VIRGINIA IS FOR LOSERS  4:15 pm February 28, 2012

Virginia Senate Passes Marginally Less Rapey Ultrasound Bill

by Wonkette Jr.

Let us pray in the name of American Jesus.Oh, how cute, the Virginia Senate has voted 21-19 in favor of a bill to ensure Dave Albo’s wife never sexes him again. Since determining that the howling shrieking whorish harpies bitching about their Jesus-mandated transvaginal ultrasounds might actually persuade all womyn to never vote Republican again, the GOP listened, and amended their bill to make sure the sluts only had to look at their Precious Bundles on the belly type of ultrasound instead of the in-puss kind.

Virginia’s witchfinder general, Bob McDonnell, said he’ll sign the insane legislation into law because it “protects the dignity of women.” And moments later, on literally the same “Ask the Governor” call-in show, McDonnell said walking through a TSA terrorism scanner or getting a TSA “pat down” were too intrusive.

Meh. Wake us up when we Sexy Ladies are put in the stocks, like the God and the Reverend Dimmesdale intended. [WTOP]

 
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{ 251 comments }

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

So they'll look at a screen that can't even find a fetus that small and say "I need to lose weight"?

mavenmaven February 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I hope he gets a TSA wand shoved up his rectum next time he tries to fly.

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

He probably acts suspiciously just so he gets patted down

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Um … any openings at the TSA? I mean, you know, so to speak. I'm very good at, um, shoving sharp things into tight spaces.

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Bishop O'Connor?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm

You called?

Oh, shit!

Wrong person! WRONG PERSON!~

starfanglednut February 28, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Buttsecks!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm

This IS the Wonketz, after all.

Callyson February 28, 2012 at 5:36 pm

That reminds me, time to brush up the resume https://tsajobs.tsa.dhs.gov/tsajobs/

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm

"I hope he gets a TSA wand shoved up his rectum next time he tries to fly. "

Just Dave? How 'bout all of them, Katie?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

We're gonna need a WHOLE LOTTA wands!

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:35 am

We're gonna need a bigger wand.

GuanoFaucet February 28, 2012 at 4:18 pm

“protects the dignity of women.”

I don't think those words mean what you think they mean, Gov. McDonnell.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Just yesterday we were discussing Republicans' penchant for redefining words. So, you know, "protects the dignity of women" is absolutely spot-on for "protects"=violates; dignity=pussy; women=WHORESLUTS who can't keep those aspirins firmly clenched between their knees.

I mean, what's the problem here?

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:36 am

This is one of those right wing bullshit definitions, like the "full sunlight" method of forest management.

PS. That really is a thing, and it means clearcutting.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:24 am

Amazing, innit? And to control Black women's uteri, they pass the Sojourner Truth Fetal Protection Act? Wouldn't surprise me in the least. Next up: The Cesar Chavez Immigration Streamlining Act: arrest all Brownz wherever they're found and ship them down to Tijuana after stripping them of everything they own. Refuse them re-entry to the country because "they no longer have identification papers."

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:37 am

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
ULTRASOUNDS ARE DIGNITY

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

WWJP (Who Would Jesus Probe)?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I notice you use the non-gender-specific "Probe." The Catholic Church and Bob McDonnell would like to have a word with you about this very invasive procedure.

Crank_Tango February 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm

All of'em, Katie?

Chillwillard February 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

So it's not like rape anymore; now it's just like getting fucked without the romantic Italian dinner beforehand.

UnholyMoses February 28, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I believe they call it "inappropriate touching."

At least that's what my company's HR dept. calls it.

Baconzgood February 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

“protects the dignity of women.”

uh…..aaaa…..mmmmmmmmm. Sorry I got nuthin to write about that kinda fucked up thinking. *flags down the bar tender for another shot of whiskey*

JustPixelz February 28, 2012 at 4:26 pm

The "dignity of women" includes respect for their intelligence, which this whole ultrasound proposal presumes is lacking.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:18 pm

My mother has already received a two-page screed on this topic in the mail from the Bishop of Pittsburgh (where she lived all her life before I moved her).

"The current battle being played out on the public scene is not a matter of politics, ideology, or the agenda of a president or his administration. To the contrary, it is an essential battle in defense of religious liberty. [blah blah] Share with [your legislators] that you, like myself, see through the intent of the recently announced 'accommodation,' which is a continued attempt to violate an infringe on the religious rights of all. [blah blah]

"No matter what you have heard or read in the secular media … the issue at hand is not about contraception, sterilization, or abortion-causing drugs. Nor is it as some suggest a matter of 'a woman's right to choose' or 'a man's choice to dominate" [I guess he saw the hearing] …It is about the protecting the rights to religious liberty granted to us by the First Amendment …"

The bishop recommends fasting and intense prayer to "end this threat." I'm sure most Catholics are going to jump on that as quickly as they do to his orders about using the rhythm method of contraception.

He signed it, "Grateful, especially at this dangerous juncture, for our belief that 'Nothing is Impossible with God, I am your brother in Christ."

My mother says that in her 85 years as a Catholic, she never remembers hearing a message as strident as this one. I think she also said something about it making her feel like she was going to throw up.

