OH BOY  7:53 pm February 28, 2012

Your ‘Michigan Mitt & Arizona Too’ Election Night Death Blog

by Jim Newell

First, a moment of silence for Olympia Snowe, who has delivered a “blow to the GOP” by dying or something. [Takes nap.] Ha ha, Olympia Snowe. Anyway: Michigan! Will hometown football hero Mitt Romney lose it after all the abortionist Democrats show up and vote for their hero, Rick Santorum? Then again, Rick Santorum: Not likable either! Can’t we just declare that gay Mexifucker sheriff out there in Arizona president and “go back” to having meaningful lives again? Here is your liveblog/open thread thing for the next 100 hours.

8:00 — Things are starting; CNN is screaming at its viewers. Can Mitt Romney survive a CRIPPLING LOSS IN HIS HOME STATE? Or is Rick Santorum HITLER? Will Newt Gingrich EAT A LLAMA? Stay tuned for ARI FLEISCHER and GLORIA BORGER live from HELL (Atlanta?)
8:02 — How Things Will Go Tonight: Michigan counting will go on for 40 hours, because it will be so close, and Arizona won’t even have results until 10 p.m. Eastern (American) time. Ron Paul is going to give his victory speech soon, though! Let’s all order food, together.
8:04 — Newt Gingrich is walking out to give his speech at the college he pretended to teach at in the ’70s. His entrance music is the theme music for Hulk Hogan.

That’s enough Newt Gingrich speech coverage.
8:11 — “I’m going to take a couple of minutes, and tell a couple of stories” — Newt Gingrich after already telling stories for five minutes. It’s early, but take that tampon you’ve been vodka-soaking all day and put it up your butt, America.
8:16 — Newt Gingrich’s story about getting head from a tree is touching.
8:19 — ReSuLtS: Poopcum has a couple hundred votes on Mittens with about 1% of precincts reporting. Now let’s all go get cancer.
8:25 — “The votes are already coming in and they will accelerate” — Wolf Blitzer. We have 2% of precincts in and Rick Santorum is winning by four percentage points! Let’s call it for Ron Paul, right now.
8:28 — Former Citigroup/Goldman Sachs executive Erin Burnett suggests that there have been a lot of ad buys in Michigan and then offers to get us all high at the Moon Tower in 45 minutes.
8:35 — Did any of you liberal Michigan(d?)ers go out and vote for Rick Santorum today, and do you have stories/pix? We feel like it’s one of those things that sounds fun until you actually do it, at which point you realize you have no life whatsoever. But how is that news? Anyway, send us your stories/pix to tips@wonkette.com!
8:41 — Ron Paul is talking about the value of the dollar!
8:46 — FLASH: Back in Georgia:

(via McBrewster)

8:57 — Wolf Blitzer promises to jump into a bowl of acid at the top of the hour, so stay tuned. “I uhh I uhh yeah” — Wolf Blitzer.
9:00 — ***DING DING DING DING**** Wolf Blitzer calls Arizona for Mitt Romney, based on the exit polls! BOO! BOO! (Although it does mean this thing ends earlier, so.)
9:01 — Thanks to this no-life-having friendly MichiganDer lady and blogger “THAT’S MRS. BITCH TO YOU!”, who voted for Rick Santorum today:

Now, you know from reading this blog that I’m damn near impossible to embarrass — if there was any doubt left, this picture should have taken care of that — but, I was literally ashamed and embarrassed to have the people manning the voting registration table think that I might be a Republican when I signed for the Republican ballot to vote.

But I did it. I voted for ol’ dreamy, creamy, Frothy. Pardon me now while I go soak in a tub of bleach.

Thanks, MRS. BITCH.
9:11 — Crap! Romney’s up a bit in Michigan and “InTrade has his chances at 85%,” whatever that means. Could Mitt Romney actually win his home state?
9:17 — CNN is going to interview Ron Paul, shortly. Okay? Time for your Wonkette to eat dinner.
9:21 — MSNBC sounds pretty hot right now, via SorosBot: “Romney supporter Thaddeus McCotter, talking with Maddow, keeps talking about how wrong he was on the auto bailout. Great way to support your man Thad!” Remember when Thad McCotter was going to be president? It’s okay if you don’t.
9:25 — Ron Paul is accusing another politician (Rick Santorum) of believing in conspiracy theories.
9:34 — Ugh, this may be your Wonkette’s “transition from bad liveblog to open thread” moment. Via Intrade:

9:46 — Your Wonkette has been reporting! Here is a top-secret Gchat conversation with former Wonkette Character “Roommate Rob,” who now lives in Michigan!

me: Rob give me a QUOTE about “on the ground” conditions in Michigan

Rob: oh hi!
i live next to a polling station. i saw no one enter
walking around earlier there were paultards with cutouts made of plywood, looking like they were gonna go graffiti shit

me: did you make out with any of them?
did you vote for rick santorum?

Rob: well, one was this unattractive 40 year old, so sadly no
boy did i, it was great

me: seriously for serious?

Rob: haha no
i didn’t vote today

me: why do you hate america?

Rob: no one in ann arbor gives a shit about today’s election i think
because i hate white american jesus
and i’ve been indoctrinated in obama’s “colleges”
enjoying the live blog btw

“Roommate Rob” is everything that is wrong with this country.
10:10 — ****DING DING DING DING DING***DING* Romney wins Michigan, according to NBC News/AP. This sucks. Let’s point and laugh at him anyway. Goodnight!
10:28 — Rick Santorum: “Their uniforms were crisp and stiff.” Why is he talking about his bedsheets?

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 911 comments }

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm

My wife loves Arizona, she has two houses there!

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Relax, Walnuts!.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

One to park each of her Cadillacs in. She loves the Cadillacs by the way. They're the perfect size. Just like your trees. I mean our trees. In fact I remember celebrating the centennial of the planting of these trees. Now will you all sing my favorite song with me?

Hmmm, it appears I may already be drunk, this bodes poorly/well for the evening…

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Get offa my lawn!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I have one house here and I want to blow my head off.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Bristol?

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

sfm should have a few wine coolers. Take the edge right off.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

But that's how babby is made!!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

I'm 'moommate', sfn? Are you calling me fat?!!1!
Also, empty calories are best consumed as a single malt scotch or something worthwhile. I haven't had a wine cooler since 1989. Hmmph.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Come on up to eastern Colorado and bring your house with you. We can't help you blow your head off, but our wind will be glad to blow the roof of your house off.

actor212 February 29, 2012 at 10:07 am

Does she need both for her bathrooms?

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Is that "100 hours" a sly allusion to today being the anniversary of the last day of the first Persian Gulf War? Well played indeed, Ginger Man.

LibrulEleet February 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

That's one good thing about 41 — shorter wars.

ClydeMydia February 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Santorum jam for all!!!

snackypants February 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

It's brown, sticky, and delicious on toast.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Gah!

*runs to fridge to throw out delicious and expensive fig jam.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

I totally sympathize. Toss the apple butter while you're at it.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:58 am

And the nutella.

imissopus February 29, 2012 at 1:02 am

Fig jam? Well la-dee-da, Mr. 1%.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

You go ahead without me, dood.

MissTaken February 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Michigan and Arizona!
It's like two, yes two, orgasms in one!

By orgasms I mean two economically depressed housing tracts, of course.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 8:10 pm

And hey, you get to join in on the early liveblogging tonight! That's not as good as two orgasms though.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I can't be a depressed housing tantric 100 hour orgasm unless Florida is in it, and they already came. Or maybe Sting.

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Wow! I totally don't mean "two economically depressed housing tracts" when I say orgasm.

I mean tents. Tents and wine coolers.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Pitching tents? One big tent?

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Have all the orgasms you like. We'll make more!

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

All this genocide going on at the Wonkette – I can't take it any more!

And, uh, brb!

arihaya February 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

we can expect Santorum surge to take Romney by surprise from behind,

I wonder whether Romney will be able to stay on top with Santorum giving him hard determination like this

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Mitt, don't Seamus.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I think you tried a little too hard on this one.

OkieDokieDog February 28, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Gay Mexifucker Sheriff – isn't that a Robert Rodriquez film?
And if not, it should be.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 7:59 pm

What? Another Election Liveblog?! I Can't Get behind That!

finallyhappy February 28, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Is that video of spurting santorum??

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

I think it's the Santorum Frothing Process. The spurting hasn't happened yet.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Behind" Heh heh, hehheheheh heh heh

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

CREATURE!! Where have you been?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Massive Family Party Obligation, out of state. Alleviated by heavy drinking, carousing and sarcastic commentary. Also recovery, yesterday.

Oh Ghod, that boneheaded Ehrlich in on now. I'll have to switch back to something nicer, like a sinking cruse ship catastrophe.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

FROTHY! *hugs the FROTHY* I have "heard" that you will not be with us for a bit. Hope you can check in, if you can. I should tell you I need my occasional Galas reference fix.
*Hugs the FROTHY again*
Much love & the best to you, dahling!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Oh, sweetie! Now you're making me all snivelly and stuff. (Hugs you so much)

I'll check in on SuperTuesday for sure (I have to know which one of these idiots gets IT even if it kills me). And I'll try to be home in time to collect a whole bushel of outstanding hugs and hand them all out again. Love you so much, and hugs to the husband and you both. (And tell him NOT to bring back any more germs — I can't have you getting sick while I'm away).

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I seem to be on the mend. This bug has been a nasty one.
Speaking of my hubs, I'm sure you are aware of the shit that happened at Chardon High School in Ohio. Well, that was the HS he attended. And some of the EMS workers/police officers who responded to the shootings were also former classmates of his. When he heard the news, he said to me: "There's something seriously wrong with this country that something like this happens in Chardon, of all places."

rocktonsam February 28, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Can't we talk about something else?

Cripes

MissTaken February 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Any bets on the kind of insane 'victory' speech Dr. Paul will bless us with this evening?

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I'm going with this.

EDIT: How is it that shouting "I love gold!" in a bad Dutch accent anytime Dr. Paul shows up on the TV is not a meme?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I like it. We will make it so.

I've been shouting "Rrrrrrrrronpaul!!" in a falsetto Felix The Cat voice (pointing up in the air when possible) every time I hear the name, for like a year now. It's like Tourette's.

It makes life difficult listening to CSPAN's Washington Journal on the road. I get stares. It's truly incredible how many paultards call that show ,for no good reason at all.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 8:49 pm

It's truly incredible how many re-tards call that show. Period. But I still love it, if not just for the exasperated facial expressions and stern hang-ups of the hosts alone.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

I was on the road during the last "Mitt Romney has a Huge Penis" episode and I literally almost got into an accident and had to pull over. I got nasty stares but i was laughing way too hard to care.

The Perils of Distracted Driving.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Every time I see his senile, bushy, semi attached eyebrow face, a voice in my head intones "Dude, he wants to legalize weed".

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Thanks for reminding me. I have to hit the liquor store on the way home.

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

open thread thing for the next 100 hours

Ginger Jim are you sayin' this thing will last longer than the ever so endless Daytona 500?

rocktonsam February 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Danika Patrick.

TITS OR GTFO!

Amirite?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Nude Auto Racing.

Hey, It could catch on!

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:14 pm

You'll be waiting a long time on that one…

Chillwillard February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

If you think about it, Mitt is just like Danica Patrick: overrated, unqualified and unable to compete in a field dominated by white male rednecks.

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

She comes pretty close to delivering on godaddy.com, that distinguished high-minded firm with its oh-so-classy marketing strategy, which may be stated as follows: BOOBIES!

DaRooster February 28, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Fuck.
These.
Guys.
… yes all of 'em.

OzoneTom February 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Ugh! Not even with that Mexifucker's tiny dick!

Callyson February 28, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Off to class but I'll check in on the freak show later. Have fun, Wonketteers!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Will do, darlz! Have fun (?) at class!

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Don't you go doin' snobby shit like educating yourself, missy!

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

And those elitist institutions will indoctrinate her and make her all tolerant and secular and shit.

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Damn hippy electrical engineering degree.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

It'll make ya lose your religion (if you haven't already).

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Oh, those are the worst. Engineering classrooms just REEK of pot and patchouli.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Come back to us when you have no class. : )

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I'm'a clone and patent you, goddammit. You totally fucking win all the funny.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Goddammit, Barb, I read through all the eleventy brazillion comments above yours saying, nay, praying to myself, "Please, let no one else have made a snark about "no class" at teh Wonkette, please,let no one else have made a snark about "no class" at teh Wonkette". You owe me back those three minutes of my life!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Sorry.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

Don't listen to him, he's just jealous. You keep right on snarking, hon.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 1:30 am

Frothy's right – I was just being a cad.

SexySmurf February 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I'm going to go ahead and predict a big night for Buddy Roemer.

Did I mention I just got a new job as a political commentator at CNN?

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

They don't even KNOW how badly they need wonkette commentary on that wolf-forsaken channel.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Don't they have an opening at MSNBC?

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:46 am

We're gin-soaked anal puppets, not racists. We have dignity.

HistoriCat February 29, 2012 at 9:38 am

Who are you calling gin-soaked??

Barb February 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Newt puts the "hippo" in "hypocrite"

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Oh, BARB! I laughed so hard I think I lost a bit of lung.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

sorry : )

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Oh, no, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

I'm looking at Romney, in his grandpa dungarees and I feel like I am going to yodel groceries here.

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Oh good lord, Barb……YES! Will steal, 5 stars, many thumbs up.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Thanks Nothing, hugs!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

I like the House of Fudge.. (The house Fudge built? Superfudge?)

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:34 am

I don't want no ice cream love,
That's too cold for me, little girl.
I don't want no ice cream love, girl can't you see?

I want a love that's warmer than the summer sunshine,
I want a love that's as warm as mine,
Because my love, is warmer than a chocolate fudge.

(Heard that on the speaker today at Chipotle in Tucson. One love, Jah Rastafari.)

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 8:05 pm

That's it – I give my self totally to the force of dorkness within me. I swear to God I just squealed "RAAAACHELLLL" at my TV when she started her freaking part of the coverage.

