oh boy

Your ‘Michigan Mitt & Arizona Too’ Election Night Death Blog

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

First, a moment of silence for Olympia Snowe, who has delivered a “blow to the GOP” by dying or something. [Takes nap.] Ha ha, Olympia Snowe. Anyway: Michigan! Will hometown football hero Mitt Romney lose it after all the abortionist Democrats show up and vote for their hero, Rick Santorum? Then again, Rick Santorum: Not likable either! Can’t we just declare that gay Mexifucker sheriff out there in Arizona president and “go back” to having meaningful lives again? Here is your liveblog/open thread thing for the next 100 hours.

8:00 — Things are starting; CNN is screaming at its viewers. Can Mitt Romney survive a CRIPPLING LOSS IN HIS HOME STATE? Or is Rick Santorum HITLER? Will Newt Gingrich EAT A LLAMA? Stay tuned for ARI FLEISCHER and GLORIA BORGER live from HELL (Atlanta?)
8:02 — How Things Will Go Tonight: Michigan counting will go on for 40 hours, because it will be so close, and Arizona won’t even have results until 10 p.m. Eastern (American) time. Ron Paul is going to give his victory speech soon, though! Let’s all order food, together.
8:04 — Newt Gingrich is walking out to give his speech at the college he pretended to teach at in the ’70s. His entrance music is the theme music for Hulk Hogan.

That’s enough Newt Gingrich speech coverage.
8:11 — “I’m going to take a couple of minutes, and tell a couple of stories” — Newt Gingrich after already telling stories for five minutes. It’s early, but take that tampon you’ve been vodka-soaking all day and put it up your butt, America.
8:16 — Newt Gingrich’s story about getting head from a tree is touching.
8:19 — ReSuLtS: Poopcum has a couple hundred votes on Mittens with about 1% of precincts reporting. Now let’s all go get cancer.
8:25 — “The votes are already coming in and they will accelerate” — Wolf Blitzer. We have 2% of precincts in and Rick Santorum is winning by four percentage points! Let’s call it for Ron Paul, right now.
8:28 — Former Citigroup/Goldman Sachs executive Erin Burnett suggests that there have been a lot of ad buys in Michigan and then offers to get us all high at the Moon Tower in 45 minutes.
8:35 — Did any of you liberal Michigan(d?)ers go out and vote for Rick Santorum today, and do you have stories/pix? We feel like it’s one of those things that sounds fun until you actually do it, at which point you realize you have no life whatsoever. But how is that news? Anyway, send us your stories/pix to tips@wonkette.com!
8:41 — Ron Paul is talking about the value of the dollar!
8:46 — FLASH: Back in Georgia:

(via McBrewster)

8:57 — Wolf Blitzer promises to jump into a bowl of acid at the top of the hour, so stay tuned. “I uhh I uhh yeah” — Wolf Blitzer.
9:00 — ***DING DING DING DING**** Wolf Blitzer calls Arizona for Mitt Romney, based on the exit polls! BOO! BOO! (Although it does mean this thing ends earlier, so.)
9:01 — Thanks to this no-life-having friendly MichiganDer lady and blogger “THAT’S MRS. BITCH TO YOU!”, who voted for Rick Santorum today:

Now, you know from reading this blog that I’m damn near impossible to embarrass — if there was any doubt left, this picture should have taken care of that — but, I was literally ashamed and embarrassed to have the people manning the voting registration table think that I might be a Republican when I signed for the Republican ballot to vote.

But I did it. I voted for ol’ dreamy, creamy, Frothy. Pardon me now while I go soak in a tub of bleach.

Thanks, MRS. BITCH.
9:11 — Crap! Romney’s up a bit in Michigan and “InTrade has his chances at 85%,” whatever that means. Could Mitt Romney actually win his home state?
9:17 — CNN is going to interview Ron Paul, shortly. Okay? Time for your Wonkette to eat dinner.
9:21 — MSNBC sounds pretty hot right now, via SorosBot: “Romney supporter Thaddeus McCotter, talking with Maddow, keeps talking about how wrong he was on the auto bailout. Great way to support your man Thad!” Remember when Thad McCotter was going to be president? It’s okay if you don’t.
9:25 — Ron Paul is accusing another politician (Rick Santorum) of believing in conspiracy theories.
9:34 — Ugh, this may be your Wonkette’s “transition from bad liveblog to open thread” moment. Via Intrade:

Sponsored Intermission

9:46 — Your Wonkette has been reporting! Here is a top-secret Gchat conversation with former Wonkette Character “Roommate Rob,” who now lives in Michigan!

me: Rob give me a QUOTE about “on the ground” conditions in Michigan

Rob: oh hi!
i live next to a polling station. i saw no one enter
walking around earlier there were paultards with cutouts made of plywood, looking like they were gonna go graffiti shit

me: did you make out with any of them?
did you vote for rick santorum?

Rob: well, one was this unattractive 40 year old, so sadly no
boy did i, it was great

me: seriously for serious?

Rob: haha no
i didn’t vote today

me: why do you hate america?

Rob: no one in ann arbor gives a shit about today’s election i think
because i hate white american jesus
and i’ve been indoctrinated in obama’s “colleges”
enjoying the live blog btw

“Roommate Rob” is everything that is wrong with this country.
10:10 — ****DING DING DING DING DING***DING* Romney wins Michigan, according to NBC News/AP. This sucks. Let’s point and laugh at him anyway. Goodnight!
10:28 — Rick Santorum: “Their uniforms were crisp and stiff.” Why is he talking about his bedsheets?

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    My wife loves Arizona, she has two houses there!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Relax, Walnuts!.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        One to park each of her Cadillacs in. She loves the Cadillacs by the way. They're the perfect size. Just like your trees. I mean our trees. In fact I remember celebrating the centennial of the planting of these trees. Now will you all sing my favorite song with me?

        Hmmm, it appears I may already be drunk, this bodes poorly/well for the evening…

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Get offa my lawn!

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I have one house here and I want to blow my head off.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Bristol?

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          sfm should have a few wine coolers. Take the edge right off.

          • SorosBot

            But that's how babby is made!!

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            How the fuck is babby formed, though?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Babbies – how the fuck do they work?

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            I'm 'moommate', sfn? Are you calling me fat?!!1!
            Also, empty calories are best consumed as a single malt scotch or something worthwhile. I haven't had a wine cooler since 1989. Hmmph.

      • flamingpdog

        Come on up to eastern Colorado and bring your house with you. We can't help you blow your head off, but our wind will be glad to blow the roof of your house off.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Does she need both for her bathrooms?

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Is that "100 hours" a sly allusion to today being the anniversary of the last day of the first Persian Gulf War? Well played indeed, Ginger Man.

    • LibrulEleet

      That's one good thing about 41 — shorter wars.

  • ClydeMydia

    Santorum jam for all!!!

    • snackypants

      It's brown, sticky, and delicious on toast.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Gah!

        *runs to fridge to throw out delicious and expensive fig jam.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I totally sympathize. Toss the apple butter while you're at it.

          • Fare la Volpe

            And the nutella.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Fig jam? Well la-dee-da, Mr. 1%.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      You go ahead without me, dood.

  • MissTaken

    Michigan and Arizona!
    It's like two, yes two, orgasms in one!

    By orgasms I mean two economically depressed housing tracts, of course.

    • SorosBot

      And hey, you get to join in on the early liveblogging tonight! That's not as good as two orgasms though.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      I can't be a depressed housing tantric 100 hour orgasm unless Florida is in it, and they already came. Or maybe Sting.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Wow! I totally don't mean "two economically depressed housing tracts" when I say orgasm.

      I mean tents. Tents and wine coolers.

      • glasspusher

        Pitching tents? One big tent?

    • Steverino247

      Have all the orgasms you like. We'll make more!

    • flamingpdog

      All this genocide going on at the Wonkette – I can't take it any more!

      And, uh, brb!

  • arihaya

    we can expect Santorum surge to take Romney by surprise from behind,

    I wonder whether Romney will be able to stay on top with Santorum giving him hard determination like this

    • Barrelhse

      Mitt, don't Seamus.

    • flamingpdog

      I think you tried a little too hard on this one.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Gay Mexifucker Sheriff – isn't that a Robert Rodriquez film?
    And if not, it should be.

  • C_R_Eature

    What? Another Election Liveblog?! I Can't Get behind That!

    • finallyhappy

      Is that video of spurting santorum??

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        I think it's the Santorum Frothing Process. The spurting hasn't happened yet.

        • C_R_Eature

          "Behind" Heh heh, hehheheheh heh heh

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      CREATURE!! Where have you been?

      • C_R_Eature

        Massive Family Party Obligation, out of state. Alleviated by heavy drinking, carousing and sarcastic commentary. Also recovery, yesterday.

        Oh Ghod, that boneheaded Ehrlich in on now. I'll have to switch back to something nicer, like a sinking cruse ship catastrophe.

      • Loaded_Pants

        FROTHY! *hugs the FROTHY* I have "heard" that you will not be with us for a bit. Hope you can check in, if you can. I should tell you I need my occasional Galas reference fix.
        *Hugs the FROTHY again*
        Much love & the best to you, dahling!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Oh, sweetie! Now you're making me all snivelly and stuff. (Hugs you so much)

          I'll check in on SuperTuesday for sure (I have to know which one of these idiots gets IT even if it kills me). And I'll try to be home in time to collect a whole bushel of outstanding hugs and hand them all out again. Love you so much, and hugs to the husband and you both. (And tell him NOT to bring back any more germs — I can't have you getting sick while I'm away).

          • Loaded_Pants

            I seem to be on the mend. This bug has been a nasty one.
            Speaking of my hubs, I'm sure you are aware of the shit that happened at Chardon High School in Ohio. Well, that was the HS he attended. And some of the EMS workers/police officers who responded to the shootings were also former classmates of his. When he heard the news, he said to me: "There's something seriously wrong with this country that something like this happens in Chardon, of all places."

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            OMFG. I hope he's handling it OK. WTF is happening? And apparently, the kid in question wasn't even bullied, so they have NO idea why he was shooting at random people. I'm glad you're better. If I pop in for a quick fix I want to be sure I can find you.

  • rocktonsam

    Can't we talk about something else?

    Cripes

  • MissTaken

    Any bets on the kind of insane 'victory' speech Dr. Paul will bless us with this evening?

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I'm going with this.

      EDIT: How is it that shouting "I love gold!" in a bad Dutch accent anytime Dr. Paul shows up on the TV is not a meme?

      • C_R_Eature

        I like it. We will make it so.

        I've been shouting "Rrrrrrrrronpaul!!" in a falsetto Felix The Cat voice (pointing up in the air when possible) every time I hear the name, for like a year now. It's like Tourette's.

        It makes life difficult listening to CSPAN's Washington Journal on the road. I get stares. It's truly incredible how many paultards call that show ,for no good reason at all.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          It's truly incredible how many re-tards call that show. Period. But I still love it, if not just for the exasperated facial expressions and stern hang-ups of the hosts alone.

          • C_R_Eature

            I was on the road during the last "Mitt Romney has a Huge Penis" episode and I literally almost got into an accident and had to pull over. I got nasty stares but i was laughing way too hard to care.

            The Perils of Distracted Driving.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Every time I see his senile, bushy, semi attached eyebrow face, a voice in my head intones "Dude, he wants to legalize weed".

    • glasspusher

      Thanks for reminding me. I have to hit the liquor store on the way home.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    open thread thing for the next 100 hours

    Ginger Jim are you sayin' this thing will last longer than the ever so endless Daytona 500?

    • rocktonsam

      Danika Patrick.

      TITS OR GTFO!

      Amirite?

      • C_R_Eature

        Nude Auto Racing.

        Hey, It could catch on!

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        You'll be waiting a long time on that one…

      • http://wonkette.com Chillwillard

        If you think about it, Mitt is just like Danica Patrick: overrated, unqualified and unable to compete in a field dominated by white male rednecks.

      • V572 Flambé

        She comes pretty close to delivering on godaddy.com, that distinguished high-minded firm with its oh-so-classy marketing strategy, which may be stated as follows: BOOBIES!

  • DaRooster

    Fuck.
    These.
    Guys.
    … yes all of 'em.

    • OzoneTom

      Ugh! Not even with that Mexifucker's tiny dick!

  • Callyson

    Off to class but I'll check in on the freak show later. Have fun, Wonketteers!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Will do, darlz! Have fun (?) at class!

    • biblioteq_tress

      Don't you go doin' snobby shit like educating yourself, missy!

      • SorosBot

        And those elitist institutions will indoctrinate her and make her all tolerant and secular and shit.

        • biblioteq_tress

          Damn hippy electrical engineering degree.

          • Loaded_Pants

            It'll make ya lose your religion (if you haven't already).

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            And even though studies show that that is complete and total bullshit. Jesus they can't stop lying about ANYthing.

          • SorosBot

            But this is for Rick Santorum, who thinks liberal Christians aren't actually Christian.

          • Loaded_Pants

            Thou shall not violate the 9th Commandment unless you are doing so for God Jr. You also shall not hate yourself as much as your neighbor. Also, too…as well.
            –Sarah Palin Word Salad Spinner.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            That's her in the corner.

          • SorosBot

            Oh no, she's said too much.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Is that you, sb? I thought that I heard you laughing.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, those are the worst. Engineering classrooms just REEK of pot and patchouli.

    • Barb

      Come back to us when you have no class. : )

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        I'm'a clone and patent you, goddammit. You totally fucking win all the funny.

      • flamingpdog

        Goddammit, Barb, I read through all the eleventy brazillion comments above yours saying, nay, praying to myself, "Please, let no one else have made a snark about "no class" at teh Wonkette, please,let no one else have made a snark about "no class" at teh Wonkette". You owe me back those three minutes of my life!

        • Barb

          Sorry.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Don't listen to him, he's just jealous. You keep right on snarking, hon.

          • flamingpdog

            Frothy's right – I was just being a cad.

  • SexySmurf

    I'm going to go ahead and predict a big night for Buddy Roemer.

    Did I mention I just got a new job as a political commentator at CNN?

    • Nothingisamiss

      They don't even KNOW how badly they need wonkette commentary on that wolf-forsaken channel.

