Mitt Romney may lose today’s primary in his home state of Michigan in spite of having won it in 2008 by a wide margin, so what’s the issue? Come now, Mitt Romney, don’t hold back your feelings, tell the world how you don’t even mind losing because you are grown sick of being the abused clown: “I’m not willing to light my hair on fire to try and get support,” he says. THAT’S RIGHT, DAMMIT. Mitt Romney will immediately and categorically switch his position on absolutely any issue out there, but asking him to savage his pristine coif? Go pre-moisten one of Rick Santorum’s microphones for him if you want filth. It is Mitt Romney’s hair that we are talking about, right? Because it’s not like Mittens would seriously complain that his principled stances are what might cost him this primary, right?
Oh god, it is:
“We’ve seen throughout the campaign if you’re willing to say really outrageous things that are accusative, attacking of President Obama, that you’re going to jump up in the polls,” Romney said Tuesday. “I’m not willing to light my hair on fire to try and get support. I am who I am.”
This is a good line of defense, to complain as a Republican candidate that you are being forced to attack the Democratic incumbent too much. Here, Mitt Romney will show you cretins how to be a gentleman in politics. Instead of fabricating bizarre stories about your opponent, you get up on stage and you make up bizarre stories about yourself:
Romney recalled he was “probably 4 or something like that” the day of the Golden Jubilee, when three-quarters of a million people gathered to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the American automobile.
“My dad had a job being the grandmaster. They painted Woodward Ave. with gold paint,” Romney told a rapt Tea Party audience in the village of Milford Thursday night, reliving a moment of American industrial glory.
The Golden Jubilee described so vividly by Romney was indeed an epic moment in automotive lore. The parade included one of the last public appearances by an elderly Henry Ford.
And it took place June 1, 1946 — fully nine months before Romney was born.