Rick Santorum Wants To Vomit All Over JFK, Because Of Religion

  pope weird rick LXIX

JFK blew this same mic in 1960His Holiness the Pope of Pennsylvania Rick Santroum issed an edict this weekend excommunicating John F. Kennedy, the first fake Catholic president ever, to every layer of Hell for giving a speech 52 years ago in which he said, “I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.” Santorum, if your puny god-hating minds can even comprehend this, does not care for the tenor of such remarks. This whole speech just makes Weird Rick want to vomit in your face!

Here’s the sligthtly extended version of Kennedy’s remarks:

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

Eminently reasonable remarks… which Rick Santorum hears and goes BLARRHGHSFFFF SPLATTT, ejaculating high-projectile Santorum from his mouth:

To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes you throw up. What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up and it should make every American…Now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith, which of course is the next logical step when people of faith, at least according to John Kennedy, have no role in the public square.

Let’s call it a misread! And he’s doing such a great job ignoring these hot-button social issues, isn’t he?

[Salon]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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181 comments

  1. Barb

    "Upon discovering that 2% of families use the Rhythm Method as a form of birth control, the House of Representatives is scheduling hearings on Obamacare to make sure that free calendars are not being made available to the public."
    Thanks Rick!

        1. Guppy

          This right here is the biggest reason that the Boomers can't die soon enough.

          Was the McKinley assassination remembered into the 1950's with annual moaning and wailing and rending of garments?

  2. FakaktaSouth

    Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to speed up the annihilation of the Republican Party.
    Back in the day, before Catholics and Evangelicals were giving each other liturgical reach arounds, the assassination of JFK was cheered in my father's high-school lunchroom (a story I have NEVER forgotten) BECAUSE he was Catholic. Truly. These people are weird.

    1. MrFizzy

      That's a truly pitiful thing, and I think the same thing would be true now. I'm sorry you had to hear that, unfiltered insight into the mind of the average stupid human.

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Yeah, learn to read, you cretinous fuckwit. Dick Sanatogen- some anus is missing it's pile sice he began inflicting himself on the populace.

    1. SorosBot

      Even though that's exactly what the want to do to America; I think they are jealous of the Muslims who have managed to create theocracies in countries like Iran, which except for the use of the Qur'an in place of the Bible is exactly their ideal country.

      1. doloras

        The equivalent of the Iranian constitution in the US would be Pat Robertson as Supreme Leader, able to veto the President, and a council of priests and ministers able to disqualify any candidate for office who wasn't Christian enough.

        Er, I'm not sure we're too far away from that already.

  3. SorosBot

    No, Ricky, religious people can have a role in the public square; what we don't want, and in fact the Constitution prohibits, is people forcing everyone else to live by their religion's rules, like the frothy one wants to do with outlawing birth control along with buttsex, blowjobs and button-licking.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Weren't you at the Coke convention back in nineteen sixty-five
        You're the misbred, grey executive I've seen heavily advertised.
        You're the great, gray man whose daughter licks policemen's buttons clean.
        You're the man who squats behind the man who works the soft machine

    1. FakaktaSouth

      "Butt sex and blow jobs and sweet button licking, these are few of my favorite things…" Anywoo, the thing that pisses me off here is how this JFK speech was a pander to the bigots who didn't wanna think these nasty ass drunk Catholics with 500 children were gonna drag the pope into their Baptist church. The circle jerkery gives me an attitude problem. Factual history matters, people.

  4. Callyson

    To twist JFK's words to make them say that people of faith have no role in the public square? To equate freedom from state – imposed religion to a threat to religious liberty? You bet that makes me throw up.
    Asshole.

  5. Chichikovovich

    That's the way to bring in the Catholics, Rick: Piss on JFK. This is an especially good idea if you rely heavily on getting the votes of the old geezers who are the only people who will reliably answer "yes" to the ban-gay marriage questions, but who also probably remember that speech as one of the thrilling moments of their then-young lives.

    Next up: the "Sandy Koufax was a Christ-killer" speech.

