Fox ‘Person’: Catholics Write Letters, Muslims Stab You With Letter Openers

  oh ok got it

bueller?

Greg Gutfeld (Oh my god, Greg, what happened to you, besides too many Crunchwrap Supremes?) is a member of a strange five-person cult that appears on Fox News every day. He thinks he is funny. He used to edit men’s magazines. He used to look like this (fig. 1), of a time. In 2010, during the whole Ground Zero mosque debacle, Gutfeld proposed building a gay bar for Muslims next to the mosque in “an effort to break down barriers and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.” Nice try (or rather, Hmm, we must acknowledge that you spoke those words), and/but vomit and WTF. Now, Greg tried to make his cult members laugh at Monday’s cult gathering by saying that the difference between Muslims and Catholics is that “Catholics write letters and Muslims stab you with letter openers.”

Excellent, here is the video for this gastrointestinal accident.

It goes without saying that Gutfeld is probably the most Muslim-hating person in this country that we are forced to look at more times than we care to. So in case you were wondering who that person was, here that person is. He’s attacked Keith Ellison, Representative from Minnesota, for being Muslim. He’s called Muslims “people from the 6th century,” and so on. His blog is called The Daily Gut, which, OK, that’s at least a good and accurate name.

 
Related video

There is a happy ending here, and that is that a) Greg mostly but not always appears on Fox at 3AM and b) we are now at the end of this post, which is a happy thing. [MediaMatters]

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About the author

Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

Hola wonkerados.

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190 comments

    1. actor212

      Or in the nether regions, and Greg? I haz a sad that you think a gay bar would teach Muslims anything, unless you plan on actually being in the bar. Working. Hard.

    1. chicken_thief

      I thought Fox Noise had a wide on for the Jews. Well, maybe not the US Jews ruining Hollywood and the like, but the in Israel Jews who the Kenyan in Chief is always stabbing in the back.

        1. FROTHY

          Mein kind, I'm not going to fight with you over this, OK? I know what it's like to feel like the whole world is ganging up on your people. And I will never stop fighting for the rights of the Jewish people to be free of genocide and persecution, and to have a homeland.

          But the Israeli government, that's another story. And criticizing their actions does not make anybody anti-Semitic or anti-Jewish. So if we're going to disagree about this, let's agree to disagree and still agree to love and respect and honour each other. (Hugs you disirregardless)

          1. MosesInvests

            Frothy, I'm a lover not a fighter. That being said, I was in the IDF-and that kind of bullshit is *very* clearly against regulations. If an Israeli soldier were ordered to use human shields, that would be considered a flagrantly illegal order which said soldier would be duty-bound to disobey. Does that mean there are no stupid assholes in the IDF? No, just like any group of people anywhere. But it's not policy, even under the present government of Israel, which I consider to be the worst in Israel's history.

          2. FROTHY

            I have lots of Israeli friends as well as American friends who have served in the IDF. As you point out — there are stupid assholes everywhere. It might not be official policy, but there are reported instances. The inequity between the two sides is too great for me to overlook even one such instance. The Israeli government chokes off the supply of medication, food, and water into Gaza and the West Bank.

            I know it's not official policy. But it happens. And it's not worth arguing about, because the *greater* crime is that this Israeli government is endangering the lives of not just Israeli Jews but Jews everywhere.

          3. HistoriCat

            Israel squandered the moral force of the Holocaust through their treatment of the Palestinians. The United States squandered the goodwill and moral force of the September 11 attacks through the idiotic invasion of Iraq. Any other contenders for biggest squandering dipshits?

          4. FROTHY

            This is Planet Earth, habibi. There will ALWAYS be contenders. Let's face it, we're all dipshits. Some of us just learn to drop the dipshit routine after life kicks us hard in the goolies a few times.

  1. Baconzgood

    Catholics are peaceful and as a Catholic I can safely say…NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. Baconzgood

        True Catholic baby! I go to church 4 times a year. You didn't think all of us lib-tards were godless heathens? I go more as a habit than anything.

        (Get it HABIT. iz soooo funny)

        1. FROTHY

          You dingalingadingdong! I go to Catholic church about four times a year too, mostly because my best friend is a Catholic and I've had a srs crush on her since we were teenagers. You Cafeteria Christian, you.

  2. Lascauxcaveman

    Oooh, Greg. So close.

    Muslims don't "stab" you with their letter openers. What they do is bomb you with nuclear-powered letter-opener-clusterbomb WMDs, developed secretly in their so-called "peaceful nuclear power" projects.

    Which is why we have to bomb them FIRST.

    Paranoid racist winger exaggeration FAIL.

        1. FROTHY

          You NEVER KNOW around here. But I think flamingpdog is the one who has all the HORRIBLE linkies. This one might be, you know, just a tad nauseating, or something.

  3. Joshua Norton

    Hmmm. Judging from that picture and his obvious tank top fetish, he's basically a Richard Simmons wannabe, only with a better haircut.

  4. Fukui-sanYesOta

    he also says "I would love to bomb them back to the stone age but they're already there" – now that's fair and balanced.

    I say we ship all these talking heads over to Afghanistan armed only with ham sandwiches.

    1. LagunaB

      Your *knowledge* of northern Ireland and the Irish (catholic is a redundancy) is non-existent. It is our country, the prods are trespassers.

      1. MosesInvests

        Noted irish (Republican) poet W.B. Yeats was a Prod. So was Wolfe Tone. The Irish tricolor includes the color orange as a acknowledgment that the Irish Republic is a union of Catholics *and* Protestants.

      2. Guppy

        Speaking of "our country" and "trespassing," there are a few of your kin working for Fox News we'd dearly like to deport somewhere. You wouldn't mind welcoming them home, would you?

        1. FROTHY

          Oh, now, Guppy, let's not be mean, eh? There's plenty of arseholes on Fox News from everywhere. Don't they have Canadians, and English folk, too?

          1. Guppy

            No, special damnation should be reserved for modern-day Know-Nothings with last names like "O'Reilly" and "Hannity."

            "Don't trust them new paddies over there…" Sing along if you know the words!

          2. FROTHY

            Ah, ya know, before I went to Ireland to visit and stay and see the whole beautiful country, every Irish person I know said, "Don't you trust them over there," and we're talking Irish Irish, here, born on the auld sod (bunch of old sods).

            It's sad, innit, when the Irish first came to this country, people put out signs in the shops, NINA, "No Irish Need Apply." And the things that they did to them here! And then to see so many Irish like O'Reilly and Hannity joining arms with those bastids who would once have kicked them to the bottom of the nearest heap for a bunch of bog-dwellers, and they're carrying their water now and doing the job of oppressing the next lot that comes by.

          3. FROTHY

            Ah, you know, don't be hard on them. The Irish government was the first among European nations to support the right of many a colony, accepting as brothers/sisters in the struggle people that were horribly oppressed.

            And how can you hold one bit of anger in your heart for a people who could deliver such a magnificent orator as this, especially when he's giving some teabagger an earful about Sarah Palin and teabaggery? Enjoy, my friend.

      3. Negropolis

        You know, you missed the snark and then the chance to snark to make it better, and that really makes you fucked up, even if people agree with your opinion. Defensive and sensitive much?

  5. Pragmatist2

    The difference between rectums and assholes is that rectums have a sphincter that keeps their sh*t in and assholes do not. Witness Mr. Gutfield.

  6. smashedinhat

    I really didn't want to watch that, nor did I want to watch Jack van Imp or whatever the hell his name is this weekend past. What have I done to deserve this outrage!? Who do I pay off?

    1. FROTHY

      Poor love! It'll be OK. Just NEVER EVER click on a Wonketz linky or watch the videos.

      Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? They'll get you, no matter what happens, smashed. Just breathe deep.

  7. bumfug

    The difference between Fox News and real news is that real news gives you factual information and Fox News stabs your brain with idiocy.

  8. PeaceWithHonor

    It's very egalitarian for Fox to hire people who would be better suited for careers in food service.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Everyone on Fox News is special needs, and I commend them for creating jobs for people who would otherwise be unable to participate in the workforce.

      1. MosesInvests

        The Provisional IRA, or Provos, then. And while I am sympathetic to the unification of Ulster with the rest of Ireland, the Provos were nasty, terrorist bastards (not that the Prostestant, Unionist militias were/are any better).

      2. Negropolis

        Fuck off, you hyper-sensitive prig. You have this excellent talent, I see, of pushing away people who'd otherwise be on your side, ideologically.

  9. LabRodent

    I would loved to see Fox's screening process for new employees "Are you a Dick? Yes! Welcome to Fox News.

  10. LettucePrey

    OK, I'll admit, I do watch "The Five" on occasion. For lulz.

    Greg Gutfeld isn't even the most odious on this panel. He's just extremely bitter that ripping off Jon Stewart doesn't get him the national exposure that the Daily Show has. Bob Beckel (the old muttering guy in the suspenders) is supposed to be the "liberal" voice on the panel, but in traditional Faux fashion, he's not liberal at all – he's a fundamentalist Christian who constantly apologizes for Obama. And don't get me started on that hot tranny mess Kimberly Guilfoyle, who went from championing marriage equality (while married to one of the most progressive politicians in the U.S.) to this nasty right-wing streak on display here.

    1. RadioCualquier

      I'm guilty too, LP, I've watched Red Eye a few times. Or, I should say the first ten minutes — that's about as much as I can stomach. It is truly pathetic to watch wingtards try to be snarky and hip. Disgusting really. They just come across as pompous and smug — as evidenced by Gutfeld's stupid remarks.

    2. FROTHY

      What? Kimberly Guilfoyle is on that show? How have the mighty fallen. From a hotshot young lawyer with a wealthy, cool, progressive politico for a husband to a late-night talk-show tart on Pox Ooze! Say byebye to your career, Kimmy!

  11. FROTHY

    Liz, why couldn't you stabbety-stab Gutfield with your letter-writing instruments right in the GUT???

    Oh, right, crimes = jail food, horrible thought. Nevah mind.

  12. bikerlaureate

    One almost hopes he's drawing that comparison from personal experience.

    He's got the beginnings of a classic right-wing stand-up routine here. Can't wait to learn how Hindus and Wiccans are called out…

  13. chascates

    The totally scientific Drudge Poll is back!
    NEWT GINGRICH 12.13% (5,894 votes)
    RON PAUL 24.38% (11,841 votes)
    MITT ROMNEY 35.01% (17,008 votes)
    RICK SANTORUM 28.48% (13,834 votes)
    Total Votes: 48,577

    I voted for Newt just to string his ass along.

  14. FROTHY

    Totally Fucking OT but: Dear Wonketteers, I will be leaving you in peace come Friday for a month or more. Chances are, I won't have time to check in, except maybe SuperTuesday. I want to thank you all for making my forced post-surgical bed-rest so horribly entertaining. It's been wonderful. Eh, life goes on. I love alla y'all (yeah, even the ones who have valiantly resisted my blandishments).

    Back to snark.

      1. FROTHY

        Dang, dood, that's not gonna happen till ALL these RW nutbags are safely out of the running sobbing into their beer while we dance around celebrating President Obama's re-election.

      1. FROTHY

        Unfortunately, I'm not going away because I want to. Some things have happened that require my presence, and I really don't know if or when I can come back. I don't really want to say more, just because I don't want to cause any of you any unhappiness. Inshallah, I shall return. But I really don't know when that might be. I know you will all do fine without me, and I will always remember all of you with great fondness and love. I will certainly come back here if I can. I love you, widestance. I hope you take good care of your sweet wonderful man. Give him a squeeze for me.

        1. widestanceromance

          sniff.

          Take care, and remember that we will have you in whatever state or quantity we can get you.

        2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          I must leave you. Why I cannot say. Where I am going you cannot know. How I will get there I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name… Wonkette.

          1. Doktor Zoom

            'Twas like where you're from weren't never there. Where you're going doesn't matter. And where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it!

            And remember: No man with a good car needs to be justified!

        3. HistoriCat

          So is there a legal defense fund we should be contributing to? Maybe you can plead down to a misdemeanor.

          1. FROTHY

            You awful person, you. C'mere, lemme rub that hairy BELLEH!

            I wish it were a threatened arrest. Then I'd be having FUN, FUN, FUN! I'll miss you so much, you scalawag. You have made me LOL more times than I can remember. (Hugs you)

            I'll be checking in on SuperTuesday if the timezone permits. I think there's a 16-hour time diff, so I'll be checking in after everyone else checks out, but any kind of contact is good!

          2. FROTHY

            No. Fleeing the country to care for a deathly ill sib. I really didn't want to share this, but I know you're only poking me because you want to know. Well, now you know. I'm not resentful, sweetie, it's not in my nature. But I don't really want to talk about it, because I don't know what's awaiting me at the end of this journey, and it really is very upsetting. Let's go back to the snark now, OK? I do love you and I will miss you, and I hope Mrs. HistoriCat and the Little HistoriCats are all doing well.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      This is just a lead-in to another name/avatar change, right?

      You will be missed. Come back soon, and may the snark be with you.

      1. FROTHY

        Hey, Chet already pretended to kick my ass all OVER this place for not announcing the name changes in advance! I'm not doing that again.

        No, this is serious, and I leave on Friday, so don't worry. I'll be brute-forcing around until then. You will be missed too, you know. (Hugs Lionel) You have all been so very good to me.

          1. FROTHY

            I am also willing. NO! Not in THAT WAY!

            Have a wonderful time, dood, and think of us all while you're enjoying that well-earned organizm.

    2. RadioCualquier

      Srsly, doodette? What are we to do?
      I hope your productivity and wit extends over to more important endeavors.
      You will be missed.

      1. FROTHY

        (Hugs the Radio) You are to keep the snark going mightily. You never know when I might sneak back in for a quick read.

        You will be greatly missed, too. You don't know how much you have given me.

      1. FROTHY

        It'll be OK, Grasshopper. I will hold you warm and close in my heart. We've known each other since Sadly, No! Although you probly don't remember me from those days. Hopefully, everything will be good and wonderful, and I will come home soon. But if I don't, remember that I will always love and cherish you for making my days happy and filled with laughter. Also evil and filled with snark, but hey, that's what makes me happy.

      1. FROTHY

        ZOMG, there's a MOVIE? Of course I will! Will there be nekky Sara Benincasa? (Pant, pant, drool)

        (Hugs chascates) Stay safe, and enjoy the beautiful farm with all the little beastlies. I will miss you.

      1. FROTHY

        Be well, dear. Remember that the greatest victory is to be able to forgive those who have injured you, not because it redounds to their benefit, but to yours. It's easier living life without the painful knots in the psyche. (Hugs you)

        1. LagunaB

          Just to let you know. Because you have vanished along with Ken, no comment, others have stepped up to the plate to extended hugs you would normally bestow. It is not the same. Appreciated, but not the same. Not that I care. (sigh) just to let you know. As we say in Cally, whatever. Sent from my iPhone

      1. FROTHY

        My friend, thank you for what you have given me. People of goodwill can always reach agreement if they try, and I'm glad we tried, since we now get to call each other friend. My love and good wishes to your family and to your very special and wonderful little boy with his songs. May happiness fill all your days, my friend. (Hugs you)

        1. MosesInvests

          I'm thinking you may be confusing me with someone else, dood. My "little" boy is in high school, has his first girlfriend, and he's Deaf as a doorknob, so definitely no songs from him (I'm the singer in the family). But yes, I value our virtual friendship, and the Wonkettariat and I will miss you while you're gone. Hugs to you, too.

  15. Antispandex

    It seems that the Nazis of the last century had Jews to hate, while this century has moved the Fox News watchers onto the Muslims. Nothing to be done about it…well, I could write a letter.

    1. redarmyzombie

      I propose we pass out doughnuts at the next Teabagger rally. That should help the fat fucks along with their next quadruple bypass, eh?

    1. FROTHY

      I don't know if you realize this, man, but back in those parts when they say they're gonna give you a Koran Tan, it's usually your parents saying it, and it involves bringing a heavy yet sacred book down on your nether regions with great force.

  16. Chichikovovich

    He’s called Muslims “people from the 6th century,”

    Unlike fundamentalist Christians, who want to go back to the 1st century. Before Christianity went all Hollywood.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    "He’s called Muslims “people from the 6th century,” and so on."

    Joke's on him, Islam wasn't even founded until the 7th century. Christians, on the other hand have been around almost since BC times, which is like prehistoric, amirite?

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    "Gutfeld proposed building a gay bar for Muslims next to the mosque in “an effort to break down barriers” and reduce deadly homophobia in the Islamic world.”

    I bet, from looking at that fitness photo, that he had other reasons besides those he listed.

        1. FROTHY

          I once worked for a man who volunteered at the local clinics (back in the 80s) on gay men's health issues. It soon became abundantly clear to me that the ONLY reason he was doing that was so he could get up close and personal with every dick in town.

          I don't even want to know what "editor-in-chief of Men's Health" is a Pox Ooze euphemism for.

  19. Doktor Zoom

    Christians don't stab you with letter openers. But if you're a doctor who performs a legal surgical procedure, Christians may post your home address on the internet, follow your children around, and stop by your church to shoot you in the head.

    1. FROTHY

      "a legal surgical procedure,"

      You forgot LIFE-SAVING. A woman I used to work with had her baby die inside of her when the umbilical cord looped around the fetus' neck. When that happens, the carcass rots. If it is not removed immediately, the rot spreads to the uterus. The woman in question was Catholic and 7 months pregnant. This is not unusual. The only way to tell if the fetus is horribly deformed or not likely to live long is around 5 months. What happens to those women and their already existing LIVE children when the Dr. Tillers of this world are murdered? Glenn Beck has never saved the life of a pregnant woman that I know of.

    1. FROTHY

      It sure as hell ain't gonna be too good for his health to be kicked repeatedly in the nutsack — which is all this Pox Ooze segment will earn him.

  20. donner_froh

    Since Muslims are people from the 6th century, neither the US nor Israel should worry about Iran's nukes since they didn't have nuclear power 1500 years ago.

  21. Toomush_Infer

    I think there's an actual psychological regressive disease that goes on at FAUX – it starts with a mild case of truthiness and, day by lying day, reduces their funcasters into blithering idiocy…it should probably be named Glen Syndrome, after its most salient victim…

  22. prommie

    Mark Twain: All nations look down upon all other nations.

    All nations dislike all other nations.

    All white nations despise all colored nations, of whatever hue, and oppress them when they can.

    White men will not associate with "niggers," nor marry them.

    They will not allow them in their schools and churches.

    All the world hates the Jew, and will not endure him except when he is rich.

    I ask you to note all those particulars.

    1. MosesInvests

      Well, the Protestants hate the Catholics, and the Catholics hate the Protestants,
      The Hindus hate the Moslems (sic) and ev'rybody hates the Jews,
      But when it's National Brotherhood Week….

  23. IceCreamEmpress

    Jesus wept, Gutfeld, "bloated plutocrat" is just a metaphor. Blowing up to Chris Christie proportions isn't going to make you rich, dude.

  24. elviouslyqueer

    I'm sorry, but if I'm going to waste 2:37 watching a bunch of pasty constipated harpies shrieking at each other, I'll re-watch the trailer of The Iron Lady.

  25. Karma_Suture

    It just amazes me to no end how these fart sacks can take immensely complicated ideas and ALWAYS be able to reduce them down to some pithy, totally irrelevant and absolutely wrong sound byte.

    Very talented they is.

  26. Who_Knew_Too

    As usual, the idiots who whore for fox are ignorant of the facts. I don't know the name of the brown haired him who wanted to be the Afghans apologize for killing the very same Americans who INVADED their country!

    And then there is the fool talking about staying, he forgets all the doctors who've been murdered by so called Christians. He forgets that mcveigh was Christian, I could write for hours…..

    The hate and ignorance on the fox network makes my skin crawl!

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