GREAT HISTORARIANS OF OUR TIME  5:46 pm February 29, 2012

Rick Santorum Does Too Love Ladies, Like Those Female Founding Fathers

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

He heard ladies just love turtlenecks.

No surprise here: Rick Santorum lost with every single category of woman voter in Michigan’s primary. Although, this could still be considered something of an accomplishment, seeing as how much of the nation learned only two (2) months ago that there was an unfortunate idiot with “capital-S” Santorum for a surname — what ill luck! — and seeing also that the candidate lacks the obvious sleaziness of a Newt Gingrich with his collection of wives or a Herman Cain trying to practice his love all over the place, gross. But Rick Santorum is just that solid a lady-repelling lunatic. Except that, aren’t elections about winning votes? SHIT, when did that memo go around? Quick, Rick, say something to win the women back to your side, something great about women that no wingnut can possibly get upset about. Here goes: “The men and women who signed that [Declaration of Independence] wrote the final phrase, ‘We pledge to each other our lives, our fortune, and our sacred honor,” he says. No, Rick, you cannot just pick something you like that men got to do and pretend some ladies got to do it also.

First, the numbers:

Looking at the women’s vote specifically, Santorum lost every category of women polled Tuesday night, including working women, single women, and married women. He lost working women by 4 points, single women by 7 points, and married women by 3 points.

He acknowledged this poor performance in his loser’s speech in Michigan by trying to fish a single nice thing to say about women in general from his pea brain and coming up with a historical event that included no women whatsoever:

He spent most of his speech repeating the themes he does on the stump, including his mention of the Declaration of Independence, but this evening there was a twist on that, too.

“The men and women who signed that declaration wrote the final phrase, ‘We pledge to each other our lives, our fortune, and our sacred honor,” Santorum said.

There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence.

The lady Founding Fathers exist only in the imaginary ether, like Rick Santorum’s chances of winning the presidency. [ABC News]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 178 comments }

Barb February 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm

For Rick Santorum to love me he'd have to bring duct tape and a rag full of ether.

Tundra Grifter February 29, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Ah – the James O'Keefe seduction technique…

Crank_Tango February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Note how you don't hear any ladies complaining about it…

sharethegrief February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

His wife considers that foreplay.

Terry February 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

He tells her to lay back and think of the Founding Fathers.

comrad_darkness March 1, 2012 at 9:14 am

And Fatherettes…

Toomush_Infer February 29, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Aw, Barb, I didn't know you were that kind of girl….

Deportably_Jose February 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Kinky.

Dashboard Buddha February 29, 2012 at 6:50 pm

And a 78 Camaro…don't forget the Camaro.

OhNoGuy February 29, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Plus, box of wine & mullet.

DrunkIrishman February 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm

But a few of 'em did look like ladies. Just sayin'.

emmelemm February 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Whigs!

(yes, I know, that's non-contemporeaneous)

Designer_Rants February 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm

I bet they didn't smell like ladies, though #eighteenthcenturyhygeine

nounverb911 February 29, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Maybe Santorum should take some history lessons from Newt.

Wilcoxyz February 29, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Can't afford them. Only rich snobs can pay $1.6 mill for college lessons.

Tundra Grifter February 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Sounds like he already got a couple of history lessons from Michele Bachmann.

I'm sure by this time it can be confirmed on Wikipedia.

LesBontemps February 29, 2012 at 6:04 pm

And your own namesake.

heathenette February 29, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Or Conservipedia.

Arken February 29, 2012 at 5:49 pm

"There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

And exactly who do you think Joan Hancock was?

sezme February 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

or Susan B. Palin?

Loaded_Pants February 29, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I'm convinced that one was forged.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Ben Franklin was probably surrounded by women when he signed.

BornInATrailer March 1, 2012 at 10:15 am

Pfft. Just like the Cusacks, she was only there because of her brother.

meatlofer February 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Ohh! Those Cunts.

IndianaKevin March 1, 2012 at 7:37 am

Good point. Why DID they refuse to sign?

nounverb911 February 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Rick you should have paid attention while you were learning to be snob in college.

OurDailyBread February 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I swear to God that Ricky was ignored by his homeskool teacher.

