Knock him out the box, Luke, knock him out.Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee’s anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer image of Maher mud wrestling St. Joseph Ratzinger, the famous Nazi Hero who recently became the Pope of Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. Which picture won the tickets? Was it this one? Or was it one of the other Top Six Finalists? WHO WILL WIN, etc.

Here are the rest of the finalists in this most important art contest:

Your editors, being professional art critics and art historians, decided the fine art pencil/charcoal/whatever stylings of reader and artist Jon White was simply “too good” for our purposes. Sorry, Jon! Same goes for the honorable Chris Bishop, who made the fine image at the top of this page. Sorry, Chris! Try being lousier. This is Wonkette, after all, and not that WalMart heiress’s Museum of Plundered American Art Treasures.

An artist called “horacio cocchi,” if that is his real name, submitted the photo-realistic monster pornography of Ratzi getting [insert wrestling term?] by Maher. We almost picked this one, but the obvious pandering of this “horacio” with his image of our terrorist former editor forced us to reconsider. Then there was the stick figure sex fight with an “atheist stick” by Ray Scott, which we admit is not very good but not quite bad enough, either.

Finally, someone named “GehrigFly,” which is rude, submitted TWO (2) pieces of artwork. Neither is very good*, but by her “can do” fundamentalism and “try try again” “come from behind” “sticktoitness,” we guess she wins. Congratulations, whoever you are! Please send your real name to our Private Email so we can put you on the ticket list.

* The one with Maher kicking the pope in the head is pretty good, actually. So that’s the winner!

UPDATE: And this person, “GehrigFly,” responds that she’s not even anywhere near Bethesda:

hahaha.. Yes.. it’s my real name. My dad was a baseball player. hah.

I’m in New Mexico… so I probably wouldn’t be able to use it… Could you give it to someone who could?

Sooo … first contestant with art chosen for the FINALISTS who is actually in/near the DC area who writes to and says YES I CAN ACTUALLY USE THE TICKETS will get the tickets.

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  • DrunkIrishman

    I liked the one with Maher and the Pope.

    • nounverb911

      Which one was that?

      • Beowoof

        All of them Katie.

      • widestanceromance

        I dunno, art is hard.

        • FraAnima

          Art is a boy's name!

  • Barb


    • I figured that was YOU that won that!

  • nounverb911

    And kudos to Bill Maher for donating a cool million to Barry O's superpac.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I admit I sort of wish he'd given it to Colbert's instead.

    • Wow, that's the first I heard that. I don't get HBO and usually only see Maher's show online. I liked his explanation that it was worth a million dollars to him to not have any of the Republicans elected.

      I hate the very idea of PACs, but if they have to exist, he donated to the right one.

  • el_donaldo

    Yay! You picked the one that I also would have picked, unless I preferred it unconsciously because you picked it, in which case you directed me to the choice I would have chosen had I been you to begin with. Yay!

    • I love you, but that was very confusing.

      • What's confusing? They agree, unless they don't, in which case they do.

  • coolhandnuke

    Needz moar Steadman.

    • Loaded_Pants

      Now, THAT I would like to see.

    • tessiee

      What, Oprah's beard*cough*boyfriend?

  • mavenmaven

    Please don't make this the Friday post that we'll have to look at 2000 times over the weekend for our wonkette fix…

    • Indiepalin

      Need some Benincasa

      • MoeDeLawn

        and some fruhlinger. Gawd I miss the old daze.

  • dijetlo

    Two tickets to Bill Maher, eh? Why don't you throw in a copy of his movie, it's free with any two big bites at 7-11.
    What happened, Riley refuse to let the winner finger bang him… again?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Not enough tits!

  • Toomush_Infer

    I have to admit that that "atheist stick" kind of grows on you….when will these be coming out on E-Bay…?

    • tessiee

      You can make one out of an ordinary clue stick.

  • bureaucrap

    I like the wrestling image, with JC, and Sarah as the wicked witch of the west. It speaks to me on so many levels. Plus that tattoo. Kewl.

    • That would be my choice, too. Needs moar swastikas, though.


      Also, next to JC is the greek actor from Hangover smoking weed. He did it at the Maher show.

  • Beowoof

    Rick Santourm would be looking into jailing Maher in Gitmo for this outrage, along with all the artists on the other hand I love it.

  • Barrelhse

    The runner-up gets 4 tickets?

    • tessiee

      To Detroit.

  • I vote for the Chuck Norris kicking the beretta off the Pontiff's head, myself.

  • CommieLibunatic

    The horrible wrestling ring one needs moar Blingee.

  • Needs moar moon nazis.

  • What about Ann Coulter wrestling Rachel Maddow? (mud optional)
    Rachel would so kick Coulter's anorexic ass.

    • DCBloom

      Now that I would pay to see!

    • jus_wonderin

      Though, to kick her anorexic ass one would have to first bust that horse face out of the way.

  • WhatTheHeck

    In the name of art, a really nice picture should be illustrated in a brothel in Paris.

    • jus_wonderin

      While violently divorcing one's ear.

  • RadioSBJ

    "Alter Boy" would be a great band name.

    • paris biltong

      Especially if they were lesbians.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Too soon!

  • Slim_Pickins

    Ratzi's been pope longer than Newt's been a catholic, doesn't the count for something?

  • Geminisunmars

    Every one of them moved something in me.

  • chascates

    They're all great but I would have chose the one with Ken Layne (Pope Cat) as the umpire!

  • juanbobo

    They're all great.Bill thanks for donating to the right 'super' PAC. You the man.

  • tessiee

    Kickboxing AND Pope yarmulke in one picture??
    The rest of you guys can go home now; here's the home version of the game, and thanks for playing.

  • pinkocommi

    Needz moar truck nutz.

  • Data Exactly

    What's the point of reading Wonkette if you're not in the Bos-Wash region?!? Living in New Mexico – could you BE any more remote???


    Hey! I wasn't pandering! I added Layne to compensate for the presence of Jesús behind the ring. ;=D
    But I like the winner a lot, congratulations!

    • So, I hadn't noticed Jesus there and went back to look and THAT's when I saw the green Sarah Palin looking like the wicked witch of the west. And that guy next to Jesus, is he smoking a doob or just biting his nails?


        Smoking weed. He did it at Maher's show.

  • Well, that was my 2nd choice. Best by far was the wrestling pic. And since when do you guys object to a bit of pandering?

  • ttommyunger

    A Million Bucks to Barry? Bill's still feeling bad about throwing his vote away for Nader-and admitting it. Keep trying, Bill, you haven't made it yet.

  • MiniMencken

    Maher? Il sent le fagot, Mme. Wonkette.

  • Typical New Mexican. Too lazy taking a siesta to go see awesome stuff half-way across the country.

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