new women coalitions for women

All American Ladies Rush To Join ‘Women With Newt’

Have you ever been a “Woman with Newt,” or did you escape your 1990s stint as a female congressional staffer untouched? If it’s the latter, then that’s fine, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it up and perform your service either now or under the future President Gingrich. See Newt, a famously carnivorous vulva jackal, has finally gotten the memo that ladies can vote, and has thus started the “Women with Newt National Coalition,” a group of ghosts that Callista Gingrich will run around screaming at with little purpose.

Cally herself will lead Women with Newt, alongside such other political comedy-wife figures as Jeri Thompson, the cherished spouse of Fred “Dipshit Magoo” Thompson. “Women” as a demographic group have had mixed feelings about Newt Gingrich this campaign season. On one hand, they completely hate him. Newt Gingrich cut off the other hand with a hatchet.

Say something about women, Cally!

Over the last several months, I have had the privilege of visiting with many wonderful women across the country — learning about their concerns and hopes for our future. My husband is the only candidate with the experience, knowledge, and vision to get our country back on the right track.

This is bullshit, goodnight!

[TPM]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • BaldarTFlagass

    You can be a Woman with Newt as long as you aren't a Woman with Cancer.

    • nounverb911

      The sign or the exclusionary disease?

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      "You can be a Woman with Newt as long as you aren't a Woman with Cancer."

      Or a woman with standards.

      • Terry

        Good thing for Newt that he can buy Calista's time with a line of credit at Tiffany's

    • MinAgain

      Well, hell. And I was this close to declaring for Newt.

      • tessiee

        "I do declare [fans self, sips mint julep on the verandah], that boy is a P. I. G."

  • nounverb911

    Fourth wives club?

    • bagofmice

      The first rule of wife club is that you do not talk about wife club.

      • Negropolis

        At least not about the previous interations of it.

  • Barb

    Is Callista still dreaming of being the "Third Lady of the U.S.?" She's too late to be the First Lady.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Not late enough.

      I already have a First Lady, Callista, and she's not a skank.

    • Negropolis

      ROTFLMAO!

      Barb, if you're not making money off your comedic wit, it's a damned shame.

    • NYNYNYjr

      According to his precious Catholic religion that Callista gave him, he's still married to that first wife, since there is no divorce. Catch-22.

  • Come here a minute

    Women are asking if Newt will help them prevent unwanted pregnancies by prohibiting contraception. WIthout a good answer Newt will end up beaten by Santorum.

    • SorosBot

      Newt can prevent unwanted pregnancies by sending Americans, both men and women, unsolicited nude pics of himself and Callista.

      • MissTaken

        That loud crashing noise you just heard was my legs snapping together.

        It works!

        • bagofmice

          Better than aspirin.

        • SorosBot

          Oh no! The law of unintended consequences strikes again.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Oh, I'm sure you'll work your usual magic, you silver-tongued little devil.

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          Did you crush the Bayer?

      • Numbat_Dundee

        Newt already prevents pregnacies. The higher his profile, the more his face and form are displayed on the mass media and the intertubes, the more the collective libido of American womanhood is lowered to a point where they won't be having sexytime with anyone, even the hot guy who cleans the pool.

      • widestanceromance

        Obesity also solved, because no one could possibly fuck or eat after seeing that.

        • redarmyzombie

          Although, we might have a national epidemic of dehydration, due to the water loss from all that vomiting.

      • tessiee

        The downside of that is that it will cause an unprecedented epidemic of bulimia.

    • tessiee

      But seriously, he's fucked — or unfucked, as the case may be.

      If he tries to out-froth frothy by saying something like, "Not only am I against birth control, but I believe it leads to jazz and reefer-smoking", he'll alienate the wimmenzfolk, god bless 'em.

      If he hems and haws and doesn't advocate mandatory chastity belts, he's not going to be perceived as not rabidly misogynistic enough by his party's base (whoever that even is nowadays).

      So, yeah, frothy already has a lock on that particular issue, and Staypuft is shit outta luck.

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    'with', not 'for'? Such a poor choice of prepositions–could be interesting.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Really? Think about "Women For Newt". Think about the harem comments that Jay Leno would spew…

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        and "in support of" would probably lead to a bunch of bra jokes..

        • Negropolis

          and "in service of" would probably lead to, well, other jokes…

    • Callyson

      Sounds like a disease. You know, like "women with breast cancer." So, an inadvertently correct grammatical choice.