    • flamingpdog

      Don't they have an opening at MSNBC?

      • Fare la Volpe

        We're gin-soaked anal puppets, not racists. We have dignity.

        • HistoriCat

          Who are you calling gin-soaked??

  • Barb

    Newt puts the "hippo" in "hypocrite"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oh, BARB! I laughed so hard I think I lost a bit of lung.

      • Barb

        sorry : )

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Oh, no, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

          • Barb

            I'm looking at Romney, in his grandpa dungarees and I feel like I am going to yodel groceries here.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Yodel-lay-he-hee!

          • flamingpdog

            ♪ Little old lady who! ♪

            Not you, Barb.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Oh good lord, Barb……YES! Will steal, 5 stars, many thumbs up.

      • Barb

        Thanks Nothing, hugs!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    I like the House of Fudge.. (The house Fudge built? Superfudge?)

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I don't want no ice cream love,
      That's too cold for me, little girl.
      I don't want no ice cream love, girl can't you see?

      I want a love that's warmer than the summer sunshine,
      I want a love that's as warm as mine,
      Because my love, is warmer than a chocolate fudge.

      (Heard that on the speaker today at Chipotle in Tucson. One love, Jah Rastafari.)

  • FakaktaSouth

    That's it – I give my self totally to the force of dorkness within me. I swear to God I just squealed "RAAAACHELLLL" at my TV when she started her freaking part of the coverage.

    • Angry_Marmot

      That's kinda hot.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I know, right?

      Everything about Rachel just makes me go "unf" under my breath.

  • C_R_Eature

    Okay, I don't want to see anyone not drinking.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Too late. Just bought a fresh Dewers today.

      • C_R_Eature

        "not drinking". Yes, I see.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I got AMERICAN Honey and Dr Pepper cause I want diabetes, tooth decay, and a headache after I, um celebrate? Celebrate right? If Mitt loses? Oh my god am I pulling for Santorum?

      • Nothingisamiss

        "pulling for Santorum." I wish I were quick enough to really give that the joke that it needs. Help me someone…..

    • V572 Flambé

      Already had the Martini. Will switch to cheap wine soon, as I'm going to have to drink so much there's no point in guzzling the good stuff.

    • SorosBot

      I'm gonna go make a bourbon and Coke in a minute.

      • C_R_Eature

        Dark & Stormy for me. I hope I have enough lime!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Decent white wine, for a change.

          • C_R_Eature

            How Civilized! We won't tell the rest of these deviates.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            's OK, I'm a deviate, too. Or is it deviant? I forget.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            All of 'em, frothy.

          • glasspusher

            how devious of us…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Aw! You love me! I knew you loved me! (Hugs the favourite little nut)

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I do indeed.

          • flamingpdog

            How about a decent BLAH wine, huh? Are we not men?

            (I don't know what that last question meant. It just popped into my head, WTF.)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Homer's wine-dark sea was blah? Who knew?

            We are. And also we are not. But we're certainly fuckin' schnookered.

          • ShaveTheWhales

            No, we are devino.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            We are devoid of any reason for living until next Tuesday.

            Oh wait, next Tuesday is the reason for living till next Tuesday. I drunk I'm think.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      G'day Bruce.

      • C_R_Eature

        Howls of Derisive Laughter, Bruce!

        • Boojum_Reborn

          She's a good Sheila, and not at all stuck up.

          • Doktor Zoom

            'Ot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, Bruce!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        G'day, Ocker!

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I'm in a library getting a contact drunk off the scent leaking from the pores of the homeless people. It will have to do for the moment.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      R U Fukin' KIDDING me? This is the big one!

      OK, the next most biggest one.

    • LagunaB

      Vodka and ice. Good to go!

    • Barb

      Diet beer once the hockey game starts in an hour.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Enjoy the game!

    • Angry_Marmot

      There is no Rule Six.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        But there is Rule 34.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Boy is there ever! Damn, the Netz get more hentai every year!

    • littlebigdaddy

      No worries here, mate.

    • MosesInvests

      Rule number seven-no pooftahs!

  • http://wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Santorum to Democrats: "Froth With Me."

    • bikerlaureate

      I want to tell you
      just how much
      I froth you.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Nate the Skate sayz exit polls report over 40% of the Michigan Republican primary voters identify themselves as Demrats. Perhaps Frothy can ride that foam to victory.

    • V572 Flambé

      That would be so sweet. We could get our Congress back.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      OMG, weej. HOLD ME!!

  • C_R_Eature

    I'm watching the Costa Concordia sink right now. It's pretty much the same thing.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Except I was sad about the cruise ship sinking.

      • C_R_Eature

        That's the truth. id'nt it?

        • LagunaB

          But it was so stupid. Anyone who has been on a boat, no matter what size knows better. I knew by the time I was 9. Geez.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      So what's the deal? They got the fuel out of it and now they're just going to sink it?

      • LagunaB

        Lloyd's of London insures most sea going vessels that go to sea. The cost for the insurance is enormous even if you do have a history. The captain was a total idiot. You do not abandon ship of you are the captain. Do not. Lives were needlessly lost. It is a travesty.

        • flamingpdog

          Do captains of ships suffer the same fate as captains of Wall Street when they fuck up?

          • OKthennext

            Yes. Not one flipping frucking thing happens to them. Except they get a huge bonus.

  • RadioCualquier

    They already want a recount!!1!

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Recount/Chads 2012!!!1!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        I have a friend who's a nurse, and worked for a while on Nantucket. All the EMT's, nurses, doctors etc refer to the rich idiot tourists who get themselves injured as "Chads". As in, "Collision on such and such road, en route with two Chads"

        • flamingpdog

          So when do they put in the phone call to Scalia and Roberts?

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Newt's campaign is featuring gas cans? Wow..

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Hey, it's Fuck Toad! and he's derpy!

  • C_R_Eature

    How many votes for Reagan in Arizona so far?

    • flamingpdog

      Reagan the socialist RINO?

      • C_R_Eature

        No, Reagan the fully Mythologized Ideologically purified Icon. Of course!

  • V572 Flambé

    Looks like a good night for us Tamron Hall admirers, if they'd just give her more screen time.

    They kinda owe it to the viewers to balance all the Ed Show and Steve Scott time. Reverend Al isn't a visual delight either.

    • Limeylizzie

      Isn't she gorgeous in that dress?

      • V572 Flambé

        Blah people can look terrific in colors that make white people look ridiculous, as TH just demonstrated, again.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        The dress was extra-special-gorg on her.

  • CivicHoliday

    This is a terrible terrible time to be pregnant. Darn you, fetus! Momma needs some bourbon.

    • Nothingisamiss

      I hope for both your sakes that you get to drink heavily towards the end of Sept/Oct. I may shift into alcohol overdrive….which is only, like, 2 drinks for me. Still….getting into the screaming backside of this election might near kill me.

    • Barb

      When is your baby due?

      • CivicHoliday

        I'm due at the end of Aug so lucky for me I can be plenty liquored up for election season

  • SorosBot

    How's that strategy of opposing the auto bailout that saved Michigan working for you again, Mittens?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Better than we'd hoped. With 35% reporting, Mittens is now running at 41% to 38% for Shitstain.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Rite? What a complete and utter fucking tool that guy is.

  • RadioCualquier

    Just think of the time being spent here, we could be helping kidz and oldz instead of wasting it here getting drunk and making fun of teevee and gooper clowns.

    • Carrabuda

      "Wasting"?

      • RadioCualquier

        Recall, Recall!!1!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          I recall NOTHING!

          • RadioCualquier

            I have a sadz FROTHY, this is your last liveblog for a while. : (

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Don't be sadz, Radio. (Hugs the Radio some more) I hope everything will work out, and then I can come home, maybe in a month. Let's hope for the best, dood.

          • RadioCualquier

            Teach me the words in an Native American language for hugs and kisses.
            BTW, I never told you this — I know you are not a blogwhore — but your reading list is intimidating and beguiling. And I thought I read eclectically.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Ha! I do not speak any Native American languages. The best I can manage in any Native American language is "Yatahe," which my friends assure me means "Hello" in Navajo. But I don't trust those bastards because they sure do enjoy mocking the shit out of furrnurrs, and even though they thought I might be a member of a different tribe, I know they laughed their fucking asses off when I nearly lost my kidneys from that bumpy ride out to Canyon de Chelly. For all I know, it means "I blow goats."

            You're too kind, Radio. I'm trying to make up for the huge gaps in my knowledge, so I must read. (Hugs the radio)

            So how about I get a look at YOUR reading list?

          • RadioCualquier

            Finished Winner-Take-All Politics My recommendation to you mein freund. Finishing the A History of the Jews in the Modern World by Howard Sachar. Next is Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
            Plus blurbs and essays by Nomad and Matt Taibbi, et.al.
            Rather mundane compared to yours, but that's why I think your mind excels.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Interesting. You know I'm always trolling for book recommendations, since my mobility is not so great any more, so I definitely will put those three on my list.

            Matt Taibbi is totally my afterbirth separated at birth, or something. He is the curmudgeon I aspire to be. Eh, if I had to work for a living again, I couldn't enjoy to read like I do. Some day you too will be an ancient, crabby immobile fart with an enormous reading list. (Hugs you again)

          • RadioCualquier

            Likewise, my FROTHY friend, I will be trolling your list for the books that inspire and open the consciousness and even make our existence meaningful. I miss you and you diligence already.

          • flamingpdog

            Dude, I missed the leaving us nooze. Was it on some other thread I was too busy "working" to comment on?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Why for you want to do this working shit when there's *important* stuff going on, dood?

            Yes, I'm off to Ozland for an unspecified amount of time. I don't know when I'll be back. Details are on another thread, but you can always look them up on ID if I don't drop another 1,000 comments tonight. I will miss you very much, which is the only thing that really matters. So take good care of yourself for when I come back. If everything goes very well indeed, it may be as little as a month. I will hope for the best.

            I'll check in on SuperTuesday, if the R ranks don't shake out tonight. If they do, then I'll be otherwise occupied. But the main thing is, you stay away from the anxiety and stop making yourself sick with worry. And when I come home, I want at least ONE hug from ya. (Hugs the pdog)

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I must have missed something. What's going on, Z?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Eh, not much, just going away for a while, don't know when I'll be back, don't know if I can check in. Just saying bye to everyone and collecting hugs so I don't have to get totally plastered on the flight.

            I leave Friday. So you WILL have me to kick around for — oh, jebus, is it really only two days already? Shit, fuck, piss, and corruption!

            Oh, well.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            You will be missed. I hope it goes well.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I will miss you, and everyone else here very much. You know my e-addie, you can write me there any time at all. I do check for mail. I hope things will go well. I don't really want to go now that it's upon me. But life's like that. It just hands you stuff and you have to cope. I'm sure I'll sneak in here as often as I can, if only to keep my spirits up, love. I hug you with many fond hugs.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Actually Z, I don't have your email. Is it safe to post them here?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            It's the political cat, all one word, and it's at Gmail, so you know the drill.

          • Nothingisamiss

            Seriously, dude….you can't be gone long, it's only gonna get more insane.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I'll be back for SuperTuesday, and if everything goes OK, I'll be home in PLENTY of time to do some work for Barack's campaign and help get him elected and drink my ass off with all you dear, sweet, wonderful people come the ERECTION!

            (Hugs Nothing most fervently) Don't you worry. I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope and work for the best!

    • C_R_Eature

      Hey! I have one job on this blog! It's Stupid, but I'm gonna do it!

    • flamingpdog

      What, don't feel bad, Radio, you ARE helping the oldz by posting on Wonkette! Teh Wonkette is like Bill O'Reilly for soshulist Commie libruls.

  • jtalaska

    I don't know any Arizonans but I have a few friends that own Arizona. Ann runs over brown people in her Cadillacs.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      And strangles media in her spare time.

      • chascates

        All of us in this room know the media loves Barack Obama. They don’t want anyone who has a chance of defeating him,” she [Ann] says.

        Ann, it's because your husband says dumb things!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          To EVERYbody.

    • Barrelhse

      Fences are people, too, my friends. And so are vigilantes, for that matter.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      The hilarious thing about that whole fiasco is that mittens probably thought he was being slick by not admitting that in fact, he and Ann don't "drive" anything, but are chauffeured in limos for all distances too short to be realistically covered by private plane. He thought he was cleverly lowering himself to the level of the commoners so that they would vote for him. Even then, he came across as impossibly wealth and tone deaf.

  • rocktonsam

    is Newt going to quit or is he dumping Cally?

    • V572 Flambé

      It's only a matter of time for the campaign, and Callista.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Apparently he's seeking to burn her alive with his 'Gallon for Newt' shit.. (still doesn't quite know how to 'make it look like an accident', though).

      • glasspusher

        why does this choice have to be mutually exclusive? Can't he do both? I would prefer he quit _and_ she dumps him. That would be nice, although she does like the shiny objects, and someone has to pay for that helmet hair of hers.

    • biblioteq_tress

      First, Newt tries to force Thomas More to strongarm the Pope into declaring his marriage to Callista unconsummated, at least post-wedding. When that doesn't work, he connives to have the Pope declare her a witch, pointing to her spare vagina she keeps tucked in a Kate Spade cosmetic case as proof of her truck with the devil. The Pope is all distracted invading Poland & won't let Newt behead the White Queen. Finally, Newt announces that Callista has gone "hiking" on the "Appalachian Trail." Heartbroken, Newt holds a press conference declaring that Callista has left him for a luscious Latina and she is never, ever ever seen again.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Sigh…

      All of….

      Oh, forget it.

  • user-of-owls

    Olympia Snowe's retirement is gonna set up a whale of a catfight over prime acting roles between her and that other Olympia. You know, the Greek one.

    • V572 Flambé

      They're both Greeks, despite Snowe's ice-goddess name.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympia_Snowe

    • Barrelhse

      Michael's grandmother?

    • not that Dewey

      Huffington?

      • user-of-owls

        Not anymore, but I used to huff a ton.

        • not that Dewey

          Wensleydale?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Cedar.

            With musturd.

          • not that Dewey

            2 packs a peace.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            This delightful repast would not be complete without cakes we like.

          • user-of-owls

            cheezus christ! Why'd you have to bring that up?

