new study proves it

Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil

'We took a perfectly useless psychopath like Valentine, and turned him into a successful executive. And during the same time, we turned an honest, hard-working man into a violently, deranged, would-be killer! 'Extremely wealthy people discard their own spouses and children as easily as they discard thousands of factory workers. They feel absolutely no guilt as they scheme and connive, and they will rip off other rich people in massive Ponzi schemes with as little feeling as they’ll rape their housekeepers. The rich strap their supposedly beloved family pets to the top of their expensive cars for days at a time, and find the animal’s resulting terror and diarrhea funny. The rich are different, that’s for sure — they lack morals. This is the not-so-surprising result of a study by scientific academic people at a university somewhere.

ABC News reports:

Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley analyzed a person’s rank in society (measured by wealth, occupational prestige and education) and found that those who were richer were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer.

“We found that it is much more prevalent for people in the higher ranks of society to see greed and self-interest … as good pursuits,” said Paul Piff, lead author of the study and a doctoral candidate at Berkeley. “This resonates with a lot of current events these days.”

Oh, Berkeley. Whatever, hippies. Rich people get everything because American Jesus-God only loves the 1%. The rest of you can rot in Hell (America 2012). [ABC News]

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  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    The Greedy Rich are greedy!

    Thanks for pointing that out, Captains Obvious

    • BlueStateLibel

      I actually love this study, because it'll drive wingnuts crazy, as it blows apart the whole the rich-are-selfish job creators, when we all know the word sociopath fits them much better.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Really? Berkeley? You think they're going to take this in the least bit seriously?

        • BerkeleyBear

          No, but when the Nobels come out for it in 20-30 years (either in Peace or Economics, somehow) then they'll have to denounce it again.

        • Callyson

          As a proud Berkeley alum, I can assure you that the wingnuts get off on putting UC – Berkeley down on a regular basis. We're right up there with illegal aliens and unwed mothers as the big threats to their good old days that were never so good.
          Also–GO BEARS!

  • tihond

    Billionaire Libel!

  • Barb

    They must put something in the glue on food stamps that makes us nicer.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      DON'T LICK THE GREEN ONES!

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Soylent Green Stamps are PEOPLE!

        (does anyone here remember Green Stamps?)

        • BaldarTFlagass

          S&H? Goddam right.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          They still exist, believe it or not.

        • Ramon X

          My first ex-wife was crazy nuts about them. She bought all kinds of shit to get the stamps so she could go to the green stamp store to trade them in for more shit. I think she really thought she was getting free shit.

          • Barb

            You ex wife sounds like a hoarder. It gave me the hiccups to type that. Clutter makes me crazy.

            Remember when we were kids and it was cool to get a prize in our box of Qwisp and Quake cereal? Cracker Jacks used to have decent prizes. Damn, I'm old.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Is that an onion on your belt or are you just happy to see me?

          • Dashboard Buddha

            I would pick my cereal through a complex process whereby I weighed the tastiness of the cereal against the coolness of the prize. For instance, Captain Crunch, while tasty, made my mouth feel like I had been chewing fiberglass. In that case, CC would have to have a friggin' AWESOME prize.

            Hell, I have bought cars using less rigor.

          • redarmyzombie

            Lucky you. Every Cracker Jack box I opened gave me nothing but a lousy sticker.

          • Dashboard Buddha

            My mom, too. We would go to the store with a ginormous pile of books and walk out with a transistor radio or something.

        • Gunner Asch

          Sure. Jesus saves them, after all.

        • James Michael Curley

          We go to an old Foodtown that still has the S&H logo sign up on the wall.

        • HELisforHEL

          Got my first Ukulele with them. They were a lifesaver for my 2-jobs each parents. Allowed us to get bikes and other assorted kid crap growing up.

        • MOG2410

          You should see my TV trays! S&H vs. Top Value, talk amongst yourselves.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Shhhh! The next thing you know you'll be telling everyone how fluoride in water is making us all compliant.

    • Geminisunmars

      It's a mix of valium and prozac. That's why you can't get me off (of food stamps).

    • Chichikovovich

      It's made from contented horses.

      • flamingpdog

        Mr, Ed, is that you?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I knew all that already.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Also, did you know that water is wet?

    Seriously, I have always thought that massive wealth could only be gained and held by a competitiveness that bordered on brutality.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      a competitiveness that bordered on brutality.

      Ah, you've worked in the Garment District, I see.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Or with a slumlord. Or a hustling attorney. Or anyone who actually makes partner on track in a major NY or LA law firm. Or a doctor who incorporates him or herself. Not to mention any of those "job creators" running franchise restaurants.

        • MOG2410

          Or on most any corporate board.