      • Loaded_Pants

        Also: Women for Cain. Sounded like a group for women actively seeking to catch something bad for them.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Uh … you vanilla beans. Women For Cain totes sounds to ME like some b&d/s&m playspace.

  • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

    To the moon, bitches!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      And when Newt says "bitchez," he means arf-arf, pant-de-pant.

    • Negropolis

      BANG, ZOOM! Straight to da moon, bitches!

      I know, I know: Jackie Gleason libel!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Callista, show us on the doll where the bad man touched you.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      "First, he touched my fingers, my earlobes and my neckline with his jewelry. "

      • Negropolis

        "Then, he put a pearl necklace on me…"

  • Baconzgood

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    WWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
    W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Baconz! Wake up! You fell asleep on your keyboard.

    • bikerlaureate

      It's this kind of erudite commentary which brings me back to Wonkette again and again.

  • http://lovematters-manabouttown.blogspot.com/ UnionAgitator

    Attack of the fifty-foot Women Against Ladies.

  • nounverb911

    Is Newt a polygamous Mormon yet?

    • UW8316154

      Still a serial Catholic, as I understand it.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      No, but he will be.

    • Biff

      Hasn't he been posthumously gayified, yet?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Dood, his humous hasn't been posted yet.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Orgy?

    • cheetojeebus

      Thumbalina and her 4 little friends? Cause I'm thinking Callista hasn't touched him since he cancelled the Tiffani's account.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Sure, when did you have in mind?

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Z, what on earth goes on at your place?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Not that much, when you consider that my partners and I are a bunch of ancient, gimpy geeks.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Not "Women *for* Newt" but "Women *with* Newt"? I really don't need to hear any more about that kinky bastard's sex life. I really, really don't.

    • PubOption

      A whole coalition of women with Newt, definitely confirms the open marriage statement.

    • Troglodeity

      "Women for Newt" was already taken: http://www.womenfornewt.com. The incompetent blowhard and his idiotic campaign staff didn't even know to lock up domain names.

  • Baconzgood

    Is this the shitty version of Women of Penthouse?

    • noodlesalad

      I never thought it would happen to me. Seriously, why did it happen to me? Why?????!!!!! I see jowls everywhere now.

    • UW8316154

      I never thought this would happen to me, but, I was hanging around my crappy apartment one hot summer afternoon, drying off after taking a swim in the ocean. My doorbell rang, and there was a giant furry elephant and a glassy Ice Queen at the door, asking to borrow the phone. You'll never believe what happened next….

  • littlebigdaddy

    Today we are all vulva jackals!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Vulva Jackals would make an awesome name for an Oompah band

      • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        Why do I get the mental image of a group of sexually deviant little people with guitars?

        • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

          Jimmy Page approves of this comment.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Why the Metallica hate????

      • DeeJayKitteh

        Or an OK Cupid profile.

    • Baconzgood

      I hade a Vulva once. It was great in the snow but had bad gas mileage.

      • MissTaken

        Vulva: They're boxy, but they're good!

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Has to be better than a Renault Fuego.

          Or as my friend called his, "Phew-Eggo"

          • tessiee

            Remember Le Car?
            They were invariably owned/driven by L'Asshole.

          • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            most of whom probably never L'GotAnywhere.

        • Steverino247

          And the original lube is usually good until about age 40, too. After that, it's a good idea to lube it up before using.

      • HempDogbane

        Vulva Cross Country is the best.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          They heavied up the front and rear suspension, if you know what I mean.

    • littlebigdaddy

      If you are going to buy a Vulva, the Jackal is the best model. It is the only one that doesn't have mandatory head restraint devices.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        I thought that's what the ears were for.

  • WinterOuthouse

    Republican gangbang

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      Corporally speaking, Newt is kind of a gang, already.

    • Negropolis

      Refer this to the Department of Redundancy Department.

  • banana_bread

    Clever Newt, forming his own completely legal harem! SIGN ME UP.

  • noodlesalad

    This was not the first time she has traveled the country looking for women who are interested in her husband.

    • Callyson

      "Take my husband…please!"

      • Loaded_Pants

        "He always wants to be on top! I can't take it anymore!"

    • Chichikovovich

      But this is the first time she hasn't done it armed with a blade.

