Rick Santorum Does Too Love Ladies, Like Those Female Founding Fathers

  great historarians of our time

He heard ladies just love turtlenecks.

No surprise here: Rick Santorum lost with every single category of woman voter in Michigan’s primary. Although, this could still be considered something of an accomplishment, seeing as how much of the nation learned only two (2) months ago that there was an unfortunate idiot with “capital-S” Santorum for a surname — what ill luck! — and seeing also that the candidate lacks the obvious sleaziness of a Newt Gingrich with his collection of wives or a Herman Cain trying to practice his love all over the place, gross. But Rick Santorum is just that solid a lady-repelling lunatic. Except that, aren’t elections about winning votes? SHIT, when did that memo go around? Quick, Rick, say something to win the women back to your side, something great about women that no wingnut can possibly get upset about. Here goes: “The men and women who signed that [Declaration of Independence] wrote the final phrase, ‘We pledge to each other our lives, our fortune, and our sacred honor,” he says. No, Rick, you cannot just pick something you like that men got to do and pretend some ladies got to do it also.

First, the numbers:

Looking at the women’s vote specifically, Santorum lost every category of women polled Tuesday night, including working women, single women, and married women. He lost working women by 4 points, single women by 7 points, and married women by 3 points.

He acknowledged this poor performance in his loser’s speech in Michigan by trying to fish a single nice thing to say about women in general from his pea brain and coming up with a historical event that included no women whatsoever:

He spent most of his speech repeating the themes he does on the stump, including his mention of the Declaration of Independence, but this evening there was a twist on that, too.

“The men and women who signed that declaration wrote the final phrase, ‘We pledge to each other our lives, our fortune, and our sacred honor,” Santorum said.

There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence.

The lady Founding Fathers exist only in the imaginary ether, like Rick Santorum’s chances of winning the presidency. [ABC News]

Share This
 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

178 comments

    1. Tundra Grifter

      Sounds like he already got a couple of history lessons from Michele Bachmann.

      I'm sure by this time it can be confirmed on Wikipedia.

  1. Arken

    "There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

    And exactly who do you think Joan Hancock was?

  2. Wilcoxyz

    In Rick Santorum's values-based America, a woman votes for who her husband tells her to.

    Unless the snobby whore went to college.

  3. Callyson

    Rick Santorum Does Too Love Ladies, Like Those Female Founding Fathers
    So he's into girls with something extra. Not surprised.

    1. HogeyeGrex

      Well, if it's at the top of a hill, and enough of the neighbors are having a giant anal sex orgy…

      1. YasserArraFeck

        No BS, but the only two people* I know who wear sweater vests are from Penn Hills

        *Repubs, too

  4. Callyson

    Eew, the Daily Beast link has an ad for yet another Saint Sarah show. "Game Change," indeed. Thank God I don't get HBO.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, since it depicts here as an out of control whack job, it comes a lot closer to news than anything Fox spews out.

    2. fuflans

      isn't that the julianne moore / ed harris slam of the mccain / palin disaster? if it is, i think la palin called it sick or something.

      i would watch that.

      but then i don't get hbo.

    3. Negropolis

      It's not a flattering movie of her to say the least. They actually scrap through all of the crap to reveal how the McCain campaign new almost instantly that they hadn't done their job.

  5. Wilcoxyz

    His earlier stance was based on the GOP passing a law requiring a transvaginal ultrasound for voter registration. Low turnout was expected among Vaginal Americans.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    Kirsten, you've been reading that elitist liberal revisionist history again. See, women signed the Declaration of Independence, but then a few years later when they decided they didn't want the right to vote, they erased all their names so future generations wouldn't be getting any uppity ideas.

    Then when men forced suffrage on women again (because men dig lesbian strip clubs and abortions, and how else were they going to get them?) nobody remembered the names of our great female patriots. See, American women weren't just limited to Dolly Madison and Molly Pitcher. There was whatsername, and that other whatsername, and probably a third whatsername too. And that's how liberals are destroying America.