    • V572 Flambé

      Acquired, yes…behind every great fortune is a great crime, as my old buddy Balzac used to say. Retaining it just requires that you pay the hired help (Chimpy, Mitt, Rick, Mitch) discretely but well.

    • Chichikovovich

      massive wealth could only be gained … by a competitiveness that bordered on brutality

      I can tell you that this is 100% true, since I've observed close at hand a couple of families with lots of not-particularly-successful children, and an obscenely rich patriarch/matriarch susceptible to flattery and prone to play favorites.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        That's the commercial where the one heir gets the DirecTV at the reading of the will, right?

        • Chichikovovich

          Yes, but in this case a more realistic outcome would be that he gets controlling shares in whatever multinational has DirectTV as a subsidiary.—

    • http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

      But I thought being wealthy was the result of an unselfish passion for creating jobs.

      • MOG2410

        Yes, sweety, now go to bed before the Sandman gets here.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    *facepalm*

  • Doktor Zoom

    This research builds on the observations in a socioeconomic monograph by Floyd (1973, Harvest Press):

    "I'm all right, Jack,
    Keep your hands offa my stack
    Money, it's a hit
    Don't give me that do goody good bullshit"

    • FNMA

      Which one is Pink?

      • Doktor Zoom

        It should be noted that this very ambiguity as to authorial identity led to controversy surrounding the 1973 paper. A number of reviewers also felt that it relied upon key insights by Strong (1959, Tamla Press) ("Money don't get everything it's true / What it don't get I can't use"), without explicitly acknowledging that seminal earlier work.

        • Ramon X

          Both works cited may be considered somewhat derivative in light of Dixon's much earlier work, viz, I ain't broke but I'm badly bent/ Everybody loves them dead presidents.

    • HempDogbane

      The Dark Side of Newt's Moon

      • YasserArraFeck

        I'd be more worried about the dark center of Newt's Moon…..the large crater known as Mare Santorum.

    • SorosBot

      Although the definitive study was done earlier in 1966 by Harrison et al.:

      Have you seen the bigger piggies
      In their starched white shirts
      You will find the bigger piggies
      Stirring up the dirt
      Always have clean shirts to play around in.

      In their sties with all their backing
      They don't care what goes on around
      In their eyes there's something lacking
      What they need's a damn good whacking.

      Everywhere there's lots of piggies
      Living piggy lives
      You can see them out for dinner
      With their piggy wives
      Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

  • BlueStateLibel

    But how do the rich TASTE? The masses need to know.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ok, you know how Stilton cheese tastes when you let it burn to the sides of the fondue pot and then try to scrape it out with your gold fork?

      Like that, only burnier…

    • widestanceromance

      If you were to lick the inside of a CoinStar machine for a few weeks, that would be about it.

    • RadioCualquier

      How does rich fetus taste?

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      But there's one good thing that happens
      When you toss your pearls to swine
      Their attitudes may taste like shit,
      But go real good with wine.

      –Aerosmith, "Eat The Rich"

    • mrpuma2u

      We did cover this earlier, but the old ones are generally kinda tough, so it's best to put them in the crock pot and make billionaire pulled long pork.
      http://wonkette.com/451983/jon-huntsman-risks-dep

    • V572 Flambé

      All that time on the polo grounds and in the gym with the personal trainer makes them kinda stringy…about like a housecat might taste.

      • DaRooster

        Ya gotta get the "aged" ones… they have more marbling.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      They are certainly well marbled.

    • Steverino247

      Like pork.

      Don't ask.

    • flamingpdog

      Soylent greenbacks are PEOPLEZ!!!!

    • CountryClubJihadi

      Like Foie Gras, Botox and an old Topsider, but PLEASE eat them with the right fork.

    • DCBloom

      Not bad if you put enough hot sauce on em

    • Dashboard Buddha

      They taste like duck.

    • BlueStateLibel

      OK, I have 14 replies to this critical question in my email inbox right now, but where the hell are the RECIPES I need?!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Well marbled flesh. We're talking veal-quality tenderness.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Tastes like Koch…….apparently

    • tessiee

      Old, dusty, and wrinkled; like Koch Bros. dick.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    measured by wealth, occupational prestige and education

    • Wealth [uncheck]
    • Occupational "prestige" [uncheck]
    • Education … remind me what this one has to do with the other two?

    • Guppy

      It's measured by the number of campus buildings daddy bought.

    • tessiee

      By "education", that class of people means having gone to a name school (hint: not Berkeley), and "accidentally" dropping that name into the conversation for the next 50 years.

      PS. Berkeley is actually a pretty good school, academically; but it's not the kind of school you name-drop at the country club.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I've posted these lyrics before, but they seem appropriate again.