  • DrunkIrishman

    So, this is essentially a farm system for Newt's future wives?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Yes, and like with baseball, there's different levels: Class A, AA, AAA, B, C, and DD.

      • DrunkIrishman

        But no Mexican League because, well, they'd be illegal.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          In fairness, the balls in Mexico hang lower

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Do they dangle to and fro?
            Can you tie them in a knot?
            Can you tie them in a bow?

      • Negropolis

        The DD Cup is the most prestigous and sought after cup in all of sports.

  • UnholyMoses

    So he's running an open campaign, then … ?

    • Slim_Pickins

      An open zipper campaign.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Remember, you can't spell "women" without "Newt" (the extra "t" is for titties).

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a First Stepford.

    • Negropolis

      "A journey of a 1,000 miles wives begins with the First Stepford. "

      Fixed.

  • MissTaken

    I have had the privilege of visiting with many wonderful women across the country

    She neglects to mention that she's visiting all these women to learn who Newt's going to leave her for when she gets the flu.

    • SorosBot

      Will Newt also gift that lucky young gold-digger with the plastic surgery to turn her from a human to a vaguely avian looking alien?

      • MissTaken

        I'm sure instead of flowers Newt brings the business card of the nearest plastic surgeon on a first date.

        • SorosBot

          Along with the Tiffany's gift certificate he exchanges for blowjobs.

    • Negropolis

      That ain't no woman, honey. Baby, that's a man!

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chillwillard

    Isn't "Women With Newt" the same thing as "Chicks with Dicks"?

    • MissTaken

      Yes, in fact it's a direct translation.

  • http://www.storycorner.us/ JustPixelz

    In so many ways, this is just too easy…

    Callistabot is searching for any way out.

    Has Lindsay Graham signed up yet?

    Now we know why he's so "cheerful".

    • Graham Cracker

      It would make me very happy to sign up.

      Cheers!

  • Schmannnity

    Nips for Newt!

  • GuanoFaucet

    Not to be outdone, Mitt has started the "Poors with Romney National Coalition".

  • Eve8Apples

    Oh Newt. All Barry has to do is sing another verse of "Let's Stay Together" and the women will drop their panties and abandon you as if you were an old worn out spouse diagnosed with cancer.

    • redarmyzombie

      Panties everywhere will flutter down like raindrops from the sky.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Tru dat.

    • Negropolis

      I'd like to send Barry a requests list. I want to hear some Sam Cooke and Prince covers, myself.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    "Women With Newt"! Just thinking about it is a new form of contraception!

  • Antispandex

    I'm sorry, but this sounds suspiciously like one of those stories that begins, "I never thought this would happen to me…"

    • Callyson

      And ends with "What have I done to deserve this?"

  • elburritodeluxe

    Or… it took almost two months (and untold bling) for his wife to agree to chair a Women for Newt group. Something necessary to convince women to vote for a serial adulterer.

    Even America's worst husband, Herman Cain, had a 'Women for' group before Newt.

    • Beowoof

      Yes and it was creepy, and now Newt and Herm can have a creep off.

      • tessiee

        They're both jerks; does that mean they can have a jerk off?

    • BigDumbRedDog

      Not to mention the "Aging strippers for Ron Paul calender".

  • kissawookiee

    I knew a woman with newt once, but a little Valtrex cleared it right up.

  • Local_Mojo

    Might be more fun to be "Women With Hidradenitis Suppurativa" – a chronic, relapsing, pus-filled inflammation of the sweat glands.

    • Schmannnity

      Foul! This will not be entering my vocabulary.

    • HempDogbane

      Or "Women with Newt" for short.

    • GOPCrusher

      Can't imagine what the possible side effects of the drug you would take to cure that would be.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Why oh why did I google for images of that?

      I have not learned my lesson.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        No, obviously, you haven't. Thank goodness that I, for once, read to the end of the thread before Googling.

        • redarmyzombie

          Anything with the words "pus", "sweat glands", and "Relapsing" all in one sentence can never be a pretty thing…

  • Generation[redacted]

    I find this extremely difficult to masturbate to.

    • 40 or 50 % McShineys

      It's easy*! As a matter of fact, I can't stop!!

      *First, you declare "masturbate" to mean something slightly different than the common definition. Something like "upchucking lunch."

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Well, yeah, but if you get to change terms and definitions after the game starts it's not exactly FAIR, is it?