Well, at least he didn't claim Obama is an infidel.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:24 pm

WTF do they think, they're STILL back in the 18th century or WHAT? Surely they know that 98% of their own fucking co-religionists are ALREADY using BC? Or is it that they just don't give a shit what the females think?

Chichikovovich February 28, 2012 at 7:51 pm

It's a long way into a process. In the 1970's you could have good, loving, pastorally minded men like Luciano of Venice become Cardinal and then Pope John Paul I. When John Paul II came in he set about marginalizing all the old geezers of that type, and ruthlessly promoting the Ratzingerati. It became clear to candidate priests with Vatican II – type opinions that there was no future for them in the Church, so many left. Only the hardest core of the hardest core got promoted to Bishop, Cardinal, etc. and since there is a shortage of priests in any event, and you have to choose from that small sample only the doctrinally pure, you have to take what you can find. Which means a lot of them are going to be truly, mind bogglingly stupid. Also they have to be sufficiently unprincipled to play along with the child abuse coverup. And 30 years later, here we are. All the liberals are dead, only the spittle-flecked ranters remain.

If you want to see something that will make you weep for the Church, find in the library or online a copy of Time or Newsweek or a major newspaper when they were choosing John Paul I and John Paul II. Look at the list of "candidates" they profile. Lots of conservatives, lots of Vatican II liberals. There was a sense of a genuine diversity of opinion in the church, and pastoral, Christian humanist thinking was well-represented. Compare that to the list of one-note authoritarians we see today.

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:20 pm

So those seeking first-trimester abortions (some 88% of all such procedures) will see nothing at all. Mission still accomplished!

Generation[redacted] February 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm

(looks at ultrasound) "Oh, that's not a person at all!"

Lascauxcaveman February 28, 2012 at 5:27 pm

"…and abort that damn appendix while you're at it, Doc. It's looking at me funny."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Exactly. As the Guttmacher institute spokesperson pointed out recently, this is just an attempt to shame and humiliate women. I know if my little girl was pregnant due to rape, I would be DELIGHTED to hear that the same government who won't pay for her Lyme's disease treatment will be happy to help her spread 'em so they can repeat the rape experience with something hard, sharp, and cold.

Boojum_Reborn February 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Sounds like a Republican penis, only larger.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Yeah, one usually needs tweezers and a magnifier for Repugly penis.

Wilcoxyz February 28, 2012 at 5:57 pm

And actually hard.

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:40 am

Nah, he said "hard".

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Sharron Angle proposed 2nd Amendment solutions to ward off Dems. How 'bout Lisbeth Salander solutions for Repubs?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Me Likey, Mikey.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Meaning that 88% of these mandated procedures are medically unnecessary (as well as pointless and a waste of time and money.)

Next question: who pays for this Potemkin Image?

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

The LAYDEEZ, of course! The victims! This is like Sarah Palin's insisting that rape victims pay for their own testing kits. It's not enough that these women are in an unpleasant, unhappy, and undesired situation. One must invoke the power of the government to rape them a second time, and then hit them in the wallet to rape them a third.

Oh, wait, I forgot. That's not rape. It's only rape when you prevent a bunch of fucking godbags from holding a sausagefest to complain in public that they are being raped by being forced to live with the knowledge that shameless slutwhores who let that aspirin drop from between their knees can have an abortion without a corresponding disembowelment. THAT's rape.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:21 pm

And don't forget, making them pay moniez for their Viagra is an assault on their humanity. OBAMACARE!!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:27 pm

The blatant sexism, misogyny, discrimination … I'm disgusted by this. There are women who could DIE if they don't have access to this shit.

Nobody ever DIED from not being able to get it up. They might have *wished* they did, but it ain't ever happened.

Deportably_Jose February 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I'll give you a hint: if the entity that's mandating the unnecessary medical procedures was the one paying for it, then it would count as "paying for abortions with taxpayer money," which "pro-life" sorts make sure is never allowed, for moral reasons*.

*Unlike paying for the torture and murder of actual, full, living, children and adults with taxpayer funds, which is perfectly fine. Pro-life!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Your words are uncomfortably, painfully borne out: Mother Jones just reported that AL has denied DNA testing to a death-row inmate who is believed to be innocent.

anniegetyerfun February 29, 2012 at 1:10 am

Is he black? Because I hear DNA tests don't ever work to exonerate black men. Something just cold breaks, and they get executed anyway.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 1:57 am

You mean 100% of them, right?

sharethegrief February 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Being anti-intrusive is so cuddly. Wait for Krauthammer to accuse McDonnell of being all post-feminist.

beavertank February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Giving in so easily to those women-folk instead of giving them a black eye like god intended. What a pussy.

OneYieldRegular February 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Sounds like the time is ripe for republication of the S.C.U.M. Manifesto.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Go for it, girl/guy.

Callyson February 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I'll settle for a remake of Lysistrata.
Which reminds me, I wanted to pick up a copy of that play so that I can be reading it the next time this Republican guy who I think is trying to pick up on me comes around…

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Sometimes I actually do feel just a weensy bit sorry for those Republican boyz. Because leftie feminist women can be holy fuckin' terrors, not that I don't love them for it.