    1. cotugirl

      For realz. I was helping my son study for a test on the VA Statute of Religious Freedom last week. And reminded him that it is painted on the side of a building in downtown Richmond. Basic 4th grade social studies.

  6. BlueStateLibel

    I think we should get go back to medieval England – whenever a new president is elected, that president's religion should be the official religion of the country, and all non-believers and their houses of worship should be burned to the ground. Worked for Henry VIII, why not us?

  7. StarsUponThars

    Which reminds me, didja know there's a band named Fecalized Rectal Sperm Spewage? They're gore grind death metal and utterly unlistenable unless you're jacked on meth, but still easier to listen to than a Santorum speech.

  8. hagajim

    If memory serves me correctly, Kennedy made that speech because we 'Merikans were so freaked out about his Catholicism. We were afraid he'd become the pawn of the Pope, thus the speech. I guess Ricky wants to be the pawn of the Pope and every other nutball religious fiend in the greater USA. Fucking dildo. Oh – and he might want to read a little history as well, but then again, Ricky is anti-education too.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      It's what we as Americans demand of our leaders — that they be members of their religion first and Americans second, insh'allah.

    2. James Michael Curley

      I remember clearly the time and the reporting of the speech. Since all the relatives and school authorities were pumping everyone with 'Kennedy will take orders from The Church" stories, I think it was a major reason why I abandoned my parent's opinion and that of the Sunday school teacher and went with Kennedy.

  9. Chichikovovich

    I hear Romney's going to put together some capitol and restart American Motors. Their first model will be named after Rick, with the ad slogan: "The Santorum: it's a fey auto".

      1. MosesInvests

        "The auto-da-fe? What's the auto-da-fe?" "It's when you know you shouldn't oughto, but you do it anyway!"

    1. orygoon

      A lovely sentiment, and many upfists. Except, you know? You can always scrape the black crud off the toast and then it is still actually pretty good. So, I dunno, the metaphor should be more like moldy cantaloupe, or rotten eggs.

  10. Tundra Grifter

    In life we can determine how lucky we are by looking at our friends.

    In politics, we can see how lucky someone is by looking at their enemies.

    Barack Obama ought to go out and buy like a million lottery tickets, because he is flat out the luckiest SOB on the face of God's earth.

  11. Mumbletypeg

    If you need a fellow Catholic shoulder to cry on basin to dry heave the residue of your righteous hot flashes, Rickee, I hear Newt has an extra one if it's not backed up w/ his own coughed-up turdblossoms.
    It stretched my suspension of disbelief to believe a large enough shitcan could be manufactured to hold the size of just one verbal-diarrhea artist's projectile-renderings, let alone two.

  12. Callyson

    And in a related story:
    Pennsylvania voters say Santorum is too extreme, can't beat Obama http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-pennsy
    So, do I root for the Frothy Mix in the hope of giving Obama an easier time of it, or do I root against him to send the message to the wingnuts that there are limits to acceptable nuttiness even in the GOP primary? Decisions, decisions…

    1. James Michael Curley

      In 2012 Obama is in the position that if elected and carrying a large block of new House members with him, he and the Democrats will be in the position to influence American politics for a generation.

      Unfortunately on the night of the Democratic convention in 1992 I said the same thing about Clinton to Mrs. Curley but it went "Clinton is in the position that if elected and carrying a large block of new House members with him, he and the Democrats will be in the position to influence American politics for a generation if he keeps it in his pants."

      And, well …

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Rick Santorum wants to unite America — by making it a nation of laws shot through with a patchwork of separate exceptions for each religion, various madrassas where idiocy can be taught by priests and ministers between exorcisms and molestations, separate holidays for everybody, and religious revelation trumps civil law. Except for Muslims.

  14. BaldarTFlagass

    "I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish;"

    JFK was a closet Muslin!!

    1. SorosBot

      To get the image out of your head, think of Kennedy's public square; many of the women of America seemed to really appreciate that.

  15. widestanceromance

    Well. . .put your puke where your mouth is, boy.

    A True Conservative would back this up with actual and violent wretching–live, onstage and in a debate, with a doctor to certify that is was not faked.

    Or is he in bed with Big Vomit?