        • Generation[redacted]

          Fair? Then it would be fair to say that watching a JFK speech makes Santorum masturbate uncontrollably. I like this changing definitions thing. Why didn't politicians think of this before?

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            See what I mean?

          • tessiee

            "I like this changing definitions thing. Why didn't politicians think of this before?"

            What do you think they did with "freedom" and "patriot"?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Really?

  • http://www.wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Can't wait to see the saggy calendar!

  • DeeJayKitteh

    I'm going to cleanse my mind of the stomach-churning image of "Women with Newt" and replace it with "Women with Nutella." Muuuuuuch better.

    • Callyson

      Thank you kindly for that cleansing mental image. I may be able to have sex again sometime in this life if I can just keep focusing. Nutella…nutella…

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        One of the ex's girlfriends had a thing for Nutella. She said you could scoop it out the jar and apply directly to thighs and belleh. (She had meaty thighs and an ample belleh, too.)

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          And then what? Stop being such a tease.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Biely, you little devil! I would never have thunk it of ya!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I merely had the interests of our fellow Wonketeers in mind.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Of *course*!

    • Biff

      I'ma go with "Women with Biff", myself.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Quelle surprise!

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Ladies, don't do it, you'll catch the cancer (or MS)!!!

  • JackObin

    Newt and his wife the Chicken Lady. Perfect for this zoo of a nation.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Is that from a Bruce Springsteen song?

  • BarackMyWorld

    I hope this group is as classy as Women for Cain was.

  • heathenette

    This is just wrong for so many reasons and on so many levels. BUT isn’t this exaclty what Herman “the man” Cain did right before he bailed? So..then we will be rid of Newt. For now.

  • Hera Sent Me

    Women are acutely aware that, if we were to elect Newt, in a couple years he'd just dump us for a younger, sexier country.

    First wives, meet first countries.

    • tessiee

      I heard China laughed in his face and hung up on him.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Who ordered the Newt? How did you want your women with that?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Eh, ground up and sprinkled, of course.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    This has GOT to explain the White Volvo Station Wagon with Truck-Nuts that I saw in Pacific Heights this morning.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Oh, you think MissTaken drives a truck, huh?

      • SorosBot

        No, she just has a little compact car; with no Truck Nutz that I could see.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Shh! CCJ doesn't KNOW THAT!

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's a Poontemkin village.

  • Arken

    You misquoted Callista. Callista actually said:
    "Over the last INSERT TIME PERIOD I have had the privilege of interfacing with many functional female humans across the country — gathering data about their concerns and hopes for our future. My husband is the only candidate with the experience, knowledge, and vision to get our country back on the right tra-t-tra-t-t-t-t-trac-trac ERROR #7 ABORT ABORT."

    • tessiee

      "I. Endorse. This. Event and/or Product."

  • VinnyThePooh

    Janet Reno will bring in the tanks to level the place and the Branch Newtonians will commit mass suicide.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      What's her number? I could pay her some munniez.

  • RadioSBJ

    Who will go after the all important tranny vote?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Who will go after the all important t^^Y^^ranny vote?

      FIFY, NNTT

  • Joshua Norton

    Newt and women's issues. Two things that go together like waffle iron and forehead.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      You know, I *tried* doing that, and I'm just here to say that waffle iron and forehead do NOT go together AT ALL!

    • tessiee

      Or like blue and waffle.

  • GhostBuggy

    Ladies love cool Newt.

    Wait, that's not true at all.

  • Joshua Norton

    Dear Penthouse Forum,

    I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but every word of this story is true…..

  • Guppy

    Is it possible that Callista is secretly albino?

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Dunno. She gives off equal amounts of chloroform and household blech, though.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      It ain't no secret from anyone who can see.

    • Slim_Pickins

      Animatron probably

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Hope not. Keeping white carpet clean is a real PITA.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Somebody's *extra sparkly* tonight!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Those are sparks, not sparkle. Big difference.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

            Right. (dusts at holes in clothing)

            I'll try to remember that.

  • meatlofer

    YUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!,……wait ………NO! too much Storage Wars.

  • Geminisunmars

    I am not a Woman with Newt. However, I have had vaginal warts. Does that count?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Were they Newt-shaped?

      • Geminisunmars

        Totally pedunculated.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          They count.