Go get 'im.

Callyson February 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

leftie feminist women can be holy fuckin' terrors
Aw, I'm touched–that's the best compliment I've received in a while now
;-)

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Aw, you litte terror, you! (Hugs the Callyson)

memzilla February 28, 2012 at 4:22 pm

… Bob McDonnell, said he’ll sign the insane legislation into law because it 'protects the dignity of women.'"

Even though this amendment is only a partial pull-back from the typical full-bore spittle-flinging Rethuglican misogyny — given what this says about the intent of the original legislation, it is still the best unintentional calling-out of the Rethuglican's War On Wimmenz agenda there could be.

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

And not to fear: Pennsylvania still has a good, old fashioned extra-rapey ultrasound law pending, and you know those useless pig-fuckos will full steam ahead.

littlebigdaddy February 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Not to be outdone, I expect the Oklahoma legislature to pass a resolution in favor of repealing the 19th Amendment.

JustPixelz February 28, 2012 at 4:28 pm

They hate most of the "teen" amendments.
13th – no slavery
14th – equal protection; birthright citizenship
15th – brown/black voting
16th – income tax
17th – direct election fo senators
18th – prohibition (OK, everyone hated that one)
19th – girl voting.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I can see why. It ain't nothin' but them blacks, browns, and wimminz all OVER the place!

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:24 pm

You're right. God knows, they especially wouldn't be suffering these indignities if the senators could be appointed. We'd already be the United States of Corporations-Run-By-White-Men, Inc.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Quite honestly, I'm surprised that a southern state or Arizona hasn't tried passing a law claiming they no longer recognize any amendment to the Constitution after the 12th.

BaldarTFlagass February 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Let me know if the fetus waves at the camera and mouths the words "Hi Mom!"

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

So it would be like watching any random college football game?

memzilla February 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Also look for the fetus holding up the tiny "John 3:16" sign.

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

$50 he says "hi" to the guys at work!

PubOption February 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Can't be the progeny of Tebow, he's supposed to be saving himself for marriage.

beavertank February 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

"And lo, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no abortionist"?

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:12 pm

And wears the multi-colored afro wig.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Look, just because YOU were an early developer …

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"Who's my Daddy!"

Swampgas_Man February 28, 2012 at 5:38 pm

If he's got fingers, he can always give one to McConnel!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Now, *that,* I would pay money to see.

BigDumbRedDog February 28, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I don't know what I would do without the Virginia state legislature looking out for my dignity. Thanks assholes!

-grabs crotch, flips the bird-

Schmannnity February 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Virginia Legislature to Women: Shut up, Chattels.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

You forgot "WHORESLUTS!!"

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

The strumpets have spoken.

MissTaken February 28, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Yes, it's very intrusive when white men have to walk though a full body scanner and let the TSA world know just how small their teeny tiny wee little pee pee really is.

However, women being forced to undergo unnecessary, unrelated and costly medical tests in order to receive a legally protected medical procedure is completely dignified.

Yup, makes sense to me.

Baconzgood February 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm

You're thinking like a Republican now.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Note that the white men who decry the TSA porn scanners loudest are mostly the same ones screaming that the TSA should use racial profiling and harass brown and black people. Rights, in conservative and Libertarian lands, are for white men, not for women-folk or the other races.

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"Whadda you mean, strip search? I'm white!!!

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

"Whadda you mean, strip search? I'm a white man!!!

Fixed.

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Whadda you mean, strip search? I'm a white male Republican!!!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Isn't that what Rand Paul said?

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Santorum/MissTaken 2012!

Chet Kincaid February 28, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Yes! Now your husband can give you permission to run for President!

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm

No, women, like non-white Americans, are not allowed to hold public office; at least not according to the crazy bigoted Alaskan Wonkette reported on yesterday:
http://www.usa-the-republic.com/items%20of%20inte

(His whole site is truly hilariously insane).

HistoriCat February 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm

It's no TimeCube but it does have a certain charm.

johnnyzhivago February 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Women actually can VOTE in Virginia???

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I know, what will those whoresluts want NEXT? It'll be all "castrating the husband while he's catching a nap on the sofa," if I know those termagants.

Generation[redacted] February 28, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Only after they submit to a vaginal ultrasound. For dignity.

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Keep's 'em happy (ie – puttin' out, cleanin' an' procreatin'). It's not like we count 'em or anything.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm

They can, but it's frowned upon. Like wearing slacks.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:08 pm

They can! And that's when all the trouble began. First the ladies got the vote then the coloreds got all uppity & that led to Davis v. County School Board of Prince Edward County. Thank god they passed this bill. It's passing brings the Commonwealth a little less closer to the edge of the abyss.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Any day now, they'll be letting those goddamn deviants get married 'n stuff.

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

We got us a goody here in Bama too – I TOLD YOU these assholes wouldn't stand for being left out. I guess I'm off my ass now. When are they going to say something about making the guy who knocked the girl up also come in and look at the ultrasound? How bout involving A DUDE SOMEHOW IN THIS SO THAT THEY WILL STOP??

memzilla February 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

That won't work, since the little head doesn't have eyes. Now sending the dude the hyperinflated bill for the ultrasound and abortion, and suspending his driver's license until he pays, however…

Generation[redacted] February 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

tyranny!!!!1!