Wilcoxyz February 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

In Rick Santorum's values-based America, a woman votes for who her husband tells her to.

Unless the snobby whore went to college.

Callyson February 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Rick Santorum Does Too Love Ladies, Like Those Female Founding Fathers
So he's into girls with something extra. Not surprised.

yrbmegr February 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Rick Santorum does too love "Ladies"….

Fixed.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Newt need to remind Ricky that Ben Franklin was from Pennsylvania, not Transylvania.

Chillwillard February 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I don't know why, but Rick strikes me as the kind of guy who's never been popular with the ladies. Catholic Priests on the other hand…

Graham Cracker February 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Altar Boys, too…probably

WhatTheHeck February 29, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Catholic Priests on the other hand…

The original Fondling Fathers.

Blueb4sunrise February 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

We pledge to each other our lives, our fortune……

Cool.

insidebeltway February 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm

How could Santorum have come from Mr. Rogers' neighborhood? (Penn Hills)

HogeyeGrex February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Well, if it's at the top of a hill, and enough of the neighbors are having a giant anal sex orgy…

Biel_ze_Bubba February 29, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Sweatervests have always been the rage in Penn Hills.

YasserArraFeck March 1, 2012 at 10:23 am

No BS, but the only two people* I know who wear sweater vests are from Penn Hills

*Repubs, too

Callyson February 29, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Eew, the Daily Beast link has an ad for yet another Saint Sarah show. "Game Change," indeed. Thank God I don't get HBO.

BerkeleyBear February 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Well, since it depicts here as an out of control whack job, it comes a lot closer to news than anything Fox spews out.

fuflans February 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

isn't that the julianne moore / ed harris slam of the mccain / palin disaster? if it is, i think la palin called it sick or something.

i would watch that.

but then i don't get hbo.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:27 pm

It's not a flattering movie of her to say the least. They actually scrap through all of the crap to reveal how the McCain campaign new almost instantly that they hadn't done their job.

Wilcoxyz February 29, 2012 at 5:57 pm

His earlier stance was based on the GOP passing a law requiring a transvaginal ultrasound for voter registration. Low turnout was expected among Vaginal Americans.

SayItWithWookies February 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Kirsten, you've been reading that elitist liberal revisionist history again. See, women signed the Declaration of Independence, but then a few years later when they decided they didn't want the right to vote, they erased all their names so future generations wouldn't be getting any uppity ideas.

Then when men forced suffrage on women again (because men dig lesbian strip clubs and abortions, and how else were they going to get them?) nobody remembered the names of our great female patriots. See, American women weren't just limited to Dolly Madison and Molly Pitcher. There was whatsername, and that other whatsername, and probably a third whatsername too. And that's how liberals are destroying America.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Mmmm, pastries and beer – that's what I'm having for dinner tonight!

OkieDokieDog February 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm

And Frothy proves that NO, he is not smarter than a 5th grader. GONG!

elviouslyqueer February 29, 2012 at 5:59 pm

The crowd was enthusiastic, with one man shouting, “I love you,” but there was a sad tone in the air that began even before they took the stage, as the theme song to the “The Natural” played.

Uh, Creamcup? Here's a protip: if you want the ladeez to love you, leave your boyfriend AT HOME.

Swampgas_Man February 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm

But — but ladies LUV them some Gaizz! Just look at that Will and Grace show, or Ellen Degeneres!

Texan_Bulldog February 29, 2012 at 6:42 pm

"The Natural" had a theme song? Robert Redford must be vociferously furrowing his wrinkled forehead about this.

PuckStopsHere February 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

The music they played was probably that which accompanied Roy Hobbs' game-winning, light-fixture-ruining HR to send the Knights to the World Series (where, in a little known fact, they were swept by the Yankees. The fucking Yankees.)

Callyson February 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence
No, but we're making up for lost time by declaring independence from the Frothy Mix…

edgydrifter February 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

It's weird how talking about women signing the Declaration of Independence conversely reminds women of that time when they couldn't vote, or hold property, or work in an office. And it's double-weird how promising to bring back those "good old days" might be a turn-off to them.
Poor Rick. Women be trippin'.

weej_bain February 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Didn't Amelia Earhart sign the Declaration of Independence, or maybe it was Marie Curie? That was a long time ago and I was only a two cell zygote.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

It was Betsy Ross. She also took dictation, made photocopies, and brought coffee for the guys.

