxyz

      Dan Quayle?

    • tessiee

      "Can you"? I thought it was mandatory.

    • Negropolis

      An allowance? It's damn-near a requirement.

  • FraAnima

    Well, Romney should be able to capitalize on Brock's failings. Soon, all hard hats and lunch buckets will be flocking to teh GOP tent.

  • RadioCualquier

    From the same guy who said the rich have suffered enough in this country.
    What. An. Asshat.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    And the Republicans seem to have traded the pinstripes and tassel loafers crowd for the wifebeaters and work boots crowd.

    • tessiee

      Don't worry, the workboots crowd may be useful worker ants/cannon fodder, but the Rs haven't forgotten that pinstripers are their real masters, nor will they, ever.

  • widestanceromance

    He's just jealous because normal people can drink coffee.

  • fuflans

    i have never seen barry in a hat.

    i would like to see barry in a hat.

    • Geminisunmars

      I would like to have barry in for a chat.

      And Michelle too, at that.

    • sezme
    • Trinket

      Oh, sister. Do a Google image search for "young obama cigarette" and prepare yourself.

      • tessiee

        SQUEEEE!!!

        • Trinket

          Yes, that's pretty much been my reaction, too. :)

    • tessiee

      Would you like to see Barry in a hat?
      Do you think that he is one cool cat?
      Would you like to see him in socks?
      Do you think he is a fox?
      Would you like Michelle to join the fun?
      Would that be a good day, before it is done?

  • orygoon

    Orrin has a jonesin' case of coffee envy. Yum, yum, it's DELICIOUS, Orrin!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo Stick!

    These were "prepared remarks"????

    Can't this guy be fired from the Senate for being a giant dork? We can call it the "Lieberman Clause."
    ~

  • SexySmurf

    Instead of singing Al Green, Obama is going to start singing Arcade Fire or some shitty band no one has ever heard of. Ironically, of course.

    • fuflans

      i think it was the decemberists that got the wingtards panties in wad.

      but of course, that was 2008. they may have moved on.

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        Bon Iver. Oh God help us all if he tries an a capella rendition of "Beth/Rest," amirite?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Obama's 2011 best album is Kaputt, actually.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    “President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.”

    And he's all hopped up on goofballs too!

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    *Now* the Republicans have gone and alienated the Fedora Hat Coalition AND the Lovers of Lattes! These people just don't want anyone voting for them, do they?

  • Numbat_Dundee

    Interesting idea this, to define political positions by a combination of headgear and beverage. I'm a Viking helmet and peppermint tea man myself – used to be a sombero and absinthe when I was younger, but I've mellowed.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I'm a minimalist — bedhead and black coffee.

    • Geminisunmars

      I'm going with a cheap plastic rain cap, and 5-hour energy drink.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Fez and Sierra Mist here.

    • 102415

      Lilly Daché and gin.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Steelers ball cap and pint of a dark, local microbrew.

    • tessiee

      What's the point of being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
      http://vi.sualize.us/view/ff227b917cf8c0a87f06411

    • Negropolis

      My face is far too narrow and long for a hat. I've always been jealous of people that can pull hats off. Any hats, really.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        a.) Share with us the hat you *would* wear if you could. None of us can tell the difference if we haven't actually seen your face! (on here)
        b.) I actually share w/ you my envy of others who pull off the headgear so much more effectively. However, now I've noticed your avatar has changed again. It is similar to trying on different hats, no?
        c.) Beverage?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Unfortunately this reminds me I have to go to Salt Lake the end of next week to chill with bunch of hipsters engineers. Maybe I should swing by Orin's office and see if he want's to join us for a few Polygamy Porters. Obvs, with the PP why would you stop with just one.

  • sezme

    Orrin has traded in the "fiscally responsible" category of the Republican Party for a belt with an onion in it.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      We had to say dickety because the Orrin had stolen our word for lunchbuckets.

    • 102415

      It's still considered very attractive by many stylish elders.

  • MissTaken

    He's trading his MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron

    • yyyaz

      That's a tremendous leap for a Horrin Atch: from 1948 all the way to 1992 in one swell foop.

  • fuflans

    and by the way, the fuck was this about?

    bamz moving laterally within the democratic party base is something of concern to orrin hatch because why?

  • SexySmurf

    President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora

    In Obama's defense, 1950s hard-boiled detectives are an all important swing demographic.

    • 102415

      Yeah, Mickey Spillane and Walter Winchell wore fedoras the hat Hatch is pretending to care about is actually called a trilby. That's what he gets for having an envious loser 27 year old write for him.

    • tessiee

      "1950s hard-boiled detectives are an all important swing demographic."

      And what about us dames?

  • Callyson

    a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.
    Orrin, Orrin, you Jurassic geezer…fedoras are so 2009, and even McDonald's serves lattes these days.
    And the Reeps really don't get how out of touch they are…

  • finallyhappy

    Pretty sure, it was a redeye,blah

  • sezme

    Breaking news: President Obama spotted ironically wearing a hard hat, carrying a lunch bucket.

    • tessiee

      Did said lunch bucket contain an ironic can of PBR?

  • justkillmenow

    Hatch is still alive?