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

That's kinda hot.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:57 am

I know, right?

Everything about Rachel just makes me go "unf" under my breath.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Okay, I don't want to see anyone not drinking.

Dashboard Buddha February 28, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Too late. Just bought a fresh Dewers today.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

"not drinking". Yes, I see.

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I got AMERICAN Honey and Dr Pepper cause I want diabetes, tooth decay, and a headache after I, um celebrate? Celebrate right? If Mitt loses? Oh my god am I pulling for Santorum?

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"pulling for Santorum." I wish I were quick enough to really give that the joke that it needs. Help me someone…..

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Already had the Martini. Will switch to cheap wine soon, as I'm going to have to drink so much there's no point in guzzling the good stuff.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

I'm gonna go make a bourbon and Coke in a minute.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Dark & Stormy for me. I hope I have enough lime!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Decent white wine, for a change.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

How Civilized! We won't tell the rest of these deviates.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

How about a decent BLAH wine, huh? Are we not men?

(I don't know what that last question meant. It just popped into my head, WTF.)

Boojum_Reborn February 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

G'day Bruce.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Howls of Derisive Laughter, Bruce!

Boojum_Reborn February 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

She's a good Sheila, and not at all stuck up.

Doktor Zoom February 29, 2012 at 1:35 am

'Ot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, Bruce!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

G'day, Ocker!

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I'm in a library getting a contact drunk off the scent leaking from the pores of the homeless people. It will have to do for the moment.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

R U Fukin' KIDDING me? This is the big one!

OK, the next most biggest one.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Vodka and ice. Good to go!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Diet beer once the hockey game starts in an hour.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Enjoy the game!

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

There is no Rule Six.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

But there is Rule 34.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:22 am

Boy is there ever! Damn, the Netz get more hentai every year!

littlebigdaddy February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

No worries here, mate.

MosesInvests February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Rule number seven-no pooftahs!

Chillwillard February 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Santorum to Democrats: "Froth With Me."

bikerlaureate February 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

I want to tell you
just how much
I froth you.

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Nate the Skate sayz exit polls report over 40% of the Michigan Republican primary voters identify themselves as Demrats. Perhaps Frothy can ride that foam to victory.

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

That would be so sweet. We could get our Congress back.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

OMG, weej. HOLD ME!!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I'm watching the Costa Concordia sink right now. It's pretty much the same thing.

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Except I was sad about the cruise ship sinking.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

That's the truth. id'nt it?

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

But it was so stupid. Anyone who has been on a boat, no matter what size knows better. I knew by the time I was 9. Geez.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

So what's the deal? They got the fuel out of it and now they're just going to sink it?

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Lloyd's of London insures most sea going vessels that go to sea. The cost for the insurance is enormous even if you do have a history. The captain was a total idiot. You do not abandon ship of you are the captain. Do not. Lives were needlessly lost. It is a travesty.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Do captains of ships suffer the same fate as captains of Wall Street when they fuck up?

OKthennext February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Yes. Not one flipping frucking thing happens to them. Except they get a huge bonus.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:09 pm

They already want a recount!!1!

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Recount/Chads 2012!!!1!

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I have a friend who's a nurse, and worked for a while on Nantucket. All the EMT's, nurses, doctors etc refer to the rich idiot tourists who get themselves injured as "Chads". As in, "Collision on such and such road, en route with two Chads"

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

So when do they put in the phone call to Scalia and Roberts?

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Newt's campaign is featuring gas cans? Wow..

not that Dewey February 29, 2012 at 12:11 am

HE HATES THESE CANS! STAY AWAY FROM THE CANS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcwz8-EfFYE&fe

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Hey, it's Fuck Toad! and he's derpy!

gullywompr February 28, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Fuck Toad / Derpy 2012 !!!!!1!

BearNoLike February 29, 2012 at 2:11 am

I got you a present. Here ya go
http://bln.gs/b/24dwy4

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

How many votes for Reagan in Arizona so far?

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Reagan the socialist RINO?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

No, Reagan the fully Mythologized Ideologically purified Icon. Of course!

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Looks like a good night for us Tamron Hall admirers, if they'd just give her more screen time.

They kinda owe it to the viewers to balance all the Ed Show and Steve Scott time. Reverend Al isn't a visual delight either.

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Isn't she gorgeous in that dress?

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Blah people can look terrific in colors that make white people look ridiculous, as TH just demonstrated, again.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:36 am

The dress was extra-special-gorg on her.

CivicHoliday February 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

This is a terrible terrible time to be pregnant. Darn you, fetus! Momma needs some bourbon.

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I hope for both your sakes that you get to drink heavily towards the end of Sept/Oct. I may shift into alcohol overdrive….which is only, like, 2 drinks for me. Still….getting into the screaming backside of this election might near kill me.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

When is your baby due?

CivicHoliday February 29, 2012 at 11:19 am

I'm due at the end of Aug so lucky for me I can be plenty liquored up for election season

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 8:12 pm

How's that strategy of opposing the auto bailout that saved Michigan working for you again, Mittens?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Better than we'd hoped. With 35% reporting, Mittens is now running at 41% to 38% for Shitstain.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

Rite? What a complete and utter fucking tool that guy is.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Just think of the time being spent here, we could be helping kidz and oldz instead of wasting it here getting drunk and making fun of teevee and gooper clowns.

Carrabuda February 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm

"Wasting"?

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Recall, Recall!!1!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I recall NOTHING!

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I have a sadz FROTHY, this is your last liveblog for a while. : (

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Seriously, dude….you can't be gone long, it's only gonna get more insane.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Hey! I have one job on this blog! It's Stupid, but I'm gonna do it!

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

What, don't feel bad, Radio, you ARE helping the oldz by posting on Wonkette! Teh Wonkette is like Bill O'Reilly for soshulist Commie libruls.

jtalaska February 28, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I don't know any Arizonans but I have a few friends that own Arizona. Ann runs over brown people in her Cadillacs.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

And strangles media in her spare time.

chascates February 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

All of us in this room know the media loves Barack Obama. They don’t want anyone who has a chance of defeating him,” she [Ann] says.

Ann, it's because your husband says dumb things!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

To EVERYbody.

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Fences are people, too, my friends. And so are vigilantes, for that matter.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

The hilarious thing about that whole fiasco is that mittens probably thought he was being slick by not admitting that in fact, he and Ann don't "drive" anything, but are chauffeured in limos for all distances too short to be realistically covered by private plane. He thought he was cleverly lowering himself to the level of the commoners so that they would vote for him. Even then, he came across as impossibly wealth and tone deaf.

rocktonsam February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

is Newt going to quit or is he dumping Cally?

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

It's only a matter of time for the campaign, and Callista.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Apparently he's seeking to burn her alive with his 'Gallon for Newt' shit.. (still doesn't quite know how to 'make it look like an accident', though).

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

why does this choice have to be mutually exclusive? Can't he do both? I would prefer he quit _and_ she dumps him. That would be nice, although she does like the shiny objects, and someone has to pay for that helmet hair of hers.

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

First, Newt tries to force Thomas More to strongarm the Pope into declaring his marriage to Callista unconsummated, at least post-wedding. When that doesn't work, he connives to have the Pope declare her a witch, pointing to her spare vagina she keeps tucked in a Kate Spade cosmetic case as proof of her truck with the devil. The Pope is all distracted invading Poland & won't let Newt behead the White Queen. Finally, Newt announces that Callista has gone "hiking" on the "Appalachian Trail." Heartbroken, Newt holds a press conference declaring that Callista has left him for a luscious Latina and she is never, ever ever seen again.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Sigh…

All of….

Oh, forget it.

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Olympia Snowe's retirement is gonna set up a whale of a catfight over prime acting roles between her and that other Olympia. You know, the Greek one.

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:25 pm

They're both Greeks, despite Snowe's ice-goddess name.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympia_Snowe

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Michael's grandmother?

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Huffington?

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Not anymore, but I used to huff a ton.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Wensleydale?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Cedar.

With musturd.

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

cheezus christ! Why'd you have to bring that up?

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

"The Concordia is taking on water fast, listing and starting to sink."

Hey, Mittens, sound familiar?

Carrabuda February 28, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Jeezus, Newt, put a cork in it.

DemmeFatale February 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Oh Jim, is it Wolfie?
(What am I saying? It's always Wolfie!)
His monotone makes him sound like he's screaming ALL THE TIME!

finallyhappy February 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I am making popcorn and not watching.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Wait, you can really do that with a tampon?

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Newt can suck a chocolate shake through a tampon.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

win.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Chocolate shake = santorum amiright??? Why be coy?

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Frothy crushing Mittens in Michigan 49 votes to 35.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

No WAY!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

No. The word is in now. Mittens just won Michigan. Yech.

weej_bain February 29, 2012 at 9:27 am

Word still the same this mourning. Must go to the Caves of Ajanta and contemplate a naval orange, or naval jelly, or a Lil' Sumpin'.

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Today, we are all vodka-soaked tampons.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Those are all the rage (hysteria?) in some Arizona high schools. I can't imagine the burn, but those skanks prolly snort Valtrex for breakfast.

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

About five years ago, I found myself extraordinarily renditioned to the Chaparral Suites in drrrty Crotchdale for a good friend's wedding. My particular "suite" was almost within jizzing distance of Bob Crane's final shoot. (Really…I tried!)

It was one hundred-and-hell degrees in the shade, and there was no shade. Every local lady I met sounded like tranny, smelled like Chambord, and looked like the back of a Nicaraguan pole dancer's right knee.

I was so unsettled by the whole experience that I found it necessary to create a rather elaborate MySpace-based alter-ego for myself ("Mr. Scottsdalian!") in an ultimately unsuccessful effort to disassociate my severely shaken psyche from the Valtrax-snorting hooch-cooches who haunted and hookered every dark, dry, adobe-caked corner of my mind.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Hunter?

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:24 am

Jesus. I've been in Scottsdale a couple of times and it just looked like a flat, wealthy piece of fucking desert.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:51 am

That's all I remember about it, too. English gardens, I think, that needed shitloads of water, in the middle of the fucking desert.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

As long as it's not *Newt's* dood.

I wouldn't mind being, you know, Michelle Obama's tampon.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:37 am

You're a kinky bitch, y'know that?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:52 am

Oh, you think this is news to me. (Hugs the li'l fox.)

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Just stuff a celery stalk in it and make it a bloody Mary.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Ew, not NEWT!

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Easy for you to say.

(How ya feelin', dear Bar? How's Jarb?)

Barb February 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I'm feeling good, thanks Extemporanus. I popped my incision open once and then just had to do it again for good measure. Jeff is getting really good at grabbing Neosporin and making butterfly bandages.

I was so annoyed with the Wonketeers, talking about post-op stool softeners and stuff that they had no right to say to me as a lady. I was on my knees in the hallway and screamed for Jeff to print out every comment from the last year-in triplicate- and bring it to me quickly. I will only buy bathroom tissue if it is discreetly bagged in both paper AND plastic. I walked into Walgreen's and grabbed a clerk by the collar and screamed, "You, stool softener, me, NOW!" In the bitch slap of a hummingbird, I was eating them like Skittles.

I went from the lady who runs the water in the sink when I tinkle, even when I am alone, to a tramp who will give Jeff a full frontal lap dance and sink to my knees, wrapping a rubber strap around my arm, tapping my vein, begging Jeff, "give me some stool softeners, I don't have any money, you know I am good for it, I'll do anything for you" as I kiss up his thigh.

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 12:00 am

In this country, you gotta get the stool softeners first. Then when you get the stool softeners, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 12:12 am

Okay, true story here. There was a nice Native family that came the same time as during Barb's surgery. The Mom who came in with her daughter stayed there and we ran into each other a number of times during Barb's stay.
When I brought Barb home, I put her to bed and ran off to the Walgreens down the street to pick up her meds. I was going up and down the aisles looking for things to make her more comfortable. I get a tug on my sleeve and there this older lady was with a armful of stool softeners. We had some nice chit-chat, and I ran off to get my share of them too. That way we could go through check out together.
The clerk must have thought that there was some sort of massive cheese tasting party in the neighborhood that week. LOL.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

Oh, god, Barb, your talent is WASTED on mere earthlings! Book this woman on the galactic circuit, STAT!

Extemporanus February 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

One word: Velcro.

Lizzie and I were seriously hopin' that Doc would let you bring your hysteria home with you, and that you'd make it your avatard (i.e. "Jarb"). Alas…

I'm very heartened to hear that the ol' hoohaw foofaraw is mostly behind you. As fart would have it, I read your reply whilst being worked over quite brutally by an OxyContin-corked bat of my own. Fucking pain in the neck…

Anywizzle, you will always be a lady to me, m'Lady. And your champion Jeffer will always be the shit. Now, you two go get the hell better — I sense movement.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:38 am

A few years ago I did a stupid thing (this is not a sufficiently rare event) and fell off a ladder and broke five ribs. The best I was allowed for painkillers was hydrocodone — if I hadn't been in so much pain I would have tried to negotiate for morphine, but you know how it is.

Anyhow, they definitely worked better than nothing. A week or ten days later, the ribs didn't hurt so bad, and I stopped taking the painkillers. Somewhere around there, it occurred to me that I hadn't, as they say, voided my bowels for a week or ten days. Shortly thereafter, my body attempted to remedy this situation, but failed miserably. Luckily, at that time I still lived in San Jose, so it was a matter of minutes before my hand was around the throat of some pharmacy employee.

Gah. It wasn't the worst pain, but it was kind of the most aggravating pain. I think stool softeners could be the basis for a new religion.

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 9:04 pm

When I was 16, I desperately wanted to have a vag for an entirely different reason.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Yes?

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Somewhere to put what Extemporanus says we all are?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Je ne comprends pas.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:15 pm

The clitoris?

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I just snarfed beer!

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Best reason to have one, by far.

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I actually got my first one when I was 16, and it was totally full of booze.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Your vagina was full of booze?

