POPE WEIRD RICK LXIX  12:11 pm February 27, 2012

Rick Santorum Wants To Vomit All Over JFK, Because Of Religion

by Jim Newell

JFK blew this same mic in 1960His Holiness the Pope of Pennsylvania Rick Santroum issed an edict this weekend excommunicating John F. Kennedy, the first fake Catholic president ever, to every layer of Hell for giving a speech 52 years ago in which he said, “I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.” Santorum, if your puny god-hating minds can even comprehend this, does not care for the tenor of such remarks. This whole speech just makes Weird Rick want to vomit in your face!

Here’s the sligthtly extended version of Kennedy’s remarks:

I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

Eminently reasonable remarks… which Rick Santorum hears and goes BLARRHGHSFFFF SPLATTT, ejaculating high-projectile Santorum from his mouth:

To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes you throw up. What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up and it should make every American…Now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith, which of course is the next logical step when people of faith, at least according to John Kennedy, have no role in the public square.

Let’s call it a misread! And he’s doing such a great job ignoring these hot-button social issues, isn’t he?

[Salon]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 181 comments }

Barb February 27, 2012 at 12:13 pm

"Upon discovering that 2% of families use the Rhythm Method as a form of birth control, the House of Representatives is scheduling hearings on Obamacare to make sure that free calendars are not being made available to the public."
Thanks Rick!

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Free drumsticks and metronomes! SOSHALIZM!

WhatTheHeck February 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

African-American people have lots of rhythm.

What’s Rick saying?

bloodandirony February 27, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I believe Rick uses the more sensitive term "Blah Americans."

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

That's news to me. I thought the Go-Peer'ers were mandating all days of the week henceforth be "Sunday".

Swampgas_Man February 27, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Every day is like Sunday
Every day is tired and gray.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

I wonder what they'll do to prevent pulling out…

littlebigdaddy February 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

My cup runneth over.

BZ1 February 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Can we throw up on Rickie instead, it would save him the trouble…

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"Santorum Vomit," quite possibly the most disgusting combination of words in the English language.

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Yeah, but you can pay $14.95/mo to see videos of it.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm

JFK: The world's first unauthentic Catholic.

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 12:16 pm

You know who else thought dissing JFK was a good idea?

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Dick Nixon?

Callyson February 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

LBJ? Nixon?
(And we see how well that worked out for those two…)

ProgressiveInga February 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

J. Edgar?

Infrogmation February 27, 2012 at 5:58 pm

In collusion with James Jesus Angleton , David Atlee Philips, E. Howard Hunt, and others known by at least 3 names or initials?

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Three names … one of them being spook?

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Kruschev?

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Dan Quayle? Or was it Lloyd Bentsen?

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Judith Exner? Sam Giancana? The funny guy in Cuba with the beard?

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Lee Harvey Oswald?

Chillwillard February 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Too soon!

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

This right here is the biggest reason that the Boomers can't die soon enough.

Was the McKinley assassination remembered into the 1950's with annual moaning and wailing and rending of garments?

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Die, Boomers!! Leave this awful country to the generations who barely even know what continent they live on!!

Infrogmation February 27, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Bill Hicks pities you.

thedeathofirony February 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Jello Biafra?

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Mary Jo?

imissopus February 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

The Ramones?

No wait, that was "The KKK took my baby away."

BTWBFDIMHO February 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

The Dallas Morning News, the day of the assassination? http://dailyhurricane.com/jfk_wanted_for_treason….

doloras February 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Teabaggers of the 1960s, only with a Catholic instead of a blah to kick around.

iburl February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

What is it with this guy and noxious spew?

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to speed up the annihilation of the Republican Party.
Back in the day, before Catholics and Evangelicals were giving each other liturgical reach arounds, the assassination of JFK was cheered in my father's high-school lunchroom (a story I have NEVER forgotten) BECAUSE he was Catholic. Truly. These people are weird.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

That's a truly pitiful thing, and I think the same thing would be true now. I'm sorry you had to hear that, unfiltered insight into the mind of the average stupid human.

Geminisunmars February 27, 2012 at 1:46 pm

And that makes me vomit.

Baconzgood February 27, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Rick Santorum is a poopie-kaka person.

(this comment is 100% snark free)

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

To say that people of faith have no role in the public square?

No, that's not what Kennedy said, you moron!