Biff February 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I heard she made one helluva sandwich, too.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I thought it was Jeanne d'Arc who signed, but then I remembered they didn't let d'Arckies sign anything back then.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

It was actually Queen Victoria who signed it with a BIC ballpoint pen in 1492 and something with blue. also.

DerrickWildcat February 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm

All right. Who spilled the beans? Who told Rick that Women could vote?

FlownOver February 29, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I'm not so sure about that "Button" Gwinnett. I'm just sayin'.

Local_Mojo February 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Button had a button?

Jadetiger79 March 1, 2012 at 3:46 am

HAHA I am a direct descendant of Button Gwinnett.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 29, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Santorum lost every category of women polled Tuesday night

You gotta hand it to him: NOBODY strikes out like Frothy Mix!
~

qwerty42 February 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm

…There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence….
Elitist snob. probably some fancy-pants "college-educated" liberal, pinko, fascist, commie, kenyan, mooslim. Not a Real American.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 29, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Ricky's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I think those powdered wigs fooled him completely.

Nostrildamus February 29, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Now that you've pointed this out, Frothy's rethinking that last bar encounter.

'Uh, oh!!!'

Generation[redacted] February 29, 2012 at 7:59 pm

That was at the CPAC after-party, right?

sezme February 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

The men and women of all races who signed that declaration…
/fixed for diversity vote!

OneYieldRegular February 29, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Yes, really, what about Sacagawea? She woudint even BE on the doller coin if she werent a Founding Father.

Mumbletypeg February 29, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Along those lines — collectibles like coins & whatnot — I just looked up who was the first woman to grace a U.S. postage stamp. Disapppointed to find it was, technically, Queen Isabella — yeah, "grace" has nothing to do with that.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 1, 2012 at 3:09 am

Typical – a guy does all the work, and his boss gets all the credit.

sezme March 1, 2012 at 10:18 am

Not to mention Thomas Jefferson. Everyone knows that Jefferson is a black name.

heathenette February 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm

WIN

Joshua Norton February 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence.

Yeah, but with all those poofy wigs and frilly shirts who can tell?

LesBontemps February 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

So now history is written by the weenies.

Antispandex February 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm

If they are the winners…yes.

ProgressiveInga February 29, 2012 at 6:15 pm

The only group Santorum will ever be president of is The He-Man Woman-Haters Club.

Toomush_Infer February 29, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Not sure he could get elected President there – think Spanky has it sewed up..

ProgressiveInga February 29, 2012 at 8:21 pm

O-Tay!

Schmannnity February 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Even 18th Century women would have hated him.

LesBontemps February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Especially 18th Century women. Dolley Madison alone would have kicked his ass all the way back to Pennsylvania, and she was brought up a good Quaker girl.

Crank_Tango February 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Hell, even Republican women hate him, apparently.

Blueb4sunrise February 29, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Ye Olde Wonkette?

Chichikovovich February 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Once you let women put their signatures on founding documents, before you know it you'll be finding dog paw prints there.

weej_bain February 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Just leave it to Mark Foley's pedecessors, the Fondling Fathers?

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Ricky better check to make sure none of those paw prints are smudged – they might be man-on-dog paw prints.

Antispandex February 29, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Maybe the Declaration of Independence is just a theory, like evolution, so really it can be anything you want it to be, or maybe it's like partical physics that you can't really trust because you can't see it, or any of that other complicated science stuff……Crap, I'm sorry Frothy, I just can't think of an arguement that doesn't make you sound like a dumb shit.

finallyhappy February 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Particle

Antispandex March 5, 2012 at 9:05 pm

I know…I was trying to go all red state there…it was a motif.

OneYieldRegular February 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm

With all this librul talk about rights and representation and such, you're ignoring the fact that women signed the Declaration of Independence in their Christian SOULS.

Joshua Norton February 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

That's nothing, Bachmann thinks the Declaration of Independence freed the slaves. In New Hampshire.

LesBontemps February 29, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Where the Battle of Concord was fought.