ThundercatHo February 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I don't think having the dudes involved will make them stop. They would more likely be so proud of what their little swimmer had begat. You are maybe thinking that they would feel a sense of responsibility and/or empathy? If that were the case the poor girl probably wouldn't be at the Abortionplex in the first place. The best you can hope for is that the dude will pay for the procedure, drive the girl home and maybe take care of her a little. Please note that I am not including all men as I'm sure there are many fine partners/fathers here.

DaRooster February 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Damone's a PRICK!!

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 4:50 pm

NO, I am thinking that the assholes making these PUNISH THE WHORE laws seem to be forgetting that we do not in fact, fuck ourselves and GUYS will NOT show up for this shit but much like a draft, including their asses would make more of them call these people out on their bullshit too, and that lawmakers would have to explain why they don't care about "father's" rights if they are wanting to call a missed period a fucking person. It's nice to think of the guy having to say, yeah, I don't want this to progress either.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 5:18 pm

And in their world, anything that's a mild inconvenience to a white man is so much worse than total violations of a woman's rights and forced legal harassment.

DoktorThompson February 28, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Don't be a dick, SorosBot, us white men are out there creating the jobs that provide the cash/welfare for these women to have the privilege of bearing our children. Have you no decency?

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:54 pm

That would be an invasion of privacy, making the white male look at the life he helped start.

And besides, there's a ball game on….

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

And my fear would be that once he realized he did create a zygote, he'll decide it's a future money quarterback and forbid the procedure.

Chichikovovich February 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I like the idea – especially the part about him paying – but I think these types would be just delighted to require the father to be involved. Especially if he was a control-freak psycho who would insist on the woman carrying to term as a way of controlling her. Or just because Mr. one-night-stand likes the idea of having a little half-him running around even though he's got no plans to support the child. Or whatever – anything that would put anyone in a position to stop the abortion. Why do you think they also put the extra stuff in about potential grandparents suing, etc. That's laying the groundwork – getting a woman's family involved – so that later they can bring in rules that will allow them to call off the abortion.

I just think they realize that these steps would be huge political losers, so they're temporizing for now. See how quickly Virginia backed off of the probe ultrasound? It'll be back when they feel the ground has been prepared. These people never give up, and every retreat is a tactical one.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:12 pm

I'm pretty sure you're correct, if only because one of the proposed state laws (Vagina, I think, but it could well be AlaBUMMER) permits the putative father or grandparents to sue the doctor who provides the woman with an abortion. It's not even the WOMAN's family. It's the family of the scumbag who couldn't be bothered to take care of his own spawn.

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:31 am

Completely OT, but thought you might like this:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15962_the-gruesome

We got onto the subject a day or so ago.

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:05 am

Hey, thanks!

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Bingo. That's how they play here in VA.

Redhead February 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

Many clinics (don't know about all) won't let the person going with the woman back with her at all. The person, whether it's a spouse/boyfriend, parent, friend, whoever, has to wait in the waiting room the whole time, through the options counseling, birth control discussion and actual procedure. The clinic's theory is they want to talk to the woman without the person who drove her, to make sure it's totally her decision (whatever she finally decides) and not influenced/coerced by anyone.

And yeah, the thing with the wand was totally so once they backed off and said "okay, look, we'll compromise – no transvag, just the transbelly will be mandated!" people would go along with it instead of being upset that they're mandating an ultrasound. Any good doctor is going to do an ultrasound before doing the abortion, and whether it can be belly or has to be transvag depends on how far the woman is and what type she's getting, but that SHOULD be the doctor's call. Instead, these idiots are screaming about Obamacare while supporting politicians – men, mostly, and none of them doctors or regulatory agencies – who are mandating medical procedures. But it's okay, because it's just wimminz, and they're too stupid to know what's best for themselves. They deserve to be punished for their sluttiness. And you know, a lot of gynos and PP doctors are wimminz, so obviously they're too dumb to determine what's best for their patients, without some crotchety old guy with no medical training who hasn't gotten laid since before I was born telling them what to do and how and when. Seriously, I hope that instead of withholding sex, Mrs. Albo waits till the next time her husband puts the TV on whatever that shit is she likes and then takes the remote, shoves it up his ass, and says, "Ooops, I thought this was an ultrasound wand! Just checking for cancer, honey!"

edgydrifter February 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Now they draw a smiley face on the rape baton.

ChernobylSoup February 28, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Your honor, the defendant is charged with protecting the dignity of women. We request remand."

PuckStopsHere February 28, 2012 at 4:29 pm

What do you want to bet that the ultrasound will not be covered by insurance because insurance only pays for medically necessary procedures, not politically necessary ones.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Of course it won't be covered! What the FUCK is wrong with you, insufficiently indoctrinated? Must be one of them college-educated LIBERALS.

After all, if Rick Scott can get away with charging the Poorz for their drug tests, WTH shouldn't Vagina charge the WHORESLUT Wimminz for forgetting their aspirins?