Now, the public *round*, however…

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

No, what JFK really said was "Religion has no place in my pubic area!"

MaxNeanderthal February 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Yeah, learn to read, you cretinous fuckwit. Dick Sanatogen- some anus is missing it's pile sice he began inflicting himself on the populace.

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Aren't these the same fucktards pearl clutching over Sharia law?

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Even though that's exactly what the want to do to America; I think they are jealous of the Muslims who have managed to create theocracies in countries like Iran, which except for the use of the Qur'an in place of the Bible is exactly their ideal country.

doloras February 27, 2012 at 5:40 pm

The equivalent of the Iranian constitution in the US would be Pat Robertson as Supreme Leader, able to veto the President, and a council of priests and ministers able to disqualify any candidate for office who wasn't Christian enough.

Er, I'm not sure we're too far away from that already.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

♫♪ Ave Sharia ♪♫

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

No, Ricky, religious people can have a role in the public square; what we don't want, and in fact the Constitution prohibits, is people forcing everyone else to live by their religion's rules, like the frothy one wants to do with outlawing birth control along with buttsex, blowjobs and button-licking.

sezme February 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

If button-licking is wrong, I don't want to be right. Wait, what does that mean exactly?

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Weren't you at the Coke convention back in nineteen sixty-five
You're the misbred, grey executive I've seen heavily advertised.
You're the great, gray man whose daughter licks policemen's buttons clean.
You're the man who squats behind the man who works the soft machine

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm

It might not be the most common term for cunnilingus, but I needed something that began with B.

sezme February 27, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Oh okay. Then as I said, I don't want to be right.

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

"Butt sex and blow jobs and sweet button licking, these are few of my favorite things…" Anywoo, the thing that pisses me off here is how this JFK speech was a pander to the bigots who didn't wanna think these nasty ass drunk Catholics with 500 children were gonna drag the pope into their Baptist church. The circle jerkery gives me an attitude problem. Factual history matters, people.

Not_So_Much February 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Yo, Frothy! Feeling is mutual.

GuanoFaucet February 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

The Bay[ing] of Prigs.

Puffperney February 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Excellent!

freakishlywrong February 27, 2012 at 12:20 pm

And Father Ricky, I do not think "the public square" means what you think it means.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

He tried but couldn't bring himself to say "pubic." Watch the tape.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Rick does think religion has a place in everyone's pubic square, the sick man.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 2:39 pm

He'd say "pubic cube" but his wife is a little two-dimensional.

Swampgas_Man February 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

My pubic area is more of a triangle.

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Just so it's not a Bermuda triangle.

Spurning Beer February 27, 2012 at 12:58 pm

In NYC, the World Council of Churches building on Riverside Ave is fondly known as "The God Box." I believe that's the 3-D equivalent of the Pubic Square.

Callyson February 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

To twist JFK's words to make them say that people of faith have no role in the public square? To equate freedom from state – imposed religion to a threat to religious liberty? You bet that makes me throw up.
Asshole.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

That's the way to bring in the Catholics, Rick: Piss on JFK. This is an especially good idea if you rely heavily on getting the votes of the old geezers who are the only people who will reliably answer "yes" to the ban-gay marriage questions, but who also probably remember that speech as one of the thrilling moments of their then-young lives.

Next up: the "Sandy Koufax was a Christ-killer" speech.

Lucidamente1 February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Wait, you mean he wasn't?

Veritas78 February 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Wasn't Koufax the lone nailer on the golgotha knoll? You can see it in the Zapruder Codex.

Baconzgood February 27, 2012 at 12:22 pm

"WRONG"

-Thomas Jefferson-

cotugirl February 27, 2012 at 3:00 pm

For realz. I was helping my son study for a test on the VA Statute of Religious Freedom last week. And reminded him that it is painted on the side of a building in downtown Richmond. Basic 4th grade social studies.

thebeatgoeson February 27, 2012 at 10:48 pm

I totally heard that in John McLaughlin's voice.

johnnymeatworth February 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Ich bin ein bulimic?

BlueStateLibel February 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I think we should get go back to medieval England – whenever a new president is elected, that president's religion should be the official religion of the country, and all non-believers and their houses of worship should be burned to the ground. Worked for Henry VIII, why not us?