Generation[redacted] February 29, 2012 at 8:00 pm

All thanks to Paul Revere's bells.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:35 pm

And, then they continued on to the Battle of Lexington, Kentucky.

Deportably_Jose February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Look, I'm sure it was just an inartful way of saying that he totally liked women, before they had the franchise.

Loaded_Pants February 29, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Ha! Two comments about Button Gwinett. Because, with a name like that, why not?

Jadetiger79 March 1, 2012 at 3:48 am

HAHA I am a direct descendant of Button Gwinnett! No shit.

Joshua Norton February 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Palin thinks Paul Revere made his midnight ride to protect the Second Amendment.

I wonder which of the five colleges she attended taught her that.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Oh, all of them, Ka…

Mumbletypeg February 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm

You owe the disciples of the New Testament, those fishers-of-men and women, an apology Santorum. Those Founding Fathers of your hallowed Christian legacy included ladiez, too.

barto February 29, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Maybe he got confused with all the women who wrote the bible?

Biff February 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Wish I could introduce him to George Foote.

Barrelhse February 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Maybe we should be looking at the reasons WHY all those women refused to sign.

stopthemovie February 29, 2012 at 6:36 pm

hope all the woman that were polled were using birth control.

RavenRant February 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm

When I heard him say that last night, my jaw dropped.

Then I remembered that every single Republican who claims to love the Founding Fathers, the Revolution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution, instantly follows up by proving him or herself staggeringly, brain-meltingly ignorant about all of the above.

It's okay, though. Knowledge and reading comprehension are elitist. (Actually, the word elitist is too elitist. It shall henceforth be replaced by 'snobby', a word more familiar to dull normal mouth breathers.)

True patriotism can only be demonstrated by abject ignorance of our nation's history and founding principles, just as true Christianity is the sole dominion of those who twist, befoul and pervert Christ's every teaching.

But, by pointing out these inescapable facts, I am being bitterly partisan, uncivil, and lowering the tone of our national dialog. Sorreeee!

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Yep, they claim to "love the Founding Fathers, the Revolution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution", and then proceed to disparage Massachusetts.

Chet Kincaid February 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

"But, by pointing out these inescapable facts, I am being bitterly partisan, uncivil, and lowering the tone of our national dialog. Sorreeee!"

You can put that particular pity-violin away, even the Republicans are publicly saying they know its their side that's guilty of that shit.

RavenRant February 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm

What Republicans? Let's have at least three names, if you're going to make a blanket statement about "even the Republicans." All I'm hearing is, "Both sides do it."

Case in point, 'moderate' Olympia Snowe's retirement statement:

“I do find it frustrating, however, that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.”

When asked if both Republicans and Democrats were to blame for Washington’s dysfunction, Snowe said, “Oh, absolutely.”

And that's not a pity-violin you're hearing. (Condescending, much?) It is a righteously wrathful, "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I'm getting so damned tired of the media's reaction to Olympia Snowe. All she is is the Maine equivalent of Evan Bayh. She's lying through are GD teeth. She's retiring to do what the rest of them do: grift her fucking brains out.

Though, I really can't blame her. Having to put up with the shit they do (even if they are a part of it) makes less financial sense when you know you can get just as much money (if not more) for half the effort and headache.

RavenRant March 1, 2012 at 12:01 am

Some are suggesting that she's trolling for a place on the 'Americans Elect' ticket, in the unlikely event that there will actually be such a ticket.

But, grifting, absolutely, one way or another.

May I infer that you are also unaware of the numerous Republicans publicly admitting that their party has been spewing dishonest, obstructionist, divisive hate speech more or less continuously since 2008? Because I've yet to see a one of them.

In fact, I'm seeing more stuff like this:

Federal judge admits he sent anti-Obama, racist e-mail

Chet Kincaid March 1, 2012 at 7:21 am

Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanan, Jeb Bush, David Frum. Loosely speaking. It's pretty extraordinary that this cast of characters admits to anything wrong and over-the-top on their side, so we don't need to cower like it's 2003.

RavenRant March 1, 2012 at 7:45 am

They're just acknowledging that they are losing, not that they are wrong. Or that they are in any way culpable for the disasters they have wrought.