  7. elviouslyqueer

    The crowd was enthusiastic, with one man shouting, “I love you,” but there was a sad tone in the air that began even before they took the stage, as the theme song to the “The Natural” played.

    Uh, Creamcup? Here's a protip: if you want the ladeez to love you, leave your boyfriend AT HOME.

    1. Swampgas_Man

      But — but ladies LUV them some Gaizz! Just look at that Will and Grace show, or Ellen Degeneres!

    2. Texan_Bulldog

      "The Natural" had a theme song? Robert Redford must be vociferously furrowing his wrinkled forehead about this.

      1. PuckStopsHere

        The music they played was probably that which accompanied Roy Hobbs' game-winning, light-fixture-ruining HR to send the Knights to the World Series (where, in a little known fact, they were swept by the Yankees. The fucking Yankees.)

  8. Callyson

    There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence
    No, but we're making up for lost time by declaring independence from the Frothy Mix…

  9. edgydrifter

    It's weird how talking about women signing the Declaration of Independence conversely reminds women of that time when they couldn't vote, or hold property, or work in an office. And it's double-weird how promising to bring back those "good old days" might be a turn-off to them.
    Poor Rick. Women be trippin'.

  10. weej_bain

    Didn't Amelia Earhart sign the Declaration of Independence, or maybe it was Marie Curie? That was a long time ago and I was only a two cell zygote.

    1. flamingpdog

      I thought it was Jeanne d'Arc who signed, but then I remembered they didn't let d'Arckies sign anything back then.

    2. Negropolis

      It was actually Queen Victoria who signed it with a BIC ballpoint pen in 1492 and something with blue. also.

  11. qwerty42

    …There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence….
    Elitist snob. probably some fancy-pants "college-educated" liberal, pinko, fascist, commie, kenyan, mooslim. Not a Real American.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Yes, really, what about Sacagawea? She woudint even BE on the doller coin if she werent a Founding Father.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Along those lines — collectibles like coins & whatnot — I just looked up who was the first woman to grace a U.S. postage stamp. Disapppointed to find it was, technically, Queen Isabella — yeah, "grace" has nothing to do with that.

  12. Joshua Norton

    There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence.

    Yeah, but with all those poofy wigs and frilly shirts who can tell?

    1. LesBontemps

      Especially 18th Century women. Dolley Madison alone would have kicked his ass all the way back to Pennsylvania, and she was brought up a good Quaker girl.

  13. Chichikovovich

    Once you let women put their signatures on founding documents, before you know it you'll be finding dog paw prints there.

    1. flamingpdog

      Ricky better check to make sure none of those paw prints are smudged – they might be man-on-dog paw prints.

  14. Antispandex

    Maybe the Declaration of Independence is just a theory, like evolution, so really it can be anything you want it to be, or maybe it's like partical physics that you can't really trust because you can't see it, or any of that other complicated science stuff……Crap, I'm sorry Frothy, I just can't think of an arguement that doesn't make you sound like a dumb shit.

  15. OneYieldRegular

    With all this librul talk about rights and representation and such, you're ignoring the fact that women signed the Declaration of Independence in their Christian SOULS.

  16. Joshua Norton

    That's nothing, Bachmann thinks the Declaration of Independence freed the slaves. In New Hampshire.

  17. Joshua Norton

    Palin thinks Paul Revere made his midnight ride to protect the Second Amendment.

    I wonder which of the five colleges she attended taught her that.

  18. Mumbletypeg

    You owe the disciples of the New Testament, those fishers-of-men and women, an apology Santorum. Those Founding Fathers of your hallowed Christian legacy included ladiez, too.

  19. RavenRant

    When I heard him say that last night, my jaw dropped.

    Then I remembered that every single Republican who claims to love the Founding Fathers, the Revolution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution, instantly follows up by proving him or herself staggeringly, brain-meltingly ignorant about all of the above.