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You laugh, but…

StarsUponThars February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Which reminds me, didja know there's a band named Fecalized Rectal Sperm Spewage? They're gore grind death metal and utterly unlistenable unless you're jacked on meth, but still easier to listen to than a Santorum speech.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

*dowloads latest Fecalized Rectal Sperm Spewage album from iTunes, calls meth dealer*

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

The "friend" who relayed that to you was remarkably specific.

DemmeFatale February 27, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Come to think of it, "Santorum" is a great band name!

slowhansolo February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Rick knows most Americans are too dumb to understand that's not what Kennedy said at all.

hagajim February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

If memory serves me correctly, Kennedy made that speech because we 'Merikans were so freaked out about his Catholicism. We were afraid he'd become the pawn of the Pope, thus the speech. I guess Ricky wants to be the pawn of the Pope and every other nutball religious fiend in the greater USA. Fucking dildo. Oh – and he might want to read a little history as well, but then again, Ricky is anti-education too.

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

It's what we as Americans demand of our leaders — that they be members of their religion first and Americans second, insh'allah.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I remember clearly the time and the reporting of the speech. Since all the relatives and school authorities were pumping everyone with 'Kennedy will take orders from The Church" stories, I think it was a major reason why I abandoned my parent's opinion and that of the Sunday school teacher and went with Kennedy.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I hear Romney's going to put together some capitol and restart American Motors. Their first model will be named after Rick, with the ad slogan: "The Santorum: it's a fey auto".

Oblios_Cap February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

No one ever expects the auto-de-fey!

MosesInvests February 27, 2012 at 12:48 pm

"The auto-da-fe? What's the auto-da-fe?" "It's when you know you shouldn't oughto, but you do it anyway!"

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

"it's a fey auto"

Romney making Fairy-mobiles?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Pink Cadillacs!

prommie February 27, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I love the smell of toast in the morning. And thats what Santorum and Romney are, toast.

ThundercatHo February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This made me smile, thx.

orygoon February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

A lovely sentiment, and many upfists. Except, you know? You can always scrape the black crud off the toast and then it is still actually pretty good. So, I dunno, the metaphor should be more like moldy cantaloupe, or rotten eggs.

Tundra Grifter February 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

In life we can determine how lucky we are by looking at our friends.

In politics, we can see how lucky someone is by looking at their enemies.

Barack Obama ought to go out and buy like a million lottery tickets, because he is flat out the luckiest SOB on the face of God's earth.

BlueStateLibel February 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Damn right, I want to bring Obama to the racetrack with me, please, please, please.

Mumbletypeg February 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

If you need a fellow Catholic shoulder to cry on basin to dry heave the residue of your righteous hot flashes, Rickee, I hear Newt has an extra one if it's not backed up w/ his own coughed-up turdblossoms.
It stretched my suspension of disbelief to believe a large enough shitcan could be manufactured to hold the size of just one verbal-diarrhea artist's projectile-renderings, let alone two.

WhatTheHeck February 27, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Santorum – a jerk for all seasons.

deanbooth February 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"That makes me throw up"

I envision projectile pea soup.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

"Your mother sucks Koch in hell!!"

Callyson February 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

And in a related story:
Pennsylvania voters say Santorum is too extreme, can't beat Obama http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-pn-pennsy
So, do I root for the Frothy Mix in the hope of giving Obama an easier time of it, or do I root against him to send the message to the wingnuts that there are limits to acceptable nuttiness even in the GOP primary? Decisions, decisions…

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 2:32 pm

In 2012 Obama is in the position that if elected and carrying a large block of new House members with him, he and the Democrats will be in the position to influence American politics for a generation.

Unfortunately on the night of the Democratic convention in 1992 I said the same thing about Clinton to Mrs. Curley but it went "Clinton is in the position that if elected and carrying a large block of new House members with him, he and the Democrats will be in the position to influence American politics for a generation if he keeps it in his pants."

And, well …

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:36 pm

We Americans jump at any chance to be optimistic.

Joan Walsh and Big Ed are discussion Callyson's dilemma right at this moment.

SayItWithWookies February 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Rick Santorum wants to unite America — by making it a nation of laws shot through with a patchwork of separate exceptions for each religion, various madrassas where idiocy can be taught by priests and ministers between exorcisms and molestations, separate holidays for everybody, and religious revelation trumps civil law. Except for Muslims.

BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

"I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish;"

JFK was a closet Muslin!!

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I know way too much about Santorum's pubic square. You bet that makes you throw up.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

To get the image out of your head, think of Kennedy's public square; many of the women of America seemed to really appreciate that.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I'd rather think of Kennedy's pubic square.

orygoon February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

How exactly do intolerance and freedom go together? I'm so confused.

MissTaken February 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

How dare you infringe on my freedom to be intolerant!

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Hey! You got YOUR freedom in MY intolerance!

Generation[redacted] February 27, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Santorum cups! Now available at your local grocer.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Creamcups!

Barrelhse February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Here is the remarkable speech that makes Rick throw up. http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/

widestanceromance February 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well. . .put your puke where your mouth is, boy.

A True Conservative would back this up with actual and violent wretching–live, onstage and in a debate, with a doctor to certify that is was not faked.

Or is he in bed with Big Vomit?

Data Exactly February 28, 2012 at 12:19 am

No, Rick Santorum tones it down when on stage and Ron Paul is the doctor who can certify that Santorum's vomit is the actual contents of his tummy (yesterday afternoon's crustless thin turkey role meat with a smathering of low-fat mayo and pickle on the side all made by his mama.)

Dashboard Buddha February 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

and this will create how many jobs?

mrpuma2u February 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Frothboy is right. Religion is no good, unless you are bludgeoning everyone bloody with it. Who doesn't want a freaky half wit zealot making their reproductive decisions for them? Oh, that's right, most of the sane people in the world.

Please let the whackjobs prevail at the convention, and put this tool as their front runner.

An_Outhouse February 27, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Its becoming apparent that Ricky is jealous of the new, younger, altar boys. He's trying to get the whole US Conference of Catholic Bishops to gang rape his ass. There really is no other explanation other than he's dumb as a rock.

Schmannnity February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm
BaldarTFlagass February 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Jack Kennedy would have kicked you square in the nuts, Rick. With one hand tied behind his back and while he was banging Marilyn, to boot.

Swampgas_Man February 27, 2012 at 5:36 pm

And a bad back on top of it.

edgydrifter February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Santorum's Rule #1 (of 1):

Sharia = Bad
Canon Law = AWESOME
Secularism = Sharia

prommie February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Obama and the birth-control ruling, it was such genius, just amazing.

There is an old classic Warner Brothers cartoon of Bugs Bunny as a matador. He is in the bullring, in full regalia, facing a puffing, pawing, snorting bull. Bugs holds out his red cape, and nimbly steps aside as the enraged bull charges at the cape, and the bull runs full speed intoand through the cape and then into the brick wall just behind the cape, knocking himself out and causing little birdies to fly around his head. That is what Obama has just done to Rick Santorum.

ProgressiveInga February 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

"To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes you throw up."

Oh, yes. I almost forgot the time when Little Ricky staunchly defended Obama's worshipping with Reverend Jeremiah Wright and the blah liberation theology was welcomed with open arms in the public square. Yes, I remember that now……

meatlofer February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Actually, I feel terrific after I spew,almost orgasmatic!

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 12:40 pm

You're definitely doing at least one of those two things wrong.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

True, but with orgasm it's more fun getting there.

chicken_thief February 27, 2012 at 12:36 pm

"I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; "

Why did JFK want to impose Sharia Law on us?!!!!

Generation[redacted] February 27, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Didn't H.W. Bush say the same thing to the Japanese Prime Minister?

orygoon February 27, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Now that's the kind of funny that makes the dog give me the Poodle Eyeroll.

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

At least HW followed through on his promise.

MosesInvests February 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Real Japanese (slang) word for puking on someone-Bushururu.

weej_bain February 27, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Sadly, time is the only exorcist that will rid us of these final four whorsemen of the Repuglycuntz.

mavenmaven February 27, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Finally, Rick Santorum will restore the Papacy in the US. The papacy of the Koch bros and other oligarchs.

el_donaldo February 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Given how most people respond to Santorum, he's going to regret introducing "makes me want to throw up" into the discourse.

SorosBot February 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Well acccording to Rick the child rape by priests is all the fault of liberals and moral relativism. No really; here's his own words (warning, the link is to an opinion piece by the frothy one himself):
http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=

"It is startling that those in the media and academia appear most disturbed by this aberrant behavior, since they have zealously promoted moral relativism by sanctioning "private" moral matters such as alternative lifestyles. Priests, like all of us, are affected by culture. When the culture is sick, every element in it becomes infected. While it is no excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm."