    1. Data Exactly

      No, Rick Santorum tones it down when on stage and Ron Paul is the doctor who can certify that Santorum's vomit is the actual contents of his tummy (yesterday afternoon's crustless thin turkey role meat with a smathering of low-fat mayo and pickle on the side all made by his mama.)

  16. mrpuma2u

    Frothboy is right. Religion is no good, unless you are bludgeoning everyone bloody with it. Who doesn't want a freaky half wit zealot making their reproductive decisions for them? Oh, that's right, most of the sane people in the world.

    Please let the whackjobs prevail at the convention, and put this tool as their front runner.

  17. An_Outhouse

    Its becoming apparent that Ricky is jealous of the new, younger, altar boys. He's trying to get the whole US Conference of Catholic Bishops to gang rape his ass. There really is no other explanation other than he's dumb as a rock.

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    Jack Kennedy would have kicked you square in the nuts, Rick. With one hand tied behind his back and while he was banging Marilyn, to boot.

  19. prommie

    Obama and the birth-control ruling, it was such genius, just amazing.

    There is an old classic Warner Brothers cartoon of Bugs Bunny as a matador. He is in the bullring, in full regalia, facing a puffing, pawing, snorting bull. Bugs holds out his red cape, and nimbly steps aside as the enraged bull charges at the cape, and the bull runs full speed intoand through the cape and then into the brick wall just behind the cape, knocking himself out and causing little birdies to fly around his head. That is what Obama has just done to Rick Santorum.

  20. ProgressiveInga

    "To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes you throw up."

    Oh, yes. I almost forgot the time when Little Ricky staunchly defended Obama's worshipping with Reverend Jeremiah Wright and the blah liberation theology was welcomed with open arms in the public square. Yes, I remember that now……

  21. chicken_thief

    "I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; "

    Why did JFK want to impose Sharia Law on us?!!!!

  22. mavenmaven

    Finally, Rick Santorum will restore the Papacy in the US. The papacy of the Koch bros and other oligarchs.

  23. el_donaldo

    Given how most people respond to Santorum, he's going to regret introducing "makes me want to throw up" into the discourse.

  24. SorosBot

    Well acccording to Rick the child rape by priests is all the fault of liberals and moral relativism. No really; here's his own words (warning, the link is to an opinion piece by the frothy one himself):
    http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=

    "It is startling that those in the media and academia appear most disturbed by this aberrant behavior, since they have zealously promoted moral relativism by sanctioning "private" moral matters such as alternative lifestyles. Priests, like all of us, are affected by culture. When the culture is sick, every element in it becomes infected. While it is no excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm."

  25. Maman

    Ironically, JFK gave that speech so Catholics like Santorum could run for POTUS without everyone thinking they were drones of the Pope

    1. Chichikovovich

      Santorum is giving this speech so that Catholics like the little junior Santorums can run for POTUS without everyone thinking they aren't drones of the Pope.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      After Al Smith lost his bid for the Presidency, Will Rogers said "Al just sent the Pope a telegram. 'Unpack.'"

    1. flamingpdog

      After being homeschooled by Mom, they probably won't even know how to make babies. After all, the boys have a 66.66 percent chance of plugging the wrong orifice.

      1. MrFizzy

        And that leaves out the ears, which would increase the percentage even more. Got to get me to a quiet room to try and do the math. Wait, that would be snobby wouldn't it?

    2. Guppy

      Many of his future kids (and you know they won't stop until menopause) probably won't survive to sexual maturity anyway.

  26. soeoho

    Those folks following the candidates around… with the brooms and shovels…. do they know that the FAN refers to an electro-mechanical device? Not their Republican followers? Guess the shit keeps hitting them, either way.

  27. MosesInvests

    Bacon cheeseburgers are being transported on roads paid for by my tax dollars! That's an infringement of my religious liberty!

  28. WiscDad

    Religion and wealth are two of the many distractions they're all using to hide the fact they have no idea how to solve the issues that are at the heart of this country's troubles. I'm Catholic…no I'M more Catholic…NO I'M more Catholic, wait I'm Mormon

  29. ttommyunger

    "…people of non-faith…" You know, the Mooslims and the Jooz and lots of others claim to have faith, so I guess they're OK in our political offices, right, Ricky? I bet not.