This sounds … kinky, but pleasurable.

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

It was both kinky and pleasurable, but alas, short lived.

She moved to Canada later that Summer.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

You got your first vagina when your were 16? How many vaginas do you have? I'm completely lost now!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I'm tellin' ya. I thought I was kinky. You guys have me beat by a double handful.

So to speak, of course.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

That's former Trotskyite vodka-soaked tampons.

user-of-owls February 29, 2012 at 12:25 am

You forgot the popinjay, you monster!

Extemporanus February 29, 2012 at 2:48 am

You're a real plug, aren't you?

not that Dewey February 29, 2012 at 9:07 am

I thought maybe the tampon took the place of the popinjay?

Rotundo_ February 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Let me see here: Spend hours sitting on the edge of my seat in anticipation of either Mittens or Santorum winning an election or turn in early and catch the highlights reel on the "Good God it's sad that you're up early enough to watch this shit!" report tomorrow? I'll just flip the alarm to "on" now. Hey Mitt! Pathetic fucking losers who lose their "Home" state primary are people too! (add best Nelson Muntz laugh: HA HA).

annettaj February 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

My ears and eyes started bleeding twenty-one mintes ago.
Is it over yet?

chascates February 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Sen. Olympia Snow is retiring. What fruitcake will want to run for her seat?

Nothingisamiss February 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

The one who wants to lose to the democrat.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Bingo. She probably planned this to give the Dem the seat. She was really the only thing standing between the tea party and the Dems taking that seat back.

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Diane Rehm should run, so the State of Maine could have two charter members of the slow-talkers club as senators.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Is Rehm as old as she sounds? Because that would make her, like, 120.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

She has Spasmodic Dysphonia which does make her sound like she's 120.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

What Loaded says, but she's also 76.

orygoon February 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

I don't know, but if I go up to Olympia, Washington, can I vote for the least appalling one?

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Shelley Adler, wife of John Adler, 3rd District of NJ, is running to unseat Jon Runyan, ex- football player repub. Jon won by only 5,000 votes. Another women democrat for the US house. I stop by the office of Jon to voice my complaints over the repubs attack on women. Well, it is by Whole Foods so no big deal. Repubs. Fail.

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Throw batteries the next time you stop.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Dead batteries, so they don't pick them up for their vibrating dildos.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Good on ya, LagunaB!

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Oh, fuck it: All of them, Katie?

Toomush_Infer February 28, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Heh! Heh! Heh! I'm already 3 cuba libres fortified for the fallout – I like to be above the fray (less frothiness)….

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:26 pm

"I feel a great disturbance in the Farce – as if hundreds of Republican political consultants cried out in pain and terror"

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Bahahaha!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

"Fail, You will."

NYNYNYjr February 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Interesting fact: Gingrich's team had their shit together enough to enable him to be on the ballot in both Michigan and Arizona. Currently Paul is ahead of him in Mittagain, hopefully it stays that way.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Newt Gingrich with 7% in Michigan.

What's it feel like, pissing away millions and millions of dollars, Mr Adelson?

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

He probably says, "Easy come, easy go," and rejiggers the house percentage on the slots to make it back.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

They do that anyway. And it is posted. My husband likes to gamble. I don't but I watch what is happening. Look on the walls. The odds are posted and changed during the day.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Yeah, they stripped Adelson like a Lexus left outside a Detroit methadone clinic.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:31 pm

2% of the vote is in and they've already called It! Wolf Blitzer is a loser.

DahBoner February 29, 2012 at 7:47 am

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE IT THERE

mavenmaven February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Crossover voters? Yeah, right, like someone might actually be able to motivate Democratic voters to do something for their own good.

e_z February 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Sad to say, I'm watching American Idol, none of the folks in these elections qualify.

TheRiverCharley February 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I've got $500 that says Newt Gingrich rage-shits all over Mitt Romney's face while Mitt Romney rage-shits all over Rick Santorum's face when they both lose to Rick Santorum – Rick, meanwhile, will be desperately scrubbing at the shit stains all over his favorite sweater vest. And, hey Rick! Everybody knows you dab at stains, not scrub. You fucking idiot.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Dish soap is the best with cold water for stains.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Erin Burnett suggests that there’s been a lot of ad buys in Michigan and then offers to get us all high at the Moon Tower in 45 minutes."
teehee ahaha

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Romney and Santorum are now trading the lead, here, with 5% in.

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Ana Marie Cox tweets: "DeWine on MSNBC: 'Santorum is starting to catch fire.' Well, with the petroleum component and all..".

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Fecal flambé??

♪♫ Come on Frothy light a fire ♫♪

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

"The Flaming Santorum"

The Hottest new Cocktail on the Club Circuit.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Hot Shit on a Catholic Roof!

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

♫♪ The poop, the poop, the poop is on fire… ♪ ♫♪

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 8:38 pm

On the bright side, the new Vatican-Whitehouse Tunnel will cut several days off the current land route through the Arctic and will be open year round.

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Gawd i feel so dirty rooting for Santorum……..so literal…….

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 8:42 pm

CNN.com is currently showing what they say is Gingrich's speech live – did he really start at 8:04, and is still droning on now? Ugh.

He's promising $2.50/gallon gas, but won't explain how; just says says to go to his website. Bullshit; President's can't control that.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Did you try the website? Maybe he's shorting gasoline futures or something.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Do you mean his website with the big DONATE button?

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:02 pm

See I accidentally read that as THROW YOUR MONEY DOWN A HOLE.

And we're all supposed to push "Gingrich means $2.50 gas" on Facebook and that Twittery thing.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'm sooooo glad I'm too old for twitter. Aside from its usefulness in social uprisings and what not, it seems absolutely moronic.

SorosBot February 29, 2012 at 12:21 am

I'm old, but not that old, but have never seen the point of the Twitter. Is there any use for it if you're not trying to promote yourself?

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I love gooooold!

Go on, little meme. Propagate!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Hey, I'll NEVER be able to look at the old dood the same way. He'll always be Goldmember to me, from now on.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

Is there a decent shop of Goldmember with DoktorPaul's face? There should be.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:04 am

Does it *need* photoshopping?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Ronpaul-member!

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:47 am

This is completely unrelated to the thread, but every time I see a post from you I wonder if your handle is related to "Creature Features". Eh?

C_R_Eature February 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Actually, no, but that's a good one! I couldn't come up with anything clever so it's just a play on an obscure book, its author and a word that makes me laugh.

I was a big fan of Creature Features as a kid and "Chiller Theater" with the awesome claymation six-fingered hand rising out of the swamp. Who didn't like that, Eh?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm
Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

That never gets old. One of my favorite movies (don't worry, I'm not a complete sociopath).

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Oh, we cater to all kinds here. You'd be surprised.

I still say that as a catch phrase, sometimes, without thinking.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I think it's entered the national lexicon after 25 years (1987!) I hear people say it that I KNOW aren't conscious of its origin.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Damnit, Frothball. The vote I took with great scarifice better count, you howdy-doody-looking' motherfucker.

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

This is the first time I have ever been able to say these words to someone who voted for Santorum – HEY! GOOD JOB! I am pleased and excited by your vote!

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Hear, hear for our insurgent hero!!1!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Hey, who you callin' … oh. OK.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:03 pm

NO! Romney is pulling ahead!

fuflans February 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

meh. two days from now, ricky will be declared victor b/c 7433 votes were lost in grand rapids or something.

you did good man. kisses from a chicago lass.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I thought "scarifice" was a typo, but, hey, maybe not.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:05 am

However it turns (turned? I'm a little late here) out, I think you made the right effort.

The Founders left us a political system (due to their unfortunate inability to see the future) that is biased in favor of low-population-density, predominantly-rural, low-tolerance-for-diversity voters.

Taking advantage of a legal loophole in the primary process is but a small counter to the overall bias.

And, Michigan is not winner-take-all, so your vote counts no matter what.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

With 9% in, it's Santorum over Romney by 1%.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 8:49 pm

12% in with Santorum up 3%.

bflrtsplk February 28, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Just finished recovering my computer from a major league system crash and all I get is the Mittster – again. Isn't this where I left off.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Santorum is sweeping the UP, which, while bad, is good for Yoopers in that Santorum stinks less when it's frozen solid.

Chichikovovich February 28, 2012 at 9:05 pm

You would think that being so close to the sensible, reasonable, intelligent people of Northern Ontario might rub off on the Youpers. But nooooo…..

(Edit: and I forgot to add: scary – socialist NDP voters)

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

A Yooper's idea of a liberal is STUPAK SHAKUR, so your mileage may vary.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

Well played regarding ice santorum.

bikerlaureate February 28, 2012 at 8:52 pm

From a MichiganDer – I hope the white guy who says all the stupid stuff wins.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

So … which of those four eejits would that be, then?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Well, you are in luck, tonight, my friend!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

I married a man from Michigan.

DoktorThompson February 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

That'll teach ya.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

It's "That'll LARN ya."

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Sounds like the beginning of a limerick.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I married a man from Nantucket.
Who carried his balls in a bucket.
And often was said,
As he pulled out his head,

… oh, never mind.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:08 am

Possibly, the important preposition here is FROM.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I hope you bet money on that.

V572 Flambé February 28, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Oh man only 8 minutes to go until they declare a winner (UPers don't count). LA Times has S'torum up by 2.5%. Go, Li'l Ricky!

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Those Maxim pics of Erin Burnett are fake.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Damn it.

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 8:55 pm

So who is the first GOP party head to throw Mittens under the bus tomorrow after he loses his home state? DeMint? Boehner? I bet Palin

Extemporanus February 28, 2012 at 8:56 pm

How does that Santorum-soaked tampon taste, Newt?

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

That is cold-blooded.

elburritodeluxe February 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Lube up, Mittens, it's gonna be a long night. Caps are losing too.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm
C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Yes. It's not working.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Wolf is watching the poll closing clock. What a dolt.
Now he says that Mitt is struggling in his state of fetus.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Quick question:
Is ANYONE in the press calling this thing "The Showdown in Motown"?

Because, really, how can these hacks possibly resist a line like that???

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Or "Rumble in the Motor City?" Nobody? Crickets?

Chichikovovich February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

The poopie in the U.P. ?

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Someone would have to explain what "Motown" means to the candidates.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Blah people.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

The Man-Harmer in Ann Arbor?

The Queer Porn in Dearborn?

The Battle in Battle Creek?

The god-knows-what in Ypsilanti?

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

The Assing in Lansing?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:15 pm

The Zoo in Kalamazoo?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

They certainly *put* the zoo in Kalamazoo.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Ok.
hum, all of the Katie?

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Is anyone watching Jennifer Granholm in The War Room?

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Not in a while. I love her as a person and a pretend-girlfriend, but her show is boring as hell.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm

She is a doll and a little boring, true.

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Canadians, eh?

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

What are they aboot?

Jeffer February 28, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Poor Barb has to put up with me watching Jennifer and following Nate Silver on election nights. Well for 50 more minutes then it's on to Hockey!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Hey Frothy! Jeffer is here.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Hey, Jeffer! (Hugs the Jeffer) Do you know why I call your wife LOLA?

Because she makes me LOL Alla time.

DerrickWildcat February 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I like her hair.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I've got MSNBC's live feed working, and they're already calling Arizona for Mittens, but the Michigan difference is now 233 votes.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Exit Pole information = Santorum

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I thought Rick shunned gentlemens' entertainment years ago..

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:14 pm

I don't think it was that kind of "pole" and that kind of "entertainment" that Radio was talking about.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe to retire in blow to GOP

But really, who WOULDN'T want to retire in blow? Even if you have to take the GOP with you.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Funky spunk?

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:11 am

God knows, I didn't get any blow when I got retired.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm

I hope Karl Rove is huddled in a corner of his office with an empty scotch bottle. Weeping.

DustBowlBlues February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

I hope Frothy Catholic wins, just to see Karl's head explode. The Rs have been working on creating Frankenstein since the days of the Southern Strategy right through the Christian Conservatives to the Kock brothers astroturfed teabaggers. Interesting to see how they react when the monster of their creation won't do their bidding.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Their Monster is eating them this year. They all know it, hate it and are absolutely powerless to do anything about it.
It's a fine thing to watch, as long as none of us get Eaten too.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

I have been waiting 50 years for their karma to implode.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:13 am

Frankenreep? Reepenstein's Monster?

I'ma work on this.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

I hope he takes that empty scotch bottle and sticks it where the santorum does shine.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 28, 2012 at 9:08 pm
LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Do you want to eat Candy or Crow?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

That is the most Horrendous, Disturbing animated Gingrich .gif I have ever seen. Now I will have nightmares.

Thank you very much. I will cherish it.

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 9:11 pm

With 18% in, Romney's ahead by 4%. Shit! Come on, Frothy!

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

25% in and 3% for Romney.

elburritodeluxe February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Snowe was kind of a bitch with the Obamacare vote, but overall a good egg.

PuckStopsHere February 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

The shocking things was to see all those names: Santorum, Romny, Gingrich, Cain, Bachmann, et. al., on an actual ballot in front of me and realizing that there were people who were going to vote for one of them because they believed they were capable of being President of the United States. Voted for Santorum. Will probably go to Hell for it.

arihaya February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

don't worry Romney will Mormon-baptisize you after you're dead, so you can go to Mormon heaven

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I hear there are really good taco stands.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

In Mormon heaven? Oh, fuck to the no. Those people eat godawful shit with whipped cream, sugar, and fat all over it!

arihaya February 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

urgh Mittens' wife said that she is planning to "strangle the media"

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

She needs to sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up before some Temple Recommend holder kicks her overfed bottle-blond ass.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

The way Tweety keeps talking about the Reagan Democrats and Catholic voters and everything other 30 year old thing that comes out of his mouth, did he ever leave the 80s?

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:23 pm

No. And his attitudes towards women haven't left the Mad Men era.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I'm so damned tired of hearing about Reagan Democrats. They'd largely switched parties or went back to be just regular, ole Democrats by the time of Bush the Elder. They haven't been resurrected in two fucking decades. Gah! They simply aren't a factor in Michigan presidential politics, anymore.