          • not that Dewey

            C'mon, Jack. Gimme a brick.

          • user-of-owls

            After all the grevé you gave me? Why should I havarti?

          • not that Dewey

            Frankly, I don't give edam.

          • user-of-owls

            Go ahead, just keep taunting me and you'll see. I'll get some piano wire and garrotxa!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I can't *wait* to see what yer gonna do with casu marzu, dood.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Brielliant!

          • not that Dewey

            What swiss all this hostility? I thought we gouda had a nice evening together, on this liveblog.

          • user-of-owls

            Hmmph. Your the one making all the raclette.

          • not that Dewey

            Haloumi once, shame on me…

          • Angry_Marmot

            Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

          • not that Dewey

            No, that's my name. Mr Wensleydale.

          • C_R_Eature

            "Shut up those Bloody bouzouks!"

          • glasspusher

            Not as such.

  • C_R_Eature

    "The Concordia is taking on water fast, listing and starting to sink."

    Hey, Mittens, sound familiar?

  • Carrabuda

    Jeezus, Newt, put a cork in it.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Oh Jim, is it Wolfie?
    (What am I saying? It's always Wolfie!)
    His monotone makes him sound like he's screaming ALL THE TIME!

  • finallyhappy

    I am making popcorn and not watching.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Wait, you can really do that with a tampon?

    • biblioteq_tress

      Newt can suck a chocolate shake through a tampon.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        win.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Chocolate shake = santorum amiright??? Why be coy?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Frothy crushing Mittens in Michigan 49 votes to 35.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      No WAY!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      No. The word is in now. Mittens just won Michigan. Yech.

      • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

        Word still the same this mourning. Must go to the Caves of Ajanta and contemplate a naval orange, or naval jelly, or a Lil' Sumpin'.

  • Extemporanus

    Today, we are all vodka-soaked tampons.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Those are all the rage (hysteria?) in some Arizona high schools. I can't imagine the burn, but those skanks prolly snort Valtrex for breakfast.

      • Extemporanus

        About five years ago, I found myself extraordinarily renditioned to the Chaparral Suites in drrrty Crotchdale for a good friend's wedding. My particular "suite" was almost within jizzing distance of Bob Crane's final shoot. (Really…I tried!)

        It was one hundred-and-hell degrees in the shade, and there was no shade. Every local lady I met sounded like tranny, smelled like Chambord, and looked like the back of a Nicaraguan pole dancer's right knee.

        I was so unsettled by the whole experience that I found it necessary to create a rather elaborate MySpace-based alter-ego for myself ("Mr. Scottsdalian!") in an ultimately unsuccessful effort to disassociate my severely shaken psyche from the Valtrax-snorting hooch-cooches who haunted and hookered every dark, dry, adobe-caked corner of my mind.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Hunter?

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Jesus. I've been in Scottsdale a couple of times and it just looked like a flat, wealthy piece of fucking desert.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            That's all I remember about it, too. English gardens, I think, that needed shitloads of water, in the middle of the fucking desert.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      As long as it's not *Newt's* dood.

      I wouldn't mind being, you know, Michelle Obama's tampon.

      • Fare la Volpe

        You're a kinky bitch, y'know that?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Oh, you think this is news to me. (Hugs the li'l fox.)

    • Barb

      Just stuff a celery stalk in it and make it a bloody Mary.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Ew, not NEWT!

      • Extemporanus

        Easy for you to say.

        (How ya feelin', dear Bar? How's Jarb?)

        • Barb

          I'm feeling good, thanks Extemporanus. I popped my incision open once and then just had to do it again for good measure. Jeff is getting really good at grabbing Neosporin and making butterfly bandages.

          I was so annoyed with the Wonketeers, talking about post-op stool softeners and stuff that they had no right to say to me as a lady. I was on my knees in the hallway and screamed for Jeff to print out every comment from the last year-in triplicate- and bring it to me quickly. I will only buy bathroom tissue if it is discreetly bagged in both paper AND plastic. I walked into Walgreen's and grabbed a clerk by the collar and screamed, "You, stool softener, me, NOW!" In the bitch slap of a hummingbird, I was eating them like Skittles.

          I went from the lady who runs the water in the sink when I tinkle, even when I am alone, to a tramp who will give Jeff a full frontal lap dance and sink to my knees, wrapping a rubber strap around my arm, tapping my vein, begging Jeff, "give me some stool softeners, I don't have any money, you know I am good for it, I'll do anything for you" as I kiss up his thigh.

          • Jeffer

            In this country, you gotta get the stool softeners first. Then when you get the stool softeners, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Damn. No wonder I'm having trouble getting the wimminz.

          • Extemporanus

            As you know, you go to defecate with the stool you have—not the stool you might want or wish to have at a later time.

          • Jeffer

            Okay, true story here. There was a nice Native family that came the same time as during Barb's surgery. The Mom who came in with her daughter stayed there and we ran into each other a number of times during Barb's stay.
            When I brought Barb home, I put her to bed and ran off to the Walgreens down the street to pick up her meds. I was going up and down the aisles looking for things to make her more comfortable. I get a tug on my sleeve and there this older lady was with a armful of stool softeners. We had some nice chit-chat, and I ran off to get my share of them too. That way we could go through check out together.
            The clerk must have thought that there was some sort of massive cheese tasting party in the neighborhood that week. LOL.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You are such a sick little puppy.

            I begin to understand why Barb loves you with all her heart and soul.

          • Jeffer

            Barb loves you a bunch. I know you've been keeping her spirits up and I appreciate it.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            She's my pal! I love her from her nose to her toes and all the way back around to that GREAT BIG BRAIN! Wheredju find such a smart and sexy lady, dood? You haz teh lucky!

          • Barb

            He found me at the Phoenix airport. I was waiting for a flight and he got off a flight and I was on the cell phone with my sister, Nancy. I told her that I just saw the most mantastic man and he walked up to me. I blurted out, "I love you" and he said, "I love you back" Kiss, kiss, kiss. He's my husband now.

          • Jeffer

            Her name was LOLA. She was a showgirl.
            Stop me if you've heard this before.

          • Jeffer

            Okay, I'll tell you this. We started out with a long weekend in Vegas. The story could be a mini-series.

          • Barb

            I was staying at the Venetian and you were staying at Planet Hollywood. I pointed out that gal who had the incredible knockers. You didn't know whether to shit or go blind. ("is this a trick question?") I still point out the gals with nice boobs. You dazzled me from the first second I laid eyes on you. Thanks for the stool softeners.

          • Jeffer

            Yes, but now I don't shit or go blind. I just say "Yes, those are some great Ta Ta's".
            I love you.
            And I have to work tomorrow. G'Night everyone, tip you waitress! I love you for the love you've given my honey! Peace out!

          • Extemporanus

            Your sweet little story has made this whole shit-forsaken thread worthwhile.

            Nothin' but love, you adorably screwy twosome, you…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            G'night Jeffer. Hugs, sweetie!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Which one of you is gonna write it?

          • HistoriCat

            I want to know who has the pictures.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            She's a show-stopper all right. But why the hell should I stop you, I need a good story.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Damn, ID keeps hiding your comments from me for HOURS!

            You guys have the saccharinestly cutest love story.

            I bet you're both really good looking too, which would you know, make me complain.

          • Barb

            Yes, Jeff that story is true and so weird. We live in Bumfuck and you managed to run into a gal's family that was the second surgery after me on that day. I remember her walking by my door in the hospital and giving me a nod. I hope to run into her again one day. She looked like a Disney Princess.

          • SorosBot

            That's an awesome coincidence there.

          • Barb

            Yes, it was Soros. Jeff is ridiculously handsome and people tend to remember him when they see him. The hospital gave me a roommate at 4:00 A.M. and we turned it into a par-tay zone and we were quite um, loud. I was drug-dialing my friends and acting quite chimpish. I kept yelling, "Is this Jello-O?" "It's made of horses, ya know" and people would come by to see what what in our IV drug bags.

            I called by bestie, Bill and was screaming, "I love you man, you still have a uterus, you MADE something of yourself!" Good times!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Geezus, lady, you are so nuckin' futs. Never a dull moment in your house.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            After that magnificent piece of e-porn you just gifted us, I have no idea *WUT* to believe.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, god, Barb, your talent is WASTED on mere earthlings! Book this woman on the galactic circuit, STAT!

          • Barb

            Hobbes, Jeff and I have the most fantastic bathroom in the master bedroom, complete with Jacuzzi, double glass fireplace with a view of the balcony and mountains, shower with nipple jets and I run down the hall to make pee pee. I never thought I would ask Jeff to get stool softeners for me. I've sunk to a new low. LOL

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Not only that, LOLA, but here you are in front of God and everybody joking about this in front of a bunch of total fucking pervs who are losing it with delight.

            It's a sad day indeed. And I know you LOL with me as I say this.

          • Extemporanus

            One word: Velcro.

            Lizzie and I were seriously hopin' that Doc would let you bring your hysteria home with you, and that you'd make it your avatard (i.e. "Jarb"). Alas…

            I'm very heartened to hear that the ol' hoohaw foofaraw is mostly behind you. As fart would have it, I read your reply whilst being worked over quite brutally by an OxyContin-corked bat of my own. Fucking pain in the neck…

            Anywizzle, you will always be a lady to me, m'Lady. And your champion Jeffer will always be the shit. Now, you two go get the hell better — I sense movement.

          • Barb

            You are a sick mo-fo!
            I sent Jeff a late night text that read "%*mhgy#@" and he called the nurses to check on me. LOL

            I couldn't speak after they took out the breathing tube and I kept pulling the oxygen supply out. Nurse Ratched came into scold me and I said, "bitch" and it was aloud. It was a miracle!

          • Jeffer

            Thank goodness I'm a huge word puzzle fiend. Her text made sense if you moved your hands up one level (kinda). I still called to check on her though…
            And that's not exactly what she texted, but we'll just keep the exact text between the two of us. LOL.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, she swears in private? Cool!

          • ShaveTheWhales

            A few years ago I did a stupid thing (this is not a sufficiently rare event) and fell off a ladder and broke five ribs. The best I was allowed for painkillers was hydrocodone — if I hadn't been in so much pain I would have tried to negotiate for morphine, but you know how it is.

            Anyhow, they definitely worked better than nothing. A week or ten days later, the ribs didn't hurt so bad, and I stopped taking the painkillers. Somewhere around there, it occurred to me that I hadn't, as they say, voided my bowels for a week or ten days. Shortly thereafter, my body attempted to remedy this situation, but failed miserably. Luckily, at that time I still lived in San Jose, so it was a matter of minutes before my hand was around the throat of some pharmacy employee.

            Gah. It wasn't the worst pain, but it was kind of the most aggravating pain. I think stool softeners could be the basis for a new religion.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Anybody who's ever had to undergo major surgery and the attendant peristalsis-inhibiting painkillers knows only too well the value of those poop medications of which you speak.

            You never know how important your asshole is until it's out of action. Isn't that the basis of a bazillion folk tales and legends?

          • Barb

            Shave, been there, done that, bought the stool softener. I started out by bringing a magazine into the bathroom and then the iPad. I graduated to dragging the desktop computer, tower and all and then I got out sock puppets and tried to tell Jeff that I needed an ambulance.

    • user-of-owls

      When I was 16, I desperately wanted to have a vag for an entirely different reason.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Yes?

        • user-of-owls

          Somewhere to put what Extemporanus says we all are?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Je ne comprends pas.

          • LetUsBray

            I think he's saying he wanted a place to hide his booze. I can see where the back compartment would be unsuitable.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Extemporanus says we're all booze? This is news to me.

            Can I be bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Santorum would be the whitest of the whines.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I was thinking Newt might merit that honour. Santorum's more like the cheap murky red they sell down at the Italian place with the plastic tablecloths and the tomato-sauce stains on the wall.

          • redarmyzombie

            No, I think Santorum would be the one buried in the dumpster with the brown spots on it

      • SorosBot

        The clitoris?

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          I just snarfed beer!

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Best reason to have one, by far.

      • Extemporanus

        I actually got my first one when I was 16, and it was totally full of booze.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Your vagina was full of booze?

          This sounds … kinky, but pleasurable.

          • Extemporanus

            It was both kinky and pleasurable, but alas, short lived.

            She moved to Canada later that Summer.

          • Fare la Volpe

            The vagina or the booze?

        • flamingpdog

          You got your first vagina when your were 16? How many vaginas do you have? I'm completely lost now!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I'm tellin' ya. I thought I was kinky. You guys have me beat by a double handful.

            So to speak, of course.

          • Barb

            Frothy, you are absolutely more kinks than vanilla.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I love you too, sweetie.

            I'm still fucking killing myself laughing over some of the stuff you wrote tonight. I read it aloud to my partner who only knows that "Barb" is someone whose comments I INSIST on reading aloud to him right before collapsing into helpless laughter. He must think we're both insane.

    • not that Dewey

      That's former Trotskyite vodka-soaked tampons.

      • user-of-owls

        You forgot the popinjay, you monster!

        • Extemporanus

          You're a real plug, aren't you?

        • not that Dewey

          I thought maybe the tampon took the place of the popinjay?

  • Rotundo_

    Let me see here: Spend hours sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation of either Mittens or Santorum winning an election or turn in early and catch the highlights reel on the "Good God it's sad that you're up early enough to watch this shit!" report tomorrow? I'll just flip the alarm to "on" now. Hey Mitt! Pathetic fucking losers who lose their "Home" state primary are people too! (add best Nelson Muntz laugh: HA HA).

  • annettaj

    My ears and eyes started bleeding twenty-one mintes ago.
    Is it over yet?

  • chascates

    Sen. Olympia Snow is retiring. What fruitcake will want to run for her seat?

    • Nothingisamiss

      The one who wants to lose to the democrat.

      • Negropolis

        Bingo. She probably planned this to give the Dem the seat. She was really the only thing standing between the tea party and the Dems taking that seat back.

    • V572 Flambé

      Diane Rehm should run, so the State of Maine could have two charter members of the slow-talkers club as senators.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Is Rehm as old as she sounds? Because that would make her, like, 120.

        • Loaded_Pants

          She has Spasmodic Dysphonia which does make her sound like she's 120.