    It's okay, though. Knowledge and reading comprehension are elitist. (Actually, the word elitist is too elitist. It shall henceforth be replaced by 'snobby', a word more familiar to dull normal mouth breathers.)

    True patriotism can only be demonstrated by abject ignorance of our nation's history and founding principles, just as true Christianity is the sole dominion of those who twist, befoul and pervert Christ's every teaching.

    But, by pointing out these inescapable facts, I am being bitterly partisan, uncivil, and lowering the tone of our national dialog. Sorreeee!

    1. Chet Kincaid

      "But, by pointing out these inescapable facts, I am being bitterly partisan, uncivil, and lowering the tone of our national dialog. Sorreeee!"

      You can put that particular pity-violin away, even the Republicans are publicly saying they know its their side that's guilty of that shit.

      1. RavenRant

        What Republicans? Let's have at least three names, if you're going to make a blanket statement about "even the Republicans." All I'm hearing is, "Both sides do it."

        Case in point, 'moderate' Olympia Snowe's retirement statement:

        “I do find it frustrating, however, that an atmosphere of polarization and ‘my way or the highway’ ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions.”

        When asked if both Republicans and Democrats were to blame for Washington’s dysfunction, Snowe said, “Oh, absolutely.”

        And that's not a pity-violin you're hearing. (Condescending, much?) It is a righteously wrathful, "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"

        1. Negropolis

          I'm getting so damned tired of the media's reaction to Olympia Snowe. All she is is the Maine equivalent of Evan Bayh. She's lying through are GD teeth. She's retiring to do what the rest of them do: grift her fucking brains out.

          Though, I really can't blame her. Having to put up with the shit they do (even if they are a part of it) makes less financial sense when you know you can get just as much money (if not more) for half the effort and headache.

          1. RavenRant

            Some are suggesting that she's trolling for a place on the 'Americans Elect' ticket, in the unlikely event that there will actually be such a ticket.

            But, grifting, absolutely, one way or another.

            May I infer that you are also unaware of the numerous Republicans publicly admitting that their party has been spewing dishonest, obstructionist, divisive hate speech more or less continuously since 2008? Because I've yet to see a one of them.

            In fact, I'm seeing more stuff like this:

            Federal judge admits he sent anti-Obama, racist e-mail

          2. Negropolis

            May I infer that you are also unaware…

            You may absolutely not.

            BTW, what's going on, here? I'm in complete agreement with you. I'm genuinely confused as to why you're so hostile with others at the moment. Or, am I reading you wrong?

          3. RavenRant

            Have you seen any evidence of Republicans admitting that their party has been divisive, partisan, and obstructionist?

            Have you seen anyone suggesting that this is not a case of "Both parties do it?" Because I have not. I have not seen Republicans acknowledging the poisonousness of their rhetoric and tactics.

            It was suggested to me earlier in this thread, (not by you), that I was ignoring a substantive Republican admission of their toxic tactics.

            My question to you was: Have you seen any elected or influential Republican operatives acknowledging the destructiveness of their rhetoric and behavior? Because I have not.

            No challenge or insult to you was intended.

        2. Chet Kincaid

          Pat Robertson, Pat Buchanan, Jeb Bush, David Frum. Loosely speaking. It's pretty extraordinary that this cast of characters admits to anything wrong and over-the-top on their side, so we don't need to cower like it's 2003.

          1. RavenRant

            They're just acknowledging that they are losing, not that they are wrong. Or that they are in any way culpable for the disasters they have wrought.

            Not one person currently holding or seeking elective office. Not one person with a shred of credibility in their own party, much less in any other. Utterly marginal figures. Why not quote K-Lo or Alvin Greene? How about the Anchoress or Michelle Malkin or Pamela Gellar? Frum has less credibility in Republican circles than basilmarceaux.com.

            And WTF is all this cowering, pity-violin rhetoric? I am not cowering nor am I seeking pity. A little Republican-style projection perhaps?