Not one person currently holding or seeking elective office. Not one person with a shred of credibility in their own party, much less in any other. Utterly marginal figures. Why not quote K-Lo or Alvin Greene? How about the Anchoress or Michelle Malkin or Pamela Gellar? Frum has less credibility in Republican circles than basilmarceaux.com.

And WTF is all this cowering, pity-violin rhetoric? I am not cowering nor am I seeking pity. A little Republican-style projection perhaps?

BlueStateLibel February 29, 2012 at 6:44 pm

The only thing I wonder about is the women who DID vote for Santorum … most be some real winners.

RavenRant February 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

It's amazing the damage years of terrorizing little children with threats of eternal hellfire can do.

Toomush_Infer February 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I want to know when all these Republicans discovered time travel…..and I'm a little afraid of the effect it's having on our indoctrinating collegial institutions…

Texan_Bulldog February 29, 2012 at 6:48 pm

All I know is that one daughter of his who goes onstage with him is begging for an SNL Kristin Wiig impersonation. Here's a pic of her standing to his right:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/29/us/politics/san

This one is even better: http://campaign2012.washingtonexaminer.com/articl

Limeylizzie February 29, 2012 at 7:15 pm

MrLimeyLizzie was gobsmacked by the wife , after last week's primaries, he just sat there saying "My God that woman is unhappy".

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Everybody made a fuss about how she decided Ricky's run for President was "God's will", like she felt that was a positive. How many times have you heard people look at a bad situation in their life and sigh, "It must be God's will."

Loaded_Pants February 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I was going to write a rant about this stupid idea of "God's will" these fucking morons always keep squawking about but then I reread you comment & caught on to your point.
Yeah, she is probably a deeply unhappy woman. No surprise there. She probably thinks "I should have stayed with the abortionist who was old enough to be my grandfather."

FlownOver February 29, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Mrs. Flown says she keeps hearing a Tammy Wynette soundtrack whenever she sees that Santorette.

Biff February 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm

She appears to be fairly robust, unbreakable. Nice teeth, though.

Dashboard Buddha February 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm

You know, the 2008 GOP effort taxed my ability to keep up with the snark. But…but, this year it's incredible. There's so much stupid coming out of this campaign that most times all I can do is just sit here, stunned.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 8:08 pm

I've noticed the same problem lately. When something is ironic, it's easy to snark on it., but when it's just plain dumbfuckass stoopid, it's a lot harder to find anything of substance to snark on. You'd much rather just punch their teeth down their throat instead.

RavenRant February 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Even Jon Stewart was reduced to two minutes of pure disbelieving gibberish on Monday.

The cause was Santorum's "JFK makes me want to vomit" speech. Or maybe it was the "What a snob" comment. I forget which.

Preacher_Griz February 29, 2012 at 6:55 pm

God exists in that imaginary ether, too. Which puts Sen Rick Sandtorum in excellent company. GIL!! PTL!!!

Doktor Zoom February 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Oh, hey, here in Idaho we speak fluent Anachronism.* For instance, this afternoon, in the reception area in Family Court:

One of our social workers was coming back from an interview with a little girl, maybe 7 years old or so, and as he and the intern who'd sat in on the meeting returned her to her dad, the social worker, in Light Conversation Mode, said, "I was just asking her if they'd talked about Leap Year in school today." Dad (a white guy in his late 20's) said, in a similarly Just Making Conversation tone, "Oh, all they've been teaching about has been Black History Month. Goldurn coon schools."

After the dad & daughter left, I went back to the social worker's office to confirm that I'd heard what I'd heard–he and the intern were both just as astonished as I was. I suppose maybe we should offer the gentleman a cookie for politely saying "goldurn" instead of "goddamn."

It's 2012 in Idaho, and I feel like yelling at someone.

*Note my very clever attempt to make a completely OT anecdote seem somehow related to the thread!

Texan_Bulldog February 29, 2012 at 7:02 pm

That's esp. amazing since there must be about 18 black people in ID. There's probably a greater chance of seeing an ET….

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:24 pm

OMFG.

bagofmice February 29, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Idaho nazis make Illinois nazis look like wimps.