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:49 am

Why do you hate the insurance companies?
What are'ya, one of those soshulizm medicine commie nazis?

MaxNeanderthal February 28, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Barefoot and pregnant is where the Theocrats want those pesky once-a-month bleeders..

MissTaken February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

If we would just stay preggers like good little women we wouldn't have to spend so much money on tampons. Austerity!

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Michelle Duggar hasn't bought a tampon since 1984.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

That reminds me of something my grandmother once said about her older sister-in-law: That woman has never spent more than half an hour on her feet in her whole life. (Meaning, the slut was either on her back GETTING pregnant or BEING pregnant or popping a kid.)

Granny had a tongue like a thousand fiery serpents.

MissTaken February 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I'm sure the law stipulates that the ultrasound techs are not allowed to warm up the jelly before putting it on the slut's belly to make her suffer as much as possible. Brrr!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm

As you know, whenever you have surgery on your lower body, you run the risk of developing blood clots. And yes, when they want to check on that clot, they smear that horrible lube shit all over you and check you with the ultrasound.

All I can say is, you LayDzs have my sympathy. I am NEVER gonna do that again, and fuck any doctor who thinks I am.

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:58 pm

You really want the whores anywhere near hot wet lube????

Boojum_Reborn February 28, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Um, yes, actually. This is the only part that sounds good.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Hehehehehe.
Know the difference between a young whore and a old whore?
Young whore uses K-Y, old whore uses Poly-Grip.

actor212 February 29, 2012 at 11:46 am

I'd rather she takes the teeth out, myself.

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Did they cut the bit in the fine print about connecting the stirrups/gurney and the ultrasound to an optional Taser?

Q: Do you support Roe v. Wade
A: Yes
zap
Q: Is the reason you're here because you are a slut
A: No, and I take offense…
zapzapzapzapzapzapzap
Q: Was Saint Ronald Raygun God's chosen
A: Fuck no
zapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzapzap

Baconzgood February 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Ahhhhhh. But I wanted to shove things up hoo-haas in a manner that makes women degraded while getting paid by the state.

beavertank February 28, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Sounds to me like you need to get a job in secret CIA prisons. Good hours, lots of torture and rape, and an excellent health plan!

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:35 pm
HistoriCat February 28, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I really should have known better than to click on that link.

owhatever February 28, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Vaginas are for Lovers! The next version of the bill will require a full-term birth and then, when the baby has reached the age of reasoning, at 35, a conversation and prayer with the child in the presence of Preacher Bob about whether an abortion should have occurred.

JustPixelz February 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Let's see: abortion in Virginia, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, etc includes waiting period (for some that means overnight hotel), ultrasound (you pay), gauntlet of lunatics with signs.

Where is the enterprising "job creator" who opens an abortionplex that includes free airfare?

Guppy February 28, 2012 at 5:39 pm

"abortion (…) etc includes waiting period"

Purchasing a firearm, not so much.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Some things just cannot wait.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Ouch! Mind if I Tweet that, Guppy?

Guppy February 28, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Knock yourself out.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Tweeted wiv attribution.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I'm sure the enterprising "job creator" is still in Sweden where he was before Roe vs. Wade.

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm

So if a woman were to kick Bob McDonnell in the nuts, that would be protecting the dignity of his testicles.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

SorosBot, I do b'leev you're getting it!

Protect the Dignity of McDonnell's Testicles, y'all!

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Hopefully that bill will be brought during the next GA. But I'm not gonna hold my breath on that one.

Joshua Norton February 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm

When did the Repugs decide to base their personaes on Rockford Files villians?

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Strictly confining the rape to the psyche makes it OK!

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I have something that is totally intrusive that the women would love.

I'm just saying.

BigDumbRedDog February 28, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Can't I just have "crushcalculatorapp.com" tell me if my fetus is real or fake? Seriously, what did I clicky click on to deserve these banner ads?

Mumbletypeg February 28, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Protects women's dignity??

Huh. Wanna bet he was privately thinking, "…protect men's Giggity"~

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Glenn Quagmire approves….giggity.

DaRooster February 28, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I wouldn't put it past the Repugnants to pipe in videos electronically of an older fetus to try and make women feel worse… I wonder if the sonogram machines are made by Diebold?

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 4:39 pm

When you outlaw sex, the only people who'll have sex are outlaws…which'll make it that much hotter, I guess.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Used to be a barn along the I-80 out in the middle of Nebraska that had a sign in big letters that said OUTLAW SODOMY.
I assume the owner was in to wearing a ski mask while having buttsechs.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Did all the local outlaws hie themselves over there, all hopeful and liquored up?

BigDumbRedDog February 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

In Washington State it's the law that all baristas have to also be liscensed abortion doctors. Look it up if you don't believe me.

anniegetyerfun February 29, 2012 at 1:16 am

This is part of what has made Starbucks such a financial success.