  20. BlueStateLibel

    The only thing I wonder about is the women who DID vote for Santorum … most be some real winners.

    1. RavenRant

      It's amazing the damage years of terrorizing little children with threats of eternal hellfire can do.

  21. Toomush_Infer

    I want to know when all these Republicans discovered time travel…..and I'm a little afraid of the effect it's having on our indoctrinating collegial institutions…

    1. Limeylizzie

      MrLimeyLizzie was gobsmacked by the wife , after last week's primaries, he just sat there saying "My God that woman is unhappy".

      1. flamingpdog

        Everybody made a fuss about how she decided Ricky's run for President was "God's will", like she felt that was a positive. How many times have you heard people look at a bad situation in their life and sigh, "It must be God's will."

        1. Loaded_Pants

          I was going to write a rant about this stupid idea of "God's will" these fucking morons always keep squawking about but then I reread you comment & caught on to your point.
          Yeah, she is probably a deeply unhappy woman. No surprise there. She probably thinks "I should have stayed with the abortionist who was old enough to be my grandfather."

  22. Dashboard Buddha

    You know, the 2008 GOP effort taxed my ability to keep up with the snark. But…but, this year it's incredible. There's so much stupid coming out of this campaign that most times all I can do is just sit here, stunned.

    1. flamingpdog

      I've noticed the same problem lately. When something is ironic, it's easy to snark on it., but when it's just plain dumbfuckass stoopid, it's a lot harder to find anything of substance to snark on. You'd much rather just punch their teeth down their throat instead.

    2. RavenRant

      Even Jon Stewart was reduced to two minutes of pure disbelieving gibberish on Monday.

      The cause was Santorum's "JFK makes me want to vomit" speech. Or maybe it was the "What a snob" comment. I forget which.

  23. Doktor Zoom

    Oh, hey, here in Idaho we speak fluent Anachronism.* For instance, this afternoon, in the reception area in Family Court:

    One of our social workers was coming back from an interview with a little girl, maybe 7 years old or so, and as he and the intern who'd sat in on the meeting returned her to her dad, the social worker, in Light Conversation Mode, said, "I was just asking her if they'd talked about Leap Year in school today." Dad (a white guy in his late 20's) said, in a similarly Just Making Conversation tone, "Oh, all they've been teaching about has been Black History Month. Goldurn coon schools."

    After the dad & daughter left, I went back to the social worker's office to confirm that I'd heard what I'd heard–he and the intern were both just as astonished as I was. I suppose maybe we should offer the gentleman a cookie for politely saying "goldurn" instead of "goddamn."

    It's 2012 in Idaho, and I feel like yelling at someone.

    *Note my very clever attempt to make a completely OT anecdote seem somehow related to the thread!

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      That's esp. amazing since there must be about 18 black people in ID. There's probably a greater chance of seeing an ET….

      1. finallyhappy

        Bigotry has become ok, out loud in some places -look at the GOP candidates. Lesser bigots follow suit

        1. RavenRant

          Yes, let us mourn the demise of the 'dog whistle'[. They're just spitting those epithets loud and clear now.

    2. natoslug

      Dad sounds like one of the people who convinced me to give up on the Great Idaho Experiment almost two years ago and haul my ass and family back to the comfort and relative sanity of the redwoods.

    3. Doktor Zoom

      Update: Good grief! The social worker actually called the dad back Wednesday night, because the incident was pretty unsettling and he wanted to get a clearer sense of what was going on with the dad before this incident went into the official report to the judge. It turns out that the man had actually said that his daughter's school hadn't [even] been teaching about Black History Month, and that what he had muttered at the end was "goldurn Kuna schools"–the name of that town is usually pronounced "kyoo-na," though I guess "koo-na" is also used.