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Still more of them than there are Nader Republicans.

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

The 1880's? No.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He's been overtly, and now covertly, plugging his Kennedy book for about half a year now.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Sure, just as soon as he gets back from that Depeche Mode concert.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

What Michigan needs is a sudden, powerful peristaltic surge of Santorum.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Smooth muscular Jesus.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:21 pm

A Rick Peristaltic surge? Now I have the confused.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Arizona lurves R-Money!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm

It was the McCain endorsement and the last minute Jan Brewer endorsement, I'm sure.

(It wasn't.)

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

R'oh Mittens in the lead everyone rally caps now!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

OH KAY!!!!1!! I'M IN MY RALLY CAPS!!!

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

NEGROPOLIS, Airy Fscheister is talking about YOU. A mischievous voter.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm

What I got for Ari, he better duck it.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Now John King called you mischievous. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Did you cross over, Negropolis?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

Yep. I figured that since the state is paying for this, I might as well play. Plus, we get our own Dem caucus for Obama in a few months.

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Did you dress up like a Black Panther? That would have been amazing .

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:19 am

You know, I'd love it if chance caused me to be introduced to Ari Fleisher. Unfortunately, this is not as likely as it might once have been. Or maybe it's not unfortunate, as I am really too old to go to prison for aggravated battery.

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Oh no, Airy should NOT come to MY neighborhood. Beers to you from Kalamazoo!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Yay for Mrs.Bitch, sometime Wonketteer~!

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Santorum: latin for loser!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Thad McCotter on MSNBC defending the auto bail-out, while supporting Mitt Romney…
So much for keeping his surrogates on message.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Romney supporter Thaddeus McCotter, talking with Maddow, keeps talking about how wrong he was on the auto bailout. Great way to support your man Thad!

chascates February 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Thaddeus McCotter? Anyone with a name like that probably would be a Romney supporter!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Thanks for pointing that out.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I see we both mentioned that at the same time. Man, Mittens is great in inspiring loyalty isn't he?

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Yeah, but only one of use got quoted. :(

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Damn that ginger! I mean that other ginger, not me.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:27 am

Did he bring his guitar and sing his praise to Rmoney?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Romney wins Arizona

Michigan too close to call

Second Dark & Stormy glass 0.25 full

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

We've all seen Santorum pull facts out of his ass. Tonight, I hope he finds a few extra votes, up there, to bridge the gap.

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

It'll be messy.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:21 am

I'm still willing to pull his heart out of there

Mojopo February 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Yay, Arizona wins a a robot and a poop pie from Minny!

ttommyunger February 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Early Primary voting all week here in Dumfuckistan. Torn between which total asshole to vote for. Finally decided: tomorrow I will cast my vote for the Newtster, hee, hee. Really. I feel it is my civic duty, and the best I can do for Barry so far, not being a gazillionaire and all.

Mojopo February 28, 2012 at 9:26 pm

That is a scream… Godspeed sir!

ttommyunger February 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

I will have a difficult time suppressing a massive boner while doing so, I fear. May have to fap in the booth…A first!

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:22 am

Don't leave any hanging splooge on the ballot.

ttommyunger February 29, 2012 at 6:52 am

No danger of that, the RepubliKlan Majorities here have done away with such insidious things as ballots or other vote-verifying devices (whimper).

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 8:48 am

Make sure Gingrich wins, and that he wins huge. I say this to anyone voting from here on out: vote for the guy that's most competitive with Romney in your state, and if that guy is actually way up in the polls, just add to it.

Romney is going to be the nominee, regardless, so we might as well bloody him as much as we can before he reaches the convention. Couldn't happen to a better guy if you ask me.

elburritodeluxe February 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Please Michigan, make Santorum the cum (in my) crack kid!

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

♫♪ Cisco builds jobs
Cisco builds cars
That put you out of a job
using robots ♪♫

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

After today i demand a Newt Paul thunderdome deathmatch. Two crazy geezers enter, one crazy geezer leaves time to cull the herd

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Why is Ron Paul in Palin's Alaska Föx Studio?

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Isn't he at a funeral?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Because…He loves Gooooooold!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I just noticed that Michigan is shaped like a mitten.
(I'm so high right now)
I keep looking and I can't quite put my finger on what Florida is shaped like.

Mojopo February 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

I'm so glad you're feeling good, Barb!

EDIT: I am feeling awesome because my nieces are paying attention to politics this year. One is voting for the first time ever.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I'm so glad you're high right now, Barb.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Thanks Radio!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Thanks for the well wishes.
I am proud of your nieces for being excellent citizens and doing their civic duty.

Mojopo February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

They're Libs – fear not. I did my job as an aunt.

gullywompr February 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ever since 2000, Florida looks like a turd to me.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I hope you're feeling much better and getting over the removal of your organs there.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I am feeling well, Soros. Thanks!

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

You traded organs for drugs? Hook me up!

Actually, glad you're feeling okay. Cheers!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Thanks Sweetie Bibioteq!

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I was tending bar (in Michigan) and showing someone where something is on the back of my hand (as one does) and an old bar fly at the end muttered, "I wonder what people in Florida use?"

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Maps?

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

feces?

NellCote71 February 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

God, I miss those days.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

You DO know that Mookie called in a tip to Wonketz and it got credited, right? WTF is your uterus doing bringing the snark? Do I have to deal with TWO snarkyBarbs now?

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Um, Barb, if you can't put a finger on what Florida is shaped like, maybe we Wonketeers better all get togther and have a talk with Jeffer and see what the problem is.

Jeffer February 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

I need to stand in profile a little more.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh, that's what he means when he is screaming, "Oh baby, don't forget the Keys, they aren't orphans, you know!"

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:41 am

Do you guys ever stop fucking because you're LAUGHING so hard? Because I just almost choked on my nuts here … I mean … gotta go.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:40 am

You know, I wasn't gonna *touch* that remark … I mean … never mind.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:30 am

I'm happy you're high, but Michigan (sans UP) has looked like a mitten for some time now. Sorry, but I grew up in Wisconsin (hand), and now live in California (use your imagination).

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Paul: "There's something about this message about young people, blah blah blah.. but someone is being cremated directly behind me, which is exciting!"

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Where are these results you're watching??? On television??? I've never watched it, but some of my friends do own television networks.

whiskeybaby February 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I love this meme so much

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:31 pm

My wife drives two Jumbotrons.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:05 am

Who made your rain poncho?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:33 am

Spendy! Breaking out the big bux for the raincoats!

Says the man with two hundred and fifty million dollars in the bank.

orygoon February 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

So, not long ago The Spare was arguing with me (actually, he always argues, with everybody–it's endearing when you're used to it, which takes, what, 26 years?) about whether Illinois was the fourth-biggest state or something (by population), and as usual, I decided to end the argument by looking this kind of stuff up, which is easier (but apparently less satisfying) and I was gobsmacked to see that Michigan is in the top 10! It's number 8! I thought, you know, that everyone except my weird cousin Bob (who never goes anywhere, according to his way-more-normal sister Dawn, who got the hell out and lives in Minneapolis) had left! But no! It's still just chock-full of people, or "electoral votes"? (And I wonder who Cousin Bob voted for?)

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Of course we remember Thad McCotter- we made FUN of Thad McCotter!
also, Welcome Back, McCotter!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Up his nose with a rubber hose! (attached to the exhaust pipe of one of Mrs. Romney's plethora of Cadillacs.)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

That's *almost* as good as "taste her arterial spray," which I will never forget.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

We were tho Thad to thee him go!

Blueb4sunrise February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Arizona Daily Fishwrap sez

Exit polls show that jobs and the economy topped the list of issues most important to Arizona's GOP voters, and that Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration.

Jeebus wept.

Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/state-and-regional/bull

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Why do I have the feeling that "Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration" is the question of whether illegals should be hanged or given the electric chair if caught.

Blueb4sunrise February 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Yeah, not sure what percentage of the voting R's it is…..but at least some of them don't want anybody messing with their illegals. It's difficult enough as it is doctoring paperwork and sneaking them around.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Well, it's *Paul* Babeu, for sure, and I coulda sworn I heard Joe R. Piehole say today that Latinos LOVE him, so there's at least two right there.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

The repubs are really in a bind. They have to sound rabidly xenophobic enough to appeal to their base (or, ironically, what they imagine their base to be), yet still appeal to the donors to their superpacs who depend on teh illegalz for cheap, exploitable labor.

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Maybe that's some good old Western States "Live and let live/mind your own business" values creeping back in? Or growers and furniture store owners feeling the economic loss….

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

BILLIONS of dollars worth of produce rotting in the fields in AZ, AL, and GA. I'd say money's talking, dood.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Um, don't overestimate the good old Western State "Live and let live/mind your own business" values in this case. I will forever remember my mother telling me as I was growing up (in heavily blah SE D. C.) about the signs she saw in store windows growing up in Colorado that said "No dogs or Mexicans allowed".

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

"Republican voters are split on what to do about the issue of illegal immigration."

Because there are only two things that could be done? Actually, for these folks, it's probably remarkable that they're able to think about two whole options. Even if, as Milwaukee suggests, it's a debate about whether to use a .38 or a .45 when picking them off at the border.

NellCote71 February 28, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I thought the issues were abortion, contraception and religion.

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

My advice to Romney is to stop taking this thing so seriously – and from now on, just say the first thing that comes into your mind.

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

My advice is for Mitt to rent a very fast car with no top.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Because that's worked so well for Ricky.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Yes, that is the point.

BlueStateLibel February 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

"The humans are really strange, but sort of touching." "I compliment their trees, and still they don't like me!" Probably not good advice.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Har har har, Oh, YOU SO CRUEL!

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

He does look like Bulworth.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

rent a very fast boy with no top?

Come here a minute February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Four minutes for dinner? Pretty fancy. Bet Jim even used a plate.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That's time for four bowls of generic brand Minute Rice for the food stampers.

Gunner Asch February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

When I was stationed in Korea in the '60s my GF was telling me about the hard times right after the war. Americans donated American rice, which the Koreans took one taste of and traded it as fast as they could for expensive black market Chinese rice.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

elitist.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Enough time for a bowl of instant noodles after saying grace. RAmen!

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I get quoted by Jim? Awesome!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

And I didn't. :(

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm

May I have your autograph, Mr Soros Bot?

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Of course, of course; here you go.

That'll be $50.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

My husband will write you a post dated check.

Jeffer February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

I think we used all our checks yesterday at the post office applying for passports. However, we still have some gift certificates for the Hungry Whistler somewhere….

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

but I have a tumor.

orygoon February 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm

A great honor, and an aspiration of us all.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 9:33 pm

"9:25 — Ron Paul is accusing another politician (Rick Santorum) of believing in conspiracy theories."

Uh, someone's on his meds.

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Santorum over Romney, on a double-bill with Bring 'Em Young University.

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 9:41 pm

And that one with the two gay Bobs, 'Oral Roberts.'

Angry_Marmot February 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Followed by Paul Babeu in Assume the Position and the Iowa caucus in Meat Me at the Fair.

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

The Santorum is losing its viscosity

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Don't fart!!!

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Oh, man.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I'm conspicuously NOT asking you how you might know this.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

If Romney pulls out Michigan, tonight, it will be the saddest "win" of the season, a win you'd almost have rather had a loss with considering how close it is and how much money you had to spend.

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

The saddest part is that over 50% of Republicans still want somebody else!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

68% of the votes are in, and Romney is now running at 42% vs 38% for Frothy. Romney takes Michigan. Santorum drops out. (No, I said that, not the talking heads)

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Frothy will not drop out until at least Ohio. He didn't lose huge.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Oh gawd. I can't afford the amount of booze this will take.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

By now, his ego has blown up to such massive proportions that he will believe until the last second he will win this thing.

E_Tx_Pines February 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

What does the daughter with the doll look like these days?

Gawd, I loved that picture. Shattered dreams.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Thad McCotter throws in with MItt? It's over.
Too bad FrothyBoy couldn't keep his insanity under wraps for just a few more days.

Looks like Repugnants are willing to hold their noses and give it to Mitt. Can we stop paying attention now?

KeepFnThatChicken February 28, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I think we can (finally) expect Gingrich's campaign suspension, now.

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Nah he has Captain Ahab in his blood, he wants to hurt Romney more. I'm thinking Khan from Star Trek too

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Rooooooooooooooooooooom(ney)!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

The thought gives me a girl erection. I don't see him quitting though.

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Describe that please. Lovingly. Slowly.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Barb's husband's in the house, dood, hold it down, we don't want to spill the beans about her eloping with ALL of us.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Gay marriages for all!

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

OK, so HE describes it lovingly, slowly…

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm

It's also called getting wet.

NellCote71 February 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

It's like Rick Perry. I want him to stay in, but for different reasons.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Double down!!! Gingrich/Babeu 2012!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I give it at least another week. He still has southern states left to pander to.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

He's still got a few racist dog whistles up his sleeve. It worked so well in SC.

bikerlaureate February 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

He said clearly and repeatedly that he's in it 'til Tampa.

Are you suggesting he's not a man of his word?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Get that tongue OUT of your cheek, it's hangin' out your nostril.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:37 am

Ahahahahahahahahahah.

Sorry.

Dudleydidwrong February 29, 2012 at 11:00 am

I read that as "he's in it 'til Tampax." Didn't someone suggest soaking a Tampax in some alcoholic beverage and then inserting it in Gingrich's ass? I was hoping that it fell out during his last speech. If it was in Santorum's ass then I hope it fell (or was propelled forcefully) out during any speech. Romney? I hope it stays in until he explodes.

Now I find out it is "Tampa" and not "Tampax." Is there difference?

Bonzos_Bed_Time February 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Nope, still lots of books left to sell.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Tom Brokenjaw!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I predict that Romney will "Win" Michigan by 128 votes. However, the blissfully incompetent Republican primary election machine will suddenly find a bag of mostly Santorum votes in Drunk Uncle Fred's closet next week that will swing the state to Frothy by 56 votes.