2161911 February 28, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Why not skip the middleman and have these ultrasounds done at the airport by security, in front of hordes of drunken people in a crazy-ass hurry – people like me.

actor212 February 28, 2012 at 4:45 pm

The local strip joint would do in a pinch

YasserArraFeck February 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Get the TSA to cover the transvag, the mammogram and the breast lump feel-up, and you have a line of job applicants 10 miles long (with an average IQ tending towards the single digits, natch)

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:57 am

Like I don't already have enough aggravation trying to get my shoes off, and then back on, in two seconds?

SayItWithWookies February 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Another chapter in the GOP's long and storied history of looking out for women — and if the women of Afghanistan are any indication of the quality and direction of Republican stewardship, Virginia's women are in for bumpy ride.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:15 pm

And it's not just because all the men there have genital warts, either.

elviouslyqueer February 28, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Oh, Bob and Dave, fuck you. And by that I mean "you wish, because it ain't ever gonna happen."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:19 pm

That was just … beautiful.

ShaveTheWhales February 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

Oh, goodness.

DerrickWildcat February 28, 2012 at 4:45 pm

How dare the the TSA question White people!

UnholyMoses February 28, 2012 at 5:09 pm

How dare the the TSA question White people men!

Fixxored to reflect the GOP's mindset.

IonaTrailer February 28, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I'd like to suggest some candidates for retro-active abortion…..

DonnyKerabotsos February 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I don't usually notice this sort of thing, but Dave Albo's name anagrams to a bad love.

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I'm not even going to attempt your name. Maybe there's an app for that.

DoktorThompson February 28, 2012 at 7:55 pm

sonnys bad kooter

Lucidamente1 February 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm

As long as I'm still in time to return the transvaginal probe I bought the wife for Valentines Day, it's all good.

mull_man February 28, 2012 at 5:27 pm

I carries one wit me at all times. Yessir, I dos.

delaney_blom February 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Next year, Albo will introduce a bill requiring transvirginia ultrasounds before you get an abortion. So, if you live in Norfolk, you have to go to Bristol to get your ultrasound. If you live in Northern Virginia, you have to go to Bristol. If you've ever been to Bristol, you know what an impact this will have.

Eve8Apples February 28, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I encourage women to look at the image on the screen and shout, "Jesus Christ the son of a bitch looks just like Dave Albo! Kill the ugly fucker! Kill it now!"

prommie February 28, 2012 at 4:51 pm

My new band is gonna be called "Marginally Less Rapey."

slowhansolo February 28, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Maybe you can get the Carnivorous Vulva Jackals to open for y'all.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:20 pm

That name makes me uncomfortable, Han. Is it the VULVAS that are being carnivorous here? Or the jackals?

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I'm afraid (and kinda delighted, cause ya know I'm a freak) that it's jackals that eat the vulvas, like barbarically. (as opposed to politely. Also WHAT THE FUCK WITH "Intense Debate" NOT KNOWING VULVAS IS A WORD, I googled, it's vulvae, or vulvas. Ugh. Discrimination everywhere!)

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:45 pm

That's nice. Vulvae. Reminds me of butterflies.

Chet Kincaid February 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Intensedebate doesn't spellcheck, it's your browser.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:37 pm

You know how there's SOME kinds of eating that is "ess," and some kinds of eating that is "fress"?

So what you're saying is the carnivorous vulva jackals are all fressing the ol' vulvas?

Local_Mojo February 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Maybe it's just the Thin Mints talkin', but I think somebody ought to kick this guy in the pecker.

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Kick him in the cunt and see how he likes it.

Antispandex February 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Um…so we're going to FORCE women to undergo a medical procedure they don't want, because some asshat Teapublicans are against abortion…for religious reasons. Can you guys explain to me why we're "fighting them over there" again? I'm a little slow. It seems like they're already here.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 5:23 pm

No, that's not the worst part. The worst part is that apparently women who get preggers need an ultrasound at some point to check on the BABBY, but Republicans WON'T PAY for that because they think it's, I dunno, too nice to the careless whoresluts? So here are these preggos BEGGING for this procedure, and the Repuglycuntz are all, "No! It's EXPENSIVE!"

But when it comes time to re-rape some rapey incesty victimy person, THEN it's all, "Bring on the probes! Spread 'em, girls!" Even when these ladies are BEGGING to please not have this done because they've been raped and are traumatized about stuff being shoved up in them all unwilling.

I don't even get how these people are allowed to keep breathing.

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

"Never when you ask, bitch!"

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 1:06 am

Because!!
Because if women can have sex without it ruining their lives, how are they ever going to learn?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:13 am

What is it they're supposed to be learning from this, though? *That's* the part I'm not getting.

KeepFnThatChicken February 28, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Do Amish rape victims get away without the ultrasound, too?

Barb February 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm

No, the Amish sluts have to face the music box too. That's what they get for falling for that old line, "My name is Yoder, remember it because you are going to be screaming it all night."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Is THAT what the Amish guys use to pick up teh LayDeez? And you're saying IT WORKS?

ShaveTheWhales February 28, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Yoder, my name is, remember; all night screaming it are you to be going. Because.

Fuck. I never get that right.

GOPCrusher February 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

RUMSPRINGA!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Yeah, between the RUM and the bouncy-bouncy bedSPRINGAs I'm guessin' a lot of little Amishes are made shortly thereafter?

