500 emmys

Bristol Palin Has Some Other New TV Show About Stuff

A hot new reality show “chronicling Bristol Palin’s life as a young, single mother living in the spotlight of being Sarah Palin’s daughter” has been picked up on the vagina network, Lifetime! It will be called Bristol Palin: Life’s A Tripp, and the young mother and son will run around the forest dropping acid with John McCain.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Comments

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  • Barb

    I can't wait to find out what channel and what time so that I can go watch paint dry instead of this crap.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Oh? Is it bicycle racing season already?

    • GOPCrusher

      I got a message on my Dish Network receiver informing me that The Undefeated is going to be shown on the Reelz Channel during the month of March. Thank God for college basketball.

      • MissTaken

        I think that Undefeated is the Oscar winning documentary about a football team. Not the Undefeated infomercial made in someone's garage about a woman and her pursuit of getting gangbanged by a football team.

  • veritass

    Boring. How much longer until she does porn? My, uh, friend wants to know.

    • Barb

      Seven years ago.

    • Mahousu

      She doesn't do porn. She is porn.

      Of course, like most porn, she's crappy.

    • horsedreamer_1

      She's prolly already been in the cheap & reader submitted Naughty Neighbors.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Life's a Tripp, And By The Way, I Gave You the Drip."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if it will chronicle her blowing Manuel in the men's room at the Wasilla Denny's for a gram of crank.

    • MissTaken

      That's what they mean by "living in the spotlight of being Sarah Palin’s daughter"

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        She's always gotta do Sarah one better. For example, Sarah only had to give hand jobs for crank.

        • horsedreamer_1

          JASON STATHAM LIBEL!!!!

  • Barb

    How long before they make a documentary about Willow's pregnancies that were swept under the rug, The Undefetus.

    • justkillmenow

      ohfuck. That is priceless.

    • finallyhappy

      This deserves my 1000 thumbs up of the day- but the damn system will not let me

      • Barb

        Thank you!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

      I hate you (in a good way, of course).

  • Barb

    Will it be showing on The Animal Planet?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I figured it would be "Bad Girls: Wasilla" and on Oxygen

    • GOPCrusher

      The Unwed Housewives Of Wasilla.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I give up. we are doomed as a society

    • V572 Flambé

      Only if we watch this. Be strong.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    "With special guest appearance by Shailey Tripp!"

    • MissTaken

      That was very sweet of Bristol to name her son after her father's mistress/prostitute.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        You assume it's hers to begin with

      • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

        "… her father's favorite mistress/prostitute."

        -fixed

        • Neoyorquino

          "… her father's favorite mistress/prostitute . . . so far."

          -fixed

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            "… her father's favorite female mistress/prostitute . . . so far."

            Fixed yer fixed fixed fer ya

          • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

            "…her father's favorite adult female mistress/prostitute…so far."

            The fix is in.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    They already air Big Bang Theory

    • vodkamuppet

      Thank you for pointing that out. I thought I was the only one.

  • SexySmurf

    Since it's on Lifetime, I'm assuming Bristol is going to marry Meredith Baxter then slap her around for the next two hours.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Excellent.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    Remember, everyone who's wealthy totally earned it, with their merits.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      In fairness to Bristol, she has a nice set of assets

      • BarackMyWorld

        Is that what we're calling Sarah now?

      • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

        BOOB LIBEL!

      • http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

        Huge tracts of land?

        • horsedreamer_1

          The Denali of Tits.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is the theme song Fat Bottomed Girls?

  • pinkocommi

    I guess the names "16 and Pregnant" and "Jackass" already were taken?

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      As was "World's Dumbest Criminals."

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    living in the spotlight

    "Ladiiiiiiiies and…. gnats!"..

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    or we can just wait 16 years and watch Tripp on "Cops."

    • vodkamuppet

      You're on a roll today! Heyooo!

    • Loaded_Pants

      Shirtless, soiled bandana tied around his head, and running from the cops through a trailer park.

      • paulabflat

        "why'd you run man? if you ain't done nothin??