Sound reasonable?

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Sadly, yes.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Something will Fuck Up tonight.

It has to.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Fuck up! (clap clap) Fuck Down! (clap clap) Fuck up, fuck down – the CRAPPER!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I'm going to have an orgasm just thinking about this.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Now I haz the sadz. You're even older than me, but I have to watch this on the Spice Channel for 20 minutes before I can have an orgasm.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:38 am

No, it will be two weeks, so it's all just "who gives a shit?" material.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:45 pm

BTW, kind of only tangentially related, but anti-PA-4 voters (the "Emergency Manager Law" that take over municipality and school districts) will be delivering well over 200,000 signatures to the state capitol, tomorrow, which will suspend the current law until November. They will be marched up from a neighboring church known for its social justice teachings.

Lest we forget, Obama is well on track to win by nearly 20% come November, the state Dems are leading on a generic ballot by 14% meaning we'll probably get back the state house, and we'll probably end up with the state supreme court, again. Stack on top of that that auto suppliers literally can't get out their products fast enough, and tonight remains a good night for Obama and every Democratic politician in this state even with the rising gas prices.

DustBowlBlues February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Thanks. I needed that.

biblioteq_tress February 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Thank you, my head is out of the oven now.

Not that this makes the next few months any easier to tolerate.

DustBowlBlues February 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

You gave me a real smile. And since I exist in a hidden corner of the USA's most dumbass states that, not coincidentally also the country's reddest state.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

AWRIGHT! YAY!

Oh, you make me so happy. (Hug, squeeze)

fuflans February 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

can i be your wonkette gf?

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:40 am

Y'all can suspend a law just by presenting signatures?

Fuck yeah.

Hail to the motherfucking victors.

Blueb4sunrise February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

via Atriot Gromit:

…the NYT is filling in Santorum's counties in Michigan using something with a frothy brown hue.

sho 'nuff
http://www.nytimes.com/

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

If Mitt does win Michigan tonight, will the Alien Brain Lizard exercise better or worse control over his language center?

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

David Gregory reminds me of the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, if they gave the Abominable Snowman a hair cut and a lobotomy.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

I totally see it.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

And pushed his face in a whole foot.

"Stretch." Gadz I despise that little turd. Remember him dancing with Karl Rove?

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm

No, I DIDN'T! Why did I have to read your comment??? You're just trying to get even before you go on vacation, or whatever it is you're doing.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:23 am

Aw, pdog, I'm sorry! Want me to scratch your ears, dood?

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

I heard him give a talk a Jewish temple here in Tucson (he started his TV "career" here … you're welcome). He was so dickish. Claiming to be very religious, yet simultaneously sounding materialistic and egocentric. Not blaming his upbringing — those characteristics co-exist in many religions (see tonight's presidential candidates).

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:24 am

It's the new flavour of religion, apparently. You don't have to give a fuck about anyone but yourself, and making money is GOOD. And fuck everybody else. Literally, if you can get away with it.

BklynIlluminati February 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

CNN calling Mittens Marie Antoinette….I can get behind this

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

So long as its not the Kirsten Dunst version. That'd be gross.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Super Tuesday is a week away. Anyone think that'll be the end of this thing?
Me neither. **sigh**

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:12 pm

My prediction is that it will go on and on and on and many of us will be very, very drunk.

NellCote71 February 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Will be? What is this future tense you speak of?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Ha! Okay:

My prediction is that it will go on and on and on and many of us will be very, very drunk never be sober again.

FIFY

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

And the downside of this would be what, exactly?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I think he's talking about our sanity. Even beautiful chaos is still chaos. There is a cost.

chascates February 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

So are we guessing (and hoping) Gingrich will slink away after next week's Super Bluesday? Callista has to be getting tired of traveling around and being stared at by hicks.

DustBowlBlues February 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

On the other hand, those hicks don't know what Tiffany's is.

SudsMcKenzie February 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

But I soo want to see him cart her out at Sturgis.

chascates February 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Oh, that would be incredible! The Romneys would have to show up as well.

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

The last traveling Freak Show shut down in 2006, Bill T. Hall's –I think he still had Pop Eye in his employ, probably Howard Huge and somebody with a third leg who "can kick a football the length of this tent! With his third leg!". The Gingriches have a long season of state and county fairs ahead of them. The hicks miss this stuff.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:46 am

What, were these guys at Summerfest and I missed it?

MilwaukeeKent February 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

State Fair. I might be off by a year or two. Maybe Pop Eye was gone by then, maybe it was Howard Huge, a Third Leg and a large boa constrictor…walked into a bar, etc. The Gingriches should embrace their wild inner Freak Show. The field is wide open.

cotugirl February 28, 2012 at 9:59 pm

"I wanna froth with you, all night…forth into the sunlight…I wanna froth with you all night…froth the night away…"

BTW the Newt gif is disturbing.

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Newt! Drop out you asshole so Santorum can beat Romney.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:53 am

I'm thinking not yet. There's a dynamic tension building. Santorum has the genuine lunatic christian-sharia element locked up already. Newt is accumulating the oh-fuck-we-can't-vote-for-this-Mormon contingent. Give it a while longer, to get more of them on board the Newt. Then, when Neut drops out to pursue his illiterary career, they'll be forced to switch to His Frothiness.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Aha, Justified is on. Not a moment too soon.

Biff February 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Thank dog.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I love a good story.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Best, show. ever. And the ass on that Timmy Oliphant? Yummm…

DustBowlBlues February 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Frothy's spewing mouth piece of a Republican douche says to Rachel that they consider Rick's chances in OK very good.

No shit, Sherlock?

chascates February 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I imagine the other 3 are considered socialists there?

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:54 am

Has there been a Mattress Mary endorsement?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Damnit. All of Michigans actual moderates decided to come out to vote, tonight.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:17 am

Was the weather nice?

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 1:09 am

Yep. Partly cloudy, but that's Michigan in the winter for you.

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Newt is looking to make a big splash on Super Tuesday, he's in at least that far [Santorum is always looking to make a splash, and S-T might be his night as well as the results dribble out. In, I mean, the results dribble in, of course]. Tonight's looking like a foregone conclusion, but Michigan isn't winner take all so some delegates will get Santorum on them, I mean Santorum will get some delegates…

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Roommate Rob sounds awesome.

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Santorum is talking about his mother getting multiple degrees, she a fucking snob! OTOH They just called it for Mittens.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Listening to Santorum's speech, the ghost of JFK just threw up.

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

God I despise this bastard!

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

Did he just equate Barry to King George IV?

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

He is slime. I can truthfully say I've never met a worse misogynist, and that includes the guy who used to beat me.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

WTF? C'mere, you. (hugs the little one) How could … ugh. Never mind.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

Hahaha! She CANNOT be proud of that boy. Unless she got a lobotomy on graduation day.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

None of his *other* relatives are. Both in Italy and the US they're all furious about his stance on women.

imissopus February 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Someone pointed out to me today that Santorum actually has one more degree than Barry, which just seems wrong.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Skull and Bones, illuminati, blah blah blah.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Oh, you can get damn near anything by mail order these days.

bikerlaureate February 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Good grief. I changed the channel when evil Gov. Snyder was lying, and flipped back in time to hear what a college-educated elitist Frothy's mom is.

The paradoxical dissonance is going to implode my TV.

NellCote71 February 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I know. I worry about my almost brand-new TV this election season.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

They could end up being like the drummers in Spinal Tap.

hebmskebm February 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

In Mackinic County, Michigan, Rick Santorum's final vote total: 666.

Romney finished exactly ONE solitary vote better, therefore Romney is Satan +1.

Designer_Rants February 28, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Did Santorum tell you to say that? (from the heart?)

hebmskebm February 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Oh I wish! In Rick's world the Number of The Beast is just a reminder of a future filled with Man-on-Dog phone sex lines.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

What are you wearing right now? Rowf!

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

Pfft, Lord Cheney is still Satan + 1 to the brazillionth power.

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SMART AND ELITE TO LEAD US???? YES, RICK, YES I DO!!!!!!!! So you should piss off. Completely.

bikerlaureate February 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Economically depressed areas are depressed because the government "shut down" access to natural resources?
Am I understanding that correctly?

I have to change the channel before I start throwing things.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I want to be ruled by the dumb and second-rate!!!!!

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Compared to the Gypper, the House of Boosh, and the current parade of nutsacks, second-rate would be a substantial improvement.

fuflans February 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

i love roommate rob. he is like karl pilkington for americans.

Gratuitous World February 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

tonight's winner? the trees.

fuflans February 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm

also i'm pretty pretty icky ricky is drunk.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

I like Rick's piece of coal prop. He says we get energy from it. Newt should do the same and make Callista put it in her tight little ass crack and show us all that she made a natural diamond.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:26 pm

You are in FINE form tonight!

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 10:34 pm

It's gonna suck when they take away the drugs, ain't it?

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Nah, I glanced at the $35,000.00 hospital bill and one day's worth of drugs was $750.00. That Lindsey Lohan numbers there.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 1:59 am

Barb, that's hospital pricing. Street is probably ten bucks.

Biff February 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Ain't nothin' tight about that skank, other than her lips, that is.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Fuck coal. My grandfather owned a small coal mine, and worked it. Died of black lung. Coal: dirty to dig up, dirty to burn. Promotes a slave society (miners) run by the plantation owners (mine owners). See: Wind River Basin, Wyoming

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:55 pm

How interesting, glasspusher. Thank you for the pointer.

glasspusher February 29, 2012 at 12:11 am

I have a friend who's daughter lives in Gillette, Wyoming. She described it as essentially a trailer park (the mine workers and their families) and three mansions on the hill (the mine owners). Extraction economies are seldom anything else.

Such knowledge is often depressing…that's why I've been doing alternative energy for my career.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:27 am

Life is mostly pretty fucking depressing. I suppose the same could be said about my taste in reading materials. Reality. We don't get to choose if we'll live in it.

Not without being stark raving nutters, anyway.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:09 am

Powder River Basin, Wyoming; Raton Basin, Colorado and New Mexico; Denver-Julesburg Basin, Colorado and Wyoming. My house sits on top of an old coal mine, and you can visit tailings piles nearby anytime you want. Lotsa of people don't realize the part coal has played in killing people in the West.

glasspusher February 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

True that, pdog! Not just in Appalachia! Ugh!

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 2:00 am

Black lung. Gah.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Santorum just said: "From the bottom up."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

HE should know.

DemonicRage February 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

NPR is calling Michigan for Romney. I guess we're all that dog now, ready to take a 6 hour ride in a little cage on top of a car, only the ride may last for eight years.

Madam Killjoy February 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

"The men in the crisp, stiff uniforms" line confirms just about everything I've thought about little Ricky.

FlownOver February 28, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Santorum just referred to "the men and women who signed the Declaration of Independence."

What a maroon.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

And, you know, he's a lawyer, which means his undergraduate degree was in fucking liberal arts. Because if you CAN pass math, you go to engineering school or math school or sciency-sciency school and make yourself USEful. Prick.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:13 am

I don't know how he got a law degree, I don't know how he got his other two degrees, I don't know how he got out of elementary school. Asshole is just plain stoooooopid. And he does a good jerb of sounding crazy, too. Stupid and crazy takes care of about 179 percent of the Republiklan party. He could win this nomination yet.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:31 am

He's really not as stoopid as he comes across. I mean, he has a JD and an MBA, and while he didn't attend Hahvahd, he did attend reasonably good schools. So I'm not sure exactly what makes him this nutters, because he surely is stark fucking raving.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Completely off-topic here, but wotthehell…So I'm reviewing files at Family Court Services today, and in a custody modification petition, one of the reasons that Dad gives for why he should have primary custody of the kiddos is that Mom "has allowed [the 12 year old daughter] to maintain a Facebook account." Yep, apparently the guy thinks that's prima facie evidence of poor parenting. (Also damning, Mom has a boyfriend who "sleeps over" at her house, and she "regularly exposes" the chirren to cigarette smoke) This is the sort of stupid mundane shit people drag into court to try to make each other look bad.

And then I'm also checking the parties' criminal histories, which is when I find that Dad has a 2001 conviction for Child Enticement.

So, yeah, I guess he actually would have some special insight into the risks that a Facebook account might pose for kids.

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Geez, I mean if the mother allowed the daughter to deal methanphedimines while working as a truck stop prostitute – I could see getting a triffle upset…

But facebook??? c-mon!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Maybe that's how Daddumz picks up all his girlfriends, and litte Shelley was, you know, looking downright, uh, enticing.

Oh, gawd, I just made myself puke.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Sometimes, the world just makes me cry. Or break things. This made me do both.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

(Hugs the CREature) Don't let it KEEP you down, though. (Dusts off the CREature) It'll be OK.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Aaahhh, I think I'll make it. Thanks! (hugs the Avatar-formerly-known-as-Mittborg)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I won't be FROTHY too much longer, not if Santorum drops out. Then, I'm back to MittBorg!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

I would imagine that working in the Family Court is a very depressing job.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Haha! I have the advantage there–I started out a cynical, depressed misanthrope, so there was no danger of losing my hope for humanity. Never had any to start!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

And you've learned SO much. About ass-burgers, for example.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:16 am

You mean they didn't ask you if you were a cynical, depressed misanthrope when you applied for the job? I couldn't imagine working in the social services if I weren't.

Swampgas_Man February 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

So Daddy found about the facebook while trolling for kids to diddle?

Steverino247 February 29, 2012 at 3:30 am

It gets much, much worse that this. Trust me on that.

Doktor Zoom February 29, 2012 at 9:23 am

Oh, believe me, I know. I posted this mostly because I just encountered it Tuesday, and because it has that certain sick "je ne sais quois the FUCK????" quality that makes it grimly funny. Happily, my job doesn't require me to encounter much of the seriously bad stuff that's out there, so the worst that I usually see in the papers I shuffle is mere petty assholishness, while the truly horrific stuff goes to people above my pay grade.