    • yyyaz

      No. It's just that Dick Cheney hasn't had the heart to tell him.

      • bagofmice

        Hey-ooo!

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      To quote Dorothy Parker, well maybe not since the "still" would indicate previous animation, and with Hatch that is debatable. .

    • Negropolis

      Essentially.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Tell us about your underwear, Orrin.
    No, I take that back.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    You see, a brother wears a fedora like this….but White folks…they wear a Seed Corn hat like this.
    It's like some kind of crazy reverse Apollo Theater Stand-up comedy act.

  • meatlofer

    If your first name starts with an O,…………………….you might be a redneck.

    • tessiee

      Or blah.

  • sharethegrief

    He really wants to see Barry trade in the fedora for a white jacket, serving food at the country club.

  • arihaya

    today we are all Hipsters with a Funny Hat and Coffee

  • vodkamuppet

    This is the trailer park version of "food stamp president". Fedoras! Elitism. I bought a fedora once and I looked like an idiot wearing it. If you're going to rip liberal elitism, get it right. I obsess over whether the knot on my tie has the proper 'pop' to it. Double windsors are good but they need to be loose.

    • Gunner Asch

      In my last days in Corporate America the office dapper dresser appraised me with arched eyebrows and said "You wear the kind of ties that someone would wear only because he has to wear a tie." I dunno what he found to complain about in my Disney Collection. Daffy Duck was a classic.

      • vodkamuppet

        The trick is if you make the knot pop enough you won't have to tie it around your neck so tight. I go with silver ties, they go with everything.

  • nobodyssweetheart

    At least he didn't call Barry a blipster.

    • horsedreamer_1

      COOKIE MOUNTAIN LIBEL!!!!

  • SenileAgitation

    Has all the earmarks of a Frank Luntz talking point: catchy, easy to remember and repeat endlessly, and patently false.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Fedora? Everybody knows a real hipster wears a pork pie hat!

    • orygoon

      TRILBY LIBEL!

      • 102415

        Yay!!!!! Finally, the corner of Wonkettia where we can talk style.Trilby, thank you.

  • Toomush_Infer

    “President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.” ….The delivery here is crucial…or crucified….Ba da Bing, ba da blat…..Hatch's sotto voce has dovolved into pseudo vocca….

  • Loaded_Pants

    Orrin Hatch has an oral hatch.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Honestly, the thing that amazes me the most is that Orrin Hatch seems to almost -but not quite- know what a hipster is.

    I mean, who drinks lattes any more? That's so 1990's. It's all about the fair trade organic loose tea, or else bourbon. Or both at the same time, yum.

    Also too, while ironic hard hats are rare, they do exist, at least in Williamsburg. Ironic lunch boxes are much more common.

  • Biff

    That reminds me, where did I put my tricorn fedora with the teabags stapled on the brim?

  • Lucidamente1

    "Hipster fedora and a double skim latte": is that code for "fried chicken and watermelon" or "malt liquor and menthol cigarettes?"

    • Gunner Asch

      I loved how they went with the meme on The Wire and made super-badass Omar a fan of KFC and Mountain Dew. And Honey Nut Cheerios.
      (BTW, why do I remember stuff like this and can't remember what I was going to buy once I get to the grocery store?)

  • obfuscator2

    pleeeease regale us with your extensive knowledge of hipster culture, white male republican mormon senator from utah.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.

    Meanwhile, the Repubicans have traded in women, Latinos, union members, seniors and students for a fat-ass in KKK robes riding a Rascal.

  • owhatever

    And in November, President Obama will be wearing that hipster fedora and knocking back the double skim latte as he cruises into the White House for four more years, over the corrupt, stinking bodies of Republicans.

  • Come here a minute

    Man, he only named one of the well-known characteristics of the tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, body-piercing, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show.

    • 102415

      That looks good. I'll have the sushi, thanks. Can I have a single malt scotch with that?

  • buffalogal

    WTF does that even mean … if anything. What a hipster doofus.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Utah, site of Sundance Film Festival, is devoid of hipsters.

    [wanking motion]

  • ttommyunger

    Yeah, I caught this dried-up foreskin on the teevee machine today. He also bloviated at length about how our corporations can't make enough moneez under Obamer with all his regulations, and such and so forth, and all…….

  • vodkamuppet

    We should wash that guys car with rocks.

  • Trinket

    First of all, Orrin, it's "double skinny latte". Second, I know plenty of blue collar workers who drink them. Yes. Obama and his party have abandoned the poor working stiff. As opposed to your party, which so exalts and protects labor. Fuck you.

  • Negropolis

    I see Senator Hatch is a member of the "You-Damned-Kids-Get-Off-My-Lawn!" caucus of the United States Senate.

    Yes, these kids, today, and their enema man, and snoopy-poopy-poop dog, and too-big-pants and whatever else the very, very urban youths are into, these days.

  • Negropolis

    What a snob, amirite?

  • DahBoner

    double skim latte

    But Uncle Orrin, all the cool Mormon kids are ridin' these over at Snowbird…

  • intdebdc

    and Hatch is an old queen who wears funny underwear with an-al bum cover.

  • 102415

    I agree.