    Livin' way up now in a penthouse high
    Our steaks are rare and our martini's dry
    Folks below they say it ain't fair
    Hell with them, I really don't care
    Ain't this the life

    Having a party on a big jet plane
    I got so drunk that I could feel no pain
    Hangin' out in Acapulco,
    Drinkin' rum and sniffin' co-co
    Pretty senorita look this way
    Dancing through the night
    Everything's alright
    Girlfriend and a wife
    Ain't this the life, Ain't this the life

    Tropical island in the deep blue sea
    The natives are friendly and the lobster's free
    Sipping cognac like a French king
    Plenty of room, I own the whole thing
    Ain't this the life

    Think I'll go out now on a shopping spree
    Breakfast in New York, dinner in Paree
    Hangin' out with Lynn and Suzie
    Have a massage and a jacuzzi
    Climb into bed and see what's on TV
    Dancing through the night
    Everything's alright
    Girlfriend and a wife . . .
    Ain't this the life, Ain't this the life

  • LetUsBray

    Nullum stercus, Sherlock.

    I expect a big reason why the stinking rich are so eager to break the law is that the consequences for doing so are negligible for them.

    • HuddledMass

      That's mentioned in the study – no repercussions if you can buy your way out of the consequences.

  • Schmannnity

    University study? What snobs.

    • chicken_thief

      UC Berkeley, of all places. Can you say librul soshulist commie indoctrination institution. Probably funded by Pelosi!!!!

    • nonbeliever7

      Makes me want to throw up!

      • tessiee

        ^^
        ^
        It's even worse than you think.
        He went to Reed for undergrad.

  • paris biltong

    Piff's got it ass backward: it's precisely by cheating, lying and breaking the law that you BECOME rich, not the other way around. Ask anyone.

    • Chichikovovich

      I eagerly await the next Berkeley study that proves fat people have a tendency to eat more and exercise less or that possessing the property of being destined for death in a crash prompts people to drive carelessly and too fast.

      • paris biltong

        Causality casualties.

  • Baconzgood

    In all fairness if I could cheat, lie, break the law and get away with it because I was rich I'd do it alot more. ALOT more.

  • north_of_moscow

    Don't worry, nice people, at least we can look forward to Heaven.

    • FNMA

      In heaven, everything is fine!

      • HELisforHEL

        My favorite quote from that. We sing it around the house when bad shit happens.

    • SorosBot

      If only that existed. But we can look forward to being the ones wielding the guillotine, not losing our heads to it.

      • LesBontemps

        Can we start now?

        How 'bout now?

        Now?

    • Guppy

      I can't afford the indulgence.

    • tessiee

      *poorly suppressed snorty laugh*
      Um, yeah, Heaven. Sure, why not?

  • Goonemeritus

    If Rich people wanted laws and social morays to apply to them they wouldn’t have taken the time to get rich in the first place.

    • paris biltong

      Would I be nitpicking excessively if I were to point out that morays are eels? Mores can be slippery too.

      • widestanceromance

        That's a moray!

        • FNMA

          Eel libel?

        • tessiee

          *sings*
          When a gigantic eel takes a bite of your heel, that's a moray…

          • IonaTrailer

            When our habits are strange
            And our customs deranged
            That's our mores.

            When your horse munches straw
            And the bales total four
            That's some more hay.

            When Othello's poor wife
            She gets stabbed with a knife
            That's a Moor, eh?

        • IonaTrailer

          "Put your head in a cave,
          If you're feeling real brave,
          That's a moray….."

      • Chichikovovich

        O tempura, o morays.

        • paris biltong

          Or sushi.

      • Goonemeritus

        Spell check doesn’t correct stupid, when it does my decision to spend English class trying to subconsciously will my teacher to have sex with me will be venerated.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        What? You've never seen social morays?

        I scuba dive, and they're really cool. They get all decked out in evening gowns and tuxes and you can see them hop onto the nearest manta ray for a ride over to the cotillion.

      • unclejeems

        Please, sir, may I have morays?

        • YasserArraFeck

          I'm goin' out in the sun to catch some mo' rays

  • mrpuma2u

    In other shocking news, lead is toxic, it hurts when you slam your finger in the door, and if you wish in one hand and crap in the other, one fills up much faster.

    Also, Scott Walker has given several rim jobs to the Koch demons.

  • FNMA

    So rich people are sociopaths? Who knew?

    • SoBeach

      I've read that Anti-Social Personality Disorder shows up in 2% to 5% of the general population. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if it's ten times that rate among certain types of rich people. Conscience and empathy are liabilities in our current business and political environment.