Steverino247 February 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

While I'm sure I'm not above your particular pay grade, I'm one of the people who has to deal with that Olympic-level assholishness and write it up so a judge can comprehend what's really going on..

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I've had all the fun I can stand. I can't even wait to see Mitt do his "trees/heights/please make this a funny thing instead of fucked up blurted out statement if I repeat it" bit. Rick Santorum's particular brand of haughty righteous indignation coupled with the perfect does of baseless, insane ignorance has put me over the edge. How DARE we wish for smart, elite governance. How do you literally say that with derision? It's like, all you people who don't WANT morons running shit, I mean (sneer) what is wrong with you? Whatevs, I'm out.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 2:47 am

I comprehend your reaction. I'm 64, so I've watched some shit happen. On average, over five decades, the movement has been positive, although very fucking slow.

It's depressing to find ourselves still assaulted by people who have not been touched by the Enlightenment, or any other aspects of the modern world.

With age comes some perspective: (1) despite frequent setbacks, we've still moved forward in my lifetime; (2) I'm armed; (3) if it all goes to shit, the species has already survived at least one thousand-year Dark Age. The main thing is to avoid converting the ecosystem to cockroach-only.

redarmyzombie February 29, 2012 at 3:07 am

I, for one, welcom our new Zombie overlords…
…oh, wait a second!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:35 pm
Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Oh, God. Our little Lt. Governor is standing in the bleachers behind Mitt Romney (directly to the right of his head), like some common fanboy with his camera phone. Embarrassed.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Gag. Just noticed our fat-head Speaker of the House is standing directly behind him, too. What a bunch of fucking fauxnies.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

RICHIGAN BELIEVES!

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Is Michigan's primary proportional or winner-take-all? Because in the case of the former, the size of the victory DOES matter.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

It's done by congressional district. They haven't done the calculations, but depending on the popular vote and where it is, Santorum could match Romney in delegates.

Steverino247 February 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Proportional. In fact, it's so proportional that it is possible to win the popular vote and not get as many delegates as the guy who comes in 2nd.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:20 am

Geeeeee, that sounds familiar. Now where have I heard about that happening before?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:18 am

HAHAHAHAHA.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I'd actually answer that Obama DID fix the economy, but what do I (and all the economic evidence) know?

econey February 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

The guy who wanted to shut down the auto industry is now taking to a Michigan audience about jobs?

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:04 am

They're all going to win the lottery and move into his gated community, doncha know?

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I'm going to say something about this "real" unemployment rate. Unless you've been using it ALL ALONG to measure unemployment (even on your own guys), its dishonest to use it.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Well, it's only fair to ridicule the fake figure–that RINO Ronald Reagan introduced it, just after he got all friendly with Gorbachev.

natoslug February 28, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I'm employed, so fuck the "
real" rate.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

I just put on Romney's speech and someone yelled from the other room "what the fuck is this cheesy gameshow you're watching?"

Quite.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:47 pm

"The Biggest Loser."

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:53 pm

OW MY BALLS

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

I spat wine on my keyboard, you bastard! Man, I'd pay to see someone to do that to Malt Ramley.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Sorry. When these things appear in my brain I have to share.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Please DO. I just always remember to put things away before reading your comments.

Even if I can't EVER remember NOT to click on pdog's linkies.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 11:06 pm

"Who Wants to Elect a Millionaire?"

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Hahaha, not me.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:23 am

"To Tell the Truth".

Ha ha, just kidding! I'll be here all week!

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm

We deserve Canada's oil! FUCK YOU CANADA!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Invasion!

Hey, it's right next door. We can drive there! Cheap!

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:25 am

Drive there? Have you seen the lines at the border crossings?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Mitt, that particularly dirty oil from Canada wasn't ever going to go to us. But, I'm sure you knew that, you lying SOB.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Gosh, I sure wish we had NOT had the stimulus, and that the evil Gummint had let the banks and the auto companies go bust. Because, you know, the Keystone pipeline would have offset all that.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

"There's a lot of money off shore that out to come back to America."

He should know, he put it there.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Note to Mitt: The Keystone Pipeline will not bring US the Canadian oil that WE deserve. It will get Canadian oil to Gulf refineries—for export.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Troof de la troof.
http://money.cnn.com/2011/12/05/news/economy/gaso

The country exported 430,000 more barrels of gasoline a day than it imported in September, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration. That is about twice the amount at the start of the year, and experts and industry insiders say the trend is here to stay.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Export, baby, export!

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Tax refined gasoline exports, baby, tax refined gasoline exports!

edit: I'm aware this isn't actually possible. it's in the constitution or something.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Hey, makes perfect sense to ME. Americans DON'T want to pay more for gasoline, and Chinese, Indians, Africans, don't have a choice, so they do. If I was selling that shit, of COURSE I'd sell it to the people willing to pay top dollar for it. What is it with these fuckheads that they can shriek "Free Market" all day long but squeal like stuck pigs when it's applied to them?

Fukui-sanYesOta February 29, 2012 at 1:10 am

What is it with these fuckheads that they can shriek "Free Market" all day long but squeal like stuck pigs when it's applied to them?

Because the President can fix it, apart from when he shouldn't touch the fucking free market.

You expect intellectual consistency from the masters and mistresses of cognitive dissonance, sir.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 3:07 am

No, I just want them to stop making my head hurt all the time, yaknow. Such is life.

Also, the President is a BLAH. Too.

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Coincides nicely with the widening of the Panama Canal and more supertankers fitting through it, mostly for Asian ports, great for a surge in volume or something like a labor disturbance at Canadian Pacific ports. Still all subject to the world market price.
If you can't take delivery of 100,000 Bbl. of crude or whatever, maybe you shouldn't be able to buy and sell it on the same day. I mean if tank trucks pulled up to a day trader's upscale suburban house and the drivers said, "where should we put it?", that might take all the fun out of speculation. That's a dollar at least right there, and a few headlines are the rest of it.

SudsMcKenzie February 28, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Rape the Landscape\Cut all Taxes 2012 – Huzzah!!

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

Cut all trees down to the "right size."

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:35 am

Tax the Poorz to pay for the Rich!

MilwaukeeKent February 28, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Listening to Romney on NPR, sounds like he's spitting, intentionally hawking while giving his speech, I think he's striking the mic with something like his sleeve. He said "American Prosperity" and then that spitting sound, and I'll have to listen back because I swear he said something like "Less Jobs! Smaller Government!" and it got applause. Two beers don't make hallucinations like this…Did he just promise to eliminate both death AND taxes?

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Once Mormonism is the mandatory state religion, EVERYbody will simply transfer to their own planet.

Biff February 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

And the bigger the tithe, the better the planet!

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:03 am

He'll SAY anything, but he won't set his hair on fire.

MilwaukeeKent February 29, 2012 at 12:12 am

He's no Michael Jackson, that's for sure.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Let's play "guess the hippie"! Are you ready?

The property of this country is absolutely concentred in a very few hands, having revenues of from half a million of guineas a year downwards… I am conscious that an equal division of property is impracticable. But the consequences of this enormous inequality producing so much misery to the bulk of mankind, legislators cannot invent too many devices for subdividing property, only taking care to let their subdivisions go hand in hand with the natural affections of the human mind. Another means of silently lessening the inequality of property is to exempt all from taxation below a certain point, and to tax the higher portions of property in geometrical progression as they rise. Whenever there is in any country, uncultivated lands and unemployed poor, it is clear that the laws of property have been so far extended as to violate natural right. The earth is given as a common stock for man to labor and live on.

Doktor Zoom February 28, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Damned commie. And a lover of the blahs, too.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 11:10 pm

I knew he was an atheist, and maybe even a Freemason, but I hadn't realized that he was also a Wiccan Lesbian.

Biff February 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I'd be willing to trade some of my surplus property for a Nubian housemaiden. This is how Thomas would roll, I think.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:01 am

"The earth is given as a common stock for man to labor and live on."

Some goddam injun I reckon!!1!

C_R_Eature February 29, 2012 at 12:04 am

Thet Ghandee Feller, then?

MilwaukeeKent February 29, 2012 at 12:24 am

Interviewer: "What do you think of Western Civilisation?" Gandhi: "I think it would be a very good idea."

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:37 am

Oh, he knew how to bring the snark, all right. I forget who it was who called him a half-naked fakir, but he immediately took the opportunity to point out that his host was wearing sufficient clothing for both of them. And his quote about Christianity is priceless.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:32 am

Hitler?

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Take back America from the Blahs!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:38 am

What *else* is "Take Are Cuntry Back" supposed to mean?

iburl February 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I'm so boooored with the Mint Rmoney!

I love that Newt Gingrich Corndogging gif, and by "love" I mean frothily vomited on.

After analyzing Santorm's exit data and poleing Rush Limbaugh listeners, I think I now know who is going to win the brokered convention: http://img709.imageshack.us/img709/8387/perryaspa

SudsMcKenzie February 28, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Its "Rmonet, … RMonet"

Biff February 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm

It's good to be the king bishop president.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

That photoshop is almost as Disturbing as the Gingrich animated .gif.

Almost.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:34 am

I'm holding out for this one.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:39 am

YOU BASTARD!!!

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

The biggest applause Romney got during his speech, tonight, is when he called for the abolition of the "death tax"…in a room where the people applauding will never be rich enough in their miserable fucking lives for this to even apply to them in any real way.

That's really all you need to know about the Republican Party. This party is through. Game over.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 11:01 pm

and people like Rmonet dodge it anyway using blind trusts in the Caymans

the republican base seems composed entirely of people who enjoy punching themselves in their respective genitalia

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm

And each other! While wearing zippered latex masks, double wetsuits, buttplugs, dildos, and an assortment of toys best known for the amount of suffering they inflict!

natoslug February 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Repealing the "Death Tax" would benefit me considerably, but fuck it. I kind of consider unfucking our economy more important. then again, drinking less so that it wouldn't take 10 minutes to make this post legible would also benefit me. Fucking vodka is fucking our shit up. D,mand russian bastards.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Is everything OK with you, dood? I'm srsly concerned, no snark.

natoslug February 28, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Eh, heavy vodka night. Just making sure my liver is strong. Being an American of Scot and Polish descent, I have to test both my vodka and whisky tolerance levels every few days. Today is vodka=testing. So far 11 ounces is within acceptable limits. Speeling all-kay, focus tight, 6 by 6.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Dood, just exercise sufficient caution. Keep it together, stay well.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"Death tax" is such a misnomer, too. Dead people don't pay the tax…it's the people inheriting the money that pay the tax. That's why its always been known as the inheritance tax. This whole argument is so dumb.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Frank Luntz bullshit.

Something that really annoys me is when media outlets like CNN refer to it as the death tax. It's the "estate tax" or "inheritance tax", fuckballs.

MilwaukeeKent February 29, 2012 at 12:37 am

Hope you're right, but if this crowd gets their wet dream and repeals the inheritance tax permanently, it might be time to pack it in. Just admit we're almost all serfs, and figure out which of five or six ultimate family dynasties we want our grandchildren to work for, Hell, that worked in the 900s, right? What could possibly go wrong.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:43 am

Um, revolution? Humans will *never* accept serfdom. It's true that it often seems as if we're totally fucked, but over and over again, our ancestors have fought to be free. We owe them a debt to continue the revolution until every last one of us is free.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:48 am

You take us to that mountaintop, Frothy.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:03 am

You know I love you a ton, right? OK, in case you didn't know, I really love you a ton.

MilwaukeeKent February 29, 2012 at 1:40 am

I want to agree. We always go to that edge, but enough people, at one point or another, say, "Now wait just a minute…" to pull things back toward reason. So far. Hoping the GOP gets sucker-punched in November but that's 9 months off.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Sorry, can't resist posting this comment from huffpo:

Santorum also is for TRUE RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM,,, RELIGIOUS FREEDOM ! RELIGIOUS FREEDOOOMMMMM !!!!! CAPICE ???

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 11:05 pm

I suspect there's some message encoded in those commas; like he's blinking "torture" in Morse Code.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Either that or "Get me to the emergency room, I'm having an anusism!"

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:38 am

Commenter is just suffering from a case of bad comma.

natoslug February 28, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I'D HIT IT!!!!ONE!!!LEBENTY!!! (Mrs./Ms./ Real bitch, not the 3 previous thingies). This is a hot or not bloggie, right? Fuck, how much vodka was in thel ast 5 drinks? Yeah, I'd hit it. Fuck. ∏lease?

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Why is Romnet so popular in Arizona? Are they not that into the Tealiban stuff or something?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Mormons.

I'm actually kind of confused as to how Paul ended up in last place in this region? This is also home to the survivalists, and he's really been polling low.

vulpes82 February 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

They won't come out of their bunkers long enough to vote. That gold and ammo doesn't organize itself! Plus, if you vote, the government implants a microchip in your head. It's true.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Nobody tells me shit around here.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Bingo!

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:06 am

Oh, I forgot about the microchip. Or, it made me forget. BWAHAHAHAH.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 28, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Ah … that does explain it.

I figured the jewelry-piglet outperformed the elderly gold standard troll because Newton really, really hates Messicans and Arizona is a border state

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Frothy won in far western Colorado (Mesa County) in the earlier Colorado caucuses which surprised me because Grand Junction is a cultural suburb of Salt Lake City. But yeah, Arizona is heavily Mormon nowadays.

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I would guess that Willard's victory, however tenuous, would put a dent in certain individuals' hopes for a brokered convention ending in a nomination without the need to go to the inconvenience of working for it.

We haven't had a long, rambling, incoherent, spite-filled facebook post out of Grifterella in a while, have we? Our luck could be about to run out.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 4:31 am

Grifterella (!)

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 11:13 pm
C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:24 pm

Too late for that. They're here. And they're Voting.

Biff February 28, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Whoa, I gotta gtfo of here, fast!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

My advice is that you should find a very fast car with no top and get the hell out of town for at least 48 hours. And you will need to arm yourself, of course.