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 1:13 am
hagajim February 28, 2012 at 4:55 pm

These dicks are such dicks they don't even realize how dickish they sound when they say TSA is invasive but ultrasounds aren't. Fuckers.

KeepFnThatChicken February 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm

"Hey, don't look at us. We're just saying the ultrasound is less invasive than your rape baby, lady. Apples to apples, honey."

Antispandex February 28, 2012 at 5:02 pm

….Oh. and I was sort of wondering…If you refuse to look at the monitor do they tape your eyes open? See, that wouldn't be invasive at all. No, really, I was water boarded once for training in the military, so I could learn to resist torture, and now all of these years later, I find out it isn't torture at all. Things aren't what they seem….or what you're told…or what they feel like. Because we live in the bestest, most free-er country in the whole world!

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Not tape for the eyes, SuperGlue. All the good torturers use it.

QwertyToo February 28, 2012 at 5:16 pm

So, when the woman's insurance company rejects payment for the ultrasound as an unnecessary procedure the state will then pick up the bill since they are requiring it, right? Yes, I know what the answer is but I haven't seen it covered in any of the proposed or passed bills yet.

Barb February 28, 2012 at 5:16 pm

This isn't news! Why isn't anyone covering the news of the Dow closing above 1,300 today? Damn you, Obama! He's trying to make it so that we can afford to retire at an earlier age than 95, raising the unemployment rate.

Wake up Sheeple!

Generation[redacted] February 28, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Of course he does, that snob. Retirement is an indoctrination factory.

Barrelhse February 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Barb February 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Oh, clutch the pearls! That is outrageous. Thanks for the linkie.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Why do so many of these types have such miserable-looking pusses?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:15 am

Because they're not getting any. One look at that punim, and everybody's got their track shoes on and headed in the opposite direction.

Dear jeebus please take all these motherfuckers away because they are driving me fucking NUTS.

ph7 February 28, 2012 at 5:19 pm

The best way to protect the Governor's dignity is to shove his overthumped Bible up his ass.

Loaded_Pants February 28, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Overthumped is right. In the case our beloved Guv, his ass has been overthumped by Pat Robberson.

ttommyunger February 28, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Republiklan running for office: Iss all about the jerbs. Republiklan in office: Iss all about the ladyparts. You're welcome.

Local_Mojo February 28, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Your move, Waziristan.

orygoon February 28, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I read shit like this and get all hate-y at men, and then have to remind myself that it is just *some* men.

But it sure seems like a lot of 'em.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

My mother maintains she can tell which ones just by looking at them. I tested her once on a television debate with the sound turned off. She picked out every wingnut without hesitation.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Good news, everyone!

Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe won't seek re-election.

"I do find it frustrating, however, that an atmosphere of polarization and 'my way or the highway' ideologies has become pervasive in campaigns and in our governing institutions."

Translation: I'm tired of working with these ass-hats.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I don't know if it's GOOD news. Isn't the governor of Maine the one who banned the labor mural in the Dept. of Labor? God knows, HE's liable to run.

BarackMyWorld February 28, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Barry has long coattails.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:54 pm

It's good. LePage is totally tanked in the polls. Mainiacs are a stubborn bunch, and he's pissed them off. There's lots of nutbags there, but mostly they don't cotton to other folks tellin' 'em what to do, and I suspect any vote they're casting over the next year will be AGAINST LePage more than FOR anybody. Everyone was afraid Maine would go to Ron Paul (Pres. elections), but now I think they'll go for Barry.

Jukesgrrl February 29, 2012 at 4:53 am

Yay!!

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:52 pm

YAY!! Thanks, BMW! The Dems are thinking they'll pick up that seat! Maybe we can now give our President a halfway decent Congress to work with!

horsedreamer_1 February 28, 2012 at 8:48 pm

CORRECTED Translation: Snowe wants in on some of that sweet, sweet, centrist-consensus grift like Alan Simpson, Erskine Bowles, Lee Hamilton, & Tom Kean got.

No work, all pay, & an handy from David Broder, Tom Friedman, &/or Jim van de Hei.

weej_bain February 28, 2012 at 5:49 pm

OT question

Have any Michigan Wonketteers put clothespins on their noses and been out slathering santorum on Repug ballots just to be little kittens who have lost their Mittens?

SorosBot February 28, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Which reminds me: will we have a liveblog? My local liquor store will be closing in less than an hour and I want to know if I should be hitting it.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:54 pm

HIT IT! I'm still here, goddammit, and determined to enjoy this.

ShaveTheWhales February 28, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Well, we know Negropolis did.

Nostrildamus February 28, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I suggest a new bill: Men wishing to comment on the appropriateness of an abortion procedure must produce a semen sample to demonstrate their genetic relation to the potential abortee. To prevent fraud, said sample must be produced at a televised public meeting.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

OK, I know SOME guys are pee-shy and stuff, but I think MOST men would take that as a delightful challenge. Bonus points for getting spoo all over the people seated in the first row.

Chet Kincaid February 28, 2012 at 6:03 pm

"The Do It On Your Belly Bill" sounds so much more dignified than "The Wattage In Your Twattage Bill."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Do you tell your wife stuff like this? Does she laugh hysterically?