Loaded_Pants February 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Late 20s, was he? Fuck. "Post-racial America", my ass.

finallyhappy February 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Bigotry has become ok, out loud in some places -look at the GOP candidates. Lesser bigots follow suit

RavenRant February 29, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Yes, let us mourn the demise of the 'dog whistle'[. They're just spitting those epithets loud and clear now.

natoslug February 29, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Dad sounds like one of the people who convinced me to give up on the Great Idaho Experiment almost two years ago and haul my ass and family back to the comfort and relative sanity of the redwoods.

DahBoner March 1, 2012 at 12:46 pm

MY DOG CHASED YOUR COON SCHOOLS UP A TREE

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Update: Good grief! The social worker actually called the dad back Wednesday night, because the incident was pretty unsettling and he wanted to get a clearer sense of what was going on with the dad before this incident went into the official report to the judge. It turns out that the man had actually said that his daughter's school hadn't [even] been teaching about Black History Month, and that what he had muttered at the end was "goldurn Kuna schools"–the name of that town is usually pronounced "kyoo-na," though I guess "koo-na" is also used.

So it turns out he was saying, more or less, that it's no surprise the girl's school didn't teach anything about Leap Year, because, hey, in the month of February, they hadn't done anything with Black History Month, either. So what all three of us were pretty certain we heard as a racist epithet was actually 180 degrees from what the dad actually meant, and was a criticism of the school (and by implication, the town, which is small, rural, and largely white) for failing to teach anything about Black History Month

So now this story turns into a tale of eyewitness unreliability, including my own, and I need to apologize for my error.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Well, now that all my furniture has been smashed up and burnt to a huge pile of smoking ash and springs in the back yard, it's good to know the truth.

Thanks.

Doktor Zoom March 1, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Oh, hey, don't worry, the dad in the OTHER anecdote (The one who griped that mom allowed their kid to have a Facebook account…while Dad had a 2001 "child enticement" conviction) is still guilty as hell. And Breitbart still has admirers. And so does Sheriff Joe.

And I have a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I’ve asked for them to be replaced but no one listens…

Not getting you down, am I?

user-of-owls March 1, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Brain the size of a planet and CNN makes us listen to this guy.

C_R_Eature March 1, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Well, that's good to know! I was ready to chalk up all that furniture devastation to practice, but it's All Good.

No, no, Marvin, I'm perfectly happy! Hey, could you do me a favor? Go over and park that black spaceship in orbit, would you? That's right, just go on in and push the black "autopilot" button until the little black light goes on and it'll just fly itself.

Thanks! I'll look into the diodes when you get back.
heh heh hehe hehehe

not that Dewey March 2, 2012 at 12:04 am

When you are put into the Idaho Family Court System, you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation, and somewhere in it a tiny little mark, a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot, which says, "You are here".

Slim_Pickins February 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I am old enough to remember the “good old days” when you would take a nutcase like Santorum (aka The Ayatollah Rickie, aka Pope Zero), tranq him, put him in a state mental hospital, and throw away the key.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm

After the Republicans concluded that winning over the dumbass rednecks wasn't good enough to carry them to another 100 years of electoral victories, Ronald Raygun started emptying out the asylums in order to solidify the Republican base.

BTWBFDIMHO February 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Indeed, but thanks to R.R. (Ronald Reagan), there are no more mental hospitals.

Biff February 29, 2012 at 8:35 pm

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways."
~Abe Simpson

ClydeMydia February 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

That poster looks like it was printed WITH santorum.

FlownOver February 29, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Every sentient being had the same reaction. Ricky – not so much.

Loaded_Pants February 29, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Turdtype is the latest font.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Comic sans-torum

DahBoner March 1, 2012 at 12:42 pm

After you use just one Santorum print cartridge, the entire printer needs to be disassembled and sterilized.

ElPinche February 29, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Santorum to blame Billy Crystal in 1, 2 ,3…

johnnyzhivago February 29, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Santorum has a lot of explaining to do – I hope God is having a good day when she has to listen to his crap.

bravo_sierra February 29, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Should have gone with "men and woaah people." It would have been easier to backtrack later.

johnnyzhivago February 29, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Wait a minute – didn't Sarah Palin sign the Declaration of Independence?