        • Bonzos_Bed_Time

          What Loaded says, but she's also 76.

    • orygoon

      I don't know, but if I go up to Olympia, Washington, can I vote for the least appalling one?

      • LagunaB

        Shelley Adler, wife of John Adler, 3rd District of NJ, is running to unseat Jon Runyan, ex- football player repub. Jon won by only 5,000 votes. Another women democrat for the US house. I stop by the office of Jon to voice my complaints over the repubs attack on women. Well, it is by Whole Foods so no big deal. Repubs. Fail.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Throw batteries the next time you stop.

          • flamingpdog

            Dead batteries, so they don't pick them up for their vibrating dildos.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Good on ya, LagunaB!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Oh, fuck it: All of them, Katie?

  • Toomush_Infer

    Heh! Heh! Heh! I'm already 3 cuba libres fortified for the fallout – I like to be above the fray (less frothiness)….

  • C_R_Eature

    "I feel a great disturbance in the Farce – as if hundreds of Republican political consultants cried out in pain and terror"

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Bahahaha!

      • C_R_Eature

        "Fail, You will."

  • NYNYNYjr

    Interesting fact: Gingrich's team had their shit together enough to enable him to be on the ballot in both Michigan and Arizona. Currently Paul is ahead of him in Mittagain, hopefully it stays that way.

  • C_R_Eature

    Newt Gingrich with 7% in Michigan.

    What's it feel like, pissing away millions and millions of dollars, Mr Adelson?

    • V572 Flambé

      He probably says, "Easy come, easy go," and rejiggers the house percentage on the slots to make it back.

      • LagunaB

        They do that anyway. And it is posted. My husband likes to gamble. I don't but I watch what is happening. Look on the walls. The odds are posted and changed during the day.

    • Barb

      Yeah, they stripped Adelson like a Lexus left outside a Detroit methadone clinic.

  • RadioCualquier

    2% of the vote is in and they've already called It! Wolf Blitzer is a loser.

    • DahBoner

      WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE IT THERE

  • mavenmaven

    Crossover voters? Yeah, right, like someone might actually be able to motivate Democratic voters to do something for their own good.

  • e_z

    Sad to say, I'm watching American Idol, none of the folks in these elections qualify.

  • TheRiverCharley

    I've got $500 that says Newt Gingrich rage-shits all over Mitt Romney's face while Mitt Romney rage-shits all over Rick Santorum's face when they both lose to Rick Santorum – Rick, meanwhile, will be desperately scrubbing at the shit stains all over his favorite sweater vest. And, hey Rick! Everybody knows you dab at stains, not scrub. You fucking idiot.

    • LagunaB

      Dish soap is the best with cold water for stains.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    "Erin Burnett suggests that there’s been a lot of ad buys in Michigan and then offers to get us all high at the Moon Tower in 45 minutes."
    teehee ahaha

  • Negropolis

    Romney and Santorum are now trading the lead, here, with 5% in.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Ana Marie Cox tweets: "DeWine on MSNBC: 'Santorum is starting to catch fire.' Well, with the petroleum component and all..".

    • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

      Fecal flambé??

      ♪♫ Come on Frothy light a fire ♫♪

    • C_R_Eature

      "The Flaming Santorum"

      The Hottest new Cocktail on the Club Circuit.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Hot Shit on a Catholic Roof!

    • Angry_Marmot

      ♫♪ The poop, the poop, the poop is on fire… ♪ ♫♪

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    On the bright side, the new Vatican-Whitehouse Tunnel will cut several days off the current land route through the Arctic and will be open year round.

  • BklynIlluminati

    Gawd i feel so dirty rooting for Santorum……..so literal…….

  • SorosBot

    CNN.com is currently showing what they say is Gingrich's speech live – did he really start at 8:04, and is still droning on now? Ugh.

    He's promising $2.50/gallon gas, but won't explain how; just says says to go to his website. Bullshit; President's can't control that.

    • not that Dewey

      Did you try the website? Maybe he's shorting gasoline futures or something.

    • Barb

      Do you mean his website with the big DONATE button?

      • SorosBot

        See I accidentally read that as THROW YOUR MONEY DOWN A HOLE.

        And we're all supposed to push "Gingrich means $2.50 gas" on Facebook and that Twittery thing.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          I'm sooooo glad I'm too old for twitter. Aside from its usefulness in social uprisings and what not, it seems absolutely moronic.

          • SorosBot

            I'm old, but not that old, but have never seen the point of the Twitter. Is there any use for it if you're not trying to promote yourself?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Rapid communication; political activism. Occupy is using it to organize. I use it to (mostly) Tweet political stuff — news, meetings, things people can or should be doing. I use it when we have earthquakes, or riots, or exciting shit like that, where the news is too slow. I'm sure lots of people use it as a marketing tool, but I don't have any contact with such people (you can isolate yourself surprisingly easily in Twitter).

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I love gooooold!

    Go on, little meme. Propagate!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Hey, I'll NEVER be able to look at the old dood the same way. He'll always be Goldmember to me, from now on.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Is there a decent shop of Goldmember with DoktorPaul's face? There should be.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Does it *need* photoshopping?

    • C_R_Eature

      Ronpaul-member!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        This is completely unrelated to the thread, but every time I see a post from you I wonder if your handle is related to "Creature Features". Eh?

        • C_R_Eature

          Actually, no, but that's a good one! I couldn't come up with anything clever so it's just a play on an obscure book, its author and a word that makes me laugh.

          I was a big fan of Creature Features as a kid and "Chiller Theater" with the awesome claymation six-fingered hand rising out of the swamp. Who didn't like that, Eh?

  • C_R_Eature
    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That never gets old. One of my favorite movies (don't worry, I'm not a complete sociopath).

      • C_R_Eature

        Oh, we cater to all kinds here. You'd be surprised.

        I still say that as a catch phrase, sometimes, without thinking.

        • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

          I think it's entered the national lexicon after 25 years (1987!) I hear people say it that I KNOW aren't conscious of its origin.

  • Negropolis

    Damnit, Frothball. The vote I took with great scarifice better count, you howdy-doody-looking' motherfucker.

    • FakaktaSouth

      This is the first time I have ever been able to say these words to someone who voted for Santorum – HEY! GOOD JOB! I am pleased and excited by your vote!

      • RadioCualquier

        Hear, hear for our insurgent hero!!1!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Hey, who you callin' … oh. OK.

    • Negropolis

      NO! Romney is pulling ahead!

    • fuflans

      meh. two days from now, ricky will be declared victor b/c 7433 votes were lost in grand rapids or something.

      you did good man. kisses from a chicago lass.

    • flamingpdog

      I thought "scarifice" was a typo, but, hey, maybe not.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      However it turns (turned? I'm a little late here) out, I think you made the right effort.

      The Founders left us a political system (due to their unfortunate inability to see the future) that is biased in favor of low-population-density, predominantly-rural, low-tolerance-for-diversity voters.

      Taking advantage of a legal loophole in the primary process is but a small counter to the overall bias.

      And, Michigan is not winner-take-all, so your vote counts no matter what.

  • SorosBot

    With 9% in, it's Santorum over Romney by 1%.

    • Negropolis

      12% in with Santorum up 3%.

  • bflrtsplk

    Just finished recovering my computer from a major league system crash and all I get is the Mittster – again. Isn't this where I left off.

  • Negropolis

    Santorum is sweeping the UP, which, while bad, is good for Yoopers in that Santorum stinks less when it's frozen solid.

    • Chichikovovich

      You would think that being so close to the sensible, reasonable, intelligent people of Northern Ontario might rub off on the Youpers. But nooooo…..

      (Edit: and I forgot to add: scary – socialist NDP voters)

      • horsedreamer_1

        A Yooper's idea of a liberal is STUPAK SHAKUR, so your mileage may vary.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Well played regarding ice santorum.

  • bikerlaureate

    From a MichiganDer – I hope the white guy who says all the stupid stuff wins.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      So … which of those four eejits would that be, then?

    • Negropolis

      Well, you are in luck, tonight, my friend!

    • Barb

      I married a man from Michigan.

      • DoktorThompson

        That'll teach ya.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          It's "That'll LARN ya."

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Sounds like the beginning of a limerick.

        • flamingpdog

          I married a man from Nantucket.
          Who carried his balls in a bucket.
          And often was said,
          As he pulled out his head,

          … oh, never mind.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Possibly, the important preposition here is FROM.

    • C_R_Eature

      I hope you bet money on that.

  • V572 Flambé

    Oh man only 8 minutes to go until they declare a winner (UPers don't count). LA Times has S'torum up by 2.5%. Go, Li'l Ricky!

  • not that Dewey

    Those Maxim pics of Erin Burnett are fake.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Damn it.

  • BklynIlluminati

    So who is the first GOP party head to throw Mittens under the bus tomorrow after he loses his home state? DeMint? Boehner? I bet Palin

  • Extemporanus

    How does that Santorum-soaked tampon taste, Newt?

    • RadioCualquier

      That is cold-blooded.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Lube up, Mittens, it's gonna be a long night. Caps are losing too.

  • BarackMyWorld
    • C_R_Eature

      Yes. It's not working.

  • RadioCualquier

    Wolf is watching the poll closing clock. What a dolt.
    Now he says that Mitt is struggling in his state of fetus.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Quick question:
    Is ANYONE in the press calling this thing "The Showdown in Motown"?

    Because, really, how can these hacks possibly resist a line like that???

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Or "Rumble in the Motor City?" Nobody? Crickets?

    • Chichikovovich

      The poopie in the U.P. ?

    • biblioteq_tress

      Someone would have to explain what "Motown" means to the candidates.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Blah people.

    • Doktor Zoom

      The Man-Harmer in Ann Arbor?

      The Queer Porn in Dearborn?

      The Battle in Battle Creek?

      The god-knows-what in Ypsilanti?

      • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

        The Assing in Lansing?

      • Negropolis

        The Zoo in Kalamazoo?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          They certainly *put* the zoo in Kalamazoo.

    • LagunaB

      Ok.
      hum, all of the Katie?

  • Barb

    Is anyone watching Jennifer Granholm in The War Room?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Not in a while. I love her as a person and a pretend-girlfriend, but her show is boring as hell.

      • Barb

        She is a doll and a little boring, true.

        • horsedreamer_1

          Canadians, eh?

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            What are they aboot?

          • Negropolis

            I don't know what they are aboot, but I have a pretty good idea as to what they are aboat.

        • Jeffer

          Poor Barb has to put up with me watching Jennifer and following Nate Silver on election nights. Well for 50 more minutes then it's on to Hockey!

          • Barb

            Hey Frothy! Jeffer is here.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, LOLA!

          • LagunaB

            OT, how is your incision? Healing? Ready for more healthy healing tips?

          • Barb

            Lol, Laguna! Love your healing tips.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, Jeffer! (Hugs the Jeffer) Do you know why I call your wife LOLA?

            Because she makes me LOL Alla time.

          • Jeffer

            She does that to me too! Hugs back!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Aw, you so sweet. (Hugs you and Barb both)

            You all better? Got rid of that nasty sore throat? Barb puts the fear of gawd in me pulling out her stitches and then I heard you were sick too.

          • Jeffer

            I'm doing much better. Antibiotics are doing the trick. I'm keeping an eye on Barb and her incision looks much better. 95% healed. Rest assured, I'll drag her cute butt right back to the doctor if there's a problem.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Thank you. That makes me so happy!

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

      I like her hair.

  • SorosBot

    I've got MSNBC's live feed working, and they're already calling Arizona for Mittens, but the Michigan difference is now 233 votes.

  • RadioCualquier

    Exit Pole information = Santorum

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      I thought Rick shunned gentlemens' entertainment years ago..

      • flamingpdog

        I don't think it was that kind of "pole" and that kind of "entertainment" that Radio was talking about.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe to retire in blow to GOP

    But really, who WOULDN'T want to retire in blow? Even if you have to take the GOP with you.

    • LagunaB

      Funky spunk?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      God knows, I didn't get any blow when I got retired.

  • C_R_Eature

    I hope Karl Rove is huddled in a corner of his office with an empty scotch bottle. Weeping.

    • DustBowlBlues

      I hope Frothy Catholic wins, just to see Karl's head explode. The Rs have been working on creating Frankenstein since the days of the Southern Strategy right through the Christian Conservatives to the Kock brothers astroturfed teabaggers. Interesting to see how they react when the monster of their creation won't do their bidding.

      • C_R_Eature

        Their Monster is eating them this year. They all know it, hate it and are absolutely powerless to do anything about it.
        It's a fine thing to watch, as long as none of us get Eaten too.

        • LagunaB

          I have been waiting 50 years for their karma to implode.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Frankenreep? Reepenstein's Monster?

        I'ma work on this.

    • flamingpdog

      I hope he takes that empty scotch bottle and sticks it where the santorum does shine.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya
    • LagunaB

      Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better.

  • RadioCualquier

    Do you want to eat Candy or Crow?

  • C_R_Eature

    That is the most Horrendous, Disturbing animated Gingrich .gif I have ever seen. Now I will have nightmares.

    Thank you very much. I will cherish it.

  • Steverino247

    With 18% in, Romney's ahead by 4%. Shit! Come on, Frothy!

    • Negropolis

      25% in and 3% for Romney.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Snowe was kind of a bitch with the Obamacare vote, but overall a good egg.

  • PuckStopsHere

    The shocking things was to see all those names: Santorum, Romny, Gingrich, Cain, Bachmann, et. al., on an actual ballot in front of me and realizing that there were people who were going to vote for one of them because they believed they were capable of being President of the United States. Voted for Santorum. Will probably go to Hell for it.

    • arihaya

      don't worry Romney will Mormon-baptisize you after you're dead, so you can go to Mormon heaven

    • LagunaB

      I hear there are really good taco stands.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        In Mormon heaven? Oh, fuck to the no. Those people eat godawful shit with whipped cream, sugar, and fat all over it!

  • arihaya

    urgh Mittens' wife said that she is planning to "strangle the media"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      She needs to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up before some Temple Recommend holder kicks her overfed bottle-blond ass.

  • BarackMyWorld

    The way Tweety keeps talking about the Reagan Democrats and Catholic voters and everything other 30 year old thing that comes out of his mouth, did he ever leave the 80s?