Maman February 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Ironically, JFK gave that speech so Catholics like Santorum could run for POTUS without everyone thinking they were drones of the Pope

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Santorum is giving this speech so that Catholics like the little junior Santorums can run for POTUS without everyone thinking they aren't drones of the Pope.

Tundra Grifter February 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

After Al Smith lost his bid for the Presidency, Will Rogers said "Al just sent the Pope a telegram. 'Unpack.'"

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Sorry to say it, but I seriously hope his kids are sterile.

flamingpdog February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

After being homeschooled by Mom, they probably won't even know how to make babies. After all, the boys have a 66.66 percent chance of plugging the wrong orifice.

MrFizzy February 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

And that leaves out the ears, which would increase the percentage even more. Got to get me to a quiet room to try and do the math. Wait, that would be snobby wouldn't it?

Guppy February 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Many of his future kids (and you know they won't stop until menopause) probably won't survive to sexual maturity anyway.

soeoho February 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Those folks following the candidates around… with the brooms and shovels…. do they know that the FAN refers to an electro-mechanical device? Not their Republican followers? Guess the shit keeps hitting them, either way.

johnnyzhivago February 27, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Those were the days when Mormans and Muslims were all just going about their business, not bothering anyone.

johnnyzhivago February 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Santorum needs to get a new research team – the Palin Family is not cutting the mustard!

donner_froh February 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Welcome to Ricky's Vomitorium. Free admission for priests and young boys.

JustPixelz February 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

JFK risked his life in combat and was wounded. I'll bet he threw up from the pain.

Chichikovovich February 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Santorum's got some leftover purple-heart bandaids he could have given him.

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Pain he suffered the rest of his life. Imagine how impaired he would have been had he been forced to endure Obamacare!

MosesInvests February 27, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Bacon cheeseburgers are being transported on roads paid for by my tax dollars! That's an infringement of my religious liberty!

Lucidamente1 February 27, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I knew Jack Kennedy; Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. And you, Senator, are no Jack Kennedy.

Blueb4sunrise February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

A shot from the assy knoll.

SheriffRoscoe February 27, 2012 at 12:55 pm

"makes me throw up"

Rick knows that tweens can't vote, right?

2161911 February 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

The Presidency? Santorum needs that job like he needs a hole in the head.

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 1:06 pm

"Everybody else's religion is crap but my crap is religion" Santorum, 2012

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Feeling better, I see! Good.

WinterOuthouse February 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm

YES! Finally on the mend. Hope all is well with you, Tommy.

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Nothing ever changes here, my dear.

WiscDad February 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Religion and wealth are two of the many distractions they're all using to hide the fact they have no idea how to solve the issues that are at the heart of this country's troubles. I'm Catholic…no I'M more Catholic…NO I'M more Catholic, wait I'm Mormon

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm

"…people of non-faith…" You know, the Mooslims and the Jooz and lots of others claim to have faith, so I guess they're OK in our political offices, right, Ricky? I bet not.

smitallica February 27, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Rick Santorum: "I don't believe in an America where separation of church and state is an absolute."

Tough titties, Frothy. You live in one.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Don't we have Americans dying in Afghaistan, for the express purpose of preventing dickwads like this from taking over?

ghblowhard February 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm

My JFK favorite: "Nobody asked me if I was a Catholic when I joined the United States Navy,” he said to a stunned crowd. His aide, Ken O’Donnell, recalled that Kennedy went on “with a fire and dash that I had seldom seen in him, asking if 40 million Americans lost their right to run for the presidency on the day when they were baptized as Catholics. ‘That wasn’t the country my brother died for in Europe,’ he said, ‘and nobody asked my brother if he was a Catholic or Protestant before he climbed into an American bomber plane to fly his last mission.’”

oh and Rick–you forgot this:
JFK: I believe in a president whose views on religion are his own private affair, neither imposed upon him by the nation or imposed by the nation upon him as a condition to holding that office–I bet that makes you really want to puke Rick.

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Everytime I see Rick Santorum, I want to hurl Rick Santorum.