I'm gonna try that on my girlfriend. I'm hoping if your wife didn't take it well, you'll get back to me in PLENTY of time.

Chet Kincaid February 28, 2012 at 7:04 pm

No, but when my wife scolds one of the cats ("my" cat), I scoop him up and tell him, "You is kind! You is smart! You is important!" in honor of all the Sisters who are pissed off about "The Help."

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I guess I'm not gonna be seeing THAT movie.

LagunaB February 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

No, no, no, no.
Octavia Spencer is fabulous!

anniegetyerfun February 29, 2012 at 1:24 am

It could have been worse, honestly. It still falls into the "What This Place Needs is a Honky!" movie genre, but some of the acting is quite good, Bryce Dallas Howard nonwithstanding.

thefrontpage February 28, 2012 at 6:32 pm

All of the morons and iditots in Virginia who voted for this illegal, corrupt, unconstitutional and insane "legislation" should be forced to sit in a dark room with no light for 48 hours, with feminist readings from Gloria Steinem, Bella Abzug, Shirley Chisholm, Jane Fonda, Jeanne Garafolo, Ellen DeGeneres, Erica Jong and Barbara Mikulski piped into the room on a continuous loop. Then, they should be forced to work as a TSA Screener at a small airport in the desert for a month.

Jukesgrrl February 28, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I volunteer to be a reader. And I'd like a taser to keep people from leaving the room.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Wow, Wonketteerz are just SO public minded, SO service-oriented.

I could help.

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:30 pm

And if they still have a shitty attitude, they should go back to the same room, only this time with "Seasons in the Sun" on a continuous loop.

Veritas78 February 28, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Who knew that Sherman would turn out to be a liberal pussy for not having killed them all?

Toomush_Infer February 28, 2012 at 7:23 pm

You're looking at this wrong: protecting the dignity of women by allowing them to act with grace under the pressure of fucking idiocy…. because dignity depends on challenge…

Isyaignert February 28, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Do they still have to pay for the new, improved invasive procedure that they don't want?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:20 am

Yup.

Negropolis February 29, 2012 at 2:01 am

There's a safe-word written into the bill, right?

I'm glad to see that there are enough Democrats in the body that we can build an opposition when the time comes. That's the only silver lining, here. I mean, for blue as my homestate is during presidential and senate elections, we haven't had Dem control of the state senate since the early 80's, a body in which the GOP currently has a fucking supermajority.

Tundra Grifter February 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm

You may be shocked – SHOCKED! – to learn an Alabama politician wants to pass a similar law to make money.
http://www.nationalmemo.com/article/alabama-pol-p

I mean, it was one thing for the private prison industry to write the anti-immigrant law in Arizona – but this?

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

CHET! Dude, don't you know better than to counter an ignorant tirade with logic and facts? DON'T TELL ME who I am wrongly accusing of screwing with my commenting freedoms!! Have you NOT been paying attention to our discourse AT ALL?
(I know jackshit about computers – I have all macs, so now I guess I am mad at Firefox? That's the browser, yes? whatevs. vulvas vulvas vulvas.)

FakaktaSouth February 28, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Oh geez, I would totally go down this road GLEEFULLY if not for the Newt Gingrich being behind this phrase of it all…

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 1:03 am

A Jewish friend of mine explained it as: "People ess; animals fress".

Chet Kincaid February 28, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Forgive me, it's a kind of Vulcan Tourette's! And don't get me started on the dumb shit Intensedebate actually does do. Or do do.

prommie February 29, 2012 at 11:41 am

Labia labia labia.

FROTHY February 28, 2012 at 7:32 pm

OMG (urp) NEVAH MIND (runs away at high speed).

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:42 am

Tom Tomorrow got it right in "This Modern World": "Viagra? No problem. Birth control? Get lost, slut!"

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:11 am

I b'leev cunnilingus, or oral sex, anyway, is also referred to as "fress," yes?

FROTHY February 29, 2012 at 2:28 am

I got the alert via email and just couldn't even bring myself to click the link. These people have executed so many innocent humans, I'm sure one more won't bother them in the least.

Deportably_Jose February 29, 2012 at 11:22 am

Nope! He's white. He does kinda look like Milton from Office Space, crossed with John Goodman, though, and really, isn't that all the proof of guilt you need? (No, no it's not.)

anniegetyerfun February 29, 2012 at 11:35 am

Woah, weird. That's, like, the second innocent white guy who will be executed anyway that I have heard of in recent years.

tessiee February 29, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"It still falls into the "What This Place Needs is a Honky!" movie genre"

Oh! I call that "Dances with [...]".

The same way Kevin Costner demonstrated that the white man is the superior Indian in "Dances with Wolves", Tom Cruise demonstrated that the white man is the superior Asian in "Dances with Samurai", what's his face demonstrated that the white man is the superior blue man in "Avatar", etc. etc. etc.

Biel_ze_Bubba March 1, 2012 at 3:15 am

I'm not generally in favor of Federally mandated racial quotas, but I might make an exception in this particular area.

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