    • SorosBot

      No. And his attitudes towards women haven't left the Mad Men era.

    • Negropolis

      I'm so damned tired of hearing about Reagan Democrats. They'd largely switched parties or went back to be just regular, ole Democrats by the time of Bush the Elder. They haven't been resurrected in two fucking decades. Gah! They simply aren't a factor in Michigan presidential politics, anymore.

      • horsedreamer_1

        Still more of them than there are Nader Republicans.

    • biblioteq_tress

      The 1880's? No.

    • C_R_Eature

      He's been overtly, and now covertly, plugging his Kennedy book for about half a year now.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Sure, just as soon as he gets back from that Depeche Mode concert.

  • C_R_Eature

    What Michigan needs is a sudden, powerful peristaltic surge of Santorum.

    • RadioCualquier

      Smooth muscular Jesus.

    • flamingpdog

      A Rick Peristaltic surge? Now I have the confused.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Arizona lurves R-Money!

    • BarackMyWorld

      It was the McCain endorsement and the last minute Jan Brewer endorsement, I'm sure.

      (It wasn't.)

  • BklynIlluminati

    R'oh Mittens in the lead everyone rally caps now!

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      OH KAY!!!!1!! I'M IN MY RALLY CAPS!!!

  • RadioCualquier

    NEGROPOLIS, Airy Fscheister is talking about YOU. A mischievous voter.

    • Negropolis

      What I got for Ari, he better duck it.

      • RadioCualquier

        Now John King called you mischievous. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

      • Limeylizzie

        Did you cross over, Negropolis?

        • Negropolis

          Yep. I figured that since the state is paying for this, I might as well play. Plus, we get our own Dem caucus for Obama in a few months.

          • Limeylizzie

            Did you dress up like a Black Panther? That would have been amazing .

          • Negropolis

            Nope. But, a black guy requesting a Republican ballot with a smile he could not hide got some surprised looks, nonetheless.

          • Limeylizzie

            Good for you.

          • horsedreamer_1

            That's called Steeling yourself to vote.

          • flamingpdog

            You rocked them like a Herman Cain!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        You know, I'd love it if chance caused me to be introduced to Ari Fleisher. Unfortunately, this is not as likely as it might once have been. Or maybe it's not unfortunate, as I am really too old to go to prison for aggravated battery.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Oh no, Airy should NOT come to MY neighborhood. Beers to you from Kalamazoo!

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

    Yay for Mrs.Bitch, sometime Wonketteer~!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Santorum: latin for loser!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Thad McCotter on MSNBC defending the auto bail-out, while supporting Mitt Romney…
    So much for keeping his surrogates on message.

  • SorosBot

    Romney supporter Thaddeus McCotter, talking with Maddow, keeps talking about how wrong he was on the auto bailout. Great way to support your man Thad!

    • chascates

      Thaddeus McCotter? Anyone with a name like that probably would be a Romney supporter!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Thanks for pointing that out.

      • SorosBot

        I see we both mentioned that at the same time. Man, Mittens is great in inspiring loyalty isn't he?

        • BarackMyWorld

          Yeah, but only one of use got quoted. :(

          • SorosBot

            Damn that ginger! I mean that other ginger, not me.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Did he bring his guitar and sing his praise to Rmoney?

  • C_R_Eature

    Romney wins Arizona

    Michigan too close to call

    Second Dark & Stormy glass 0.25 full

  • Negropolis

    We've all seen Santorum pull facts out of his ass. Tonight, I hope he finds a few extra votes, up there, to bridge the gap.

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      It'll be messy.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm still willing to pull his heart out of there

  • Mojopo

    Yay, Arizona wins a a robot and a poop pie from Minny!

  • ttommyunger

    Early Primary voting all week here in Dumfuckistan. Torn between which total asshole to vote for. Finally decided: tomorrow I will cast my vote for the Newtster, hee, hee. Really. I feel it is my civic duty, and the best I can do for Barry so far, not being a gazillionaire and all.

    • Mojopo

      That is a scream… Godspeed sir!

      • ttommyunger

        I will have a difficult time suppressing a massive boner while doing so, I fear. May have to fap in the booth…A first!

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Don't leave any hanging splooge on the ballot.

          • ttommyunger

            No danger of that, the RepubliKlan Majorities here have done away with such insidious things as ballots or other vote-verifying devices (whimper).

    • Negropolis

      Make sure Gingrich wins, and that he wins huge. I say this to anyone voting from here on out: vote for the guy that's most competitive with Romney in your state, and if that guy is actually way up in the polls, just add to it.

      Romney is going to be the nominee, regardless, so we might as well bloody him as much as we can before he reaches the convention. Couldn't happen to a better guy if you ask me.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Please Michigan, make Santorum the cum (in my) crack kid!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    ♫♪ Cisco builds jobs
    Cisco builds cars
    That put you out of a job
    using robots ♪♫

  • BklynIlluminati

    After today i demand a Newt Paul thunderdome deathmatch. Two crazy geezers enter, one crazy geezer leaves time to cull the herd

  • RadioCualquier

    Why is Ron Paul in Palin's Alaska Föx Studio?

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Isn't he at a funeral?

    • C_R_Eature

      Because…He loves Gooooooold!

  • Barb

    I just noticed that Michigan is shaped like a mitten.
    (I'm so high right now)
    I keep looking and I can't quite put my finger on what Florida is shaped like.

    • Mojopo

      I'm so glad you're feeling good, Barb!

      EDIT: I am feeling awesome because my nieces are paying attention to politics this year. One is voting for the first time ever.

      • RadioCualquier

        I'm so glad you're high right now, Barb.

        • Barb

          Thanks Radio!

      • Barb

        Thanks for the well wishes.
        I am proud of your nieces for being excellent citizens and doing their civic duty.

        • Mojopo

          They're Libs – fear not. I did my job as an aunt.

    • gullywompr

      Ever since 2000, Florida looks like a turd to me.

    • SorosBot

      I hope you're feeling much better and getting over the removal of your organs there.

      • Barb

        I am feeling well, Soros. Thanks!

        • biblioteq_tress

          You traded organs for drugs? Hook me up!

          Actually, glad you're feeling okay. Cheers!

          • Barb

            Thanks Sweetie Bibioteq!

    • Angry_Marmot

      I was tending bar (in Michigan) and showing someone where something is on the back of my hand (as one does) and an old bar fly at the end muttered, "I wonder what people in Florida use?"

      • Barrelhse

        Maps?

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        feces?

    • NellCote71

      God, I miss those days.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      You DO know that Mookie called in a tip to Wonketz and it got credited, right? WTF is your uterus doing bringing the snark? Do I have to deal with TWO snarkyBarbs now?

    • flamingpdog

      Um, Barb, if you can't put a finger on what Florida is shaped like, maybe we Wonketeers better all get togther and have a talk with Jeffer and see what the problem is.

      • Jeffer

        I need to stand in profile a little more.

        • Barb

          Oh, that's what he means when he is screaming, "Oh baby, don't forget the Keys, they aren't orphans, you know!"

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Do you guys ever stop fucking because you're LAUGHING so hard? Because I just almost choked on my nuts here … I mean … gotta go.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        You know, I wasn't gonna *touch* that remark … I mean … never mind.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm happy you're high, but Michigan (sans UP) has looked like a mitten for some time now. Sorry, but I grew up in Wisconsin (hand), and now live in California (use your imagination).

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Paul: "There's something about this message about young people, blah blah blah.. but someone is being cremated directly behind me, which is exciting!"

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Where are these results you're watching??? On television??? I've never watched it, but some of my friends do own television networks.

    • whiskeybaby

      I love this meme so much

    • flamingpdog

      My wife drives two Jumbotrons.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Who made your rain poncho?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Spendy! Breaking out the big bux for the raincoats!

          Says the man with two hundred and fifty million dollars in the bank.

  • orygoon

    So, not long ago The Spare was arguing with me (actually, he always argues, with everybody–it's endearing when you're used to it, which takes, what, 26 years?) about whether Illinois was the fourth-biggest state or something (by population), and as usual, I decided to end the argument by looking this kind of stuff up, which is easier (but apparently less satisfying) and I was gobsmacked to see that Michigan is in the top 10! It's number 8! I thought, you know, that everyone except my weird cousin Bob (who never goes anywhere, according to his way-more-normal sister Dawn, who got the hell out and lives in Minneapolis) had left! But no! It's still just chock-full of people, or "electoral votes"? (And I wonder who Cousin Bob voted for?)

  • Barrelhse

    Of course we remember Thad McCotter- we made FUN of Thad McCotter!
    also, Welcome Back, McCotter!

    • Barb

      Up his nose with a rubber hose! (attached to the exhaust pipe of one of Mrs. Romney's plethora of Cadillacs.)

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        That's *almost* as good as "taste her arterial spray," which I will never forget.

    • flamingpdog

      We were tho Thad to thee him go!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Arizona Daily Fishwrap sez

    Exit polls show that jobs and the economy topped the list of issues most important to Arizona's GOP voters, and that Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration.

    Jeebus wept.

    Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/state-and-regional/bull

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Why do I have the feeling that "Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration" is the question of whether illegals should be hanged or given the electric chair if caught.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Yeah, not sure what percentage of the voting R's it is…..but at least some of them don't want anybody messing with their illegals. It's difficult enough as it is doctoring paperwork and sneaking them around.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Well, it's *Paul* Babeu, for sure, and I coulda sworn I heard Joe R. Piehole say today that Latinos LOVE him, so there's at least two right there.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          The repubs are really in a bind. They have to sound rabidly xenophobic enough to appeal to their base (or, ironically, what they imagine their base to be), yet still appeal to the donors to their superpacs who depend on teh illegalz for cheap, exploitable labor.

        • MilwaukeeKent

          Maybe that's some good old Western States "Live and let live/mind your own business" values creeping back in? Or growers and furniture store owners feeling the economic loss….

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            BILLIONS of dollars worth of produce rotting in the fields in AZ, AL, and GA. I'd say money's talking, dood.

          • flamingpdog

            Um, don't overestimate the good old Western State "Live and let live/mind your own business" values in this case. I will forever remember my mother telling me as I was growing up (in heavily blah SE D. C.) about the signs she saw in store windows growing up in Colorado that said "No dogs or Mexicans allowed".

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey! Those signs existed in my country also! In front of all the exclusive spots. "Natives and dogs not allowed," they said.

            It was really nice to tear them out and burn them after Independence.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration."

      Because there are only two things that could be done? Actually, for these folks, it's probably remarkable that they're able to think about two whole options. Even if, as Milwaukee suggests, it's a debate about whether to use a .38 or a .45 when picking them off at the border.

    • NellCote71

      I thought the issues were abortion, contraception and religion.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    My advice to Romney is to stop taking this thing so seriously – and from now on, just say the first thing that comes into your mind.

    • Angry_Marmot

      My advice is for Mitt to rent a very fast car with no top.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Because that's worked so well for Ricky.

      • Negropolis

        Yes, that is the point.

    • BlueStateLibel

      "The humans are really strange, but sort of touching." "I compliment their trees, and still they don't like me!" Probably not good advice.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Har har har, Oh, YOU SO CRUEL!

    • horsedreamer_1

      He does look like Bulworth.

    • glasspusher

      rent a very fast boy with no top?

  • Come here a minute

    Four minutes for dinner? Pretty fancy. Bet Jim even used a plate.

    • Barb

      That's time for four bowls of generic brand Minute Rice for the food stampers.

      • Gunner Asch

        When I was stationed in Korea in the '60s my GF was telling me about the hard times right after the war. Americans donated American rice, which the Koreans took one taste of and traded it as fast as they could for expensive black market Chinese rice.

    • glasspusher

      elitist.

    • flamingpdog

      Enough time for a bowl of instant noodles after saying grace. RAmen!

  • SorosBot

    I get quoted by Jim? Awesome!

    • BarackMyWorld

      And I didn't. :(

    • Barb

      May I have your autograph, Mr Soros Bot?

      • SorosBot

        Of course, of course; here you go.

        That'll be $50.

        • Barb

          My husband will write you a post dated check.

          • Jeffer

            I think we used all our checks yesterday at the post office applying for passports. However, we still have some gift certificates for the Hungry Whistler somewhere….

          • Barb

            I always get so full when we go to the Hungry Whistler.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            OK, just *what* are these Hungry Whistlers of which you speak, dude? Because, you know, I'm not getting no *good* vibes about this.

          • Barb

            Remember how I told you that Jeff got me the entire series of Boston Legal to watch while I recover? It was a reference in one of the court cases, lol. "I was employee of the month and got a gift card from the Hungry Whistler" It just made us laugh like goobers.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You guys must have more fun than two-year-olds, you're both so snarky and so fucking fast.

            But don't EVER let Jeff take you to the Hungry Whistler. Whatever it is.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            I loved that series. Nothing like a good bromance.

          • Barb

            Starfanglednut, I didn't even see the show until after it was no longer in production. Jeff got me the whole series and we love watching it together.
            Denny Crane!

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            I'm immersed in Downton Abbey right now..

          • SorosBot

            Here I just assumed it was one of those West Coast only chains that Westerners like to brag about, like In-n-Out burger or Carl Jr.

          • Biff

            Denny Crane.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          but I have a tumor.

    • orygoon

      A great honor, and an aspiration of us all.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    "9:25 — Ron Paul is accusing another politician (Rick Santorum) of believing in conspiracy theories."

    Uh, someone's on his meds.

  • Angry_Marmot

    Santorum over Romney, on a double-bill with Bring 'Em Young University.

    • Barrelhse

      And that one with the two gay Bobs, 'Oral Roberts.'

      • Angry_Marmot

        Followed by Paul Babeu in Assume the Position and the Iowa caucus in Meat Me at the Fair.

  • BklynIlluminati

    The Santorum is losing its viscosity

    • Barrelhse

      Don't fart!!!

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Oh, man.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I'm conspicuously NOT asking you how you might know this.

  • Negropolis

    If Romney pulls out Michigan, tonight, it will be the saddest "win" of the season, a win you'd almost have rather had a loss with considering how close it is and how much money you had to spend.