Biff February 29, 2012 at 12:47 am

I can do that!

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold…

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

True fact: My Onion horoscope this week is: "Cancer, Jun 22 – Jul 22: Your weekly visit to the cemetery goes bad when you tell your problems to your mom's grave just as the sarcastic zombies begin to rise."

And I'm going, pffft, like sarcastic zombies have any chance with me!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:46 am

Yeah, pdog, in any battle between you and sarcastic zombies, my money is totes on you, dood.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:09 am

As an alumnus of the University of Wisconsin, I am fucking jealous.

ThundercatHo February 29, 2012 at 9:51 am

Oh, no. For the past 2 weeks we've been driving all over Ohio visiting colleges and I thought we were done. Now, we'll have to go to MSU since we're all huge Walking Dead fans and surviving the zombie apocalypse is a frequent topic of conversation here on Thundera.

not that Dewey February 29, 2012 at 11:09 am

Wyoming was right there with you, too. Pdog's sarcastic zombies must have gotten to somebody.

HistoriCat February 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

They could have passed that sucker if only they had left in the aircraft carrier.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:19 pm

After tonight's Arizona and Michigan Primary's, here's the Current state of Rick Santorum's Presidential Election Campaign.

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Fucking massive epic win.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Thanks. Made me laugh.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:46 am

No Sympathy for the Santorum.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

I hate to say this, but the one thing I thought that'd get Newton out of the race, losing Georgia, isn't going to happen. Polls have him up by as much as 15 points. Damn it.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Why is that bad? That he'll make the nomination winner look sane and compassionate in comparison? Otherwise, making the center to the left even more sick of that party can only be a good thing.

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 11:59 pm

I'm loving this. There is no scenario in which Romney locks this up in the upcoming contests. Mitt'll probably lose about half of the Super Tuesday states.

fuflans February 29, 2012 at 12:20 am

from your mouth to god's ear.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 29, 2012 at 1:05 am

Insh'Allah

BarackMyWorld February 29, 2012 at 1:18 am

I think Newt staying in the race helps Romney wrap it up faster by splitting the wingnut vote, especially with all the winner-take-all primaries coming up.

Also, I just really hate that fucker and am tired of hearing about him.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:12 am

Newter is toast, no matter. Let him hang on in zombie-candidate style for a few more weeks.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

Newtron will hang in all the way to the convention, because somebody is going to want his delegates. At this stage, his biggest wet dream is being the guy who decides who gets the nomination. God only knows what sordid deal he has in mind.

Chichikovovich February 28, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Negropolis can correct me, because I'm not sure, but I thought that Michigan's delegates were allocated proportionally. So winning or losing by a percentage point or four isn't really such a big deal – basically Romney gets one more delegate than Santorum. So if I'm right, what is with all the "BIG WIN FOR ROMNEY IN MI" headlines? In a state where his father was governor, and he won big in the primary four years ago, he barely squeaked by against a raving lunatic, and he doesn't even have the sack of delegate votes for it.

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 11:40 pm

This is just the corporate media talking up their guy. When he won in Maine over the septuagenarian racist phony by three percent, yahoo was crowing about Willard regaining his" Mittmentum".

fuflans February 29, 2012 at 12:22 am

that's what npr's been saying all night. even mara fucking liassom who can't be bothered to support mittens.

i imagine tomorrow will be all – eh who gives a fuck.

just make them lose in november.

BarackMyWorld February 29, 2012 at 1:22 am

math iz hard.

imissopus February 29, 2012 at 1:25 am

I was just reading a little about this, and it appears that Michigan awards two delegates for every one congressional district a person wins. So Romney can win the overall vote total, but Santorum is winning the delegate count because he's winning more districts (plus each gets one delegate for winning more than 15% of the statewide vote.)

At this moment (10:20 on the West Coast) it actually looks as if Santorum will win eight of the fourteen Congressional districts, giving him 17 of Michigan's 30 delegates. Romney wins the other 6 districts and gets 13 delegates.

Also and too, I believe these are actually the first pledged delegates Santorum has actually won, since his other primary wins are all nonbinding. Romney is still way ahead on that score.

Buttsechs for all!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 3:00 am

How delightful. I shall celebrate immediately with buttsechs.

Callyson February 29, 2012 at 1:37 am

They are allocated proportionally, and the article on HuffyPo says that right now only 10 of 30 have been allocated (5 each to Mittens and the Frothy Mix.) It's even possible that Santorum could end up with more than the "winner:" Fun times!

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Some more info from the exit polls in Michigan…

- Nearly 40% of those that turned out self-indentified as moderate or liberal Republicans, one of the highst percentages of contests thus far. Another 30% self-identified as only "somewhat conservative", so it seems as if actual moderate Republicans came out in force cancelleing out our shenanigans.

- The Mormon won the Catholic vote and the Catholic won the Protestant vote.

- Only (compatively) 39% indentified as white evangelicals.

Given the relatively moderate make-up of the electorate, tonight, Romney should have been beating Santorum by at least a good 10%.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:15 am

N, if the Frothster gets half the delegates, I'd say your shenanigans were molto successful. We all do what we can do.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I've been gone all night and I get home to ONLY 675 comments. C'mon, people, you could come up with 675 insults to Arizona alone. Well, I'll go through and give all Negropolis comments p just because he had to live through this. Is anyone else deserving? Nothing for my fellow inmates of Arizona. We hardly had to listen to any commercials. The Mormons had this place sewn up … like a mitten.

C_R_Eature February 29, 2012 at 12:02 am

Well, I've been commenting all through and I do believe I haven't insulted Arizona at all. I must be slowing down.
Oh – I did make a crack about "how many votes for Reagan" earlier. I guess that'll have to do.

Chichikovovich February 29, 2012 at 12:19 am

Livin' in Michigan myself, I got stalked by Anne and Mitt Romney. (See earlier post). Shoorley that makes me a candidate for PTSD.

Edit – ah, sorry – it wasn't a post on this article but rather the earlier "Romney won't pander" one.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 4:57 am

Oh, I didn't know you lived in Michigan, too.Hope you have a cell phone … or did they figure a way to abuse them as badly as landlines?

BarackMyWorld February 29, 2012 at 1:19 am

Idiot fatigue.

(Fatigue of idiots, not idiots with fatigue.)

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:17 am

Splendid mitten comment from a Zonie.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 11:59 pm

So I'm busy for just a couple hours and come back to see that while Jim's liveblogging is done, you've gone from about 350 comments to 680. Goddamn you people talk to much; don't know if I'll ever be able to catch up.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 12:24 am

At least the TV stations in Michigan made a windfall profit this season. Maybe Negropolis will get a really fine Christmas parade in Detroit this year. All the network TV stars can ride American cars down a street painted gold.

fuflans February 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

it is always best to share these trying political times with the wonkette:

jukes and soros right on top of each other making an absolutely opposite point.

kisses!

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:54 am

I gave up wanketeering tonight to be with the Wonketeers, although I came in late. I'm sure the snark was a lot better for my brain than the shit the others had to watch to come up with the snark.

SudsMcKenzie February 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Its just like 16 Candles.

I'll stop the world and blog with you.

Gainsbourg69 February 29, 2012 at 12:49 am

I hate Romney a bit more every time I watch him speak.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:20 am

Just let your imagination run for a bit, and you'll find you hate him as much as is possible for a human to hate another alleged human. Then, at least, you don't ever again have to watch him speak.

paris biltong February 29, 2012 at 8:49 am

That's nothing, you should HEAR him.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 1:39 am
AddHomonym February 29, 2012 at 1:54 am

It's over. Sorry POLITICO, Mitt Romney is your new GOP overlord.

AddHomonym February 29, 2012 at 2:30 am

Le Monde has some hysterical descriptors for the candidates! Romney: "le multimillionnaire." Santorum: "ultraconservateur." Ron Paul: "l'isolationniste." Newt: "l'ancien président de la Chambre des représentants." Haha "ancient." Your move, CNN!

Fukui-sanYesOta February 29, 2012 at 2:38 am

The French are awesome sometimes. Perfect.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 3:07 am

How does one say "jewelry piglet" en français?

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 3:25 am

cochonnet de bijoux

Steverino247 February 29, 2012 at 3:26 am

You spoke French! (Kisses up and down the arm…)

Gainsbourg69 February 29, 2012 at 6:32 am

Les Francais se moquent de nous.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:45 am

Did you write that one?

BaldarTFlagass February 29, 2012 at 8:20 am

Tap tap tap. Is this thing still on?

RadioCualquier February 29, 2012 at 10:13 am

Worst. Post. Primary. Hangover. Ever.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 9:13 am

Looks like Romney and Santorum split Michigan's 14 congressional districts right down the middle, 7-7. You get two delegates per district that you win, and the remaining two at-large delegates are also divided proportionally (for those that make it over the 15% threshold) meaning they come out even.

15-15

Steverino247 February 29, 2012 at 9:35 am

So, where's the headline that says "Romney, Santorum tie for MI Delegates?" Simpletons writing for simpletons…

RadioCualquier February 29, 2012 at 9:44 am

The glass is half empty and half fool.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Excellent.

weej_bain February 29, 2012 at 9:41 am

Rmoney wins Michigan – tornadoes sweep across the Midwest. Dog has responded to all of Mittens' little fire hydrants.

Mahousu February 29, 2012 at 9:46 am

Republican primary demographics:

In Michigan, 14+% of the population is black, while less than 2% of the Republican primary voters were.

In Arizona, 4+% of the population is black, while 0% of the Republican primary voters were.

Chichikovovich February 29, 2012 at 10:03 am

And of those 2% in Michigan, 99.9% were crossover Democrats voting for Santorum, and 0.1% was a guy who came in looking for a bathroom and thought you needed to vote to be allowed to use it.

weej_bain February 29, 2012 at 10:39 am

Here is your liveblog/open thread thing for the next 100 hours

Apparently the Gingerman wasn't kidding.

not that Dewey February 29, 2012 at 10:55 am

Don't forget this classic instance of the use of Hulk Hogan's themesong….

Blueb4sunrise February 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

Primo quotes:

"it is inevitable the next president of the United States will be … Mitt Romney," said Arizona Sen. John McCain

"This has been a fun ride, and it's only just beginning," Romney's Arizona campaign co-chairman

…fewer than one in 10 voters were Hispanic, and political watchers said many voters here have grown weary of the rhetoric…

[Yeah, it's the rhetoric]

Jennifer Korn, executive director of the Republican-funded Hispanic Leadership Network.
"I think that there will be a lot more discussion in a more rational tone when it comes to the general election…"

Read more: http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics

Deportably_Jose February 29, 2012 at 10:59 am

So, hey, apparently North Korea has announced that it will stop its nuclear programs.

Clearly, this is all just the effects of the Bush Doctrine at work here, three years after Bush left office, as we all know Obama's weak on foreign policy. Also too, Korea only started developing nukes in the first place because Clinton declared them part of the Axis of Evil.

DaRooster February 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

OT-
That pic just reminds me that Chase will be bulldozing my house sometime…
-Raised my kid there (and steps for a bit)
-The tax woman is knocking on Mom's door.
-Gotta move and perhaps change jobs (is that possible these days) been at this one for 21 years.

But at least I am none of these guys!! WooHoo!!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm

's OK, I'm a deviate, too. Or is it deviant? I forget.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Don't be sadz, Radio. (Hugs the Radio some more) I hope everything will work out, and then I can come home, maybe in a month. Let's hope for the best, dood.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I'll be back for SuperTuesday, and if everything goes OK, I'll be home in PLENTY of time to do some work for Barack's campaign and help get him elected and drink my ass off with all you dear, sweet, wonderful people come the ERECTION!

(Hugs Nothing most fervently) Don't you worry. I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope and work for the best!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Yodel-lay-he-hee!

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Teach me the words in an Native American language for hugs and kisses.
BTW, I never told you this — I know you are not a blogwhore — but your reading list is intimidating and beguiling. And I thought I read eclectically.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:58 pm

I must have missed something. What's going on, Z?

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 9:13 pm

C'mon, Jack. Gimme a brick.

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm

After all the grevé you gave me? Why should I havarti?

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Frankly, I don't give edam.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

No, that's my name. Mr Wensleydale.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

2 packs a peace.

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Go ahead, just keep taunting me and you'll see. I'll get some piano wire and garrotxa!

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:29 pm

"Shut up those Bloody bouzouks!"

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:36 pm

And even though studies show that that is complete and total bullshit. Jesus they can't stop lying about ANYthing.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:46 pm

That's her in the corner.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:37 pm

But this is for Rick Santorum, who thinks liberal Christians aren't actually Christian.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Thou shall not violate the 9th Commandment unless you are doing so for God Jr. You also shall not hate yourself as much as your neighbor. Also, too…as well.
–Sarah Palin Word Salad Spinner.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Ha! I do not speak any Native American languages. The best I can manage in any Native American language is "Yatahe," which my friends assure me means "Hello" in Navajo. But I don't trust those bastards because they sure do enjoy mocking the shit out of furrnurrs, and even though they thought I might be a member of a different tribe, I know they laughed their fucking asses off when I nearly lost my kidneys from that bumpy ride out to Canyon de Chelly. For all I know, it means "I blow goats."

You're too kind, Radio. I'm trying to make up for the huge gaps in my knowledge, so I must read. (Hugs the radio)

So how about I get a look at YOUR reading list?

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Santorum Mounts who?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Nope. But, a black guy requesting a Republican ballot with a smile he could not hide got some surprised looks, nonetheless.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:48 pm

All of 'em, frothy.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Oh no, she's said too much.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 9:50 pm

How the fuck is babby formed, though?

Limeylizzie February 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

Good for you.

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

That's called Steeling yourself to vote.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

You rocked them like a Herman Cain!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 9:51 pm

I always get so full when we go to the Hungry Whistler.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm

OK, just *what* are these Hungry Whistlers of which you speak, dude? Because, you know, I'm not getting no *good* vibes about this.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

how devious of us…

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Aw! You love me! I knew you loved me! (Hugs the favourite little nut)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I can't *wait* to see what yer gonna do with casu marzu, dood.

