Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee’s anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer image of Maher mud wrestling St. Joseph Ratzinger, the famous Nazi Hero who recently became the Pope of Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. Which picture won the tickets? Was it this one? Or was it one of the other Top Six Finalists? WHO WILL WIN, etc.
Here are the rest of the finalists in this most important art contest:
Your editors, being professional art critics and art historians, decided the fine art pencil/charcoal/whatever stylings of reader and artist Jon White was simply “too good” for our purposes. Sorry, Jon! Same goes for the honorable Chris Bishop, who made the fine image at the top of this page. Sorry, Chris! Try being lousier. This is Wonkette, after all, and not that WalMart heiress’s Museum of Plundered American Art Treasures.
An artist called “horacio cocchi,” if that is his real name, submitted the photo-realistic monster pornography of Ratzi getting [insert wrestling term?] by Maher. We almost picked this one, but the obvious pandering of this “horacio” with his image of our terrorist former editor forced us to reconsider. Then there was the stick figure sex fight with an “atheist stick” by Ray Scott, which we admit is not very good but not quite bad enough, either.
Finally, someone named “GehrigFly,” which is rude, submitted TWO (2) pieces of artwork. Neither is very good*, but by her “can do” fundamentalism and “try try again” “come from behind” “sticktoitness,” we guess she wins. Congratulations, whoever you are! Please send your real name to our Private Email so we can put you on the ticket list.
* The one with Maher kicking the pope in the head is pretty good, actually. So that’s the winner!
UPDATE: And this person, “GehrigFly,” responds that she’s not even anywhere near Bethesda:
hahaha.. Yes.. it’s my real name. My dad was a baseball player. hah.
I’m in New Mexico… so I probably wouldn’t be able to use it… Could you give it to someone who could?
Sooo … first contestant with art chosen for the FINALISTS who is actually in/near the DC area who writes to firstname.lastname@example.org and says YES I CAN ACTUALLY USE THE TICKETS will get the tickets.