  • paris biltong

    Piff is just fapping.

  • FakaktaSouth

    As the (also rich thanks in part to a guy who couldn't deal with being rich) Fighter of Foo Dave Grohl once said –

    "Dick is short for Richard, and Rich is short for Richard too. So rich people are dicks"

    And as Stephen Colbert pointed out last night, poors are dicks too, like our snobby Pres –
    "Pardon me your highness but some of us weren't handed a ticket to Harvard by being the bi-racial son of a single mother on food stamps"

    • YasserArraFeck

      so, "Rich Dick" is a redundancy…like "Drunken Irishman", or "Blowhard Gingrich"?

  • sbj1964

    Someone once said" It is easier for a camel to pass through an eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven."

    • nonbeliever7

      Sounds like Mohammad…….or maybe Hitler?

    • Ruhe

      So you hear that as a kid and you sort of picture the issue being that somehow a rich man dragging along all his sacks of money is actually bulkier than a camel and so that's why he can't get in. And you're like, that's so dumb, just drop the bags fat guy and walk in. But later you really get it. Oh, it's about how he got the money…not the money itself. Okay.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        That's interesting; I grew up hearing all kinds of interpretations of this verse & yours is the one that's stuck with me longest. i.e., Having your hands free of baggage enables you to fit through the passage which is "narrow" or described thusly to convey the significance of how many will be unwilling to leave behind material (e.g. temporal, of transient nature, not comin' with us into any alternate state of being) that one has become attached to, even to the point of forsaking a reward in heaven.
        At some point during my Christian-school upbringing upon digesting some Old Testament scripture I amended Jesus' admonishment's concept in my noggin to include your hands should be free to "pluck from the fire" any unlucky suckers ("burning sticks") you felt sorry for.

        • Boojum_Reborn

          In Aramaic, the word for "camel" (גמלא) is spelled identically to the word for "rope" (גמלא). The camel bit is probably a bad translation.

      • tessiee

        "And you're like, that's so dumb, just drop the bags fat guy and walk in. But later you really get it. Oh, it's about how he got the money…not the money itself. Okay."

        Not disagreeing, just pointing out that 99% (heh) of the rich people I've met wouldn't be willing to drop their sacks of money, even if it meant not getting into heaven.

        Telemarketing scam: For one dollar, you can have eternal happiness.
        Mr. Burns: I'd rather have the dollar.

    • Guppy

      And they nailed him to a tree.

    • Doktor Zoom

      And then some asshole decided to make up a story about a nonexistent landmark in Jerusalem, so that it was only a tight squeeze instead of a virtual impossibility.

    • grex1949

      About 35 years ago, I was invited (by my senior partner) to attend a meeting of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes when I was in my late '20's. The gathering was at an exclusive social club downtown. Everyone there was a very big fish in our medium-sized-pond midwestern city. Much time was spent justifying, through scripture, their accumulation of wealth. I also remember some attempts to justify second (and and sometimes third) marriages. The discussion kept returning to the "good steward" mandate, the parable of the talents, and a couple of others I can't recall.
      That may have been the beginning of my interest in Atheism, for obvious reasons.

      • tessiee

        "a meeting of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes […] Everyone there was a very big fish"

        I see what you did there.

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Not if the rich guy cuts off everyone else on the way freeway enterance to heaven.

      • SorosBot

        Then bribes the gatekeeper to get let in first.

        • BigDumbRedDog

          Then spends the whole time bitching about how none of the hot women in heaven will talk to him, but its okay because they're a bunch of skanks.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      In Aramaic, the word for "camel" (גמלא) is spelled identically to the word for "rope" (גמלא). The camel bit is probably a bad translation.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    A toast! Here's looking down at you, kid!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    We've had recent reminders that cruelty, on the other hand, is an equal opportunity endeavor capably administered by trailer trash.

    • tessiee

      Disgusting story.

      There's a "joke" about a hillbilly family with ten kids. One of them falls through the ice on a pond. They try to pull him out but don't have any ropes long enough to reach. Finally, they tell him, "Sorry, Billy Bob, but at this point, it's just easier to make another one of you".

      Oh, yeah, you notice this poor child's "mother" has a new baby?

  • http://www.eloquentscience.com EloquentScience

    Science rocks!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?"

    "FUCK THE POOR! "

    • sbj1964

      History of the world part 2. Great movie.Mel Brooks Rules !

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    The wingnuts who get by on slightly over poverty level income will believe it is a slander against rich (white) people cooked up by some pointy-headed intellectuals.

  • Lucidamente1

    Money isn't everything, Mortimer.

    Oh, grow up.

    Mother always said you were greedy.

    She meant it as a compliment.

  • memzilla

    As JP Getty said, "The Meek shall inherit the Earth — but not the mineral rights."

    • tessiee

      As the musical "Camelot" said, "It's not the earth the meek inherit, it's the dirt".

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    But but but but black people, hippies, and illegals!!

    • chicken_thief

      And the Muslins! Can't forget the Muslins cramming their Sharia Law down our throats.

      • Boojum_Reborn

        Is Sharia law like a big Koch?

  • Goonemeritus

    We need to get back at these bastards once and for all and I know just how to do it. Let’s just randomly pick a date that we all stop taking payment in currency and take it instead in something poor people have a lot of. Overnight rich people would be poor and poor people would be rich than everyone would have a chance to be a cheating douche for awhile.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Let’s just randomly pick a date that we all stop taking payment in currency and take it instead in something poor people have a lot of.

      Lint? Boogers? Bedbugs?

      • tessiee

        Fetuses!

        I vote for a fetus based economy if for no other reason than how much it would aggravate Santorum.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Double Stuffed Oreos!!

      • LesBontemps

        Cheetos, duh.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Too many right wing bloggers would have access, and haev already stocked up

    • Chichikovovich

      stop taking payment in currency and take it instead in something poor people have a lot of

      Hunger, disease and misery?

      • Goonemeritus

        I was thinking of an economy based on hair lice or CRT televisions. Granted it might be a little incontinent to pay for lunch with a 1973 Sony Trinitron but sacrifices need to be made.

        • tessiee

          "Granted it might be a little
          incontinent
          to pay for lunch with a 1973 Sony Trinitron"

          Whatever it is that you're eating for lunch, you might want to think about changing it.

        • Guppy

          I'm the only kid on my block with a CRT HDTV. I stand by my decision.

    • SayItWithWookies

      "That's all you've got — lentils?"

    • DocChaos

      Resentment? Despair? Disillusionment?

      Wall street will figure out a way to commodify these things and leverage their investments in them in order to game the market.

      Once again – the poor lose. That's why they are poor.

    • tessiee

      I don't really want Truck Nutz.

    • tessiee

      Cedar cheez? Wite Kasuls? Cakes we like?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Just more class warfare from the Obamacaring socialists. (If only that were true).

  • http://wonkette.com/ weej_bain

    You aren't Koch teasing us are you Wonkette Jr.?

  • chicken_thief

    Easy folks. I swear – I was jes' protecting the little tykes from rotting their teeth!!!!

  • chascates

    You can cheat, lie and break the law and still be poor. BELIEVE ME!

    The rich just got a better start than the rest of us.

    • joshleefolsom

      Or they're more skilled at it, which makes this a meritocracy after all!

      • chascates

        Damn it! THAT's the reason!!?!

  • widestanceromance

    It isn't easy being mean, my friends.

  • memzilla

    Let's all move to France — pour La Wonkette! BBC: "The Socialist favourite in France's presidential election, Francois Hollande, has said top earners should pay 75% of their income in tax."

    • Guppy

      Continental Europe: a different fucking planet.

      • banana_bread

        Hell, the top tax rate here was 77% as late as 1964.

        • James Michael Curley

          But a person had almost as many tax deductions as a corporation has now.

    • paris biltong

      Roughly 3,000 persons earn more than 1.5 million euros in France, which isn't really a lot given the total population of more than 60 million. They pay about 17.5 of their income in tax at this time. Hollande's proposal is to tax earnings in excess of 1 million euros at 75%. It's a bit difficult for the other parties to object and so far their main argument is that the individuals concerned would more to Switzerland or the US. Good riddance.

      • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

        Thank you paris. Cela est si interessante~

      • tessiee

        "their main argument is that the individuals concerned would more to Switzerland or the US. Good riddance."

        In other words, after 30 years of a race to the bottom, our once great country has become the third-world sweatshop/tax shelter for people from civilized countries.
        Thanks a lot, Reaganomics. You've really given us an America to be proud of.

        [and by "proud", I mean "sad, angry, and sickened with shame"]

  • DaSandman

    All the more reason to strip them of their wealth, they probably stole it.

    • memzilla

      ‘‘When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘whose?’’’ – Don Marquis

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Behind every great fortune is a great crime.

  • forgracie

    F. Scott Fitzgerald was way ahead of his time…and a heavy drinker (or so I hear).

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "What's wrong with having it good for a change? Now they're gonna let us have it good if we just help 'em. They're gonna leave us alone, let us make some money. You can have a little taste of that good life too. Now, I know you want it. Hell, everybody does."
    "You'd do it to your own kind."
    "What's the threat? We all sell out every day, might as well be on the winning team. "

    • Chichikovovich

      I'm givin' you a choice. Either put on these glasses or start eatin' that trashcan.

      • not that Dewey

        I'm all out of gum.

        • Baconzgood

          I figured it'd be something like this.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I totally <3 They Live

      • tessiee

        I'd love it a lot more if it weren't a documentary.
        Same with Idiocracy.

  • RedneckMuslin

    That describes me. Hot Damn! I'm rich and didn't know it!

  • RadioCualquier

    Berkeley, really? I thought they would be researching vegetable mists.

  • Chichikovovich

    Reminds me of a radio call in show I listened to on WTKA in Pittsburgh many years ago. In the preceding days Dennis Rodman had collided with a photographer while chasing a loose ball and while they were both on the floor, angrily kicked him in the crotch. Rodman's representatives then paid the guy some chunk of money to go away and not sue. Some guy calls in to the radio host and asks the host "Is this the message we want to send to our kids? That if you're rich you can just kick someone in the crotch and get away with it?" Host replies: "I hope that's what we're teaching them. Because it's true."

    • tessiee

      I agree (or disagree), but really — Dennis Rodman?
      Wasn't Dennis Rodman's whole schtick that he was a bad boy, a wild man, a loose cannon?
      It seems not entirely consistent to make big bucks selling tickets to watch somebody like that play, and then clutch your pearls because your pet crazy person ends up behaving like a crazy person. What did they expect — a wild man with good sportsmanship and lovely manners?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        No, his schtick was to rebound the fucking basketball and throw it out to Isaiah Thomas, Michael Jordan or Scottie Pippen, and play great defense. That's what sold tickets, not Dennis Rodman dressing up in a wedding gown. Basketball is not football, where violence and craziness is inseparable from gameplay. On-court mayhem has gotten shut down and cleaned up in basketball, which most everyone agrees is a good thing. And neither fans nor teams are interested in the Allen Iverson types anymore, the guys who are talented but have no respect for the game.

        • tessiee

          As a Sports-Free-American (no, seriously; I don't know which end of the racket you hold), I defer to the superior knowledge of that great comedy team, Chich and Chet. Those of us who are sports-impaired knew Dennis Rodman only by his off-court persona.

          • Chichikovovich

            Did you know that last night I posted a message to Chet in my pyjamas?

            Edit: P.S: new revelation in the religion in the reply to imissopus just below this reply. Let me know if you have heard any conflicting messages. You know how Chantal – Thérèse likes to have her fun.

          • tessiee

            "Did you know that last night I posted a message to Chet in my pyjamas?"

            Does this involve both of you in your jammies, eating chocolate out of a heart-shaped box, on opposite sides of a diagonal line? Because if so, then you're both teen-aged girls. Ideally, you should both be chatting on Princess phones, but I suppose texting is trendier:

            "OMG, Rick is SUCH a dork! I totally H8 him! Let's totally not let him sit at our table at lunch 2morrow!"
            "OK. What are U wearing to Amy's party Sat nite?"

          • Chichikovovich

            Um. Uh. I meant to say that I shot him in my pyjamas.—

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Oh Jeez, I totally mansplained that, didn't I? Sorry about that!

          • tessiee

            Nah, I didn't take it that way at all.
            Since I don't follow sports, I have no idea what actually sells tickets.
            I was going by Peter Bagge's "Asshole Theory", which states, "The bigger an asshole you are, or act like, the more of a success you'll be in your chosen field".

    • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

      What about if kicking someone in the nuts is the core tenet of your religious faith, a la the religion you and Tessiee are going to start that demands adherents kick Rick Santorum in the nuts?

      • Chichikovovich

        Ah, that's a good point. We'll have to craft our doctrines carefully (I mean we'll have to hope that Chantal-Thérèse** reveals to us doctrines that ensure) to make sure that Rodman doesn't become one of our saints.

        ** Raven Rant and I had a post-conversation that made me realize that it might still be improper and thoughtless to use Gitche Manitou as our god, even though as far as I know no worshipers remain. But a revelation came to me that Tessiee and I were not in communication with Gitche Manitou at all, but rather the adopted sister Chantal – Thérèse Manitou, who we'll just call Chantal – Thérèse. The fact that these are names of two high-school girlfriends is just one of those striking coincidences that forms of religious worship often feature.

    • HuddledMass

      Also teach kids to not let those rich people near their candy–

      "I was astonished," Piff said. "On average, people in the upper rank condition took two times as much (candy from children), so it was a pretty sizeable effect".

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    The implication is that Michael Jordan pushed off on Brian Russell in the '98 Finals. which is just bullshit sour grapes.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I guess I owe you one dollar, Mortimer.

  • SorosBot

    But remember, it's those stuffy liberal college professors who are the elitists, not the super-rich motherfucking sociopaths!

    • tessiee

      yeah, since knowledge and education have no value, the only reason they could be anywhere near a college is to pretend they're better than the rest of us, amirite?

  • smitallica

    Rich people tend to think the rules don't apply to them.

    They tend to think this because the rules clearly don't apply to them.

  • Ruhe

    Oh, nice work, Hippies! So now winning is evil! Tell that to the Yankees…oh, right.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Actually, I kind of like the research design:

    In the first of two studies, researchers found that those who drove more expensive cars (an admittedly questionable indicator of economic worth) were more likely to cut off other cars and pedestrians at a busy San Francisco four-way intersection than those who drove older, less-expensive vehicles.

    In other experiments, wealthier study participants were more likely to admit they would behave unethically in a variety of situations and lie during negotiations. In another, researchers found wealthier people were more likely to cheat in an online game to win a $50 prize.

    Also, in all seriousness: research that quantifies "stuff that everybody knows already" through a testable, replicable experiment is not necessarily a waste of time. Hell, if more people actually were exposed to experimental refutations of what seems like common sense, we wouldn't have idiots who think there's no gravity on the moon–i.e., the "Heavy Boots" Fallacy

    • Chichikovovich

      Ah, maudit 'ostie. That was their research design? People who have more money are less worried about damage to their cars and lawsuits? People with faster, more manageable cars are more likely to cut other people off than people driving clunkers with manual steering and brakes?

      I'm glad I went into the professoring trade. Because between Newt and this study it appears that to do well you don't really need to be too bright.

      • Guppy

        I've learned repeatedly in the past to never get into an internet debate about personal driving habits, but I will ask this: is it even possible to buy a new car without power steering and brakes stateside anymore?

        • Chichikovovich

          I expect it isn't – I was thinking about people driving 20 year old cars they had bought when the cars were just 18 years old.—

        • tessiee

          In 2008, I bought what is apparently the last new car in America that does NOT have power doors and windows, and I had to argue with the salesman to get that.
          Salesman: You really should have power doors and windows.
          Me: Do they cost extra?
          Salesman: [mumble]yes.
          Me [not really wanting them, but figuring I'd take them if it cost like 10 bucks]: How *much* extra?
          Salesman: [mumble]eighteenhundreddollars.
          Me: Yeah, then no.

    • tessiee

      "those who drove more expensive cars […] were more likely to cut off other cars and pedestrians at a busy San Francisco four-way intersection than those who drove older, less-expensive vehicles."

      A very dear friend of mine used to drive an old, beat-up clunker, which we affectionately referred to as "The Limo". She drove like a nut, bless her heart, and cut off anybody she felt like, because, "what are they gonna do? Their paint job cost more than the book value on the Limo".

    • proudgrampa

      We all know the truth: there is no gravity, the earth sucks.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Science Proves Rich People Are Generally Evil"

    Generally, genetically, and genitally.

  • IncenseDebate

    Since when did Berkeley researchers start following Jesus' message regarding rich people?

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    "…richer were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer."

    Finally an explanation for why so many rich people are in prison!

  • subsum

    I like it here in Michigan! The trees–the trees have the right height; I like trees. I like cars too …

  • Beowoof

    No shit, I hadn't noticed what assholes they really are. Thanks, now I know all that rich guy tax money spent on this research was invested well.

    • tessiee

      It's actually kind of satisfying to see something like this scientifically measured, as though I'm not imagining the whole thing, or a sore loser, or whatever denial the 1% and their minions are using this week.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    "Scientists" like these are giving actual scientists a bad name.

  • BigDumbRedDog

    "In the first of two studies, researchers found that those who drove more expensive cars (an admittedly questionable indicator of economic worth) were more likely to cut off other cars and pedestrians at a busy San Francisco four-way intersection than those who drove older, less-expensive vehicles."

    This just in; Douchebags are douchy.

  • Jerri

    Study to be published in the "No Shit Sherlock Review of Behavioral Medicine Quarterly" spring edition.

  • An_Outhouse

    "those who were richer were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer."

    Maybe they have that cause/effect thing backward. Did it ever occur to them that dishonest people make more money and are held in higher regard in society than honest people? Yeah, Judeo-Christian country. You're doing it wrong.

  • TheRiverCharley

    Well, considering the front page ad has informed me that I am "today's winner," you all can expect me to be masturbating all over everything everywhere* the moment I collect my WINNINGS.

    *What? Masturbating all over everything everywhere is pretty much the pinnacle of privileges afforded the rich. Don't look at me. I don't make the rules. Yet.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I guess when it comes to the rest of us, the rich are the honey badgers of the human race. They just don't give a shit.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This just goes to show that when sociologists reach the truth, they usually run into a waitress who's been there all along.

  • vulpes82

    Not to be a 1% apologist, but there are lots of perfectly nice, decent rich people. It's just, you know, they're not assholes, so no one cares about them.

    And it's easier to be greedy and callous when you don't need support. When you can just throw money without worry, you don't need a support network of mutual understanding and empathy.

    • Boojum_Reborn

      That's the point of the study, to show there really is a measurable difference.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Rich people may be uncaring and conniving, but not as much as my cats.

    • Guppy

      What kind of car does your cat drive?

    • tessiee

      it's true that most of the rich people whom I have known personally did NOT walk on my lap and shove their buttholes in my face when I was sitting on the couch trying to read.
      I said "most".

  • LagunaB

    My husband worked for koch industries. At xmas we received a letter from the family. What a paranoidal, sociopathic rant that was. In 2007, before we elected a blah man for prez. Yeah, happy xmas to you too.
    Plus I know some dirty secrets. Just waiting for the right time.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Plus I know some dirty secrets. Just waiting for the right time. "

      If you never post here again, we'll know why.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      Damn, so they've been doing that for a while. I'd really like to see that card.

      They did it before the midterms as well.

      • LagunaB

        My husband plans and builds chemical plants. Everything you hear about how bad chemical plants are is true. He finds buried drums full of nasty shit when he works on plant expansions.

        • Boojum_Reborn

          Cooper Tools. Savannah.

  • neiltheblaze

    Ayn Rand is looking up from Hell with an obsidian heart full of pride!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Ayn who?

  • SorosBot

    I've been reading the comments at ABC; it's a pleasant surprise that a lot are reasonable, but there's a bunch of rich bastard apologists too, and the most common refrain is a variation on "this is from Berkeley so it must be stupid". I was like, wait, Berkeley's one of the top schools in the country – then realized that, oh yeah, this is just more of that "San Francisco values" culture war bullshit.

  • tessiee

    I've met these people. I've worked for these people. The one thing that stands out is that:

    THEY REALLY DO THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN THE REST OF US.

    They really believe that, right down to the rotten cores of their hollow little souls. Every injustice, every atrocity, every dehumanizing little snit — the belief that *they are better than the rest of us* is the basis and the reason for everything that's wrong with the ultra rich.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Brother, life's a bitch… and she's back in heat.

  • Redhead

    You mean… you mean the American Dream of reaching prosperity by working hard and being a good person is only achievable if I also act like a huge dick?

  • tessiee

    So, exactly *how* does this affect the fetuses?

  • Geminisunmars

    Crass Warfare!

  • hagajim

    The rich lie and cheat and steal more than the poor because white collar crime carries little to zero punishment while blue collar crime will get your ass tossed in the slammer pronto.

  • tessiee

    Not that I expect these pricks to take a study that was done at Berkeley seriously — or any study that doesn't confirm their idiotic prejudices and inflated egos, for that matter — but if this gets any traction, Paul Piff had better have Mrs. Piff start the car in the mornings — you know, just in case.

  • anniegetyerfun
  • crybabyboehner

    Diarrhea is always funny!

    • tessiee

      So are dicks, boogers, and farts; is there any dick, booger, or fart-related data in the study?

  • ttommyunger

    Just goes to show that the Berserkly University Edjumicated Perfessors don't know shit about the real world. I've been a lying, conniving, stealing, killing sociopath my whole 70+ years and I've never even been close to being rich, so there.

    • James Michael Curley

      That's because you got the order of battle all wrong. Its

      1. Connive
      2. Lie – you can't effective lie without a good scheme.
      3. Steal – after a few years of doing it right, this step is called Con
      4. Sociopathic behavior – promoted by paranoia
      5. Kill all the witnesses.

      • ttommyunger

        Forgot to mention, I'm dyslexic, too.

  • DahBoner

    Are people who lie, steal and cheat to get richer actually PRODUCING anything?

    Sounds like they are Ayn Rand's LOOTERS and PARASITES…

  • CommieLibunatic

    Hell, when they talked about this on KPCC this morning, they mentioned a second test where participants were told to hold a container of candy for a supposed test with children in another office. And to everybody/nobody's surprise, the richer folks swiped more from the jar while nobody was looking.

    Let me say that again, in smaller words: The rich people literally took candy from babies.

    • SorosBot

      So they really are all just like Mr. Burns.

      • CommieLibunatic

        The Truth is elusive, but also right in front of us.

    • tessiee

      That sounds like a larf.