  30. smitallica

    Rick Santorum: "I don't believe in an America where separation of church and state is an absolute."

    Tough titties, Frothy. You live in one.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Don't we have Americans dying in Afghaistan, for the express purpose of preventing dickwads like this from taking over?

  31. ghblowhard

    My JFK favorite: "Nobody asked me if I was a Catholic when I joined the United States Navy,” he said to a stunned crowd. His aide, Ken O’Donnell, recalled that Kennedy went on “with a fire and dash that I had seldom seen in him, asking if 40 million Americans lost their right to run for the presidency on the day when they were baptized as Catholics. ‘That wasn’t the country my brother died for in Europe,’ he said, ‘and nobody asked my brother if he was a Catholic or Protestant before he climbed into an American bomber plane to fly his last mission.’”

    oh and Rick–you forgot this:
    JFK: I believe in a president whose views on religion are his own private affair, neither imposed upon him by the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office–I bet that makes you really want to puke Rick.

  32. PhillipMarlowe6

    Makes him want to vomit?
    Maybe he will vomit like Jimi Hendrix, but 5 years from now no one will play Rick's version of The Star Spangled Banner.

  33. Ducksworthy

    Whe should all bow down before the Gawd of Santorum or as Anne Lamott says “You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

    Soantorumism: A. Worship of a frothy mix etc…B. A religion based entirely on hate.

  34. Redhead

    "Now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith,"

    Yup, despite their best efforts, people of faith ARE required to follow the same rules as everyone else. (Well, at least when it comes to providing healthcare for employees at organizations they're kinda sorta affiliated with – maybe in the future, they'll be required to follow the same laws about molesting kids.)

  35. missemish

    Apparently, Regan also makes him vomit: “We in the United States, above all, must remember that lesson, for we were founded as a nation of openness to people of all beliefs. And so we must remain. Our very unity has been strengthened by our pluralism. We establish no religion in this country, we command no worship, we mandate no belief, nor will we ever. Church and state are, and must remain, separate. All are free to believe or not believe, all are free to practice a faith or not, and those who believe are free, and should be free, to speak of and act on their belief. -Ronald Regan”
    http://www.indecisionforever.com/blog/2012/02/27/

  36. savethispatient

    I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish

    Some religions are noticeable by their absence there… What this reveals is that JFK was our first secret Muslim President.

  37. extreme_left

    People who follow Abraham should be able to be politically involved in whatever way they choose, they can then say goodbye to their tax free status, which will fuck them faster than Putin at a highschool prom…if such a thing is possible.

  38. FakaktaSouth

    I know this is same old same old with these guys, and that I am wishing for a miracle here, but I DO WISH that the media would portray this (in every mention) as "Rick Santorum totally wrong on history, makes speech based on a false premise, how can this guy think he should be pres when he knows NOthing about ANYthing?" not "Oh look, Rick's making a religious speech from a different point of view on religion bashing in politics." WHO CARES what he says after he farts out incorrect nonsense to start his argument? Also, KENNEDY's era, including people talking about him being a Catholic being a problem, is ON TAPE, audio or video. We don't even NEED folks who remember, but yeah, telling people new versions of stuff they lived thru is just another level of moron. But it's about the hate, not the facts.

  39. Tundra Grifter

    Li'l Ricky Santorum's complete misreading and misunderstanding of John F. Kennedy's great speech is absolutely astonishing – even for a complete idiot like himself.

    Is he now channeling Michele Bachmann?

  40. Smithboy

    Behold….Ricky the Archangle of Jehovah!!

    Yes, Rick, the winged warrior, shall smite those who would remove an embryo, but will pour oil and good smelling stuff over anyone killing muslims. It is so….because the chosen ones have said it shall come to pass. Thus saith FOX NEWS!

  41. Jukesgrrl

    Feel no shame. I got the joke before it was corrected. Actually I thought you typed that on purpose since JFK's pubic became so public. I was giving you credit for Hopey-style seven-level chess.

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