  • LagunaB

    It must of been that picture of newt as a gladiator on the cover of Newsweek that started the group.

    • Barrelhse

      A happy Roman?

  • MinAgain

    Women with Newt. Sounds like the people you might meet in a drugstore aisle.

    • Barrelhse

      Ah- but WHICH aisle?!

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Don't ask! We really don't want to know!

  • Doktor Zoom

    The Daily Show had this story wrapped up back before Florida: First and Second wives can't stand Newt, while current trophy wives think he's just misunderstood.

    Single women not included in survey for some reason….

    • Loaded_Pants

      Easy to say that your husband is misunderstood when you yourself misunderstand him because you're too distracted by your precious new finger trinket.

  • RadioCualquier

    I'm sure it will be as fluent and humorous as her at CuntPAC.

    • Biff

      Good god, that beak!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        A while back, one of our wags (CCJ, I believe) suggested a falcon hood … an idea with considerable merit.

        • Biff

          I would love to develop an “Angry Birds” character of her.

          • ProgressiveInga

            I assumed she WAS the inspiration for Angry Birds.

      • tessiee

        Seriously, you could carve a roast beef with that thing.

  • http://birtherthinktank.wordpress.com/ SqueekyFromm

    Well, that Elephant's trunk looks a little flaccid to me. I think I will pass.

    Squeeky Fromm
    Girl Reporter

  • poorgradstudent

    Didn't we already go through this with Herman Cain? What, is Gingrich even stealing his poorly conceived, sleazy ideas from other people now?

  • rocktonsam

    Women with Newt with MONEY.

    /fixed

  • Barrelhse

    If those Republican women suck cock as well as Republican men do, it could be a hot old time.

  • V572 Flamb√©

    Ah, Jim, "carnivorous vulva jackal" just may be greater than "guano faucet."

    And let's have fun with this paragraph. How does the first statement relate to the second?

    [1] Over the last several months, I have had the privilege of visiting with many wonderful _______ across the country — learning about their concerns and hopes for our future. [2] My husband is the only candidate with the experience, knowledge, and vision to get our country back on the right track.

    Here's the secret: they don't relate at all! Well, maybe if you substitute "many of Newt's predecessor spouses."

    • Barrelhse

      I noticed that, too- the two ideas are totally unrelated. God these people are stupid.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "Over the last several months, I have had the privilege of visiting with many wonderful transvestite latex fetishists across the country — learning about their concerns and hopes for our future. My husband is the only candidate with the experience, knowledge, and vision to get our country back on the right track."

      Seems perfectly cohesive to me.

  • mavenmaven

    Their superPAC is funded by the hair spray lobby.

  • sharethegrief

    Can they call it a group with just one member?

    • Biff

      You're speaking of newt's, right?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

        Great minds think alike.

        Or small minds seldom differ. You pick.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      If she's schizophrenic enough.

  • Abernathy

    I sense a creepy, defunct-in-a-day website on the horizon.

    Hey, womenwithnewt.com is still available! If I had any skillz or moneyz, and I thought this "coalition" would still be around next week, I'd buy it and make it funny.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Get ready for hawt AZ. wingnut-on-wingnut voting!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://www.thegreenpapers.com/P12/AZ-R#0228

  • fitley

    Cally,
    Needs to hang around people she can show off her diamonds to.

  • HateMachine

    "did you escape your 1990s stint as a female congressional staffer untouched?"

    Hate to rain on your parade, ladies, but this shit is unimpressive. Get out with your chastity intact as a male congressional staffer and then we'll talk about awarding some medals.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Every time I think of Newt, I feel my vagina retreating inside my body to hide behind my Islets of Langerhans. JUST IN CASE!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Isn't that just a teensy-weensy bit, you know, HIGH UP IN THE BODY?

      • IceCreamEmpress

        It's a factor of the extent of Newt's repulsiveness, not of the extent of his dong!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

          Right. OK. Got that.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Careful, you can get diabetes that way.

    • tessiee

      That CLANK! you heard was mine slamming shut.

  • Redhead

    Is this the new dating site to replace Cain's?

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Apparently Valtrex clears it right up, but you have to take it for the rest of your life.

  • ttommyunger

    "Women With Newt" doesn't surprise me, Hell, just remember the Log Cabin Republicans, fer Chrissakes… Out of 300 Million people there have to be literally thousands of masochistic twats out there eagerly seeking abuse. They won't be disappointed.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Republicants not even trying anymore, are they?