MissTaken February 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I don't know. I heard that Francis Lightfoot Lee liked to put on his petticoat and bat his pretty eyelashes at Ben Franklin while smooching on Patrick Henry.

Limeylizzie February 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm

As a lady, I am proud of my Republican sisters in Michigan for seeing the light. Fuck, I cannot fucking believe that I even wrote that.

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

It's mighty impressive how those women managed to sign the Declaration of Independence, while keeping the aspirin firmly between their knees.

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Bitchez set him up!

JackObin February 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm

"Fourscore and seven years ago, the blacks brought forth the rap music on our shores, ending slavery as we know it".

BarackMyWorld February 29, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Speaking of the ladies…Rush has really topped himself this time…
Student Denied Spot At Contraception Hearing Says "She Must Be Paid To Have Sex," So She's A "Slut" And "Prostitute"

His reasoning could be applied to any women who want coverage for contraception.

Go ahead, conservatives, defend that shit.

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Of course women signed the Declaration of Independence! Don't you remember Rosa Parks?

MinAgain February 29, 2012 at 7:39 pm

That Stephanie Hopkins from Rhode Island was quite a gal.

Dashboard Buddha February 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Wait how did we forget Dolly Madison?

owhatever February 29, 2012 at 7:56 pm

That "pledging our fortune" bit sounds a lot like income redistribution.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm

He heard that legend about Pope Joan … what? You mean the Declaration of Independence wasn't drafted at the Vatican??

SwanSwanH February 29, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Turdlenecks.

valthemus February 29, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I wish these guys would learn to pace themselves. I don't want them running out of stupid before Fall.

I also wish I knew what to do about all the people who now believe that women really *did* sign the Declaration of Independence.

BTWBFDIMHO February 29, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Most of the FFs actually look like Brazilian shemales, so please give Rick some slack.

BTWBFDIMHO February 29, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Rick's main message is sex is bad , so no wonder he's in conflict with the vaginatti. But look carefully at his face, he seems to visit Onan frequently.

Redhead February 29, 2012 at 8:31 pm

"There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

Of course not. Just as God and Santorum intended, the wimminz were at home cooking food for their husbands, who were sure to be hungry after all that fancy document signing, and holding aspirin between their knees.

jtgillick February 29, 2012 at 8:46 pm

yesindeedydo – let's hear it for THE WOMEN OF THEN!

they who truly were as women were meant by god to ever be –

patriotic … AND INVISIBLE!

E_Tx_Pines February 29, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Has anyone called Ricky on that gaffe by asking him to name the women who signed?

ttommyunger February 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Does this motherfucker EVER think about what he's saying before he says it? He's using Samson's weapon to kill his campaign: jawbone of an ass. Not that I care, mind you.

fitley February 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm

What font is Ricky's sign? Feces Bold?

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Little known (made up) fact: Benjamin Franklin was a talented cross-dressing lesbian. Her name was actually Beatrice Franklin, and she loved her some French girls.

lloydstool March 1, 2012 at 10:07 am

Catholics almost never fuck, and when they do, there is Hell Toupee: Ricky happens. Didn't we leave England to get away from guys like this? I'm feelin' all Rickrolled.

DahBoner March 1, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Please!

They referred to themselves as America's Founding Bitches

Negropolis March 1, 2012 at 7:57 am

May I infer that you are also unaware…

You may absolutely not.

BTW, what's going on, here? I'm in complete agreement with you. I'm genuinely confused as to why you're so hostile with others at the moment. Or, am I reading you wrong?

RavenRant March 1, 2012 at 8:30 am

Have you seen any evidence of Republicans admitting that their party has been divisive, partisan, and obstructionist?

Have you seen anyone suggesting that this is not a case of "Both parties do it?" Because I have not. I have not seen Republicans acknowledging the poisonousness of their rhetoric and tactics.

It was suggested to me earlier in this thread, (not by you), that I was ignoring a substantive Republican admission of their toxic tactics.

My question to you was: Have you seen any elected or influential Republican operatives acknowledging the destructiveness of their rhetoric and behavior? Because I have not.

No challenge or insult to you was intended.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: