IMPENDING DEATH PLANS  1:54 pm February 24, 2012

Iran’s Stubborn Refusal To Start Building Nukes Hindering Fun War Plans

by Jim Newell

Here’s a typical variation on the same disturbing/hilarious lede that we see every few months, each time rendering satire useless: “Reporting from Washington— As U.S. and Israeli officials talk publicly about the prospect of a military strike against Iran’s nuclear program, one fact is often overlooked: U.S. intelligence agencies don’t believe Iran is actively trying to build an atomic bomb.” Eh, minor caveat. [LAT]

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GunToting[Redacted] February 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

We've never let the facts (WMDs in Iraq, rampant communists in Grenada, Who Blew Up The Maine) stand in the way of a good war in the past; why start now?

Barb February 24, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Bomb first and ask questions later.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

That worked so well for Bush.

ifthethunderdontgetya February 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Iran is on the list.

Facts will not be allowed to get in the way. Perhaps Hopey will wait until after the election (as with approving the tar sands pipeline).

After all, he's a competent Republican.

edgydrifter February 24, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Us imagining them thinking about the possibility of developing a weapon in the future is basically the same thing as them nuking Tel Aviv. War ON.

orygoon February 24, 2012 at 2:06 pm

If "satire is useless", then __________________.

BearNoLike February 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

bombs equals jobs.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 2:09 pm

But do they still have oil we want? That's a good enough reason to bomb them already.

hagajim February 24, 2012 at 2:51 pm

But we're not very good at getting the oil once we bomb stuff – see Iraq for details.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

That wart on the map of New York Peter King was on the tube his morning with his "Obama is preventing drilling in Anwar where production would exceed what we get from Saudi Arabia." We get practically nothing from Saudi Arabia and it has nothing to do with Obama. Dubya's delay of Clean Air standards has priced Saudi Crude out of the US Market. Saudi, low sulfer, low NO, low heavy metal crude now goes to the European and Chinese Refineries built to produce cleaner burning product with a cleaner production process. Bomb Canada for promoting Alberta Tar Sands over an abundant supply or natural gas in the eastern provences (and of course, Chris Christie for cancelling the off shore LNG off take terminal).

ChernobylSoup February 24, 2012 at 2:11 pm

American Evangelical stance: Jesus wants those who deny His divinity to bomb those who believe that He (Jesus) is a prophet because until His deniers die He cannot return; but the deniers can't die at the hands of Jesus-as-prophet believers, instead they must all die during a big kerfuffle when the Jesus-as-divine, Jesus-as-prophet, and Jesus-as-some-random-Jewish-dude all kill one another in a big free-for-all. In the meantime, Jesus-as-divine must protect Jesus-as-not-divine from Jesus-as-prophet.

James Michael Curley February 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I can see that inspiration came after reading your bowl of alphabet soup.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Basically correct, even though it greatly oversimplifies the situation.

God: "So tell me again how this is supposed to work?"
Jeebus: "Look, it's complicated, OK? Anyhow, aren't you supposed to be omniscient?"
God: "Why do you think this is bugging me?"

Lionel[redacted]Esq February 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm

But don't you realize that if you have to wait until someone actually starts building a bomb, you take all of the fun out of Unilateral Preemptive Strike?

Mumbletypeg February 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Imagine that, U.S. intelligence agencies acting intelligent for a change.

HistoriCat February 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm

People hesitating on bombing Iran? Release the Bolton!

slowhansolo February 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm

I was going to say something terribly incisive, but then I lost track of which particular nation we're mulling for the next war.

Iran, right? OK. Well, the moment's lost.

nounverb911 February 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Why does Iran hate John McCain?

MissTaken February 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud of dust around a soon to be bomb-making facility that is maybe capable of being operational within 7 years, now do we?

memzilla February 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

War on Iran = $10 gasoline. Way to fix the economy, Rethuglican a**hats.

Callyson February 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Do NOT, repeat do NOT, look at the commenters on the LAT website on this story. Angelenos know that the LAT comment boards have been taken over by idiots and assholes.

SorosBot February 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm

That seems to be the case for just about every major newspaper's comments. Most of them also really seem to hate the city – any city, but particularly whatever one that newspaper is based in.

Redhead February 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

They don't *think* Iran is building atomic bombs, but they don't *know.* We have to bomb them to make sure. And then bomb then again, just in case the first one didn't take.

HistoriCat February 24, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Also, needs more dramatic speeches at the UN. Hillary better call Colin and get his glass vial prop.

Naked_Bunny February 24, 2012 at 3:03 pm

They also overlook Iran's primary incentive for building a nuclear bomb: Israel and the United States' constant threats of attack.

poorgradstudent February 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

It's foreign policy as a Zen riddle.

arihaya February 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

not to mention that US already bombed Iran's western and eastern neighbors .. both of them

this is just like if China bombed and occupied Mexico and Canada and then threatening to flatten Capitol Hill

cheaphits February 24, 2012 at 4:38 pm

The answer is obvious – send in the FBI. They can set up a sting operation. (psst, wanna buy some yellow-cake?) and then bomb 'em.

qwerty42 February 24, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Drat! And another war in the Mideast would be so much fun, too. And popular! Our existing foreign policy establishment came up through the Cold War and until the Next George Kennan™, we are stuck with a post WW2 foreign policy. History repeats itself: first as tragedy then as farce.

poorgradstudent February 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Why are they so worried about Iran when there's already a country in the Middle East that runs secret yet widely known nuclear and WMD programs and is being run by an increasingly belligerent, theocratic, and ethnocentric regime?

Oh, right…

johnnyzhivago February 24, 2012 at 5:57 pm

The Mormans have a nuclear bomb??? Oh right, that's the Intermountain West, not the Middle East.

Lucidamente1 February 24, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Where's Christopher Hitchens when you need him?

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Where's Ahmed Chalabi when you need him?

johnnyzhivago February 24, 2012 at 5:56 pm

If we need someone to bomb quick, how about France or Canada?

pinkocommi February 24, 2012 at 8:52 pm

You forget that Rule #1 in Republitard foreign policy is, Never let facts get in the way of some good ol' war-mongering.

MinAgain February 25, 2012 at 12:48 am

We have to carpet bomb the village to save it.

ttommyunger February 25, 2012 at 7:47 am

We know war is good for the News and Defense Industries, and the Heb's are scared shitless of anybody but them having Nukes, so what the Hell? Bomb the shit out of them!

HempDogbane February 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

TV and media have changed so much. I question whether this show will be as successful as Desert Storm or Iraq War, both of which were huge hits.

ttommyunger February 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

One can only hope you are corrrect!

adamkim18 February 25, 2012 at 8:45 am

It's a new version of cold war I guess, Iran is under Russia's authority,our government knows this,Russia is allied with China,It'll be hard to make more pressure on Iran to make it stop its nuclear program!


glamourdammerung February 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

I am a bit disappointed that they are not recycling the whole trope about roses in the streets and being welcomed as liberators.

sezme February 25, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Fine we can't in good conscience declare war on them, but could we at least drop a few Republican presidential candidates on them?

Swampgas_Man February 25, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Geneva conventions against that.

Smithboy February 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Just in case someone wants to stop this Israeli lobby led war, Lieberman sponsered a bill saying that any talks between the US and Iran would be ignored by the senate. Translation this warmongering Likud party Israeli firster wants our troops giving their lives in another bogus war. I say F##k you Joe Lieberman, AIPAC and AEI…if you want a war sign your sons up to do the fighting. Let them come home in body bags or with their facial features burned away.

Biel_ze_Bubba February 25, 2012 at 5:56 pm

A pre-emptive strike on diplomacy.

Man, that's something even I wouldn't have thought of. Who in hell (or elsewhere) is Lieberman consulting with?

fitley February 26, 2012 at 11:07 am

If America had just voted for McCain and Sarah Palin, Iran would be a smoking hole in the ground and we wouldn't be having this discussion. How disappointing.

Biff February 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Where is Condi and her work-husband when we need a drumbeat to war?

valthemus February 26, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Easy to talk about going to war when you're not the one who will actually be going to war.

voodooeconomics February 26, 2012 at 6:20 pm

We got the itch and we need to scratch..

Veritas78 February 26, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Dang! And now they've won an Academy award. Typical rug-peddlers, rubbing our faces in their "talent." That's a reason to take 'em out!

donner_froh February 27, 2012 at 1:52 am

One of the lovely things about war–the one we are about to start will be shorter and easier than the last one–or two or three.

sewollef February 27, 2012 at 7:04 pm

And then there's the minor detail of Iran having 2.5 times to population, and at 1.6 million sq kms, it's four times the size of Iraq.

And that means a country four times the size to hide those nukes they're not building. So, if it took 150,000 US troops to not quite subdue Iraq, nor find any WMDs, what are the chances of 600,000 soldiers having better luck with a hostile population two and a half times larger. Hmmm….

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