Iran’s Stubborn Refusal To Start Building Nukes Hindering Fun War Plans

  impending death plans

Here’s a typical variation on the same disturbing/hilarious lede that we see every few months, each time rendering satire useless: “Reporting from Washington— As U.S. and Israeli officials talk publicly about the prospect of a military strike against Iran’s nuclear program, one fact is often overlooked: U.S. intelligence agencies don’t believe Iran is actively trying to build an atomic bomb.” Eh, minor caveat. [LAT]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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52 comments

  1. GunToting[Redacted]

    We've never let the facts (WMDs in Iraq, rampant communists in Grenada, Who Blew Up The Maine) stand in the way of a good war in the past; why start now?

  2. edgydrifter

    Us imagining them thinking about the possibility of developing a weapon in the future is basically the same thing as them nuking Tel Aviv. War ON.

    1. James Michael Curley

      That wart on the map of New York Peter King was on the tube his morning with his "Obama is preventing drilling in Anwar where production would exceed what we get from Saudi Arabia." We get practically nothing from Saudi Arabia and it has nothing to do with Obama. Dubya's delay of Clean Air standards has priced Saudi Crude out of the US Market. Saudi, low sulfer, low NO, low heavy metal crude now goes to the European and Chinese Refineries built to produce cleaner burning product with a cleaner production process. Bomb Canada for promoting Alberta Tar Sands over an abundant supply or natural gas in the eastern provences (and of course, Chris Christie for cancelling the off shore LNG off take terminal).

  3. ChernobylSoup

    American Evangelical stance: Jesus wants those who deny His divinity to bomb those who believe that He (Jesus) is a prophet because until His deniers die He cannot return; but the deniers can't die at the hands of Jesus-as-prophet believers, instead they must all die during a big kerfuffle when the Jesus-as-divine, Jesus-as-prophet, and Jesus-as-some-random-Jewish-dude all kill one another in a big free-for-all. In the meantime, Jesus-as-divine must protect Jesus-as-not-divine from Jesus-as-prophet.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Basically correct, even though it greatly oversimplifies the situation.

      God: "So tell me again how this is supposed to work?"
      Jeebus: "Look, it's complicated, OK? Anyhow, aren't you supposed to be omniscient?"
      God: "Why do you think this is bugging me?"

  4. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    But don't you realize that if you have to wait until someone actually starts building a bomb, you take all of the fun out of Unilateral Preemptive Strike?

  5. slowhansolo

    I was going to say something terribly incisive, but then I lost track of which particular nation we're mulling for the next war.

    Iran, right? OK. Well, the moment's lost.

  6. MissTaken

    We don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud of dust around a soon to be bomb-making facility that is maybe capable of being operational within 7 years, now do we?

  7. Callyson

    Do NOT, repeat do NOT, look at the commenters on the LAT website on this story. Angelenos know that the LAT comment boards have been taken over by idiots and assholes.

    1. SorosBot

      That seems to be the case for just about every major newspaper's comments. Most of them also really seem to hate the city – any city, but particularly whatever one that newspaper is based in.

  8. Redhead

    They don't *think* Iran is building atomic bombs, but they don't *know.* We have to bomb them to make sure. And then bomb then again, just in case the first one didn't take.

  9. HistoriCat

    Also, needs more dramatic speeches at the UN. Hillary better call Colin and get his glass vial prop.

  10. Naked_Bunny

    They also overlook Iran's primary incentive for building a nuclear bomb: Israel and the United States' constant threats of attack.

    1. arihaya

      not to mention that US already bombed Iran's western and eastern neighbors .. both of them

      this is just like if China bombed and occupied Mexico and Canada and then threatening to flatten Capitol Hill

  11. qwerty42

    Drat! And another war in the Mideast would be so much fun, too. And popular! Our existing foreign policy establishment came up through the Cold War and until the Next George Kennan™, we are stuck with a post WW2 foreign policy. History repeats itself: first as tragedy then as farce.

  12. poorgradstudent

    Why are they so worried about Iran when there's already a country in the Middle East that runs secret yet widely known nuclear and WMD programs and is being run by an increasingly belligerent, theocratic, and ethnocentric regime?

    Oh, right…

  13. pinkocommi

    You forget that Rule #1 in Republitard foreign policy is, Never let facts get in the way of some good ol' war-mongering.

  14. ttommyunger

    We know war is good for the News and Defense Industries, and the Heb's are scared shitless of anybody but them having Nukes, so what the Hell? Bomb the shit out of them!

    1. HempDogbane

      TV and media have changed so much. I question whether this show will be as successful as Desert Storm or Iraq War, both of which were huge hits.

  15. adamkim18

    It's a new version of cold war I guess, Iran is under Russia's authority,our government knows this,Russia is allied with China,It'll be hard to make more pressure on Iran to make it stop its nuclear program!

    mutuelle

  16. sezme

    Fine we can't in good conscience declare war on them, but could we at least drop a few Republican presidential candidates on them?

  17. Smithboy

    Just in case someone wants to stop this Israeli lobby led war, Lieberman sponsered a bill saying that any talks between the US and Iran would be ignored by the senate. Translation this warmongering Likud party Israeli firster wants our troops giving their lives in another bogus war. I say F##k you Joe Lieberman, AIPAC and AEI…if you want a war sign your sons up to do the fighting. Let them come home in body bags or with their facial features burned away.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      A pre-emptive strike on diplomacy.

      Man, that's something even I wouldn't have thought of. Who in hell (or elsewhere) is Lieberman consulting with?

  18. fitley

    If America had just voted for McCain and Sarah Palin, Iran would be a smoking hole in the ground and we wouldn't be having this discussion. How disappointing.

  19. Veritas78

    Dang! And now they've won an Academy award. Typical rug-peddlers, rubbing our faces in their "talent." That's a reason to take 'em out!

  20. sewollef

    And then there's the minor detail of Iran having 2.5 times to population, and at 1.6 million sq kms, it's four times the size of Iraq.

    And that means a country four times the size to hide those nukes they're not building. So, if it took 150,000 US troops to not quite subdue Iraq, nor find any WMDs, what are the chances of 600,000 soldiers having better luck with a hostile population two and a half times larger. Hmmm….

Comments are closed.