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Cops tripping, on TV. I would watch that.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Well Bristol said she was through with Hollywood almost two whole months ago — so my question is, is she un-quitting, or is she quitting the quitting? Or did she just see something shiny and forget?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      All of them, Katie

    • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

      great question – when she quits this midway through season 1 the universe will implode on itself. thankfully.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      She got halfway through the quitting, and quit.

    • Terry

      She held to her vow of being through with Hollywood until it occurred to her that she might actually have to work for money.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I swear, this bitch is like a floatie that just won't flush.

    • MissTaken

      I'm sure Levi totally agrees with your Unflushable assessment.

      • GOPCrusher

        The Unflushable.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wanna dress this comment in heels and a garter belt and have sex with it.

      • RadioCualquier

        Lipstick on a floatie.

    • Rotundo_

      The whole family is: They just cannot, by genetic makeup shut the fuck up and live like real people do. This is what happens when you mix a local television personality, politics and meth. And the profoundly stupid in the good ol' US of A just can't get enough of it.

  • prommie

    Hmm, end it all, or just get fucking drunk? Ahh, fuck, death is way too final, you never know, the entire history of my life may suddenly reverse itself tomorrow, and I wouldn'tnt to miss that, so it looks like its Martini Time!

    • paulabflat

      i like the way you think. it's best to be cautious.

  • SenileAgitation

    A TV show about some no talent unwed mother sitting around in a track suit eating Oreos and complaining while getting paid for it? Shit yeaZh I'll watch! For the cosmetology.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Think of the makeovers!

  • 2161911

    Whatever happened to the pilot "Clubbing the Halibut", which was supposed to run on the Women's Entertainment channel right after "Melissa and Joan Rivers Knows Best"?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The halibut program drew jeers from PeTA.

      They've been strangely silent on Bristol's show, however.

    • Rotundo_

      Clubbing the Halibut would be infinitely more watchable than anything Missy and the hag would do for an hour. Turkey slaughter, grease trap cleaning, mucking out stables would be Emmy material next to the Rivers shit. Eeeeewwwww!

    • vodkamuppet

      Thank god Levi didn't club the halibut that night. We would've been robbed of some really great comedy if he had.

    • GOPCrusher

      I call it Clubbing The Halibut, but I don't think it's legal to show it on Women's Entertainment Channel.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    Rejected titles include:

    Bristol Palin: Contraception is for Losers

    Bristol Palin: LIfe's a Bitch Just Like My Mom

    Bristol Palin: Whoarders Gone Wild.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Bristol Palin: Waseline'd In Wasilla

    • Loaded_Pants

      Bristol Palin: When the Stick Turns Blue.

  • SorosBot

    Will she get drunk on wine coolers and get impregnated again on camera for us?

    • MissTaken

      Only if the producers supply the camping tent.

      • SorosBot

        I thought they didn't use a tent, that's why babby was made.

    • Barb

      They didn't videotape the birth of Tripp because they didn't want to tape over the footage of the conception.

    • Rotundo_

      Yes, and like the last time, all you'll see is Brisdull's head popping out of the tent flap rythmically with each thrust. All of the dialogue will of course be bleeped for broadcast so it should be somewhat strange, sort of like a jack in the box popping in and out with really shitty music keeping time.

    • KarenJ503

      With Boyfriend #1, Dylan, 2007?
      Boyfriend #2, Levi 2008?
      Boyfriend #3, Ben 2009?
      Boyfriend #4, Gino, 2010-2011?
      Boyfriend #5, guy who recently went to the gunshop with her to buy a gun, 2012?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      That might just be the most effective form of birth control EVER!

  • MissTaken

    What a second! Doesn't Bristol already have a show called "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"?

    • SorosBot

      I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't understand what drives some people to get plastic surgery that makes them objectively less attractive.

  • poorgradstudent

    To be fair, I like to look at it as more fodder for the inevitable "Mommy Dearest"-esque memoir Tripp will write at the behest of his friends and fellow support group attendees, Brittney Spears' kids and Snookie's progeny.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    There will be a pop culture-changing episode called "The Contest" where Willow and Bristol bet on who can hold out the longest with a transvaginal ultrasound inside of them.