    • Steverino247

      The saddest part is that over 50% of Republicans still want somebody else!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      68% of the votes are in, and Romney is now running at 42% vs 38% for Frothy. Romney takes Michigan. Santorum drops out. (No, I said that, not the talking heads)

      • Negropolis

        Frothy will not drop out until at least Ohio. He didn't lose huge.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Oh gawd. I can't afford the amount of booze this will take.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          By now, his ego has blown up to such massive proportions that he will believe until the last second he will win this thing.

          • E_Tx_Pines

            What does the daughter with the doll look like these days?

            Gawd, I loved that picture. Shattered dreams.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Thad McCotter throws in with MItt? It's over.
    Too bad FrothyBoy couldn't keep his insanity under wraps for just a few more days.

    Looks like Repugnants are willing to hold their noses and give it to Mitt. Can we stop paying attention now?

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    I think we can (finally) expect Gingrich's campaign suspension, now.

    • BklynIlluminati

      Nah he has Captain Ahab in his blood, he wants to hurt Romney more. I'm thinking Khan from Star Trek too

      • SorosBot

        Rooooooooooooooooooooom(ney)!

    • Barb

      The thought gives me a girl erection. I don't see him quitting though.

      • Steverino247

        Describe that please. Lovingly. Slowly.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Barb's husband's in the house, dood, hold it down, we don't want to spill the beans about her eloping with ALL of us.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Gay marriages for all!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Hey, great idea!

          • flamingpdog

            I thought that was mandatory in eight states now.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Absolutely. Along with abortions. Lots and lots of abortions.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            And college.

          • Steverino247

            OK, so HE describes it lovingly, slowly…

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            YOU SICK FUCK!

            OK. As long as you don't tell him we're ALL eloping with her.

          • Steverino247

            Deal.

            As for being a sick fuck, it's an occupational hazard. I have a reputation for taking jokes straight to the bottom, because I've been to the bottom of human existence more times that Cousteau has been to the bottom of the ocean.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            (Hugs you anyway) It's OK. I still think you're wonderful. So there.

        • SorosBot

          It's also called getting wet.

      • NellCote71

        It's like Rick Perry. I want him to stay in, but for different reasons.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Double down!!! Gingrich/Babeu 2012!

    • BarackMyWorld

      I give it at least another week. He still has southern states left to pander to.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        He's still got a few racist dog whistles up his sleeve. It worked so well in SC.

    • bikerlaureate

      He said clearly and repeatedly that he's in it 'til Tampa.

      Are you suggesting he's not a man of his word?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Get that tongue OUT of your cheek, it's hangin' out your nostril.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Ahahahahahahahahahah.

        Sorry.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        I read that as "he's in it 'til Tampax." Didn't someone suggest soaking a Tampax in some alcoholic beverage and then inserting it in Gingrich's ass? I was hoping that it fell out during his last speech. If it was in Santorum's ass then I hope it fell (or was propelled forcefully) out during any speech. Romney? I hope it stays in until he explodes.

        Now I find out it is "Tampa" and not "Tampax." Is there difference?

    • Bonzos_Bed_Time

      Nope, still lots of books left to sell.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Tom Brokenjaw!

  • C_R_Eature

    I predict that Romney will "Win" Michigan by 128 votes. However, the blissfully incompetent Republican primary election machine will suddenly find a bag of mostly Santorum votes in Drunk Uncle Fred's closet next week that will swing the state to Frothy by 56 votes.

    Sound reasonable?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Sadly, yes.

      • C_R_Eature

        Something will Fuck Up tonight.

        It has to.

        • flamingpdog

          Fuck up! (clap clap) Fuck Down! (clap clap) Fuck up, fuck down – the CRAPPER!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      I'm going to have an orgasm just thinking about this.

      • flamingpdog

        Now I haz the sadz. You're even older than me, but I have to watch this on the Spice Channel for 20 minutes before I can have an orgasm.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      No, it will be two weeks, so it's all just "who gives a shit?" material.

  • Negropolis

    BTW, kind of only tangentially related, but anti-PA-4 voters (the "Emergency Manager Law" that take over municipality and school districts) will be delivering well over 200,000 signatures to the state capitol, tomorrow, which will suspend the current law until November. They will be marched up from a neighboring church known for its social justice teachings.

    Lest we forget, Obama is well on track to win by nearly 20% come November, the state Dems are leading on a generic ballot by 14% meaning we'll probably get back the state house, and we'll probably end up with the state supreme court, again. Stack on top of that that auto suppliers literally can't get out their products fast enough, and tonight remains a good night for Obama and every Democratic politician in this state even with the rising gas prices.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Thanks. I needed that.

    • biblioteq_tress

      Thank you, my head is out of the oven now.

      Not that this makes the next few months any easier to tolerate.

    • DustBowlBlues

      You gave me a real smile. And since I exist in a hidden corner of the USA's most dumbass states that, not coincidentally also the country's reddest state.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      AWRIGHT! YAY!

      Oh, you make me so happy. (Hug, squeeze)

    • fuflans

      can i be your wonkette gf?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Y'all can suspend a law just by presenting signatures?

      Fuck yeah.

      Hail to the motherfucking victors.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    via Atriot Gromit:

    …the NYT is filling in Santorum's counties in Michigan using something with a frothy brown hue.

    sho 'nuff
    http://www.nytimes.com/

  • C_R_Eature

    If Mitt does win Michigan tonight, will the Alien Brain Lizard exercise better or worse control over his language center?

  • FakaktaSouth

    David Gregory reminds me of the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, if they gave the Abominable Snowman a hair cut and a lobotomy.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I totally see it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      And pushed his face in a whole foot.

      "Stretch." Gadz I despise that little turd. Remember him dancing with Karl Rove?

      • flamingpdog

        No, I DIDN'T! Why did I have to read your comment??? You're just trying to get even before you go on vacation, or whatever it is you're doing.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Aw, pdog, I'm sorry! Want me to scratch your ears, dood?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      I heard him give a talk a Jewish temple here in Tucson (he started his TV "career" here … you're welcome). He was so dickish. Claiming to be very religious, yet simultaneously sounding materialistic and egocentric. Not blaming his upbringing — those characteristics co-exist in many religions (see tonight's presidential candidates).

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        It's the new flavour of religion, apparently. You don't have to give a fuck about anyone but yourself, and making money is GOOD. And fuck everybody else. Literally, if you can get away with it.

  • BklynIlluminati

    CNN calling Mittens Marie Antoinette….I can get behind this

    • BarackMyWorld

      So long as its not the Kirsten Dunst version. That'd be gross.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Super Tuesday is a week away. Anyone think that'll be the end of this thing?
    Me neither. **sigh**

    • C_R_Eature

      My prediction is that it will go on and on and on and many of us will be very, very drunk.

      • NellCote71

        Will be? What is this future tense you speak of?

        • C_R_Eature

          Ha! Okay:

          My prediction is that it will go on and on and on and many of us will be very, very drunk never be sober again.

          FIFY

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        And the downside of this would be what, exactly?

        • Negropolis

          I think he's talking about our sanity. Even beautiful chaos is still chaos. There is a cost.

  • chascates

    So are we guessing (and hoping) Gingrich will slink away after next week's Super Bluesday? Callista has to be getting tired of traveling around and being stared at by hicks.

    • DustBowlBlues

      On the other hand, those hicks don't know what Tiffany's is.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      But I soo want to see him cart her out at Sturgis.

      • chascates

        Oh, that would be incredible! The Romneys would have to show up as well.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      The last traveling Freak Show shut down in 2006, Bill T. Hall's –I think he still had Pop Eye in his employ, probably Howard Huge and somebody with a third leg who "can kick a football the length of this tent! With his third leg!". The Gingriches have a long season of state and county fairs ahead of them. The hicks miss this stuff.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        What, were these guys at Summerfest and I missed it?

        • MilwaukeeKent

          State Fair. I might be off by a year or two. Maybe Pop Eye was gone by then, maybe it was Howard Huge, a Third Leg and a large boa constrictor…walked into a bar, etc. The Gingriches should embrace their wild inner Freak Show. The field is wide open.

  • cotugirl

    "I wanna froth with you, all night…forth into the sunlight…I wanna froth with you all night…froth the night away…"

    BTW the Newt gif is disturbing.

  • Steverino247

    Newt! Drop out you asshole so Santorum can beat Romney.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I'm thinking not yet. There's a dynamic tension building. Santorum has the genuine lunatic christian-sharia element locked up already. Newt is accumulating the oh-fuck-we-can't-vote-for-this-Mormon contingent. Give it a while longer, to get more of them on board the Newt. Then, when Neut drops out to pursue his illiterary career, they'll be forced to switch to His Frothiness.

  • C_R_Eature

    Aha, Justified is on. Not a moment too soon.

    • Biff

      Thank dog.

      • C_R_Eature

        I love a good story.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Best, show. ever. And the ass on that Timmy Oliphant? Yummm…

  • DustBowlBlues

    Frothy's spewing mouth piece of a Republican douche says to Rachel that they consider Rick's chances in OK very good.

    No shit, Sherlock?

    • chascates

      I imagine the other 3 are considered socialists there?

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Has there been a Mattress Mary endorsement?

  • Negropolis

    Damnit. All of Michigans actual moderates decided to come out to vote, tonight.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Was the weather nice?

      • Negropolis

        Yep. Partly cloudy, but that's Michigan in the winter for you.

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Newt is looking to make a big splash on Super Tuesday, he's in at least that far [Santorum is always looking to make a splash, and S-T might be his night as well as the results dribble out. In, I mean, the results dribble in, of course]. Tonight's looking like a foregone conclusion, but Michigan isn't winner take all so some delegates will get Santorum on them, I mean Santorum will get some delegates…

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Roommate Rob sounds awesome.

  • Limeylizzie

    Santorum is talking about his mother getting multiple degrees, she a fucking snob! OTOH They just called it for Mittens.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Listening to Santorum's speech, the ghost of JFK just threw up.

      • Limeylizzie

        God I despise this bastard!

      • Limeylizzie

        Did he just equate Barry to King George IV?

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          He is slime. I can truthfully say I've never met a worse misogynist, and that includes the guy who used to beat me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            WTF? C'mere, you. (hugs the little one) How could … ugh. Never mind.

          • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

            Thanks, Z. You're the sweetest! I wasn't looking for sympathy, but just trying to convey how much of a misognyist this fuckwad is.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I know you weren't, sweetie. I'm just disgusted that someone could have laid a finger on you that wasn't loving and kind. I shall have him reincarnated as a cockroach for 47 lifetimes.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Hahaha! She CANNOT be proud of that boy. Unless she got a lobotomy on graduation day.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        None of his *other* relatives are. Both in Italy and the US they're all furious about his stance on women.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      Someone pointed out to me today that Santorum actually has one more degree than Barry, which just seems wrong.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Skull and Bones, illuminati, blah blah blah.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Oh, you can get damn near anything by mail order these days.

  • bikerlaureate

    Good grief. I changed the channel when evil Gov. Snyder was lying, and flipped back in time to hear what a college-educated elitist Frothy's mom is.

    The paradoxical dissonance is going to implode my TV.

    • NellCote71

      I know. I worry about my almost brand-new TV this election season.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        They could end up being like the drummers in Spinal Tap.

  • hebmskebm

    In Mackinic County, Michigan, Rick Santorum's final vote total: 666.

    Romney finished exactly ONE solitary vote better, therefore Romney is Satan +1.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Did Santorum tell you to say that? (from the heart?)

      • hebmskebm

        Oh I wish! In Rick's world the Number of The Beast is just a reminder of a future filled with Man-on-Dog phone sex lines.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          What are you wearing right now? Rowf!

    • flamingpdog

      Pfft, Lord Cheney is still Satan + 1 to the brazillionth power.

  • FakaktaSouth

    DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SMART AND ELITE TO LEAD US???? YES, RICK, YES I DO!!!!!!!! So you should piss off. Completely.

    • bikerlaureate

      Economically depressed areas are depressed because the government "shut down" access to natural resources?
      Am I understanding that correctly?

      I have to change the channel before I start throwing things.

    • Doktor Zoom

      I want to be ruled by the dumb and second-rate!!!!!

      • LetUsBray

        Compared to the Gypper, the House of Boosh, and the current parade of nutsacks, second-rate would be a substantial improvement.

  • fuflans

    i love roommate rob. he is like karl pilkington for americans.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    tonight's winner? the trees.

  • fuflans

    also i'm pretty pretty icky ricky is drunk.

  • Barb

    I like Rick's piece of coal prop. He says we get energy from it. Newt should do the same and make Callista put it in her tight little ass crack and show us all that she made a natural diamond.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      You are in FINE form tonight!

    • Barrelhse

      It's gonna suck when they take away the drugs, ain't it?

      • Barb

        Nah, I glanced at the $35,000.00 hospital bill and one day's worth of drugs was $750.00. That Lindsey Lohan numbers there.

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Barb, that's hospital pricing. Street is probably ten bucks.

    • Biff

      Ain't nothin' tight about that skank, other than her lips, that is.

    • glasspusher

      Fuck coal. My grandfather owned a small coal mine, and worked it. Died of black lung. Coal: dirty to dig up, dirty to burn. Promotes a slave society (miners) run by the plantation owners (mine owners). See: Wind River Basin, Wyoming

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        How interesting, glasspusher. Thank you for the pointer.

        • glasspusher

          I have a friend who's daughter lives in Gillette, Wyoming. She described it as essentially a trailer park (the mine workers and their families) and three mansions on the hill (the mine owners). Extraction economies are seldom anything else.

          Such knowledge is often depressing…that's why I've been doing alternative energy for my career.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Life is mostly pretty fucking depressing. I suppose the same could be said about my taste in reading materials. Reality. We don't get to choose if we'll live in it.

            Not without being stark raving nutters, anyway.

      • flamingpdog

        Powder River Basin, Wyoming; Raton Basin, Colorado and New Mexico; Denver-Julesburg Basin, Colorado and Wyoming. My house sits on top of an old coal mine, and you can visit tailings piles nearby anytime you want. Lotsa of people don't realize the part coal has played in killing people in the West.

        • glasspusher

          True that, pdog! Not just in Appalachia! Ugh!

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Black lung. Gah.

  • RadioCualquier

    Santorum just said: "From the bottom up."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      HE should know.