      So it turns out he was saying, more or less, that it's no surprise the girl's school didn't teach anything about Leap Year, because, hey, in the month of February, they hadn't done anything with Black History Month, either. So what all three of us were pretty certain we heard as a racist epithet was actually 180 degrees from what the dad actually meant, and was a criticism of the school (and by implication, the town, which is small, rural, and largely white) for failing to teach anything about Black History Month

      So now this story turns into a tale of eyewitness unreliability, including my own, and I need to apologize for my error.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Well, now that all my furniture has been smashed up and burnt to a huge pile of smoking ash and springs in the back yard, it's good to know the truth.

        Thanks.

        1. Doktor Zoom

          Oh, hey, don't worry, the dad in the OTHER anecdote (The one who griped that mom allowed their kid to have a Facebook account…while Dad had a 2001 "child enticement" conviction) is still guilty as hell. And Breitbart still has admirers. And so does Sheriff Joe.

          And I have a terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side. I’ve asked for them to be replaced but no one listens…

          Not getting you down, am I?

          1. C_R_Eature

            Well, that's good to know! I was ready to chalk up all that furniture devastation to practice, but it's All Good.

            No, no, Marvin, I'm perfectly happy! Hey, could you do me a favor? Go over and park that black spaceship in orbit, would you? That's right, just go on in and push the black "autopilot" button until the little black light goes on and it'll just fly itself.

            Thanks! I'll look into the diodes when you get back.
            heh heh hehe hehehe

          2. not that Dewey

            When you are put into the Idaho Family Court System, you are given just one momentary glimpse of the entire unimaginable infinity of creation, and somewhere in it a tiny little mark, a microscopic dot on a microscopic dot, which says, "You are here".

  24. Slim_Pickins

    I am old enough to remember the “good old days” when you would take a nutcase like Santorum (aka The Ayatollah Rickie, aka Pope Zero), tranq him, put him in a state mental hospital, and throw away the key.

    1. flamingpdog

      After the Republicans concluded that winning over the dumbass rednecks wasn't good enough to carry them to another 100 years of electoral victories, Ronald Raygun started emptying out the asylums in order to solidify the Republican base.

          1. DahBoner

            After you use just one Santorum print cartridge, the entire printer needs to be disassembled and sterilized.

  25. MissTaken

    I don't know. I heard that Francis Lightfoot Lee liked to put on his petticoat and bat his pretty eyelashes at Ben Franklin while smooching on Patrick Henry.

  26. Limeylizzie

    As a lady, I am proud of my Republican sisters in Michigan for seeing the light. Fuck, I cannot fucking believe that I even wrote that.

  27. JackObin

    "Fourscore and seven years ago, the blacks brought forth the rap music on our shores, ending slavery as we know it".

  28. valthemus

    I wish these guys would learn to pace themselves. I don't want them running out of stupid before Fall.

    I also wish I knew what to do about all the people who now believe that women really *did* sign the Declaration of Independence.

  29. BTWBFDIMHO

    Rick's main message is sex is bad , so no wonder he's in conflict with the vaginatti. But look carefully at his face, he seems to visit Onan frequently.

  30. Redhead

    "There were no women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

    Of course not. Just as God and Santorum intended, the wimminz were at home cooking food for their husbands, who were sure to be hungry after all that fancy document signing, and holding aspirin between their knees.

  31. jtgillick

    yesindeedydo – let's hear it for THE WOMEN OF THEN!

    they who truly were as women were meant by god to ever be –

    patriotic … AND INVISIBLE!

  32. ttommyunger

    Does this motherfucker EVER think about what he's saying before he says it? He's using Samson's weapon to kill his campaign: jawbone of an ass. Not that I care, mind you.

  33. Negropolis

    Little known (made up) fact: Benjamin Franklin was a talented cross-dressing lesbian. Her name was actually Beatrice Franklin, and she loved her some French girls.

  34. lloydstool

    Catholics almost never fuck, and when they do, there is Hell Toupee: Ricky happens. Didn't we leave England to get away from guys like this? I'm feelin' all Rickrolled.

Comments are closed.