    • Barb

      The whole machine or just the wand?

      • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

        all of them, barb

    • MissTaken

      It can be called "The Amazing Rape"

      • tcaalaw

        Am I going to hell for laughing at that one?

        • paulabflat

          if you do, remember that all newbies meet each tuesday, 10 am-ish, outside the judy garland memorial restroom. wear comfortable clothes and shoes you don't care about.

          see you there?

    • Rotundo_

      While standing, Willow will own this one. In repose, or standing on their heads it's more a toss up.

    • GOPCrusher

      Hope they are doing their kegels, otherwise it will just keep falling out.

  • CapnFatback

    Yeah, fuck this.

  • vodkamuppet

    My first reaction to this was "Tripp? What does Linda Tripp have to do with anything?" Then I remembered Tripp is an acceptable first name in the Palin clan. I still don't feel stupid for my first reaction.

  • Callyson

    the vagina network, Lifetime
    Can't someone come up with a vagina network for those of us who use (or aspire to use) said vaginas? Bravo has its moments but the Millionaire Assholes Matchmaker/Real Housewives of Who Cares shows are tiresome, and the Style Network is too brainless for words. Oprah's is dull (heresy! but true) and The Learning Channel has become the pedophiles' network.
    Seriously, we women need a *hip* network…
    …or, WTH, why restrict it to females? We Wonketteers want a hip network, stat…

    • HistoriCat

      I would watch the shit out of the Wonkette channel.

  • widestanceromance

    [staring at sky]

    Whenever I have thoughts about going back to TV, a miracle happens. I feel close to God in a non-NIN way for a change.

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    "Two and a Half Episodes"

  • CapnFatback

    This time, I hope she'll get voted off the show the first week.

  • RadioCualquier

    Two Family Guy references in one day, but they both are appropriate.

  • iburl

    I think it's weird to name your kid after Linda Tripp

    • KarenJ503

      Shailey Tripp quoted Sarah Palin herself (when Palin defended Herman Cain's sexist misogyny) by titling her book "Boys Will Be Boys" https://www.createspace.com/3800543

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is going to be another funny story to tell people about the future if I ever get sucked back in time 20 years.

  • fuflans

    this is good news for the kardashians.

    • chascates

      No kidding! They look like the British royal family in comparison.

  • Ken Cuccinelli

    Oh my god that title isn't a joke.

  • SolitaireRose

    So, another reality show for her to quit before it's done filming? What happened to her new version of "The Odd Couple"?

  • not that Dewey

    Northern Exposure Libel!

  • MinAgain

    Is it too much to hope that the Cry and Die Channel lives up to its name?

  • ProChoiceGramma

    Will Tripp's namesake, Shailey Tripp, be a guest on the show?

    • paulabflat

      well, technically, tripp is shailey's namesake, but even i would pay to watch that one.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I'd rather be fastened in a straightjacket with my eyelids forced open while being continuously waterboarded in front of a giant screen television playing back to back episodes of Hillbilly Handfishing than watch this trollop and her fame whore mother snorting through their blowholes on some stupid reality show.

  • ElPinche

    Tripps up, Ho's Down: Swaggin in Wasilla

  • ttommyunger

    Not gonna watch it, not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent at this juncture, nope…..thousand points of light……

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Bristol Palin: I Am the "Who Cares Girl"

  • mavenmaven

    How soon before her Playboy shoot?

  • Manhattan123

    Is Bristol the fat, waste-of-space daughter who was on that dancing show, or is she the the fat, waste-of-space daughter who wasn't on that dancing show?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Hanna-Barbera's Wasilla Gorilla now on Lifetime!

  • FannyBurney

    This news explains Bristol's staged book signing in Dupont Circle last month while Mama G. was holding her screech fest at CPAC.

  • DahBoner

    The Cartoon Network's version of Winters Bone without the witty dialog…

  • DocChaos

    Given what's popular on reality television, I wonder if Bristol's life is tawdry and pathetic enough for the show to to succeed. She may have to pop out another half dozen kids or at least marry a basketball player or aging rapper. What's Dennis Rodman doing these days?