  • James Michael Curley

    I missed a few health classes in high school. Doesn't women with newt cause you get warts all over your equipment?

  • owhatever

    Calista made a stop by Tiffany's during her tour across the country, then down to Palm Beach to have her face sanded again, and off to California to see the former home of OJ Simpson and his late wife. Newt usually waits until you get sick, but you never know. Best do some research.

  • fuflans

    i find myself strangely nostalgic for donald trump.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      That is a scary thought.

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    OT: Danika Patrick gets asked about contraception. I love her diplomatic answer. She's got a lot of sponsors, I'm not sure why she's talking to right-wing rags like the "Daily Caller" anyway, but she sure didn't tell them what they wanted to hear.

    Rush Limbaugh, a.k.a. radio’s morning after pill for your intelligence, used an attack on Danica Patrick to stealthily advance the right’s war on contraception.

    NASCAR driver and Roman Catholic Danica Patrick was asked by the Daily Caller what she thought about “the Obama administration’s dictate that religious employers provide health care plans that cover contraceptives.”

    “I leave it up to the government to make good decisions for Americans,” Danica told the shocked outlet.

    Patrick’s answer sent Rush Limbaugh on the attack, sensing an opportunity to insert himself in yet another place he is not wanted, women’s healthcare.
    http://www.politicususa.com/en/rush-limbaugh-dani

    And then Rush sez: "What do you expect from a woman driver?"

    Zing?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      How 'bout some negative zing?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Methinks Rush's irony sensors need calibration. Assuming he's had them installed.

    • Negropolis

      Only the Daily Caller would be "shocked" about this thoroughly banal and unoffensive answer. I'm just happy to find out that she's not a tea partier. That makes her even more attractive.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Are they all Shutterstock ladies, like Herman's were? Those gals sure do get around.

  • SpeedoFart

    What, does dear Cally have cancer? Is Newt holding open auditions?

  • 40 or 50 % McShineys

    This is NOT the Geico Salamander, ladies. BE ADVISED

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    (Labored sigh.) Call me when the Herman-Cain-Style Website launches.

  • subsum

    Do you ladies take care of that with plain Vagisil or do you need actual penicillin?

  • not that Dewey

    Only slightly OT

    BREAKTHROUGH STUDY: Rich people are assholes.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      In OTHER news, water is wet.

    • tessiee

      Fire suspected to be hot.
      Film at 11.

  • Barrelhse

    Would someone please think about all those women WITHOUT Newt?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com FROTHY

      Herman? Herman Cain, is that you?

  • MRjonz

    I suppose some of you classics educated elitists out there might recall the old adage, "Caesar's wife must be above suspicion.” But of the Great Gingrich’s wife there need be no suspicion, as all know for a fact she was once “the other woman.” I’m surprised Newt the historian never likened himself to Andrew Jackson.

    • finallyhappy

      Be thou as pure as snow, as chaste as ice, thou shalt not escape calumny. While Callista looks icy- pretty sure there is no pure or chaste there.

  • Catabite

    Is it just me, or does "Women With Newt" sounds like Japanese niche porn?

    • littlebigdaddy

      Schoolgirls with Newt and octopus tentacles stuck up their vagina and rectum sounds more like Japanese niche porn.

  • Negropolis

    "Women with Newt"

    In what respect, Charlie?

    His milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard…

  • littlebigdaddy

    Well, you can complain all you want, but this is a lot less disturbing than the 15-year olds for Babeau website.

  • Negropolis

    famously carnivorous vulva jackal

    Jim, I didn't want to love you, and then you come give us this. Thank you. Now, give us some alt text, por favor, and all will have been right with the world.

  • smitallica

    I much prefer women with Santorum.

  • stew1

    This is a joke, right? Blowjobs part of the initiation ceremoney and such? C'mon!

  • Mahousu

    Some taste, but not a lot of it: http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/rick-santo

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Love the headline: "Polling Notes: Gas and Gingrich" About the same thing, aren't they? Gingrich has a 37% favorable rating among Republican women. In other words, Newt, two out of three women who say they are Republican would rather have Joseph Stalin or Fidel Castro for president than you, fucking gas bag.

  • Angry_Marmot

    You should've been here last week, they had a guy fucking a turkey.