  • DemonicRage

    NPR is calling Michigan for Romney. I guess we're all that dog now, ready to take a 6 hour ride in a little cage on top of a car, only the ride may last for eight years.

  • Madam Killjoy

    "The men in the crisp, stiff uniforms" line confirms just about everything I've thought about little Ricky.

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Santorum just referred to "the men and women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

    What a maroon.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      And, you know, he's a lawyer, which means his undergraduate degree was in fucking liberal arts. Because if you CAN pass math, you go to engineering school or math school or sciency-sciency school and make yourself USEful. Prick.

    • flamingpdog

      I don't know how he got a law degree, I don't know how he got his other two degrees, I don't know how he got out of elementary school. Asshole is just plain stoooooopid. And he does a good jerb of sounding crazy, too. Stupid and crazy takes care of about 179 percent of the Republiklan party. He could win this nomination yet.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        He's really not as stoopid as he comes across. I mean, he has a JD and an MBA, and while he didn't attend Hahvahd, he did attend reasonably good schools. So I'm not sure exactly what makes him this nutters, because he surely is stark fucking raving.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Completely off-topic here, but wotthehell…So I'm reviewing files at Family Court Services today, and in a custody modification petition, one of the reasons that Dad gives for why he should have primary custody of the kiddos is that Mom "has allowed [the 12 year old daughter] to maintain a Facebook account." Yep, apparently the guy thinks that's prima facie evidence of poor parenting. (Also damning, Mom has a boyfriend who "sleeps over" at her house, and she "regularly exposes" the chirren to cigarette smoke) This is the sort of stupid mundane shit people drag into court to try to make each other look bad.

    And then I'm also checking the parties' criminal histories, which is when I find that Dad has a 2001 conviction for Child Enticement.

    So, yeah, I guess he actually would have some special insight into the risks that a Facebook account might pose for kids.

    • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

      Geez, I mean if the mother allowed the daughter to deal methanphedimines while working as a truck stop prostitute – I could see getting a triffle upset…

      But facebook??? c-mon!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Maybe that's how Daddumz picks up all his girlfriends, and litte Shelley was, you know, looking downright, uh, enticing.

        Oh, gawd, I just made myself puke.

    • C_R_Eature

      Sometimes, the world just makes me cry. Or break things. This made me do both.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        (Hugs the CREature) Don't let it KEEP you down, though. (Dusts off the CREature) It'll be OK.

        • C_R_Eature

          Aaahhh, I think I'll make it. Thanks! (hugs the Avatar-formerly-known-as-Mittborg)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            I won't be FROTHY too much longer, not if Santorum drops out. Then, I'm back to MittBorg!

    • Barb

      I would imagine that working in the Family Court is a very depressing job.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Haha! I have the advantage there–I started out a cynical, depressed misanthrope, so there was no danger of losing my hope for humanity. Never had any to start!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          And you've learned SO much. About ass-burgers, for example.

        • flamingpdog

          You mean they didn't ask you if you were a cynical, depressed misanthrope when you applied for the job? I couldn't imagine working in the social services if I weren't.

    • Swampgas_Man

      So Daddy found about the facebook while trolling for kids to diddle?

    • Steverino247

      It gets much, much worse that this. Trust me on that.

      • Doktor Zoom

        Oh, believe me, I know. I posted this mostly because I just encountered it Tuesday, and because it has that certain sick "je ne sais quois the FUCK????" quality that makes it grimly funny. Happily, my job doesn't require me to encounter much of the seriously bad stuff that's out there, so the worst that I usually see in the papers I shuffle is mere petty assholishness, while the truly horrific stuff goes to people above my pay grade.

        • Steverino247

          While I'm sure I'm not above your particular pay grade, I'm one of the people who has to deal with that Olympic-level assholishness and write it up so a judge can comprehend what's really going on..

  • FakaktaSouth

    I've had all the fun I can stand. I can't even wait to see Mitt do his "trees/heights/please make this a funny thing instead of fucked up blurted out statement if I repeat it" bit. Rick Santorum's particular brand of haughty righteous indignation coupled with the perfect does of baseless, insane ignorance has put me over the edge. How DARE we wish for smart, elite governance. How do you literally say that with derision? It's like, all you people who don't WANT morons running shit, I mean (sneer) what is wrong with you? Whatevs, I'm out.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      I comprehend your reaction. I'm 64, so I've watched some shit happen. On average, over five decades, the movement has been positive, although very fucking slow.

      It's depressing to find ourselves still assaulted by people who have not been touched by the Enlightenment, or any other aspects of the modern world.

      With age comes some perspective: (1) despite frequent setbacks, we've still moved forward in my lifetime; (2) I'm armed; (3) if it all goes to shit, the species has already survived at least one thousand-year Dark Age. The main thing is to avoid converting the ecosystem to cockroach-only.

      • redarmyzombie

        I, for one, welcom our new Zombie overlords…
        …oh, wait a second!

  • BarackMyWorld
  • Negropolis

    Oh, God. Our little Lt. Governor is standing in the bleachers behind Mitt Romney (directly to the right of his head), like some common fanboy with his camera phone. Embarrassed.

    • Negropolis

      Gag. Just noticed our fat-head Speaker of the House is standing directly behind him, too. What a bunch of fucking fauxnies.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    RICHIGAN BELIEVES!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Is Michigan's primary proportional or winner-take-all? Because in the case of the former, the size of the victory DOES matter.

    • Negropolis

      It's done by congressional district. They haven't done the calculations, but depending on the popular vote and where it is, Santorum could match Romney in delegates.

    • Steverino247

      Proportional. In fact, it's so proportional that it is possible to win the popular vote and not get as many delegates as the guy who comes in 2nd.

      • flamingpdog

        Geeeeee, that sounds familiar. Now where have I heard about that happening before?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          HAHAHAHAHA.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'd actually answer that Obama DID fix the economy, but what do I (and all the economic evidence) know?

  • econey

    The guy who wanted to shut down the auto industry is now taking to a Michigan audience about jobs?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They're all going to win the lottery and move into his gated community, doncha know?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I'm going to say something about this "real" unemployment rate. Unless you've been using it ALL ALONG to measure unemployment (even on your own guys), its dishonest to use it.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Well, it's only fair to ridicule the fake figure–that RINO Ronald Reagan introduced it, just after he got all friendly with Gorbachev.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      I'm employed, so fuck the "
      real" rate.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    I just put on Romney's speech and someone yelled from the other room "what the fuck is this cheesy gameshow you're watching?"

    Quite.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "The Biggest Loser."

    • C_R_Eature

      OW MY BALLS

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        I spat wine on my keyboard, you bastard! Man, I'd pay to see someone to do that to Malt Ramley.

        • C_R_Eature

          Sorry. When these things appear in my brain I have to share.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Please DO. I just always remember to put things away before reading your comments.

            Even if I can't EVER remember NOT to click on pdog's linkies.

          • C_R_Eature

            It's my nature. Enjoy.

            I always click too, just can't help myself.

          • flamingpdog

            BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You bastard!

    • not that Dewey

      "Who Wants to Elect a Millionaire?"

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Hahaha, not me.

    • flamingpdog

      "To Tell the Truth".

      Ha ha, just kidding! I'll be here all week!

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    We deserve Canada's oil! FUCK YOU CANADA!

    • C_R_Eature

      Invasion!

      Hey, it's right next door. We can drive there! Cheap!

      • flamingpdog

        Drive there? Have you seen the lines at the border crossings?

  • Negropolis

    Mitt, that particularly dirty oil from Canada wasn't ever going to go to us. But, I'm sure you knew that, you lying SOB.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Gosh, I sure wish we had NOT had the stimulus, and that the evil Gummint had let the banks and the auto companies go bust. Because, you know, the Keystone pipeline would have offset all that.

  • BarackMyWorld

    "There's a lot of money off shore that out to come back to America."

    He should know, he put it there.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Note to Mitt: The Keystone Pipeline will not bring US the Canadian oil that WE deserve. It will get Canadian oil to Gulf refineries—for export.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Troof de la troof.
      http://money.cnn.com/2011/12/05/news/economy/gaso

      The country exported 430,000 more barrels of gasoline a day than it imported in September, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration. That is about twice the amount at the start of the year, and experts and industry insiders say the trend is here to stay.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Export, baby, export!

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Tax refined gasoline exports, baby, tax refined gasoline exports!

          edit: I'm aware this isn't actually possible. it's in the constitution or something.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Hey, makes perfect sense to ME. Americans DON'T want to pay more for gasoline, and Chinese, Indians, Africans, don't have a choice, so they do. If I was selling that shit, of COURSE I'd sell it to the people willing to pay top dollar for it. What is it with these fuckheads that they can shriek "Free Market" all day long but squeal like stuck pigs when it's applied to them?

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          What is it with these fuckheads that they can shriek "Free Market" all day long but squeal like stuck pigs when it's applied to them?

          Because the President can fix it, apart from when he shouldn't touch the fucking free market.

          You expect intellectual consistency from the masters and mistresses of cognitive dissonance, sir.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            No, I just want them to stop making my head hurt all the time, yaknow. Such is life.

            Also, the President is a BLAH. Too.

          • redarmyzombie

            I swear, every time they open their pieholes, my poor forehead leaves another dent in the table…

            Also, aren't you aware the President's a Mulatto now?

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Coincides nicely with the widening of the Panama Canal and more supertankers fitting through it, mostly for Asian ports, great for a surge in volume or something like a labor disturbance at Canadian Pacific ports. Still all subject to the world market price.
      If you can't take delivery of 100,000 Bbl. of crude or whatever, maybe you shouldn't be able to buy and sell it on the same day. I mean if tank trucks pulled up to a day trader's upscale suburban house and the drivers said, "where should we put it?", that might take all the fun out of speculation. That's a dollar at least right there, and a few headlines are the rest of it.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Rape the Landscape\Cut all Taxes 2012 – Huzzah!!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Cut all trees down to the "right size."

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Tax the Poorz to pay for the Rich!

  • MilwaukeeKent

    Listening to Romney on NPR, sounds like he's spitting, intentionally hawking while giving his speech, I think he's striking the mic with something like his sleeve. He said "American Prosperity" and then that spitting sound, and I'll have to listen back because I swear he said something like "Less Jobs! Smaller Government!" and it got applause. Two beers don't make hallucinations like this…Did he just promise to eliminate both death AND taxes?

    • LetUsBray

      Once Mormonism is the mandatory state religion, EVERYbody will simply transfer to their own planet.

      • Biff

        And the bigger the tithe, the better the planet!

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      He'll SAY anything, but he won't set his hair on fire.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        He's no Michael Jackson, that's for sure.

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Let's play "guess the hippie"! Are you ready?

    The property of this country is absolutely concentred in a very few hands, having revenues of from half a million of guineas a year downwards… I am conscious that an equal division of property is impracticable. But the consequences of this enormous inequality producing so much misery to the bulk of mankind, legislators cannot invent too many devices for subdividing property, only taking care to let their subdivisions go hand in hand with the natural affections of the human mind. Another means of silently lessening the inequality of property is to exempt all from taxation below a certain point, and to tax the higher portions of property in geometrical progression as they rise. Whenever there is in any country, uncultivated lands and unemployed poor, it is clear that the laws of property have been so far extended as to violate natural right. The earth is given as a common stock for man to labor and live on.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Damned commie. And a lover of the blahs, too.

    • not that Dewey

      I knew he was an atheist, and maybe even a Freemason, but I hadn't realized that he was also a Wiccan Lesbian.

    • Biff

      I'd be willing to trade some of my surplus property for a Nubian housemaiden. This is how Thomas would roll, I think.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      "The earth is given as a common stock for man to labor and live on."

      Some goddam injun I reckon!!1!

      • C_R_Eature

        Thet Ghandee Feller, then?

        • MilwaukeeKent

          Interviewer: "What do you think of Western Civilisation?" Gandhi: "I think it would be a very good idea."

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, he knew how to bring the snark, all right. I forget who it was who called him a half-naked fakir, but he immediately took the opportunity to point out that his host was wearing sufficient clothing for both of them. And his quote about Christianity is priceless.

    • flamingpdog

      Hitler?

  • RadioCualquier

    Take back America from the Blahs!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      What *else* is "Take Are Cuntry Back" supposed to mean?

  • iburl

    I'm so boooored with the Mint Rmoney!

    I love that Newt Gingrich Corndogging gif, and by "love" I mean frothily vomited on.

    After analyzing Santorm's exit data and poleing Rush Limbaugh listeners, I think I now know who is going to win the brokered convention: http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/8387/perryaspa

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Its "Rmonet, … RMonet"

      • Biff

        It's good to be the king bishop president.

    • C_R_Eature

      That photoshop is almost as Disturbing as the Gingrich animated .gif.

      Almost.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm holding out for this one.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        YOU BASTARD!!!

  • Negropolis

    The biggest applause Romney got during his speech, tonight, is when he called for the abolition of the "death tax"…in a room where the people applauding will never be rich enough in their miserable fucking lives for this to even apply to them in any real way.

    That's really all you need to know about the Republican Party. This party is through. Game over.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      and people like Rmonet dodge it anyway using blind trusts in the Caymans

      the republican base seems composed entirely of people who enjoy punching themselves in their respective genitalia

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        And each other! While wearing zippered latex masks, double wetsuits, buttplugs, dildos, and an assortment of toys best known for the amount of suffering they inflict!

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      Repealing the "Death Tax" would benefit me considerably, but fuck it. I kind of consider unfucking our economy more important. then again, drinking less so that it wouldn't take 10 minutes to make this post legible would also benefit me. Fucking vodka is fucking our shit up. D,mand russian bastards.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Is everything OK with you, dood? I'm srsly concerned, no snark.

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          Eh, heavy vodka night. Just making sure my liver is strong. Being an American of Scot and Polish descent, I have to test both my vodka and whisky tolerance levels every few days. Today is vodka=testing. So far 11 ounces is within acceptable limits. Speeling all-kay, focus tight, 6 by 6.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Dood, just exercise sufficient caution. Keep it together, stay well.

    • BarackMyWorld

      "Death tax" is such a misnomer, too. Dead people don't pay the tax…it's the people inheriting the money that pay the tax. That's why its always been known as the inheritance tax. This whole argument is so dumb.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Frank Luntz bullshit.