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 10:11 pm

What swiss all this hostility? I thought we gouda had a nice evening together, on this liveblog.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Is that you, sb? I thought that I heard you laughing.

glasspusher February 28, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Not as such.

LetUsBray February 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I think he's saying he wanted a place to hide his booze. I can see where the back compartment would be unsuitable.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Finished Winner-Take-All Politics My recommendation to you mein freund. Finishing the A History of the Jews in the Modern World by Howard Sachar. Next is Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman.
Plus blurbs and essays by Nomad and Matt Taibbi, et.al.
Rather mundane compared to yours, but that's why I think your mind excels.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Dude, I missed the leaving us nooze. Was it on some other thread I was too busy "working" to comment on?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Hey, LOLA!

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

OT, how is your incision? Healing? Ready for more healthy healing tips?

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

This delightful repast would not be complete without cakes we like.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Brielliant!

user-of-owls February 28, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Hmmph. Your the one making all the raclette.

Jeffer February 28, 2012 at 10:16 pm

She does that to me too! Hugs back!

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm

Remember how I told you that Jeff got me the entire series of Boston Legal to watch while I recover? It was a reference in one of the court cases, lol. "I was employee of the month and got a gift card from the Hungry Whistler" It just made us laugh like goobers.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Aw, you so sweet. (Hugs you and Barb both)

You all better? Got rid of that nasty sore throat? Barb puts the fear of gawd in me pulling out her stitches and then I heard you were sick too.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

♪ Little old lady who! ♪

Not you, Barb.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:29 pm

You guys must have more fun than two-year-olds, you're both so snarky and so fucking fast.

But don't EVER let Jeff take you to the Hungry Whistler. Whatever it is.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I loved that series. Nothing like a good bromance.

SorosBot February 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

Here I just assumed it was one of those West Coast only chains that Westerners like to brag about, like In-n-Out burger or Carl Jr.

Biff February 29, 2012 at 12:43 am

Denny Crane.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Extemporanus says we're all booze? This is news to me.

Can I be bourbon, brownest of the brown liquors?

Negropolis February 28, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I don't know what they are aboot, but I have a pretty good idea as to what they are aboat.

Jeffer February 28, 2012 at 10:36 pm

I'm doing much better. Antibiotics are doing the trick. I'm keeping an eye on Barb and her incision looks much better. 95% healed. Rest assured, I'll drag her cute butt right back to the doctor if there's a problem.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm

Not a word can be said about the man that does not result in obscene mental imagery.

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Didn't Challenge come in second in the Preakness this year?

Barb February 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Starfanglednut, I didn't even see the show until after it was no longer in production. Jeff got me the whole series and we love watching it together.
Denny Crane!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Interesting. You know I'm always trolling for book recommendations, since my mobility is not so great any more, so I definitely will put those three on my list.

Matt Taibbi is totally my afterbirth separated at birth, or something. He is the curmudgeon I aspire to be. Eh, if I had to work for a living again, I couldn't enjoy to read like I do. Some day you too will be an ancient, crabby immobile fart with an enormous reading list. (Hugs you again)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Why for you want to do this working shit when there's *important* stuff going on, dood?

Yes, I'm off to Ozland for an unspecified amount of time. I don't know when I'll be back. Details are on another thread, but you can always look them up on ID if I don't drop another 1,000 comments tonight. I will miss you very much, which is the only thing that really matters. So take good care of yourself for when I come back. If everything goes very well indeed, it may be as little as a month. I will hope for the best.

I'll check in on SuperTuesday, if the R ranks don't shake out tonight. If they do, then I'll be otherwise occupied. But the main thing is, you stay away from the anxiety and stop making yourself sick with worry. And when I come home, I want at least ONE hug from ya. (Hugs the pdog)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Eh, not much, just going away for a while, don't know when I'll be back, don't know if I can check in. Just saying bye to everyone and collecting hugs so I don't have to get totally plastered on the flight.

I leave Friday. So you WILL have me to kick around for — oh, jebus, is it really only two days already? Shit, fuck, piss, and corruption!

Oh, well.

RadioCualquier February 28, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Likewise, my FROTHY friend, I will be trolling your list for the books that inspire and open the consciousness and even make our existence meaningful. I miss you and you diligence already.

smokefilledroommate February 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I'm immersed in Downton Abbey right now..

not that Dewey February 28, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Haloumi once, shame on me…

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:09 pm

Homer's wine-dark sea was blah? Who knew?

We are. And also we are not. But we're certainly fuckin' schnookered.

ShaveTheWhales February 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

No, we are devino.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I do indeed.

C_R_Eature February 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

It's my nature. Enjoy.

I always click too, just can't help myself.

flamingpdog February 29, 2012 at 12:22 am

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Hey, great idea!

flamingpdog February 28, 2012 at 11:47 pm

I thought that was mandatory in eight states now.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:32 pm

YOU SICK FUCK!

OK. As long as you don't tell him we're ALL eloping with her.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Hey! Those signs existed in my country also! In front of all the exclusive spots. "Natives and dogs not allowed," they said.

It was really nice to tear them out and burn them after Independence.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Absolutely. Along with abortions. Lots and lots of abortions.

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 11:56 pm

You will be missed. I hope it goes well.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:01 am

OMFG. I hope he's handling it OK. WTF is happening? And apparently, the kid in question wasn't even bullied, so they have NO idea why he was shooting at random people. I'm glad you're better. If I pop in for a quick fix I want to be sure I can find you.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:10 am

I will miss you, and everyone else here very much. You know my e-addie, you can write me there any time at all. I do check for mail. I hope things will go well. I don't really want to go now that it's upon me. But life's like that. It just hands you stuff and you have to cope. I'm sure I'll sneak in here as often as I can, if only to keep my spirits up, love. I hug you with many fond hugs.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:14 am

Damn. No wonder I'm having trouble getting the wimminz.

Extemporanus February 29, 2012 at 12:28 am

As you know, you go to defecate with the stool you have—not the stool you might want or wish to have at a later time.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:15 am

You are such a sick little puppy.

I begin to understand why Barb loves you with all her heart and soul.

Barb February 29, 2012 at 12:20 am

Yes, Jeff that story is true and so weird. We live in Bumfuck and you managed to run into a gal's family that was the second surgery after me on that day. I remember her walking by my door in the hospital and giving me a nod. I hope to run into her again one day. She looked like a Disney Princess.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:24 am

Thank you. That makes me so happy!

SorosBot February 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

That's an awesome coincidence there.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:54 am

After that magnificent piece of e-porn you just gifted us, I have no idea *WUT* to believe.

Barb February 29, 2012 at 12:28 am

Hobbes, Jeff and I have the most fantastic bathroom in the master bedroom, complete with Jacuzzi, double glass fireplace with a view of the balcony and mountains, shower with nipple jets and I run down the hall to make pee pee. I never thought I would ask Jeff to get stool softeners for me. I've sunk to a new low. LOL

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 12:32 am

Actually Z, I don't have your email. Is it safe to post them here?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:32 am

You bastard!

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:35 am

Babbies – how the fuck do they work?

Barb February 29, 2012 at 12:36 am

Lol, Laguna! Love your healing tips.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Santorum would be the whitest of the whines.

Fare la Volpe February 29, 2012 at 12:43 am

The vagina or the booze?

Barb February 29, 2012 at 12:45 am

Yes, it was Soros. Jeff is ridiculously handsome and people tend to remember him when they see him. The hospital gave me a roommate at 4:00 A.M. and we turned it into a par-tay zone and we were quite um, loud. I was drug-dialing my friends and acting quite chimpish. I kept yelling, "Is this Jello-O?" "It's made of horses, ya know" and people would come by to see what what in our IV drug bags.

I called by bestie, Bill and was screaming, "I love you man, you still have a uterus, you MADE something of yourself!" Good times!

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 12:48 am

Barb loves you a bunch. I know you've been keeping her spirits up and I appreciate it.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:53 am

She's my pal! I love her from her nose to her toes and all the way back around to that GREAT BIG BRAIN! Wheredju find such a smart and sexy lady, dood? You haz teh lucky!

Barb February 29, 2012 at 12:53 am

You are a sick mo-fo!
I sent Jeff a late night text that read "%*mhgy#@" and he called the nurses to check on me. LOL

I couldn't speak after they took out the breathing tube and I kept pulling the oxygen supply out. Nurse Ratched came into scold me and I said, "bitch" and it was aloud. It was a miracle!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:55 am

Geezus, lady, you are so nuckin' futs. Never a dull moment in your house.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:57 am

Not only that, LOLA, but here you are in front of God and everybody joking about this in front of a bunch of total fucking pervs who are losing it with delight.

It's a sad day indeed. And I know you LOL with me as I say this.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:59 am

Anybody who's ever had to undergo major surgery and the attendant peristalsis-inhibiting painkillers knows only too well the value of those poop medications of which you speak.

You never know how important your asshole is until it's out of action. Isn't that the basis of a bazillion folk tales and legends?

Barb February 29, 2012 at 1:00 am

Shave, been there, done that, bought the stool softener. I started out by bringing a magazine into the bathroom and then the iPad. I graduated to dragging the desktop computer, tower and all and then I got out sock puppets and tried to tell Jeff that I needed an ambulance.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:01 am

I was thinking Newt might merit that honour. Santorum's more like the cheap murky red they sell down at the Italian place with the plastic tablecloths and the tomato-sauce stains on the wall.

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 1:04 am

Thank goodness I'm a huge word puzzle fiend. Her text made sense if you moved your hands up one level (kinda). I still called to check on her though…
And that's not exactly what she texted, but we'll just keep the exact text between the two of us. LOL.

Barb February 29, 2012 at 1:04 am

He found me at the Phoenix airport. I was waiting for a flight and he got off a flight and I was on the cell phone with my sister, Nancy. I told her that I just saw the most mantastic man and he walked up to me. I blurted out, "I love you" and he said, "I love you back" Kiss, kiss, kiss. He's my husband now.

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 1:08 am

Her name was LOLA. She was a showgirl.
Stop me if you've heard this before.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:39 am

Damn, ID keeps hiding your comments from me for HOURS!

You guys have the saccharinestly cutest love story.

I bet you're both really good looking too, which would you know, make me complain.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:12 am

It's the political cat, all one word, and it's at Gmail, so you know the drill.

Fukui-sanYesOta February 29, 2012 at 1:16 am

Speaking of Lennin, I watched the New Year's Eve shitshow (yeah, yeah, I know) and wondered what he'd think of changing the lyrics of Imagine to "imagine all religions" and "imagine all possessions".

At the time I threw a packet of cigarettes at the screen.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Rapid communication; political activism. Occupy is using it to organize. I use it to (mostly) Tweet political stuff — news, meetings, things people can or should be doing. I use it when we have earthquakes, or riots, or exciting shit like that, where the news is too slow. I'm sure lots of people use it as a marketing tool, but I don't have any contact with such people (you can isolate yourself surprisingly easily in Twitter).

Barb February 29, 2012 at 1:17 am

Frothy, you are absolutely more kinks than vanilla.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:21 am

We are devoid of any reason for living until next Tuesday.

Oh wait, next Tuesday is the reason for living till next Tuesday. I drunk I'm think.

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 1:25 am

Okay, I'll tell you this. We started out with a long weekend in Vegas. The story could be a mini-series.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:40 am

She's a show-stopper all right. But why the hell should I stop you, I need a good story.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 1:37 am

And college.

Barb February 29, 2012 at 1:39 am

I was staying at the Venetian and you were staying at Planet Hollywood. I pointed out that gal who had the incredible knockers. You didn't know whether to shit or go blind. ("is this a trick question?") I still point out the gals with nice boobs. You dazzled me from the first second I laid eyes on you. Thanks for the stool softeners.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:41 am

Which one of you is gonna write it?

Jeffer February 29, 2012 at 1:47 am

Yes, but now I don't shit or go blind. I just say "Yes, those are some great Ta Ta's".
I love you.
And I have to work tomorrow. G'Night everyone, tip you waitress! I love you for the love you've given my honey! Peace out!

Extemporanus February 29, 2012 at 2:13 am

Your sweet little story has made this whole shit-forsaken thread worthwhile.

Nothin' but love, you adorably screwy twosome, you…

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:42 am

G'night Jeffer. Hugs, sweetie!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:46 am

Oh, she swears in private? Cool!

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:49 am

I love you too, sweetie.

I'm still fucking killing myself laughing over some of the stuff you wrote tonight. I read it aloud to my partner who only knows that "Barb" is someone whose comments I INSIST on reading aloud to him right before collapsing into helpless laughter. He must think we're both insane.

redarmyzombie February 29, 2012 at 3:05 am

No, I think Santorum would be the one buried in the dumpster with the brown spots on it

redarmyzombie February 29, 2012 at 3:15 am

I swear, every time they open their pieholes, my poor forehead leaves another dent in the table…

Also, aren't you aware the President's a Mulatto now?

Steverino247 February 29, 2012 at 3:47 am

Deal.

As for being a sick fuck, it's an occupational hazard. I have a reputation for taking jokes straight to the bottom, because I've been to the bottom of human existence more times that Cousteau has been to the bottom of the ocean.

HistoriCat February 29, 2012 at 10:55 am

I want to know who has the pictures.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 12:21 pm

(Hugs you anyway) It's OK. I still think you're wonderful. So there.

starfanglednut February 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Thanks, Z. You're the sweetest! I wasn't looking for sympathy, but just trying to convey how much of a misognyist this fuckwad is.

C_R_Eature February 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Y'see, this is exactly why I can't watch these kinds of things any more. If I had seen that I would have gone seriously apeshit.

I think you showed remarkable restraint.

FROTHY March 1, 2012 at 1:09 am

I know you weren't, sweetie. I'm just disgusted that someone could have laid a finger on you that wasn't loving and kind. I shall have him reincarnated as a cockroach for 47 lifetimes.

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