James Michael Curley February 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm

That will go a long way to preventing disabling injuries to dwarfs.

starfanglednut February 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm

It makes him want to vomit? So he'll have stuff spewing out of both ends then?

KeepFnThatChicken February 27, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Rick, as soon as you get the endorsement from God herself, you can discuss these things.

Troglodeity February 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

He should've said "vomit." That might actually have helped his Google problem.

PhillipMarlowe6 February 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Makes him want to vomit?
Maybe he will vomit like Jimi Hendrix, but 5 years from now no one will play Rick's version of The Star Spangled Banner.

BTWBFDIMHO February 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Lucky Ricky he's American. If he were Afghan instead, he'd be a dead suicide bomber by now.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:17 pm

More likely a mullah: sending other people's kids off to die is more his style.

Ducksworthy February 27, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Whe should all bow down before the Gawd of Santorum or as Anne Lamott says “You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.”

Soantorumism: A. Worship of a frothy mix etc…B. A religion based entirely on hate.

Redhead February 27, 2012 at 2:19 pm

"Now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith,"

Yup, despite their best efforts, people of faith ARE required to follow the same rules as everyone else. (Well, at least when it comes to providing healthcare for employees at organizations they're kinda sorta affiliated with – maybe in the future, they'll be required to follow the same laws about molesting kids.)

teebob2000 February 27, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well, he makes me want to spew santorum, so there!

Chet Kincaid February 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Rick Santorum has the googly eyes and insipid grin of a cartoon jackass. I cannot look at him without seeing stupid, floppy ears.

missemish February 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Apparently, Regan also makes him vomit: “We in the United States, above all, must remember that lesson, for we were founded as a nation of openness to people of all beliefs. And so we must remain. Our very unity has been strengthened by our pluralism. We establish no religion in this country, we command no worship, we mandate no belief, nor will we ever. Church and state are, and must remain, separate. All are free to believe or not believe, all are free to practice a faith or not, and those who believe are free, and should be free, to speak of and act on their belief. -Ronald Regan”
http://www.indecisionforever.com/blog/2012/02/27/

savethispatient February 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish

Some religions are noticeable by their absence there… What this reveals is that JFK was our first secret Muslim President.

extreme_left February 27, 2012 at 3:55 pm

People who follow Abraham should be able to be politically involved in whatever way they choose, they can then say goodbye to their tax free status, which will fuck them faster than Putin at a highschool prom…if such a thing is possible.

FakaktaSouth February 27, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I know this is same old same old with these guys, and that I am wishing for a miracle here, but I DO WISH that the media would portray this (in every mention) as "Rick Santorum totally wrong on history, makes speech based on a false premise, how can this guy think he should be pres when he knows NOthing about ANYthing?" not "Oh look, Rick's making a religious speech from a different point of view on religion bashing in politics." WHO CARES what he says after he farts out incorrect nonsense to start his argument? Also, KENNEDY's era, including people talking about him being a Catholic being a problem, is ON TAPE, audio or video. We don't even NEED folks who remember, but yeah, telling people new versions of stuff they lived thru is just another level of moron. But it's about the hate, not the facts.

Tundra Grifter February 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Li'l Ricky Santorum's complete misreading and misunderstanding of John F. Kennedy's great speech is absolutely astonishing – even for a complete idiot like himself.

Is he now channeling Michele Bachmann?

Smithboy February 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Behold….Ricky the Archangle of Jehovah!!

Yes, Rick, the winged warrior, shall smite those who would remove an embryo, but will pour oil and good smelling stuff over anyone killing muslims. It is so….because the chosen ones have said it shall come to pass. Thus saith FOX NEWS!

Biel_ze_Bubba February 27, 2012 at 6:07 pm

"All that stuff that Thomas Jefferson wrote? That makes me throw up."

-Prick Santorum

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Feel no shame. I got the joke before it was corrected. Actually I thought you typed that on purpose since JFK's pubic became so public. I was giving you credit for Hopey-style seven-level chess.

Catabite February 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Man, Santorum sure has some weird fetishes.

actor212 February 27, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Dude, most of us are too stoned to remember what fucking universe we're in….

MOG2410 February 28, 2012 at 1:35 pm

The big one in the middle?

Jukesgrrl February 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

And no children had to watch it on TV.

MOG2410 February 28, 2012 at 1:35 pm

for three straight days and wonder why the parents were acting so weird.

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