        Something that really annoys me is when media outlets like CNN refer to it as the death tax. It's the "estate tax" or "inheritance tax", fuckballs.

    • MilwaukeeKent

      Hope you're right, but if this crowd gets their wet dream and repeals the inheritance tax permanently, it might be time to pack it in. Just admit we're almost all serfs, and figure out which of five or six ultimate family dynasties we want our grandchildren to work for, Hell, that worked in the 900s, right? What could possibly go wrong.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Um, revolution? Humans will *never* accept serfdom. It's true that it often seems as if we're totally fucked, but over and over again, our ancestors have fought to be free. We owe them a debt to continue the revolution until every last one of us is free.

        • Fare la Volpe

          You take us to that mountaintop, Frothy.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            You know I love you a ton, right? OK, in case you didn't know, I really love you a ton.

        • MilwaukeeKent

          I want to agree. We always go to that edge, but enough people, at one point or another, say, "Now wait just a minute…" to pull things back toward reason. So far. Hoping the GOP gets sucker-punched in November but that's 9 months off.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Sorry, can't resist posting this comment from huffpo:

    Santorum also is for TRUE RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM ! RELIGIOUS FREEDOOOMMMMM !!!!! CAPICE ???

    • not that Dewey

      I suspect there's some message encoded in those commas; like he's blinking "torture" in Morse Code.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Either that or "Get me to the emergency room, I'm having an anusism!"

      • flamingpdog

        Commenter is just suffering from a case of bad comma.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I'D HIT IT!!!!ONE!!!LEBENTY!!! (Mrs./Ms./ Real bitch, not the 3 previous thingies). This is a hot or not bloggie, right? Fuck, how much vodka was in thel ast 5 drinks? Yeah, I'd hit it. Fuck. ∏lease?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Why is Romnet so popular in Arizona? Are they not that into the Tealiban stuff or something?

    • Negropolis

      Mormons.

      I'm actually kind of confused as to how Paul ended up in last place in this region? This is also home to the survivalists, and he's really been polling low.

      • vulpes82

        They won't come out of their bunkers long enough to vote. That gold and ammo doesn't organize itself! Plus, if you vote, the government implants a microchip in your head. It's true.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Nobody tells me shit around here.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Bingo!

        • ShaveTheWhales

          Oh, I forgot about the microchip. Or, it made me forget. BWAHAHAHAH.

      • Fukui-sanYesOta

        Ah … that does explain it.

        I figured the jewelry-piglet outperformed the elderly gold standard troll because Newton really, really hates Messicans and Arizona is a border state

        • flamingpdog

          Frothy won in far western Colorado (Mesa County) in the earlier Colorado caucuses which surprised me because Grand Junction is a cultural suburb of Salt Lake City. But yeah, Arizona is heavily Mormon nowadays.

  • LetUsBray

    I would guess that Willard's victory, however tenuous, would put a dent in certain individuals' hopes for a brokered convention ending in a nomination without the need to go to the inconvenience of working for it.

    We haven't had a long, rambling, incoherent, spite-filled facebook post out of Grifterella in a while, have we? Our luck could be about to run out.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Grifterella (!)

  • Negropolis
    • C_R_Eature

      Too late for that. They're here. And they're Voting.

    • Biff

      Whoa, I gotta gtfo of here, fast!

      • C_R_Eature

        My advice is that you should find a very fast car with no top and get the hell out of town for at least 48 hours. And you will need to arm yourself, of course.

        • Biff

          I can do that!

          We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold…

    • flamingpdog

      True fact: My Onion horoscope this week is: "Cancer, Jun 22 – Jul 22: Your weekly visit to the cemetery goes bad when you tell your problems to your mom's grave just as the sarcastic zombies begin to rise."

      And I'm going, pffft, like sarcastic zombies have any chance with me!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Yeah, pdog, in any battle between you and sarcastic zombies, my money is totes on you, dood.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      As an alumnus of the University of Wisconsin, I am fucking jealous.

    • ThundercatHo

      Oh, no. For the past 2 weeks we've been driving all over Ohio visiting colleges and I thought we were done. Now, we'll have to go to MSU since we're all huge Walking Dead fans and surviving the zombie apocalypse is a frequent topic of conversation here on Thundera.

    • not that Dewey

      Wyoming was right there with you, too. Pdog's sarcastic zombies must have gotten to somebody.

      • HistoriCat

        They could have passed that sucker if only they had left in the aircraft carrier.

  • C_R_Eature

    After tonight's Arizona and Michigan Primary's, here's the Current state of Rick Santorum's Presidential Election Campaign.

    • LetUsBray

      Fucking massive epic win.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thanks. Made me laugh.

    • flamingpdog

      No Sympathy for the Santorum.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I hate to say this, but the one thing I thought that'd get Newton out of the race, losing Georgia, isn't going to happen. Polls have him up by as much as 15 points. Damn it.

    • glasspusher

      Why is that bad? That he'll make the nomination winner look sane and compassionate in comparison? Otherwise, making the center to the left even more sick of that party can only be a good thing.

    • Negropolis

      I'm loving this. There is no scenario in which Romney locks this up in the upcoming contests. Mitt'll probably lose about half of the Super Tuesday states.

      • fuflans

        from your mouth to god's ear.

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Insh'Allah

      • BarackMyWorld

        I think Newt staying in the race helps Romney wrap it up faster by splitting the wingnut vote, especially with all the winner-take-all primaries coming up.

        Also, I just really hate that fucker and am tired of hearing about him.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Newter is toast, no matter. Let him hang on in zombie-candidate style for a few more weeks.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Newtron will hang in all the way to the convention, because somebody is going to want his delegates. At this stage, his biggest wet dream is being the guy who decides who gets the nomination. God only knows what sordid deal he has in mind.

  • Chichikovovich

    Negropolis can correct me, because I'm not sure, but I thought that Michigan's delegates were allocated proportionally. So winning or losing by a percentage point or four isn't really such a big deal – basically Romney gets one more delegate than Santorum. So if I'm right, what is with all the "BIG WIN FOR ROMNEY IN MI" headlines? In a state where his father was governor, and he won big in the primary four years ago, he barely squeaked by against a raving lunatic, and he doesn't even have the sack of delegate votes for it.

    • LetUsBray

      This is just the corporate media talking up their guy. When he won in Maine over the septuagenarian racist phony by three percent, yahoo was crowing about Willard regaining his" Mittmentum".

    • fuflans

      that's what npr's been saying all night. even mara fucking liassom who can't be bothered to support mittens.

      i imagine tomorrow will be all – eh who gives a fuck.

      just make them lose in november.

    • BarackMyWorld

      math iz hard.

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      I was just reading a little about this, and it appears that Michigan awards two delegates for every one congressional district a person wins. So Romney can win the overall vote total, but Santorum is winning the delegate count because he's winning more districts (plus each gets one delegate for winning more than 15% of the statewide vote.)

      At this moment (10:20 on the West Coast) it actually looks as if Santorum will win eight of the fourteen Congressional districts, giving him 17 of Michigan's 30 delegates. Romney wins the other 6 districts and gets 13 delegates.

      Also and too, I believe these are actually the first pledged delegates Santorum has actually won, since his other primary wins are all nonbinding. Romney is still way ahead on that score.

      Buttsechs for all!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        How delightful. I shall celebrate immediately with buttsechs.

    • Callyson

      They are allocated proportionally, and the article on HuffyPo says that right now only 10 of 30 have been allocated (5 each to Mittens and the Frothy Mix.) It's even possible that Santorum could end up with more than the "winner:" Fun times!

  • Negropolis

    Some more info from the exit polls in Michigan…

    – Nearly 40% of those that turned out self-indentified as moderate or liberal Republicans, one of the highst percentages of contests thus far. Another 30% self-identified as only "somewhat conservative", so it seems as if actual moderate Republicans came out in force cancelleing out our shenanigans.

    – The Mormon won the Catholic vote and the Catholic won the Protestant vote.

    – Only (compatively) 39% indentified as white evangelicals.

    Given the relatively moderate make-up of the electorate, tonight, Romney should have been beating Santorum by at least a good 10%.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      N, if the Frothster gets half the delegates, I'd say your shenanigans were molto successful. We all do what we can do.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    I've been gone all night and I get home to ONLY 675 comments. C'mon, people, you could come up with 675 insults to Arizona alone. Well, I'll go through and give all Negropolis comments p just because he had to live through this. Is anyone else deserving? Nothing for my fellow inmates of Arizona. We hardly had to listen to any commercials. The Mormons had this place sewn up … like a mitten.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, I've been commenting all through and I do believe I haven't insulted Arizona at all. I must be slowing down.
      Oh – I did make a crack about "how many votes for Reagan" earlier. I guess that'll have to do.

    • Chichikovovich

      Livin' in Michigan myself, I got stalked by Anne and Mitt Romney. (See earlier post). Shoorley that makes me a candidate for PTSD.

      Edit – ah, sorry – it wasn't a post on this article but rather the earlier "Romney won't pander" one.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Oh, I didn't know you lived in Michigan, too.Hope you have a cell phone … or did they figure a way to abuse them as badly as landlines?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Idiot fatigue.

      (Fatigue of idiots, not idiots with fatigue.)

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Splendid mitten comment from a Zonie.

  • SorosBot

    So I'm busy for just a couple hours and come back to see that while Jim's liveblogging is done, you've gone from about 350 comments to 680. Goddamn you people talk to much; don't know if I'll ever be able to catch up.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    At least the TV stations in Michigan made a windfall profit this season. Maybe Negropolis will get a really fine Christmas parade in Detroit this year. All the network TV stars can ride American cars down a street painted gold.

  • fuflans

    it is always best to share these trying political times with the wonkette:

    jukes and soros right on top of each other making an absolutely opposite point.

    kisses!

    • flamingpdog

      I gave up wanketeering tonight to be with the Wonketeers, although I came in late. I'm sure the snark was a lot better for my brain than the shit the others had to watch to come up with the snark.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      Its just like 16 Candles.

      I'll stop the world and blog with you.

  • Gainsbourg69

    I hate Romney a bit more every time I watch him speak.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Just let your imagination run for a bit, and you'll find you hate him as much as is possible for a human to hate another alleged human. Then, at least, you don't ever again have to watch him speak.

    • paris biltong

      That's nothing, you should HEAR him.

  • Negropolis
  • AddHomonym

    It's over. Sorry POLITICO, Mitt Romney is your new GOP overlord.

  • AddHomonym

    Le Monde has some hysterical descriptors for the candidates! Romney: "le multimillionnaire." Santorum: "ultraconservateur." Ron Paul: "l'isolationniste." Newt: "l'ancien président de la Chambre des représentants." Haha "ancient." Your move, CNN!

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      The French are awesome sometimes. Perfect.

    • Negropolis

      How does one say "jewelry piglet" en français?

      • ShaveTheWhales

        cochonnet de bijoux

        • Steverino247

          You spoke French! (Kisses up and down the arm…)

    • Gainsbourg69

      Les Francais se moquent de nous.

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

    Did you write that one?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Tap tap tap. Is this thing still on?

    • RadioCualquier

      Worst. Post. Primary. Hangover. Ever.

  • Negropolis

    Looks like Romney and Santorum split Michigan's 14 congressional districts right down the middle, 7-7. You get two delegates per district that you win, and the remaining two at-large delegates are also divided proportionally (for those that make it over the 15% threshold) meaning they come out even.

    15-15

    • Steverino247

      So, where's the headline that says "Romney, Santorum tie for MI Delegates?" Simpletons writing for simpletons…

    • RadioCualquier

      The glass is half empty and half fool.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Excellent.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Rmoney wins Michigan – tornadoes sweep across the Midwest. Dog has responded to all of Mittens' little fire hydrants.

  • Mahousu

    Republican primary demographics:

    In Michigan, 14+% of the population is black, while less than 2% of the Republican primary voters were.

    In Arizona, 4+% of the population is black, while 0% of the Republican primary voters were.

    • Chichikovovich

      And of those 2% in Michigan, 99.9% were crossover Democrats voting for Santorum, and 0.1% was a guy who came in looking for a bathroom and thought you needed to vote to be allowed to use it.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    Here is your liveblog/open thread thing for the next 100 hours

    Apparently the Gingerman wasn't kidding.

  • not that Dewey

    Don't forget this classic instance of the use of Hulk Hogan's themesong….

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Primo quotes:

    "it is inevitable the next president of the United States will be … Mitt Romney," said Arizona Sen. John McCain

    "This has been a fun ride, and it's only just beginning," Romney's Arizona campaign co-chairman

    …fewer than one in 10 voters were Hispanic, and political watchers said many voters here have grown weary of the rhetoric…

    [Yeah, it's the rhetoric]

    Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Republican-funded Hispanic Leadership Network.
    "I think that there will be a lot more discussion in a more rational tone when it comes to the general election…"

    Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Deportably_Jose

    So, hey, apparently North Korea has announced that it will stop its nuclear programs.

    Clearly, this is all just the effects of the Bush Doctrine at work here, three years after Bush left office, as we all know Obama's weak on foreign policy. Also too, Korea only started developing nukes in the first place because Clinton declared them part of the Axis of Evil.

  • DaRooster

    OT-
    That pic just reminds me that Chase will be bulldozing my house sometime…
    -Raised my kid there (and steps for a bit)
    -The tax woman is knocking on Mom's door.
    -Gotta move and perhaps change jobs (is that possible these days) been at this one for 21 years.

    But at least I am none of these guys!! WooHoo!!

  • C_R_Eature

    Santorum Mounts who?

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Not a word can be said about the man that does not result in obscene mental imagery.

  • flamingpdog

    Didn't Challenge come in second in the Preakness this year?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    Speaking of Lennin, I watched the New Year's Eve shitshow (yeah, yeah, I know) and wondered what he'd think of changing the lyrics of Imagine to "imagine all religions" and "imagine all possessions".

    At the time I threw a packet of cigarettes at the screen.

  • C_R_Eature

    Y'see, this is exactly why I can't watch these kinds of things any more. If I had seen that I would have gone seriously apeshit.

    I think you showed remarkable restraint.